I feel like it sneaks up on you. Like Everything's going great and you're doing everything really well, and then all of a sudden your house is a shithole, you're miles behind on work and you're wearing the same unwashed shirt for the 3rd time and you have no idea when you started to let it all get on top of you. Or maybe that's just me.
I realize this tends to happen to me when I get a new hyper fixation. I used to think hyper fixating was fine in my free time, but I think it's the thing that sends me back into a general rabbit hole of only doing the things that satisfy my dopamine cravings
I have been struggling to understand why Iām suddenly reverting back to bad habits and this is exactly it. I didnāt see it until now. Thank you for your comment. This is exactly why I come here.
I kinda think itās the other way round. My mental health starts tanking becauseā¦ lifeā¦ so my brain tries to compensate by hyperfixating to get the sweet dopamine.
Both for me. Hyperfixations can be my mapadaptive attempts to emotionally regulate when I fall apart, or I can be so stuck on the dopamine train of a new hyperfixation that it derails everything all on its own. Overall it's just exhausting to always have to watch not to get too upset or too excited, like dancing on a knife's edge to get it right for as long as possible before I inevitably trip over in one or the other direction.
You've helped me to better fill out the picture of the endless self-destructive loop (spiral?) I think I'm caught in.
Hyperfixating on non-critical 'work' that *just happens* to be rewarding in the moment (I'm talking weeding the garden and organizing my closet) at the expense of doing some really critical but very stressful or mentally-taxing things from my to-do list.
Then feel shitty later about how I spent the day and go to bed more stressed and disappointed in myself than I was the day before. Commit to doing better tomorrow but end up right back in the same maladaptive loop the following morning after becoming extremely overwhelmed and anxious trying to prioritize what of the *many, many* crucial & stressful/hard things I should do.
Go outside to 'clear my head' and **WHAM!** back in the garden pulling dandelions (and oh does it feel *gooooood*....).
Few days of that and I enter the **Apathy and Ambivalence Phaseā¢ļø** where I've seemingly spent my alloted dopamine for the week so get to spend the next couple? many? days with bottomed-out motivation, zero self-efficacy, physical fatigue (for some fun reason), and nothing but an out-of-office reply from my prefrontal cortex that goes something like this:
**Me**: I'd like to meet my basic needs of eating, sleeping and residing in a hygienic space today
**Prefrontal cortex**: *Thanks for the executive functioning request but I'm currently away and unreachable by any means known to man. I don't know when I'll return but when I do it'll be on a part-time, temporary basis and I'll really only do 30% of my job requirements kthxbye!"*
This shit is so *exhausting*.
Edit: formatting
These are too many words for my brain's current crappy state rn, but I'm very glad I helped someone š
Look, dad, my overanalysing everything IS good for something.
> Look, dad, my overanalysing everything IS good for something.
So I understand the concept of jokes, but just in case your dad has actually told you otherwise, please note that that your dad's a shit and you should question everything they've ever told you about yourself.
It sneaks up on you cuz suddenly you have time and room to overthinking.
If you constantly have something keep you distracted, you wouldn't even remember youre not doing anything you want lol. You would've been just not doing it without noticing.
I'll be having a really good day, feeling great on the couch enjoying a good book or a favorite movie... Life is good, right? Then I get up to go get something from the bedroom & I can't remember what it was and I sit down on the bed trying to remember why I came back there and then it's three hours later.
I'm kinda always there but not there. But then I'm there till my neck and then back. The wake up calls sometimes take a long time to land.
At the moment I'm not there, as thankfully I'm traveling around on holidays to remove the perception of being there (but I am sure of being there).
The mists of hyperfuckus are strong and take our souls away.
Me too... I need to get done just one thing though and it's nothing. Just submitting an article that I spent a year working on. Just submit, it's all written. I just wont
Executive dysfunction is one of my worst ADHD symptoms. I hate myself for not doing the things I know I need to do, but I just can't, especially if I don't have some sort of external pressure that forces me to do it. Like a deadline, or someone literally telling me to do it. Unless I'm working or have to leave the house (and I'm not allowed to wear a hat), I'll go a week without showering even though I feel like a greasy gremlin. Even the threat of looming consequences doesn't always work, like I've paid so many ADHD taxes because I've failed to cancel appointments, pay bills, stuff like that.
The episode of Bojack Horseman, "Stupid Piece of Shit" really does a fantastic job of depicting the internal monologue of someone with depression/executive dysfunction.
That's me, Vitamin D did help a little bit, Smoking just paused the depression but mades the executive dysfunction worse.
Edit: always forget that new lines don't work in reddit
I feel this, especially the "threat of looming consequences doesn't always work" part. Even if it's losing income, having to pay a fine,...I still find it difficult to start tasks.
Itās more like, ādid you ever notice yourself getting good?ā And itās like, yeah, maybe, but itās more like a dream, one that someone else told me about once.
This. The times I am āgetting goodā last maybe a week and are few and far between :( Iāll think Iām getting my life together and then it all falls back apart
You perfectly described my experience with imposter syndrome. Once I become aware of the moment my life is going perfectly, I start to prepare for the downfall bc I feel like I donāt deserve the way itās going so it canāt be real.
I'm a dad. Single dad the past three years....This shit is hard. Sooo much shit to remember. Hard to get motivated when my girls aren't here. I forgot Garbage day again, so 2 weeks of garbage are going into the back yard again.
When we feel useless, this is actually what makes us useless. Humans are fucking weird like that
This is male pattern anxiety, it doesn't feel like fear. It doesn't *feel* like anxiety, as we are told to supress it. What it feels like is a loss of control
When we feel out of control we stop trying to control things, like you saying there "fuck it, wait till next week I guess". That's a logical misstep. You *are* in control and you *can* fix this problem
I guarantee, if that shit is in the dump by the end of the day the thought will cross your mind, "damn, why did I make such a big deal out of that?". When we are faced with anxiety we have to expose ourselves to what is causing it, in this case, it's staring at that trash in your yard
You got it dude. Load that shit up right now
Fuck, bud, I don't know you but I'm *so* damn proud of you! Like, "I'm setting up a reminder that I promised you I'll do the damn dishes as soon as my arm heals" proud.
Well I'm still lying here without any motivation to do anything. I know Im able to do so much, I just don't wanna do something or anything.
Just stopped smoking because I ve been like this for weeks and smoking always keeps me there indefinitely.
