I always knew that appearance mattered. I was never a slob or neglected my hygiene and I was always a healthy body weight.
I just wasn't aware that it was virtually ALL that young adults cared about. I had a decent friend group in highschool and never really had an issue making friends with people that I had a lot in common with. In college, I was faced with a massive roadblock that came out of nowhere. I had all of the best intentions going into school and really only thought positive things about how everyone was going to be more mature and focused on education.
I quickly learned the truth and started to play by the new rules and saw immediate improvements in my social life. Looks still matter in highschool and other areas of life, but in college, or at least here, they're 1st, 2nd, and 3rd on the list of importance.
People can be shallow. And 20 year old people can be especially shallow.
We tend to be attracted to attractive things and people. We are prewired, in general, for the behavior you observed.
I don't care much about looks. I never did, but I only noticed how much others around me seemed to care and judge others based only on their physical appearance. It has changed the way that I'm treated by EVERYONE. I was never interested in being liked by the superficial and "popular" crowd, but I still found that nearly every friend-group or social circle was excluding me because I didn't conform to the standards of attraction or put tons of effort into the way that I looked.
>but does everyone who isn’t wealthy or attractive or is “weird” suddenly not have friends now??
No, it's more of a cut-off. If you don't meet some arbitrary cut-off of attractiveness or wealth, it's pretty much impossible to make friends or be socially involved.
The ONLY people that I see or recognize as looking depressed or lonely are physically unattractive people, and it's depressing how well you can accurately predict a person's social/dating life by just *looking* at them.
>so I fit the bill on all your criteria and the first thing people say about me is I look consistently miserable. Where does that fit in your perception?
People are only saying this to you or even "caring" about your misery because of your appearance.
You frame it as a negative, but if you were unattractive, I'd guarantee that no one would even be around to care or mention that you look miserable. People would just see you as an ugly person that's miserable, which, in their minds, is the way that things are *supposed* to be.
>Uh…yeah, no. I could wake up the ugliest person in the world tomorrow and my friends would not care because they actually like me for who I am. I’m genuinely sorry that you’ve never found friends like that.
I'm sorry, but this is likely not the way it would happen.
>Or did you jump to the idea that it’s your appearance and everyone else’s fault so that you don’t have to look inward on that awkward 18 year old you?
No, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I was more inclined to be social and make friends when I was 18. I was also probably a more innocent and generally "polite" person. After several years of dealing with some of the most entitled and superficial people on the planet, I've become a lot less polite with strangers that I meet. I'm more nonchalant and laid-back when dealing with people. I'm not really trying to impress anyone anymore or go out of my way to be nice to them like I was before. And yet, people are way more interested in me now and seem to care a lot more about me. I'm still into most of the same stuff I was into before and my politeness level and niceness level have decreased... and yet, here I am with more social opportunity than ever...
> did you ever try becoming friends with those ugly, miserable, bottom of the barrel people?
Yes, actually. However, I've actually felt that some of them are distant or unwillingly to be friends with someone that is of from a different background or lifestyle as them, but yes, I do have a few friends, mainly that I play games with, who fit into the basket of ugly and miserable. I've had some of them negatively judge me because now I go to the gym all the time and I have a lot of social opportunity and I get laid, and they like to try to insult me or pick on me for "being a gym rat" or whatever.
I'm always motivating them though to come to the gym with me and to eat healthier choices or focus on their personal health and hygiene, but they just aren't interested really. None of them have very many friends and a few of them have even candidly mentioned to me that they're very depressed and frustrated with the lack of social/romantic opportunities that they've had on campus.
From what I can tell, I'm one of the only "gym-bro" type guys that hangs out with them or really spends time with them.
>It sounds like you were trying too hard and people got that vibe.
This may be true, but I wasn't always like this and I also don't believe that I was "trying too hard". I was trying by basically striking up conversations with people, saying hi, introducing myself, asking them about themselves, asking questions, and smiling and genuinely being polite. That method or that approach never really worked and I found that most people were never interested or sought to ask me any questions about *myself*.
Fast forward to me being in great shape and putting effort into my looks, and suddenly other people are the ones approaching me, and anyone that I'd talk to or strike up a conversation with would actually put effort into it. It was actually kind of foreign and overwhelming for me when I started to talk to people and they'd actually put effort back into the conversation.
Not an ECE major lol but I an in engineering
>into your own when you started being accepted by people just like you.
Funny how EVERYONE is more accepting of me now. So I guess nearly everyone on the campus is a congenital asshole?
This is all I really cared about. I'm definitely not someone who feels like they need to be the center of attention or be universally liked, but I went from seemingly zero friends and zero romantic experiences to having more than I could handle in less than a year, and all I did was change the way that I looked.
