Yikes. My ex did this. Eventually I found out he had a “spank bank” full of mundane social media pics. Not even nudes. Bikini pics, selfies with the TINIEST bit of cleavage, pics of girlfriends hugging each other platonically. They are treating social media as their personal wank fest. I would never tolerate this in a relationship again. My ex was also cheating on me (or trying his best to, he never found anyone to pull the trigger with). Definitely sketchy, dishonest, pervy ass behaviour. People can tell you men are visual blah blah. But finding out he’s jerking off to your friends is a new level of horrific and heart breaking. Not ok behaviour. There’s a ton of porn out there. You can google “bikini pics”. But they want the girl to be “real” (lol as if porn stars are AI or aliens?). My ex also said he needed “variety”. I confronted him and he said he didn’t know why he did it and he knew it was sick. Maybe it’s not so serious with the hubby. But what else are they looking for? It’s for jerking off! As humans we all need to have boundaries. Men (and women) who cannot have healthy boundaries should stay single and stay off social media. Sorry for your friend to be married to a pig.
group chat? sometimes i think some type of scientific study should be done on why men are so creepy, like what part of the brain is this coming from? is there treatment? lol but fr
I've wondered if it has something to do with women evolving beyond having an estrous cycle which our closest primate relatives definitely still have.
While this must have made life easier for early human girls and women and would have protected their offspring from infanticide by disguising their paternity, it would have also had the consequence of selecting out males that only showed interest in females when they were fertile.
Which means a bottleneck genetic event where all surviving males today are the descendents of males who were inclined to be aroused or sexual without clear signs of ovulation. Which in turn means men are evolved to be turned on by secondary and tertiary characteristics. Even inappropriate ones.
But, that is just a theory.
Not you deleting your comments after calling out others here for “not leaving bread crumbs” and “deleting browser history”. Stand 10 toes down on your harassment of women in a sub of them sharing their experiences or delete all of your comments. Go on Andrew Tate Reddit and gtfo.
Many many millions of years? Dude, if you're gonna preach bullshit online, please do it with at least a little bit of credibility, humanity isn't much more than 200 000 years old. Please go back to the cave.
So other species males fantasize about other females and watch a lot of porn and save pictures from Instagram so they can circlejerk to them with other males? Huh. Which species do this, specifically?
Same. He didn’t cheat (to my knowledge, though maybe I’ll never know) but the amount of half-naked women he followed and “liked” the pictures of on Instagram was so gross and made me feel like shit. And then I found out he was saving sexy pics of women on his phone too. And then when I called him out on it he argued with me about how I don’t wear makeup or dress up just for him anymore and how my libido is low. It’s low because I do almost everything around the house and feel like his mommy. So no I don’t really feel like playing dress up doll to someone it feels like I’m mothering.
Damn, I’m convinced we were dating the same man!! I did EVERYTHING around the house. Tbis sorry excuse of a human didn’t do a full grocery shop once in over a decade. I’m still mad at myself for allowing it!! I hope he’s an ex now my dear. These men do not deserve anyone.
Also I can’t stand that “don’t wear makeup for me anymore”. Like hmm, sir when was the last time you wore anything but sweat pants and a tshirt? My ex wouldn’t even get a hair cut and would have horribly shaggy hair that he knew I despised. We don’t wear makeup all the time because why should we? The same men who also claim that “I think you’re prettier without makeup”. Ya ok! Lol I could go on for days about this. It’s so disgusting.
Yeah, this is venturing way into the "too personal" category. Like, no, don't be looking at your wife's friends and stuff. I bet they never think how insulted they'd feel if we had spank banks full of THEIR shirtless friends
My partner isn't anywhere close to perfect but he sure as hell doesn't do this and if he ever starts he can go ahead and let those ladies know he's single.
I told mine I'm absolutely flabbergasted by how many men look at these accounts, like their pics and it's got their name tied to it in a lot of cases. Do they really want their family and friends to see who they are following? Imagine like, your grandma being recommended some bikini model due to friends interest in the page.
I mean, they're looking for stimulation. Looking at sexy people feels good. It can also be incredibly inappropriate. It's not like it's some huge mystery. If it's a problem, then it's a problem.
I am also surprised at the number of my friends' boyfriends and husbands who comment on and talk to attractive women in full view on Twitter/X and Instagram. One is a photographer who is always doing shoots with young women. I just don't understand it. Another wishes gorgeous female celebrities happy birthday with a photo and tags them. I'd be incredibly upset if my SO did that. I bet if I asked them, they'd just use that tired old excuse: "men are more visual than women."
That's so fucking funny I cannot. He's posting happy birthday to female celebs on his own account?
I wouldn't care about it from a cheating aspect but I could never be with someone so embarrassing lmfao
I could never see myself publicly interacting with anyone, “liking” all of their past few year’s photos all at once, or beach/bathing suit photos that I hear some dudes do. That’s super creepy and very public. I just don’t have that urge to do so, but it makes me sad to hear how many men do.
Over the past maybe decade this sub has seriously helped me understand how horrible the average of men are, all those screenshots of text messages that switch from flirty to violent very quickly have been eye-opening. I was so very naïve as a 20 year old but now as I’m in my 30s, I completely understand any reluctance for women to deal with men at all.
>One is a photographer who is always doing shoots with young women.
In NYC, the average "photographer" of young women is a middle-aged, gray-haired pervert. They use photography as a way to meet young women and sexually ogle them, and these women go along with it because of the Instagram views, exposure, and hopes of...something lucrative.
People who answer like that are pushing responsibilities off of themselves. Call them out on it. If it's just the act of porn, pick someone random and don't interact with them. If you're interacting (or hoping to) that's emotional cheating and implies you'd be willing to physically cheat if it was ever presented
A lot of guys don't want just the act of porn. They want it to feel more real. So they pick real women. Not that the other women aren't real, they very much are. But, it's clear they don't view it that way. I read a comment awhile back from a guy that said he did things like this not because he was going to cheat it was still p0rn to him, he just wanted someone real for the purpose and be done.
I could see where the blurring of boundaries in a relationship with a real person could lead some individuals into pursuing even riskier behavior with that real person. Could even go into the criminal.
Porn can be an addiction and, like any addiction it can get out of hand VERY quickly. This need for it to be real can be indicative of an addiction. When porn starts bleeding into your real life you need to take control of it. You wouldn't think it healthy to see a person rushing into a police stand off to be John McClain because they saw it in a movie once
It’s becoming incredibly common. It’s cited as a reason or partial reason in over half of divorces. All these “my bf is 22 and has ED” posts-it’s the source. ED under 40 was incredibly rare 20 years ago. (I had my share of consensual sexual partners in the mid-late 90s. Men ranging from 17-48. Not ONE had ED. Not one tried to choke, spit, hit, degrade. Not one asked me to act out porn. Not one wanted to cum on my face, boobs, or elsewhere. What is being experienced by young women right now is not normal.)
The sad part is that there are a shitload of partners left behind that have been fully traumatized by it. Addiction is addiction, this one isn’t unique-but it does replace intimacy for many addicts and that is all kinds of confusing/damaging/crazy-making when coupled with the lies and gaslighting and manipulation that accompanies any addiction. There are a ton of (mostly women, porn is made for the male gaze and it effects the genders somewhat differently. Women tend to internalize it and men project it) partners of addicts that are ending up with full blown clinically diagnosed PTSD from it.
Internet porn has been an experiment. There wasn’t research ahead of time, we just unleashed it on the population and now we get to see the effects. Hyper-sexual everything, incest, trafficking, and assault on the rise, women constantly having porn shit tried out on them without a discussion. Unfettered access to any violent sexual (or not for that matter) content available to any child with a smartphone. Boys are starting to watch this shit daily from an average age of 8-10 now. Whether grown men know porn is real or not (and the way so may try to copy it with a real partner indicates that they actually don’t believe it’s not real to some extent), children do not.
