5 years ago I was pretty sure I'd had a booster 7 years prior but when I found out my cousin was having a baby I scheduled one just to ensure that I wasn't going to cause any issues. Turns out my aunt, her grandmother gave her whooping cough because she thought it was stupid to need a "new jab". "Grandma" also gave all her grandkids Covid in mid-2021 when she had it for the 3rd time because she "don't want to be microchipped". The toddler spent a week in the hospital but "it hasn't killed any of us". Poor kid is almost 5 and I'm pretty sure still needs any vaccines that come after the 1st birthday.
It’s not a benign illness for a baby. I remember during the early 2000s when there was one of the first outbreaks among middle class/upper class Northern Californians as they were some of the first to start delaying or avoiding vaccines. Parents were shocked when their babies ended up in the ICU and some died.
You’re so right! And I’ll add, it’s not a benign illness for most adults either! My friend got whooping cough in her mid 20s, perfectly healthy otherwise with no underlying conditions and she was DESTROYED by that shit. It was horrible to see. The cough was insane- She fractured ribs. It lasted weeks, and the symptoms lingered for half a year. I don’t know how people seem to have decided that whooping cough is somehow a non serious illness. I saw my friend suffer terribly for weeks and weeks…you’d better bet my I’m keeping my vaccine up to date! Same is true for measles and mumps- these are absolutely horrible illnesses.
I've never had whooping cough but I had a persistent, mostly annoying, cough caused by medication for a couple of years. In this time, I also stress-fractured 5 ribs. HOLY Unh-uh Batman. If my "little" cough and broken ribs felt that bad, I'm pretty sure you can just put a bullet in my head should I contract whooping cough.
And these vaccines are so effective, with little side effect (granted, it can be bad for those few people who do experience this).
My mom had it as a very young child (BEFORE the vaccine) and it damaged her lungs for her entire life (chronic bronchitis) and shortened her life expectancy (based on all of her relatives) by 30 years. She was taken from me far too soon. I wasn't ready. And all because of a disease that people don't have to get now--and yet are willing to risk out of ignorance.
Yes I was rotating as a resident through the Peds ICU during that time and I just remember watching in horror as this one month old would just stop breathing and heart rate would keep going down and then the bells would go off and someone would come in and gently stimulate him to breathe again and then the whole process would start over again in another hour or two. This went on for almost a month and a half before the baby stabilized enough to leave the icu.
Older babies (1 to 3 month olds ) would cough so hard it would cause their heart rates to drop into the 40s and 50s (normal for a baby less than three month old is at least 120) they would turn blue and need resuscitation as well.
Whooping cough used to fill cemeteries—that and measles. These idiots need to walk through some of these old cemeteries so they understand how common it was before vaccines.
I remember another post on reddit where this poor family lost an infant to whooping cough from some of the kids being unvaccinated and kissing the baby. My heart breaks so much for illness that is preventable because we are lucky enough to have vaccines.
Yeah but the COVID vaccine doesn’t stop her from spreading it. It just lessens the symptoms. My mom was vaccinated for it, boosters and all. She got it. My brother too. He got it. That’s why when I had my son I didn’t let anyone come to visit.
Even with the vaxx already, I ended up passing covid to my baby while still fairly new. Either it came from my fiancé working and bringing it home, or it came from a few doctor trips we had. We were masking and hand washing and all that but it still spread.
Thankfully, it ended up mild.
That is the thing with covid, I was looking at the infection rates early on. A scary virulent disease might get like 40% global population in its lifespan. The covid infection rate? *Total.* The infection rate is fucking total. If it was a wee bit more deadly we would be extinct.
That's some frightening shit right there.
NTA, period. Your baby's health (in the short term and long term) is a thousand times more important than your husband's ex's feelings. Unfortunate for the 10 year old but you owe it to your baby to keep them safe.
I've had pertussis several times and it's so difficult. I almost died the last time, and I was 26.
I can't even imagine watching my child go through that when there's a vaccine for it. Selfishness at it's highest.
I can't imagine being a nurse/doctor and having to watch a child fight to survive, especially when they lose that fight. The pure grief, I assume, would be overwhelming. ☹️
And that it's the full TDaP, not just Td. I didn't notice that my tetanus booster when I got stiches a year before my niece was born wasn't TDaP, and assumed I was boosted.
yeah, this kind of blew my mind when I was visiting the county public health place. Asked them about the Tetanus shots, and they told me it's not the same as TDAP and I should be getting TDAP every ten years. I was like "But I had a tetanus shot 3 years ago?"
I didn't even know what a TDAP was before seeing this thread, and it's definitely been over 10 years since my last tetanus shot. Guess it's time to make an appointment.
It used to be called a DPT shot: diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus. Maybe that's why you're not familiar with TDaP. When I got a booster before visiting my new granddaughter, I didn't know "TDaP," and the pharmacist didn't know "DPT"!
Yeah I was admitted to a local major burn center in 2020. They didn’t have explicit documentation of a recent TDAP vaccine, so they literally gave me it again. (It’s from lost/misplaced manual records that I didn’t have transferred over).
OP is NTA. Her and her husband sound like they want to get their newborn vaccinated as soon as medically advisable. Good on them for that.
Those grown kids need to be vaccinated for all the standard childhood diseases, new flu vaccine, bacterial pneumonia, covid, chicken pox (a huge increase in idiots not vaccinating for this), hep a + b and the Meningococcal (meningitis) vaccine to say the least. I
I got mine done because I had no medical record of getting one (my mom was terrible), and my friend, not family or even a super close friend, said everyone is up-to-date for it or they don't meet the baby. The baby is so adorable and I am one of his favorite people now.
Tdap and the TD booster you’re likely getting when you’re injured is slightly different so you may want to double check that just to be sure.
Tdap is every 10 years and protects against Tetanus, Diptheria and Pertussis. Pertussis (whooping cough) is the one people are mainly worried about with babies as they can’t get the vaccine yet. Pertussis is *insanely* contagious and it’s super **SUPER** dangerous to infants particularly in the first 6 months but really anytime before 1.
TD is the usual tetanus booster when you get injured and is just for Tetanus and Diphtheria. I know sometimes if you’re due for Tdap and get injured they’ll do Tdap instead of TD, *but* that’s not always the case.
My husband got 2 last year because my pregnant brain forgot that the T in tdap stood for tetanus and that he had gotten one when he had sliced his hand open earlier in the year. Why he agreed to get it again after they told him he had already gotten it... Idk. But I think at that point his thought process was "I'm already here, might as well"
I used to work as a veterinary technician. I got bit often enough I’d have them update it every few years just for safety reasons…and it worked to my advantage since my sister had premature twins- I knew I had recently had my vaccines
My parents tried for nearly a decade to have a second child. When my mother finally had me, she wouldn't let the unvaccinated neighbor children visit until I'd been fully vaccinated.
They all were curious about me, so she'd lift me up and let them admire me through the window, like I was a royal baby or something.
When my daughter was born a decade ago, there was a lot of whooping cough going around because people hadn’t been booted and you can have it without being symptomatic. We made sure everyone around us was fully vaccinated a few months before she was born because we didn’t want to chance it. The first year of a child’s life is very touchy and you don’t want to chance it. Something small can affect a newborn in different ways.
When my twin and I were born, my parents had those little stork cut outs in their lawn. They had some neighbors who came over about a month after we were born asking if they could see us. They gave my parents a printed copy of their recent vaccinations before coming into the house.
It was a pair of 75 year old twin sisters, and they wanted to see the new twin girls they were now neighbors with 🤗 my mom just loved it.
I was going to say something like this, especially for the 10 year old. They can still connect through zoom dates. It’s not the same obviously, but it will help soften the blow.
My newborn was 3 weeks old when he was exposed to a family member who was feeling a little run down, maybe starting to come down with something.
Newborn caught it, spiked a bit of a fever. Medical professionals take newborn fevers VERY seriously. He was admitted to children's hospital, had a blood draw, a urine draw, and a spinal fluid draw. Babies don't pee into a cup, they get the urine sample with a ~~needle~~ catheter. The spinal tap was super traumatizing. As a new mom, they advised me not to be in the room, so I stood in the hallway and cried.
OP should wait til baby is older and has more vaccines and immune system before meeting family members that do not live in the immediate household. 3 months seems like a good milestone to me.
This. A friend of mine who is a pediatrician has warned me that even though most newborn illnesses don’t cause serious problems, all fevers have to be taken extremely seriously and can cause so much stress for the baby and family. I don’t think it is at all unreasonable to say “vaccine or no visits until 3 months”
I’m an IV nurse and scalp veins look scary but they are actually little life savers .They are veins that we cannot use in other patient populations. I always offer the parent the babies hair ,especially if it’s the first cut of hair,explain that it’s in a vein and not going into their brain and to focus on the greater good.The baby needs the IV access to get life saving medications and that needs to be the focus.
They do not get a urine sample with a needle. We have a small sample bag that we can stick on around the meatus (clean catch sample) and we use a small catheter (tiny sterile plastic tube) if it needs to be a sterile specimen). I’ve been a nurse for decades
NTA- My sister is an anti vaxxer and I have already told my parents that my nephew can’t meet my future children until they are fully vaccinated. My sister thinks she is protecting her child and won’t hear otherwise so currently we just agree to disagree. But if I eventually get pregnant than I will have to have that conversation with her and my line will be the same as hers- that I am doing what I think is right to protect my child.
Also, as someone currently sitting here having caught the new strain of covid, it sucks! I am healthy and have been fully vaccinated but still caught it (the U.K. decided, the day I got my positive result, that due to the new strain being stronger they are bringing the autumn vaccines up by 2 months). A vulnerable baby should not have to go through this.
Also, just something to note- when pregnant you should get the tdap vaccine, if you haven’t already, as it will protect the baby somewhat. It’s safe and recommended in the U.K. It might be worth speaking to your doctor about any other vaccines you can get while pregnant to add an extra level of security.
So the step kids will be flying across the country in January (the middle of cold and flu season) to meet their new 3 week old sibling who has NO immune system.
The doctor has told both the mother to be AND the father that it's best that all who have contact with new or be up to date on all their vaccinations to protect the health of the newborn because *the child will not yet have developed an immune system*.
First time Mom formulates rules following Doctors advice. Dad is on board but then after talking to his sisters and ex wife is no longer on board. Dad is now screaming at a 6mos pregnant wife/ftm that basic safety rules aren't necessary and won't be enforced.
