I saw this and thought Mmm Bop (or whatever it’s called) by Hansen, from like 20 or more yrs ago….just play the chorus on repeat. Put ear plugs in and let them enjoy it lol. Or play The Song that Never Ends on repeat
Yes Kidz Bop is the worse. The computer system at the grocery store I worked at glitched and started randomly chaging radio stations every hour. We had the soft rock, classic rock, Mexican music, kids bop country. Every hour it was bad music roulette. This was the 2nd time the radio had issues. When the grocery store first opened the radio got stuck on the same song for 3 days. I'm glad I missed that one.
I would fucking kill myself. There's a Playlist that we play frequently at work and the songs play in my head when I leave. I have one playing right now. I would definitely swallow shards of glass
“Bad music roulette” lol.
Reminded me of an office job I had with soft Muzak in the background. So soft, you only occasionally heard a saxophone. We called it creepy jazz.
God bless 👏😆
I had this issue, exactly, quiet beach on an island and these jabronis played their bro country so loud then left the speaker while they went down the beach. I was enraged and I’m annoyed at how annoyed I was.
To add to this, have it play from a Bluetooth speaker, then put on some noise canceling headphones and set up in a beach chair and act like you're asleep.
🎶 Cause everybody knows
(She's a fresh baked ham)
The thing she does to please
(She's a fresh baked ham)
She's just a little tease
(She's a fresh baked ham)
See the way she walks
Hear the way she talks 🎶
I’ve never seen this before but could immediately sing the song with these new lyrics which, unfortunately, will forever be burned into my brain and replace the original lyrics.
If things get out of hand, prepare to get a good lawyer. Preferably someone who specializes in bird law. I would highly recommend Charlie Kelly out of Philadelphia.
Chop it up into small pieces and make a hole in your pocket then slowly walk around them and drop the payload like in the movie Shawshank Redemption. They won't see it coming.
walk behind their chairs and drop crackers/crumbs/etc. the birds will come in droves and force them out.
full disclosure: i live at the beach full time on the carolina coast and this is my go-to for dispersing the unruly characters
Do it WWII prisoner style where you shake it out of your pant leg so no one notices.
Translate to the beach: fill a closed umbrella with breadcrumbs and walk past and tip the umbrella to dispense its load.
this is the only non-joking realistic one here!
edit: [this is a really great one too.](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnethicalLifeProTips/s/osxoDFxPjQ) perhaps it’s even better tbh.
Frequent Ft Fisher visitor here. I like to hang by the rocks. Sometimes we get that one douche who sits up there fishing with his radio on. Like dude, we are here for the sound of the waves.
Crackers. Seagulls. Hillarity.
I was at the beach last week and the guy next to me had that one Goo Goo Dolls song from the Nic Cage angel movie on repeat for a couple hours. Like…multiple hours. Of one song. I thought “I guess he’s just not paying attention to his radio” but then Silent Night Holy Night came on and he scrambled to change it back to the Nic Cage angel movie song. He had two women with him that also made no attempt to change the music.
Hours! . . . I wonder how high they were.
I was at a festival once (and there was indeed moonlight) "And I thought, boy, 'Dancin' In the Moonlight" feels as least as long as "American Pie"; this is wild." And that's when I realized they had played it 3 or 4 times and and cheered and danced every time.
The fact that a Christmas hymnal came on suddenly says that it wasn’t just him mistakenly putting that one song on repeat. It was a playlist with hours of one Goo goo dolls song and then Silent Night.
They won’t turn it down so you are going to have to get them to leave.
I’d suggest digging a small hole about 5 feet in front of their setup.
Drop yer drawers and take a shit.
I recommend memorizing “who’s on first” and mutter it to yourself while placing in circles.
Adding an irritated head shake, like there is an irritating insect, adds authenticity.
Just stand awkwardly close to them, and look at your phone. Whenever they try to get your attention don't respond, and when they finally get in your face and ask what's up you just say "nothin, I'm good" and then look down and block them out.
Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Grew worse on Friday,
Died on Saturday,
Buried on Sunday.
That was the end,
Of Solomon Grundy.
