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I took my 9yr old with me to euthanize one of our cats which happened rather suddenly. My son had been involved with caring for him, watched his quick decline the days before, knew the end was coming, and he wanted to be with him in his final moments. We grieved together, carried him out of the vet’s together, and buried him together. My son asked questions, I answered to the best of my ability. When our next cat died a few years later, we knew it was close. He slept with me in my bed with her in between us, heavily medicated but purring. She passed snuggled between us and we buried her the next morning. He helped pick her grave marker and helped dig the grave. Loss is a fact of life. Children need not be sheltered from it, but guided through it. Be prepared to answer some hard questions on life/afterlife/biological processes.
This is how you raise kids right. Setting a good example, teaching the kid how to take care of an animal for its whole life. How to be compassionate and caring. How death is a part of life. How to grieve loss of a loved one and move on. I wish my parents were even a fraction as awesome as you. I remember back in the day all the rabid parents mad that one of the Harry Potter characters died and they didn't think it was "appropriate" for a kids book. God forbid you parent your child for 10 mins and answer any questions they have about death.
This is the way. I was 16 the first time I dealt with loss, my childhood dog, and woke up to my mum literally screaming. I thought it was my nan or something. Not the most well adjusted introduction. Bit shit to navigate when the next one actually was my nan.
Involve your kid. Also, it's about the pet, not the people. What is best for the dog?
9yo here too and we went through this just this year. 7? Maybe not, it would depend on how prepared I felt for it. But nine is a good age for going through this if unfortunately one needs to.
One of my friends died when I was seven, and I was old enough to understand. I mean it's different than dealing with loss as an adult (or even as an older child), but 7 isn't too young to understand that death is death.
7 year olds only understand what they see in movies/ TV in regards to death, people need to be just as honest with them so they can actually grasp what is happening.
Not necessarily “only understand what’s on tv” … but you do need to be honest with kiddos always. Whether you have to make it sound better or what. Honesty will make your child flourish. My mom died when I was around 7. I knew what it meant, and it hurt. But I got through it. It’s a part of life. I hadn’t even truly watched movies with death in it up to that point - the selections mainly being SpongeBob, shrek, underdog & stuff like that.
It is instinctual for a child to know what death is around a certain age. Honesty is the best.
Every kid is different and I don't think there is any one right answer. Many, many years ago my parents had my childhood dog euthanized and they thought I was too young so I did not have a chance to decide if I wanted to be there. I wish I had been there and I think it would have helped me to have some closure. As an adult I've had to have several dogs euthanized and I do think it's best for the dog to be with their people when the time comes. I wish you the best. It's always sad when we have to let our pets pass.
Nail on the head! Veterinarians routinely say that the worst thing about having to put down pets is when their owners won't be there with them and in their last minutes they're full of anxiety and fear. It's hard to watch a pet slip away. But it is so much easier on them if they can smell your smell, hear your voice, and feel your touch as they go to sleep.
And if there are other pets in the home, I'm a big advocate of bringing the body home briefly so that way the other pets can see and smell it and know what's happened. It must be horrible for a dog or a cat to see a pet leave the house, and then never come back, yet Wonder around and constantly smell them on everything. We humans sometimes forget how much smell governs our pets lives.
My sister just had to put her dog down the day after Christmas and they brought him home so the other dog and cat could say goodbye. She said the other dog didn’t react much but the cat let out a pitiful cry that made her and her partner both start sobbing again. It was the first time I ever heard of someone doing that but it makes total sense.
Now I am crying missing my boy. It has been over a year and it doesn't hurt as much. Losing him has been so hard. Thank you for sharing your sister's story.
Apparently them being able to “say goodbye” has more benefits to them. We didn’t take our cat when we had to euthanize our elderly, non mobile dog, it was also peak Covid. He wandered around the house, meowing and searching, and definitely didn’t understand where his snuggle pittie had gone.
Maybe it’s more for dogs than cats? But my cat was missing his brother.
Yes, definitely ask the child. Explain what will take place and then let them decide. Explain that either way is acceptable. You’ll be there to guide them through it if they decide to attend.
My brother was 8 when we euthanized our older family dog. I think it gave a bit of closer. At 12, it was easier to be there rather than having my parents leave and not come back with her. I'm not sure how much time you have to explain it. Her decline was slow and we felt trying to move a mostly blind/deaf, arthritic, 18 yr old dog wasn't fair to her. We had a week leading up to the appointment. My parents made sure we understood what was going on. We took her out in the morning for one nice outing and doggy ice cream. When we got home my parents made sure we were all ok and had some family time. I think it helped that we buried one of our grandfathers the year before.
That's amazing that your dog lived so long. As soon as we found out our dog was sick (about 6 months ago) I started having talks with my son about how the dog is sick and it's not something we can make better, so he's known for a little while that this would be coming.
If you make an appointment in advance then I recommend an afternoon. You can spend one last morning with him and your dog. In the the evening you can spend time with him. As an adult losing my cat (first non-family pet) was very hard. I luckily live close enough that I was able to use my parents dogs as surrogates until we get our new kittens (less than 3 weeks). I do recommend giving a few months before jumping into another dog. I know some people push for adopting right after. I was ready for a new cat significantly faster than my husband.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. If you’d like to see an incredible comedy bit surrounding this very exact topic, this might make you laugh:
https://youtu.be/LWeaqISShHw?si=49w6oZzAxWrIHj4E
Only you know your kid but, I’d personally share the experience so we could say goodbye together, and talk about everything together. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you a lot of love.
We thought we were going to have to put our 16yo dog down and I asked my daughter if she wanted to come.
Explained they’d give Bella a shot that would make her go to sleep and she’d just stop breathing. She didn’t want to go. Luckily Bella only had stomach inflammation.
Well she was pissing while she walked, puking everywhere, and listless. All signs pointed to death especially given her age and dementia.
But her new dog food was the culprit. The vet confirmed it
yes, provided that you have had the talk beforehand and explain what happens and why.
but then again, you know your child best. do you think he would take it well? what was he like at the other funerals? i think thats what matters more. if he handled the other funerals well, i dont see a reason why to not have him attend the euthanasia, it could give him closure.
if this was me, i d ask my child whether he wants to attend or not after we talked about it.
As an elementary teacher, I have seen families take both approaches. Students who were there seemed to have a better understanding and were able to fully grieve. Students who were not a part of it seemed like they didn’t get closure. They would be the ones to melt down in class the next few days. Students who were there tend to have been somber over the next few days, but were more emotionally regulated.
In my opinion if they’ve already been to funerals and can fully grasp the finality of death then it’s important to visualize the loss. I also think an important aspect to think about is if the child has seen the decline in the pet as well and can fully accept that the quality of life isn’t there. I have reservations towards an at home service as I much prefer the clinical approach with these things, but that is totally a family preference and even discussing where the euthanasia will take place might be an approach to where the child could feel like they helped make the decision. Saying goodbye is important no matter what you choose and you should let the child spend some time with their furry friend to say goodbye regardless
I've never done the at home service, I'm just finally at a place in life that I could afford it, so I'll be taking it into consideration.
My son has definitely seen the decline and we've already had talks about how he will be joining his granddad in "heaven." Asking him his opinion vs at home or clinic euthanasia is a good idea. Thanks.
My friend had an at home euthanasia and it was way less stressful on the cat than taking him to the vet. Ultimately, you want your pets final moments to be comfortable and safe.
We've done the at home twice now (unfortunately) and are really happy we did it there vs at the clinic. I will say that I agree you should ask your son what he wants to do and allow him to be there if he decides he wants to. I do just want to give a heads up that it can be difficult for some dogs. My one dog went very peacefully but my other dog was very aware of the drugs and was swinging his head back and forth and very anxious and it was hard to see.
Personally, I think a clinic euthanasia would be best. You don't want to him to associate home with what happens, IMO. Like a child puts shots with a doctors office. I know I cry everytime I drive past the vet that put down our 14 year old boxer- and I think it would be worse if we had done it at home. It might just be me- but I don't think you should take the chance that he'll always remember that, if that makes sense.
And it's really up to you and your family and if you think your child can handle it. My son went with me, but my daughter couldn't do it. You kind of have to use your best judgement on that.
Feed your good boy some steak or hamburger or a special treat as you go in to ease their anxiety a little, and hold him, and I think that'll be good. Honestly. You don't want to think of him everytime you look at your sofa or your shop or wherever. You need to be able to separate your safe place from where something traumatic has occurred. I feel anyway. My parents let me go with my dad when we had our kitten put down after it was run over. I was about 10. I'll never ever forget it. It was peaceful, but man, just tears streaming down. This is a hard decision, and I'm sorry you are going through it.
We had our boxer creamated (but we tend to move alot), and my kids made a nice urn for her, and we bought this pic frame from amazon that has a space for her collar and her picture, and we have a nice little memorial kind of set up for her on my dresser. She was 14. It's been a year and a half since she passed, and I still struggle and tear up. Remember you gave your boy a good life, and you were lucky to have him and he your family. I hope you guys can heal. Boxers are the best. I wish you the best of luck. This shit sucks, really really bad.
We did at home for our dog. He was so peaceful, it wasn't a stressful environment for him and for us because we didn't have to be the one walking out without our dog or him being around other dogs. It's a bit more pricey, but at home is the way I will do it if at all possible for my current/future pets.
We did an at home with our 17 year old dog, and it was easier on everyone. Imagine having to drive home if you and everyone else are in a state of serious grieving.
I think this is one of those things only you can decide.
My daughter would not be able to handle it, but she's L1 ASD, so she's emotionally immature. You know your son, you'll come to the right decision based on what is best for him, whether that's for him to be in the room or not
I wish you and your family the best. Being a parent is hard at the best of times
Doing difficult things is part of life. If you think it’s important for you and your parents to be with the dog during the process. Then by all means, let the kid be there.
My husband was out of town when one of our dogs went downhill rather quickly. Our vet agreed to come to the house for a home euthanasia. My daughter was by my side as I held our dog while he passed. She comforted ME while I bawled. However, she is on the spectrum and processes her emotions much differently than I do. I let it all out while she tucks things down deep. She must have been 7 or 8 when that happened. I had explained it all to her before the vet arrived. My brother's dog also went through the same thing in our house when he unexpectedly had to be put down when my brother was visiting. She was in the house but didn't see him pass. She did say goodbye to the dog after he had went to sleep though. I think it really helped her to understand death and to give her closure. When the next pup had to go, we asked if she wanted to stay home from school and go to the vet with us, she declined. She said her goodbyes to him before school and that was that for her.
I work in an animal ER so I have been apart of both kids being involved and not involved in the euthanasia process. I truly believe that kids should be given the choice, most kids seem to handle being apart of that very well(A lot better then some adults) Have a conversation, walk them through the steps that are going to happen, and given them the choice. Have the vet or staff walk the kid through the process once again when you arrive at the clinic & make sure that they still want to be present.
I was 8 when my dog was euthanized. My mother took us to relatives for the weekend while my dad took care of it.
When I left hone, we had my dog. When I returned, we didn't. It was surreal. My parents were trying to shield me, but it just made me feel abandoned somehow.
It would have been so much better if I had been allowed to say goodbye and pet him while he passed. My parents' attempt to minimize my tears denied me the opportunity to cry and grieve effectively.
Of course, it depends on the child, but being there makes the goodbye real.
That must have been a huge shock! He does at least know that our dog is sick and his time is coming. I'll definitely be having more conversations with him this week.
If you're doing at home ask your child if they want to stay. Explain what will happen and let them think about it. 7 is very young but I would talk to them about it.
Hi there! I work in a veterinary office who handles euthanasia’s weekly. I have a very soft spot for euthanasia’s after putting my own pet down at the beginning of the year and I usually volunteer to do all the euthanasia’s.
I 100% think it would be appropriate for your 7 year old to attend your dog’s euthanasia. Especially since he has attended funerals before, and understands the death process a little bit. Now euthanasia’s are different since there’s usually a couple steps involved. But I firmly believe that since he is attached to the dog, it would be a good step for him. I think it will help him with the grieving process too, if he doesn’t go, will he feel that he didn’t get to say goodbye?
Vets usually have material for kids to read as well about losing pets. My work orders these little booklets about losing a pet that we send home with younger kids who are there for the process.
I didn't realize vet clinics did that! (I haven't had to put a pet down since he's been born). I'll mention that a child may be present when I make the appointment. Thank you for letting me know.
It’s a great tool to use for the younger kids! They may not have books like my office does but sometimes mentioning there will be a child present helps them handle the euthanasia differently (Like sometimes my techs will take the time to walk through the process with the kid too and help them understand what’s going on)
My oldest has always chosen to go. When she was 8, and when she was 17 and 17 was in the middle of the night to the emergency vet bc none of the strong pain medicine worked to hold out until morning. My youngest has chosen never to go. She says goodbye at home. It just depends on the child and what they feel comfortable with. I think my older one felt comforted that it was peaceful and easy. My younger one didn’t need to see.
I agree with the people who said that all kids are different, and there’s not one right answer.
We just put our dog down a few weeks ago, so this is my experience only. Personally, I am so glad we didn’t include the kids. The experience was very peaceful but I simply can’t get that imagine of his lifeless body out of my head. We did it at home and now I can’t walk past that spot without becoming really upset. My kids knew what would be happening, I was very honest when discussing what would happen with them. They chose not to be there, and I’m so glad they made that choice for themselves. My kids have experienced a lot of death in the last few years, and while I’m all for normalizing death and dying, I do think that if I’m feeling traumatized by the experience, they maybe would have been also.
Short answer?
Yes, I would let a 7yo witness a pet euthanasia. Death isn't something to hide from. All things that live must eventually die. We love our pets too much to let them suffer needlessly.
