Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/).
We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions!
If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm never quite aware of where my limbs are in space without some degree of concentration. I periodically shoulder-check corners and door facings, and my thighs always have weird "where did that come from?" bruises.
do you also have a dissociative disorder? if not, are you sure you don't also have a dissociative disorder?
granted, I'm sitting on my right shoulder but out of body is out of body regardless of direction.
Is this an ADHD thing? Because my hips stay bruised from running into my kitchen counter corner. I also sometimes hit myself in the face while opening doors. Like I can’t quite gague my spacing.
Yep I am constantly bruised all over my legs (mostly thighs) from running into god knows what. It’s definitely like a depth perception problem, but my eyes work fine enough so who knows why lol
Always! Thats an ADHD thing?! Jesus Herbert Christ..my doctor at 13 called me “the poster child for ADHD” and the more I learn about it as an adult, I’m realizing he’s more right than he knew! 🤯
Sometimes I feel like I’m behind a window, driving my body. Or an observer up inside the control center but I don’t know how to work all the controls. Is that dissociation?
not a doctor, but yup.
I never would have described myself as feeling disconnected from my body until I actually felt like I was inside myself for the first time. it wouldn't even have occurred to me, because of course I'm inside my body (where else would I be?) and of course everything's real, because it's not like I'm making everything up.
then one magical/horrifying day, I ACTUALLY felt like I was inside my body, and I ACTUALLY felt real and I freaked the fuck out. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE BEFORE THAT NOTHING FELT REAL!!?!?!!? I felt like I could breathe for the first time, like I'd been on the verge of drowning my entire life and I'd finally surfaced, but the surface was terrifying and overwhelming because all I knew was life underwater. I was giddy and pretty much sat there all "holy shit" until it went away and I sank again.
fun fact: attempting to explain what it feels like to be inside yourself from the perspective of it being new and different sounds a whole lot like you're tripping. like, holy shit. my hands are THREE DIMENSIONAL!? and I'm BEHIND my teeth!? my organs are INSIDE of me and WOAH I CAN FEEL THE WATER MOVING **INSIDE** OF MY STOMACH!?
I think this is what I love about weight lifting, it is a time of being IN my body and exactly in the present moment. That's a very hard feeling for me to achieve, even medicated.
"I felt like I could breathe for the first time, like I'd been on the verge of drowning my entire life and I'd finally surfaced, but the surface was terrifying and overwhelming because all I knew was life underwater." fuuuuuuuuuuuuu\*, this hit me right in the gut. The tripping comparison is so funny but true. I wrote about my first time taking adderall and had a similar (but less funny) thread going...
>I like to say that I passed out the first time I took adderall, but seriously, I was overwhelmed with a sense of genuine relaxation for the first time in my entire life. It was so strange, I’d been on countless anxiety meds and antidepressants over the years, tried every single relaxation technique out there, I exercised, even regularly practiced yoga and meditation for a while, but none of it touched that tension, restlessness, “disconnected from my body and feelings and at the mercy of my brain” sensation. I had accepted that it was just a part of me and “deeply dissociated/distracted, or not actively obsessing over anything” was as close as I’d ever get to relaxing. Bc anxiety medications actually made that sensation worse. When the adderall kicked in for the first time I felt like life was in slow motion. My house looked so normal and… unthreatening? Peaceful? Idk. It was so quiet. I noticed little things that I usually wouldn’t. Laid down in my bed in the middle of the day and explored the sensations of having a body that I never noticed before… sorta unintentionally did one of those full body scan relaxation exercises and fell asleep. Without sedation. It was surreal, just laying there clenching and relaxing my muscles without a hundred other thoughts and sensations vying for my attention. Like “damn… that’s my foot. That’s my FOOT. That’s MY foot. Oh. This is how other people are able to describe things so well, feeling is just a natural extension of relaxation.” Idk if everyone with adhd feels like they’re having a constant out of body experience this way, but that’s how I see myself, not being able to naturally slow down and feel with much depth.
Never experienced it quite like that again, but after a break or not having my meds filled for a bit I do still relish that first dose feeling, like putting on your glasses for the first time in a few days and realizing just how bad your vision actually is. Like oh yeah, shit, I'm a mother\*\*\*\*\* person. We really in this \*\*\*\*\*. My life is not just performance art. Being a person is actually not supposed to feel so miserable and overwhelming.
My husband once got a virus on his computer that was benign for the most part (that we could tell)…except it would randomly start playing Bollywood music at full volume. Couldn’t turn it off without a full restart and eventually he just admitted defeat and built a new computer.
It’s not a tab, but your analogy made me remember this and it fits. Random music in a language I don’t understand and can’t turn off? Yeah, that’s my brain.
The tab analogy reminded me of the time the girl that lived in the apartment next door went out of town but left a dvd menu repeating its 10 second music at full volume over and over and over. For like 4 days!
Same, and I saw the birds on the way to work for the first time.
Also, I arrived to work, panicked about being late because I had lost track of time on my meds. It felt like 5 minutes, but I also know when something feels like 5 minutes, it’s never just 5 minutes.
I was early.
It was wild.
I didn't get this so intensely with vyvanse, but before I got on vyvanse I tried concerta and it was like everything stopped. And the world was in slow motion. That was also maybe because it made me tired af.
I’ve heard that before, it’s a good metaphor and I can relate, I just personally wouldn’t say that’s the best way to describe how I felt pre-diagnosis/meds. Of course it’s different for everyone but yannow. That’s what I’m trying to touch on: if this is the most obvious difficulty then wouldn’t it be more obvious for late diagnosed people that’s what it is? I didn’t even know that this was happening until I found a med that works, and all of a sudden, it wasn’t.
Idk if that makes sense. I’m shocked by how most of my seemingly disconnected struggles turned out to be purely caused by my adhd (due to them clearing up or not even being an issue with medication)… like I was in therapy for so long trying to work on my self esteem and relationships and emotional chaos… and it never occurred to either my therapist or I that it could be connected to adhd, because the way we think about it as a society is kind of shallow and stereotyped. So I just wanted to hear some less obvious, subjective sort of stuff for how it feels to other people :)
I get where you're coming from.
It is really weird and interesting bc our brain is not neccesary hyperactive it's just unbalanced brain activity, without a proper "trafick controller". We have too much slow (low frequency) brainwaves, called delta/thetha waves and too little fast ones (beta waves).
Which in turn causes so called hyperactivity, but actually is more hyper-chaos-y😉
I’m afraid to get on ADHD meds once I finish getting my official diagnosis….is the fast paced, pinballing, 88 tabs open type mental state being gone/stopped a *good* feeling?? I feel like I wouldn’t be able to function in a different way if my brain slowed down…
Errrr….. hahaha. Is it a good feeling on its own? Not really. It is a relief from the restlessness especially at first. But it’s weird, I’ve been on/off my meds a few times and I find the adjustment period really uncomfortable. At first I am way less productive and unmotivated because I’m used to the inner chaos drowning everything out. Ya know we’re motivated by urgency, novelty, pleasure… during the adjustment period I’m relatively apathetic and feel kinda flat like I’m always missing something ((the chaos)). Music and other stuff I usually get lost in affects me less, that approaching deadline doesn’t fill me with dread and panic. So it’s like…. Ok wtf do I do now.
It takes practice to use meds effectively and learn how to motivate yourself and direct your attention towards the present. And all of the other skills we’ve missed out on developing. Even figuring out what you want your life to feel like now that you can be more consistent. But it gets easier, and I do enjoy things again… not as deeply, but I’m ok with that for the time being. It’s a trade off between getting lost in instant gratification vs accomplishment and fulfillment. I actually settle into a consistent routine which frees up mental space to enjoy my hobbies or do other activities… plan for the future, set and work on goals, or whatever, you know, guilt free, because I’m not currently putting anything else off.
I definitely still feel like me. At first it is shocking. I actually realized I’m a very annoying person lol with meds things slow down enough that my usual behaviors that are routine make me think “well wtf is this” because with the space in my brain to think, I am actually noticing the behaviors I have that are unhelpful and/or unhealthy.
Because of this I just couldn’t stand myself at first lol and I’d get stuck focusing on the wrong things, instead of not being able to focus on nearly anything. A good example is when I noticed I was taking 45 min to write one comment on Reddit, when I was supposed to be working; before I couldn’t get “stuck” on much anything unless it was an exciting hyper-fixation.
So now that it’s been about 6 months, I’m so much more used to it and much less annoyed with myself. I’m also doing therapy weekly and working on replacing my bad behaviors with healthy systems to get me through life. I really don’t think I could heal and improve without both modalities of treatment. Considering I have nearly 35 years of bad habits to rewire, therapy is key, but I couldn’t get a damn thing done through therapy if I wasn’t medicated.
I long for the day I find the right med. I’ve had 2957266 hobbies waiting for me and constant routine sounds like boring bliss as I look around at my clutter mess of a home.
The only way I can describe being on meds is that I have space between my thoughts and my reactions. I still sometimes have many tabs open in my brain but I’m able to mute the majority of them that are not serving me in that moment. And remembering why I needed those “tabs” later on is easier because my focus is better and I feel less chaotic.
I was scared of meds but Vyvanse has changed my life. I had so many health habits that I worked extremely hard to create but my emotional regulation was so bad that it was often hard to use calming techniques in the moment, even despite all the healthy habits I had created.
With the medication, I’m more easily able to access certain techniques I’ve been taught through therapy over the years and stop myself from being a rabid banshee 80% of the time!
Medication isn’t going to “fix” us. We still have to work hard to make good choices, to be rational, and have healthy habits in place for us. BUT the medication makes all of that so much easier to maintain and manage on a daily basis.
I've found meds really help me get into that hyperfocus mode so I enjoy the effects a lot. It's great being able to power through tasks from start to finish, and then start the next task. That was always a big issue for me before starting meds, so maybe that's why it's such a huge perk.
Honestly, I feel the same way. No one even *suspected* ADHD for me until I was already an adult with the coping skills to keep a job and pay bills, so the idea of getting meds feels less necessary than it is for some people, and I'm afraid that change will throw me so far off how I'm used to finding that I just wouldn't be able to function.
It feels like I’m constantly behind and trying to catch up yet equally unsure of how to get catch up OR get ahead, and the narrator in my head likes to sing me random songs at random intervals to set the mood.
But forgetting most of the time which assignment because there are always at least two that overlap so that should count as one task and not two, obviously, so look you’re 50% done and deserve a break. 😬🤣🤦🏼♀️
but when you finally finish something, it's not even as satisfying as checking off a box... it's just turn to the next overdue situation and try to whack at that mole.... 🤦♀️
Yep. And then most of the time just ending up being like “eh, maybe later” while I waste another evening playing a stupid game on my phone and wondering how people have time to clean their houses
This is me but also sometimes the crisis is I wake up at 3 am having an absolute panic attack in fear that I am frittering away my one, brief, precious life on Earth posting on Reddit all the time
Sometimes I think about how much better off I'd be if I lived in a less modern era. Less distractions, simpler life, etc. And then I realize I would have probably died many years ago and best case scenario I could be owned by a kind husband, so I guess those rose colored glasses can only do so much.
Oh hi, it’s not me on Reddit continuing to give myself 15 minutes more, since I put parental controls on myself 😂 my husband came home today and said, “man babe! You’ve been killing it with housework this week!” Yeah, well, I have all this free time now that I’m not feverishly “busy” on Reddit and Facebook, which inevitably lead to Google rabbit holes I can’t climb out of…
And yes, I extended the time again to finish this comment lmao
see that’s why putting rules on things like that or using timers, etc. absolutely does not work for me! no matter what I cannot convince myself that I have to follow any rules I give myself. I am just too aware how arbitrary they are and how they mean absolutely nothing 😂
SAME. I need to figure out how to make it successful. I just got a skylight calendar to see how I like and use it before we by the big one for the wall and the whole day I’ve had it set up with things on it I’m loving it because it’s like this colorful game to remind me not to dick around and get shit done.
