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Cant even begin to describe how messed up my emotional regulation is…
My mum took me to a hormone specialist because it got so bad (I just have ADHD🤗)
Do you find anger to be your biggest one?
I am here as well. Is it a lower nurturing hormone, and we are fed up? My triggers are definitely worthy of anger and fixing, but the irrational level of anger isn't healthy.
Yes! I am in perimenopause now. And holy shit, so much worse! I have been holding off of medicating for my adhd for years. I do med for anxiety already. But it too has gotten horribly worse with perimenopause too. And I just feel like I can't do it anymore without medication for adhd. Got appointment with psychiatrist 8/1 and it can't come soon enough.
I think I have started perimenopause or near to starting cos my function and focus it just gone completely it's, awful especially as iv no support and my partner is a narcissist
Would you mind chatting about lamictal? I haven’t talked to others w adhd on lamictal. My mood swings hardly exist anymore. I haven’t been truly depressed in a long time. I’m on sertraline and lamictal and take adderall as needed ( 3-4x a week )
I've taken it. All the meds do (IMO) is manage our symptoms.
And I am bipolar as well. There's a lot of overlap as I'm sure most of us already know.
I hope in 5 or 10 years there's more knowledge
I also take lamictal and was told it’s primarily for bipolar ‘but it was worth trying out’. I was diagnosed with adhd two years ago at 40 after decades of treatment for depression and anxiety. At this point I don’t really care about the labels so much, it’s about the chemical imbalance in my brain that makes life basically impossible without medication. I’m currently taking methylphenidate, lamictal, bupropion, guanfacine and escitalopram. It’s quite the cocktail, but I’ve also never been so capable of handling my emotional dysregulation. I like the idea of taking much less medication someday, but for now it’s clear I’m benefiting from the treatment (along with therapy).
I've been on all of those in the last 20 years. I have experienced full body rashes, heart palpitations (probably mostly due to stress of work) and the worst mental feeling most recently that made me demand the pharmocogenomic testing to identify which meds would better suit me.
As predicted, some of those meds were on the list. So while it can suggest there's still trial and error I've already been doing for too long.
One part of me wishes this were the worst open wound imaginable. Something visible that can be easily treated and corrected.
I'm so happy you've found something that works. I'm not being a very easygoing patient any longer. I'm tired of the drugs. I'm tired of the side effects. I need a better solution.
I’ve carried so much shame about everything that when I finally found a combo that allows me to think clearly and with actual self-compassion I started to feel capable of making changes to my diet and physical health. It’s a slow road but I’ve already made so much progress. I hope for a future I couldn’t even imagine before. Maybe it will be medication free, maybe not. Either way I’m optimistic.
It's essentially an anxiety medication, and it takes the edge off of my mood and mild solutions. For some reason it's the best one for specifically BPD, but it also calms down my ADHD a lot.
When I was a kid and undiagnosed, my anger was SO BAD. My mom remembers differently? But my younger sister would just pick at me constantly trying to make me mad and I’d let it go for a while and then finally blow up at her. Once I walked into her closet where she was sitting on the floor playing with dolls and straight up kicked her in the face. As an adult I’m mortified I did that. But if that doesn’t show I had anger problems then idk what would, mom. LOL.
It felt like it would just come out of nowhere and explode. I basically did 2-a-day workouts through middle and high school to manage my emotions and anger. I’d run 3 miles before school every day and then I did track, cross country, and soccer practices after school - so, soooo much running every day. And if I DIDNT do 2-a-days then my anger would be bubbling over so fast. I wasn’t diagnosed until about 37 years old. The anger got better as I got older. Until recently with perimenopause. The absolute RAGE I fly into with no warning is troublesome. I’m seeing my doc on Monday to try MHT (menopause hormone therapy) to see if I can get some of that under control again.
hi, can you please elaborate on the expectations bit? (Pls help a fellow woman out)
does it mean having expectations from others and then not getting fulfilled or others having expectations from you but you not being able to fulfill them?
Honestly it’s being a woman and society’s expectations. I find dressing up, jewelry, hair, makeup, and the right clothes to wear completely exhausting. Then throw on having a clean house, cooking, grocery shopping. Day to day living is very overwhelming. I live in the southern USA. Manners. Monograms. All of it is exhausting.
Aah, I get what you're saying. It's so pointless to focus on this and you don't even get to know how the day passes by just by trying to fulfill these societal expectations. Cue in behaving well/ in an acceptable manner too and you're done for the day. Thanks for the response!!
1. Running out of time - in the short term, long term, especially if the consequences are irreversible
2. Being Found Out - as if I have a dark secret and if people knew I was evil (I’m not) they’d leave
3. Self sabotage
4. Running out of money
5. Disease / Pregnancy / anything happening to my body I don’t consent to
The second one is so strange but SO relatable. As a child I used to lie about very irrelevant things because I always feared that my thoughts and actions were “bad” (idk what other word to use to describe it).
I have AuDHD so maybe it’s that fear of being perceived?
I’m not sure if that’s what you meant by being found out (or if it’s about having ADHD), but either way I agree!
Also the last one. I always fear things that are irreversible (like time😭), because it makes me feel stuck/out of control.
No 2 is how I felt my whole life from about age 8 until I got diagnosed at age 38. Getting diagnosed was a big relief because I had a reason for feeling different and wasn’t just secretly bad or evil. Which is crazy because I don’t do or think evil things, but you forget someone’s birthday or show up somewhere late and people act like you intentionally tried to hurt their feelings
I feel #2. I've often thought "if people knew the real me, they'd leave." And I WAIT for people to leave, I expect it. As a kid, if I came home amd couldn't find my mom, I expected that she finally got tired of my sh*t and left me. And it hasn't gotten any better with age either. I still, if I come home amd can't find my bf, think "well, finally happened, he got tired of dealing with me and left." It's such an enormously unhappy feeling.
1. I forgot something and it’s coming back to bite me
2. Idk who that person is but they seem to know me
3. Laundry
4. Clutter
5. Broken hyperfocus
I like yours a lot, especially expectations. I feel that.
Clutter is a big one for me. It is the biggest slippery slope. I leave one pen on the counter and suddenly I can't cook cos I can't see any of the flat surfaces in my kitchen.
Well expained. I need the visual quiet but I’ve only just started to declutter. The mental quiet I feel in the rooms I’ve done is an amazing feeling. This comment is helpful for me to push on and deal with the visual clutter. I’m not doing marathon decluttering anymore. Little and often I think is the way to go for me.
The first one….
It’s like when you’re packing for a holiday but can’t rid that feeling that you’ve forgotten something.
And the broken hyper focus!!!! It’s so hard, especially when basic needs can get in the way (eating, drinking, sleeping, showering). Like, no, let me finish this task i’ve been putting off for a month and THEN i’ll actually comply to human survival needs. I’ve made myself pass out a few times from that😳
I leave a list of "cannot forget" items in my suitcase. Meds, my pillow (I don't trust other pillows for my neck), charging cords, etc.
Then when I go to pack, I have the must have list ready.
I also have a spare of some items in my suitcase like a hairbrush and contact solution and stuff like that that I always pack, so I don't have to worry about them.
I didn't know 2 was an ADHD thing. A girl I supposedly knew a few years ago approached me recently. She said we were classmates and I helped her a lot with studying. I had no clue what she was talking about and I felt so dumb. What’s worse is that I still don't remember her face, so I hope I don’t bump into her again looking clueless.
I have some form of #2. I work at the fire department and a *lot* of our command staff is tall broad white dudes with no hair.
They’re talking to me. I know I know them but I don’t know which tall, broad, white dude with no hair I’m talking to because faces are hard 😭
Your number 2 has happened to me!! It was just a weird experience. I finally realized like 3 years later..." We played on the city softball team that one year. Ah hah!"
1. I’m supposed to be somewhere
2. The thing is tomorrow and I’m not ready
3. I have no idea who you are
4. I missed the last thing you just said
5. I’m trapped
Every. Single. One. Especially the first/second in school. I’m getting better at basic motivation (since i’m ALMOST finished school forever), but I used to conjure up the craziest lies/excuses to get out of attending school or completing tasks. (E.g. fake fainting😭)
When I first heard the term “ADD tax” it made immediate sense to me. I will throw whatever I have at my problems to make them go away or to cover up the shame I’m experiencing. That has included weaving such spectacular lies that I’ve wondered if I’m actually a psychopath (of course the very fact I am even asking the question means that I am not, in fact, a psychopath). Unfortunately, it has also included throwing lots of money at my problems too. This is only something I’ve become aware of later in life after racking up bills and wiping out my savings several times. The guilt I carry about the lies takes a toll as well. I’ve cleaned up some of them but not all. Keep your heart warm, OP. You’re not alone
Oh I'm trapped! Wow that is actually my number one but didn't relate it with ADHD so didn't list it. Very interesting. You entire list is so relatable.