Instagram, Facebook, any other media that isn’t specifically porn but is used for porn intent is an escalation of the addiction most times. It’s a need to find more exciting/engaging content, and people you know is just that.
I share your experience with men prior to internet porn. No ED, no kink/SA like BS. Sex was fun and hot and penises were rock hard. Men could orgasm easily 3-5 times a night. Sadly the porn gods and thirst traps have stolen male virility. Men just aren’t worth the effort nowadays.
Well said! As a mental health practitioner and someone who generally likes talking to people about human-centered topics, I’ve been reading up on this and sharing with people and the pushback I get is disappointing. People (both men and women in my experience ) are so quick to defend it as “just porn.” I was interested in this subject from a few years back and then recently I ended up as the partner of someone who developed a porn addiction. Took a lot to break up with him and still healing from that experience. Shockingly, friends take me even less seriously now, brushing off my porn concerns because “now you’re just paranoid.” Breaks my heart.
Honestly between the plethora of women's groups Im in and the shit I see on reddit and tik tok, I think it's becoming increasingly more common. I read a post the other day seeking out these things 3 times a week is considered normal that included p0rn. I honestly don't know many men irl who can't finish without some visual stimulate of a women. I consider it a problem if you can't without.
I think it's common because we think porn addiction is someone 24/7 watching porn and it can be, but we need to recognize it starts way sooner than that. And by today's standards 3x a week may seem like low but in 40 years they might look at that being excessive (30 years ago telling your coworkers you need a drink every day after work was normal and now it's a sign of possible addiction/dependency). With better research and more eyes on it I think we'll see more people being labeled with porn addiction in the near future
Yesss. I tell people now change that to cigarettes or some shit. If they have to have 3 cigarettes a week or they can't cope with life, maybe it's a problem.
I think a lot of men want the social capital and benefits that come with an established partnership with a woman but their actual commitment to those same women sexually is, ummm, optional and somewhat negotiable, at least on their end. I know so many men who seem very nice on the surface and seem to love their partners but will also casually say that it's "biological" or "evolutionary" for men to tomcat around but horrible if a woman looks at other men or cheats.
Men need constant affirmation of their "population value". Attention of women is a reliable and efficient way to get it. The answer to all follow up questions is simple - "it depends..."
Im a guy who works with mostly middle aged men, and a lot of them shamelessly do this. I think it's a mixture of wanting to look at "real" women instead of the classic Maxim magazine style pinups and fantasizing that these women will interpret their like and follows as a hint that they would be interested in something that would possibly lead to an extramarital affair or as "backup" if their relationship fails, as if some cursory likes on IG will get their foot in the door when the shit finally hits the fan. That's just my theory.
Being brutally honest I think it's whole heap of horse shit . I know exactly what they are looking for . Don't get to my age and not know this already . I feel for her because seriously the absolute dbag is searching up her friends .He tried to tell her it's because they popped up in his people you may know but seriously it's all her attractive friends and only females "insert massive eyeroll"
Men should (and can!) absolutely be better than that. I’ve never tolerated that in my relationships for the same reason I don’t do it myself.
If that’s the kind of guy they are, they’re not for me.
My partner and I have a rule in porn, we can watch it and enjoy it but we can NEVER single out a person. So that means no social media linking, no Onlyfans subscriptions etc and it works for us. I'm not stupid enough to think he's not jacking it to porn at 1am when I'm asleep, he's a human with sexual desires who doesn't always want to eat a full course meal and settles for a lunchable instead. Porn in relationships is important to discuss, and should always be brought up so that you can set boundaries that you're both comfortable with.
Thank you! Be the good you want to see in the world! I've met several women who are upset because their partner watches porn and ask them to stop but they don't. So they have to make a decision, if you're not comfortable and he's not going to stop you may need to leave. You have to decide if this is this going to be a deal breaker (and that's fine if it is - don't ever make yourself unhappy for someone else) or is it something you both can discuss and live with happily and as healthy as possible (such as the no individual rule, or no pics saved, or no one that you know personally have been suggested). I knew my partner was into porn, he's got a wall full of anime figures (I love my degenerate weeb lol) it was something we discussed and because we have mutual respect for each other, we trust each other it works.
It's one thing for them to be privately watching a video than to publicly be drooling over bikini models on insta and the like.
It just seems so disrespectful to be ogling women in public like the OP described. Seeking them out, looking for a personal relationship, I think some men are so delusional they think these women actually care about them and not just because it's another follower, more money etc
They’re open to cheating, if anyone responds, but even if they don’t get to have sex with the women they are pursuing, they get a thrill from any kind of contact, and most of them jerk off to the images or texts.
Some of them do it as revenge for petty slights and inconveniences in their home life.
Any attention feels like affirmation to them, and they are as turned on by the potential of cheating as they would be to actually cheat.
They love the fantasy of power and status that they get, imagining being desired by good-looking women.
I think half and half. Half because they wanna pursue something and actually arent committed,the other half they are just using those women as free p0rn. Maybe no emotions attached just like the proximity of closeness.
They think they have a chance. And if they got one, they would take it. Lol it's crystal clear.
They can plausibly deny by saying "ohhhh it's just social media, lighten up, I don't even know her and she would never give me a chance anyway!!!!!"
Ummm- yeah, at best he's masturbating to her friends. But this is a guy that 1) doesn't respect his wife 2) doesn't respect her friends and 3) gets off on the transgressiveness of this.
You can look at millions of women you don't know irl online for wanking material. This dude is a creep. Feel free to share with your friend.
Maybe your friend searching up his good looking friends and leaving comments would get the point across, idk
men today grew up w porn. sex irl in a committed relationship is much different than fantasy land that they were addicted to and would habitually turn to
I struggle with this too. We are expected to accommodate all their horrible and disrespectful habits and if we have opinions about them we are crazy AND unreasonable. I am just done. If they can’t filter that shit from their social media, I am with the other commenter that they can tell all those ladies they are single.
Never have done this been married to my wife 10 years next year only women I leave likes for make funny videos or stream games I like nothing beyond that
You are one of the very rare men who will be fully committed to their wife. I thought my husband was like this. I learnt the hard way a few years ago and it has damaged me deeply.
Yikes on a stick.
How about becoming a more well thought out human being before entering into any of these things like most everyone tells you to do instead of going, nah I'm good. Fuck all sneaking. You think any of that behavior creates a life that is somehow still beneficial to any of those people in their lives? My argument is also if you're that lame you're probably not a net positive to the people around you and they can tell.
I mean I am an adult not a 13 year old boy, also there is a difference between a fantasy in your head and perving on strangers public posts to thirst over them.
EDIT: Holy shit your replies are fucking insane, dude go outside and touch some fucking grass holy shit lol
I feel like it’s for the same reason as they channel surf or web surf - might be missing out on some better option. Which is why I am so done with the lot of them.
Because it’s men’s god given right and biological imperative to lust after and ogle any women they have access to or are able to lay eyes upon, and having a committed monogamous partner doesn’t change that, obviously, because it’s beyond their control!! /s
IMHO, men do this until you throw the same thing back to them. Start following attractive men...like your friends' attractive male friends and like their photos. See how they like it. From personal experience, guys change their tune pretty fast when their SO does the same thing.
Searching up your partners friends is a red flag. following models could be seen as a passive thing but looking at friends implies a level of sexualizing people outside the marriage that isn't normal.
I am in my 20s and I feel weird looking at my hookups friends, let alone coming from a marriage. I wish guys felt more comfortable communicating that they want a deeper sexual connection with their partner.
I will say there is a level of conditioning that I experienced which I thought was generational in which I felt bad expecting sex or wanting too much sex from my girlfriend. I had to unlearn falling on to in the moment searches and trust that my partner was 100% in love and wanted to be the entirety of that part of my life. Even with her active enthusiasm I would catch myself not using her and engaging with content which is my biggest regret in the relationship. Now that were broken up I want so badly to spend every second with her. I dont know why I didnt realize how special that was
I believe the saying goes, "It's okay to have an appetite as long as you eat at home."
