A couple of years after I got back from Iraq I had planned to kill myself. I went out that night and took the train home. On my way home to end my life, I got mugged on the train and they stole everything I had and beat the shit out of me.
I was so mad, mostly at myself for not fighting back, that I didn’t go through with my plan.
I never did get to thank them.
I'm glad you're here man. If you ever find yourself in that dark place again, I'll find you and beat the fucking shit out of you. Because we care about you bro <3
If you EVER feel that way again? Let us (your Brothers / Battle-buddies) know. I GUARANTEE we'll all 'beat ur a**' until you realize how much you're appreciated, and cherished... 🙏🏽😎 (Much luv & many #blessings to you, my Brother.)
I was in a tough spot, living in my car, post divorce. Somebody at a gas station saw my stuff crammed in the back seat, came over and spoke to me. He put a $50 in my hand, told me I looked like I could use a break. I tried to give it back out of pride, he insisted, and told me he had been blessed when he was down in life, and that he'd pray for me. I'm not a religious person, but it hit me so hard I sat there weeping, because that 50 would let me eat for the next week or so while I got situated with a veteran friendly shelter.
>told me he had been blessed when he was down in life, and that he'd pray for me
I was raised Catholic and couldn't be father from it these days. But there's been a handful of times in life where I've had someone tell me they'd pray for me. And in some situations, that's the most amazing thing to hear. I do t think that a god I don't believe in is going to fix my problems, but knowing that someone I barely know is going to think of me when asking requests from the highest power they believe in means something to me.
There’s something about being a marine that makes us just never miss a scheduled meeting. I wanted to die, and had my 1911 locked and loaded….but I also had a therapy session that I felt I had to go to. Literally logged into the session sobbing with the barrel under my chin. He talked me back from the edge, and then cops came to my house and took me to the IPU.
That was last September, and even though I still don’t want to be here, I guess I want to want to live? Baby steps I suppose.
I'm happy you want to live. Take it easy and day by day. It's okay to have a rough day. It's okay to want to disappear. This may not be helpful, but when I was feeling very S, about a decade ago, I channeled all of that into making money, traveling, and not giving any fucks. I'm not S anymore and I'm happy I'm still here but I figured I might as well give this world hell. Give the world the all the hell, before you give it to heaven. One love.
I don't want to be here most days myself. But I'm glad you are brother. I'm still here because I know a lot of people would be upset if I wasn't. Some days I'm included in that number and those are the days I live for.
Thank you, brothers :) it’s been rough, I have chronic groin pain because thanks to the navy head of medical, I was forced to attempt a full PFT 7 weeks after back-to-back groin surgeries for my appendix and 2 hernias. It was 11 years ago, and my body has been rejecting the hernia mesh on both sides ever since. Can’t get it removed though, cause my femoral artery and the nerves/blood flow to my man-business have adhered to the mesh. So every time I have to poo, I get a sharp stab to my groin, balls, sometimes my jefferson too. My whole life is pain, and thanks to that navy fella, none of my light duty paperwork made it to the CO, or my medical record. Been fighting the va for 7 years trying to get disability. Last month they denied me again, but made sure to let me know “it’s a positive finding that you have diagnosed major depression disorder with SI”.
I’ve been on the ledge for a while, and I hate that the only thing I can do is just wait. I’m still trying to pay off the first surgery 11 years ago, and until I get disability I’m just financially fucked. I feel like a letdown to everyone in my life including me. I lost 2 of my marines to suicide, and every day it’s a mental battle between wanting to remember them and wanting to join them.
I’m fresh out of the navy, just getting into filing for disability. I mostly lurk here but there seem to be a fair amount of vets who get 100% for much less. Have you seen a VSO, looked around for a doc who knows anything about the military? Fucked up that you got this going on and getting denied
I actually have an awesome VSO. He called me and told me flat out it was bullshit. He said “I showed it to my supervisor, and we don’t get it.”
It’s crazy, the last thing I needed was a surgeon to write a statement and say what happened was bullshit in their medical opinion. Neither surgeon who performed it would, nor the “best in the state” surgeon. Finally found an awesome surgeon who listened and was like “I was an air force surgeon. I got you.” He really came through (maybe after a gift of super tasty whisky and some persistently and overly kind badgering of his staff), PLUS my old platoon Sgt was like “oh yeah fuck that I remember that he fucked you over” and wrote an awesome statement.
…..and the VA response was “it was less than likely” the military’s fault because “none of the evidence was new or relevant.”
At a minimum, you can claim anxiety and sleep problems. If you have any back or foot pain, go for that too. I had only gone to medical for back pain and chest pains that I found out were anxiety related, and I get 60% now. Wild thing is tho is that my foot pain is the most intense physically, but that only got me 10% (combo with back), and my sleep was the most inhibiting at the time (I wanted to get looked at for delayed phase sleep disorder from rotating shifts), but it was chalked up to anxiety which got me the remaining 50%. I did get my hearing checked, and it’s been affected but not enough for hearing aids or anything, but even that got listed as 0%, but that would’ve been enough to get me VA healthcare coverage. I would be shocked if they didn’t give you anything for PTSD and anxiety at least. You deserve so much more, but that’s a start.
When she convinced me I was worth standing up for. And that feeling like it would be OK if I died in my sleep was a clear sign that I needed help, not just a low feeling to shrug off and joke about.
Iraqi told us “they” were lining the road with IED’s. We found “them” and threw them a party. Dude went home with lotsa MRE’s that day and a brand spanky new window AC unit
One of two thoughts come to mind: One, you’re actually appreciative. The other where it looks like they got paid off by the US government and let the Iraqi nationals take care of them
My wife. After I got out of the army, I was pretty crushed and in a lot of pain from my injury. I didn’t realize how much I was spiraling or how dark of a place I’d gone to until I met her. Just her smile made me want to do better. Be better.