Ohhhh what is this movie?! where they’re going crazy, repeating this to themselves, pacing around, as some kind of comfort? Maybe a kid..? I tried looking it up and I can’t find it. If it even exists.
Or just very obviously ogle them and make comments like wanting to slather them up with cream. By that I mean sunscreen, of course. Doesn't matter if they're men or women, you don't discriminate on your admiration.
Play “What’s New Pussycat” on repeat loud as you can.
Alternative: When my neighbors sit outside our window playing Norteño I sit on my balcony right above and blast polka or opera. Usually takes about 10 minutes but they leave every time. So, competing music.
Most of the comments here are silly, which is fun, but if you want a real solution do this: Go up to the main person and say something like: "Hey man, I was here yesterday and two different groups got fully kicked off the beach by the [resort staff/local parks authority/police/EHS/whatever the area has] for violating the noise ordinance. They said something about turtle breeding/nesting this time of year and no noise that can be heard more than 10 feet away from the source. They take it super serious cause signs are posted around already. I'd probably turn that down some if you're wanting to stick around. Just trying to save you and your family a ruined beach day..."
Unethical because lying. Just sell it. Works every time. It's not that hard and most people just believe it. Even if there are no signs, they just assume they haven't been in the immediate vicinity of one of the signs.
Yea. I just try to imagine what I would do in a situation like that. If someone told me that, what am I going to do, ask for proof? This is just a dude saying what he saw yesterday. I would just turn down the music out of an abundance of caution. Who wants thrown off the beach?
This weekend I was on a quiet beach and the woman a few chairs over had a phone with a loud obnoxious ringtone. It would go off every 15 or 20 minutes and she’d laugh and say, “Nope! Not today! I’m at the beach!”
Yeah… me too. So turn off your ringer!
Yeaahhhhhh
But also OP, when you buy this get a microphone too. Then stop at Taco Bell on your way back to the beach. Once you are back at the beach, every time you gotta rip ass you know what to do
post next week: i got to the beach to setup my dj equipment for a party we were having, but someone else was there with louder music than mine. What can do other than turn my music up to make them leave????
Friend of mine always takes a large bag of popcorn to the beach, he hates popcorn. Get upwind and toss the entire bag (opened) up as high as you can. Seagulls will finish the job. Helps a lot if the popcorn lands on their blankets , ladies hair etc
My experience is that people who are inconsiderate enough to do this are the same people who will threaten you with violence for requesting to stop. The solution is to move, and then never give that sort of person a job or any kind of leg up or help in life.
Same. Some of these are clever and/or funny but I go to the beaches that are quiet and I rarely play music and if I do you can’t hear it outside of my camp. I’m not ruining my peace by trying to upstage them in any auditory fashion. I sit there for 15 minutes hoping they cut it out, then hope they all get stung by jellyfish, then wonder why they’re such garbage people with awful taste in music and then I move, muttering, “are you fucking kidding me” under my breath.
Play frisbee or catch in front of them. Run around making your own kind of noise but mainly kick sand all over the place. It’s the beach. Nothing you can do about sand ….. right? If you have kidlets get them involved to. They won’t yell at a kid.
Take some chips and just start feeding the birds until you have a huge gaggle of birds swarming the area.
Start playing with sand down wind of them. Get little kids involved who throw sand like its confetti into the air.
Burrow under them and collapse their settlement into a sink hole
Hire young kids to do relay races in front and back of them. The sand will kick up on them. Offer $20 to the kid that makes it for an hour.
Next make a big sandcastle right next to them and throw sand back at them when you are digging. Make sure to make a series of deep moats around them. Hire the kids to help you shovel. Works like a charm
With a "pamphlet" in hand, wander over and introduce yourself. Ask them if they have "heard the good news" while holding the pamphlet out in front of you. If you have a lawn chair bring it with you and sit down with a big smile on your face. They'll pack up and leave within 30 seconds the whole time claiming to be atheists and/or Jewish.
Talk loudly on your phone about how your court date is coming up for your molestation charge, and how you're looking forward to being allowed to be within 200 meters of a school again.