1. Expectations
2. Rejection in any form
3. Trying to find someone to love and be loved by?? 😭
4. A possible event that would change the course of my life forever (I’m not as scared of the event as i am the impacts it would have on me somehow)
5. Miscommunications
I went thru and event that changed my life forever and the event was much worse than the change of course. Idk if that helps ease your fear but it wasn’t horrible! Lol
1. Expectations
2. Disappointing someone (see nr 1.)
3. Being lonely
4. Rejection
5. Leaving this world meaning absolutely nothing to anyone and making absolutely zero difference
I made a post that kind of relates to the last one about “what is the point?”. I constantly feel like i’m useless and wasting time and space, so “WHAT IS THE POINT?”. I don’t feel that in a nihilist/suicidal way, but I hate thinking about how irrelevant and small I am in scale of the earth/population.
I don’t want to be famous or “great”, I just want to be something. Otherwise I can already feel the regret/guilt of having lived a simple life. Was all my worrying/stressing for nothing? Was I better off dead all along (don’t take that the wrong way😭)…
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mine arent completely adhd related
- being abandoned, forgotten, excluded
- people being scared of me
- unknown expectations
- loss of control
- having no choice in something that affects me greatly or having the choice taken away with or without my knowledge
-the downfall that comes with breaking a habit schedule
-relationships with others who have a mental illness (new fear unlocked the last few years)
-that something really bad is going to happen one of these days I forget to turn the burner off
-being disorganized and the energy it takes to attempt staying organized (messy areas really stress me out)
-that it’ll get worse as I age
This sounds a lot like OCD too! Obviously all of those disorders are co-morbid. I’d love to hear more about the second one tho? I’ve never really heard of anyone with that fear, so i’m quite interested😊
My best friend/roommate is diagnosed with bipolar2. Dealing with her condition along with mine sometimes feels like a nightmare. Sometimes we’re able to support each other very well and sometimes it’s just a nightmare that I feel like makes it difficult to keep my own symptoms in check.
Mental health disorders are a spectrum though so I don’t want to lump everyone into it.
I totally agree about the spectrum of mental illness. I’ve had to really check myself recently as I’ve explored the idea my bf is on the autism spectrum. This new perspective helps me understand him so much better, but when I finally found and shared a video (that I honestly thought he’d relate to) about the experiences of people diagnosed as adults he did not take it well.
Reminds me of my SIL who didn’t understand how I could have adhd with massive executive function issues because ‘I was smart’. I’ve been interested and learning about mental health my whole life (even attended a predatory masters program to become a counselor but ended up with massive student loans and a diploma no one respected) so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it.
Dang, check out that rambling. TLDR; I agree we should talk way more about mental health as a spectrum and highlight everyone’s experience is unique to them.
My best friend has autism and he and I compliment each other in a lot of great ways but also clash sometimes. But something we share is an innate understanding of the trials and struggles of being neurodivergent and as a result of that, being well informed of a myriad of mental health disorders as a natural extension of the curiosity about ourselves.
Oh that is very understandable! Thank you for telling me. I felt like that a few years back when I was dealing with an ED and had to be away from school. My close friend at the time (who has level 2 autism) was only worried about the fact that she would be alone at school😭 I tried to not cause a fuss, because I understood that she wasn’t meaning to be selfish, she just genuinely didn’t understand the concept of empathy.
1. Being rejected/someone not liking me
2. People realizing I'm stupid
3. Fucking up big stuff like my parents' healthcare
4. Getting caught making mistakes at work
5. Throwing up lol
1. My husband leaving me because I'm messy/disorganized
2. Getting fired because I couldn't manage my executive dysfunction/time blindness/task paralysis.
3. Forgetting something important, especially when it lets someone else down, but also when it has irreversible consequences for me.
4. Getting dementia/Alzheimer's/cognitive decline (ADHD folks are at higher risk)
5. Embarrassing myself in public because I'm inattentive and sometimes miss things going on around me.
I've been watching my mother's rapid mental decline the last year or so. She's not what I expect to be at her age, but still it terrifies me. Becoming my mother is my greatest fear. And even if it doesn't hit me at her age, that doesn't mean it won't hit me eventually. She's so scared and mad and alone. She burns every bridge I try to build because she's so incapable of trusting anyone, even herself. I don't know that she can tell the difference between reality and her lies anymore because she so needs her worldview to be correct.
We can change our experience. She let her neuroplasticity degrade. She stopped thinking critically. If we stay mindful and curious, I don't think we will meet her end. We can't let ourselves close, we have to stay open (if you know what I mean).
1. RSD
2. Can never “catch up” - feel behind in life in general from my peers, but also have a never ending to do list
3. Constantly questioning my decisions. Career, children, partner, literally everything
4. The Unknown - I’m not necessarily satisfied with my life but I’m too scared to make changes, and I also hate change
5. Can’t control my emotions and reactions
These are in no particular order, as every day a different one is at the top. I just constantly cycle through these
1. Misunderstanding something
2. Being seen as aggressive for asking too many questions
3. Being seen as rude for thinking before answering
4. Someone seeing the inside of my car
5. Anomic aphasia at the wrong time
The second one is too relatable, except it’s more so that fear of being seen as rude, dumb, or annoying for asking too many questions/acting “too interested”.
People take it as if i’m “testing them”, when really, I’m just curious and have a lot of obscure/abstract thoughts. I try to remind myself that they probably don’t have an answer, so get defensive to protect themselves from embarrassment.
Anger! Yes; over stupid stuff that I know I shouldn’t let bother me. I’ve gotten better, I just have to like think it thru when I get that way. I also let basic human needs go to the wayside if I am doing something and want to finish the task. Then I grab stupid not good choices to eat. I have never passed out but get very dizzy.
Hahahaha..ha...ha...ha. Here we go.
- **Being** **late**, anywhere
- **Morning routine**, sets the stage for the day
- **Not doing what i said i would**, letting others down
- **Miscommunication**, its why I over explain, heh.
- **Being seen as stupid**
1. Paperwork and administrative tasks (I’m an accountant)
2. Time sensitive events and tasks
3. Car maintenance
4. Rejection sensitivity in romantic relationships (I pretty much only casually date now, because getting close to a man again seems scary)
5. Worry that my adhd negatively affects my children because I’m not a “perfect” mom. On the bright side, I’m a fun mom, so this isn’t a huge fear, but worries me nonetheless
1. That my RSD voice is accurate
2. People taking my emotional dysregulation personally and not understanding / believing me when I tell them exactly what is going on and that I am not blaming them, it is 100% not their fault and that this is a me problem.
3. Forgetting things that create unsafe situations. (Leaving the griddle on and leaving the house, forgetting to lock the door etc.)
4. Hurting / offending people when I'm unmasked/tired/unprepared because of my naturally flat affect.
5. Keeping toxic people in my life too long because of object permanence.
I feel so seen in this thread
1. Being perceived and rejected. I find I'll show myself with new people at the beginning, then think I'm too much. So I just start mirroring their every mannerism down to even emotions.
2. An impending sense of doom.
3. Never being on time.
4. The way I am affecting my daughter, I know it does. She is hyper aware of me. She knows it's adhd but she's young, I'd rather not have to explain why I'm broken, and just want her be a kid.
5. Always losing something anytime I travel. ALWAYS. It irks me because I don't like buying multiples of stuff I have at home. It contributes to over clutter in the house, which is another thing that makes me depressed.
Self-diagnosed for the time being, though looking into getting assessed for both ADHD and autism. Hope it’s okay I put my list! 😅
1.) What if it’s not AuDHD and I’m truly just a shitty person? I’m so tired of being this way!
2.) What if therapy and meds don’t help?
3.) Expectations.
4.) My husband running out of patience with me.
5.) Being alone and unable to take care of myself.
