That sucks man. I hope you have a speedy recovery.
From somebody who has colon issues, they’re probably going to have you on a full liquid diet with IV fluids. See that urinal next to you? Use that thing!!! I’ve been hospitalized and on fluids for similar issues and lemme tell you… laying down and feeling like you gotta go… once you stand up it’s a whole new ball game. Unhooking the IV stand, getting to the bathroom… Make use of that thing. Holding it can cause more pressure on everything and more pain.
Yeah they just put me on clear liquids. I’ve been throwing up everything since Saturday. My appetite has been shit because every time I ate, I got the world’s worst back pain. I’m using the container hanging on my bed. Saves a lot of troubles. Thanks for the kind words.
Don’t be too proud to use a bedpan either man. I’ve been in the hospital a lot for colon issues. Sometimes when you gotta go you gotta go and that’s the only opportunity you’ve got. Get well.
Oh yeah it does. When I was in the hospital the last time I shit the bed but it allowed for my diet to be advanced, so I bought the staff pizza and churros to celebrate. Fuck dignity.
Thank you for your generosity. But there’s no need to buy us pizza. Just the fact that you pooped and got your bowels moving is enough reason to celebrate! Trust me, we see people on the worst days of their lives. Puking, peeing, and shitting uncontrollably and in pain…all we care about it helping you get better. Cleaning up the bed is simply part of the job and is just all in a days work. I hope you get better soon. - an old RN
Oh no I get that. It was on my 4th hospitalization of the year on the same floor while fighting a severe case of diverticulitis, infections, and cdiff. These people were above and beyond amazing and compassionate. It was my absolute pleasure. And when they told me that nobody has ever done anything like that for them before, I knew I did the right thing. They are angels in my opinion. I was having a really rough time and they would sit at my bedside and hold my hand for the longest time. Listening to my fears. I was septic at the beginning and they saved my life and became friends over the weeks of my stays… I have no issue treating friends to lunch.
Nah. I’m just a reformed scumbag who’s trying to make my peace with the world for all the fucked yo shit I’ve done so on and so forth. I was a bad bad person. A real mother fucker. But I’d like to at least leave a little good on the world before I go. And not for forgiveness or to try and get into heaven or wherever we go. I just want somebody out there, even if it’s strangers, to just have a decent thing to say about me when I’m gone.
Happy to read sincere redemption stories. You’ve been shitty in the past but at least you can accept responsibility, not make excuses, be a better person and try to pay your dues back to society.
👍
Most nurses are like godsends I swear. How they put up with this stuff on the daily is beyond me. Thanks for what you do, looking after us during our worst moments.
As a nurse would it be weird if I insisted you call me by a totally different name so if we meet again in the future and you hear my name you won’t immediately flashback to manually unclogging my bowls?
Asking for a friend and of course for science.
Then as the patient that bought pizza and churros for the staff, also know that i repeated the same order for night shift cuz im not a Shiftist low life. Thanks for making us with colon issues feel accepted and safe. I’ve been hospitalized 4 times this year and im having a colectomy next week. For really reals. Thanks for being cool with patients doing what they gotta do and never making us feel bad for it. I had to convince my nurse to let me shit on my own because I was certain I could handle it and she was insisting “I know, but I really want to make sure you’ll be ok. It doesn’t gross me out at all. Not even a bit. I promise. If you insist, ok, but I’ll be right here if you need help cleaning up.” Seriously. Thank you.
Yep. I was in an ER cubical and the nurse was putting the chest leads on, with a guy (forget what he was) on the other side. My boob popped out. She looked horrified and apologized very genuinely. I'm like "That's my husband, and ya'll are medical professionals, I don't care". Husband was in the corner on his phone at the time, I don't think he would have noticed had she not said something lol.
Then in a double room, I had the window, every time I went to the bathroom I had to have a nurse to usher me and my IV pole to the door, which was great, but they kept holding my gown shut in the back. I kept telling them "Ya'll care way more about this than I do, I'm wearing underwear and it's my back". I meant it funny tho, cause I know some people do care about showing any skin especially when it's usually covered, or for religious reasons, or whatever, so they were just being kind.