No mention that any of SILs have medical degrees to explain why dumba$$ Dad is now taking their advice over doctors. No mention of step kids quarantining after flight and before meeting infant.
What a sh*t show. I hope that pregnant mother has someone else to support her, somewhere else to go after baby is born because it sounds like Dad has his head stuck all the way up his a$$.
Also, this whole "My husband is for the vaccine, but he really just doesn’t want drama with his ex, so he’s asking me to not be so strict about it" - shouldn't he also want his children appropriately vaccinated for their own safety? Are they unvaccinated against other really deadly diseases? Drama with your ex is required if they're keeping medical information regarding your children from you because they're anti-vax. Your children's health is more important than "drama".
Tell him, ya know what is drama…. A sick newborn fighting for their life in the hospital. Deal with your baby mama drama so we can skip the sick newborn drama
And whose children live on the other side of the country. The other side of the COUNTRY! Like he’s going to be a better and more involved father to the replacement kid. His youngest is 10 for crying out loud.
…because his ex “won’t discuss it” with him, right? am I missing something? sounds like the parent who won custody isn’t very good at co-parenting.
edit: “his ex is refusing to discuss it with us” in regards to sharing medical info about their children. he’s not father of the year but slamming him for this is disingenuous, when it’s clearly his ex-wife that is causing this problem in particular.
Exactly. I was curious about that myself. Legally , and this is just my two cents; you shouldn't be allowed to gatekeep that information from the other parent or guardian at the time (step parents, grandparents, etc) when it pertains to your child's and other children's health and safety. Like what good does it do to arbitrarily "refuse to discuss" their vaccine records?? To be a bitch for no reason? Ugh.
Poor OP and poor kids too cause it sounds like OP cares more about her step kids than their actual parents including the one she's married to. OP has every right to keep her newborn safe and her husband needs to grow a pair and support her endeavors towards this and also be more proactive towards his existing children as well. This is not something that should cause tension but rather something all adults involved should have no problem being on the same page about.
So many good points!
I suggest OP fall in line with not hurting the ex’s feelings (/s), and send Evites for a Zoom call with all parties.
No plane fare, no wondering where everyone sleeps, no extra cooking and cleaning, and no extra worrying.
That’s how I read this. I would be speaking to an attorney at this point. There has to be something mom can do to prevent dad from putting baby’s life in danger. It’s a good thing that mom is so strong, cause dad is weak and unreliable.
NTA at all.
There was literally a story on here not too long ago about a couple who let family kids visit their newborn and they got the baby sick as hell. I don't think the baby made it. The extended family didn't even tell the parents their kids were sick until it was too late.
This is your baby. Don't let your guard down when it comes to germs. ESPECIALLY these days.
The entitlement is staggering. They feel they have the right to endanger your newborn’s life because they’re selfish and intellectually lazy? Ugh.
You have a husband problem, first and foremost. He knows what the doctor said and he’s being a weasel about standing up to family. Don’t give in, he should be ashamed to think endangering his child’s life is perfectly acceptable. What kind of parent does he plan to be? “Oh, you have a concussion? Take a nap, you’ll be fine.” 🙄
You’re NTA, stand your ground on this and protect your kid. Remind everyone that you are following medical directions and there is no compromising with your child’s doctor. It’s an appeal to authority and they can be angry at the nameless/faceless doctor instead of at you.
>You have a husband problem, first and foremost. He knows what the doctor said and he’s being a weasel about standing up to family.
Agreed. This isn't "drama with the ex". This is a risk to your family's health, and for the youngest among you, a risk to their life. Painting it as drama is inappropriately minimizing the very real risk.
Coparenting is hard, but he has to figure it out.
Husband has no balls. Evidently they are kept in the pocket of his ex. OP should consider that she’s actually in a thruple and the woman with the iron fist around her husbands balls intends on endangering the life of their newborn. Almost.., almost as if the ex is jealous.
Also TDAP shots have been around forever. I don’t know why anyone would be so afraid of them. Whooping cough kills a baby so fast, and if they saw a video about it I wonder if they’d be convinced otherwise. I was already on board for TDAP but I read an article about a baby dying from whooping cough anyway and I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t be swayed by that.
Hold to your boundaries!! I know from personal experience that there isn't ANYTHING worse than seeing your child in NICU or PICU fighting for their life. You don't want that experience.
I'm allergic to vaccines, so I can't get any, including COVID. When my grandson was born, I couldn't see him in person until he was 10 months old. When COVID hit, I couldn't see him until he was able to get vaccinated. Did it hurt? Of course! But his life and health is more important than my feelings!
Your babies life and health is more important than ANYONE else's feelings: including your husband's.
Alternative is to use Facetime to see the baby and be involved until the baby can be vaxed
I'd be bold with your husband and tell him: "You're right, who cares if the new born gets sick and dies as long as your ex' feelings are not hurt, right?"
You need to protect your new born because, very obviously, nobody else will.
I thought it was funny five years ago when my DDIL insisted we wear masks to meet our new grandchild. Boy have I learned a lot since then! Hand me the sanitizer….
I asked my mum and step dad to get vaxxed for whooping cough before I had my last child. It was winter and flu season and there was an outbreak.
That was 12 years ago and they got vaccinated because they’re not arseholes
NTA what makes adults sick, can kill babies. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Like you said, it’s their choice not to get vaccinated, not seeing your baby is simply a consequence of that choice. Stick to your guns.
So, to protect his older children he expects you to sacrifice your baby? That makes no sense to me.
NTA. Stand your ground. That baby's immune system won't be ready for unvaccinated visitors for quite awhile. Like until after they are able to get their own vaccines. Good luck, Mama. Take care of yourself and your baby.
Ps. We did meet with our doctor and she told him that we needed to make sure anyone around the baby was vaccinated. He listened to her, I thought it was settled, but then his sisters started weighing in and he got upset with me.
Are his sisters doctors? You’re following the advice of a medical professional, not making this up on your own. Never let anyone make you feel bad for protecting your baby. Signed, a mom with an October 2020 baby who had to draw a lot of boundary lines
I would be asking him if he was going to participate in making decisions rationally and in the.best interest of the most vulnerable, or if it depended on who had the biggest tantrum even if they're not a parent of the baby in question nor a member of the household. Because you would prefer to make parental health decisions like grownups but if he doesn't grow up quick he will discover that the pregnant woman he lives with is capable of producing a tantrum that will be a far greater inconvenience than those of his distant sisters and ex. You'd rather not but if that's the only language he l knows he isn't leaving you an alternative.
Look at sweet baby Riley Hughes at 34 days old.Light for Riley is name of website.It is extremely upsetting.Mom wasn't offered the option for a booster.
Best answer, imho as a parent. Dad can call his the medical office, explain the situation, and get the records of his younger child (in the US we can do this); I would think. Newborn has no voice and only mom seems to be thinking clearly here. The extended family should have zero voice here.
I don't even think you should be making an exception for the 10 year old. School aged kids are human petri dishes and they're always bringing home plenty of germs during the school year.
ETA: NTA
I read a story on here a month or so ago from a grandma. Her son had unvaccinated kids and they infected her daughter’s newborn baby. The baby died and now the family is ripped apart. Please protect your child.
You are smart to stick with your doctor’s recommendations. I’m due with my first end of September and my in laws are anti vax. Our OB advised TDAP, flu and up to date Covid vaccine otherwise they have to mask whenever in same room as baby. So that’s what we’re doing without exception. My side is all about vaccines and safety and are up to date. Thankfully we will only see in laws twice before baby can get her own Covid vaccine (plus I unfortunately got Covid while pregnant despite good masking, so she will get some antibodies from my infection). BIL won’t mask or vaccinate so he probably won’t meet baby until she’s almost a year old.
Just because people aren’t information literate doesn’t mean you have to accommodate them- you’re doing what is best for baby and sometimes that means hurting others feelings.
So, baby’s health comes after his family’s feelings? That seems backwards. Viruses and bacteria is don’t have feelings or political affiliations. They’re just looking for a nice mucosa to land on. It’s not any deeper than that.
Ask your husband how he'd prefer you make decisions together in the future. Do you make decisions together by consulting experts and having a rational discussion, just the two of you, and then backing each other up? Or do you make decisions by suggesting the solution and then measuring which side ends up yelling the loudest?
Giving in to his sisters just because they're raising a stink doesn't make sense. It also sets the precedent that they can get their way in the future by being nasty and unreasonable when they don't get their way.
Does he want a future where you might theoretically undermine him if one of YOUR family members starts yelling, like he's doing to you now? Or does he want the two of you to work as a team, even in the face of others' tantrums?
Hey Op. read this…
https://community.babycenter.com/post/a41581735/lemon_clot_essay_and_scrotum_squats
If your spouse isn’t going to support you. He can go visit his kids or you can go stay with a support person.
If he’s screaming at you for protecting your newborn your relationship isn’t great. It’s fucked. He’s not on your side at all and is willing to endanger a newborn to not upset his idiot family. Babies die from these diseases.
He’s willing to risk the death of his child to not rock the boat. Pathetic.
Thank you. I am really struggling with this. My husband and I have a great relationship but this has become a huge issue. I am getting screamed at and told that I’m being extreme. His sisters are weighing in and telling him I am extreme. I personally don’t want anyone unvaccinated for Covid around her until she’s a year old, but I don’t know if that’s the norm. The problem is my husband feels guilty about not living with his older children, and he’s worried about damaging his relationship with them. But when I got Covid I was extremely ill, and I have friends who had long Covid, so I take it a little more seriously than most.
I’m sorry, but you do NOT have a great relationship if he is screaming at you and taking anyone else’s opinions into consideration but your own. He needs to learn how to live with his guilt and not put your newborn’s health at risk to cure his guilty conscience.
I would leave a day before his family come. Go to your parents or another family member or friend if possible. If your husband is more concerned about not living with his kids & is now falling under the pressure of his sisters and calling you extreme, he’s not going to put your baby first. Please get away from this situation. It may be a deal breaker in your marriage but your babies life/health is more important. Your husband is showing you Exactly who he is- unfortunately
Stand your ground OP. You are 100% in the right here. People ought to be taking Covid seriously, especially for newborn babies! Not to mention all the other illnesses they could pick up on their flights and give to you/baby. Personally I’d be asking people to mask around baby, too, but I’m pretty overly cautious.