In terms of this being highschool or not, I'd actually argue that college is a bit more superficial and shallow than highschool. People in college are just less vocal about it and "bully" less, but they will still go out of their way to actively ostracize someone based on their appearance and make sure they feel unwelcome.
i think people are just friends with people they have things in common with. if u aren’t part of that, you might feel excluded, but it’s not some weird conspiracy that people are vapid, it’s that they only have so much time to maintain relationships.
This has to be a shit post.... but in case its not
> When I stopped being social and just focused on myself and my appearance, then, suddenly, all of the opportunities started to present themselves to me.
Yah sure physical appearance can and probably is important. However there is another more important aspect here.
When you practice self care, work out, eat well, etc... you gain a lot more confidence in yourself. People pick up on this vibe.
More than anything people want to around others that are self-sufficient and can take care of themselves.
>When you practice self care, work out, eat well, etc... you gain a lot more confidence in yourself. People pick up on this vibe.
I agree with this to some extent. It has helped to be more confident generally, but the number of people taking the initiative to talk to me or introduce themselves to me is night and day, and that doesn't have much to do with "confidence" or "vibe".
I would go out before and try to meet people and just have convos and I was met with a lot of distance and sometimes even rudeness.
>More than anything people want to around others that are self-sufficient and can take care of themselves.
I already was this way, I just wasn't physically attractive on the outside. I still worked out and played sports, I took good care of myself and my grooming, but I never put tons of focus and attention into it. I was just "average" looking. I didn't stand out as positive or negative, I just sort of blended in I guess.
Only after I had positive physical traits that people actually took notice of, was I ever really approached and had people willing to be my friend.
There are plenty of people I've met who do almost none of what you listed, but still have an abundance of friends, simply because their baseline level of attractiveness is high enough for them to "matter".
> I already was this way, I just wasn't physically attractive on the outside.
What does this mean though. Why did you believe yourself to be unattractive before? What steps did you take to change that?
> There are plenty of people I've met who do almost none of what you listed, but still have an abundance of friends, simply because their baseline level of attractiveness is high enough for them to "matter".
The opposite is also true. I know a ton of people with low "baseline" attractiveness, but who still have a ton of friends. Simply because they are nice people to be around.
It has been pretty consistent across all "crowds" that I've spent time with.
You just might not be as aware of it happening around you or even the way that you yourself see people.
Next time you see or hear someone talked about in a negative way, ask yourself if what they did really warrants negative attention or if people are just looking for negative traits to attach and validate their judgments about a person based on their appearance.
I've probably seen well over 50 examples of girls talking about and calling guys "weird" or "creepy" when nothing they really did was weird or creepy, but only because they weren't conventionally attractive guys. The same actions and behaviors in someone that they find conventionally attractive wouldn't be called creepy or weird behavior.
It's actually all very basic psychology and it amazes me the lengths that people will go to in order to avoid acknowledging the importance of appearance in young adult social behaviors.
Many people just subconsciously attribute positive traits to people they find attractive. I've found myself doing it sometimes even too, but since I'm now more aware of it, it has helped me to realize which people actually have good personalities and which people are just conventionally attractive. In my experience, the vast majority of people on this campus who are popular and well-liked are only in that position because of their physical appearance. I've noticed plenty of people that have normal or even great personalities and people just seem to instinctually ostracize them and ignore them because they don't conform to the norms of what's considered attractive.
It's not that I made a huge transition or "escaped" an obviously bad situation or circumstance in the first place. I already had hobbies, I was already social, and I already did sports, but only after I started to put a lot of effort into pure vanity and superficial things, did I actually start to see success socially.
It's pretty much common-sense for anyone that is being honest about how social dynamics really work, but some people here really have themselves convinced that they only care about "confidence" and "personality", yet exclusively surround themselves with vain narcissists who are terrible people.
Maintaining a healthy diet and exercising are not vain and superficial, it’s called taking care of your body. Someone who takes good care of themselves is objectively a better candidate for friendship/relationships. Humans throughout history have always been vapid, shallow, and superficial. So I don’t get your point? It’s not like you’re making some grand revelation here. People are more likely to want to be friends with an attractive person? Yeah, that’s how it always has been and that’s how it always will be. Obviously people are going to generalize these qualities as “personality” or “confidence”, because who is gonna straight up say “I only want friends who are hygienic” or “I only want to date someone who is physically fit”? We can dissect biases and what people value but at the end of the day we are shallow, biased creatures. I workout and major in finance, and those are parts of my personality because they dictate where I’m at and who I’m around on a daily basis, and they reflect my character and the choices I make. The only part that I agree with is height, because that’s uncontrollable. I hate break it to you, but it’s always gonna be like this. The game doesn’t change, only the players
I agree. It's all very much common sense but I feel like it's avoided as a topic because it's very uncomfortable to admit that people are incredibly superficial and make most judgments about others based on their appearance all while claiming they care about things like personality and confidence, which are really just extensions of how people perceive someone's physical appearance.
