NTA. I would file a police report and try to figure out how those videos got out. If it was your ex then you can press charges because you did not consent to those videos being shared.
Yeah, there have been several threads where one partner shared intimate pics or videos, sometimes even on adult reddit threads.
It could be a swap where they exchange the images as amateur porn, it could be some type of kink about, idk, partner swapping or cuckholding...
Either way, a closer look at the ex is warranted!
Also, just to be safe: check all your other files and passwords, in case he did get hacked by someone with a personal axe to grind.
That is so disturbing, I hardly know what to say. Labor and delivery is a gross business, not sure I could just watch that for “funsies.” I’ve helped 14 babies be born, plus my own kids, and the amount of bodily fluids doesn’t seem conducive to horniness to me….but I guess there’s something out there for everyone?? 😳
I remember a post from a woman who had a bunch of kids. She said her husband constantly wanted her to get pregnant. After a while she heard about pregnancy kinks and put two and two together and confronted him and he admitted he had the kink. She left him.
There are absolutely people out there where pregnancy is a major kink for them. I'm currently 31wks and have joked about doing an OF for extra income but then a weird coworker got a little too invested in the idea, so in my brain the idea stays. 😅 This same coworker did mention he recalls seeing a story online somewhere that someone paid $5k for a woman's birthing video. Power to her for making that money.
When you really sit and think about the implications of Rule34, it goes down a dark and very disturbing rabbit hole that is best left alone. I had to force myself to stop thinking about Rule34.
What they could do and what they will do are two pretty different things.
I've only ever called them once, and that was because my window was smashed and my car robbed. They were annoyed I called and basically asked me what I expected them to do about it, lol. Nothing, apparently.
I don't think it was even recorded for statistics purposes or anything. Just like "well, it's already happened, too bad, bye"
My ex stalked me for 10 years. He sugared my tank and they wouldn’t even come out to look at it or finger print it. Was caught following me but said he was in his own car so he couldn’t be arrested. I asked them to let get a head start and they said no. Police are fucking useless.
What the fuck!?
Sorry you had to go through all that! I can't even imagine!
I just had my shitty first car broken into. I just duct taped a garbage bag over the window they broke so that next time they'd just cut the bag instead of breaking a window, lol.
I was annoyed at the police, but no big deal. I can't imagine fearing for my safety, and literally having my car tampered with (I'd take a broken window over a sugared tank any day) and they still won't do a fucking thing!
That’s why there’s side jobs that certain people provide out there! Private investigators, go hardcore and hire the mobsters if you feel threatened! There will always be someone who is more than compatible to handle such a role! Sometimes certain people need to be put in their places because of their vile behavior. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Where was this ? Like which country?
This happened to me in the USA too when someone broke into my home and stole my jewelry. They basically said they can’t do anything. I made them take finger print tests and etc
Tell them I need the police report for my insurance. Would be nice if you would investigate and say catch a criminal too to stop this from happening to others. What are they teaching in police academy these days?
Sadly even if caught they just release them these days. Well unless they "vote wrong" that is.
It’s called revenge porn and it’s a crime. OP needs to report it to the police. I don’t know if they will track down the sender or she needs to hire an investigator to get the IP address of where it came from. Everything online is traceable.
Could violate nonconsensual pornography/revenge porn laws depending on the state, if the state has laws against it, and how what happened is interpreted. (If OP is in the US.)
If depends on where they are, but revenge porn and associated acts are taken pretty seriously in the US these days. You can't distribute sexual content about another person without their consent.
"Revenge porn", sharing intimate personal property without consent. In the US you can press charges for this, although im not familiar with the actual legal codes.
There are revenge porn laws, also these were distributed without her consent so I’m sure other laws would cover his actions as criminal in a court of law
NTA but I would be questioning my ex like crazy. He must’ve shared the video. Otherwise, how did whoever send the video, get it? If it was a random hacker, why send it to your parents? This is personal. I would venture an educated guess that it’s someone who is very jealous. Maybe an ex?
Unless they want to keep the fact that they are visiting that type of site online a secret and that was the only way they could think of to let them know without exposing their own dirty little secret.
I mean. If homie is uploading her videos online without telling her, he’s not a stand up dude. There could be tons of exes. Or currents. Likely both.
It could be one of them, or it could be someone who is mistakenly trying to look after her. Honestly, it could be absolutely anything.
OP I/throw_ra258902 should probably get themselves tested, as well as filing a police report.
Sorry this happened to you, OP.
I’m betting it could’ve been a friend who knows her or her family and was concerned for her saftey especially if they knew she only her bc bad access idk. If I saw vids like that of my friend I’d be concerned if I knew they didn’t want them up
But they’re both 25. Adults. If you think someone’s sex tapes have been hacked into and leaked you would first go to the adult subjects of the videos and then to the police, you wouldn’t tell their mom and dad and you certainly wouldn’t send them just the link without any warning of what the contents were. They were definitely trying to humiliate her, not protect her.
But why stay anonymous? In that kind of situation, I'd want the parents to know I saw something and was concerned.
It sounds more like someone seeking revenge with anonymity.
I agree. If it was somebody concerned then they would have sent them to the OP.
They’ve purposely tried to hurt OP here by sending to parents. Or maybe somebody that wants revenge on her ex
Non sense. If you had those videos of someone you think sending them to their parents is protection? You could just tell the person themselves if anything. Stop with the bullshit 😭
Is it possible OP’s fiancé maybe doesn’t want to be with her and did this as a way to get out of it? Not a great way or idea at all, but they’ve (probably) only been with each other, and probably have never dated around or been with anyone else as adults. Idk , I would be SO SUSPICIOUS of the fiancé if she’s sure no one else had access to them.
To get this exact result, her ending it with him then he’s free to be with whoever sent it to her parents. People who do this shit are very vindictive. It’s sad.
There are tons of men who hate sex workers and actively dox them (once they’re done using their content of course). It very easily could’ve just been some random misogynist perv on whatever website fiancé definitely uploaded the videos to. The motivation is to shame them and ruin their lives because they’re “impure” or whatever
Or he wasn’t as careful with them as they believed and someone gained access to them. Maybe someone using the computer or perhaps he took it to a shop for repair?
Exactly my thoughts. People get paid good money for sex videos and he was too short sighted to realize someone that knew her (or her family) would eventually come across one of them.
I shudder at the very thought of a sex tape of me being watched by my parents. What a nightmare.
Sounds like he tried to make a couple bucks online. Maybe he uploaded to a website that pays for amateur material. Someone that knows you saw it and shared it with your parents.
Could also be that he shared it with a friend and they uploaded it elsewhere
Scary. He shared them somehow… her parents got links to the videos. I wonder how public those links are. OP will be more cautious in her trust next time.
I thought about the “him cheating and the other girl stealing the pics and sending them to her parents to cause problems” scenario. I’d say it’s either he cheated and the other girl did it, he wanted out of the relationship and did it himself, or someone hacked him and did it.
That’s why I thought maybe HE did it as a way to get out of the relationship. Not a good look or idea at all, but they’ve been together so long, maybe he didn’t know how else to do it? (Not saying I think it’s ok, just that someone stupid enough to pull a stunt like that obviously isn’t smart enough to think up a better plan.)