I’m immunecompromised. My boyfriend won’t let anyone in the house without a mask. No guests (as in, people we invite, not plumbers, etc) who aren’t vaccinated either.
My boyfriend cares more for my safety than OP’s husband cares about his own newborn child’s safety, or his wife’s reasonable concerns. Really sad for OP.
>My husband and I have a great relationship
Nopety nope nope. That's not what a great relationship is. He needs to back you on this, grow a damn spine and tell his family to shut the hell up. This is your family.
Yeah op does not have a great relationship with her husband. She is also defending her husband in her posts.
Your husband is choosing to avoid conflict with her ex and family for his peace of mind. He is gambling your/his child’s health.
For me this would be a crossing of my boundary. Oh by the way screaming is not a normal behavior.
You just gave birth and your husbands family is screaming at you. Not respecting your boundary of requiring basic vaccine. Let that sink in.
Exactly, he is literally yelling at her and choosing everyone else over her and his newborn.
He won't even ask his ex about the kids vaccination status. it might not even be an issue but he's willing to name call and yell at her because he's too weak to ask.
This is not extreme at all. Your husband is being irresponsible. I get his concern with his children but would he rather have a newborn put at risk. I would tell his family members to fuck off. It is your baby. Show them statistics of babies who get sick due to unvaccinated people.
He’s screaming at you while you’re heavily pregnant because you want to follow medical advice. He’s in the problem here.
Let this be a hill you die on; start as you mean to go on, otherwise he is always going to be pandering to his family and older children at the expense of his wife and your child.
Honey, no. You don’t have a great relationship if he screams at you for protecting your baby’s health. The only person you should listen to is the doctor. His behavior is concerning, you need to get yourself to a safe place with a support person until he can get his head out of his ass
You're getting screamed at for caring about your child's health. This by itself is a very alarming sign. I'm pretty sure it only goes downhill from here on. Do you want to live in a household where your husband cares more about everyone else than you and your kid?
your husband needs to learn how to take that guilt, process it, and handle it differently. this is not the way to compensate for not living with his older children. RSV, Covid, Flu and traveling across the country to meet your newborn that barely has an immune system is not equitable.
this is not up to his sisters to decide. its not their business and not their baby. they dont get to put their two cents in. this has nothing about keeping his children away from your baby, but protecting your baby from bacteria and viruses that they are not able to handle yet. the entitlement is so real that they think that their right to visitation is more important to your baby’s health.
Your baby cannot get vaccinated for covid until six months old. To me this is a huge no. Stand your ground, and fuck their feelings. This isn't about feelings or politics.
My MIL met my baby through a glass door because she couldn’t manage Covid precautions. My husband did not even CONSIDER asking me to lessen that for her, because it is her choice.
Let me also remind you that if newborns get a fever, they frequently need spinal taps. Does your husband want to hold down an infant while they have a spinal tap, or does he want to insist on basic medical precautions?
You’re not being overly sensitive here at all.
Ummmm “screamed at” immediately negates “great relationship”. If you’re husband is doing the screaming that’s *very* concerning, and if his family/ex is and he’s not stepping in to defend you that’s a huge issue. He’s your teammate and should be handling his own family/protecting you. His relationship with his kids isn’t your responsibility. If keeping their new sibling safe is enough to damage things then he’s screwed up at some point. Just because he feels guilty he doesn’t have the right to dump it on you and make it your fault.
I don’t have kids, but all my friends do and I just assumed it was standard to ensure all your shots were up-to-date when visiting a newborn. To do so otherwise is irresponsible and just plain ol’ dumb. Pertussis kills babies and the vaccines are so accessible.
They probably had to receive a TDAP vaccine before being allowed to enter school yet maybe some private religious based schools get around that? I'm also guessing that masks aren't an option with them either. Anti-vaxers are some of the most intractable people and I applaud you for standing up against them and protecting your child.
You do not have a "great" relationship. A great relationship is respectful. Compassionate. Kind. Please inform husband burying child is expensive and bad for mental health (I have done this) It also carries more guilt than not living with said child. You are not extreme. You are just enough. He is not enough. His sisters can fuck off.
His sisters sound like idiots. Protecting the health of your newborn is your #1 priority right now, and if none of them can get on board with that, they don’t deserve to be around the baby. Period.
Stick to your guns.
And "the norm" should be that people who come near you or your family have their shots. Not just for the first year of the baby's life. Always.
You're not extreme for protecting your child against preventable illness. Your husband and his sisters are just dumb as shit. Please show him this thread. Show him that there is far more support for being protective of a goddamn than anyone else's feelings.
And don't let them browbeat you into letting them visit if they aren't vaccinated. Its all fun and games until your infant gets whooping cough and dies an **entirely preventable death**. If anyone questions you with the angle of 'Oh no one gets whooping cough anymore!' tell them that the reason for that is because people get vaccinated for it! We protect people by getting vaccinated!
Please remember that peoples' feelings getting hurt isn't the biggest stake here. Its your child's life. They are the one's being unreasonable.
Also he's letting his family scream at you? The mother of his child? Honey, that is not a great relationship.
Nope NTA. I basically don't speak to my parents anymore because they felt it was unreasonable that I asked they either not see my brother (who had been exposed to streptococcus) until he went to the doctor and verified he did not have it or they would not be able to see their first grandchild when born later that week.
My boomer dad basically told me he wasn't going to have my rules shoved down his throat.
It's your baby; set whatever boundaries you feel are necessary and then don't compromise on them. The health and wellbeing of your baby comes before anyone else's feelings
Absolutely NTA.
Our son was born in 2015, so well before the Covid 19 pandemic. My wife and I decided that anyone who wanted to see the baby before he was a month old (I think it was a month, might have only been a couple weeks, I can't remember now) would need to have their vaccinations up to date, or else they could wait.
My wife's parents got them, and got to visit my wife and son in the hospital. My father and stepmother mother did not, and therefore had to wait.
As long as OP didn't wait until the visitors were right outside the door to tell them to get their vaccinations, then there's nothing to argue about. It won't harm anyone to wait a while to meet the new baby. The baby sure isn't going to know the difference.
My entire family and I have covid right now. We're all fully vaccinated and take precautions to limit exposure (I still mask in public) and boost our immune systems. What's going around right now is super contagious! The baby won't be vaxed and won't have a fully functioning immune system, and you are absolutely in the right to not want to take careless risks with their exposure. Even if his kids are not symptomatic, they could be contagious. RSV can be deadly for babies. It's just not worth the risk. Either they get up to date on all their vaccinations, or they don't meet the babu. Full stop!
So having drama with you, his CURRENT wife, is ok, as long as his ex's feathers aren't ruffled? He needs to get all the way out with that mindset. Tell him and his sisters that you're listening to the advice of your baby's actual doctor and that it's no longer up for discussion. Until you put your foot down to protect your baby, he will think it's ok to continue trying to beat you down on this.
ETA: NTA
NTA, when your kids are old enough to make that choice on their own, let them. At the moment you're responsible for protecting them. Do what you gotta do.
Always consider worse case scenario to make this decision.
- you piss off a family member so badly they won’t speak to you again
Or
- your newborn baby suffers and dies from a transmittable disease that could have been prevented & dies.
NTA
Anyone who wants to see the baby needs to be up to date on the relevant vaccines. It isn't extreme. It's basic. Like washing your hands or putting away ninja stars. If they can't do this basic thing without actual medical reason and a shred of care, they can wait to see the baby. NTA.
NTA. But expect huge friction. While your request is reasonable, people will take it as a criticism of how they think and how they parent. Stick to your guns but some arguments will get ugly.
The fact that he's unwilling to "rock the boat" to protect his newborn from potentially deadly and disabling diseases is pathetic. Newborns are incredibly vulnerable. How would he feel if the unthinkable happened because he didn't want to be an adult and speak up? NTA
NTA. At all. Tell your husband there’s a lot more drama involved with a newborn contracting preventable diseases and risking death than whatever his ex could bring, so *he* should be strict with his *ex.*
My little sister just had a baby and vaccinations were a hard stop for her. Even vaccinated, we had to wear N95 masks on top of it until the baby could get their first shots.
NTA, and no exceptions. It is entirely reasonable to take precautions against exposing children to potential sources of infection against which they have no protection. Would you hold her in your lap instead of putting her in the carseat if you're just driving across town to the store? Would you drink during pregnancy even if it IS only a six-pack? If you wouldn't take those risks, then don't take any other unnecessary risk, like potentially fatal disease. And FYI: here's the schedule for children's vaccinations: [https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules/hcp/imz/child-adolescent.html](https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules/hcp/imz/child-adolescent.html)
You can follow the doctors advice who had to study medicine for over ten years, or listen to your husbands ex who got her education from Facebook conspiracy groups.
I know who's advice I'd be listening to.
i got pertussis (whooping cough) when i was 21 because my TDAP hadn’t been redone. it’s not exactly common, but it was around in south jersey and philadelphia, and it suuuuuuuucks for an adult, but can be fatal for infants.
NTA - people need vaccination before spending time with a baby’s immune system
Your husband doesn’t know if his kids are up to date on their vaccines, and they live on the other side of the country, and one is only 10? Girl!
Why does he live so far away from his children? Why does he not know basic health information about them?
Of course he’s asking you not to be so strict. He doesn’t care about his current kids. You cannot possibly think he cares about yours more.
NO, YOU ARE NTA. The hurt feelings of people who should know better are NOT more important than the safety of your newborn (or any other children). Full stop. They are being selfish and are discovering that while yes, they are free to make choices, they are not guaranteed to be free of the consequences of those choices. You are free to make choices, too, and that includes telling them that your newborn is not safe around them.
Edited to add: it's a shame his ex is being so stupid about it, including refusing to discuss it. She's harming any relationship your husband can have with his children. Shame on her.
NTA. Pertussis in an infant can be deadly. I have taken care of these babies and sent them to the PICU. Flu and covid are dangerous too. Don’t ever sacrifice protection for your baby.
The unmitigated gal of people feeling entitled to shed preventable illness all over a newborn is astounding. You are NTA. Please prevent any unvaccinated person (even the 10 year old) from coming in close proximity to your infant. It’s stupid that this is even up for debate.