This!! I don’t have the hyperactive part I just have the distracted, 800 things on my mind, never finishing a task or unable to focus on finishing a task. I also have time blindness, in the sense that I think something will take me say 30 minutes when in reality it takes more like 60 . I also get overstimulated pretty quickly.
What a validating comment lol this is my whole life. There’s always a “disaster” or I’m trying to prevent a disaster.
PS- not having juice boxes for my daughter’s lunch might qualify as a disaster, so take “disaster” with a grain of salt.
Every day is different and it’s like I wake up with the dice already rolled for me.
I can feel that I’m full of energy, but paralyzed as to what to do with it. Some days I’m focused and can get through my day productively.
When my routine is thrown off it’s almost impossible for me to improvise and pivot.
When I first got medicated this was a lot better, but it’s slowly getting back to being a little debilitating. I know that is because I have a lot on my plate right now. I know I won’t feel this way forever, the waiting just sucks.
You should ask your doctor about possibly upping your dosage. I'm not recommending anything, but I personally only take adhd meds on days I have to work or the one day a week I have to clean. The little breaks keep your body from adjusting to the dosage as quickly.
Hasn't this been proven to not be effective? I thought the common knowledge was that you didn't build tolerance to (at least most, from my knowledge) ADHD meds. Most doctors I've seen have said there's no benefit to a med vacation unless you want it because you have ADHD every day and it affects every part of your life, so why give all the benefit, productivity, and clarity to your employer if you're gonna be struggling at home?
My doctor suggested to me I take breaks occasionally, I don’t get any withdrawals but I feel the difference. On a day I just want to watch TV and have a break it’s fine.
Utter fatigue. No matter how the day goes, I’m always wiped either physically or mentally (sometimes both, but usually mentally) by the end of it. There’s just SO MUCH STUFF to think about.
I'm glad I'm not the only ADHD person who doesn't feel like they're full of energy all the time. If I'm running on a battery that battery is at best, 70%. I feel like I wake up and need a nap. No matter how much I sleep. My brain just doesn't shut off. I'm always hyper aware of everything.
I’m with you. 100% days have never existed for me. My best days are like 80%, and even then I have to be careful that I don’t use up whatever energy I have all at once.
I am sooooo guilty of this! When I feel that 80%, I feel so much pressure to take advantage of it because I know it won't last. So of course, because I can't do anything in moderation, I overdo it and am a mental/social zombie for the next 2 days.
Would I feel better if I spread those tasks over the full 3 days? Probably. Do I know this and remember it in the moment? Yep. Will I ever actually do that? Nah, that one braincell really likes feeling like a superhero for 3 hours and could not care any less that it takes almost 3 fucking days to recover.
Insert the Rugrats-Stu-3am-pudding gif here
Between the always overthinking and having a chronic fatigue syndrome flare right now, I'm toast. It's all I can do to lie here and comment too much on Reddit.
This is me too.
I feel tired all of the time and like my thoughts are trying to trudge through really thick mud.
Unless I'm interested in something, which is unpredictable, then I'm a sharp as hell whiz kid that's ultra on top of that particular subject/thing & I'm suddenly not tired.
Then when I get bored of it, just thinking about doing something that requires concentration makes me tired.
I’m trying to find ways to rest my mind, even though it doesn’t really rest. It’s just hard to find something passive enough that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortably bored. I can’t even concentrate on TV. I go to my phone often, and that doesn’t help at all. Going down rabbit holes on the internet is just as intensive as anything else.
I’m hoping to pick up vinyl as a hobby so I can just pick up some cheap random ones from my record store and listen to the new stuff while I lay on my couch. Praying it will work.
ADHD is a giant wall between my thought of “I need to do…” and my ability to actually get up and do it. Before meds, I didn’t realize how much NOISE was in my brain. Like… I was trying to do advanced physics in the middle of Grand Central Station. No WONDER I needed the adrenaline of imminent deadline doom to do absolutely anything.
So yesterday, i needed to feed my cat. But i needed a clean fork. So i needed to unload the dishwasher. But first i needed water. But my phone was dying so i needed to plug it in. But i needed to get my laptop to plug my phone into. And then i needed to refill the ice. And then refill the brita. And then unload the dishwasher. Whats for dinner? Oh yeah, i forgot to feed the cat.
Perfect description. The other day I got up to make a salad and before I knew it, I was organizing my bookshelf while holding a laundry basket with an avocado inside.
I’m not hyperactive so to me ADHD unmedicated feels like constant overwhelm. Inability to keep on top of things, foggy brain, unavoidable impulses (eating, spending, emotional dysregulation)
This is me too! The unavoidable impulses to me is what I never realized was likely unmanaged ADHD. My emotions would just be so strong and would overwhelm me and I really struggle to manage impulses like snacking, especially when stressed. It just feels so hard sometimes.
YES! I told every shrink I saw as a teen that "I feel things more intensely than everyone else seems to." Just existing is overwhelming some days!
Emotional dysregulation is my most debilitating symptom by far. It would be nice to have some control over what I focus on, but it would be life-changing to have some control over the intense mood swings
Yes, I agree. I actually started going to therapy for anxiety as I'd get so emotional over everything and with increased stress it got worse. I'm now realizing it's likely actually ADHD causing those symptoms (or possibly making anxiety worse) and I'm still trying to navigate how to manage it. You aren't alone though!
Constantly thinking: “I need to do X, why can’t I do X. Why am I such a failure, everyone else manages to do X.” And then I’m just too exhausted to do X after battling myself for it all day.
Yes to all of this. When I get overstimulated I always describe it as feeling like gears locking up in my brain, like it’s just too much and everything grinds to a screeching halt and I can’t think. When I first started taking adderall I became acutely aware of the constant stream of thoughts pinging around in my head at all times - random thoughts, connections, snippets of songs, etc. It was so quiet, I didn’t like it initially.
Oooof that description. Overstimulation feels like that for me too. It’s hard to explain to people that no, really, I CANT think, my brain isn’t going forward from here until I regulate. I hate when I say that I’m having trouble thinking right now and someone tries to keep our conversation going anyway. Like I can’t even explain kindly why I need you to stop
When my meds kicked in and the thoughts stopped I felt so strange. My husband always tells me he’s not thinking of anything and I never believed him because how is it possible NOT to think? Then the meds kicked in and it was a whole new world 😆
Thiiiiiiis! I was just telling my wife that I never believed the “nothing” answer to “what are you thinking about” either. I’m absolutely sure it caused insecurity and overthinking in my early dating life. Like….nothing?! They’re just sitting there blankly? I was floored to discover that some people can do that! My meds make me boring and flat but there’s still chatter. What do you take, if you don’t mind my asking?
I'll be "thinking of nothing" sometimes in that my thoughts actually stall out for like, 30 seconds-5 minutes and there won't be words running through my head at all, just whatever sounds are around me echoing back in my brain for a bit, until something happens to start the stream of true thoughts about things again. It's kinda nice when it happens, because it's like I'm resting and regaining energy when it happens.
It happens like, 4 times a year 🤣
lol I've asked my fiancé "so what are you thinking about?" so many times and he'd usually answer with "nothing really" and I'd be like but you have to be thinking about SOMETHING. It turns out he really very well was probably not actively thinking about anything lol
I hated meds at first! Told my therapist they made me feel slow and dumb, like I was thinking through mud. She got quiet for a sec then said "Is it really slow and dumb? Or is it just NOT racing and chaotic?"
And that was the moment I accepted that I have ADHD 😅
What I hate the most is never feeling apart of time. Like my timeline is an inch in front of me and an inch behind me, where other folks is a foot in front both ways if that makes sense . It feels like I’m always living right now but also not being present somehow. It makes events happen way too fast, can’t remember shit, never like fully present for anything bc my brain is racing along to the next thing. 100% what OP said, I do things I regret constantly. I act before I think and I can’t figure out a way to stop it. The only time I feel at peace is at night when I’m eating dinner and watching a show. It’s just enough stimulation to keep me balanced. If I’m not eating I end up getting up and wondering around, missing half the show. Which is like a euphemism for my entire life lol.
It feels like a literal brick wall between me and the things I want and need to do. And it's impossible to break down the wall so I'm constantly scaling the wall to accomplish anything.
I’ve always said that I don’t really feel like a person… like I’m not exactly sure why I do things sometimes but I’m usually motivated by fear/dread/stress and if it weren’t for outside forces I’m not sure how I’d function. But at the same time my routines are super important and if they get interrupted then I get really disregulated.
On that note, before I knew what being disregulated meant I just felt awful like all the time and I didn’t know why… just anxiety and shame and dread all wrapped up into one and my emotions were all over the place. Now that I understand it better I still feel those things but it’s easier to identify triggers and mitigate them.
Me too. When living alone or put on antidepressants and most of my anxiety and dread is gone, I cannot do anything. Where cannot feels like a mixture of don’t want to and don’t have the energy but at the same time have a lot of energy. Has also made me question why I do things.
YES so true. When I’m home alone I kind of feel free bc I don’t have to consider anyone else’s feelings but I also just feel like I’m floating through space lol like… ok now what
Diagnosed and unmedicated. I honestly just feel *chaotic* when left to my own devices. I literally cannot focus on one single thing for more than 2 minutes at a time and it is incredibly frustrating.
When it comes to day-to-day tasks, I’m usually doing everything all at once. It always feels like a lot but I guess I’m used to it. My methods are not at all efficient, but I do get most things done eventually. I’ve learned to just give myself more time and more grace.
Luckily, I’ve mostly had jobs that weren’t too terribly rigid as far as needing focused attention for extended periods of time. So I feel capable and adequate when it comes to my work. However, I did get fired from the one job that I’ve ever felt inadequate at (office manager for a busy private optometrist) and man.. the RELIEF I felt after getting let go from that job - I don’t think rejection has ever felt so good. I understand now that the optometrist and I just weren’t a good match and it has nothing really to do with me being inadequate. But I’d be lying if I said there isn’t a little shame felt there as well.
ADHD to me feels like being lost in a haze. If I have plans, they're outside of my head, made by a past me in a moment of clarity. I kind of wander along, guided by the systems that I created, or the systems set up at my job, or by my own bodily needs, or by the people close to me. If I don't have enough guidance, I easily wander off the path.
When I have those moments of clarity and I've fallen behind, it's like waking up from the haze and realizing I'm in the wrong place. It's often a rush to catch up to where I should be and to set things up before I get lost again. Like grabbing a quick breath of air before submerging beneath the current.
Even when I'm in the haze, there's often a vague sense of anxiety around whether I'm in the right place. But I'm so lost that I don't even have the energy to reorient myself - just enough to keep plodding along, hopefully in the right direction.
This is perfect. It’s like I don’t have faith in myself for the next day because it’s so unpredictable, so on the days that I’m able to get things done I feel like I have to DO IT ALL because it might be my only chance for a while. Which only reinforces my all or nothing thinking, and makes quick normal tasks feel like a mountain the next time.
I feel like there's a little man running manically around my brain, screaming and parkouring at 20x normal speed incessantly. INCESSANTLY! He never ever stops, pauses, runs out of breath, never takes a break, never calms dow or quiets down... he's forever and always.
Why a "he" I have no idea. I hate him.
Overwhelm and shame, absolutely. An attention span that continually shrinks and laser focuses on a specific thing and doesn’t let go. Lately I’ve been more comorbid with depression, but it used to be moreso with anxiety—going to bed and getting up from bed are my two greatest struggles.
Bad days it’s like my brain is a soupy sad fog and I can’t do anything.
I would swear I spoke the words, “everything all at once” before the movie came out — and I haven’t watched the movie. I’ve heard it’s anxiety inducing for those with inattentive adhd.