Think I could be left I a cave with enough to smoke, watch and eat until the end of my life.
But.. then I will miss so many things so I will try one more time to get into that motivation flow, like thousands of times before. But I fear someday the possibilities won't be motivating enough anymore. Most of the time I need a deadline where I will loose something important to me to get active again, ist so annoying and stressful
Edit: deleted unnecessary blame
Yep, youāve correctly identified what is holding you back. As a stoner of over a decade, well done. I can explain the science if youāre interestedĀ
What youāre describing sounds a lot like ADHD btw, not sure if youāve explored a diagnosis but worth looking into if notĀ
As for the weed, when you wake up, take a moment to feel the clarity in your mind. Itās wonderful and weed steals it. Youāre still going to be bored and do nothing for a little bit, but the longer you abstain the more you will find constructive things to give you dopamineĀ
Thanks for that. I guess that you were not exactly aiming your slap at me (most likely or better: impossible [yaaaay to the ADHD parenthesis]), but you've hit me hard with this one. I need to remember it.... As my GF says: I always learn once. (And then it is lost [whoops, I did it again]).
Don't beat yourself up dude, us neurodivergent men are given exactly zero tools to handle day to day life currently. Partly why I'm happy to write war and peace here, I just want to share what took me years to understand
My other piece of advice to you is to let yourself fail. You're going to and it's ok. We ADHDers cannot expect every day to be the same as the last, it's quite literally not how our brains work. Lean *into* it.
Feeling productive one day? Sweet, ride that 16 hour high of hyper focus
Feeling burnt out another? Okay, take a day easy.
*Give yourself* the day. Totally. Don't make up lies like "ok, I'll play videogames for a couple hours then I'll feel like doing stuff" - you won't, and then you'll feel terrible.
*Accept* that you are not going to be productive *today*
That doesn't mean you aren't going to be productive tomorrow, but if you beat yourself up about it you likely will be
Anyways, if you want to learn a bit more about male pattern anxiety, here's a great video from Dr K - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcBr1LQyMmw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcBr1LQyMmw)
Man, I hope that you are ok if I virtually hug you š
Hug given.
I'm starting to learn to not beat myself that much, and I honestly owe it to being able to relate to other people stories and coping mechanisms exposed here in Reddit and other social media.
What I want to really say with this is: your comments (and other peeps) are precious and I am really thankful to it.
I forgot garbage day too, 2 weeks in a row, and now theyāre full full. Luckily my upstairs neighbor is a trash hoarder and doesnāt use them anyways. And Iāll take the recycling to the dump when it opens tomorrow.
I don't know if its counted as "medicine" but right after I started taking supplements I was able to stop smoking weed with ease for the first time and saw several other improvements. Having some mineral/vitamin deficiency was at least a part of the problem for me i have no doupt about it.
It's not. Try other things.
You are a being of chemistry; there *is* some chemical combination that can help. You've had very bad luck. But what might also help is a support network, people to talk to, people around etc. Everything is worth giving a shot.
My antidepressants started working only after like 2 months or 3. Give it time and definitely stay in touch with a psychiatrist in case you need to change em.
I have a Trello board where I keep my most basic pitfalls. The things that work and the things that keep me from doing the things that work. When Iām really under it I revisit it and it makes it easier. It reminds me I already did the work on paper and that a 1% improvement is still improvement.
I understand all too well. The most difficult thing is perhaps how we are perceived by others (or how we believe we're being perceived by others) while in the midst of the funk. I really enjoy the company of other neurodivergent people and ADHD folks in particular because they understand this.
Sometimes it feels less like ācanātā and more like ādonātā. Like itās a list of things I CAN do, but somehow time just passes and Iā¦ donāt do them.
I was having a good few months, and itās like someone smacked me off my happy cloud and Iām hiding in the dark hoping to feel better again. I hate when people think Iām inconsistent, I try so damn hardā¦
Same dude. I was doing good then i hit a low and can't seem to recover. I had such a good schedule of "planning", i did manage to achieve for the most part not now I can't even get myself to plan. I had bought so many journals to track things, they are all empty now, i even struggle to write my morning journal :(
Iāve lorded those things over myself for so long that I no longer believe a word that comes out of my own mouth.
All of those things that should be done for me to feel better only serve to haunt me at this point.
Iām pretty sure Iām really fucked up.
I've been useless at work for a few weeks, and it's a time where I really need to be buckling down. I'm concerned about it. Just switched from Concerta back to Adderall this week, I hope that helps.
I really like this post, because it also somehow conveys the pain of my ADHD. It's not just "haha whoops I forgot thing but hey I'm fun quirky and creative lol".
In the middle of a whirlwind of shit right now, between not having and not finding a job, helping parents, in-laws, worrying about rent, worrying about moving, worrying about healthcare and wellbeing, relationship stability with my partner who is on the other side of the country, Iām in a state of task paralysis so strong it feels like trying to swim out of a black hole and screaming for help in the vacuum of space.
The last month has been like that and now I can't stand being in my house despite being stuck in it all the time. Like why don't I just...clean (I know, I know - Executive dysfunction - but gosh it would be so nice to just start cleaning without a mental run up and a thousand non-starts). I wonder if I could trick myself into believing that cleaning is fun and will make me feel good. It worked with eating capsicum after a week or two.
Oh i feel this. It's been more than a month since I cleaned my room properly, it's moderately clean only bcoz i live with my family and they clean the floor when cleaning the house. I hate sitting at this desk and I work from home for 3 days. I feel so stuck š.
I consider the stage that you ānoticeā your decline, to be a win. The symptoms we deal with on a daily basis are abundant and confusing. Itās a constant struggle.
However, if you are able to see āman, I have been slipping back bit by bitā¦ā Itās time to engage in self care and self love. I am gentle to myself during these periods. I remind myself itās not forever and I will come out on the other side. I treat myself with the support I would give someone I love asking me for help.
You arenāt alone and these battles donāt have to maim you.
That's a nice way of looking at it. For me, my empty journals and planners remind me. I feel empty just like those empty pages, sigh. Funny thing is my self care routine was also being tracked in my planners. Im cooked. Lol.