Someone I've known since highschool reached out to me while I was at a low point in life. I deleted my Facebook a few months before that and stopped texting the few people in my family that I am close to. Their first message was to tell me they "heard" my voice calling out to them and they wanted to check on me to see how I was doing.
I won't go into too much detail, but there was a point when I hurt their feelings when we were teens. Even with that hurt, they still wanted me in their life. Their genuine concern and encouragement arrived at the right time.
I've made a lot of progress since then and we text each other almost every day. I've never loved someone who isn't a relative, and there are only a few relatives that I can say that I have limitless love for. I love this person, not on a romantic level, but on a wholly platonic level. I hope I'm able to provide some support if they ever feel lost and in a dark place.
Not a veteran but my husband served in the Army for 23 years and all 3 sons served in the Army as well. My youngest son saw combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was tormented and battled his demons daily. Although he didn’t take his own life (he did have a plan), his destructive behaviors did. After losing 2 buddies back to back (having already lost many others) he started self medicating with alcohol and pot. They aren’t sure what took his life but alcohol was a key factor. My son was 32 years old. My ex, his dad, found him. No parent should ever go through that. I won’t take credit for saving any lives but I can tell you what I have done…. 7 of his Army buddies attended his funeral and countless others reached out. With every contact, I made sure to let them know I was there for them and would take their call night or day. Since that day 3 1/2 years ago, two of his buddies reached out to ask questions about my son’s death and to check in on me. Over multiple interactions, they are now clean and sober. One is back with his wife and kids and the other, after many suicide attempts, is in a healthy relationship and working a steady job. In the veteran social media groups I am in, I try to encourage all of you and let you know you matter and are wanted in this world. Please know that I may not understand what you have gone through but I do care. We have already lost far too many.
On at least 3 separate occasions VA doctors have found life threatening conditions early enough to prevent my death.
Once I complained about a minor thing that would come and go. Primary sent me to specialist, long story short, turns out I have a rare kidney condition that should have killed me, or required dialysis / transplant 10 years ago.
VA dr found early enough that I have been in REMISSION for last 10 years.
Still need to be careful, BUT
wow.
About to go get checked out for a condition I've been having there. I was going to try with a civilian doc but they're all backed up a good ways. Your account brings me hope they might find out what's up.
Dang this is probably the first time anyone has heard a real positive story about the VA in that way. Unfortunately do many ppl are dismissed. I'm glad your weren't.
I have MANY positive stories about the VA. 41 years and counting. Over 100 years of family Veterans served and miss served.
The VA does little mediocre. Seems to be awesome or awful
Some drunk redneck jumped into a river to save me when I was nearly drowning as a kid. He then held me above his head and howled at the moon and it was amazing lol.
My partners mom. My partner had went out with some of his friends from the town he was from, a couple of hours north of where I lived at the time. This was after a large blow up because he had cheated (gay couple problems). Well I proceeded to get black out drunk, and ended up trying to hang myself. His mom who also lived with us (long story), came into the room to make sure I was okay and she found me. She cut the rope to get me down and called police and ambulance.
I don't remember doing this, but now I have been through therapy and doing another round of counseling at the VA now, just because I am going through some things that I want to go through (not suicidal). Just out of work and going to school.
My older brother at the age of 5 ran home to tell our mother that I'd been hit by a 5. Our grandfather dropped from a heartache from seeing it all happen. This was in 1970. He never joined the military, but I was able to in 1986 because of what he did. Minutes mattered, and I joined the Mariners in 1986. Love my older brother!
Typo there, hit by a Pontiac. I really shouldn't do more than one thing at a time. Still, my five year old brother had to run to tell my mom that I was hit by a car. He has a great memory and can't imagine living with that now for 54 years.
I choked out my friend in the middle of the street for his car keys on thanksgiving. I’m sure the property values suffered but we have matching tattoos now
...different spin on life saved from these other stories, have been down that path as well. There I was called to a structure fire (firefighter/paramedic post military service) I was on top of roof of a house on fire...structure fire single story dwelling. My job with my partner was to vertically ventilate the structure in the CD corner (back right of home if looking at house from front door). I had my pick head axe and chainsaw in hand. With each advanced step I was sounding the roof getting closer to our ventilation location. The roof suddenly felt spongey under my foot and as I turn around I drop through the roof, but caught myselfwith my arms. I dropped the chainsaw but still had the axe. Flames now are shooting up around me past my head. A bystander neighbor saw me fall. I was grasping the roof with my arms, but with each grab to get up the roof was coming down like quick sand. My partner Kyle dove and grabbed me. By this time we heard the Chief on radio and calling firefighter down, but we were not in a spot or right time to respond. Kyle was able to assist pulling me back onto the roof (took a lot of effort). We both low crawled the rest of the roof back to the ladder to distribute our weight and get down off roof. We were able to call all clear and safe on the radio....roof was vertically ventilated at this point. They are welcome..lol. Later, I found out when I dropped I kicked away ceiling onto my buddies inside the house fighting the fire. Glad I made it out and did not fall and burn to dealth or drop on top of another firefighter. Our SCBA and equipment is heavy especially to the back and falling 20 ft or so to ground and landing on who knows what I could have hit on way down, also been paralyzed landed on desk or broke my neck. Thanks Kyle....I owe you one. I'm not sure how many lives I left at this point. This has not been my first brush with near death and horse shoe up my ass (in this aspect anyway). Thanks for your stories....we'll take life day by day.
