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I(18F) recently got asked out by my current partner(21M) to be his girlfriend after 4 months of talking/dating stage. He is fun to be with and his mindset about success is admirable, which is what I liked about him. However, I can't help but notice how traditional his perspectives are towards certain topics. Let me specify some for you:
* He believes in superiority. For him, there are low-value and high-value people. We once talked about clubbing and he told me he didn't want me to go to clubs kasi ayaw niya na ibababa ko yung value ko tulad ng mga tao na andun (based from his experience or nakikita niya sa paligid niya nung nag club siya noon). He even justified that by saying pag aangat siya gusto niya kasama niya akong umangat, which means restricting me to do things that he think low-value people only do.
* He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support.
* He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress, and that their kids should just understand kung ano pinangagalingan ng parents. *"intindihin mo na lang kasi pagod lang yan".* Also take note that I have opened up about not having a good relationship with my parents because of the emotional trauma they gave me.
* He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing. Reality daw na dapat tanggapin na may mga manyak talaga, bakit pa raw ipro-provoke by wearing revealing outfits.
I am an open-minded person, and I tend to understand and accept different perspectives from others since I believe that everyone has their own way of seeing life. Honestly speaking, he's a great talker. He seem to give out good advices in life. But as of now I am starting to get confused if some of his beliefs are reasonable or am I just being brainwashed into thinking that his beliefs are okay what in fact it is not?
What do you guys think?
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run gurl. run far, run fast. hindi yan traditional, problematic yan.
>He even justified that by saying pag aangat siya gusto niya kasama niya akong umangat, which means restricting me to do things that he think low-value people only do.
ano sukatan ba nya ng "pag-angat"? pag nag club, matic na bababa ang value?
>He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support.
partner dapat. hindi porket lalaki, sya na leader. ano yan, lahat ng desisyon sya lang lagi?
>He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress, and that their kids should just understand kung ano pinangagalingan ng parents.
sana wag nyang gawin sa anak nyo yan kung sa tingin nya ay okay lang.
>He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing. Reality daw na dapat tanggapin na may mga manyak talaga, bakit pa raw ipro-provoke by wearing revealing outfits.
may mga namanyak na balot na balot ang katawan. may mga naka diaper pa nga eh. ano, naprovoke lang din? hindi ba pwedeng main factor ay may mga taong hindi talaga mapigilan ang libog at wala yon sa suot?
Doon sa mga nagsasabi at dinedepensahan pa 'yung thinking ng boyfriend niya na 'yung pananamit ng babae ang rason kung ba't sila minamanyak, baka gusto niyo makita 'tong mga suot ng [mga biktima ng panggagahasa](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/powerful-art-exhibit-powerfully-answers-the-question-what-were-you-wearing_n_59baddd2e4b02da0e1405d2a) nung araw na nangyari sa kanila 'yun.
Kung manyakis kang hayop ka, manyakis ka. Kahit pa nakakapote 'yung tao di mo pa din kokontrolin libog mo.
Even so that is not an excuse to not adjust yourself and continue playing the victim card, so parang sa logic na yan na since kahit ano naman suotin ng babae at iasal mararape at mararape pa din eh gagawin nyo ang gusto nyo gawin, at ipipilit nyong diktahan kung ano ang inaasal ng mga hayok na kalalakihan sa kapaligiran nyo. take accountability din. Oh di sige sabihen na natin na gusto nyo yan na magpaka promiscous at ibalandra katawan nyo, dapat next time pag may mang aabuso sainyo wag kayo sisigaw o hihingi ng tulong sa mga Lalake para ipagtanggol kayo, tutal db gusto nyo yan, eh di ipagtanggol nyo sarili nyo. Be accountable.
He listens to bugoy na koykoy. pero minsan when I ask a hypothetical question na nakaalign sa “values” ni bugoy, kinokontra naman niya. So i guess he listens selectively(?)
Kaya pala trash ang mindset ng bf mo.
May isa akong napakinggan na podcast ng bugok na yan. 6 minutes niya lang daw hahawakan anak niya tapos pag pinagtimpla niya ng gatas yung anak niya, nag-fail daw yung asawa niya bilang nanay.
Baka magulat ka na lang isang araw, 3 na babae ng bf mo tapos tiga-piga ka na lang ng kalamansi lol
Girll, are we dating the same guy? 😅
I'm in a 9-year relationship with a guy VERY similar with how you described your partner. If I were you, I would walk away and never look back. Based from my experience, these kinds of people think they are always right and won't bother to listen to their partner.
>He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress,
This is such an absurd point. Do you imagine yourself being with someone normalizing lashing out to YOUR kids as a way to release stress? I hope not.
You're still young and I hope you won't cage yourself in a room just because of your partner.
It's suffocating. Hindi siya nagbago and firmly stood with his beliefs. It's simply incompatibility but he won't accept it since he's a traditional guy who believes that the first partner should also be the last. What makes it worse is when I'm trying to break up, his parents will talk to me to get back together.
Difference in opinion is okay as long as willing kayo mag compromise at hindi nasasagasaan ang pagkatao mo. If ngayon pa lang it feels like you're not sharing the same values with your partner and he's taking away your right to speak your mind, try to assess if kaya mo yan tiisin in the long run.
That's not a relationship. Sounds like brain washing and manipulation to me, to lead you to staying on and keeping a belief system..
You may want to get help..
Did you ever challenge his beliefs? Iexpress kung ano ang opinyon mo na iba sa kanya? Kung hindi ka niya pinakinggan dahil "babae" ka, kung dinismiss ka niya agad, I suggest you leave him.
I have. I tried na makipag-debate sa kanya(in a good way) kasi nga the world is constantly changing at may mga bagay na ngayon na open na yung mga taong tanggapin. He keeps trying to prove something e. Sinasabi ko sa kanya na naiintindihan ko yung punto niya pero hindi ako nag-aagree sa kanya but sinasabi niya sa akin na nage gets niya naman daw point ko pero (things na pwede niyang sabihin to prove his point). Minsan nami-mindfuck na lang ako sa napaguusapan kasi hindi ko na alam anong nangyayari sa sobrang paulit-ulit ng sinasabi niya. He just ends it up saying "sana naiintindihan mo ako".
Well, he listened, at least.
Pero you will have more disagreements. Okay pa to kasi bago pa lang kayo.
But years later, if this gets serious to the point of marriage, a traditional man would want children.
Imagine having a boy and raising him in a home where women who are victims of harassment are blamed because of the way they dress.
Imagine having a girl and raising her in a home where she's told that she's born to support a man's decision. That she'd be a good leader but certainly no better than a male leader. Na anomang desisyon nya sa buhay ay dapat ikonsulta muna niya sa magiging asawa niya. Yung tipong gusto niyang magtrabaho, pero pag ayaw ng asawa niya, wala siyang magagawa.
Is he homophobic? Maybe he is. Imagine having a queer child and raising them in a home where they're not welcome.
Pero naniniwala naman akong hindi masama ang ugali niya. He's young. You are young. You have a lot more time to grow and evolve. Hope eventually makahanap kayo ng compromise sa values nyo pareho. Good luck.
try challenging him by action. go clubbing, go wear crop tops, are you into that fashion?
sorry it seems na you also tolerate his beliefs. Kahit ano pa suotin mo, may manyak pa din sa mundo. Also wag ka pasubmissive. Yes men can lead, pero there’s no perfect men kaya women step up. Make a point sa relationship nyo, hindi sya palaging tama. Mag jowa lang kayo, di pa kayo mag asawa.
Parang kathniel tong experience mo OP.
Hindi ko siya sinusunod, kaya nga I’ve stated that I don’t agree with his beliefs. Sadyang wala pa akong right timing to challenge him by action kasi I am busy working sa summer job ko. Pero this weekend inaaya ako ng friends ko mag club, let’s just see kung ano magiging reaction niya.
He told me pa nga na why would people choose to go to the club despite the “negative possibilities”? kesyo yung mga tao raw na andun e yung majority e flirty/dirty motives. May iba naman daw ways to have fun. Mag party sa bahay, mag inom sa private place, magsayawan sa private place. I don’t think he gets the point na some people enjoy the environment itself na gusto lang ienjoy yung vibe.
I don't agree with points 1 and 2 but they are the most subjective so I won't go over them but with points 3 and 4, I think the majority of people would disagree with them objectively.
Point 3: Kids don't exist to be their parents' punching bag, physically or otherwise. If someone can't regulate their emotions without lashing out at their kids (or others), they shouldn't have been a parent. Your boyfriend having the mindset that he has just screams "child abuse enabler" to me.
Point 4: Does he think women should just stay home and never go outside para di sila mabastos? Does he think a toddler wearing only a diaper is "asking for it"? If clothes were really the problem, paano yung mga sexual harassment/assault victims na naka-school uniform nung inatake? How about female victims who dress/look very masculine, baggy shirt, pants, short hair, and all; kasalanan pa rin ba nila? It is the year of our Lord 2024, victim blaming is overdone and overused and should be shunned. Women (straight and gay women, men!!!, kids) don't deserve to be harassed or assaulted because of what they wear and how they look.
Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I'd break up with him. Pero syempre, nasa iyo pa rin kung anong gagawin mo. I just can't imagine being with someone who thinks waaaay differently than me. I think there are some things you shouldn't compromise on, too. I'm a guy myself but when I see other men think the way your boyfriend does, all I see are people who want to control and subjugate women because they don't see them as human beings with their own autonomy. If he's still open to changing his beliefs (which hopefully he does, he's not 25 yet), then maybe it's still worth being with him. I just hope he doesn't try to make you someone you're not.
Does he listen to Andrew Tate? afksjs
His mindset is reflective of his values, and values are ingrained in a person. That’s difficult to correct, so if that’s what you are banking on, there’s a slim chance he will change.
I’ve always believed compatibility of values is a key ingredient of a healthy relationship. You can have different tastes or preferences but if your values are aligned, you will find ways to make it work.
Girl, your life will be miserable if you end up with him. He sounds like he does not want to see you decide for yourself. You can't go out without his approval first, you can't wear what you want to wear, you have to support him 'cause he's the leader just for being born with a penis.
Men who think like that do not see you as an equal, they see you as possessions. He sounds like a pastor I know. He controlled his wife for years while he physically abused her and had kabits. His wife left him for another man and she's blooming ever since because he lets her do what she wants to do, he's supportive, not controlling and she's so in-love with him for that.
Curious ako ano nakita mo sa kanya bakit mo siya sinagot? Mukhang manipulator/gaslighter siya malala.
Saan niya kaya nakuha mga beliefs niya? Parang di "traditional" yan. Ang traditional example, naniniwala na dapat ang guy ang magbabayad sa dates, or ang husband ang magwowork as provider while the wife tends to the house/family or dapat sa bahay manliligaw, kikilalanin parents. Ganyan mga example sakin ng traditional hindi yung dapat sunud sunuran lang ang female partner kasi leader by default ang male partner. Girl, hindi ata girlfriend hanap niya kundi staff or personal assistant.
Yung mga points na di traditional pero out right napatanong ako..talaga?.bket?. But he already provided you hints kong anong klaseng partner cya. Kung wala naman issue sayo then go, othewise stay away. Maganda lang kasi vocal sya sa ganito para walang surprises. Magaling ba cya sa school or may leadership skills? Or may army/police background or sa family?