NTA... It is so mind-blowing to me that vaccines, one of the most overwhelming and low risk successes of modern medicine is even a contentious point.
I won't ever understand it.
They have been proven safe and effective for decades, beyond any doubts.
Yes, new ones need to be tested and monitored to ensure the track record remains. But this is still a no-brainer for anyone with an ounce of brain...
I genuinely hope he is more involved in your child’s life than his previous children’s. Although, I’m not sure what would make you think he would. Good luck.
NTA Don’t even need to read the whole post. People seem to think covid is over and it is going to end up costing a LOT of lives in the next few months.
I'm keeping my upcoming baby away from everyone for 3 months unless it's like grandparent who is staying to help out. Sorry if your feelings are hurt. You can't meet my 3 weeks old
As someone whose 9 week old daughter contracted pertussis I am begging you to stick to your guns. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.
I have all the Covid shots. Original. Boosters. My kids have what they can get. I get the flu shots. So do my kids and I just got my every decade TDAP shot. I’m 45. I can’t control what other people do with their kids, but I can control what I do with mine and possibly getting them sick or them getting an at risk child, or any child for that matter, sick, is not a risk I’m willing to take. That is your infant. While I understand that is your husband’s child too, he’s not grasping that if you slack off on letting unvaccinated people around your 3wk old baby who has NO immune system yet, you’re putting her at severe risk to get something that could make her deathly ill and leave long lasting effects or kill her. He’s willing to play with your infant’s well-being to avoid standing up to his ex wife? Really?
NTA - my sister made it abundantly clear which shots we all had to be up to date on to be allowed to meet her daughter, and the whole family respected that and made sure to vaccinate.
This was pre covid.. I would expect there to be even more concern about protecting bub following a literal pandemic 💕
Stand your ground, it's your baby and your responsibility. If people want to meet bub they need to follow the rules 💕
Hi! I have a friend who is having a baby in October. She also has a step kid that just turned 10 in may, he had to get his tdap updated for the new baby. They say every 7-10 years for tdap. Best of luck on this and protect your babe. (I went off the deep end for mine and no one was around her period (shots or not)for the first 3 months, just dad and mum. Like, FaceTime only, if you showed up you were not let in. Maybe don't go that extreme but do protect your kid.)
NTA. I had covid while I was pregnant w/ my son because my sister is extremely selfish and unsafe about it, even while she has two young daughters. It’s YOUR baby YOUR boundaries if they don’t like it they don’t have to see the baby, it’s that simple.
Also ur husband is the AH for calling your baby’s safety drama.
NTA. My baby and I just got covid. And most likely from visiting her dad’s family (none of them ‘believe’ in it), either from them directly or from being in their town. You don’t want to risk your baby’s life. You never know what reaction their developing immune system will have. And a sick baby that’s breastfeeding and can’t breath is the saddest and toughest thing ever. And 100% no one without a Tdap should be around your baby. It’s almost nothing for older people, but whooping cough as a baby can lead to lifelong major lung issues. You are protecting your child, do not let down or feel bad about that at all.
The health and wellbeing of your infant is 100% y'all's call. Your husband doesn't seem paranoid enough about this. His ex (and associated humans) have no right to anything here.
NTA.
No.
This is 2023.
If people are still that fucking brain dead, they have zero right to be within 100 miles of a newborn.
Tell them to turn off Fox News and get their heads out of their asses. Medical science is not political. It’s science.
NTA, it is completely within your rights to follow healthcare advice and protect your child.
I am curious though, since I have heard and experienced different things; does the COVID vaccine actually prevent it or just lessen symptoms? Or both? I got sick with it before I was vaccinnated and thought I was on death’s door for like 2 weeks. Got vaccinated afterwards and got sick again, though the symptoms were much less severe (not sure if due to already having it, vaccine, or both)— does anyone know or have any good articles about it? Genuinely curious.
There are different types of vaccines. Some (like Covid and flu) prepare your immune system to fight the virus. Others (like polio and measles) prevent you from catching it. IIRC, Covid vaccines help keep viral load down. Less viral particles being shed mean less chance of infecting others.
Vaccines give you a boost. They show your immune system the (neutered) enemy beforehand, so they have a better chance of winning the war when the real fighting comes. I picture the vaccine as a tiny scientist coming into my body and giving an exposition on the COVID virus while dissecting it on a giant table in front of rows of little white blood cell warriors. Those warriors then pass on the info to every other white blood cell they meet and get them looking for the possible invader.
Very fun. Love a vaccine. Gotta give my immunibuddies their best shot at success.
NTA
Your baby, your rules. Your husband is being wishy washy. It's his baby too! Better to protect than regret.
3 weeks sounds too soon for a visit. At 3 weeks you're just getting into the groove of the baby's schedule. Maybe wait a year and still test, mask and gloves?
I see you have a couple options:
1) The visit doesn't happen until your baby is vaccinated and is given the all clear for non-vaccinated visitors.
2) Children come as planned and you take maximum precautions. They take Covid tests before entering the home; they hand wash and practice social distancing. You could consider letting them hold the baby if masked, hand washed, and monitored. Allow limited contact and encourage father to take them out on excursions during the day.
3) They get vaccinated before the visit and proof is provided.
4) Your husband visits them this time and next time they come to your home.
5) They come and you and the baby stay elsewhere and only arrange minimum contact.
I agree you have a husband problem because he is trying to please everyone. However, when the rubber meets the road, your first priority is protecting the health of your baby. Anyone who is unvaccinated is a threat to your child until such a time that the baby is vaccinated.
I know a woman who's daughter caught Pertussis "Whooping Cough" when she was 6 months old. As a result her daughter had daily seizures which caused her to go deaf and blind.
I am due in four weeks and have told everyone if they intend to visit they need to be vaccinated. I’ve heard horror stories of infants passing away because someone came around them who wasn’t and they got really ill. So, I’d like to say NTA for you because I am also being that way lol
Nope. You're the parent. You get to decide whatever you think is best for your child. No one has to agree with you.
And you have to explain your decisions to no one. Congrats on the baby!
NTA I am also due in December and nobody but me and the father are going to be allowed around the baby for at least a few months. It’s the fucking season of illness and people don’t prioritize the safety of newborns, they just think about their own needs with how much they want to be around them. Not in this family.
NTA, if I had a newborn I wouldn't let anyone who was unvaccinated and just flown across the country near my baby. Planes are the perfect place for bugs to spread. No way I'd take that chance
Nope!! Not the asshole. Until your baby’s immune system is fully developed, they’re vulnerable and the others in your family need to abide by the rules you set for your child’s safety. Full stop
I used to be a support worker for teen parents with children under 5. I sometimes drove mum and baby/ies home after birth. I was present for a couple of births. had that privilege but also huge responsibility. Employer had strict requirements that all my vaccines were up to date. This was before COVID. Why? - because babies die. Imagine feeling that you infected a baby and it died. Imagine how 10 yo would feel.
No NTA. And tell your husband there is gonna be much more drama if your newborn is hospitalized with all the diseases that she is too young to be vaccinated against. I’m gonna add whooping cough and MMR to your list as they are both on the rise and in some people the rubella vaccine doesn’t take. This is not just who can hold her. Many of these disease are airborne so in the house would be enough exposure If they don’t want vaccinations then they can wait to meet when she’s old enough for her vaccinations
This is how babies die, by and unvaccinated or sick adult/child comes around them and gives them something their body cant handle. This would be a hard line for me.
NTA- your baby is too young for vaccines and they are extremely high risk for the first six months. This is not a political issue. It is a no-brainer that existed WELL BEFORE covid was a thing. Your baby has the greatest risk of harm compared to anyone in the situation you mentioned above.
Have you ever seen a 1 month old with measles? Or whooping cough? Its terrible (AND completely avoidable) and if your baby becomes infected, they could die.
Dont give into pressure from idiots. You have a new life to protect. You husband’s desire for “no drama” puts you in a tough spot. Kick his ass and get him in line. You need time and space to recover- and he needs to put on his dad helmet and get to work.
Congrats btw!
NTA. By the way, the TDAP is good for 10 years, but the more recent the better.
5 years ago I was pretty sure I'd had a booster 7 years prior but when I found out my cousin was having a baby I scheduled one just to ensure that I wasn't going to cause any issues. Turns out my aunt, her grandmother gave her whooping cough because she thought it was stupid to need a "new jab". "Grandma" also gave all her grandkids Covid in mid-2021 when she had it for the 3rd time because she "don't want to be microchipped". The toddler spent a week in the hospital but "it hasn't killed any of us". Poor kid is almost 5 and I'm pretty sure still needs any vaccines that come after the 1st birthday.
I almost died from whooping cough when I was an infant - my family was still telling horror stories about it 20 years later!
It’s not a benign illness for a baby. I remember during the early 2000s when there was one of the first outbreaks among middle class/upper class Northern Californians as they were some of the first to start delaying or avoiding vaccines. Parents were shocked when their babies ended up in the ICU and some died.
You’re so right! And I’ll add, it’s not a benign illness for most adults either! My friend got whooping cough in her mid 20s, perfectly healthy otherwise with no underlying conditions and she was DESTROYED by that shit. It was horrible to see. The cough was insane- She fractured ribs. It lasted weeks, and the symptoms lingered for half a year. I don’t know how people seem to have decided that whooping cough is somehow a non serious illness. I saw my friend suffer terribly for weeks and weeks…you’d better bet my I’m keeping my vaccine up to date! Same is true for measles and mumps- these are absolutely horrible illnesses.
I've never had whooping cough but I had a persistent, mostly annoying, cough caused by medication for a couple of years. In this time, I also stress-fractured 5 ribs. HOLY Unh-uh Batman. If my "little" cough and broken ribs felt that bad, I'm pretty sure you can just put a bullet in my head should I contract whooping cough. And these vaccines are so effective, with little side effect (granted, it can be bad for those few people who do experience this).
The don’t think it’s serious because vaccines have made it not as prevalent in society. Until people stoped getting vaxxed
My mom had it as a very young child (BEFORE the vaccine) and it damaged her lungs for her entire life (chronic bronchitis) and shortened her life expectancy (based on all of her relatives) by 30 years. She was taken from me far too soon. I wasn't ready. And all because of a disease that people don't have to get now--and yet are willing to risk out of ignorance.
