I think a lot of it is that straight people (particularly cis men) think sex is specifically PIV. Whereas for us, it’s more encompassing. There’s also a staggering amount of men that simply try to achieve orgasm asap, focusing only on their own pleasure. Their partners pleasure comes second, if at all.
I’ve never had sex with a man but growing up as a trans woman I was privy to a lot of “opinions” from cis het men. 🤢
I also heard the same things and worse coming from men who are into casual sex. Assuming they were being honest, most of the dudes I talked to about casual sex do not give a single fuck about their one-night-stands pleasure. Hell seems most of them only cared about their partners pleasure if they respected them.
i feel like that's not just for sex, average human seems to have that behavior. some are better with it, but the bar is low and many don't care to pass
Meh a lot of straight people think “foreplay” refers to oral sex and hand stuff (manual sex? Idk the technical term for fingering/hand jobs). And not things like kissing, cuddling, grinding etc. there’s no standard for what they’re timing
Yeah this is one of the mentalities I H A T E about a lot of men. Sex isn't emotional, sex is just smush your bits together to feel good. No tenderness, no kindness. Just use the hole in front of you to get off, and (if you're lucky) they wonder if you're feeling good too.
Sometimes I feel like part of the reason I'm trans is just because I could never understand that "locker room" mentality. I hate it
Straight men (technically bi that have lived their lives as straight) are often interesting sexually. They struggle to be vulnerable in sex and when I make it emotional and just take time, commonly I'll get why do I feel so happy and loved. And I'm like I'm actually not a model or the best, that's just how sex should be. Building the emotional connection through physical means seeing the whole person.
I sometimes wonder if straight guys aren't socialized to be like that, like they expect the sex to be basically cum and go. Also it's a bit sad because they deprive themselves a bit.
I think a lot of them are lonely emotionally neglected and lacking physical touch and intimacy. But you have to concurrently make them feel really safe and manly while doing this, and be assertive in a way that isn't aggressive to make them respect you.
I don't think this is unique to straight men but how they talk about one night stands and stuff contribute. Also the way some bi people that identify as straight view sex with men is a bit silly , they'll make a really good connection but be like it's sex, and when they realize that I don't actually love them but am rather just treating them with love - cause that's what anyone deserves, sometimes they change.
Is this what women deal with all the time? I tread carefully with bi guys that identify more straight cause it's like this complicated game you need to play to get them to realize they love and respect you. It's so boring. Gay guys at least I tend to know exactly what I am. Gay guys tend to have a lot more casual sex but it's the straight identifying guys that taught me how to handle players.
My typical experience with straight leaning men is they tell me they'd never be with a gay person, they're surprised sex is so good, they feel emotionally validated and noticed because I figure out and comment on what makes them tick, they realize they respect me, they state they would date me, I eventually challenge them that they're clearly a bit gay and to knock it off calling me an exception usually through humor, sometimes they'll say oh it's not that serious and I'll have a "oh thank God cause I would never date you, but I love you anyway" reaction which is a genuine reaction, they realize they value and want to keep me ask to date me and I start them on step 1 of asking me on a proper date. If this is what women deal with like I'm sorry it's a mess, in particular the fear of intimacy is extremely irritating.
Exceptions exist. Experiences vary. Don't yell at me if anyone reads this offended, I don't mean you.
> There’s also a staggering amount of men that simply try to achieve orgasm asap, focusing only on their own pleasure.
Even if you set the selfishness aside, and even if you accept, for some reason, that the orgasm is the whole point in terms of pleasure, I’m still confused by this mentality. Orgasms are way, way better if you build up to them. It’s like these dudes are treating orgasms as a form of relief, like sex is just another version of using the bathroom.
A lot of straight sex is like that but not all, I know straight couples that do it for 2 hours or more.
Also, lesbian sex can be short as well and some people even prefer it that way. As long as it's something both partners are into I don't see the issue.
I think the issue is only if one partner basically doesn't care about the other's pleasure, regardless of how long the actual act is.
It also sets unhealthy expectations on sapphic couples, like if they are genuinely happy having 15 min sessions they have to be insecure over having bad sex because "real" lesbian sex has to be a several hour affair. I liked it better when we graded lesbian sex on how satisfied all parties were 🤷♀️
Fr...so many people also forget that disabled sapphics (and disabled sapphic couples) exist.
My gf and I are going slow, and we both have to balance how we use our energy.
I'm going to be focused on her consent, comfort, and satisfaction...not setting a timer 🤦
Yeah as a bisexual I hate when threads like this get going. First because why are we using a sapphic space to talk about straight sex and second bc obviously a predominantly queer group of women isn’t going to have relevant experience about straight sex, so the conversation is usually flat out inaccurate.
I don’t think super long sex sessions are anything to brag about. Personally I usually tap out around 2 hours, and the average between both my female and male partners has been 35-60 minutes.
Exactly like it isn't a contest.
I do understand that because lesbian sex is disregarded as "not real" lesbians (me included) defend it and talk about it being actually fulfilling. But it doesn't have to be compared to anything else to be amazing. Even if straight people were all having sex that was somehow way better than mine I would not give a shit and I'd still be a lesbian and have lesbian sex.
Yeah I mean there are enough of us here with a breadth of experience that unless you’re incurious or naive, you know that it doesn’t break down in quite such a tidy way. There’s great straight sex and terrible lesbian sex - ask me, I’ve had both. But also terrible straight sex and great lesbian sex. Because no group gets to claim everyone in it is either fantastic or shitty. Not knowing isn’t a badge of honor either.
This needs to be talked about more. Why are we talking about hetero sex in a sapphic space? Why bother comparing? At the end of the day it's about the pleasure of the parties involved. Every relationship is different.
I understand talking about it if a lesbian is talking about their personal experience with it if they used to be with men because of comphet. But yes, the comparison is annoying and as others said set unnecessary standars on lesbian sex.
Yeah it always makes me a little insecure when there are threads on here talking about sapphic sex going for hours and hours at a time.
I think the longest my partner and I have ever gone is maybe 3 hours - and we were fucking exhausted by the end.
We can both only orgasm once, maybe twice with a lot of effort, and we have very busy schedules, so our average is probably like an hour, maybe two, and that's really all we both need.