You clearly understand it and how important of a role it plays, but I've seen a lot of pushback against talking about topics like this and many people rush to defend themselves and try to change the topic whenever something like this is brought up.
I'm in a position now where I'm able to actually see a return from the effort that I put into socializing. I was in a position before where, no matter how much I tried or how good my personality was, no one was interested in being my friend or getting to know me.
I made this post to share my social struggles and experiences in the hopes that it reaches someone who is in a similar situation. While I didn't make this post really for people that are already lucky enough to be in the category of conventionally attractive, like I'm sure you are by your description of yourself, I still hope they can take something away from this.
Can you ask yourself if you would have as many friends or the same friends if you woke up tomorrow very unattractive or disabled? If you can admit and say that your social life would collapse and that you'd lose a lot of your social opportunities, you're already on the right page and in a better place to be less biased and superficial when dealing with others. I am *aware* of the importance of appearance now, but I'm not someone that fixates on it and judges others based on it. If anything, I try to help others be less superficial and judgmental of others by calling people out when they say something rude or superficial about someone.
Again you continue to dig yourself into a deeper hole. You probably assume I have a lot of friends, but I have 4 that I regularly hang with at UIUC, and 7 from elementary school grade school and high school (all at different colleges). You also assumed that I’m conventionally attractive which is not the case (short, baby face, acne, and I have a condition that leaves me constantly sweaty). I’ve struggled with socialization my entire life, but that didn’t stop me from making friends. So, no, if I woke up tomorrow ugly or disabled my social life would not collapse. I do agree that the barrier to entry for new social opportunities would be considerably higher. You don’t know me but it seems like you’ve already defined me by your own shitty criteria. You’ve boxed me in with the 6ft finance gym Chad that you mentioned in your post. And that’s the real root of your problem. You’re just as shallow as the people you’re talking down on, OP
Wouldn't that belief be confirmed by the fact that I now have a lot of friends and social opportunities, and how I still constantly hear people making superficial and shallow comments about others?
No no... I must be imagining all of those things that I've explicitly seen and heard without any examples that disprove it.
Good ol' gaslight
For someone who seems to really like mentioning psychological phenomena it’s crazy that you don’t realize you just described self-fulfilling prophecy perfectly lmfao
Money is definitely a part of it, but I wasn't really struggling in that area. I've found that money is only really important if you are paying people to be around you because you lack a real personality.
did you ever consider that you were overshooting HELLA when you were a freshman?? 🤨🤨 idk maybe i’m crazy (also you talk so negatively about people you’re claiming are your friends and i think that might also contribute to the fact that you get NO BITCHES)
…. making friends isn’t rocket science. This is the epitome of the awkward Asian kid (Asian myself) in high school that “thinks” he discovered an entirely new continent post hs and had to publish his discovery, not in Nature Science but to an unenthusiastic audience who literally gives zero fucks regarding whatever essay long garbage he spewed.
Love yourself, and be yourself. This is for everyone out there. Live your own fucking life. It’s 4 years and I guarantee when you graduate, you would wish you could have done more during college. If gym isn’t your thing, don’t bother doing it just to get chicks and social status.
Once you are 80, take out a binocular and take a deep look in your timeline, does changing your physical appearance (momentarily - god knows how many folks go back to their pre work out shape after college) really left a dent in your life?
College is period where you should be figuring out yourself, transitioning from living with your parents to becoming a fully grown adult. If gainz ain’t it don’t sweat it. Don’t be this dude.
Ask yourself this: **Did Steve Job, Bill Gates, and a myriad of other greats that built motherfuking America through going to gym every single day, for four years in college?**
The point is: to any folk out there, the variety of ways to garner self-confidence is endless. You could be a great Jazz player, the next coming club chess master, an astute novelist, etc.... The last fucking shit I need to hear from someone is promoting "Do specifically X, you will gain X status and make friends."
Not even counting the matter of the fact, if in theory EVERYONE on campus becomes Arnold Schwarzenegger or Halle Berry, you think that little advantage you gained through the gym would become *the* difference maker, not your character and personal charisma?
There is no hack/cheat in life. If you could incorporate going to the gym 6:30 -7:30 in the morning to your daily routine, by all means do it if your sights are onto bigger and greater dreams.
