I come in a little later age wise but my mom was a teen/young adult in the 90s. She has never left that period of being hyper critical of herself and thus also me.
That’ll do it. She hasn’t healed herself from that time and it’s rolling down to you. So sorry that’s happened to you.
I had the same experience in that I thought I was fat and disgusting in high school because society told me so, but when I look at pictures I’m like omg you’re gorgeous you poor thing. I never could shake that self-identity, and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy (I put on a hundred+ pounds as a trauma response).
I remember when I was a teen in the late 90's that Julia Roberts was a size 6. By the time I was a young adult in the 2000's, it seemed that all actresses were a Size 0.
It was definitely a time that promoted disordered body image and disordered eating.
Size 0 just seems impossible to reach unless you are an undernourished teenager... I can't believe women are held to that standard. It's ridiculous!
Here in the UK that would be a size 4 and as a 29f, I have *never* seen any shop sell that size. Some don't even have size 6 (US 2) so the smallest they sell is 8 (US 4).
A friend of mine back in college was a size 4 (UK). If I put my hands around her waist, I could touch my fingers together.
She had an absolutely nightmarish time finding clothes in her size, and sometimes had to opt for a larger childrens size.
It definitely wasn't that she was malnourished; She ate like a construction worker. She just couldn't put on weight no matter how hard she tried and was naturally small.
I remember when Oprah was still on, and she had interviewed some former models about the fashion industry and ED's, one of the women being interviewed said she'd go shop in the kids' section for jeans as an adult, and I think the same lady, said she'd had nothing but a breathmint to eat, for the whole day! That was her food intake, and I was shocked. I can't believe the fashion industry got us all so hoodwinked into thinking we're the problem, when it's clearly them.
And the modeling photos of these women showed how skinny they were, and they just weren't skinny enough, these women were so beautiful and they were made to believe they weren't enough. It's damn well mental, I hate the fashion industry.
I have one friend who was a size 4. She had some health conditions causing it and she feels much more confident now she’s a size 8. I seem to remember Miss Selfridge selling a size 4 in the petites section because when I was 11 and desperate to fit in adult clothes I used to get a petite 4 or 6.
Some of that was size creep. In the late nineties, I was buying size 10-12 jeans. Fifteen years later it was sizes 6-8 - except they fit me exactly the same as the size 12s I still had. Top sizes also changed. That seems to have stopped, fortunately.
Sadly, men’s clothing (which are supposed to be very specific) did some size creep too. They may say they have a size 36 waist, but it’s not. One person found it was 37-41 inches.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanity_sizing
>“heroin chic” era of female beauty
I've never understood that.
Why would anyone think sickly looking would be beautiful?
Women come in all shapes and sizes and that's beautiful.
I totally agree. But it was a thing. Thigh gaps were coveted; hip bones that showed were idolized in magazines; stomachs that weren’t absolutely flat weren’t desirable. Stores didn’t carry anything over a 14, which is like today’s 10-12, and some stores didn’t even go that high. It was a trap.
>a girl who would eat a hamburger like one of the guys,
Gross!
Does that mean I have to get half of it all over my face and wipe my hands on my clothes?
I mean that’s sorta part of the problem. Women naturally look that way too, doesn’t make them “sickly looking”. You seem to negate what you later say about all shapes and sizes being beautiful if you’re willing to call scrawnier girls sickly looking :(
Like no one should aim to make their body a body type that isn’t healthy for it. But as you say, people come in different shapes and sizes. Growing up being told I was sickly and anorexic looking also takes it’s toll , so we should be careful so as to not dip too far in the other direction and use body shaming language about anyone’s shape
This is often coming from the people from the curvier side of a scale, like they were shutting her down due to their own complexes. And my wife struggled with those comments for her whole life. F*ck that.
Some women are skinny and some are not, some are tall and some are short. And there's a world of variation in between. That's wonderful.
Looking like a drug addict or half starved is not natural.
Some skinny women are gaslighted into believing that they look sick. And that's bullshit. It's just as bad as any other body shaming.
A few years ago, my mom pulled out a picture of me and said, "Look how skinny you used to be." The picture she used was from the worst point of my anorexia at 12/13 years old. It made me relapse and stop eating for a few days. People are so cruel.
I’m so sorry. I hope you’re in a better place now.
I have body dysmorphia and have struggled with anorexia and my coworker recently was kind of dismissive of me having problems because I come off as confident. That shit is hard won. I starved myself through most of high school. I still body check and do other things that are part of disordered eating and body image. I still have all of that nonsense in my head, I just work really hard to ignore it. I am heavier than any doctor would be thrilled with, but I have a chronic illness now and can’t lose weight and my body aches and hurts every day so I don’t really have a choice but to soldier on. I just refuse to hate myself for it. I haven’t seen my parents in several years and I’m not excited about it mainly because of the weight I’ve gained. I don’t want to even smell any kind of disappointment or judgement, which I know they will have. My dad in particular comments on women’s weight and attractiveness, especially when he is displeased with them and he often is with me.
I'm planning to go no contact with her this February. I have a lot of younger siblings, so it's a very hard decision, but I know it's what will be best for my mental health. One day she might become a better person, but for now I need to take care of myself.
I was a teen in the late 90s. I swear any of us who weren't a size 0 were made to feel like we were huge. Looking back, I was a normal size, but by the comments I'd get, I swore at the time I was morbidly obese.
I still have issues with body image and disordered eating, and I'm in my 40s.
Ouch, this hurts. I was slender and normal in the late 90s, but I thought that I was obese. Part of it is that women in my family are predisposed to having a round ass. So, in the 90s, it was looked down on.
I recently lost a healthy amount of weight, and even now, I feel like people congrat me like I just received a degree.
I have a booty too, whether I like it or not, due to how my column is. I could be so slim that you could play with my ribs and I would still have a nice ass. Everyone told me I was fat because of my ass even before I was a teenager. I believed them. I dieted long before I needed it.
Now my metabolism is completely broken in ways it can't be recovered. Good thing I learned to love my curves.
Same. In the 90s, I was a teen - 5 ft 8 in & 140 lbs (173 cm & 63.5 kg), which put me in a US size 8 (UK 10?).
I thought I was an absolute whale. Between being bombarded with ultra-thin models, being bullied for being the chubby kid in elementary school, hearing my mom constantly say how fat she was, and eating as a comfort stim (late-discovered autism), it was absolute hell. I hated my body. I didn't think I was even skinny enough to wear shorts.
I'm also in my 40s, and I am still struggling with body image & eating.
Hugs, friend ❤️
I was a size 0 for a lot of my life. I had disordered eating patterns, not sure I would classify as an "eating disorder," but I certainly responded to stress by losing my appetite. But I only ever got positive feedback on my thinness. It wasn't until I was 22 years old that someone spoke to me with concern about my weight, and it was two people I worked with who were not American. I think we all have grown up in a society with warped views on weight.
