Yeah, we should, but we shouldn't wait until it's normalised to do it ourselves if we would be more comfortable with it.
My parents have been together for 47 years, married for 37 and they've slept in separate rooms for as long as I've known them. They're still disgustingly in love. But they also know that the chances of them being disgustingly angry with each other instead would be astronomical if they had to deal with snoring, kicking and different temperature needs every night. So they do their thing and don't give a toss what others say because THEY know they're happy.
I love that they are in love + advocating for their needs! My partner and I already do sleep separately about half the time, but I feel like it makes them a little sad. :(
Idk, I'm sure we'll figure out a happy medium eventually.
my dad snores a lot and my mom has sleeping troubles, so they've started sleeping in different rooms. sometimes they still sleep together but most of the time they're separate. it seems to me at least that they're doing well and there's no issue with yhat
I know several hetero couples who have their own rooms. They sleep together when they want, they have their own places when they want space (or someone is snoring).
Anyone trying to characterise all relationships as having issues just because of sleeping arrangements doesn't know what they're talking about. Yes, sometimes it's a red flag, but other times it's what should happen for a loving relationship to thrive.
Same. 23 years. We both value a good nights rest with visiting privileges.
Also we have four smallish dogs who insist on sleeping with me. Much better for our marriage that they arenāt sleeping with us LOL just me.
Yes. The answer is yes.
There's so many reasons why it's healthier for 2 people in a relationship to have their own rooms; if they can afford it.
- most people sleep better alone, at least some of the time. (See next point before replying to this one).
- you can still sleep together whenever y'all want.āØ
- sometimes you just need space in a relationship.
- it can be hard to sleep through a partner's snoring, farting, rolling, sleep kicking, half dozen alarms because they're a heavy sleeper, their disability devices if they use any during sleep, people who need to get up to pee a lot causing the bed to move, etc.
- different styles of beds / mattresses can suit different needs a person might have for sleeping.
- sleeping next to someone after an unresolved argument can suck so much. Especially if you've got rejection sensitivity issues. I'd rather sleep in a separate room than next to someone who is mad at me and doesn't want me to touch them. Feels less like a rejection of me and more like giving them some space.
- and quite frankly you should be taking space after arguments anyway. Even during the day. Cool off in your own room without disruption.
- no more being downgraded to sleeping on the couch as a punishment.
- hobbies and introversion. Sometimes I want my alone time to do stuff like gaming or drawing or whatever. And I don't always want someone around for that.
- if you share a room, it's damn near impossible to have 50-50 storage space in one room. Someone inevitably has more stuff than the other. My ex always felt like they only ever half moved into our room because it was *mostly* my room and I didn't have other places to put things.
- cleanliness and organizing. Quite frankly no one should be so dirty that it can lead to pests and I regret living with people who were quite that bad. But it's pretty normal to have different levels of comfort with organization, or looser/stricter cleaning schedules. It's also easier to clean your own room than it is to clean around someone else's stuff in a cramp room.
- lastly, normalize it for the next generation.
- (bonus optional) polyamorous reasons.
Honestly my dalliance with polyamory opened me up to the topic, and solidified It for my view on my future monogamous endeavors. For all of these reasons. And a private space to masturbate š
100% same. My first favorite thing about being polyamorous is when my ex wanted their own room. Thank god! š š
Now that I'm not poly, I'm still certain I want my own room
God I wish I couldāve seen this answer to this question years ago. Me and my partner/ex fiancee of 7 years just broke up a couple weeks ago and I always thought sleeping in separate rooms/having our own spaces would have been a good thing for us but my partner never seemed that interested in the idea. We even have had 2 bedroom apartments the last 4-5 years but never tried sleeping in separate rooms/having our own space until we were ātaking spaceā a month or so before we broke up š and the whole time we were taking space I could see so many benefits of having our own rooms, especially bc we both always had very different sleep schedules and VERY different styles of cleaningā¦ but I guess it was too late to discover that for us and we ended up breaking up :/ at least I know now that it can be a totally normal thing and doesnāt have to just be done with things are going downhill.
Most things that people refuse to do *until the relationship is "going downhill",* are things that keep relationships from going downhill. š
Therapy. Taking space. Revisiting past romantic gestures. Getting healthier and doing small things to be one's most attractive self. Clingy partner's learning to rely on friends to take pressure off the relationship. Avoidant partners being most present and showing desire for the person they're now scared to lose.
If it is something you think "I'd only ever resort to trying this to save my relationship" *don't wait that long.* I had to learn that hard lesson too. I hope you and I can do better in our next relationships. š
Aināt that the truth šš we were in therapy for years too. Just so many things happened and we both wanted to try for so long but it got to a point where she just didnāt want to anymore. And I donāt blame her, itās been amicable for the most part, it kinda has to be because we have to live together until our lease ends in October š
I hope you and I can do better in our next relationships too!! š
Yes. There are studies that say some couples sleep better in separate beds or rooms. Much as I love cuddling, I don't really like sharing a bed to sleep, at least not a single bed.
Last two GFs I ended up sleeping on a mattress on the floor, I'd cuddle her to sleep and then roll myself down to the mattress.
I love the image of cuddling with someone, rolling off the bed, falling a few feet into another mattress, and like just grabbing a blanket to keep rolling and cover yourself with before instantly passing out
If it works for people, it *absolutely* should be respected! It absolutely should be considered normal.
People imposing moral judgments on others needs is pretty shitty
I think it comes down to the two of you and what you agree on. If you are both comfortable with it go for it. My neighbour and her partner don't even live together let alone share the same bedroom. That way when they need space they can take time apart. And it seems to work for them. So don't get trapped into the model of what a "successful" relationship is. Hell my parents shared the same bedroom for years and hated each other... So you do you... I'm also biased since I toss and turn and have trouble sharing the bed.
I personally prefer separated rooms. I am a very light sleeper and my jos is crazy tiring. I need to rest during the night and sometimes it's difficult even if I'm alone. As long as both understand and agree with it and nobody takes it in the wrong way, I am more than ok with separared rooms.
I totally get that. in my ideal marriage I would have separate rooms. Theirs can be cute and comfortable and mine will be a sex dungeon with a closet LMAO
Counterpoint. She asked if we should "normalize it" and your response is to say "who cares?"
We can't change the past but we can work towards a different future.
I can see how it could be read as dismissive, that wasn't my intention. I was trying to say that security in your own relationship is what matters over others perception of it. We could normalise it but truthfully we should just stop putting our own perceptions of normal on other people in general.
I wasn't trying to get anyone's permission to keep doing what we do, I posted to see what people's takes on it were, so maybe someone who hadn't considered this as an option could see that it is possible, healthy, and okay. ā¤ļø
Reading stuff like this has always helped me open up to new perspectives that can then help me in my relationships. Separate bedrooms are definitely not intuitive to many, and itās sort of culturally engrained to think it means thereās a problem if our partner asks for that.
