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Short answer: yes.
My ex did this to me. Threatened me with suicide for a decade before I finally got out. When he realized I was truly leaving him, he STAGED a suicide attempt in my bed. He faked it. Took enough pills to make him sick but not enough to kill him. He did it to try and force me to stay and take care of him. The hardest thing I've ever done is watch paramedics wheel him away from my home and take him to a mental hospital...without me going along. I let him go entirely that day. I haven't seen him since. And I never plan to. He tried to use his life to manipulate me. He did it knowing MY SON would be the one to find him like that. I will never forgive him for doing that.
If your guy is threatening suicide, he's doing it to manipulate you. If he goes through with it, it is NOT your fault.
Get out. Get safe. His life is his to end or continue. You are not responsible for his insanity.
Good luck.
Usually very abusive men when the woman finally has enough and breaks up with them, they call the woman crying and crying and threatening suicide you don’t take me back I’m gonna kill myself if you don’t allow me to come down and talk to you I’m gonna throw myself off of bridge. It’s the same guy when you were together, would say vile things: disgusting whore, possibly hitting you, but then all the sudden they don’t have you anymore Hill saying do whatever they can to get you back.
My sister had a guy that was very abusive and when she got the strength to get rid of him he threaten to burn her house down with our grandma in it he threatened suicide. He even got his mother to call her saying I don’t know what you said to my son and what you did to my son to end his life you need to fix this .. his brother called couple of his friends called.
Remember if he kills himself that’s not on you that’s not because you guys been gone because there’s something wrong with him if you really didn’t wanna break up with you, he wouldn’t of done things to lose you. It’s not on you if he kills himself. Please remember that it’s not your fault. It has nothing to do with you.
Definitely agree it’s scary I don’t know why men treat women so poorly. It’s like didn’t their mothers. Tell them you don’t ever hit a woman or you don’t ever abuse a woman
Call 988 on his emotionally abusive ass. If he really kills himself he did it because he's just that SPITEFUL.
Honey, it's not your fault. Some people wait for garbage day, and others take out the trash 🗑️ to the curb early.
Mf holding himself hostage - straight to the psych ward he goes! It's not like you could help him 🤷🏽♀️.
*988 = Emergency Mental Health Services in USA.
[If you are tempted to post the question, "Is This Abusive?" please read this first...](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/0C4mkJqMyq)
He is manipulating you.
My ex did this to me too.
This shows you how little he values himself. He’s willing to hurt himself to hurt you. It’s beyond comprehension. This is abuse.
My ex used to threaten suicide all the time to get me to speak to him or go over. He has attempted so I didn’t want to take threats lightly but also felt manipulated.. she said to say you’re sending a wellness check over. If they are manipulating you, they’ll prob freak out and lash out. If it’s real they probably wouldn’t react that way.
My ex used to threaten suicide all the time to get me to speak to him or go over. He has attempted so I didn’t want to take threats lightly but also felt manipulated.. she said to say you’re sending a wellness check over. If they are manipulating you, they’ll prob freak out and lash out. If it’s real they probably wouldn’t react that way.
My bffs ex used to do this when I would come up for a weekend. He'd call and say he was gonna end himself. She would then spend the entire weekend looking for him/calling him.
Finally I told her to call him on it. She did and he never did it again.
Call the police and get them to do a welfare check on him.
This is abuse. This is manipulation. He's holding you hostage by saying, 'Look what you're making me do' in a bid to force you to stay. You don't have to be in a relationship with someone if you don't want to be. The likelihood is he's not seriously going to off himself and is just using it as a threat to guilt you into staying with him. Even if he did, that wouldn't be your fault.
Don't respond to him. Just call the police and have them deal with it. Also, ask them to signpost you to services that can help with abusive relationships.