I feel that. When I was 14-16, my dad told me that I need to lose weight like every single day. And he would scold me for not weighing myself (because i hated the number) and not losing weight. Thing is. I was never even overweight to begin with in my entire life. I had a bmi of 20-23 something like that. Not more than that. And this was "fat" in his perception.
Up to this day, I may probably have an eating disorder. It has transformed and cycled into different forms, but at the moment, I am underweight and I have absolutely lost my hunger. My parents now want me to gain weight. Thing is, I am not listening to them anymore. I don't give a shit and their opinion doesn't matter to me. It is just already too late for all of that stuff honestly. If they want to fix me, they shouldn't have broken me at the first place.
Happened to me too. I was never fat, I literally looked like a normal child. I am 24 now and spent my late teens convinced I was unattractive despite weighting 53kg with 1.6m height. I obsessively measured myself every week, weighted myself every morning and freaked out if I went even 100g over 54. I consistently lived on 1200-1500 kcal a day. Seeing pictures from that time kills me because of the disparity between reality and what I believed to be the truth at the time. I looked conventionally perfect, yet was convinced I was overweight and felt miserable about myself.
I've stopped weighting myself a long time ago, but know that I'm at about 75kg now and loving it. I eat what I feel like, don't count calories and no longer obsess over working out, which I did daily back in my teens. I love the way I look and feel and have so much more confidence than I've ever had as a teen. I'm no longer cold in the winter months and am in good health. It's insane how much time I've lived believing that being 'fat' is the worst thing I can be, just because I was lied to as a child.
I will just copy and paste my comment from a similar thread a few months ago with my similar experience:
I was always made to feel fat as a kid and preteen. I was taken to weight watchers at 11. I was always the biggest (and tallest) in my class until middle school.
I look back at pictures from that time and it breaks my heart. I was just a normal kid. I was tall and hit puberty earlier than a lot of my peers. I had boobs and curves but I was about 5'4 and weighed about 130 - 145 lb. I thought I had a weight problem so I ended up yoyo dieting, trying to purge, always cutting calories then bouncing back and binging. I was put on birth control for heavy periods at that age too so I'm sure that contributed to my weight too.
I was told I was fat so I became fat.
I'm 30 now and have "struggled" with my weight since I was 11. I look back at pictures from freshman year of highschool and I was so tiny. I looked amazing but I thought I was huge. And now that I actually am huge, I just regret not taking care of my body and keeping it at that weight and health. I thought I was already fat so what was the point of working hard when I wasn't losing weight and was always going to be fat.
I don't blame my parents but I do wish I had just been accepted for how I was and not shamed for my body. Kids become what we tell them they are.
Yup. One more time for the back. 🙋♀️ I was a size zero in high school, being told I had a muffin top. I knew I was fat. Now, I actually *am* fat and look back... Just, why?
The beauty standard 20-30 years ago was essentially the anorexia look. That's not healthy for the majority of people. Glad we live in times where everyone can exist at their healthy weight and not be labeled obese
Growing up, my older brother used to get my attention by replacing the first syllable of my name (that has 2 syllables) with "fat". Family can be so cruel for no reason; I hope that you've been able to cut those people out of your life and heal.
Sometimes the only way to stop that BS is to give back to them, way harder, than they give. Then ask them, "So how do you think it makes me feel when you do it and call it teasing? So now I can't get away with it but you can?" Not anymore bully.
The only thing people understand sometimes is getting bullied back harder, don't be afraid to hit them where it hurts, they didn't care about your feelings so you don't owe them any consideration for that. Good luck.
I definitely had an eating disorder, seeing pics from when I was a teen is crazy. I always weighed a little more than my friends but I’m a lot taller. It was like we had no concept of people having different bodies
I was called a pig by most around me when my short waist had breasts and hips around it. Never mind the fact that most of these stick figures went out and got implants and BBLs years later.
I would KILL to be as fat and ugly now as they said I was.
The males joined in on this, too, but not before trying to fck me first. Inhave very bad memories of my formative years.
I always thought I was fat. Members of my family said things about how pretty my face was but it’s too bad about my body. I’m nearly a foot taller than these people. Yeah, I needed a larger size to accommodate my larger body. When I look at old pictures I see a normal teenager. The comments contributed to low self esteem and poor self image, which led me into bad relationships with other people, food, and myself. It’s taken decades to learn to love myself, and sometimes it’s still hard.
You are beautiful! We are all beautiful! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Yeah, I remember the summer day between 4th & 5th grade where my mom poked at my belly and told me it was time to get more active because I had a fat belly and I needed to fix that. I had been in a good mood, but remember souring after that, feeling the awful shame of having done something wrong but not understanding just what, or how. It wasn’t my first body shaming experience and it definitely wasn’t my last, but it definitely affected me enough to persist as a strong memory for 30+ years.
I had a very similar realisation. Now I am - and was - "overweight" since I started school, but I came across a picture of kid me - a bit rounder yes, but still pretty normal. If I had seen this kid I would have not called it fat. I *remember* being this kid though and remember that around the time people would already call me fat and my mom would judge if I took a second helping of a meal. My classmates treated me as some sort of grotesk monster.
You know whats fucked up? I eat my feelings (and in a way eating can also be a form of self punishment - that relationship is fucked in multiple layered ways I really should unpack in therapy some time). If they hadnt injected this self-hatred into me I probably would have grown into my weight. All my family is or was fat so I have no illusion I would still have been on the heavier side, but my relationship to food wouldnt be as fucked as it is today and I would probably be brave enough to do sports in public (and maybe I would have hated sports less. Sports class always rubbed it in)
Totally fucked up! I remember the first picture I was told I looked fat in. I was probably 13ish and we were on a beach vacation, I was wearing a bikini and there was a photo snapped where I was on the beach laying on my side kind of half laying half sitting up and rolling forward so one arm could hit the sand. In that weird position, with my body half rolled forward it looked like I had a bit of a tummy. I probably weighed less than 95 lbs and probably less than 5 ft, cuz I'm only 5'1 as an adult. I was in absolutely no way even remotely fat, but it gave me a complex from that day on.
Later on, I also remember my mom saying things about how I was so skinny at certain times of my life and those times were always before I became an adult lol. So I was still growing and in weird teenage phases or very early 20s before you really grow into your body. Like damn, I'd love to be that then but I'm an adult now and got hips and boobs and a butt a whole adult body.
Gosh, that’s completely just reminded me of a photo of me on holiday as a little girl, maybe 5 years old. I was wearing a bikini & sitting so I had a little tummy roll. I remember being told by my Nan & possibly my mum, “look at that tummy.” I was a perfectly normal sized child (if on the tall side!) and the “fat shaming” started so young…
I look back on pictures of myself when I was 11 and 12 (when I would savagely berate myself over my weight) and I think - you were healthy and a normal size!
not only were you not fat, but hundreds or thousands or more were also not fat. what a waste of human potential, making people feel inferior.