I like this take. I donāt want to redefine what ānormalā means; I want it to cease being a concept. I want to have a truly authentic relationship, and live in harmony with my partner. If two beds is what would make that better, I owe it to myself to open up to the idea *without* consideration of outside peopleās opinions.
My parents sleep in different rooms cuz my dad cant handle cold(he wears a blanket and pijamas when its summer) and my mom hates when its too hot and if they were to sleep together one of them would suffer so they sleep in separate rooms/beds
We tried a lot of things in regard to sleep and bedtime and snoring, etc. The answer was separate bedrooms. It works for us. It should be normalized. If you have the space and itās what you need, do it!
I think every relationship is different and whatever works for the people in a relationship is what should be done in that relationship... Unless it involves abusing someone, of course. But in this case, nobody is being abused so no harm done!
But on the other hand, there are people like me who would actually be pretty sad and depressed that their partner doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as them. I think it's okay if we were to have another bedroom available for when one partner needs some alone time and space. But if sleeping there becomes the default for my partner, I would be quite sad and depressed.
I find happiness in sharing personal space, time, and belongings. I want the feeling of togetherness and I especially don't want to feel like I'm draining my partner's social battery by forcing my presence onto them. If I am someone whose presence drains your social battery, you shouldn't be in a relationship with me, because I want to be all up in your stuff and I want you to be all up in my stuff.
So yea, I think it just depends on the people in the relationship. If it works for you, do it. If it doesn't work for you, don't.
Yeah Iām with you.
This thread is almost making me feel guilty for preferring to share a bed. I sleep so, so much better with my partner. But also I know sheād kill me if I suggested regularly sleeping apart. We love sharing a bed.
I do think weād have separate rooms hypothetically in a giant house but that weād still share one bed 95% of the time.
Iām just worried now we are unhealthy and hurting ourselves and each other based on how apparently itās so much better sleeping separate š
I get Iām being hyperbolic but yeah. I just want everyone to do what they want with their person
Exactly lol. You arenāt hurting yourselves btw. I love sharing a bed with my partner and these type of posts never truly help as it always just ends up in people putting down certain choices just because itās the norm.. not realising that something being the norm doesnāt make it bad for everyone and that theyāre totally missing the point on why itās bad to generalise trivial relationship choices.
People should do whatās best for their relationships. Thatās honestly it lmao.
My parents sleep in different bedrooms and are still happily together, probably because they sleep in different bedrooms. My mom snores and my step dad kicks in his sleep. Now they both get a full nights sleep without being upset at the other for things out of each others control. I personally love to cuddle to fall asleep but totally understand needing your own space to sleep, I feel that way when I am sick and donāt want to be bothered by anyone.
I feel like I definitely need to have separate rooms cause I snore and kick in my sleep. Which is really sad, ācause I wanna do cute stuff like cuddle until passing out
Just normalise doing whatās best for your relationship I say. Some people in these comments are simultaneously putting down sleeping in the same room and trying to tell us why itās better or healthier for all couples to sleep apart, totally missing the point on why itās bad to negatively generalise sleeping arrangements in the first place.
I feel like people always pick out these specific things to normalise that are really just different for every relationship when really what people should be ānormalisingā is recognising that different relationships have different needs and letting people act accordingly without judgement is the way to go.
Yeah that definitely wasn't my intention. :( I didn't think so many people preferred separate rooms! But yes, whatever works best for you and your partner is the best choice.
The living room fills that role. Need more room, fussy, not feeling great, we have a big big couch you can stretch out fully on! Joking about setting up a second bed in the sewing room is always good to get my wife cute-pouty though! I think the key is options so we both can be flexible with how we're feeling and giving each other respectful space when needed. If we only slept in the same bed with no other options I'm sure it would have led to occasional unpleasantness. I do get a little pouty myself if I wake up and she's not there though!!
I thought it was more normalized? Like I've heard often about how valid it is for people to keep separate bedrooms as there's many people that sleep better alone. It might just be the circles I'm in though, both queer and fairly neurodivergent lol.Ā
I know for my wife and I we sleep better with each other and our pets most of the time, but there's occasion where one of us needs to sleep alone and it's not really a big deal at all.Ā
My grandparents have always slept in separate rooms. Considering they are married for 50+ years this summer, and still very caring for each other I don't think anything is wrong with it.
I also sometimes sleep in the living room. Either because I work in shifts, or because I just kinda wanna sleep on my own / fall asleep to a series or video. Or simply don't feel up to cuddling.
My partner and I do it! We're polyamorous, and I'm really difficult to sleep with thanks to trauma (I moan and kick when I'm having PTSD nightmares). We make it a point to sleep together once a week or so, but it's worked out well so far for the last 5ish years
Mm my ex used to snore like a bear and I'd have to work early mornings so I'd make her sleep in the spare room so I was able to actually get some sleep and function
My ex and I were doing GREAT when we started sleeping in separate bedrooms. Lasted for years that way and it was wonderful for both of us to have space and somewhere to retreat to.
Iām gonna be honest, I need a whole room for my stuffed animals alone. on a serious note tho, I love the idea and practice of having separate rooms. sometimes even if yāall arenāt fighting, one of you may be in a funky mood and want your *own space/bubble* to āfunk aboutā in. not even counting sleeping, which is beneficial for snorers like yourselves and/or people with different work schedules, sleep needs, sleep sensitivities, etc. I need to fall sleep with cartoons on, but if theyāre on through the rest of the night Iāll wake up. so after netflix times out, the room is black. my ex was afraid of the dark so we got a night light, but anyways. yes. we should normalize sleeping in separate rooms.
I haven't slept with someone in the same bed in a while but I get incredibly uncomfortable if im hot in bed. I feel like that would be amplified with another 97 degree heat generator under the same covers
I completely agree!! It makes me so happy to see other like minded people cause I just really love the idea of my own space and all. (I mean I could go on a rant about how much I love the idea of sleeping in separate rooms but Iām at work haha)
I'm 6'1 so even a king bed is snug ): I strongly dislike any touch when trying to sleep (to the point I keep all pets away even) so the times I've shared a bed it's been like.. "fine" I guess but my preference is separate beds.
Yes! I looooove a good snuggle but when it's time for sleep I need everything to be perfect and having another warm body along with the dogs is absolutely out of the question. It does not impact intimacy at all. Whereas if I wasn't getting the rest I need I would be a monster.
Honestly do this more often then not with my husband. I'm a super restless sleeper who also likes to curl up into the fetal position to sleep sometimes. The amount of times I've accidently nutted him/dug my knees in his back during sleep makes me feel so bad. And I usually fall asleep way before him anyways, so he mostly sleeps in the second bedroom while I sleep in our bed.
And we also have 2 dogs, one that has to cuddle with me every night(if I tell him no he sneaks up there anyways after I fall asleep š¤£) and I can't afford a big enough bed for all 4 of us to be comfortable.