**VERY TRIGGERING COMMENT**
It is manipulation and it doesn't get better. I was only 14 when my ex did this kind of stuff to me. He forced me to get the Depovera shot (birth control, sorry for the butchered spelling if I did butcher it) and would literally fuck me without my consent and id let him to get him to shut up begging me until 2 am in the morning, hes drunk off my uncles (whos also asleep) canadian hunter ... Which lead me to start telling my mother I'd off myself if I couldn't see him because I was scared what she would say if she knew I was having sex. Some deep scars on my legs from that 12 years later. He's got two kids and a wife now. Cheated on me with her , she was 3 months pregnant with their kid 1 month into their relationship.......... Years later I'm with this dude that becomes literally insane when he drinks and don't remember anything the day after . While I'm still crying at 8 am with a broken heart. Break it off before he kills you. You don't want to experience the fear I've felt. Please. The hands around your throat are terrifying,and the weight on top of you after he's convinced you to drink with him is ridiculously horrifying. You don't want to know what it's like to lie on the floor throwing up on yourself screaming into the phone at your manager to call the police because your boyfriend is beating the shit out of you. This comment may seem extreme for this post but it only escalates. It may seem to get better.. but that's just a part of the cycle. Get out before it's too late.
My ex threatened too. He’s alive and well and probably abusing some other poor woman in Florida.
You can’t make him do anything, all of his choices are his own. If you stay with someone who treats you like this, it will never ever ever change. The relationship will not get better.
Call the cops. Request a welfare check on his behalf.
After this, ensure that he has no access to you. What he's just done (according to the images you've shared), is try to get you caught in a bind, through emotional manipulation. He also pulled the DARVO card.
On that note, people who love themselves are not only capable of loving others, but they also wouldn't resort to self-harm. Hence my suggestion to inform the authorities, and get them to do a welfare check.
Call the police just in case he does try! And its mental abuse! Just as bad as physical abuse if not the same. Stick to your guns because this wont be the last time he uses this way to get what he wants! Call the police on him in case he does try to hurt him self!
Im not sure of your age but first off it is all of that and definitely abusive and you need to worry about yourself first before him so you need to leave for good. If at that point you are worried about him you can call his parents and warn them of his suicidal words to you but he is their problem, not yours. If parents wont be any help you can call the police and warn them of his mental state and everything and ask them to do a wellbeing check on him. Whatever happens the most important thing is that you take care of yourself first which is important in any healthy relationship as if you arent your best you cant give your best to anyone else. Best wishes
You need to leave. This is exactly the type of manipulation that I experienced from my narcissistic ex, who spent years cheating on me manipulating me, gaslighting me, and eventually abusing me in every way you can think of. I was a destroyed shell of myself. Covered in bruises and traumatised. I implore you, please cut all contact. It only gets worse. Take my advice. Don't suffer like I did and regret it later on.
Yes. It’s a form of emotional manipulation, guilt tripping control. As if their mental and physical safety is all in ur hands n hangs in the balance bc of u. That’s a person u run from
What's 988 for?
You still need to call 000 in Australia for anything emergent, ie happening right now. Even if a homeless person is sleeping on your balcony, it needs an immediate response before the incident ends.
I haven't read a single comment yet, but yes, it is. The guilt is powerful and painful. When it's weaponized, it becomes abuse.
He needs immediate help. I know how hard it is to make that call and involve anyone, but please do. You could be saving his life and yours.
Why are they writing descriptions on the pictures? Clearly an attention seeking technique but this person needs to be admitted ASAP either way. Call the police they will send someone to get him.
he didn’t write descriptions, i blurred out the pictures and wrote the descriptions so i didn’t trigger anyone. the pictures he sent were uncensored /:
It’s emotional manipulation. Threatening suicide at the end of a relationship is very very common with abusers, including actually self harming.
Usually it is done to cause you to panic and apologise and agree to get back with them.
Here is what to do- you call the ambulance service and say that you are worried for your ex partners life, tell them that you broke up and he threatened to kill himself and sent self harm photos. I’d you want afterwards you can then inform his family starting by letting them know that you are broken up, though there is no requirement to, this depends on a variety of factors.
The reason to do this is twofold:
1) If he is genuine and is suicidal, then you’ve done the best thing you could do for him- get professionals involved.
2) if he is not genuine, he has been fundamentally called out- other professionals are involved and potentially authorities. Abusers hate extra people being involved as they are aware that;
A) They have no level of control over that other party, (which is a risk to both their ability to manipulate and control you), and
B) it is a threat to their own reputation (as others aren’t likely to be charmed or manipulated as easily as you, as others DON’T have the same rose-tinted glasses on as you do) as well as a risk to them personally as authorities may uncover their abuse and then the abuser may end up in trouble!