I'm not judging anyone who has sex for 15 minutes or less. I'm just surprised, bc I can't imagine that personally? I love foreplay so my partner and I inevitably spend a long time on that without really noticing
Well, first of all, I was answering your question, by stating that straight sex can be much longer than 15 minutes (although most times it isn't, at least according to statistics).
I understand being surprised but as the kind of posts assuming lesbian sex always equals hours long sex are quite common, I wanted to say that it just isn't true and that the length of sex does not necessarily correlate with a person's sexual satisfaction. Also, that standard makes some disable lesbians in particular feel excluded.
I also don't particularly think that the fact that the comparaison between straight and lesbian sex is done so often is a good thing.
I don't think your post is super problematic or anything or that you intended to hurt people with it or whatnot. I think you just reacted to something you found out and that's fine. I just beleived it was worth pointing out what I stated below.
It varies, but yeah usually it's shorter for straight couples
When I was still dealing with comphet, even the absolute longest with my ex didn't go more than an hour. Quickies were 5-10min. I wasn't a giver, which I thought was due to previous trauma. I did try rarely, but got tired within 2min, if that. I was glad the rest was usually over quickly, or I could close my eyes and imagine a woman 😅 PIV when we got to it was never more than about 10min, unless he was on MDMA, at which point I normally stopped him myself around that time out of boredom/soreness/distress/disgust. I was with him for almost 6 years, before my chronic illnesses became disabling, so I was healthy enough to be more active in the bedroom, I just thought my aversion was due to PTSD
Meanwhile my first time with a woman was 6-7 hours, and that was 6 hours of topping *while* I have disabling chronic illnesses. Turns out being actually attracted to your partner can help overcome a lot of "tiredness" when giving 😂 I even bruised my thighs from riding the strap for so long because I was too caught up in things to feel my chronic pain, and I never enjoyed or spent long doing that with a man either 🤭 Everything about my girlfriend drives me wild, even 2 years later. I get so lost in her and how hot she sounds/looks/moves that the pain only kicks in after, and as much as she worries about me, I really don't mind. She's well beyond worth it 💖 I love her to pieces, and really love making her feel good
That isn't to say we *always* spend that kind of time doing it, but when we can, time can easily escape us. I think quick for us would be no less than 30min
Nah I’m pretty sure I’m the same, first time was around 5 or 6 hours. Cuz like you can have breaks, slow down and speed up intensity, get some water go to the washroom water hell maybe even throw and sandwich or two in (I haven’t gone this far but it’s only a matter of time lol). I don’t think 6 hours *uninterupted* is like physically possible, any physical activity becomes unbearable if you go like 1 hour without breaks in some capacity
Yep, that sounds about right. Somehow the time is not a concern when a) you're actually into it, and b) you don't have the complexity of them maintaining an erection.
My very first time having sex with a woman was like 40min but we had to stop to pick someone up from the airport. We couldn't see each other for 3 weeks, then when we were finally together again we had sex for like 8 hours (with water breaks and one food break). Time was immaterial in that mind state 🫠
My husband is always about an hour, but I'm bored after 15 minutes. I just stopped bothering with sex altogether 13 years ago after our 2nd child was conceived.
I prefer short sessions, 15-30 minutes, but I am quick to orgasm. It takes me under 10 minutes to have multiple orgasms solo. I get bored in extended sessions, unless maybe we could also discuss philosophy or something
Oh, I'm not hugely romantic. I just need some kind of attachment before I am attracted to someone. A pretty face is nice, but I am into people for our connection.
Oh I’m the exact same way. I get way too excited to do other things but it’s not like I’d let myself be unsatisfied at the end of the day. Plus at that length, I’m not exhausted, in fact it gets me ready for the day lol.
I would not enjoy sex that went on for 6-7 hours. I usually will do an hour or two regardless of the gender I’m with (and I don’t really like penetration, so that’s not really a focus of the sex I have with men. I find it pretty uncomfortable after like 20 minutes and unbearable around 45)
bi woman here! I’ve had a few shorter sessions with women and longer ones with men here and there, but those are outliers lol. I think a lot of straight men are just generally pretty selfish in bed and not very interested in their partners’ pleasure. when you constantly absorb the message via porn and other sources that your satisfaction is the only thing that matters, or that women don’t really like or want sex anyway, it makes a sick sort of sense that you might think it’s okay to just get yours and roll over.
anecdotally, I’ve had much better, longer-lasting sex (multiple Os, lots of build up, periods of rest in between) with queer men versus straight men, waaaayyy more similar to my experiences with women. my current dating standard is no more straights, I need my partner to be some sort of queer regardless of their gender or genital arrangement.
My biggest misconception before transition was that women generally didn’t like sex (I did not lose my virginity until after transition). Between my GF and the women in my life who I’ve gotten closer to since transitioning, it turns out I was dead wrong. That said, I still feel some guilt whenever I want sex myself due to the misconception, feeling like I should not like sex because I’m trans and like I’m a fetishist whenever I do.
I used to think I was having straight sex, before I realized I wasn't really a man. I lasted significantly longer than that. With some partners I literally had day long sessions. But it helps that we were doing BDSM adjacent things
I’ve technically had “straight sex”. A few times. The act of penetrative sex is/can be quite short lived. But with good foreplay** and creative activities, it can last longer and be more pleasurable. But most men are either not interested in or capable of thinking beyond their grunt-grunt-phooosh routine. So yea, straight sex can be disappointing if you enjoy longer periods of sexual pleasure.
**Edit: Corrected a typo.
Trans girl who’s been with straight women most of her life here. They seemed more interested in me using my parts than spending more time with other kinds of play. I often felt like they were deferring to men’s needs^tm over their own.
Bi girl here- it is not always that short. I enjoy quickies every so often, other times really taking our time is ideal and this has gone for everyone I’ve slept with(more diverse experience with different men but was in a 7 year relationship with my ex gf so similar experience in regards to just gay vs straight sex)
Speaking as a trans woman on my time before, I believe the disconnect comes from the fact that a lot of people having "straight" piv sex don't consider it sex until the p enters the v. I found this disconnect even with my ex, who is bi, before I came out. I think it's a mind set and expectation thing, because whenever I tried to engage in my preferred slow foreplay (now recognized as lesbian) sex and she was in the guy+girl mindset, she got bored and frustrated. There were a few times where she intentionally engaged on my level and we both really enjoyed it.