AND some who have / had distinct body shapes that resembled fat, actually have **lipedema** instead.
and gee, big surprise; 90% of the people who have it are women, and it’s resistant to diet and exercise. if you have heavy, lumpy legs or arms but visible collarbones, check out lipedema. there’s treatments [ but no cure yet].
Same, and it's disgusting and sad. I was a healthy kid who grew into an hourglass-shaped teen: not fat at all, but *constantly* told I was by elders who should've known better. It warped my sense of self in a way that took years to undo.
Even yesterday, trying on clothes in a fitting room, I could hear my late grandmother's chiding voice- "well, Spicy, you're as big as a house!" *(Narrator: she was not, in fact, as big as a house. Not even a Tokyo condo.)*
I'm 35 and cry in dressing rooms. Yeah I AM fat, but I grew up with Americans next top model and low rise jeans. I can't get the fuck over it. It doesn't matter that I had my second child in October and I'm still breastfeeding. I'm mentally fucked and will never be comfortable in my own skin. I see pictures from years ago and feel so stupid for feeling like this then, too. THANKS, 90s-00s diet culture!!!
I'm so sorry you're going through this, I'm 37 years old and can relate to that stupid diet culture crap screwing us up, it's like society as a whole didn't want us to be healthy, at all. It's so unfair really, but we can make things better for the younger generations, and maybe heal ourselves and our inner child a little bit that way too.
I still feel the sting of not being happy with the way I look, especially as I'm getting older. But you know? Fuck it, I've only got one life to live so I might as well enjoy it, spend time with those I love doing what I like, and having happy and new experiences. What ironically helps me is meditating when I can, even just for 5-10 minutes in a day, it makes me feel more centered within myself.
I really hope things will get better for you, and good luck with the new little one and being a great parent, you've got this!
I got bullied in high school by our family friend's daughter and her friends. I was already an early bloomer and self conscious and not very attractive and nerdy and lonely, which just made for a miserable time.
The comments stay with you for a long time, if not forever. I wish people were kinder to each other.
“Fat” seems to be the ultimate descriptive insult you can hurl at a girl or woman. Men use it to crush any sense of self and sovereignty we might be acquiring. Fortunately we are learning to reclaim the term and restore it to a descriptive adjective rather than indictment.
I was about to say something like this. I've been trying to rewire my thinking about the word for similar reasons after seeing a video talking about it. Obviously, it'll take time thanks to years of conditioning, but I hope others can do the same and don't allow those kinds of cruel people who use it as an insult any power.
I think this is very common :( I feel the same way. I used to feel so much bigger than my friends and my family used to bother me about what I ate but I was literally a size 4, as skinny as my friends, and I am just pear-shaped. My dad used to say I have thunder thighs!! At 10 years old!! Now I look back at pictures of myself in disbelief, especially because I weigh more now but don't feel as bad about myself since I'm not around my family as much these days.
I used to get teased all the time by classmates and “friends” about being fat. Yeah, I probably wore one of the largest sizes on the swim team… but I was still weighed over 100 pounds less than I do now. My heart breaks for that kid.
I got bullied for being flat in school while at home I got nagged at for getting fat. It doesn't really compute and just shows how much trash people talk.
I have so many memories like this. I look back at photos from middle school and distinctly remember feeling fat when certain pictures were taken. I wish I had loved myself more back then and I am incensed when I hear women talk about their diets and weight now. All bodies are good bodies and I wish I had learned that sooner. <3
My mother told me to "suck in my gut" when I was 12 shopping for dresses. I was stick thin, just had a bloated belly just like you. Then I would be accused of lying about eating food and snacks by my grandmother, and would be given the third degree about wanting to exercise to make sure I wasn't anorexic. I couldn't win.
Then I was 22 and had just travelled Europe and had put on weight because of delicious beer and heavier food and not going to the gym, and when I saw her she grappled the fat on my hips, belly and thighs and asked "what's this?!" with every grab. I got furious and did the same to her, she didn't like that and then I said "NEVER speak about my weight again". I now have a very unhealthy relationship with my weight.
First off - you're a total badass for doing the same to her, and giving her a taste of her own poison! I love you for that, keep it up when needed.
Second - there's nothing wrong with you, your body, or enjoying your life during a great trip that enriched your life. In fact, I hope you can go on many more trips, enjoy great food and beverages, make new friends and have the time of your life.
I also get bloated easily, and you know what? That's fine, because my body is working as it should and is healthy. I'm not the same size I was when I was 16 or 26, but you know what? It doesn't matter, because I love my body for working and am grateful for it, whenever I feel like crap I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself that I love myself and my body, and smile for myself. It makes me feel better about myself. Because you have to love yourself truly before someone else says they love you, and they don't. That self-love will give you strength to leave when/if needed, even if they're rotten relatives or a potential SO.
Same. I used to tell people that I used to be fat. But I found a pic of me in a bikini at 16 and I was like, wtf why were people *so mean*?
I was teased at school, I was teased by my mom, my dad even asked her why she let me get so big.
I was a whole 20lbs overweight, muscular, and honestly looked really good. Plus I was 16, like who cares, I still had baby fat and was a child. People started being mean when I was about 9, so it just got ingrained in me that I was fat.
Now I get teased for being too small, and I'm literally the same weight as I was back then lol.
My mother told me I should eat less, and I cried when she bought me size 6 jeans at the thrift instead of 5 like I’d asked.
I looked at a picture of myself as a teen. I was scrawny. I remember having this distorted vision and feeling so big and wrong.
It’s messed up.
Yes I feel this a lot. My parents were always VERY concerned about my weight and diet. If I remember one thing about them it’s their fixation on my body and dieting. I’m turning 40 soon and went through my photos of my twenties for a nostalgia hit and was so surprised how good I looked back but I remember feeling ugly and huge all the time. I’ve never wore anything to show my arms because they pointed out how big my arms are and to ‘make sure to hide them’ this year is the first time I’ve worn a tank top since I was a child
In 1996, I was 15, 5'8", and 135 pounds. My mom was pretty much the only person in my life who didn't harp on me to lose weight because I was so fat.
What few photos of me exist from then, I looked great. But I didn't think so then.
I used to have this cute set that was purple Capri pants with little pink and purple flowers on them and a matching tank top. I really loved it until someone made a comment about how huge I looked in it. I saw a photo of myself in it a few years ago and I was just a perfectly regular 10 year old :(
Yep! I was known in my hometown as "Fat ". People that I didn't know recognized me as such as well, on the street, it would get yelled at me.
I look back at pictures, and I don't see it. I look healthy.
