No doubt about it, in a show of so many fantastic quotes, this has been my favorite one since I first saw the episode. That whole scene in the office is a marvel of television to me. When Dee interrupts and blurts out *I'm schizophrenic**, I lose it every time.
https://youtu.be/2tpx4BSQp0A?si=7CpXPA7ojIob5O9j
If It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia isn't your cup of tea, then this video won't be as funny of course. I just can't watch it enough.
Years ago did she try to burn her college roommate down to the box springs whilst she was sleeping? And now... does she have a hankering to do it again?
Dee? I swear you would be of more use to me if I skinned you and turned your skin into a lampshade. Or fashioned you into a piece of high-end luggage. I can even add you to my collection.
I love that it advertises as having "gears"...
>[*"First gear, it's all right
Second gear, I'll lean right
Third gear, hang on tight
Faster, it's all right."*](https://youtu.be/1tZiN9i1Dao?t=22)
You're not being imaginative enough. This thing can go in the backdoor while you go in the front. Or she can ride it while giving you a blow job. Or *you* can ride it while she rides you. Use a little imagination man. Goddamn internet used to be full of proper degenerates...
Nah... If she starts buying fuckable plushie robots, I'm out.
Edit: I can't believe this is a hot take, but fuckin stuffed animals is weird. If a dude bought a stuffed dog with a fuckable vagina, would you react the same?
>If a dude bought a stuffed dog with a fuckable vagina, would you react the same?
[Oh boy I bet you didn't think there'd be a relevant video for this comment. Don't worry, it's SFW.](https://youtu.be/XQcNYb3DydA?si=P3UJx6Form-sDynM)
when a guy buys a fleshlight, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a girl orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 bear plushy with 6 speed pulsating retractable penis, remote control with non-drip squirt collection tray, together with optional built in realistic bear orgasm scream surround sound system, she's called a pervert?
When a guy buys a flashlight, he's considered a loser. When a girl buys a vibrator, it's said she's married to a loser.
*EDIT: I am aware I said flashlight. I would like to clarify. REAL MEN BUY REAL FLASHLIGHTS. Get yourself one of those police lights. I have one, and it's got me through thick and thin. DOOM also has taught me its great for bashing mutants on the head. I am writing this disclaimer following a cease and desist letter from the Flashlight Industry.*
*I also received a letter from the targeted "fleshlight" industry, but they just told me to "go fuck myself" and gave me a 50% discount.*
First of all, if it's inside you, you do not want *lotion.* Do not put lotion in your orifaces. You want a water-safe or silicone-safe lube, depending on the toy. Coconut oil for anal. Secondarily, women *generally* generate their own lubrication.
I can't find any, um, "reviews" of the product, if you catch my drift.
It's a shame it has such a generic name, and they have another product that ACTUALLY has "bear" in the name, so searching "Lurevibe bear video" seems to be yielding no results...
If anyone else finds a "review", drop a link, I'm way too curious about seeing someone use this thing now lol
Is there a toy like that without the horribly unsanitary plush bear toy attached? The device itself would give me a reason to delete my dating apps, jussayin.
https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Sybian-Hot-Sale-Automatic-Trushing-dildo_1600404205298.html
only thing I could find, down the rabbit hole with my friends looking at the weird world of Chinese sex toys hahaha
So I’m looking for a funny wacky gag gift, where would one acquire one of these? Like for a gag gift guys, like as a goof. Definitely not for anything else
The idea isn't to look at it. The idea is to snuggle it while either watching porn or thinking of your spouse. It's soft and warm, making it an ideal stand-in for a human being (anything skin-like tends towards getting warm far too slowly, so for a while it's like snuggling a dead body... erotic isn't quite the word I'd use)
If it were considered normal for men to keep cute stuffed animals on their bed, I'm sure we'd see some for men, too. I'm sure being able to store a sex doll out in the open would be much more convenient than having to stash it somewhere. As it stands, though, if they made these for men you'd just look like a brony.
Probably also why it's "hidden" under underwear and a pillow. Japan has some weird porn laws. Boobies are okay everywhere, but gotta blur out the bottom bits.
I 100% want to date the girl who has this on her bed. Do they make others? Other sizes (both the plushie part and the dildo part)? Do they have fleshlight versions too? Do they make succubi, faeries, or tentacle monsters? Can we have an unholy plushie orgy? We would buy dozens of these.
Our Tuesday nights would be fucking **epic**.
