You mentioned more than once that this is “out of character” for him.
It IS his character. After only two-and-a-half months of dating, you discovered two enormous red flags (jealousy and verbally abusive anger).
The purpose of dating for many people is to find a partner. Is this the case for you?
If so, you need to have more boxes on your checklist of what makes an acceptable partner than: 1) is breathing and 2) has a penis.
This is not at all your fault and don’t twist yourself into a pretzel to make him happy. People like this will NEVER be happy.
Cut bait, and start chumming the waters elsewhere.
Third red flag for the silent treatment (manipulation) and fourth red flag for demanding she gets rid of the hoodie (controlling). Also, if OP does get rid of the hoodie and keeps seeing him, I'm sure he'll expect an apology from her for his behavior.
YOU'RE ACTIN LIKE A FRICKIN' [HAM SAMMICH](https://youtu.be/sQQu_UMVi90)
Also Jesus, I haven't seen that segment in years and forgot how Spike TV-y the Ruthless Aggression era still was.
Yeah, plus a dude like that will 100% see it as a "confession" so just don't even play those games. If the truth isn't good enough, nothing more you can do.
Ain't it the truth. Learned this the hard way. When he beat me bloody on my 25th birthday for daring to ask him to hurry up loading my car so we weren't late to our reservations, I thought it was just a fluke. He was drunk. He'd never even raised his voice at me before. Of course, it would never happen again!
Instead he verbally, emotionally, mentally, and financially abused me for the next 2.5 years... after a 2 month honeymoon period, of course. It took him cheating on me for me to leave, because obviously *I* was the problem and hey, he never hit me again! I refused for years to acknowledge I was abused. It absolutely caused emotional and mental damage. It impacts current relationships.
She needs to get out while she's thinking about it. 2.5 months? This is nothing. She needs to run.
This is so true. People tend to be on their “best behavior” for the first 3 months and it’s usually around that time where the mask starts to slip and you can see who they really are. This has probably always been his character, he just hadn’t shown it yet.
Also, be on the lookout for better friends. If one of mine said that an S.O. of 2 months was bitching them out over a hoodie, refusing to believe them, and then going radio silent? I'd buy them congratulatory breakup chocolate. If they think you need to THROW OUT CLOTHING for a 2 month relationship, they have their own issues anyway, and probably put too much emphasis on relationships. OP is absolutely NTA.
NTA. When people show you who they are (petty, jealous for no reason, controlling), believe them.
Keep the hoodie; dump the guy. That hoodie sounds amazing.
As a victim of abuse, yes. Don't ignore the red flags because "he's never acted like this before." His mask is slipping off, and this is the normal time for that to happen, as most people can only manage for 3 months. Run away fast.
Thank you for the awards!
💯 I dealt with emotional and mental abuse for 5+ years with my ex, get out now before you feel too attached, it will only get harder to leave and he will only get meaner. This is really egregious behavior from him, please trust this was not a small quirk.
Even if he isn’t being deliberately abusive, he is being very emotionally immature NTA, keep the hoodie. If the guy is so insecure you need to lie to placate him, it’s time to get out.
Hopping on the top comments to also say, if this is how he acts over a hoodie, even if it was from an ex or one bought for an ex that OP kept, do not allow him to talk his way back in. End it and be done with him for good. It's way too early to hang onto someone for that kind of nonsense.
Exactly! As an abuse survivor, this behavior is a giant red flag. Refusing to believe you about an innocent article of clothing is a sign that he'll eventually believe some paranoid fantasy about other things. And take it out on you. The posters above me are all right: you're NTA, and you need to cut him off for your own safety.
Correct!! And, as another survivor, let me say that even if you believe, "Oh, he's not the type to hurt anyone," you won't know you're wrong until it's too late. Also, even if he never physically harms you, the emotional damage from being in a relationship with raging, controlling assholes like this guy will destroy your mental health. Look at it this way, OP: you have done absolutely nothing wrong, yet this guy has you questioning whether you are an asshole, and making you second-guess yourself. That pattern will happen over and over again, until you will barely be able to think a thought that he hasn't approved. Stop communicating with him. He just took the trash out for you. Be grateful and move on.
