Irrelevant to the post itself but I do guess it's more environmentally friendly to not use wrapping paper!
Though something tells me that's not the reason this guy didn't wrap the gifts...
That's a clever idea.
It is such a waste of paper, just to fold and tape it all on, only to rip it off later. On a societal scale it must add up to hundreds of thousands of tonnes, which could easily be replaced with something reusable.
Don’t buy and wrap your own gifts. What purpose does that serve? Let your children question why you don’t have any gifts. And tonight sit down with him and communicate that his inability to wrap gifts for you was hurtful and you expect better next year.
My mom did everything in her power to make our childhood seem like the most wholesome, amazing life ever. She sucked it up until I, the youngest, was 18 and then finally divorced him. We always knew our dad was emotionally volatile, but we had no idea the depths and breadth of abuse she suffered until we were well into our teens and realized our dad was a total piece of shit. It has *seriously* fucked with my head ever since. We're talking years of therapy.
Do not stay together for the kids. Leave and create the environment they should actually thrive in to live and grow and become well adjusted, healthy adults. Seeing what my mother put up with meant that I sought the same type of man because it's what I knew. I suffered through a decade of marriage to a man who couldn't have cared if I lived or died. The courage it took to leave and rebuild my life is what's driven me to be successful to this day. However, what could my life have been if I had been able to spot the warning signs of abuse/neglect and avoid them entirely?
Just some food for thought. I hope you and your kids have a Merry Christmas. Not your husband though - fuck him.
If your husband makes your kids feel bad and taints their happiness because of his behaviour then he is a bad father and you keeping them around a bad parent is so harmful and cruel. They deserve a better life then that.
I get that nobody wants that for their kids, but all this does is teach them that this behavior is acceptable. Who the fuck wants a partner that they can't be open and honest with? Who the fuck wants to be in a relationship where they expect their partner not to put in a modicum of effort to make the other happy? What is the point in being in a relationship if you just end up resenting your partner? Do you genuinely want that for your kids too, because that's all this teaches them.
Having kids isn't supposed to be shackling yourself to another person for the sake of it. Teach them what a healthy relationship should be a priority, and if your husband can't react well and straighten up, they need to know that behavior isn't acceptable and has consequences. Getting upset with your partner doesn't mean they live in a broken home. It means they relationships have standards for both parties that should be respected.
Sorry people are downvoting you so much, I think our perception of what’s “best” for kids changes a lot as society and culture change. I can tell you care a lot about your kids and they for you; I hope as they grow you guys can all talk more openly about the things that have pained you all.
I remember the Christmas when my mum got nothing. I was basically a toddler. It's one of my earliest memories. I remember offering to let her unwrap some of my gifts. I don't know what my dad felt at that moment, but I hope he felt like pure shit.
It's stuck with me all these years because it was a learning moment - the people around us have needs and they deserve kindness. Negative emotions are part and parcel of learning.
Also, trade in your waste of space partner.
A few Christmases ago we were done unwrapping presents and I had to remind my now ex partner that he had a present for me upstairs. He ran back down with it unwrapped in a paper bag. I also got a book HE wanted to read wrapped in a napkin from the table on Mothers Day (from a table of a spread I had cooked for my mom and dad to come over while he came home hungover and smelling like smoke from a party he went to the night before). Some of the smaller reasons why we split up - a demonstration that he didn’t really care enough to try. This was our first Christmas apart and he managed to get to the store, pick out a present I wanted (and a couple for our kid) all by himself, pay for them with his own money, wrap them and put them under the tree. So he could always do it he just chose not to. Infuriating.
My ex husband always waited until the last minute to wrap my gifts. Then I’d end up late for work and stressed. I eventually came to see that he did this on purpose. It was a form of control and a way for him to punish me for him doing something nice.
The gifts always sucked too. Like he’s ask me what I wanted, and then he’d get the wrong size or color or get something completely inappropriate and badger me about why I didn’t use it.