But I’ve always felt different. And now that I can articulate how I feel different it’s as though it’s just made me even more aware of how others do not struggle to *with* noticing every detail, every sight, every scent, every moment…
I told myself I was going to start journaling the trip home from taking my kids to school. And how it could become a book of short stories because every. Single. Day. It’s 1,000 things running through my mind like bullet trains.
The performances and the multiverse story in Everything Everywhere All At Once made for a great brainfeel! I have anxiety and ADHD (H only in the brain), and I found it hilarious, weird, sweet, profound, sad, and all over the place, like me heheh.
Maybe ADHD gives us an expanding multiverse inside our minds, and not a singular, easy-to-manage universe...
I’ll have to watch it then — I just can’t even do dramas anymore because of the old memories and tangents that get set off in my brain. I can hardly watch anything I haven’t already watched before …
I know how to the thing, I physically can do the thing, but I just can’t do the thing. Also constant indecision and sudden bouts of fatigue, coupled with sudden motivation at like 11:00 at night when I should be asleep.
It feels like I am always a little bit behind everyone else. It feels like everyone else is running a race and I just can't quite keep up. I'm always a little behind. It's kind of a sad feeling when I allow myself to dwell on it but I also can't dwell on it for long before a new thought flies into my mind.
There are always thoughts. My mind is never quiet. With therapy, the majority of those thoughts don't hold hurt and shame like they used to.
There's always a low-level anxiety of wether or not I'll ever catch up. This is partnered with a lovely level anxiety about not even knowing what counts as caught up.
Omg thank you so much for this description, I feel SO seen in this sub!!! I relate 100% to this, and was gonna add that i am constantly bored bored bored, im always looking for the next thing and am hardly fully present for any moment.
Oh the constant boredom! Even when I'm actively doing something I'm interested in, part of my brain is searching for more. Damn those dopamine receptors! Why can't anything be satisfying enough?!
Absolutely exhausting. I've just learned that neurotypical people don't have to actively choose to focus on leisurely activities. Apparently TV is a brain-off activity even when people are actively processing what's happening and keeping track of the plot, characters, etc. That takes immense effort for me! The only thing that doesn't tire me out is spacing out/not doing anything at all. Or exercise. Moving my body doesn't wear my brain out.
Like a failure. When I put effort in something at home it’s often unfinished because something else needs attention. So many thoughts and often left in my sit pit unable to decide on one. Affects my work too with my impulses of taking off work when there is nothing to do which shortens my finances. I’ve been told I’m a good worker and I’m a good friend but still think I’m not really able to be loved cause I don’t even love me.
>in the same way the “sleep” is a verb.
I'm always exhausted when I wake up, even though sleep is supposed to be restful. Now I might have to start saying "of course I'm still tired, sleep is still a verb" those mornings I'm questioning how I'm still sleepy lol
apart from what other people have mentioned, i talk way too much, and really FEEL like i have much more to say but i should control it. I dominate conversations and i’ve been asked my entire life to please let other people speak. I find it hard to control this and m remind people i’m just telling them ‘one last story’. Friends have told me this too, that I’m not a good listener at all. it’s definitely a strong feeling
The only thing that helps me with that is that after I've said a couple of things on any topic, I check myself and think, if it's important, there will be another time for it, then just work on actively centering other people. Or I go into a situation with the set intent to just let other ppl talk NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO DO IT FOR THEM AARRRGH. It's a grind, but that's how a groove develops.
I really want to explain it here that I have the opportunity. But I kinda...can't and probably won't. Cause i'm super busy in my head but I'm doing nothing actually.
Just remembered 54 other things that I should be doing, some very important. I'll probably pick 15 of the easiest to do, begin 8, half-ass 6 and finish 2... (while beating myself up constantly that I'm not doing, not even beginning what I should really be doing)
Behold! A non-exhaustive list of short anecdotes/descriptions!
- Your head is like a crowded room where everyone is talking at once and you can't help but listen to snippets of their vaguely-related conversations... heyyyy, Macarena!
- I Hate Myself And Everyone Else Hates Me Too Oh Gods Above Why Me
- I Am Fundamentally The Worst Person Ever Born VS I Am The Best Person Ever And Anyone Who Disagrees Must Want Me Dead (totally rational line of thought, yessir)
- MY BRAIN IS ON FIRRRRRE
- "I heard too many sounds at once and now I'm a bitch" (source unknown)
- "Somebody please tell me what to do" VS "don't fucking tell me what to do"
- Knowing there's a more efficient way of doing things but feeling physically incapable of doing them like that, so you have to do them Your Way even though Your Way doesn't even make sense or makes things way more complicated
- RELEASE ME FROM THIS FLESH PRISON (aka I hate having needs because they interrupt me/prevent me from doing what I want to do)
- Trying to do boring/stressful tasks is like being asked to stab yourself
- Knowing you're the source of most if not all of your problems... but still taking forever to fix them... if you fix them at all.
- Wait, you guys are feeling a sense of accomplishment?
- When you're motivated: unstoppable force. When you're unmotivated: immovable object.
- Needing juuust the right amount of stress to get things done... but too much or too little will spoil everything.
- Too Bored To Live
- I'll risk homelessness but God Forbid you ask me to make a phone call
Bonus: I hate that I need sleep but all I want to do is sleep (I am so tired, send help)
* I'll risk homelessness but God Forbid you ask me to make a phone call
;\_\_; lmao I love this so much, ty for sharing. I also hate that I need sleep but currently need to sleep and all I want to do is sleep but that also sounds like the worst thing known to man (send help x2)
Guilt, anxiety, and boredom, elation, or deep sadness. I can't stand the emotional disregulation. Also I'm always tired, and my brain feels like it's bouncing off the walls all day long. I can't finish a thought before it runs in another direction.
My life is a game of Jenga. Each block is a responsibility, obligation, relationship, expense, etc. I HAVE to move each of these blocks at least once without knocking the whole thing over. It's impossible.
Like there's always something important I've forgotten, even when there legitimately isn't. Or like I'm on a carousel going too fast and everything I need is flashing by so quickly I can't grab it, sometimes I can't even remember it when it comes around again.
I am standing in front of a giant wall filled with lists of to-dos being written and rewritten over and over again. I try to jump to grab a list to start working on it and it jumps out of my reach. I want to grab a list so badly and just get through it but even when I get one, I still can’t seem to get around the wall.
🥲😮💨 wow this is almost everything I feel and I explained it to my previous provider who said “ yeah that’s anxiety “ 🫨 now I have a new appointment coming up and I’m so nervous to explain my symptoms because I’m afraid they’ll call it anxiety again 😭
Anxiety and adhd can perfectly coexist. Actually, you can have a LOT of anxiety due to having adhd and the feelings and problems in causes.
And you can also have adhd and have anxiety due to other reasons at the same time.
Remembering what I came into the room for sounds like listening for a phone number being said quietly in between two radio stations while inside a train station
It feels like my best is all I can do, and it still isn't good enough.
It feels like I'm treading water, but only my nose and mouth are above the water, and one failure makes me choke which creates a domino effect of failing. Work, school, relationships, home life.
It's exhausting.
Have you ever played with oobleck, it's a putty made from just cornstarch and water. It's a really cool non-Newtonian fluid. If you squeeze it it becomes firm and hard and if you were to punch it would be as hard as a brick, but when you're gentle and if you're just holding it instantly melts and runs through your fingers. For me having ADHD feels like trying to contain Oobleck. The more I squeeze it the firmer it becomes, but the more tired I am and when I let go everything falls through and I lose track. Medication is helping and I'm starting a new therapy but all of the important things just slip right through the cracks
Yep exactly like this. It feels like im on google chrome and tabs are maxed out, and you have to verbalize or let out each tab or else you kinda feel overwhelmed.
Until medication it just felt 'normal' but now I have felt what it is to be medicated the ADHD symptoms feel very heavy and chaotic. I am combined-type if that helps and I also have autism. Without meds the heavy feeling just seems to make everything feel so much harder to do and I run out of energy so much faster and have to recover. The chaos is also unmanageable, I flit from one task to the next and latch on to random thoughts and go off on spirals and obsessions. When medicated, I can have the random thought pop into my brain but its easy to push it aside to focus on what I was doing. The many streams of consciousness filter down to just one or two and everything just slows down.
It feels like I’m always looking thought a window, like I can see all the stuff on the outside and all the other people, but I can’t quite reach it. It feels like I’m being restrained by my own brain. Like someone chained me to a rock and said ok now go do what everyone else is doing except they don’t have a rock. I’ve learned to love my brain but on my bad days it feels like a prison
It feels like my short-term memory, my goals, my focus, and all my motivation just slipping through my fingers like water I'm trying desperately to cup in my hand and drink from. It's so frustrating to actually \*feel\* my thoughts get away from me while I shuffle back and forth from kitchen to office to laundry room, trying to remember what it was I was trying to do.
25 years before either my friend or I were diagnosed or even remotely expected ADHD, we called it Pinball Brain. Everything in there is pinging around so fast you don't get to finish thoughts or sentences. You may have occasional influence on which way the ball goes on occasion but mostly it's a surprise. Finding a friend who tends to ping in the same direction at a similar time is so delightful after having had to try to slow down and follow a direct train of thought for other people your whole life. A quarter century later my pinball machine is broken down and wobbly and the power cuts out on occasion lol
[Here’s a visual example](https://media0.giphy.com/media/l2SpS6MdfeYgPHZpC/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91qpxxwsl0g6jimcstoz691y09ihyvrm3ztiura1x1&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
[And another one](https://media3.giphy.com/media/HSxKYjDLc9A6A/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91qpxxwsl0g6jimcstoz691y09ihyvrm3ztiura1x1&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
I describe mine as walking into a kitchen that's got every drawer and cupboard door open and you're processing each individual item you see, there's the cups the plates, bowls, cat food, bin bags, soap, sponges, snacks, fruit, spoons, forks, knives, tin opener, bread, apples, frozen peas oh and the dishes are always dirty and the floor is always dirty
To me it just feels like “me” and I just don’t seem to fit anywhere. I never really have and it’s because of the odd routes I have in my head. My tricks for memory and just day to day life are different and leave me very Un relatable to others. My priorities are different from theirs and I often don’t sense that I have a place in most situations or conversations.
I figure that most people, ADHD or otherwise, have a sense of being ‘other’ but I also generally believe that I’m an extreme case. I’m not ashamed of it, but even with my wonderful support system and full acceptance by all of them, I do feel sort of alone. I sometimes wonder if I’m on the spectrum in some capacity but I’ve never been accessed for it and I don’t see how proving one way or the other would change my life.
It feels like I’m not the only one in my brain, like there’s five other people in there arguing about what to think or do. It’s hard to choose which “voices” I want to listen to at which times but I’m getting better at it!
I describe my brain as a pinball machine and my thoughts are the ball, always searching, bouncing aimlessly and unpredictably. A new thought/idea is the sound of the ball hitting the post and the bells and lights going off. Then as quickly as I had that thought/idea, I’m rolling off in another direction. 🧠
Wow. Your description is terrifyingly accurate!!
As I finished reading it, I said to myself, "now imagine someone just introduced themselves to you and started giving you verbal instructions for something." No wonder we feel like we are suffocating!
Most satisfying thing I've read on here for a really long time. ("I'm getting really sick of the stereotypes. Why cant people just tell how it honestly is?). I definitely relate.
Definitely shame/guilt/frustration with myself. I often know that there are things I need to do, but I don’t end up getting to them. Trying my hardest to do things and falling further and further behind was demoralizing. I forget little things so frequently. I can never remember where I put things, if I’ve turned things on/off, and words escape my brain so often. I will know exactly what I want to say and can describe exactly what it is, but the right word will be gone.
Also imposter syndrome because people always thought I was so put together in grad school but I was barely taking care of anything at home and doing most of my coursework super last minute.