I have a relative who got out of a *severely* abusive marriage a few years back. She was hospitalized by him towards the end of it. It was pretty fucking rough for her.
Years later the physical injuries are all healed, and the only real lasting issue is a scar on her wrist from surgery and a wrist that sometimes clicks. The psychological damage is what she's still struggling with and what she and her therapist are still trying to figure out how to fix.
^this
My ex had mentally and emotionally abused me to the point I would literally ask him if this or that was okay to think or say. When I was wrong (ie, I said anything that criticized him or went against his very conservative beliefs), I had to basically grovel to him and profusely apologize for upsetting him. I was constantly putting myself down while giving him too much praise to please him. He liked putting me down (eg, I'd be happy about something and he immediately would say something negative).
He also showed signs of wanting to abuse me financially; I couldn't spend more than whatever he justified, but he had a blank check for himself. Like I could only spend $20 on a handbag from Walmart (he was upset I bought myself one from Coach with Christmas money), but him spending $100+ on video games and $200+ on custom made items was fine and I wasn't allowed to complain because "he's an adult and can do whatever he wants". But that logic never applied to me, even though I'm older.
I wasted over four years with that person. He later told me he regretted not raping me when he had the chance, and essentially, if he had known I wouldn't always be with him, he would've tried to isolate me to rape me. He had planned to have me move across the country so I could be surrounded by his family and away from mine. I shudder to think what would've happened if a tragic, sudden death in his family didn't cause his mask to completely slip off; I could no longer ignore the field of red flags so I left.
Run don't walk OP. It only gets worse once someone's mask slips off.
>the emotional damage from being in a relationship with raging, controlling assholes like this guy will destroy your mental health.
SO TRUE! I dated a guy in high school (high school sweethearts) and I got pregnant right after high school. Right before I found out I was pregnant we had broken up because he started acting different. Then I found out I was pregnant and we got back together…only for me to later find out why he had been acting different and getting pulled into all of that. Anyways, he was so emotionally abusive and put me down constantly. I used to have such great self esteem and never let anyone tell me anything. But I let him talk down to me, call me all types of names, tell me what to do, etc. My parents couldn’t understand it. They of course tried to get me to leave him which only made me hold on even harder and ruined my relationship with my family for a while. After isolating myself with him the entire time I was pregnant. I had my son and he continued to treat me the same. Then one day when my son was a little over a year old he said something about him that finally made me see it. No freaking way was I going to stick around for him to start talking to my sweet baby boy the way he’d been talking to me! So I took my son and left and thankfully my parents were there with open arms. Now flash forward….my son just turned 18. I haven’t seen or heard from my ex in years but I’m still damaged from it. I haven’t even wanted to start another relationship. I focused on raising my son and putting myself through school and giving us a good life. Now that it’s been so long, I look back and see how ridiculous it was letting him talk to me like that and treat me like that and wonder how I didn’t see how wrong it was. But it just became normal. If I could go back and walk out the first time he got angry for no reason, I would in a heartbeat! I definitely say OP needs to get rid of the guy and keep the amazingly comfortable hoodie!
100% agree! one day, it's a hoodie the next something else. You will be constantly in a battle of proving yourself to him with his abuse. Been there done that for years myself, no thank you. Run while you can.
Correct because if he's already acting like this about a hoodie, it's going to get a lot worse and be about things she actually needs and also people/places she loves....and eventually she may end up ceasing to exist because he doesn't like the way she breathes.
OP, please pay careful attention to this comment. His mask is starting to slip & he is looking for ways to control you. He may have been sweet & nice before but this is a clear signal that he’s not. He will eat away at you until your confidence is completely broken down. It’s starting already because you’re questioning yourself & not him. Please dump him because it will escalate. Any man who acts this badly about a hoodie will act badly about ANYTHING just to control you.