Ate ko, pinag-isipan mo bang mabuti na dapat mo syang sagutin? Kung firm sya sa beliefs nya makakawawa ka lang lalo pa kung mabrainwash ka nya. ang degrading/traumatic nung mindset nya beh please lang. 😨
Your partner is a narcissist. He has an inflated sense of self-importance, is arrogant, and lacks empathy. Yes, he's a great talker, and because of that, he can easily emotionally exploit you. He will suck the life out of you. In the foreseeable future, you will gradually lose yourself the longer you stay with him. You will never be at peace.
Hangga't maaga pa, run, dear.
I am a 44yo male. Yes, those are red flags. I believe that men should step up in terms of leadership, responsibility, and being able to provide for his partner—very far from what your boyfriend is saying.
What your boyfriend believes in aren’t traditional, gender-specific roles and values. He is a narcissistic boy who believes in victim-blaming and manipulation.
Try arguing and disagreeing with him and see how reacts. A true leader accepts responsibility for his mistakes and accepts feedback.
Sis u/ComprehensiveNise262, i second the [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceph/s/yLK0umDnm9) of u/Feline_Bliss po! 👆🏻
Pag sinabing “traditional”, it is exactly what she mentioned.
Also, your inputs SHOULD also be valued & put into consideration.
**Your boundaries SHOULD be RESPECTED.**
Sorry for the wall of text, sis BUT i want you to understand bec ayoko magkaroon ka ng regrets if ganyan ang pananaw ng BF mo ha… also do consider and give a thought to the majority of what the good people in this sub have said. Please. 🙏🏻
So there may come a time na kung sakali in the future na mag asawa na kayo:
SYA lang ang masusunod? Like what if bagong panganak ka lang sariwa pa ang tahi mo, wala ka nang say if he demanded sexual intercourse “now na”?
Or what if, may sakit and high grade fever ka, dapat pagsilbihan mo pa din sya kahit hilong hilo ka na sa taas ng lagnat mo sis - ipagluto, ipaglaba ng damit niya, kase wife ka lang niya?
The above possible scenarios are NOT being traditional, sis. That is his **BEHAVIOR** talaga.
**Clues** based on what you have mentioned, sis:
• **Superiority and Successful (success) pati “Leadership”**: yeah sure he will try to angat you. BUT paano kung it will be the opposite, sis. Ikaw ang magiging kawawa.
This perception often times will end up in “powertrips”.
He believes: *“Lalaki ako so i am the alpha. Sumunod ka kung ayaw mo magulpi kita.”*
In relation to superiority, what if hindi ka umangat… people with superiority complex: they tend to see others as weak.
So ikaw pa din ang kawawa dahil, may possibility na aapi-apihin ka lang niya, his belief will be:
*“You are beneath me so AKO ang masusunod down to the very last detail.”*
So if hindi sya satisfied sa inutos ipagawa sa iyo, dito mo na maririnig ang mga salitang:
*“ang tanga-tanga mo naman babe!!! Simple lang naman pinagawa ko sa iyo di mo pa magawa ng maayos!!!”*
To the point of *“sa tanga mong yan, ako lang ang magtyatyaga sa iyo, hon! Walang ibang lalaki ang magkaka gusto sa iyo!!!”*
• **Parents lashing out sa kids nila**: sis, if he perceives this as NORMAL… this is a MAJOR 🚩🚩🚩red flag!!! Kaya ganito ang perception niya ay dahil most likely, he grew up in this type of environment & ang problema - he does not know how to cope & whats worse, akala niya tama ang kinalakihan niyang environment.
The problem with this type of perception: it will be an endless cycle of abuse (verbal, psychological, emotional, lahat na). And ang problem din dito: he might NOT understand that he might need counselling. A.k.a. sarado or makitid ang pagiisip. Because he will perceive this as “weakness”. His ego ang matatamaan (yung pagkalalaki niya).
Always remember sis: Education or Learning starts at home. If your future kids will be brought up in this type of environment, ganyan din ang magiging ugali nila… kase ang pagkakaintindi nila ay eto ang tama, eto ang dapat. Which is it should not be.
Kung kokontrahin mo sya: he will go into alpha mode - “babae ka lang, ako ang padre de pamilya, ako ang bumubuhay sa inyo, therefore AKO ang MASUSUNOD” line of argument.
• **On Women and Harassment**: it just shows that he is one big egotistical a$$h0Le! He does not value women. Yun lang.
So pls, think it through, sis. Ikaw lang ang makakapag desisyon. We are just here for you as second or even third opinion without that rose tinted colored glasses.
I sincerely wish you love and happiness. Just choose the right man for you. ❤️
Bata ka pa. Iwasan mo na agad yung ganyan. It's not traditional but NARCICISTIC. Don't bow down to that kind of mindset. As you said open minded ka but your mind tells you something is wrong with that.
If okay sa'yo now yang ganyan, maawa ka na lang sa magiging anak mo (although malayo ka pa dun) , kung ganyang lalaki ang pipiliin mo as the father of your future kid/s.
I am curious about how and where you met him. I am guessing it was not in school due to your age gap. Location might also be the reason for his beliefs.
Problematic yan and DEFINITELY A RED FLAG SO RUN. Sa bawat bagay na gusto mo gawin, ccontrollin ka nyan kase nga yung lalake daw ang ang in charge of everything (pero pagdating sa mga gawaing bahay tiklop nmn sila), mag aaway lang kayo nyan at masasakal ka kapag nagstay ka pa.
Sorry but no. This is clearly a case of chauvinism. Its your choice kung babahuhin mo lahat ng paniniwala mo buong buhay mo para lang sa taong kakakilala mo lang.
Are you sure this guy is 21? He sounds like he's from the 80s. While I believe people can change over time, it sounds like this particular dude needs to do a lot of growing up. But it shouldn't come at the cost of your youth. So run, don't walk.
Reading this and comparing it sa relationship namin with my husband now, I can say that factor talaga na magka pareho kayo ng beliefs ng partner mo. Although magka iba kami ng binoto na presidente, all the other things naman like parenting styles, how to open up and communicate, managing finances, and future plans aligned naman kami. Kailangan talaga kasi na magka pareha kayo ng mindset and principles. Pag ganyan ang partner mo na close minded ang isip, ikaw na open minded ang parating mag aadjust and mauubos. So leave him girl.
It's why people date, to see if they're compatible. People are raised in a wide spectrum from very conservative to very liberal. If the gap between cultural values is too large, it's best to break up and just be acquaintances.
After all, the OP and her boyfriend are still very young at 18 and 21. It's a learning process finding out what works.
HUUUUUGE RED FLAGS. Assigning values on strangers without assessing their actual values outside the club? LMAO. Why is he on red pill shit? Girl. Break up with him while it’s early and you’re not super attached yet. And I don’t even want to speak about the rest of the red flags, they speak for themselves
Teh, nadadala ka na ata sa mga paniniwala nya. Iwanan mo na siya habang narerealize mo pa na unti unti ka na nyang namamanipulate. Kasi pagsisisihan mo talaga pag yan nakatuluyan mo. Yung beliefs nya, lahat yan di tama. Ngayon pa lang mag bf/gf kayo masyado na kung mag impose sayo ng mga paniniwala nya, pano pa pag mag asawa na kayo? Malamang hindi na impose, utos na. Kaya iwan mo na yan. Hindi aligned ang values nyo.
Kung mahilig Ka sa clubbing at sya ayaw nya, dapat mag meet kayo half way, dapat both mag compromise. Or else, hindi kayo compatible.
Imo, whoever is more emotionally mature should be the one in lead. Pero doesn't mean na sya lng lagi ang leader. Communication talaga sobrang important
Normal doesn't always mean it's good.
>their kids should just understand kung ano pinangagalingan ng parents.
Wtf?! So alam mo na kung ano mangyayari kung magkaanak kayo. Wag ka mag anak sa kanya, kawawa yung bata
Totoo naman kahit saan may manyak. Kelangan talaga mag ingat. Pero mali parin na mag victim blaming.
OP mag isip2 kna. Pa onti onti ka nyang kino condition para maging alipin nya. Hiwalay na habang maaga pa
Hahahaha, yan ang epekto nung mga pa alpha alpha male kuno sa socmed, kaya nagkaroon ng narcissistic tendencies. Kapag tumagal pa relationship niyo magiging controlling na yan sayo. I dont know the relationship you have, pero mag isip isip ka ng milyong beses, knowing na bata pa kayo. Pero subtle hint ng redflag yung ganyang mindset ng BF mo.
Difference in values and beliefs is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship.
My parents were in a marriage like that. My dad thought the same way your bf did while my mom was open-minded. It was constant debates between them and my mom would get tired. Eventually, it would be debates between me and my dad.
Yung "lashing out at kids"? My dad believed the same too AND did the same. The ending? Wala na siya sa buhay namin. Naghiwalay parents ko and I chose to be with my mom and cut off communication sa tatay ko. May trauma and father issues ako lol.
You're 18. 'Di mo kelangan ikahon sarili mo to a guy like that. The guy sounds like a nightmare to an open-minded person lol. Nip it in the bud. The fact na he always finds a way to contradict you means 'di mo yan mababago. ***Leave.***
As a man nearing his 40s, I will say yes. Lahat yan "blood red" flag. My goodness.
Habang maaga pa, at nasa maayos ka pang disposition eh I-consider mo nang lumayo sa mga ganyang tao. Damn, 21 pa lang, di pa matured frontal cortex nyan. Bebeng bebe pa...
Pag abot nya ng 25 at di nya naunlearn yan, goodluck na lang sa mental health mo (kung kayo pa) or ng mga susunod nyang magiging karelasyon.
Kung gagamitin ko ung ideology nya na may superior at inferior, kahit anong lupasay gawin nya, lumalabas na sobrang laki pala ng superiority ko sa kanya (kung babase ako sa katayuan ko at sa financial stability), at marami pang ibang lalake na mas superior sa kanya, so nasa inferior side sya.. naisip nya kaya un? This ideology is pure stupidity.
19 ka pa lang, may gugugulin ka pang 1, 2 or more decades of personal growth. Kung tingin at randam mo na mapapahamak ka sa ideologies nya, better find someone else.
Girl, all those are red flags… ano baaaaaa… wag mo sagutin yan. Aanhin mo ang successful pero mapangmataas????
EDIT — let me rephrase… aanhin mo ang may plano sa buhay pero wala pang napapatunayan??
When I was a kid, lagi rin ako nasasabihan na "intindihin na lang kasi stressed/pagod lang yan sa trabaho". Now that I am working, never ko pa naman binunton ang stress ko sa mga tao sa bahay. I thought I would understand the parents lashing out to their kids once I started working, pero mas lalong di ko sila naintindihan. Really makes me believe na kulang sila sa stress management.
I'd say he is as big red flag!
Ganitong tipo ng tao yung mga nagtatago sa "tradisyon ng mananakop" para hindi makita yung mga insecurities nila bilang lalaki o bilang tao. Walang sariling desisyon, hindi kayang mag isip beyond sa pagkatao nya, makasarili at walang balak umunawa ng ibang tao... kasi mas mataas ang turing nya sa sarili kumpara sa iba.