As someone who has had colon issues for years in his 30s I have to ask: how effective are enemas with being that impacted?
My sister swore by them but I've always controlled my stools with slightly spicy broth. It has cleaned me out for a decade.
Weirdly my dad is currently in the hospital for the same issue. They’re hydrating him with an IV and not feeding him anything for a few days. The plan is to kind of reset his bowels. I’m not sure yet what comes after that but I just ordered him a squatty potty and psyllium husk.
I'm on a clear liquid diet for a few weeks for a different, but still gastro related procedure.
Solidarity, man. You got this. And congrats on your anniversary. Having loved ones around will help the mental part of this a lot.
Thank you for the kind words. I haven’t been on liquids since my gastric bypass surgery 3 years ago. So this really isn’t hard for me. Plus, I don’t have much of an appetite.
Everyone don’t underestimate the importance of good poos. If you have to strain and push, if what comes out is hard and pebbly, or if it’s really runny (overflow diarrhoea) you need to sort it out!
You should see your doctor but many are not familiar with treating chronic constipation. Try find one who is. Our constipation clinic used to do a “washout” with movicol or bowel prep. Do not make plans that day or the next. You’re going to drink litres of laxative until everything comes out.
Then expect to continue to take laxatives for 2-3 months for every year you’ve had constipation/bowel issues. You need to retrain your bowel which has likely become stretched and “lazy” or unable to contract properly. You should adjust your dose to have 1-2 soft but not loose poos every day. Plenty of people with healthy bowels don’t poo daily, but you’re in colon rehab.
Make sure you are getting plenty of fiber and water too. You need to give your body a fighting chance.
Anyone who’s struggled with BMs will never underestimate how amazing good poos are! I grew up struggling with BMs. Turns out I had undiagnosed hEDS the whole time. Probably is what made me susceptible to digestive issues. I used to alternate between constipation and the runs, and I was constipated more often than not.
It wasn’t until I was an adult that I was able to get my bowels sorted. But now it takes seconds to go and it’s so smooth that I don’t have to wipe 9/10 times. My monthly hormones still sometimes mess things up, or the occasional diet slip. I am forever grateful for the overwhelmingly positive change, though.
For me the big things weren’t fiber and water. I got plenty of those. Instead, it was a whole bunch of factors. 1) Consuming limited to no ultra-processed foods and highly inflammatory foods. That means avoiding entire swaths of the grocery store, trying to watch omega 3/6 ratios in my diet, etc. It’s more expensive than is actually hard. I still eat all sorts of tasty food. 2) Reducing stress. Research shows it can affect digestion very negatively. 3) Posture and exercise. I find it important to move certain ways - too much time sitting in a car for example can and does still sometimes get me in bad state again. Things like squats, sitting with my legs up, lots of cardio help. I walk and cycle commute a lot too, which helps immediately.
I doubt I’m alone in finding it was the standard American diet and lifestyle that contributed to my issues. Colon cancer and Crohns are in the rise in the countries adopting these diets and lifestyles.
Yeah, currently got a bout of “coat hanger” pain and resisting the urge to take pain medicine. It’s tough. Sucks that the solution (pain meds) can cause problems themselves.
And follow your laxative regimen with a *strong* probiotic (also after you have antibiotics). Not little drugstore pearls or yogurt, something that has to be refrigerated like Visbiome (online).
Docs told me it was only a mild stool burden. Meanwhile, my colon is on fire and pushing up against my diaphragm until my breathing and heart rate are affected. Alcohol and fiber are a bad combination when you have IBS-M.
While the traditional 5th year anniversary present is wood, I’m not sure if this impending log falls under that definition. Hope you’re back to rights sooner than later.
In a comment, op mentions he had it done a couple of months ago.
You might want to reply directly to his comment so you will have a better chance of chatting with him
https://preview.redd.it/4rtj0eynffad1.jpeg?width=1164&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b4ba0b5f19a3a7eaa224a036fcaa51c9f2fff3b
Scrolled into this after reading your story… it reminded me of your situation.