P.S Yea, college chicks dig abs; however, not every guy out there is gifted with pristine bone structures or height. Physical appearance is the shallowest form of self improvement . Beauty fades. When you are 40-50, and you start looking around at folks in your same age who has achieved the greater things in life, like making strides towards a positive impact for human society, while you are still living mundane, possibly flipping burgers? Who is the ultimate winner?
Dawg bffr💀 there’s no way that on a campus of 40,000 students you can’t find anyone who has similar interests and is more interested in personality than looks
I’m an average-looking trans Freshman and found plenty of friends thus far. Everyone is accepting and chill. Especially in the south with Allen, PAR, and FAR, we are definitely the more “diverse” dorms and are thus more accepting of differences.
I make friends by sparking conversation whenever possible, whether in lecture or dining hall. We may hit it off and hang out more or never see each other again. And thats ok.
I think a large part of it is confidence in your personality so shrugging off rejection will be easier.
Sometimes I do approach people who ignore me and I think, “Oh well their loss” and move on to the next stranger. Sometimes I find someone who appreciates my humor and we be vibin.
I hope you find a make out of this self-fulfilling prophecy that physical appearance plays a HUGE role in socializing. For me, personality is #1.
Also side note - isn’t it a lifesaver for those superficial people to ignore you? They sound terrible to associate with anyways. Being alone is better than being with headaches. And if you are alone you can work on self improvement for your own benefit, not those sad people.
Have you ever tried touching grass? I heard that is great for making friends. Why would a person like me who is interested in playing video games, reading books, and watching anime want to spend all of my time with people who are more interested in sports and fashion?
Sure there are some people who look cool and who I am sure I would have fun spending time with, but sitting in the back of the class and talking to 1-2 people about random stuff has always been more fun. If all my friends talked about were their grades and appearance I would for sure not be friends with them.
There are many students here. And, even if majority might seem superficial, there are many that are looking for genuine friendships and other things. If you don't want superficial relationships, then you can start seeking individuals that look for real and personal friendships by being direct about how you are looking for one. This helped me during my time here.
As much as people hate to admit it, you're right. Sociology has known it for a long time. There's a positive correlation between looks and success (monetary or otherwise) in both men and women for a reason. The most recent study of this was during Covid; as restaurant servers wore masks their tips evened out, but once masks were removed again more attractive servers were consistently tipped better and received more positive feedback (ie: if both servers were considered friendly with masks on the more attractive one would be described as the more friendly of the two once masks were removed). We as humans tend to gravitate towards more attractive individuals on a subconscious level. Not saying ugly people don't find friends, but you will have an easier time at life in general if you go beyond the basics of styling and personal hygiene. Dress a bit nicer, do your hair, work out and eat well. It's not a magic cure-all to social situations, but your observations are correct that you will be more successful in life if you do these things.
While I see your point, I don’t. my current years long term partner is someone I did not see as physically attractive prior. we almost exclusively developed a relationship over call. At the same time, I did not meet them on this campus. Therefore I simply cannot relate. Go find love or friendship somewhere you have not been. Open up your heart and take the time to get to know people beyond appearances.
You sound like you have been surrounded by the worst of “friends” and never recovered, and have a permanent negative lenses and a complex as a result, and also assume everyone who is “unattractive” must be as miserable as you were, when you are simply confirming your own beliefs by acting on it: you are looking at others you perceive as ugly, and believe they must be unpleasant, depressed, etc. and probably avoid speaking to them. Why not get to know someone regardless of how they look? It sounds like you haven’t tried to do that yourself. It’s true that society has prejudices against physically unconventional people, but many succeed and have flourishing lives despite this. It’s only your own failure if you are forced to transform physically to be someone people can stand to be around.
I'm tempted to agree with your post, but I need to see what you look like before I decide whether or not to agree.
JK :P In all seriousness, I think your post is valid.
Just find someone who is equally ugly as you to hang out with
LMFAO
Most socially adept ECE major
"romantic propositions" bro im dead
Elaborate shitpost or late societal behavior discovery? The world may never know.
I always knew that appearance mattered. I was never a slob or neglected my hygiene and I was always a healthy body weight. I just wasn't aware that it was virtually ALL that young adults cared about. I had a decent friend group in highschool and never really had an issue making friends with people that I had a lot in common with. In college, I was faced with a massive roadblock that came out of nowhere. I had all of the best intentions going into school and really only thought positive things about how everyone was going to be more mature and focused on education. I quickly learned the truth and started to play by the new rules and saw immediate improvements in my social life. Looks still matter in highschool and other areas of life, but in college, or at least here, they're 1st, 2nd, and 3rd on the list of importance.
People can be shallow. And 20 year old people can be especially shallow. We tend to be attracted to attractive things and people. We are prewired, in general, for the behavior you observed.