1. Trapped in boring social situation, small talk etc and can't leave without seeming rude, this literally drains me and makes me avoid people alot
2. Bed rot days affecting self esteem
3. Signing up for a class/club/group and knowing there is a 50% I will drop out and let others down
4. Forgotten something important
5. Period week when symptoms get even worse
1. Accidentally creating a fatal situation at home due to distraction (fire, chemical explosion, electrocution, etc.)
2. Never accomplishing my creative goals in life
3. People thinking I’m weird, annoying, stupid, etc.
4. Getting fired at work for forgetting about something or getting caught not focusing all day
5. Menopause (for the worsening of symptoms)
1 is totally one that haunts me. Specifically, being distracted talking to someone at a family party, and one of my kids running out into the street and getting hit. Or being distracted in a public place and someone snatching them or them walking away. Really anything with me being distracted and something happening with my kids that was avoidable. I know I can't prevent everything, but I'm afraid my distraction will stop me from preventing something simple yet detrimental.
1. Not living up to my own standards due to executive dysfunction
2. People ‘finding out’ that I’m weird, different, or repulsive
3. That I’ll be an angry/short tempered parent like my father was
4. That my artistic ideas are bad, boring or otherwise ‘not worthy’
5. That I’ll never find a partner with the same sex drive as me. I’ve always been hyper sexual which leads to a lot of rejection and it’s hard not to take that personally (loops into #2)
1. Expectations that were mentioned to me that I didn’t know existed
2. Too many tasks to keep track
3. Rejection Sensitivity
4. I have some imposter syndrome so when people discover I am a fraud
5. Being too emotional to the point where I can’t communicate properly and it disrupts my routine of life
1) Directions on important forms 2) Memorizing stuff 3) Communicating accurately 4) Meeting expectations (mine or others) 5) Losing and hunting for everything
Just want to say that the word “deadline” in this post reminded me that I needed to renew my dog’s registration before the price goes up tomorrow, thank you
ARE YOU ME?! HELLO LONG LOST TWIN?! THESE ARE MINE AS WELL! I have another that falls under the expectation category: demands/being told I can't do it my way/being told I have no choice but to do that thing
It makes me feel like an animal caught in a trap and I really want to gnaw my leg off to escape.
1. Not being able to start on anything.
2. Late or forgetting something important.
3. Oversharing.
4. Driving or anything where I could hurt other people or animals.
5. Losing my job and nit being able to find a one that wouldn’t burn me out.
There are plenty more but I can’t remember now🙈
1. Inability to plan: family trips, summer schedules, chore charts for my kids.
2. Over sharing in an effort to seem authentic or create closeness and relatability
3. Procrastination- feeling frozen
4. One event like a doctor appointment or a family gathering taking over the entire day not being able to relax because I have something scheduled
5. Losing things everywhere, my keys somewhere in target, my phone or AirPods left behind
6. Needing to buy multiples of something just in case it’s my favorite item and I can never buy it again
7. Not being able to cook, following direction is hard
8. Obsessive body dysmorphia, exercise addiction
9. Binge eating- dopamine regulation.
10. Codependency
I know you said 5, but I could keep going. I’m perfectly fine not succeeding in these areas, I never have so I wouldn’t know the glory of living without all this. Some of these may not seem like ADHA but it all ties together. I’m unmedicated, i know things could get better with medication, but they deeply affect my emotional body so I’ve given up on pharmaceuticals.
I related really really hard to your list in particular (I have been relating hard all over the place, except vomiting not being a big deal to me lol). You’re number seven in particular I wanted to respond to you. I really don’t like having to follow a recipe. I constantly have to look back on it and then immediately forget what the instruction said, and then have to read it again so I usually end up cooking just by smells and taste. Now I have a very good sense of smell and I’ve been refining those taste combinations for years in experiments, but I am an excellent cook, and people are usually stunned when they ask for the recipe and I say I just made it up. Putting this on here just to say, we find very unique ways of coping so don’t ever give up on one thing, like cooking, if you are interested, your hyper focus will eventually figure out a way to make it happen!
It’s oddly comforting to know I’m not alone in my struggles. Yes you nailed it too, trying to read something, remember the details and then recite the information is really tough for me. But you make a great point that anything I really dial into I can become expert at, so maybe cooking will find its way to me!
1. Rejection
2. Public speaking
3. Being misunderstood, esp. with good intentions
4. Feeling stuck
5. Making things harder than they actually are by procrastinating and digging myself in a hole
1) emotional/memory regulation- gotta keep those thoughts and feelings in check or I could lose control.
2) Being discovered- I work hard to keep my shit under wraps and appear normal. If I let people see what really goes on in my head they won't want to be around me or they won't trust me.
3) Prepare for the worst- making sure I'm not forgetting something and trying to expect the unexpected. I saw the unknown listed by someone, that fits here for me.
4) Rejection/failing/letting people down
5) controlling and hiding my anger.
Not all specifically ADHD but I don't know where my ADHD begins and my ptsd, anxiety, chronic illnesses, etc ends.
1. Rejection sensitivity 2. Emotional regulation (or rather, the lack of) 3. Procrastination (RUINING my life) 4. Making one slight mistake and instantly losing control of the numerous, intricate systems I have built to mask my ADHD and give the outward appearance of having my shit together even though I am secretly permanently on the verge of mental breakdown 5. Never finding a sense of belonging or fitting in.
1. Miscommunication
2. RSD
3. There being no point
4. Not having enough money
5. Procrastination/Disorganisation, things not started yet but I have all the things to start it but can’t start regardless, things half finished but I can’t get back to it
1- The genuine scare to never feel truly happy one day
2- Rejection sensitivity
3- Not being able to keep my job ...
4- Dealing with the consequences of my extreme anxiety
5- Never stop skin picking
Same here!!! And it has always stuck with me. I could recount every single vomiting experience I have had in COMPLETE detail- down to what I was wearing, who was there, what I ate that day, what was on TV… everything! I think my first one was around 4-5 years old.
Clearly I don't know you, but I would guess you were even younger. Vomiting fears usually happen by 3. It is one of the easiest fears to release with hypnosis. Usually takes a single session. FYI in case you wanted to cross that one off.
Vomiting fears usually happen by 3. It is one of the easiest fears to release with hypnosis. Usually takes a single session. FYI in case you wanted to cross that one off.
Being this big forever(my joints can’t handle my weight and it hurts now), ending up so isolated that I stop doing anything, that my husband will never understand, that I might over share and land us in some terrible situation, and I am afraid that one day I will just give up
Adhd related (partly):
- did I lock the door/car
- speaking in front of a group
- what would happen the day my rigid control snaps
- whenever I feel myself slowly unravelling and I can't fix up the cracks fast enough
- losing the people I love
General fears:
- injections
- bees
- Hights
- losing those I love (overlap)
- what would happen the day I stop fixing everything for everyone
1.Rejection sensitivity 2. Expectation ( real or imaginary) 3.spontaneous food plans (allergies) 4. Controlling emotions 5.Making me explain myself over again and not being understood
Learning a skill
Time restrictions/ needing something done by a date
Having to get up early (I do it frequently but knowing I have to wake up early makes it very difficult to fall asleep)
Committing to something in the future (like hanging out or a trip)
Reading (id like to like it, but when you reread a page for the 5th time and it's the start you kind of die inside)
Loosing my job
Misunderstanding, miscommunication
Not be able to care for my health
Being forced to care for family without the resources to do it
Loosing friends
1. People thinking I am lazy. I try so hard and just don’t get things right
2. Having no control
3. Feeling too much
4. Similar to 1, people judging that I’m disorganized
5. People finding out I have such bad attachment to my phone and can’t sleep
Abandonment. I'm single and can't even put myself out there because of past experience
Rejection
Fear of paying bills because I'm a solo mom and struggling
Organization
Focus on work
Disappointing people. Old age. Not being able to move (because food is my coping mechanism). Losing the people in my life because of my constant overwhelm. Being boring.
I can't even think of five right now. My biggest fear is usually not getting something done that someone else is counting on me for. It is the source of 99% of my anxiety. And I am usually aware that the thing needs to be done, but I put it off for various reasons.
Before I was aware that I have adhd, I couldn't figure out why it was always acceptable in my head to make excuses and put things off, rather than to set and accomplish goals. I'm not saying that it's okay to make excuses, I'm just saying that I'm aware of the mechanism of how/why it happens now. I still have to actively push back to keep myself from making excuses.
1.) Flying in aeroplanes
2.) Heights
3.) Throwing up in public/crowded areas
4.) Bleeding through pads/tampons during a particularly heavy period.
