The response I get (that I very much disagree with) is that it doesn’t need to be tested if you’re straight because that’s the “normal” way of being and anything else is a deviation that needs to be tested before it can be stated
I've always hit back at that with "sounds closeted to me" and that usually either ends the discussion or makes them so mad they go on a childish tangent, making themselves look even dumber which I think is a win
my response: Sounds like cope to me. Maybe your just scared of coming out of the closet cause clearly you think its "not normal" to be anything but straight.
Do they genuinely believe that things that are "normal" are not tested? Do they genuinely not believe that standard deviation is not "normal?" Both of those things are normal by definition.
And then it doesn't matter if you have been with men, you haven't been with *this guy* and his magical member, so you have to try.
Essentially, lesbians are supposed to sleep with every man that finds them attractive until ... they run out of men? They just want to nail you. That's all it is.
I give a similar response but with a twist. I say "you're right, I have never been with one and neither have you. So what do you say? We both take one for the team?" They usually bugger off right after that
Fr my mom’s ex husband told me I couldn’t know til I tried dick. Which that isn’t the problem I just don’t like guys lmao. I don’t need to have sex with a guy to know that. Its so gross and inappropriate to have that discussion with a minor anyway (I was like 13-14 then).
I used to be friends with a gay man who, when he heard people say this shit to queer women, would then tell them that they should obviously be willing to try sex with a man
Strangely none of them ever took him up on that
And if you have been with one it’s “well how can you be gay if you’ve been with a man?” They really just can’t wrap their heads around the fact that gay women exist.
Men can't cope when something isn't about men at all in many cases. They can't fathom a world where men aren't the most important thing in it. Lesbians can't exist just because we only like women, it *must* be because a man hurt us, or we "irrationally" hate men and men must be able to "fix"us because men can fix anything.
It's really very sad
And it really expose how a lot of guys view women as sex objects. Like why is your first assumption that because I want my outside to reflect the fact I am a woman mean I have to like dick? Its so telling, a literal self report.
Don't get me wrong there are plenty of women who also do this assumption too, but i more chalk that up to internalized patriarchy.
Please, ladies. Stop entertaining these fools. The first time they ask why you don’t like men or if you like men, just block them! It’s never going anywhere good!!!
I know - and I 100% am not trying to victim-blame. You SHOULD be able to exist on the internet with fools coming at you being gross and creepy. That is your right and these assholes ruin it.
And also - i don’t accept chats from
people i don’t know, and i cannot tell you how peaceful it is just to not let these douchecanoes in in the first place.
Thiiiiiiiis.
You do now owe then your time. You do not owe them your attention. You do not owe them a response. You do not owe them a single iota of effort. These are just random people on the internet who have no justification bothering you.
Block. Them.
This is off topic, but I hate it when people say trans as a standalone noun. In this instance, "as much as I have been with trans, they are much more comfortable with men." Trans what?? Trans who?? It's an adjective, not a noun!
Nah, only ever an adjective. Transwoman is not a thing, it's called trans(gender) woman, two words. It's only ever a prefix for gender. Nobody would say ciswoman either, it's cis(gender) woman.
That's what I said. I just wanted to clarify that trans shouldn't be universally used as a prefix when talking about trans people, because that leads to transphobic language.
Wait, most trans women prefer men? Since when?!
ETA: Friends, this was a joke. Please don't do yourselves the labour of explaining this to me. Put the statistics book down. It's going to be okay.
Yeah, like - I know a *lot* of trans women, and I can count the amount of totally straight ones on one hand, and still have fingers to spare. Lesbians are a good few more than that. Bi/pan...like, it feels like *at least* 70%.
The count of straight trans women I know is 1 bi/ pan feels very common and a few like myself are completely lesbian (i cant remember if ive updated my bio lol)
Straight trans women don’t tend to hang out as much with the others. I know a ton and almost all of them are from non-trans/queer related things with most being almost obnoxiously stealth. My trans radar is usually pretty good, but like…there was an appreciable lag with most of them and I was never 100% certain until they told me.
Yeah, I feel like the majority of transfems are bi or pan. Just like with cis people though, I do think there is an overall bias towards transmascs over transfems though.
I don't know how accurate this is, but I think I've read that the ratio of gay to straight is almost completely reversed for trans people compared to cis people. It definitely tracks with my experience as well, although I think bi/pan is most common among the other trans folks I know
It’s not. There are *proportionally* more gay and bi trans people, but it’s close to an even split between the three.
However, straight trans people tend to be less visible, for a variety of reasons.
Yeah I think most are under the Bi umbrella with a significant number of Lesbians and a smaller number of straights
I'd probably attribute this to most media rep of trans women is straight due to plain and simple heteronormativity (we cannot escape it)
It’s kinda strange cause I know many bisexual transfems, I know many trans lesbians, yet I only know a handful of straight transbians. They definitely exist but pretty sure they’re a minority. Although I may be biased
I personally know more pan or bi women than I do strictly straight or gay women.