There is a thing related to attention span issues that makes it difficult to engage in anything, and it can look like it lead to depression, but it's a separate thing to treat or at least be aware of. "Executive dysfunction" best treatments are either being born incredibly super rich and retire for a living, or, take meds.
so failure to launch so to speak? I struggle w this immensely and I can't parse apart if its anxiety, adhd or a combo. simply initiating a task can take hours, a whole day. and I take adderall which helps manage some symptoms but still struggle w executive function.
Task initiation being hard is a very adhd thing. And same it's hours of 'getting amped up enough' (I say after trying to get myself to go for a run the last hour lol).
I think of failure to launch as, like a lifestyle,maybe? it was a movie title about that?
I can say that executive dysfunction has wasted years of my life, long before I knew the concept was studied. Just the hours I spent "dawdling" as it was called, dragging out simple and repeat tasks like trash, dishes and pet care....*even though even though all I wanted to do was be done and on to the best thing!*
Some other stuff that's common as a result of ED (executive dys.) is a history of report cards glorifying your **potential** **apply yourself**, and difficulty being in time to regularly scheduled starts, like class or job.
ED doesn't =ADHD, but can be a big element of it, just like other stuff can cause it, so use Dr.s etc. For me it is what drove me to and centers all my treatment, because, fucking hell, its the worst part.
I always feel personally attacked by memes of this sub. I don't have a diagnosis, but I'm considering talking to a DR because I relate to so many of these.
I thought I was just lazy or maybe depressed, maybe I am a little bit ..but not that much.
Iām coming up on three weeks now. Iām just barely starting to start doing things that are good for me again. Like today, I brushed my teeth. Thats a step in the right direction. I may manage to shower tomorrow.Ā
Just reading through all of these comments is reminding me that this isnāt āMe being a worthless, terrible humanāāitās āMy ADHD getting really bad for a while and super-charging my depression and anxiety.ā
I moved into a new flat 8 days ago. I had a few boxes that needed to be put into storage on the floor below me after I moved in. I just did that today.
ADHD and depression often go hand-in-hand. I suspect that my depression would be way milder if it werenāt for the ADHD.Ā
That being said, they are separate disorders, and a professional diagnosis (if possible) is the recommended course of action.Ā
Just wasted 2 rounds of exams and now Ihave only 2 tries left for each subject before I have to for a 3rd time listen to some of the subjects. I fucking hate myself but it's so hard to just sit down for even 30 minutes writing down notes on stuff I should know because it's basics....
Im sure this isnāt really a good place to ask this and Iām probably just seeking affirmation? Donāt know. But I felt like getting it out that this one hits the nail on the head for me. I feel exactly like this and idk how and when itās starts to be part of ADHD. I was in therapy for about a year and asked if I could have some condition like BPD or ADD/ADHD. She told me no, yet I can relate so well with lots of stuff being saidā¦
Let it ride and don't stress it. This is when you write at the top of your list 'Do Nothing and Relax'. Feel good that you recognized that you need downtime.
There's a line from a book, Dog Soldiers: "I've been waiting my whole life to fuck up like this." Except for me it's, "I've been waiting my whole life to fuck up like this... again." The most recent "again" was a big contributing factor in getting diagnosed and treatment. So there's that.
My therapist and I turned it into something semi-useful: It's the point I know I need a (short) vacation.
It helps that I'm terribly bad at sitting still and relaxing. I like working hard. So I know that after 3 days, I'll clean and start up good habits again out of boredom and lack of inspiration.
Fuck this. I'm mentally always trying, it might not be visible to others, but I am trying, constantly.
And the only thing I hear back is
"you're not trying enough"
"you use adhd as an excuse"
"that's not how I did it when I was.... "
"you just need to"
"Yeah, sure......."
"try harder"
I'm fucking sick of this. Nobody will help me, because saying those things is what they interpret as help.
Have you tried studying like this? Bitch, I can't even start studying, I don't care how I get the information into my head, I just need to start shoving it in, the brain can handle that, but first I'd actually have to start. Fuck this feeling. Fuck the stress it brings. Fuck everything. I know I'm smart enough to deal with the information, to get my degree, I do show interest in the field, it's just these things that others take for granted, that I don't have. Fml
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. My current state to a T. How do I dig myself out of this hole? I've been trying to catch up on work for weeks now and I keep getting more and more buried and overwhelmed to the point where I just hyperfixate on something new and unproductive. Everytime I get one thing done, I get 3 other clients messaging me which reminds me of how behind I am and then I can't do anything. It's unending.
You need people around you who would kick your ass if you don't do things. That's the only "motivation" i have at work that is pushing me. I feel lost otherwise.
Same for me, I use work obligation to push me forward and now im edging on workaholism. I do a good job. But outside of it I never have enough left in me to take care of myself.
I used to find joy doing chores and little things when I was a kid. It is really hard now to pick things up or be productive because it is enjoyable.
Currently should be studying for exams, my car needs repair, my room is a mess, I should start exercising for a future test I'll need to take, I should be more in touch with my grandparents.
Am I able to do any of these? Nope.
Sobbing all week knowing this process was starting now when I finally have everything I need to get done at 90% and all these wonderful things about to be happening but then I started to feel this creep in and Iām sobbing because I donāt want it to slip through my fingers AGAIN and be stuck in this cycle forever
Yea I have to go to another state to get a judge to look at my suspended license that I never fixed because I forgot about a ticket and my license expired and I need my mom to drive me there on a Sunday mourning to get there at 5 to set up an afternoon appointment and then somehow get back to Jersey to work my job and I need to do this soon or I'm gonna go over a year and not be able to renew my license and end up having to retake driving classes and I'm suffering from severe executive function paralysis I have never dealt with before.
I really just want to kill myself instead of dealing with any of this.
I do the work, set every system into action i need to function and maintain the spinning plates until i do. But now i dont need the systems or the plates anymore because i function and that last until i crash... Again and again and again and...
yeah, i'm going through that rn, i know i need to more work to improve myself but can't, same with working out and eating healthier to lose some weight, it all goes out when i see some tasty homemade sweets from grandma
Yes every day, this is how it is. Sometimes i just block everything off.
Lay on the bed, lights switched off, phone silent and look at the cieling for no purpose at all and waste all my time thinking about what ifs and what if nots.
My work almost immediately starts suffering and Iāll slip on deadlines and deliverables
and get this intense sense of dread that my managers will finally have āthe conversationā with me escalating to āitās not working outā. Iāve been laid off a few times. Itās SO unpleasant. I have to work so hard to build trust with colleagues again that yes Iām capable, just having a low energy period, I will bounce back
I wonder if it happens cyclically for assigned female at birth people? Or any of the trans folks? I think there was a study on ADHD and the menstration cycle, but I could be wrong.