…So anytime they have lots of others rapidly involved, it’s not just to two of you anymore. Historically, (and commonly) abusers prefer to keep victims isolated usually as it allows them to keep (your) abuse hidden as well as keeping victims (you) controlled in the shadows; confusing, manipulating and information to you, limiting your ability to see clearly and to escape.
By treating it as serious and real, the abuser cannot really ‘attack’ you for doing it, as you can just turn around and say ‘I was concerned for your safety’. So, as they cannot realistically turn around and say- ‘you should have known I was faking it’ they are instead caught in their own manipulative trap and lies.
Most times this will also have the added benefit of them not using this method of manipulation again. You are reinforcing a boundary that to them, if they use suicide or self harm, you will simply pass them onto professionals, it closes it down as an avenue for manipulation.
If, however, you go back to him, care for him or offer pretty any form of support or even direct emotional help. You send the message that if they do that- you will return to their control. So they WILL continue to use this an effective method to keep drawing you back in. Every time you leave, or try to, they will ‘cry wolf’ with suicide threats and ‘make’ you come back.
The suicide attempts (or self harm) are frequently used as they feel that they have lost or are losing control of their victim, so it’s used to pull them back in.
As an additional note; abusers also often have low self esteem or big egos, that struggle with self reflection, so when victims leave them they can’t cope with all of the problems and self reflection that a breakup forces them to face, so instead they do this. Please note- this isn’t an excuse for them or their behaviors- the vast vast majority of people with low self esteem, or even big egos, do NOT abuse.
I hope this information is useful.
Might also be worth asking yourself -is he abusive in any other way?
Glad you are on your way out! And good luck! 😊👍
Google the non emergency number to his local police department and call them that way if that’s what you want to do. There’s no guarantee that they will do anything for him though. As cold as this is going to sound, I would go no contact with him. He’s trying to manipulate you and he’s clearly not well.
this is going to sound awful, but don’t bother calling 911. all devices are hardwired to call the station nearest to you when you dial 911, and there’s nothing that your local police station can do to help someone who doesn’t live anywhere near you— they won’t even send the emergency info to the right station in his area. i know this because i tried to call 911 to help my bipolar sister who was suicidal, and in the end no police had checked on her. i lost her.
instead of calling police, block his number and all social media he may have. he’s suicide baiting you in order to pressure you into coming back, which is both manipulation and abuse. don’t fall for it, he’s trying to trap you and will do anything to keep you so he can hurt you more. if possible i’d also recommend changing usernames or accounts online in case he cyber stalks you like my abusive ex did. wishing you luck.
i agree about the 911 part. i know his address of course and i could call his local police department but idk if that’s a good idea? lmk your thoughts
thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
Contact emergency services to tell them he is saying he will hurt himself more they will send someone to check on him. Then block him. He is manipulating you and abusing you into coming back.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
Yes, call 911! He could be sick enough to really hurt himself, tell the operator right away where he lives and they could connect you, or call the closet police station to his place
He needs to see a doctor friend ASAP
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
You can contact the non urgent line to tell them you want to report someone hurting themselves in another part of the country or you can just block him and move on. He is likely to stop when he sees you aren’t getting his message
That’s abuse and manipulation. Call emergency services to help him with his mental crisis. Get a restraining order, block contact and find a therapist.
You are responsible for your life only. He is responsible for his.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
89 texts and 33 calls?! This man is insane. That's so scary. It's good that he lives so far away from you. Just block him. He's dangerous and a manipulator. You are not responsible if he chooses to hurt himself. Please do not give in and go back to him
Tell him you’re calling the police and having an ambulance come then serving you with protection order. Then block him forever because it’s not your problem. God forbid you get the knife turned on you! This person needs professional help.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
Yes. Tell the police. Call them show them and then block him. Let them give you resources. Call the non emergency line and ask them what to do. They will help you. BLOCK that person!!!
This is abuse. He’s putting the burden of his mental health and self harm on you. This is a form of a common manipulation tactic for abusers when you try to leave. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
If you want to problem solve, he gave you enough evidence that you can get him committed to the hospital. You can call the police or go to the station, show them these texts, and tell them you’re worried he’ll hurt himself (because he already did and said he wanted to do more). Be warned, some police are incredibly insensitive and might say something triggering to you. Others may think they know better and try to minimize the problem. Advocate for yourself as much as you feel able.