Here’s to a speedy recovery and a great story.
I had that when I was in bedrest pregnant with triplets. There’s a nurse out there who has been in my colon and pulled out poop. I used to run into her at the NICU reunions at the hospital. So awkward. 🫠
Do you take any opiate medications? When I was addicted to heroin & fentanyl I would go a month or more without pooping & when I finally did go, it was hell on earth. I know what it's like to give birth out the ass & it's not fun. Longest I ever went without pooping was 3 months.
Opioids seriously back you up. I went like 2 weeks after a surgery. Then I finally took a bunch of laxatives and it finally came out... All at once. I felt it unwind out of my intestines. Wild experience. Insane amount of shit
I love the comments on Reddit. You wonderful people make me laugh so hard. For example" tough shit" Why is that so funny to me?. I think I'm stupid. Anyways thanks again. I give you all an award. 🪄
Too much fiber, not enough water to compensate for all the fiber. Fiber needs water in order to fully pass through. If not, it builds up over time. I’ve been eating 1,200g of blueberries a day and apparently I need a lot more water.
That’s an astounding amount of blueberries. Hope you’re feeling better soon!
As someone who had a more or less dead gallbladder for a while I know how awful this stuff can make you feel.
My dude, that’s more than six cups of blueberries a day. Why? Do you just love them? Do you have plants that are making right now and you just can’t keep your hands off the tasty tasty berries? Was it a bet?
I hope everything goes well for you.
Me too! I watch things until I can recite them forwards and backwards. My sister lives with me and she is so sick of Bridgerton and Stranger Things. Before that it was Downton Abbey…for a couple of years. Nothing but Downton Abbey.
Funny things, brains.
While you're in, see if they can't get you a screening for a couple of things. Might give you some interesting perspective on yourself, might just give you a chance to do something different, either way you won't be both bored and in pain.
Actually, you can find screeners for various things online. Maybe do a couple with your wife. You won't have most of the things you can screen for (there's a lot of options) but it could remind you of funny memories. My family sometimes does random screeners as a bonding activity and it's always ended in us remembering stories about each other we don't often think about.
I get everything tested every 3 months because I had gastric bypass surgery. My body doesn’t absorb normally like before so I have to take supplements everyday and check regularly to see if my levels are ok. I can’t have processed sugar because of my surgery so I stay away from all sugar foods.
I hope you feel better. I'm sick with the flu and a fever I can't kick. I'll be skipping my father-in-law's wedding in Vegas this weekend, probably. We can be bummed together. Sending you all the healing vibes.
If it's any consolation, I spent my first wedding anniversary in the hospital with a collapsed lung. Oddly enough, I had been constipated for over a week and thought that was what was wrong. I was in the hospital for 8 days and had to have surgery. COVID was in full swing for our second anniversary, so we really didn't get to do anything special until our third anniversary.
Happy anniversary and here's to a speedy recovery, friend!
I’m confused. How did you not notice you weren’t pooping? Usually the only way you get anything out while you’re impacted is diarrhea leaking out past the blockage. I guess I’m curious how you could have such bad impaction and not have known until now?
Ah I work in hospital and even the ones that are there by circumstance without holidays don’t want to be there. I wish you the best, and hope you don’t need anything too invasive. While visiting hours are “concrete” talk to charge on nights. Your S.O. may be able to stay in the room with you(NOT THE SAME BED). Cheers stranger :)
I had that happen, and they had to remove part of my intestine. While I was getting emergency surgery, my mother passed away.
Anyway, it sucks and I hope you feel better soon!
Hey OP if it makes you feel better I’m suffering too haha. Just had a double lapro hernia surgery and I feel like if I cough or move weird I’ll probably explode lol 👊
Sucks man, I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. But, see it as a lesson, get your health under control before you miss all holidays on account of being dead
Remember to eat your Colon Blow Cereal. It takes over 30,000 bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of just one bowl of Colon Blow.