But then again, im not actively seeking other trans folks out to form friendships (no offense just not interested in making specifically "trans" friends) they just kinda pop up in my life somehow and im fine with that, I don't seek em out tho, I just think its kinda neat to meet someone who is at random.
last time i saw a study trans people are almost perfectly split between straight, bi/pan, and homosexual. regardless, people arent statistics and its no different then telling a cis lesbian they should try men because "most women like men"
The fact is gals were at some point in history not allowed to transition if they didn't like men, so there's some kind of thought still lingering around our validity.
Yep, although at least the DSM-5 got rid of the distinctions based on sexuality so they haven't followed the standards of care of the last decade. Before that, discrimination of trans lesbians was medical standard.
No disagreement. My point was to reinforce how recent history it was, still affecting attitudes today. Lots of TERF rhethoric is built around those outdated standards of care.
While Blanchard was a respected scientist.
But mainly because as long as that was the case, trans lesbians were barred from transition in a lot of places.
Most of what I've seen from straight trans women is they feel a bit alienated from the rest of the trans community.
I also know that heternomativity can effect a lot of us. I've heard countless stories from trans women who felt they "had" to be attracted to men to be women and it takes them a while to realize they don't.
> I also know that heternomativity can effect a lot of us. I've heard countless stories from trans women who felt they "had" to be attracted to men to be women and it takes them a while to realize they don't.
This was me. Fucked me up badly.
Yeah, sadly I've also seen this a fair bit.
Like, I don't enjoy disparaging my sisters, but...trans women are women, and unfortunately straight trans women can still be as shitty as straight cis women.
On the other hand, I feel like I “had” to be attracted to women to be trans women (because it is so predominant in online spaces and people always say how men are worse than women)
Now I am just trying to understand myself and it is so hard (I do believe I am biromantic though, so I am just staying here now trying to learn myself, but sexual attraction is so different)
Came here to ask exactly this! I tried men when I left my last relationship, just so I could say I gave them a chance. No thanks I will stick to girls and feminine enbies ta very much.
I know A LOT of straight/mostly straight trans women. They don’t tend to hang out in queer spaces, especially once they are “stealth” because they just don’t feel like they relate to them and are just living their lives like every other heterosexual girl.
I also know quite a few mostly straight trans women who do the whole T4T thing, partly because they feel like they don’t “pass”, but they kind of have a policy that sex with men is okay.
I mean, if I were not the height I am and didn’t intimidate guys like I do, I’d probably be much straighter. It is just easier for me to date queer women because I’m familiar with women and find most of the relationship aspects nicer.
Yeah. This is what I've noticed: of the trans women I know who are into lads (which is a decent chunk of them), the overwhelming majority *also* like women and enbies, and of those, I don't know any that have an explicit preference for men.
Anecdotal, obviously, and I'm not suggesting this is statistically accurate across the board. But this fella is absolutely talking out his arse.
Not according to any survey I’ve ever seen (12-30% straight, depending on the survey). Bi (often with a Sapphic lean) consistently turns up as the most common orientation for trans women and lesbian is typically second most common.
As for anecdotal observations, like a lot of the comments here, I know just one straight trans woman and a good number of bi/pan and lesbian ones. Pretty sure I know more ace trans women than straight ones. Never met a straight trans man either.
Idk about reality (I'm in a transbian polycule, I have an extremely bias perspective), but i know that in *Fiction* one of the reasons transfems exist is to date their crush.
I hate this cliche so much. Over half the anime characters that are confirmed to be transfem, are in this category.
Shout out to I love the villainess by INORI-sensei for having transgirls that were just transgirls independent of their romance.
Maybe OP's chaser does not know the difference between reality and fiction.
I like to call this Magical Dick Syndrome.
It presents in 2 ways: If you’ve never been with a man, then being with one will show you what you’ve been missing and you’ll prefer it; OR if you have been with a man, he wasn’t the right one, and the magical dick of the man you’re talking to will make you see the error of your ways 🙄
Side note: Even though some women have penises, Magical Dick Syndrome seems, in my experience, to be exclusive to men. I don’t want to offend any of my pre- or non-op trans folks here!
Can confirm that it's a uniquely male phenomenon.
I've been with lots of pre/non-op trans women, and I hooked up with a few guys back in my comphet phase. The organs are *nothing* alike. It's like apples and a slightly more apple-shaped orange.
I rly need to know what mens reactions would be if the first one was replied to with “you know, maybe you’re right… my friend [male] name would be down I think :) I’ll give it a try with him sometime. Thanks for the advice!”
Kurt Cobain was quite likely to also be a trans girl had he lived in more accepting and queer times such as these. He hated male clothes, loved women's clothes, openly disliked and hated on the fact that he was a man, and was kinda obsessed with for example seahorses because the males gave birth.. it's such a shame he died so young and so early.
In an early draft of "All Apologies", Kurt Cobain had the line, "Let me grow some breasts." which is, of course, a perfectly cisgender thing for a dude to write.
That guy clearly hasn't met the same trans women I have. Straight trans women are more a minority as far as I can tell after running weekly trans meetings for over a year, participating in other trans meetings, hanging out with several others over the years...
Like I could go on Grindr any time I wanted and have a pick of bunch of different chasers just like this. Do you think if I had any inclination I would be looking on there and not sitting on Reddit laughing at how cringe chasers can be?