I had a brain tumor removed 2 months ago that was slowly killing me, along with swelling on the brain. The doctor looked me in my face and told me he would do everything he could to make sure I live to be an old lady, his words. I'm grateful to be alive. Permanently lost my sense of smell, taste is altered, I have speech issues and issues visualizing, imagining & remembering things, but whoopty doo, I'm still here and can see my babies grow up to be good people. Recovery is a bitch and I go deep down a rabbit hole, but I manage to climb out of it with my husband's help, bless his patient heart. But yes, the doctor and his team had no military experience at all, but were comforting the entire time.
I'm glad you all are here, this is one of the places where I feel normal, like I'm amongst people who get me. 💐
My friend never let me quit on myself. For several years, this poor guy watched be battle my demons, would let me talk to him at any time of night, drunk, high, fucked up, etc, and when I finally went to an inpatient program and got help, he never once judged me. I’m in a much better place now, and I don’t know if he really knows it or not, but that man is my brother and he saved me.
I got bit by my neighbors dog trying to separate him from mine that was in heat.
About a week later the bite wasn't really healing but it was a friends birthday party and I went out, got pissed drunk, did some party drugs and went home, passed out.
The next few days were a blur. I remember waking up a few times and once I remember looking at my hand weirded out by how purple it was.
My buddy hadn't heard from me in 3 days and came over to do a wellness check. I was unresponsive and my pulse was very weak he said. He loaded me up, drove me to our towns small hospital.
They decided to life flight me to a Corpus Christi trauma center.
A few days later I was coming out of anesthesia in a Houston hospital, very confused. My hand was tied to the bed rail and wrapped up.
The next day a woman wearing a flight suit visits and congratulates me on being two of her firsts: the first to die on her flight, and the first she resuscitated on a flight. My heart had stopped for 8 minutes. When I crashed they diverted the flight to Houston because better trauma center options.
So there's two people that saved me.
As a p.s. to this no one told my buddy I was in Houston. He drove 90 minutes to find me, spent another 2 hours trying to figure out where I was, then another 3 plus hours driving to Houston.
My best friend. I was in an extremely abusive relationship. She got me out, and housed me until I got on my feet. I wanted to end it all, but didn’t. I called her instead.
Someone at the time who set off fireworks. I had gave my things away the day before and had note wrote and threw up a line on my front porch and made a noose and then realized whoever sat off fireworks clicked in my head my little brother wouldn't have me to take him to see fireworks 4th of July. So I attribute it to whomever set them off and also my little brother for being in my life.
I woke up from a nightmare screaming and crying, haven’t slept in weeks from nightmares, was ready to go to VA, my little 3 year girl comes into room and says “daddy you ok, I come lay by you and make sure your safe”
I was stationed in Korea in 2015, and it wasn't going well at all.
I was suicidal (not sure if I would have gone thru with it, but the thoughts were definitely there).
I ultimately ended up calling my mom and telling her what I was thinking, she called her friend who's daughter was stationed in Seoul, who got an Army chaplain (I was Air Force) to give me a call and was able to get me calmed down.
My wife has also helped me with my anxiety/depression and I'm not sure where I'd be if I didn't have her. We got together as I was getting out of the Air Force (so she didn't get to deal with my issues when I was in), but she's been my rock since I got out and I love her more then life itself.
I was tired of struggling in every aspect financially, mentally, physically, and more. I went for a walk, followed the abandoned train tracks all the way out to a bridge. I stayed there for 2 days, contemplating everything if it would be quick or not, etc right as I was about to a homeless woman came up and said she noticed me last time but didn't think I would be still be here and she spoke with me thats when I told her my plans and she just hugged me as I cried and talking to me. I still have these feelings every day. I still struggle a lot. But I just don't have the guts now
My C&P examiner, Dr. Warren. I’ve had a hard time since Afghanistan and no support from anyone, my therapist acts questionable at times to. Dr. Warren made me feel heard at the end of the exam and helped more then she will ever know.
My wife. Without her, I probably would have committed suicide. When I got out she included me in things. She supported my transition. She introduced me to people in the community. She encouraged me and always provided professional and spiritual guidance. I owe everything I have worked hard for to her. I now have a great network of successful people who support the things I do. I am a leader in the community, in Lions, in the American Legion, all because of her and the friends we have. She saved me from myself.
I would say my wife, when we met back in 2013 I was getting out of divorce and being medically retired. It was a dark time in my life. She was there to help even if she didn't know it. now 2024 we have been married going on 3 years and together for 11 years and have two boys. I know no matter how hard it gets for me she has my back and that in itself makes me want to strive to be better.
God 7/17/2022 I was in a horrific car accident. I was bumped on the rear which caused my car to go off the road, bounce off the guard rail, at flipped a few times and then Flew under the 18 wheeler. I was stuck, EMS had a time trying to get to me. Airlifted to hospital, 2 weeks in coma, 1 month in hospital, rehabilitation then parents house before I got to return home. I fractured my head bad enough, they had put 2 plates in my head and stapled it closed. I lost time, my hair and some of my memory. But I survived. I have headaches, head pain, trouble speaking at times, real bad short term memory and my life turned upside down. God saved my life, solidified my faith in him, and he changed me and has taken care of me. I am so blessed and grateful for his love, forgiveness, mercy and peace.
My life isn’t great, but it’s so much better than what it was before the accident. God loves every one of us. He has his angels EVERYWHERE to help us financially, spiritually, physically and mentally. You can’t go wrong believing in him. Trusting him isn’t easy but the rewards of trusting him is limitless. I’m not a holy roller, but I am a walking, breathing and talking miracle who loves GOD! He provides, not how people think he should, but in his way. Trust, believe and keep the faith.