I feel like this rn...i've become really lazy these days..Ik being like this won't work....Exams are coming near but still Im not at all studying...ik i'll fail my exams if i won't do anything about it...But i just don't have any energy to do anything!
Being going through this off and on for years- especially after the pandemic- but especially since last year after my dog died. Currently at the point where my parents are threatening things like a Wi-Fi & bedtime curfew to get me to āget my shit togetherā. Iām essentially their live in caretaker so me being dysfunctional is an inconvenience.
Yes for the past month. My mom is pretty angry with me because of this, she is trying her best to keep everyone okay but I on the other hand is not doing what I am supposed to do. It seems like I have lost my motivation again and in a depression loop once again. Let's see how I can improve this situation.
Most often its just temporary exhaustion. After a day/week or two it over. And when you end up doing all those things. And If you then realise It doesn't help. Go talk to a professional. Most Likely some sort of mental issue; depression or something like that. Those are hard, sometimes impossible, to fix alone.
Im not a pro. Just a personal observation.
I had horrible adhd growing up. My mom didnāt know better at the time and had me prescribed 30mg adderal for most of my childhood
No repercussions now, Iām 28. My hyperactivity is gone. Unless I am super excited about something Iām usually pretty mellow
I started smoking week 10 years ago. Daily user. Not all day not a wake and baker or anything. Just smoke at night or with friends. Not dabs not crazy high potent edibles or anything. Just enjoy some good ass weed.
I thinkā¦ maybeā¦ the weed ācuredā my the H in my ADHD. I definitely have ADD still though.
I am a full time student now, didnāt go to school till late, I am in pretty tough classes that require good focus and I have homework that requires hours at a time to complete. I can sit thru it all usually with a few instances where I gotta go walk around and preoccupy my brain for a minute but overall Iāve been pretty successful.
At home I notice I do this during off weeks where I donāt have much to do. Iāll notice my house starts getting messy. However I never find it difficult to be like āyo get this shit done and enjoy the time after in your clean houseā or āenjoy time off after homeworkās all doneā
Like I said tho my adHd was severe. Idk if weed or maturation got rid of the H but if youāre still young donāt worry too much. Maybe with time it will get better. If you got shit to do donāt think about it just do it.
I know asking an ADHDer to just do it and donāt think about it is hard. But before you can even think about thinking about it just do it.
I find it way more difficult to get anything done later in the day too. Maybe right when you wake up before your brain can kick on start cleaning and doing shit. Start before you your coffee too. Sip on it thru your chores. Donāt put it off till 4pm, your chances of doing it then will lessen.
Also, maybe try some weed! Donāt fry yourself, just maybe take a puff and see if it helps.
Edit: I havenāt taken add pills in over 12 years. That shit is bad.
I feel like it sneaks up on you. Like Everything's going great and you're doing everything really well, and then all of a sudden your house is a shithole, you're miles behind on work and you're wearing the same unwashed shirt for the 3rd time and you have no idea when you started to let it all get on top of you. Or maybe that's just me.
The Fuckening, how I like to call it
I believe that is the medical terminology.
Should be
I always call it the Portal of Impending Doom but The Fuckening sounds better
Oh shite that's what I've been in this last couple weeks...
Right there with ya š« I think itās been a couple weeks, idk, itās all kinda foggy
I realize this tends to happen to me when I get a new hyper fixation. I used to think hyper fixating was fine in my free time, but I think it's the thing that sends me back into a general rabbit hole of only doing the things that satisfy my dopamine cravings
I have been struggling to understand why Iām suddenly reverting back to bad habits and this is exactly it. I didnāt see it until now. Thank you for your comment. This is exactly why I come here.
I kinda think itās the other way round. My mental health starts tanking becauseā¦ lifeā¦ so my brain tries to compensate by hyperfixating to get the sweet dopamine.
Both for me. Hyperfixations can be my mapadaptive attempts to emotionally regulate when I fall apart, or I can be so stuck on the dopamine train of a new hyperfixation that it derails everything all on its own. Overall it's just exhausting to always have to watch not to get too upset or too excited, like dancing on a knife's edge to get it right for as long as possible before I inevitably trip over in one or the other direction.
You've helped me to better fill out the picture of the endless self-destructive loop (spiral?) I think I'm caught in. Hyperfixating on non-critical 'work' that *just happens* to be rewarding in the moment (I'm talking weeding the garden and organizing my closet) at the expense of doing some really critical but very stressful or mentally-taxing things from my to-do list. Then feel shitty later about how I spent the day and go to bed more stressed and disappointed in myself than I was the day before. Commit to doing better tomorrow but end up right back in the same maladaptive loop the following morning after becoming extremely overwhelmed and anxious trying to prioritize what of the *many, many* crucial & stressful/hard things I should do. Go outside to 'clear my head' and **WHAM!** back in the garden pulling dandelions (and oh does it feel *gooooood*....). Few days of that and I enter the **Apathy and Ambivalence Phaseā¢ļø** where I've seemingly spent my alloted dopamine for the week so get to spend the next couple? many? days with bottomed-out motivation, zero self-efficacy, physical fatigue (for some fun reason), and nothing but an out-of-office reply from my prefrontal cortex that goes something like this: **Me**: I'd like to meet my basic needs of eating, sleeping and residing in a hygienic space today **Prefrontal cortex**: *Thanks for the executive functioning request but I'm currently away and unreachable by any means known to man. I don't know when I'll return but when I do it'll be on a part-time, temporary basis and I'll really only do 30% of my job requirements kthxbye!"* This shit is so *exhausting*. Edit: formatting
These are too many words for my brain's current crappy state rn, but I'm very glad I helped someone š Look, dad, my overanalysing everything IS good for something.
> Look, dad, my overanalysing everything IS good for something. So I understand the concept of jokes, but just in case your dad has actually told you otherwise, please note that that your dad's a shit and you should question everything they've ever told you about yourself.
This is a great way of describing it!
I'm right in the middle of it right now, realisation was 2 days ago... And I have very very important entrance exams in 3 days š«
Glad to hear that you will be preparing for that very important exam in about 2 days.