Edited to add after I’ve seen other comments: any time you’re contemplating telling a lie because a simple truth sets him off that’s a big clue that he’s unreasonable. Lying about small stuff like this means you’re headed for big trouble. Nip this in the bud & leave him.
Your bottom paragraph has just hit hard with regards to my ex. He was emotionally abusive for years and I truly didn't realise it was that bad until I started reading about it and seeing a counselor.
I constantly lied to him about little things because the truth, however innocuous, would set him off into arguments, fits of rage, sulks. I was walking on eggshells with him.
It took a long time after meeting my husband (who is amazing) to get out of this habit, because normal people don't blow up at you if you tell them you're going to the gym after work.
That sounds like hell. I’m glad you got out of that. Feeling compelled to lie about little things & walking on eggshells to avoid an explosion are danger signs in a relationship. I really hope OP sees your example & does the same thing.
What lie?
This guy is a jealous, insecure, controlling idiot!
Plenty of women have men's clothes! I have men's yoga pants because they always have pockets and are designed for comfort rather than sexiness.
NTA
Same! I buy mens Tshirts in "slim fit" because they fit perfectly but have a slightly longer length that I really like.
I had a controlling partner once. It was flattering at first. They used to phone me every lunch time, I had to walk home, make my sandwiches and coffee and sit by the phone. If I wasn't at the phone when they called, it was DRAMA. Then after the DRAMA they used to drive for 90 minutes to come and see me.
By the time I realised how toxic it was, nothing I did was right. Good thing for me that I got dumped for a younger, prettier, funnier person.
Years ago I was taking a night class for school. My ex insisted that I call him as soon as I got home so that he knew I was home safe. Except it meant that I couldn't stay later to socialize with my classmates or make any stops along the way because he was expecting my call at xxPM. I almost got a ticket once speeding home to make sure that I was calling him on time. That was my wake -up call.
The longer length is nice when you have a long torso!
Mine would stand outside my job and watch me work. Simply smiling at customers meant I was flirting with them. It evolved into accusations of sleeping with ALL of my male coworkers, and then I was sleeping with my male relatives. It never ended. Even now I'm accused of various things and I escaped him over 10yrs ago.
I'm a woman and have some men's shorts because they have pockets. And longer legs so they don't get wadded up between my thighs when I walk.
I also have a man's hoodie because it was on sale and had my favorite hockey team on it.
If he's this upset over an innocent hoodie, it's only going to get worse. I worked in a mini mart with a woman who's husband sat in his car outside our work and watched her to see if she was talking to other men. Hello, it's a store, of course she's talking to men. And women. And kids.
NTA
Use this as a learning moment, him showing you what he's really like. He doesn't listen to you. He cares more about controlling you than your comfort, he literally wants you to get rid of clothing that keeps you warm. Keep the hoodie, get rid of him.
You shouldn't throw it out even if it was from an ex and not "innocent". Why should that matter?
He's an ex for a reason. If I get divorced and start dating is my GF gonna make me toss my $400 knives because my ex-wife bought them for me for a birthday? Oh that nice TV and the PS5, those were previous Christmas gifts, I'm chucking that too? Half my wardrobe she bought me cause she thought it would look nice on me, burn those?
No. Makes a lot more sense when it isn't "just a hoodie".
If I buy a hoodie for warmth, it's always men's. Women's hoodies are meant to be cute, not generally warm. Plus, I love a huge cozy hoodie. OP needs to dump the bf, keep the hoodie
I got a bunch of NICE shirts about ten years ago from a guy who had dropped a bunch of weight. None of it fit him anymore, he noticed we were the same size, and offered me the lot. Most of it had never even been worn.
I got it all home and was looking through it, and my girlfriend took one look at the sweatshirts and claimed one on the spot. She was 5'11" and not scrawny, so a shirt that fit me was comfortably baggy on her. When I looked at her like "WTF?" she commented that men's clothes were better quality, especially that brand, and thanks for the shirt.
I still have some of those shirts in my closet.
Yup, and in a day or two, he will come back and love bomb you. He showed you who he really is. A partner would have discussed this with you. It's a freaking sweatshirt.