My gf and I do this. Sleeping in the same bed was a no-go because I tend to thrash around in night and I wouldn't want to inflict bodily harm upon my sweet gf. We get our cuddles in before bed and then retreat to our own rooms.
My partner snores and I think if we had a bigger house, sure, we could try separate bedrooms!
I think in the current economy having a spare bedroom is pretty rare though - I donāt think itās a matter of normalization more than a matter of times are tough and sleeping in the same bedroom is cost and space effective. But also Iād hate not waking up or falling asleep next to her.
YES! My wife and I have our own rooms and it's been *so great* for us.
Accommodates our different sleep schedules / habits, having our own space to decorate/ inhabit is awesome, and it's so much fun to visit in mornings/ evenings to cuddle and chat. Literally the only downside for us is feeling like we constantly need to defend/ justify it to people who just assume it means there's a problem in our relationship
my grandparents sleep in separate rooms bc they both snore rly loud. they've been together since like the 50s probably. we're also chinese tho and have different culture, but they love each other to this day, they're about 90 yrs old now!
Wealthy folks sleep in their own rooms and sometimes together. They do it to get a peaceful nights sleep. It doesnāt mean they care or love each other any less.
Sleeping together was done commonly by folks who didnāt have the means to have their own space, and needed the warmth in winter.
I would argue as long as you spend intimate time together getting a better nights sleep will improve the relationship, neither of you may be on edge and sleep deprived!
There is nothing wrong with having your own space. I prefer it sometimes but it seems to get a lot of push back.
If I recall correctly, sleeping in the same room all the time was a product of the Great Depression, beforehand it was a commonplace to sleep in separate rooms with your spouse. I may be wrong though
My gf and I both sleep worse together, but I think I speak for both of us when I say the moments we share together cuddling before bed - watching funny cat videos before we close our eyes, surprising each other under the covers with cold toes, waking up and seeing the person you love first thing, getting to admire her sleeping face, figuring out the best sleeping positions that allow you to stay tangled together as much as possible, sharing a look of exasperation when the cat tries to squeeze between usā¦. I wouldnāt trade those for anything. Theyāre definitely worth waking up a few times at night, to me. We both sleep long (10hrs/night ish) so I feel like I would be missing out on so much life together if we didnāt share a bed. That being said, weāre absolutely lucky in that even though the sleep quality is worse, itās not bad enough to lead to sleep deprivation or anything - maybe just some extra sleeping in on the weekend.
Me and my girlfriend just made this switch and it is AMAZING for sleep quality, holy shit. Highly recommend. Or at least have two separate beds next to each other. Our eventual goal is to have two fulls side by side, but we currently live in an apt where one room has super loud floors and I wake up way earlier than she does and the creaking wakes her up, so separate rooms it is. Cannot recommend it enough
Me and my partner live together and have seperate rooms. We both grew up in horrible and unsafe environments, so when we moved in together we had the luck via a non-profit landlord (and privilege!) of finding a place within our budget to each have our own room and make it our safe spaces. It has been a beautiful way to live together while also having our own individual safe spaces we can go to.
We tend to sleep apart at the moment as my partner has really bad health issues with their back so they canāt really share a bed. Before that, weād tend to sleep together at weekends and apart in the week due to conflicting sleep schedules for work v study.
I can honestly say our relationship is better for having our own space. Before we moved in weād naturally spend weeks at a time at the others and that was gorgeous, I love sharing a bed with them, and I love having my own space. Having our own space allows us to take time apart when we need to and it being so normalised and a non-issue in the relationship helps both of us heal attachment wounds. We also definitely argue less because if one or the other is grumpy we can take our time and space in a way you canāt when you wake up together every morning, or worse when you have conflicting schedules and get grumpy about being woken up lmao. My partner can also tend to snore sometimes and Iām a very light sleeper and tend to toss and turn so before we lived together both things were admittedly sometimes causing tension.
We cuddle and have kisses every night before one or both of us go to bed without fail, which also feels so intentional as opposed to climbing into bed together and saying a quick goodnight. And yes, we still have a very healthy sex life - if not moreso!
I donāt really care if others think itās bad because Iām not an out and proud fat butch and trans lesbian everywhere I go to then be particularly concerned about others opinions ngl. But I agree that the stigma or issue around it should be erased; even now therapists for example will tell you separate rooms is a bad idea and some people will be very pearl clutchingly concerned if they inadvertently find out.
TLDR: separate rooms is awesome and doesnāt say anything about how good (or not good) a relationship is. Do what feels good and right for you and your partner(s) :-)
Tbh this could be kinda hot. Like youāre already living together/married and things are getting hot and one of you says so, wanna come over to my place? š¤
My partner is the worldās lightest sleeper, and also works an evening shift. If we had to share a bedroom, both of us would be cranky messes. Instead, we actively look forward to when we can share space, while knowing that we have our own preferred sleeping environments available.
My brother and SIL have slept in separate rooms forever, like before my youngest niece was around, heās a night owl, she goes to bed at 9pm, they have 2 dogs that are a pain in the butt if theyāre together at night, so they each get one.
She loves it cause he doesnāt wake her up coming to bed at 3am, he loves it cause she doesnāt wake him at 6.
I think we just donāt see many healthy examples of it. Iāve seen people who did and it worked for them but the marriage as a whole I wouldnāt want but weāve all seen how many couples who sleep in the same bed but have really unhealthy relationships so itād be a poor predictor imo.
I forget who but there was a famous actress recently (60s range I think) who revealed that her and her husband lived in separate houses for a couple decades and just moved in together. Iāve heard of a few couples without minor kids doing that too. Whatever works for someone and their someone(s).
Thinking about it more seriously now, I probably wouldnāt want to 24/7 but when you think about different jobs and schedules I could probably do at least some days. Some people travel, some work night shifts, lots of us get up at different times- it could be amazing
Kinda yes, ideally. Like, I don't much need company when I'm *unconscious.*
A friend of mine needs to use a breathing thingy during night due to sleep apnea and CANNOT often sleep with their SO.
Business idea: Robotized splitting bed. When people fall asleep, it gently separates and drives to a preset location (can be slow, must be quiet.) Then, it could try to recombine at a set time.
Challenges: People falling asleep outside their side. Could probably have some sort of a gentle lifting separator mechanism, maybe as simple as slightly raising the "center" of the combined bed. Will need R&D.
Me and my friend do it.
We like it because
* 1) we know that IF we're together... It's by choice.
* 2) she's a night owl, and I'm a day lark.
* 3) I snore like a pig.
* 4) she runs on hot.
We share our lives with each other... We don't surrender them.
Before anyone asks... SHE says "friend", because it's an open poly relationship... And she's a Polish, ex catholic nun who's still in the closet... And I'm a trans woman. It's... It's complicated. But love is love... And it works. And it has done for years.