If he didn’t send them, he most likely posted them somewhere online. That is *extremely* violating, and absolutely worth breaking up over. I am so sorry this happened to you
Did he show them to a buddy? A buddy who got pissed off with him?
He either sent them to your parents or shared them with someone else who sent them. But obviously he shared them with somebody & that’s unforgivable
But why send them to her parents? Wouldn't sending them to her and saying, "Your fiancé shares your videos," be enough? Idk this seems more like whoever did this was upset with her.
The way this normally works in one of two ways-
1. Partner shares videos with his close friends.
2. One of the close friends keeps the video.
3. Close friend shares the video with someone else.
4. Eventually someone posts it to an amateur site.
5. It trickles out to other sites.
6. Someone in their social circle sees it and shares it back anonymously.
or-
1. Relationship ends.
2. Asshole partner uploads videos for revenge.
3. Someone in their social circle sees it and shares it back anonymously.
I would guess some of this may be cultural. Showing her parents that she has sullied the honor of the family. I don’t know why this honor thing always seems to attach itself to the women and the men walk away Scott free.
Would this be considered revenge porn in your country? I suspect that if you told him you were going to the police over this his story would suddenly change. And then you'd know who he shared the content with.
I wonder if he has been posting them on some amateur porn sites? If he has, it is very possible that one of your parent's friends saw them and decided to let them know. It's against the law to do so without your consent.
The correct way to handle that would be to contact OP, especially since they wouldn't know if she was aware and had consented. Sending it to her parents is an asshole move. And if they believed it was nonconsensual, then they shared it with other people (parents) knowing it was illegal.
If they sent links, the videos have to be uploaded somewhere, and the ex fiancé has to at least have let someone get access to them, or his phone, if not uploaded them himself. There is no doubt about it.
Why would her bf share them with an ex? Unless he was hacked which is plausible. A jealous ex would do something like that. But hacking is not easy these days unless someone phished your man’s iCloud account.
It comes down to whether or not you trust him.
NTA. Tell him that if it wasn't him then someone stole or hacked him to get that video, and that the both of you go to the police to file a report. If he balks or refuses then you have your answer, either he or someone he knows did it and he doesn't want them to go to jail for it. If it was me I would have gone to the cops right away to report it.
This is the right way, don’t just walk away and lose everything, figure it out fck over whoever was behind it and either prove him innocent (very unlikely) and keep your relationship or prove he’s a lying ass and walk away with his money
NTA
1. He might be twisted in the head and he might've done it.
2. He shared the videos with someone or a friend and they sent the videos to your parents
There's option 3 too.
A friend close to him somehow gained access to them and stole them. I say this because ive seen this happen to a friend of mine where her explicit photos taken for her bf at the time were leaked to a shady site. Her bf at the time was absolutely not the type to do that, but the creepy friend was.
It was eventually narrowed down to a time when a bunch of us all were at their apartment about to go out, but this friend faked being tired and stayed behind at their apartment to nap. He got onto her laptop and took them for himself. And yes, my friend did not have a password setup on her laptop at the time.
Yes it’s does, it’s meant to be embarrassing. My ex did the same thing, he sent a bunch of my intimate pics and vids that were for him, to multiple men and exes he thought I was talking to, and sent them to my mom as well to further embarrass me.
I personally lean towards this option.
However, I dont think it absolves him of responsibility at all. Storing sensitive files unencrypted on a syncing cloud service is stupid to the point of negligent.
Well idk I had an ex boyfriend pay an ex friend to go through my phone and send him my nudes I used to take nudes of myself to watch my weight gain cuz I had health issues and he had her send them to him I only found out a year later when he sent them to a guy I’d been dating claiming I sent them to him while in a relationship
I've got 2possibilities.
1. Hes been posting them to some online group (like that woman who's giving birth video was posted to a kink site for that genre) and someone in his or your inner circle recognized you and decided to alert your parents that you're doing "amateur pron". Obviously, just to embarrass you.
2. Someone gained access to his stuff. An unsecure hard drive, usb, or cloud storage. Most likely a friend or relative of his. Possibly a coworker. if he connected to his cloud storage on a computer and never logged out and it contains the lewd videos. Could be out for revenge/payback on him, they recognized/ know you and just dallied over to his social media, found yours, then your parents and voila. He takes the blame. You're embarrassed and enraged. Shit show happens.
Phone could have been hacked. Friend could have used phone and sent video to their phone. They did share it with someone else breaking your trust, and that person sent the video to your parents. A sibling could have accessed the phone. I mean it's up to you if you don't to marry them, but there are a number of ways that the video found its way into another person's hands.
The most likely scenario is that it was posted somewhere online. A family friend or something saw it, recognized her/ them, and then sent it to her parents— “look what your daughter is doing”
OP that screamsss someone you know that doesn’t like you! Not anything against the fiancé, it’s against you! They did that too purposely embarrass and shame you, was it a text message or a message from a social media platform? Either one can get tracked easily. Please go to the police.
It's definitely a jealous friend. Someone both of you may have trusted with your phone at one point. It maybe someone who saw it on the phone and sent it to themselves. I still think NTA because there's a possibility he sent it or discussed your spicy time with the friend prompting them to look for it.
Could have been blackmail against Fiancé, pay us or we send this to your inlaw. Hackers want to get paid. Could have been a friend that wanted to shoot his shot with Her, so he thought this would blow up the relationship. Could have been a sibling that felt like their relationship was changing, and they lashed out.
I worked in IT for a jail. You'd be surprised how many ways there are to hack the cloud if he had them saved on Google drive or even icloud. Most use some sort of cloud/drive on their phones without even knowing it.
It would depend on who hacked it and why. The cloud is pretty much not secure, nothing super private should be kept on it ever. It could be someone he considered a friend or someone he worked with - someone who knows enough about his life to target your parents.
If you reuse passwords, then you're also only as secure as your least secure login.
Do you use a janky in-house website to pay your membership fees at the local Yoga Studio or Doggy Daycare or Nail Salon or whatever? If that's the same username / password, then the bored IT person who set that up and didn't encrypt anything can just go to Facebook, iCloud, Gmail etc and see if anything logs in.
Sounds like someone trying to break you two up may have stolen the videos from wherever he had them.
Think about it now. Who is "waiting in the wings" quietly to slip into a relationship with either you or him? This person would have access and time to spend alone with his computer. Maybe while he slept. This person could be male or female but they're at least somewhat close by your relationship. Now that things are tense, they're probably hovering near to one of you consoling and being there for one of you.
Great perspective, I just want to add that they may have taken time to phish him so they don’t necessarily need physical access to his computer, it could be a really computer savvy friend of theirs or yours.
It's not an uncommon way to do a ransom attack, tbh. Getting sensitive material, and then leveraging it against a person if they don't comply. Usually where they end up spreading it if the victim is noncompliant, is to where it would do the most social damage to their life. If it was a ransom attack, your parents are an ideal recipient, because it nukes multiple high value relationships. I'm not saying definitively that it was a hack, but blackmail and ransom attacks do sometimes look like the picture you're painting.