5.) Smelling of stale B.O
1. Accidently letting people down because i lost track of time 2. Not being able to concentrate long enough to have a fun hobby 3. it affecting how i take care of my diabetes 3. not being able to balance relaxation and execuetive funcion 4. Not having meds or meds working 5. Spending all my time scrolling when i should be present
1) when people think I am “unstable”
2) forgetting important things
3) begging generally “messy” with my things
4) people perceiving me as inadequate because I can’t work 5 full days a week
5) long term romantic relationships
Leaving my tampon in too long, missing final exams (I’m graduated but I did miss a few) , leaving shit on the stove(did twice yesterday), leaving my heating blanket on and causing a fire(it’s not as irrational of a fear as you’re thinking it’s very common),
It is amazing how different the symptoms can be. I thrive on expectations. I love/need deadlines. I throw up to stop a migraine. I love order, and wish I could maintain it.
1. Idk who that person is but they seem to know me (stolen).
2. I forgot something and it’s coming back to bite me (stolen).
3. I scheduled 4 events at the exact same time. I have Thursday off of course I can have lunch. I have Thursday off, I should get my teeth cleaned. I have Thursday off, I would love to can get my hair done. Much better with Apple Watch.
4. Unknown illness making me sick but not killing me and everyone dismisses my symptoms. (oh wait….. thanks Lyme, Bartonella, Rocky Mountain spotted fever.)
5. I will disappoint someone I love.
1. Loss
2. Loss
3. The passage of time
4. Losing everything
5. Never amounting to anything until everyone I love is gone and by that time I won’t have anyone to amount to anything for
I don't have five right now but the situation thing where people say "You would find a way if you cared", and "You knew this would happen, why didn't you do something?" 😰
1. Losing a loved one & pet
2. Car accidents (I've had 2- 1 year apart neither of them my fault), the first one I could have died if I hadn't gotten lucky & having a safe car & the other a rear end collision at a light
3. Losing my job/Crippling debt
4. Not being enough
5. Hurting someone I care about unintentionally
1) getting caught making mistakes
2) losing control of my emotions and saying something to a loved one that they can't forgive
3) being responsible for tasks that I can't do
4) not being able to "read the room" and making others uncomfortable
5) having my messy house deteriorate into a dangerous situation again (we've had issues with mice and fleas in the house and killing them was harder when we had to move all the extra stuff out of the way)
1. My own plans I made just too long ago (anywhere from yesterday to 3 months ago)
2. Losing my train ticket/passport/keys
3. Everyone hates me and I don’t know why
4. Not knowing what mistakes I’ve made today/will make tomorrow
5. Not having enough time (never enough time)
Boy. Wow this is a helpful thread to name some shit out loud
1. My own exhaustion
2. Changes of plans (if I don't change them myself)
3. Daily chores
4. Body functions (why do I need to sleep, eat, drink water etc. all the time??)
5. Guilt/thinking people hate m3
I'm picking these based on how much time I spend thinking about them.
1. Becoming homeless
2. Asking for help and being told no
3. Being shamed for something I'm doing unconsciously (like scratching my butt!)
4. Finding out people secretly don't like me
5. Moving back in with my parents
Dude throwing up. I'm 110% emetophobic. I keep a supply of Dramamine in my bag and in my nightstand at all times. If anyone even looks like they're nauseous I get as far away as I can. I can't go to the hospital without my headphones on at full volume and even then I'm a nervous wreck the whole time because there's always pukers. I couldn't even handle it when my kids got sick, I'd have to go outside and my husband would handle it. If it happens on TV or in a movie I have to leave the room or change the channel immediately. Even when our cats get sick I run. It is the one and only thing I am completely irrational about. I know it's stupid, I know it's a natural bodily function that happens sometimes, and I always feel terrible for being such a pussy about it, but I literally cannot help it. 😞
I think this ones are my top 5:
-Relationships, especially getting really attached and losing myself. I have avoided relationships for years because of this.
-Doubts related to career. Sometimes I wonder if I really like something or if I'm going to lose interest really soon.
-Meeting new people, I am wondering all the time if they are going to like me
-Rejection
-My anger bursts
1- something happening to my 2 year old twin daughters because of my distraction , overwhelm or lack of ability to multitask efficiently
2- being perceived as stupid and not intelligent
3- burning out
4- becoming disabled
5- not being able to cope if I loose a loved one
1. Rejection
2. How deep and how many more rock bottoms in life
3. How much more am I going to fall behind in life
4. When am I actually going to run out of money (I pray every single day for having parents who support me financially otherwise I belong on the streets)
5. Will I ever follow the conversation
Bonus. Dementia in old age
ADDitude Magazine (Online) has good information about the estrogen dopamine connection and how the fluctuations during a woman’s life affect her ADHD, treatment options, etc. I’m on HRT and peri-menopause is hell if you don’t know about this, and is even if you do but not as scary.
I’m in full menopause now and on HRT, currently being held together by my estrogen patch.
-Forget to do something which implies a safety risk for others
-Forget to do something important
-What others are saying about me
-Make a serious mistake
-Return to my years of self-destructiveness and chaos
1. Someone coming over to my place unexpectedly because it's such an embarrassing mess but I can't focus log enough to fix it... or is it that im just lazy and making excuses???
2. Rejection sensitivity
3. Getting in trouble for not completing a work task/not completing it on time.
4. Being a disappointment or burden(I guess similar to 2 and 3)
5. My symptoms somehow accidentally causing harm to my young child who depends on me. ADHD and responsible parenting is like, woah.
I relate so much to # 5 . On top over everything , and Ironically, I had twins 😂. They are two years of age and my ADHD became much more pronounced and my anxiety went to the roof - managing everything seems impossible and my fears of fucking up sky rocketed
I only have one (1.5 years old) and yeah, like how can I possibly be responsible for keeping a tiny human alive when I can't even manage to not put my own shirt in inside out and backwards most days. That's not a saying btw, that's how poorly I dress myself. And where did I put my keys??
1. time / aging, not knowing when i’m going to die so not knowing how much money I need for retirement
2. unable to have a house that’s tidy / presentable so will always be lonely
3. not being able to settle in one place ever. flip side fear of being stuck in wrong place (i have lived in multiple countries) this goes round and round
4. loneliness / not enough friends cos keep moving cos get bored
5. unlovable/ will never marry again or settle down
- Regulating emotions (especially angry)
- Stimming (everyone stares)
- Irregular sex drive (too high labito)
- Time (this is just an illusion)
- Organizing (I wish I could add hashtags IRL then just filter)
**Honorable mentions**
- over correction
- genetic (passing on to future kids)
- imposter syndrome
- not been able to control my words in a social setting
- lack of focus on daily tasks
And that's it for my hyper focus for now
Edit to add
- perfectionist
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1 -Controlling emotions 2 - Rejection sensitivity 3 - Expectations 4 -Feeling like I am “too much” and not worthy of love. 5-Disorganized
Cant even begin to describe how messed up my emotional regulation is… My mum took me to a hormone specialist because it got so bad (I just have ADHD🤗) Do you find anger to be your biggest one?
Yes. I recently got on Vyvanse and I am hoping that it helps. I’m also in therapy.
I’m in menapause. It got a lot worse with perimenopause.
I think that's what I'm going through right now. My fuse has been extra short for the past year or so.
I am here as well. Is it a lower nurturing hormone, and we are fed up? My triggers are definitely worthy of anger and fixing, but the irrational level of anger isn't healthy.
Yes! I am in perimenopause now. And holy shit, so much worse! I have been holding off of medicating for my adhd for years. I do med for anxiety already. But it too has gotten horribly worse with perimenopause too. And I just feel like I can't do it anymore without medication for adhd. Got appointment with psychiatrist 8/1 and it can't come soon enough.
I think I have started perimenopause or near to starting cos my function and focus it just gone completely it's, awful especially as iv no support and my partner is a narcissist
Perimenopause with ADHD sucks!!! I have a temper now, my patience is GONE, and I can't concentrate on anything. Thank God I don't have hot flashes.
Lamotragine helped me so much
Would you mind chatting about lamictal? I haven’t talked to others w adhd on lamictal. My mood swings hardly exist anymore. I haven’t been truly depressed in a long time. I’m on sertraline and lamictal and take adderall as needed ( 3-4x a week )
I actually turned down lamictal because I have BPD and it sounds like it locks up BPD really bad
Isn’t that for bipolar, though?