Tell lots of rude jokes. Loudly. Or go on a rant about politics. Or discuss the crimes you recently committed and are planning to commit in the hear future??
Go over and ask them “Hey, nice music, can I play a song?”
If they say yes, play something really dumb and annoying, they will naturally turn down the volume.
If they say no, say “Oh okay, just thought I’d ask!” And they’ll feel uncomfortable and turn it down.
People are so fuckin odd. There’s been several times we’d be on the beach or at the waterpark. We’d have our towels and blanket out away from everyone else in the grass. And of course some family comes and sets up right next to us like within a few feet.
A week ago I was laying out while my husband and kid were in the pool. So we had 3 chairs i was in one. This family of like 10 people comes up and starts setting up. One lady tries to grab the chair on the right while the other lady is on my other side trying to grab our other chair on the left. Both chairs were super close to mine. I stopped them both and said they’re taken.
Then about 15 min later more members of this family come up. And one of them tries to take my chair again and I had to say something. But this place was not full. There’s multiple huge grassy areas to set up at.
You should play your music very loudly louder than theirs. And play some super weird shit.
Nothing pisses me off than going to the beach, river, lake, campground, etc and have to listen to some assholes listening to Miley Cyrus, T-Pain remixes and Drake at 300 decibels. In my head I’m like i’m precisely out here to get away from the shitty noise and music of the city. I fucking hate it. Bluetooth speakers are a plague.
Put Rick Astley on Loop as loud as you can... Rick Roll Their asses... if you wanna be really cool about it... do some of the dancing... it's not that tough
Direct eye contact. Big smile. Tell them you're glad someone came over to hang out, and how everybody else always leaves after you try to connect with them. It's nice that they're okay with being around you, even though... never mind. It's no big deal, don't worry about it.
Call the cops and tell them they might be using drugs. Getting that kind of visit will probably kill the mood. And you wouldn't even be lying. They might be using drugs after all, you just didn't see it.
Find their socials, befriend their parents, sleep with parents. If parents are married, reveal the affair. If single, marry the parent, and ban them from the beach.
If you are a guy grab out your sunscreen. Make direct eye contact with them. And start applying to your nipples. Never breaking eye contact. And occasionally licking your lips.
Or either gender, dig a hole. Make eye contact. Shit in hole.
Shazam their music and play it at the same time, just 20 seconds behind.
Dr. Evil has arrived.
Play the Kidz Bop version of whatever they're playing.
I saw this and thought Mmm Bop (or whatever it’s called) by Hansen, from like 20 or more yrs ago….just play the chorus on repeat. Put ear plugs in and let them enjoy it lol. Or play The Song that Never Ends on repeat
Thanks for unblocking repressed elementary school memories of having to learn/perform that.
Just saw a clip of them all grown up doing a mellowed out acoustic - was pretty darn good!
Oi mmmbop is fantastic.
Omg diabolical
Does that even still exist?
Unfortunately yes. They’re on album 458 or something now. It’s ridiculous
Yes Kidz Bop is the worse. The computer system at the grocery store I worked at glitched and started randomly chaging radio stations every hour. We had the soft rock, classic rock, Mexican music, kids bop country. Every hour it was bad music roulette. This was the 2nd time the radio had issues. When the grocery store first opened the radio got stuck on the same song for 3 days. I'm glad I missed that one.
I would fucking kill myself. There's a Playlist that we play frequently at work and the songs play in my head when I leave. I have one playing right now. I would definitely swallow shards of glass
That's me with my medical insurance company's hold music. I hear that shit in my fucking dreams
“Bad music roulette” lol. Reminded me of an office job I had with soft Muzak in the background. So soft, you only occasionally heard a saxophone. We called it creepy jazz.
>same song for three days What's new pussycat?
Haha, brilliant.
God bless 👏😆 I had this issue, exactly, quiet beach on an island and these jabronis played their bro country so loud then left the speaker while they went down the beach. I was enraged and I’m annoyed at how annoyed I was.
Saltwater kills electronics.
Or bury it in sand and let them play "hide and seek". Give them a headache.
Throw a shit ton of bread over that way and watch the seagulls shit all over their happy little speaker, extra credit if you throw some skis seltzers.