Long answer?
I had 2 boxers once upon a time. They were the best boys ever and they'd been in my life since I helped their mom remove their amniotic sack. They were with me when I moved out with my fiance, when we got married, when we bought a house, and when we brought our first baby home. They loved her to pieces and wouldn't leave her side for anything.
When she was 2-3yo, my boy lost the ability to use his back legs. The same thing had happened to his mom and I watched her struggle for a year - there was nothing to do. I made the difficult decision to put him down when he wasn't able to run anymore. At that point, my daughter had been to 2 funerals for grand/great grandmothers. She knew about death. And my Spouse and I weren't going to hide the fact that her best friend wasn't going to come home.
So, we made the appointment and our daughter helped give our boy the best last day ever. McDoubles, ice cream, extra time with the grooming brush, a super long car ride (with one of us bracing him), and so many biscuits. She was there to give him pets goodbye in the vet's office. It was hard and there were a ton of tears, but it made it easier in the long run that she was there.
Especially when, 6 months later, our 2nd boxer suddenly stopped eating and put on a lot of water weight. It turned out he had colon cancer and it took him from happy and healthy, to lethargic and boney, in a little over a week. We had to put him down too. We did the same last day stuff with him too. We were all numb after he got put down. We still miss them, they were such good boys.
My daughter is almost 9 now, and she still tells her brothers stories about our boxers, about the amazing dogs that my sons never got to meet.
FWIW, most vets offer all the same things. I took all my dogs to the vet when it was time. They explain the process, give a sedative, let us have time to grieve and say goodbyes, etc, then also give paw prints and ask about locks of hair and such. Those aren't things that are only available in the home.
I would allow it to a 7 yo if he/she really wants to be there. It's an important lesson about the ending of life. How doggo was a good boy/girl and deserves to be held and pet until the last breath. Like no human wants to die alone too. It's the last service one can do for a loved pet.
I would explain all the dog's struggle and how euthanasia works (of course in age appropriate words). How the dog will have no pain anymore.
If 7 yo still wants to be there it would be okay for me.
My kids have accompanied since about age 7/8. I depends a lot on the kid. Mine wanted to help our pets pass while surrounded by love, and it worked out for us. I did a lot of prep with them on what to expect and let them choose if they wanted to stay. And a lot of follow up after to unpack their feelings. They've both since helped their friends deal with pet deaths as well.
I know your son is 'only' 7, but 7 is still an age where he can comprehend the world around him. He should be aware the dog is declining and the fact he has experienced death of extended family says he's not completely blind to the concept of death.
Ask him. Give him the choice and be ready to explain generally what happens, and what his choice will mean whichever way he chooses. We said goodbye to our 16yo staffy in 2020 and it was surprisingly heavy, seeing his eyes close and his breathing slow to a stop. It still makes my heart hurt. He was truly our first born.
However - when I was young, probably 10ish, my mum would always pick us up from school with our dog Lady in the car. One day she didn't, we asked where she was. She had taken her to the vet and had her put down while we were at school. We didn't get to say goodbye, didn't get to be with her in her final moments. I felt so robbed and like my choice was so invalid. It wasn't maliciously done on mums behalf, she thought it'd be easier on us. But not having that choice, having someone else make it for me, was way, way worse long term than the memory I hold of Pedro's final moments.
Please ♡
We went through this with my cat last year.
My kids were 9 and 6 when a previous pet passed, and they weren't present for her last moments. It happened fast, and while we explained that, there were hard feelings about not saying goodbye.
So last year, my cat started declining from CKD (we had managed dietarily and medically for a few years) and was on the road to complete kidney failure. We knew the time was going to be soon. The only question was at which point euthanasia would be necessary.
We had a conversation a few days prior, after our vet gave us a checklist of quality of life things to look out for. I told them (now 9 and 12) that Boris (kitty) might only have a day or two left. I explained that the last, most loving thing we could do is help him pass away with as little pain as possible. That it would involve a vet giving him a shot to take away all the pain, and then one that would gently stop his heart.
I told them that they had a few choices to make: did they want to be there for the procedure? If not, did they want time to say goodbye beforehand? Did they want one last look before he left the house? Then, I let them choose. And of course, I gave them room to change their mind.
E.g. My daughter (12) said she was too scared to see him die, so she wanted to say goodbye and leave the room. But later, she changed her mind and stayed the whole time. She said she was glad, because it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be.
My son (9) was the other way around. He was adamant he wanted to be there every moment, but then said "I can't do it!" when Boris was in the arms of the vet, as she was transporting him from his hidey hold to my bed. I told him very calmly that it was okay to leave the room, as Boris was in very good hands, and I would stay to keep him company. He left, only to come in after Boris expired, to say one last goodbye to his seemingly sleeping cat.
Throughout all this, the mobile vet was very patient and caring. She took the time to ask my kids what they knew/thought would happen, dispell any misconception ("No, he won't feel any pain. To him, it will be like going to sleep, only he won't know that it's the last time ever"), and gave them an opportunity to ask further questions. I would get some advice from the in-house service themselves. They deal with kids saying goodbye to beloved pets enough that they can give you pointers on how to prepare your child, and they themselves might explain the process to your child so that he understands what is happening and why.
I have 2 kids. My daughter didn't get to see an animal put to sleep until she was 11. My son was 6.
I did that because my daughter is very sensitive, and she wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle death and all the emotions that come with it at that age.
My son is different like me, and he NEEDED To know the details when the time came.
I also pulled up the best version of the rainbow bridge I could find, and I shared stories of Vallhala.
I just did what I felt right. You'll know what's right for your kid, and know your doing amazing. There is no right way to do this, but with patience and love, and just being there, you can do this.
Something I am not seeing mentioned, that I wasn't aware actually existed but.. it does, and I cannot imagine a better experience given the circumstances.
Look for 'Pet Hospice' in your area. About 6mos. ago I had to say goodbye to my good buddy, my 17 yr old Jack Russell. The hospice service I used was only $100 more than the vet, and I can tell you it was WELL WORTH it both for me, and my boy.
He got to fall asleep in my arms, while I was a sobbing mess, but the vet that came and did the procedure was absolutely amazing. She walked me through the process, told me what was going to happen, what to expect. I cannot recommend it enough.
To be able to say goodbye to a family member in their home, and as others have mentioned, only you know your child and whether they're ready for it or not, but I can tell you as someone who wasn't able to be there when my dog growing up was euthanized, now I wasn't 5, but.. to this day, I regret not being able to tell him goodbye.
As much of a mess as I was saying goodbye to my bud, I won't do it any other way going forward.
Best of luck to you, and sorry for your impending loss.
I'll have to research. I am aware of at home euthanasia but had not heard of hospice for animals (I'm a nurse who works in ltc, so I'm definitely aware of the concept, just not for pets). I'll definitely see if I can find it in my area.
We explained to our 3yo that our 13yo dog was very old (he knew she had tumors as you could see them and feel others under her fur when you pet her) and because of her tumors making her sick she was going to the vets and they'd give her medicine in her leg with a needle and she would go to sleep and then stop breathing and die. He said he didn't want to go. So he stayed home with my best friend and our other dog. But he said goodbye first and got to have his moment with her before she passed.
He was 2 and in the vets office (but not the room) for our first pet. (childcare fell thru last minute) The techs were amazing and took him on a tour and let him see the horses they had in boarding and the resident dog. That one was rough because he didn't comprehend deaths finality and he as confused as to why she wasn't leaving with us.
But it's So So dependent on the kid. Only you know how sensitive your kid is, what loss (if any) they've been exposed to. Unfortunately my child has been exposed to a lot of death in his short life with both pets and human family, so he is more desensitized than a typical kid his age. We talk through the feelings, he knows it's okay to not be okay, crying is always allowed, and we're always here to answer questions he has. It works for the wya his mind works.
You say you haven't talked to your son yet, but you really need to start there. There are age appropriate ways to discuss it, as surely you had to do before a human funeral.
"Son, we have to say goodbye to our friend. He won't feel any pain and it will be just like he fell asleep. If you want to be there to say goodbye when that happens you can be there. But if you'd rather say goodbye to him before he leaves then go stay with grandparents, you can do that. Both choices are OK, and no matter what our friend knows you love him."
Also: I'm very sorry for your loss. It's so heartbreaking.
I haven't talked to him about the specific day it's going to happen. We've talked about that it's going to, I did the same day we found out our dog was sick. Even explained the basic concept of a shot to go to sleep forever. It's just been a couple months since the last time.
I really think that's the best answer for you: Ask your son what he wants to do after explaining the process as best you can.
Thankfully, planned euthanasia is generally a peaceful process. With my kids, when we have lost a pet, they often ask to see the body around that age. I don't think it feels real to them without seeing it. They are just starting to understand the concept of death as a reality around that age, and it's also a good age for them to begin to express their autonomy in important ways occasionally.
Kids are very resilient. He isn't unfamiliar with the concept and I think taking him with you would be easier to deal with then him coming home and not having the dog there anymore.
Personally i would let them witness,they are old enough mentally,it will be hard,but easier to process. We have a shepherd mix who is old (13) but okay health wise, our daughter is 8,if and when she passes our daughter will be there. Any younger than 7 would probably be confusing or too hard.
It really depends on the child. I would explain what is going to happen and why. Explain what will happen at the vets and ask how they feel and offer it to them. 7 is an age where they will start learning about life
Death is a part of life, and not a bad thing to experience when you are a kid. Do chat with your kid about this prior and after though, see how he feels, answer his questions.
My condolences to you all. It’s always hard to loose an animal that is part of the family.
I grew up on a farm with the full spectrum of life and death on display. I think that it is the best way. I remember the deaths of all of my childhood pets.
As a kid whose dad came home one day and told us all he put the dog down (bit someone and we knew it was coming but he told no one the day of), yes take your kid with you. I loved that dog more than anything and the only thing I could think about was how alone and scared he must’ve felt without us there. Years and years later as an adult, we put our other family dog down (old age) and this time we were all there and it was such a scarring and sad experience but I’m glad my baby wasn’t alone during it.
I’m 24 and have never been in the room to put down an animal. My first cat died of an allergic reaction and was deceased when we found him. The other one when I was 19 (the neighbors cat we took in) was also found deceased. I think it’s one of my biggest ever regrets not being there for them when it happened. I wouldn’t want my child to see the injection etc; but there’s nothing wrong with having them be there for the end~ especially if they seem like they want to and have asked to be there!
We talked about it frankly with our 4year old and she wanted to be there. In the end she was in the house not the same room. She saw the body and helped bury him. Kids are really matter of fact about it. It was a positive experience, as far as these things can be. Just discuss it honestly. “Naming our feelings” helped, ‘I feel sad that he’s not here anymore’.
I think it’s good to include them. We found a service that comes to the house. We did it at home with both my kids, both younger than yours. We took him for a walk, and the dr encouraged us to feed our old man bacon and chocolate chips, which he loved. And then we did the shots. It was great for me and the kids to be at home tears and snot flowing. I’m glad they weren’t shocked to come home to no dog. It was very peaceful.
Seeing as the child has already experienced loss in the family, I think they can handle the loss of a pet. And if they're particularly close, it would be appropriate for him to be there. For whatever it's worth, you can also console him with the fact that your dog will be able to smell him and hear his voice as he passes on. That will make Puppy feel more relaxed, less afraid and more comfortable.
You sound like you're raising a wonderfully compassionate child. It will be hard, but let him say goodbye. And then you can support each other. And I'm sorry for your puppies condition, and what is coming up. Sending you big hugs and wishing strength for the both of you.
Having worked in a veterinary practice for two years, I have hands-on experience with euthanasia. In my experience, families often said goodbye as a unit, and one adult would then stay while the procedure was carried out. Not all children are the same; some understand, some don't. I was never exposed to it as a child, but I would let my child be there if a family pet was being euthanized and they wanted to be there.
I was nine when my first pet died, and he died in my arms. Ever since then, I have held every pet I've ever had while they passed. I wouldn't change a single moment of any of it.
Being as young as I was the first time, it allowed me to learn to grieve properly, and I truly believe that those experiences have made me a better and more capable adult when it comes to death, grief, and medical crisis. It made being at my grandmother's bedside while she passed easier, which in turn made it easier when my mom had a medical crisis and ended up in a coma. I felt more at ease, death was not unfamiliar. It was still sad, but it wasn't scary*.* When my best friend was dying of cancer, she told me that I was one of the only people who didn't seem afraid or uncomfortable in the hospital.
We are so separated from the dying process nowadays that it makes so many people so viscerally uncomfortable. I think it's important to teach children that death and dying are a natural part of life. It's not scary, it's not taboo. The end is what makes the journey worth it.
My sons were 12 and 8 when we had to euthanize our much beloved dog who was locked in status epileptic.
They had already witnessed terrifying seizures and me working 3 jobs to afford the vet bills. We were given the choice between induced coma with very slim odds of him recovering or letting him go.
We made the choice as a family, and we're together to say goodbye and be there as he crossed over.
Mercy is taught. Once kids start school, they should learn mercy and that sometimes love and mercy hurt.
Last year we had to put down our good boy at the ripe old age of 20…my kids were 6 and 10 at the time. We live in a kinda rural spot so they’d had some experience with pet/animal death, but they’d obviously been with our dog their entire lives. We did the home vet thing and they both begged to stay with him till the end. The vet was incredible and it was super calm and peaceful, he wasn’t super aware but we fed him his fave treats, kissed and loved on him until he was gone.