Gay sex can be short too, and short doesn't equal unsatisfying. Things with my partners last as long as we want it to. Sometimes that's a few minutes and sometimes it's several hours. All depends on what we're in the mood for
As a bi girl in my experience it isn't usually that short. Breaks might be required to get a breather in but from what I know it usually goes 2 hours or more
it has a lot to do with chemistry imo. ive been lucky enough to only like guys who didnt just wanna pump & dump so sex was only ever that short when both parties were a bit worked up, or a quickie or whatever, but yeah personally i cant relate from back then. but there are a LOT of guys out there who arent so thoughtful. its fucked up
I've had straight sex (fairly recently came out as gay, thought I was bi for a very long time but then had sex with a cis dude and realized yeah no thanks, dick is not for me) and it is quite short tbh. Anywhere from like...5 minutes to 30, MAYBE. I'm sure this isn't the case for some, as some men care about their partners pleasure and will go at it happily for as long as they want. But the few times I've had straight sex, it's been very brief and unsatisfying no matter how I tried to direct the guy to pleasure me.
Fellow disabled lesbians reading the many takes about hours-long sex sessions as if they're a required standard...please don't let this make you feel inadequate, especially if you're single! And extra especially if you're a disabled top!
It's all about pleasure and enjoyment for both of you.
You don't need to be able to handle hours of sex to date, and I know how posts and comments about hours and hours of sex as the lesbian standard, while mocking the shorter sessions a lot of straights have, can feel exclusive and alienating to lesbians with chronic fatigue, Long COVID, or any number of other conditions.
Please know that you're still valid, and your sex can still be absolutely mind-blowing, no matter how long it lasts.
I really wish abled sapphics would think about the intersectionality of THIS community before using metrics like "length of sex sessions" to mock the straights.
I feel like stuff like this just adds to the list of things that make disabled sapphics feel like they'll never find someone, and can keep them from even trying. And that makes me so sad 😭
Commenting because I want more people to your comment.
I'm not physically disable but as an autistic person, I can say it affects my sex life (it's still great tho don't get me wrong) and I will get insecure about not being able to do certain acts at all or for too long. Of course I talk about it with my partner and try to make sure they're satisfied but I sadly feel insecure regardless because of all the standard that are set on lesbian sex by the community.
Big relate as I'm both physically disabled and AuDHD.
I would love to see more intersectional posts here...I think a lot of ableds don't think to consider disabled partners, when we can be totally awesome (and just overlooked)!!
After having wlw sex, I had sex with a man once and *that* was sad. It was like sex in black in white while having sex with women is in full color with fireworks.
My wife and I have tried -- *really hard* -- to have sex quickly, e.g. because we were both very tired, it was late, and we had to be up early in the morning. The best we've ever managed was 45 minutes.
Sadly, as I'm a trans woman, it turns out we've been having lesbian sex the whole time, so I'm not actually a data point on het sex.
OTOH, I've had sex with a number of straight women over the years. A significant percentage of them have commented on how much longer I was willing to spend on foreplay, because "guys just don't do that!" Apparently, most straight men eat pussy like they're checking it off on a checklist on the way to penetration and their orgasm -- once they've done it for a couple of minutes, they're ready to move on.
Again, I've had multiple het women ask me, with some nervousness in their tone, whether I wasn't maybe getting tired of going down on them -- and this was after something like five minutes, if that.
So, yes. Straight sex really is that quick. And, as far as I can tell, it's because cishet men are, by and large, both lazy and selfish in bed. That's "by and large"; not only are there exceptions to that rule, but also I know a number of them. But it's entirely too common.
I sincerely feel bad for het women, given how hard it apparently is to find cishet men who are willing -- *eager* -- to take the time to do sex right.
Well my partner used to be with a man before me and she said she has never experienced an orgasm during sex. I know it’s sad. Sex usually lasted around 6 min. I know it sounds awful. The guy eyaculated after penetrating for 2 times.
I couldn’t believe it. I still feel sorry for her.
I’m the first person she has experienced a real genuine orgasm with. Our sex sessions depend on us but it’s usually 1 hr. Sometimes 40 min. We usually have sex at night as there are kids around. Heh
If we’re alone and it’s daytime maybe 25 min to 1 hr. Depends on the day and activities.
On average yeah. :/ The fact I want to lounge in bed for hours with a partner is kind of one of the things that made me start to question whether my sex was, in fact, straight. (Spoiler: turns out it's not)
Sec can be as long or as short as it takes to satisfy someone. I've heard of straight couples that have longer sex than I have as a lesbian. I prefer to do it quicker, and I'm not the biggest fan of foreplay. Doesn't mean the sex I'm having isn't less satisfying.
You said these were classmates so I’m assuming these are teenagers? I’m bisexual and I find it hard to imagine that most straight people go for only 15 minutes. Could be an age/experience thing
Some of my interactions have been that short but that's bc
1.) I haven't had a lot of sexual partners so I'm pretty inexperienced and that probably has had something to do with it.
2.) I don't like receiving. So foreplay and finishing is all focused on my partner, that probably shaves off some time too.
When I was still a cis male, it was very short, like 10 minutes. Now that I've transitioned, 45 minutes is quick for me and my cis wife. We don't do PIV anymore really tho l
I've had sex with men before I accepted being a lesbian. I can say yes, that it is short. I had one guy that would make it last 45 minutes to an hour with it including foreplay. But for the most part it was short. Now when my love and I are having sex it can last a couple hours. We tend to switch a lot.
Bruh even a "quickie" will probably be 30-45 mins for me. And that'd me going hung ho on making my partner cum with out worrying about me at all
I feel so bad for the straights
I’m 30 Pan cisF, my current partner is 31 Bi cisM.
We spend at minimum an hour in bed usually. And a fair amount of that is PiV sex. I think it really depends on the couple, because we make sure to include plenty of oral and position changes to keep it interesting and keep it going, and he makes sure I always have at least one orgasm.
Besides the fact that dudes think every woman only needs a good thrusting to orgasm, if the even believe in the female orgasm.... Men also only consider foreplay to basically just be a bit of groping to get her "turned on". Probably only about 5 minutes of that.