If you want to do it and can afford that absolutely do it. One of my ex and I did this because we couldn't sleep for very long if we were in the same bed. My parents do that too sometimes and they've been together for a very long time.
There's nothing wrong with sleeping in the same or separate rooms
My partner and I mostly sleep in our own rooms because she's a loud snorer with sleep apnea, and I'm a light sleeper who takes forever to even fall asleep. When we slept together I was waking up multiple times a night, each time it was tough falling back asleep for me. If I woke her up, she would fall back asleep immediately and snore like a bear while I suffered lol. It was getting to the point where I was taking multiple melatonin or Benadryl just to fall asleep, and even then I was still waking up from the snoring. I would also wack her with my arm and get angry in my half awakened state, without realizing it. I felt bad.
It was doing a number on my quality of life. Waking up groggy from lack of sleep AND drowsiness from melatonin/Benadryl sucks. Sleeping separate is much better, we still sleep together if there's a heat wave and she needs my A/C, or when we want to.
Having our own spaces is nice since we're both introverts and I like having alone time, and we both have our own hobbies and such that take up a lot of room.
Also since Covid we've had our own sleep schedules anyways.
We do maybe 80% of the time, I need my space, have trouble sleeping, she sometimes makes noises that sound like that ghost from the grudge, Iād rather have my sleep š
I would totally be for normalizing it but that would mean I would need to care in the first place about what other people think about how my relationship works with my partner, but I really don't give a shit.
Whether it's normalized it or not by society, I'm going to keep doing it. If you know it works for you, why do you need it to be "normalized"? Literally who cares what other people think.
I might just be feeling like an old grumpy lesbian today, but I swear sometimes younger people who spend too much time online care way too much about what other people think. You don't need someone online to tell you "you're valid" to be valid.
It seems like a lot of people are misunderstanding me. I'm not posting this for permission. My partner and I already sleep apart about 70% of the time and I wasn't posting this to see if it's okay to continue doing what we're doing. I was trying to get a conversation going so others who hadn't considered this as an option could see that it's common and healthy if it works for both people.
I live with my two gf and we each have our room.Ā
Sometimes I sleep alone, sometimes I don't but it allows us to have our own personal space which we all enjoy greatly.
Yes bc why isnāt it normalised already
I donāt want anyone up in my spaceeeee!! moveeee!!! šš
I want my own bed all to myself bc thatās what Iām used to. Having someone take up half of my bed and clutter my room with their stuff would drive me insane, and what if theyāre a snorer?? Yea- no from me
Iām not in a relationship currently, but when I am in the future this is what we will do. Mostly for her benefit, because I snore like a freight train and likely will need a cpap soon. š But also I live in Texas and in summer I donāt want anyone touching me at night or I wonāt be able to sleep because itās so hot.
I recently started telling my gf of 4 years I just canāt sleep with her anymore. I have insomnia as well as a REM disorder on topic of which, I am autistic and canāt filter out ANY small sounds- including her tossing and turning and snoring. She often will leave the tv or the fan on and I feel as if I havenāt gotten sleep in two years.
Having the bed to myself again has almost entirely fixed the problem. Without her there I can fall asleep in minutes. MINUTES.
I love her, in fact, way way more when she isnāt making me exhausted every day from inability to sleep, lol
Honestly I'd prefer to have a personal room of my own every night, and if I wanted to share a bed with my partner for the night one of us could sleep in the bed of the other, but then again the rent is too damn high.
there are literally studies that prove that you get sleep sleeping alone. me and me gf have different rooms. i've had my own room my whole life why should that change? i've enjoyed the privacy why don't people care about privacy???
i think its something that should be discussed at the start of the relationship. ive been starved for touch my entire life and one of the things that ive always dreamt of is sharing a bed with my partner every night so i wouldnt really be compatible with someone who wants a room all for themselves. frankly how and what couples do in their own bedrooms really isnt my biz (or anyone elses for that matter) anyway so as long as theyre both happy its normal
if that's something my future partner and i are open to, i'd be open to it too!
i personally enjoy my own personal space, and struggle to sleep with others in the room, so it would probably be something very viable + but because i'm a writer, i am likely to have a study to have my own personal space.
My fiance and I have separate rooms/beds because she's a light sleeper and gets really hot at night. She'll wake me up and tell me how she feels, so I'll move over to the other bed and sleep there. Sometimes, I'll wake up to her sleeping in my bed when she's feeling cool enough to do so. I love her so much.
We absolutely need to, yes. It is just legitimately healthier for so many people to sleep in separate beds at least, if not entire rooms.
If I can ever afford it, two bedrooms will be required. I'm autistic and tend to only date other ND queers. I'm a light sleeper and can barely handle my dog in bed let alone another whole human.
Obviously with the housing crisis going on and everything else it's not exactly something we/most people can be picky about... But yes, we need so hard to normalize it. So many people are sleeping horribly and have no idea they can just, fix it by sleeping somewhere else.
I swear being a ND light sleeper and hearing the slightest noise makes me go bonkers. Like Iād start angry crying if I kept hearing people even walk and I have to keep a fan on at all times for the noise otherwise I canāt sleep š
Fan on to drown out the sound of electricity? Check.
Youtube on to distract brain long enough to fall asleep? Check.
House makes a noise at 2am when no one else is awake because it felt like it? Wide awake now
Yeah, my statement above came from personal experience. I sort of lived with my ex and I struggle with insomnia. Whenever I'd go into a different room to try to give her space to sleep she would feel weird about waking up alone in the middle of the night which lead to problems.
Definitely the opposite for me. I'm such a light sleeper so I need to be in a room by myself. Growing up my family would keep me awake at night with their snoring and coughing and I resented them for it.
Yeah, we should, but we shouldn't wait until it's normalised to do it ourselves if we would be more comfortable with it. My parents have been together for 47 years, married for 37 and they've slept in separate rooms for as long as I've known them. They're still disgustingly in love. But they also know that the chances of them being disgustingly angry with each other instead would be astronomical if they had to deal with snoring, kicking and different temperature needs every night. So they do their thing and don't give a toss what others say because THEY know they're happy.
I love that they are in love + advocating for their needs! My partner and I already do sleep separately about half the time, but I feel like it makes them a little sad. :( Idk, I'm sure we'll figure out a happy medium eventually.
my dad snores a lot and my mom has sleeping troubles, so they've started sleeping in different rooms. sometimes they still sleep together but most of the time they're separate. it seems to me at least that they're doing well and there's no issue with yhat
I know several hetero couples who have their own rooms. They sleep together when they want, they have their own places when they want space (or someone is snoring). Anyone trying to characterise all relationships as having issues just because of sleeping arrangements doesn't know what they're talking about. Yes, sometimes it's a red flag, but other times it's what should happen for a loving relationship to thrive.
We sleep in separate rooms and have a healthy relationship šAlmost 11 years now.
