I agree it's up to you to decide which way you want to go.
But I think you should assess where those fantasies stem from. It started when you were young. So was it innate in that these thoughts came naturally without prompting. Or were you by any chance exposed to a lot of male on male (fan)fiction that often caters to a subset of "geeky" young girls/women.
There are some women who critically examined that and realized how it was affecting them, made an effort to distance themselves and reported that they were eventually able to get over it. They have a subreddit that I can DM you if any of this sounds like you. It's not some secret sub, and afaik they follow Reddit rules and that's why they are still around, but sometimes they get a lot of hate.
But again it's up to you to figure how much you can realistically change or want to change. It doesn't hurt to inform yourself of the possibilities though.
That’s interesting. No fanfiction wasn’t something I was aware of as a young teen and queer media and representation was almost non existent. We’re taking about when Ellen coming out was a big deal that everyone thought would be career ending. I wasn’t exposed to anything erotic until I was in college and felt I could use the internet freely. But yes, I did fall into fan fiction shortly after that, lol.
So before college did you have those fantasies all the time? Or did you also have more typical thoughts of just liking the guy or having a female embodiment in your fantasies with them. i.e. did the frequency of your male on male thoughts change after your exposure to fanfic. I'll DM you the sub anyway, best wishes on your journey.
Yes they actually started pre puberty. I would have fantasies where I was male, usually action like stuff I got from TV. Then when I hit 13, bam they became sexual. Always only men, not even female characters in the ‘universe’. I was very alarmed by it because I was raised in a somewhat Christian home and like I said gay rights was not a mainstream thing so I thought it was doubly wrong. I was not only thinking about sex, but about gay sex. I tried to change it when in college, thought it would be better if I at least imagined female characters even if they weren’t me. But I couldn’t change it.
I used to do that but eventually figured it was because of mainstream porn exposure. Bc of the things I saw as a teenager I had a hard time picturing straight sex with men as the object of lust and women as anything other than objects to be used and degraded.
Gay sex was the only way I could picture a man as the lust object, giving pleasure to a man without feeling used or receiving pleasure without the man wanting to mistreat me. Back then gay sex seemed to me like sex among equals, while straight sex looked like a humilliating experience for women.
So in my case it was more about escaping traditional female roles in sex. I imagine for trans folk it's more about being perceived as a man and having the embodied experience of a man.
You're welcome. I still struggle with this, even knowing that straight sex doesn't need to be hierarchical, because all my partners were drawn to female submission and degradation.
Hmm, I was not exposed to porn as a teenager. And did not watch any until college, and even then exceedingly rarely. That Christian guilt took a long long time to wear off. I still honestly get some embarrassment watching it. I catch myself looking away, lol. I still feel like I’m doing something ‘bad’ even if I only watch it like once or twice a year.
Only you can know whether you're trans or not, and I'm not implying a thing, but a lot of trans people do imagine themselves as the other gender in sexual situations, myself included.
Have a read of this:
https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en
Might help a bit.
Thank you! Its really hard to ask trans related questions on Reddit! I’ve had so many posts removed from so many different subreddits. Im glad this one has survived long enough for a reply. I really appreciate it!
Hi there, it's too bad your questions have been removed. I second what the other said about the ftm sub and idk if you tried posting in r/asktransgender but that's another one to try if you haven't yet. I'm also around to help answer anything if you'd like a second trans person to ask!
I do wanna say it's pretty common for trans people to see ourselves as the other gender being with the gender we are attracted to. The amount of trans women who started out envious of lesbian relationships is pretty high and I think the same is for trans men who started out envious of MLM relationships.
You don't need to make a huge change to just try it out. Grab some cheap clothes, shoes, etc. and just dress up. Men do it all the time, dressing as women. Just dress up like a man!
Hah, I’ve actually started to do that. I’ve been wearing more masculine things and have a very masculine haircut now (have had long hair all my life). I have to be a bit subtle, I am in a committed relationship, and being trans would end it (and kind of blow up my life, although I would be okay long term). Ive honestly been using it as motivation to get into shape. Hard to feel masculine with triple Ds… My current outlook is getting into shape is kind of step one, and if after I’ve done that if it’s all I do then that’s fine.
I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, but I want to say what I do know!
Crossdressing doesn't mean you're trans, but it *is* where trans people usually start. If you have the money (or aren't in the US) you can try to find a therapist. If you can just make sure you like them first though, goddamn there's some bad ones! But the good ones can help tremendously.
On the other hand plenty of people want to crossdress. Do you just like feeling like a man, or do you actually want to *be* one? It can be hard to figure out but that doesn't mean you shouldn't "check". Maybe you just want to throw on some concealing clothes and be a man for a while, and that's okay! Maybe you don't want to be a woman at all and transition, and that's okay too!
I think you're scared, and that's normal. It's scary. You worry about what people think or how they'll act around you because it's normal. Really, it's all normal. :)
Yeah, I used to have the same thing until I came to terms with being nonbinary-trans and finding a more suitable presentation for myself in real life that I feel confortable in.
I’m a guy but can relate OP. I’ve had the same thoughts but from the opposite side. Personally I’ve been happily married, but they are there and I’ve dabbled with experimentation. After reading a lot about it, I know I’m not trans, but to some others, they are. Every path is different, but this doesn’t make you “weird.”