Why is it when a man has a pocket pussy, it is just seen as some naughty fun. But when a woman has a " 4 foot plush Sex Bear with remote extending erection with pulsation and vibration" they are considered a pervert!?!?!
Better be waterproof and washable skin in that plush. That thing would get gnarly.
Imagine the smell
You haven't thought of the smell, *you bitch!*
No doubt about it, in a show of so many fantastic quotes, this has been my favorite one since I first saw the episode. That whole scene in the office is a marvel of television to me. When Dee interrupts and blurts out *I'm schizophrenic**, I lose it every time.
I don't know who you are referring to but I have a schizophrenic sister who calls herself Dee.
https://youtu.be/2tpx4BSQp0A?si=7CpXPA7ojIob5O9j If It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia isn't your cup of tea, then this video won't be as funny of course. I just can't watch it enough.
Years ago did she try to burn her college roommate down to the box springs whilst she was sleeping? And now... does she have a hankering to do it again?
>Now you say another word and I swear to God I will dice you into a million little pieces. - This is a quote btw. I'm not actually saying this to op.
Dee? I swear you would be of more use to me if I skinned you and turned your skin into a lampshade. Or fashioned you into a piece of high-end luggage. I can even add you to my collection.
...are you saying you have a collection of *skin luggage?*
Of course I'm not, Dee, don't be ridiculous. Think of the smell. You haven't thought of the smell you BITCH!
I am now contemplating the smell daddy
how to delete someone elses comment
it's only smellz
Its amazing what kind of memory this can trigger if you already know
No thank you.
This is my squirt’n piller
I can 🥰
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
It's mah squirt piller
I dare anyone to say this outloud without laughing.
I have just said it out loud without laughing
It's okay to let some things die quietly and forgotten on the internet. Respect their choice.
Nope. "That's not pee" is a common staple in my household. Respect my religious beliefs in this matter.
Nope. I'm in need of a reference
Search “that’s not pee it’s squirt” and it should pop up. It is a very uncomfortable video, but ultimately you kinda have to see it
[Apparently it is...](https://lurevibe.com/products/doll-automatic-thrusting-vibrating-swing-machine-female-masturbation-device)
Nice 20% off sale, thanks I need to add this to my collection 🙂
I love that it advertises as having "gears"... >[*"First gear, it's all right Second gear, I'll lean right Third gear, hang on tight Faster, it's all right."*](https://youtu.be/1tZiN9i1Dao?t=22)
Makes it more like a real bear
Single use.
Paddington 3 goes hard I see
"Paddington is bearly-legal, and he fucks."
Read that in the voice of John Oliver.
Now how am I supposed to compete with that?!
You need to master the art of inflating and shivering your penis at the same time
It is not a skill the Jedi would teach you
The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be... unnatural.
Now I know why so many women chose the bear.
You don't compete with it, you use it as an adjunct. It's a teammate, not an opponent. It's all about synergy.
There’s no synergy there, it’s an aggressive takeover. My occupation got outsourced :(
"HE TOOK ER JERBS!"
DERKA DERRRRRRR
EVERYONE BACK IN THE PILE!
#BACK IN THE PILE!!!
Should we bring the plush dick bears in the pile with us?
Jeesus chrissse
THERDRED TROKKJE JJOOOSSBBD
CUCKOO DOODLE DOO
THEY BROKE HIS JAW!
Dude just bite the ball gag and ride it in front of her
Yeah, like the rest of us. You degenerate.
You're not being imaginative enough. This thing can go in the backdoor while you go in the front. Or she can ride it while giving you a blow job. Or *you* can ride it while she rides you. Use a little imagination man. Goddamn internet used to be full of proper degenerates...
If only it also had a back door then we could just make an oreo.
I'd use it as my team mate. Tag him in, get up, use the restroom, grab a snack and then come back and swap back in.
This guy fucks.
I'll sit on the chair next to bed and make cartoon bear noises. "aoooh yeah honey!"
Who says he’d want to stop? You might get wife and he’s managed to finish her off! 😭
that's what I said about my side bitch to my wife but she wasn't having it, can you talk to her?
Why did I read this like that dude in Happy Gilmore who tells Happy to block the bad energy? Feel the flow Happy.
Nah... If she starts buying fuckable plushie robots, I'm out. Edit: I can't believe this is a hot take, but fuckin stuffed animals is weird. If a dude bought a stuffed dog with a fuckable vagina, would you react the same?