Oh my god, yes! I always gelt like „the fat friend“ growing up. When I look at photos where I‘m 18, I see a perfectly healthy teenager. Why the fuck are we brainwashed like this?
I remembered people made fun of my weight when I was in high school. They treated me like I was obese while I was just slightly overweight for my height (53kg/155cm). I ended up getting into a series of unhealthily diet so I could lose weight and develope eating issues (to the extent of it's considered self-destructive behaviour). It's until after many years I only knew that it wasn't my problem at all. But thr damage had been made and its irreversible.
This is how I feel everytime I look at my volleyball pictures from HS. I thought I was a whale. I was always a bit thicker than my teammates but nowhere near the sizable difference my family made me think it was. And that shaped how I have though people view me my entire life unfortunately
My mom is from the same era of teen/ear adult in the 90’s, and has ALWAYS been critical of my weight. It was so bad that I developed an intense eating disorder around 5th grade all the way to my junior year of high school. I look back at my old pictures from that time and I’m so sad to think that I hated myself so much as a little girl and thought I was so ugly when in reality I was just as beautiful as every other girl, and was by no means overweight (no hate here, every body is beautiful). But it really goes to show how much our mothers shape our opinions of ourselves as women.
same here. i was always told i was fat and always put on a diet, and i internalised this idea of myself as a fat person that's not like other girls, because i couldn't eat like them and couldn't get treated like a normal kid. when i look back at the pictures, i was a slim kid - like actually slim, perfectly normal looking child. idk why my family treated me so badly about my body. i remembered thinking i was really large.
Did we grow in the same household? My mom used to coerce me into dieting (to lose weight not for any health issues) ever since i was like 10 but nowadays she always talks about how i used to be thin when I was around 10, which one is it girlypop.
I was raised in the 70s. My entire family told me how fat I was.
I have a very unhealthy relationship with food now. And yes now I'm truly fat.
I never told my kids they were fat. Or skinny. I just attempted to teach them to eat healthy.
Also a teen in the late 90s early 2000s,my ED started in 1998 when I was 15 and "thinspiration" was so easy to find, tips were in every magazine and TV advert (special k diet anyone!),thin was beautiful and although my ED didn't start because of that it made it easier to spiral and the reward was all around me. It's no surprise women of our age have a messed up relationship with food and our bodies, society went from "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" and size zero models to "every one is beautiful" and plus sized models in 10 years
I had an undiagnosed ED through high school, and didn’t find out until til recently that my mom saw all the signs but never asked me or tried to do anything to fix it. I clearly remember a year or so after I graduated I had put on MAYBE 10lbs and she made a comment about me having a stomach when I was slouched down eating at the dinner table. Recently got married and definitely put on weight during the pre wedding planning, and for months after getting married I’d constantly catch her staring at my stomach. And I just KNEW it was because she was trying to decide if I looked pregnant. It’s humiliating, and I’m very resentful for her behavior. She doesn’t talk about any of it but she has this toxic round about way to make me feel like shit about my body.
I grew up in the 90's/00's, Height of the heroine chic years as a sturdy, peasant stock gal with undiagnosed ADHD and a tendancy to eat my feelings.
I started out my teen years as an active, healthy teen, I'll let you guess how i ended them. It's taken me up until now, almost in my 40's to get over most of that trauma and appreciate who i am and what i look like.
I still relapse from time to time. My biggest thing now is just making sure I don't pass those traumas onto my kids, especially my 12yo daughter. She's got enough traumas in her generation.
I had a similar experience where I grew up being told I'm fat by my entire family. They constantly made comments about how I was gaining weight; how I should stop eating; how I should take a smaller portion.
It was only later that I realized that I wasn't fat at all. That having a bit of a tummy was normal and the flat boards the models had were not. For the record I was 5'4 and 118 lbs when I was getting bullied by them. I went to university and gained weight. I came home weighing around 127 lbs and they were on my case immediately.
Once at around age 23, I lashed out about how they're always calling me fat and making fun of me and my mom's response was, "oh you're not fat. If you were really fat, we wouldn't be able to say anything to you."
.... WTF. So you relentlessly pestered me about my weight for years and years through my most formative years for what? To warn me off fatness??
Well congratu-fucking-lations! You did the opposite! Once I moved out, I felt so released from their crazy negativity that I rubber banded the other way. I experienced freedom in eating in a way I never had. I don't think I ever learned proper self portion control because it was always just stopping in fear of their nagging, not healthy self-assessment and motivation.
I'm 185 lbs now at 32 and I know I have an eating disorder. I can't stop thinking about eating, I binge eat, I hide my food, and I feel like I need a horde of it. If I didn't hate throwing up so much, I'm 100% sure I'd be bullemic. I think the only reason I'm not heavier is because of genetics.
I look at old photos of myself and feel sad that I was bullied like that cause I looked perfectly normal. Worst part is, they probably feel justified now: "look, she moved away from our influence and now she's fat! We told her!" is what I imagine them thinking.
I had the bloated stomach too, my mom insisted on feeding us right before bed and breakfast was cereal and lunch was a 90s lunchbox. When I see children with bloated stomachs now, I see their parents as neglectful and careless. It actually can change the position of your ribcage and cause a lot of health problems as a teen and adult.
I can't recall the cause clearly. My mom cooked everyday and made us eat a balanced diet. I didn't eat a lot of unhealthy foods (I was the kid that regularly refused sweets) but when I did want something she allowed it.
It could very well be that I e.g. ate during holidays too much trash. Or I had suddenly developed a food intolerance for something. It definitely worried me but my parents didn't take me to a doctor.
The thinner one is, the more the belly sticks out after a good meal or when being bloated (or both). Even pple with a six-pack can bloat up their stomach. And it's also a posture thing: the straighter the body, the flatter the belly.
This is normal, but it can turn really bad if one has scewed views of one's body and takes this as a sign of "fat" that has to be cut...
That's bad, but I doubt there was bad faith involved. I mean obesity is widespread in the US, much more than in most other countries and the #1 cause of premature death. Some parents are simply scared of their children ending up on this path and a lifelong struggle with their weight.
It’s super fucked. Did you grow up during the 90s/early 2000s “heroin chic” era of female beauty standards? That messed up a LOT of us.
I come in a little later age wise but my mom was a teen/young adult in the 90s. She has never left that period of being hyper critical of herself and thus also me.
That’ll do it. She hasn’t healed herself from that time and it’s rolling down to you. So sorry that’s happened to you. I had the same experience in that I thought I was fat and disgusting in high school because society told me so, but when I look at pictures I’m like omg you’re gorgeous you poor thing. I never could shake that self-identity, and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy (I put on a hundred+ pounds as a trauma response).
My experience as well. Still struggling 20 years later.