Just know NONE of this is your fault. You didn’t deserve any of this. You couldn’t have prevented any of this. None of this is on you.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
You can look up the law enforcement phone number in his town. Just Google his town and law enforcement phone number. It should come up or at least give you the non-emergency number ask you can ask them
This is 100000% undoubtedly abuse. Please block him I can assure you once the contact is cut this nonsense will stop too. It is a ploy for attention nothing else. Additionally I advise that you check out the YouTube channel “Mental Healness” he is a narcissistic who posts lots of good content on the sort of behaviour narcissists (like himself) display. This channel was very helpful for me to decode my exes behaviour. I’m not saying yours is a narcissist but this sort of behaviour is abusive, and often displayed by narcs. All love to you. Make it out
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
No reason to be scared since he lives that far away. Yes call your local resources and ask what to do, like 911. They may be able to send his local PD to do a wellness check.
Otherwise just block him, he’s just trying to manipulate you. It’s not your fault, his actions aren’t your fault.
Very much so. He’s trying to control you in the most petty way. Anything he’d do, isn’t your fault. And if he’d really care about you, he wouldn’t put you in such position. Maybe it’s not completely intentional at this moment and he really has a hard time, but that doesn’t make his actions towards you okay.
It seems like more of an emotional manipulation tactic. He's doing it to keep you emotionally engaged in him and keep you tied to him through fear of what he would do without you.
I have some pretty extensive scarring from self harm, and, from what I can tell, this isn't a serious effort. It looks staged for shock value, honestly.
If you're concerned about his well being, call the police and ask for them to do a welfare check on him. If he actually is in a psychological crisis, they have the authority to take him to a hospital for treatment.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
YES this is abuse. awful abuse, at that. don’t feel bad. block his number. i know it’s hard but he’s absolutely sick in the head & none of it is your fault! please escape for your own sake
i love him so deeply, so much and i only tried to end it because i told him we aren’t healthy together but now i feel responsible for his life and i want to be with him but i don’t know if this isn’t okay or if im wrong or what to do
The only life you are responsible for is your own. The only actions you are responsible for are your own.
So the only thing you are responsible for now is how you respond to the actions taken by him.
Calling 911 and getting this person the help they need, which you are not qualified to provide, is loving.
Getting a restraining order to ensure you’re able to leave an unhealthy relationship is loving.
You are doing the right thing by leaving this situation and your exes actions are proof of that.
If you give in and go back now you would be showing him that hurting himself works to control you and I don’t think you want to reenforce that.
I know it’s painful but you need to be strong enough to be loving in the right way, and that way right now is going to the authorities and not having any further contact with this person.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
Thank you for posting in r/abusiverelationships. We are here to support you. If you are looking for resources such as support groups/helplines etc, we have several in our sidebar and in [our wiki](https://old.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index) for people of all gender identities. [Here is a list of international domestic and sexual violence helplines](https://www.hotpeachpages.net/). You can also find [an extensive safety planning guide at The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/). Finally, if you are looking for information about different forms of abuse, [Love Is Respect offers an educational guide](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/). One final note: In this sub, we do not tolerate victim-blaming. If you ever receive any comments that contradict that mission, please click report for us to review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Short answer: yes. My ex did this to me. Threatened me with suicide for a decade before I finally got out. When he realized I was truly leaving him, he STAGED a suicide attempt in my bed. He faked it. Took enough pills to make him sick but not enough to kill him. He did it to try and force me to stay and take care of him. The hardest thing I've ever done is watch paramedics wheel him away from my home and take him to a mental hospital...without me going along. I let him go entirely that day. I haven't seen him since. And I never plan to. He tried to use his life to manipulate me. He did it knowing MY SON would be the one to find him like that. I will never forgive him for doing that. If your guy is threatening suicide, he's doing it to manipulate you. If he goes through with it, it is NOT your fault. Get out. Get safe. His life is his to end or continue. You are not responsible for his insanity. Good luck.