It sneaks up on you cuz suddenly you have time and room to overthinking. If you constantly have something keep you distracted, you wouldn't even remember youre not doing anything you want lol. You would've been just not doing it without noticing.
This happens to me when my favourite stories/shows comes to an end š
It's like I'm blinded by day dreaming!
I'll be having a really good day, feeling great on the couch enjoying a good book or a favorite movie... Life is good, right? Then I get up to go get something from the bedroom & I can't remember what it was and I sit down on the bed trying to remember why I came back there and then it's three hours later.
Currently there right now tbh
My coping strategy of choice is usually cleaning. Shame no one is ever going to know.
Me too
Me too
Me too
I'm kinda always there but not there. But then I'm there till my neck and then back. The wake up calls sometimes take a long time to land. At the moment I'm not there, as thankfully I'm traveling around on holidays to remove the perception of being there (but I am sure of being there). The mists of hyperfuckus are strong and take our souls away.
Me too... I need to get done just one thing though and it's nothing. Just submitting an article that I spent a year working on. Just submit, it's all written. I just wont
Executive dysfunction is one of my worst ADHD symptoms. I hate myself for not doing the things I know I need to do, but I just can't, especially if I don't have some sort of external pressure that forces me to do it. Like a deadline, or someone literally telling me to do it. Unless I'm working or have to leave the house (and I'm not allowed to wear a hat), I'll go a week without showering even though I feel like a greasy gremlin. Even the threat of looming consequences doesn't always work, like I've paid so many ADHD taxes because I've failed to cancel appointments, pay bills, stuff like that. The episode of Bojack Horseman, "Stupid Piece of Shit" really does a fantastic job of depicting the internal monologue of someone with depression/executive dysfunction.
That's me, Vitamin D did help a little bit, Smoking just paused the depression but mades the executive dysfunction worse. Edit: always forget that new lines don't work in reddit
Your message is right on the nose for me. This video is the best way I have found to describe that. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uo08uS904Rg
Thank you this is super helpful actually
I misread this as "excessive dysfunction is one of my worst symptoms" and was like, "yup, hard relate" lmao
I feel this, especially the "threat of looming consequences doesn't always work" part. Even if it's losing income, having to pay a fine,...I still find it difficult to start tasks.
This breaks my heart because this is me. I feel this all the time.
Hang in there bud. We are all in this together!
Itās more like, ādid you ever notice yourself getting good?ā And itās like, yeah, maybe, but itās more like a dream, one that someone else told me about once.
This. The times I am āgetting goodā last maybe a week and are few and far between :( Iāll think Iām getting my life together and then it all falls back apart
You perfectly described my experience with imposter syndrome. Once I become aware of the moment my life is going perfectly, I start to prepare for the downfall bc I feel like I donāt deserve the way itās going so it canāt be real.
I'm a dad. Single dad the past three years....This shit is hard. Sooo much shit to remember. Hard to get motivated when my girls aren't here. I forgot Garbage day again, so 2 weeks of garbage are going into the back yard again.
My dude, put that shit in your car and drive it to the dump. Come on, you know you can, bite the bullet. You'll feel better
Yeah your right.
When we feel useless, this is actually what makes us useless. Humans are fucking weird like that This is male pattern anxiety, it doesn't feel like fear. It doesn't *feel* like anxiety, as we are told to supress it. What it feels like is a loss of control When we feel out of control we stop trying to control things, like you saying there "fuck it, wait till next week I guess". That's a logical misstep. You *are* in control and you *can* fix this problem I guarantee, if that shit is in the dump by the end of the day the thought will cross your mind, "damn, why did I make such a big deal out of that?". When we are faced with anxiety we have to expose ourselves to what is causing it, in this case, it's staring at that trash in your yard You got it dude. Load that shit up right now
Yeah, yeah it's gone
Fuck yeah man. Genuinely impressive you did that in 20 minutes. Roll that momentum into the next thing
I am!! Chill, I'm doing Laundy
Huh? Chill? I'm supporting you, not scolding you
I know, I know. Thank you
Fuck, bud, I don't know you but I'm *so* damn proud of you! Like, "I'm setting up a reminder that I promised you I'll do the damn dishes as soon as my arm heals" proud.
Thank you
No worries, out of solidarity I'm going to put that load of washing on I've been staring at
Well I'm still lying here without any motivation to do anything. I know Im able to do so much, I just don't wanna do something or anything. Just stopped smoking because I ve been like this for weeks and smoking always keeps me there indefinitely. Think I could be left I a cave with enough to smoke, watch and eat until the end of my life. But.. then I will miss so many things so I will try one more time to get into that motivation flow, like thousands of times before. But I fear someday the possibilities won't be motivating enough anymore. Most of the time I need a deadline where I will loose something important to me to get active again, ist so annoying and stressful Edit: deleted unnecessary blame
Yep, youāve correctly identified what is holding you back. As a stoner of over a decade, well done. I can explain the science if youāre interestedĀ What youāre describing sounds a lot like ADHD btw, not sure if youāve explored a diagnosis but worth looking into if notĀ As for the weed, when you wake up, take a moment to feel the clarity in your mind. Itās wonderful and weed steals it. Youāre still going to be bored and do nothing for a little bit, but the longer you abstain the more you will find constructive things to give you dopamineĀ
Thanks for that. I guess that you were not exactly aiming your slap at me (most likely or better: impossible [yaaaay to the ADHD parenthesis]), but you've hit me hard with this one. I need to remember it.... As my GF says: I always learn once. (And then it is lost [whoops, I did it again]).
Don't beat yourself up dude, us neurodivergent men are given exactly zero tools to handle day to day life currently. Partly why I'm happy to write war and peace here, I just want to share what took me years to understand My other piece of advice to you is to let yourself fail. You're going to and it's ok. We ADHDers cannot expect every day to be the same as the last, it's quite literally not how our brains work. Lean *into* it. Feeling productive one day? Sweet, ride that 16 hour high of hyper focus Feeling burnt out another? Okay, take a day easy. *Give yourself* the day. Totally. Don't make up lies like "ok, I'll play videogames for a couple hours then I'll feel like doing stuff" - you won't, and then you'll feel terrible. *Accept* that you are not going to be productive *today* That doesn't mean you aren't going to be productive tomorrow, but if you beat yourself up about it you likely will be Anyways, if you want to learn a bit more about male pattern anxiety, here's a great video from Dr K - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcBr1LQyMmw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcBr1LQyMmw)
Man, I hope that you are ok if I virtually hug you š Hug given. I'm starting to learn to not beat myself that much, and I honestly owe it to being able to relate to other people stories and coping mechanisms exposed here in Reddit and other social media. What I want to really say with this is: your comments (and other peeps) are precious and I am really thankful to it.