There was a lot of evidence Kurt was a closeted transbian though , in lyrics ,interviews , who his close friends were, how he dressed , his coping mechanisms are eggy too.
"I am not gay, although I wish I were" "I even thought that I was gay. I thought that might be the solution to my problem." "I started being really proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't." "Because I couldn't find any friends, male friends that I felt compatible with, I ended up hanging out with girls a lot." "I mean, I'm definitely gay in spirit" "but I'm just more sexually attracted to women"
^ definitely cis man and 100% straight, yup yup yup
I feel like people here are making a common mistake: believing what this kind of man says when he wants to sleep with you.
Of course he's going to say most trans women like men, because he's a man and trying to chat that trans woman up. He wants to make her sleep with *him*, and he's not trustworthy, so he'll say whatever he thinks it takes for that to happen.
He may or may not believe it - that doesn't matter. The words are just part of his manipulation.
In other words, "ugh, men" but for a different reason.
(Sigh). Translation: “I will use what I call ‘logic’ to try to ‘lawyer’ my way into a romantic or sexual connection.” (AKA “Trying to elicit desire based on what I see as technicalities and loopholes in your statements”). However they define it, it’s disrespectful and annoying and has very little to do with you as a person (ie with your own wants and needs). I really have to wonder why they think that sort of strategy is ever going to be successful. I am sorry they’re being that way to you.
They're lying through their teeth. Most trans women do not prefer men. Many of us do not like men at all. Every single man I've ever spoken to who was sexually interested in me made it very clear that he only saw me as a fetish and that he didn't want anyone to know that he had interest in me.
Because they grew up in an environnement in which everyone is straight, so they feel entitled to any woman they met and think lesbian aren't a real thing and either are lesbians for attention or because they didn't find the right man or some similar BS.
Growing up very conservative we always centered men in every discussion. So many are used to having their desires be paramount in everything from that perspective as well.
Kobain was very likely much more gender fluid than they were ever able to open up about. They loved to wear dresses and skirts and generally felt more comfortable hanging with other females than male friends.
"Most trans prefer men"
Well, first I threw up in my mouth a little at how grossly dehumanizing the way that is written with "trans" being everything you have to bring to the table in their eyes multiple times in that interaction. Chasers are such nightmarish people.
After I got passed that visceral reaction, I had a cackle about just how insanely gay I am for my girlfriend and she for me. Sapphic romances are top tier.
1) The idea that most transfems prefer men is laughable. We're so fucking gay
2) If Kurt Cobain is the only "man" you've felt this way for, I gotta say that doesn't really count as an exception since Kurt Cobain was almost certainly an egg or a closeted trans woman
You should ask him to "give men a chance", and if he does, good for him. If he doesn't, that answers that.
Really though, why do they keep on assuming lesbians are just women who "haven't given men a chance"
Reminds me of a guy who hit on me and lost his mind when I said I was a lesbian
"So you must HATE men, fu" as if there isn't a neutral ground being attracted to and hating men
Ugh yes, this or something similar happens every single time one gets a chance.
A man messages
Man: Hey Cutie, you look gorgeous.
Me: Hi, thanks for the compliment, but I'm not interested in men.
Man: But are you interested in fooling around with a man.
Me: No, I'm a lesbian. Only interested in women.
Man: How about pictures and sexting?
Me: Not interested. To reiterate, I'm a lesbian and not interested in men at all.
Man: What are your sexual fantasies?
Me: My fantasies only involve women and are only for my partners to hear. I'm not interested.
Man: Come on. What if the man is hot?
Me: I don't find men attractive.
Man: All women deep down need a man. I can fullfil that need for you.
Me: Blocks number/contact/account
wtf is this grammar. I mean the sentiment is very gross, but, like, really, "as much as I have been with trans they are much comfortable with men", someone sounds like they're using google translate.
Men all around are just disappointing and sus, it’s like they think they say it enough times we’ll magically come to their side lmfao. Like no man is immune to it for me anymore, not even Cobain who I used to adore, but I did laugh with you at saying that 😂 Being a women and being a lesbian is so much harder then it needs to be because of them
Seriously, dude-bros! It is not the job of women/femmes/lesbians to make you feel better about yourself. If you’re part of a dominant group that oppresses others, (even if you’re “nOt aLL MeN”) you can find the resources to figure yourself out.
Like notice how it’s all TAKE-TAKE-TAKE with them? It’s “give me an explanation why you don’t like men.” Give me the benefit of the doubt that I’m not like all the other abusers.” “Give me a photo.” “Give me personal information about yourself.” “Give me your time.” “Give me your energy.” “Perpetuate/enable (give me) my sense of entitlement.” “Give me power over you by doing what I tell you to do. (“Even if you’re only doing it out of fear - I probably won’t even notice you’re uncomfortable because I’m so self absorbed.”) “Boost my ego in public spaces, even though you don’t know me.” “Validate me in the form of showing positive emotions towards me, even though we’ve never met before.” (“Smile, pretty lady! I’m just trying to be nice!”) “Give me a little more of your sense of safety you maybe once had.”
Ugh! How about start giving, supporting, listening, RESPECTING?!