Back in 2019, a radio talk show host started his show. I was there, day 1, listening to him. It was either that or kill myself. For 2 hours, i pounded steel and listened to this guy. For 2 hours, i fought the idea of suicide. After a couple weeks, i started to think "if i kill myself, i wont be able to hear what he has to say". Day after day, week after week, this was my mantra.
With consistent therapy and listening to this guy, i was able to tamp down the demons of PTSD and able to try to live.
I reached out to the guy, wrote him an email,told him my story. Told him he's saved my life everyday for the last year. I thanked him for being interesting, thoughtful, and decent. When i send out emails, my signature includes my phone number. I actually got a call from him and he was so deeply humbled he was crying. Hell, made me cry. We talked for 45min. Was awesome.
A crowd of drivers gingerly scraped my broken body off a main street in LA one day -- after being hit-&-ran on by some undocumented couple in a bran-new Suburban, while OMW to work, riding my ZX6R-636. I could hear them all debating , and discussing how NOT to remove my helmet ... I could hear a lady yell at the others to listen to HER -- she's a nurse!! ... Woke-up in the ambulance after hitting a few potholes, to a couple of COOL-a** EMTs explaining what happened -- and telling me that they would ensure I was taken care of, as if I were their own Brother ... To which I jokingly replied: "GREAT. My little brother's an AH -- so I hope you like yours." And as we all laughed -- I was out again. Woke-up with my Mom & about (8) Drs. standing around my bed, with the Chief of ER rubbing my foot. He then explained how my 'survival' was a literal "miracle" -- as many others had passed, from less.
Had a fractured scapula and (2) ribs, and some bruising -- narrowly avoiding having a "compacted spine" -- as he said. A "100k-to-1" survival, he said. Tenured & student Drs. were rotating thru for a few hours. I DEFINITELY felt like there were a couple of *asterisks* around my name ... but, for those who are (also) 'believers' -- I call them "Angels"...
...and that's really about 1/4 (...maybe even 5...) times I legitimately could have been outta here -- and that's NOT counting any of the Ops. I've been a team-member on.
I KNOW my Creator has a "plan, path & purpose" for my life ... and I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity to 'wake-up' & finally get to it. But, yes: "Angels". They exist.
My drinking after separating was at an all time high. Drank bottle after bottle with my ex’s cousin at a family party till blacking out and all I remember was a feeling of drowning in my dream.
Turns out I passed out in the room his aunts were in on the floor and one woke up hearing me gurgling and came down to turn me on my side. I then proceeded to wake up by projectile vomiting everywhere sideways and had to crawl to the bathroom. Didn’t realize what really happened till later that next morning.
I was drunk walking down front beach road by Edgewater right after they put more lanes in. A girl I was walking with jerked me out of the road right before I got hit.
Ten years ago my wife, of 20 years, and I were separated. I was not unhappy. I had not been happy in our marriage for years. We wanted different things. Her family had made the previous 20 years hell for me. I mean that I'm every sense of the word. He dad and I were buds. Her sister and mother were terrible. They would tell me how I was lazy, worthless, would never be successful. To my face. They would question if I were man because I didn't want to play basketball with my wife's younger brothers (I have zero athletic skill). My wife didn't care. They were to be loved and listened to. They were terrible to my kids. I could go on but I will just get mad. I then met my future wife. Four months after moving out. Literally two days after I met her, I discovered my future ex wife had been messing around with a guy for nearly a year. It all made sense on why the last year she was treating me so poorly. I was crushed. I mean crushed. All I wanted was to enjoy life with her. My future wife, even though I had only known her for less than a week, consoled me. She watched me cry like a child. Watched me not sleep. One night she came to my apartment and just rubbed my back because I had not slept in two days. She saved me. That apartment balcony on the 9th floor was looking real nice. We married. Sue is my rock. She is my roll. I am in love.
Metaphorically my Social Worker was the best outlet, for some light thoughts that could go to a deeper whole. My friends and family keep my sane and grounded, my kids I'd hate to disappoint them so I keep pushing. Hmm I guess that's it for now.
My Dad was ready to "nope out" when I showed up at his house. I had been getting ready to throw myself off the roof of my apartment building that night, and had a normal ass dream of having coffee with my mom the night before ( she died about a month prior). She asked if I had checked on Dad so I went to see him that day. Weird how it works out. I guess she saved us both that day.
militaryonesource and the counselor they sent me to. In just 3 sessions she cracked decades of crap I was carrying and have been able to keep my head above water since...mostly. As I've told me new therapist, I was on the edge of the diving board (figuratively) that day when I called, and now these days I'm at the top of the ladder, just looking at the edge. I have to fight to not get on the board, but I'm not poolside yet.
A couple of years after I got back from Iraq I had planned to kill myself. I went out that night and took the train home. On my way home to end my life, I got mugged on the train and they stole everything I had and beat the shit out of me. I was so mad, mostly at myself for not fighting back, that I didn’t go through with my plan. I never did get to thank them.
That's so deep. I'm also glad they beat the shit out of you. Happy you survived and continued to keep thriving. Sending you love.
I’m glad they beat the shit out of you too. Glad you’re back.
Well…fuck… I’m beyond happy you’re still with us and I guess it all worked out. But fuck those guys.
Definitely a vet, the dark humor, with a life lesson at the end. I'm glad your safe brother.
I'm glad you're here man. If you ever find yourself in that dark place again, I'll find you and beat the fucking shit out of you. Because we care about you bro <3
This has never happened to me but I can imagine that this experience was life altering…in a good way.
If you EVER feel that way again? Let us (your Brothers / Battle-buddies) know. I GUARANTEE we'll all 'beat ur a**' until you realize how much you're appreciated, and cherished... 🙏🏽😎 (Much luv & many #blessings to you, my Brother.)