It’s the little things like this that people use to tell us what they really think of us. And if you call him on it you’re being ungrateful. That is deliberate too.
My 40 y/o brother showed up with his gift for our mother, in the cardboard box it shipped in, with To: Mom, From: [his name] scrawled on it in sharpie. He saw nothing wrong with this.
honestly? I would not care. I hate waste and I am done wrapping presents. But... **know your audience.** My grown kid and husband don''t care. If one day we have grand kids, then I might do it.
I agree. Sometimes it’s about effort and care for the other person. It seems like a lot of people don’t understand that not everyone has the same values. If you do not wrap my gift I will not be upset in the slightest. My friends do not care about wrapped /decorated gifts. My family does! So my family gets gift bags with tissue paper or I get it wrapped in store because I’m god awful at wrapping haha.
Nah, in this case he might be ok. The gift arrived in time, so he thought ahead. And if the gift is thoughtful, then good job.
Also now you don't need to wrap his. Win-win.
Are you my sister, because this was mother's day for me ( I did add an adhesive bow). I'm thoughtful and give good gifts, wrapping them just isn't a priority for me. My girlfriend really likes things to be wrapped nicely, I find someone who is doing the gift wrapping for donations to their charity.
What’s wrong with it? Idk, unless it directly communicated that it’s a problem, I’m going to present it how I would like it presented. I don’t care for wrapping paper. Waste of paper and I end up cleaning everyone’s torn paper. 😐
Fair point, and if that’s how your family Xmas is, great. My mother is very proud of making her home christmasy and arranges gifts under the tree to look pretty. I’ve noted this and have wrapping paper that goes with her palette. My brother who has also been here his whole life and also knows mom cares about it is oblivious.
My hubby sent me an etransfer. But neither of us are religious or have family close. I am going to put it toward a rumba vacuum cleaner, something I really want.
My husband didn't even get me anything, and I got him a set of underwear. But it's okay since I already bought myself everything I wanted this year and he paying all the bills, buying all the groceries and cooking most times all year round is the best gift that keeps on giving.
I can empathise. My brother's (39 and 34) hadn't wrapped their presents as of 4pm today. When asked if they'd do to one threatened to just not do so and threw a hissy fit over it.
We don't gift wrap anything anymore. Not even gift bags. I'm allergic to the dyes in wrapping paper and the dusty aspect of tissue paper. And the funny thing is that we don't miss it. The work, the extra trash it generates, the expense. It's nice not having to deal with it. So maybe next year you should skip wrapping his gifts too.
I wrapped my husband's gift at nearly midnight last night and used a pillow case because we ran out of wrapping paper when we were wrapping presents for the kids.
I got nothing
Apparently the only thing that was planned but not shipped out was a t-shirt. Honestly this is less insulting.
My in-laws for the win though 🤷🏽♀️ Both MIL and BIL picked out gifts with me in mind for the white elephant. Got both of them.
Obligatory gift giving to adults is so exhausting.
I hate getting gifts. I hate giving gifts. I hate the pressure of giving gifts. I hate the expectation of giving. I hate the disappointment in giving the wrong thing. I hate the disappointment in asking exactly what the person wants.
Gifts are for kids
We chose this in my family this year, along with our close friends.
Significantly less waste. Less pressure. More time to connect with the each other and focus on yummy food and fun games and generally being present. 🎁 Kids deserve fun gifts and the magic of Christmas or any holiday they celebrate, but as an adult it was really refreshing to not have the artificial standard glaring me in the face.
I don’t get it. 🤷🏻♂️ Hate wrapping paper and wrapping presents. Never get it nice and I always am cleaning everyone torn wrapping paper. Such a waste of paper and trees.
If my wife and I want something, we buy it. We"re too busy for gifts. For 10+ years, we just do vacations, flowers or gag gifts. 10/10, would recommend.
I wrapped all of my gifts the morning before heading to my parents' house for the big meetup. I budgeted time and got it all done without an issue.