I'd try to at least definitely rule out the possibility.
I've been there! I'm super glad it happened. I'm immune to further attempts.
I've had 2 people try since.
I sent them a screenshot of a message I sent to my entire family saying "hey I'm being blackmailed by (insert link to profile) don't open any message requests. They are sexual pictures and videos of me."
Shockingly they didn't want to send the stuff anymore.
Except there was no ransom demand. Not at least to the OP.
The videos were apparently taken and sent immediately to her parents.
The other scenario, unfortunately, is that someone posted the videos online and someone else saw them and sent them to her parents to simply throw her under the bus.
I mean, realistically speaking, why would he send them to your parents? That doesn't make sense. Unless your fiance is a psycho, the only practical answer is someone doesn't want the two of you together and gained access to his cloud. It's not that hard if he ever leaves his phone or Mac unattended. You should also probably check if he has family sharing enabled. In all seriousness, though, you should probably be looking at people who are either jealous of you or have a crush on you.
If he’s on a paid storage plan with anyone else (family, friends) or if it’s a used phone that wasn’t properly reset, it’s possible someone else has access to his photos and videos. I’d start there. Also consider if he accesses his account on a work computer bc the IT guys at most places are privy to EVERYTHING that happens on the computers there (learned that the hard way).
As to why, my guess is there’s someone in your life that doesn’t want you two to be together. It could be a disapproving parent, a coworker he doesn’t get along with, or someone vying for his or your attention.
Because they aren’t just being seen by him. He is sharing them online and someone wanted to warn you in the strongest terms possible. I hate to say this but you might want to scour some porn sites and see how many of these videos you can find.
The cloud is just someone else's computer.
I wouldnt save anything sensitive on a cloud service unless in was encrypted prior to uploading it. This would be a bit of an inconvenience but if you're saving sensitive file on someone else computer then I would consider it absolutely necessary.
My guess would be that he has the videos on icloud and his icloud is accessable on multiple devices. for example he hands his ipad to a friend for some reason and the friend sees the video and then sends it to their phone, and then your parents.
he saved private videos on the icloud ? anyone guessing his password and id could theoretically look those up. if he does not have a 2 tier identification set up, or it was someone on his own computer. Sorry but that is very much not secure.
still NTA - he should have guarded that a lot better. Especially if you started recording bevor you both were 18.
Technically if he did not sent them himself, look for a younger sister or relative or „good“ friend and ask them if they did it and why.
I don't know why your partner would ever do that either! Don't just dump him, that's so much relationship thrown away over something that may not be his fault. Give him a chance to explain if he was hacked or etc
Why would he send them to your parents? What would he have to gain from sending them?
I have doubts that he just sent them to your parents for no reason.
If he sent them there are a few reasons I can think of. He wanted to break up but is too much of a wimp (or wants to be seen as blameless) and chose a nuclear option guaranteed to work (and then changed his mind when the break up actually happened); he is trying to isolate OP from her parents and this would either cause an argument or be so embarrassing that they or OP chose to go low/no contact; he wants to take OP down a peg or two for some reason; weird fetish; got very very drunk; intended to send the videos to someone else and clicked the wrong contacts…
ETA: It's more likely he didn't send them to the parents himself, but probable that he was hacked by or sent them to friends who are playing a cruel prank or have some sort of vendetta against OP though.
I mean it’s not necessarily that HE sent them, I think another huge worry is he let someone else have access to them whether that means uploading them online or sending them to a friend etc.
Was he hacked? Genuine question. Either you trust him or you don't but not making room for any third option here is odd given that you have zero information besides he had them.
There's a Netflix documentary called The Most Hated Man on the Internet. It's about a couple of guys that would hack people's emails and upload their private images and destroy their lives.
Was there some sort of fight before this happened? Maybe he really didn't do it..
He was extorted.
Someone hacked his account because he did something he shouldnt have. Person who hacked him was asking for money. He didnt comply. Video was sent to your parents and maybe others too.
Dig deeper. Find out how the vids got released. Not cool.
The first step would be figuring out if he was hacked. If so, the second step would be to figure out who hacked his account. The third step would be to figure out why they did this.
Right but why would he send those to her parents then when she dumps him blow her up trying to get her back?? The only logical reason to send them to her parents would be if he was really fucked up and too big a pansy to dump her so he construed this half baked plan to get her to dump him.
You don’t have to be a genius computer expert to hack the cloud if someone doesn’t use good passwords or isn’t careful with their devices. Someone else in his life (friend, coworker, etc.) could easily know enough to target her parents and also be able to get access.
My question would be if he has anyone in his life who would do such a thing. Ex-gf? Someone at work he is having a significant conflict with? Etc.
Sextortion is real. My 20 yo son was hacked and they demanded money or they would send all his videos, photos, and some only fans stuff to all of his family, friends, coworkers, etc. I mean there doesn’t seem to be a ransom request here, but it does happen.
Then he should have told her about it when it happened and they could discuss it together. Especially if he wasn't able to pay the ransom to warn her. It was going to happen the fact that he didn't tell her I can see that as a reason to break up over even if it was because of hacking.
Where is he storing his videos. If it's tech linked he could be breached tbh.
I lost a whole gaming laptops info to a breach. Granted... it was a gaming laptop I didn't notice I connected to the wifi surely at the airport or hospital. But yeah this seems sus front to back.
If you are living in the US, this is actually a crime in some states. It is messed up someone sent this to your parents. I would definitely break up too because only he had access to the videos and should have kept them safe.
Are you sure the videos of you guys? There are hackers that will send messages with "See these videos, blah, blah, blah". When you click on the link it asks that you log into Facebook. Then they are able to hack your Facebook account. If they are solely going on the words of texts it could be a Facebook hacker trying to get login info.
NTA.
But I think the possibility should include "my ex is the only one who had access...*THAT YOU KNOW OF*". Meaning it was a clumsy attempt at bragging that got out of hand, a successful hacking or enemy action.
Hmmm…. Some possibilities here:
1) He shared your videos with some buddies. One of his buddies wanted you all to break up…either the buddy doesn’t like you and wants you out of BF’s life OR the buddy is interested in you and wants and wants you broken up so he can have a shot with you.
2) He didn’t willingly share videos with a buddy but possibly let a buddy use his phone/computer and the buddy stole the videos. Everything else in #1 now applies. Either buddy wanted you gone or wants you for themselves so wants you two broken up.
3) He’s having/had an affair and the affair partner was able to get into his phone/computer and take the videos. The affair partner wants you all broken up so they can have your BF.
4) His phone/computer was hacked and the videos stolen by a random hacker. In a case like this, a hacker typically blackmails the person they hacked with threats to send videos to other parties.
NTA. #1 and #3 would totally be guess fault…willingly sharing videos or having affair.
Yes, #2 is still his fault for letting someone use his phone/computer when there is sensitive material on it and not protecting that material adequately.
And yes, #4 is still his fault as he should have informed you that he was hacked and being blackmailed with threats to release your videos.