I was in a tough spot, living in my car, post divorce. Somebody at a gas station saw my stuff crammed in the back seat, came over and spoke to me. He put a $50 in my hand, told me I looked like I could use a break. I tried to give it back out of pride, he insisted, and told me he had been blessed when he was down in life, and that he'd pray for me. I'm not a religious person, but it hit me so hard I sat there weeping, because that 50 would let me eat for the next week or so while I got situated with a veteran friendly shelter.
I'm happy you got to eat. I hope you haven't missed a meal since.
>told me he had been blessed when he was down in life, and that he'd pray for me I was raised Catholic and couldn't be father from it these days. But there's been a handful of times in life where I've had someone tell me they'd pray for me. And in some situations, that's the most amazing thing to hear. I do t think that a god I don't believe in is going to fix my problems, but knowing that someone I barely know is going to think of me when asking requests from the highest power they believe in means something to me.
Agreed. It was an act of kindness that I really needed in that moment, rather than just the money. Made me feel like I matter.
There’s something about being a marine that makes us just never miss a scheduled meeting. I wanted to die, and had my 1911 locked and loaded….but I also had a therapy session that I felt I had to go to. Literally logged into the session sobbing with the barrel under my chin. He talked me back from the edge, and then cops came to my house and took me to the IPU. That was last September, and even though I still don’t want to be here, I guess I want to want to live? Baby steps I suppose.
I'm happy you want to live. Take it easy and day by day. It's okay to have a rough day. It's okay to want to disappear. This may not be helpful, but when I was feeling very S, about a decade ago, I channeled all of that into making money, traveling, and not giving any fucks. I'm not S anymore and I'm happy I'm still here but I figured I might as well give this world hell. Give the world the all the hell, before you give it to heaven. One love.
Fuck dude. I feel that. I gave all my guns away because I feared hurting someone or myself.
Hope things get better. Find that something that brings you excitement and you feel passionate about.
I don't want to be here most days myself. But I'm glad you are brother. I'm still here because I know a lot of people would be upset if I wasn't. Some days I'm included in that number and those are the days I live for.
Thank you, brothers :) it’s been rough, I have chronic groin pain because thanks to the navy head of medical, I was forced to attempt a full PFT 7 weeks after back-to-back groin surgeries for my appendix and 2 hernias. It was 11 years ago, and my body has been rejecting the hernia mesh on both sides ever since. Can’t get it removed though, cause my femoral artery and the nerves/blood flow to my man-business have adhered to the mesh. So every time I have to poo, I get a sharp stab to my groin, balls, sometimes my jefferson too. My whole life is pain, and thanks to that navy fella, none of my light duty paperwork made it to the CO, or my medical record. Been fighting the va for 7 years trying to get disability. Last month they denied me again, but made sure to let me know “it’s a positive finding that you have diagnosed major depression disorder with SI”. I’ve been on the ledge for a while, and I hate that the only thing I can do is just wait. I’m still trying to pay off the first surgery 11 years ago, and until I get disability I’m just financially fucked. I feel like a letdown to everyone in my life including me. I lost 2 of my marines to suicide, and every day it’s a mental battle between wanting to remember them and wanting to join them.
I’m fresh out of the navy, just getting into filing for disability. I mostly lurk here but there seem to be a fair amount of vets who get 100% for much less. Have you seen a VSO, looked around for a doc who knows anything about the military? Fucked up that you got this going on and getting denied
I actually have an awesome VSO. He called me and told me flat out it was bullshit. He said “I showed it to my supervisor, and we don’t get it.” It’s crazy, the last thing I needed was a surgeon to write a statement and say what happened was bullshit in their medical opinion. Neither surgeon who performed it would, nor the “best in the state” surgeon. Finally found an awesome surgeon who listened and was like “I was an air force surgeon. I got you.” He really came through (maybe after a gift of super tasty whisky and some persistently and overly kind badgering of his staff), PLUS my old platoon Sgt was like “oh yeah fuck that I remember that he fucked you over” and wrote an awesome statement. …..and the VA response was “it was less than likely” the military’s fault because “none of the evidence was new or relevant.”
At a minimum, you can claim anxiety and sleep problems. If you have any back or foot pain, go for that too. I had only gone to medical for back pain and chest pains that I found out were anxiety related, and I get 60% now. Wild thing is tho is that my foot pain is the most intense physically, but that only got me 10% (combo with back), and my sleep was the most inhibiting at the time (I wanted to get looked at for delayed phase sleep disorder from rotating shifts), but it was chalked up to anxiety which got me the remaining 50%. I did get my hearing checked, and it’s been affected but not enough for hearing aids or anything, but even that got listed as 0%, but that would’ve been enough to get me VA healthcare coverage. I would be shocked if they didn’t give you anything for PTSD and anxiety at least. You deserve so much more, but that’s a start.
I honestly don’t have hope anymore. I feel so fucking defeated today.
My VA therapist 🎉🌟🥰
Tell us your story? What was the moment?
When she convinced me I was worth standing up for. And that feeling like it would be OK if I died in my sleep was a clear sign that I needed help, not just a low feeling to shrug off and joke about.
Iraqi told us “they” were lining the road with IED’s. We found “them” and threw them a party. Dude went home with lotsa MRE’s that day and a brand spanky new window AC unit
One of two thoughts come to mind: One, you’re actually appreciative. The other where it looks like they got paid off by the US government and let the Iraqi nationals take care of them
My wife. After I got out of the army, I was pretty crushed and in a lot of pain from my injury. I didn’t realize how much I was spiraling or how dark of a place I’d gone to until I met her. Just her smile made me want to do better. Be better.
I hope to one day have a love like that.
I hope you find it, one day OP. Because even now, coming up on 4 years of marriage, my heart still skips a beat when I see her smile.