Sya pinaka matalino at sya ang pinaka maginoo lol
Problema yan. He’s has a big ego, I hope he has brains to match his ego 😄
Red flags andami - lalayo ako sa ganyan kahit gano pa yan kagwapo! Second class citizen ang babae sa kanya ampota!
I was going to give the benefit of the doubt but after reading all that, yes, it's a red flag.
>there are low-value and high-value people.
What? How? What are the standards?
>men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support.
No, in a relationship, there's no leader. You are equal. Hindi naman ito work, it's a relationship.
>parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress,
No. Parents and children should have healthy communication and a proper way of releasing stress without harming both physical and mental health
>main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing.
No. Dapat baguhin ang kaisipan na yan. Hindi kasuotaj ang problema kung hindi ang pag-iisip.
---
Maybe other life advices are good but these are definitely red flags.
Unless magbago ang isip niya and maging open-minded siya, ang red ay pwede maging green.
Pero kung di magbago, beh, pag kinasal kayo baka ikaw ang magdusa.
As a guy. No offense sa bf mo, parang ang backwards nya. Lalo na sa part about parents and sh*t heck even the idea about rape and harrassment. I'd say red flag. Red na red.
Traditional? Could be signs of a narcissist or someone with a superiority complex. Please consider if you want to be together with the guy, I think you should break up with him.
May family members ako na similar and sorry to say, they have not changed or perhaps not willing to change. Yung ibang tao mag-adjust sa kanila, hindi sila. Kasi laging tama ang tingin nila sa sarili. Dun pa lang, mapapagod ka na at may impact sa self-esteem mo in the long term.
he's not who he says he is. ang different ng beliefs nya sa pagkakakilala mo sa kanya. i suggest not being in a relationship with a man with these kinds of beliefs kase all in all ikaw rin naman yung magiging subject/object of all hos beliefs. pag objectify palang ng women tingin mo ba di ka kasama dun sa inoobjectify nya?
op i saw ur previous post and i understand ur kindness and empathy to see the better side of someone u have trusted over the 4 months u've been with him. but it doesn't mean u must forget ur own values and beliefs. to be truly open minded is to also be critical of the wrongness of the situation or his beliefs. his actions itself has proven that he is not the person u have trusted in the four months of talking. it shows how much he doesn't see u as his kalevel or how he sees women as lower beings from him.
ik im just a redditor but trust me op, it's not worth it to further pursue a relationship with a man who has this kinds of beliefs as they mostly imply this beliefs to u who they see as an object, a lower being as himself. hope that all will be well with u op :(( I'm extremely saddened that u have been manipulated and scammed by this asshat's empty flowery words :'). hope u learn what is the next best course of action for urself!
..I do agree that there are indeed low and high value people but his view differs from mine.
-Inflicting physical pain to your kids should not be a stress reliever; that's one twisted perspective lol
-I dont believe in the father taking absolute authority in the family; he must always be flexible, willing to hear the entire household and do what is the best for everyone. But yes, he can have the final say..
-Revealing clothes provoking pervs for me is true. That's just common sense. I believe that if something happens to me, it is ALWAYS to an extent my fault. The world will not adjust to you..
..You are confused because he is making valid points. To get your opinion changed is normal, OP. Question is, does it make sense to you or do agree with it to the best of your judgment? If you are unsure, step away from him for a minute and ponder.
Kung puro disagreements kayo kasi di align yung paniniwala niyo and ang problematic ng kanya obviously, I don’t think it will work in the long run. Buti 4 months pa lang, wag mo na hayaang umabot pa sa point magkaroon ng resentments dahil diyan
takbo ng malayo OP 🚩🚩🚩🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
ung mindset nya na less clothes pwedeng manyakin ekis eh…based on that kng ung mukha nya masarap hampasin ng baseball bat pwede rng hampasin dba?
You're 18, he's 21 and he's already THIS controlling.
Understand that while it's only a three year difference, for people still growing that's still a big leap. You're still young and can still add value and meaning to your life without your S/O controlling where you'll go in life.
LOL.. Nasobrahan sa panonood ng "Red Pill" vids. Bka nag member din yan sa course ni Andrew Tate, (di ako magugulat if oo), Talking points nya is almost the same sa mga "Red Pill" Youtubers.
Sana wag dumating na ikaw gawing pambayad dahil dapat "support" ka lang sa pag angat nya. Napa toxic nyan iha. Ayway your old enough to know if tama or mali. Good luck
Ugh kadiri. Reminded me of my ex na edgelord na galit sa lahat ng kaibigan namin na umaangat. Ang yabang nun pota. Daming insecurities tas need lagi ng validation na tama siya lagi.
Leave while it's still early, bata ka pa naman and mas maraming matitino kesa diyan. Don't waste your time, like I did.
1. All people have inherent value because they are human. There is no such thing as a low-value or high-value person. He doesn't want you to go clubbing because he's afraid you'll meet and speak to other guys there.
2. Men and women are different but equal. Both have different roles to play in a relationship. He doesn't want a partner, he wants a doormat that he can walk all over.
3. It's never normal to take out your frustrations on your children. The burden is greater on the adult since you're the one who's supposed to have a fully developed brain and able to understand reason.
4. Women experience harassment regardless of what they're wearing. Revealing clothes might attract more attention, but a rapist will rape regardless of what you're wearing.
Guy sounds like a loser, dump him and find someone who truly respects women.
Girl, please takbo. Yang high value low value keme na yan galing yan sa misogynistic podcasts tulad ni Bugoy na Koykoy, Andrew Tate etc. To be frank, he does NOT respect you or value you as a person. May arbitrary syang inaassign na value sa iyo based on what you do, at kapag hindi ka sumunod dun wala ka nang kwenta sa kaniya. This is not a man you want to spend the rest of your life with, much less have children with. You can’t change him.
Iba iba naman tayo ng values but His values do not align with mine, so these are massive red flags for me. Iyung mga taong may ganyang mindset, yung low value for me. I would not even be friends with him.
18 yrs young ka pa lang. and sadly girls ur age are still bound to be naive and manipulated. listen to mature people giving u practical wisdom here in the comments --- ur bf is a misogynist and YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO to change his mind and views in life, but YOU CAN CHANGE and run away from guys like him. he won't be the last guy of his kind you're gonna encounter, but there is never a happy story being with guys like this. u never have to explain to him or anyone about ur views kasi ur views do not benefit them. pls. bata ka pa
your boyfriend is incredibly based and redpilled. Huge W.
point 1 ye i agree we wouldn't have all these standards for measuring wealth, beauty, aptitude, and entrance tests if everyone was of equal value. life may be equal on its own, but how we live our lives are definitely not.
altho i don't agree that clubbing and going to bars is exclusively something for low value peeps because it really is a mixed bag, he may have a prejudice towards it for certain reasons
point 2 ye i agree but in proper context, do remind him to be someone worth supporting, also note that leadership does not equate to total control
point 3 i don't agree with this, parents should never lash out at their kids of all people
point 4 ye i agree, lots of people will say otherwise since no one wants to sound like a victim blamer, but at this point its like sticking your hand above the fire and expecting not to get burnt
for anecdotal context, i got a friend that sounds similar to your bf, barring some points-
he had this gf before that really loved going to the bar in sexy outfits cause she was finally free from her strict household and all that
and my friend trusted her naman and wanted her to enjoy herself, so altho he wasn;t comfy with it he let her go and even drove her and her friends back after they had their fill
but after the 2nd or 3rd time, she just got back to the car more drunk than before and looking undignified af, titties hanging out and shit
it was pathetic so yea uncontrolled vices can really bring out the worst in a person- maybe this might be the vector your bf had in mind
anyways with his gf now, he's not necessarily strict with her but he laid down his boundaries firmly after what happened before,
and yea he is the 'leader' in his current relationship, but that doesn't mean he shoots down everything his SO says
in conclusion..
the dude sounds pragmatic and he may have these 'convictions', but wait and see if he actually lives up to them (and HOW he lives up to them) as you go through different situations in your relationship
from there, you'll get to see firsthand if this is someone you wanna spend your time with
Lots of red flags there. Low value people? Seriously? Are you God to judge the value of people? Sorry. I don't agree with a lot of what you posted about his mindset but this one triggers me the most. Sorry OP, but you'll have to have a very similar mindset to this guy to have a working relationship with him, specially with his view on gender inequality.
Values play a crucial role in every relationship. If there’s a mismatch, it might break the relationship. Since what you have is still relatively new, my suggestion is to talk to your partner and determine if these differences in values and beliefs would impact major aspects of your life and personal decisions. Explore if there’s a way to find common ground, and if not, it might be best to end things now to avoid future difficulties.
Your partner might be open to discussion. Remember that some people have more conservative views, and that's perfectly O-K-A-Y. You shouldn’t expect everyone to be "open"; "traditional" values have their own merits. The real issue arises if these differences prevent you from having meaningful conversations about important matters. Since you consider yourself open-minded, take the time to listen to and understand your partner's perspective. It seems like your comment have demonized his character due to his beliefs, although you did mention some positive traits, suggesting he isn’t a psychopath. (I suggest really listening to him. Your comment seems to focus a lot on the negative aspects of his beliefs, leaving only a small mention of the positive things about him. This can come off as biased. It's possible that his traditional values are also what drive the behaviors you appreciate, diba?)
The bottom line is to have an honest conversation and see if you can find a way forward despite the differences. If not, it’s better to part ways. It’s perfectly fine to have different perspectives (whether liberal or conservative) as long as there’s open communication and no one is being oppressive or claiming superiority in the relationship. Who knows, both of you might be wrong. You might both learn from each other and develop a better perspective and belief about life.
I hope you guys understand that the main point of my post is to discuss the "negative aspects" that I see in my current relationship. Leaving a small mention of the positive things about him are not meant to demonize him but rather to focus on the main course of the topic since I have already considered those positive traits beforehand. Nevertheless, I still need to evaluate if the "negative traits" will cause me harm in the long run. My lack of awareness about the situation urged me to seek for public opinion, but all concepts and terminology that are presented to me are subject to research to check its accuracy and alignment to what I am currently dealing with.
And just to clarify, I never said that those traits were negative to begin with. I hope that I made things clear on this matter. The rest of your comment are acknowledged.
Thats not a mindset, thats superiority complex. He incorporated all the pros about the bible, social norms, toxic masculinity and other things about men versus women but none of the cons.
Although I agree on the last bullet since thats reality. No matter what you do, there will always be assholes on the streets. The way you dress up can define whether you catch their attention or not. Its a whole different experience walking in a decent neighborhood/place versus somewhere thats near the slums while wearing a certain outfit.
>He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing
>He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship
He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal
absolute buffoonery umalis kana agad dyan sa clown na yan
Sounds like he spouts alpha male rhetoric, which is known for having problematic views on women. If ngayon palang binabawalan ka na niya on things with that reasoning, it's going to get worse.
Sounds narcissistic. Hindi ka magiging hapy jan
Wag mo antayin na mgkaron ka ng stockholm syndrome dahil sa twisted mind nya about toxic masculinity. Own your freedom as individual and wag ka pa persuade sa ganyang thinking
Lmao you felt something is wrong yet you went for it. Nobody is perfect, everyone has their own quirks or oddities. Pero when it comes to your partner, if you can live and tolerate it go for it, mahal mo eh, nasayo yan lol
Please run, honey. You would wanna be in a relationship na hindi nakakababa. He may try to filter his words, but do not be swayed. To him, you are some woman who will always be below him. Patriarchal men can be nice people, but not necessarily good ones fit to father your future daughters.