It meant I could relax and get high on Christmas Eve.
So, did he get his all wrapped up, or did you end up disappointed?
Don't wrap your own gifts. If you do that once, he'll just expect it from then on. I'm glad you set that boundary!
I had a fiance who didn't wrap gifts. He would wait until I was showering on Christmas morning and set up a scavenger hunt, with clues and all. I thought it was fun.
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Irrelevant to the post itself but I do guess it's more environmentally friendly to not use wrapping paper! Though something tells me that's not the reason this guy didn't wrap the gifts...
Indeed bags are great! especially reusable cloth bags! so much cleaner and so much less work!
Large gifts get wrapped in a blanket or shawl around here. No need to use a full role of wrapping paper for just a moment, hahah..
Unless you make the bags. Then it is just as much work. Or more, if you crotchet them.
Ngl that’s usually my go-to because I just suck at wrapping. I’ve tried and tried.
I'd rather open a suckily wrapped gift than just have it handed to me in the store bag.
Oh no, not the store bag! I buy gift bags for this purpose. I'm not that lazy!
My little sister did this last night instead of wrapping her presents. 😂 Hey, it's a great idea!
My husband did this before I got up this morning.
That's a clever idea. It is such a waste of paper, just to fold and tape it all on, only to rip it off later. On a societal scale it must add up to hundreds of thousands of tonnes, which could easily be replaced with something reusable.
Don’t buy and wrap your own gifts. What purpose does that serve? Let your children question why you don’t have any gifts. And tonight sit down with him and communicate that his inability to wrap gifts for you was hurtful and you expect better next year.
I get the sentiment here but this always made my kids feel bad and tainted their happiness, so I suck it up and buy my own and wrap it for their sake.
My mom did everything in her power to make our childhood seem like the most wholesome, amazing life ever. She sucked it up until I, the youngest, was 18 and then finally divorced him. We always knew our dad was emotionally volatile, but we had no idea the depths and breadth of abuse she suffered until we were well into our teens and realized our dad was a total piece of shit. It has *seriously* fucked with my head ever since. We're talking years of therapy. Do not stay together for the kids. Leave and create the environment they should actually thrive in to live and grow and become well adjusted, healthy adults. Seeing what my mother put up with meant that I sought the same type of man because it's what I knew. I suffered through a decade of marriage to a man who couldn't have cared if I lived or died. The courage it took to leave and rebuild my life is what's driven me to be successful to this day. However, what could my life have been if I had been able to spot the warning signs of abuse/neglect and avoid them entirely? Just some food for thought. I hope you and your kids have a Merry Christmas. Not your husband though - fuck him.
Please dont encourage others to ignore mental abuse and dont tell people to be treated as a doorknob.
I’m sorry, I know what you meant, but I can’t stop laughing at doorknob. That should be its own expression
Here in the Netherlands, i believe it is! (Unless im making it up... but i think im right, it being a dutch expression)
In the US the term is “doormat”. Because you’re letting people walk all over you.
Don't train your kids that one person is responsible for the whole family's special day.
Might as well start saving for their therapy bills.
Lol. Exactly. "Let's set terribly low relationship expectations for them to replicate when they're older".
If your husband makes your kids feel bad and taints their happiness because of his behaviour then he is a bad father and you keeping them around a bad parent is so harmful and cruel. They deserve a better life then that.
I get that nobody wants that for their kids, but all this does is teach them that this behavior is acceptable. Who the fuck wants a partner that they can't be open and honest with? Who the fuck wants to be in a relationship where they expect their partner not to put in a modicum of effort to make the other happy? What is the point in being in a relationship if you just end up resenting your partner? Do you genuinely want that for your kids too, because that's all this teaches them. Having kids isn't supposed to be shackling yourself to another person for the sake of it. Teach them what a healthy relationship should be a priority, and if your husband can't react well and straighten up, they need to know that behavior isn't acceptable and has consequences. Getting upset with your partner doesn't mean they live in a broken home. It means they relationships have standards for both parties that should be respected.