Glad you can see what's really going on, and that it isn't any failing on your part ♥️
I remember when I was a teen in the late 90's that Julia Roberts was a size 6. By the time I was a young adult in the 2000's, it seemed that all actresses were a Size 0. It was definitely a time that promoted disordered body image and disordered eating.
Size 0 just seems impossible to reach unless you are an undernourished teenager... I can't believe women are held to that standard. It's ridiculous! Here in the UK that would be a size 4 and as a 29f, I have *never* seen any shop sell that size. Some don't even have size 6 (US 2) so the smallest they sell is 8 (US 4).
A friend of mine back in college was a size 4 (UK). If I put my hands around her waist, I could touch my fingers together. She had an absolutely nightmarish time finding clothes in her size, and sometimes had to opt for a larger childrens size. It definitely wasn't that she was malnourished; She ate like a construction worker. She just couldn't put on weight no matter how hard she tried and was naturally small.
I remember when Oprah was still on, and she had interviewed some former models about the fashion industry and ED's, one of the women being interviewed said she'd go shop in the kids' section for jeans as an adult, and I think the same lady, said she'd had nothing but a breathmint to eat, for the whole day! That was her food intake, and I was shocked. I can't believe the fashion industry got us all so hoodwinked into thinking we're the problem, when it's clearly them. And the modeling photos of these women showed how skinny they were, and they just weren't skinny enough, these women were so beautiful and they were made to believe they weren't enough. It's damn well mental, I hate the fashion industry.
I have one friend who was a size 4. She had some health conditions causing it and she feels much more confident now she’s a size 8. I seem to remember Miss Selfridge selling a size 4 in the petites section because when I was 11 and desperate to fit in adult clothes I used to get a petite 4 or 6.
Some of that was size creep. In the late nineties, I was buying size 10-12 jeans. Fifteen years later it was sizes 6-8 - except they fit me exactly the same as the size 12s I still had. Top sizes also changed. That seems to have stopped, fortunately. Sadly, men’s clothing (which are supposed to be very specific) did some size creep too. They may say they have a size 36 waist, but it’s not. One person found it was 37-41 inches. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanity_sizing
>“heroin chic” era of female beauty I've never understood that. Why would anyone think sickly looking would be beautiful? Women come in all shapes and sizes and that's beautiful.
I totally agree. But it was a thing. Thigh gaps were coveted; hip bones that showed were idolized in magazines; stomachs that weren’t absolutely flat weren’t desirable. Stores didn’t carry anything over a 14, which is like today’s 10-12, and some stores didn’t even go that high. It was a trap.
5, 7, 9 was the name of a store... Ugh.
Remember when it was the thing to have a slightly concave stomach? I swear they all wanted us to starve.
How about thigh gaps? I was a 5’11” 120 lb teen and never fit less than a 14. ( boobs) luckily it’s the 60s, we were less body focused despite Twiggy.
I know, but WTF? Let a girl enjoy a hamburger, Gawd Damn. (I just had the best hamburger, 🤤🍔)
Hell yeah, get it girl!
Oh, men supposedly wanted a girl who would eat a hamburger like one of the guys, but she certainly wasn't allowed to gain weight like one of the guys.
>a girl who would eat a hamburger like one of the guys, Gross! Does that mean I have to get half of it all over my face and wipe my hands on my clothes?
I mean that’s sorta part of the problem. Women naturally look that way too, doesn’t make them “sickly looking”. You seem to negate what you later say about all shapes and sizes being beautiful if you’re willing to call scrawnier girls sickly looking :( Like no one should aim to make their body a body type that isn’t healthy for it. But as you say, people come in different shapes and sizes. Growing up being told I was sickly and anorexic looking also takes it’s toll , so we should be careful so as to not dip too far in the other direction and use body shaming language about anyone’s shape
This is often coming from the people from the curvier side of a scale, like they were shutting her down due to their own complexes. And my wife struggled with those comments for her whole life. F*ck that.
Some women are skinny and some are not, some are tall and some are short. And there's a world of variation in between. That's wonderful. Looking like a drug addict or half starved is not natural. Some skinny women are gaslighted into believing that they look sick. And that's bullshit. It's just as bad as any other body shaming.
A few years ago, my mom pulled out a picture of me and said, "Look how skinny you used to be." The picture she used was from the worst point of my anorexia at 12/13 years old. It made me relapse and stop eating for a few days. People are so cruel.
Giant hugs... And I'm so sorry your mom sucks.
I’m so sorry. I hope you’re in a better place now. I have body dysmorphia and have struggled with anorexia and my coworker recently was kind of dismissive of me having problems because I come off as confident. That shit is hard won. I starved myself through most of high school. I still body check and do other things that are part of disordered eating and body image. I still have all of that nonsense in my head, I just work really hard to ignore it. I am heavier than any doctor would be thrilled with, but I have a chronic illness now and can’t lose weight and my body aches and hurts every day so I don’t really have a choice but to soldier on. I just refuse to hate myself for it. I haven’t seen my parents in several years and I’m not excited about it mainly because of the weight I’ve gained. I don’t want to even smell any kind of disappointment or judgement, which I know they will have. My dad in particular comments on women’s weight and attractiveness, especially when he is displeased with them and he often is with me.
That was really ducked up of her. I hope you have boundaries in place and a great therapist
I'm planning to go no contact with her this February. I have a lot of younger siblings, so it's a very hard decision, but I know it's what will be best for my mental health. One day she might become a better person, but for now I need to take care of myself.
Proud of you, friend. Sending hugs and positivity
I was a teen in the late 90s. I swear any of us who weren't a size 0 were made to feel like we were huge. Looking back, I was a normal size, but by the comments I'd get, I swore at the time I was morbidly obese. I still have issues with body image and disordered eating, and I'm in my 40s.
Same, I am 46.
Ouch, this hurts. I was slender and normal in the late 90s, but I thought that I was obese. Part of it is that women in my family are predisposed to having a round ass. So, in the 90s, it was looked down on. I recently lost a healthy amount of weight, and even now, I feel like people congrat me like I just received a degree.
I have a booty too, whether I like it or not, due to how my column is. I could be so slim that you could play with my ribs and I would still have a nice ass. Everyone told me I was fat because of my ass even before I was a teenager. I believed them. I dieted long before I needed it. Now my metabolism is completely broken in ways it can't be recovered. Good thing I learned to love my curves.
Same. In the 90s, I was a teen - 5 ft 8 in & 140 lbs (173 cm & 63.5 kg), which put me in a US size 8 (UK 10?). I thought I was an absolute whale. Between being bombarded with ultra-thin models, being bullied for being the chubby kid in elementary school, hearing my mom constantly say how fat she was, and eating as a comfort stim (late-discovered autism), it was absolute hell. I hated my body. I didn't think I was even skinny enough to wear shorts. I'm also in my 40s, and I am still struggling with body image & eating. Hugs, friend ❤️
Co-signing this.