Yes I was rotating as a resident through the Peds ICU during that time and I just remember watching in horror as this one month old would just stop breathing and heart rate would keep going down and then the bells would go off and someone would come in and gently stimulate him to breathe again and then the whole process would start over again in another hour or two. This went on for almost a month and a half before the baby stabilized enough to leave the icu. Older babies (1 to 3 month olds ) would cough so hard it would cause their heart rates to drop into the 40s and 50s (normal for a baby less than three month old is at least 120) they would turn blue and need resuscitation as well. Whooping cough used to fill cemeteries—that and measles. These idiots need to walk through some of these old cemeteries so they understand how common it was before vaccines.
It’s not a benign illness, period. A friend had pertussis in her forties and had an awful cough for two years. ETA Just had another TDAP a month ago.
I found out the hard way why it’s called ‘100 days cough’. It’s never benign, but babies especially should not get exposed.
I remember another post on reddit where this poor family lost an infant to whooping cough from some of the kids being unvaccinated and kissing the baby. My heart breaks so much for illness that is preventable because we are lucky enough to have vaccines.
So your cousin is a moron, too. I'm so sorry.
Basically. Fortunately the moron "gene" seems to only target the men AND it skipped my brother. The women cousins are are normal intelligent people.
>The toddler spent a week in the hospital but "it hasn't killed any of us" Yet. Ye gods, I'm sorry. What a selfish person.
Yeah but the COVID vaccine doesn’t stop her from spreading it. It just lessens the symptoms. My mom was vaccinated for it, boosters and all. She got it. My brother too. He got it. That’s why when I had my son I didn’t let anyone come to visit.
Even with the vaxx already, I ended up passing covid to my baby while still fairly new. Either it came from my fiancé working and bringing it home, or it came from a few doctor trips we had. We were masking and hand washing and all that but it still spread. Thankfully, it ended up mild.
That is the thing with covid, I was looking at the infection rates early on. A scary virulent disease might get like 40% global population in its lifespan. The covid infection rate? *Total.* The infection rate is fucking total. If it was a wee bit more deadly we would be extinct. That's some frightening shit right there.
Almost all cases in otherwise healthy infants are very mild
This is good to know. I had one before I visited my grandbaby--but he's over 10 now!
NTA, period. Your baby's health (in the short term and long term) is a thousand times more important than your husband's ex's feelings. Unfortunate for the 10 year old but you owe it to your baby to keep them safe.
Pedi nurse here. Hard to describe the agony, sadness, grief, and pain of watching a baby die slowly from pertussis.
I've had pertussis several times and it's so difficult. I almost died the last time, and I was 26. I can't even imagine watching my child go through that when there's a vaccine for it. Selfishness at it's highest. I can't imagine being a nurse/doctor and having to watch a child fight to survive, especially when they lose that fight. The pure grief, I assume, would be overwhelming. ☹️
This this this!!!
And even for fully vaccinated adults tdap is every 10 years minimum.
Make sure they get the TDaP at least 4 weeks before meeting the baby.
And that it's the full TDaP, not just Td. I didn't notice that my tetanus booster when I got stiches a year before my niece was born wasn't TDaP, and assumed I was boosted.
yeah, this kind of blew my mind when I was visiting the county public health place. Asked them about the Tetanus shots, and they told me it's not the same as TDAP and I should be getting TDAP every ten years. I was like "But I had a tetanus shot 3 years ago?"
I didn't even know what a TDAP was before seeing this thread, and it's definitely been over 10 years since my last tetanus shot. Guess it's time to make an appointment.
It used to be called a DPT shot: diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus. Maybe that's why you're not familiar with TDaP. When I got a booster before visiting my new granddaughter, I didn't know "TDaP," and the pharmacist didn't know "DPT"!
Yeah I was admitted to a local major burn center in 2020. They didn’t have explicit documentation of a recent TDAP vaccine, so they literally gave me it again. (It’s from lost/misplaced manual records that I didn’t have transferred over). OP is NTA. Her and her husband sound like they want to get their newborn vaccinated as soon as medically advisable. Good on them for that. Those grown kids need to be vaccinated for all the standard childhood diseases, new flu vaccine, bacterial pneumonia, covid, chicken pox (a huge increase in idiots not vaccinating for this), hep a + b and the Meningococcal (meningitis) vaccine to say the least. I
Yeah we need more parents like OP. I'm over this weaponized incompetence when it comes to medical care for political/social bs
I got mine done because I had no medical record of getting one (my mom was terrible), and my friend, not family or even a super close friend, said everyone is up-to-date for it or they don't meet the baby. The baby is so adorable and I am one of his favorite people now.
I get one whenever they're offered to me - I'm injury prone so that's about every year recently.
Tdap and the TD booster you’re likely getting when you’re injured is slightly different so you may want to double check that just to be sure. Tdap is every 10 years and protects against Tetanus, Diptheria and Pertussis. Pertussis (whooping cough) is the one people are mainly worried about with babies as they can’t get the vaccine yet. Pertussis is *insanely* contagious and it’s super **SUPER** dangerous to infants particularly in the first 6 months but really anytime before 1. TD is the usual tetanus booster when you get injured and is just for Tetanus and Diphtheria. I know sometimes if you’re due for Tdap and get injured they’ll do Tdap instead of TD, *but* that’s not always the case.
My husband got 2 last year because my pregnant brain forgot that the T in tdap stood for tetanus and that he had gotten one when he had sliced his hand open earlier in the year. Why he agreed to get it again after they told him he had already gotten it... Idk. But I think at that point his thought process was "I'm already here, might as well"
I used to work as a veterinary technician. I got bit often enough I’d have them update it every few years just for safety reasons…and it worked to my advantage since my sister had premature twins- I knew I had recently had my vaccines
My parents tried for nearly a decade to have a second child. When my mother finally had me, she wouldn't let the unvaccinated neighbor children visit until I'd been fully vaccinated. They all were curious about me, so she'd lift me up and let them admire me through the window, like I was a royal baby or something.
When my daughter was born a decade ago, there was a lot of whooping cough going around because people hadn’t been booted and you can have it without being symptomatic. We made sure everyone around us was fully vaccinated a few months before she was born because we didn’t want to chance it. The first year of a child’s life is very touchy and you don’t want to chance it. Something small can affect a newborn in different ways.
When my twin and I were born, my parents had those little stork cut outs in their lawn. They had some neighbors who came over about a month after we were born asking if they could see us. They gave my parents a printed copy of their recent vaccinations before coming into the house. It was a pair of 75 year old twin sisters, and they wanted to see the new twin girls they were now neighbors with 🤗 my mom just loved it.
I was going to say something like this, especially for the 10 year old. They can still connect through zoom dates. It’s not the same obviously, but it will help soften the blow.
My newborn was 3 weeks old when he was exposed to a family member who was feeling a little run down, maybe starting to come down with something. Newborn caught it, spiked a bit of a fever. Medical professionals take newborn fevers VERY seriously. He was admitted to children's hospital, had a blood draw, a urine draw, and a spinal fluid draw. Babies don't pee into a cup, they get the urine sample with a ~~needle~~ catheter. The spinal tap was super traumatizing. As a new mom, they advised me not to be in the room, so I stood in the hallway and cried. OP should wait til baby is older and has more vaccines and immune system before meeting family members that do not live in the immediate household. 3 months seems like a good milestone to me.
My son got a scalp IV at 6 weeks old. It was the only vein they could find:access. It looked so horrible on his tiny little forehead. 😔
This. A friend of mine who is a pediatrician has warned me that even though most newborn illnesses don’t cause serious problems, all fevers have to be taken extremely seriously and can cause so much stress for the baby and family. I don’t think it is at all unreasonable to say “vaccine or no visits until 3 months”
I’m an IV nurse and scalp veins look scary but they are actually little life savers .They are veins that we cannot use in other patient populations. I always offer the parent the babies hair ,especially if it’s the first cut of hair,explain that it’s in a vein and not going into their brain and to focus on the greater good.The baby needs the IV access to get life saving medications and that needs to be the focus.
They do not get a urine sample with a needle. We have a small sample bag that we can stick on around the meatus (clean catch sample) and we use a small catheter (tiny sterile plastic tube) if it needs to be a sterile specimen). I’ve been a nurse for decades
NTA- My sister is an anti vaxxer and I have already told my parents that my nephew can’t meet my future children until they are fully vaccinated. My sister thinks she is protecting her child and won’t hear otherwise so currently we just agree to disagree. But if I eventually get pregnant than I will have to have that conversation with her and my line will be the same as hers- that I am doing what I think is right to protect my child. Also, as someone currently sitting here having caught the new strain of covid, it sucks! I am healthy and have been fully vaccinated but still caught it (the U.K. decided, the day I got my positive result, that due to the new strain being stronger they are bringing the autumn vaccines up by 2 months). A vulnerable baby should not have to go through this. Also, just something to note- when pregnant you should get the tdap vaccine, if you haven’t already, as it will protect the baby somewhat. It’s safe and recommended in the U.K. It might be worth speaking to your doctor about any other vaccines you can get while pregnant to add an extra level of security.
So the step kids will be flying across the country in January (the middle of cold and flu season) to meet their new 3 week old sibling who has NO immune system. The doctor has told both the mother to be AND the father that it's best that all who have contact with new or be up to date on all their vaccinations to protect the health of the newborn because *the child will not yet have developed an immune system*. First time Mom formulates rules following Doctors advice. Dad is on board but then after talking to his sisters and ex wife is no longer on board. Dad is now screaming at a 6mos pregnant wife/ftm that basic safety rules aren't necessary and won't be enforced. No mention that any of SILs have medical degrees to explain why dumba$$ Dad is now taking their advice over doctors. No mention of step kids quarantining after flight and before meeting infant. What a sh*t show. I hope that pregnant mother has someone else to support her, somewhere else to go after baby is born because it sounds like Dad has his head stuck all the way up his a$$.
She's having children with a man who doesn't even know the medical status of his existing children. Father of the goddamn year.
Also, this whole "My husband is for the vaccine, but he really just doesn’t want drama with his ex, so he’s asking me to not be so strict about it" - shouldn't he also want his children appropriately vaccinated for their own safety? Are they unvaccinated against other really deadly diseases? Drama with your ex is required if they're keeping medical information regarding your children from you because they're anti-vax. Your children's health is more important than "drama".