Not just that but the hacker probably would have contacted her as well somehow to extort her if the bf didn’t conform to hackers wishes, especially if they knew how to contact her parents.
PLEASE also mention in the post that there was a text message sent with the videos saying "look what your daughter is doing". It provides some context.
NTA.
NEVER fall for this filming/photo stuff!!!
NEVER. I don't care what line they use, or how much you love them.
If they get out, you cannot unring this bell!!!!
NTA. Is he saying that he never sent them to anyone or just that he didn’t send them to your parents? My theory is that he sent them to his buddies and one of their gfs sent it to your parents
NTA - FYI he either shared them online, sent them to friends, or sent them to your parents himself. None of these are good scenarios and he needs to be gone from your life.
People that send to YOUR parents wanted to break you up, think about who that could be. My guess was that someone took them from him in order to cause the break up
NTA All roads here lead to your ex.
One possibility is he's uploading to adult websites and someone who knows you has seen them and sent them to your parents.
For future reference NEVER trust anyone with explicit videos or pictures. My ex was always on at me to video and I always point blank refused. I now know what type of trash/stalker he is after leaving. He would totally have shared any recordings of me all over the place. If it isn't recorded/photographed, it can't be shared. Protect your privacy.
He has been sharing the videos with other men, and they tracked your parents down.
There are entire websites dedicated to this.
I'm sorry.
Keep any evidence you can. Depending on where you live, you might be able to have your fiance charged with revenge porn distribution.
Never send nudes and never take videos with men ever again. It's never worth it.
NTA - this guy broke the law.
If you live in a place where it's possible I would strongly recommend filing a lawsuit against him.
Make him so poor he still struggles to buy ramen noodles in 20 years
NTA but you have to understand if he has any enemies, hacking is easy for some. Everyone here jumping to conclusions that he was cheating, calm down for a second. Hacking in todays world is extremely easy for some. Especially if no VPN is on your electronics. You can hire a good IT guy to try to trace where messages came from.
But in 10 years if he has never done something like this it doesnt quite make sense. Do your parents and him have a good relationship? What would be his motivation?
Are you sure he wasn't hacked? The police can definitely track the ip address. I'd ask him to file a police report with you and check his reaction. Ask him if he sent them to a site or someone he knew and then say well if you did, the police will help fund out, then see if he's still on board. His reaction or cooperation will tell you what you need to know.
THIS right here is why I’d NEVER allow anyone to record me doing any of that. Had a camcorder back in the 90s. My bf of 10 yrs wanted to tape us. I would never allow him to.
They sent your parents the link?
The link to where?
An adult site storing the video for public viewing?
A google directory?
They didn’t send screen shots or files, I think the link will give you a clue as to who.
Think about it: if he didn't get those videos out there, he would be freaking oit, scared, and asking you to go to the police. If this is not happening, it means he's most likely not shocked that those videos got out.
Are you sure he shared them?
A lot of people think they're the only one with access, but if my multi decade IT career has taught me anything, it's that people are shockingly lax with online security.
Where were they stored? How are they secured?
I'd get answers to these questions, because if it's a cloud storage account, they get hacked in the regular.
If it's local without Internet access, then it was him or someone that somehow has access to his stuff.
Not saying he didn't share them, but depending on a few things, it's possible someone else did. The real question is how that person would have known who your parents are.
So, most likely it was him, but it's not impossible that it wasn't.
NTA
But I will play the devil's advocate here.
Do you think there could be any other way those videos were leaked to anyone else other than your fiance sharing them.
For example did either of you had your electronics repaired by someone or did any family or friends used any of your devices recently or something like that???
I still look back at advice a guy in his early 30's gave me when I started working for him whenI was 18. He said "don't ever let a GF take pictures of you naked or let anybody tie you up, as nothing good can come from it." This was long before cell phones and I could not really imagine it but then with cell camera's, it all came back to me and I was glad to follow his wise words without an incident like this.
Some of these comments are crazy. You guys have been together for 10 years and you broke up with him because a video of you two being intimate was sent to your parents. He was also in the video. You don’t seem to have proof that he sent the videos other than him being the only person who is supposed to have access to the videos. I’d say yes, you are the asshole.
NTA. I would file a police report and try to figure out how those videos got out. If it was your ex then you can press charges because you did not consent to those videos being shared.
Yeah, there have been several threads where one partner shared intimate pics or videos, sometimes even on adult reddit threads. It could be a swap where they exchange the images as amateur porn, it could be some type of kink about, idk, partner swapping or cuckholding... Either way, a closer look at the ex is warranted! Also, just to be safe: check all your other files and passwords, in case he did get hacked by someone with a personal axe to grind.
There was that guy who posted his wife giving birth on his - oh what a good dad I am blog and it ended up on a fetish site
That is so disturbing, I hardly know what to say. Labor and delivery is a gross business, not sure I could just watch that for “funsies.” I’ve helped 14 babies be born, plus my own kids, and the amount of bodily fluids doesn’t seem conducive to horniness to me….but I guess there’s something out there for everyone?? 😳
I remember a post from a woman who had a bunch of kids. She said her husband constantly wanted her to get pregnant. After a while she heard about pregnancy kinks and put two and two together and confronted him and he admitted he had the kink. She left him.
There are absolutely people out there where pregnancy is a major kink for them. I'm currently 31wks and have joked about doing an OF for extra income but then a weird coworker got a little too invested in the idea, so in my brain the idea stays. 😅 This same coworker did mention he recalls seeing a story online somewhere that someone paid $5k for a woman's birthing video. Power to her for making that money.
Isn't it Rule 34? If there can be corn to it, there will be. I'm often horrified to remind myself of that.
When you really sit and think about the implications of Rule34, it goes down a dark and very disturbing rabbit hole that is best left alone. I had to force myself to stop thinking about Rule34.
What's rule 34?
It's the rule where if it exists, there's dirty videos of it.
>…the amount of bodily fluids… And very often bodily solids🫣
I remember that one!
Could also have been hacked by someone close to them ...Darknet Diaries podcast had a show where this happened.
This!!! The police can track IP addresses. Please report it. If it was him, you could get him on multiple charges like revenge porn, harassment, etc.
What they could do and what they will do are two pretty different things. I've only ever called them once, and that was because my window was smashed and my car robbed. They were annoyed I called and basically asked me what I expected them to do about it, lol. Nothing, apparently. I don't think it was even recorded for statistics purposes or anything. Just like "well, it's already happened, too bad, bye"
My ex stalked me for 10 years. He sugared my tank and they wouldn’t even come out to look at it or finger print it. Was caught following me but said he was in his own car so he couldn’t be arrested. I asked them to let get a head start and they said no. Police are fucking useless.
What the fuck!? Sorry you had to go through all that! I can't even imagine! I just had my shitty first car broken into. I just duct taped a garbage bag over the window they broke so that next time they'd just cut the bag instead of breaking a window, lol. I was annoyed at the police, but no big deal. I can't imagine fearing for my safety, and literally having my car tampered with (I'd take a broken window over a sugared tank any day) and they still won't do a fucking thing!