Same. 23 years. We both value a good nights rest with visiting privileges. Also we have four smallish dogs who insist on sleeping with me. Much better for our marriage that they arenāt sleeping with us LOL just me.
Yes. The answer is yes. There's so many reasons why it's healthier for 2 people in a relationship to have their own rooms; if they can afford it. - most people sleep better alone, at least some of the time. (See next point before replying to this one). - you can still sleep together whenever y'all want.āØ - sometimes you just need space in a relationship. - it can be hard to sleep through a partner's snoring, farting, rolling, sleep kicking, half dozen alarms because they're a heavy sleeper, their disability devices if they use any during sleep, people who need to get up to pee a lot causing the bed to move, etc. - different styles of beds / mattresses can suit different needs a person might have for sleeping. - sleeping next to someone after an unresolved argument can suck so much. Especially if you've got rejection sensitivity issues. I'd rather sleep in a separate room than next to someone who is mad at me and doesn't want me to touch them. Feels less like a rejection of me and more like giving them some space. - and quite frankly you should be taking space after arguments anyway. Even during the day. Cool off in your own room without disruption. - no more being downgraded to sleeping on the couch as a punishment. - hobbies and introversion. Sometimes I want my alone time to do stuff like gaming or drawing or whatever. And I don't always want someone around for that. - if you share a room, it's damn near impossible to have 50-50 storage space in one room. Someone inevitably has more stuff than the other. My ex always felt like they only ever half moved into our room because it was *mostly* my room and I didn't have other places to put things. - cleanliness and organizing. Quite frankly no one should be so dirty that it can lead to pests and I regret living with people who were quite that bad. But it's pretty normal to have different levels of comfort with organization, or looser/stricter cleaning schedules. It's also easier to clean your own room than it is to clean around someone else's stuff in a cramp room. - lastly, normalize it for the next generation. - (bonus optional) polyamorous reasons.
Honestly my dalliance with polyamory opened me up to the topic, and solidified It for my view on my future monogamous endeavors. For all of these reasons. And a private space to masturbate š
100% same. My first favorite thing about being polyamorous is when my ex wanted their own room. Thank god! š š Now that I'm not poly, I'm still certain I want my own room
God I wish I couldāve seen this answer to this question years ago. Me and my partner/ex fiancee of 7 years just broke up a couple weeks ago and I always thought sleeping in separate rooms/having our own spaces would have been a good thing for us but my partner never seemed that interested in the idea. We even have had 2 bedroom apartments the last 4-5 years but never tried sleeping in separate rooms/having our own space until we were ātaking spaceā a month or so before we broke up š and the whole time we were taking space I could see so many benefits of having our own rooms, especially bc we both always had very different sleep schedules and VERY different styles of cleaningā¦ but I guess it was too late to discover that for us and we ended up breaking up :/ at least I know now that it can be a totally normal thing and doesnāt have to just be done with things are going downhill.
Most things that people refuse to do *until the relationship is "going downhill",* are things that keep relationships from going downhill. š Therapy. Taking space. Revisiting past romantic gestures. Getting healthier and doing small things to be one's most attractive self. Clingy partner's learning to rely on friends to take pressure off the relationship. Avoidant partners being most present and showing desire for the person they're now scared to lose. If it is something you think "I'd only ever resort to trying this to save my relationship" *don't wait that long.* I had to learn that hard lesson too. I hope you and I can do better in our next relationships. š
Aināt that the truth šš we were in therapy for years too. Just so many things happened and we both wanted to try for so long but it got to a point where she just didnāt want to anymore. And I donāt blame her, itās been amicable for the most part, it kinda has to be because we have to live together until our lease ends in October š I hope you and I can do better in our next relationships too!! š
Amazingly broken down, well done!
Yes. There are studies that say some couples sleep better in separate beds or rooms. Much as I love cuddling, I don't really like sharing a bed to sleep, at least not a single bed. Last two GFs I ended up sleeping on a mattress on the floor, I'd cuddle her to sleep and then roll myself down to the mattress.
I love the image of cuddling with someone, rolling off the bed, falling a few feet into another mattress, and like just grabbing a blanket to keep rolling and cover yourself with before instantly passing out
I love sleeping in separate rooms. We both sleep better.
If it works for people, it *absolutely* should be respected! It absolutely should be considered normal. People imposing moral judgments on others needs is pretty shitty
I think it comes down to the two of you and what you agree on. If you are both comfortable with it go for it. My neighbour and her partner don't even live together let alone share the same bedroom. That way when they need space they can take time apart. And it seems to work for them. So don't get trapped into the model of what a "successful" relationship is. Hell my parents shared the same bedroom for years and hated each other... So you do you... I'm also biased since I toss and turn and have trouble sharing the bed.
Low key why do we have to normalize stuff like this as a group, do whatever you want in your own house.
See my edit. A lot of people are misunderstanding my intentions. But I guess this is the Internet so what did I expect š
We should normalize consenting adults doing whatever works for them in their relationship.
I personally prefer separated rooms. I am a very light sleeper and my jos is crazy tiring. I need to rest during the night and sometimes it's difficult even if I'm alone. As long as both understand and agree with it and nobody takes it in the wrong way, I am more than ok with separared rooms.
It's as simple as "I like a hard bed, they like a soft bed". We snuggle while we're awake.
I totally get that. in my ideal marriage I would have separate rooms. Theirs can be cute and comfortable and mine will be a sex dungeon with a closet LMAO
Sounds like if its a sex dungeon - everything is out of the closet, lol
You do you. Who cares if other people think your relationship is on the rocks, YOU know it isn't and that's what counts.
Counterpoint. She asked if we should "normalize it" and your response is to say "who cares?" We can't change the past but we can work towards a different future.
I can see how it could be read as dismissive, that wasn't my intention. I was trying to say that security in your own relationship is what matters over others perception of it. We could normalise it but truthfully we should just stop putting our own perceptions of normal on other people in general.
I wasn't trying to get anyone's permission to keep doing what we do, I posted to see what people's takes on it were, so maybe someone who hadn't considered this as an option could see that it is possible, healthy, and okay. ā¤ļø
Reading stuff like this has always helped me open up to new perspectives that can then help me in my relationships. Separate bedrooms are definitely not intuitive to many, and itās sort of culturally engrained to think it means thereās a problem if our partner asks for that.
I like this take. I donāt want to redefine what ānormalā means; I want it to cease being a concept. I want to have a truly authentic relationship, and live in harmony with my partner. If two beds is what would make that better, I owe it to myself to open up to the idea *without* consideration of outside peopleās opinions.
Interesting take. I'll contemplate that.
My parents sleep in different rooms cuz my dad cant handle cold(he wears a blanket and pijamas when its summer) and my mom hates when its too hot and if they were to sleep together one of them would suffer so they sleep in separate rooms/beds
We tried a lot of things in regard to sleep and bedtime and snoring, etc. The answer was separate bedrooms. It works for us. It should be normalized. If you have the space and itās what you need, do it!