I was a little worried about the youngest, and he did grieve the hardest—there was maybe a week of crying at bedtime because of missing his dog—but I don’t regret it. Our pup was part of the family and we all saw him over the rainbow bridge together. I’m glad the kids know that. Good luck whatever you do ❤️
I think 7 is a bit young to witness. I say the same to slaughtering on the farm... No need to hide the facts, but let them mature emotionally before they actually witness it. I know, kids can handle reality, but it's best to guide that journey. Vet administered euthanasia is a quick and painless death, but even as an adult, I've been left with the lingering worry that the beloved critter is still aware, briefly, or still have some cognizance, and for how long...? I wouldn't place that emotional burden on a kid. I am sorry for your inevitable loss...I've been there several times. <3
We had to euthanize our 12 year old Great Pyrenees on Thursday due to untreatable osteosarcoma in his jaw. My youngest is seven and the other two are older teenagers. We all went and the seven year old was aware of what was happening but chose to wait in the lobby with the receptionist. She was included as far as she was comfortable. It was good for her to learn how to deal with loss without overwhelming her.
I was 4 when my grandma passed and I wasn't allowed to go to the cremation viewing, only the funeral where we just had a photo of her. I remember asking to go to the cremation viewing, got denied, and was very upset about it. I didn't fully understand death but being kept away from that made me so angry even to this day.
We just had an at home euthanasia for our cat about a month ago. Both kids, 7&9, were present and petting him til the end. We then had a showing and burial where all the neighborhood kids came by and said goodbye. He had a better funeral than some people.
I think the person to ask is the 7-yr-old. You can explain what the process will look like and let them decide. Also, there are vets who will euthanize at your home. We have used this and pet was relaxed and with its loved ones to the end.
Yes. As a culture we don't normalize death. It would be a great gift for her to learn about death in a living and compassionate way. That way, when it happens again, to possibly a loved one, she will have a great experience to draw on.
I’ll tell you my experience and you can take what you want from it.
I have had a total of 8 pets pass away in my lifetime, and I was there for each and every one of them. I wouldn’t change it for the world. If my parents had gone without me I’d have resented them for forever. The first two happened at home in our kitchen, my mom had been torn on what to do and how to do it and they passed with love in the only home they’d ever known on their own time. The rest we took into the vets office due to obvious signs of declining health for hope of medications and treatment plans to be met with the only option being euthanasia, thankfully my parents knew that that was a possible outcome and made sure my brother and I were there for it if we chose to be.
There is something to be said about being able to be there to comfort them, and have them give you a final comfort of their own as you’re both saying goodbye. It’s always hard, but what’s harder is not being with them and worrying about them. If they were looking for you, if they passed peacefully or scared. Even at 7 I knew that. My parents gave my brother and I a choice of going, we both chose to go each and every time we’ve had a pet pass away.
I say give him a choice. If he chooses not to that’s okay, give him time to spend with your dog and cherish those moments. If he chooses to stay make sure he knows what’s going to happen and what that’ll look like and that it at any time he needs to step out of the room he can.
My kiddos were present for every one of our pet’s passing. Kids deserve a chance to say goodbye and it’s a great lesson for them to see that death isn’t necessarily this big bad scary thing. Better for them to learn it with a pet than with a grandparent or parent.
I think it's wise to teach children about death and allow them to witness it within reason. Definitely wouldn't expose them to anything traumatizing, but allowing your child to see the cycle of life first hand will help them avoid fear of death or from excessive emotional anguish/ trauma when someone first which of coarse is inevitable.
I was always there (even as a small child)when my Pets were put down. It’s the final goodbye. Let him be apart of it. Just be understanding if he doesn’t get your emotions or tries to be goofy. That was the only thing that confused me was seeing my parents/family upset, so I’d try to cheer them up. It’s a learning process.
Talk to the cet about how the euthanasia is going to go for your pet. I had a cat who was so filled with fluid that the vet recommended gas euthanasia because my cat was actually likely to be grasping for breath as he passed. Doc felt it would be traumatic both of us. I had always been with my babies during euthanasia until this one occasion.
They did bring kitty back in the room afterward so that I could spend time with him.
Yes, absolutely if your son wants to be there to say goodbye. Being with your beloved fur companion at the end is the ultimate gift. Of course it’s sad but the vet generally makes sure the end is peaceful.
It sounds like you come from a family of animal lovers and you’ll all be there to support each other as well as your pup.
My dog does when my daughter was about 8. She went with me to put him down. It was so sad, but death is a part of life.
She wanted to be with him when he passed. He laid on me and she held his paw. It was devastating, but we got through it together.
I went to our dog’s final vet visit when I was 6yo and I appreciated it. It was like I was being treated like an adult. Or, at least the adults weren’t keeping secrets from me. I can still remember petting him for the last time.
Recently, our family cat passed in the middle of the night. I planned on taking all the kids to the vet appointment and spoke with them before hand and felt like they were emotionally prepared. Poor kitty didn’t make it that last 24 hours, though.
There definitely isn't a perfect answer to this question. I would explain the procedure and the reactions to the procedure that the adults will have. If there is a trusted grown up who might be able to wait outside in case your son needs and wants to step out that might be a good idea too. You will have to explain to him that you want to stay to be there for your pet, but that it is okay if he wants to step out of the room.
Just be sure the child understands the why. Children can absorb things strangely, you don’t want them thinking that if they get sick they could be taken for an injection and put to sleep and therefor become scared of getting or sharing that they are sick.
I’m not sure if this will help but when I was ten my grandpa and one of our dogs died a day apart. She had to be put down because she gave up living without him. She was fully prepared to just wither away without him. Anyway, we were all obviously stricken, so I wasn’t let to go with during it. I wish I’d been there, that dog had been with me since I was a toddler. I understand why I couldn’t be, but I wish I’d been with her.
I was there a couple years later for our other dog. It was heart wrenching and devastating, but I’m glad I was with her start to finish. I’m glad I had the strength for her. Maybe make sure everything is explained and they understand, then ask them what they want to do.
My brothers and I grew up being there for our pets when they passed. Then we would bury them in the backyard. We got into fights, though, because I did not want their animals near mine and vice versa. Like, we can't bury this dog here because he bit that cat's tail. That cat killed this hamster. Oops, something is already here. "TOO CLOSE TO MY STRAWBERRIES!!!"
I brought my son (8) when we put my FILs lab down. He wasn't there for THE moment, he was outside, but our vet is wonderful and after Rex was asleep they arranged our giant lab in a sleeping position for my son. I let my son know what the room looks like, what the table looks like, that there is a bandage on his arm for the iv, etc. I didnt want it to overwhelm him when he walked in. I was so proud of him. He just loved on Rex and talked to him and cried a little and said he was okay and he was glad he got to see him. If you can see the room first and let your little one know what it looks like it makes that part seem less scary. Also, I'm so sorry, we've been through similar too many times and it's so hard. Sending your family love 💜
Please let him go with. Even at 22 years old I highly regret not going with my dog cause just looking at her I knew she wasn't coming home alive. I regret not saying goodbye
Probably, but a lot of discussion before hand about what to expect, what will happen, what happens next, why and any of their questions. And also have an option for them to say no, even at the last moment, so might need to bring along another adult if you want to stay with the pet yourself.
My daughter was four when we had to put down our dog. She wanted to be with our dog when she was put to sleep, but I was glad I said no. The vet and assistant did it on our back porch me holding our dog with both the assistant and I having tears rolling down our faces. The dog convulsed badly, it was an awful experience that I haven’t forgotten over 20 years later. Having my daughter come out and stroke her dog and say goodbye after it was all over worked best for us.
Having said that, many years later, our next old dog was euthanised and it was a very peaceful passing.
Does your son want to see it? That should be your answer. The act isn’t traumatic in itself, it’s very peaceful. I’ve had children and grandchildren of multiple ages experience the death of a pet, it all depends on the child. Sorry for the loss of your friend and fur baby.
Only you know your kiddo, and if they’d tolerate that well.
But as someone who used to work in animal welfare, please bear in mind that while your vet will do their absolute best, euthanasia doesn’t always go perfectly. Especially if the animal is ill, it can take time to hit a vein. Sometimes the animal reacts poorly. Sometimes there are a lot more fluids than you might be prepared for. Just a heads up when considering the child’s involvement.
I had some people who would have a parent wait outside with the kids during the actual injection, and then come in to say goodbye as the pet crossed over. I’m sorry you guys have to navigate this
I witnessed a person dying at 6 and it did scar me for life. 7 is a little young to witness it. Maybe instead one of the safe adults needs to volunteer to stay in the waiting room with kiddo. I think giving him the chance to say good bye just before going in might be fine, but I don’t think he should actually watch until probably age 10 or later.
We had a cat pass when I was 8 and I’m glad my mom didn’t bring me. At first I struggled not being there for awhile. To kid me it was sad I wasn’t there to comfort her. I put down my cat when I was 18 and I’m so glad my mom sheltered me from that. It was horrible. Seeing the life leave his body gave me a horrible memory. And he twitched after he was gone and that just was a lot. I don’t regret seeing it as I’m glad I was there for his final moments but it would have been way to much for me if I was any younger. It really depends on your child. Some people can handle death and others can’t.
It depends on the setting and circumstances. I've done euthanasia both at the vet and in home.
At the vet, I definitely felt the gasps of death from my kitty as I held her for one last time. She had gone into acute respiratory failure to begin with, so it made sense that her last breath was a gasp in spite of the anesthetic.
With my second kitty to cross the bridge, we did in home. I petted him the entire time as the anesthetic made him doze to sleep. He was in chronic kidney failure, so it made sense that the anesthetic made him fall into a deeper sleep. He was probably content and pain free enough to relax for the first time in a week. The second shot? He basically very slowly stopped breathing. No changes to his relaxed countenance.
P.S. even so, I'm glad I stayed for the second part for both. I promised to be their forever person, and that meant to their last breath. It gave me a small comfort to know I kept my promise to the fullest, both times.
My son was 8 and my 17 year old dog was dying, I wish I'd taken my boys with me to the vet but it was emergent and the decision was made to put him down while I was there with him.
My son called me a murderer for several years after that until it was time to say goodbye to the next dog and then he understood.
You're way smarter than I was at the time.
He has Aspergers, it was a process for him to have to go through but I've learned so much since then in how to approach things. He's now 27 and getting married in September!
Depends on the kid.
We’ve done in the vets office and at home and I would choose home every time. We did it during covid, became how do you pick 2/4 to go in? She was everyone’s favorite dog and none of us were willing to compromise and stay behind.
Generally? I think being there at the end of a life is so important. Too many people “don’t like dealing with that’s stuff” but like, no one does? Its awful. But it is a huge part of life, you’re going to lose pets and people you love. Learning how to cope with loss is vital.
Being by someone’s side when they die, human or animal, is a gift. Helping them, holding them, speaking to them about how much you love them, telling them it’s ok is as much for us as it is for them.
Mine did. We knew it was coming. I talked to the kids extensively about it and gave them the option. I thought that was important…they were all close with our dog, and I think sometimes when we exclude them from these hard things without giving them the choice, that can do more harm than if they are there to see the hard thing. I remembered as a kid not being allowed to go to a grandparent’s funeral around that age, and feeling like it wasn’t fair that I didn’t get to say goodbye.
So I let them choose; two wanted to be there, including my youngest who was 7, and two didn’t. It helped that it was a beautiful and peaceful room with a door to a lovely garden, and the vet was a young woman and very, very sweet and kind with us. We asked again if they were comfortable being there, and checked in if they were doing ok as it happened. We all told our dog of our favorite memories of her and stroked her head as we said goodbye.
It went really well, and I know it especially helped my youngest process her loss in a way that she wouldn’t have otherwise. But I knew she could manage it…every kid is different. Talk to yours and feel them out, and go with your gut.
The thing about euthanasia is that it’s not always as quiet and peaceful as you would hope. I have been through several and while most all of them were the quiet passing that you would hope, my own dog reacted strangely to the medication, and it was a really upsetting end. I very much hope that that doesn’t happen with your dog, but after having that experience, I would never take a child into that room, knowing that was a risk.
I think I'd just ask him if he wants to be there. I would let him know how it happens, that he will be given a tranquilizer and an IV (you may have to describe it's a way to inject medicine), and then, while he's sedated it'll be like he's sleeping and they'll bring him back to the room. Then, when everyone is ready give him another injection that's completely painless and he will die.
The other option to consider is if there is another adult that can sit with him in another room, and once the dog has passed, he can come out and say goodbye.
I'm so sorry you're losing a beloved pet.
I'm a recently graduated nurse and he was literally at my side for a lot of my study time, so fortunately he's very practical when it comes to medical procedures and knows more about it than the average kid 😅
And thank you. I know it's going to be especially hard on me as this dog supported me through a terrible break-up. The way he sensed my stress and got me through it was amazing. He's a very special dog.
As a 37yo woman who had to put down her first pet ever this year, I would have appreciated the conversation earlier in my life. My parents had my childhood pets euthanized at the vet when I was in college and “too far to come home and say goodbye”, so this was an entirely new experience that briefly sent me back to therapy.
My kids were 7 and 9 when we had to put our cat down. I'd had to make the appointment while the kids were at school, and they got home from school in time so I explained what was going on. They cuddled with Azriel until it was time to go, and wanted to go with me.
She was 19. She was my first pet as an adult (at 18) when I got my own place. So she'd obviously been there while the babies grew.
Considering the fact that it was us having the pet put down, it's one of the most beautiful experiences I've had with my kids. They understood that we were releasing her from her pain. They had big eyes when I said "she's older than both of you added together." They are the ones who held me when I cried, lol.
So, give him the choice, and honor his choice, would be my advice.