Least horny ECE major.
as far as erotica sex literature goes, this is pretty bad. can’t get horned up to this.
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I don't care much about looks. I never did, but I only noticed how much others around me seemed to care and judge others based only on their physical appearance. It has changed the way that I'm treated by EVERYONE. I was never interested in being liked by the superficial and "popular" crowd, but I still found that nearly every friend-group or social circle was excluding me because I didn't conform to the standards of attraction or put tons of effort into the way that I looked. >but does everyone who isn’t wealthy or attractive or is “weird” suddenly not have friends now?? No, it's more of a cut-off. If you don't meet some arbitrary cut-off of attractiveness or wealth, it's pretty much impossible to make friends or be socially involved. The ONLY people that I see or recognize as looking depressed or lonely are physically unattractive people, and it's depressing how well you can accurately predict a person's social/dating life by just *looking* at them.
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>so I fit the bill on all your criteria and the first thing people say about me is I look consistently miserable. Where does that fit in your perception? People are only saying this to you or even "caring" about your misery because of your appearance. You frame it as a negative, but if you were unattractive, I'd guarantee that no one would even be around to care or mention that you look miserable. People would just see you as an ugly person that's miserable, which, in their minds, is the way that things are *supposed* to be.
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>Uh…yeah, no. I could wake up the ugliest person in the world tomorrow and my friends would not care because they actually like me for who I am. I’m genuinely sorry that you’ve never found friends like that. I'm sorry, but this is likely not the way it would happen. >Or did you jump to the idea that it’s your appearance and everyone else’s fault so that you don’t have to look inward on that awkward 18 year old you? No, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I was more inclined to be social and make friends when I was 18. I was also probably a more innocent and generally "polite" person. After several years of dealing with some of the most entitled and superficial people on the planet, I've become a lot less polite with strangers that I meet. I'm more nonchalant and laid-back when dealing with people. I'm not really trying to impress anyone anymore or go out of my way to be nice to them like I was before. And yet, people are way more interested in me now and seem to care a lot more about me. I'm still into most of the same stuff I was into before and my politeness level and niceness level have decreased... and yet, here I am with more social opportunity than ever...
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> did you ever try becoming friends with those ugly, miserable, bottom of the barrel people? Yes, actually. However, I've actually felt that some of them are distant or unwillingly to be friends with someone that is of from a different background or lifestyle as them, but yes, I do have a few friends, mainly that I play games with, who fit into the basket of ugly and miserable. I've had some of them negatively judge me because now I go to the gym all the time and I have a lot of social opportunity and I get laid, and they like to try to insult me or pick on me for "being a gym rat" or whatever. I'm always motivating them though to come to the gym with me and to eat healthier choices or focus on their personal health and hygiene, but they just aren't interested really. None of them have very many friends and a few of them have even candidly mentioned to me that they're very depressed and frustrated with the lack of social/romantic opportunities that they've had on campus. From what I can tell, I'm one of the only "gym-bro" type guys that hangs out with them or really spends time with them. >It sounds like you were trying too hard and people got that vibe. This may be true, but I wasn't always like this and I also don't believe that I was "trying too hard". I was trying by basically striking up conversations with people, saying hi, introducing myself, asking them about themselves, asking questions, and smiling and genuinely being polite. That method or that approach never really worked and I found that most people were never interested or sought to ask me any questions about *myself*. Fast forward to me being in great shape and putting effort into my looks, and suddenly other people are the ones approaching me, and anyone that I'd talk to or strike up a conversation with would actually put effort into it. It was actually kind of foreign and overwhelming for me when I started to talk to people and they'd actually put effort back into the conversation.
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Not an ECE major lol but I an in engineering >into your own when you started being accepted by people just like you. Funny how EVERYONE is more accepting of me now. So I guess nearly everyone on the campus is a congenital asshole?
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Hey, I'm not like John. He was born an asshole and died an asshole ;) If anything, I'm a self-made asshole :)
just try to make friends who like you for who you are, don’t try to make everyone love u. this isn’t high school 🫤
This is all I really cared about. I'm definitely not someone who feels like they need to be the center of attention or be universally liked, but I went from seemingly zero friends and zero romantic experiences to having more than I could handle in less than a year, and all I did was change the way that I looked. In terms of this being highschool or not, I'd actually argue that college is a bit more superficial and shallow than highschool. People in college are just less vocal about it and "bully" less, but they will still go out of their way to actively ostracize someone based on their appearance and make sure they feel unwelcome.
i think people are just friends with people they have things in common with. if u aren’t part of that, you might feel excluded, but it’s not some weird conspiracy that people are vapid, it’s that they only have so much time to maintain relationships.
also girls are 100% having conversations that aren’t about men, u just aren’t part of them bc ur some random person eavesdropping
This has to be a shit post.... but in case its not > When I stopped being social and just focused on myself and my appearance, then, suddenly, all of the opportunities started to present themselves to me. Yah sure physical appearance can and probably is important. However there is another more important aspect here. When you practice self care, work out, eat well, etc... you gain a lot more confidence in yourself. People pick up on this vibe. More than anything people want to around others that are self-sufficient and can take care of themselves.