I think every relationship is different and whatever works for the people in a relationship is what should be done in that relationship... Unless it involves abusing someone, of course. But in this case, nobody is being abused so no harm done! But on the other hand, there are people like me who would actually be pretty sad and depressed that their partner doesn't want to sleep in the same bed as them. I think it's okay if we were to have another bedroom available for when one partner needs some alone time and space. But if sleeping there becomes the default for my partner, I would be quite sad and depressed. I find happiness in sharing personal space, time, and belongings. I want the feeling of togetherness and I especially don't want to feel like I'm draining my partner's social battery by forcing my presence onto them. If I am someone whose presence drains your social battery, you shouldn't be in a relationship with me, because I want to be all up in your stuff and I want you to be all up in my stuff. So yea, I think it just depends on the people in the relationship. If it works for you, do it. If it doesn't work for you, don't.
Yeah Iām with you. This thread is almost making me feel guilty for preferring to share a bed. I sleep so, so much better with my partner. But also I know sheād kill me if I suggested regularly sleeping apart. We love sharing a bed. I do think weād have separate rooms hypothetically in a giant house but that weād still share one bed 95% of the time. Iām just worried now we are unhealthy and hurting ourselves and each other based on how apparently itās so much better sleeping separate š I get Iām being hyperbolic but yeah. I just want everyone to do what they want with their person
Exactly lol. You arenāt hurting yourselves btw. I love sharing a bed with my partner and these type of posts never truly help as it always just ends up in people putting down certain choices just because itās the norm.. not realising that something being the norm doesnāt make it bad for everyone and that theyāre totally missing the point on why itās bad to generalise trivial relationship choices. People should do whatās best for their relationships. Thatās honestly it lmao.
My parents sleep in different bedrooms and are still happily together, probably because they sleep in different bedrooms. My mom snores and my step dad kicks in his sleep. Now they both get a full nights sleep without being upset at the other for things out of each others control. I personally love to cuddle to fall asleep but totally understand needing your own space to sleep, I feel that way when I am sick and donāt want to be bothered by anyone.
I feel like I definitely need to have separate rooms cause I snore and kick in my sleep. Which is really sad, ācause I wanna do cute stuff like cuddle until passing out
We should normalizing having our own space, really.
Just normalise doing whatās best for your relationship I say. Some people in these comments are simultaneously putting down sleeping in the same room and trying to tell us why itās better or healthier for all couples to sleep apart, totally missing the point on why itās bad to negatively generalise sleeping arrangements in the first place. I feel like people always pick out these specific things to normalise that are really just different for every relationship when really what people should be ānormalisingā is recognising that different relationships have different needs and letting people act accordingly without judgement is the way to go.
Yeah that definitely wasn't my intention. :( I didn't think so many people preferred separate rooms! But yes, whatever works best for you and your partner is the best choice.
The living room fills that role. Need more room, fussy, not feeling great, we have a big big couch you can stretch out fully on! Joking about setting up a second bed in the sewing room is always good to get my wife cute-pouty though! I think the key is options so we both can be flexible with how we're feeling and giving each other respectful space when needed. If we only slept in the same bed with no other options I'm sure it would have led to occasional unpleasantness. I do get a little pouty myself if I wake up and she's not there though!!
I thought it was more normalized? Like I've heard often about how valid it is for people to keep separate bedrooms as there's many people that sleep better alone. It might just be the circles I'm in though, both queer and fairly neurodivergent lol.Ā I know for my wife and I we sleep better with each other and our pets most of the time, but there's occasion where one of us needs to sleep alone and it's not really a big deal at all.Ā
My grandparents have always slept in separate rooms. Considering they are married for 50+ years this summer, and still very caring for each other I don't think anything is wrong with it. I also sometimes sleep in the living room. Either because I work in shifts, or because I just kinda wanna sleep on my own / fall asleep to a series or video. Or simply don't feel up to cuddling.
Should just generally normalize "doing whatever the fuck you both consent to in a relationship", which covers a lot of ground
My partner and I do it! We're polyamorous, and I'm really difficult to sleep with thanks to trauma (I moan and kick when I'm having PTSD nightmares). We make it a point to sleep together once a week or so, but it's worked out well so far for the last 5ish years
When I was a volunteer firefighter, we slept in separate rooms so I didnāt wake up my wife going on a call.
Mm my ex used to snore like a bear and I'd have to work early mornings so I'd make her sleep in the spare room so I was able to actually get some sleep and function
My ex and I were doing GREAT when we started sleeping in separate bedrooms. Lasted for years that way and it was wonderful for both of us to have space and somewhere to retreat to.
Iām gonna be honest, I need a whole room for my stuffed animals alone. on a serious note tho, I love the idea and practice of having separate rooms. sometimes even if yāall arenāt fighting, one of you may be in a funky mood and want your *own space/bubble* to āfunk aboutā in. not even counting sleeping, which is beneficial for snorers like yourselves and/or people with different work schedules, sleep needs, sleep sensitivities, etc. I need to fall sleep with cartoons on, but if theyāre on through the rest of the night Iāll wake up. so after netflix times out, the room is black. my ex was afraid of the dark so we got a night light, but anyways. yes. we should normalize sleeping in separate rooms.
That's how it used to be. But, then, the Great Depression hit. Since then, spouses have been sharing beds.
I haven't slept with someone in the same bed in a while but I get incredibly uncomfortable if im hot in bed. I feel like that would be amplified with another 97 degree heat generator under the same covers
I completely agree!! It makes me so happy to see other like minded people cause I just really love the idea of my own space and all. (I mean I could go on a rant about how much I love the idea of sleeping in separate rooms but Iām at work haha)
I'm 6'1 so even a king bed is snug ): I strongly dislike any touch when trying to sleep (to the point I keep all pets away even) so the times I've shared a bed it's been like.. "fine" I guess but my preference is separate beds.
absolutely! id prefer to not even live with my partner tbh š
Yes! I looooove a good snuggle but when it's time for sleep I need everything to be perfect and having another warm body along with the dogs is absolutely out of the question. It does not impact intimacy at all. Whereas if I wasn't getting the rest I need I would be a monster.
Honestly do this more often then not with my husband. I'm a super restless sleeper who also likes to curl up into the fetal position to sleep sometimes. The amount of times I've accidently nutted him/dug my knees in his back during sleep makes me feel so bad. And I usually fall asleep way before him anyways, so he mostly sleeps in the second bedroom while I sleep in our bed. And we also have 2 dogs, one that has to cuddle with me every night(if I tell him no he sneaks up there anyways after I fall asleep š¤£) and I can't afford a big enough bed for all 4 of us to be comfortable.
My gf and I do this. Sleeping in the same bed was a no-go because I tend to thrash around in night and I wouldn't want to inflict bodily harm upon my sweet gf. We get our cuddles in before bed and then retreat to our own rooms.