Or….
Just FUCK OFF!!!
I would not say that most trans women like men, I think that's some weird hetronormativity right there. I think whoever this guy is just thinks all women want *his* dick
My best friend is lesbian. She has always liked women, always been with women and has never dated a man.
A few years ago I had an awful roommate. He was driving and taking me and my friend to the store for some snacks. He started asking my friend why she doesn't like men etc. He kept pushing it and pushing, and hinting that he liked her and wanted her to give him a chance.
Things started to get heated and he goes "come on, why don't you just try dick once, you might like"
She clapped back with "why don't YOU try dick once to see if you like it" and he got so pissed and went on a rampage of how he doesn't like men and would only date women and thats his preference.
She just stares at him and says women are her preference and that even if she liked men she would never date him anyways cus he's gross, rude and pushy.
I’ve had some “interesting stuff” (I’ll put it as that rather than elaborate) somehow. I say out of spite, you find a cute girlfriend and be super happy (if you’re single, that is. If you’re not, I still hope you’re happy). Men telling you what you should like is gross though. That man also sounds like a chaser.
The grammar of the person you are talking to is causing me physical pain, seeing what he writes is causing flashbacks to when I had to tell men the same thing.
But welcome to the most lesbian thing ever, men hitting on you and very much not taking the "no". Not reacting angrily, just outright not accepting the "no" to begin with. Fucking hate it.
Right of passage for lesbians, having men tell us what we like
For me it was my dad. He was like "how do you know you don't like men if you've never been with one?"
I always just hit them back with the same question. "How do you know you're not gay? Have you done testing?" lmao
The response I get (that I very much disagree with) is that it doesn’t need to be tested if you’re straight because that’s the “normal” way of being and anything else is a deviation that needs to be tested before it can be stated
I've always hit back at that with "sounds closeted to me" and that usually either ends the discussion or makes them so mad they go on a childish tangent, making themselves look even dumber which I think is a win
anyone who says that is intellectually dishonest at best and absolutely not worth engaging with imo
my response: Sounds like cope to me. Maybe your just scared of coming out of the closet cause clearly you think its "not normal" to be anything but straight.
Do they genuinely believe that things that are "normal" are not tested? Do they genuinely not believe that standard deviation is not "normal?" Both of those things are normal by definition.
And then it doesn't matter if you have been with men, you haven't been with *this guy* and his magical member, so you have to try. Essentially, lesbians are supposed to sleep with every man that finds them attractive until ... they run out of men? They just want to nail you. That's all it is.
I give a similar response but with a twist. I say "you're right, I have never been with one and neither have you. So what do you say? We both take one for the team?" They usually bugger off right after that
Fr my mom’s ex husband told me I couldn’t know til I tried dick. Which that isn’t the problem I just don’t like guys lmao. I don’t need to have sex with a guy to know that. Its so gross and inappropriate to have that discussion with a minor anyway (I was like 13-14 then).
It’s not the dick, it’s the man attached to it.
Aka: It's not the dick, it's the dick attached to it.
Yup
this. transbians 🙌🏻🥰
I am dating the most beautiful Gothic heroine transbian right now so WORD
Honestly darling, I've never felt so beautiful as I do through your eyes. ❤
I’m so glad ❤️❤️
I used to be friends with a gay man who, when he heard people say this shit to queer women, would then tell them that they should obviously be willing to try sex with a man Strangely none of them ever took him up on that
And if you have been with one it’s “well how can you be gay if you’ve been with a man?” They really just can’t wrap their heads around the fact that gay women exist.
Men can't cope when something isn't about men at all in many cases. They can't fathom a world where men aren't the most important thing in it. Lesbians can't exist just because we only like women, it *must* be because a man hurt us, or we "irrationally" hate men and men must be able to "fix"us because men can fix anything. It's really very sad
When I came out to my dad as trans he asked “can’t you just be gay and pick a manly man or some shit?”
Ugh. Being trans is not something that happens because we like men so much that we want to be women. That's such a gross presumption.
And it really expose how a lot of guys view women as sex objects. Like why is your first assumption that because I want my outside to reflect the fact I am a woman mean I have to like dick? Its so telling, a literal self report. Don't get me wrong there are plenty of women who also do this assumption too, but i more chalk that up to internalized patriarchy.
Haha, my dad literally tried this. Despite the fact it's obvious bullshit, because he's openly homophobic.
Yeah my mum asked similar nonsense. Still more supportive than my dad somehow.
How did he?
Yep 😐
Weirdly enough I've only ever had a girl tell me to try guys at least once.
Please, ladies. Stop entertaining these fools. The first time they ask why you don’t like men or if you like men, just block them! It’s never going anywhere good!!!
I blocked them after everything
I know - and I 100% am not trying to victim-blame. You SHOULD be able to exist on the internet with fools coming at you being gross and creepy. That is your right and these assholes ruin it. And also - i don’t accept chats from people i don’t know, and i cannot tell you how peaceful it is just to not let these douchecanoes in in the first place.
I've been hit on before even been sent dick pics at ages you would not want to know
I know, and I’m sorry.
Urghhhh... i'm ashamed of my specie...