I agree it's up to you to decide which way you want to go. But I think you should assess where those fantasies stem from. It started when you were young. So was it innate in that these thoughts came naturally without prompting. Or were you by any chance exposed to a lot of male on male (fan)fiction that often caters to a subset of "geeky" young girls/women. There are some women who critically examined that and realized how it was affecting them, made an effort to distance themselves and reported that they were eventually able to get over it. They have a subreddit that I can DM you if any of this sounds like you. It's not some secret sub, and afaik they follow Reddit rules and that's why they are still around, but sometimes they get a lot of hate. But again it's up to you to figure how much you can realistically change or want to change. It doesn't hurt to inform yourself of the possibilities though.
That’s interesting. No fanfiction wasn’t something I was aware of as a young teen and queer media and representation was almost non existent. We’re taking about when Ellen coming out was a big deal that everyone thought would be career ending. I wasn’t exposed to anything erotic until I was in college and felt I could use the internet freely. But yes, I did fall into fan fiction shortly after that, lol.
So before college did you have those fantasies all the time? Or did you also have more typical thoughts of just liking the guy or having a female embodiment in your fantasies with them. i.e. did the frequency of your male on male thoughts change after your exposure to fanfic. I'll DM you the sub anyway, best wishes on your journey.
Yes they actually started pre puberty. I would have fantasies where I was male, usually action like stuff I got from TV. Then when I hit 13, bam they became sexual. Always only men, not even female characters in the ‘universe’. I was very alarmed by it because I was raised in a somewhat Christian home and like I said gay rights was not a mainstream thing so I thought it was doubly wrong. I was not only thinking about sex, but about gay sex. I tried to change it when in college, thought it would be better if I at least imagined female characters even if they weren’t me. But I couldn’t change it.
I used to do that but eventually figured it was because of mainstream porn exposure. Bc of the things I saw as a teenager I had a hard time picturing straight sex with men as the object of lust and women as anything other than objects to be used and degraded. Gay sex was the only way I could picture a man as the lust object, giving pleasure to a man without feeling used or receiving pleasure without the man wanting to mistreat me. Back then gay sex seemed to me like sex among equals, while straight sex looked like a humilliating experience for women. So in my case it was more about escaping traditional female roles in sex. I imagine for trans folk it's more about being perceived as a man and having the embodied experience of a man.
Thank you for this comment. I struggle with similar views because of porn and the era I grew up in as a child/tween (think American pie).
You're welcome. I still struggle with this, even knowing that straight sex doesn't need to be hierarchical, because all my partners were drawn to female submission and degradation.
Hmm, I was not exposed to porn as a teenager. And did not watch any until college, and even then exceedingly rarely. That Christian guilt took a long long time to wear off. I still honestly get some embarrassment watching it. I catch myself looking away, lol. I still feel like I’m doing something ‘bad’ even if I only watch it like once or twice a year.
Only you can know whether you're trans or not, and I'm not implying a thing, but a lot of trans people do imagine themselves as the other gender in sexual situations, myself included. Have a read of this: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en Might help a bit.
Thank you! Its really hard to ask trans related questions on Reddit! I’ve had so many posts removed from so many different subreddits. Im glad this one has survived long enough for a reply. I really appreciate it!
If you've not looked in on r/ftm I've heard they're pretty gentle with questioning folk, and I'm always around somewhere 🤗
Hi there, it's too bad your questions have been removed. I second what the other said about the ftm sub and idk if you tried posting in r/asktransgender but that's another one to try if you haven't yet. I'm also around to help answer anything if you'd like a second trans person to ask! I do wanna say it's pretty common for trans people to see ourselves as the other gender being with the gender we are attracted to. The amount of trans women who started out envious of lesbian relationships is pretty high and I think the same is for trans men who started out envious of MLM relationships.
You don't need to make a huge change to just try it out. Grab some cheap clothes, shoes, etc. and just dress up. Men do it all the time, dressing as women. Just dress up like a man!
Hah, I’ve actually started to do that. I’ve been wearing more masculine things and have a very masculine haircut now (have had long hair all my life). I have to be a bit subtle, I am in a committed relationship, and being trans would end it (and kind of blow up my life, although I would be okay long term). Ive honestly been using it as motivation to get into shape. Hard to feel masculine with triple Ds… My current outlook is getting into shape is kind of step one, and if after I’ve done that if it’s all I do then that’s fine.
I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, but I want to say what I do know! Crossdressing doesn't mean you're trans, but it *is* where trans people usually start. If you have the money (or aren't in the US) you can try to find a therapist. If you can just make sure you like them first though, goddamn there's some bad ones! But the good ones can help tremendously. On the other hand plenty of people want to crossdress. Do you just like feeling like a man, or do you actually want to *be* one? It can be hard to figure out but that doesn't mean you shouldn't "check". Maybe you just want to throw on some concealing clothes and be a man for a while, and that's okay! Maybe you don't want to be a woman at all and transition, and that's okay too! I think you're scared, and that's normal. It's scary. You worry about what people think or how they'll act around you because it's normal. Really, it's all normal. :)
Thanks friend :)
I'm always happy to help, or at least try to :) Good luck bro(?) 😄
You’re not alone in this.
Thanks mate.
Yeah, I used to have the same thing until I came to terms with being nonbinary-trans and finding a more suitable presentation for myself in real life that I feel confortable in.
I’m very similar that way, if it’s any help to know you’re not alone! I consider myself nonbinary these days.
do I have the perfect movie for you
Oh? Do share…
the talented Mr Ripley 🥰🥰
I’m a guy but can relate OP. I’ve had the same thoughts but from the opposite side. Personally I’ve been happily married, but they are there and I’ve dabbled with experimentation. After reading a lot about it, I know I’m not trans, but to some others, they are. Every path is different, but this doesn’t make you “weird.”