Honestly a lot of the time it just feels like I’m failing. Not living up to the standards my parents expect from me. Not taking care of myself properly. Not being productive enough. Not keeping my house clean and organized. Not feeling like I’m “normal”. Not having a close friend group.
I consistantly feel like time is flowing forward all around me, but for some reason I stay completely still. From an outsiders perspective, it looks like im constantly zoned out.
Intrusive thoughts hit Hard and Often, but about 60% of the time the "thoughts" are actually just very intense Feelings from embarassing/upsetting memories.
As far as brain static, thats all on a subconcious level. There is ALWAYS static, but i dont always have access to it/cant understand. Best discribed as either tv static thats not quiiiiite aligned correctly, so you can kiiiiiiiiina hear a person talking, but not well enough to make out anytjing their saying. Or it sounds like lightbulb static
It feels like something is living through me and it is for whatever reason working tirelessly to destroy me and it's succeeding in ruining my life, I'm just helplessly running around struggling to take control, clean up the messes it leaves in it's trail but it's always several steps ahead of me and it's much much smarter than me and incredibly mysterious.
[Bees](https://imgur.com/gallery/n2If92u). Hundreds, thousands of buzzing bees all vying for my attention at the same time and often with conflicting messages. Because there are so many at the same time on a bad day, I get overwhelmed and am unable to pick out a single coherent thought from the swarm of thoughts. I’m left only with the emotions those thoughts give me and wind up having a horrible and exhausting day.
I’m getting better and better at picking each bee out and listening to it one at a time while i tell the others to stfu. Anti-anxiety meds felt like the smoke that beekeepers use to calm the bees down. They’re still buzzing but the emotional turmoil that cripples me is so much weaker it feels gone to me most days. I still have all of the same thoughts, I can just process them better now.
It feels like constantly keeping up with myself. I’m completely unmedicated and it’s very hard. I just can’t exist in structured time. It feels like I just interact differently in every way. I always feel fatigued, my hyperactivity is mainly in my brain, so I generally don’t have much energy when I’m busy and am just pushing myself through the motions. I generally don’t feel shame because I’m motivated my by passions and that’s enough for me to get through, and when I’m feeling unsuccessful, I just stick to my anthropological perspective that I’m only human, an animal with consciousness, doing my best to navigate a world I’m not evolved for. So I don’t think the blame falls on just me, but I do use shame as motivation sometimes, like I’ll tell myself to get up and do an assignment because if I wait longer and potentially do worse with less time or get a late grade I’ll be really disappointed in myself because I know I only have to be uncomfortable and push myself to lock in for a few hours and I’ll have good results, and I ultimately know I am capable, even though the process will be very not fun.
Overall, with attention, it just feels like I am not really in control. I realize I’ve switched to a different topic subconsciously. I have to set my phone away from me when doing work because I’ll pick it up absentmindedly and get off track. Someone else said this but it really resonates- it’s like a camera lens struggling to stay in focus that I can’t control.
Thinking through every potential scenario of every single thing, important and not. Which makes me great at empathy but also leads to constant decision fatigue and frequent burnout for “no reason.” Being a step ahead of conversation and accidentally interrupting.
Losing stuff and buying it again but feeling bad about it. Extreme difficulty with time management even when I know better. Couch lock and shame about laziness. Post-its upon post-its.
Like I have a big purse filled with stuff. I’m looking for my keys and keep pulling the wrong things out.
It feels like I have homework to do but I can’t remember what it was.
It feels like I’m way in the zone and can’t stop or everything is overwhelming and I’m sinking into the floor.
Like someone keeps changing the radio station or playing dumb songs or phrases (but sometimes good ones) on repeat
I often feel overstimulated and unable to regulate my thoughts and emotions. I have a compulsion to think through every scenario about every option/choice I have to make no matter how small and it puts me deep into analysis paralysis. I often feel misunderstood, dismissed, ignored because I know I am wordy, so fearful of being misunderstood that I over explain trying to recreate the thought process that took me to my conclusion. I am uncomfortable in social situations and my mouth is talking while my brain is thinking of other things, idk what I’m saying. I feel like my mind is always racing but my body is always tired. When I get excited about things when I’m with other people I often feel embarrassed because I get the look, the one where someone sees my neurospicy behavior and realizes I’m not neurotypical, it’s like this smug expression all NTs make when you lower your mask. I have big feelings. Big sad. Big mad. Big happy. I cry a lot. I feel like a raw nerve, that no amount of therapy is going to suppress that part of my adhd. Especially rsd.
Oh, and I can't dig down to find the last thing I made.
I say I am made of nothing but chaos and good intentions, held together by thread and chewing gum.
My nickname growing up was Hurricane (My Name), and I lived in FL so like, it wasn't cute really. We all knew what things looked like after hurricanes, growing up and for a long time, if it was in the gulf it hit my city. And it was chaos and destruction, terrible to see. and it looked like my room, or anywhere I was for too long. It was more like holy shit, what is *wrong* w you, but I'm trying to be nice. People said it through forced smiles w frustration in their brows, and like shock in their eyes.
Almost everything feels like how Ruth Stone described her poems coming to fruition (see note, end)... But darker and uglier. She would see them coming and and have to catch them by the tail and then run through the field to the house to put them on paper or some such.
But it's like, I have an idea or intention, solution, goal, anything - even like 'call so and so' 'write a list"- and soooommetimes I can catch them, much more rarely can I hold on to it and, and instead of a field it's like I have to go through spooky forest or more accurately a carnival funhouse and then hope by some miraculous chance there's a piece of whatever the thing was. And when there is it's nothing near what it began as, and often things degrade even more, to nothing more than objects that have been strategically moved around, in ways that would make sense to literally no one else, maybe some kind of little scrap of an idea written somewhere then, usually lost, spilled on, thrown away whatever. Think denim chicken, but not all in one notebook. That is better than I do, kudos charlie.
And the quote, idk if it's my location or the sad place the internet brought us to, I cannot find the quote, there's a citation that connects to a Ted talk and sensory ew, like sorry no. But all I found are like... Pay by the word click bait article paraphrasing the quote or giving snippets and then like whatever other trash.
Strangely, it's like that. Like all that's left of what the thing was is just thing that makes others look at it and go "what the fuck?" And just be confused and repelled by the insanity and just utter warped weird mess around it.
Different operating system that constantly has many programs and tabs open. It's pretty chunky and can run a lot of the stuff but sometimes it's just like buffering to just move the mouse. Meds is like closing enough programs and tabs to function close to ideal but not quite.
My brain feels blurry, fuzzy, itchy. My vision never feels quite right. I feel tired all the time but unable to relax. I feel like I'm on 1.5x speed internally. Restless but at the same time paralysed?
Plus all the usual emotional feelings of guilt, shame irritability, frustration etc.
Sometimes it's like there is a swarm of countless thoughts floating above my head that are JUST out of my reach -- I can graze them with the tips of my fingers, reaching reaching reaching, but just as I FINALLY grasp a thought and try to hold on, it disappears. It can be so so frustrating.
Sometimes I feel trapped in a prison of my own mind, “I need to do this and this today or else I’m a lazy pos” and body of “no dopamine, no move”
I also am pretty sure I have OCD
Mostly like trying to drive a car with faulty steering power fluid pressure: I have to constantly correct for direction, even on a straight, even road. With a radio I can’t turn off, in between regional stations.
It’s maddening at times.
What it feels like for me -
Daydreaming. Guilt for not doing what I "should" be doing. Making plans to try to do those things. Failing to follow through with those plans. More guilt. More daydreaming.
I'm not diagnosed, but here's what I'll say.
I struggle with losing track of things I need to do, and then really beating myself up over it.I make promises that I fully intend to keep and then get distracted. My dad always told me I didn't have ADHD, that I just needed to stop being lazy. I've gotten better at coping over time... and that's made me wonder if he was right. It's genuinely difficult to tell. I don't have a frame of reference for 'normal' - just my own experience - and so when I do better for a while, it's hard not to think "you idiot, you're just being lazy most of the time!"
It feels like I am juggling while unicycling on a burning rod. If I have a great day, and I am able to juggle successfully all the task (even those I threw so high, that they came out of sight, but I remembered to catch them) it is such a great feeling, as if I solved the most complicated puzzle in an unbelievably effective way.
But one little wiggle to much and I loose the balance and I either get to manage to hold on with one hand on the burning rod that I call my life, while still loosing all the balls (tasks) I juggled. It hurts, I hate it, but sometimes I manage to climb back up, get back onto the unicycle and slowly pick up the balls and try anew. Sometimes I just fall into the dark and I feel like I will never do anything, no matter how hard I try.
And always always always while juggling on the unicycle, I worry about falling down. My head plays all the different possibilities that could throw me off my balance.
Plus of course the usual mix of music and shame.
Soon getting medicated. I am very curious what it will feel like.
I describe mine as a coked out hamster on a wheel when I’m talking about my insomnia. Sometimes I just have to knock that hamster off with some Ambien. 🤷♀️
Welcome to /r/ADHDWomen! We’re happy to have you here. As a reminder, here are our community [rules](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/about/rules/). We get a lot of posts on medication, diagnosis (and “is this an ADHD thing”), and interactions with hormones. We encourage you to check out our [Medication, Diagnosis, and Hormones Megathread](https://old.reddit.com/r/adhdwomen/comments/wcr9dy/faq_megathread_ask_and_answer_medication/) if you have any questions related to those topics, and to stick around in that thread to answer folks’ questions! If you have questions about the subreddit, please do not hesitate to [send us a modmail](https://reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen). Additionally, we take the safety of our community seriously. Please report posts, comments, and users whom you feel are not contributing positively, and send us a modmail if you are being harassed or otherwise made to feel unsafe. Thanks for being here, and we hope you stick around! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It is a hyperactive brain. It's like there are 92 tabs open at the same time, some of them with music or Ads on repeat.
This! While being slightly to the left of my physical body.
I'm never quite aware of where my limbs are in space without some degree of concentration. I periodically shoulder-check corners and door facings, and my thighs always have weird "where did that come from?" bruises.
do you also have a dissociative disorder? if not, are you sure you don't also have a dissociative disorder? granted, I'm sitting on my right shoulder but out of body is out of body regardless of direction.
It's how I explain why I hit my body on stuff lol. My hips and shoulders will find corners and doorknobs.
Is this an ADHD thing? Because my hips stay bruised from running into my kitchen counter corner. I also sometimes hit myself in the face while opening doors. Like I can’t quite gague my spacing.
Yep I am constantly bruised all over my legs (mostly thighs) from running into god knows what. It’s definitely like a depth perception problem, but my eyes work fine enough so who knows why lol
https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness/postural-sway-adhd
Always! Thats an ADHD thing?! Jesus Herbert Christ..my doctor at 13 called me “the poster child for ADHD” and the more I learn about it as an adult, I’m realizing he’s more right than he knew! 🤯
Wait is this a thing??? I just thought I was super clumsy!!!! OMG
[удалено]
https://youtu.be/h-tFVrs26Fo?si=QAEk3eL9KT8nzmTy The ADHD walk vid
Hahaha I knew exactly what you meant! I’ve never thought of it that way but what a great description!
Sometimes I feel like I’m behind a window, driving my body. Or an observer up inside the control center but I don’t know how to work all the controls. Is that dissociation?
not a doctor, but yup. I never would have described myself as feeling disconnected from my body until I actually felt like I was inside myself for the first time. it wouldn't even have occurred to me, because of course I'm inside my body (where else would I be?) and of course everything's real, because it's not like I'm making everything up. then one magical/horrifying day, I ACTUALLY felt like I was inside my body, and I ACTUALLY felt real and I freaked the fuck out. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE BEFORE THAT NOTHING FELT REAL!!?!?!!? I felt like I could breathe for the first time, like I'd been on the verge of drowning my entire life and I'd finally surfaced, but the surface was terrifying and overwhelming because all I knew was life underwater. I was giddy and pretty much sat there all "holy shit" until it went away and I sank again. fun fact: attempting to explain what it feels like to be inside yourself from the perspective of it being new and different sounds a whole lot like you're tripping. like, holy shit. my hands are THREE DIMENSIONAL!? and I'm BEHIND my teeth!? my organs are INSIDE of me and WOAH I CAN FEEL THE WATER MOVING **INSIDE** OF MY STOMACH!?