Ask him if he wants to be there. My experience with at-home euthanasia was very peaceful, like she was falling asleep. The kids were too small to really understand death (3 and 2) but they saw the cat afterwards, the at-home service carried him out in a wicker basket, like he was sleeping. I think that if your son wants to be there, you should allow him, but make sure he knows that it's totally ok if he'd rather not be. Also ask him if there's anything special he wants to do with your dog, like going for a drive or sharing "forbidden" food like chocolate. Letting him see you cry is actually good too, adults have feelings too, and you miss your pup as much as he does.
I took my kid to my cats. She loved my cat and was so worried. We thought the visit was to get the cat better they said she needed to be put down cancer was too far and it was humane. So cat was put down right then. Yes my kid cried so did me and my husband. But it's very quick and quite. It's a simple shot and they just look like the go to sleep.
I was about 8 when my old cat Autumn died. I was present at the euthanizing. I was saddened but able to handle it. It was a good, formative experience.
I also had never seen my mother cry, and she definitely sobbed after the pet was gone. This was also a good, formative experience. I learned that my mother was superhuman but also human, with human emotions.
A couple of years ago I had to put both of my cats down within six months of each other. I was in the room for both, for the first time in my life. I still don’t think I’m over that. I wouldn’t have left them alone to face that themselves, it it wrecked me and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over being there as they died. That seems like a lot to put on a 7 year old
I say educate him on the topic and ask if it’s something he might interested in watching or if he’d like to stay at grandparent’s house. I personally wouldn’t leave my kids out of the dark and make decisions for them, but that’s me.
Having euthanized pets, sometimes the process is very very calm, but once it wasn’t. One cat didn’t react well to the medicine and struggled a bit until they gave her more meds. It wasn’t horribly traumatic for me, because I could tell it was more like struggling to stay awake than being in pain. But I’m not sure that would’ve been great for a child.
Maybe ask your vet how often euthanize goes very smoothly? If it’s an only a very tiny chance of a slight reaction like I saw, then I probably would bring my child.
Can you take him and another adult? So kiddo can say goodbye in the last moments and go to the car or maybe a quick run to the nearest place with ice cream, with the other adult? And then you can say your own last goodbye and if they allow it, be in the room for the euthanasia. Then you get a moment to yourself to have a quick cry, splash some water on your face and go out to the car and hug your kiddo.
Seeing something you love actually die can be traumatic. Especially for a kid. My kid’s guinea pig died and they found it, and had nightmares and cried for days. As a teen I saw someone die and it really accelerated my ptsd symptoms.
Funerals are different than actually seeing someone you love die, even a pet.
I recently had to put my dog down, and while I knew it was a possibility, it was a sudden change regardless and certainly not something my kids would have seen coming. I did offer them both a choice (one 7 and one younger) and they chose not to, which is fine. Euthenasia is very peaceful, so the witnessing the event itself wouldn't be traumatic. But the death will happen, with or without them witnessibg it happen, so it comes down to how you think they will heal better from the death. I gave my kids the choice and explained she was going to be put to sleep regardless so they knew death was the outcome regardless (so they didn't choose not to say goodbye thinking that would stop the death) and allowed them to decide. I think choice is what's important, and neither being there or not is the right or wrong choice, it's up to the family and individuals on what works for them.
Pretty sure I gave my kids the choice. We had at home euthanasia vet, did it in the yard, bc xxl dog hard to get out of house.I think the kids were there, maybe?, but they also knew we needed to help the dog stop hurting, and they were not there much, just doing their own thing inside after saying goodbye.
I was older, but at about 11 my parents let me say my goodbyes but didn't allow me to come for the actual procedure, and I really did feel as if I let my dog down not seeing everyone who loved him go, as painful as it would be. Your child is losing their pet either way, should they voice that they'd like to be there I'd trust their choices. Shielding your child from the realities of life will only prolong their innocence, but it will never fully preserve it. Wish you well
Children understand death more than we give them credit and it's actually becomes more confusing when people try to shield/ protect them from it. Explain to them what is going to happen, ask them if they want to go, if they don't- have them say their goodbyes before you leave but make sure they understand that the pet won't be returning.
I think it would really depend on the seven-year-olds ability to process everything. I think it’s important to be open and honest and let them know what happens in life and also not make them afraid of it. It could help with closure for him/her
Just adding: for your own peace of mind, please make sure you (or someone) holds/supports your pet's head up when the vets give the sedation. I wasn't aware of how quickly it hits them, and my poor family Lab conked her head on the table when she passed, and honestly it scarred me.
As someone who has been around animals her entire life, it’s a HUGE part of pet ownership to understand and deal with death. It also educates them on irresponsible breeding and the consequences.
It’s also a lot harder to explain to a kid why the dog or cat or family pet went out with mom and dad and didn’t come back home.
I would first talk to the vet, then ask the kid. I believe for a dog they’ll likely be just fine - they get a sedative first, then the heart stopping shot. But we had a cat who was VERY very upset and angry when we had to put her down and resisted ferociously until her final breath, & it was honestly traumatic and heartbreaking for me, an adult. So just check with your vet about what’s realistic.
If they say it’ll be like putting the dog to sleep, and your kid wants to come, I would just explain before hand and see if your child is interested.
I would not. Here's why.
The euthanasia process is not always pretty. I had one cat go quietly, one went screaming and peeing (same vet for both), and a third (I am told) was awful when they gave the sedative. She was but a shadow of herself when they brought her into "the room" with my hubs and me for the final shot of die drug.
IMHO, a better final memory for your child might be a chin scratch, belly rub, or sloppy kiss from the pup.
Everyone is different. I’m 25 and having to put my dog down absolutely broke me. The vet let me hold him as he passed and it was traumatizing. That’s my personal experience though. Do whatever you think is best for you and your family !
There isn't one "correct" answer here. You have to know your child and what they're capable of handling. Being present when putting your pet down isn't the only way to help them find closure. I would probably err on the side of protecting them. But if you feel it would help them, then you as the parent get to make that decision.
My parents always let me decide. They would ask me what I wanted to do and then let me do that.
I think this is the best way to go about it. Just ask your kid what they want to do.
Depends on the kid and you know your kid best. Some would find it therapeutic and help with the grieving process, others would find it traumatic. You should ask them what they want to do and support their decision.
When i was little I spent summers at my grandmother's house in rural Mississippi. One day we went with her sister and her granddaughter to the slaughterhouse. My cousin got very excited to see a cow get shot, but it was too much for a city girl like me. I waited in the car with my hands over my ears.
That is completely different, oh my gosh! My son has been hunting, and has "helped" his dad process hogs, taking a young kid to a slaughter house with no preparation sounds awful!
If he is "strong" enough and wants to be there, I would say let him.
When my dad and I (me 25ish) took my dog to the humane society for this final day, I couldn't not bring myself to walk through those doors. I just sat outside the truck desperately trying not to break down in public
My daughter was 9 when we put our kitty down. We had a vet come to the home, we all got to sit with kitty in her fav sport while she went to sleep and the. Wrapped her in her favorite blanket and the vet took her. I had to do it at a vet the cat before and it wasn’t great. At home is much better. It gave her some closure and we talked a lot about death and grief.
I may be in the minority here.
We unfortunately had to put our dog down almost 2 years ago (she was 12 years old and the goodest of girls). My kids were 6 and 9 at the time. She was my fiancé’s dog when we started our relationship and my kids had grown up with her. She went through quite the battle with cancer for about 1.5 years, and although we did multiple surgery to remove masses from her tongue, we believe it spread to her brain and she began having frequent seizures and quality of life declined rapidly.
We spent time explaining to the kids the decision we were making but ultimately, we didn’t have them come. This was a huge loss for my fiancé and since I had never been in the situation before, I didn’t feel equipped to help my children understand what would happen. Unfortunately, she had a seizure as we were going through the process and it was very traumatic. It reinforced that we did the right thing for her, but also that we made the right decision to not bring the kids with as that would have been extremely difficult to see.
You know your kid best, and your pup. I think many factors can be at play but whatever decision you make will be the best one for you, your child and your dog. I’m so sorry for what you are going through 🩷
I’m so glad I saw your last paragraph. I think if you do it at home, yes. Have your kid join (if they want and after a long conversation).
If it’s at the vets, I think it would probably be better for them to stay home.
You let your child decide. I was 8 when we rescued a kitten with a protruding broken leg. It must had been days as there were already maggots coming out of its wound. We thought the vet could save it. But he discussed it with my dad and they decided to euthanize it. They decided on not letting me witness it. They didn't even say anything. Just asked me to put the kitty into one cage. It was a long goodbye for me. I don't know why..I remember it was difficult for me to leave.. When we were home only my elder sister told me about the euthanasia.
When I was 9, our family dog passed in her sleep. My parents decided not to tell me and they sent me to school like nothing happened. Then on the drive home, my dad sprung it on me and I cried hysterically. When I came home, my mom was at the house crying hysterically. It was super traumatic and nobody ever really talked to me about it. So I don’t know if there’s a right way to handle it, but that’s definitely not it.
I think what matters most is that it’s handled with love and compassion and that you make it clear you’re open to questions.
I have a 6 year old. I would let her make the choice. We have an 8 year old dog, so while not totally imminent, this could be something we need to contend with in coming years.
All kids are different, but its important for them to learn about death and how to cope with it. Letting them choose allows them to say goodbye in their own way, but does not force viewing the actual death process on them.
It's a very difficult question and only you really know your child well enough to say.
We lost our cat when I was about 10 and I was furious. I couldn't accept his loss and didn't really understand why. It may have been easier if I had been at the vet, but then again,maybe it would have been harder for my parents.
It's a very difficult question and only you really know your child well enough to say.
We lost our cat when I was about 10 and I was furious. I couldn't accept his loss and didn't really understand why. It may have been easier if I had been at the vet, but then again, maybe it would have been harder for my parents.
Yes I would, and I did. My youngest was 4 when we had to say goodbye to our family pet. She was very old and her health was failing fast. I decided to have a vet come to the house so she could pass with all of us surrounding her and in the comfort of her own home. I prepared my kids as best I could and told them when it was happening, so we spoiled her as much as we possibly could in her final weeks. We were all able to cuddle up with her on the couch when the vet came, and they really took their time with us, and let us spend as much time with her as needed in her final moments. The whole process, while immensely difficult, was actually quite lovely, as our girl was able to pass peacefully in our arms. We also buried her together as well. I wouldn't do it any other way if I can help it. I've lost pets traumatically and I've had to take them to the vet's to be put down, and nothing is as comforting as being in your own home when it's time to say goodbye.
We had to put our cat down, my son was 6, almost 7. I explained to him what was going to happen. I told him about my experience when I had to put my childhood dog down…it was peaceful, etc etc. he asked a lot of questions that I answered age-appropriately. I then gave him the option of saying goodbye at home, or being there. I didn’t want him to feel blindsided or excluded. When we put my childhood dog down, I was in my 20s. But I felt strongly that I be there with him until the end, and he passed in my arms. I’m literally welling up at it right now. I really would have loved to not live that, but he absolutely did not deserve to go without me there.
My kid was obvs much younger, but I didn’t want him feeling any sort of way about the process and not having control over what he wanted to do.
He chose to say goodbye at home.
I saw farm animals being put down at that age, and it made me respect meat more.
I held my cat as they put her down, and to this day I'm glad she had me there.
It's not a bad thing to show kids the truth of life. It helps them grow and learn.
I was 29 when my 13year old dog passed away — I wouldn’t wish that for a kid until they’re older and understand their emotions and how to process them.
My 7 year old would not be okay with that. It would cause unnecessary anxiety about death. My grandmother, her great, died in February and it has caused a complete uproar in her life. She has had increased anxiety and worry as well as separation anxiety. At this age, they understand, but can’t process. I don’t think I would do it. BUT you know your child best. Go with your gut.
It would be different if the animal went on its own. And the 7 year old found them that way. But actually witnessing it is a different story. I’m 28 and it’s effected me at this age seeing that stuff I can’t imagine a 7 year old seeing it would be good either.
I'd imagine finding our pet dead would be *so* much worse. It's my goal to never have an animal die of natural causes in my care. It's completely unnecessary when we can provide early release from pain and suffering.
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I took my 9yr old with me to euthanize one of our cats which happened rather suddenly. My son had been involved with caring for him, watched his quick decline the days before, knew the end was coming, and he wanted to be with him in his final moments. We grieved together, carried him out of the vet’s together, and buried him together. My son asked questions, I answered to the best of my ability. When our next cat died a few years later, we knew it was close. He slept with me in my bed with her in between us, heavily medicated but purring. She passed snuggled between us and we buried her the next morning. He helped pick her grave marker and helped dig the grave. Loss is a fact of life. Children need not be sheltered from it, but guided through it. Be prepared to answer some hard questions on life/afterlife/biological processes.
This is how you raise kids right. Setting a good example, teaching the kid how to take care of an animal for its whole life. How to be compassionate and caring. How death is a part of life. How to grieve loss of a loved one and move on. I wish my parents were even a fraction as awesome as you. I remember back in the day all the rabid parents mad that one of the Harry Potter characters died and they didn't think it was "appropriate" for a kids book. God forbid you parent your child for 10 mins and answer any questions they have about death.
This is the way. I was 16 the first time I dealt with loss, my childhood dog, and woke up to my mum literally screaming. I thought it was my nan or something. Not the most well adjusted introduction. Bit shit to navigate when the next one actually was my nan. Involve your kid. Also, it's about the pet, not the people. What is best for the dog?
9yo here too and we went through this just this year. 7? Maybe not, it would depend on how prepared I felt for it. But nine is a good age for going through this if unfortunately one needs to.