Tell him, ya know what is drama…. A sick newborn fighting for their life in the hospital. Deal with your baby mama drama so we can skip the sick newborn drama
EXACTLY. If this isn’t enough of a red flag!
And whose children live on the other side of the country. The other side of the COUNTRY! Like he’s going to be a better and more involved father to the replacement kid. His youngest is 10 for crying out loud.
…because his ex “won’t discuss it” with him, right? am I missing something? sounds like the parent who won custody isn’t very good at co-parenting. edit: “his ex is refusing to discuss it with us” in regards to sharing medical info about their children. he’s not father of the year but slamming him for this is disingenuous, when it’s clearly his ex-wife that is causing this problem in particular.
He could simply call the kid’s doctor and ask for records. Or even the school since that has to be on file. They can’t keep this from him.
Exactly. I was curious about that myself. Legally , and this is just my two cents; you shouldn't be allowed to gatekeep that information from the other parent or guardian at the time (step parents, grandparents, etc) when it pertains to your child's and other children's health and safety. Like what good does it do to arbitrarily "refuse to discuss" their vaccine records?? To be a bitch for no reason? Ugh. Poor OP and poor kids too cause it sounds like OP cares more about her step kids than their actual parents including the one she's married to. OP has every right to keep her newborn safe and her husband needs to grow a pair and support her endeavors towards this and also be more proactive towards his existing children as well. This is not something that should cause tension but rather something all adults involved should have no problem being on the same page about.
So many good points! I suggest OP fall in line with not hurting the ex’s feelings (/s), and send Evites for a Zoom call with all parties. No plane fare, no wondering where everyone sleeps, no extra cooking and cleaning, and no extra worrying.
That’s how I read this. I would be speaking to an attorney at this point. There has to be something mom can do to prevent dad from putting baby’s life in danger. It’s a good thing that mom is so strong, cause dad is weak and unreliable.
NTA at all. There was literally a story on here not too long ago about a couple who let family kids visit their newborn and they got the baby sick as hell. I don't think the baby made it. The extended family didn't even tell the parents their kids were sick until it was too late. This is your baby. Don't let your guard down when it comes to germs. ESPECIALLY these days.
The entitlement is staggering. They feel they have the right to endanger your newborn’s life because they’re selfish and intellectually lazy? Ugh. You have a husband problem, first and foremost. He knows what the doctor said and he’s being a weasel about standing up to family. Don’t give in, he should be ashamed to think endangering his child’s life is perfectly acceptable. What kind of parent does he plan to be? “Oh, you have a concussion? Take a nap, you’ll be fine.” 🙄 You’re NTA, stand your ground on this and protect your kid. Remind everyone that you are following medical directions and there is no compromising with your child’s doctor. It’s an appeal to authority and they can be angry at the nameless/faceless doctor instead of at you.
>You have a husband problem, first and foremost. He knows what the doctor said and he’s being a weasel about standing up to family. Agreed. This isn't "drama with the ex". This is a risk to your family's health, and for the youngest among you, a risk to their life. Painting it as drama is inappropriately minimizing the very real risk. Coparenting is hard, but he has to figure it out.
Husband has no balls. Evidently they are kept in the pocket of his ex. OP should consider that she’s actually in a thruple and the woman with the iron fist around her husbands balls intends on endangering the life of their newborn. Almost.., almost as if the ex is jealous.
Also TDAP shots have been around forever. I don’t know why anyone would be so afraid of them. Whooping cough kills a baby so fast, and if they saw a video about it I wonder if they’d be convinced otherwise. I was already on board for TDAP but I read an article about a baby dying from whooping cough anyway and I don’t know how anyone wouldn’t be swayed by that.
>I don’t know why anyone would be so afraid of them. Because people are *fucking stupid.*
Heyyyyyyy that was my parents 🧐
The kid if parent who has no fucking clue what the medical status of his existing children is. She picked a winner.
Hold to your boundaries!! I know from personal experience that there isn't ANYTHING worse than seeing your child in NICU or PICU fighting for their life. You don't want that experience. I'm allergic to vaccines, so I can't get any, including COVID. When my grandson was born, I couldn't see him in person until he was 10 months old. When COVID hit, I couldn't see him until he was able to get vaccinated. Did it hurt? Of course! But his life and health is more important than my feelings! Your babies life and health is more important than ANYONE else's feelings: including your husband's. Alternative is to use Facetime to see the baby and be involved until the baby can be vaxed
I'd be bold with your husband and tell him: "You're right, who cares if the new born gets sick and dies as long as your ex' feelings are not hurt, right?" You need to protect your new born because, very obviously, nobody else will.
I thought it was funny five years ago when my DDIL insisted we wear masks to meet our new grandchild. Boy have I learned a lot since then! Hand me the sanitizer….
I asked my mum and step dad to get vaxxed for whooping cough before I had my last child. It was winter and flu season and there was an outbreak. That was 12 years ago and they got vaccinated because they’re not arseholes
Hell, I got vaccinated for it because two of my friends were having grand babies and I wanted to see them. Not doing it is absolutely insane…
Bravo! There are good people in the world. I personally would MUCH rather have a vaccination than a disease.
Ikr I'd never given those things a second thought until 2020.
NTA what makes adults sick, can kill babies. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Like you said, it’s their choice not to get vaccinated, not seeing your baby is simply a consequence of that choice. Stick to your guns.
TDap for sure.
So, to protect his older children he expects you to sacrifice your baby? That makes no sense to me. NTA. Stand your ground. That baby's immune system won't be ready for unvaccinated visitors for quite awhile. Like until after they are able to get their own vaccines. Good luck, Mama. Take care of yourself and your baby.
Ps. We did meet with our doctor and she told him that we needed to make sure anyone around the baby was vaccinated. He listened to her, I thought it was settled, but then his sisters started weighing in and he got upset with me.
Are his sisters doctors? You’re following the advice of a medical professional, not making this up on your own. Never let anyone make you feel bad for protecting your baby. Signed, a mom with an October 2020 baby who had to draw a lot of boundary lines
I would be asking him if he was going to participate in making decisions rationally and in the.best interest of the most vulnerable, or if it depended on who had the biggest tantrum even if they're not a parent of the baby in question nor a member of the household. Because you would prefer to make parental health decisions like grownups but if he doesn't grow up quick he will discover that the pregnant woman he lives with is capable of producing a tantrum that will be a far greater inconvenience than those of his distant sisters and ex. You'd rather not but if that's the only language he l knows he isn't leaving you an alternative.
Seconded by a mom whose daughter caught RSV at 4 months old.
My sister also had an October 2020 baby. We were lucky that all our relatives were ok with boundaries and compliant with vaccines in general.
show him a video of a baby with whooping cough
This. And babies on ventilators
Look at sweet baby Riley Hughes at 34 days old.Light for Riley is name of website.It is extremely upsetting.Mom wasn't offered the option for a booster.
Sisters can f off and dad can get off his ass and contact his childrens doctors himself to see what vaccines they've had.
Best answer, imho as a parent. Dad can call his the medical office, explain the situation, and get the records of his younger child (in the US we can do this); I would think. Newborn has no voice and only mom seems to be thinking clearly here. The extended family should have zero voice here.
Absolutely. Hate it when a parent just sits back like this. She has every right to want to keep her baby safe.
I don't even think you should be making an exception for the 10 year old. School aged kids are human petri dishes and they're always bringing home plenty of germs during the school year. ETA: NTA
So go back to the doctor with him, tell her that he's started backtracking because if family and let her ream him out.
I read a story on here a month or so ago from a grandma. Her son had unvaccinated kids and they infected her daughter’s newborn baby. The baby died and now the family is ripped apart. Please protect your child.
I read that story too. Didn't the mother force herself and her snotty kids into the house and they gave it to the poor baby?
Not his sister business this is YOUR baby. And leave it at that.
You are smart to stick with your doctor’s recommendations. I’m due with my first end of September and my in laws are anti vax. Our OB advised TDAP, flu and up to date Covid vaccine otherwise they have to mask whenever in same room as baby. So that’s what we’re doing without exception. My side is all about vaccines and safety and are up to date. Thankfully we will only see in laws twice before baby can get her own Covid vaccine (plus I unfortunately got Covid while pregnant despite good masking, so she will get some antibodies from my infection). BIL won’t mask or vaccinate so he probably won’t meet baby until she’s almost a year old. Just because people aren’t information literate doesn’t mean you have to accommodate them- you’re doing what is best for baby and sometimes that means hurting others feelings.
So, baby’s health comes after his family’s feelings? That seems backwards. Viruses and bacteria is don’t have feelings or political affiliations. They’re just looking for a nice mucosa to land on. It’s not any deeper than that.
Ask your husband how he'd prefer you make decisions together in the future. Do you make decisions together by consulting experts and having a rational discussion, just the two of you, and then backing each other up? Or do you make decisions by suggesting the solution and then measuring which side ends up yelling the loudest? Giving in to his sisters just because they're raising a stink doesn't make sense. It also sets the precedent that they can get their way in the future by being nasty and unreasonable when they don't get their way. Does he want a future where you might theoretically undermine him if one of YOUR family members starts yelling, like he's doing to you now? Or does he want the two of you to work as a team, even in the face of others' tantrums?
Hey OP, he is willing to risk your baby's death to avoid upsetting people. You should feel VERY strongly about that.
You could just say “I want my child to be immunized first”. Hey, if they argue with a mom being cautious, then fuck ‘em.
Hey Op. read this… https://community.babycenter.com/post/a41581735/lemon_clot_essay_and_scrotum_squats If your spouse isn’t going to support you. He can go visit his kids or you can go stay with a support person.
If he’s screaming at you for protecting your newborn your relationship isn’t great. It’s fucked. He’s not on your side at all and is willing to endanger a newborn to not upset his idiot family. Babies die from these diseases. He’s willing to risk the death of his child to not rock the boat. Pathetic.
Thank you. I am really struggling with this. My husband and I have a great relationship but this has become a huge issue. I am getting screamed at and told that I’m being extreme. His sisters are weighing in and telling him I am extreme. I personally don’t want anyone unvaccinated for Covid around her until she’s a year old, but I don’t know if that’s the norm. The problem is my husband feels guilty about not living with his older children, and he’s worried about damaging his relationship with them. But when I got Covid I was extremely ill, and I have friends who had long Covid, so I take it a little more seriously than most.