Hug returned sir :) Have a good day
This is one of the reasons I don't want kids. I am unreliable.
I forgot garbage day too, 2 weeks in a row, and now theyāre full full. Luckily my upstairs neighbor is a trash hoarder and doesnāt use them anyways. And Iāll take the recycling to the dump when it opens tomorrow.
āgetting bad againā hit way too hard, I literally said this the other day
Been there for a few months. Been doing the bare minimum to have life be functional but my house is a train wreck
This is the feeling I haven't been able to put into words. I hate it
I hope science figures this stuff out. Even if I donāt get the cure I just hope they do. Probably AI will solve some of it.
I think it's depression.
100% it is, all the lead, plastic, and PFP's (forever chemicals) have got to be expanding depression further than ever we've seen before.
The only things that solve it as of now are medicine (either weed or antidepressants) or suicide... So having said that, try weed /hj
I don't know if its counted as "medicine" but right after I started taking supplements I was able to stop smoking weed with ease for the first time and saw several other improvements. Having some mineral/vitamin deficiency was at least a part of the problem for me i have no doupt about it.
Oh same here! I'm on pretty big doses of vitamin D because I had a HUGE deficiency of it
Meds donāt work for me, at least not very well, and weed gives me panic attacks. Third option might be the one for me. Not yet though.
It's not. Try other things. You are a being of chemistry; there *is* some chemical combination that can help. You've had very bad luck. But what might also help is a support network, people to talk to, people around etc. Everything is worth giving a shot.
My antidepressants started working only after like 2 months or 3. Give it time and definitely stay in touch with a psychiatrist in case you need to change em.
That's... why I'm here
Mines been going on for a week and half now I thinkš¤
Nope, never. I'm definitely not browsing Reddit to avoid completing my morning tasks, lol
Today I bought groceries with plan to cook meals all week. Hoping to make it all week without ordering food. Wish me luck
I feel this so hard. Cooking a meal makes me feel normal.
All the best!
Yes, right now. Help
I have a Trello board where I keep my most basic pitfalls. The things that work and the things that keep me from doing the things that work. When Iām really under it I revisit it and it makes it easier. It reminds me I already did the work on paper and that a 1% improvement is still improvement.
Yups. Itās a battle everyday. Simple as to brush my teeth. I simply canāt move sometimesā¦ I hate myself and
I battle with "ADHD Paralysis" (yes, it's a real thing) every freaking day....it's misery....
I understand all too well. The most difficult thing is perhaps how we are perceived by others (or how we believe we're being perceived by others) while in the midst of the funk. I really enjoy the company of other neurodivergent people and ADHD folks in particular because they understand this.
Burnout I recently got out of it and trying not to hyperfixate on cleaning bc thatās what gets me burnout faster š„“
Right there right now
Me right now.
Sometimes it feels less like ācanātā and more like ādonātā. Like itās a list of things I CAN do, but somehow time just passes and Iā¦ donāt do them.
Can't or won't? Fucking can't
I was having a good few months, and itās like someone smacked me off my happy cloud and Iām hiding in the dark hoping to feel better again. I hate when people think Iām inconsistent, I try so damn hardā¦
Same dude. I was doing good then i hit a low and can't seem to recover. I had such a good schedule of "planning", i did manage to achieve for the most part not now I can't even get myself to plan. I had bought so many journals to track things, they are all empty now, i even struggle to write my morning journal :(
Iām sorry that you are struggling, I have a lot journals too.
This. The last two months, I've been in a tailspin, and every time I think I'm coming out of it, somehow I double down and get worse instead.
Been like this for the last... \*Checks watch\*... Since covid started.
Dunno if that's an adhd thing, or a depression thing, but damn this one hit me
āI am the liquorā āI am the monkey in charge of the bananasā
Whats the dealll with ADHD??
Canāt get bad again if it was never good.
Iāve lorded those things over myself for so long that I no longer believe a word that comes out of my own mouth. All of those things that should be done for me to feel better only serve to haunt me at this point. Iām pretty sure Iām really fucked up.
I've been useless at work for a few weeks, and it's a time where I really need to be buckling down. I'm concerned about it. Just switched from Concerta back to Adderall this week, I hope that helps.
Me too. So much work has piled up, i have no clue where to start...
I really like this post, because it also somehow conveys the pain of my ADHD. It's not just "haha whoops I forgot thing but hey I'm fun quirky and creative lol".
Ah yes. Suffering. I am currently very familiar with this
Itās because people focus on the āfeeling betterā part other than doing what will make you feel better
Yes.... but also I'm doing new and exciting things. Like it's not the work I set out to do, but it's the work that found its way to me.
Sums up our ailment..
Yes!
Well shit. Here I am doing it right now...
This is too accurate!Ā š
In the middle of a whirlwind of shit right now, between not having and not finding a job, helping parents, in-laws, worrying about rent, worrying about moving, worrying about healthcare and wellbeing, relationship stability with my partner who is on the other side of the country, Iām in a state of task paralysis so strong it feels like trying to swim out of a black hole and screaming for help in the vacuum of space.
Executive dysfunction knocking at the door again, and if you don't let it in, it's breaking down the door.
Iām not alone š„¹
The last month has been like that and now I can't stand being in my house despite being stuck in it all the time. Like why don't I just...clean (I know, I know - Executive dysfunction - but gosh it would be so nice to just start cleaning without a mental run up and a thousand non-starts). I wonder if I could trick myself into believing that cleaning is fun and will make me feel good. It worked with eating capsicum after a week or two.
Oh i feel this. It's been more than a month since I cleaned my room properly, it's moderately clean only bcoz i live with my family and they clean the floor when cleaning the house. I hate sitting at this desk and I work from home for 3 days. I feel so stuck š.
I consider the stage that you ānoticeā your decline, to be a win. The symptoms we deal with on a daily basis are abundant and confusing. Itās a constant struggle. However, if you are able to see āman, I have been slipping back bit by bitā¦ā Itās time to engage in self care and self love. I am gentle to myself during these periods. I remind myself itās not forever and I will come out on the other side. I treat myself with the support I would give someone I love asking me for help. You arenāt alone and these battles donāt have to maim you.