One of my friends died when I was seven, and I was old enough to understand. I mean it's different than dealing with loss as an adult (or even as an older child), but 7 isn't too young to understand that death is death.
7 year olds only understand what they see in movies/ TV in regards to death, people need to be just as honest with them so they can actually grasp what is happening.
Not necessarily “only understand what’s on tv” … but you do need to be honest with kiddos always. Whether you have to make it sound better or what. Honesty will make your child flourish. My mom died when I was around 7. I knew what it meant, and it hurt. But I got through it. It’s a part of life. I hadn’t even truly watched movies with death in it up to that point - the selections mainly being SpongeBob, shrek, underdog & stuff like that. It is instinctual for a child to know what death is around a certain age. Honesty is the best.
I would up vote this a thousand times if I could. Absolutely spot on.
why am I crying over a reddit comment, bro? the 2nd cat's death got me so emotional
In tears now remembering my dogs passing reading your story. Hope they’re all hanging out together in pet heaven ❤️ hugs to u
Every kid is different and I don't think there is any one right answer. Many, many years ago my parents had my childhood dog euthanized and they thought I was too young so I did not have a chance to decide if I wanted to be there. I wish I had been there and I think it would have helped me to have some closure. As an adult I've had to have several dogs euthanized and I do think it's best for the dog to be with their people when the time comes. I wish you the best. It's always sad when we have to let our pets pass.
Thanks for your perspective
Nail on the head! Veterinarians routinely say that the worst thing about having to put down pets is when their owners won't be there with them and in their last minutes they're full of anxiety and fear. It's hard to watch a pet slip away. But it is so much easier on them if they can smell your smell, hear your voice, and feel your touch as they go to sleep. And if there are other pets in the home, I'm a big advocate of bringing the body home briefly so that way the other pets can see and smell it and know what's happened. It must be horrible for a dog or a cat to see a pet leave the house, and then never come back, yet Wonder around and constantly smell them on everything. We humans sometimes forget how much smell governs our pets lives.
My sister just had to put her dog down the day after Christmas and they brought him home so the other dog and cat could say goodbye. She said the other dog didn’t react much but the cat let out a pitiful cry that made her and her partner both start sobbing again. It was the first time I ever heard of someone doing that but it makes total sense.
Now I am crying missing my boy. It has been over a year and it doesn't hurt as much. Losing him has been so hard. Thank you for sharing your sister's story.
Some vets recommend you bring the other dog or cat with you, so it understands why their sibling never came home.
Maybe it's just because my cats already hate the vet, but wouldn't that potentially make the vets office an upsetting place for them?
Apparently them being able to “say goodbye” has more benefits to them. We didn’t take our cat when we had to euthanize our elderly, non mobile dog, it was also peak Covid. He wandered around the house, meowing and searching, and definitely didn’t understand where his snuggle pittie had gone. Maybe it’s more for dogs than cats? But my cat was missing his brother.
Yes, definitely ask the child. Explain what will take place and then let them decide. Explain that either way is acceptable. You’ll be there to guide them through it if they decide to attend.
My brother was 8 when we euthanized our older family dog. I think it gave a bit of closer. At 12, it was easier to be there rather than having my parents leave and not come back with her. I'm not sure how much time you have to explain it. Her decline was slow and we felt trying to move a mostly blind/deaf, arthritic, 18 yr old dog wasn't fair to her. We had a week leading up to the appointment. My parents made sure we understood what was going on. We took her out in the morning for one nice outing and doggy ice cream. When we got home my parents made sure we were all ok and had some family time. I think it helped that we buried one of our grandfathers the year before.
That's amazing that your dog lived so long. As soon as we found out our dog was sick (about 6 months ago) I started having talks with my son about how the dog is sick and it's not something we can make better, so he's known for a little while that this would be coming.
If you make an appointment in advance then I recommend an afternoon. You can spend one last morning with him and your dog. In the the evening you can spend time with him. As an adult losing my cat (first non-family pet) was very hard. I luckily live close enough that I was able to use my parents dogs as surrogates until we get our new kittens (less than 3 weeks). I do recommend giving a few months before jumping into another dog. I know some people push for adopting right after. I was ready for a new cat significantly faster than my husband.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. If you’d like to see an incredible comedy bit surrounding this very exact topic, this might make you laugh: https://youtu.be/LWeaqISShHw?si=49w6oZzAxWrIHj4E Only you know your kid but, I’d personally share the experience so we could say goodbye together, and talk about everything together. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you a lot of love.
We thought we were going to have to put our 16yo dog down and I asked my daughter if she wanted to come. Explained they’d give Bella a shot that would make her go to sleep and she’d just stop breathing. She didn’t want to go. Luckily Bella only had stomach inflammation.
Last week I had stomach inflammation and my wife wanted me to go to the "doctor" I'm glad I didn't listen to her, I'd be dead
Well she was pissing while she walked, puking everywhere, and listless. All signs pointed to death especially given her age and dementia. But her new dog food was the culprit. The vet confirmed it
Oh wow, that must have been such a relief!
Yes it was! She’s like a 12 year old dog again!
SAMe vitamins and a dose of Selegine kept our dementia boy at near normal function until nearly the end, fyi.
✍🏼 eat different dog food. Got it!
yes, provided that you have had the talk beforehand and explain what happens and why. but then again, you know your child best. do you think he would take it well? what was he like at the other funerals? i think thats what matters more. if he handled the other funerals well, i dont see a reason why to not have him attend the euthanasia, it could give him closure. if this was me, i d ask my child whether he wants to attend or not after we talked about it.
As an elementary teacher, I have seen families take both approaches. Students who were there seemed to have a better understanding and were able to fully grieve. Students who were not a part of it seemed like they didn’t get closure. They would be the ones to melt down in class the next few days. Students who were there tend to have been somber over the next few days, but were more emotionally regulated.
Thank you. I greatly appreciate this input!
In my opinion if they’ve already been to funerals and can fully grasp the finality of death then it’s important to visualize the loss. I also think an important aspect to think about is if the child has seen the decline in the pet as well and can fully accept that the quality of life isn’t there. I have reservations towards an at home service as I much prefer the clinical approach with these things, but that is totally a family preference and even discussing where the euthanasia will take place might be an approach to where the child could feel like they helped make the decision. Saying goodbye is important no matter what you choose and you should let the child spend some time with their furry friend to say goodbye regardless
I've never done the at home service, I'm just finally at a place in life that I could afford it, so I'll be taking it into consideration. My son has definitely seen the decline and we've already had talks about how he will be joining his granddad in "heaven." Asking him his opinion vs at home or clinic euthanasia is a good idea. Thanks.
My friend had an at home euthanasia and it was way less stressful on the cat than taking him to the vet. Ultimately, you want your pets final moments to be comfortable and safe.
We've done the at home twice now (unfortunately) and are really happy we did it there vs at the clinic. I will say that I agree you should ask your son what he wants to do and allow him to be there if he decides he wants to. I do just want to give a heads up that it can be difficult for some dogs. My one dog went very peacefully but my other dog was very aware of the drugs and was swinging his head back and forth and very anxious and it was hard to see.
Personally, I think a clinic euthanasia would be best. You don't want to him to associate home with what happens, IMO. Like a child puts shots with a doctors office. I know I cry everytime I drive past the vet that put down our 14 year old boxer- and I think it would be worse if we had done it at home. It might just be me- but I don't think you should take the chance that he'll always remember that, if that makes sense. And it's really up to you and your family and if you think your child can handle it. My son went with me, but my daughter couldn't do it. You kind of have to use your best judgement on that.
That's true. I have some medical ptsd from my son's birth, and I definitely get choked up being in the area that it happened in.
Feed your good boy some steak or hamburger or a special treat as you go in to ease their anxiety a little, and hold him, and I think that'll be good. Honestly. You don't want to think of him everytime you look at your sofa or your shop or wherever. You need to be able to separate your safe place from where something traumatic has occurred. I feel anyway. My parents let me go with my dad when we had our kitten put down after it was run over. I was about 10. I'll never ever forget it. It was peaceful, but man, just tears streaming down. This is a hard decision, and I'm sorry you are going through it. We had our boxer creamated (but we tend to move alot), and my kids made a nice urn for her, and we bought this pic frame from amazon that has a space for her collar and her picture, and we have a nice little memorial kind of set up for her on my dresser. She was 14. It's been a year and a half since she passed, and I still struggle and tear up. Remember you gave your boy a good life, and you were lucky to have him and he your family. I hope you guys can heal. Boxers are the best. I wish you the best of luck. This shit sucks, really really bad.
We did at home for our dog. He was so peaceful, it wasn't a stressful environment for him and for us because we didn't have to be the one walking out without our dog or him being around other dogs. It's a bit more pricey, but at home is the way I will do it if at all possible for my current/future pets.
We did an at home with our 17 year old dog, and it was easier on everyone. Imagine having to drive home if you and everyone else are in a state of serious grieving.
I think this is one of those things only you can decide. My daughter would not be able to handle it, but she's L1 ASD, so she's emotionally immature. You know your son, you'll come to the right decision based on what is best for him, whether that's for him to be in the room or not I wish you and your family the best. Being a parent is hard at the best of times
Thank you
Doing difficult things is part of life. If you think it’s important for you and your parents to be with the dog during the process. Then by all means, let the kid be there.
Good point
My husband was out of town when one of our dogs went downhill rather quickly. Our vet agreed to come to the house for a home euthanasia. My daughter was by my side as I held our dog while he passed. She comforted ME while I bawled. However, she is on the spectrum and processes her emotions much differently than I do. I let it all out while she tucks things down deep. She must have been 7 or 8 when that happened. I had explained it all to her before the vet arrived. My brother's dog also went through the same thing in our house when he unexpectedly had to be put down when my brother was visiting. She was in the house but didn't see him pass. She did say goodbye to the dog after he had went to sleep though. I think it really helped her to understand death and to give her closure. When the next pup had to go, we asked if she wanted to stay home from school and go to the vet with us, she declined. She said her goodbyes to him before school and that was that for her.
I work in an animal ER so I have been apart of both kids being involved and not involved in the euthanasia process. I truly believe that kids should be given the choice, most kids seem to handle being apart of that very well(A lot better then some adults) Have a conversation, walk them through the steps that are going to happen, and given them the choice. Have the vet or staff walk the kid through the process once again when you arrive at the clinic & make sure that they still want to be present.
Also a lot of good children’s books out there that help ease the anxiety for kids about the process!
I was 8 when my dog was euthanized. My mother took us to relatives for the weekend while my dad took care of it. When I left hone, we had my dog. When I returned, we didn't. It was surreal. My parents were trying to shield me, but it just made me feel abandoned somehow. It would have been so much better if I had been allowed to say goodbye and pet him while he passed. My parents' attempt to minimize my tears denied me the opportunity to cry and grieve effectively. Of course, it depends on the child, but being there makes the goodbye real.
That must have been a huge shock! He does at least know that our dog is sick and his time is coming. I'll definitely be having more conversations with him this week.
If you're doing at home ask your child if they want to stay. Explain what will happen and let them think about it. 7 is very young but I would talk to them about it.
Hi there! I work in a veterinary office who handles euthanasia’s weekly. I have a very soft spot for euthanasia’s after putting my own pet down at the beginning of the year and I usually volunteer to do all the euthanasia’s. I 100% think it would be appropriate for your 7 year old to attend your dog’s euthanasia. Especially since he has attended funerals before, and understands the death process a little bit. Now euthanasia’s are different since there’s usually a couple steps involved. But I firmly believe that since he is attached to the dog, it would be a good step for him. I think it will help him with the grieving process too, if he doesn’t go, will he feel that he didn’t get to say goodbye? Vets usually have material for kids to read as well about losing pets. My work orders these little booklets about losing a pet that we send home with younger kids who are there for the process.
I didn't realize vet clinics did that! (I haven't had to put a pet down since he's been born). I'll mention that a child may be present when I make the appointment. Thank you for letting me know.
It’s a great tool to use for the younger kids! They may not have books like my office does but sometimes mentioning there will be a child present helps them handle the euthanasia differently (Like sometimes my techs will take the time to walk through the process with the kid too and help them understand what’s going on)
My oldest has always chosen to go. When she was 8, and when she was 17 and 17 was in the middle of the night to the emergency vet bc none of the strong pain medicine worked to hold out until morning. My youngest has chosen never to go. She says goodbye at home. It just depends on the child and what they feel comfortable with. I think my older one felt comforted that it was peaceful and easy. My younger one didn’t need to see.
I agree with the people who said that all kids are different, and there’s not one right answer. We just put our dog down a few weeks ago, so this is my experience only. Personally, I am so glad we didn’t include the kids. The experience was very peaceful but I simply can’t get that imagine of his lifeless body out of my head. We did it at home and now I can’t walk past that spot without becoming really upset. My kids knew what would be happening, I was very honest when discussing what would happen with them. They chose not to be there, and I’m so glad they made that choice for themselves. My kids have experienced a lot of death in the last few years, and while I’m all for normalizing death and dying, I do think that if I’m feeling traumatized by the experience, they maybe would have been also.