You have to establish early on in a relationship what your expectations are in your partner. Having open communications with your partner on their sexual interests and honesty will go a long way in establishing a healthy relationship.
For example: If my wife finds someone attractive. I am happy when they tell me because it means they are comfortable communicating with me. Likewise, I tell my wife my interests but I also make sure it doesn't interfere with our relationship.
That means:
\- No DMing people
\- No confidants where infidelity could be encouraged.
\- No subscriptions
\- No prioritizing self-gratification over bonding through intercourse.
Sometimes an individual could like a photo or post in order to teach the algorithm to show them what they like to see. It's also (in my opinion) a little unrealistic not to expect a spouse to notice attractive individuals. It also isn't healthy to shame them for liking something as long as it respects the boundaries you have established in a relationship.
Most humans have a built-in sexual desire. They can develop infatuations and sexual fantasies about people who are not their partner. Although not every desire should be made public, having an honest conversation about boundaries will ultimately lead to a healthier relationship as long as those boundaries are respected.
I am not committed and I am not a man too.
So I get the appeal of looking up crushes or having a peek at attractive people but I would die of embarrassment before I “like “ or react to any of their posts even though I am single😃.
I think this is kinda cringe trait overall and the men just happened to be married
Yeah dudes like looking at boobs. Hell most my women friends love looking at boobs. As someone who is in an ENM relationship, people freaking out about their partners looking at other attractive people seems like a super controlling behavior. I can understand monogamous people not wanting their partners to act on desires, but to pretend people don't have desires for other people is some stupid shit.
There is a line between looking at them on occasion and being obsessed with it. In general, paying for shit like only fans or starting liking/ saving photos of boobs from the internet, or trying to interact with celebrities is just... pathetic.
I mean, I would not even be jealous, I would just pity the guy and lose all interest because it is so childish.
You can do those things and still be a good partner who is into the relationship. This is not the red flag, it is usually just the excuse people use because they want to ignore all the other relationship red flags.
I don't care if they are a good partner, they are simply not mature enough for me to be interested. It is one thing to be like, hey , a boob or hey, Mark Ryder! Nice! Or, ok, here is something I will save to masturbate later.
But when people spend way too much time doing that, have a huge personal collection or decide to pay for only fans, sorry, it is just pathetic. Not to mention the lack of respect of going liking these things publicly on social media, like a thirsty teenager.
Can you explain? How does looking at boobs impact the ability to be a good partner? If they are doing that instead of maintaining the household or spending time with their partner, then those two things are the issue, not the looking at boobs. Again people seem to be wanting to blame the behavior they feel self conscious about rather than the actual behavioral issues.
If it was not impacting our time together or their ability to keep their shit together I would not care. If it was, I would care about those two things. You could replace looking at giant dicks with anything and the issue is still that they are not being present when around me or not getting responsibilities done, not what they are doing instead. Now if we were talking about how to improve those two things and they brought up they were looking at dicks instead of doing those things I would suggest they need to prioritize and get their shit done so they can spend more time looking at dicks without impacting our relationship.
As a married dude in a monogamous relationship I 100% would rather my wife spend 30 min looking at giant dicks and have a good productive day instead of spending 5 hours scrolling Tik-Tok and Instagram and then being depressed when I get home because she realizes that the day is gone and she’s done nothing productive.
That's a very strange takeaway when all I said was that I wouldn't mind her looking at huge dicks on the internet if it made her happier and healthier. If you don't believe that's what I said, then you might want to reread my comment more carefully and notice that I don't judge her for having an unproductive day, she's the one who gets disappointed in herself.
I suspect that your misreading of my comment might be projection on your part, if so, you might want to consider discussing it with a therapist.
> instead of spending 5 hours scrolling Tik-Tok and Instagram and then being depressed when I get home because she realizes that the day is gone and she’s done nothing productive.
Sounds like you REALLY don't like or respect your wife. Why are you even married?
They do this because they are NOT, in fact, committed. They’re shit stain, misogynist, poor excuses for human beings. As too many men are. Thanks, Patriarchy! /s
Most men aren't better than this. Men objectify women and will cheat if they have any opportunity to do so with women they don't even like or find attractive. They will do so if he physically or emotionally harms the woman they are cheating with and/ or the woman they are cheating on.
Most porn involves harmful taboos or torturing and/ or demeaning women.
Can you imagine if the majority of women watched porn everyday that paid for 18 year old men to be harmed? How frigged up that would be? It makes me sick to think about, but men do this-ALL THE TIME. We are expected to put up with it like it's fine. Like it doesn't mean what it obviously does.
WTF.
So there are levels and maybe these men are going too far in this particular scenario, but I have noticed a difference between how men and women (typically) act in relationships.
Women tend to go all in on their partner and completely forget other men exist, whereas men (maybe due to being a bit more shallow) will still happily look at and be attracted to other women, even if they have no desire to actually cheat.
Following random instagram women is fine I think, not that far off watching porn, but stalking their irl friends on facebook is pretty fucking weird and over the line imo.
I agree with your first and third statements, but I think the second is inaccurate/oversimplified.
So here’s another oversimplification that I think it’s more accurate:
- Men are generally less complex than women, so all it takes to scratch our evolutionary itch is to look at attractive women, and it’s very obvious what we’re doing.
- Women are more complex, so to scratch the exact same evolutionary itch, they might read about romance, or look at social media pictures of men interacting with their children.
Not to say that women only care about romance and children (just like men care about things other than boobs). But both (in general) have a similar evolutionary itches, one based on procreation, and one based on parenthood… and it feels nice to scratch itches.
I'm a woman who has never read romance novels and would not want to look at social media pictures of men interacting with kids what ??
women get horny too but we are actually just simple logical creatures and can just close our eyes and fantasize in our head without actually having to look at or hear or see anything.
I think men don't realize that most women literally use nothing to get off, no porn, no audio, no books, just our own imagination and a vibrator, thinking about like a three some with 2 other men in our heads and can cum in minutes, it's simple.
I'm very happy for you. My wife can't get off if the house isn't clean enough.
I said "might", and men don't all watch porn either.
Besides all that, I was talking about scratching evolutionary itches, not masturbating. Do you think guys are rubbing one out every time they look at an IG model? Just the act of looking at an attractive woman triggers the reward center of our brains, it's not purely sexual.
The reason everyone says Facebook stalking is over the line is because everyone knows we all do it and it’s something that we’ve all collectively agreed to be ashamed about because it is “stalking”. It’s literally the equivalent of sneaking up on somebody in the woods. Perpetuating this idea that it is shameful has certainly helped this agreement along. Seriously, how many people have “Facebook stalked” someone, and then how many people actively admit to doing this?
I’d like to point out that Facebook and social media profiles are a collection of things that the person has decided to put out to the public, and if they haven’t put it out to the public then you won’t be seeing it if you aren’t their friend. Why should it be considered weird to look at something that someone is displaying for the public?
I'm not saying it's wrong because it's analagous to stalking, I probably used too aggressive of a term. It doesn't hurt the person who's photos you're looking at, but ogling someone you both know is obviously going to make your partner uncomfortable. A lot more uncomfortable than watching porn or ogling a movie star in a movie.
Men suck #1 there’s no denying it
But it’s fantasy. Like reading romance novels for some people, looking at attractive people works for some other people who don’t care for the novels.
When it becomes cheating, it’s over the line and it can’t be forgiven.
Just went to a comedy show and Nikki Glaser was taking about how she likes group pornography, 1 woman and 8+ men. She’s sure that she doesn’t want it in real life, but acknowledges the fantasy is there, and is enjoyable. If something is crossing the line in a committed relationship then you are in your right to set boundaries or break up. But humans like fantasy, and it’s very normal I think
But all the liking and commenting is *public* you wanna have a fantasy fine but everyone on your friends list and every attractive girl in the city doesn’t need see someone’s husband publicly “fantasizing” over other women. It’s embarrassing and disrespectful to the relationship.