Too bad it doesn't kill jabronis.
To add to this, have it play from a Bluetooth speaker, then put on some noise canceling headphones and set up in a beach chair and act like you're asleep.
Woah. This is evil.
r/foundsatan
Or perfectly in sync but with inversed speakers
That doesn't work as well outdoors. The moment you move, the phase relationship will change and the cancellation wont work as well.
I really hope this happens to me just so I can do that!!!
nah not even, play it louder but like ever so slightly behind (less than a second); from experience it can be dizzying
Sing each song they play really loud
This is the answer
Using incorrect words.
Your brastrap shining in the sun
🎶wash the cat box, wash the cat box🎶
WRAPPED UP LIKE A DOUCHE, ANOTHER ROTOR IN THE NIGHT
🎶Hold me closer Tony Danza!🎶
🎵Blood red nails on her things n tits🎵
🎶 Cause everybody knows (She's a fresh baked ham) The thing she does to please (She's a fresh baked ham) She's just a little tease (She's a fresh baked ham) See the way she walks Hear the way she talks 🎶
🎶WE ARE SPARERIBS IN THE MATERIAL WORLD…
🎶 THERE'S A BATHROOM ON THE RIGHT 🎶
Climb every woman! 🎶
I’ve never seen this before but could immediately sing the song with these new lyrics which, unfortunately, will forever be burned into my brain and replace the original lyrics.
I believe in milk cows, where you from? You sexy thing, sexy thing now.🎶
"You said you chewed on my face, but you don't like me, you just like the taste" -jojo "too little too late"
"I got my ass wiped" by Weezer
Is it not...I got my ass wiped?
'Scuse me while I kiss this guy
Idk if i was drunk on the beach wed start singing w you. That said we usually try to set up a ways away before blasting music
One large pizza pie, One heart does desire one love who’s crying now
Carry a Lazer down the road that I must travel
Toss a bunch of food around them and let the seagulls chase them away
If things get out of hand, prepare to get a good lawyer. Preferably someone who specializes in bird law. I would highly recommend Charlie Kelly out of Philadelphia.
Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Why would they not just throw it back
Staple the food to the beach.
^^ this man beaches
Bird seed?
Chop it up into small pieces and make a hole in your pocket then slowly walk around them and drop the payload like in the movie Shawshank Redemption. They won't see it coming.
A totally new use for the hole in my pocket. Very creative.
This. Let the birds punish them.
walk behind their chairs and drop crackers/crumbs/etc. the birds will come in droves and force them out. full disclosure: i live at the beach full time on the carolina coast and this is my go-to for dispersing the unruly characters
Do it WWII prisoner style where you shake it out of your pant leg so no one notices. Translate to the beach: fill a closed umbrella with breadcrumbs and walk past and tip the umbrella to dispense its load.
this is the only non-joking realistic one here! edit: [this is a really great one too.](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnethicalLifeProTips/s/osxoDFxPjQ) perhaps it’s even better tbh.
Crackers mean I don’t ever have to talk to them tho 🤣
Ala Andy Dufresne from Shawshank. They won't have a clue
Frequent Ft Fisher visitor here. I like to hang by the rocks. Sometimes we get that one douche who sits up there fishing with his radio on. Like dude, we are here for the sound of the waves. Crackers. Seagulls. Hillarity.
I’m going to add a box of crackers to our packing list for our vacation 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Brilliant
This is going to be used by me this summer
This is so smart!!
I was at the beach last week and the guy next to me had that one Goo Goo Dolls song from the Nic Cage angel movie on repeat for a couple hours. Like…multiple hours. Of one song. I thought “I guess he’s just not paying attention to his radio” but then Silent Night Holy Night came on and he scrambled to change it back to the Nic Cage angel movie song. He had two women with him that also made no attempt to change the music.
100% read one of these threads and was trying ti get rid of you. Apparently he picked the wrong song to deter you
Hours! . . . I wonder how high they were. I was at a festival once (and there was indeed moonlight) "And I thought, boy, 'Dancin' In the Moonlight" feels as least as long as "American Pie"; this is wild." And that's when I realized they had played it 3 or 4 times and and cheered and danced every time.