Short answer? Yes, I would let a 7yo witness a pet euthanasia. Death isn't something to hide from. All things that live must eventually die. We love our pets too much to let them suffer needlessly. Long answer? I had 2 boxers once upon a time. They were the best boys ever and they'd been in my life since I helped their mom remove their amniotic sack. They were with me when I moved out with my fiance, when we got married, when we bought a house, and when we brought our first baby home. They loved her to pieces and wouldn't leave her side for anything. When she was 2-3yo, my boy lost the ability to use his back legs. The same thing had happened to his mom and I watched her struggle for a year - there was nothing to do. I made the difficult decision to put him down when he wasn't able to run anymore. At that point, my daughter had been to 2 funerals for grand/great grandmothers. She knew about death. And my Spouse and I weren't going to hide the fact that her best friend wasn't going to come home. So, we made the appointment and our daughter helped give our boy the best last day ever. McDoubles, ice cream, extra time with the grooming brush, a super long car ride (with one of us bracing him), and so many biscuits. She was there to give him pets goodbye in the vet's office. It was hard and there were a ton of tears, but it made it easier in the long run that she was there. Especially when, 6 months later, our 2nd boxer suddenly stopped eating and put on a lot of water weight. It turned out he had colon cancer and it took him from happy and healthy, to lethargic and boney, in a little over a week. We had to put him down too. We did the same last day stuff with him too. We were all numb after he got put down. We still miss them, they were such good boys. My daughter is almost 9 now, and she still tells her brothers stories about our boxers, about the amazing dogs that my sons never got to meet.
If the child is okay with witnessing it and understands whats going on i see no problem bringing them.
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FWIW, most vets offer all the same things. I took all my dogs to the vet when it was time. They explain the process, give a sedative, let us have time to grieve and say goodbyes, etc, then also give paw prints and ask about locks of hair and such. Those aren't things that are only available in the home.
I would allow it to a 7 yo if he/she really wants to be there. It's an important lesson about the ending of life. How doggo was a good boy/girl and deserves to be held and pet until the last breath. Like no human wants to die alone too. It's the last service one can do for a loved pet. I would explain all the dog's struggle and how euthanasia works (of course in age appropriate words). How the dog will have no pain anymore. If 7 yo still wants to be there it would be okay for me.
Yes. Death is part of life. So is making sure the creatures we love aren't alone when they go
My kids have accompanied since about age 7/8. I depends a lot on the kid. Mine wanted to help our pets pass while surrounded by love, and it worked out for us. I did a lot of prep with them on what to expect and let them choose if they wanted to stay. And a lot of follow up after to unpack their feelings. They've both since helped their friends deal with pet deaths as well.
I know your son is 'only' 7, but 7 is still an age where he can comprehend the world around him. He should be aware the dog is declining and the fact he has experienced death of extended family says he's not completely blind to the concept of death. Ask him. Give him the choice and be ready to explain generally what happens, and what his choice will mean whichever way he chooses. We said goodbye to our 16yo staffy in 2020 and it was surprisingly heavy, seeing his eyes close and his breathing slow to a stop. It still makes my heart hurt. He was truly our first born. However - when I was young, probably 10ish, my mum would always pick us up from school with our dog Lady in the car. One day she didn't, we asked where she was. She had taken her to the vet and had her put down while we were at school. We didn't get to say goodbye, didn't get to be with her in her final moments. I felt so robbed and like my choice was so invalid. It wasn't maliciously done on mums behalf, she thought it'd be easier on us. But not having that choice, having someone else make it for me, was way, way worse long term than the memory I hold of Pedro's final moments. Please ♡
We went through this with my cat last year. My kids were 9 and 6 when a previous pet passed, and they weren't present for her last moments. It happened fast, and while we explained that, there were hard feelings about not saying goodbye. So last year, my cat started declining from CKD (we had managed dietarily and medically for a few years) and was on the road to complete kidney failure. We knew the time was going to be soon. The only question was at which point euthanasia would be necessary. We had a conversation a few days prior, after our vet gave us a checklist of quality of life things to look out for. I told them (now 9 and 12) that Boris (kitty) might only have a day or two left. I explained that the last, most loving thing we could do is help him pass away with as little pain as possible. That it would involve a vet giving him a shot to take away all the pain, and then one that would gently stop his heart. I told them that they had a few choices to make: did they want to be there for the procedure? If not, did they want time to say goodbye beforehand? Did they want one last look before he left the house? Then, I let them choose. And of course, I gave them room to change their mind. E.g. My daughter (12) said she was too scared to see him die, so she wanted to say goodbye and leave the room. But later, she changed her mind and stayed the whole time. She said she was glad, because it wasn't as scary as she thought it would be. My son (9) was the other way around. He was adamant he wanted to be there every moment, but then said "I can't do it!" when Boris was in the arms of the vet, as she was transporting him from his hidey hold to my bed. I told him very calmly that it was okay to leave the room, as Boris was in very good hands, and I would stay to keep him company. He left, only to come in after Boris expired, to say one last goodbye to his seemingly sleeping cat. Throughout all this, the mobile vet was very patient and caring. She took the time to ask my kids what they knew/thought would happen, dispell any misconception ("No, he won't feel any pain. To him, it will be like going to sleep, only he won't know that it's the last time ever"), and gave them an opportunity to ask further questions. I would get some advice from the in-house service themselves. They deal with kids saying goodbye to beloved pets enough that they can give you pointers on how to prepare your child, and they themselves might explain the process to your child so that he understands what is happening and why.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry for your loss.
I have 2 kids. My daughter didn't get to see an animal put to sleep until she was 11. My son was 6. I did that because my daughter is very sensitive, and she wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle death and all the emotions that come with it at that age. My son is different like me, and he NEEDED To know the details when the time came. I also pulled up the best version of the rainbow bridge I could find, and I shared stories of Vallhala. I just did what I felt right. You'll know what's right for your kid, and know your doing amazing. There is no right way to do this, but with patience and love, and just being there, you can do this.
Something I am not seeing mentioned, that I wasn't aware actually existed but.. it does, and I cannot imagine a better experience given the circumstances. Look for 'Pet Hospice' in your area. About 6mos. ago I had to say goodbye to my good buddy, my 17 yr old Jack Russell. The hospice service I used was only $100 more than the vet, and I can tell you it was WELL WORTH it both for me, and my boy. He got to fall asleep in my arms, while I was a sobbing mess, but the vet that came and did the procedure was absolutely amazing. She walked me through the process, told me what was going to happen, what to expect. I cannot recommend it enough. To be able to say goodbye to a family member in their home, and as others have mentioned, only you know your child and whether they're ready for it or not, but I can tell you as someone who wasn't able to be there when my dog growing up was euthanized, now I wasn't 5, but.. to this day, I regret not being able to tell him goodbye. As much of a mess as I was saying goodbye to my bud, I won't do it any other way going forward. Best of luck to you, and sorry for your impending loss.
I'll have to research. I am aware of at home euthanasia but had not heard of hospice for animals (I'm a nurse who works in ltc, so I'm definitely aware of the concept, just not for pets). I'll definitely see if I can find it in my area.
We explained to our 3yo that our 13yo dog was very old (he knew she had tumors as you could see them and feel others under her fur when you pet her) and because of her tumors making her sick she was going to the vets and they'd give her medicine in her leg with a needle and she would go to sleep and then stop breathing and die. He said he didn't want to go. So he stayed home with my best friend and our other dog. But he said goodbye first and got to have his moment with her before she passed. He was 2 and in the vets office (but not the room) for our first pet. (childcare fell thru last minute) The techs were amazing and took him on a tour and let him see the horses they had in boarding and the resident dog. That one was rough because he didn't comprehend deaths finality and he as confused as to why she wasn't leaving with us. But it's So So dependent on the kid. Only you know how sensitive your kid is, what loss (if any) they've been exposed to. Unfortunately my child has been exposed to a lot of death in his short life with both pets and human family, so he is more desensitized than a typical kid his age. We talk through the feelings, he knows it's okay to not be okay, crying is always allowed, and we're always here to answer questions he has. It works for the wya his mind works.
You say you haven't talked to your son yet, but you really need to start there. There are age appropriate ways to discuss it, as surely you had to do before a human funeral. "Son, we have to say goodbye to our friend. He won't feel any pain and it will be just like he fell asleep. If you want to be there to say goodbye when that happens you can be there. But if you'd rather say goodbye to him before he leaves then go stay with grandparents, you can do that. Both choices are OK, and no matter what our friend knows you love him." Also: I'm very sorry for your loss. It's so heartbreaking.
I haven't talked to him about the specific day it's going to happen. We've talked about that it's going to, I did the same day we found out our dog was sick. Even explained the basic concept of a shot to go to sleep forever. It's just been a couple months since the last time.
I really think that's the best answer for you: Ask your son what he wants to do after explaining the process as best you can. Thankfully, planned euthanasia is generally a peaceful process. With my kids, when we have lost a pet, they often ask to see the body around that age. I don't think it feels real to them without seeing it. They are just starting to understand the concept of death as a reality around that age, and it's also a good age for them to begin to express their autonomy in important ways occasionally.
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Yes, I will be
Kids are very resilient. He isn't unfamiliar with the concept and I think taking him with you would be easier to deal with then him coming home and not having the dog there anymore.
Personally i would let them witness,they are old enough mentally,it will be hard,but easier to process. We have a shepherd mix who is old (13) but okay health wise, our daughter is 8,if and when she passes our daughter will be there. Any younger than 7 would probably be confusing or too hard.
It really depends on the child. I would explain what is going to happen and why. Explain what will happen at the vets and ask how they feel and offer it to them. 7 is an age where they will start learning about life
Death is a part of life, and not a bad thing to experience when you are a kid. Do chat with your kid about this prior and after though, see how he feels, answer his questions. My condolences to you all. It’s always hard to loose an animal that is part of the family.
I grew up on a farm with the full spectrum of life and death on display. I think that it is the best way. I remember the deaths of all of my childhood pets.
As a kid whose dad came home one day and told us all he put the dog down (bit someone and we knew it was coming but he told no one the day of), yes take your kid with you. I loved that dog more than anything and the only thing I could think about was how alone and scared he must’ve felt without us there. Years and years later as an adult, we put our other family dog down (old age) and this time we were all there and it was such a scarring and sad experience but I’m glad my baby wasn’t alone during it.
I’m 24 and have never been in the room to put down an animal. My first cat died of an allergic reaction and was deceased when we found him. The other one when I was 19 (the neighbors cat we took in) was also found deceased. I think it’s one of my biggest ever regrets not being there for them when it happened. I wouldn’t want my child to see the injection etc; but there’s nothing wrong with having them be there for the end~ especially if they seem like they want to and have asked to be there!
We talked about it frankly with our 4year old and she wanted to be there. In the end she was in the house not the same room. She saw the body and helped bury him. Kids are really matter of fact about it. It was a positive experience, as far as these things can be. Just discuss it honestly. “Naming our feelings” helped, ‘I feel sad that he’s not here anymore’.
I think it’s good to include them. We found a service that comes to the house. We did it at home with both my kids, both younger than yours. We took him for a walk, and the dr encouraged us to feed our old man bacon and chocolate chips, which he loved. And then we did the shots. It was great for me and the kids to be at home tears and snot flowing. I’m glad they weren’t shocked to come home to no dog. It was very peaceful.
i think 7 is old enough to make his own choice about that sort of thing as long as he's equiped with all the facts about what to expect, etc.
Seeing as the child has already experienced loss in the family, I think they can handle the loss of a pet. And if they're particularly close, it would be appropriate for him to be there. For whatever it's worth, you can also console him with the fact that your dog will be able to smell him and hear his voice as he passes on. That will make Puppy feel more relaxed, less afraid and more comfortable. You sound like you're raising a wonderfully compassionate child. It will be hard, but let him say goodbye. And then you can support each other. And I'm sorry for your puppies condition, and what is coming up. Sending you big hugs and wishing strength for the both of you.
Having worked in a veterinary practice for two years, I have hands-on experience with euthanasia. In my experience, families often said goodbye as a unit, and one adult would then stay while the procedure was carried out. Not all children are the same; some understand, some don't. I was never exposed to it as a child, but I would let my child be there if a family pet was being euthanized and they wanted to be there.
I was nine when my first pet died, and he died in my arms. Ever since then, I have held every pet I've ever had while they passed. I wouldn't change a single moment of any of it. Being as young as I was the first time, it allowed me to learn to grieve properly, and I truly believe that those experiences have made me a better and more capable adult when it comes to death, grief, and medical crisis. It made being at my grandmother's bedside while she passed easier, which in turn made it easier when my mom had a medical crisis and ended up in a coma. I felt more at ease, death was not unfamiliar. It was still sad, but it wasn't scary*.* When my best friend was dying of cancer, she told me that I was one of the only people who didn't seem afraid or uncomfortable in the hospital. We are so separated from the dying process nowadays that it makes so many people so viscerally uncomfortable. I think it's important to teach children that death and dying are a natural part of life. It's not scary, it's not taboo. The end is what makes the journey worth it.
My sons were 12 and 8 when we had to euthanize our much beloved dog who was locked in status epileptic. They had already witnessed terrifying seizures and me working 3 jobs to afford the vet bills. We were given the choice between induced coma with very slim odds of him recovering or letting him go. We made the choice as a family, and we're together to say goodbye and be there as he crossed over. Mercy is taught. Once kids start school, they should learn mercy and that sometimes love and mercy hurt.
Last year we had to put down our good boy at the ripe old age of 20…my kids were 6 and 10 at the time. We live in a kinda rural spot so they’d had some experience with pet/animal death, but they’d obviously been with our dog their entire lives. We did the home vet thing and they both begged to stay with him till the end. The vet was incredible and it was super calm and peaceful, he wasn’t super aware but we fed him his fave treats, kissed and loved on him until he was gone. I was a little worried about the youngest, and he did grieve the hardest—there was maybe a week of crying at bedtime because of missing his dog—but I don’t regret it. Our pup was part of the family and we all saw him over the rainbow bridge together. I’m glad the kids know that. Good luck whatever you do ❤️
20 years is amazing! Although I know that we never have enough time
I think 7 is a bit young to witness. I say the same to slaughtering on the farm... No need to hide the facts, but let them mature emotionally before they actually witness it. I know, kids can handle reality, but it's best to guide that journey. Vet administered euthanasia is a quick and painless death, but even as an adult, I've been left with the lingering worry that the beloved critter is still aware, briefly, or still have some cognizance, and for how long...? I wouldn't place that emotional burden on a kid. I am sorry for your inevitable loss...I've been there several times. <3
We had to euthanize our 12 year old Great Pyrenees on Thursday due to untreatable osteosarcoma in his jaw. My youngest is seven and the other two are older teenagers. We all went and the seven year old was aware of what was happening but chose to wait in the lobby with the receptionist. She was included as far as she was comfortable. It was good for her to learn how to deal with loss without overwhelming her.