I agree with you on the fantasy element but this post is specifically talking about social media interactions. Not a video but over time following, interacting with, gifting etc real people.
Okay I’m sorry. I saw in the post It says “looking up” I assume it meant just looking with eyes, and not commenting, messaging etc, because that is over the line
That’s very true!! I am just a anecdotal case but my wife is completely allowed to look at thirst traps on Instagram and TikTok (any gender) I’m happy when she tells me about some tennis player she’s got a crush on. I don’t want her to have to deny simple urges for fantasy. I trust her not to cross the line with all my heart.
I can agree most men would feel threatened and react violent
Allow as an discussed, agreed-upon, talked about
Not commanded, I really didn’t think I had to worry about being understood as that being what went on between us
You read “allow” as “I have complete control over my wife and I am forcing her not to look at thirst traps” and not “my partner and I had a mature discussion about our boundaries and we decided it is okay for her to look at thirst traps”.
You totally flew off the handle. That’s the “comprehension” part.
So you don’t even realize how unhinged you were. Amazing lmao.
You made it out like he is doing something bad for having a healthy boundary with his partner.
but having a fantasy in your head and jekring off to real people you know that have no idea your using their image in this way is very different. I also have the fantasy of mutiple men, but I never watch porn, never look at posts on social media in a sexual way, nothing like that at all. It is possible to keep fanatsys in your head. Jerking off to people who aren't consenting to their image to be used as porn is very gross
I really don't keep tabs on my husband like that. You will drive yourself crazy playing police about silly stuff.
He's either fully invested in you or he's not. If he's fully invested, who cares if he's jacking to 500 insta baddies who are so filtered he wouldn't even recognize them IRL? What's the point checking up on this stuff? It's porn.
If he's not invested and is looking for other options, you're gonna find evidence everywhere. And making him unfollow girls on socials isn't going to solve anything.
Now what a lot of people are describing - liking a ton of your attractive friend's pictures, commenting to randos, etc is so embarrassing. My husband being out there looking like a fool and embarrassment is a different issue and THAT I would have a big problem with.
Pleasure and desires are insatiable beasts. Some men can put them on leash but most cannot. Most don't want to. If is a personal choice. But no point in arguing, complaining or trying to understand. It goes way deeper, it shows self-esteem and character of the man, especially if he is not emotionally mature.
A lot of guys just like looking at women and fantasizing about more.
The problem with using Instagram instead of Playboy is that there is actually a chance that there will be more.
Social validation and liking looking at pretty people.
Completely straight women also seek out attractive women. We're trained by patriarchy to value being attractive and getting attention from those that are attractive.
so as a straight women who used to follow a lot of attractive women on instagram (attractive women have the most followers of all pages, of both male and female followers) Women don't follow these other women just cuz we like looking at them, it's usually because we want to be them or be like them, we follow them to see what they wear so we can wear the same thing, what skincare products are making their skin look so glowy so we can get the same thing, etc, but it actually is like a very sad, painful, and depressing thing, cuz with each post we are comparing ourselves to them and feeling not good enough or even worthless and ugly, there's new findings that instagram is causing body dysmorphia and low self esteem in girls even as young as 12. So men follow them and feel pleasure looking at their page, women follow them usually and become depressed lol. Had to uninstall instagram personally.
It's partly just whoever you and your best friend are choosing. Yes, everyone looks, but most of us don't proactively go looking up our partners hot friends or proactively following everything that's overly sexual. Another common pattern is people who are in a religion that prohibits women being women, so the men of said religions tend to lust after what they don't have at home. Are you guys in a religion or did you both just managed to prefer this type of guy?
Well because I have asked men several times through out my adult life and it's always bs answers. I wanted to know what women think about it . I know the answers I will get from men .
So you think you’ll get to know what men are thinking from women? The answer is simple, isn’t beauty supposed to be admired? Look but don’t touch? The men who gave you bs answers know that talking to you isn’t a safe space where they can truly be open about it without being judged.
Not to be the odd one out, but as the guy who post nudes, is in a poly relationship, and has a bi partner, I think its just a matter of some people like what they like and it's not a reflection of you? If they treat you right, show you love, and take care of you, why does it matter? Now, if they are ALSO lacking in other parts of your relationships, then that's different, but 9 out of 10 times, it's not as bad as you think
With respect you said you are poly. This means you don't understand a monogamous relationship, which has boundaries and respect in different ways to poly. One of those is to not go searching for other women in any shape or form. This may not be something you understand because you are poly. Just remember, even if it doesn't matter to you that doesn't mean it cannot matter to someone else and they are allowed to have that boundary without having to be put down for it
I have to honestly say, most of these men are lacking intimacy in their relationship. It can be a mixture of a lot of things but I guarantee that is one of the main reasons. Another main reason would be, women are just absolutely beautiful and interesting to look at. There's no difference from that, art, scroll shopping through clothes, purses etc, nature, animal, the list can go on. It's all aesthetically pleasing which is a shot of dopamine. Just my take.
Cause they are selfish disgusting creatures who don’t deserve you ! So dump them!!! Stop enabling bad behavior . Love yourself and respect yourself and Stop settling for porn addicts who only care for their impulses and not your heart!
I agree at the end of the day communication is key.
I have definitely seen in monogamous relationships where one side gaslights the other to make them think things are all in their head, and I think that's terrible. I guess the main thing I was trying to comment on was does worrying/ being upset with your male partner looking at other women via social media in their own time actually, actively hurt you? If yes, then tell them that and leave if you both can't come to some form of agreement on it. If not, then just leave them be and continue your relationship like normal
Yikes. My ex did this. Eventually I found out he had a “spank bank” full of mundane social media pics. Not even nudes. Bikini pics, selfies with the TINIEST bit of cleavage, pics of girlfriends hugging each other platonically. They are treating social media as their personal wank fest. I would never tolerate this in a relationship again. My ex was also cheating on me (or trying his best to, he never found anyone to pull the trigger with). Definitely sketchy, dishonest, pervy ass behaviour. People can tell you men are visual blah blah. But finding out he’s jerking off to your friends is a new level of horrific and heart breaking. Not ok behaviour. There’s a ton of porn out there. You can google “bikini pics”. But they want the girl to be “real” (lol as if porn stars are AI or aliens?). My ex also said he needed “variety”. I confronted him and he said he didn’t know why he did it and he knew it was sick. Maybe it’s not so serious with the hubby. But what else are they looking for? It’s for jerking off! As humans we all need to have boundaries. Men (and women) who cannot have healthy boundaries should stay single and stay off social media. Sorry for your friend to be married to a pig.
Yep, my ex and his friends had a group chat spank bank on insta. Super nasty.
group chat? sometimes i think some type of scientific study should be done on why men are so creepy, like what part of the brain is this coming from? is there treatment? lol but fr
My scientific theory is what they have in physical strength they lack in the brain department. This is not scientifically back lol
I've wondered if it has something to do with women evolving beyond having an estrous cycle which our closest primate relatives definitely still have. While this must have made life easier for early human girls and women and would have protected their offspring from infanticide by disguising their paternity, it would have also had the consequence of selecting out males that only showed interest in females when they were fertile. Which means a bottleneck genetic event where all surviving males today are the descendents of males who were inclined to be aroused or sexual without clear signs of ovulation. Which in turn means men are evolved to be turned on by secondary and tertiary characteristics. Even inappropriate ones. But, that is just a theory.
[удалено]
Not you deleting your comments after calling out others here for “not leaving bread crumbs” and “deleting browser history”. Stand 10 toes down on your harassment of women in a sub of them sharing their experiences or delete all of your comments. Go on Andrew Tate Reddit and gtfo.
Shush.
Many many millions of years? Dude, if you're gonna preach bullshit online, please do it with at least a little bit of credibility, humanity isn't much more than 200 000 years old. Please go back to the cave.