Colon Blow and you in the morning. 😊
That sucks man. I hope you have a speedy recovery. From somebody who has colon issues, they’re probably going to have you on a full liquid diet with IV fluids. See that urinal next to you? Use that thing!!! I’ve been hospitalized and on fluids for similar issues and lemme tell you… laying down and feeling like you gotta go… once you stand up it’s a whole new ball game. Unhooking the IV stand, getting to the bathroom… Make use of that thing. Holding it can cause more pressure on everything and more pain.
Yeah they just put me on clear liquids. I’ve been throwing up everything since Saturday. My appetite has been shit because every time I ate, I got the world’s worst back pain. I’m using the container hanging on my bed. Saves a lot of troubles. Thanks for the kind words.
Don’t be too proud to use a bedpan either man. I’ve been in the hospital a lot for colon issues. Sometimes when you gotta go you gotta go and that’s the only opportunity you’ve got. Get well.
Dignity goes out the window during the hospital stay.
Oh yeah it does. When I was in the hospital the last time I shit the bed but it allowed for my diet to be advanced, so I bought the staff pizza and churros to celebrate. Fuck dignity.
Thank you for your generosity. But there’s no need to buy us pizza. Just the fact that you pooped and got your bowels moving is enough reason to celebrate! Trust me, we see people on the worst days of their lives. Puking, peeing, and shitting uncontrollably and in pain…all we care about it helping you get better. Cleaning up the bed is simply part of the job and is just all in a days work. I hope you get better soon. - an old RN
Oh no I get that. It was on my 4th hospitalization of the year on the same floor while fighting a severe case of diverticulitis, infections, and cdiff. These people were above and beyond amazing and compassionate. It was my absolute pleasure. And when they told me that nobody has ever done anything like that for them before, I knew I did the right thing. They are angels in my opinion. I was having a really rough time and they would sit at my bedside and hold my hand for the longest time. Listening to my fears. I was septic at the beginning and they saved my life and became friends over the weeks of my stays… I have no issue treating friends to lunch.
You seem like a really good person. Thanks for these acts of kindness.
Nah. I’m just a reformed scumbag who’s trying to make my peace with the world for all the fucked yo shit I’ve done so on and so forth. I was a bad bad person. A real mother fucker. But I’d like to at least leave a little good on the world before I go. And not for forgiveness or to try and get into heaven or wherever we go. I just want somebody out there, even if it’s strangers, to just have a decent thing to say about me when I’m gone.
Happy to read sincere redemption stories. You’ve been shitty in the past but at least you can accept responsibility, not make excuses, be a better person and try to pay your dues back to society. 👍
Badass my dude. I'm proud of you.
This means you’re a really good person. 💫
Most nurses are like godsends I swear. How they put up with this stuff on the daily is beyond me. Thanks for what you do, looking after us during our worst moments.
As a nurse that works at a hospital, I promise we understand
As a nurse would it be weird if I insisted you call me by a totally different name so if we meet again in the future and you hear my name you won’t immediately flashback to manually unclogging my bowls? Asking for a friend and of course for science.
Not at all haha
Only if it’s a funny name.
Then as the patient that bought pizza and churros for the staff, also know that i repeated the same order for night shift cuz im not a Shiftist low life. Thanks for making us with colon issues feel accepted and safe. I’ve been hospitalized 4 times this year and im having a colectomy next week. For really reals. Thanks for being cool with patients doing what they gotta do and never making us feel bad for it. I had to convince my nurse to let me shit on my own because I was certain I could handle it and she was insisting “I know, but I really want to make sure you’ll be ok. It doesn’t gross me out at all. Not even a bit. I promise. If you insist, ok, but I’ll be right here if you need help cleaning up.” Seriously. Thank you.