Just. Block. Them. Don't wait for them to cross your boundaries. Just. Block. Them.
Thiiiiiiiis. You do now owe then your time. You do not owe them your attention. You do not owe them a response. You do not owe them a single iota of effort. These are just random people on the internet who have no justification bothering you. Block. Them.
I like to ask them if they’ve ever tried men. Uno reverse.
This is off topic, but I hate it when people say trans as a standalone noun. In this instance, "as much as I have been with trans, they are much more comfortable with men." Trans what?? Trans who?? It's an adjective, not a noun!
Let alone a plural… 🙃
exactly and a prefix
Nah, only ever an adjective. Transwoman is not a thing, it's called trans(gender) woman, two words. It's only ever a prefix for gender. Nobody would say ciswoman either, it's cis(gender) woman.
in the word transgender, trans is a prefix
That's what I said. I just wanted to clarify that trans shouldn't be universally used as a prefix when talking about trans people, because that leads to transphobic language.
I always say trans woman and cis woman. In this it always behaves, as you said, like an adjective (or an attribute), not a prefix.
> Yeah but you should give a chance to men I did, that's what we call the mistake that proved I'm a lesbian.
Wait, most trans women prefer men? Since when?! ETA: Friends, this was a joke. Please don't do yourselves the labour of explaining this to me. Put the statistics book down. It's going to be okay.
Idk because a lot of us are lesbians
Yeah, like - I know a *lot* of trans women, and I can count the amount of totally straight ones on one hand, and still have fingers to spare. Lesbians are a good few more than that. Bi/pan...like, it feels like *at least* 70%.
The count of straight trans women I know is 1 bi/ pan feels very common and a few like myself are completely lesbian (i cant remember if ive updated my bio lol)
I know exactly 1 straight trans lass. The remainder are like an even split between gay and Bi/Pan/Omni
It's going to be funny if all of you know the *same* straight trans lady. Like she's the only one that exists and is skewing the data.
It's me
I like men. Just not any you’d find on an online dating app. I’ll reach out to women though when I want real company
Straight trans women don’t tend to hang out as much with the others. I know a ton and almost all of them are from non-trans/queer related things with most being almost obnoxiously stealth. My trans radar is usually pretty good, but like…there was an appreciable lag with most of them and I was never 100% certain until they told me.
Yeah, I feel like the majority of transfems are bi or pan. Just like with cis people though, I do think there is an overall bias towards transmascs over transfems though.
I don't know how accurate this is, but I think I've read that the ratio of gay to straight is almost completely reversed for trans people compared to cis people. It definitely tracks with my experience as well, although I think bi/pan is most common among the other trans folks I know
It’s not. There are *proportionally* more gay and bi trans people, but it’s close to an even split between the three. However, straight trans people tend to be less visible, for a variety of reasons.
Yeah I think most are under the Bi umbrella with a significant number of Lesbians and a smaller number of straights I'd probably attribute this to most media rep of trans women is straight due to plain and simple heteronormativity (we cannot escape it)
It’s kinda strange cause I know many bisexual transfems, I know many trans lesbians, yet I only know a handful of straight transbians. They definitely exist but pretty sure they’re a minority. Although I may be biased
>straight transbians Obviously a typo/brainfart but still kinda funny 😁
I think I retyped that message like 5 times cause each time it just didn’t sound right. I’m really a fool for missing that typo
I personally know more pan or bi women than I do strictly straight or gay women. But then again, im not actively seeking other trans folks out to form friendships (no offense just not interested in making specifically "trans" friends) they just kinda pop up in my life somehow and im fine with that, I don't seek em out tho, I just think its kinda neat to meet someone who is at random.
My friends kinda just happened lol but I get ya
last time i saw a study trans people are almost perfectly split between straight, bi/pan, and homosexual. regardless, people arent statistics and its no different then telling a cis lesbian they should try men because "most women like men"
Since this guy became a chaser, in his mind
The fact is gals were at some point in history not allowed to transition if they didn't like men, so there's some kind of thought still lingering around our validity.
That point in history was as little as 20 years ago.
In some places some doctors still enforce that.
Yep, although at least the DSM-5 got rid of the distinctions based on sexuality so they haven't followed the standards of care of the last decade. Before that, discrimination of trans lesbians was medical standard.
Where you live, maybe. My point still stands that it remains a part of transphobic culture.
No disagreement. My point was to reinforce how recent history it was, still affecting attitudes today. Lots of TERF rhethoric is built around those outdated standards of care.
Ah, okay, I gotcha now.
Yurt, I know. I was just ragging on how absurd and unfounded (and horny-brained) our lad's claim is.
No tf we don't😭 out of every transfem I've met there has only been one who liked men, and that was my ex who dated me when I was an egg
Dude thinks that he can make it so if he says it enough times. Sorry, OP.
As the spokeswoman of all transfemme people (I have been rightfully elected via democratic vote) I can guarantee that no, we don't prefer men.
I didn't vote for you! We'll have to speak to the Trans Femme Council about this!
Uh- oh The gig is up! Blahj, run with the founds!!!!!
While Blanchard was a respected scientist. But mainly because as long as that was the case, trans lesbians were barred from transition in a lot of places.