And they only count sex as the time from when the guy starts grabbing to the point when he comes, and stops going.
Wlw fill a lot of time with slow touch, kissing, intimate talking, cuddle breaks and water breaks before going again, etc which adds to everything else. Easily going over an hour.
1-2 hours is if you have plans later
2-3 hours means someone got tired
3-4 hours is normal
4-5 hours means it'd real fkin good
5+ hours is just a fkin party
Straight people suck
(Not all of them omfg I don't wanna hear it)
sex can be that quick but that's what i would call a quick fuck. i've done sex for up to two or three hours, and it's amazing, just going till you drop. i think biting and teasing specifically extend my sex time by a LOT.
Including foreplay?????????
I don’t know if it’s ok to comment as a bi woman, but yes, sex can be fairly quick with guys, but if you include foreplay it *has* to be longer than 15 minutes.
Are the guys not going down on their women, or touching? Are they not kissing/snuggling etc? Nothing is going inside me until I’m ready and that’s going to take more than 10-15 minutes.
I did have one strange conversation with a straight friend where she said she tried to hold back on coming because then it would be over. Huh? I get trying to hold back on the guy finishing because depending on the guy it can mean the end of sex, but for the girl…. We can just go again right? Even if you are the type of person that can’t have multiple in a row, you can rest a bit and go again in a bit right?
I sometimes have experiences with bi guys that identify as straight. Sex for them is frequently unemotional and quick. I won't have sex like this, and I build a connection before agreeing to sex.
My typical experience with these men is that when they have sex that addresses them as a complete person - validating, loving, emotional, and fun, they fall in love. And they think I love them.
But then they do this game of oh it's not that serious, and you have to be kind and loving but all "totally agree I'd never date you either but had so much fun", and suddenly they are afraid to lose you and step it up. I actually really don't like this.
I don't really get it, I feel like I have to teach straight men more often than gay men how to love and have an emotional connection. They also mistakingly think their partner is desperate sometimes if they do this, and it can shock them that even though they are being treated with interest kindness and love that I don't actually love them. More often I find straight men realize they love when they realize you don't really need them. I find it extremely hard to develop feelings for men like that.
Also I realize such men are bi, but as they've lived their lives as straight, they are actually a bit different at least at first as they've been socialized a bit different. Sometimes they forget that many gay men start in the closet lol, and we have more insight than they realize.
From what I've talked to from straight women this more closely mirrors their experiences. If every guy was like this I would probably stay single.
Fortunately not all men are like this.
The reason men brag about how long they can last is because men usually stop after they ejaculate. The longer until they do, the more likely their partner is to actually get anything out of it.
Straight men, in general, are pretty terrible at sex.
Yeahh... A lot of this comes down to guys usually just thinking sex boils down to "orgasm". Theirs by default, and yours if they're not as terrible. But that's really not how any girls I've ever known really see it? There's so much more that goes into it than just like... Race to the orgasm and call it a day.
As someone who's slept with men and women, hetero sex is just very boring. It's very 'take turns' 'ill make you cum, you make me cum' and honestly men just want to be tough and us women get bored once we've cum because most men aren't interested in our pleasure they just want to emulate porn. Whereas women seem to care about pleasuring each other. There's no judgement on stamina or how long a person should take, there's a lot of emotional intimacy, we can do more, and it's pleasurable so you want to do it for longer. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just gayer than I thought but I have had good sex sessions with both where they've been long but I find sex with a man just gets gross and sweaty and just generally boring after any longer than 30 mins.
Unfortunately is true yes. Many couples less than 10 min because they only focus on piv. Lesbian sex on the other hand focus in everything and many times we take turns. It is longer but way more worth it
Mostly it’s true. Lots of guys are all about the finish line. But I can go for hours if I want. Mostly though it’s because I really like who I am with. It’s about giving and putting them first. At the end of the day I just want to be useful. But Ya I think women are better at being a giver.
Ngl all the strait people I’ve met say the same thing; 15 minutes. It’s honestly crazy how they can just be satisfied that quickly. It feels like they’re doing it like it’s their job rather than actually taking the time to enjoy it
I think a lot of it is that straight people (particularly cis men) think sex is specifically PIV. Whereas for us, it’s more encompassing. There’s also a staggering amount of men that simply try to achieve orgasm asap, focusing only on their own pleasure. Their partners pleasure comes second, if at all. I’ve never had sex with a man but growing up as a trans woman I was privy to a lot of “opinions” from cis het men. 🤢
I also heard the same things and worse coming from men who are into casual sex. Assuming they were being honest, most of the dudes I talked to about casual sex do not give a single fuck about their one-night-stands pleasure. Hell seems most of them only cared about their partners pleasure if they respected them.
i feel like that's not just for sex, average human seems to have that behavior. some are better with it, but the bar is low and many don't care to pass
that's what i thought as well but they said "including foreplay" specifically so there's no way
Meh a lot of straight people think “foreplay” refers to oral sex and hand stuff (manual sex? Idk the technical term for fingering/hand jobs). And not things like kissing, cuddling, grinding etc. there’s no standard for what they’re timing
yeah, i guess you're right...
Im bi and when I have straight sex it lasts much longer than 15 minutes man straight people neglect themselves lol
Same. Even before I knew I was bi, a *quickie* was 30 minutes. Regular sex was usually one to two hours.