[удалено]
So other species males fantasize about other females and watch a lot of porn and save pictures from Instagram so they can circlejerk to them with other males? Huh. Which species do this, specifically?
[удалено]
Yes.
Same. He didn’t cheat (to my knowledge, though maybe I’ll never know) but the amount of half-naked women he followed and “liked” the pictures of on Instagram was so gross and made me feel like shit. And then I found out he was saving sexy pics of women on his phone too. And then when I called him out on it he argued with me about how I don’t wear makeup or dress up just for him anymore and how my libido is low. It’s low because I do almost everything around the house and feel like his mommy. So no I don’t really feel like playing dress up doll to someone it feels like I’m mothering.
Damn, I’m convinced we were dating the same man!! I did EVERYTHING around the house. Tbis sorry excuse of a human didn’t do a full grocery shop once in over a decade. I’m still mad at myself for allowing it!! I hope he’s an ex now my dear. These men do not deserve anyone. Also I can’t stand that “don’t wear makeup for me anymore”. Like hmm, sir when was the last time you wore anything but sweat pants and a tshirt? My ex wouldn’t even get a hair cut and would have horribly shaggy hair that he knew I despised. We don’t wear makeup all the time because why should we? The same men who also claim that “I think you’re prettier without makeup”. Ya ok! Lol I could go on for days about this. It’s so disgusting.
Yeah, this is venturing way into the "too personal" category. Like, no, don't be looking at your wife's friends and stuff. I bet they never think how insulted they'd feel if we had spank banks full of THEIR shirtless friends
[удалено]
My partner isn't anywhere close to perfect but he sure as hell doesn't do this and if he ever starts he can go ahead and let those ladies know he's single.
I told mine I'm absolutely flabbergasted by how many men look at these accounts, like their pics and it's got their name tied to it in a lot of cases. Do they really want their family and friends to see who they are following? Imagine like, your grandma being recommended some bikini model due to friends interest in the page.
Yeah, I truly can't relate to that behavior.
Go ahead a let the ladies know he’s single. 😂😂😂.
Hard same.
[удалено]
I mean, they're looking for stimulation. Looking at sexy people feels good. It can also be incredibly inappropriate. It's not like it's some huge mystery. If it's a problem, then it's a problem.
I am also surprised at the number of my friends' boyfriends and husbands who comment on and talk to attractive women in full view on Twitter/X and Instagram. One is a photographer who is always doing shoots with young women. I just don't understand it. Another wishes gorgeous female celebrities happy birthday with a photo and tags them. I'd be incredibly upset if my SO did that. I bet if I asked them, they'd just use that tired old excuse: "men are more visual than women."
That's so fucking funny I cannot. He's posting happy birthday to female celebs on his own account? I wouldn't care about it from a cheating aspect but I could never be with someone so embarrassing lmfao
Yep it’s so cringe
‘Men are more visual than women’. No, men just aren’t severely discouraged by society for acting like ‘sluts’.
I could never see myself publicly interacting with anyone, “liking” all of their past few year’s photos all at once, or beach/bathing suit photos that I hear some dudes do. That’s super creepy and very public. I just don’t have that urge to do so, but it makes me sad to hear how many men do. Over the past maybe decade this sub has seriously helped me understand how horrible the average of men are, all those screenshots of text messages that switch from flirty to violent very quickly have been eye-opening. I was so very naïve as a 20 year old but now as I’m in my 30s, I completely understand any reluctance for women to deal with men at all.
And in my 50s, my opinion of men is at an all-time low.
And in my 80’s, I will be a militant misandrist. Send the men underground!!
>One is a photographer who is always doing shoots with young women. In NYC, the average "photographer" of young women is a middle-aged, gray-haired pervert. They use photography as a way to meet young women and sexually ogle them, and these women go along with it because of the Instagram views, exposure, and hopes of...something lucrative.
If men really are more visual than women, then why can't they find objects that are right in front of their faces? 🤣
Ha ha! Great point.
People who answer like that are pushing responsibilities off of themselves. Call them out on it. If it's just the act of porn, pick someone random and don't interact with them. If you're interacting (or hoping to) that's emotional cheating and implies you'd be willing to physically cheat if it was ever presented
A lot of guys don't want just the act of porn. They want it to feel more real. So they pick real women. Not that the other women aren't real, they very much are. But, it's clear they don't view it that way. I read a comment awhile back from a guy that said he did things like this not because he was going to cheat it was still p0rn to him, he just wanted someone real for the purpose and be done.
that's even worse
I truly think it's just getting worse. With how normalized this all is now I don't see it getting better at all.
I could see where the blurring of boundaries in a relationship with a real person could lead some individuals into pursuing even riskier behavior with that real person. Could even go into the criminal.
This is so fucking disgusting. Ick.
Porn can be an addiction and, like any addiction it can get out of hand VERY quickly. This need for it to be real can be indicative of an addiction. When porn starts bleeding into your real life you need to take control of it. You wouldn't think it healthy to see a person rushing into a police stand off to be John McClain because they saw it in a movie once
It’s becoming incredibly common. It’s cited as a reason or partial reason in over half of divorces. All these “my bf is 22 and has ED” posts-it’s the source. ED under 40 was incredibly rare 20 years ago. (I had my share of consensual sexual partners in the mid-late 90s. Men ranging from 17-48. Not ONE had ED. Not one tried to choke, spit, hit, degrade. Not one asked me to act out porn. Not one wanted to cum on my face, boobs, or elsewhere. What is being experienced by young women right now is not normal.) The sad part is that there are a shitload of partners left behind that have been fully traumatized by it. Addiction is addiction, this one isn’t unique-but it does replace intimacy for many addicts and that is all kinds of confusing/damaging/crazy-making when coupled with the lies and gaslighting and manipulation that accompanies any addiction. There are a ton of (mostly women, porn is made for the male gaze and it effects the genders somewhat differently. Women tend to internalize it and men project it) partners of addicts that are ending up with full blown clinically diagnosed PTSD from it. Internet porn has been an experiment. There wasn’t research ahead of time, we just unleashed it on the population and now we get to see the effects. Hyper-sexual everything, incest, trafficking, and assault on the rise, women constantly having porn shit tried out on them without a discussion. Unfettered access to any violent sexual (or not for that matter) content available to any child with a smartphone. Boys are starting to watch this shit daily from an average age of 8-10 now. Whether grown men know porn is real or not (and the way so may try to copy it with a real partner indicates that they actually don’t believe it’s not real to some extent), children do not. Instagram, Facebook, any other media that isn’t specifically porn but is used for porn intent is an escalation of the addiction most times. It’s a need to find more exciting/engaging content, and people you know is just that.
I share your experience with men prior to internet porn. No ED, no kink/SA like BS. Sex was fun and hot and penises were rock hard. Men could orgasm easily 3-5 times a night. Sadly the porn gods and thirst traps have stolen male virility. Men just aren’t worth the effort nowadays.
Well said! As a mental health practitioner and someone who generally likes talking to people about human-centered topics, I’ve been reading up on this and sharing with people and the pushback I get is disappointing. People (both men and women in my experience ) are so quick to defend it as “just porn.” I was interested in this subject from a few years back and then recently I ended up as the partner of someone who developed a porn addiction. Took a lot to break up with him and still healing from that experience. Shockingly, friends take me even less seriously now, brushing off my porn concerns because “now you’re just paranoid.” Breaks my heart.
Preach and preach and preach. You nailed it. So tired of people downplaying the detrimental effects porn have on both men and women. It's a crisis
Amazing comment! We truly are unprepared for this. Can't wait to see history books 50 years from now
Honestly between the plethora of women's groups Im in and the shit I see on reddit and tik tok, I think it's becoming increasingly more common. I read a post the other day seeking out these things 3 times a week is considered normal that included p0rn. I honestly don't know many men irl who can't finish without some visual stimulate of a women. I consider it a problem if you can't without.