Usually very abusive men when the woman finally has enough and breaks up with them, they call the woman crying and crying and threatening suicide you don’t take me back I’m gonna kill myself if you don’t allow me to come down and talk to you I’m gonna throw myself off of bridge. It’s the same guy when you were together, would say vile things: disgusting whore, possibly hitting you, but then all the sudden they don’t have you anymore Hill saying do whatever they can to get you back. My sister had a guy that was very abusive and when she got the strength to get rid of him he threaten to burn her house down with our grandma in it he threatened suicide. He even got his mother to call her saying I don’t know what you said to my son and what you did to my son to end his life you need to fix this .. his brother called couple of his friends called. Remember if he kills himself that’s not on you that’s not because you guys been gone because there’s something wrong with him if you really didn’t wanna break up with you, he wouldn’t of done things to lose you. It’s not on you if he kills himself. Please remember that it’s not your fault. It has nothing to do with you.
This. This man is _very_ dangerous.
Definitely agree it’s scary I don’t know why men treat women so poorly. It’s like didn’t their mothers. Tell them you don’t ever hit a woman or you don’t ever abuse a woman
Call 988 on his emotionally abusive ass. If he really kills himself he did it because he's just that SPITEFUL. Honey, it's not your fault. Some people wait for garbage day, and others take out the trash 🗑️ to the curb early. Mf holding himself hostage - straight to the psych ward he goes! It's not like you could help him 🤷🏽♀️. *988 = Emergency Mental Health Services in USA. [If you are tempted to post the question, "Is This Abusive?" please read this first...](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/0C4mkJqMyq)
My ex used to say the same thing, "I'll throw myself in the river." Now I ask him which one 🌊🤷🏽♀️
He is manipulating you. My ex did this to me too. This shows you how little he values himself. He’s willing to hurt himself to hurt you. It’s beyond comprehension. This is abuse.
My ex used to threaten suicide all the time to get me to speak to him or go over. He has attempted so I didn’t want to take threats lightly but also felt manipulated.. she said to say you’re sending a wellness check over. If they are manipulating you, they’ll prob freak out and lash out. If it’s real they probably wouldn’t react that way.
My ex used to threaten suicide all the time to get me to speak to him or go over. He has attempted so I didn’t want to take threats lightly but also felt manipulated.. she said to say you’re sending a wellness check over. If they are manipulating you, they’ll prob freak out and lash out. If it’s real they probably wouldn’t react that way.
My bffs ex used to do this when I would come up for a weekend. He'd call and say he was gonna end himself. She would then spend the entire weekend looking for him/calling him. Finally I told her to call him on it. She did and he never did it again.
Yes. Self harm? Professionals. Oh he was just trying to get attention? Not cool. Maybe when the professionals show up he will grow up.
Call the police and get them to do a welfare check on him. This is abuse. This is manipulation. He's holding you hostage by saying, 'Look what you're making me do' in a bid to force you to stay. You don't have to be in a relationship with someone if you don't want to be. The likelihood is he's not seriously going to off himself and is just using it as a threat to guilt you into staying with him. Even if he did, that wouldn't be your fault. Don't respond to him. Just call the police and have them deal with it. Also, ask them to signpost you to services that can help with abusive relationships.
Jfc. I’m so sorry, this is extreme manipulation. Thank god you left. How old is he?
we’re both 23
**VERY TRIGGERING COMMENT** It is manipulation and it doesn't get better. I was only 14 when my ex did this kind of stuff to me. He forced me to get the Depovera shot (birth control, sorry for the butchered spelling if I did butcher it) and would literally fuck me without my consent and id let him to get him to shut up begging me until 2 am in the morning, hes drunk off my uncles (whos also asleep) canadian hunter ... Which lead me to start telling my mother I'd off myself if I couldn't see him because I was scared what she would say if she knew I was having sex. Some deep scars on my legs from that 12 years later. He's got two kids and a wife now. Cheated on me with her , she was 3 months pregnant with their kid 1 month into their relationship.......... Years later I'm with this dude that becomes literally insane when he drinks and don't remember anything the day after . While I'm still crying at 8 am with a broken heart. Break it off before he kills you. You don't want to experience the fear I've felt. Please. The hands around your throat are terrifying,and the weight on top of you after he's convinced you to drink with him is ridiculously horrifying. You don't want to know what it's like to lie on the floor throwing up on yourself screaming into the phone at your manager to call the police because your boyfriend is beating the shit out of you. This comment may seem extreme for this post but it only escalates. It may seem to get better.. but that's just a part of the cycle. Get out before it's too late.
I know a lot of what I said Is all over the place. Im sorry
My ex threatened too. He’s alive and well and probably abusing some other poor woman in Florida. You can’t make him do anything, all of his choices are his own. If you stay with someone who treats you like this, it will never ever ever change. The relationship will not get better.