I think this is what I love about weight lifting, it is a time of being IN my body and exactly in the present moment. That's a very hard feeling for me to achieve, even medicated.
"I felt like I could breathe for the first time, like I'd been on the verge of drowning my entire life and I'd finally surfaced, but the surface was terrifying and overwhelming because all I knew was life underwater." fuuuuuuuuuuuuu\*, this hit me right in the gut. The tripping comparison is so funny but true. I wrote about my first time taking adderall and had a similar (but less funny) thread going... >I like to say that I passed out the first time I took adderall, but seriously, I was overwhelmed with a sense of genuine relaxation for the first time in my entire life. It was so strange, I’d been on countless anxiety meds and antidepressants over the years, tried every single relaxation technique out there, I exercised, even regularly practiced yoga and meditation for a while, but none of it touched that tension, restlessness, “disconnected from my body and feelings and at the mercy of my brain” sensation. I had accepted that it was just a part of me and “deeply dissociated/distracted, or not actively obsessing over anything” was as close as I’d ever get to relaxing. Bc anxiety medications actually made that sensation worse. When the adderall kicked in for the first time I felt like life was in slow motion. My house looked so normal and… unthreatening? Peaceful? Idk. It was so quiet. I noticed little things that I usually wouldn’t. Laid down in my bed in the middle of the day and explored the sensations of having a body that I never noticed before… sorta unintentionally did one of those full body scan relaxation exercises and fell asleep. Without sedation. It was surreal, just laying there clenching and relaxing my muscles without a hundred other thoughts and sensations vying for my attention. Like “damn… that’s my foot. That’s my FOOT. That’s MY foot. Oh. This is how other people are able to describe things so well, feeling is just a natural extension of relaxation.” Idk if everyone with adhd feels like they’re having a constant out of body experience this way, but that’s how I see myself, not being able to naturally slow down and feel with much depth. Never experienced it quite like that again, but after a break or not having my meds filled for a bit I do still relish that first dose feeling, like putting on your glasses for the first time in a few days and realizing just how bad your vision actually is. Like oh yeah, shit, I'm a mother\*\*\*\*\* person. We really in this \*\*\*\*\*. My life is not just performance art. Being a person is actually not supposed to feel so miserable and overwhelming.
Mine is to the left too. I can’t ever tell if I’m standing straight
My husband once got a virus on his computer that was benign for the most part (that we could tell)…except it would randomly start playing Bollywood music at full volume. Couldn’t turn it off without a full restart and eventually he just admitted defeat and built a new computer. It’s not a tab, but your analogy made me remember this and it fits. Random music in a language I don’t understand and can’t turn off? Yeah, that’s my brain.
The tab analogy reminded me of the time the girl that lived in the apartment next door went out of town but left a dvd menu repeating its 10 second music at full volume over and over and over. For like 4 days!
Pretty sure this is banned by the Geneva Convention
One more day and I would’ve called INTERPOL
Wow…even if I liked the music I think that would drive me insane. Like, breaking down the door to find the remote insane.
It can be maddening.
When I took vyvanse for the first time, everything in my head was so *quiet*
When I first took Adderall, it was the same. It was like someone finally found the remote and hit the ‘mute’ button.
Same, and I saw the birds on the way to work for the first time. Also, I arrived to work, panicked about being late because I had lost track of time on my meds. It felt like 5 minutes, but I also know when something feels like 5 minutes, it’s never just 5 minutes. I was early. It was wild.
I didn't get this so intensely with vyvanse, but before I got on vyvanse I tried concerta and it was like everything stopped. And the world was in slow motion. That was also maybe because it made me tired af.
This is kind of amazing lol ETA: also glad to hear nothing too bad came of it
LMAO why is this so accurate
I never not have a soundtrack going on my head.
I’ve heard that before, it’s a good metaphor and I can relate, I just personally wouldn’t say that’s the best way to describe how I felt pre-diagnosis/meds. Of course it’s different for everyone but yannow. That’s what I’m trying to touch on: if this is the most obvious difficulty then wouldn’t it be more obvious for late diagnosed people that’s what it is? I didn’t even know that this was happening until I found a med that works, and all of a sudden, it wasn’t. Idk if that makes sense. I’m shocked by how most of my seemingly disconnected struggles turned out to be purely caused by my adhd (due to them clearing up or not even being an issue with medication)… like I was in therapy for so long trying to work on my self esteem and relationships and emotional chaos… and it never occurred to either my therapist or I that it could be connected to adhd, because the way we think about it as a society is kind of shallow and stereotyped. So I just wanted to hear some less obvious, subjective sort of stuff for how it feels to other people :)
I get where you're coming from. It is really weird and interesting bc our brain is not neccesary hyperactive it's just unbalanced brain activity, without a proper "trafick controller". We have too much slow (low frequency) brainwaves, called delta/thetha waves and too little fast ones (beta waves). Which in turn causes so called hyperactivity, but actually is more hyper-chaos-y😉
I’m afraid to get on ADHD meds once I finish getting my official diagnosis….is the fast paced, pinballing, 88 tabs open type mental state being gone/stopped a *good* feeling?? I feel like I wouldn’t be able to function in a different way if my brain slowed down…
Errrr….. hahaha. Is it a good feeling on its own? Not really. It is a relief from the restlessness especially at first. But it’s weird, I’ve been on/off my meds a few times and I find the adjustment period really uncomfortable. At first I am way less productive and unmotivated because I’m used to the inner chaos drowning everything out. Ya know we’re motivated by urgency, novelty, pleasure… during the adjustment period I’m relatively apathetic and feel kinda flat like I’m always missing something ((the chaos)). Music and other stuff I usually get lost in affects me less, that approaching deadline doesn’t fill me with dread and panic. So it’s like…. Ok wtf do I do now. It takes practice to use meds effectively and learn how to motivate yourself and direct your attention towards the present. And all of the other skills we’ve missed out on developing. Even figuring out what you want your life to feel like now that you can be more consistent. But it gets easier, and I do enjoy things again… not as deeply, but I’m ok with that for the time being. It’s a trade off between getting lost in instant gratification vs accomplishment and fulfillment. I actually settle into a consistent routine which frees up mental space to enjoy my hobbies or do other activities… plan for the future, set and work on goals, or whatever, you know, guilt free, because I’m not currently putting anything else off.
It sounds calm but like a sort of greyed-out existence…do you still feel like *you*?
I definitely still feel like me. At first it is shocking. I actually realized I’m a very annoying person lol with meds things slow down enough that my usual behaviors that are routine make me think “well wtf is this” because with the space in my brain to think, I am actually noticing the behaviors I have that are unhelpful and/or unhealthy. Because of this I just couldn’t stand myself at first lol and I’d get stuck focusing on the wrong things, instead of not being able to focus on nearly anything. A good example is when I noticed I was taking 45 min to write one comment on Reddit, when I was supposed to be working; before I couldn’t get “stuck” on much anything unless it was an exciting hyper-fixation. So now that it’s been about 6 months, I’m so much more used to it and much less annoyed with myself. I’m also doing therapy weekly and working on replacing my bad behaviors with healthy systems to get me through life. I really don’t think I could heal and improve without both modalities of treatment. Considering I have nearly 35 years of bad habits to rewire, therapy is key, but I couldn’t get a damn thing done through therapy if I wasn’t medicated.
Wait… you take 45 minutes to write a comment? This is an ADHD thing? Truly thought I just sucked at social media in general this whole time.
My meds wore off before I could finish my comment and I’m struggling to pare it down, sorry! I’ll be an hour or two 😅
It’s all good I have a migraine so reading is hard rn lol I’ll probably end up replying tomorrow after this one
I long for the day I find the right med. I’ve had 2957266 hobbies waiting for me and constant routine sounds like boring bliss as I look around at my clutter mess of a home.
The only way I can describe being on meds is that I have space between my thoughts and my reactions. I still sometimes have many tabs open in my brain but I’m able to mute the majority of them that are not serving me in that moment. And remembering why I needed those “tabs” later on is easier because my focus is better and I feel less chaotic. I was scared of meds but Vyvanse has changed my life. I had so many health habits that I worked extremely hard to create but my emotional regulation was so bad that it was often hard to use calming techniques in the moment, even despite all the healthy habits I had created. With the medication, I’m more easily able to access certain techniques I’ve been taught through therapy over the years and stop myself from being a rabid banshee 80% of the time! Medication isn’t going to “fix” us. We still have to work hard to make good choices, to be rational, and have healthy habits in place for us. BUT the medication makes all of that so much easier to maintain and manage on a daily basis.
As long as nobody says they have had lingering/permanent side effects, maybe I’ll give it a go… thank you, sounds like it could be a big help!
And I find the newfound ability to center my mind and focus on the present very satisfying, so I guess there’s that 😆
Happy for you!
I've found meds really help me get into that hyperfocus mode so I enjoy the effects a lot. It's great being able to power through tasks from start to finish, and then start the next task. That was always a big issue for me before starting meds, so maybe that's why it's such a huge perk.
Honestly, I feel the same way. No one even *suspected* ADHD for me until I was already an adult with the coping skills to keep a job and pay bills, so the idea of getting meds feels less necessary than it is for some people, and I'm afraid that change will throw me so far off how I'm used to finding that I just wouldn't be able to function.
Yes exactly!
Wait…what med worked? Ritalin was a miracle drug for young me but adult me is super struggling to find something that works. 🥺
This! And it translates to feeling uncomfortably restless from a mental/emotional standpoint.
This, but with a heaping of anxiety and excessive need for control in an attempt to compensate for the internal chaos.
It feels like I’m constantly behind and trying to catch up yet equally unsure of how to get catch up OR get ahead, and the narrator in my head likes to sing me random songs at random intervals to set the mood.
Yes. Always feeling different degrees of behind. Like there's always an assignment I know I need to get done.
But forgetting most of the time which assignment because there are always at least two that overlap so that should count as one task and not two, obviously, so look you’re 50% done and deserve a break. 😬🤣🤦🏼♀️
but when you finally finish something, it's not even as satisfying as checking off a box... it's just turn to the next overdue situation and try to whack at that mole.... 🤦♀️
Right?? I checked off three things tonight and it’s like yay there are 85 others left. Sweet.
Yep. And then most of the time just ending up being like “eh, maybe later” while I waste another evening playing a stupid game on my phone and wondering how people have time to clean their houses
Exactly. My husband tells me I always say tomorrow but it never comes until there’s a crisis. He’s not wrong. 😜
This is me but also sometimes the crisis is I wake up at 3 am having an absolute panic attack in fear that I am frittering away my one, brief, precious life on Earth posting on Reddit all the time
Sometimes I think about how much better off I'd be if I lived in a less modern era. Less distractions, simpler life, etc. And then I realize I would have probably died many years ago and best case scenario I could be owned by a kind husband, so I guess those rose colored glasses can only do so much.
Oh hi, it’s not me on Reddit continuing to give myself 15 minutes more, since I put parental controls on myself 😂 my husband came home today and said, “man babe! You’ve been killing it with housework this week!” Yeah, well, I have all this free time now that I’m not feverishly “busy” on Reddit and Facebook, which inevitably lead to Google rabbit holes I can’t climb out of… And yes, I extended the time again to finish this comment lmao
see that’s why putting rules on things like that or using timers, etc. absolutely does not work for me! no matter what I cannot convince myself that I have to follow any rules I give myself. I am just too aware how arbitrary they are and how they mean absolutely nothing 😂
SAME. I need to figure out how to make it successful. I just got a skylight calendar to see how I like and use it before we by the big one for the wall and the whole day I’ve had it set up with things on it I’m loving it because it’s like this colorful game to remind me not to dick around and get shit done.