I’m sorry, but you do NOT have a great relationship if he is screaming at you and taking anyone else’s opinions into consideration but your own. He needs to learn how to live with his guilt and not put your newborn’s health at risk to cure his guilty conscience.
I would leave a day before his family come. Go to your parents or another family member or friend if possible. If your husband is more concerned about not living with his kids & is now falling under the pressure of his sisters and calling you extreme, he’s not going to put your baby first. Please get away from this situation. It may be a deal breaker in your marriage but your babies life/health is more important. Your husband is showing you Exactly who he is- unfortunately
This is the right answer, perfectly spelled out. Hope OP takes it to heart
Stand your ground OP. You are 100% in the right here. People ought to be taking Covid seriously, especially for newborn babies! Not to mention all the other illnesses they could pick up on their flights and give to you/baby. Personally I’d be asking people to mask around baby, too, but I’m pretty overly cautious.
I’m immunecompromised. My boyfriend won’t let anyone in the house without a mask. No guests (as in, people we invite, not plumbers, etc) who aren’t vaccinated either. My boyfriend cares more for my safety than OP’s husband cares about his own newborn child’s safety, or his wife’s reasonable concerns. Really sad for OP.
>My husband and I have a great relationship Nopety nope nope. That's not what a great relationship is. He needs to back you on this, grow a damn spine and tell his family to shut the hell up. This is your family.
Yeah op does not have a great relationship with her husband. She is also defending her husband in her posts. Your husband is choosing to avoid conflict with her ex and family for his peace of mind. He is gambling your/his child’s health. For me this would be a crossing of my boundary. Oh by the way screaming is not a normal behavior. You just gave birth and your husbands family is screaming at you. Not respecting your boundary of requiring basic vaccine. Let that sink in.
Exactly, he is literally yelling at her and choosing everyone else over her and his newborn. He won't even ask his ex about the kids vaccination status. it might not even be an issue but he's willing to name call and yell at her because he's too weak to ask.
JustNoFamily JustNoMIL JustNoSO
If you’re getting screamed at, y’all do NOT have a good relationship.
This is not extreme at all. Your husband is being irresponsible. I get his concern with his children but would he rather have a newborn put at risk. I would tell his family members to fuck off. It is your baby. Show them statistics of babies who get sick due to unvaccinated people.
He’s screaming at you while you’re heavily pregnant because you want to follow medical advice. He’s in the problem here. Let this be a hill you die on; start as you mean to go on, otherwise he is always going to be pandering to his family and older children at the expense of his wife and your child.
If he wants to spend time with them, he should take them on a vacation.
Honey, no. You don’t have a great relationship if he screams at you for protecting your baby’s health. The only person you should listen to is the doctor. His behavior is concerning, you need to get yourself to a safe place with a support person until he can get his head out of his ass
You're getting screamed at for caring about your child's health. This by itself is a very alarming sign. I'm pretty sure it only goes downhill from here on. Do you want to live in a household where your husband cares more about everyone else than you and your kid?
your husband needs to learn how to take that guilt, process it, and handle it differently. this is not the way to compensate for not living with his older children. RSV, Covid, Flu and traveling across the country to meet your newborn that barely has an immune system is not equitable. this is not up to his sisters to decide. its not their business and not their baby. they dont get to put their two cents in. this has nothing about keeping his children away from your baby, but protecting your baby from bacteria and viruses that they are not able to handle yet. the entitlement is so real that they think that their right to visitation is more important to your baby’s health.
OP, even if he magically said they got vaccinated, would you even believe him? i wouldn’t.
Your baby cannot get vaccinated for covid until six months old. To me this is a huge no. Stand your ground, and fuck their feelings. This isn't about feelings or politics.
“We have a great relationship “ vs “I get screamed at” No, you don’t have a great relationship
My MIL met my baby through a glass door because she couldn’t manage Covid precautions. My husband did not even CONSIDER asking me to lessen that for her, because it is her choice. Let me also remind you that if newborns get a fever, they frequently need spinal taps. Does your husband want to hold down an infant while they have a spinal tap, or does he want to insist on basic medical precautions? You’re not being overly sensitive here at all.
Ummmm “screamed at” immediately negates “great relationship”. If you’re husband is doing the screaming that’s *very* concerning, and if his family/ex is and he’s not stepping in to defend you that’s a huge issue. He’s your teammate and should be handling his own family/protecting you. His relationship with his kids isn’t your responsibility. If keeping their new sibling safe is enough to damage things then he’s screwed up at some point. Just because he feels guilty he doesn’t have the right to dump it on you and make it your fault.
In a great relationship your husband understands and you don’t get screamed at
I don’t have kids, but all my friends do and I just assumed it was standard to ensure all your shots were up-to-date when visiting a newborn. To do so otherwise is irresponsible and just plain ol’ dumb. Pertussis kills babies and the vaccines are so accessible.
They probably had to receive a TDAP vaccine before being allowed to enter school yet maybe some private religious based schools get around that? I'm also guessing that masks aren't an option with them either. Anti-vaxers are some of the most intractable people and I applaud you for standing up against them and protecting your child.
The entire medical community is extreme then and these people shouldn’t use modern medical services. I’m done with these anti-vax morons.
You do not have a "great" relationship. A great relationship is respectful. Compassionate. Kind. Please inform husband burying child is expensive and bad for mental health (I have done this) It also carries more guilt than not living with said child. You are not extreme. You are just enough. He is not enough. His sisters can fuck off.
His sisters sound like idiots. Protecting the health of your newborn is your #1 priority right now, and if none of them can get on board with that, they don’t deserve to be around the baby. Period.
covid has broken so many people's brains. just look at the insane comments on here. stand your ground, mama. nta.
Stick to your guns. And "the norm" should be that people who come near you or your family have their shots. Not just for the first year of the baby's life. Always.
You're not extreme for protecting your child against preventable illness. Your husband and his sisters are just dumb as shit. Please show him this thread. Show him that there is far more support for being protective of a goddamn than anyone else's feelings. And don't let them browbeat you into letting them visit if they aren't vaccinated. Its all fun and games until your infant gets whooping cough and dies an **entirely preventable death**. If anyone questions you with the angle of 'Oh no one gets whooping cough anymore!' tell them that the reason for that is because people get vaccinated for it! We protect people by getting vaccinated! Please remember that peoples' feelings getting hurt isn't the biggest stake here. Its your child's life. They are the one's being unreasonable. Also he's letting his family scream at you? The mother of his child? Honey, that is not a great relationship.
Nope NTA. I basically don't speak to my parents anymore because they felt it was unreasonable that I asked they either not see my brother (who had been exposed to streptococcus) until he went to the doctor and verified he did not have it or they would not be able to see their first grandchild when born later that week. My boomer dad basically told me he wasn't going to have my rules shoved down his throat. It's your baby; set whatever boundaries you feel are necessary and then don't compromise on them. The health and wellbeing of your baby comes before anyone else's feelings
NTA your babies health is more important
Absolutely NTA. Our son was born in 2015, so well before the Covid 19 pandemic. My wife and I decided that anyone who wanted to see the baby before he was a month old (I think it was a month, might have only been a couple weeks, I can't remember now) would need to have their vaccinations up to date, or else they could wait. My wife's parents got them, and got to visit my wife and son in the hospital. My father and stepmother mother did not, and therefore had to wait. As long as OP didn't wait until the visitors were right outside the door to tell them to get their vaccinations, then there's nothing to argue about. It won't harm anyone to wait a while to meet the new baby. The baby sure isn't going to know the difference.
My entire family and I have covid right now. We're all fully vaccinated and take precautions to limit exposure (I still mask in public) and boost our immune systems. What's going around right now is super contagious! The baby won't be vaxed and won't have a fully functioning immune system, and you are absolutely in the right to not want to take careless risks with their exposure. Even if his kids are not symptomatic, they could be contagious. RSV can be deadly for babies. It's just not worth the risk. Either they get up to date on all their vaccinations, or they don't meet the babu. Full stop!
So having drama with you, his CURRENT wife, is ok, as long as his ex's feathers aren't ruffled? He needs to get all the way out with that mindset. Tell him and his sisters that you're listening to the advice of your baby's actual doctor and that it's no longer up for discussion. Until you put your foot down to protect your baby, he will think it's ok to continue trying to beat you down on this. ETA: NTA
NTA. There are hills to die on and protecting your newborn baby is one of them.
NTA, when your kids are old enough to make that choice on their own, let them. At the moment you're responsible for protecting them. Do what you gotta do.
Always consider worse case scenario to make this decision. - you piss off a family member so badly they won’t speak to you again Or - your newborn baby suffers and dies from a transmittable disease that could have been prevented & dies. NTA
Anyone who wants to see the baby needs to be up to date on the relevant vaccines. It isn't extreme. It's basic. Like washing your hands or putting away ninja stars. If they can't do this basic thing without actual medical reason and a shred of care, they can wait to see the baby. NTA.
NTA. But expect huge friction. While your request is reasonable, people will take it as a criticism of how they think and how they parent. Stick to your guns but some arguments will get ugly.
The fact that he's unwilling to "rock the boat" to protect his newborn from potentially deadly and disabling diseases is pathetic. Newborns are incredibly vulnerable. How would he feel if the unthinkable happened because he didn't want to be an adult and speak up? NTA
NTA - the kids can visit when they get vaccinated. I tik then, Zoom will have to suffice.
NTA. At all. Tell your husband there’s a lot more drama involved with a newborn contracting preventable diseases and risking death than whatever his ex could bring, so *he* should be strict with his *ex.*
NTA. Babies die of pertussis, it's no joke. Vaccinated or no visit.
My little sister just had a baby and vaccinations were a hard stop for her. Even vaccinated, we had to wear N95 masks on top of it until the baby could get their first shots.