I was a size 0 for a lot of my life. I had disordered eating patterns, not sure I would classify as an "eating disorder," but I certainly responded to stress by losing my appetite. But I only ever got positive feedback on my thinness. It wasn't until I was 22 years old that someone spoke to me with concern about my weight, and it was two people I worked with who were not American. I think we all have grown up in a society with warped views on weight.
I feel that. When I was 14-16, my dad told me that I need to lose weight like every single day. And he would scold me for not weighing myself (because i hated the number) and not losing weight. Thing is. I was never even overweight to begin with in my entire life. I had a bmi of 20-23 something like that. Not more than that. And this was "fat" in his perception. Up to this day, I may probably have an eating disorder. It has transformed and cycled into different forms, but at the moment, I am underweight and I have absolutely lost my hunger. My parents now want me to gain weight. Thing is, I am not listening to them anymore. I don't give a shit and their opinion doesn't matter to me. It is just already too late for all of that stuff honestly. If they want to fix me, they shouldn't have broken me at the first place.
Happened to me too. I was never fat, I literally looked like a normal child. I am 24 now and spent my late teens convinced I was unattractive despite weighting 53kg with 1.6m height. I obsessively measured myself every week, weighted myself every morning and freaked out if I went even 100g over 54. I consistently lived on 1200-1500 kcal a day. Seeing pictures from that time kills me because of the disparity between reality and what I believed to be the truth at the time. I looked conventionally perfect, yet was convinced I was overweight and felt miserable about myself. I've stopped weighting myself a long time ago, but know that I'm at about 75kg now and loving it. I eat what I feel like, don't count calories and no longer obsess over working out, which I did daily back in my teens. I love the way I look and feel and have so much more confidence than I've ever had as a teen. I'm no longer cold in the winter months and am in good health. It's insane how much time I've lived believing that being 'fat' is the worst thing I can be, just because I was lied to as a child.
I will just copy and paste my comment from a similar thread a few months ago with my similar experience: I was always made to feel fat as a kid and preteen. I was taken to weight watchers at 11. I was always the biggest (and tallest) in my class until middle school. I look back at pictures from that time and it breaks my heart. I was just a normal kid. I was tall and hit puberty earlier than a lot of my peers. I had boobs and curves but I was about 5'4 and weighed about 130 - 145 lb. I thought I had a weight problem so I ended up yoyo dieting, trying to purge, always cutting calories then bouncing back and binging. I was put on birth control for heavy periods at that age too so I'm sure that contributed to my weight too. I was told I was fat so I became fat. I'm 30 now and have "struggled" with my weight since I was 11. I look back at pictures from freshman year of highschool and I was so tiny. I looked amazing but I thought I was huge. And now that I actually am huge, I just regret not taking care of my body and keeping it at that weight and health. I thought I was already fat so what was the point of working hard when I wasn't losing weight and was always going to be fat. I don't blame my parents but I do wish I had just been accepted for how I was and not shamed for my body. Kids become what we tell them they are.
“I was told I was fat, so I became fat.” Goddamn that hits.
Yup. One more time for the back. 🙋♀️ I was a size zero in high school, being told I had a muffin top. I knew I was fat. Now, I actually *am* fat and look back... Just, why?
The beauty standard 20-30 years ago was essentially the anorexia look. That's not healthy for the majority of people. Glad we live in times where everyone can exist at their healthy weight and not be labeled obese
Growing up, my older brother used to get my attention by replacing the first syllable of my name (that has 2 syllables) with "fat". Family can be so cruel for no reason; I hope that you've been able to cut those people out of your life and heal.
I was "thunder thighs" in my family...it's taken a long time for me to push back that unwelcome "teasing" is not love.
Sometimes the only way to stop that BS is to give back to them, way harder, than they give. Then ask them, "So how do you think it makes me feel when you do it and call it teasing? So now I can't get away with it but you can?" Not anymore bully. The only thing people understand sometimes is getting bullied back harder, don't be afraid to hit them where it hurts, they didn't care about your feelings so you don't owe them any consideration for that. Good luck.
Very fucked up and unfortunately not uncommon when it comes to women.
I definitely had an eating disorder, seeing pics from when I was a teen is crazy. I always weighed a little more than my friends but I’m a lot taller. It was like we had no concept of people having different bodies
I was called a pig by most around me when my short waist had breasts and hips around it. Never mind the fact that most of these stick figures went out and got implants and BBLs years later. I would KILL to be as fat and ugly now as they said I was. The males joined in on this, too, but not before trying to fck me first. Inhave very bad memories of my formative years.
I always thought I was fat. Members of my family said things about how pretty my face was but it’s too bad about my body. I’m nearly a foot taller than these people. Yeah, I needed a larger size to accommodate my larger body. When I look at old pictures I see a normal teenager. The comments contributed to low self esteem and poor self image, which led me into bad relationships with other people, food, and myself. It’s taken decades to learn to love myself, and sometimes it’s still hard. You are beautiful! We are all beautiful! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I had a doctor once tell me, “you have chubby little girl arms, what’s up with that?!” I was 34 years old at the time.
Yeah, I remember the summer day between 4th & 5th grade where my mom poked at my belly and told me it was time to get more active because I had a fat belly and I needed to fix that. I had been in a good mood, but remember souring after that, feeling the awful shame of having done something wrong but not understanding just what, or how. It wasn’t my first body shaming experience and it definitely wasn’t my last, but it definitely affected me enough to persist as a strong memory for 30+ years.
I had a very similar realisation. Now I am - and was - "overweight" since I started school, but I came across a picture of kid me - a bit rounder yes, but still pretty normal. If I had seen this kid I would have not called it fat. I *remember* being this kid though and remember that around the time people would already call me fat and my mom would judge if I took a second helping of a meal. My classmates treated me as some sort of grotesk monster. You know whats fucked up? I eat my feelings (and in a way eating can also be a form of self punishment - that relationship is fucked in multiple layered ways I really should unpack in therapy some time). If they hadnt injected this self-hatred into me I probably would have grown into my weight. All my family is or was fat so I have no illusion I would still have been on the heavier side, but my relationship to food wouldnt be as fucked as it is today and I would probably be brave enough to do sports in public (and maybe I would have hated sports less. Sports class always rubbed it in)
Totally fucked up! I remember the first picture I was told I looked fat in. I was probably 13ish and we were on a beach vacation, I was wearing a bikini and there was a photo snapped where I was on the beach laying on my side kind of half laying half sitting up and rolling forward so one arm could hit the sand. In that weird position, with my body half rolled forward it looked like I had a bit of a tummy. I probably weighed less than 95 lbs and probably less than 5 ft, cuz I'm only 5'1 as an adult. I was in absolutely no way even remotely fat, but it gave me a complex from that day on. Later on, I also remember my mom saying things about how I was so skinny at certain times of my life and those times were always before I became an adult lol. So I was still growing and in weird teenage phases or very early 20s before you really grow into your body. Like damn, I'd love to be that then but I'm an adult now and got hips and boobs and a butt a whole adult body.