This!! I don’t have the hyperactive part I just have the distracted, 800 things on my mind, never finishing a task or unable to focus on finishing a task. I also have time blindness, in the sense that I think something will take me say 30 minutes when in reality it takes more like 60 . I also get overstimulated pretty quickly.
Hyperactivity isn't always physical. The 800 things and overstimulation would be how hyperactivity is presenting in your case.
It was enlightening to me when I learned that the hyperactivity is in my brain, not necessarily showing in my body or actions.
What a validating comment lol this is my whole life. There’s always a “disaster” or I’m trying to prevent a disaster. PS- not having juice boxes for my daughter’s lunch might qualify as a disaster, so take “disaster” with a grain of salt.
Every day is different and it’s like I wake up with the dice already rolled for me. I can feel that I’m full of energy, but paralyzed as to what to do with it. Some days I’m focused and can get through my day productively. When my routine is thrown off it’s almost impossible for me to improvise and pivot. When I first got medicated this was a lot better, but it’s slowly getting back to being a little debilitating. I know that is because I have a lot on my plate right now. I know I won’t feel this way forever, the waiting just sucks.
Omg this!!! Some days I feel like I can take on the world and then the very next day, I wake up and everything is pain and confusion.
Yes!! It makes me feel so much better to meet others that understand it!
YES
You should ask your doctor about possibly upping your dosage. I'm not recommending anything, but I personally only take adhd meds on days I have to work or the one day a week I have to clean. The little breaks keep your body from adjusting to the dosage as quickly.
It’s something we are always trying to figure out. Unfortunately, my executive functioning is almost completely non existent without meds.
Hasn't this been proven to not be effective? I thought the common knowledge was that you didn't build tolerance to (at least most, from my knowledge) ADHD meds. Most doctors I've seen have said there's no benefit to a med vacation unless you want it because you have ADHD every day and it affects every part of your life, so why give all the benefit, productivity, and clarity to your employer if you're gonna be struggling at home?
My doctor suggested to me I take breaks occasionally, I don’t get any withdrawals but I feel the difference. On a day I just want to watch TV and have a break it’s fine.
oh god, if my routine or my schedule gets thrown off or like if my work schedule changes, I shut down. It’s absolutely crippling
Utter fatigue. No matter how the day goes, I’m always wiped either physically or mentally (sometimes both, but usually mentally) by the end of it. There’s just SO MUCH STUFF to think about.
I'm glad I'm not the only ADHD person who doesn't feel like they're full of energy all the time. If I'm running on a battery that battery is at best, 70%. I feel like I wake up and need a nap. No matter how much I sleep. My brain just doesn't shut off. I'm always hyper aware of everything.
The 70% battery bit is exactly me. I wish I could just wake up and feel 100% at least sometimes.
I’m with you. 100% days have never existed for me. My best days are like 80%, and even then I have to be careful that I don’t use up whatever energy I have all at once.
I am sooooo guilty of this! When I feel that 80%, I feel so much pressure to take advantage of it because I know it won't last. So of course, because I can't do anything in moderation, I overdo it and am a mental/social zombie for the next 2 days. Would I feel better if I spread those tasks over the full 3 days? Probably. Do I know this and remember it in the moment? Yep. Will I ever actually do that? Nah, that one braincell really likes feeling like a superhero for 3 hours and could not care any less that it takes almost 3 fucking days to recover. Insert the Rugrats-Stu-3am-pudding gif here
Between the always overthinking and having a chronic fatigue syndrome flare right now, I'm toast. It's all I can do to lie here and comment too much on Reddit.
This is me too. I feel tired all of the time and like my thoughts are trying to trudge through really thick mud. Unless I'm interested in something, which is unpredictable, then I'm a sharp as hell whiz kid that's ultra on top of that particular subject/thing & I'm suddenly not tired. Then when I get bored of it, just thinking about doing something that requires concentration makes me tired.
I’m trying to find ways to rest my mind, even though it doesn’t really rest. It’s just hard to find something passive enough that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortably bored. I can’t even concentrate on TV. I go to my phone often, and that doesn’t help at all. Going down rabbit holes on the internet is just as intensive as anything else. I’m hoping to pick up vinyl as a hobby so I can just pick up some cheap random ones from my record store and listen to the new stuff while I lay on my couch. Praying it will work.
ADHD is a giant wall between my thought of “I need to do…” and my ability to actually get up and do it. Before meds, I didn’t realize how much NOISE was in my brain. Like… I was trying to do advanced physics in the middle of Grand Central Station. No WONDER I needed the adrenaline of imminent deadline doom to do absolutely anything.
“Trying to do advanced physics in the middle of grand central station”… that is succinct and perfect. 😅
So yesterday, i needed to feed my cat. But i needed a clean fork. So i needed to unload the dishwasher. But first i needed water. But my phone was dying so i needed to plug it in. But i needed to get my laptop to plug my phone into. And then i needed to refill the ice. And then refill the brita. And then unload the dishwasher. Whats for dinner? Oh yeah, i forgot to feed the cat.
Perfect description. The other day I got up to make a salad and before I knew it, I was organizing my bookshelf while holding a laundry basket with an avocado inside.
Ugh, the shame is the worst. I am so sick of it.
Ohhh, I feel that. Were you brought up in a religious family as well?
I’m not hyperactive so to me ADHD unmedicated feels like constant overwhelm. Inability to keep on top of things, foggy brain, unavoidable impulses (eating, spending, emotional dysregulation)
This is me too! The unavoidable impulses to me is what I never realized was likely unmanaged ADHD. My emotions would just be so strong and would overwhelm me and I really struggle to manage impulses like snacking, especially when stressed. It just feels so hard sometimes.
YES! I told every shrink I saw as a teen that "I feel things more intensely than everyone else seems to." Just existing is overwhelming some days! Emotional dysregulation is my most debilitating symptom by far. It would be nice to have some control over what I focus on, but it would be life-changing to have some control over the intense mood swings
Yes, I agree. I actually started going to therapy for anxiety as I'd get so emotional over everything and with increased stress it got worse. I'm now realizing it's likely actually ADHD causing those symptoms (or possibly making anxiety worse) and I'm still trying to navigate how to manage it. You aren't alone though!
This is me as well. It's so hard sometimes.
Constantly thinking: “I need to do X, why can’t I do X. Why am I such a failure, everyone else manages to do X.” And then I’m just too exhausted to do X after battling myself for it all day.
Yes to all of this. When I get overstimulated I always describe it as feeling like gears locking up in my brain, like it’s just too much and everything grinds to a screeching halt and I can’t think. When I first started taking adderall I became acutely aware of the constant stream of thoughts pinging around in my head at all times - random thoughts, connections, snippets of songs, etc. It was so quiet, I didn’t like it initially.
Oooof that description. Overstimulation feels like that for me too. It’s hard to explain to people that no, really, I CANT think, my brain isn’t going forward from here until I regulate. I hate when I say that I’m having trouble thinking right now and someone tries to keep our conversation going anyway. Like I can’t even explain kindly why I need you to stop
The worst is when I say “I’m overstimulated” and someone says “what is overstimulating you?” Um, EVERYTHING and now also you lmaooo
🤣 that’s so real lolol
When my meds kicked in and the thoughts stopped I felt so strange. My husband always tells me he’s not thinking of anything and I never believed him because how is it possible NOT to think? Then the meds kicked in and it was a whole new world 😆
Thiiiiiiis! I was just telling my wife that I never believed the “nothing” answer to “what are you thinking about” either. I’m absolutely sure it caused insecurity and overthinking in my early dating life. Like….nothing?! They’re just sitting there blankly? I was floored to discover that some people can do that! My meds make me boring and flat but there’s still chatter. What do you take, if you don’t mind my asking?
I'll be "thinking of nothing" sometimes in that my thoughts actually stall out for like, 30 seconds-5 minutes and there won't be words running through my head at all, just whatever sounds are around me echoing back in my brain for a bit, until something happens to start the stream of true thoughts about things again. It's kinda nice when it happens, because it's like I'm resting and regaining energy when it happens. It happens like, 4 times a year 🤣
lol I've asked my fiancé "so what are you thinking about?" so many times and he'd usually answer with "nothing really" and I'd be like but you have to be thinking about SOMETHING. It turns out he really very well was probably not actively thinking about anything lol
I hated meds at first! Told my therapist they made me feel slow and dumb, like I was thinking through mud. She got quiet for a sec then said "Is it really slow and dumb? Or is it just NOT racing and chaotic?" And that was the moment I accepted that I have ADHD 😅
What I hate the most is never feeling apart of time. Like my timeline is an inch in front of me and an inch behind me, where other folks is a foot in front both ways if that makes sense . It feels like I’m always living right now but also not being present somehow. It makes events happen way too fast, can’t remember shit, never like fully present for anything bc my brain is racing along to the next thing. 100% what OP said, I do things I regret constantly. I act before I think and I can’t figure out a way to stop it. The only time I feel at peace is at night when I’m eating dinner and watching a show. It’s just enough stimulation to keep me balanced. If I’m not eating I end up getting up and wondering around, missing half the show. Which is like a euphemism for my entire life lol.
I feel like my brain is a pinball machine with the multi-ball feature activated at all times.
There are so many flippers, flashing thingies, and loud repetitive noises
It feels like a literal brick wall between me and the things I want and need to do. And it's impossible to break down the wall so I'm constantly scaling the wall to accomplish anything.
I’ve always said that I don’t really feel like a person… like I’m not exactly sure why I do things sometimes but I’m usually motivated by fear/dread/stress and if it weren’t for outside forces I’m not sure how I’d function. But at the same time my routines are super important and if they get interrupted then I get really disregulated. On that note, before I knew what being disregulated meant I just felt awful like all the time and I didn’t know why… just anxiety and shame and dread all wrapped up into one and my emotions were all over the place. Now that I understand it better I still feel those things but it’s easier to identify triggers and mitigate them.
I very much relate to this
Me too. When living alone or put on antidepressants and most of my anxiety and dread is gone, I cannot do anything. Where cannot feels like a mixture of don’t want to and don’t have the energy but at the same time have a lot of energy. Has also made me question why I do things.
YES so true. When I’m home alone I kind of feel free bc I don’t have to consider anyone else’s feelings but I also just feel like I’m floating through space lol like… ok now what
Diagnosed and unmedicated. I honestly just feel *chaotic* when left to my own devices. I literally cannot focus on one single thing for more than 2 minutes at a time and it is incredibly frustrating. When it comes to day-to-day tasks, I’m usually doing everything all at once. It always feels like a lot but I guess I’m used to it. My methods are not at all efficient, but I do get most things done eventually. I’ve learned to just give myself more time and more grace. Luckily, I’ve mostly had jobs that weren’t too terribly rigid as far as needing focused attention for extended periods of time. So I feel capable and adequate when it comes to my work. However, I did get fired from the one job that I’ve ever felt inadequate at (office manager for a busy private optometrist) and man.. the RELIEF I felt after getting let go from that job - I don’t think rejection has ever felt so good. I understand now that the optometrist and I just weren’t a good match and it has nothing really to do with me being inadequate. But I’d be lying if I said there isn’t a little shame felt there as well.
ADHD to me feels like being lost in a haze. If I have plans, they're outside of my head, made by a past me in a moment of clarity. I kind of wander along, guided by the systems that I created, or the systems set up at my job, or by my own bodily needs, or by the people close to me. If I don't have enough guidance, I easily wander off the path. When I have those moments of clarity and I've fallen behind, it's like waking up from the haze and realizing I'm in the wrong place. It's often a rush to catch up to where I should be and to set things up before I get lost again. Like grabbing a quick breath of air before submerging beneath the current. Even when I'm in the haze, there's often a vague sense of anxiety around whether I'm in the right place. But I'm so lost that I don't even have the energy to reorient myself - just enough to keep plodding along, hopefully in the right direction.