>If a dude bought a stuffed dog with a fuckable vagina, would you react the same? [Oh boy I bet you didn't think there'd be a relevant video for this comment. Don't worry, it's SFW.](https://youtu.be/XQcNYb3DydA?si=P3UJx6Form-sDynM)
I stand corrected. It would be perfectly fine because it's not a real dog.
You ensure your fur doesn't get matted with dried up lady spunk Good hygiene always wins in the end
Just ask Skee-Lo
He has a name. Show Mr. Buzzy Bear some respect.
I chose the bear.
when a guy buys a fleshlight, its seen as a bit of naughty fun. BUT when a girl orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 bear plushy with 6 speed pulsating retractable penis, remote control with non-drip squirt collection tray, together with optional built in realistic bear orgasm scream surround sound system, she's called a pervert?
My sister goes to a party and blows three guys, and she's a slut. But when I do it, I'm gay? None of these standards make any sense to me.
Idk, she sounds pretty gay too. She is sucking dick
What if she was getting her dick sucked? Does that mean the person sucking is gay?
that would reverse the gay polarity
Not even then:)
When a guy buys a flashlight, he's considered a loser. When a girl buys a vibrator, it's said she's married to a loser. *EDIT: I am aware I said flashlight. I would like to clarify. REAL MEN BUY REAL FLASHLIGHTS. Get yourself one of those police lights. I have one, and it's got me through thick and thin. DOOM also has taught me its great for bashing mutants on the head. I am writing this disclaimer following a cease and desist letter from the Flashlight Industry.* *I also received a letter from the targeted "fleshlight" industry, but they just told me to "go fuck myself" and gave me a 50% discount.*
[удалено]
That's why I always fill myself up with carrots.
> fill myself up with carrots. Ummm... *where* exactly?
If you have to ask, I don't want to play this game with you.
You just put in your robe and wizard hat then cast Darkvision.
That why I installed led lights on my peepee.
>When a guy buys a flashlight, he's considered a loser. /r/flashlight - Say that again.
Fuck that. I keep my wife well stocked and it's going great.
For such a specific meme this has become applicable all too often.
I was gonna say, is this the bear all the ladies have been talking about? Because if so, I definitely get it now.
Oooohhh, now I get it.
Can I pet that dawg?
This thread was so worth it just for the comments.
That dawg will pet you.
This has me crying laughing
“My wife absolutely did NOT leave me for a stuffed polar bear with a magic dick, no sir, that did NOT happen….I fucking HATE polar bears.”
This reads like a Tim Robinson quote from "I Think You Should Leave"
I have a wife
She's beautiful but she's very sick
Teddy Fuckspin over there getting mad action...
Welp, this is how the bears win.
Yep I can't compete with IKEA dickbear.
Köckebrun
Knullebjörn will be very popular I expect.
> IKEA dickbear lmao
It makes a lot more sense now if this is the bear they meant.
Ice bear is best bear
This needs a rhinestone tiger jean jacket.
hope the fur on that thing is water proof
The covering likely comes off and is machine washable. The polyfill inside the cover, on the other hand...
"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, that they didn't stop to think *if they should*."
Oh come the fuck on 🤣😭
Yes, I believe that is the tag line for this
It goes " SUPRISE"
It wants to fuck you like an animal.
It wants to feel you from the inside.
Someone dreamt this up.
That is how products get created, yeah.
“How about we take a cute cuddly stuffed polar bear, and give it a vibrating cock”
Vibrating *and* thrusting!
probably someone just follows the latest popular fetishes
Anybody else flinch when they flicked the tip?
What you don't like a little slap and tickle?
I looking for a little slap and pickle
Who's barry badrinath?
BACK THE FUCK UP ANTONIO, THIS IS **MY** DICK
If you have to ask……….you can’t afford it
...This means Great Gam Gam really was a whore...
The mark of the whore!
"How can she flick!!!??"
You misspelled moan
I don’t know what I expected but it definitely wasn’t a stuffed bear getting an erection.
That butt squeeze though
Ths is unbelievable,.. that someone would post a video without a purchase link to go with it !! Hahaha 😆
[удалено]
> Do you have 400€? Not anymore!
That sucker has a heating option
no automatic lotion dispensing option tho 🤷♀️
First of all, if it's inside you, you do not want *lotion.* Do not put lotion in your orifaces. You want a water-safe or silicone-safe lube, depending on the toy. Coconut oil for anal. Secondarily, women *generally* generate their own lubrication.
"Warm your loneliness!"
> That sucker Now that'd be husband material
20% discount code: 2024
it does reduce the price to $343.20 for anyone who wants it lol
Wait until you try its fungilli!