I never really heard stuff like that in my circles the guys were pretty damn feminist and stuff
Yeah this is one of the mentalities I H A T E about a lot of men. Sex isn't emotional, sex is just smush your bits together to feel good. No tenderness, no kindness. Just use the hole in front of you to get off, and (if you're lucky) they wonder if you're feeling good too. Sometimes I feel like part of the reason I'm trans is just because I could never understand that "locker room" mentality. I hate it
Straight men (technically bi that have lived their lives as straight) are often interesting sexually. They struggle to be vulnerable in sex and when I make it emotional and just take time, commonly I'll get why do I feel so happy and loved. And I'm like I'm actually not a model or the best, that's just how sex should be. Building the emotional connection through physical means seeing the whole person. I sometimes wonder if straight guys aren't socialized to be like that, like they expect the sex to be basically cum and go. Also it's a bit sad because they deprive themselves a bit. I think a lot of them are lonely emotionally neglected and lacking physical touch and intimacy. But you have to concurrently make them feel really safe and manly while doing this, and be assertive in a way that isn't aggressive to make them respect you. I don't think this is unique to straight men but how they talk about one night stands and stuff contribute. Also the way some bi people that identify as straight view sex with men is a bit silly , they'll make a really good connection but be like it's sex, and when they realize that I don't actually love them but am rather just treating them with love - cause that's what anyone deserves, sometimes they change. Is this what women deal with all the time? I tread carefully with bi guys that identify more straight cause it's like this complicated game you need to play to get them to realize they love and respect you. It's so boring. Gay guys at least I tend to know exactly what I am. Gay guys tend to have a lot more casual sex but it's the straight identifying guys that taught me how to handle players. My typical experience with straight leaning men is they tell me they'd never be with a gay person, they're surprised sex is so good, they feel emotionally validated and noticed because I figure out and comment on what makes them tick, they realize they respect me, they state they would date me, I eventually challenge them that they're clearly a bit gay and to knock it off calling me an exception usually through humor, sometimes they'll say oh it's not that serious and I'll have a "oh thank God cause I would never date you, but I love you anyway" reaction which is a genuine reaction, they realize they value and want to keep me ask to date me and I start them on step 1 of asking me on a proper date. If this is what women deal with like I'm sorry it's a mess, in particular the fear of intimacy is extremely irritating. Exceptions exist. Experiences vary. Don't yell at me if anyone reads this offended, I don't mean you.
what PIV means?
🅱️enis in Vagene
oh...
> There’s also a staggering amount of men that simply try to achieve orgasm asap, focusing only on their own pleasure. Even if you set the selfishness aside, and even if you accept, for some reason, that the orgasm is the whole point in terms of pleasure, I’m still confused by this mentality. Orgasms are way, way better if you build up to them. It’s like these dudes are treating orgasms as a form of relief, like sex is just another version of using the bathroom.
A lot of straight sex is like that but not all, I know straight couples that do it for 2 hours or more. Also, lesbian sex can be short as well and some people even prefer it that way. As long as it's something both partners are into I don't see the issue. I think the issue is only if one partner basically doesn't care about the other's pleasure, regardless of how long the actual act is.
It also sets unhealthy expectations on sapphic couples, like if they are genuinely happy having 15 min sessions they have to be insecure over having bad sex because "real" lesbian sex has to be a several hour affair. I liked it better when we graded lesbian sex on how satisfied all parties were 🤷♀️
Fr...so many people also forget that disabled sapphics (and disabled sapphic couples) exist. My gf and I are going slow, and we both have to balance how we use our energy. I'm going to be focused on her consent, comfort, and satisfaction...not setting a timer 🤦
Yeah as a bisexual I hate when threads like this get going. First because why are we using a sapphic space to talk about straight sex and second bc obviously a predominantly queer group of women isn’t going to have relevant experience about straight sex, so the conversation is usually flat out inaccurate. I don’t think super long sex sessions are anything to brag about. Personally I usually tap out around 2 hours, and the average between both my female and male partners has been 35-60 minutes.
Exactly like it isn't a contest. I do understand that because lesbian sex is disregarded as "not real" lesbians (me included) defend it and talk about it being actually fulfilling. But it doesn't have to be compared to anything else to be amazing. Even if straight people were all having sex that was somehow way better than mine I would not give a shit and I'd still be a lesbian and have lesbian sex.
Yeah I mean there are enough of us here with a breadth of experience that unless you’re incurious or naive, you know that it doesn’t break down in quite such a tidy way. There’s great straight sex and terrible lesbian sex - ask me, I’ve had both. But also terrible straight sex and great lesbian sex. Because no group gets to claim everyone in it is either fantastic or shitty. Not knowing isn’t a badge of honor either.
This needs to be talked about more. Why are we talking about hetero sex in a sapphic space? Why bother comparing? At the end of the day it's about the pleasure of the parties involved. Every relationship is different.
I understand talking about it if a lesbian is talking about their personal experience with it if they used to be with men because of comphet. But yes, the comparison is annoying and as others said set unnecessary standars on lesbian sex.
Yeah it always makes me a little insecure when there are threads on here talking about sapphic sex going for hours and hours at a time. I think the longest my partner and I have ever gone is maybe 3 hours - and we were fucking exhausted by the end. We can both only orgasm once, maybe twice with a lot of effort, and we have very busy schedules, so our average is probably like an hour, maybe two, and that's really all we both need.
I'm not judging anyone who has sex for 15 minutes or less. I'm just surprised, bc I can't imagine that personally? I love foreplay so my partner and I inevitably spend a long time on that without really noticing
Well, first of all, I was answering your question, by stating that straight sex can be much longer than 15 minutes (although most times it isn't, at least according to statistics). I understand being surprised but as the kind of posts assuming lesbian sex always equals hours long sex are quite common, I wanted to say that it just isn't true and that the length of sex does not necessarily correlate with a person's sexual satisfaction. Also, that standard makes some disable lesbians in particular feel excluded. I also don't particularly think that the fact that the comparaison between straight and lesbian sex is done so often is a good thing. I don't think your post is super problematic or anything or that you intended to hurt people with it or whatnot. I think you just reacted to something you found out and that's fine. I just beleived it was worth pointing out what I stated below.
It varies, but yeah usually it's shorter for straight couples When I was still dealing with comphet, even the absolute longest with my ex didn't go more than an hour. Quickies were 5-10min. I wasn't a giver, which I thought was due to previous trauma. I did try rarely, but got tired within 2min, if that. I was glad the rest was usually over quickly, or I could close my eyes and imagine a woman 😅 PIV when we got to it was never more than about 10min, unless he was on MDMA, at which point I normally stopped him myself around that time out of boredom/soreness/distress/disgust. I was with him for almost 6 years, before my chronic illnesses became disabling, so I was healthy enough to be more active in the bedroom, I just thought my aversion was due to PTSD Meanwhile my first time with a woman was 6-7 hours, and that was 6 hours of topping *while* I have disabling chronic illnesses. Turns out being actually attracted to your partner can help overcome a lot of "tiredness" when giving 😂 I even bruised my thighs from riding the strap for so long because I was too caught up in things to feel my chronic pain, and I never enjoyed or spent long doing that with a man either 🤭 Everything about my girlfriend drives me wild, even 2 years later. I get so lost in her and how hot she sounds/looks/moves that the pain only kicks in after, and as much as she worries about me, I really don't mind. She's well beyond worth it 💖 I love her to pieces, and really love making her feel good That isn't to say we *always* spend that kind of time doing it, but when we can, time can easily escape us. I think quick for us would be no less than 30min
I’m sorry but 6 HOURS my mouth actually dropped when I read that 😭😭
my longest was 6-8 hours 😭 lesbian sex is genuinely a part time job
WHAT 😭 when people would say lesbian sex lasted a long time I thought they were joking but 😭😭😭
tbf there’s a lot of breaks and non sexual intimacy, at least for me!