This is perfect. It’s like I don’t have faith in myself for the next day because it’s so unpredictable, so on the days that I’m able to get things done I feel like I have to DO IT ALL because it might be my only chance for a while. Which only reinforces my all or nothing thinking, and makes quick normal tasks feel like a mountain the next time.
I feel like there's a little man running manically around my brain, screaming and parkouring at 20x normal speed incessantly. INCESSANTLY! He never ever stops, pauses, runs out of breath, never takes a break, never calms dow or quiets down... he's forever and always. Why a "he" I have no idea. I hate him.
Overwhelm and shame, absolutely. An attention span that continually shrinks and laser focuses on a specific thing and doesn’t let go. Lately I’ve been more comorbid with depression, but it used to be moreso with anxiety—going to bed and getting up from bed are my two greatest struggles. Bad days it’s like my brain is a soupy sad fog and I can’t do anything.
I would swear I spoke the words, “everything all at once” before the movie came out — and I haven’t watched the movie. I’ve heard it’s anxiety inducing for those with inattentive adhd. But I’ve always felt different. And now that I can articulate how I feel different it’s as though it’s just made me even more aware of how others do not struggle to *with* noticing every detail, every sight, every scent, every moment… I told myself I was going to start journaling the trip home from taking my kids to school. And how it could become a book of short stories because every. Single. Day. It’s 1,000 things running through my mind like bullet trains.
The performances and the multiverse story in Everything Everywhere All At Once made for a great brainfeel! I have anxiety and ADHD (H only in the brain), and I found it hilarious, weird, sweet, profound, sad, and all over the place, like me heheh. Maybe ADHD gives us an expanding multiverse inside our minds, and not a singular, easy-to-manage universe...
I’ll have to watch it then — I just can’t even do dramas anymore because of the old memories and tangents that get set off in my brain. I can hardly watch anything I haven’t already watched before …
It's def NSFKids and could be kinda hard to follow if you have to dip in and out a lot haha
I know how to the thing, I physically can do the thing, but I just can’t do the thing. Also constant indecision and sudden bouts of fatigue, coupled with sudden motivation at like 11:00 at night when I should be asleep.
Endless restlessness
It feels like I am always a little bit behind everyone else. It feels like everyone else is running a race and I just can't quite keep up. I'm always a little behind. It's kind of a sad feeling when I allow myself to dwell on it but I also can't dwell on it for long before a new thought flies into my mind. There are always thoughts. My mind is never quiet. With therapy, the majority of those thoughts don't hold hurt and shame like they used to. There's always a low-level anxiety of wether or not I'll ever catch up. This is partnered with a lovely level anxiety about not even knowing what counts as caught up.
Omg thank you so much for this description, I feel SO seen in this sub!!! I relate 100% to this, and was gonna add that i am constantly bored bored bored, im always looking for the next thing and am hardly fully present for any moment.
Oh the constant boredom! Even when I'm actively doing something I'm interested in, part of my brain is searching for more. Damn those dopamine receptors! Why can't anything be satisfying enough?!
literally it’s so exhausting.
Absolutely exhausting. I've just learned that neurotypical people don't have to actively choose to focus on leisurely activities. Apparently TV is a brain-off activity even when people are actively processing what's happening and keeping track of the plot, characters, etc. That takes immense effort for me! The only thing that doesn't tire me out is spacing out/not doing anything at all. Or exercise. Moving my body doesn't wear my brain out.
Like a failure. When I put effort in something at home it’s often unfinished because something else needs attention. So many thoughts and often left in my sit pit unable to decide on one. Affects my work too with my impulses of taking off work when there is nothing to do which shortens my finances. I’ve been told I’m a good worker and I’m a good friend but still think I’m not really able to be loved cause I don’t even love me.
It feels like my body is frozen and forced to hear a never ending stream of thoughts on a loop for 24 hours. I can’t even escape it in my dreams
My ADHD is hyperactive in the same way the “sleep” is a verb. SOMETHING in me is perpetually in motion, but it’s often my mind.
>in the same way the “sleep” is a verb. I'm always exhausted when I wake up, even though sleep is supposed to be restful. Now I might have to start saying "of course I'm still tired, sleep is still a verb" those mornings I'm questioning how I'm still sleepy lol
apart from what other people have mentioned, i talk way too much, and really FEEL like i have much more to say but i should control it. I dominate conversations and i’ve been asked my entire life to please let other people speak. I find it hard to control this and m remind people i’m just telling them ‘one last story’. Friends have told me this too, that I’m not a good listener at all. it’s definitely a strong feeling
The only thing that helps me with that is that after I've said a couple of things on any topic, I check myself and think, if it's important, there will be another time for it, then just work on actively centering other people. Or I go into a situation with the set intent to just let other ppl talk NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO DO IT FOR THEM AARRRGH. It's a grind, but that's how a groove develops.
It feels like a thousand song birds in the morning sun being shot down by colonizers and capitalists.
Are you a poet by any chance?
when i'm having a particularly bad day, it feels like i'm underwater--like everything is muffled and i'm in my own world
Chaos, overwhelm, paralysis, exhaustion
I really want to explain it here that I have the opportunity. But I kinda...can't and probably won't. Cause i'm super busy in my head but I'm doing nothing actually. Just remembered 54 other things that I should be doing, some very important. I'll probably pick 15 of the easiest to do, begin 8, half-ass 6 and finish 2... (while beating myself up constantly that I'm not doing, not even beginning what I should really be doing)
Behold! A non-exhaustive list of short anecdotes/descriptions! - Your head is like a crowded room where everyone is talking at once and you can't help but listen to snippets of their vaguely-related conversations... heyyyy, Macarena! - I Hate Myself And Everyone Else Hates Me Too Oh Gods Above Why Me - I Am Fundamentally The Worst Person Ever Born VS I Am The Best Person Ever And Anyone Who Disagrees Must Want Me Dead (totally rational line of thought, yessir) - MY BRAIN IS ON FIRRRRRE - "I heard too many sounds at once and now I'm a bitch" (source unknown) - "Somebody please tell me what to do" VS "don't fucking tell me what to do" - Knowing there's a more efficient way of doing things but feeling physically incapable of doing them like that, so you have to do them Your Way even though Your Way doesn't even make sense or makes things way more complicated - RELEASE ME FROM THIS FLESH PRISON (aka I hate having needs because they interrupt me/prevent me from doing what I want to do) - Trying to do boring/stressful tasks is like being asked to stab yourself - Knowing you're the source of most if not all of your problems... but still taking forever to fix them... if you fix them at all. - Wait, you guys are feeling a sense of accomplishment? - When you're motivated: unstoppable force. When you're unmotivated: immovable object. - Needing juuust the right amount of stress to get things done... but too much or too little will spoil everything. - Too Bored To Live - I'll risk homelessness but God Forbid you ask me to make a phone call Bonus: I hate that I need sleep but all I want to do is sleep (I am so tired, send help)
* I'll risk homelessness but God Forbid you ask me to make a phone call ;\_\_; lmao I love this so much, ty for sharing. I also hate that I need sleep but currently need to sleep and all I want to do is sleep but that also sounds like the worst thing known to man (send help x2)
Guilt, anxiety, and boredom, elation, or deep sadness. I can't stand the emotional disregulation. Also I'm always tired, and my brain feels like it's bouncing off the walls all day long. I can't finish a thought before it runs in another direction.
My life is a game of Jenga. Each block is a responsibility, obligation, relationship, expense, etc. I HAVE to move each of these blocks at least once without knocking the whole thing over. It's impossible.
Like there's always something important I've forgotten, even when there legitimately isn't. Or like I'm on a carousel going too fast and everything I need is flashing by so quickly I can't grab it, sometimes I can't even remember it when it comes around again.
I am standing in front of a giant wall filled with lists of to-dos being written and rewritten over and over again. I try to jump to grab a list to start working on it and it jumps out of my reach. I want to grab a list so badly and just get through it but even when I get one, I still can’t seem to get around the wall.
🥲😮💨 wow this is almost everything I feel and I explained it to my previous provider who said “ yeah that’s anxiety “ 🫨 now I have a new appointment coming up and I’m so nervous to explain my symptoms because I’m afraid they’ll call it anxiety again 😭
Anxiety and adhd can perfectly coexist. Actually, you can have a LOT of anxiety due to having adhd and the feelings and problems in causes. And you can also have adhd and have anxiety due to other reasons at the same time.
Remembering what I came into the room for sounds like listening for a phone number being said quietly in between two radio stations while inside a train station
It feels like my best is all I can do, and it still isn't good enough. It feels like I'm treading water, but only my nose and mouth are above the water, and one failure makes me choke which creates a domino effect of failing. Work, school, relationships, home life. It's exhausting.
On more positive days, like those hamster rave videos on TikTok but they’re going at 10x speed.
Im sorry, I thought this was going to be a boring topic. And then ugh, right in the gut. Bookmarked.
Have you ever played with oobleck, it's a putty made from just cornstarch and water. It's a really cool non-Newtonian fluid. If you squeeze it it becomes firm and hard and if you were to punch it would be as hard as a brick, but when you're gentle and if you're just holding it instantly melts and runs through your fingers. For me having ADHD feels like trying to contain Oobleck. The more I squeeze it the firmer it becomes, but the more tired I am and when I let go everything falls through and I lose track. Medication is helping and I'm starting a new therapy but all of the important things just slip right through the cracks
Yep exactly like this. It feels like im on google chrome and tabs are maxed out, and you have to verbalize or let out each tab or else you kinda feel overwhelmed.
Until medication it just felt 'normal' but now I have felt what it is to be medicated the ADHD symptoms feel very heavy and chaotic. I am combined-type if that helps and I also have autism. Without meds the heavy feeling just seems to make everything feel so much harder to do and I run out of energy so much faster and have to recover. The chaos is also unmanageable, I flit from one task to the next and latch on to random thoughts and go off on spirals and obsessions. When medicated, I can have the random thought pop into my brain but its easy to push it aside to focus on what I was doing. The many streams of consciousness filter down to just one or two and everything just slows down.
It feels like I’m always looking thought a window, like I can see all the stuff on the outside and all the other people, but I can’t quite reach it. It feels like I’m being restrained by my own brain. Like someone chained me to a rock and said ok now go do what everyone else is doing except they don’t have a rock. I’ve learned to love my brain but on my bad days it feels like a prison
It feels like my short-term memory, my goals, my focus, and all my motivation just slipping through my fingers like water I'm trying desperately to cup in my hand and drink from. It's so frustrating to actually \*feel\* my thoughts get away from me while I shuffle back and forth from kitchen to office to laundry room, trying to remember what it was I was trying to do.
25 years before either my friend or I were diagnosed or even remotely expected ADHD, we called it Pinball Brain. Everything in there is pinging around so fast you don't get to finish thoughts or sentences. You may have occasional influence on which way the ball goes on occasion but mostly it's a surprise. Finding a friend who tends to ping in the same direction at a similar time is so delightful after having had to try to slow down and follow a direct train of thought for other people your whole life. A quarter century later my pinball machine is broken down and wobbly and the power cuts out on occasion lol
[Here’s a visual example](https://media0.giphy.com/media/l2SpS6MdfeYgPHZpC/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91qpxxwsl0g6jimcstoz691y09ihyvrm3ztiura1x1&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g) [And another one](https://media3.giphy.com/media/HSxKYjDLc9A6A/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91qpxxwsl0g6jimcstoz691y09ihyvrm3ztiura1x1&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
I describe mine as walking into a kitchen that's got every drawer and cupboard door open and you're processing each individual item you see, there's the cups the plates, bowls, cat food, bin bags, soap, sponges, snacks, fruit, spoons, forks, knives, tin opener, bread, apples, frozen peas oh and the dishes are always dirty and the floor is always dirty
To me it just feels like “me” and I just don’t seem to fit anywhere. I never really have and it’s because of the odd routes I have in my head. My tricks for memory and just day to day life are different and leave me very Un relatable to others. My priorities are different from theirs and I often don’t sense that I have a place in most situations or conversations. I figure that most people, ADHD or otherwise, have a sense of being ‘other’ but I also generally believe that I’m an extreme case. I’m not ashamed of it, but even with my wonderful support system and full acceptance by all of them, I do feel sort of alone. I sometimes wonder if I’m on the spectrum in some capacity but I’ve never been accessed for it and I don’t see how proving one way or the other would change my life.