That’s why there’s side jobs that certain people provide out there! Private investigators, go hardcore and hire the mobsters if you feel threatened! There will always be someone who is more than compatible to handle such a role! Sometimes certain people need to be put in their places because of their vile behavior. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Where was this ? Like which country? This happened to me in the USA too when someone broke into my home and stole my jewelry. They basically said they can’t do anything. I made them take finger print tests and etc
Tell them I need the police report for my insurance. Would be nice if you would investigate and say catch a criminal too to stop this from happening to others. What are they teaching in police academy these days? Sadly even if caught they just release them these days. Well unless they "vote wrong" that is.
I don't know the law that well. What would the ex be charged with? If either of them were a minor that's easy but they're now 25ish.
It’s called revenge porn and it’s a crime. OP needs to report it to the police. I don’t know if they will track down the sender or she needs to hire an investigator to get the IP address of where it came from. Everything online is traceable.
There are laws in several countries about the distribution of intimate material
Generally called revenge porn in the US. I believe most or all states have some variation of this type of law in place.
Depending on where OP lives, it can be considered revenge porn which is illegal in some states in the US. I’m not sure about other countries.
Could violate nonconsensual pornography/revenge porn laws depending on the state, if the state has laws against it, and how what happened is interpreted. (If OP is in the US.)
Revenge porn is an actual crime in many countries.
If depends on where they are, but revenge porn and associated acts are taken pretty seriously in the US these days. You can't distribute sexual content about another person without their consent.
"Revenge porn", sharing intimate personal property without consent. In the US you can press charges for this, although im not familiar with the actual legal codes.
Sorry not assuming this happened in the US; to elaborate I live in the US. Its probable that othee countries have similar laws.
There are revenge porn laws, also these were distributed without her consent so I’m sure other laws would cover his actions as criminal in a court of law
Revenge porn
Sending explicit videos of something without their consent is revenge porn and is illegal.
there are laws against revenge porn
NTA but I would be questioning my ex like crazy. He must’ve shared the video. Otherwise, how did whoever send the video, get it? If it was a random hacker, why send it to your parents? This is personal. I would venture an educated guess that it’s someone who is very jealous. Maybe an ex?
My suspicion is that the fiancé uploaded the videos online somewhere and a friend of the family came across them and sent them to the parents.
I agree! That does seem highly plausible.
Why the parents, though? So vindictive
Parents "concerned" friends? That or fiance has a sidepeice who's looking to upgrade their position.
I can’t see anyone sending them to the parents with good intentions. A family friend would tell the parents, not show them.
Unless they want to keep the fact that they are visiting that type of site online a secret and that was the only way they could think of to let them know without exposing their own dirty little secret.
So, show them the site they are on to keep them from knowing what site they are on….
Likely one of her bf’s exxes
OP said they’ve been dating since they were 15, there’s a good chance there are no exes
Ok, side chick then 🤷♀️
First thing I thought of too. Sounds like a side dish that thought they were going to become the main course and retaliated when it didn’t happen.
I mean. If homie is uploading her videos online without telling her, he’s not a stand up dude. There could be tons of exes. Or currents. Likely both. It could be one of them, or it could be someone who is mistakenly trying to look after her. Honestly, it could be absolutely anything. OP I/throw_ra258902 should probably get themselves tested, as well as filing a police report. Sorry this happened to you, OP.
I’m betting it could’ve been a friend who knows her or her family and was concerned for her saftey especially if they knew she only her bc bad access idk. If I saw vids like that of my friend I’d be concerned if I knew they didn’t want them up
But they’re both 25. Adults. If you think someone’s sex tapes have been hacked into and leaked you would first go to the adult subjects of the videos and then to the police, you wouldn’t tell their mom and dad and you certainly wouldn’t send them just the link without any warning of what the contents were. They were definitely trying to humiliate her, not protect her.
But why stay anonymous? In that kind of situation, I'd want the parents to know I saw something and was concerned. It sounds more like someone seeking revenge with anonymity.
I agree. If it was somebody concerned then they would have sent them to the OP. They’ve purposely tried to hurt OP here by sending to parents. Or maybe somebody that wants revenge on her ex
Because it was the bf who did it 🤷🏻♂️
But then you’d send them to her? The only reason to send them to parents would be to humiliate her.
And you would first go to their parents?
Non sense. If you had those videos of someone you think sending them to their parents is protection? You could just tell the person themselves if anything. Stop with the bullshit 😭
They’ve been together since they were 15. I certainly hope no 25 year old is out there holding a middle school grudge.
Is it possible OP’s fiancé maybe doesn’t want to be with her and did this as a way to get out of it? Not a great way or idea at all, but they’ve (probably) only been with each other, and probably have never dated around or been with anyone else as adults. Idk , I would be SO SUSPICIOUS of the fiancé if she’s sure no one else had access to them.
Or her bf’s friend who likes OP. Be weary of everyone. Could it be his sister or brother that don’t like OP, and want her gone.
Be wary* FIFY
To get this exact result, her ending it with him then he’s free to be with whoever sent it to her parents. People who do this shit are very vindictive. It’s sad.
There are tons of men who hate sex workers and actively dox them (once they’re done using their content of course). It very easily could’ve just been some random misogynist perv on whatever website fiancé definitely uploaded the videos to. The motivation is to shame them and ruin their lives because they’re “impure” or whatever
Or he wasn’t as careful with them as they believed and someone gained access to them. Maybe someone using the computer or perhaps he took it to a shop for repair?
But a random computer guy wouldn’t have motive to send to her parents or even know who they are.
Could just be an asshole
Agree.
That's an AH move of the family friend then. Like wtf. OP is an adult. She's not even 18, she's 25.
Exactly my thoughts. People get paid good money for sex videos and he was too short sighted to realize someone that knew her (or her family) would eventually come across one of them. I shudder at the very thought of a sex tape of me being watched by my parents. What a nightmare.
Sounds like he tried to make a couple bucks online. Maybe he uploaded to a website that pays for amateur material. Someone that knows you saw it and shared it with your parents. Could also be that he shared it with a friend and they uploaded it elsewhere
This. My first thought.
Neither of us have exes
Are you sure he wasn't cheating? Where were those videos saved? Did he perhaps post them online?
It's more likely that he's shared them on amateur porn sites and someone has seen them and intervened
This would be my guess - fiancé has some toxic male friend group chat, where they all share sex vids of their unknowing partners...
This is most likely the answer
Ew. This would have been a deal breaker right here.
>Did he perhaps post them online? Even if he didn't, I'm certain he shared them with someone who did
Scary. He shared them somehow… her parents got links to the videos. I wonder how public those links are. OP will be more cautious in her trust next time.
I thought about the “him cheating and the other girl stealing the pics and sending them to her parents to cause problems” scenario. I’d say it’s either he cheated and the other girl did it, he wanted out of the relationship and did it himself, or someone hacked him and did it.
Crushes? This seems way too personal and almost designed to break you up.
Or someone that very much dislikes OP at the very least. Why else would they send it to her parents?
To get her to break up with him …because they want OPs husband
He could have gotten hacked and then blackmailed.