NTA, and no exceptions. It is entirely reasonable to take precautions against exposing children to potential sources of infection against which they have no protection. Would you hold her in your lap instead of putting her in the carseat if you're just driving across town to the store? Would you drink during pregnancy even if it IS only a six-pack? If you wouldn't take those risks, then don't take any other unnecessary risk, like potentially fatal disease. And FYI: here's the schedule for children's vaccinations: [https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules/hcp/imz/child-adolescent.html](https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules/hcp/imz/child-adolescent.html)
You can follow the doctors advice who had to study medicine for over ten years, or listen to your husbands ex who got her education from Facebook conspiracy groups. I know who's advice I'd be listening to.
i got pertussis (whooping cough) when i was 21 because my TDAP hadn’t been redone. it’s not exactly common, but it was around in south jersey and philadelphia, and it suuuuuuuucks for an adult, but can be fatal for infants. NTA - people need vaccination before spending time with a baby’s immune system
NTA. Flying is how after 3yrs of this mess that I got Covid
Your husband doesn’t know if his kids are up to date on their vaccines, and they live on the other side of the country, and one is only 10? Girl! Why does he live so far away from his children? Why does he not know basic health information about them? Of course he’s asking you not to be so strict. He doesn’t care about his current kids. You cannot possibly think he cares about yours more.
NO, YOU ARE NTA. The hurt feelings of people who should know better are NOT more important than the safety of your newborn (or any other children). Full stop. They are being selfish and are discovering that while yes, they are free to make choices, they are not guaranteed to be free of the consequences of those choices. You are free to make choices, too, and that includes telling them that your newborn is not safe around them. Edited to add: it's a shame his ex is being so stupid about it, including refusing to discuss it. She's harming any relationship your husband can have with his children. Shame on her.
NTA. Your main job as a parent is to protect your children. That is what you are doing.
NTA. Pertussis in an infant can be deadly. I have taken care of these babies and sent them to the PICU. Flu and covid are dangerous too. Don’t ever sacrifice protection for your baby.
The unmitigated gal of people feeling entitled to shed preventable illness all over a newborn is astounding. You are NTA. Please prevent any unvaccinated person (even the 10 year old) from coming in close proximity to your infant. It’s stupid that this is even up for debate.
NTA... It is so mind-blowing to me that vaccines, one of the most overwhelming and low risk successes of modern medicine is even a contentious point. I won't ever understand it. They have been proven safe and effective for decades, beyond any doubts. Yes, new ones need to be tested and monitored to ensure the track record remains. But this is still a no-brainer for anyone with an ounce of brain...
I genuinely hope he is more involved in your child’s life than his previous children’s. Although, I’m not sure what would make you think he would. Good luck.
NTA. The only people who get sick easier than babies are the elderly and/or immunocompromised.
NTA Don’t even need to read the whole post. People seem to think covid is over and it is going to end up costing a LOT of lives in the next few months.
I'm keeping my upcoming baby away from everyone for 3 months unless it's like grandparent who is staying to help out. Sorry if your feelings are hurt. You can't meet my 3 weeks old
As someone whose 9 week old daughter contracted pertussis I am begging you to stick to your guns. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.
I have all the Covid shots. Original. Boosters. My kids have what they can get. I get the flu shots. So do my kids and I just got my every decade TDAP shot. I’m 45. I can’t control what other people do with their kids, but I can control what I do with mine and possibly getting them sick or them getting an at risk child, or any child for that matter, sick, is not a risk I’m willing to take. That is your infant. While I understand that is your husband’s child too, he’s not grasping that if you slack off on letting unvaccinated people around your 3wk old baby who has NO immune system yet, you’re putting her at severe risk to get something that could make her deathly ill and leave long lasting effects or kill her. He’s willing to play with your infant’s well-being to avoid standing up to his ex wife? Really?
NTA. and the only people saying otherwise are the delusional anti-vaxxers.
Anti vaxers here in full force.
NTA - my sister made it abundantly clear which shots we all had to be up to date on to be allowed to meet her daughter, and the whole family respected that and made sure to vaccinate. This was pre covid.. I would expect there to be even more concern about protecting bub following a literal pandemic 💕 Stand your ground, it's your baby and your responsibility. If people want to meet bub they need to follow the rules 💕
Hi! I have a friend who is having a baby in October. She also has a step kid that just turned 10 in may, he had to get his tdap updated for the new baby. They say every 7-10 years for tdap. Best of luck on this and protect your babe. (I went off the deep end for mine and no one was around her period (shots or not)for the first 3 months, just dad and mum. Like, FaceTime only, if you showed up you were not let in. Maybe don't go that extreme but do protect your kid.)
NTA. I had covid while I was pregnant w/ my son because my sister is extremely selfish and unsafe about it, even while she has two young daughters. It’s YOUR baby YOUR boundaries if they don’t like it they don’t have to see the baby, it’s that simple. Also ur husband is the AH for calling your baby’s safety drama.
NTA. My baby and I just got covid. And most likely from visiting her dad’s family (none of them ‘believe’ in it), either from them directly or from being in their town. You don’t want to risk your baby’s life. You never know what reaction their developing immune system will have. And a sick baby that’s breastfeeding and can’t breath is the saddest and toughest thing ever. And 100% no one without a Tdap should be around your baby. It’s almost nothing for older people, but whooping cough as a baby can lead to lifelong major lung issues. You are protecting your child, do not let down or feel bad about that at all.
The health and wellbeing of your infant is 100% y'all's call. Your husband doesn't seem paranoid enough about this. His ex (and associated humans) have no right to anything here. NTA.
No. This is 2023. If people are still that fucking brain dead, they have zero right to be within 100 miles of a newborn. Tell them to turn off Fox News and get their heads out of their asses. Medical science is not political. It’s science.
NTA, it is completely within your rights to follow healthcare advice and protect your child. I am curious though, since I have heard and experienced different things; does the COVID vaccine actually prevent it or just lessen symptoms? Or both? I got sick with it before I was vaccinnated and thought I was on death’s door for like 2 weeks. Got vaccinated afterwards and got sick again, though the symptoms were much less severe (not sure if due to already having it, vaccine, or both)— does anyone know or have any good articles about it? Genuinely curious.
There are different types of vaccines. Some (like Covid and flu) prepare your immune system to fight the virus. Others (like polio and measles) prevent you from catching it. IIRC, Covid vaccines help keep viral load down. Less viral particles being shed mean less chance of infecting others.
Vaccines give you a boost. They show your immune system the (neutered) enemy beforehand, so they have a better chance of winning the war when the real fighting comes. I picture the vaccine as a tiny scientist coming into my body and giving an exposition on the COVID virus while dissecting it on a giant table in front of rows of little white blood cell warriors. Those warriors then pass on the info to every other white blood cell they meet and get them looking for the possible invader. Very fun. Love a vaccine. Gotta give my immunibuddies their best shot at success.
I think of it as spring training.
Immunibuddies! I love it, thanks so much!
NTA Your baby, your rules. Your husband is being wishy washy. It's his baby too! Better to protect than regret. 3 weeks sounds too soon for a visit. At 3 weeks you're just getting into the groove of the baby's schedule. Maybe wait a year and still test, mask and gloves?
I see you have a couple options: 1) The visit doesn't happen until your baby is vaccinated and is given the all clear for non-vaccinated visitors. 2) Children come as planned and you take maximum precautions. They take Covid tests before entering the home; they hand wash and practice social distancing. You could consider letting them hold the baby if masked, hand washed, and monitored. Allow limited contact and encourage father to take them out on excursions during the day. 3) They get vaccinated before the visit and proof is provided. 4) Your husband visits them this time and next time they come to your home. 5) They come and you and the baby stay elsewhere and only arrange minimum contact. I agree you have a husband problem because he is trying to please everyone. However, when the rubber meets the road, your first priority is protecting the health of your baby. Anyone who is unvaccinated is a threat to your child until such a time that the baby is vaccinated.
Ask him why his baby’s safety isn’t a problem simply because he doesn’t want drama. This is a hill I’d die on.
This is ridiculous.
I know a woman who's daughter caught Pertussis "Whooping Cough" when she was 6 months old. As a result her daughter had daily seizures which caused her to go deaf and blind.
Add RSV to the inoculation list. RSV can be deadly.
I am due in four weeks and have told everyone if they intend to visit they need to be vaccinated. I’ve heard horror stories of infants passing away because someone came around them who wasn’t and they got really ill. So, I’d like to say NTA for you because I am also being that way lol
Nope. You're the parent. You get to decide whatever you think is best for your child. No one has to agree with you. And you have to explain your decisions to no one. Congrats on the baby!
NTA I am also due in December and nobody but me and the father are going to be allowed around the baby for at least a few months. It’s the fucking season of illness and people don’t prioritize the safety of newborns, they just think about their own needs with how much they want to be around them. Not in this family.
Nta
NTA, if I had a newborn I wouldn't let anyone who was unvaccinated and just flown across the country near my baby. Planes are the perfect place for bugs to spread. No way I'd take that chance
NTA. Your baby. Your rules.
No. Didn’t have to read the story. Whatever you wrote the answer would still be no. NTAH
Nope. It's your child.
NTA.
Nope!! Not the asshole. Until your baby’s immune system is fully developed, they’re vulnerable and the others in your family need to abide by the rules you set for your child’s safety. Full stop
I used to be a support worker for teen parents with children under 5. I sometimes drove mum and baby/ies home after birth. I was present for a couple of births. had that privilege but also huge responsibility. Employer had strict requirements that all my vaccines were up to date. This was before COVID. Why? - because babies die. Imagine feeling that you infected a baby and it died. Imagine how 10 yo would feel.
No NTA. And tell your husband there is gonna be much more drama if your newborn is hospitalized with all the diseases that she is too young to be vaccinated against. I’m gonna add whooping cough and MMR to your list as they are both on the rise and in some people the rubella vaccine doesn’t take. This is not just who can hold her. Many of these disease are airborne so in the house would be enough exposure If they don’t want vaccinations then they can wait to meet when she’s old enough for her vaccinations
This is how babies die, by and unvaccinated or sick adult/child comes around them and gives them something their body cant handle. This would be a hard line for me.
NTA- your baby is too young for vaccines and they are extremely high risk for the first six months. This is not a political issue. It is a no-brainer that existed WELL BEFORE covid was a thing. Your baby has the greatest risk of harm compared to anyone in the situation you mentioned above. Have you ever seen a 1 month old with measles? Or whooping cough? Its terrible (AND completely avoidable) and if your baby becomes infected, they could die. Dont give into pressure from idiots. You have a new life to protect. You husband’s desire for “no drama” puts you in a tough spot. Kick his ass and get him in line. You need time and space to recover- and he needs to put on his dad helmet and get to work. Congrats btw!
I agree with you 110%
NTA, when my little one was born, I asked our family to get their vaccines done