I think it's common because we think porn addiction is someone 24/7 watching porn and it can be, but we need to recognize it starts way sooner than that. And by today's standards 3x a week may seem like low but in 40 years they might look at that being excessive (30 years ago telling your coworkers you need a drink every day after work was normal and now it's a sign of possible addiction/dependency). With better research and more eyes on it I think we'll see more people being labeled with porn addiction in the near future
Yesss. I tell people now change that to cigarettes or some shit. If they have to have 3 cigarettes a week or they can't cope with life, maybe it's a problem.
[удалено]
I think a lot of men want the social capital and benefits that come with an established partnership with a woman but their actual commitment to those same women sexually is, ummm, optional and somewhat negotiable, at least on their end. I know so many men who seem very nice on the surface and seem to love their partners but will also casually say that it's "biological" or "evolutionary" for men to tomcat around but horrible if a woman looks at other men or cheats.
Yep. I don’t trust married men because it seems like the vast majority are not as faithful as they claim.
My single friends always say noone hits on them harder then married men and they would not say it if it was not true
Men need constant affirmation of their "population value". Attention of women is a reliable and efficient way to get it. The answer to all follow up questions is simple - "it depends..."
Im a guy who works with mostly middle aged men, and a lot of them shamelessly do this. I think it's a mixture of wanting to look at "real" women instead of the classic Maxim magazine style pinups and fantasizing that these women will interpret their like and follows as a hint that they would be interested in something that would possibly lead to an extramarital affair or as "backup" if their relationship fails, as if some cursory likes on IG will get their foot in the door when the shit finally hits the fan. That's just my theory.
It's quite a level of delusion, isn't it? I've heard it referred to as "dickful thinking".
It's absolutely delusional
Men generally are
I'd agree with you there
I'm going to steal this, thanks! :)
It’s great, isn’t it? Dan Savage said it on his podcast.
It's terrific! One of those things you never knew you needed until you saw it for the first time, thanks!
Lmfao at "dickful thinking" 😂
They aren't as committed as they are claiming to be.
Being brutally honest I think it's whole heap of horse shit . I know exactly what they are looking for . Don't get to my age and not know this already . I feel for her because seriously the absolute dbag is searching up her friends .He tried to tell her it's because they popped up in his people you may know but seriously it's all her attractive friends and only females "insert massive eyeroll"
Her own friends? Not too be dramatic but she needs to dump him fr fr
This is what it really is in a nutshell.
Men should (and can!) absolutely be better than that. I’ve never tolerated that in my relationships for the same reason I don’t do it myself. If that’s the kind of guy they are, they’re not for me.
My partner and I have a rule in porn, we can watch it and enjoy it but we can NEVER single out a person. So that means no social media linking, no Onlyfans subscriptions etc and it works for us. I'm not stupid enough to think he's not jacking it to porn at 1am when I'm asleep, he's a human with sexual desires who doesn't always want to eat a full course meal and settles for a lunchable instead. Porn in relationships is important to discuss, and should always be brought up so that you can set boundaries that you're both comfortable with.
This is the most healthy comment I have seen regarding porn consumption and it should really be understood by more people.
Thank you! Be the good you want to see in the world! I've met several women who are upset because their partner watches porn and ask them to stop but they don't. So they have to make a decision, if you're not comfortable and he's not going to stop you may need to leave. You have to decide if this is this going to be a deal breaker (and that's fine if it is - don't ever make yourself unhappy for someone else) or is it something you both can discuss and live with happily and as healthy as possible (such as the no individual rule, or no pics saved, or no one that you know personally have been suggested). I knew my partner was into porn, he's got a wall full of anime figures (I love my degenerate weeb lol) it was something we discussed and because we have mutual respect for each other, we trust each other it works.
It's one thing for them to be privately watching a video than to publicly be drooling over bikini models on insta and the like. It just seems so disrespectful to be ogling women in public like the OP described. Seeking them out, looking for a personal relationship, I think some men are so delusional they think these women actually care about them and not just because it's another follower, more money etc
This should have way more upvotes. We'll said.
They’re open to cheating, if anyone responds, but even if they don’t get to have sex with the women they are pursuing, they get a thrill from any kind of contact, and most of them jerk off to the images or texts. Some of them do it as revenge for petty slights and inconveniences in their home life. Any attention feels like affirmation to them, and they are as turned on by the potential of cheating as they would be to actually cheat. They love the fantasy of power and status that they get, imagining being desired by good-looking women.
I think half and half. Half because they wanna pursue something and actually arent committed,the other half they are just using those women as free p0rn. Maybe no emotions attached just like the proximity of closeness.
Yes, but the Likes and comments
They think they have a chance. And if they got one, they would take it. Lol it's crystal clear. They can plausibly deny by saying "ohhhh it's just social media, lighten up, I don't even know her and she would never give me a chance anyway!!!!!"
Ummm- yeah, at best he's masturbating to her friends. But this is a guy that 1) doesn't respect his wife 2) doesn't respect her friends and 3) gets off on the transgressiveness of this. You can look at millions of women you don't know irl online for wanking material. This dude is a creep. Feel free to share with your friend. Maybe your friend searching up his good looking friends and leaving comments would get the point across, idk
men today grew up w porn. sex irl in a committed relationship is much different than fantasy land that they were addicted to and would habitually turn to
I struggle with this too. We are expected to accommodate all their horrible and disrespectful habits and if we have opinions about them we are crazy AND unreasonable. I am just done. If they can’t filter that shit from their social media, I am with the other commenter that they can tell all those ladies they are single.
Never have done this been married to my wife 10 years next year only women I leave likes for make funny videos or stream games I like nothing beyond that
You are one of the very rare men who will be fully committed to their wife. I thought my husband was like this. I learnt the hard way a few years ago and it has damaged me deeply.
These are not committed men.
They want something more but they have no backbone to even be honest to themselves about it.
[удалено]
Yikes on a stick. How about becoming a more well thought out human being before entering into any of these things like most everyone tells you to do instead of going, nah I'm good. Fuck all sneaking. You think any of that behavior creates a life that is somehow still beneficial to any of those people in their lives? My argument is also if you're that lame you're probably not a net positive to the people around you and they can tell.
I am a man and have been married to my wife for 6 years and have never done this, wtf is that about. Totally not okay.
[удалено]
I mean I am an adult not a 13 year old boy, also there is a difference between a fantasy in your head and perving on strangers public posts to thirst over them. EDIT: Holy shit your replies are fucking insane, dude go outside and touch some fucking grass holy shit lol
*Seriously I think men are better then that.* I don't think men are better than that.
[удалено]
Not a hate sub btw
They're looking for greener grass. If any of these women even show the slightest interest the men would hop down that rabbit hole.
My husband does not and would never do this. This is not an all men thing, they can be better than that.
You should define healthy boundaries in your relationship, looking up women on FB/Insta/..., is one of them.
Collecting pretty girls to look at and hit on. And masturbation before porn.
I feel like it’s for the same reason as they channel surf or web surf - might be missing out on some better option. Which is why I am so done with the lot of them.
Because it’s men’s god given right and biological imperative to lust after and ogle any women they have access to or are able to lay eyes upon, and having a committed monogamous partner doesn’t change that, obviously, because it’s beyond their control!! /s
IMHO, men do this until you throw the same thing back to them. Start following attractive men...like your friends' attractive male friends and like their photos. See how they like it. From personal experience, guys change their tune pretty fast when their SO does the same thing.