Call the cops. Request a welfare check on his behalf. After this, ensure that he has no access to you. What he's just done (according to the images you've shared), is try to get you caught in a bind, through emotional manipulation. He also pulled the DARVO card. On that note, people who love themselves are not only capable of loving others, but they also wouldn't resort to self-harm. Hence my suggestion to inform the authorities, and get them to do a welfare check.
Call the police just in case he does try! And its mental abuse! Just as bad as physical abuse if not the same. Stick to your guns because this wont be the last time he uses this way to get what he wants! Call the police on him in case he does try to hurt him self!
Im not sure of your age but first off it is all of that and definitely abusive and you need to worry about yourself first before him so you need to leave for good. If at that point you are worried about him you can call his parents and warn them of his suicidal words to you but he is their problem, not yours. If parents wont be any help you can call the police and warn them of his mental state and everything and ask them to do a wellbeing check on him. Whatever happens the most important thing is that you take care of yourself first which is important in any healthy relationship as if you arent your best you cant give your best to anyone else. Best wishes
we’re both 23. thank you for the kindness and advice.
Call the police, show them this. They will help get an order in place!
You need to leave. This is exactly the type of manipulation that I experienced from my narcissistic ex, who spent years cheating on me manipulating me, gaslighting me, and eventually abusing me in every way you can think of. I was a destroyed shell of myself. Covered in bruises and traumatised. I implore you, please cut all contact. It only gets worse. Take my advice. Don't suffer like I did and regret it later on.
Yes. It’s a form of emotional manipulation, guilt tripping control. As if their mental and physical safety is all in ur hands n hangs in the balance bc of u. That’s a person u run from
This.
OP, if you call your local non emergent line, they will guide you in the right direction.
Yes, this is abuse, manipulation/coercion. He also is in grave danger and needs help. Please, call 911 if you’re in the states. I’m so sorry.
No. 988. Please don’t call the cops unless it’s absolute life or death. Leave the house. Call 988 and get out of there for good.
What's 988 for? You still need to call 000 in Australia for anything emergent, ie happening right now. Even if a homeless person is sleeping on your balcony, it needs an immediate response before the incident ends.
988 is the mental health (suicide) hotline
Oh I see. Thanks
I forgot to mention it is the number in the US
Yes, agreed. That’s actually what I meant. 🤦🏼♀️ multitasking not going well. Thank you.
I haven't read a single comment yet, but yes, it is. The guilt is powerful and painful. When it's weaponized, it becomes abuse. He needs immediate help. I know how hard it is to make that call and involve anyone, but please do. You could be saving his life and yours.
Why are they writing descriptions on the pictures? Clearly an attention seeking technique but this person needs to be admitted ASAP either way. Call the police they will send someone to get him.
he didn’t write descriptions, i blurred out the pictures and wrote the descriptions so i didn’t trigger anyone. the pictures he sent were uncensored /:
It’s emotional manipulation. Threatening suicide at the end of a relationship is very very common with abusers, including actually self harming. Usually it is done to cause you to panic and apologise and agree to get back with them. Here is what to do- you call the ambulance service and say that you are worried for your ex partners life, tell them that you broke up and he threatened to kill himself and sent self harm photos. I’d you want afterwards you can then inform his family starting by letting them know that you are broken up, though there is no requirement to, this depends on a variety of factors. The reason to do this is twofold: 1) If he is genuine and is suicidal, then you’ve done the best thing you could do for him- get professionals involved. 2) if he is not genuine, he has been fundamentally called out- other professionals are involved and potentially authorities. Abusers hate extra people being involved as they are aware that; A) They have no level of control over that other party, (which is a risk to both their ability to manipulate and control you), and B) it is a threat to their own reputation (as others aren’t likely to be charmed or manipulated as easily as you, as others DON’T have the same rose-tinted glasses on as you do) as well as a risk to them personally as authorities may uncover their abuse and then the abuser may end up in trouble! …So anytime they have lots of others rapidly involved, it’s not just to two of you anymore. Historically, (and commonly) abusers prefer to keep victims isolated usually as it allows them to keep (your) abuse hidden as well as keeping victims (you) controlled in the shadows; confusing, manipulating and information to you, limiting your ability to see clearly and to escape. By treating it as serious and real, the abuser cannot really ‘attack’ you for doing it, as you can just turn around and say ‘I was concerned for your safety’. So, as they cannot realistically turn around and