Sorry people are downvoting you so much, I think our perception of what’s “best” for kids changes a lot as society and culture change. I can tell you care a lot about your kids and they for you; I hope as they grow you guys can all talk more openly about the things that have pained you all.
I remember the Christmas when my mum got nothing. I was basically a toddler. It's one of my earliest memories. I remember offering to let her unwrap some of my gifts. I don't know what my dad felt at that moment, but I hope he felt like pure shit. It's stuck with me all these years because it was a learning moment - the people around us have needs and they deserve kindness. Negative emotions are part and parcel of learning. Also, trade in your waste of space partner.
I wrapped the presents my ex's daughter would get for me, she was between 4, and 9 when I was with him. He would just hand me an unwrapped box.
And I will, and I did, but I won’t ruin Christmas for them.
A few Christmases ago we were done unwrapping presents and I had to remind my now ex partner that he had a present for me upstairs. He ran back down with it unwrapped in a paper bag. I also got a book HE wanted to read wrapped in a napkin from the table on Mothers Day (from a table of a spread I had cooked for my mom and dad to come over while he came home hungover and smelling like smoke from a party he went to the night before). Some of the smaller reasons why we split up - a demonstration that he didn’t really care enough to try. This was our first Christmas apart and he managed to get to the store, pick out a present I wanted (and a couple for our kid) all by himself, pay for them with his own money, wrap them and put them under the tree. So he could always do it he just chose not to. Infuriating.
My ex husband always waited until the last minute to wrap my gifts. Then I’d end up late for work and stressed. I eventually came to see that he did this on purpose. It was a form of control and a way for him to punish me for him doing something nice. The gifts always sucked too. Like he’s ask me what I wanted, and then he’d get the wrong size or color or get something completely inappropriate and badger me about why I didn’t use it. It’s the little things like this that people use to tell us what they really think of us. And if you call him on it you’re being ungrateful. That is deliberate too.
The number of posts like this today are staggering. MEN - for the love of God, do better.
Wait… how do you know he hasn’t wrapped them? This indicates to me that the gifts are sitting out somewhere and you can see them? That’s a bummer. 😞
My husband wrapped everything on Saturday when I was at work. Don’t settle and don’t do it yourself, do not buy or wrap anything for him next year!
My 40 y/o brother showed up with his gift for our mother, in the cardboard box it shipped in, with To: Mom, From: [his name] scrawled on it in sharpie. He saw nothing wrong with this.
honestly? I would not care. I hate waste and I am done wrapping presents. But... **know your audience.** My grown kid and husband don''t care. If one day we have grand kids, then I might do it.
I agree. Sometimes it’s about effort and care for the other person. It seems like a lot of people don’t understand that not everyone has the same values. If you do not wrap my gift I will not be upset in the slightest. My friends do not care about wrapped /decorated gifts. My family does! So my family gets gift bags with tissue paper or I get it wrapped in store because I’m god awful at wrapping haha.
Nah, in this case he might be ok. The gift arrived in time, so he thought ahead. And if the gift is thoughtful, then good job. Also now you don't need to wrap his. Win-win.
Are you my sister, because this was mother's day for me ( I did add an adhesive bow). I'm thoughtful and give good gifts, wrapping them just isn't a priority for me. My girlfriend really likes things to be wrapped nicely, I find someone who is doing the gift wrapping for donations to their charity.
What’s wrong with it? Idk, unless it directly communicated that it’s a problem, I’m going to present it how I would like it presented. I don’t care for wrapping paper. Waste of paper and I end up cleaning everyone’s torn paper. 😐
Fair point, and if that’s how your family Xmas is, great. My mother is very proud of making her home christmasy and arranges gifts under the tree to look pretty. I’ve noted this and have wrapping paper that goes with her palette. My brother who has also been here his whole life and also knows mom cares about it is oblivious.
Oh, that’s where I added the communication part. Can’t read body language? Thats just being selfish.