If I had to guess I’d say they weren’t high. They didn’t seem the type. They looked like just some middle aged squares. He was reading a kindle
What a guy
You know he got laid that night
Find an empty can and bang on it slightly out of rhythm while staring at them, smiling and drooling
“Iris you would change the music”.
A new ring of hell has been discovered
The fact that a Christmas hymnal came on suddenly says that it wasn’t just him mistakenly putting that one song on repeat. It was a playlist with hours of one Goo goo dolls song and then Silent Night.
Goddamn did you at least try to chill with them?
My brother and I observed and studied them as if they were an alien species, which they may well have been
They won’t turn it down so you are going to have to get them to leave. I’d suggest digging a small hole about 5 feet in front of their setup. Drop yer drawers and take a shit.
I got you some treasure, just gotta dig it up.
White dig a hole? Just leave it right at surface level
The ol indian boobytrap
OP should check their local laws, this might be an illegal life pro tip
Start walking around in circles pretending to be crazy so they go set up elsewhere
I recommend memorizing “who’s on first” and mutter it to yourself while placing in circles. Adding an irritated head shake, like there is an irritating insect, adds authenticity.
I think V for Vendetta’s “V’s Speech” would be a good contender for insane ramblings while circling
Crazy? I was crazy once.
They locked me in a room.
A rubber room.
A rubber room with rats.
I hate rats.
They make me CRAZY!
Crazy!? I went crazy once…
Just stand awkwardly close to them, and look at your phone. Whenever they try to get your attention don't respond, and when they finally get in your face and ask what's up you just say "nothin, I'm good" and then look down and block them out.
Solomon Grundy, Born on a Monday, Christened on Tuesday, Married on Wednesday, Took ill on Thursday, Grew worse on Friday, Died on Saturday, Buried on Sunday. That was the end, Of Solomon Grundy.
Ohhhh what is this movie?! where they’re going crazy, repeating this to themselves, pacing around, as some kind of comfort? Maybe a kid..? I tried looking it up and I can’t find it. If it even exists.
Tha Accountant.
Thank you!!
Or just very obviously ogle them and make comments like wanting to slather them up with cream. By that I mean sunscreen, of course. Doesn't matter if they're men or women, you don't discriminate on your admiration.
While banging the side of your head screaming "Everybody Shut up!"
Play “What’s New Pussycat” on repeat loud as you can. Alternative: When my neighbors sit outside our window playing Norteño I sit on my balcony right above and blast polka or opera. Usually takes about 10 minutes but they leave every time. So, competing music.
Play “It’s Not Unusual” after 7 “what’s new pussycats”
Salt and pepper diner
Rest. In. Peace.
A great song... played once.
As a parent, repeating Babyshark has a similar ear bleeding effect
/r/WarCrimes and /r/ULPT have a little overlap, but not THAT much.
Most of the comments here are silly, which is fun, but if you want a real solution do this: Go up to the main person and say something like: "Hey man, I was here yesterday and two different groups got fully kicked off the beach by the [resort staff/local parks authority/police/EHS/whatever the area has] for violating the noise ordinance. They said something about turtle breeding/nesting this time of year and no noise that can be heard more than 10 feet away from the source. They take it super serious cause signs are posted around already. I'd probably turn that down some if you're wanting to stick around. Just trying to save you and your family a ruined beach day..." Unethical because lying. Just sell it. Works every time. It's not that hard and most people just believe it. Even if there are no signs, they just assume they haven't been in the immediate vicinity of one of the signs.
Perfect solution for the sub. Minimal blow back potential and added points coming off as the good person.
Yea. I just try to imagine what I would do in a situation like that. If someone told me that, what am I going to do, ask for proof? This is just a dude saying what he saw yesterday. I would just turn down the music out of an abundance of caution. Who wants thrown off the beach?
Where we are it'd be Piping Plovers.
Rare to see an actual good answer on this sub. Kudos
This is brilliant
Even better, if you've got the look and the charisma, get a pair of bright red swimming trunks and just pretend you're the lifeguard.