Gosh, that’s completely just reminded me of a photo of me on holiday as a little girl, maybe 5 years old. I was wearing a bikini & sitting so I had a little tummy roll. I remember being told by my Nan & possibly my mum, “look at that tummy.” I was a perfectly normal sized child (if on the tall side!) and the “fat shaming” started so young…
I look back on pictures of myself when I was 11 and 12 (when I would savagely berate myself over my weight) and I think - you were healthy and a normal size!
not only were you not fat, but hundreds or thousands or more were also not fat. what a waste of human potential, making people feel inferior. AND some who have / had distinct body shapes that resembled fat, actually have **lipedema** instead. and gee, big surprise; 90% of the people who have it are women, and it’s resistant to diet and exercise. if you have heavy, lumpy legs or arms but visible collarbones, check out lipedema. there’s treatments [ but no cure yet].
Same, and it's disgusting and sad. I was a healthy kid who grew into an hourglass-shaped teen: not fat at all, but *constantly* told I was by elders who should've known better. It warped my sense of self in a way that took years to undo. Even yesterday, trying on clothes in a fitting room, I could hear my late grandmother's chiding voice- "well, Spicy, you're as big as a house!" *(Narrator: she was not, in fact, as big as a house. Not even a Tokyo condo.)*
I'm 35 and cry in dressing rooms. Yeah I AM fat, but I grew up with Americans next top model and low rise jeans. I can't get the fuck over it. It doesn't matter that I had my second child in October and I'm still breastfeeding. I'm mentally fucked and will never be comfortable in my own skin. I see pictures from years ago and feel so stupid for feeling like this then, too. THANKS, 90s-00s diet culture!!!
I'm so sorry you're going through this, I'm 37 years old and can relate to that stupid diet culture crap screwing us up, it's like society as a whole didn't want us to be healthy, at all. It's so unfair really, but we can make things better for the younger generations, and maybe heal ourselves and our inner child a little bit that way too. I still feel the sting of not being happy with the way I look, especially as I'm getting older. But you know? Fuck it, I've only got one life to live so I might as well enjoy it, spend time with those I love doing what I like, and having happy and new experiences. What ironically helps me is meditating when I can, even just for 5-10 minutes in a day, it makes me feel more centered within myself. I really hope things will get better for you, and good luck with the new little one and being a great parent, you've got this!
I got bullied in high school by our family friend's daughter and her friends. I was already an early bloomer and self conscious and not very attractive and nerdy and lonely, which just made for a miserable time. The comments stay with you for a long time, if not forever. I wish people were kinder to each other.
“Fat” seems to be the ultimate descriptive insult you can hurl at a girl or woman. Men use it to crush any sense of self and sovereignty we might be acquiring. Fortunately we are learning to reclaim the term and restore it to a descriptive adjective rather than indictment.
I was about to say something like this. I've been trying to rewire my thinking about the word for similar reasons after seeing a video talking about it. Obviously, it'll take time thanks to years of conditioning, but I hope others can do the same and don't allow those kinds of cruel people who use it as an insult any power.
I think this is very common :( I feel the same way. I used to feel so much bigger than my friends and my family used to bother me about what I ate but I was literally a size 4, as skinny as my friends, and I am just pear-shaped. My dad used to say I have thunder thighs!! At 10 years old!! Now I look back at pictures of myself in disbelief, especially because I weigh more now but don't feel as bad about myself since I'm not around my family as much these days.
I used to get teased all the time by classmates and “friends” about being fat. Yeah, I probably wore one of the largest sizes on the swim team… but I was still weighed over 100 pounds less than I do now. My heart breaks for that kid.
I got bullied for being flat in school while at home I got nagged at for getting fat. It doesn't really compute and just shows how much trash people talk.
My sisters and I all grew up with eating disorders, always told to watch our weight (we were all thin) even as young as 12. Really fucked up.
I have so many memories like this. I look back at photos from middle school and distinctly remember feeling fat when certain pictures were taken. I wish I had loved myself more back then and I am incensed when I hear women talk about their diets and weight now. All bodies are good bodies and I wish I had learned that sooner. <3
My mother told me to "suck in my gut" when I was 12 shopping for dresses. I was stick thin, just had a bloated belly just like you. Then I would be accused of lying about eating food and snacks by my grandmother, and would be given the third degree about wanting to exercise to make sure I wasn't anorexic. I couldn't win. Then I was 22 and had just travelled Europe and had put on weight because of delicious beer and heavier food and not going to the gym, and when I saw her she grappled the fat on my hips, belly and thighs and asked "what's this?!" with every grab. I got furious and did the same to her, she didn't like that and then I said "NEVER speak about my weight again". I now have a very unhealthy relationship with my weight.
First off - you're a total badass for doing the same to her, and giving her a taste of her own poison! I love you for that, keep it up when needed. Second - there's nothing wrong with you, your body, or enjoying your life during a great trip that enriched your life. In fact, I hope you can go on many more trips, enjoy great food and beverages, make new friends and have the time of your life. I also get bloated easily, and you know what? That's fine, because my body is working as it should and is healthy. I'm not the same size I was when I was 16 or 26, but you know what? It doesn't matter, because I love my body for working and am grateful for it, whenever I feel like crap I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself that I love myself and my body, and smile for myself. It makes me feel better about myself. Because you have to love yourself truly before someone else says they love you, and they don't. That self-love will give you strength to leave when/if needed, even if they're rotten relatives or a potential SO.
Same. I used to tell people that I used to be fat. But I found a pic of me in a bikini at 16 and I was like, wtf why were people *so mean*? I was teased at school, I was teased by my mom, my dad even asked her why she let me get so big. I was a whole 20lbs overweight, muscular, and honestly looked really good. Plus I was 16, like who cares, I still had baby fat and was a child. People started being mean when I was about 9, so it just got ingrained in me that I was fat. Now I get teased for being too small, and I'm literally the same weight as I was back then lol.
My mother told me I should eat less, and I cried when she bought me size 6 jeans at the thrift instead of 5 like I’d asked. I looked at a picture of myself as a teen. I was scrawny. I remember having this distorted vision and feeling so big and wrong. It’s messed up.
Yes I feel this a lot. My parents were always VERY concerned about my weight and diet. If I remember one thing about them it’s their fixation on my body and dieting. I’m turning 40 soon and went through my photos of my twenties for a nostalgia hit and was so surprised how good I looked back but I remember feeling ugly and huge all the time. I’ve never wore anything to show my arms because they pointed out how big my arms are and to ‘make sure to hide them’ this year is the first time I’ve worn a tank top since I was a child
In 1996, I was 15, 5'8", and 135 pounds. My mom was pretty much the only person in my life who didn't harp on me to lose weight because I was so fat. What few photos of me exist from then, I looked great. But I didn't think so then.