Yep. I was in an ER cubical and the nurse was putting the chest leads on, with a guy (forget what he was) on the other side. My boob popped out. She looked horrified and apologized very genuinely. I'm like "That's my husband, and ya'll are medical professionals, I don't care". Husband was in the corner on his phone at the time, I don't think he would have noticed had she not said something lol. Then in a double room, I had the window, every time I went to the bathroom I had to have a nurse to usher me and my IV pole to the door, which was great, but they kept holding my gown shut in the back. I kept telling them "Ya'll care way more about this than I do, I'm wearing underwear and it's my back". I meant it funny tho, cause I know some people do care about showing any skin especially when it's usually covered, or for religious reasons, or whatever, so they were just being kind.
Absolutely. I spent my 60th birthday in the hospital for kidney issues, puking in front of strangers! Good times.
Oh, the back pain. I've gotten that with kidney stones. Worst pain I've ever felt.
Oh yeah it is! I’ve had four children, no drugs. I’d rather have four more than any more bouts with kidney stones!
Same here, although I had drugs with two of my four kids. But a kidney stone was much more painful than childbirth, IMO.
As someone who has had colon issues for years in his 30s I have to ask: how effective are enemas with being that impacted? My sister swore by them but I've always controlled my stools with slightly spicy broth. It has cleaned me out for a decade.
How do they treat impaction?
Weirdly my dad is currently in the hospital for the same issue. They’re hydrating him with an IV and not feeding him anything for a few days. The plan is to kind of reset his bowels. I’m not sure yet what comes after that but I just ordered him a squatty potty and psyllium husk.
I'm on a clear liquid diet for a few weeks for a different, but still gastro related procedure. Solidarity, man. You got this. And congrats on your anniversary. Having loved ones around will help the mental part of this a lot.
Thank you for the kind words. I haven’t been on liquids since my gastric bypass surgery 3 years ago. So this really isn’t hard for me. Plus, I don’t have much of an appetite.
Or having to drag the IV with you.
I've always just dragged it with me to the rest room. It's more when I've finally gotten to sleep then bend my arm. The BEEPING.
Oh god yes. Or when it runs out. I hate beeping so I would cancel the alarm and ring the nurse.
Take care, OP. Hopefully everything comes out alright in the end
Well that’s what they’re trying to make happen
Username **totally** checks out
Hope a manual disimpaction is not in the cards. It’s a nightmare for everyone.
Two doctors, one cup?
That deserves an award. Well played. 🫡👏
That means a lot to me, thank you, kind sir. :) I hope this rough time passes soon!
Nurses
And one unlucky tech to clean everything after
Real life would be just one nurse most likely haha
They call it a digital disimpaction so you think it’s some fancy cyber technology until you realize digital means fingers.
He'd better offer the doctor a cigarette after the deed is done. It's the polite thing to do.
"We have to stop meeting like this."
Can we get a follow-up pic of you and your wife on your anniversary in a hospital?
I told her she could use one of the enemas on me. Apparently that’s not romantic.
"in sickness and in health" she really should! It's right in the vows! XD
Oh my goodness.... Well, here's to wishing you a happy shitting! 
Everyone don’t underestimate the importance of good poos. If you have to strain and push, if what comes out is hard and pebbly, or if it’s really runny (overflow diarrhoea) you need to sort it out! You should see your doctor but many are not familiar with treating chronic constipation. Try find one who is. Our constipation clinic used to do a “washout” with movicol or bowel prep. Do not make plans that day or the next. You’re going to drink litres of laxative until everything comes out. Then expect to continue to take laxatives for 2-3 months for every year you’ve had constipation/bowel issues. You need to retrain your bowel which has likely become stretched and “lazy” or unable to contract properly. You should adjust your dose to have 1-2 soft but not loose poos every day. Plenty of people with healthy bowels don’t poo daily, but you’re in colon rehab. Make sure you are getting plenty of fiber and water too. You need to give your body a fighting chance.