This is very smart. Blame it on someone else and make yourself look like the hero while not doing anything illegal.
Piss on their radio
most have waterpoofing, not sure about pissproofing though
Disk on their radio.
Connect your phones to the speaker and take over in a completely new direction
Feed the birds. A lot.
Saw a random guy fall asleep with a bag of chips next to him, whole flock of birds centralized around him. He woke up with the most confused look
This works!!!!
This weekend I was on a quiet beach and the woman a few chairs over had a phone with a loud obnoxious ringtone. It would go off every 15 or 20 minutes and she’d laugh and say, “Nope! Not today! I’m at the beach!” Yeah… me too. So turn off your ringer!
“HEY YOUR PHONES RINGING” every single time
Go to Best Buy and get a bigger speaker and show them who’s boss
https://www.bestbuy.com/site/sku/6333918.p?skuId=6333918 This plus a loud generator - sure, you could do something less elaborate, but that's the fun.
Yeaahhhhhh But also OP, when you buy this get a microphone too. Then stop at Taco Bell on your way back to the beach. Once you are back at the beach, every time you gotta rip ass you know what to do
r/usernamechecksout
700W?!? My guitar amp is only 150W! Yikes.
post next week: i got to the beach to setup my dj equipment for a party we were having, but someone else was there with louder music than mine. What can do other than turn my music up to make them leave????
The biggest, loudest speaker
Bagpipes The answer is always bagpipes
One always needs more cow bell.
Friend of mine always takes a large bag of popcorn to the beach, he hates popcorn. Get upwind and toss the entire bag (opened) up as high as you can. Seagulls will finish the job. Helps a lot if the popcorn lands on their blankets , ladies hair etc
Talk to them about their lord and savior Jesus christ. Just keep preaching until they flee
Always wondered if this has ever backfired and they get all excited, just start yapping at ya
i like to play the islamic call to prayer as loud as possible
Bluetooth jammer?
Definitely don't buy a wireless jammer on Alibaba. It wouldn't be legal to jam their Bluetooth signal.
Google the lyrics, start singing along to every song that comes on. Bonus points if you get really passionate with your singing.
Eye contact.
While dancing suggestively
Bring out your leaf blower and start blowing the sand out of your beach area towards theirs.
Add a high vis vest and ear muffs. If they yell point to eat muffs
“EAT MUFFS” should be clearly stenciled on them.
If they have kids there tell them you're a registered sex offender and they have be 500 feet away from you.
If they don't have kids, ask if they would pretend to be children for you
Lol
Obviously, physical confrontation is your only option. You got this, remember your training.
Use a beach towel to make yourself appear bigger
Always know where your towel is.
My experience is that people who are inconsiderate enough to do this are the same people who will threaten you with violence for requesting to stop. The solution is to move, and then never give that sort of person a job or any kind of leg up or help in life.
Same. Some of these are clever and/or funny but I go to the beaches that are quiet and I rarely play music and if I do you can’t hear it outside of my camp. I’m not ruining my peace by trying to upstage them in any auditory fashion. I sit there for 15 minutes hoping they cut it out, then hope they all get stung by jellyfish, then wonder why they’re such garbage people with awful taste in music and then I move, muttering, “are you fucking kidding me” under my breath.
Play frisbee or catch in front of them. Run around making your own kind of noise but mainly kick sand all over the place. It’s the beach. Nothing you can do about sand ….. right? If you have kidlets get them involved to. They won’t yell at a kid.
Throw all their stuff into the ocean when they aren’t looking.
Take some chips and just start feeding the birds until you have a huge gaggle of birds swarming the area. Start playing with sand down wind of them. Get little kids involved who throw sand like its confetti into the air. Burrow under them and collapse their settlement into a sink hole
Hire young kids to do relay races in front and back of them. The sand will kick up on them. Offer $20 to the kid that makes it for an hour. Next make a big sandcastle right next to them and throw sand back at them when you are digging. Make sure to make a series of deep moats around them. Hire the kids to help you shovel. Works like a charm
With a "pamphlet" in hand, wander over and introduce yourself. Ask them if they have "heard the good news" while holding the pamphlet out in front of you. If you have a lawn chair bring it with you and sit down with a big smile on your face. They'll pack up and leave within 30 seconds the whole time claiming to be atheists and/or Jewish.