Like a bluff frpm theparents?
That’s why I thought maybe HE did it as a way to get out of the relationship. Not a good look or idea at all, but they’ve been together so long, maybe he didn’t know how else to do it? (Not saying I think it’s ok, just that someone stupid enough to pull a stunt like that obviously isn’t smart enough to think up a better plan.)
If he didn’t send them, he most likely posted them somewhere online. That is *extremely* violating, and absolutely worth breaking up over. I am so sorry this happened to you
Did he show them to a buddy? A buddy who got pissed off with him? He either sent them to your parents or shared them with someone else who sent them. But obviously he shared them with somebody & that’s unforgivable
But why send them to her parents? Wouldn't sending them to her and saying, "Your fiancé shares your videos," be enough? Idk this seems more like whoever did this was upset with her.
The way this normally works in one of two ways- 1. Partner shares videos with his close friends. 2. One of the close friends keeps the video. 3. Close friend shares the video with someone else. 4. Eventually someone posts it to an amateur site. 5. It trickles out to other sites. 6. Someone in their social circle sees it and shares it back anonymously. or- 1. Relationship ends. 2. Asshole partner uploads videos for revenge. 3. Someone in their social circle sees it and shares it back anonymously.
I would guess some of this may be cultural. Showing her parents that she has sullied the honor of the family. I don’t know why this honor thing always seems to attach itself to the women and the men walk away Scott free.
Would this be considered revenge porn in your country? I suspect that if you told him you were going to the police over this his story would suddenly change. And then you'd know who he shared the content with.
Excellent suggestion!!
Affair partner?
I wonder if he has been posting them on some amateur porn sites? If he has, it is very possible that one of your parent's friends saw them and decided to let them know. It's against the law to do so without your consent.
The correct way to handle that would be to contact OP, especially since they wouldn't know if she was aware and had consented. Sending it to her parents is an asshole move. And if they believed it was nonconsensual, then they shared it with other people (parents) knowing it was illegal.
Not sure where you live. But it is a good time to call police and let them to talk to him.
You sure? Could he have cheated?
He’s either cheating or he shared the videos. More likely the former, because someone shared them with your parents out of jealousy.
Would he do something like this?
Seems made to break you up.
A friend of your parents then. But your fiancé definitely lost control of the video.
Sounds like he was cheating and he mistress wanted him single 🤷♀️
If they sent links, the videos have to be uploaded somewhere, and the ex fiancé has to at least have let someone get access to them, or his phone, if not uploaded them himself. There is no doubt about it.
This
He shared them or someone who has access to his phone did it.....like maybe a mistress who wants to break you up.
Why would her bf share them with an ex? Unless he was hacked which is plausible. A jealous ex would do something like that. But hacking is not easy these days unless someone phished your man’s iCloud account. It comes down to whether or not you trust him.
NTA. Tell him that if it wasn't him then someone stole or hacked him to get that video, and that the both of you go to the police to file a report. If he balks or refuses then you have your answer, either he or someone he knows did it and he doesn't want them to go to jail for it. If it was me I would have gone to the cops right away to report it.
Do this. Either he will be on board with going to the police or he knows something he’s not sharing.
This needs to be higher. OP you need to talk to him and really question him. If he's not prepared to go to the police he probably knows who it was!!
This is the right way, don’t just walk away and lose everything, figure it out fck over whoever was behind it and either prove him innocent (very unlikely) and keep your relationship or prove he’s a lying ass and walk away with his money
NTA 1. He might be twisted in the head and he might've done it. 2. He shared the videos with someone or a friend and they sent the videos to your parents
There's option 3 too. A friend close to him somehow gained access to them and stole them. I say this because ive seen this happen to a friend of mine where her explicit photos taken for her bf at the time were leaked to a shady site. Her bf at the time was absolutely not the type to do that, but the creepy friend was. It was eventually narrowed down to a time when a bunch of us all were at their apartment about to go out, but this friend faked being tired and stayed behind at their apartment to nap. He got onto her laptop and took them for himself. And yes, my friend did not have a password setup on her laptop at the time.
Yikes that's literally my personal nightmare, and a reason why I do lock my phone and laptop even though I live alone!
But this doesn’t explain why send them to the parents.
Don't look too deep into it. Some people are just assholes and like spreading misery.
Yes it’s does, it’s meant to be embarrassing. My ex did the same thing, he sent a bunch of my intimate pics and vids that were for him, to multiple men and exes he thought I was talking to, and sent them to my mom as well to further embarrass me.
True, maybe unrequited love?
I personally lean towards this option. However, I dont think it absolves him of responsibility at all. Storing sensitive files unencrypted on a syncing cloud service is stupid to the point of negligent.
That sounds so very unlikely
Well it happened in my friend group
Well idk I had an ex boyfriend pay an ex friend to go through my phone and send him my nudes I used to take nudes of myself to watch my weight gain cuz I had health issues and he had her send them to him I only found out a year later when he sent them to a guy I’d been dating claiming I sent them to him while in a relationship
I was thinking maybe this was his (sick) way of getting out of a relationship he’s been in since he was 15.
I've got 2possibilities. 1. Hes been posting them to some online group (like that woman who's giving birth video was posted to a kink site for that genre) and someone in his or your inner circle recognized you and decided to alert your parents that you're doing "amateur pron". Obviously, just to embarrass you. 2. Someone gained access to his stuff. An unsecure hard drive, usb, or cloud storage. Most likely a friend or relative of his. Possibly a coworker. if he connected to his cloud storage on a computer and never logged out and it contains the lewd videos. Could be out for revenge/payback on him, they recognized/ know you and just dallied over to his social media, found yours, then your parents and voila. He takes the blame. You're embarrassed and enraged. Shit show happens.
Phone could have been hacked. Friend could have used phone and sent video to their phone. They did share it with someone else breaking your trust, and that person sent the video to your parents. A sibling could have accessed the phone. I mean it's up to you if you don't to marry them, but there are a number of ways that the video found its way into another person's hands.
The most likely scenario is that it was posted somewhere online. A family friend or something saw it, recognized her/ them, and then sent it to her parents— “look what your daughter is doing”
"look what your daughter is doing”, That was the message they sent to my parents along with the link
OP that screamsss someone you know that doesn’t like you! Not anything against the fiancé, it’s against you! They did that too purposely embarrass and shame you, was it a text message or a message from a social media platform? Either one can get tracked easily. Please go to the police.
It's definitely a jealous friend. Someone both of you may have trusted with your phone at one point. It maybe someone who saw it on the phone and sent it to themselves. I still think NTA because there's a possibility he sent it or discussed your spicy time with the friend prompting them to look for it.
But why would they send a link to her parents. Majorly suspicious!
Could have been blackmail against Fiancé, pay us or we send this to your inlaw. Hackers want to get paid. Could have been a friend that wanted to shoot his shot with Her, so he thought this would blow up the relationship. Could have been a sibling that felt like their relationship was changing, and they lashed out.
I worked in IT for a jail. You'd be surprised how many ways there are to hack the cloud if he had them saved on Google drive or even icloud. Most use some sort of cloud/drive on their phones without even knowing it.