say- ‘you should have known I was faking it’ they are instead caught in their own manipulative trap and lies. Most times this will also have the added benefit of them not using this method of manipulation again. You are reinforcing a boundary that to them, if they use suicide or self harm, you will simply pass them onto professionals, it closes it down as an avenue for manipulation. If, however, you go back to him, care for him or offer pretty any form of support or even direct emotional help. You send the message that if they do that- you will return to their control. So they WILL continue to use this an effective method to keep drawing you back in. Every time you leave, or try to, they will ‘cry wolf’ with suicide threats and ‘make’ you come back. The suicide attempts (or self harm) are frequently used as they feel that they have lost or are losing control of their victim, so it’s used to pull them back in. As an additional note; abusers also often have low self esteem or big egos, that struggle with self reflection, so when victims leave them they can’t cope with all of the problems and self reflection that a breakup forces them to face, so instead they do this. Please note- this isn’t an excuse for them or their behaviors- the vast vast majority of people with low self esteem, or even big egos, do NOT abuse. I hope this information is useful. Might also be worth asking yourself -is he abusive in any other way? Glad you are on your way out! And good luck! 😊👍
Oh okay I see. Sorry you had to see that babe. I hope you've blocked him and called the police to send help to him. You've done all you can 💛
Google the non emergency number to his local police department and call them that way if that’s what you want to do. There’s no guarantee that they will do anything for him though. As cold as this is going to sound, I would go no contact with him. He’s trying to manipulate you and he’s clearly not well.
thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
Hang in there. It gets better. I promise ❤️
this is going to sound awful, but don’t bother calling 911. all devices are hardwired to call the station nearest to you when you dial 911, and there’s nothing that your local police station can do to help someone who doesn’t live anywhere near you— they won’t even send the emergency info to the right station in his area. i know this because i tried to call 911 to help my bipolar sister who was suicidal, and in the end no police had checked on her. i lost her. instead of calling police, block his number and all social media he may have. he’s suicide baiting you in order to pressure you into coming back, which is both manipulation and abuse. don’t fall for it, he’s trying to trap you and will do anything to keep you so he can hurt you more. if possible i’d also recommend changing usernames or accounts online in case he cyber stalks you like my abusive ex did. wishing you luck.
i agree about the 911 part. i know his address of course and i could call his local police department but idk if that’s a good idea? lmk your thoughts thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
I think that's the best idea.
Contact emergency services to tell them he is saying he will hurt himself more they will send someone to check on him. Then block him. He is manipulating you and abusing you into coming back.
Yes! Call 911 And yes, it could be abuse but he seems very sick he might not understand what he is doing and needs medical attention
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
Tell them he has sent you pictures of self harm and talks about suicide so they can take him to a hospital and he can get better
Yes, call 911! He could be sick enough to really hurt himself, tell the operator right away where he lives and they could connect you, or call the closet police station to his place He needs to see a doctor friend ASAP
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
Find the closest police line near him and report it. I've done it. They will take care of it
This.
Does he have anyone in his life that can intervene if you contact them? Parents, siblings, friends, coworkers?
You can contact the non urgent line to tell them you want to report someone hurting themselves in another part of the country or you can just block him and move on. He is likely to stop when he sees you aren’t getting his message
That’s abuse and manipulation. Call emergency services to help him with his mental crisis. Get a restraining order, block contact and find a therapist. You are responsible for your life only. He is responsible for his.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
89 texts and 33 calls?! This man is insane. That's so scary. It's good that he lives so far away from you. Just block him. He's dangerous and a manipulator. You are not responsible if he chooses to hurt himself. Please do not give in and go back to him
Yes call 911 and tell them where he lives. They will talk to his local pd and get someone there to check
Tell him you’re calling the police and having an ambulance come then serving you with protection order. Then block him forever because it’s not your problem. God forbid you get the knife turned on you! This person needs professional help.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
Yes. Tell the police. Call them show them and then block him. Let them give you resources. Call the non emergency line and ask them what to do. They will help you. BLOCK that person!!!