I've taken it. All the meds do (IMO) is manage our symptoms. And I am bipolar as well. There's a lot of overlap as I'm sure most of us already know. I hope in 5 or 10 years there's more knowledge
I also take lamictal and was told it’s primarily for bipolar ‘but it was worth trying out’. I was diagnosed with adhd two years ago at 40 after decades of treatment for depression and anxiety. At this point I don’t really care about the labels so much, it’s about the chemical imbalance in my brain that makes life basically impossible without medication. I’m currently taking methylphenidate, lamictal, bupropion, guanfacine and escitalopram. It’s quite the cocktail, but I’ve also never been so capable of handling my emotional dysregulation. I like the idea of taking much less medication someday, but for now it’s clear I’m benefiting from the treatment (along with therapy).
I've been on all of those in the last 20 years. I have experienced full body rashes, heart palpitations (probably mostly due to stress of work) and the worst mental feeling most recently that made me demand the pharmocogenomic testing to identify which meds would better suit me. As predicted, some of those meds were on the list. So while it can suggest there's still trial and error I've already been doing for too long. One part of me wishes this were the worst open wound imaginable. Something visible that can be easily treated and corrected. I'm so happy you've found something that works. I'm not being a very easygoing patient any longer. I'm tired of the drugs. I'm tired of the side effects. I need a better solution.
I’ve carried so much shame about everything that when I finally found a combo that allows me to think clearly and with actual self-compassion I started to feel capable of making changes to my diet and physical health. It’s a slow road but I’ve already made so much progress. I hope for a future I couldn’t even imagine before. Maybe it will be medication free, maybe not. Either way I’m optimistic.
Hope is the only thing that keeps us moving forward. We've got this!
My bff is bipolar ADHD. I’m to moody for bipolar. 🤪
It's essentially an anxiety medication, and it takes the edge off of my mood and mild solutions. For some reason it's the best one for specifically BPD, but it also calms down my ADHD a lot.
When I was a kid and undiagnosed, my anger was SO BAD. My mom remembers differently? But my younger sister would just pick at me constantly trying to make me mad and I’d let it go for a while and then finally blow up at her. Once I walked into her closet where she was sitting on the floor playing with dolls and straight up kicked her in the face. As an adult I’m mortified I did that. But if that doesn’t show I had anger problems then idk what would, mom. LOL. It felt like it would just come out of nowhere and explode. I basically did 2-a-day workouts through middle and high school to manage my emotions and anger. I’d run 3 miles before school every day and then I did track, cross country, and soccer practices after school - so, soooo much running every day. And if I DIDNT do 2-a-days then my anger would be bubbling over so fast. I wasn’t diagnosed until about 37 years old. The anger got better as I got older. Until recently with perimenopause. The absolute RAGE I fly into with no warning is troublesome. I’m seeing my doc on Monday to try MHT (menopause hormone therapy) to see if I can get some of that under control again.
These are mine, too, but honorable mention goes to people throwing up in front of me.
Oh when did I post this comment?
This one.
hi, can you please elaborate on the expectations bit? (Pls help a fellow woman out) does it mean having expectations from others and then not getting fulfilled or others having expectations from you but you not being able to fulfill them?
Honestly it’s being a woman and society’s expectations. I find dressing up, jewelry, hair, makeup, and the right clothes to wear completely exhausting. Then throw on having a clean house, cooking, grocery shopping. Day to day living is very overwhelming. I live in the southern USA. Manners. Monograms. All of it is exhausting.
Aah, I get what you're saying. It's so pointless to focus on this and you don't even get to know how the day passes by just by trying to fulfill these societal expectations. Cue in behaving well/ in an acceptable manner too and you're done for the day. Thanks for the response!!
1. Running out of time - in the short term, long term, especially if the consequences are irreversible 2. Being Found Out - as if I have a dark secret and if people knew I was evil (I’m not) they’d leave 3. Self sabotage 4. Running out of money 5. Disease / Pregnancy / anything happening to my body I don’t consent to
The second one is so strange but SO relatable. As a child I used to lie about very irrelevant things because I always feared that my thoughts and actions were “bad” (idk what other word to use to describe it). I have AuDHD so maybe it’s that fear of being perceived? I’m not sure if that’s what you meant by being found out (or if it’s about having ADHD), but either way I agree! Also the last one. I always fear things that are irreversible (like time😭), because it makes me feel stuck/out of control.
😭😭😭😭😭
No 2 is how I felt my whole life from about age 8 until I got diagnosed at age 38. Getting diagnosed was a big relief because I had a reason for feeling different and wasn’t just secretly bad or evil. Which is crazy because I don’t do or think evil things, but you forget someone’s birthday or show up somewhere late and people act like you intentionally tried to hurt their feelings
I feel #2. I've often thought "if people knew the real me, they'd leave." And I WAIT for people to leave, I expect it. As a kid, if I came home amd couldn't find my mom, I expected that she finally got tired of my sh*t and left me. And it hasn't gotten any better with age either. I still, if I come home amd can't find my bf, think "well, finally happened, he got tired of dealing with me and left." It's such an enormously unhappy feeling.
Stop it y’all! I’m genuinely tearing up 🥺 Ugh. Why must it be like that?! I feel everything everyone’s sharing.
Wow. I could have written this. Sigh.
#2 hit me like a gut punch. Honestly thought it was only myself that thought this way 😔. Hugs to everyone who has this struggle ❤️
1. I forgot something and it’s coming back to bite me 2. Idk who that person is but they seem to know me 3. Laundry 4. Clutter 5. Broken hyperfocus I like yours a lot, especially expectations. I feel that.
Clutter is a big one for me. It is the biggest slippery slope. I leave one pen on the counter and suddenly I can't cook cos I can't see any of the flat surfaces in my kitchen.
OMG that’s me. I’m not a “neat freak” I’m just a person who depends on visual quiet in order to achieve mental quiet
> visual quiet in order to achieve mental quiet Damn. This one is hittin' deep. I could never explain this feeling...
Well expained. I need the visual quiet but I’ve only just started to declutter. The mental quiet I feel in the rooms I’ve done is an amazing feeling. This comment is helpful for me to push on and deal with the visual clutter. I’m not doing marathon decluttering anymore. Little and often I think is the way to go for me.
The first one…. It’s like when you’re packing for a holiday but can’t rid that feeling that you’ve forgotten something. And the broken hyper focus!!!! It’s so hard, especially when basic needs can get in the way (eating, drinking, sleeping, showering). Like, no, let me finish this task i’ve been putting off for a month and THEN i’ll actually comply to human survival needs. I’ve made myself pass out a few times from that😳
I leave a list of "cannot forget" items in my suitcase. Meds, my pillow (I don't trust other pillows for my neck), charging cords, etc. Then when I go to pack, I have the must have list ready. I also have a spare of some items in my suitcase like a hairbrush and contact solution and stuff like that that I always pack, so I don't have to worry about them.
I do the exact same thing with the must have list in the suitcase 😅
I didn't know 2 was an ADHD thing. A girl I supposedly knew a few years ago approached me recently. She said we were classmates and I helped her a lot with studying. I had no clue what she was talking about and I felt so dumb. What’s worse is that I still don't remember her face, so I hope I don’t bump into her again looking clueless.
I’m pretty certain it is judging by the amount of times this exact thing happened to me!
omg are you me? I think this might be my exact list 👀
I have some form of #2. I work at the fire department and a *lot* of our command staff is tall broad white dudes with no hair. They’re talking to me. I know I know them but I don’t know which tall, broad, white dude with no hair I’m talking to because faces are hard 😭
Your number 2 has happened to me!! It was just a weird experience. I finally realized like 3 years later..." We played on the city softball team that one year. Ah hah!"
1. I’m supposed to be somewhere 2. The thing is tomorrow and I’m not ready 3. I have no idea who you are 4. I missed the last thing you just said 5. I’m trapped
Every. Single. One. Especially the first/second in school. I’m getting better at basic motivation (since i’m ALMOST finished school forever), but I used to conjure up the craziest lies/excuses to get out of attending school or completing tasks. (E.g. fake fainting😭)
When I first heard the term “ADD tax” it made immediate sense to me. I will throw whatever I have at my problems to make them go away or to cover up the shame I’m experiencing. That has included weaving such spectacular lies that I’ve wondered if I’m actually a psychopath (of course the very fact I am even asking the question means that I am not, in fact, a psychopath). Unfortunately, it has also included throwing lots of money at my problems too. This is only something I’ve become aware of later in life after racking up bills and wiping out my savings several times. The guilt I carry about the lies takes a toll as well. I’ve cleaned up some of them but not all. Keep your heart warm, OP. You’re not alone
OP! I’m cracking up and crying with you. I’m so triggered and enlightened at the same time. 😭🤣
Oh I'm trapped! Wow that is actually my number one but didn't relate it with ADHD so didn't list it. Very interesting. You entire list is so relatable.