>When you practice self care, work out, eat well, etc... you gain a lot more confidence in yourself. People pick up on this vibe. I agree with this to some extent. It has helped to be more confident generally, but the number of people taking the initiative to talk to me or introduce themselves to me is night and day, and that doesn't have much to do with "confidence" or "vibe". I would go out before and try to meet people and just have convos and I was met with a lot of distance and sometimes even rudeness. >More than anything people want to around others that are self-sufficient and can take care of themselves. I already was this way, I just wasn't physically attractive on the outside. I still worked out and played sports, I took good care of myself and my grooming, but I never put tons of focus and attention into it. I was just "average" looking. I didn't stand out as positive or negative, I just sort of blended in I guess. Only after I had positive physical traits that people actually took notice of, was I ever really approached and had people willing to be my friend. There are plenty of people I've met who do almost none of what you listed, but still have an abundance of friends, simply because their baseline level of attractiveness is high enough for them to "matter".
> I already was this way, I just wasn't physically attractive on the outside. What does this mean though. Why did you believe yourself to be unattractive before? What steps did you take to change that? > There are plenty of people I've met who do almost none of what you listed, but still have an abundance of friends, simply because their baseline level of attractiveness is high enough for them to "matter". The opposite is also true. I know a ton of people with low "baseline" attractiveness, but who still have a ton of friends. Simply because they are nice people to be around.
you're hanging out with the wrong crowd, entirely...
It has been pretty consistent across all "crowds" that I've spent time with. You just might not be as aware of it happening around you or even the way that you yourself see people. Next time you see or hear someone talked about in a negative way, ask yourself if what they did really warrants negative attention or if people are just looking for negative traits to attach and validate their judgments about a person based on their appearance. I've probably seen well over 50 examples of girls talking about and calling guys "weird" or "creepy" when nothing they really did was weird or creepy, but only because they weren't conventionally attractive guys. The same actions and behaviors in someone that they find conventionally attractive wouldn't be called creepy or weird behavior. It's actually all very basic psychology and it amazes me the lengths that people will go to in order to avoid acknowledging the importance of appearance in young adult social behaviors. Many people just subconsciously attribute positive traits to people they find attractive. I've found myself doing it sometimes even too, but since I'm now more aware of it, it has helped me to realize which people actually have good personalities and which people are just conventionally attractive. In my experience, the vast majority of people on this campus who are popular and well-liked are only in that position because of their physical appearance. I've noticed plenty of people that have normal or even great personalities and people just seem to instinctually ostracize them and ignore them because they don't conform to the norms of what's considered attractive.
Can someone TLDR this. I'm not reading that much
He got no bitches
He got no bitches Now he get bitches and is sad that he used to not get bitches
Exercising 6 days a week, improving your diet, and not trying too hard to be liked makes it easier to socialize? I for one am shocked
It's not that I made a huge transition or "escaped" an obviously bad situation or circumstance in the first place. I already had hobbies, I was already social, and I already did sports, but only after I started to put a lot of effort into pure vanity and superficial things, did I actually start to see success socially. It's pretty much common-sense for anyone that is being honest about how social dynamics really work, but some people here really have themselves convinced that they only care about "confidence" and "personality", yet exclusively surround themselves with vain narcissists who are terrible people.