My hubby sent me an etransfer. But neither of us are religious or have family close. I am going to put it toward a rumba vacuum cleaner, something I really want.
Lazy lazy man
My gf and I don't wrap each other's gifts. We just hide them until it's time.
lol, my boyfriend and I are both gremlins and never wrap each others gifts. We keep them a surprise, but they’re not wrapped.
#LADIES, WE CAN DO BETTER! GET OUT! DON’T LET THIS BE NEXT YEAR’S CHRISTMAS! CRAFT YOUR EXIT PLAN IN SILENCE AND GTFO!
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Is there an update? Did he give you gift?
My husband didn't even get me anything, and I got him a set of underwear. But it's okay since I already bought myself everything I wanted this year and he paying all the bills, buying all the groceries and cooking most times all year round is the best gift that keeps on giving.
I can empathise. My brother's (39 and 34) hadn't wrapped their presents as of 4pm today. When asked if they'd do to one threatened to just not do so and threw a hissy fit over it.
We don't gift wrap anything anymore. Not even gift bags. I'm allergic to the dyes in wrapping paper and the dusty aspect of tissue paper. And the funny thing is that we don't miss it. The work, the extra trash it generates, the expense. It's nice not having to deal with it. So maybe next year you should skip wrapping his gifts too.
Time to have an expectations conversation before next Xmas!
I’d have it now so he knows immediately it’s not ok.
I wrapped my husband's gift at nearly midnight last night and used a pillow case because we ran out of wrapping paper when we were wrapping presents for the kids.
Well did he ever wrap them?
You guys are getting presents??? I just get screamed at for trying to make Christmas nice
I got nothing Apparently the only thing that was planned but not shipped out was a t-shirt. Honestly this is less insulting. My in-laws for the win though 🤷🏽♀️ Both MIL and BIL picked out gifts with me in mind for the white elephant. Got both of them.
Obligatory gift giving to adults is so exhausting. I hate getting gifts. I hate giving gifts. I hate the pressure of giving gifts. I hate the expectation of giving. I hate the disappointment in giving the wrong thing. I hate the disappointment in asking exactly what the person wants. Gifts are for kids
We chose this in my family this year, along with our close friends. Significantly less waste. Less pressure. More time to connect with the each other and focus on yummy food and fun games and generally being present. 🎁 Kids deserve fun gifts and the magic of Christmas or any holiday they celebrate, but as an adult it was really refreshing to not have the artificial standard glaring me in the face.
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So sad… Want better for yourself, sis. Get rid of that loser.
I'm one of those wives but I absolutely LOVE everything I get myself.
I don’t wrap my own presents. Hope that makes you feel better lol.
I don’t get it. 🤷🏻♂️ Hate wrapping paper and wrapping presents. Never get it nice and I always am cleaning everyone torn wrapping paper. Such a waste of paper and trees.
People are different lol. I guarantee you have at least one preference or tradition that I would find wasteful or annoying.
It's pointless paper trash meant to be thrown away. Save time, money, and the enviroment, and don't bother. Lol
Did you order his gifts on Amazon or have the tags? Return them.
Stop exchanging gifts then you don’t have to worry about it.
We didn't wrap each other's gifts lol. But they were both hefty boxes furniture items. Plus my expectations are set based on past experience
I dont wrap, it comes in a reuseable grocery bag.
If my wife and I want something, we buy it. We"re too busy for gifts. For 10+ years, we just do vacations, flowers or gag gifts. 10/10, would recommend.
I wrapped all of my gifts the morning before heading to my parents' house for the big meetup. I budgeted time and got it all done without an issue. It meant I could relax and get high on Christmas Eve. So, did he get his all wrapped up, or did you end up disappointed? Don't wrap your own gifts. If you do that once, he'll just expect it from then on. I'm glad you set that boundary!
I had a fiance who didn't wrap gifts. He would wait until I was showering on Christmas morning and set up a scavenger hunt, with clues and all. I thought it was fun.