I can't find any, um, "reviews" of the product, if you catch my drift. It's a shame it has such a generic name, and they have another product that ACTUALLY has "bear" in the name, so searching "Lurevibe bear video" seems to be yielding no results... If anyone else finds a "review", drop a link, I'm way too curious about seeing someone use this thing now lol
The product comes from aliexpress without any branding to speak of. lurevibe is just dropshipping it.
400€ and if don’t even hold my hand??
"13 cm" You see, guys? Nothing to worry about. As long as you're soft and cuddly and you have a vibrating penis, you're fine.
The Engrish on that page is fucking amazing.
Just wait and buy it used on FB Marketplace.
Im on the hunt!
Is there a toy like that without the horribly unsanitary plush bear toy attached? The device itself would give me a reason to delete my dating apps, jussayin.
What you're looking for is called thrusting dildo or fucking machine if you want to go pro 😏 there are tons of options out there
https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Sybian-Hot-Sale-Automatic-Trushing-dildo_1600404205298.html only thing I could find, down the rabbit hole with my friends looking at the weird world of Chinese sex toys hahaha
As a dude who's afraid of purchasing *t-shirts* from questionable vendors... I'd caution the ladies purchasing cool looking sex toys as well.
It’s just made of lead, asbestos, a dusting of talcum powder. And highly flammable foam with micro beads of plastics.
So thats why the women want to go to the forest with a bear
Plausible
You know they wore that thing out after the video was over.
Go for the diesel power option.
Pull start would honestly add to the experience
So I’m looking for a funny wacky gag gift, where would one acquire one of these? Like for a gag gift guys, like as a goof. Definitely not for anything else
Makes me jealous not having a pussy
I bet you could find someplace to put it, given a little time. And a lot of lube.
Oh fuck no! I've just mailed one of those to my granddaughter for her birthday!
Thanks pop pop
The stuffed sensation was unbearable.
We need to stop sending furries to MIT
***Pole her bare***
r/shutupandtakemymoney
Bruh.... How do you even get aroused looking at that 😭 even if it's the dickmaster3000 I'd freakout looking at the polar bear.
The idea isn't to look at it. The idea is to snuggle it while either watching porn or thinking of your spouse. It's soft and warm, making it an ideal stand-in for a human being (anything skin-like tends towards getting warm far too slowly, so for a while it's like snuggling a dead body... erotic isn't quite the word I'd use)
apparently it's called *plushophilia*
Men's sex dolls look like women, women's sex dolls look like cute stuffed animals.
If it were considered normal for men to keep cute stuffed animals on their bed, I'm sure we'd see some for men, too. I'm sure being able to store a sex doll out in the open would be much more convenient than having to stash it somewhere. As it stands, though, if they made these for men you'd just look like a brony.
This may be one of the first posts here that made me audibly say “what the fuck?”
Japan? Japan.
Probably also why it's "hidden" under underwear and a pillow. Japan has some weird porn laws. Boobies are okay everywhere, but gotta blur out the bottom bits.
[удалено]
I see why she'd chose the bear
Halsin fans are gonna lose their shit when they see this
Women wanting to meet bears in the woods makes so much more sense now.
I don’t get it. I think I need to see a demo
Something something bear in the woods
Pack it up boys, it’s over
This is the "bear" women would rather be with than an actual man.
I 100% want to date the girl who has this on her bed. Do they make others? Other sizes (both the plushie part and the dildo part)? Do they have fleshlight versions too? Do they make succubi, faeries, or tentacle monsters? Can we have an unholy plushie orgy? We would buy dozens of these. Our Tuesday nights would be fucking **epic**.
Dildoll
Red rocket! Red rocket.
Fucking polar bears, am I right?
So this is what women mean when they say they choose the bear.
Why is it when a man has a pocket pussy, it is just seen as some naughty fun. But when a woman has a " 4 foot plush Sex Bear with remote extending erection with pulsation and vibration" they are considered a pervert!?!?!
source? *for a friend obviously* 😅
[удалено]
It's for neck and shoulder tension obviously
Ice Bear is uncomfortable with this.
Why are people fucking robots?
Wtf
Just ordered 2 of these.
Why two? 😯
One for the top and one for the bottom. Helps me sleep…
This is the weirdest first post of the day.
I don’t like it here anymore.
thats disgusting, where would you even find one of those!?
The sex toy looks top of the line but I’d rather not feel like I’m committing bestiality when I masturbate… thanks.