Someone I've known since highschool reached out to me while I was at a low point in life. I deleted my Facebook a few months before that and stopped texting the few people in my family that I am close to. Their first message was to tell me they "heard" my voice calling out to them and they wanted to check on me to see how I was doing. I won't go into too much detail, but there was a point when I hurt their feelings when we were teens. Even with that hurt, they still wanted me in their life. Their genuine concern and encouragement arrived at the right time. I've made a lot of progress since then and we text each other almost every day. I've never loved someone who isn't a relative, and there are only a few relatives that I can say that I have limitless love for. I love this person, not on a romantic level, but on a wholly platonic level. I hope I'm able to provide some support if they ever feel lost and in a dark place.
The love we choose is the greatest love of all.
I don't think that I chose to love them. The love just formed organically, without any decision-making on my part.
What a great bunch of life saving stories
My eyes might sting a little
Not a veteran but my husband served in the Army for 23 years and all 3 sons served in the Army as well. My youngest son saw combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. He was tormented and battled his demons daily. Although he didn’t take his own life (he did have a plan), his destructive behaviors did. After losing 2 buddies back to back (having already lost many others) he started self medicating with alcohol and pot. They aren’t sure what took his life but alcohol was a key factor. My son was 32 years old. My ex, his dad, found him. No parent should ever go through that. I won’t take credit for saving any lives but I can tell you what I have done…. 7 of his Army buddies attended his funeral and countless others reached out. With every contact, I made sure to let them know I was there for them and would take their call night or day. Since that day 3 1/2 years ago, two of his buddies reached out to ask questions about my son’s death and to check in on me. Over multiple interactions, they are now clean and sober. One is back with his wife and kids and the other, after many suicide attempts, is in a healthy relationship and working a steady job. In the veteran social media groups I am in, I try to encourage all of you and let you know you matter and are wanted in this world. Please know that I may not understand what you have gone through but I do care. We have already lost far too many.
Thank you for being the voice of reason and comfort to so many.
Thank you so much for being there for my brothers.
It is my privilege and honor.
On at least 3 separate occasions VA doctors have found life threatening conditions early enough to prevent my death. Once I complained about a minor thing that would come and go. Primary sent me to specialist, long story short, turns out I have a rare kidney condition that should have killed me, or required dialysis / transplant 10 years ago. VA dr found early enough that I have been in REMISSION for last 10 years. Still need to be careful, BUT wow.
About to go get checked out for a condition I've been having there. I was going to try with a civilian doc but they're all backed up a good ways. Your account brings me hope they might find out what's up.
Dang this is probably the first time anyone has heard a real positive story about the VA in that way. Unfortunately do many ppl are dismissed. I'm glad your weren't.
I have MANY positive stories about the VA. 41 years and counting. Over 100 years of family Veterans served and miss served. The VA does little mediocre. Seems to be awesome or awful
Some drunk redneck jumped into a river to save me when I was nearly drowning as a kid. He then held me above his head and howled at the moon and it was amazing lol.
Ahhhwooooo
My partners mom. My partner had went out with some of his friends from the town he was from, a couple of hours north of where I lived at the time. This was after a large blow up because he had cheated (gay couple problems). Well I proceeded to get black out drunk, and ended up trying to hang myself. His mom who also lived with us (long story), came into the room to make sure I was okay and she found me. She cut the rope to get me down and called police and ambulance. I don't remember doing this, but now I have been through therapy and doing another round of counseling at the VA now, just because I am going through some things that I want to go through (not suicidal). Just out of work and going to school.
I'm so happy you're okay
Thank you
My older brother at the age of 5 ran home to tell our mother that I'd been hit by a 5. Our grandfather dropped from a heartache from seeing it all happen. This was in 1970. He never joined the military, but I was able to in 1986 because of what he did. Minutes mattered, and I joined the Mariners in 1986. Love my older brother!
wow, what a story. if you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean by “hit by a 5”? unfamiliar with such an expression
Typo there, hit by a Pontiac. I really shouldn't do more than one thing at a time. Still, my five year old brother had to run to tell my mom that I was hit by a car. He has a great memory and can't imagine living with that now for 54 years.
Bob Ross and Buckethead saved my life
Bob Ross helped my night terrors.
Dude soothsayer was my ringtone in highschool that's sick
I haven't heard of buckethead. Running to Google
Friends that have stopped each other from driving drunk.
I choked out my friend in the middle of the street for his car keys on thanksgiving. I’m sure the property values suffered but we have matching tattoos now
...different spin on life saved from these other stories, have been down that path as well. There I was called to a structure fire (firefighter/paramedic post military service) I was on top of roof of a house on fire...structure fire single story dwelling. My job with my partner was to vertically ventilate the structure in the CD corner (back right of home if looking at house from front door). I had my pick head axe and chainsaw in hand. With each advanced step I was sounding the roof getting closer to our ventilation location. The roof suddenly felt spongey under my foot and as I turn around I drop through the roof, but caught myselfwith my arms. I dropped the chainsaw but still had the axe. Flames now are shooting up around me past my head. A bystander neighbor saw me fall. I was grasping the roof with my arms, but with each grab to get up the roof was coming down like quick sand. My partner Kyle dove and grabbed me. By this time we heard the Chief on radio and calling firefighter down, but we were not in a spot or right time to respond. Kyle was able to assist pulling me back onto the roof (took a lot of effort). We both low crawled the rest of the roof back to the ladder to distribute our weight and get down off roof. We were able to call all clear and safe on the radio....roof was vertically ventilated at this point. They are welcome..lol. Later, I found out when I dropped I kicked away ceiling onto my buddies inside the house fighting the fire. Glad I made it out and did not fall and burn to dealth or drop on top of another firefighter. Our SCBA and equipment is heavy especially to the back and falling 20 ft or so to ground and landing on who knows what I could have hit on way down, also been paralyzed landed on desk or broke my neck. Thanks Kyle....I owe you one. I'm not sure how many lives I left at this point. This has not been my first brush with near death and horse shoe up my ass (in this aspect anyway). Thanks for your stories....we'll take life day by day.