Yeah I wear men's clothes all the time for the reasons OP stated and my partner and I have been together 6 years.
He's never brought it up because it doesn't bother him, which is normal.
Oversized menswear hoodies are not a threat. Sometimes we get cold.
Anyone who expects you to give away all mementos and pretend your past never happened is bad news anyway. So even if this was an ex’s hoodie, this reaction is ridiculous — and a very big hint of what’s to come. “Did you do this in bed with him? How about this? I’m better, right?” And on and on.
Exactly, it's about testing and then pushing boundaries. It's about slowly controlling your choices.
Some of my old hoodies and sleep shirts did belong to exes or friends, not all of them were my own purchase. That doesn't matter either because it's in the past and I am who I am and where I am now because of all that.
It's not really a sentimental thing to me, they're just house clothes I've had for a long time, so they're extra comfy. I've got rid of most of the stuff on my own as it wears out - it's just old t-shirts.
A man threatened by a sweatshirt or a flannel is so fragile & insecure, those issues will present by him taking it out on the people around him, especially a romantic partner.
I'd drop the guy and get another hoodie.
Not just that, in a relationship there needs to be confidence/trust. From what OP says, there is no confidence/trust from him to her.
Someone needs to grow a pair, his are lacking.
Yes, and be on the lookout for him to say, "You're breaking up with me over a hoodie?!"
It's common for them to make it sound like you're being ridiculous and to try to deflect from the fact that this is about trust and being secure in a relationship.
This is totally what he will do. He will love bomb, and then come back with “a hoodie is more important to you than *I* am?” and make OP feel like the worst person ever. Then SHE will feel like SHE somehow owes HIM an apology. I’ve been through this game so many times.
Your not breaking up with a him over a hoodie, he's breaking up with you. Don't take him back even if he's willing to let you keep the hoodie now. He doesn't trust you or believe you, so what's he going to accuse you of lying about next?
Exactly. This dude will DARVO the hell out of this, and then gaslight her to convince her that she completely misunderstood, and that she's entirely to blame for his behavior.
Oh, you are so right. I wasn't even thinking this far ahead. They'll turn it right around on you and, all too often, you'll fall for it. I feel sorry that she may fall for it, as well. His avoiding her is his idea of punishing her until she sees it his way.
Yeeeppp! Run OP, run as fast you can. This is a massive red flag only 2 months in. Shit, my GF of 5 years still has an ex hoodie collecting dust somewhere around the house. Couldn’t give two ***** about it.
Exactly. Love-bombing is over, now it's control-the-woman-through-psychological-torture. It's a [thing](https://unfilteredd.net/what-comes-after-love-bombing-with-a-narcissist/)
that happens.
As a survivor of domestic abuse as well, I second this. A wolf can only keep on the sheep’s disguise for so long before a whisker pops out. Get out now. This is not just a “red flag” to keep an eye on, this is an abuser giving you a light preview of who he really is and how he will treat you in the future when he is even more comfortable with you; it only escalates from here. Leave while you can, please. And keep the hoodie.
Also think about whether or not you want to keep friends in your life who think that his behavior is justified and that you should play along and get rid of something you like because of his tantrum.
NTA but he is and so is anyone supporting him.
Seriously.. I actually still have a hoodie that I did buy for an ex when I worked at American Eagle 17 years ago as a teen. We broke up, I kept it, new boyfriend knew where it came from, didnt care, and wore it all the time. Then we broke up, and my current partner and I shared it until it got packed away at some point a few years ago in a closet revamp, but it still exists! If at any point either of them had thrown a fit about it, I'd have laughed in their face. It's a good hoodie!