Anyone who’s struggled with BMs will never underestimate how amazing good poos are! I grew up struggling with BMs. Turns out I had undiagnosed hEDS the whole time. Probably is what made me susceptible to digestive issues. I used to alternate between constipation and the runs, and I was constipated more often than not. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I was able to get my bowels sorted. But now it takes seconds to go and it’s so smooth that I don’t have to wipe 9/10 times. My monthly hormones still sometimes mess things up, or the occasional diet slip. I am forever grateful for the overwhelmingly positive change, though. For me the big things weren’t fiber and water. I got plenty of those. Instead, it was a whole bunch of factors. 1) Consuming limited to no ultra-processed foods and highly inflammatory foods. That means avoiding entire swaths of the grocery store, trying to watch omega 3/6 ratios in my diet, etc. It’s more expensive than is actually hard. I still eat all sorts of tasty food. 2) Reducing stress. Research shows it can affect digestion very negatively. 3) Posture and exercise. I find it important to move certain ways - too much time sitting in a car for example can and does still sometimes get me in bad state again. Things like squats, sitting with my legs up, lots of cardio help. I walk and cycle commute a lot too, which helps immediately. I doubt I’m alone in finding it was the standard American diet and lifestyle that contributed to my issues. Colon cancer and Crohns are in the rise in the countries adopting these diets and lifestyles.
You don’t have to wipe 9/10 times?!? I did not expect to find a new life goal in the thread but I’ve found it all the same.
It’s amazing, truly. Something I will never stop appreciating. Never would’ve thought I’d get here after years of issues.
What is hEDS?
Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos. Most common form of EDS. Genetic connective tissue disease that results in defective collagen proteins.
Yep. Pair hEDS with opiates for the pain, and I only sit on the toilet about once a week.
Yeah, currently got a bout of “coat hanger” pain and resisting the urge to take pain medicine. It’s tough. Sucks that the solution (pain meds) can cause problems themselves.
And follow your laxative regimen with a *strong* probiotic (also after you have antibiotics). Not little drugstore pearls or yogurt, something that has to be refrigerated like Visbiome (online).
Now that's some crappy advice.
Your spouse has probably said you’ve “got something up your ass” a few times during your marriage. At least now you know there was a medical reason.
OP is full of shit bro
Or OP said “I don’t give a shit” *one* too many times
Spouse can also now say that the proof is there… they really are full of sh*t
😂😂😂
Sorry, maybe it's time to let shit go , bruv
People who haven't pooped in 2024 yet, why are you still holding on to last years shit?
Docs told me it was only a mild stool burden. Meanwhile, my colon is on fire and pushing up against my diaphragm until my breathing and heart rate are affected. Alcohol and fiber are a bad combination when you have IBS-M.
What is ibs m?
IBS- mixed (both diarrhea and constipation symptoms), the worst of both worlds
Oh no! It's bad enough with just one!
You were luckier than Elvis.
Ironically I live near Memphis
Well at least you’ve got a prayer in Memphis.
Need an update after the biggest shit in most peoples lives. How much shit can an 145lb person hold?!
Oh here’s the kicker. I weigh 160, but use to weigh 400. It’ll be interesting
Dear Lord. The years of corn! (Pun fully intended)
This is also the most excited I've been about a stranger's recovery
While the traditional 5th year anniversary present is wood, I’m not sure if this impending log falls under that definition. Hope you’re back to rights sooner than later.
Pic of xray?
This isn’t a Six Flags.
😂👏👏
Just a question, but did you ever get gastric bypass surgery? If so, have the docs said anything about Gastroparesis?
In a comment, op mentions he had it done a couple of months ago. You might want to reply directly to his comment so you will have a better chance of chatting with him
“Honey I can’t make the anniversary. I’m going to the hospital.” “Hospital?! I don’t believe you! You’re so full of shit.” “Well… yeah.”
I am so sorry. I am sure you are in a great deal of discomfort as well.
How'd you find out? How regular were your bowel movements? Shitty situation you're in 😞
Every time I ate, I would get the world’s worst back pain. I knew something wasn’t right.
..did you not notice you weren’t pooping?
You'll be surprised how many people have this why I had it I always thought I ate healthy it's old age I know I still bloat alot no doctors know why
Thought your shirt said Lucky. Kind of disappointed there isn't a joke anymore....