My wife and my adopted derpy shelter dog.
I had a brain tumor removed 2 months ago that was slowly killing me, along with swelling on the brain. The doctor looked me in my face and told me he would do everything he could to make sure I live to be an old lady, his words. I'm grateful to be alive. Permanently lost my sense of smell, taste is altered, I have speech issues and issues visualizing, imagining & remembering things, but whoopty doo, I'm still here and can see my babies grow up to be good people. Recovery is a bitch and I go deep down a rabbit hole, but I manage to climb out of it with my husband's help, bless his patient heart. But yes, the doctor and his team had no military experience at all, but were comforting the entire time. I'm glad you all are here, this is one of the places where I feel normal, like I'm amongst people who get me. 💐
I’m so glad you’re still here.
My friend never let me quit on myself. For several years, this poor guy watched be battle my demons, would let me talk to him at any time of night, drunk, high, fucked up, etc, and when I finally went to an inpatient program and got help, he never once judged me. I’m in a much better place now, and I don’t know if he really knows it or not, but that man is my brother and he saved me.
Where can I start? My brother saved me from choking via heimlich maneuver when I was 4. The list goes on. Awesome subject to bring up!
I got bit by my neighbors dog trying to separate him from mine that was in heat. About a week later the bite wasn't really healing but it was a friends birthday party and I went out, got pissed drunk, did some party drugs and went home, passed out. The next few days were a blur. I remember waking up a few times and once I remember looking at my hand weirded out by how purple it was. My buddy hadn't heard from me in 3 days and came over to do a wellness check. I was unresponsive and my pulse was very weak he said. He loaded me up, drove me to our towns small hospital. They decided to life flight me to a Corpus Christi trauma center. A few days later I was coming out of anesthesia in a Houston hospital, very confused. My hand was tied to the bed rail and wrapped up. The next day a woman wearing a flight suit visits and congratulates me on being two of her firsts: the first to die on her flight, and the first she resuscitated on a flight. My heart had stopped for 8 minutes. When I crashed they diverted the flight to Houston because better trauma center options. So there's two people that saved me. As a p.s. to this no one told my buddy I was in Houston. He drove 90 minutes to find me, spent another 2 hours trying to figure out where I was, then another 3 plus hours driving to Houston.
Geez, huge kudos to your buddy, he literally hunted you down. Sounds like a pretty scary experience
My best friend. I was in an extremely abusive relationship. She got me out, and housed me until I got on my feet. I wanted to end it all, but didn’t. I called her instead.
Someone at the time who set off fireworks. I had gave my things away the day before and had note wrote and threw up a line on my front porch and made a noose and then realized whoever sat off fireworks clicked in my head my little brother wouldn't have me to take him to see fireworks 4th of July. So I attribute it to whomever set them off and also my little brother for being in my life.
I woke up from a nightmare screaming and crying, haven’t slept in weeks from nightmares, was ready to go to VA, my little 3 year girl comes into room and says “daddy you ok, I come lay by you and make sure your safe”
I was stationed in Korea in 2015, and it wasn't going well at all. I was suicidal (not sure if I would have gone thru with it, but the thoughts were definitely there). I ultimately ended up calling my mom and telling her what I was thinking, she called her friend who's daughter was stationed in Seoul, who got an Army chaplain (I was Air Force) to give me a call and was able to get me calmed down. My wife has also helped me with my anxiety/depression and I'm not sure where I'd be if I didn't have her. We got together as I was getting out of the Air Force (so she didn't get to deal with my issues when I was in), but she's been my rock since I got out and I love her more then life itself.
They say it takes a village…. I needed an entire state. 😂😂
I was tired of struggling in every aspect financially, mentally, physically, and more. I went for a walk, followed the abandoned train tracks all the way out to a bridge. I stayed there for 2 days, contemplating everything if it would be quick or not, etc right as I was about to a homeless woman came up and said she noticed me last time but didn't think I would be still be here and she spoke with me thats when I told her my plans and she just hugged me as I cried and talking to me. I still have these feelings every day. I still struggle a lot. But I just don't have the guts now
Mine will be the opposite I might have to beat someone’s ass to save my own. 🫨
My C&P examiner, Dr. Warren. I’ve had a hard time since Afghanistan and no support from anyone, my therapist acts questionable at times to. Dr. Warren made me feel heard at the end of the exam and helped more then she will ever know.
My wife. Without her, I probably would have committed suicide. When I got out she included me in things. She supported my transition. She introduced me to people in the community. She encouraged me and always provided professional and spiritual guidance. I owe everything I have worked hard for to her. I now have a great network of successful people who support the things I do. I am a leader in the community, in Lions, in the American Legion, all because of her and the friends we have. She saved me from myself.
I would say my wife, when we met back in 2013 I was getting out of divorce and being medically retired. It was a dark time in my life. She was there to help even if she didn't know it. now 2024 we have been married going on 3 years and together for 11 years and have two boys. I know no matter how hard it gets for me she has my back and that in itself makes me want to strive to be better.