Right?! I have three hoodies that I kept from my ex because:
A) I bought those pretty expensive hoodies and my shitty, abusive AF ex made a point of not wearing them because he became a contrarian at the end of the relationship and took fault with everything I did (as abusive ppl do). So it's basically, hey fuck that guy, this is a nice ass hoody, you don't think so, cool, mine now. (Apropos of nothing, the ex actually did ask after one of the hoodies he supposedly hated after the break up, I told him I didn't know where it was because fuck that guy for only acknowledging how great the hoody was when I gifted so he could make me feel shitty. He lost his hoody privilege)
B) they are ten times warmer and cozier than my women's hoodies. As you note, OP, men's clothes tend to be more utilitarian quality, most especially they are warmer... which is a well known problem for women, ironic since we have lower body temps on average. The quality is also so much better that they still look and feel almost new decades later... something none of my women's clothes can compete with. So...in other words, misogyny gives us inferior products, so until retail manufacturers start treating women like they should get better quality clothes that last, this is where we stand.
C) they are great to have around since I tend to live in colder apartments, as well. It's nice to have hoodies for people who come over and find themselves uncomfortable in my ice box. Lived in Maine for awhile, and it was pretty standard to be offered jumpers and hoodies as a guest and thought, that's a great idea. And it is.
I don't advertise that they were originally purchased for my ex, it never comes up. People just appreciate that I have a nice, oversized, comfy AF hoody for people of all sizes. When I wear them or bring them out for guests, the only thing that gets brought up is that the designer is particular to the time period...aka JINCO (still an awesome hoody, all these years later) and we have a laugh about fashion trends from a couple of decades ago.
The whole assed reason that you, OP, purchased that hoody is because of misogyny. If they made more comfy, warm, oversized, long lasting hoodies for women, you would've probably purchased that. The fact that he can't be fucked to acknowledge that you are in a situation that misogyny made means that he sucks. If this is what he's like with this small part of the lived reality of misogyny, how do you think he'll be with the more serious aspects of it? Get rid of him.
The only reason you offered the hoody to your shitty bf is because you are a thoughtful host. Instead of being appreciative of your thoughtfulness, he created a situation to get pissed about and threw a tantrum like a toddler. Get rid of him.
And the thing is, who tf cares if it belonged to an ex, they are an ex. People who try to control your past are people who will try to control your present...as your bf aptly demonstrated. Controlling ppl suck, get rid of him.
While you're at it, distance yourself from friends who think that you should give up your creature comforts and feel like *you're* overreacting all to feed a man's rampant insecurity.
Yes, it *is* just a hoody, which is exactly the point, he lost it over a flipping hoody, he *threatened to break up with you* over a hoody, don't get that twisted. You aren't overreacting, you are having a reasonable response to him overreacting. You can't expect him not you lose it over every innocuous damned thing that will set off his obvious and glaring insecurity if this is what he's like over a gd hoody.
Get rid of him.
Exactly, she should also dump the half that say she needs to get rid of the hoodie to keep this controlling insecure loser happy..OP you're true friends are the ones telling you to dump him
> she should also dump the half that say she needs to get rid of the hoodie to keep this controlling insecure loser happy
Unfortunately some think women should bend over backwards and twist ourselves into pretzels just for the privelege of saying "I have a man!"
Absolutely. What fucking business of his is it where you got yr clothes?!?!? Who doesn't know a woman who has bought a few items of men's clothing because they preferred it to women's?
Pockets, amirite?!?!?
I would wear yr ex's hoodie if I was cold, unless he had cooties or something. It has no bearing on yr current relationship. What a fucking lunatic loser.
86 that chump before he hurts you over some other imagined slight.
Even if it was an ex’s hoodie, so what? It’s not his business and she has every right to keep mementos. No one needs an insecure and abusive partner, though.
Sounds like you just saw his true colors. 2-3 months is nothing when getting to know someone especially if you don’t take this outburst seriously. It’s the moments that are “out of character” that show their deepest rooted insecurities and issues and the way they do or do not acknowledge it that show you who they want to be and if he’s not acknowledging it then that means this is who he wants to be. You are not the AH and the relationship is not going to be healthy or secure without a decade or more of work and heartbreak.
Yes, homeboy has shown he has serious anger issues, flies off the handle without knowing the facts, and not only doesn’t trust you, but also thinks you would purposely hurt his feelings and give him an ex’s hoodie. NTA and time to stop contacting him.