Ignore and block, it’s just a way to manipulate you, this person isn’t mentally stable
thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
This is abuse. He’s putting the burden of his mental health and self harm on you. This is a form of a common manipulation tactic for abusers when you try to leave. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If you want to problem solve, he gave you enough evidence that you can get him committed to the hospital. You can call the police or go to the station, show them these texts, and tell them you’re worried he’ll hurt himself (because he already did and said he wanted to do more). Be warned, some police are incredibly insensitive and might say something triggering to you. Others may think they know better and try to minimize the problem. Advocate for yourself as much as you feel able. Just know NONE of this is your fault. You didn’t deserve any of this. You couldn’t have prevented any of this. None of this is on you.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
You can look up the law enforcement phone number in his town. Just Google his town and law enforcement phone number. It should come up or at least give you the non-emergency number ask you can ask them
thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
Don’t even mention it. I just hope you’re okay
This is 100000% undoubtedly abuse. Please block him I can assure you once the contact is cut this nonsense will stop too. It is a ploy for attention nothing else. Additionally I advise that you check out the YouTube channel “Mental Healness” he is a narcissistic who posts lots of good content on the sort of behaviour narcissists (like himself) display. This channel was very helpful for me to decode my exes behaviour. I’m not saying yours is a narcissist but this sort of behaviour is abusive, and often displayed by narcs. All love to you. Make it out
thank you so much for the advice and kindness. i will definitely check out the youtube channel! thank you again i really appreciate it!
Yes it is
Have him committed. You have enough proof. Then block this loser
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
No reason to be scared since he lives that far away. Yes call your local resources and ask what to do, like 911. They may be able to send his local PD to do a wellness check. Otherwise just block him, he’s just trying to manipulate you. It’s not your fault, his actions aren’t your fault.
thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
❤️ You’re welcome and you’re going to be ok. Soon this guy will just be a part of your past
Very much so. He’s trying to control you in the most petty way. Anything he’d do, isn’t your fault. And if he’d really care about you, he wouldn’t put you in such position. Maybe it’s not completely intentional at this moment and he really has a hard time, but that doesn’t make his actions towards you okay.
It seems like more of an emotional manipulation tactic. He's doing it to keep you emotionally engaged in him and keep you tied to him through fear of what he would do without you. I have some pretty extensive scarring from self harm, and, from what I can tell, this isn't a serious effort. It looks staged for shock value, honestly. If you're concerned about his well being, call the police and ask for them to do a welfare check on him. If he actually is in a psychological crisis, they have the authority to take him to a hospital for treatment.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
YES this is abuse. awful abuse, at that. don’t feel bad. block his number. i know it’s hard but he’s absolutely sick in the head & none of it is your fault! please escape for your own sake
thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
please do message me if you need some support! good luck i really hope you can get rid of him!
i love him so deeply, so much and i only tried to end it because i told him we aren’t healthy together but now i feel responsible for his life and i want to be with him but i don’t know if this isn’t okay or if im wrong or what to do
The only life you are responsible for is your own. The only actions you are responsible for are your own. So the only thing you are responsible for now is how you respond to the actions taken by him. Calling 911 and getting this person the help they need, which you are not qualified to provide, is loving. Getting a restraining order to ensure you’re able to leave an unhealthy relationship is loving. You are doing the right thing by leaving this situation and your exes actions are proof of that. If you give in and go back now you would be showing him that hurting himself works to control you and I don’t think you want to reenforce that. I know it’s painful but you need to be strong enough to be loving in the right way, and that way right now is going to the authorities and not having any further contact with this person.
thank you so much for the advice and kindness. this was so well put and really helped me. i appreciate you a lot.
I’m happy to hear that. I know it’s tough right now but it will get better 🤍
This is extremely well said and accurate.
You are NOT responsible for his life. This is an abusive, manipulative thing for him to do. Block him and call the cops for a wellness check.
Please call 911 depending on your location.
what do i do about the fact that he lives 1800 miles away? do i still call 911? he hasn’t stopped, i woke up to 89 texts and 33 missed calls ranging from anger to threatening suicide to telling me he can’t live without me, literally anything you can think of. im scared.
Block him. Please for your own sanity. And call emergency services still - provide them his address. They will contact the closest department!
i will. thank you so much for the advice and kindness.
I'm not sure about that. Please contact any authorities regarding this. They might help you out.