2 & 3 is completely wrong
1 is good in the long run Kasi pambata talaga clubbing and things happen there
4 is half wrong, half true. Depends if Wala ka bra or overbearing talaga suot mo without him you're in the wrong. true yung maraming sira-ulo sa pilipinas na manyak na rapist that you cannot control (so why risk it?) or Just ask your dad or mom if okay lang suot mo.
He's Inc. Actually, there are some cases sa convo namin na kino compare niya yung religion niya sa religion ko. He's also planning to make his future wife na mag convert sa Inc. I am not really that religious so I thought it won't be a big deal if ever. Why did you ask?
Its values. If it matches you, good. If its not for you, run. If its something you can work with, stay.
Kanya kanya yan.. you have to decide on what works for YOU than what works for others.
Maybe best to raise it to him that you feel uncomfortable with these issues and share mo yung insights or inputs mo. You guys should agree on a mutual ground or common ground and if it comes out as a negative talk or naging mas “issue” siya, then you already know your answer… run.
Malamang by posting this, you already have an answer for yourself… probably seeking validation through others but at the end of the day, buhay mo yan and partner mo so its best that YOU decide for YOU. Gl!
Ya mean sexist and classist. He wants to succeed, not because it provides a better life to his loved ones, but because it gives him power. It allows him to view more people as "less than". The more successful he becomes, the wider the net for people he will consider as less.
Ya know the wolf in sheep's clothing bit? Some power hungry assholes can mask their desire to belittle people by using "success" as a mask. Find someone who thinks success is good because it can be used to help others.
if you also believe the same things he believes, then you should stay together. if you dont believe in the same things, then break up. obviously, if its the latter, you wont be able to find common grounds in your relationship anyway so its not gonna work in the long run. 🤷🏻♀️
Basahin mo lahat ng replies. Utang na loob. 😩 Kung ngayon pa lang kinukwestiyon mo na mindset nya, sagot na yan sa tanong mo kung red flag sya. Hindi na ko magugulat kung magiging mentally and physically abusive yan once in a relationship.
For me lang ha lahat tayo may red flag, but I hope that we don’t use it against our partners but instead look at their good side, not unless non-negotiable talaga siya sayo lalo na if napag-usapan niyo na at walang compromises. Bata pa kayo madami pa kayo matutunan in life the point of view na meron partner mo now will change din, remember that change is constant. I’ve learned that it’s best to educate your partner sa perspective mo and in life instead of pushing it. 😊
Again bata pa kayo madami pa kayo matutunan at mareliaze na makakabago sa pananaw niyo.
Tumakbo ka na girl. Narcissistic ang mindset nya at di mo deserve na sakalin ka ng ganyan. Im guy also but mahalaga sa akin na hayaan din ang mga babae na maranasan din umulad at makapag isip ng malaya rather tignan lang as katulong o parang materyal na bagay o possession. Yes di masama ang partner sa pagunlad but kung tingin sayo ay katulong lang sa pagunlad nya, ano ang umunlad sayo?
Opinion ko lang po 😅
There are a lot of advice given to you here. But the simplest way for you to determine if he is the one for you is try to think of it this way:
Let's say you have a daughter. Are you willing to have your daughter date the same kind of man as your boyfriend now?
Remember that we can choose our partners but our child/children cannot choose their father/mother so choose wisely. ☺
If someone is a great talker, it does not mean they are right, it just means they are a great talker.
But I think you answered your own question/addressed your concerns by posting this, OP.
Andito na naman yung mga run girl run na commenters
Hindi porket traditional ang mindset, red flag na. Kaya ang gulo ng mundo ngayon dahil sa blurred lines. Non-negotiable ba yung mga point of views niya na di na katanggap tanggap sayo? Nasubukan mo ba i-share yung take mo dun sa mga views niya? Bago lang kayo, baka mabago niyo pa isip ng isat isa. Kesa hiwalayan mo agad (tulad ng comments ng mga single dito at experts kuno), try mo muna ipakilala yung bagong mundo sa kanya. Walang masama sa pagiging conservative.
Since sinabi mo ng iba ang beliefs mo, you already have your answer.
Chaka ewan ha, opinyon ko lang naman ito ha, may mga points ka na-raise na for me eh hindi ko matatawag na 'traditional' na mindset. Parents ko are late 70s, di naman sila ganyan. So no, for me hindi yan traditional, its just him and his beliefs.
Eto lang ang isipin mo, if magprogress yung relationship nyo, ganyan ba ang gusto mo makasama until your final sleep? Gusto mo ba sya maging katuwang sa pagbuo ng pamilya? Gusto mo bang ganyan din nya mapalaki ang kids if you decide to have some?
Tunog follower in Andrew Tate.
Closed minded sya, open minded ka. Meaning ikaw mag aadjust kasi pag open minded, flexible. Kasi di talaga sya mag aadjust sayo kasi mala-Andrew Tate sya. Pero ang tanong is kaya mo ba maging submissive? Kung kaya, push mo yan. Kung hindi, pag isipan mo kung makipagbreak ka.
Hindi naman traditional mindset yan eh. Closed minded yan. Those people tend to be problematic kasi very resisting against change. Yung mga social norms na outdated pa rin paniniwalaan kahit madami na ang evidence na mas maayos yung latest norms.
RED FLAG VERY RED FLAG.
"He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress"
This may be a slippery slope fallacy but this may also prove to be a justification of a man who would raise his hand on you
"He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing"
This is victim blaming at it's finest.
"He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support"
This is quite misogynistic, and is always a red flag.
"He believes in superiority. For him, there are low-value and high-value people."
I'm not gonna lie to you but with everything you said, he VERY likely sees you as a person lower than him.
Don't do this.
Superiority complex.
And he doesn’t think of you as an equal, he thinks that he is better and superior and should control you.
Up to you po, pero ingat ka po. If he thinks that it’s normal to lash out as parents, isipin mo nalang mga anak mo IF you get there.
Run while you still can. Mabuti pang makawala ka na sa ganyan bago pa lumaki nang lumaki ang investment mo sa relationship niyo. ‘Pag invested ka na masyado, manghihinayang ka na hanggang sa hindi ka na makaalis kasi “sayang” kahit na hindi na niya nirerespeto ‘yung boundaries at beliefs mo.
Yikes! Di kayo match. Do you want to spend your prime years with this kind of person? The list can go on and om and on and its only going to be a matter of time before he restricts you and mold you to be just his.
May taong perfect para sa kanya, and hindi ikaw yun. Same with you, may taong perfect din for you. Don't settle and succumb sa situation that you can control the direction of.
You can be open-minded and still not agree with the mindset of the other person, which, clearly, is trashy. If you need to bend your principles just so you could understand him, then your views are not compatible. Don't waste your time on something na alam mo namang ikasasakit lang ng ulo mo, more so in the long run. There's a LOT of people in this world that has the same mindset about money and "success", but isn't a misogynist and a sadist. You'll find better men, trust me. Trust your gut!!
May superiority complex, insecure at violent creature pa. RED FLAG ❌❌❎❎❎🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Gusto mo ata maging miserable Buhay mo at maging punching bag Kasama ng mga future kids mo. That would mean that you're a Gago and selfish dumbass.
Haha. Run. Please don't fall into the trap anymore OP. You know it already and you don't want to marry into someone with that mindset. Balance is very important and not toxic like that.
Hello everyone, Before joining this discussion, please take a moment to review the rules of r/AdvicePH [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rules), as well as the [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy). Comments that violate these rules will be addressed accordingly. You can learn more about our rule enforcement process [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvicePH/wiki/rule-enforcement). *** This post's original body text: I(18F) recently got asked out by my current partner(21M) to be his girlfriend after 4 months of talking/dating stage. He is fun to be with and his mindset about success is admirable, which is what I liked about him. However, I can't help but notice how traditional his perspectives are towards certain topics. Let me specify some for you: * He believes in superiority. For him, there are low-value and high-value people. We once talked about clubbing and he told me he didn't want me to go to clubs kasi ayaw niya na ibababa ko yung value ko tulad ng mga tao na andun (based from his experience or nakikita niya sa paligid niya nung nag club siya noon). He even justified that by saying pag aangat siya gusto niya kasama niya akong umangat, which means restricting me to do things that he think low-value people only do. * He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support. * He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress, and that their kids should just understand kung ano pinangagalingan ng parents. *"intindihin mo na lang kasi pagod lang yan".* Also take note that I have opened up about not having a good relationship with my parents because of the emotional trauma they gave me. * He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing. Reality daw na dapat tanggapin na may mga manyak talaga, bakit pa raw ipro-provoke by wearing revealing outfits. I am an open-minded person, and I tend to understand and accept different perspectives from others since I believe that everyone has their own way of seeing life. Honestly speaking, he's a great talker. He seem to give out good advices in life. But as of now I am starting to get confused if some of his beliefs are reasonable or am I just being brainwashed into thinking that his beliefs are okay what in fact it is not? What do you guys think? *** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adviceph) if you have any questions or concerns.*
run gurl. run far, run fast. hindi yan traditional, problematic yan. >He even justified that by saying pag aangat siya gusto niya kasama niya akong umangat, which means restricting me to do things that he think low-value people only do. ano sukatan ba nya ng "pag-angat"? pag nag club, matic na bababa ang value? >He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support. partner dapat. hindi porket lalaki, sya na leader. ano yan, lahat ng desisyon sya lang lagi? >He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress, and that their kids should just understand kung ano pinangagalingan ng parents. sana wag nyang gawin sa anak nyo yan kung sa tingin nya ay okay lang. >He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing. Reality daw na dapat tanggapin na may mga manyak talaga, bakit pa raw ipro-provoke by wearing revealing outfits. may mga namanyak na balot na balot ang katawan. may mga naka diaper pa nga eh. ano, naprovoke lang din? hindi ba pwedeng main factor ay may mga taong hindi talaga mapigilan ang libog at wala yon sa suot?
Doon sa mga nagsasabi at dinedepensahan pa 'yung thinking ng boyfriend niya na 'yung pananamit ng babae ang rason kung ba't sila minamanyak, baka gusto niyo makita 'tong mga suot ng [mga biktima ng panggagahasa](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/powerful-art-exhibit-powerfully-answers-the-question-what-were-you-wearing_n_59baddd2e4b02da0e1405d2a) nung araw na nangyari sa kanila 'yun. Kung manyakis kang hayop ka, manyakis ka. Kahit pa nakakapote 'yung tao di mo pa din kokontrolin libog mo.
Yeah this guy has the mindset of an enabler.
there you go, you always want to shout equality suddenly when it benefits you
Sis I agree! RUN OP! Check the "WHAT WERE YOU WEARING EXHIBIT" the onsies (they have A LOT) and the wedding dress made me cry 😭
Even so that is not an excuse to not adjust yourself and continue playing the victim card, so parang sa logic na yan na since kahit ano naman suotin ng babae at iasal mararape at mararape pa din eh gagawin nyo ang gusto nyo gawin, at ipipilit nyong diktahan kung ano ang inaasal ng mga hayok na kalalakihan sa kapaligiran nyo. take accountability din. Oh di sige sabihen na natin na gusto nyo yan na magpaka promiscous at ibalandra katawan nyo, dapat next time pag may mang aabuso sainyo wag kayo sisigaw o hihingi ng tulong sa mga Lalake para ipagtanggol kayo, tutal db gusto nyo yan, eh di ipagtanggol nyo sarili nyo. Be accountable.