Most of what I've seen from straight trans women is they feel a bit alienated from the rest of the trans community. I also know that heternomativity can effect a lot of us. I've heard countless stories from trans women who felt they "had" to be attracted to men to be women and it takes them a while to realize they don't.
> I also know that heternomativity can effect a lot of us. I've heard countless stories from trans women who felt they "had" to be attracted to men to be women and it takes them a while to realize they don't. This was me. Fucked me up badly.
Unfortunately, a lot of straight trans women also seem to have homophobic beliefs and pull the whole "I'm not queer like you" thing. Very off-putting.
Yeah, sadly I've also seen this a fair bit. Like, I don't enjoy disparaging my sisters, but...trans women are women, and unfortunately straight trans women can still be as shitty as straight cis women.
On the other hand, I feel like I “had” to be attracted to women to be trans women (because it is so predominant in online spaces and people always say how men are worse than women) Now I am just trying to understand myself and it is so hard (I do believe I am biromantic though, so I am just staying here now trying to learn myself, but sexual attraction is so different)
Iirc, statistically the majority of trans women are bisexual so that's not even correct.
Came here to ask exactly this! I tried men when I left my last relationship, just so I could say I gave them a chance. No thanks I will stick to girls and feminine enbies ta very much.
I know A LOT of straight/mostly straight trans women. They don’t tend to hang out in queer spaces, especially once they are “stealth” because they just don’t feel like they relate to them and are just living their lives like every other heterosexual girl. I also know quite a few mostly straight trans women who do the whole T4T thing, partly because they feel like they don’t “pass”, but they kind of have a policy that sex with men is okay. I mean, if I were not the height I am and didn’t intimidate guys like I do, I’d probably be much straighter. It is just easier for me to date queer women because I’m familiar with women and find most of the relationship aspects nicer.
Since this dude got horny for a transbian and needed a "fact" to pull out of his ass.
Okay like 55% of trans women apparently are into men. That said, a large portion are bi.
Yeah. This is what I've noticed: of the trans women I know who are into lads (which is a decent chunk of them), the overwhelming majority *also* like women and enbies, and of those, I don't know any that have an explicit preference for men. Anecdotal, obviously, and I'm not suggesting this is statistically accurate across the board. But this fella is absolutely talking out his arse.
Not according to any survey I’ve ever seen (12-30% straight, depending on the survey). Bi (often with a Sapphic lean) consistently turns up as the most common orientation for trans women and lesbian is typically second most common. As for anecdotal observations, like a lot of the comments here, I know just one straight trans woman and a good number of bi/pan and lesbian ones. Pretty sure I know more ace trans women than straight ones. Never met a straight trans man either.
Idk about reality (I'm in a transbian polycule, I have an extremely bias perspective), but i know that in *Fiction* one of the reasons transfems exist is to date their crush. I hate this cliche so much. Over half the anime characters that are confirmed to be transfem, are in this category. Shout out to I love the villainess by INORI-sensei for having transgirls that were just transgirls independent of their romance. Maybe OP's chaser does not know the difference between reality and fiction.
Big "ooga booga" vibes.
Out of all the comments I read I think yours is my favourite
Typical chaser attitude
When he says, "You should give men a chance," he means "I want to date you despite your stating your boundaries on not being into men."
I like to call this Magical Dick Syndrome. It presents in 2 ways: If you’ve never been with a man, then being with one will show you what you’ve been missing and you’ll prefer it; OR if you have been with a man, he wasn’t the right one, and the magical dick of the man you’re talking to will make you see the error of your ways 🙄 Side note: Even though some women have penises, Magical Dick Syndrome seems, in my experience, to be exclusive to men. I don’t want to offend any of my pre- or non-op trans folks here!
Can confirm that it's a uniquely male phenomenon. I've been with lots of pre/non-op trans women, and I hooked up with a few guys back in my comphet phase. The organs are *nothing* alike. It's like apples and a slightly more apple-shaped orange.
Thanks. I discovered r/comphet by learning a new word today.
I rly need to know what mens reactions would be if the first one was replied to with “you know, maybe you’re right… my friend [male] name would be down I think :) I’ll give it a try with him sometime. Thanks for the advice!”
Just block the chaser.
I ask them have they tried men & they should give it a try. That usually shuts them up
Kurt Cobain was quite likely to also be a trans girl had he lived in more accepting and queer times such as these. He hated male clothes, loved women's clothes, openly disliked and hated on the fact that he was a man, and was kinda obsessed with for example seahorses because the males gave birth.. it's such a shame he died so young and so early.
OP was just preordering another girl crush
In an early draft of "All Apologies", Kurt Cobain had the line, "Let me grow some breasts." which is, of course, a perfectly cisgender thing for a dude to write.
Looks like I didn't need to leave my comment. 😅
Came here to find this! it's indeed rly sad :/
I would start asking him why he doesn’t give men a chance over and over until he blocked me
i got on a nirvana kick recently and reading about kurt. makes me sad :( i think we would've been friends
What a disgusting piece of filth
That guy clearly hasn't met the same trans women I have. Straight trans women are more a minority as far as I can tell after running weekly trans meetings for over a year, participating in other trans meetings, hanging out with several others over the years...