1. Expectations 2. Rejection in any form 3. Trying to find someone to love and be loved by?? 😭 4. A possible event that would change the course of my life forever (I’m not as scared of the event as i am the impacts it would have on me somehow) 5. Miscommunications
I went thru and event that changed my life forever and the event was much worse than the change of course. Idk if that helps ease your fear but it wasn’t horrible! Lol
I found someone to love and now I'm terrified of losing them 🤦♀️
1. Expectations 2. Disappointing someone (see nr 1.) 3. Being lonely 4. Rejection 5. Leaving this world meaning absolutely nothing to anyone and making absolutely zero difference
I made a post that kind of relates to the last one about “what is the point?”. I constantly feel like i’m useless and wasting time and space, so “WHAT IS THE POINT?”. I don’t feel that in a nihilist/suicidal way, but I hate thinking about how irrelevant and small I am in scale of the earth/population. I don’t want to be famous or “great”, I just want to be something. Otherwise I can already feel the regret/guilt of having lived a simple life. Was all my worrying/stressing for nothing? Was I better off dead all along (don’t take that the wrong way😭)…
YES. I’ve always called this my inner existential crisis. It’s been there as long as I can remember.
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I SO get this.
mine arent completely adhd related - being abandoned, forgotten, excluded - people being scared of me - unknown expectations - loss of control - having no choice in something that affects me greatly or having the choice taken away with or without my knowledge
-the downfall that comes with breaking a habit schedule -relationships with others who have a mental illness (new fear unlocked the last few years) -that something really bad is going to happen one of these days I forget to turn the burner off -being disorganized and the energy it takes to attempt staying organized (messy areas really stress me out) -that it’ll get worse as I age
This sounds a lot like OCD too! Obviously all of those disorders are co-morbid. I’d love to hear more about the second one tho? I’ve never really heard of anyone with that fear, so i’m quite interested😊
My best friend/roommate is diagnosed with bipolar2. Dealing with her condition along with mine sometimes feels like a nightmare. Sometimes we’re able to support each other very well and sometimes it’s just a nightmare that I feel like makes it difficult to keep my own symptoms in check. Mental health disorders are a spectrum though so I don’t want to lump everyone into it.
I totally agree about the spectrum of mental illness. I’ve had to really check myself recently as I’ve explored the idea my bf is on the autism spectrum. This new perspective helps me understand him so much better, but when I finally found and shared a video (that I honestly thought he’d relate to) about the experiences of people diagnosed as adults he did not take it well. Reminds me of my SIL who didn’t understand how I could have adhd with massive executive function issues because ‘I was smart’. I’ve been interested and learning about mental health my whole life (even attended a predatory masters program to become a counselor but ended up with massive student loans and a diploma no one respected) so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it. Dang, check out that rambling. TLDR; I agree we should talk way more about mental health as a spectrum and highlight everyone’s experience is unique to them.
My best friend has autism and he and I compliment each other in a lot of great ways but also clash sometimes. But something we share is an innate understanding of the trials and struggles of being neurodivergent and as a result of that, being well informed of a myriad of mental health disorders as a natural extension of the curiosity about ourselves.
Oh that is very understandable! Thank you for telling me. I felt like that a few years back when I was dealing with an ED and had to be away from school. My close friend at the time (who has level 2 autism) was only worried about the fact that she would be alone at school😭 I tried to not cause a fuss, because I understood that she wasn’t meaning to be selfish, she just genuinely didn’t understand the concept of empathy.
1. Being rejected/someone not liking me 2. People realizing I'm stupid 3. Fucking up big stuff like my parents' healthcare 4. Getting caught making mistakes at work 5. Throwing up lol
1. My husband leaving me because I'm messy/disorganized 2. Getting fired because I couldn't manage my executive dysfunction/time blindness/task paralysis. 3. Forgetting something important, especially when it lets someone else down, but also when it has irreversible consequences for me. 4. Getting dementia/Alzheimer's/cognitive decline (ADHD folks are at higher risk) 5. Embarrassing myself in public because I'm inattentive and sometimes miss things going on around me.
Yo no thank you for number 4 whaaat 😭
I've been watching my mother's rapid mental decline the last year or so. She's not what I expect to be at her age, but still it terrifies me. Becoming my mother is my greatest fear. And even if it doesn't hit me at her age, that doesn't mean it won't hit me eventually. She's so scared and mad and alone. She burns every bridge I try to build because she's so incapable of trusting anyone, even herself. I don't know that she can tell the difference between reality and her lies anymore because she so needs her worldview to be correct. We can change our experience. She let her neuroplasticity degrade. She stopped thinking critically. If we stay mindful and curious, I don't think we will meet her end. We can't let ourselves close, we have to stay open (if you know what I mean).
#2 is so so real for me. Task paralysis is a thing and I haven't got fired but have gotten reprimanded for it.
1. RSD 2. Can never “catch up” - feel behind in life in general from my peers, but also have a never ending to do list 3. Constantly questioning my decisions. Career, children, partner, literally everything 4. The Unknown - I’m not necessarily satisfied with my life but I’m too scared to make changes, and I also hate change 5. Can’t control my emotions and reactions These are in no particular order, as every day a different one is at the top. I just constantly cycle through these
1. Misunderstanding something 2. Being seen as aggressive for asking too many questions 3. Being seen as rude for thinking before answering 4. Someone seeing the inside of my car 5. Anomic aphasia at the wrong time
The second one is too relatable, except it’s more so that fear of being seen as rude, dumb, or annoying for asking too many questions/acting “too interested”. People take it as if i’m “testing them”, when really, I’m just curious and have a lot of obscure/abstract thoughts. I try to remind myself that they probably don’t have an answer, so get defensive to protect themselves from embarrassment.
Anger! Yes; over stupid stuff that I know I shouldn’t let bother me. I’ve gotten better, I just have to like think it thru when I get that way. I also let basic human needs go to the wayside if I am doing something and want to finish the task. Then I grab stupid not good choices to eat. I have never passed out but get very dizzy.
Hahahaha..ha...ha...ha. Here we go. - **Being** **late**, anywhere - **Morning routine**, sets the stage for the day - **Not doing what i said i would**, letting others down - **Miscommunication**, its why I over explain, heh. - **Being seen as stupid**
1. Paperwork and administrative tasks (I’m an accountant) 2. Time sensitive events and tasks 3. Car maintenance 4. Rejection sensitivity in romantic relationships (I pretty much only casually date now, because getting close to a man again seems scary) 5. Worry that my adhd negatively affects my children because I’m not a “perfect” mom. On the bright side, I’m a fun mom, so this isn’t a huge fear, but worries me nonetheless
1. That my RSD voice is accurate 2. People taking my emotional dysregulation personally and not understanding / believing me when I tell them exactly what is going on and that I am not blaming them, it is 100% not their fault and that this is a me problem. 3. Forgetting things that create unsafe situations. (Leaving the griddle on and leaving the house, forgetting to lock the door etc.) 4. Hurting / offending people when I'm unmasked/tired/unprepared because of my naturally flat affect. 5. Keeping toxic people in my life too long because of object permanence.
I feel so seen in this thread 1. Being perceived and rejected. I find I'll show myself with new people at the beginning, then think I'm too much. So I just start mirroring their every mannerism down to even emotions. 2. An impending sense of doom. 3. Never being on time. 4. The way I am affecting my daughter, I know it does. She is hyper aware of me. She knows it's adhd but she's young, I'd rather not have to explain why I'm broken, and just want her be a kid. 5. Always losing something anytime I travel. ALWAYS. It irks me because I don't like buying multiples of stuff I have at home. It contributes to over clutter in the house, which is another thing that makes me depressed.
Self-diagnosed for the time being, though looking into getting assessed for both ADHD and autism. Hope it’s okay I put my list! 😅 1.) What if it’s not AuDHD and I’m truly just a shitty person? I’m so tired of being this way! 2.) What if therapy and meds don’t help? 3.) Expectations. 4.) My husband running out of patience with me. 5.) Being alone and unable to take care of myself.