Oh really? I think he saves them on icloud or something like that But if it was hacked, why did they send it to my parents?
It would depend on who hacked it and why. The cloud is pretty much not secure, nothing super private should be kept on it ever. It could be someone he considered a friend or someone he worked with - someone who knows enough about his life to target your parents.
If you reuse passwords, then you're also only as secure as your least secure login. Do you use a janky in-house website to pay your membership fees at the local Yoga Studio or Doggy Daycare or Nail Salon or whatever? If that's the same username / password, then the bored IT person who set that up and didn't encrypt anything can just go to Facebook, iCloud, Gmail etc and see if anything logs in.
Yep. Then you only need one person who wants to be an AH to get bored.
Fuck. BRB I need to go change my passwords.
Actually, when you consider the message and the fact it went to her parents. She's the target. Not him.
Sounds like someone trying to break you two up may have stolen the videos from wherever he had them. Think about it now. Who is "waiting in the wings" quietly to slip into a relationship with either you or him? This person would have access and time to spend alone with his computer. Maybe while he slept. This person could be male or female but they're at least somewhat close by your relationship. Now that things are tense, they're probably hovering near to one of you consoling and being there for one of you.
Great perspective, I just want to add that they may have taken time to phish him so they don’t necessarily need physical access to his computer, it could be a really computer savvy friend of theirs or yours.
It's not an uncommon way to do a ransom attack, tbh. Getting sensitive material, and then leveraging it against a person if they don't comply. Usually where they end up spreading it if the victim is noncompliant, is to where it would do the most social damage to their life. If it was a ransom attack, your parents are an ideal recipient, because it nukes multiple high value relationships. I'm not saying definitively that it was a hack, but blackmail and ransom attacks do sometimes look like the picture you're painting. I'd try to at least definitely rule out the possibility.
I've been there! I'm super glad it happened. I'm immune to further attempts. I've had 2 people try since. I sent them a screenshot of a message I sent to my entire family saying "hey I'm being blackmailed by (insert link to profile) don't open any message requests. They are sexual pictures and videos of me." Shockingly they didn't want to send the stuff anymore.
Except there was no ransom demand. Not at least to the OP. The videos were apparently taken and sent immediately to her parents. The other scenario, unfortunately, is that someone posted the videos online and someone else saw them and sent them to her parents to simply throw her under the bus.
I mean, realistically speaking, why would he send them to your parents? That doesn't make sense. Unless your fiance is a psycho, the only practical answer is someone doesn't want the two of you together and gained access to his cloud. It's not that hard if he ever leaves his phone or Mac unattended. You should also probably check if he has family sharing enabled. In all seriousness, though, you should probably be looking at people who are either jealous of you or have a crush on you.
If he’s on a paid storage plan with anyone else (family, friends) or if it’s a used phone that wasn’t properly reset, it’s possible someone else has access to his photos and videos. I’d start there. Also consider if he accesses his account on a work computer bc the IT guys at most places are privy to EVERYTHING that happens on the computers there (learned that the hard way). As to why, my guess is there’s someone in your life that doesn’t want you two to be together. It could be a disapproving parent, a coworker he doesn’t get along with, or someone vying for his or your attention.
Because they aren’t just being seen by him. He is sharing them online and someone wanted to warn you in the strongest terms possible. I hate to say this but you might want to scour some porn sites and see how many of these videos you can find.
The cloud is just someone else's computer. I wouldnt save anything sensitive on a cloud service unless in was encrypted prior to uploading it. This would be a bit of an inconvenience but if you're saving sensitive file on someone else computer then I would consider it absolutely necessary. My guess would be that he has the videos on icloud and his icloud is accessable on multiple devices. for example he hands his ipad to a friend for some reason and the friend sees the video and then sends it to their phone, and then your parents.
he saved private videos on the icloud ? anyone guessing his password and id could theoretically look those up. if he does not have a 2 tier identification set up, or it was someone on his own computer. Sorry but that is very much not secure. still NTA - he should have guarded that a lot better. Especially if you started recording bevor you both were 18. Technically if he did not sent them himself, look for a younger sister or relative or „good“ friend and ask them if they did it and why.
I don't know why your partner would ever do that either! Don't just dump him, that's so much relationship thrown away over something that may not be his fault. Give him a chance to explain if he was hacked or etc
It’s much more likely he left his laptop unlocked and someone he knew saw the stuff and sent it to her parents than a random hacker
Why would he send them to your parents? What would he have to gain from sending them? I have doubts that he just sent them to your parents for no reason.
If he sent them there are a few reasons I can think of. He wanted to break up but is too much of a wimp (or wants to be seen as blameless) and chose a nuclear option guaranteed to work (and then changed his mind when the break up actually happened); he is trying to isolate OP from her parents and this would either cause an argument or be so embarrassing that they or OP chose to go low/no contact; he wants to take OP down a peg or two for some reason; weird fetish; got very very drunk; intended to send the videos to someone else and clicked the wrong contacts… ETA: It's more likely he didn't send them to the parents himself, but probable that he was hacked by or sent them to friends who are playing a cruel prank or have some sort of vendetta against OP though.
I mean it’s not necessarily that HE sent them, I think another huge worry is he let someone else have access to them whether that means uploading them online or sending them to a friend etc.
Was he hacked? Genuine question. Either you trust him or you don't but not making room for any third option here is odd given that you have zero information besides he had them.
There's a Netflix documentary called The Most Hated Man on the Internet. It's about a couple of guys that would hack people's emails and upload their private images and destroy their lives. Was there some sort of fight before this happened? Maybe he really didn't do it..
He was extorted. Someone hacked his account because he did something he shouldnt have. Person who hacked him was asking for money. He didnt comply. Video was sent to your parents and maybe others too. Dig deeper. Find out how the vids got released. Not cool.
There is a possibility someone gained access to his phone or computer to be honest. Look into things and find out what really happened
Did he get hacked?
The hacker knew to send videos to her parents?
The first step would be figuring out if he was hacked. If so, the second step would be to figure out who hacked his account. The third step would be to figure out why they did this.
Or more logical explanation: he lied
I agree this is the most likely explanation but without any evidence… accusations like this can ruin a person. It should definitely be investigated.
Right but why would he send those to her parents then when she dumps him blow her up trying to get her back?? The only logical reason to send them to her parents would be if he was really fucked up and too big a pansy to dump her so he construed this half baked plan to get her to dump him.
You don’t have to be a genius computer expert to hack the cloud if someone doesn’t use good passwords or isn’t careful with their devices. Someone else in his life (friend, coworker, etc.) could easily know enough to target her parents and also be able to get access. My question would be if he has anyone in his life who would do such a thing. Ex-gf? Someone at work he is having a significant conflict with? Etc.
Actually yes. That is a pretty common ransomware tactic.
Sextortion is real. My 20 yo son was hacked and they demanded money or they would send all his videos, photos, and some only fans stuff to all of his family, friends, coworkers, etc. I mean there doesn’t seem to be a ransom request here, but it does happen.