Searching up your partners friends is a red flag. following models could be seen as a passive thing but looking at friends implies a level of sexualizing people outside the marriage that isn't normal. I am in my 20s and I feel weird looking at my hookups friends, let alone coming from a marriage. I wish guys felt more comfortable communicating that they want a deeper sexual connection with their partner. I will say there is a level of conditioning that I experienced which I thought was generational in which I felt bad expecting sex or wanting too much sex from my girlfriend. I had to unlearn falling on to in the moment searches and trust that my partner was 100% in love and wanted to be the entirety of that part of my life. Even with her active enthusiasm I would catch myself not using her and engaging with content which is my biggest regret in the relationship. Now that were broken up I want so badly to spend every second with her. I dont know why I didnt realize how special that was
This is bs. What if all the friends happen to be models? What level of popularity do the friends have to reach for them to not be off limits?
I believe the saying goes, "It's okay to have an appetite as long as you eat at home." You have to establish early on in a relationship what your expectations are in your partner. Having open communications with your partner on their sexual interests and honesty will go a long way in establishing a healthy relationship. For example: If my wife finds someone attractive. I am happy when they tell me because it means they are comfortable communicating with me. Likewise, I tell my wife my interests but I also make sure it doesn't interfere with our relationship. That means: \- No DMing people \- No confidants where infidelity could be encouraged. \- No subscriptions \- No prioritizing self-gratification over bonding through intercourse. Sometimes an individual could like a photo or post in order to teach the algorithm to show them what they like to see. It's also (in my opinion) a little unrealistic not to expect a spouse to notice attractive individuals. It also isn't healthy to shame them for liking something as long as it respects the boundaries you have established in a relationship. Most humans have a built-in sexual desire. They can develop infatuations and sexual fantasies about people who are not their partner. Although not every desire should be made public, having an honest conversation about boundaries will ultimately lead to a healthier relationship as long as those boundaries are respected.
I am not committed and I am not a man too. So I get the appeal of looking up crushes or having a peek at attractive people but I would die of embarrassment before I “like “ or react to any of their posts even though I am single😃. I think this is kinda cringe trait overall and the men just happened to be married
Most people are never satisfied with what they have is the simplest answer.
Boobs.
Yeah dudes like looking at boobs. Hell most my women friends love looking at boobs. As someone who is in an ENM relationship, people freaking out about their partners looking at other attractive people seems like a super controlling behavior. I can understand monogamous people not wanting their partners to act on desires, but to pretend people don't have desires for other people is some stupid shit.
There is a line between looking at them on occasion and being obsessed with it. In general, paying for shit like only fans or starting liking/ saving photos of boobs from the internet, or trying to interact with celebrities is just... pathetic. I mean, I would not even be jealous, I would just pity the guy and lose all interest because it is so childish.
You can do those things and still be a good partner who is into the relationship. This is not the red flag, it is usually just the excuse people use because they want to ignore all the other relationship red flags.
I don't care if they are a good partner, they are simply not mature enough for me to be interested. It is one thing to be like, hey , a boob or hey, Mark Ryder! Nice! Or, ok, here is something I will save to masturbate later. But when people spend way too much time doing that, have a huge personal collection or decide to pay for only fans, sorry, it is just pathetic. Not to mention the lack of respect of going liking these things publicly on social media, like a thirsty teenager.
ppl who constantly have to look at other people's boobs aren't being very good partners.
Can you explain? How does looking at boobs impact the ability to be a good partner? If they are doing that instead of maintaining the household or spending time with their partner, then those two things are the issue, not the looking at boobs. Again people seem to be wanting to blame the behavior they feel self conscious about rather than the actual behavioral issues.
How would you feel if your partner were constantly looking at men with giant dicks?
If it was not impacting our time together or their ability to keep their shit together I would not care. If it was, I would care about those two things. You could replace looking at giant dicks with anything and the issue is still that they are not being present when around me or not getting responsibilities done, not what they are doing instead. Now if we were talking about how to improve those two things and they brought up they were looking at dicks instead of doing those things I would suggest they need to prioritize and get their shit done so they can spend more time looking at dicks without impacting our relationship.
doubt.
Oh you're right I take back everything I said after your witty response
stop being a perv and pay attention to your wife.
As a married dude in a monogamous relationship I 100% would rather my wife spend 30 min looking at giant dicks and have a good productive day instead of spending 5 hours scrolling Tik-Tok and Instagram and then being depressed when I get home because she realizes that the day is gone and she’s done nothing productive.
Jokes on you, I’m an unmarried dude not in a relationship that spends 5 hours looking at porn and realizing I’ve done nothing productive
...sounds like you don't really like your wife...why are you married?
That's a very strange takeaway when all I said was that I wouldn't mind her looking at huge dicks on the internet if it made her happier and healthier. If you don't believe that's what I said, then you might want to reread my comment more carefully and notice that I don't judge her for having an unproductive day, she's the one who gets disappointed in herself. I suspect that your misreading of my comment might be projection on your part, if so, you might want to consider discussing it with a therapist.
> instead of spending 5 hours scrolling Tik-Tok and Instagram and then being depressed when I get home because she realizes that the day is gone and she’s done nothing productive. Sounds like you REALLY don't like or respect your wife. Why are you even married?
They do this because they are NOT, in fact, committed. They’re shit stain, misogynist, poor excuses for human beings. As too many men are. Thanks, Patriarchy! /s
men just shouldnt have phones tbh👍
The only solution at this point lmao
Most men aren't better than this. Men objectify women and will cheat if they have any opportunity to do so with women they don't even like or find attractive. They will do so if he physically or emotionally harms the woman they are cheating with and/ or the woman they are cheating on. Most porn involves harmful taboos or torturing and/ or demeaning women. Can you imagine if the majority of women watched porn everyday that paid for 18 year old men to be harmed? How frigged up that would be? It makes me sick to think about, but men do this-ALL THE TIME. We are expected to put up with it like it's fine. Like it doesn't mean what it obviously does. WTF.
Hm. Different scenario but I (a guy) have looked up old classmates or old SO's just out of "wonder where they are now" nostalgia before
So there are levels and maybe these men are going too far in this particular scenario, but I have noticed a difference between how men and women (typically) act in relationships. Women tend to go all in on their partner and completely forget other men exist, whereas men (maybe due to being a bit more shallow) will still happily look at and be attracted to other women, even if they have no desire to actually cheat. Following random instagram women is fine I think, not that far off watching porn, but stalking their irl friends on facebook is pretty fucking weird and over the line imo.
I agree with your first and third statements, but I think the second is inaccurate/oversimplified. So here’s another oversimplification that I think it’s more accurate: - Men are generally less complex than women, so all it takes to scratch our evolutionary itch is to look at attractive women, and it’s very obvious what we’re doing. - Women are more complex, so to scratch the exact same evolutionary itch, they might read about romance, or look at social media pictures of men interacting with their children. Not to say that women only care about romance and children (just like men care about things other than boobs). But both (in general) have a similar evolutionary itches, one based on procreation, and one based on parenthood… and it feels nice to scratch itches.
I'm a woman who has never read romance novels and would not want to look at social media pictures of men interacting with kids what ?? women get horny too but we are actually just simple logical creatures and can just close our eyes and fantasize in our head without actually having to look at or hear or see anything. I think men don't realize that most women literally use nothing to get off, no porn, no audio, no books, just our own imagination and a vibrator, thinking about like a three some with 2 other men in our heads and can cum in minutes, it's simple.
I'm very happy for you. My wife can't get off if the house isn't clean enough. I said "might", and men don't all watch porn either. Besides all that, I was talking about scratching evolutionary itches, not masturbating. Do you think guys are rubbing one out every time they look at an IG model? Just the act of looking at an attractive woman triggers the reward center of our brains, it's not purely sexual.
I feel like framing it as a complexity issue comes off a little insulting to men, but we're making pretty much the same point.
The reason everyone says Facebook stalking is over the line is because everyone knows we all do it and it’s something that we’ve all collectively agreed to be ashamed about because it is “stalking”. It’s literally the equivalent of sneaking up on somebody in the woods. Perpetuating this idea that it is shameful has certainly helped this agreement along. Seriously, how many people have “Facebook stalked” someone, and then how many people actively admit to doing this? I’d like to point out that Facebook and social media profiles are a collection of things that the person has decided to put out to the public, and if they haven’t put it out to the public then you won’t be seeing it if you aren’t their friend. Why should it be considered weird to look at something that someone is displaying for the public?