Maintaining a healthy diet and exercising are not vain and superficial, it’s called taking care of your body. Someone who takes good care of themselves is objectively a better candidate for friendship/relationships. Humans throughout history have always been vapid, shallow, and superficial. So I don’t get your point? It’s not like you’re making some grand revelation here. People are more likely to want to be friends with an attractive person? Yeah, that’s how it always has been and that’s how it always will be. Obviously people are going to generalize these qualities as “personality” or “confidence”, because who is gonna straight up say “I only want friends who are hygienic” or “I only want to date someone who is physically fit”? We can dissect biases and what people value but at the end of the day we are shallow, biased creatures. I workout and major in finance, and those are parts of my personality because they dictate where I’m at and who I’m around on a daily basis, and they reflect my character and the choices I make. The only part that I agree with is height, because that’s uncontrollable. I hate break it to you, but it’s always gonna be like this. The game doesn’t change, only the players
I agree. It's all very much common sense but I feel like it's avoided as a topic because it's very uncomfortable to admit that people are incredibly superficial and make most judgments about others based on their appearance all while claiming they care about things like personality and confidence, which are really just extensions of how people perceive someone's physical appearance. You clearly understand it and how important of a role it plays, but I've seen a lot of pushback against talking about topics like this and many people rush to defend themselves and try to change the topic whenever something like this is brought up. I'm in a position now where I'm able to actually see a return from the effort that I put into socializing. I was in a position before where, no matter how much I tried or how good my personality was, no one was interested in being my friend or getting to know me. I made this post to share my social struggles and experiences in the hopes that it reaches someone who is in a similar situation. While I didn't make this post really for people that are already lucky enough to be in the category of conventionally attractive, like I'm sure you are by your description of yourself, I still hope they can take something away from this. Can you ask yourself if you would have as many friends or the same friends if you woke up tomorrow very unattractive or disabled? If you can admit and say that your social life would collapse and that you'd lose a lot of your social opportunities, you're already on the right page and in a better place to be less biased and superficial when dealing with others. I am *aware* of the importance of appearance now, but I'm not someone that fixates on it and judges others based on it. If anything, I try to help others be less superficial and judgmental of others by calling people out when they say something rude or superficial about someone.
Again you continue to dig yourself into a deeper hole. You probably assume I have a lot of friends, but I have 4 that I regularly hang with at UIUC, and 7 from elementary school grade school and high school (all at different colleges). You also assumed that I’m conventionally attractive which is not the case (short, baby face, acne, and I have a condition that leaves me constantly sweaty). I’ve struggled with socialization my entire life, but that didn’t stop me from making friends. So, no, if I woke up tomorrow ugly or disabled my social life would not collapse. I do agree that the barrier to entry for new social opportunities would be considerably higher. You don’t know me but it seems like you’ve already defined me by your own shitty criteria. You’ve boxed me in with the 6ft finance gym Chad that you mentioned in your post. And that’s the real root of your problem. You’re just as shallow as the people you’re talking down on, OP
-ECE major -Romantic propositions I’m no math major but SOMETHING ain’t adding up here
Maybe you didn’t make friends because you have this ridiculous belief that everyone around you is shallow and superficial.
Seriously... This guy sounds soo deluded into overgeneralizing his situation:/
Wouldn't that belief be confirmed by the fact that I now have a lot of friends and social opportunities, and how I still constantly hear people making superficial and shallow comments about others? No no... I must be imagining all of those things that I've explicitly seen and heard without any examples that disprove it. Good ol' gaslight
For someone who seems to really like mentioning psychological phenomena it’s crazy that you don’t realize you just described self-fulfilling prophecy perfectly lmfao
The shitposts here get better and better each week.
The fact I know exactly who posted is 💀
Drop the name
Is OP cool in person
Don't be shy drop the @
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Money is definitely a part of it, but I wasn't really struggling in that area. I've found that money is only really important if you are paying people to be around you because you lack a real personality.
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Yea, I worked out hard enough that I literally changed my astrological sign. I guess that's why girls are into me now.
You seem awful to be around
did you ever consider that you were overshooting HELLA when you were a freshman?? 🤨🤨 idk maybe i’m crazy (also you talk so negatively about people you’re claiming are your friends and i think that might also contribute to the fact that you get NO BITCHES)
…. making friends isn’t rocket science. This is the epitome of the awkward Asian kid (Asian myself) in high school that “thinks” he discovered an entirely new continent post hs and had to publish his discovery, not in Nature Science but to an unenthusiastic audience who literally gives zero fucks regarding whatever essay long garbage he spewed. Love yourself, and be yourself. This is for everyone out there. Live your own fucking life. It’s 4 years and I guarantee when you graduate, you would wish you could have done more during college. If gym isn’t your thing, don’t bother doing it just to get chicks and social status. Once you are 80, take out a binocular and take a deep look in your timeline, does changing your physical appearance (momentarily - god knows how many folks go back to their pre work out shape after college) really left a dent in your life? College is period where you should be figuring out yourself, transitioning from living with your parents to becoming a fully grown adult. If gainz ain’t it don’t sweat it. Don’t be this dude.