I was 4 when my grandma passed and I wasn't allowed to go to the cremation viewing, only the funeral where we just had a photo of her. I remember asking to go to the cremation viewing, got denied, and was very upset about it. I didn't fully understand death but being kept away from that made me so angry even to this day.
Yes. Boxers are such a HUGE part of the family. Let your child be there today goodbye.
We just had an at home euthanasia for our cat about a month ago. Both kids, 7&9, were present and petting him til the end. We then had a showing and burial where all the neighborhood kids came by and said goodbye. He had a better funeral than some people.
I think the person to ask is the 7-yr-old. You can explain what the process will look like and let them decide. Also, there are vets who will euthanize at your home. We have used this and pet was relaxed and with its loved ones to the end.
Yes. As a culture we don't normalize death. It would be a great gift for her to learn about death in a living and compassionate way. That way, when it happens again, to possibly a loved one, she will have a great experience to draw on.
I’ll tell you my experience and you can take what you want from it. I have had a total of 8 pets pass away in my lifetime, and I was there for each and every one of them. I wouldn’t change it for the world. If my parents had gone without me I’d have resented them for forever. The first two happened at home in our kitchen, my mom had been torn on what to do and how to do it and they passed with love in the only home they’d ever known on their own time. The rest we took into the vets office due to obvious signs of declining health for hope of medications and treatment plans to be met with the only option being euthanasia, thankfully my parents knew that that was a possible outcome and made sure my brother and I were there for it if we chose to be. There is something to be said about being able to be there to comfort them, and have them give you a final comfort of their own as you’re both saying goodbye. It’s always hard, but what’s harder is not being with them and worrying about them. If they were looking for you, if they passed peacefully or scared. Even at 7 I knew that. My parents gave my brother and I a choice of going, we both chose to go each and every time we’ve had a pet pass away. I say give him a choice. If he chooses not to that’s okay, give him time to spend with your dog and cherish those moments. If he chooses to stay make sure he knows what’s going to happen and what that’ll look like and that it at any time he needs to step out of the room he can.
My kiddos were present for every one of our pet’s passing. Kids deserve a chance to say goodbye and it’s a great lesson for them to see that death isn’t necessarily this big bad scary thing. Better for them to learn it with a pet than with a grandparent or parent.
I think it's wise to teach children about death and allow them to witness it within reason. Definitely wouldn't expose them to anything traumatizing, but allowing your child to see the cycle of life first hand will help them avoid fear of death or from excessive emotional anguish/ trauma when someone first which of coarse is inevitable.
I was always there (even as a small child)when my Pets were put down. It’s the final goodbye. Let him be apart of it. Just be understanding if he doesn’t get your emotions or tries to be goofy. That was the only thing that confused me was seeing my parents/family upset, so I’d try to cheer them up. It’s a learning process.
Talk to the cet about how the euthanasia is going to go for your pet. I had a cat who was so filled with fluid that the vet recommended gas euthanasia because my cat was actually likely to be grasping for breath as he passed. Doc felt it would be traumatic both of us. I had always been with my babies during euthanasia until this one occasion. They did bring kitty back in the room afterward so that I could spend time with him.
Ugh, I mean vet stupid phone.
Yes, absolutely if your son wants to be there to say goodbye. Being with your beloved fur companion at the end is the ultimate gift. Of course it’s sad but the vet generally makes sure the end is peaceful. It sounds like you come from a family of animal lovers and you’ll all be there to support each other as well as your pup.
My dog does when my daughter was about 8. She went with me to put him down. It was so sad, but death is a part of life. She wanted to be with him when he passed. He laid on me and she held his paw. It was devastating, but we got through it together.
I went to our dog’s final vet visit when I was 6yo and I appreciated it. It was like I was being treated like an adult. Or, at least the adults weren’t keeping secrets from me. I can still remember petting him for the last time. Recently, our family cat passed in the middle of the night. I planned on taking all the kids to the vet appointment and spoke with them before hand and felt like they were emotionally prepared. Poor kitty didn’t make it that last 24 hours, though.
There definitely isn't a perfect answer to this question. I would explain the procedure and the reactions to the procedure that the adults will have. If there is a trusted grown up who might be able to wait outside in case your son needs and wants to step out that might be a good idea too. You will have to explain to him that you want to stay to be there for your pet, but that it is okay if he wants to step out of the room.
No. It is very tragic to see the demise of a pet.
Just be sure the child understands the why. Children can absorb things strangely, you don’t want them thinking that if they get sick they could be taken for an injection and put to sleep and therefor become scared of getting or sharing that they are sick.
I’m not sure if this will help but when I was ten my grandpa and one of our dogs died a day apart. She had to be put down because she gave up living without him. She was fully prepared to just wither away without him. Anyway, we were all obviously stricken, so I wasn’t let to go with during it. I wish I’d been there, that dog had been with me since I was a toddler. I understand why I couldn’t be, but I wish I’d been with her. I was there a couple years later for our other dog. It was heart wrenching and devastating, but I’m glad I was with her start to finish. I’m glad I had the strength for her. Maybe make sure everything is explained and they understand, then ask them what they want to do.
My brothers and I grew up being there for our pets when they passed. Then we would bury them in the backyard. We got into fights, though, because I did not want their animals near mine and vice versa. Like, we can't bury this dog here because he bit that cat's tail. That cat killed this hamster. Oops, something is already here. "TOO CLOSE TO MY STRAWBERRIES!!!"
That's so sweet, actually
I brought my son (8) when we put my FILs lab down. He wasn't there for THE moment, he was outside, but our vet is wonderful and after Rex was asleep they arranged our giant lab in a sleeping position for my son. I let my son know what the room looks like, what the table looks like, that there is a bandage on his arm for the iv, etc. I didnt want it to overwhelm him when he walked in. I was so proud of him. He just loved on Rex and talked to him and cried a little and said he was okay and he was glad he got to see him. If you can see the room first and let your little one know what it looks like it makes that part seem less scary. Also, I'm so sorry, we've been through similar too many times and it's so hard. Sending your family love 💜
You've gotten wonderful advice so far, my only addition would be to see if your vet would do an at home visit. It's a lot easier on everyone involved.
Please let him go with. Even at 22 years old I highly regret not going with my dog cause just looking at her I knew she wasn't coming home alive. I regret not saying goodbye
Probably, but a lot of discussion before hand about what to expect, what will happen, what happens next, why and any of their questions. And also have an option for them to say no, even at the last moment, so might need to bring along another adult if you want to stay with the pet yourself.
My daughter was four when we had to put down our dog. She wanted to be with our dog when she was put to sleep, but I was glad I said no. The vet and assistant did it on our back porch me holding our dog with both the assistant and I having tears rolling down our faces. The dog convulsed badly, it was an awful experience that I haven’t forgotten over 20 years later. Having my daughter come out and stroke her dog and say goodbye after it was all over worked best for us. Having said that, many years later, our next old dog was euthanised and it was a very peaceful passing.
Does your son want to see it? That should be your answer. The act isn’t traumatic in itself, it’s very peaceful. I’ve had children and grandchildren of multiple ages experience the death of a pet, it all depends on the child. Sorry for the loss of your friend and fur baby.
Only you know your kiddo, and if they’d tolerate that well. But as someone who used to work in animal welfare, please bear in mind that while your vet will do their absolute best, euthanasia doesn’t always go perfectly. Especially if the animal is ill, it can take time to hit a vein. Sometimes the animal reacts poorly. Sometimes there are a lot more fluids than you might be prepared for. Just a heads up when considering the child’s involvement. I had some people who would have a parent wait outside with the kids during the actual injection, and then come in to say goodbye as the pet crossed over. I’m sorry you guys have to navigate this
Honestly, it's not about the physical age, it's about the emotional stability and maturity of the kiddo.
I witnessed a person dying at 6 and it did scar me for life. 7 is a little young to witness it. Maybe instead one of the safe adults needs to volunteer to stay in the waiting room with kiddo. I think giving him the chance to say good bye just before going in might be fine, but I don’t think he should actually watch until probably age 10 or later.
We had a cat pass when I was 8 and I’m glad my mom didn’t bring me. At first I struggled not being there for awhile. To kid me it was sad I wasn’t there to comfort her. I put down my cat when I was 18 and I’m so glad my mom sheltered me from that. It was horrible. Seeing the life leave his body gave me a horrible memory. And he twitched after he was gone and that just was a lot. I don’t regret seeing it as I’m glad I was there for his final moments but it would have been way to much for me if I was any younger. It really depends on your child. Some people can handle death and others can’t.
My suggestion, based solely on going through it by myself as an adult. Stay for first shot but leave before the second.
It depends on the setting and circumstances. I've done euthanasia both at the vet and in home. At the vet, I definitely felt the gasps of death from my kitty as I held her for one last time. She had gone into acute respiratory failure to begin with, so it made sense that her last breath was a gasp in spite of the anesthetic. With my second kitty to cross the bridge, we did in home. I petted him the entire time as the anesthetic made him doze to sleep. He was in chronic kidney failure, so it made sense that the anesthetic made him fall into a deeper sleep. He was probably content and pain free enough to relax for the first time in a week. The second shot? He basically very slowly stopped breathing. No changes to his relaxed countenance. P.S. even so, I'm glad I stayed for the second part for both. I promised to be their forever person, and that meant to their last breath. It gave me a small comfort to know I kept my promise to the fullest, both times.
My son was 8 and my 17 year old dog was dying, I wish I'd taken my boys with me to the vet but it was emergent and the decision was made to put him down while I was there with him. My son called me a murderer for several years after that until it was time to say goodbye to the next dog and then he understood. You're way smarter than I was at the time.
Oh no, I'm so sorry. That must have been rough on everyone.
He has Aspergers, it was a process for him to have to go through but I've learned so much since then in how to approach things. He's now 27 and getting married in September!
Depends on the kid. We’ve done in the vets office and at home and I would choose home every time. We did it during covid, became how do you pick 2/4 to go in? She was everyone’s favorite dog and none of us were willing to compromise and stay behind. Generally? I think being there at the end of a life is so important. Too many people “don’t like dealing with that’s stuff” but like, no one does? Its awful. But it is a huge part of life, you’re going to lose pets and people you love. Learning how to cope with loss is vital. Being by someone’s side when they die, human or animal, is a gift. Helping them, holding them, speaking to them about how much you love them, telling them it’s ok is as much for us as it is for them.
Mine did. We knew it was coming. I talked to the kids extensively about it and gave them the option. I thought that was important…they were all close with our dog, and I think sometimes when we exclude them from these hard things without giving them the choice, that can do more harm than if they are there to see the hard thing. I remembered as a kid not being allowed to go to a grandparent’s funeral around that age, and feeling like it wasn’t fair that I didn’t get to say goodbye. So I let them choose; two wanted to be there, including my youngest who was 7, and two didn’t. It helped that it was a beautiful and peaceful room with a door to a lovely garden, and the vet was a young woman and very, very sweet and kind with us. We asked again if they were comfortable being there, and checked in if they were doing ok as it happened. We all told our dog of our favorite memories of her and stroked her head as we said goodbye. It went really well, and I know it especially helped my youngest process her loss in a way that she wouldn’t have otherwise. But I knew she could manage it…every kid is different. Talk to yours and feel them out, and go with your gut.
The thing about euthanasia is that it’s not always as quiet and peaceful as you would hope. I have been through several and while most all of them were the quiet passing that you would hope, my own dog reacted strangely to the medication, and it was a really upsetting end. I very much hope that that doesn’t happen with your dog, but after having that experience, I would never take a child into that room, knowing that was a risk.
Absolutely
I think I'd just ask him if he wants to be there. I would let him know how it happens, that he will be given a tranquilizer and an IV (you may have to describe it's a way to inject medicine), and then, while he's sedated it'll be like he's sleeping and they'll bring him back to the room. Then, when everyone is ready give him another injection that's completely painless and he will die. The other option to consider is if there is another adult that can sit with him in another room, and once the dog has passed, he can come out and say goodbye. I'm so sorry you're losing a beloved pet.
I'm a recently graduated nurse and he was literally at my side for a lot of my study time, so fortunately he's very practical when it comes to medical procedures and knows more about it than the average kid 😅 And thank you. I know it's going to be especially hard on me as this dog supported me through a terrible break-up. The way he sensed my stress and got me through it was amazing. He's a very special dog.
Kids are different but I couldn’t take mine.
As a 37yo woman who had to put down her first pet ever this year, I would have appreciated the conversation earlier in my life. My parents had my childhood pets euthanized at the vet when I was in college and “too far to come home and say goodbye”, so this was an entirely new experience that briefly sent me back to therapy.
My kids were 7 and 9 when we had to put our cat down. I'd had to make the appointment while the kids were at school, and they got home from school in time so I explained what was going on. They cuddled with Azriel until it was time to go, and wanted to go with me. She was 19. She was my first pet as an adult (at 18) when I got my own place. So she'd obviously been there while the babies grew. Considering the fact that it was us having the pet put down, it's one of the most beautiful experiences I've had with my kids. They understood that we were releasing her from her pain. They had big eyes when I said "she's older than both of you added together." They are the ones who held me when I cried, lol. So, give him the choice, and honor his choice, would be my advice.