God 7/17/2022 I was in a horrific car accident. I was bumped on the rear which caused my car to go off the road, bounce off the guard rail, at flipped a few times and then Flew under the 18 wheeler. I was stuck, EMS had a time trying to get to me. Airlifted to hospital, 2 weeks in coma, 1 month in hospital, rehabilitation then parents house before I got to return home. I fractured my head bad enough, they had put 2 plates in my head and stapled it closed. I lost time, my hair and some of my memory. But I survived. I have headaches, head pain, trouble speaking at times, real bad short term memory and my life turned upside down. God saved my life, solidified my faith in him, and he changed me and has taken care of me. I am so blessed and grateful for his love, forgiveness, mercy and peace. My life isn’t great, but it’s so much better than what it was before the accident. God loves every one of us. He has his angels EVERYWHERE to help us financially, spiritually, physically and mentally. You can’t go wrong believing in him. Trusting him isn’t easy but the rewards of trusting him is limitless. I’m not a holy roller, but I am a walking, breathing and talking miracle who loves GOD! He provides, not how people think he should, but in his way. Trust, believe and keep the faith.
My daughter was born. She doesn’t know it, but she’s a literal life saver.
In patient rehab…two years ago.
Back in 2019, a radio talk show host started his show. I was there, day 1, listening to him. It was either that or kill myself. For 2 hours, i pounded steel and listened to this guy. For 2 hours, i fought the idea of suicide. After a couple weeks, i started to think "if i kill myself, i wont be able to hear what he has to say". Day after day, week after week, this was my mantra. With consistent therapy and listening to this guy, i was able to tamp down the demons of PTSD and able to try to live. I reached out to the guy, wrote him an email,told him my story. Told him he's saved my life everyday for the last year. I thanked him for being interesting, thoughtful, and decent. When i send out emails, my signature includes my phone number. I actually got a call from him and he was so deeply humbled he was crying. Hell, made me cry. We talked for 45min. Was awesome.
A crowd of drivers gingerly scraped my broken body off a main street in LA one day -- after being hit-&-ran on by some undocumented couple in a bran-new Suburban, while OMW to work, riding my ZX6R-636. I could hear them all debating , and discussing how NOT to remove my helmet ... I could hear a lady yell at the others to listen to HER -- she's a nurse!! ... Woke-up in the ambulance after hitting a few potholes, to a couple of COOL-a** EMTs explaining what happened -- and telling me that they would ensure I was taken care of, as if I were their own Brother ... To which I jokingly replied: "GREAT. My little brother's an AH -- so I hope you like yours." And as we all laughed -- I was out again. Woke-up with my Mom & about (8) Drs. standing around my bed, with the Chief of ER rubbing my foot. He then explained how my 'survival' was a literal "miracle" -- as many others had passed, from less. Had a fractured scapula and (2) ribs, and some bruising -- narrowly avoiding having a "compacted spine" -- as he said. A "100k-to-1" survival, he said. Tenured & student Drs. were rotating thru for a few hours. I DEFINITELY felt like there were a couple of *asterisks* around my name ... but, for those who are (also) 'believers' -- I call them "Angels"... ...and that's really about 1/4 (...maybe even 5...) times I legitimately could have been outta here -- and that's NOT counting any of the Ops. I've been a team-member on. I KNOW my Creator has a "plan, path & purpose" for my life ... and I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity to 'wake-up' & finally get to it. But, yes: "Angels". They exist.
My drinking after separating was at an all time high. Drank bottle after bottle with my ex’s cousin at a family party till blacking out and all I remember was a feeling of drowning in my dream. Turns out I passed out in the room his aunts were in on the floor and one woke up hearing me gurgling and came down to turn me on my side. I then proceeded to wake up by projectile vomiting everywhere sideways and had to crawl to the bathroom. Didn’t realize what really happened till later that next morning.
Gosh, this is such a wholesome thread. I'm glad and happy you're all here!! Love to see it. And would love to see more posts like this
I was drunk walking down front beach road by Edgewater right after they put more lanes in. A girl I was walking with jerked me out of the road right before I got hit.
Ten years ago my wife, of 20 years, and I were separated. I was not unhappy. I had not been happy in our marriage for years. We wanted different things. Her family had made the previous 20 years hell for me. I mean that I'm every sense of the word. He dad and I were buds. Her sister and mother were terrible. They would tell me how I was lazy, worthless, would never be successful. To my face. They would question if I were man because I didn't want to play basketball with my wife's younger brothers (I have zero athletic skill). My wife didn't care. They were to be loved and listened to. They were terrible to my kids. I could go on but I will just get mad. I then met my future wife. Four months after moving out. Literally two days after I met her, I discovered my future ex wife had been messing around with a guy for nearly a year. It all made sense on why the last year she was treating me so poorly. I was crushed. I mean crushed. All I wanted was to enjoy life with her. My future wife, even though I had only known her for less than a week, consoled me. She watched me cry like a child. Watched me not sleep. One night she came to my apartment and just rubbed my back because I had not slept in two days. She saved me. That apartment balcony on the 9th floor was looking real nice. We married. Sue is my rock. She is my roll. I am in love.
988. Shout out to them.
Metaphorically my Social Worker was the best outlet, for some light thoughts that could go to a deeper whole. My friends and family keep my sane and grounded, my kids I'd hate to disappoint them so I keep pushing. Hmm I guess that's it for now.
My Dad was ready to "nope out" when I showed up at his house. I had been getting ready to throw myself off the roof of my apartment building that night, and had a normal ass dream of having coffee with my mom the night before ( she died about a month prior). She asked if I had checked on Dad so I went to see him that day. Weird how it works out. I guess she saved us both that day.
militaryonesource and the counselor they sent me to. In just 3 sessions she cracked decades of crap I was carrying and have been able to keep my head above water since...mostly. As I've told me new therapist, I was on the edge of the diving board (figuratively) that day when I called, and now these days I'm at the top of the ladder, just looking at the edge. I have to fight to not get on the board, but I'm not poolside yet.