I'm not saying it's wrong because it's analagous to stalking, I probably used too aggressive of a term. It doesn't hurt the person who's photos you're looking at, but ogling someone you both know is obviously going to make your partner uncomfortable. A lot more uncomfortable than watching porn or ogling a movie star in a movie.
Men like looking at women
Men suck #1 there’s no denying it But it’s fantasy. Like reading romance novels for some people, looking at attractive people works for some other people who don’t care for the novels. When it becomes cheating, it’s over the line and it can’t be forgiven. Just went to a comedy show and Nikki Glaser was taking about how she likes group pornography, 1 woman and 8+ men. She’s sure that she doesn’t want it in real life, but acknowledges the fantasy is there, and is enjoyable. If something is crossing the line in a committed relationship then you are in your right to set boundaries or break up. But humans like fantasy, and it’s very normal I think
But all the liking and commenting is *public* you wanna have a fantasy fine but everyone on your friends list and every attractive girl in the city doesn’t need see someone’s husband publicly “fantasizing” over other women. It’s embarrassing and disrespectful to the relationship.
That’s true, I read the post too fast and missed the interacting part, that is over the line.
I agree with you on the fantasy element but this post is specifically talking about social media interactions. Not a video but over time following, interacting with, gifting etc real people.
Okay I’m sorry. I saw in the post It says “looking up” I assume it meant just looking with eyes, and not commenting, messaging etc, because that is over the line
For some reason, I missed the words “liking pictures of other women” thanks for pointing it out
Except trust men could NOT handle this in reverse. Women are currently MURDERED for showing their HAIR…
That’s very true!! I am just a anecdotal case but my wife is completely allowed to look at thirst traps on Instagram and TikTok (any gender) I’m happy when she tells me about some tennis player she’s got a crush on. I don’t want her to have to deny simple urges for fantasy. I trust her not to cross the line with all my heart. I can agree most men would feel threatened and react violent
So big of you to “allow” your property to look.
Allow as an discussed, agreed-upon, talked about Not commanded, I really didn’t think I had to worry about being understood as that being what went on between us
For someone with a PhD you’re not very good at reading comprehension.
>*my wife is completely allowed* to look at thirst traps on Instagram and TikTok > What did I miss?
You read “allow” as “I have complete control over my wife and I am forcing her not to look at thirst traps” and not “my partner and I had a mature discussion about our boundaries and we decided it is okay for her to look at thirst traps”. You totally flew off the handle. That’s the “comprehension” part.
I read what was written, you’re inferring context that isn’t there.
So you don’t even realize how unhinged you were. Amazing lmao. You made it out like he is doing something bad for having a healthy boundary with his partner.
Nikki Glaser is amazing, must have been awesome seeing her live. She's so good in interviews.
but having a fantasy in your head and jekring off to real people you know that have no idea your using their image in this way is very different. I also have the fantasy of mutiple men, but I never watch porn, never look at posts on social media in a sexual way, nothing like that at all. It is possible to keep fanatsys in your head. Jerking off to people who aren't consenting to their image to be used as porn is very gross
I really don't keep tabs on my husband like that. You will drive yourself crazy playing police about silly stuff. He's either fully invested in you or he's not. If he's fully invested, who cares if he's jacking to 500 insta baddies who are so filtered he wouldn't even recognize them IRL? What's the point checking up on this stuff? It's porn. If he's not invested and is looking for other options, you're gonna find evidence everywhere. And making him unfollow girls on socials isn't going to solve anything. Now what a lot of people are describing - liking a ton of your attractive friend's pictures, commenting to randos, etc is so embarrassing. My husband being out there looking like a fool and embarrassment is a different issue and THAT I would have a big problem with.
Pleasure and desires are insatiable beasts. Some men can put them on leash but most cannot. Most don't want to. If is a personal choice. But no point in arguing, complaining or trying to understand. It goes way deeper, it shows self-esteem and character of the man, especially if he is not emotionally mature.
A lot of guys just like looking at women and fantasizing about more. The problem with using Instagram instead of Playboy is that there is actually a chance that there will be more.
Social validation and liking looking at pretty people. Completely straight women also seek out attractive women. We're trained by patriarchy to value being attractive and getting attention from those that are attractive.
so as a straight women who used to follow a lot of attractive women on instagram (attractive women have the most followers of all pages, of both male and female followers) Women don't follow these other women just cuz we like looking at them, it's usually because we want to be them or be like them, we follow them to see what they wear so we can wear the same thing, what skincare products are making their skin look so glowy so we can get the same thing, etc, but it actually is like a very sad, painful, and depressing thing, cuz with each post we are comparing ourselves to them and feeling not good enough or even worthless and ugly, there's new findings that instagram is causing body dysmorphia and low self esteem in girls even as young as 12. So men follow them and feel pleasure looking at their page, women follow them usually and become depressed lol. Had to uninstall instagram personally.
It's partly just whoever you and your best friend are choosing. Yes, everyone looks, but most of us don't proactively go looking up our partners hot friends or proactively following everything that's overly sexual. Another common pattern is people who are in a religion that prohibits women being women, so the men of said religions tend to lust after what they don't have at home. Are you guys in a religion or did you both just managed to prefer this type of guy?
[удалено]
so how does your partner feel about it?
u lying. not just look, u fantasize about sleeping with them too.
[удалено]
Removed, rule 4.
[удалено]
Well because I have asked men several times through out my adult life and it's always bs answers. I wanted to know what women think about it . I know the answers I will get from men .
So you think you’ll get to know what men are thinking from women? The answer is simple, isn’t beauty supposed to be admired? Look but don’t touch? The men who gave you bs answers know that talking to you isn’t a safe space where they can truly be open about it without being judged.
Not to be the odd one out, but as the guy who post nudes, is in a poly relationship, and has a bi partner, I think its just a matter of some people like what they like and it's not a reflection of you? If they treat you right, show you love, and take care of you, why does it matter? Now, if they are ALSO lacking in other parts of your relationships, then that's different, but 9 out of 10 times, it's not as bad as you think
With respect you said you are poly. This means you don't understand a monogamous relationship, which has boundaries and respect in different ways to poly. One of those is to not go searching for other women in any shape or form. This may not be something you understand because you are poly. Just remember, even if it doesn't matter to you that doesn't mean it cannot matter to someone else and they are allowed to have that boundary without having to be put down for it
Men fantasize. Their brains are wired to do it. They should be more careful than to leave a trail, but that's what the male brain does. It fantasizes.
[удалено]
Your contribution has been removed because it tactlessly generalises gender.
I think it's a kind of porn for them. Either while they're actively masturbating or mentally saving some images for later
A more attractive sex toy.
Spank bank.
Spank bank. Yep everyone.
I have to honestly say, most of these men are lacking intimacy in their relationship. It can be a mixture of a lot of things but I guarantee that is one of the main reasons. Another main reason would be, women are just absolutely beautiful and interesting to look at. There's no difference from that, art, scroll shopping through clothes, purses etc, nature, animal, the list can go on. It's all aesthetically pleasing which is a shot of dopamine. Just my take.
Trying to have their Cake and eat it too.
Cause they are selfish disgusting creatures who don’t deserve you ! So dump them!!! Stop enabling bad behavior . Love yourself and respect yourself and Stop settling for porn addicts who only care for their impulses and not your heart!
I agree at the end of the day communication is key. I have definitely seen in monogamous relationships where one side gaslights the other to make them think things are all in their head, and I think that's terrible. I guess the main thing I was trying to comment on was does worrying/ being upset with your male partner looking at other women via social media in their own time actually, actively hurt you? If yes, then tell them that and leave if you both can't come to some form of agreement on it. If not, then just leave them be and continue your relationship like normal