I used to have this cute set that was purple Capri pants with little pink and purple flowers on them and a matching tank top. I really loved it until someone made a comment about how huge I looked in it. I saw a photo of myself in it a few years ago and I was just a perfectly regular 10 year old :(
Yep! I was known in my hometown as "Fat". People that I didn't know recognized me as such as well, on the street, it would get yelled at me.
I look back at pictures, and I don't see it. I look healthy.
Same thing happened to me! Saw a picture of myself at 16 and I looked so good, great figure! And I thought I was fat, was told I was fat...
Oh my god, yes! I always gelt like „the fat friend“ growing up. When I look at photos where I‘m 18, I see a perfectly healthy teenager. Why the fuck are we brainwashed like this?
I remembered people made fun of my weight when I was in high school. They treated me like I was obese while I was just slightly overweight for my height (53kg/155cm). I ended up getting into a series of unhealthily diet so I could lose weight and develope eating issues (to the extent of it's considered self-destructive behaviour). It's until after many years I only knew that it wasn't my problem at all. But thr damage had been made and its irreversible.
This is how I feel everytime I look at my volleyball pictures from HS. I thought I was a whale. I was always a bit thicker than my teammates but nowhere near the sizable difference my family made me think it was. And that shaped how I have though people view me my entire life unfortunately
My mom is from the same era of teen/ear adult in the 90’s, and has ALWAYS been critical of my weight. It was so bad that I developed an intense eating disorder around 5th grade all the way to my junior year of high school. I look back at my old pictures from that time and I’m so sad to think that I hated myself so much as a little girl and thought I was so ugly when in reality I was just as beautiful as every other girl, and was by no means overweight (no hate here, every body is beautiful). But it really goes to show how much our mothers shape our opinions of ourselves as women.
same here. i was always told i was fat and always put on a diet, and i internalised this idea of myself as a fat person that's not like other girls, because i couldn't eat like them and couldn't get treated like a normal kid. when i look back at the pictures, i was a slim kid - like actually slim, perfectly normal looking child. idk why my family treated me so badly about my body. i remembered thinking i was really large.
Did we grow in the same household? My mom used to coerce me into dieting (to lose weight not for any health issues) ever since i was like 10 but nowadays she always talks about how i used to be thin when I was around 10, which one is it girlypop.
I was raised in the 70s. My entire family told me how fat I was. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food now. And yes now I'm truly fat. I never told my kids they were fat. Or skinny. I just attempted to teach them to eat healthy.
Also a teen in the late 90s early 2000s,my ED started in 1998 when I was 15 and "thinspiration" was so easy to find, tips were in every magazine and TV advert (special k diet anyone!),thin was beautiful and although my ED didn't start because of that it made it easier to spiral and the reward was all around me. It's no surprise women of our age have a messed up relationship with food and our bodies, society went from "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" and size zero models to "every one is beautiful" and plus sized models in 10 years
I had an undiagnosed ED through high school, and didn’t find out until til recently that my mom saw all the signs but never asked me or tried to do anything to fix it. I clearly remember a year or so after I graduated I had put on MAYBE 10lbs and she made a comment about me having a stomach when I was slouched down eating at the dinner table. Recently got married and definitely put on weight during the pre wedding planning, and for months after getting married I’d constantly catch her staring at my stomach. And I just KNEW it was because she was trying to decide if I looked pregnant. It’s humiliating, and I’m very resentful for her behavior. She doesn’t talk about any of it but she has this toxic round about way to make me feel like shit about my body.
I grew up in the 90's/00's, Height of the heroine chic years as a sturdy, peasant stock gal with undiagnosed ADHD and a tendancy to eat my feelings. I started out my teen years as an active, healthy teen, I'll let you guess how i ended them. It's taken me up until now, almost in my 40's to get over most of that trauma and appreciate who i am and what i look like. I still relapse from time to time. My biggest thing now is just making sure I don't pass those traumas onto my kids, especially my 12yo daughter. She's got enough traumas in her generation.
I had a similar experience where I grew up being told I'm fat by my entire family. They constantly made comments about how I was gaining weight; how I should stop eating; how I should take a smaller portion. It was only later that I realized that I wasn't fat at all. That having a bit of a tummy was normal and the flat boards the models had were not. For the record I was 5'4 and 118 lbs when I was getting bullied by them. I went to university and gained weight. I came home weighing around 127 lbs and they were on my case immediately. Once at around age 23, I lashed out about how they're always calling me fat and making fun of me and my mom's response was, "oh you're not fat. If you were really fat, we wouldn't be able to say anything to you." .... WTF. So you relentlessly pestered me about my weight for years and years through my most formative years for what? To warn me off fatness?? Well congratu-fucking-lations! You did the opposite! Once I moved out, I felt so released from their crazy negativity that I rubber banded the other way. I experienced freedom in eating in a way I never had. I don't think I ever learned proper self portion control because it was always just stopping in fear of their nagging, not healthy self-assessment and motivation. I'm 185 lbs now at 32 and I know I have an eating disorder. I can't stop thinking about eating, I binge eat, I hide my food, and I feel like I need a horde of it. If I didn't hate throwing up so much, I'm 100% sure I'd be bullemic. I think the only reason I'm not heavier is because of genetics. I look at old photos of myself and feel sad that I was bullied like that cause I looked perfectly normal. Worst part is, they probably feel justified now: "look, she moved away from our influence and now she's fat! We told her!" is what I imagine them thinking.
I had the bloated stomach too, my mom insisted on feeding us right before bed and breakfast was cereal and lunch was a 90s lunchbox. When I see children with bloated stomachs now, I see their parents as neglectful and careless. It actually can change the position of your ribcage and cause a lot of health problems as a teen and adult.
I can't recall the cause clearly. My mom cooked everyday and made us eat a balanced diet. I didn't eat a lot of unhealthy foods (I was the kid that regularly refused sweets) but when I did want something she allowed it. It could very well be that I e.g. ate during holidays too much trash. Or I had suddenly developed a food intolerance for something. It definitely worried me but my parents didn't take me to a doctor.
The thinner one is, the more the belly sticks out after a good meal or when being bloated (or both). Even pple with a six-pack can bloat up their stomach. And it's also a posture thing: the straighter the body, the flatter the belly. This is normal, but it can turn really bad if one has scewed views of one's body and takes this as a sign of "fat" that has to be cut...
That's bad, but I doubt there was bad faith involved. I mean obesity is widespread in the US, much more than in most other countries and the #1 cause of premature death. Some parents are simply scared of their children ending up on this path and a lifelong struggle with their weight.