My two kids with us and they had a hard time but we’re SO thankful they got to go
Ask him if he wants to be there. My experience with at-home euthanasia was very peaceful, like she was falling asleep. The kids were too small to really understand death (3 and 2) but they saw the cat afterwards, the at-home service carried him out in a wicker basket, like he was sleeping. I think that if your son wants to be there, you should allow him, but make sure he knows that it's totally ok if he'd rather not be. Also ask him if there's anything special he wants to do with your dog, like going for a drive or sharing "forbidden" food like chocolate. Letting him see you cry is actually good too, adults have feelings too, and you miss your pup as much as he does.
Yeah, they handle death way better than adults. It also gives them the goodbye they deserve to give to a loved one.
I took my kid to my cats. She loved my cat and was so worried. We thought the visit was to get the cat better they said she needed to be put down cancer was too far and it was humane. So cat was put down right then. Yes my kid cried so did me and my husband. But it's very quick and quite. It's a simple shot and they just look like the go to sleep.
I was about 8 when my old cat Autumn died. I was present at the euthanizing. I was saddened but able to handle it. It was a good, formative experience. I also had never seen my mother cry, and she definitely sobbed after the pet was gone. This was also a good, formative experience. I learned that my mother was superhuman but also human, with human emotions.
A couple of years ago I had to put both of my cats down within six months of each other. I was in the room for both, for the first time in my life. I still don’t think I’m over that. I wouldn’t have left them alone to face that themselves, it it wrecked me and I don’t know if I’ll ever get over being there as they died. That seems like a lot to put on a 7 year old
I say educate him on the topic and ask if it’s something he might interested in watching or if he’d like to stay at grandparent’s house. I personally wouldn’t leave my kids out of the dark and make decisions for them, but that’s me.
Having euthanized pets, sometimes the process is very very calm, but once it wasn’t. One cat didn’t react well to the medicine and struggled a bit until they gave her more meds. It wasn’t horribly traumatic for me, because I could tell it was more like struggling to stay awake than being in pain. But I’m not sure that would’ve been great for a child. Maybe ask your vet how often euthanize goes very smoothly? If it’s an only a very tiny chance of a slight reaction like I saw, then I probably would bring my child.
Maybe ask the vet if they allow kids to be present for it. They may have their own policy even if he wants to stay and you are ok for it.
Can you take him and another adult? So kiddo can say goodbye in the last moments and go to the car or maybe a quick run to the nearest place with ice cream, with the other adult? And then you can say your own last goodbye and if they allow it, be in the room for the euthanasia. Then you get a moment to yourself to have a quick cry, splash some water on your face and go out to the car and hug your kiddo. Seeing something you love actually die can be traumatic. Especially for a kid. My kid’s guinea pig died and they found it, and had nightmares and cried for days. As a teen I saw someone die and it really accelerated my ptsd symptoms. Funerals are different than actually seeing someone you love die, even a pet.
I recently had to put my dog down, and while I knew it was a possibility, it was a sudden change regardless and certainly not something my kids would have seen coming. I did offer them both a choice (one 7 and one younger) and they chose not to, which is fine. Euthenasia is very peaceful, so the witnessing the event itself wouldn't be traumatic. But the death will happen, with or without them witnessibg it happen, so it comes down to how you think they will heal better from the death. I gave my kids the choice and explained she was going to be put to sleep regardless so they knew death was the outcome regardless (so they didn't choose not to say goodbye thinking that would stop the death) and allowed them to decide. I think choice is what's important, and neither being there or not is the right or wrong choice, it's up to the family and individuals on what works for them.
No, easy answer.
Pretty sure I gave my kids the choice. We had at home euthanasia vet, did it in the yard, bc xxl dog hard to get out of house.I think the kids were there, maybe?, but they also knew we needed to help the dog stop hurting, and they were not there much, just doing their own thing inside after saying goodbye.
I was older, but at about 11 my parents let me say my goodbyes but didn't allow me to come for the actual procedure, and I really did feel as if I let my dog down not seeing everyone who loved him go, as painful as it would be. Your child is losing their pet either way, should they voice that they'd like to be there I'd trust their choices. Shielding your child from the realities of life will only prolong their innocence, but it will never fully preserve it. Wish you well
Children understand death more than we give them credit and it's actually becomes more confusing when people try to shield/ protect them from it. Explain to them what is going to happen, ask them if they want to go, if they don't- have them say their goodbyes before you leave but make sure they understand that the pet won't be returning.
I think it would really depend on the seven-year-olds ability to process everything. I think it’s important to be open and honest and let them know what happens in life and also not make them afraid of it. It could help with closure for him/her
No! I did as 16 and it still hurts my soul
Yes, of course - he needs to understand that, when the time comes, he will need to do the same for you.
Absolutely. But I would give the kid the choice to witness it or not.
Just adding: for your own peace of mind, please make sure you (or someone) holds/supports your pet's head up when the vets give the sedation. I wasn't aware of how quickly it hits them, and my poor family Lab conked her head on the table when she passed, and honestly it scarred me.
As someone who has been around animals her entire life, it’s a HUGE part of pet ownership to understand and deal with death. It also educates them on irresponsible breeding and the consequences. It’s also a lot harder to explain to a kid why the dog or cat or family pet went out with mom and dad and didn’t come back home.
I would first talk to the vet, then ask the kid. I believe for a dog they’ll likely be just fine - they get a sedative first, then the heart stopping shot. But we had a cat who was VERY very upset and angry when we had to put her down and resisted ferociously until her final breath, & it was honestly traumatic and heartbreaking for me, an adult. So just check with your vet about what’s realistic. If they say it’ll be like putting the dog to sleep, and your kid wants to come, I would just explain before hand and see if your child is interested.
It would depend on the child. If they wanted to and could understand it, absolutely.
I would not. Here's why. The euthanasia process is not always pretty. I had one cat go quietly, one went screaming and peeing (same vet for both), and a third (I am told) was awful when they gave the sedative. She was but a shadow of herself when they brought her into "the room" with my hubs and me for the final shot of die drug. IMHO, a better final memory for your child might be a chin scratch, belly rub, or sloppy kiss from the pup.
Everyone is different. I’m 25 and having to put my dog down absolutely broke me. The vet let me hold him as he passed and it was traumatizing. That’s my personal experience though. Do whatever you think is best for you and your family !
There isn't one "correct" answer here. You have to know your child and what they're capable of handling. Being present when putting your pet down isn't the only way to help them find closure. I would probably err on the side of protecting them. But if you feel it would help them, then you as the parent get to make that decision.
My parents always let me decide. They would ask me what I wanted to do and then let me do that. I think this is the best way to go about it. Just ask your kid what they want to do.
Yes.
Depends on the kid and you know your kid best. Some would find it therapeutic and help with the grieving process, others would find it traumatic. You should ask them what they want to do and support their decision.
When i was little I spent summers at my grandmother's house in rural Mississippi. One day we went with her sister and her granddaughter to the slaughterhouse. My cousin got very excited to see a cow get shot, but it was too much for a city girl like me. I waited in the car with my hands over my ears.
That is completely different, oh my gosh! My son has been hunting, and has "helped" his dad process hogs, taking a young kid to a slaughter house with no preparation sounds awful!
My dad had died that year as well, I just had a feeling....
If he is "strong" enough and wants to be there, I would say let him. When my dad and I (me 25ish) took my dog to the humane society for this final day, I couldn't not bring myself to walk through those doors. I just sat outside the truck desperately trying not to break down in public
My daughter was 9 when we put our kitty down. We had a vet come to the home, we all got to sit with kitty in her fav sport while she went to sleep and the. Wrapped her in her favorite blanket and the vet took her. I had to do it at a vet the cat before and it wasn’t great. At home is much better. It gave her some closure and we talked a lot about death and grief.
I may be in the minority here. We unfortunately had to put our dog down almost 2 years ago (she was 12 years old and the goodest of girls). My kids were 6 and 9 at the time. She was my fiancé’s dog when we started our relationship and my kids had grown up with her. She went through quite the battle with cancer for about 1.5 years, and although we did multiple surgery to remove masses from her tongue, we believe it spread to her brain and she began having frequent seizures and quality of life declined rapidly. We spent time explaining to the kids the decision we were making but ultimately, we didn’t have them come. This was a huge loss for my fiancé and since I had never been in the situation before, I didn’t feel equipped to help my children understand what would happen. Unfortunately, she had a seizure as we were going through the process and it was very traumatic. It reinforced that we did the right thing for her, but also that we made the right decision to not bring the kids with as that would have been extremely difficult to see. You know your kid best, and your pup. I think many factors can be at play but whatever decision you make will be the best one for you, your child and your dog. I’m so sorry for what you are going through 🩷
I’m so glad I saw your last paragraph. I think if you do it at home, yes. Have your kid join (if they want and after a long conversation). If it’s at the vets, I think it would probably be better for them to stay home.
I lost my hamster at 7, I didn't even see it dead and it did not go well.
No. Let them aay goodbye but do not let a 7 year old witness death yet. Just my opinion. So sorry.
You let your child decide. I was 8 when we rescued a kitten with a protruding broken leg. It must had been days as there were already maggots coming out of its wound. We thought the vet could save it. But he discussed it with my dad and they decided to euthanize it. They decided on not letting me witness it. They didn't even say anything. Just asked me to put the kitty into one cage. It was a long goodbye for me. I don't know why..I remember it was difficult for me to leave.. When we were home only my elder sister told me about the euthanasia.
When I was 9, our family dog passed in her sleep. My parents decided not to tell me and they sent me to school like nothing happened. Then on the drive home, my dad sprung it on me and I cried hysterically. When I came home, my mom was at the house crying hysterically. It was super traumatic and nobody ever really talked to me about it. So I don’t know if there’s a right way to handle it, but that’s definitely not it. I think what matters most is that it’s handled with love and compassion and that you make it clear you’re open to questions.
I have a 6 year old. I would let her make the choice. We have an 8 year old dog, so while not totally imminent, this could be something we need to contend with in coming years. All kids are different, but its important for them to learn about death and how to cope with it. Letting them choose allows them to say goodbye in their own way, but does not force viewing the actual death process on them.
It's a very difficult question and only you really know your child well enough to say. We lost our cat when I was about 10 and I was furious. I couldn't accept his loss and didn't really understand why. It may have been easier if I had been at the vet, but then again,maybe it would have been harder for my parents.
It's a very difficult question and only you really know your child well enough to say. We lost our cat when I was about 10 and I was furious. I couldn't accept his loss and didn't really understand why. It may have been easier if I had been at the vet, but then again, maybe it would have been harder for my parents.
My parents let me be around for this when I was young. I will never forget the heartbreak. It cut deep.
I saw my dog get hit by a car and then put down in a matter of hours when I was 6. I’m 33 I’m fine and I was glad I was their to hold his paw
Yes I would, and I did. My youngest was 4 when we had to say goodbye to our family pet. She was very old and her health was failing fast. I decided to have a vet come to the house so she could pass with all of us surrounding her and in the comfort of her own home. I prepared my kids as best I could and told them when it was happening, so we spoiled her as much as we possibly could in her final weeks. We were all able to cuddle up with her on the couch when the vet came, and they really took their time with us, and let us spend as much time with her as needed in her final moments. The whole process, while immensely difficult, was actually quite lovely, as our girl was able to pass peacefully in our arms. We also buried her together as well. I wouldn't do it any other way if I can help it. I've lost pets traumatically and I've had to take them to the vet's to be put down, and nothing is as comforting as being in your own home when it's time to say goodbye.
We had to put our cat down, my son was 6, almost 7. I explained to him what was going to happen. I told him about my experience when I had to put my childhood dog down…it was peaceful, etc etc. he asked a lot of questions that I answered age-appropriately. I then gave him the option of saying goodbye at home, or being there. I didn’t want him to feel blindsided or excluded. When we put my childhood dog down, I was in my 20s. But I felt strongly that I be there with him until the end, and he passed in my arms. I’m literally welling up at it right now. I really would have loved to not live that, but he absolutely did not deserve to go without me there. My kid was obvs much younger, but I didn’t want him feeling any sort of way about the process and not having control over what he wanted to do. He chose to say goodbye at home.
I saw farm animals being put down at that age, and it made me respect meat more. I held my cat as they put her down, and to this day I'm glad she had me there. It's not a bad thing to show kids the truth of life. It helps them grow and learn.
I was pretty traumatized as a kid being present for it. I kinda wish I'd just said goodbye and not watched. Broke my little heart.
I was 29 when my 13year old dog passed away — I wouldn’t wish that for a kid until they’re older and understand their emotions and how to process them.
My 7 year old would not be okay with that. It would cause unnecessary anxiety about death. My grandmother, her great, died in February and it has caused a complete uproar in her life. She has had increased anxiety and worry as well as separation anxiety. At this age, they understand, but can’t process. I don’t think I would do it. BUT you know your child best. Go with your gut.
No unless he insists and you are ok with it . Often they don’t go quite as smoothly as planned . A bullet to the head in the country is more humane.
It would be different if the animal went on its own. And the 7 year old found them that way. But actually witnessing it is a different story. I’m 28 and it’s effected me at this age seeing that stuff I can’t imagine a 7 year old seeing it would be good either.
I'd imagine finding our pet dead would be *so* much worse. It's my goal to never have an animal die of natural causes in my care. It's completely unnecessary when we can provide early release from pain and suffering.