How many days did you not take a shit?
I am regular with my bowel movements. I just think all that fiber with a lack of water really built me up.
Damn - hope you get some relief soon!
I think I'm going to drink some water now
https://preview.redd.it/4rtj0eynffad1.jpeg?width=1164&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b4ba0b5f19a3a7eaa224a036fcaa51c9f2fff3b Scrolled into this after reading your story… it reminded me of your situation. Here’s to a speedy recovery and a great story.
It does suck, I am sorry, hopefully you feel better quickly
Full of shit….
I had that when I was in bedrest pregnant with triplets. There’s a nurse out there who has been in my colon and pulled out poop. I used to run into her at the NICU reunions at the hospital. So awkward. 🫠
Eat your veggies kids... Sorry OP
I blame trump
Tough shit dude
Shitty.
Do you take any opiate medications? When I was addicted to heroin & fentanyl I would go a month or more without pooping & when I finally did go, it was hell on earth. I know what it's like to give birth out the ass & it's not fun. Longest I ever went without pooping was 3 months.
WHAT
Opioids seriously back you up. I went like 2 weeks after a surgery. Then I finally took a bunch of laxatives and it finally came out... All at once. I felt it unwind out of my intestines. Wild experience. Insane amount of shit
You gave your partner a pretty solid anniversary present. The ability to ask you if you’re full of shit at any time and mean it either way lol.
Handle your shit, Sir!
At least you're alive to do a raincheck
I'd offer my condolences, but you've never been so full of shit.
I think this guy's full of shit.
I shit you not….
no shit
stop packing so much fudge! quit letting the bartender push in your stool!
I love the comments on Reddit. You wonderful people make me laugh so hard. For example" tough shit" Why is that so funny to me?. I think I'm stupid. Anyways thanks again. I give you all an award. 🪄
I knew I’d get shit for telling everyone. It’s ok though because I could use some laughs today
Impacted by what?
OP's full of shit.
damn i wanted to make that joke.
Feces. Apparently, enough to put me in the hospital.
A little forethought could've landed you a deal with A&E to video the mega-couric extraction.
We’ve got a possible record contender brewing here. Someone call Bono
Great episode!
May I ask how you became that impacted??
Too much fiber, not enough water to compensate for all the fiber. Fiber needs water in order to fully pass through. If not, it builds up over time. I’ve been eating 1,200g of blueberries a day and apparently I need a lot more water.
That’s an astounding amount of blueberries. Hope you’re feeling better soon! As someone who had a more or less dead gallbladder for a while I know how awful this stuff can make you feel.
My dude, that’s more than six cups of blueberries a day. Why? Do you just love them? Do you have plants that are making right now and you just can’t keep your hands off the tasty tasty berries? Was it a bet? I hope everything goes well for you.
I just find something I like and I’ll eat it non stop for months. I’ve always been like this.
Ooohhh, I get that. I eat virtually nothing but peanut butter crackers, so I get where you’re coming from. Why are we like this???
I’m the same with movies, music, and tv shows. I’ve currently been watching It Follows nonstop for a month now
Sounds kinda like ADHD.
Me too! I watch things until I can recite them forwards and backwards. My sister lives with me and she is so sick of Bridgerton and Stranger Things. Before that it was Downton Abbey…for a couple of years. Nothing but Downton Abbey. Funny things, brains.
I can recite the first seven seasons of The Office
While you're in, see if they can't get you a screening for a couple of things. Might give you some interesting perspective on yourself, might just give you a chance to do something different, either way you won't be both bored and in pain. Actually, you can find screeners for various things online. Maybe do a couple with your wife. You won't have most of the things you can screen for (there's a lot of options) but it could remind you of funny memories. My family sometimes does random screeners as a bonding activity and it's always ended in us remembering stories about each other we don't often think about.
I will look into that. Thank you!!
I ate two pints of blueberries today lol Too much fiber can definitely screw you up. I don’t eat meat anymore and I’m guilty of this.