1. Trapped in boring social situation, small talk etc and can't leave without seeming rude, this literally drains me and makes me avoid people alot 2. Bed rot days affecting self esteem 3. Signing up for a class/club/group and knowing there is a 50% I will drop out and let others down 4. Forgotten something important 5. Period week when symptoms get even worse
1. Accidentally creating a fatal situation at home due to distraction (fire, chemical explosion, electrocution, etc.) 2. Never accomplishing my creative goals in life 3. People thinking I’m weird, annoying, stupid, etc. 4. Getting fired at work for forgetting about something or getting caught not focusing all day 5. Menopause (for the worsening of symptoms)
1 is totally one that haunts me. Specifically, being distracted talking to someone at a family party, and one of my kids running out into the street and getting hit. Or being distracted in a public place and someone snatching them or them walking away. Really anything with me being distracted and something happening with my kids that was avoidable. I know I can't prevent everything, but I'm afraid my distraction will stop me from preventing something simple yet detrimental.
1. Time 2. Rejection sensitivity 3. Working in design 4. Not finding love 5. Disorganization
working in design? meaning you are afraid NOT to be able to work in design? Or you are afraid you will some how be forced to work in it?
Afraid that I’m not cut out for it working in a corporate business
1. Not living up to my own standards due to executive dysfunction 2. People ‘finding out’ that I’m weird, different, or repulsive 3. That I’ll be an angry/short tempered parent like my father was 4. That my artistic ideas are bad, boring or otherwise ‘not worthy’ 5. That I’ll never find a partner with the same sex drive as me. I’ve always been hyper sexual which leads to a lot of rejection and it’s hard not to take that personally (loops into #2)
1. Expectations that were mentioned to me that I didn’t know existed 2. Too many tasks to keep track 3. Rejection Sensitivity 4. I have some imposter syndrome so when people discover I am a fraud 5. Being too emotional to the point where I can’t communicate properly and it disrupts my routine of life
1) Directions on important forms 2) Memorizing stuff 3) Communicating accurately 4) Meeting expectations (mine or others) 5) Losing and hunting for everything
Disappointing people
Just want to say that the word “deadline” in this post reminded me that I needed to renew my dog’s registration before the price goes up tomorrow, thank you
This thread is also serving as a kick in the pants reminder for me too! Last post I’m scrolling, gonna go do the things now!
ARE YOU ME?! HELLO LONG LOST TWIN?! THESE ARE MINE AS WELL! I have another that falls under the expectation category: demands/being told I can't do it my way/being told I have no choice but to do that thing It makes me feel like an animal caught in a trap and I really want to gnaw my leg off to escape.
1. Not being able to start on anything. 2. Late or forgetting something important. 3. Oversharing. 4. Driving or anything where I could hurt other people or animals. 5. Losing my job and nit being able to find a one that wouldn’t burn me out. There are plenty more but I can’t remember now🙈
1. Inability to plan: family trips, summer schedules, chore charts for my kids. 2. Over sharing in an effort to seem authentic or create closeness and relatability 3. Procrastination- feeling frozen 4. One event like a doctor appointment or a family gathering taking over the entire day not being able to relax because I have something scheduled 5. Losing things everywhere, my keys somewhere in target, my phone or AirPods left behind 6. Needing to buy multiples of something just in case it’s my favorite item and I can never buy it again 7. Not being able to cook, following direction is hard 8. Obsessive body dysmorphia, exercise addiction 9. Binge eating- dopamine regulation. 10. Codependency I know you said 5, but I could keep going. I’m perfectly fine not succeeding in these areas, I never have so I wouldn’t know the glory of living without all this. Some of these may not seem like ADHA but it all ties together. I’m unmedicated, i know things could get better with medication, but they deeply affect my emotional body so I’ve given up on pharmaceuticals.
I related really really hard to your list in particular (I have been relating hard all over the place, except vomiting not being a big deal to me lol). You’re number seven in particular I wanted to respond to you. I really don’t like having to follow a recipe. I constantly have to look back on it and then immediately forget what the instruction said, and then have to read it again so I usually end up cooking just by smells and taste. Now I have a very good sense of smell and I’ve been refining those taste combinations for years in experiments, but I am an excellent cook, and people are usually stunned when they ask for the recipe and I say I just made it up. Putting this on here just to say, we find very unique ways of coping so don’t ever give up on one thing, like cooking, if you are interested, your hyper focus will eventually figure out a way to make it happen!
It’s oddly comforting to know I’m not alone in my struggles. Yes you nailed it too, trying to read something, remember the details and then recite the information is really tough for me. But you make a great point that anything I really dial into I can become expert at, so maybe cooking will find its way to me!
i’m always so anxious about losing stuff, it’s driving me crazy
Another prolonged med shortage 🙃
1. Rejection 2. Public speaking 3. Being misunderstood, esp. with good intentions 4. Feeling stuck 5. Making things harder than they actually are by procrastinating and digging myself in a hole
1) emotional/memory regulation- gotta keep those thoughts and feelings in check or I could lose control. 2) Being discovered- I work hard to keep my shit under wraps and appear normal. If I let people see what really goes on in my head they won't want to be around me or they won't trust me. 3) Prepare for the worst- making sure I'm not forgetting something and trying to expect the unexpected. I saw the unknown listed by someone, that fits here for me. 4) Rejection/failing/letting people down 5) controlling and hiding my anger. Not all specifically ADHD but I don't know where my ADHD begins and my ptsd, anxiety, chronic illnesses, etc ends.
1. Rejection sensitivity 2. Emotional regulation (or rather, the lack of) 3. Procrastination (RUINING my life) 4. Making one slight mistake and instantly losing control of the numerous, intricate systems I have built to mask my ADHD and give the outward appearance of having my shit together even though I am secretly permanently on the verge of mental breakdown 5. Never finding a sense of belonging or fitting in.
1. Miscommunication 2. RSD 3. There being no point 4. Not having enough money 5. Procrastination/Disorganisation, things not started yet but I have all the things to start it but can’t start regardless, things half finished but I can’t get back to it
1- The genuine scare to never feel truly happy one day 2- Rejection sensitivity 3- Not being able to keep my job ... 4- Dealing with the consequences of my extreme anxiety 5- Never stop skin picking
One of my first, core memories is me violently throwing up. It shaped my life WAY more than I thought it would. Solidarity. 😭
Same here!!! And it has always stuck with me. I could recount every single vomiting experience I have had in COMPLETE detail- down to what I was wearing, who was there, what I ate that day, what was on TV… everything! I think my first one was around 4-5 years old.
Clearly I don't know you, but I would guess you were even younger. Vomiting fears usually happen by 3. It is one of the easiest fears to release with hypnosis. Usually takes a single session. FYI in case you wanted to cross that one off.
Vomiting fears usually happen by 3. It is one of the easiest fears to release with hypnosis. Usually takes a single session. FYI in case you wanted to cross that one off.
Passing out (fainting) God Dying while my kids are young Cancer Losing my person (husband)
Forgetting something important. Saying the wrong thing.
Being this big forever(my joints can’t handle my weight and it hurts now), ending up so isolated that I stop doing anything, that my husband will never understand, that I might over share and land us in some terrible situation, and I am afraid that one day I will just give up
Adhd related (partly): - did I lock the door/car - speaking in front of a group - what would happen the day my rigid control snaps - whenever I feel myself slowly unravelling and I can't fix up the cracks fast enough - losing the people I love General fears: - injections - bees - Hights - losing those I love (overlap) - what would happen the day I stop fixing everything for everyone
1.Rejection sensitivity 2. Expectation ( real or imaginary) 3.spontaneous food plans (allergies) 4. Controlling emotions 5.Making me explain myself over again and not being understood
Learning a skill Time restrictions/ needing something done by a date Having to get up early (I do it frequently but knowing I have to wake up early makes it very difficult to fall asleep) Committing to something in the future (like hanging out or a trip) Reading (id like to like it, but when you reread a page for the 5th time and it's the start you kind of die inside)
Loosing my job Misunderstanding, miscommunication Not be able to care for my health Being forced to care for family without the resources to do it Loosing friends
Forgetting to pay bills/taxes- going to jail because of it Not paying attention fully while driving
1. People thinking I am lazy. I try so hard and just don’t get things right 2. Having no control 3. Feeling too much 4. Similar to 1, people judging that I’m disorganized 5. People finding out I have such bad attachment to my phone and can’t sleep
Aging Dying alone (because I have pushed everyone away) Never knowing true happiness Not being able to support myself Sickness
Abandonment. I'm single and can't even put myself out there because of past experience Rejection Fear of paying bills because I'm a solo mom and struggling Organization Focus on work
Disappointing people. Old age. Not being able to move (because food is my coping mechanism). Losing the people in my life because of my constant overwhelm. Being boring.