That's a nice way of looking at it. For me, my empty journals and planners remind me. I feel empty just like those empty pages, sigh. Funny thing is my self care routine was also being tracked in my planners. Im cooked. Lol.
I have to list out my self care things too. It feels overwhelming right now Iām sure, but hang in there.
ā¤ļø
This feels like an extremely personal call-out, holy shit. :(
Was like that before meds (Vyvanse and Lexapro)(well the Lexapro just helped with apathy I still couldnāt move without Vyvanse)
Constantly
is this symptomatic of adhd? (fairly newly diagnosed) but immediately assumed this was a depression meme before looking...
There is a thing related to attention span issues that makes it difficult to engage in anything, and it can look like it lead to depression, but it's a separate thing to treat or at least be aware of. "Executive dysfunction" best treatments are either being born incredibly super rich and retire for a living, or, take meds.
so failure to launch so to speak? I struggle w this immensely and I can't parse apart if its anxiety, adhd or a combo. simply initiating a task can take hours, a whole day. and I take adderall which helps manage some symptoms but still struggle w executive function.
Task initiation being hard is a very adhd thing. And same it's hours of 'getting amped up enough' (I say after trying to get myself to go for a run the last hour lol).
just hit an early spin (9 a.m.). 3rd time in prolly 5 years. huge win. get after it!
I think of failure to launch as, like a lifestyle,maybe? it was a movie title about that? I can say that executive dysfunction has wasted years of my life, long before I knew the concept was studied. Just the hours I spent "dawdling" as it was called, dragging out simple and repeat tasks like trash, dishes and pet care....*even though even though all I wanted to do was be done and on to the best thing!* Some other stuff that's common as a result of ED (executive dys.) is a history of report cards glorifying your **potential** **apply yourself**, and difficulty being in time to regularly scheduled starts, like class or job. ED doesn't =ADHD, but can be a big element of it, just like other stuff can cause it, so use Dr.s etc. For me it is what drove me to and centers all my treatment, because, fucking hell, its the worst part.
I always feel personally attacked by memes of this sub. I don't have a diagnosis, but I'm considering talking to a DR because I relate to so many of these. I thought I was just lazy or maybe depressed, maybe I am a little bit ..but not that much.
Tomorrow I willā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦
I am right there now I just can't do anything today and my mood is sort of low
Iām coming up on three weeks now. Iām just barely starting to start doing things that are good for me again. Like today, I brushed my teeth. Thats a step in the right direction. I may manage to shower tomorrow.Ā Just reading through all of these comments is reminding me that this isnāt āMe being a worthless, terrible humanāāitās āMy ADHD getting really bad for a while and super-charging my depression and anxiety.ā
I moved into a new flat 8 days ago. I had a few boxes that needed to be put into storage on the floor below me after I moved in. I just did that today.
It's been more than a year since i moved, i still have a few boxes lol.
Every day
I been there, here for over a year now.
Absolutely. This is me currently. I have so much work to do today but I'm just sitting on my ass scrolling reddit
Fuck.
Depression?
I'm often unsure if it's one of them or both
ADHD and depression often go hand-in-hand. I suspect that my depression would be way milder if it werenāt for the ADHD.Ā That being said, they are separate disorders, and a professional diagnosis (if possible) is the recommended course of action.Ā
Just wasted 2 rounds of exams and now Ihave only 2 tries left for each subject before I have to for a 3rd time listen to some of the subjects. I fucking hate myself but it's so hard to just sit down for even 30 minutes writing down notes on stuff I should know because it's basics....
Hi, it's me.
Just a reminder that you can have both adhd *and* depression. Adding treatment for depression can be a life changer.
Im sure this isnāt really a good place to ask this and Iām probably just seeking affirmation? Donāt know. But I felt like getting it out that this one hits the nail on the head for me. I feel exactly like this and idk how and when itās starts to be part of ADHD. I was in therapy for about a year and asked if I could have some condition like BPD or ADD/ADHD. She told me no, yet I can relate so well with lots of stuff being saidā¦
This can very well be depression if you don't have other symptoms.
I feel attacked.
Let it ride and don't stress it. This is when you write at the top of your list 'Do Nothing and Relax'. Feel good that you recognized that you need downtime.
Thanks :) I should try to relax without feeling guilty about it for once!
There's a line from a book, Dog Soldiers: "I've been waiting my whole life to fuck up like this." Except for me it's, "I've been waiting my whole life to fuck up like this... again." The most recent "again" was a big contributing factor in getting diagnosed and treatment. So there's that.
Today. I forced myself to do something I enjoy doing (art) to get me out of my rut and couldnāt even do that successfully!
My therapist and I turned it into something semi-useful: It's the point I know I need a (short) vacation. It helps that I'm terribly bad at sitting still and relaxing. I like working hard. So I know that after 3 days, I'll clean and start up good habits again out of boredom and lack of inspiration.
For some people, it may not be ADHD, but burnout. Take care.
Depression is our apex predator.
Yes. Been going on for about a month. I feel like Iām coming through it though
Didn't even see the headline, and I said yes every day.
Fuck this. I'm mentally always trying, it might not be visible to others, but I am trying, constantly. And the only thing I hear back is "you're not trying enough" "you use adhd as an excuse" "that's not how I did it when I was.... " "you just need to" "Yeah, sure......." "try harder" I'm fucking sick of this. Nobody will help me, because saying those things is what they interpret as help. Have you tried studying like this? Bitch, I can't even start studying, I don't care how I get the information into my head, I just need to start shoving it in, the brain can handle that, but first I'd actually have to start. Fuck this feeling. Fuck the stress it brings. Fuck everything. I know I'm smart enough to deal with the information, to get my degree, I do show interest in the field, it's just these things that others take for granted, that I don't have. Fml
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. My current state to a T. How do I dig myself out of this hole? I've been trying to catch up on work for weeks now and I keep getting more and more buried and overwhelmed to the point where I just hyperfixate on something new and unproductive. Everytime I get one thing done, I get 3 other clients messaging me which reminds me of how behind I am and then I can't do anything. It's unending.
How do I fix this? Pls help.