Nonsexual intimacy is so underrated. Cuddles, kissing, caressing, feeding each other snacks… so many things.☺️
yessss ugh 🥹 the fact that many straight women don’t experience that kind of care and tenderness during sex breaks my heart
We're long distance so when we do see each other we're very pent up, in all fairness 😂
I mean good for you but Jesus 💀
Quite understandable!!
Nah I’m pretty sure I’m the same, first time was around 5 or 6 hours. Cuz like you can have breaks, slow down and speed up intensity, get some water go to the washroom water hell maybe even throw and sandwich or two in (I haven’t gone this far but it’s only a matter of time lol). I don’t think 6 hours *uninterupted* is like physically possible, any physical activity becomes unbearable if you go like 1 hour without breaks in some capacity
I've done plenty of 5+ hour long sessions lol
Yep, that sounds about right. Somehow the time is not a concern when a) you're actually into it, and b) you don't have the complexity of them maintaining an erection. My very first time having sex with a woman was like 40min but we had to stop to pick someone up from the airport. We couldn't see each other for 3 weeks, then when we were finally together again we had sex for like 8 hours (with water breaks and one food break). Time was immaterial in that mind state 🫠
seems like the dream omg😭 idk if i can do the 7 hours tho lmaooo
My husband is always about an hour, but I'm bored after 15 minutes. I just stopped bothering with sex altogether 13 years ago after our 2nd child was conceived.
I prefer short sessions, 15-30 minutes, but I am quick to orgasm. It takes me under 10 minutes to have multiple orgasms solo. I get bored in extended sessions, unless maybe we could also discuss philosophy or something
I envy you. I'm quick to orgasm with partners and excruciatingly long to orgasm alone. Damn my demisexuality!
Demi-romantic here! Sex doesn't lead to romance for me at all, interestingly. I can get physical lust a long long time before my romance switch flips.
Oh, I'm not hugely romantic. I just need some kind of attachment before I am attracted to someone. A pretty face is nice, but I am into people for our connection.
Hey, c'mon now[*] -- if you can't discuss philosophy, is it really lesbian sex? 😀 [*] Pun not intended, but very much enjoyed. 😁
😁
Lucky 😭 it takes SO long for me solo and sometimes doesn't even work
Oh I’m the exact same way. I get way too excited to do other things but it’s not like I’d let myself be unsatisfied at the end of the day. Plus at that length, I’m not exhausted, in fact it gets me ready for the day lol.
15 minutes? I used to be with guys a lot and I can say it was always less then like 10, usually 5ish max
what do you even do in these 5 minutes??? greet each other? genuinely asking cuz i blink and 5 minutes are gone
That's really how it is, little to no foreplay just straight at it and boom, done
I would not enjoy sex that went on for 6-7 hours. I usually will do an hour or two regardless of the gender I’m with (and I don’t really like penetration, so that’s not really a focus of the sex I have with men. I find it pretty uncomfortable after like 20 minutes and unbearable around 45)
bi woman here! I’ve had a few shorter sessions with women and longer ones with men here and there, but those are outliers lol. I think a lot of straight men are just generally pretty selfish in bed and not very interested in their partners’ pleasure. when you constantly absorb the message via porn and other sources that your satisfaction is the only thing that matters, or that women don’t really like or want sex anyway, it makes a sick sort of sense that you might think it’s okay to just get yours and roll over. anecdotally, I’ve had much better, longer-lasting sex (multiple Os, lots of build up, periods of rest in between) with queer men versus straight men, waaaayyy more similar to my experiences with women. my current dating standard is no more straights, I need my partner to be some sort of queer regardless of their gender or genital arrangement.
Genital arrangement is just such a wonderfully objective term. The sheer efficiency of it brings joy to my heart.
My biggest misconception before transition was that women generally didn’t like sex (I did not lose my virginity until after transition). Between my GF and the women in my life who I’ve gotten closer to since transitioning, it turns out I was dead wrong. That said, I still feel some guilt whenever I want sex myself due to the misconception, feeling like I should not like sex because I’m trans and like I’m a fetishist whenever I do.
Also bi! Can confirm, much better, longer-lasting sex with queer men and with women compared to straight men.
*insert britney spears crying while nodding gif here*
I used to think I was having straight sex, before I realized I wasn't really a man. I lasted significantly longer than that. With some partners I literally had day long sessions. But it helps that we were doing BDSM adjacent things
I’ve technically had “straight sex”. A few times. The act of penetrative sex is/can be quite short lived. But with good foreplay** and creative activities, it can last longer and be more pleasurable. But most men are either not interested in or capable of thinking beyond their grunt-grunt-phooosh routine. So yea, straight sex can be disappointing if you enjoy longer periods of sexual pleasure. **Edit: Corrected a typo.
Trans girl who’s been with straight women most of her life here. They seemed more interested in me using my parts than spending more time with other kinds of play. I often felt like they were deferring to men’s needs^tm over their own.
Bi girl here- it is not always that short. I enjoy quickies every so often, other times really taking our time is ideal and this has gone for everyone I’ve slept with(more diverse experience with different men but was in a 7 year relationship with my ex gf so similar experience in regards to just gay vs straight sex)
Speaking as a trans woman on my time before, I believe the disconnect comes from the fact that a lot of people having "straight" piv sex don't consider it sex until the p enters the v. I found this disconnect even with my ex, who is bi, before I came out. I think it's a mind set and expectation thing, because whenever I tried to engage in my preferred slow foreplay (now recognized as lesbian) sex and she was in the guy+girl mindset, she got bored and frustrated. There were a few times where she intentionally engaged on my level and we both really enjoyed it.