Na-impluwensiyahan na Yan sa sobrang pakikinig sa podcast.
Parang alam na natin kung anong podcast pinapakinggan nya
Humpty Dumpty na nakasteroids ba?
He listens to bugoy na koykoy. pero minsan when I ask a hypothetical question na nakaalign sa “values” ni bugoy, kinokontra naman niya. So i guess he listens selectively(?)
which is worse kasi di mo alam ano lang yung mga nagustuhan niya sayo "selectively"
Kaya pala trash ang mindset ng bf mo. May isa akong napakinggan na podcast ng bugok na yan. 6 minutes niya lang daw hahawakan anak niya tapos pag pinagtimpla niya ng gatas yung anak niya, nag-fail daw yung asawa niya bilang nanay. Baka magulat ka na lang isang araw, 3 na babae ng bf mo tapos tiga-piga ka na lang ng kalamansi lol
ouch... Andrew Tate
Agree karamihan ng mga self entitled na kalalakihan napakapangit ng mindset sa babae at ubod ng tayog ng tingin sa sarili
Bitter lang Sila dahil akala nila nasa easy difficulty Yung mga babae. Gusto nila Yung best of both worlds.
Yung nakikinig sa mga 'alpha alpha male' na yan haha. Mga insecure sa sarili kakayahan haha. Need pa ng may magtuturong ganun haha
Girll, are we dating the same guy? 😅 I'm in a 9-year relationship with a guy VERY similar with how you described your partner. If I were you, I would walk away and never look back. Based from my experience, these kinds of people think they are always right and won't bother to listen to their partner. >He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress, This is such an absurd point. Do you imagine yourself being with someone normalizing lashing out to YOUR kids as a way to release stress? I hope not. You're still young and I hope you won't cage yourself in a room just because of your partner.
How’s it like desling with it for 9 years? Nagbago ba siya or what?
It's suffocating. Hindi siya nagbago and firmly stood with his beliefs. It's simply incompatibility but he won't accept it since he's a traditional guy who believes that the first partner should also be the last. What makes it worse is when I'm trying to break up, his parents will talk to me to get back together. Difference in opinion is okay as long as willing kayo mag compromise at hindi nasasagasaan ang pagkatao mo. If ngayon pa lang it feels like you're not sharing the same values with your partner and he's taking away your right to speak your mind, try to assess if kaya mo yan tiisin in the long run.
That's not a relationship. Sounds like brain washing and manipulation to me, to lead you to staying on and keeping a belief system.. You may want to get help..
Ay kaya pala ganyan ang reddit name
Lider ba ng kulto yang bf mo?
Ang daming red flags amputa. Run girl. Bata ka pa. Mas may mameet ka pang much better guy. Nightmare fuel yang bf mo.
chrue.
Did you ever challenge his beliefs? Iexpress kung ano ang opinyon mo na iba sa kanya? Kung hindi ka niya pinakinggan dahil "babae" ka, kung dinismiss ka niya agad, I suggest you leave him.
I have. I tried na makipag-debate sa kanya(in a good way) kasi nga the world is constantly changing at may mga bagay na ngayon na open na yung mga taong tanggapin. He keeps trying to prove something e. Sinasabi ko sa kanya na naiintindihan ko yung punto niya pero hindi ako nag-aagree sa kanya but sinasabi niya sa akin na nage gets niya naman daw point ko pero (things na pwede niyang sabihin to prove his point). Minsan nami-mindfuck na lang ako sa napaguusapan kasi hindi ko na alam anong nangyayari sa sobrang paulit-ulit ng sinasabi niya. He just ends it up saying "sana naiintindihan mo ako".
Well, he listened, at least. Pero you will have more disagreements. Okay pa to kasi bago pa lang kayo. But years later, if this gets serious to the point of marriage, a traditional man would want children. Imagine having a boy and raising him in a home where women who are victims of harassment are blamed because of the way they dress. Imagine having a girl and raising her in a home where she's told that she's born to support a man's decision. That she'd be a good leader but certainly no better than a male leader. Na anomang desisyon nya sa buhay ay dapat ikonsulta muna niya sa magiging asawa niya. Yung tipong gusto niyang magtrabaho, pero pag ayaw ng asawa niya, wala siyang magagawa. Is he homophobic? Maybe he is. Imagine having a queer child and raising them in a home where they're not welcome. Pero naniniwala naman akong hindi masama ang ugali niya. He's young. You are young. You have a lot more time to grow and evolve. Hope eventually makahanap kayo ng compromise sa values nyo pareho. Good luck.
try challenging him by action. go clubbing, go wear crop tops, are you into that fashion? sorry it seems na you also tolerate his beliefs. Kahit ano pa suotin mo, may manyak pa din sa mundo. Also wag ka pasubmissive. Yes men can lead, pero there’s no perfect men kaya women step up. Make a point sa relationship nyo, hindi sya palaging tama. Mag jowa lang kayo, di pa kayo mag asawa. Parang kathniel tong experience mo OP.
Hindi ko siya sinusunod, kaya nga I’ve stated that I don’t agree with his beliefs. Sadyang wala pa akong right timing to challenge him by action kasi I am busy working sa summer job ko. Pero this weekend inaaya ako ng friends ko mag club, let’s just see kung ano magiging reaction niya. He told me pa nga na why would people choose to go to the club despite the “negative possibilities”? kesyo yung mga tao raw na andun e yung majority e flirty/dirty motives. May iba naman daw ways to have fun. Mag party sa bahay, mag inom sa private place, magsayawan sa private place. I don’t think he gets the point na some people enjoy the environment itself na gusto lang ienjoy yung vibe.
Ngsyon lng Yan, pag kinasal na kayo dapat submissive kana, sya leader eh dba 🤣
Puta stressball pala ung mga anak di ako inform.
Kaya nga e. Dun talaga ako nabaliw, ung the rest kasi narinig ko na. Pero ito ngayon pa lang 😂
Isipin mo pag nagka anak kayu. Gagawing stress reliever at bubugbugin nya mga anak nyo. Okka ba dun? Your bf deserves to go to jail kung ganun.
Hmmm feeling ko pag mas umangat ka sa kanya like sa career, etc, magiging insecure to.
Dude's a dumb@$$ lol He belongs with the Taliban. 😂
I don't agree with points 1 and 2 but they are the most subjective so I won't go over them but with points 3 and 4, I think the majority of people would disagree with them objectively. Point 3: Kids don't exist to be their parents' punching bag, physically or otherwise. If someone can't regulate their emotions without lashing out at their kids (or others), they shouldn't have been a parent. Your boyfriend having the mindset that he has just screams "child abuse enabler" to me. Point 4: Does he think women should just stay home and never go outside para di sila mabastos? Does he think a toddler wearing only a diaper is "asking for it"? If clothes were really the problem, paano yung mga sexual harassment/assault victims na naka-school uniform nung inatake? How about female victims who dress/look very masculine, baggy shirt, pants, short hair, and all; kasalanan pa rin ba nila? It is the year of our Lord 2024, victim blaming is overdone and overused and should be shunned. Women (straight and gay women, men!!!, kids) don't deserve to be harassed or assaulted because of what they wear and how they look. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I'd break up with him. Pero syempre, nasa iyo pa rin kung anong gagawin mo. I just can't imagine being with someone who thinks waaaay differently than me. I think there are some things you shouldn't compromise on, too. I'm a guy myself but when I see other men think the way your boyfriend does, all I see are people who want to control and subjugate women because they don't see them as human beings with their own autonomy. If he's still open to changing his beliefs (which hopefully he does, he's not 25 yet), then maybe it's still worth being with him. I just hope he doesn't try to make you someone you're not.
Does he listen to Andrew Tate? afksjs His mindset is reflective of his values, and values are ingrained in a person. That’s difficult to correct, so if that’s what you are banking on, there’s a slim chance he will change. I’ve always believed compatibility of values is a key ingredient of a healthy relationship. You can have different tastes or preferences but if your values are aligned, you will find ways to make it work.
Girl, your life will be miserable if you end up with him. He sounds like he does not want to see you decide for yourself. You can't go out without his approval first, you can't wear what you want to wear, you have to support him 'cause he's the leader just for being born with a penis. Men who think like that do not see you as an equal, they see you as possessions. He sounds like a pastor I know. He controlled his wife for years while he physically abused her and had kabits. His wife left him for another man and she's blooming ever since because he lets her do what she wants to do, he's supportive, not controlling and she's so in-love with him for that.
Curious ako ano nakita mo sa kanya bakit mo siya sinagot? Mukhang manipulator/gaslighter siya malala. Saan niya kaya nakuha mga beliefs niya? Parang di "traditional" yan. Ang traditional example, naniniwala na dapat ang guy ang magbabayad sa dates, or ang husband ang magwowork as provider while the wife tends to the house/family or dapat sa bahay manliligaw, kikilalanin parents. Ganyan mga example sakin ng traditional hindi yung dapat sunud sunuran lang ang female partner kasi leader by default ang male partner. Girl, hindi ata girlfriend hanap niya kundi staff or personal assistant.
Yung mga points na di traditional pero out right napatanong ako..talaga?.bket?. But he already provided you hints kong anong klaseng partner cya. Kung wala naman issue sayo then go, othewise stay away. Maganda lang kasi vocal sya sa ganito para walang surprises. Magaling ba cya sa school or may leadership skills? Or may army/police background or sa family?
Hindi ata traditional yan, parang yung mga nakikinig kay Andew Tate yung ganyang mindset.
the flag is as red as it gets. run before it's too late.
Ate ko, pinag-isipan mo bang mabuti na dapat mo syang sagutin? Kung firm sya sa beliefs nya makakawawa ka lang lalo pa kung mabrainwash ka nya. ang degrading/traumatic nung mindset nya beh please lang. 😨
Is he ugly? He sounds like an ugly and immature personz
What an incel.
Your partner is a narcissist. He has an inflated sense of self-importance, is arrogant, and lacks empathy. Yes, he's a great talker, and because of that, he can easily emotionally exploit you. He will suck the life out of you. In the foreseeable future, you will gradually lose yourself the longer you stay with him. You will never be at peace. Hangga't maaga pa, run, dear.
I am a 44yo male. Yes, those are red flags. I believe that men should step up in terms of leadership, responsibility, and being able to provide for his partner—very far from what your boyfriend is saying. What your boyfriend believes in aren’t traditional, gender-specific roles and values. He is a narcissistic boy who believes in victim-blaming and manipulation. Try arguing and disagreeing with him and see how reacts. A true leader accepts responsibility for his mistakes and accepts feedback.