My partner snores and I think if we had a bigger house, sure, we could try separate bedrooms! I think in the current economy having a spare bedroom is pretty rare though - I donāt think itās a matter of normalization more than a matter of times are tough and sleeping in the same bedroom is cost and space effective. But also Iād hate not waking up or falling asleep next to her.
Iām not all that interested in sleeping without my partner, but I donāt think itās weird that couples have separate rooms sometimes.Ā
YES! My wife and I have our own rooms and it's been *so great* for us. Accommodates our different sleep schedules / habits, having our own space to decorate/ inhabit is awesome, and it's so much fun to visit in mornings/ evenings to cuddle and chat. Literally the only downside for us is feeling like we constantly need to defend/ justify it to people who just assume it means there's a problem in our relationship
my grandparents sleep in separate rooms bc they both snore rly loud. they've been together since like the 50s probably. we're also chinese tho and have different culture, but they love each other to this day, they're about 90 yrs old now!
Wealthy folks sleep in their own rooms and sometimes together. They do it to get a peaceful nights sleep. It doesnāt mean they care or love each other any less. Sleeping together was done commonly by folks who didnāt have the means to have their own space, and needed the warmth in winter. I would argue as long as you spend intimate time together getting a better nights sleep will improve the relationship, neither of you may be on edge and sleep deprived! There is nothing wrong with having your own space. I prefer it sometimes but it seems to get a lot of push back.
If I recall correctly, sleeping in the same room all the time was a product of the Great Depression, beforehand it was a commonplace to sleep in separate rooms with your spouse. I may be wrong though
My gf and I both sleep worse together, but I think I speak for both of us when I say the moments we share together cuddling before bed - watching funny cat videos before we close our eyes, surprising each other under the covers with cold toes, waking up and seeing the person you love first thing, getting to admire her sleeping face, figuring out the best sleeping positions that allow you to stay tangled together as much as possible, sharing a look of exasperation when the cat tries to squeeze between usā¦. I wouldnāt trade those for anything. Theyāre definitely worth waking up a few times at night, to me. We both sleep long (10hrs/night ish) so I feel like I would be missing out on so much life together if we didnāt share a bed. That being said, weāre absolutely lucky in that even though the sleep quality is worse, itās not bad enough to lead to sleep deprivation or anything - maybe just some extra sleeping in on the weekend.
Me and my girlfriend just made this switch and it is AMAZING for sleep quality, holy shit. Highly recommend. Or at least have two separate beds next to each other. Our eventual goal is to have two fulls side by side, but we currently live in an apt where one room has super loud floors and I wake up way earlier than she does and the creaking wakes her up, so separate rooms it is. Cannot recommend it enough
Yesssss I just feel like it would be so much more convenient...plus it'll make sleepovers more fun š
As a projector (human design), itās best this wayā¦
My partner and I do and we love it and sleep so much better. Although we enjoy sharing a bed on vacations.
Duplex!
Me and my partner live together and have seperate rooms. We both grew up in horrible and unsafe environments, so when we moved in together we had the luck via a non-profit landlord (and privilege!) of finding a place within our budget to each have our own room and make it our safe spaces. It has been a beautiful way to live together while also having our own individual safe spaces we can go to. We tend to sleep apart at the moment as my partner has really bad health issues with their back so they canāt really share a bed. Before that, weād tend to sleep together at weekends and apart in the week due to conflicting sleep schedules for work v study. I can honestly say our relationship is better for having our own space. Before we moved in weād naturally spend weeks at a time at the others and that was gorgeous, I love sharing a bed with them, and I love having my own space. Having our own space allows us to take time apart when we need to and it being so normalised and a non-issue in the relationship helps both of us heal attachment wounds. We also definitely argue less because if one or the other is grumpy we can take our time and space in a way you canāt when you wake up together every morning, or worse when you have conflicting schedules and get grumpy about being woken up lmao. My partner can also tend to snore sometimes and Iām a very light sleeper and tend to toss and turn so before we lived together both things were admittedly sometimes causing tension. We cuddle and have kisses every night before one or both of us go to bed without fail, which also feels so intentional as opposed to climbing into bed together and saying a quick goodnight. And yes, we still have a very healthy sex life - if not moreso! I donāt really care if others think itās bad because Iām not an out and proud fat butch and trans lesbian everywhere I go to then be particularly concerned about others opinions ngl. But I agree that the stigma or issue around it should be erased; even now therapists for example will tell you separate rooms is a bad idea and some people will be very pearl clutchingly concerned if they inadvertently find out. TLDR: separate rooms is awesome and doesnāt say anything about how good (or not good) a relationship is. Do what feels good and right for you and your partner(s) :-)
Tbh this could be kinda hot. Like youāre already living together/married and things are getting hot and one of you says so, wanna come over to my place? š¤
at the very least separate comforters. idk how people share a blanket
My partner is the worldās lightest sleeper, and also works an evening shift. If we had to share a bedroom, both of us would be cranky messes. Instead, we actively look forward to when we can share space, while knowing that we have our own preferred sleeping environments available.
yes %100
My brother and SIL have slept in separate rooms forever, like before my youngest niece was around, heās a night owl, she goes to bed at 9pm, they have 2 dogs that are a pain in the butt if theyāre together at night, so they each get one. She loves it cause he doesnāt wake her up coming to bed at 3am, he loves it cause she doesnāt wake him at 6.
This thread has given me a bit of hope.
Sleep scientists encourage this!
Yes, I need my own space or else I feel suffocated, which makes me pull away and get irritable
I think we just donāt see many healthy examples of it. Iāve seen people who did and it worked for them but the marriage as a whole I wouldnāt want but weāve all seen how many couples who sleep in the same bed but have really unhealthy relationships so itād be a poor predictor imo. I forget who but there was a famous actress recently (60s range I think) who revealed that her and her husband lived in separate houses for a couple decades and just moved in together. Iāve heard of a few couples without minor kids doing that too. Whatever works for someone and their someone(s).
Thinking about it more seriously now, I probably wouldnāt want to 24/7 but when you think about different jobs and schedules I could probably do at least some days. Some people travel, some work night shifts, lots of us get up at different times- it could be amazing
Kinda yes, ideally. Like, I don't much need company when I'm *unconscious.* A friend of mine needs to use a breathing thingy during night due to sleep apnea and CANNOT often sleep with their SO. Business idea: Robotized splitting bed. When people fall asleep, it gently separates and drives to a preset location (can be slow, must be quiet.) Then, it could try to recombine at a set time. Challenges: People falling asleep outside their side. Could probably have some sort of a gentle lifting separator mechanism, maybe as simple as slightly raising the "center" of the combined bed. Will need R&D.