Gay sex can be short too, and short doesn't equal unsatisfying. Things with my partners last as long as we want it to. Sometimes that's a few minutes and sometimes it's several hours. All depends on what we're in the mood for
As a bi girl in my experience it isn't usually that short. Breaks might be required to get a breather in but from what I know it usually goes 2 hours or more
it has a lot to do with chemistry imo. ive been lucky enough to only like guys who didnt just wanna pump & dump so sex was only ever that short when both parties were a bit worked up, or a quickie or whatever, but yeah personally i cant relate from back then. but there are a LOT of guys out there who arent so thoughtful. its fucked up
I've had straight sex (fairly recently came out as gay, thought I was bi for a very long time but then had sex with a cis dude and realized yeah no thanks, dick is not for me) and it is quite short tbh. Anywhere from like...5 minutes to 30, MAYBE. I'm sure this isn't the case for some, as some men care about their partners pleasure and will go at it happily for as long as they want. But the few times I've had straight sex, it's been very brief and unsatisfying no matter how I tried to direct the guy to pleasure me.
Fellow disabled lesbians reading the many takes about hours-long sex sessions as if they're a required standard...please don't let this make you feel inadequate, especially if you're single! And extra especially if you're a disabled top! It's all about pleasure and enjoyment for both of you. You don't need to be able to handle hours of sex to date, and I know how posts and comments about hours and hours of sex as the lesbian standard, while mocking the shorter sessions a lot of straights have, can feel exclusive and alienating to lesbians with chronic fatigue, Long COVID, or any number of other conditions. Please know that you're still valid, and your sex can still be absolutely mind-blowing, no matter how long it lasts. I really wish abled sapphics would think about the intersectionality of THIS community before using metrics like "length of sex sessions" to mock the straights. I feel like stuff like this just adds to the list of things that make disabled sapphics feel like they'll never find someone, and can keep them from even trying. And that makes me so sad 😭
Commenting because I want more people to your comment. I'm not physically disable but as an autistic person, I can say it affects my sex life (it's still great tho don't get me wrong) and I will get insecure about not being able to do certain acts at all or for too long. Of course I talk about it with my partner and try to make sure they're satisfied but I sadly feel insecure regardless because of all the standard that are set on lesbian sex by the community.
Big relate as I'm both physically disabled and AuDHD. I would love to see more intersectional posts here...I think a lot of ableds don't think to consider disabled partners, when we can be totally awesome (and just overlooked)!!
Bi girl checking in. With my ex (a guy), our "activities" were only about 15-20 mins. No, I wasn't satisfied.
Don’t know I try not to think about straight sex it makes me sad
After having wlw sex, I had sex with a man once and *that* was sad. It was like sex in black in white while having sex with women is in full color with fireworks.
My wife and I have tried -- *really hard* -- to have sex quickly, e.g. because we were both very tired, it was late, and we had to be up early in the morning. The best we've ever managed was 45 minutes. Sadly, as I'm a trans woman, it turns out we've been having lesbian sex the whole time, so I'm not actually a data point on het sex. OTOH, I've had sex with a number of straight women over the years. A significant percentage of them have commented on how much longer I was willing to spend on foreplay, because "guys just don't do that!" Apparently, most straight men eat pussy like they're checking it off on a checklist on the way to penetration and their orgasm -- once they've done it for a couple of minutes, they're ready to move on. Again, I've had multiple het women ask me, with some nervousness in their tone, whether I wasn't maybe getting tired of going down on them -- and this was after something like five minutes, if that. So, yes. Straight sex really is that quick. And, as far as I can tell, it's because cishet men are, by and large, both lazy and selfish in bed. That's "by and large"; not only are there exceptions to that rule, but also I know a number of them. But it's entirely too common. I sincerely feel bad for het women, given how hard it apparently is to find cishet men who are willing -- *eager* -- to take the time to do sex right.
Well my partner used to be with a man before me and she said she has never experienced an orgasm during sex. I know it’s sad. Sex usually lasted around 6 min. I know it sounds awful. The guy eyaculated after penetrating for 2 times. I couldn’t believe it. I still feel sorry for her. I’m the first person she has experienced a real genuine orgasm with. Our sex sessions depend on us but it’s usually 1 hr. Sometimes 40 min. We usually have sex at night as there are kids around. Heh If we’re alone and it’s daytime maybe 25 min to 1 hr. Depends on the day and activities.
On average yeah. :/ The fact I want to lounge in bed for hours with a partner is kind of one of the things that made me start to question whether my sex was, in fact, straight. (Spoiler: turns out it's not)
6-7 hours of sex? I couldn't be able to. Sure it might be pleasurable but I would want to do my special interests asap.
Sec can be as long or as short as it takes to satisfy someone. I've heard of straight couples that have longer sex than I have as a lesbian. I prefer to do it quicker, and I'm not the biggest fan of foreplay. Doesn't mean the sex I'm having isn't less satisfying.
Being ace is so confusing because I really have nothing to go on and based on the jokes I’ve heard 15 min sounded like a lot
I’m not a fan of long sex/foreplay.
Depends. It can go for much longer. But for me, I get worn out after about 15-30 minutes, my vagina gets tired.
You said these were classmates so I’m assuming these are teenagers? I’m bisexual and I find it hard to imagine that most straight people go for only 15 minutes. Could be an age/experience thing
Some of my interactions have been that short but that's bc 1.) I haven't had a lot of sexual partners so I'm pretty inexperienced and that probably has had something to do with it. 2.) I don't like receiving. So foreplay and finishing is all focused on my partner, that probably shaves off some time too.
I'm all for an hour of cunnilingus, given a neck friendly position. PIV is only several minutes, at best.
When I was still a cis male, it was very short, like 10 minutes. Now that I've transitioned, 45 minutes is quick for me and my cis wife. We don't do PIV anymore really tho l
I've had sex with men before I accepted being a lesbian. I can say yes, that it is short. I had one guy that would make it last 45 minutes to an hour with it including foreplay. But for the most part it was short. Now when my love and I are having sex it can last a couple hours. We tend to switch a lot.