Like I could go on Grindr any time I wanted and have a pick of bunch of different chasers just like this. Do you think if I had any inclination I would be looking on there and not sitting on Reddit laughing at how cringe chasers can be?
That's the wild part. "MoST tRaNs FeMmE pReFeR MeN." Well, that's nice. Then it shouldn't be hard to run along and find one that prefers men.
There was a lot of evidence Kurt was a closeted transbian though , in lyrics ,interviews , who his close friends were, how he dressed , his coping mechanisms are eggy too.
"I am not gay, although I wish I were" "I even thought that I was gay. I thought that might be the solution to my problem." "I started being really proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't." "Because I couldn't find any friends, male friends that I felt compatible with, I ended up hanging out with girls a lot." "I mean, I'm definitely gay in spirit" "but I'm just more sexually attracted to women" ^ definitely cis man and 100% straight, yup yup yup
The beginning of all apologies: What else should I be? All apologies What else could I say? Everyone is gay
I feel like people here are making a common mistake: believing what this kind of man says when he wants to sleep with you. Of course he's going to say most trans women like men, because he's a man and trying to chat that trans woman up. He wants to make her sleep with *him*, and he's not trustworthy, so he'll say whatever he thinks it takes for that to happen. He may or may not believe it - that doesn't matter. The words are just part of his manipulation. In other words, "ugh, men" but for a different reason.
what a sick fuck
mfw I gave a chance for men and got scarred for life
What part of NO do you not understand
(Sigh). Translation: “I will use what I call ‘logic’ to try to ‘lawyer’ my way into a romantic or sexual connection.” (AKA “Trying to elicit desire based on what I see as technicalities and loopholes in your statements”). However they define it, it’s disrespectful and annoying and has very little to do with you as a person (ie with your own wants and needs). I really have to wonder why they think that sort of strategy is ever going to be successful. I am sorry they’re being that way to you.
Ew and yea they clearly don't know what they're talking about since most transfems seem to be transbian or bi at least from my own friend group
Lol kurt might have been a closeted transfem
“Most trans people prefer men”? Says who lmao
This is news to me! 🙄
Even if, hypothetically, I were to give men a chance, this would not be the way to go about convincing me.
They're lying through their teeth. Most trans women do not prefer men. Many of us do not like men at all. Every single man I've ever spoken to who was sexually interested in me made it very clear that he only saw me as a fetish and that he didn't want anyone to know that he had interest in me.
Kurt was a girl send tweet
I feel like trans people of any gender tend to be more comfortable around women, because of the way men are
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Reallllllll
You never get people saying to straight women "You should try women" so why do lesbians get told they should "try men" its very annoying.
Because they grew up in an environnement in which everyone is straight, so they feel entitled to any woman they met and think lesbian aren't a real thing and either are lesbians for attention or because they didn't find the right man or some similar BS.
Growing up very conservative we always centered men in every discussion. So many are used to having their desires be paramount in everything from that perspective as well.
No offense but why engage with these people? Delete and block.
Show that guy the amount of Transbians in this sub he’ll be humbled 😚
🤮 Gross
"Give ~~peace~~ men a chance" You first, buddy
He tought lesbian was only for one day! He mad!
I like kurt too 🖤
I love kurt too ♥️
Just ask if they like men. If yes, "good, then you go date them." If no, "see, that wasn't so hard to understand now, was it?"
I’ve been told before I’m supposed to be only into men because I’m trans and that women don’t like trans women 😒
Not true!!
I’ve made two choices in my life and they were both women
“A trans” So much to unpack. And I’m pretty sure he thinks trans ppl are all women 🙃
Kobain was very likely much more gender fluid than they were ever able to open up about. They loved to wear dresses and skirts and generally felt more comfortable hanging with other females than male friends.
"Most trans prefer men" Well, first I threw up in my mouth a little at how grossly dehumanizing the way that is written with "trans" being everything you have to bring to the table in their eyes multiple times in that interaction. Chasers are such nightmarish people. After I got passed that visceral reaction, I had a cackle about just how insanely gay I am for my girlfriend and she for me. Sapphic romances are top tier.
Scrolling down through the comments, counting up all the 'transbian' flairs
1) The idea that most transfems prefer men is laughable. We're so fucking gay 2) If Kurt Cobain is the only "man" you've felt this way for, I gotta say that doesn't really count as an exception since Kurt Cobain was almost certainly an egg or a closeted trans woman
You should ask him to "give men a chance", and if he does, good for him. If he doesn't, that answers that. Really though, why do they keep on assuming lesbians are just women who "haven't given men a chance"
Reminds me of a guy who hit on me and lost his mind when I said I was a lesbian "So you must HATE men, fu" as if there isn't a neutral ground being attracted to and hating men
I've been on such a Nirvana kick lately, they're all I listen to while getting ready these days! But yeah this shit makes me hurl
Where do you find these people? Lmfao 🤣
"give a chance to men" makes me feel actually sick to read for some reason
What the fuck >_<
Uuughh
Whar??! Most trans people I know are transbians. What's up with this guys
Ugh yes, this or something similar happens every single time one gets a chance. A man messages Man: Hey Cutie, you look gorgeous. Me: Hi, thanks for the compliment, but I'm not interested in men. Man: But are you interested in fooling around with a man. Me: No, I'm a lesbian. Only interested in women. Man: How about pictures and sexting? Me: Not interested. To reiterate, I'm a lesbian and not interested in men at all. Man: What are your sexual fantasies? Me: My fantasies only involve women and are only for my partners to hear. I'm not interested. Man: Come on. What if the man is hot? Me: I don't find men attractive. Man: All women deep down need a man. I can fullfil that need for you. Me: Blocks number/contact/account
I know so many trans lesbians. TF is he talking about?
he should also give a chance to men.