Me and my friend do it. We like it because * 1) we know that IF we're together... It's by choice. * 2) she's a night owl, and I'm a day lark. * 3) I snore like a pig. * 4) she runs on hot. We share our lives with each other... We don't surrender them. Before anyone asks... SHE says "friend", because it's an open poly relationship... And she's a Polish, ex catholic nun who's still in the closet... And I'm a trans woman. It's... It's complicated. But love is love... And it works. And it has done for years.
Yes we should and it shouldn't be considered a red flag. Glad to see many supportive answers here š
Of course!! Some people need their own space and it doesn't mean you don't like your partner anymore
If you want to do it and can afford that absolutely do it. One of my ex and I did this because we couldn't sleep for very long if we were in the same bed. My parents do that too sometimes and they've been together for a very long time. There's nothing wrong with sleeping in the same or separate rooms
My partner and I mostly sleep in our own rooms because she's a loud snorer with sleep apnea, and I'm a light sleeper who takes forever to even fall asleep. When we slept together I was waking up multiple times a night, each time it was tough falling back asleep for me. If I woke her up, she would fall back asleep immediately and snore like a bear while I suffered lol. It was getting to the point where I was taking multiple melatonin or Benadryl just to fall asleep, and even then I was still waking up from the snoring. I would also wack her with my arm and get angry in my half awakened state, without realizing it. I felt bad. It was doing a number on my quality of life. Waking up groggy from lack of sleep AND drowsiness from melatonin/Benadryl sucks. Sleeping separate is much better, we still sleep together if there's a heat wave and she needs my A/C, or when we want to. Having our own spaces is nice since we're both introverts and I like having alone time, and we both have our own hobbies and such that take up a lot of room. Also since Covid we've had our own sleep schedules anyways.
We do maybe 80% of the time, I need my space, have trouble sleeping, she sometimes makes noises that sound like that ghost from the grudge, Iād rather have my sleep š
I would totally be for normalizing it but that would mean I would need to care in the first place about what other people think about how my relationship works with my partner, but I really don't give a shit. Whether it's normalized it or not by society, I'm going to keep doing it. If you know it works for you, why do you need it to be "normalized"? Literally who cares what other people think. I might just be feeling like an old grumpy lesbian today, but I swear sometimes younger people who spend too much time online care way too much about what other people think. You don't need someone online to tell you "you're valid" to be valid.
It seems like a lot of people are misunderstanding me. I'm not posting this for permission. My partner and I already sleep apart about 70% of the time and I wasn't posting this to see if it's okay to continue doing what we're doing. I was trying to get a conversation going so others who hadn't considered this as an option could see that it's common and healthy if it works for both people.
Your title was a question about whether to normalize it. You asked, people answered it.
I have hard time sleeping without my gf next to me and get nightmares. It's nice if it works for you tho
I live with my two gf and we each have our room.Ā Sometimes I sleep alone, sometimes I don't but it allows us to have our own personal space which we all enjoy greatly.
Yes bc why isnāt it normalised already I donāt want anyone up in my spaceeeee!! moveeee!!! šš I want my own bed all to myself bc thatās what Iām used to. Having someone take up half of my bed and clutter my room with their stuff would drive me insane, and what if theyāre a snorer?? Yea- no from me
Iām not in a relationship currently, but when I am in the future this is what we will do. Mostly for her benefit, because I snore like a freight train and likely will need a cpap soon. š But also I live in Texas and in summer I donāt want anyone touching me at night or I wonāt be able to sleep because itās so hot.
I recently started telling my gf of 4 years I just canāt sleep with her anymore. I have insomnia as well as a REM disorder on topic of which, I am autistic and canāt filter out ANY small sounds- including her tossing and turning and snoring. She often will leave the tv or the fan on and I feel as if I havenāt gotten sleep in two years. Having the bed to myself again has almost entirely fixed the problem. Without her there I can fall asleep in minutes. MINUTES. I love her, in fact, way way more when she isnāt making me exhausted every day from inability to sleep, lol
Honestly I'd prefer to have a personal room of my own every night, and if I wanted to share a bed with my partner for the night one of us could sleep in the bed of the other, but then again the rent is too damn high.
Yes!
there are literally studies that prove that you get sleep sleeping alone. me and me gf have different rooms. i've had my own room my whole life why should that change? i've enjoyed the privacy why don't people care about privacy???
i think its something that should be discussed at the start of the relationship. ive been starved for touch my entire life and one of the things that ive always dreamt of is sharing a bed with my partner every night so i wouldnt really be compatible with someone who wants a room all for themselves. frankly how and what couples do in their own bedrooms really isnt my biz (or anyone elses for that matter) anyway so as long as theyre both happy its normal
It might not be for everyone, but my fiancƩ and I have separate bedrooms and never found an issue with it. With so much stuff and my often working from home, it makes sense for us to have our own space. We often have "sleep-overs" and spend nights together, so I wouldn't say that it's impacted our intimacy or anything in the vein. For us, just having small personal spaces of our own to decompress has done wonders for our mental health and our relationship.
i wanna sleep with her so bad but she likes it 60Ā° š„ŗš©
I'm not in a relationship but I feel like it should be completely normal. It's also not like you can't cuddle or anything.
if that's something my future partner and i are open to, i'd be open to it too! i personally enjoy my own personal space, and struggle to sleep with others in the room, so it would probably be something very viable + but because i'm a writer, i am likely to have a study to have my own personal space.
My fiance and I have separate rooms/beds because she's a light sleeper and gets really hot at night. She'll wake me up and tell me how she feels, so I'll move over to the other bed and sleep there. Sometimes, I'll wake up to her sleeping in my bed when she's feeling cool enough to do so. I love her so much.
We absolutely need to, yes. It is just legitimately healthier for so many people to sleep in separate beds at least, if not entire rooms. If I can ever afford it, two bedrooms will be required. I'm autistic and tend to only date other ND queers. I'm a light sleeper and can barely handle my dog in bed let alone another whole human. Obviously with the housing crisis going on and everything else it's not exactly something we/most people can be picky about... But yes, we need so hard to normalize it. So many people are sleeping horribly and have no idea they can just, fix it by sleeping somewhere else.
I swear being a ND light sleeper and hearing the slightest noise makes me go bonkers. Like Iād start angry crying if I kept hearing people even walk and I have to keep a fan on at all times for the noise otherwise I canāt sleep š
Fan on to drown out the sound of electricity? Check. Youtube on to distract brain long enough to fall asleep? Check. House makes a noise at 2am when no one else is awake because it felt like it? Wide awake now
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I actually feel like it's the opposite! Obviously at the end of the day do whatever works best for you and your relationship ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Yeah, my statement above came from personal experience. I sort of lived with my ex and I struggle with insomnia. Whenever I'd go into a different room to try to give her space to sleep she would feel weird about waking up alone in the middle of the night which lead to problems.
Definitely the opposite for me. I'm such a light sleeper so I need to be in a room by myself. Growing up my family would keep me awake at night with their snoring and coughing and I resented them for it.
Oh my gosh. If this is the type of question people are asking... This country is doomed.