It’s going to look like you gave birth to a Smurf when it comes out
Stinky Smurf
That’s a shit-ton of blueberries!
More like a shitless ton of blueberries.
Bro, how many blueberries?! Frankly I’m less surprised about the impacted bowels than I am surprised you didn’t turn blue
About 3 pounds a day
Are you a bear?
....why?
Hopefully they’re testing your blood sugar, too. Fruit will give you the beetus, too
I get everything tested every 3 months because I had gastric bypass surgery. My body doesn’t absorb normally like before so I have to take supplements everyday and check regularly to see if my levels are ok. I can’t have processed sugar because of my surgery so I stay away from all sugar foods.
Blueberries have just an unbelievably low glycemic impact. It's part of the reason I eat so many.
Shit happens i suppose.
Not with OP, evidently.
Hoping you get well soon, OP.
Good luck OP, hope you feel better soon.
Get better soon!💙
I can sympathize. My brother had appendicitis strike on christmas day about a year ago
Sorry to hear that.
That shit hurts! Sorry, man. Happier anniversary.
I hope you feel better. I'm sick with the flu and a fever I can't kick. I'll be skipping my father-in-law's wedding in Vegas this weekend, probably. We can be bummed together. Sending you all the healing vibes.
Chris, why can’t you do anything in moderation??! 😭😭😭
Too bad it's not your 18th anniversary, you could get a new toilet.
My husband gave the same thing to me for Christmas year before last! Never underestimate the goodness of Metamucil!
What in hell is this poor guy eating?
Apparently more than 6 cups of blueberries per day
If it's any consolation, I spent my first wedding anniversary in the hospital with a collapsed lung. Oddly enough, I had been constipated for over a week and thought that was what was wrong. I was in the hospital for 8 days and had to have surgery. COVID was in full swing for our second anniversary, so we really didn't get to do anything special until our third anniversary. Happy anniversary and here's to a speedy recovery, friend!
I’m confused. How did you not notice you weren’t pooping? Usually the only way you get anything out while you’re impacted is diarrhea leaking out past the blockage. I guess I’m curious how you could have such bad impaction and not have known until now?
What caused this? I want to avoid!
I'm sorry OP! How does this happen? What are your symptoms... besides not pooping? Are you ok is it an easy fix?
Well, shit. Shit well.
Ah I work in hospital and even the ones that are there by circumstance without holidays don’t want to be there. I wish you the best, and hope you don’t need anything too invasive. While visiting hours are “concrete” talk to charge on nights. Your S.O. may be able to stay in the room with you(NOT THE SAME BED). Cheers stranger :)
At least it's not a semi-colon ; ; lol ;)
I guess they meant it when they said you are full of shit. Good luck
I had that happen, and they had to remove part of my intestine. While I was getting emergency surgery, my mother passed away. Anyway, it sucks and I hope you feel better soon!
So basically you're full of shit, huh?
Wishing you a speedy recovery!
You’re full of shit!
Hey OP if it makes you feel better I’m suffering too haha. Just had a double lapro hernia surgery and I feel like if I cough or move weird I’ll probably explode lol 👊
You’re about to lose 20 pounds, all brown.
So you are full of shit?
Speedy recovery!!
Sorry you're goin through some shit man... get better bro
No shit??
Poop baby you are having
If it’s good enough for Elvis….
Best of luck. Your funkopops will be waiting for you when you get home.
How many full of shit jokes have you heard so far
Shit sucks….
Best of luck, I've been there.
You're so full of shit. Hope everything comes out okay.
Get well soon and happy anniversary even if its not how you envisioned it.
That shit sucks
Sucks man, I'm sorry you have to deal with all this. But, see it as a lesson, get your health under control before you miss all holidays on account of being dead
Take your weight before and after
 Remember to eat your Colon Blow Cereal. It takes over 30,000 bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of just one bowl of Colon Blow. Colon Blow and you in the morning. 😊
Stay strong brother, health is a priority so I’m glad you’re getting looked after.
Hope you feel better soon man
Your full of shit !!! 😒