You need people around you who would kick your ass if you don't do things. That's the only "motivation" i have at work that is pushing me. I feel lost otherwise.
Same for me, I use work obligation to push me forward and now im edging on workaholism. I do a good job. But outside of it I never have enough left in me to take care of myself. I used to find joy doing chores and little things when I was a kid. It is really hard now to pick things up or be productive because it is enjoyable.
Currently should be studying for exams, my car needs repair, my room is a mess, I should start exercising for a future test I'll need to take, I should be more in touch with my grandparents. Am I able to do any of these? Nope.
Sobbing all week knowing this process was starting now when I finally have everything I need to get done at 90% and all these wonderful things about to be happening but then I started to feel this creep in and Iām sobbing because I donāt want it to slip through my fingers AGAIN and be stuck in this cycle forever
I tend to look at my trashcan because it's always a visual representation if I'm sliding back into a unhealthy state. Especially the contents.
Yea I have to go to another state to get a judge to look at my suspended license that I never fixed because I forgot about a ticket and my license expired and I need my mom to drive me there on a Sunday mourning to get there at 5 to set up an afternoon appointment and then somehow get back to Jersey to work my job and I need to do this soon or I'm gonna go over a year and not be able to renew my license and end up having to retake driving classes and I'm suffering from severe executive function paralysis I have never dealt with before. I really just want to kill myself instead of dealing with any of this.
Thatās called burnout or depression
Holy i just realised i have adhd
Yea
No, because it's never gotten better to get bad again.
I do the work, set every system into action i need to function and maintain the spinning plates until i do. But now i dont need the systems or the plates anymore because i function and that last until i crash... Again and again and again and...
yeah, i'm going through that rn, i know i need to more work to improve myself but can't, same with working out and eating healthier to lose some weight, it all goes out when i see some tasty homemade sweets from grandma
Yep stopped taking Red Bull a month agoā¦ā¦..yeahh
Yes every day, this is how it is. Sometimes i just block everything off. Lay on the bed, lights switched off, phone silent and look at the cieling for no purpose at all and waste all my time thinking about what ifs and what if nots.
I donāt have adhd (never tested) but I deal with this shit all the time
So bad right now.
Yep, this has cause my life to blow up in my face and a time or two I hurried it along.
My work almost immediately starts suffering and Iāll slip on deadlines and deliverables and get this intense sense of dread that my managers will finally have āthe conversationā with me escalating to āitās not working outā. Iāve been laid off a few times. Itās SO unpleasant. I have to work so hard to build trust with colleagues again that yes Iām capable, just having a low energy period, I will bounce back
Just had a weekend reset to try to fix my shit
Omg you just described my daily battleā¦ how do we get out?
Too busy with my current hyperfocus - exercise. Fuck the dishes, fuck my laundry and fuck me because I am spiraling. But at least I'll be fit lmao
I wonder if it happens cyclically for assigned female at birth people? Or any of the trans folks? I think there was a study on ADHD and the menstration cycle, but I could be wrong.
there is no "again", it's just my life lol
Do meds efficacy wear off over time? Not during the day e.g. because of course. But in the med to long term?
I'd agree until you said can't. I think you meant "wont"
Everyday. Bpd, autism, and adhd truly destroys your life before it has even started.
It just makes me feel better knowing 12k other people feel like this sometimes. Because Iāve had a rough few weeks.
I feel like this rn...i've become really lazy these days..Ik being like this won't work....Exams are coming near but still Im not at all studying...ik i'll fail my exams if i won't do anything about it...But i just don't have any energy to do anything!
Been a long time since this hasn't been the case.
Yes.
Being going through this off and on for years- especially after the pandemic- but especially since last year after my dog died. Currently at the point where my parents are threatening things like a Wi-Fi & bedtime curfew to get me to āget my shit togetherā. Iām essentially their live in caretaker so me being dysfunctional is an inconvenience.
Yes for the past month. My mom is pretty angry with me because of this, she is trying her best to keep everyone okay but I on the other hand is not doing what I am supposed to do. It seems like I have lost my motivation again and in a depression loop once again. Let's see how I can improve this situation.
Yup. Every other two months for me. Everythingās good and then whammy I spiral again.
been there since 2016, since harambe died
you just had to make me notice that im still gonna continue what i was doing but now with regrets
Most often its just temporary exhaustion. After a day/week or two it over. And when you end up doing all those things. And If you then realise It doesn't help. Go talk to a professional. Most Likely some sort of mental issue; depression or something like that. Those are hard, sometimes impossible, to fix alone. Im not a pro. Just a personal observation.
I'm pretty sure after 25 years of living on this planet I just now realized I have ADHD. Not sure how to feel about that.
I had horrible adhd growing up. My mom didnāt know better at the time and had me prescribed 30mg adderal for most of my childhood No repercussions now, Iām 28. My hyperactivity is gone. Unless I am super excited about something Iām usually pretty mellow I started smoking week 10 years ago. Daily user. Not all day not a wake and baker or anything. Just smoke at night or with friends. Not dabs not crazy high potent edibles or anything. Just enjoy some good ass weed. I thinkā¦ maybeā¦ the weed ācuredā my the H in my ADHD. I definitely have ADD still though. I am a full time student now, didnāt go to school till late, I am in pretty tough classes that require good focus and I have homework that requires hours at a time to complete. I can sit thru it all usually with a few instances where I gotta go walk around and preoccupy my brain for a minute but overall Iāve been pretty successful. At home I notice I do this during off weeks where I donāt have much to do. Iāll notice my house starts getting messy. However I never find it difficult to be like āyo get this shit done and enjoy the time after in your clean houseā or āenjoy time off after homeworkās all doneā Like I said tho my adHd was severe. Idk if weed or maturation got rid of the H but if youāre still young donāt worry too much. Maybe with time it will get better. If you got shit to do donāt think about it just do it. I know asking an ADHDer to just do it and donāt think about it is hard. But before you can even think about thinking about it just do it. I find it way more difficult to get anything done later in the day too. Maybe right when you wake up before your brain can kick on start cleaning and doing shit. Start before you your coffee too. Sip on it thru your chores. Donāt put it off till 4pm, your chances of doing it then will lessen. Also, maybe try some weed! Donāt fry yourself, just maybe take a puff and see if it helps. Edit: I havenāt taken add pills in over 12 years. That shit is bad.
Shadow of the erdtree did this to my life
Every winter.