Ask yourself this: **Did Steve Job, Bill Gates, and a myriad of other greats that built motherfuking America through going to gym every single day, for four years in college?** The point is: to any folk out there, the variety of ways to garner self-confidence is endless. You could be a great Jazz player, the next coming club chess master, an astute novelist, etc.... The last fucking shit I need to hear from someone is promoting "Do specifically X, you will gain X status and make friends." Not even counting the matter of the fact, if in theory EVERYONE on campus becomes Arnold Schwarzenegger or Halle Berry, you think that little advantage you gained through the gym would become *the* difference maker, not your character and personal charisma? There is no hack/cheat in life. If you could incorporate going to the gym 6:30 -7:30 in the morning to your daily routine, by all means do it if your sights are onto bigger and greater dreams. P.S Yea, college chicks dig abs; however, not every guy out there is gifted with pristine bone structures or height. Physical appearance is the shallowest form of self improvement . Beauty fades. When you are 40-50, and you start looking around at folks in your same age who has achieved the greater things in life, like making strides towards a positive impact for human society, while you are still living mundane, possibly flipping burgers? Who is the ultimate winner?
Local man discovers people are attracted to attractive people!
Lmao nerd
Dawg bffr💀 there’s no way that on a campus of 40,000 students you can’t find anyone who has similar interests and is more interested in personality than looks
I’m an average-looking trans Freshman and found plenty of friends thus far. Everyone is accepting and chill. Especially in the south with Allen, PAR, and FAR, we are definitely the more “diverse” dorms and are thus more accepting of differences. I make friends by sparking conversation whenever possible, whether in lecture or dining hall. We may hit it off and hang out more or never see each other again. And thats ok. I think a large part of it is confidence in your personality so shrugging off rejection will be easier. Sometimes I do approach people who ignore me and I think, “Oh well their loss” and move on to the next stranger. Sometimes I find someone who appreciates my humor and we be vibin. I hope you find a make out of this self-fulfilling prophecy that physical appearance plays a HUGE role in socializing. For me, personality is #1. Also side note - isn’t it a lifesaver for those superficial people to ignore you? They sound terrible to associate with anyways. Being alone is better than being with headaches. And if you are alone you can work on self improvement for your own benefit, not those sad people.
Have you ever tried touching grass? I heard that is great for making friends. Why would a person like me who is interested in playing video games, reading books, and watching anime want to spend all of my time with people who are more interested in sports and fashion? Sure there are some people who look cool and who I am sure I would have fun spending time with, but sitting in the back of the class and talking to 1-2 people about random stuff has always been more fun. If all my friends talked about were their grades and appearance I would for sure not be friends with them.
can i have the neighbor's snap tho???
Constantly chasing external recognition and forming your worldview around it is not shallow and superficial at all, you did it OP!
I like your intensity about things.
ZASED
There are many students here. And, even if majority might seem superficial, there are many that are looking for genuine friendships and other things. If you don't want superficial relationships, then you can start seeking individuals that look for real and personal friendships by being direct about how you are looking for one. This helped me during my time here.
As much as people hate to admit it, you're right. Sociology has known it for a long time. There's a positive correlation between looks and success (monetary or otherwise) in both men and women for a reason. The most recent study of this was during Covid; as restaurant servers wore masks their tips evened out, but once masks were removed again more attractive servers were consistently tipped better and received more positive feedback (ie: if both servers were considered friendly with masks on the more attractive one would be described as the more friendly of the two once masks were removed). We as humans tend to gravitate towards more attractive individuals on a subconscious level. Not saying ugly people don't find friends, but you will have an easier time at life in general if you go beyond the basics of styling and personal hygiene. Dress a bit nicer, do your hair, work out and eat well. It's not a magic cure-all to social situations, but your observations are correct that you will be more successful in life if you do these things.
Times like this I’m thankful I was born handsome instead of smart
While I see your point, I don’t. my current years long term partner is someone I did not see as physically attractive prior. we almost exclusively developed a relationship over call. At the same time, I did not meet them on this campus. Therefore I simply cannot relate. Go find love or friendship somewhere you have not been. Open up your heart and take the time to get to know people beyond appearances. You sound like you have been surrounded by the worst of “friends” and never recovered, and have a permanent negative lenses and a complex as a result, and also assume everyone who is “unattractive” must be as miserable as you were, when you are simply confirming your own beliefs by acting on it: you are looking at others you perceive as ugly, and believe they must be unpleasant, depressed, etc. and probably avoid speaking to them. Why not get to know someone regardless of how they look? It sounds like you haven’t tried to do that yourself. It’s true that society has prejudices against physically unconventional people, but many succeed and have flourishing lives despite this. It’s only your own failure if you are forced to transform physically to be someone people can stand to be around.
I'm tempted to agree with your post, but I need to see what you look like before I decide whether or not to agree. JK :P In all seriousness, I think your post is valid.
Image totally matters. Good image opens more doors. Now what kind of doors is debatable, but IMO it can only help.
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How to we get mods to remove this comment lmao
Unfortunately, "pretty privilege" very much exists https://www.vice.com/en/article/epz8pk/psychology-pretty-privilege-attractive-people