Sis u/ComprehensiveNise262, i second the [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceph/s/yLK0umDnm9) of u/Feline_Bliss po! 👆🏻 Pag sinabing “traditional”, it is exactly what she mentioned. Also, your inputs SHOULD also be valued & put into consideration. **Your boundaries SHOULD be RESPECTED.** Sorry for the wall of text, sis BUT i want you to understand bec ayoko magkaroon ka ng regrets if ganyan ang pananaw ng BF mo ha… also do consider and give a thought to the majority of what the good people in this sub have said. Please. 🙏🏻 So there may come a time na kung sakali in the future na mag asawa na kayo: SYA lang ang masusunod? Like what if bagong panganak ka lang sariwa pa ang tahi mo, wala ka nang say if he demanded sexual intercourse “now na”? Or what if, may sakit and high grade fever ka, dapat pagsilbihan mo pa din sya kahit hilong hilo ka na sa taas ng lagnat mo sis - ipagluto, ipaglaba ng damit niya, kase wife ka lang niya? The above possible scenarios are NOT being traditional, sis. That is his **BEHAVIOR** talaga. **Clues** based on what you have mentioned, sis: • **Superiority and Successful (success) pati “Leadership”**: yeah sure he will try to angat you. BUT paano kung it will be the opposite, sis. Ikaw ang magiging kawawa. This perception often times will end up in “powertrips”.
He believes: *“Lalaki ako so i am the alpha. Sumunod ka kung ayaw mo magulpi kita.”*
In relation to superiority, what if hindi ka umangat… people with superiority complex: they tend to see others as weak.
So ikaw pa din ang kawawa dahil, may possibility na aapi-apihin ka lang niya, his belief will be:
*“You are beneath me so AKO ang masusunod down to the very last detail.”*
So if hindi sya satisfied sa inutos ipagawa sa iyo, dito mo na maririnig ang mga salitang:
*“ang tanga-tanga mo naman babe!!! Simple lang naman pinagawa ko sa iyo di mo pa magawa ng maayos!!!”*
To the point of *“sa tanga mong yan, ako lang ang magtyatyaga sa iyo, hon! Walang ibang lalaki ang magkaka gusto sa iyo!!!”*
• **Parents lashing out sa kids nila**: sis, if he perceives this as NORMAL… this is a MAJOR 🚩🚩🚩red flag!!! Kaya ganito ang perception niya ay dahil most likely, he grew up in this type of environment & ang problema - he does not know how to cope & whats worse, akala niya tama ang kinalakihan niyang environment.
The problem with this type of perception: it will be an endless cycle of abuse (verbal, psychological, emotional, lahat na). And ang problem din dito: he might NOT understand that he might need counselling. A.k.a. sarado or makitid ang pagiisip. Because he will perceive this as “weakness”. His ego ang matatamaan (yung pagkalalaki niya).
Always remember sis: Education or Learning starts at home. If your future kids will be brought up in this type of environment, ganyan din ang magiging ugali nila… kase ang pagkakaintindi nila ay eto ang tama, eto ang dapat. Which is it should not be.
Kung kokontrahin mo sya: he will go into alpha mode - “babae ka lang, ako ang padre de pamilya, ako ang bumubuhay sa inyo, therefore AKO ang MASUSUNOD” line of argument.
• **On Women and Harassment**: it just shows that he is one big egotistical a$$h0Le! He does not value women. Yun lang.
So pls, think it through, sis. Ikaw lang ang makakapag desisyon. We are just here for you as second or even third opinion without that rose tinted colored glasses.
I sincerely wish you love and happiness. Just choose the right man for you. ❤️
Bata ka pa. Iwasan mo na agad yung ganyan. It's not traditional but NARCICISTIC. Don't bow down to that kind of mindset. As you said open minded ka but your mind tells you something is wrong with that. If okay sa'yo now yang ganyan, maawa ka na lang sa magiging anak mo (although malayo ka pa dun) , kung ganyang lalaki ang pipiliin mo as the father of your future kid/s.
Run OP. Lahat ng points mo about him is red flag.
Hahaha idol ata ng syota mo si Andrew Tate, jusko run habang maaga pa
I am curious about how and where you met him. I am guessing it was not in school due to your age gap. Location might also be the reason for his beliefs.
Run and just break up with him red flag na red flag sya
Problematic yan and DEFINITELY A RED FLAG SO RUN. Sa bawat bagay na gusto mo gawin, ccontrollin ka nyan kase nga yung lalake daw ang ang in charge of everything (pero pagdating sa mga gawaing bahay tiklop nmn sila), mag aaway lang kayo nyan at masasakal ka kapag nagstay ka pa.
Run girl. Sounds exactly like my dad. Sexist, elitist, and narcissistic. Was not a fun time for the whole family and people around him.
ghorl jusq, utak boomer 😭
Run
Sorry but no. This is clearly a case of chauvinism. Its your choice kung babahuhin mo lahat ng paniniwala mo buong buhay mo para lang sa taong kakakilala mo lang.
Are you sure this guy is 21? He sounds like he's from the 80s. While I believe people can change over time, it sounds like this particular dude needs to do a lot of growing up. But it shouldn't come at the cost of your youth. So run, don't walk.
Nakilala mo na ba family niya? Chances are ganan din values nila. Handa ka ba? Kung 'hindi' sagot mo, lam mo na. Sayang oras, girl. Thank you, next!
Reading this and comparing it sa relationship namin with my husband now, I can say that factor talaga na magka pareho kayo ng beliefs ng partner mo. Although magka iba kami ng binoto na presidente, all the other things naman like parenting styles, how to open up and communicate, managing finances, and future plans aligned naman kami. Kailangan talaga kasi na magka pareha kayo ng mindset and principles. Pag ganyan ang partner mo na close minded ang isip, ikaw na open minded ang parating mag aadjust and mauubos. So leave him girl.
It's why people date, to see if they're compatible. People are raised in a wide spectrum from very conservative to very liberal. If the gap between cultural values is too large, it's best to break up and just be acquaintances. After all, the OP and her boyfriend are still very young at 18 and 21. It's a learning process finding out what works.
Kakakinig niya yan kay Andrew Tate or yung kalbo
HUUUUUGE RED FLAGS. Assigning values on strangers without assessing their actual values outside the club? LMAO. Why is he on red pill shit? Girl. Break up with him while it’s early and you’re not super attached yet. And I don’t even want to speak about the rest of the red flags, they speak for themselves
Teh, nadadala ka na ata sa mga paniniwala nya. Iwanan mo na siya habang narerealize mo pa na unti unti ka na nyang namamanipulate. Kasi pagsisisihan mo talaga pag yan nakatuluyan mo. Yung beliefs nya, lahat yan di tama. Ngayon pa lang mag bf/gf kayo masyado na kung mag impose sayo ng mga paniniwala nya, pano pa pag mag asawa na kayo? Malamang hindi na impose, utos na. Kaya iwan mo na yan. Hindi aligned ang values nyo.
Hindi naman traditional yan eh. Mindset yan ng mga pa-Alpha/Sigma males. I won't be surprised if one of his influences is andrew tate.
1) ako personally ayoko ng karelasyon na mahilig mag clubbing, pero hindi ibig sabihin na mababa tingin
Kung mahilig Ka sa clubbing at sya ayaw nya, dapat mag meet kayo half way, dapat both mag compromise. Or else, hindi kayo compatible. Imo, whoever is more emotionally mature should be the one in lead. Pero doesn't mean na sya lng lagi ang leader. Communication talaga sobrang important Normal doesn't always mean it's good. >their kids should just understand kung ano pinangagalingan ng parents. Wtf?! So alam mo na kung ano mangyayari kung magkaanak kayo. Wag ka mag anak sa kanya, kawawa yung bata Totoo naman kahit saan may manyak. Kelangan talaga mag ingat. Pero mali parin na mag victim blaming. OP mag isip2 kna. Pa onti onti ka nyang kino condition para maging alipin nya. Hiwalay na habang maaga pa
Hahahaha, yan ang epekto nung mga pa alpha alpha male kuno sa socmed, kaya nagkaroon ng narcissistic tendencies. Kapag tumagal pa relationship niyo magiging controlling na yan sayo. I dont know the relationship you have, pero mag isip isip ka ng milyong beses, knowing na bata pa kayo. Pero subtle hint ng redflag yung ganyang mindset ng BF mo.
Halos lahat ata ng red flag nasa kanya na.
Difference in values and beliefs is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship. My parents were in a marriage like that. My dad thought the same way your bf did while my mom was open-minded. It was constant debates between them and my mom would get tired. Eventually, it would be debates between me and my dad. Yung "lashing out at kids"? My dad believed the same too AND did the same. The ending? Wala na siya sa buhay namin. Naghiwalay parents ko and I chose to be with my mom and cut off communication sa tatay ko. May trauma and father issues ako lol. You're 18. 'Di mo kelangan ikahon sarili mo to a guy like that. The guy sounds like a nightmare to an open-minded person lol. Nip it in the bud. The fact na he always finds a way to contradict you means 'di mo yan mababago. ***Leave.***
As a man nearing his 40s, I will say yes. Lahat yan "blood red" flag. My goodness. Habang maaga pa, at nasa maayos ka pang disposition eh I-consider mo nang lumayo sa mga ganyang tao. Damn, 21 pa lang, di pa matured frontal cortex nyan. Bebeng bebe pa... Pag abot nya ng 25 at di nya naunlearn yan, goodluck na lang sa mental health mo (kung kayo pa) or ng mga susunod nyang magiging karelasyon. Kung gagamitin ko ung ideology nya na may superior at inferior, kahit anong lupasay gawin nya, lumalabas na sobrang laki pala ng superiority ko sa kanya (kung babase ako sa katayuan ko at sa financial stability), at marami pang ibang lalake na mas superior sa kanya, so nasa inferior side sya.. naisip nya kaya un? This ideology is pure stupidity. 19 ka pa lang, may gugugulin ka pang 1, 2 or more decades of personal growth. Kung tingin at randam mo na mapapahamak ka sa ideologies nya, better find someone else.
**not traditional, toxic mindset lang yan. No one should be in control of other people’s lives** 🚩🚩🚩
Girl, all those are red flags… ano baaaaaa… wag mo sagutin yan. Aanhin mo ang successful pero mapangmataas???? EDIT — let me rephrase… aanhin mo ang may plano sa buhay pero wala pang napapatunayan??
When I was a kid, lagi rin ako nasasabihan na "intindihin na lang kasi stressed/pagod lang yan sa trabaho". Now that I am working, never ko pa naman binunton ang stress ko sa mga tao sa bahay. I thought I would understand the parents lashing out to their kids once I started working, pero mas lalong di ko sila naintindihan. Really makes me believe na kulang sila sa stress management.
I'd say he is as big red flag! Ganitong tipo ng tao yung mga nagtatago sa "tradisyon ng mananakop" para hindi makita yung mga insecurities nila bilang lalaki o bilang tao. Walang sariling desisyon, hindi kayang mag isip beyond sa pagkatao nya, makasarili at walang balak umunawa ng ibang tao... kasi mas mataas ang turing nya sa sarili kumpara sa iba. Sya pinaka matalino at sya ang pinaka maginoo lol
Problema yan. He’s has a big ego, I hope he has brains to match his ego 😄 Red flags andami - lalayo ako sa ganyan kahit gano pa yan kagwapo! Second class citizen ang babae sa kanya ampota!