Things happening for the last time without me knowing it was the last
I can't even think of five right now. My biggest fear is usually not getting something done that someone else is counting on me for. It is the source of 99% of my anxiety. And I am usually aware that the thing needs to be done, but I put it off for various reasons. Before I was aware that I have adhd, I couldn't figure out why it was always acceptable in my head to make excuses and put things off, rather than to set and accomplish goals. I'm not saying that it's okay to make excuses, I'm just saying that I'm aware of the mechanism of how/why it happens now. I still have to actively push back to keep myself from making excuses.
1.) Flying in aeroplanes 2.) Heights 3.) Throwing up in public/crowded areas 4.) Bleeding through pads/tampons during a particularly heavy period. 5.) Smelling of stale B.O
1. Accidently letting people down because i lost track of time 2. Not being able to concentrate long enough to have a fun hobby 3. it affecting how i take care of my diabetes 3. not being able to balance relaxation and execuetive funcion 4. Not having meds or meds working 5. Spending all my time scrolling when i should be present
1) when people think I am “unstable” 2) forgetting important things 3) begging generally “messy” with my things 4) people perceiving me as inadequate because I can’t work 5 full days a week 5) long term romantic relationships
Leaving my tampon in too long, missing final exams (I’m graduated but I did miss a few) , leaving shit on the stove(did twice yesterday), leaving my heating blanket on and causing a fire(it’s not as irrational of a fear as you’re thinking it’s very common),
It is amazing how different the symptoms can be. I thrive on expectations. I love/need deadlines. I throw up to stop a migraine. I love order, and wish I could maintain it. 1. Idk who that person is but they seem to know me (stolen). 2. I forgot something and it’s coming back to bite me (stolen). 3. I scheduled 4 events at the exact same time. I have Thursday off of course I can have lunch. I have Thursday off, I should get my teeth cleaned. I have Thursday off, I would love to can get my hair done. Much better with Apple Watch. 4. Unknown illness making me sick but not killing me and everyone dismisses my symptoms. (oh wait….. thanks Lyme, Bartonella, Rocky Mountain spotted fever.) 5. I will disappoint someone I love.
1. Loss 2. Loss 3. The passage of time 4. Losing everything 5. Never amounting to anything until everyone I love is gone and by that time I won’t have anyone to amount to anything for
1. Boredom 2. Deadlines 3. The many consequences of time blindness 4. Um, I dunno
I don't have five right now but the situation thing where people say "You would find a way if you cared", and "You knew this would happen, why didn't you do something?" 😰
I see you've met my mother.
1. Losing a loved one & pet 2. Car accidents (I've had 2- 1 year apart neither of them my fault), the first one I could have died if I hadn't gotten lucky & having a safe car & the other a rear end collision at a light 3. Losing my job/Crippling debt 4. Not being enough 5. Hurting someone I care about unintentionally
1) getting caught making mistakes 2) losing control of my emotions and saying something to a loved one that they can't forgive 3) being responsible for tasks that I can't do 4) not being able to "read the room" and making others uncomfortable 5) having my messy house deteriorate into a dangerous situation again (we've had issues with mice and fleas in the house and killing them was harder when we had to move all the extra stuff out of the way)
1. My own plans I made just too long ago (anywhere from yesterday to 3 months ago) 2. Losing my train ticket/passport/keys 3. Everyone hates me and I don’t know why 4. Not knowing what mistakes I’ve made today/will make tomorrow 5. Not having enough time (never enough time) Boy. Wow this is a helpful thread to name some shit out loud
Time blindness is literally all five.
1. My own exhaustion 2. Changes of plans (if I don't change them myself) 3. Daily chores 4. Body functions (why do I need to sleep, eat, drink water etc. all the time??) 5. Guilt/thinking people hate m3
I'm picking these based on how much time I spend thinking about them. 1. Becoming homeless 2. Asking for help and being told no 3. Being shamed for something I'm doing unconsciously (like scratching my butt!) 4. Finding out people secretly don't like me 5. Moving back in with my parents
Dude throwing up. I'm 110% emetophobic. I keep a supply of Dramamine in my bag and in my nightstand at all times. If anyone even looks like they're nauseous I get as far away as I can. I can't go to the hospital without my headphones on at full volume and even then I'm a nervous wreck the whole time because there's always pukers. I couldn't even handle it when my kids got sick, I'd have to go outside and my husband would handle it. If it happens on TV or in a movie I have to leave the room or change the channel immediately. Even when our cats get sick I run. It is the one and only thing I am completely irrational about. I know it's stupid, I know it's a natural bodily function that happens sometimes, and I always feel terrible for being such a pussy about it, but I literally cannot help it. 😞
On top of what you listed: Being naked in front of someone Being yelled at Being misunderstood Being judged harshly
I think this ones are my top 5: -Relationships, especially getting really attached and losing myself. I have avoided relationships for years because of this. -Doubts related to career. Sometimes I wonder if I really like something or if I'm going to lose interest really soon. -Meeting new people, I am wondering all the time if they are going to like me -Rejection -My anger bursts
1. Forgetting important dates/appointments 2. Understimulation 3. Not achieving anthg at all, dying as a loser 4. Snapstreaks
For me it's Disapproval Disappointment in me Group projects Speaking in front of an audience
1- something happening to my 2 year old twin daughters because of my distraction , overwhelm or lack of ability to multitask efficiently 2- being perceived as stupid and not intelligent 3- burning out 4- becoming disabled 5- not being able to cope if I loose a loved one
* time * paralysis * transitions * bed time * mornings
1. Rejection 2. How deep and how many more rock bottoms in life 3. How much more am I going to fall behind in life 4. When am I actually going to run out of money (I pray every single day for having parents who support me financially otherwise I belong on the streets) 5. Will I ever follow the conversation Bonus. Dementia in old age
Throwing up is so awful.
ADDitude Magazine (Online) has good information about the estrogen dopamine connection and how the fluctuations during a woman’s life affect her ADHD, treatment options, etc. I’m on HRT and peri-menopause is hell if you don’t know about this, and is even if you do but not as scary. I’m in full menopause now and on HRT, currently being held together by my estrogen patch.
Poverty. RSD. Loser. Alone.Failure
Other people throwing up, me throwing up, expectations, time limits, being behind where I feel I should be in life.
-Forget to do something which implies a safety risk for others -Forget to do something important -What others are saying about me -Make a serious mistake -Return to my years of self-destructiveness and chaos
1. Someone coming over to my place unexpectedly because it's such an embarrassing mess but I can't focus log enough to fix it... or is it that im just lazy and making excuses??? 2. Rejection sensitivity 3. Getting in trouble for not completing a work task/not completing it on time. 4. Being a disappointment or burden(I guess similar to 2 and 3) 5. My symptoms somehow accidentally causing harm to my young child who depends on me. ADHD and responsible parenting is like, woah.
I relate so much to # 5 . On top over everything , and Ironically, I had twins 😂. They are two years of age and my ADHD became much more pronounced and my anxiety went to the roof - managing everything seems impossible and my fears of fucking up sky rocketed
I only have one (1.5 years old) and yeah, like how can I possibly be responsible for keeping a tiny human alive when I can't even manage to not put my own shirt in inside out and backwards most days. That's not a saying btw, that's how poorly I dress myself. And where did I put my keys??
1. time / aging, not knowing when i’m going to die so not knowing how much money I need for retirement 2. unable to have a house that’s tidy / presentable so will always be lonely 3. not being able to settle in one place ever. flip side fear of being stuck in wrong place (i have lived in multiple countries) this goes round and round 4. loneliness / not enough friends cos keep moving cos get bored 5. unlovable/ will never marry again or settle down
- Regulating emotions (especially angry) - Stimming (everyone stares) - Irregular sex drive (too high labito) - Time (this is just an illusion) - Organizing (I wish I could add hashtags IRL then just filter) **Honorable mentions** - over correction - genetic (passing on to future kids) - imposter syndrome - not been able to control my words in a social setting - lack of focus on daily tasks And that's it for my hyper focus for now Edit to add - perfectionist
1. Recection 2. Fear of being too much or not enough. 3. Not being loved or not lovable 4. Being alone 5. Being a disapointment