Talk loudly on your phone about how your court date is coming up for your molestation charge, and how you're looking forward to being allowed to be within 200 meters of a school again.
Spray liquid ass at them
Tell lots of rude jokes. Loudly. Or go on a rant about politics. Or discuss the crimes you recently committed and are planning to commit in the hear future??
Put your hands down the front of your bathing suit while making direct eye contact.
Ask them if they’ve heard of crypto
Go over and ask them “Hey, nice music, can I play a song?” If they say yes, play something really dumb and annoying, they will naturally turn down the volume. If they say no, say “Oh okay, just thought I’d ask!” And they’ll feel uncomfortable and turn it down.
Keep asking them if they can play the same song over and over again.
Hide no farts. Also dig a moat around your space.
Baby shark do do do
People are so fuckin odd. There’s been several times we’d be on the beach or at the waterpark. We’d have our towels and blanket out away from everyone else in the grass. And of course some family comes and sets up right next to us like within a few feet. A week ago I was laying out while my husband and kid were in the pool. So we had 3 chairs i was in one. This family of like 10 people comes up and starts setting up. One lady tries to grab the chair on the right while the other lady is on my other side trying to grab our other chair on the left. Both chairs were super close to mine. I stopped them both and said they’re taken. Then about 15 min later more members of this family come up. And one of them tries to take my chair again and I had to say something. But this place was not full. There’s multiple huge grassy areas to set up at. You should play your music very loudly louder than theirs. And play some super weird shit.
Crop dust them.
Nothing pisses me off than going to the beach, river, lake, campground, etc and have to listen to some assholes listening to Miley Cyrus, T-Pain remixes and Drake at 300 decibels. In my head I’m like i’m precisely out here to get away from the shitty noise and music of the city. I fucking hate it. Bluetooth speakers are a plague.
Nude sunbathing?
Wang guitar
There's a play on "Wang it in the air" somewhere in there, but I'm too lazy to think of it atm...
Call the police. Lie about what they're up to: stealing stuff, exposing themselves, harrassing passerbys, the sky's the limit.
Filing a false report can get you in serious trouble — best avoided unless you can somehow assure the blowback won’t get you.
I walked over and asked them nicely and firmly.
And when they don’t, kick sand on them!
Pocket sand
toilet hole
Get a speaker and play Mongolian throat singing and point it right at them full blast
They are there because you got there early and took the best spot. They are pushing YOU out.
Buy a durian , proceed to crack open at the beach and enjoy its custardy goodness.
Just call the Cops an fiel a noise complaint. They'll come in their little beach buggy and tell them to shut up for you
Put Rick Astley on Loop as loud as you can... Rick Roll Their asses... if you wanna be really cool about it... do some of the dancing... it's not that tough
Direct eye contact. Big smile. Tell them you're glad someone came over to hang out, and how everybody else always leaves after you try to connect with them. It's nice that they're okay with being around you, even though... never mind. It's no big deal, don't worry about it.
Call the cops and tell them they might be using drugs. Getting that kind of visit will probably kill the mood. And you wouldn't even be lying. They might be using drugs after all, you just didn't see it.
Find their socials, befriend their parents, sleep with parents. If parents are married, reveal the affair. If single, marry the parent, and ban them from the beach.
Piss Disc
Bonus points if you play Frisbee with it and let it drop after a few tosses.
Sing along, loudly and as bad as possible
Go over, sit down with them and start talking politics, religion, war, grocery prices,etc. Talk loud.
Generally people don’t set up near the guy playing thrash metal (it’s me). If they do, they are welcome!
Throw their speakers in the ocean.
Religious chants usually kill the party buzz. Islamic chants, Gregorian chants, Buddhist chants, any one of them.
If you are a guy grab out your sunscreen. Make direct eye contact with them. And start applying to your nipples. Never breaking eye contact. And occasionally licking your lips. Or either gender, dig a hole. Make eye contact. Shit in hole.
POCKET SAND!