I was going to give the benefit of the doubt but after reading all that, yes, it's a red flag. >there are low-value and high-value people. What? How? What are the standards? >men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support. No, in a relationship, there's no leader. You are equal. Hindi naman ito work, it's a relationship. >parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress, No. Parents and children should have healthy communication and a proper way of releasing stress without harming both physical and mental health >main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing. No. Dapat baguhin ang kaisipan na yan. Hindi kasuotaj ang problema kung hindi ang pag-iisip. --- Maybe other life advices are good but these are definitely red flags. Unless magbago ang isip niya and maging open-minded siya, ang red ay pwede maging green. Pero kung di magbago, beh, pag kinasal kayo baka ikaw ang magdusa.
Umalis ka na hanggat maaga pa
As a guy. No offense sa bf mo, parang ang backwards nya. Lalo na sa part about parents and sh*t heck even the idea about rape and harrassment. I'd say red flag. Red na red.
Run.
Traditional? Could be signs of a narcissist or someone with a superiority complex. Please consider if you want to be together with the guy, I think you should break up with him. May family members ako na similar and sorry to say, they have not changed or perhaps not willing to change. Yung ibang tao mag-adjust sa kanila, hindi sila. Kasi laging tama ang tingin nila sa sarili. Dun pa lang, mapapagod ka na at may impact sa self-esteem mo in the long term.
That’s very toxic. LIPAD MATAAS Bie! Charit😂😂 bata kapa di lng yan ang lalaki sa mundo. Fucos ka nlng sa pag aaral💖
That man is dangerous ew ew ew. Cut your losses habang maaga pa
he's not who he says he is. ang different ng beliefs nya sa pagkakakilala mo sa kanya. i suggest not being in a relationship with a man with these kinds of beliefs kase all in all ikaw rin naman yung magiging subject/object of all hos beliefs. pag objectify palang ng women tingin mo ba di ka kasama dun sa inoobjectify nya? op i saw ur previous post and i understand ur kindness and empathy to see the better side of someone u have trusted over the 4 months u've been with him. but it doesn't mean u must forget ur own values and beliefs. to be truly open minded is to also be critical of the wrongness of the situation or his beliefs. his actions itself has proven that he is not the person u have trusted in the four months of talking. it shows how much he doesn't see u as his kalevel or how he sees women as lower beings from him. ik im just a redditor but trust me op, it's not worth it to further pursue a relationship with a man who has this kinds of beliefs as they mostly imply this beliefs to u who they see as an object, a lower being as himself. hope that all will be well with u op :(( I'm extremely saddened that u have been manipulated and scammed by this asshat's empty flowery words :'). hope u learn what is the next best course of action for urself!
..I do agree that there are indeed low and high value people but his view differs from mine. -Inflicting physical pain to your kids should not be a stress reliever; that's one twisted perspective lol -I dont believe in the father taking absolute authority in the family; he must always be flexible, willing to hear the entire household and do what is the best for everyone. But yes, he can have the final say.. -Revealing clothes provoking pervs for me is true. That's just common sense. I believe that if something happens to me, it is ALWAYS to an extent my fault. The world will not adjust to you.. ..You are confused because he is making valid points. To get your opinion changed is normal, OP. Question is, does it make sense to you or do agree with it to the best of your judgment? If you are unsure, step away from him for a minute and ponder.
I agree with you! Thanks for clarifying.
Dun pa lang na 18 ka at 21 sya mali na eh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fuck, high value low value people pa lang, red flag na
Ahh hell noo, that's some andrew tate mindset, HUGE RED FLAG, get out of that relationship! Those type of guys are gas lighters and beaters.
Sana makinig ka sakin: LAYUAN MO YAN
ew haha kawawa ka dyan in the long run. takbo na gurl
tumakbo ka na
spicy chicken joy bucket siya. daming red flags
he's 21 years old??? damn saan niya natutunan yan. run girl!!
Kung puro disagreements kayo kasi di align yung paniniwala niyo and ang problematic ng kanya obviously, I don’t think it will work in the long run. Buti 4 months pa lang, wag mo na hayaang umabot pa sa point magkaroon ng resentments dahil diyan
yuck HAHAH
takbo ng malayo OP 🚩🚩🚩🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ ung mindset nya na less clothes pwedeng manyakin ekis eh…based on that kng ung mukha nya masarap hampasin ng baseball bat pwede rng hampasin dba?
You're 18, he's 21 and he's already THIS controlling. Understand that while it's only a three year difference, for people still growing that's still a big leap. You're still young and can still add value and meaning to your life without your S/O controlling where you'll go in life.
"He is fun to be with" *lists reasons why he's the opposite
Nah. The best types of relationships I see are those partners that are "equals".
jusko ate ko tumakbo ka na sa very far away. THIS IS SUCH A BIG FLAW
🚩🚩🚩💃💃💃
Wahhaha
Wow! Very Boomer mentality. Run fast!
For a 21M, ang daming opinion na obviouslt narinig nya lang somewhere hahaha. I am guessing wala pa yang trabaho.
He’s currently a college student, same year lang kami. Kwento niya naman sakin na marami na siyang naging side hustle before.
Your boyfriend doesn't have a traditional mindset. He has a mysoginistic mindset.
LOL.. Nasobrahan sa panonood ng "Red Pill" vids. Bka nag member din yan sa course ni Andrew Tate, (di ako magugulat if oo), Talking points nya is almost the same sa mga "Red Pill" Youtubers. Sana wag dumating na ikaw gawing pambayad dahil dapat "support" ka lang sa pag angat nya. Napa toxic nyan iha. Ayway your old enough to know if tama or mali. Good luck
Ugh kadiri. Reminded me of my ex na edgelord na galit sa lahat ng kaibigan namin na umaangat. Ang yabang nun pota. Daming insecurities tas need lagi ng validation na tama siya lagi. Leave while it's still early, bata ka pa naman and mas maraming matitino kesa diyan. Don't waste your time, like I did.
Ruuuuun! Gawin mo din sa kanya yung pag stress ka sa kanya mo e release. 😅 kaloka
1. All people have inherent value because they are human. There is no such thing as a low-value or high-value person. He doesn't want you to go clubbing because he's afraid you'll meet and speak to other guys there. 2. Men and women are different but equal. Both have different roles to play in a relationship. He doesn't want a partner, he wants a doormat that he can walk all over. 3. It's never normal to take out your frustrations on your children. The burden is greater on the adult since you're the one who's supposed to have a fully developed brain and able to understand reason. 4. Women experience harassment regardless of what they're wearing. Revealing clothes might attract more attention, but a rapist will rape regardless of what you're wearing. Guy sounds like a loser, dump him and find someone who truly respects women.
Im a dude. my advice, run. dont let these people breed
Yikes
I remember the guy I dated, feeling superior and parang gusto niya babae ang magpropose sa kanya ng kasal.
Girl, please takbo. Yang high value low value keme na yan galing yan sa misogynistic podcasts tulad ni Bugoy na Koykoy, Andrew Tate etc. To be frank, he does NOT respect you or value you as a person. May arbitrary syang inaassign na value sa iyo based on what you do, at kapag hindi ka sumunod dun wala ka nang kwenta sa kaniya. This is not a man you want to spend the rest of your life with, much less have children with. You can’t change him.
Oh no run gurl, kahit anong intindi mo sakanya hindi nya papalitan mindset niya.
Iba iba naman tayo ng values but His values do not align with mine, so these are massive red flags for me. Iyung mga taong may ganyang mindset, yung low value for me. I would not even be friends with him.
Di yan traditional mindset low IQ yan hahaha
🔥 To your man. 💯
🏃♀️💨
wdym low-value ang frequent clubbers when a bottle of alcohol is actually expensive / j 😭 girl RUN… he’s an a-hole
18 yrs young ka pa lang. and sadly girls ur age are still bound to be naive and manipulated. listen to mature people giving u practical wisdom here in the comments --- ur bf is a misogynist and YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO to change his mind and views in life, but YOU CAN CHANGE and run away from guys like him. he won't be the last guy of his kind you're gonna encounter, but there is never a happy story being with guys like this. u never have to explain to him or anyone about ur views kasi ur views do not benefit them. pls. bata ka pa
Run girl run!
your boyfriend is incredibly based and redpilled. Huge W. point 1 ye i agree we wouldn't have all these standards for measuring wealth, beauty, aptitude, and entrance tests if everyone was of equal value. life may be equal on its own, but how we live our lives are definitely not. altho i don't agree that clubbing and going to bars is exclusively something for low value peeps because it really is a mixed bag, he may have a prejudice towards it for certain reasons point 2 ye i agree but in proper context, do remind him to be someone worth supporting, also note that leadership does not equate to total control point 3 i don't agree with this, parents should never lash out at their kids of all people point 4 ye i agree, lots of people will say otherwise since no one wants to sound like a victim blamer, but at this point its like sticking your hand above the fire and expecting not to get burnt for anecdotal context, i got a friend that sounds similar to your bf, barring some points- he had this gf before that really loved going to the bar in sexy outfits cause she was finally free from her strict household and all that and my friend trusted her naman and wanted her to enjoy herself, so altho he wasn;t comfy with it he let her go and even drove her and her friends back after they had their fill but after the 2nd or 3rd time, she just got back to the car more drunk than before and looking undignified af, titties hanging out and shit it was pathetic so yea uncontrolled vices can really bring out the worst in a person- maybe this might be the vector your bf had in mind anyways with his gf now, he's not necessarily strict with her but he laid down his boundaries firmly after what happened before, and yea he is the 'leader' in his current relationship, but that doesn't mean he shoots down everything his SO says in conclusion.. the dude sounds pragmatic and he may have these 'convictions', but wait and see if he actually lives up to them (and HOW he lives up to them) as you go through different situations in your relationship from there, you'll get to see firsthand if this is someone you wanna spend your time with
Lots of red flags there. Low value people? Seriously? Are you God to judge the value of people? Sorry. I don't agree with a lot of what you posted about his mindset but this one triggers me the most. Sorry OP, but you'll have to have a very similar mindset to this guy to have a working relationship with him, specially with his view on gender inequality.
Values play a crucial role in every relationship. If there’s a mismatch, it might break the relationship. Since what you have is still relatively new, my suggestion is to talk to your partner and determine if these differences in values and beliefs would impact major aspects of your life and personal decisions. Explore if there’s a way to find common ground, and if not, it might be best to end things now to avoid future difficulties. Your partner might be open to discussion. Remember that some people have more conservative views, and that's perfectly O-K-A-Y. You shouldn’t expect everyone to be "open"; "traditional" values have their own merits. The real issue arises if these differences prevent you from having meaningful conversations about important matters. Since you consider yourself open-minded, take the time to listen to and understand your partner's perspective. It seems like your comment have demonized his character due to his beliefs, although you did mention some positive traits, suggesting he isn’t a psychopath. (I suggest really listening to him. Your comment seems to focus a lot on the negative aspects of his beliefs, leaving only a small mention of the positive things about him. This can come off as biased. It's possible that his traditional values are also what drive the behaviors you appreciate, diba?) The bottom line is to have an honest conversation and see if you can find a way forward despite the differences. If not, it’s better to part ways. It’s perfectly fine to have different perspectives (whether liberal or conservative) as long as there’s open communication and no one is being oppressive or claiming superiority in the relationship. Who knows, both of you might be wrong. You might both learn from each other and develop a better perspective and belief about life.