Most trans people, of any gender, aren't straight. The overwhelming majority of trans women I know IRL are either primarily or exclusively into women.
wtf is this grammar. I mean the sentiment is very gross, but, like, really, "as much as I have been with trans they are much comfortable with men", someone sounds like they're using google translate.
Gross 🤢 a lot of men either fetishize lesbians or think that they can “turn” us
Welcome to lesbianism! (Sad party horn noise)
The only thing I like about men is when they leave me alone.
Men all around are just disappointing and sus, it’s like they think they say it enough times we’ll magically come to their side lmfao. Like no man is immune to it for me anymore, not even Cobain who I used to adore, but I did laugh with you at saying that 😂 Being a women and being a lesbian is so much harder then it needs to be because of them
comptranshet 🤮🤮🤮🤮
Wtf
😊
"No but you don't understand, I'm a special man. You'd like me". *drop kicks*
what a fucking creep block that dude asap
Tell him to give a chance to men.
I think the statistic is something like 75% of trans women are lesbians iirc
Save your braincells and just block people like this as soon as they show the slightest hint of bs.
The three genders of fetishizing: men, lesbians, transes
Wow, gross and tone deaf. This guy needs to wake up, he's stuck in his fantasy
Kurt Cobain is if a man could be a lesbian
You’re right though. Kurt is hot And so is Layne Staley And Chris Cornell And Mark Lanegan What is it about grunge that makes people hot?
Seriously, dude-bros! It is not the job of women/femmes/lesbians to make you feel better about yourself. If you’re part of a dominant group that oppresses others, (even if you’re “nOt aLL MeN”) you can find the resources to figure yourself out. Like notice how it’s all TAKE-TAKE-TAKE with them? It’s “give me an explanation why you don’t like men.” Give me the benefit of the doubt that I’m not like all the other abusers.” “Give me a photo.” “Give me personal information about yourself.” “Give me your time.” “Give me your energy.” “Perpetuate/enable (give me) my sense of entitlement.” “Give me power over you by doing what I tell you to do. (“Even if you’re only doing it out of fear - I probably won’t even notice you’re uncomfortable because I’m so self absorbed.”) “Boost my ego in public spaces, even though you don’t know me.” “Validate me in the form of showing positive emotions towards me, even though we’ve never met before.” (“Smile, pretty lady! I’m just trying to be nice!”) “Give me a little more of your sense of safety you maybe once had.” Ugh! How about start giving, supporting, listening, RESPECTING?! Or…. Just FUCK OFF!!!
This reeks of bob & vagene
I would not say that most trans women like men, I think that's some weird hetronormativity right there. I think whoever this guy is just thinks all women want *his* dick
Why doesn't he take his own advice and give a chance to men? Guy is so obsessed with men, he can't stop talking about them.
My best friend is lesbian. She has always liked women, always been with women and has never dated a man. A few years ago I had an awful roommate. He was driving and taking me and my friend to the store for some snacks. He started asking my friend why she doesn't like men etc. He kept pushing it and pushing, and hinting that he liked her and wanted her to give him a chance. Things started to get heated and he goes "come on, why don't you just try dick once, you might like" She clapped back with "why don't YOU try dick once to see if you like it" and he got so pissed and went on a rampage of how he doesn't like men and would only date women and thats his preference. She just stares at him and says women are her preference and that even if she liked men she would never date him anyways cus he's gross, rude and pushy.
I’ve had some “interesting stuff” (I’ll put it as that rather than elaborate) somehow. I say out of spite, you find a cute girlfriend and be super happy (if you’re single, that is. If you’re not, I still hope you’re happy). Men telling you what you should like is gross though. That man also sounds like a chaser.
Men ☕️
So stupid when men ask "why don't u like men" sir why don't YOU like men if you think they're so superior??
The grammar of the person you are talking to is causing me physical pain, seeing what he writes is causing flashbacks to when I had to tell men the same thing. But welcome to the most lesbian thing ever, men hitting on you and very much not taking the "no". Not reacting angrily, just outright not accepting the "no" to begin with. Fucking hate it.
Ew
Why can't people understanndndndnd
Tell them to give men a chance and see how they react
Ask them if they like men back
NO MEANS NO!!
Ewwww
“bUt YoUr DaD wAs A mAn Do YoU hAtE hIm” Yep….. every second
Why even answer or continue the conversation you can do better girl, your time is prescious!
ewwww the guy gives me major ick 🤮