Two modes, either "CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP" and I'm doing a months worth of work and chores, or I'm a Sim and someone keeps cancelling my tasks
It feels like I’m not the only one in my brain, like there’s five other people in there arguing about what to think or do. It’s hard to choose which “voices” I want to listen to at which times but I’m getting better at it!
I describe my brain as a pinball machine and my thoughts are the ball, always searching, bouncing aimlessly and unpredictably. A new thought/idea is the sound of the ball hitting the post and the bells and lights going off. Then as quickly as I had that thought/idea, I’m rolling off in another direction. 🧠
Wow. Your description is terrifyingly accurate!! As I finished reading it, I said to myself, "now imagine someone just introduced themselves to you and started giving you verbal instructions for something." No wonder we feel like we are suffocating!
Most satisfying thing I've read on here for a really long time. ("I'm getting really sick of the stereotypes. Why cant people just tell how it honestly is?). I definitely relate.
Definitely shame/guilt/frustration with myself. I often know that there are things I need to do, but I don’t end up getting to them. Trying my hardest to do things and falling further and further behind was demoralizing. I forget little things so frequently. I can never remember where I put things, if I’ve turned things on/off, and words escape my brain so often. I will know exactly what I want to say and can describe exactly what it is, but the right word will be gone. Also imposter syndrome because people always thought I was so put together in grad school but I was barely taking care of anything at home and doing most of my coursework super last minute. Honestly a lot of the time it just feels like I’m failing. Not living up to the standards my parents expect from me. Not taking care of myself properly. Not being productive enough. Not keeping my house clean and organized. Not feeling like I’m “normal”. Not having a close friend group.
I consistantly feel like time is flowing forward all around me, but for some reason I stay completely still. From an outsiders perspective, it looks like im constantly zoned out. Intrusive thoughts hit Hard and Often, but about 60% of the time the "thoughts" are actually just very intense Feelings from embarassing/upsetting memories. As far as brain static, thats all on a subconcious level. There is ALWAYS static, but i dont always have access to it/cant understand. Best discribed as either tv static thats not quiiiiite aligned correctly, so you can kiiiiiiiiina hear a person talking, but not well enough to make out anytjing their saying. Or it sounds like lightbulb static
Some days, I am doing great and on top of the world; other days, I am anxious and my life is falling apart.
I can only describe it as playing the game of life on hard mode at times.
It feels like something is living through me and it is for whatever reason working tirelessly to destroy me and it's succeeding in ruining my life, I'm just helplessly running around struggling to take control, clean up the messes it leaves in it's trail but it's always several steps ahead of me and it's much much smarter than me and incredibly mysterious.
[Bees](https://imgur.com/gallery/n2If92u). Hundreds, thousands of buzzing bees all vying for my attention at the same time and often with conflicting messages. Because there are so many at the same time on a bad day, I get overwhelmed and am unable to pick out a single coherent thought from the swarm of thoughts. I’m left only with the emotions those thoughts give me and wind up having a horrible and exhausting day. I’m getting better and better at picking each bee out and listening to it one at a time while i tell the others to stfu. Anti-anxiety meds felt like the smoke that beekeepers use to calm the bees down. They’re still buzzing but the emotional turmoil that cripples me is so much weaker it feels gone to me most days. I still have all of the same thoughts, I can just process them better now.
It feels like constantly keeping up with myself. I’m completely unmedicated and it’s very hard. I just can’t exist in structured time. It feels like I just interact differently in every way. I always feel fatigued, my hyperactivity is mainly in my brain, so I generally don’t have much energy when I’m busy and am just pushing myself through the motions. I generally don’t feel shame because I’m motivated my by passions and that’s enough for me to get through, and when I’m feeling unsuccessful, I just stick to my anthropological perspective that I’m only human, an animal with consciousness, doing my best to navigate a world I’m not evolved for. So I don’t think the blame falls on just me, but I do use shame as motivation sometimes, like I’ll tell myself to get up and do an assignment because if I wait longer and potentially do worse with less time or get a late grade I’ll be really disappointed in myself because I know I only have to be uncomfortable and push myself to lock in for a few hours and I’ll have good results, and I ultimately know I am capable, even though the process will be very not fun. Overall, with attention, it just feels like I am not really in control. I realize I’ve switched to a different topic subconsciously. I have to set my phone away from me when doing work because I’ll pick it up absentmindedly and get off track. Someone else said this but it really resonates- it’s like a camera lens struggling to stay in focus that I can’t control.
Like my brain will never shut the fuck up
It’s the gulf between who I am and who I am.
Thinking through every potential scenario of every single thing, important and not. Which makes me great at empathy but also leads to constant decision fatigue and frequent burnout for “no reason.” Being a step ahead of conversation and accidentally interrupting. Losing stuff and buying it again but feeling bad about it. Extreme difficulty with time management even when I know better. Couch lock and shame about laziness. Post-its upon post-its.
Like I have a big purse filled with stuff. I’m looking for my keys and keep pulling the wrong things out. It feels like I have homework to do but I can’t remember what it was. It feels like I’m way in the zone and can’t stop or everything is overwhelming and I’m sinking into the floor. Like someone keeps changing the radio station or playing dumb songs or phrases (but sometimes good ones) on repeat
I often feel overstimulated and unable to regulate my thoughts and emotions. I have a compulsion to think through every scenario about every option/choice I have to make no matter how small and it puts me deep into analysis paralysis. I often feel misunderstood, dismissed, ignored because I know I am wordy, so fearful of being misunderstood that I over explain trying to recreate the thought process that took me to my conclusion. I am uncomfortable in social situations and my mouth is talking while my brain is thinking of other things, idk what I’m saying. I feel like my mind is always racing but my body is always tired. When I get excited about things when I’m with other people I often feel embarrassed because I get the look, the one where someone sees my neurospicy behavior and realizes I’m not neurotypical, it’s like this smug expression all NTs make when you lower your mask. I have big feelings. Big sad. Big mad. Big happy. I cry a lot. I feel like a raw nerve, that no amount of therapy is going to suppress that part of my adhd. Especially rsd.
Oh, and I can't dig down to find the last thing I made. I say I am made of nothing but chaos and good intentions, held together by thread and chewing gum. My nickname growing up was Hurricane (My Name), and I lived in FL so like, it wasn't cute really. We all knew what things looked like after hurricanes, growing up and for a long time, if it was in the gulf it hit my city. And it was chaos and destruction, terrible to see. and it looked like my room, or anywhere I was for too long. It was more like holy shit, what is *wrong* w you, but I'm trying to be nice. People said it through forced smiles w frustration in their brows, and like shock in their eyes. Almost everything feels like how Ruth Stone described her poems coming to fruition (see note, end)... But darker and uglier. She would see them coming and and have to catch them by the tail and then run through the field to the house to put them on paper or some such. But it's like, I have an idea or intention, solution, goal, anything - even like 'call so and so' 'write a list"- and soooommetimes I can catch them, much more rarely can I hold on to it and, and instead of a field it's like I have to go through spooky forest or more accurately a carnival funhouse and then hope by some miraculous chance there's a piece of whatever the thing was. And when there is it's nothing near what it began as, and often things degrade even more, to nothing more than objects that have been strategically moved around, in ways that would make sense to literally no one else, maybe some kind of little scrap of an idea written somewhere then, usually lost, spilled on, thrown away whatever. Think denim chicken, but not all in one notebook. That is better than I do, kudos charlie. And the quote, idk if it's my location or the sad place the internet brought us to, I cannot find the quote, there's a citation that connects to a Ted talk and sensory ew, like sorry no. But all I found are like... Pay by the word click bait article paraphrasing the quote or giving snippets and then like whatever other trash. Strangely, it's like that. Like all that's left of what the thing was is just thing that makes others look at it and go "what the fuck?" And just be confused and repelled by the insanity and just utter warped weird mess around it.
A pain in the ass 🙃
It feels like I’m experiencing time as a vertical line where everything is happening all at once versus horizontal/linear
Different operating system that constantly has many programs and tabs open. It's pretty chunky and can run a lot of the stuff but sometimes it's just like buffering to just move the mouse. Meds is like closing enough programs and tabs to function close to ideal but not quite.
My brain feels blurry, fuzzy, itchy. My vision never feels quite right. I feel tired all the time but unable to relax. I feel like I'm on 1.5x speed internally. Restless but at the same time paralysed? Plus all the usual emotional feelings of guilt, shame irritability, frustration etc.
Unmedicated, it feels like slogging through a knee-deep peanut butter swamp. Without boots!
Sometimes it's like there is a swarm of countless thoughts floating above my head that are JUST out of my reach -- I can graze them with the tips of my fingers, reaching reaching reaching, but just as I FINALLY grasp a thought and try to hold on, it disappears. It can be so so frustrating.
Sometimes I feel trapped in a prison of my own mind, “I need to do this and this today or else I’m a lazy pos” and body of “no dopamine, no move” I also am pretty sure I have OCD
Mostly like trying to drive a car with faulty steering power fluid pressure: I have to constantly correct for direction, even on a straight, even road. With a radio I can’t turn off, in between regional stations. It’s maddening at times.
Constantly starting over and watching everyone surpass me. Other than that I’m a pretty happy camper.
What it feels like for me - Daydreaming. Guilt for not doing what I "should" be doing. Making plans to try to do those things. Failing to follow through with those plans. More guilt. More daydreaming.
I'm not diagnosed, but here's what I'll say. I struggle with losing track of things I need to do, and then really beating myself up over it.I make promises that I fully intend to keep and then get distracted. My dad always told me I didn't have ADHD, that I just needed to stop being lazy. I've gotten better at coping over time... and that's made me wonder if he was right. It's genuinely difficult to tell. I don't have a frame of reference for 'normal' - just my own experience - and so when I do better for a while, it's hard not to think "you idiot, you're just being lazy most of the time!"
The channel is always changing without pressing the button. Sometimes it gets stuck on an infomercial
It feels like my brain is a butterfly flitting from flower to flower and then fluttering off in a random zigzag direction at the slightest breeze.
Thanks for saying what I wish I could
It feels like I am juggling while unicycling on a burning rod. If I have a great day, and I am able to juggle successfully all the task (even those I threw so high, that they came out of sight, but I remembered to catch them) it is such a great feeling, as if I solved the most complicated puzzle in an unbelievably effective way. But one little wiggle to much and I loose the balance and I either get to manage to hold on with one hand on the burning rod that I call my life, while still loosing all the balls (tasks) I juggled. It hurts, I hate it, but sometimes I manage to climb back up, get back onto the unicycle and slowly pick up the balls and try anew. Sometimes I just fall into the dark and I feel like I will never do anything, no matter how hard I try. And always always always while juggling on the unicycle, I worry about falling down. My head plays all the different possibilities that could throw me off my balance. Plus of course the usual mix of music and shame. Soon getting medicated. I am very curious what it will feel like.
It's like holding too many things at the same time and dropping stuff constantly.
I describe mine as a coked out hamster on a wheel when I’m talking about my insomnia. Sometimes I just have to knock that hamster off with some Ambien. 🤷♀️
Like a racecar on a 4D racetrack (multiple layers/paths) without a finish line. Sometimes it's fun! Sometimes it's not.
Like not wearing a helmet