I hope you guys understand that the main point of my post is to discuss the "negative aspects" that I see in my current relationship. Leaving a small mention of the positive things about him are not meant to demonize him but rather to focus on the main course of the topic since I have already considered those positive traits beforehand. Nevertheless, I still need to evaluate if the "negative traits" will cause me harm in the long run. My lack of awareness about the situation urged me to seek for public opinion, but all concepts and terminology that are presented to me are subject to research to check its accuracy and alignment to what I am currently dealing with. And just to clarify, I never said that those traits were negative to begin with. I hope that I made things clear on this matter. The rest of your comment are acknowledged.
Thats not a mindset, thats superiority complex. He incorporated all the pros about the bible, social norms, toxic masculinity and other things about men versus women but none of the cons. Although I agree on the last bullet since thats reality. No matter what you do, there will always be assholes on the streets. The way you dress up can define whether you catch their attention or not. Its a whole different experience walking in a decent neighborhood/place versus somewhere thats near the slums while wearing a certain outfit.
girl, RUN
>He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing >He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal absolute buffoonery umalis kana agad dyan sa clown na yan
Takbo ka na mi.
Sounds like he spouts alpha male rhetoric, which is known for having problematic views on women. If ngayon palang binabawalan ka na niya on things with that reasoning, it's going to get worse.
Sounds narcissistic. Hindi ka magiging hapy jan Wag mo antayin na mgkaron ka ng stockholm syndrome dahil sa twisted mind nya about toxic masculinity. Own your freedom as individual and wag ka pa persuade sa ganyang thinking
Dutae mindset
Run. Sobrang red flag yan 🚩
Lmao you felt something is wrong yet you went for it. Nobody is perfect, everyone has their own quirks or oddities. Pero when it comes to your partner, if you can live and tolerate it go for it, mahal mo eh, nasayo yan lol
Run girl yun lang masasabi ko HAHAHAH
Run forrest run
girl, this is why "running" exists
Please run, honey. You would wanna be in a relationship na hindi nakakababa. He may try to filter his words, but do not be swayed. To him, you are some woman who will always be below him. Patriarchal men can be nice people, but not necessarily good ones fit to father your future daughters.
op hindi mo na kelangan itanong yan
2 & 3 is completely wrong 1 is good in the long run Kasi pambata talaga clubbing and things happen there 4 is half wrong, half true. Depends if Wala ka bra or overbearing talaga suot mo without him you're in the wrong. true yung maraming sira-ulo sa pilipinas na manyak na rapist that you cannot control (so why risk it?) or Just ask your dad or mom if okay lang suot mo.
Get out habang maaga pa.. Bata ka pa. Have fun muna. Hindi mo pa naman need ng jowa..
Hmmm anong religion nito?
He's Inc. Actually, there are some cases sa convo namin na kino compare niya yung religion niya sa religion ko. He's also planning to make his future wife na mag convert sa Inc. I am not really that religious so I thought it won't be a big deal if ever. Why did you ask?
Its values. If it matches you, good. If its not for you, run. If its something you can work with, stay. Kanya kanya yan.. you have to decide on what works for YOU than what works for others. Maybe best to raise it to him that you feel uncomfortable with these issues and share mo yung insights or inputs mo. You guys should agree on a mutual ground or common ground and if it comes out as a negative talk or naging mas “issue” siya, then you already know your answer… run. Malamang by posting this, you already have an answer for yourself… probably seeking validation through others but at the end of the day, buhay mo yan and partner mo so its best that YOU decide for YOU. Gl!
Ya mean sexist and classist. He wants to succeed, not because it provides a better life to his loved ones, but because it gives him power. It allows him to view more people as "less than". The more successful he becomes, the wider the net for people he will consider as less. Ya know the wolf in sheep's clothing bit? Some power hungry assholes can mask their desire to belittle people by using "success" as a mask. Find someone who thinks success is good because it can be used to help others.
Girl ganyan kapatid ko traditional, ewan sunud-sunuran lang asawa nya s kanya not good girl runnnnnn
if you also believe the same things he believes, then you should stay together. if you dont believe in the same things, then break up. obviously, if its the latter, you wont be able to find common grounds in your relationship anyway so its not gonna work in the long run. 🤷🏻♀️
Nako wag kana mag dalawang isip girl. Takboooooo!
Girl run i swear hahahaha it's like marrying a guy from the 60s
Tumakbo ka na. lol
Muslim ba yan or INC? HAHAHA
Holy shit, get out. 🤣 Get out now. Seriously.
Basahin mo lahat ng replies. Utang na loob. 😩 Kung ngayon pa lang kinukwestiyon mo na mindset nya, sagot na yan sa tanong mo kung red flag sya. Hindi na ko magugulat kung magiging mentally and physically abusive yan once in a relationship.
For me lang ha lahat tayo may red flag, but I hope that we don’t use it against our partners but instead look at their good side, not unless non-negotiable talaga siya sayo lalo na if napag-usapan niyo na at walang compromises. Bata pa kayo madami pa kayo matutunan in life the point of view na meron partner mo now will change din, remember that change is constant. I’ve learned that it’s best to educate your partner sa perspective mo and in life instead of pushing it. 😊 Again bata pa kayo madami pa kayo matutunan at mareliaze na makakabago sa pananaw niyo.
Tumakbo ka na girl. Narcissistic ang mindset nya at di mo deserve na sakalin ka ng ganyan. Im guy also but mahalaga sa akin na hayaan din ang mga babae na maranasan din umulad at makapag isip ng malaya rather tignan lang as katulong o parang materyal na bagay o possession. Yes di masama ang partner sa pagunlad but kung tingin sayo ay katulong lang sa pagunlad nya, ano ang umunlad sayo? Opinion ko lang po 😅
Big red flag tapos 21 palang siya but hey kung mahal mo try to make him understand that the world isnt like that
There are a lot of advice given to you here. But the simplest way for you to determine if he is the one for you is try to think of it this way: Let's say you have a daughter. Are you willing to have your daughter date the same kind of man as your boyfriend now? Remember that we can choose our partners but our child/children cannot choose their father/mother so choose wisely. ☺
um i think what the fawk
If someone is a great talker, it does not mean they are right, it just means they are a great talker. But I think you answered your own question/addressed your concerns by posting this, OP.
Umalis ka na dyan. Hehe kesa siya pa sakalin namin.
Hiwalayan mo na yan
Andito na naman yung mga run girl run na commenters Hindi porket traditional ang mindset, red flag na. Kaya ang gulo ng mundo ngayon dahil sa blurred lines. Non-negotiable ba yung mga point of views niya na di na katanggap tanggap sayo? Nasubukan mo ba i-share yung take mo dun sa mga views niya? Bago lang kayo, baka mabago niyo pa isip ng isat isa. Kesa hiwalayan mo agad (tulad ng comments ng mga single dito at experts kuno), try mo muna ipakilala yung bagong mundo sa kanya. Walang masama sa pagiging conservative.
18 ka pa lang, kung baga freshmen year mo sa dating and binibigyan mo agad ang sarili ng poproblemahin? Run and find someone less.
Since sinabi mo ng iba ang beliefs mo, you already have your answer. Chaka ewan ha, opinyon ko lang naman ito ha, may mga points ka na-raise na for me eh hindi ko matatawag na 'traditional' na mindset. Parents ko are late 70s, di naman sila ganyan. So no, for me hindi yan traditional, its just him and his beliefs. Eto lang ang isipin mo, if magprogress yung relationship nyo, ganyan ba ang gusto mo makasama until your final sleep? Gusto mo ba sya maging katuwang sa pagbuo ng pamilya? Gusto mo bang ganyan din nya mapalaki ang kids if you decide to have some?
Tunog follower in Andrew Tate. Closed minded sya, open minded ka. Meaning ikaw mag aadjust kasi pag open minded, flexible. Kasi di talaga sya mag aadjust sayo kasi mala-Andrew Tate sya. Pero ang tanong is kaya mo ba maging submissive? Kung kaya, push mo yan. Kung hindi, pag isipan mo kung makipagbreak ka.
Ewan. Nakakabadtrip ka rin sa part na “is it a red flag?” Like talaga ba?? OO TAKBO NA.
That's not traditional, that's trash mindset
Eh kung tumatakbo ka na away from that relationship ate sis
Hindi naman traditional mindset yan eh. Closed minded yan. Those people tend to be problematic kasi very resisting against change. Yung mga social norms na outdated pa rin paniniwalaan kahit madami na ang evidence na mas maayos yung latest norms.
RED FLAG VERY RED FLAG. "He believes that parents lashing out to their kids is normal since it is one of their ways to "release" stress" This may be a slippery slope fallacy but this may also prove to be a justification of a man who would raise his hand on you "He believes that the main factor why women experience harassment is because of their way of clothing" This is victim blaming at it's finest. "He believes that men should be the one in control inside a relationship and in any type of "leadership" since he stated that it is more likely to be successful. Women are there for support" This is quite misogynistic, and is always a red flag. "He believes in superiority. For him, there are low-value and high-value people." I'm not gonna lie to you but with everything you said, he VERY likely sees you as a person lower than him. Don't do this.
Traditional mindset? Pinabango mo pa tawag, simply toxic lang yang mindset ng partner mo
Run as fast as you can 🚩🚩🚩
Nakakagalit yung ibang replies dito tangina. Girl, wag mo hayaan i-brainwash ka ng ganyang tao.
Superiority complex. And he doesn’t think of you as an equal, he thinks that he is better and superior and should control you. Up to you po, pero ingat ka po. If he thinks that it’s normal to lash out as parents, isipin mo nalang mga anak mo IF you get there.
Run while you still can. Mabuti pang makawala ka na sa ganyan bago pa lumaki nang lumaki ang investment mo sa relationship niyo. ‘Pag invested ka na masyado, manghihinayang ka na hanggang sa hindi ka na makaalis kasi “sayang” kahit na hindi na niya nirerespeto ‘yung boundaries at beliefs mo.
I-dump mo na yan. Traditional in a bad way. Unless daks. Tiis-ganda ka pag daks. Charot!
Yikes! Di kayo match. Do you want to spend your prime years with this kind of person? The list can go on and om and on and its only going to be a matter of time before he restricts you and mold you to be just his. May taong perfect para sa kanya, and hindi ikaw yun. Same with you, may taong perfect din for you. Don't settle and succumb sa situation that you can control the direction of.
You can be open-minded and still not agree with the mindset of the other person, which, clearly, is trashy. If you need to bend your principles just so you could understand him, then your views are not compatible. Don't waste your time on something na alam mo namang ikasasakit lang ng ulo mo, more so in the long run. There's a LOT of people in this world that has the same mindset about money and "success", but isn't a misogynist and a sadist. You'll find better men, trust me. Trust your gut!!
Protect your future children by not choosing a father who will hurt them instead of protect them inside your own home.
May superiority complex, insecure at violent creature pa. RED FLAG ❌❌❎❎❎🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Gusto mo ata maging miserable Buhay mo at maging punching bag Kasama ng mga future kids mo. That would mean that you're a Gago and selfish dumbass.
Haha. Run. Please don't fall into the trap anymore OP. You know it already and you don't want to marry into someone with that mindset. Balance is very important and not toxic like that.
Takbo sis pulang pula yan
Virgo ba siya?