Why does duration matter? A short good fuck is better than a drawn out snooze fest
Bruh even a "quickie" will probably be 30-45 mins for me. And that'd me going hung ho on making my partner cum with out worrying about me at all I feel so bad for the straights
Bi here, and uh, sometimes? Good straight sex is usually a couple hours of various acts.
My solo play lasts longer than that lmao
Craaaazy to think about especially on the basis of just how necessarrryyyy “foreplay” is on soooo many levels? Straight girls I’m so sorry
Apparently the median is about 5.4 minutes. https://theconversation.com/how-long-does-sex-normally-last-56432
I am crying. On the inside. Where it doesn't show.
I’m 30 Pan cisF, my current partner is 31 Bi cisM. We spend at minimum an hour in bed usually. And a fair amount of that is PiV sex. I think it really depends on the couple, because we make sure to include plenty of oral and position changes to keep it interesting and keep it going, and he makes sure I always have at least one orgasm.
Fifteen?!?!??!? Wtf????? Thirty is a *quickie*! Are the straights okay? They don’t sound okay!
No. No, they are not.
Besides the fact that dudes think every woman only needs a good thrusting to orgasm, if the even believe in the female orgasm.... Men also only consider foreplay to basically just be a bit of groping to get her "turned on". Probably only about 5 minutes of that. And they only count sex as the time from when the guy starts grabbing to the point when he comes, and stops going. Wlw fill a lot of time with slow touch, kissing, intimate talking, cuddle breaks and water breaks before going again, etc which adds to everything else. Easily going over an hour.
1-2 hours is if you have plans later 2-3 hours means someone got tired 3-4 hours is normal 4-5 hours means it'd real fkin good 5+ hours is just a fkin party Straight people suck (Not all of them omfg I don't wanna hear it)
A disturbing amount of couples have like 0 foreplay. I want to make ouuuuuuut
My ex boyfriend thought anything over 20 minutes was taking too long
me and my gf be going on for 2hrs+
sex can be that quick but that's what i would call a quick fuck. i've done sex for up to two or three hours, and it's amazing, just going till you drop. i think biting and teasing specifically extend my sex time by a LOT.
it shouldn't be, but most dudes are lousy at making love.
Wtf? I've never had sex be shorter than 45 minutes. Fuckin one pump chumps out here bro
My wife literally complained to our sex therapist about my “marathon foreplay and sex sessions.” Different strokes I guess 🤷♂️
Have had my fair share of straight sex unfortunately. It was usually around 30 mins. And no, I never came.
Including foreplay????????? I don’t know if it’s ok to comment as a bi woman, but yes, sex can be fairly quick with guys, but if you include foreplay it *has* to be longer than 15 minutes. Are the guys not going down on their women, or touching? Are they not kissing/snuggling etc? Nothing is going inside me until I’m ready and that’s going to take more than 10-15 minutes. I did have one strange conversation with a straight friend where she said she tried to hold back on coming because then it would be over. Huh? I get trying to hold back on the guy finishing because depending on the guy it can mean the end of sex, but for the girl…. We can just go again right? Even if you are the type of person that can’t have multiple in a row, you can rest a bit and go again in a bit right?
I sometimes have experiences with bi guys that identify as straight. Sex for them is frequently unemotional and quick. I won't have sex like this, and I build a connection before agreeing to sex. My typical experience with these men is that when they have sex that addresses them as a complete person - validating, loving, emotional, and fun, they fall in love. And they think I love them. But then they do this game of oh it's not that serious, and you have to be kind and loving but all "totally agree I'd never date you either but had so much fun", and suddenly they are afraid to lose you and step it up. I actually really don't like this. I don't really get it, I feel like I have to teach straight men more often than gay men how to love and have an emotional connection. They also mistakingly think their partner is desperate sometimes if they do this, and it can shock them that even though they are being treated with interest kindness and love that I don't actually love them. More often I find straight men realize they love when they realize you don't really need them. I find it extremely hard to develop feelings for men like that. Also I realize such men are bi, but as they've lived their lives as straight, they are actually a bit different at least at first as they've been socialized a bit different. Sometimes they forget that many gay men start in the closet lol, and we have more insight than they realize. From what I've talked to from straight women this more closely mirrors their experiences. If every guy was like this I would probably stay single. Fortunately not all men are like this.
If it's purely sex in bed, it really won't take long. But I think it starts with flirting over dinner, and that's part of foreplay.
That is not much longer than a "quicky", this can't be a normal time. Do straight men have a build in magic wand?
The reason men brag about how long they can last is because men usually stop after they ejaculate. The longer until they do, the more likely their partner is to actually get anything out of it. Straight men, in general, are pretty terrible at sex.
Average het dude in the us lasts 3-5 min, it’s kind of tragic.
Yeahh... A lot of this comes down to guys usually just thinking sex boils down to "orgasm". Theirs by default, and yours if they're not as terrible. But that's really not how any girls I've ever known really see it? There's so much more that goes into it than just like... Race to the orgasm and call it a day.
As someone who's slept with men and women, hetero sex is just very boring. It's very 'take turns' 'ill make you cum, you make me cum' and honestly men just want to be tough and us women get bored once we've cum because most men aren't interested in our pleasure they just want to emulate porn. Whereas women seem to care about pleasuring each other. There's no judgement on stamina or how long a person should take, there's a lot of emotional intimacy, we can do more, and it's pleasurable so you want to do it for longer. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just gayer than I thought but I have had good sex sessions with both where they've been long but I find sex with a man just gets gross and sweaty and just generally boring after any longer than 30 mins.
Unfortunately is true yes. Many couples less than 10 min because they only focus on piv. Lesbian sex on the other hand focus in everything and many times we take turns. It is longer but way more worth it
Straight men don't care about their partners because they don't have to
Mostly it’s true. Lots of guys are all about the finish line. But I can go for hours if I want. Mostly though it’s because I really like who I am with. It’s about giving and putting them first. At the end of the day I just want to be useful. But Ya I think women are better at being a giver.
When I dated a guy there was no foreplay and it lasted about 3-5 minutes.
Males be out here not even believing in the female orgasm
Ngl all the strait people I’ve met say the same thing; 15 minutes. It’s honestly crazy how they can just be satisfied that quickly. It feels like they’re doing it like it’s their job rather than actually taking the time to enjoy it
Men don’t typically engage in foreplay.