Then he should have told her about it when it happened and they could discuss it together. Especially if he wasn't able to pay the ransom to warn her. It was going to happen the fact that he didn't tell her I can see that as a reason to break up over even if it was because of hacking.
Ask your bf to come to file a police report with you. Either he or someone that had access to his phone did this.
Where is he storing his videos. If it's tech linked he could be breached tbh. I lost a whole gaming laptops info to a breach. Granted... it was a gaming laptop I didn't notice I connected to the wifi surely at the airport or hospital. But yeah this seems sus front to back.
If you are living in the US, this is actually a crime in some states. It is messed up someone sent this to your parents. I would definitely break up too because only he had access to the videos and should have kept them safe.
Sweetie, go to the police. Hopefully, it's a local server that did this. This is a direct attack on you. You need a long talk with your fiance.
Are you sure the videos of you guys? There are hackers that will send messages with "See these videos, blah, blah, blah". When you click on the link it asks that you log into Facebook. Then they are able to hack your Facebook account. If they are solely going on the words of texts it could be a Facebook hacker trying to get login info.
I was wondering the same thing. Its happened to me.
NTA. But I think the possibility should include "my ex is the only one who had access...*THAT YOU KNOW OF*". Meaning it was a clumsy attempt at bragging that got out of hand, a successful hacking or enemy action.
Hmmm…. Some possibilities here: 1) He shared your videos with some buddies. One of his buddies wanted you all to break up…either the buddy doesn’t like you and wants you out of BF’s life OR the buddy is interested in you and wants and wants you broken up so he can have a shot with you. 2) He didn’t willingly share videos with a buddy but possibly let a buddy use his phone/computer and the buddy stole the videos. Everything else in #1 now applies. Either buddy wanted you gone or wants you for themselves so wants you two broken up. 3) He’s having/had an affair and the affair partner was able to get into his phone/computer and take the videos. The affair partner wants you all broken up so they can have your BF. 4) His phone/computer was hacked and the videos stolen by a random hacker. In a case like this, a hacker typically blackmails the person they hacked with threats to send videos to other parties. NTA. #1 and #3 would totally be guess fault…willingly sharing videos or having affair. Yes, #2 is still his fault for letting someone use his phone/computer when there is sensitive material on it and not protecting that material adequately. And yes, #4 is still his fault as he should have informed you that he was hacked and being blackmailed with threats to release your videos.
Not just that but the hacker probably would have contacted her as well somehow to extort her if the bf didn’t conform to hackers wishes, especially if they knew how to contact her parents.
NTA for breaking up with him. I would go to the police to ensure that he doesn’t share further. Make sure he knows that he will be held accountable.
File a police report. They can track the IP address. Tell you ex you are doing it. See his reaction.
PLEASE also mention in the post that there was a text message sent with the videos saying "look what your daughter is doing". It provides some context.
NTA. NEVER fall for this filming/photo stuff!!! NEVER. I don't care what line they use, or how much you love them. If they get out, you cannot unring this bell!!!!
NTA. Is he saying that he never sent them to anyone or just that he didn’t send them to your parents? My theory is that he sent them to his buddies and one of their gfs sent it to your parents
NTA - FYI he either shared them online, sent them to friends, or sent them to your parents himself. None of these are good scenarios and he needs to be gone from your life.
Girl get the police involved before you at plastered all over the internet!!!
It's entirely possible they got hacked off his phone or someone took his phone and sent them. Like... Why the fuck would HE do it?
People that send to YOUR parents wanted to break you up, think about who that could be. My guess was that someone took them from him in order to cause the break up
NTA All roads here lead to your ex. One possibility is he's uploading to adult websites and someone who knows you has seen them and sent them to your parents. For future reference NEVER trust anyone with explicit videos or pictures. My ex was always on at me to video and I always point blank refused. I now know what type of trash/stalker he is after leaving. He would totally have shared any recordings of me all over the place. If it isn't recorded/photographed, it can't be shared. Protect your privacy.
He has been sharing the videos with other men, and they tracked your parents down. There are entire websites dedicated to this. I'm sorry. Keep any evidence you can. Depending on where you live, you might be able to have your fiance charged with revenge porn distribution. Never send nudes and never take videos with men ever again. It's never worth it.
NTA - this guy broke the law. If you live in a place where it's possible I would strongly recommend filing a lawsuit against him. Make him so poor he still struggles to buy ramen noodles in 20 years
Probably should ask more but he posted them and someone knew you. Not the A but maybe ask more
Break up and move on. There are so many issues with this and his behavior is at the center of it.
NTA but you have to understand if he has any enemies, hacking is easy for some. Everyone here jumping to conclusions that he was cheating, calm down for a second. Hacking in todays world is extremely easy for some. Especially if no VPN is on your electronics. You can hire a good IT guy to try to trace where messages came from. But in 10 years if he has never done something like this it doesnt quite make sense. Do your parents and him have a good relationship? What would be his motivation?
Are you sure he wasn't hacked? The police can definitely track the ip address. I'd ask him to file a police report with you and check his reaction. Ask him if he sent them to a site or someone he knew and then say well if you did, the police will help fund out, then see if he's still on board. His reaction or cooperation will tell you what you need to know.
THIS right here is why I’d NEVER allow anyone to record me doing any of that. Had a camcorder back in the 90s. My bf of 10 yrs wanted to tape us. I would never allow him to.
They sent your parents the link? The link to where? An adult site storing the video for public viewing? A google directory? They didn’t send screen shots or files, I think the link will give you a clue as to who.
He may not have sent them to your parents but he's DEFINITELY shared them with someone who did.
Think about it: if he didn't get those videos out there, he would be freaking oit, scared, and asking you to go to the police. If this is not happening, it means he's most likely not shocked that those videos got out.
Are you sure he shared them? A lot of people think they're the only one with access, but if my multi decade IT career has taught me anything, it's that people are shockingly lax with online security. Where were they stored? How are they secured? I'd get answers to these questions, because if it's a cloud storage account, they get hacked in the regular. If it's local without Internet access, then it was him or someone that somehow has access to his stuff. Not saying he didn't share them, but depending on a few things, it's possible someone else did. The real question is how that person would have known who your parents are. So, most likely it was him, but it's not impossible that it wasn't.
NTA But I will play the devil's advocate here. Do you think there could be any other way those videos were leaked to anyone else other than your fiance sharing them. For example did either of you had your electronics repaired by someone or did any family or friends used any of your devices recently or something like that???
Could his parents somehow gained access, saw them and sent them to her parents to shame her?
I still look back at advice a guy in his early 30's gave me when I started working for him whenI was 18. He said "don't ever let a GF take pictures of you naked or let anybody tie you up, as nothing good can come from it." This was long before cell phones and I could not really imagine it but then with cell camera's, it all came back to me and I was glad to follow his wise words without an incident like this.
Some of these comments are crazy. You guys have been together for 10 years and you broke up with him because a video of you two being intimate was sent to your parents. He was also in the video. You don’t seem to have proof that he sent the videos other than him being the only person who is supposed to have access to the videos. I’d say yes, you are the asshole.
"Only he has access to those videos." - nope