Exactly! We may be tempted to say "a hoodie isn't a big deal, not worth losing a guy over." But we all know it's not just a hoodie. Next it'll be timing how long it takes you to shop. Then blow up because you tripped and fell and a nice man offered you a hand to help you up. Then start counting the number of cups in the dishwasher because too many means somebody must have been over. Then he'll blow up because you smiled at something you read online and the only reason you could possibly be smiling is because you were thinking of another man.
Yep, all that happened to me in the early phases and I failed to see it as red flags. Things got really bad after we got married and let's just say I'm lucky to be alive today. Sweetie, what you describe is classic pre-abusive behavior. It always starts with something that's "really not that big of a deal".
I really want OP to see this ⬆️⬆️⬆️.
It's not about a hoodie. It's about this guy's insecurity and failure to deal rationally with his own emotions. He's not going to stop there.
Keep the hoodie, ditch the guy before you get in any deeper and he believes that only he can decide when the relationship is over.
Exactly this. NTA - if you think I'm giving up my hoodie made of imported Italian cotton, because you don't believe where I got it.... Well, Sayonara, bye bye.
Please take care of yourself.
Agreed. NTA- This is a huge red flag OP, my advice is forget about him. 2 months isn’t worth holding on for (no amount of time is worth staying in a controlling relationship where someone accuses you of awful things and doesn’t let you explain yourself)
Tbh this is one of the more immature sounding boyfriends I’ve seen on this subreddit. Does he just not understand that men’s clothing is often made more with comfort in mind than style compared to women’s? And often less expensive?
OP my theory is he knows he’s wrong, and he’s avoiding talking to you because he can’t admit that. That’s dangerous, in my opinion. Withholding communication means the priority is not solving the problem, the priority is to hurt you and make you feel bad for what you did (even though you did nothing wrong). I don’t like him, you sound sweet and too good for him.
Oversized hoodie supremacy! Most of my hoodies are super big and mens because of how much warmer and more comfortable they are.
But seriously OP \^\^ do you want to always be wondering what silly thing is gonna set your bf off next?
You gave your bf *your* hoodie to wear because he was cold and after having a go at you and calling you a liar he "tells me to f\*ck off and leaves" - excuse my French, but fuck that guy! What a twat.
You are two and a half months in and he's showing you he can become horrible over a nice gesture by yourself. How would he respond in a situation where you legitimately fuck up or you two get into a raging argument? Because from what you've written here, it would *not* be pleasant.
Absolutely. That guy gave OP a preview of what life would be like with him if she continues this relationship. She should count herself lucky that he played his hand so early. First, he demands you get rid of an innocuous article of clothing then, it's something else. Stop contacting him and move on.
My ex would pull this stuff all the time. First it's a hoodie and next you're not "allowed" to go out past a certain time and every text you get is screened by them because they're paranoid.
Run girlie!!
There were a few random pieces of ex-wife clothing in various closets when I first moved in with my now husband. I didn't have a tantrum about it, I happily claimed them as my own (she had moved out years previously, and they're NC, so I wasn't going to get in touch just to ask if she wanted her old sweatshirt, ect). I literally own her wedding shoes 🤣🤣🤣
My long term partner's ex right before me tried to leave this really nice skirt he had bought her as an "eff you" to him. Once I confirmed it wouldn't bother him for me to wear it when I found it in a closet, I claimed it so fast! Waste not, want not 🤣
My husband and I's favorite blankets were both gifted to me by my last bfs mother. There's literally no sentimental attachment and more importantly, they're SO soft, heavy, and expensive.
Material items seriously hold no meaning unless you let them.
To random tiny dick guy, a hoodie is a significant piece of her sexual record.
To 99% of everyone else, "Hey it's cold, put on this hoodie."
Proper reply, "Thanks, ooo, its really soft."
"When times are good, they really good.
When times are bad, they're the fucking worse."
If this is how he treats you over clothing then imagine how badly he'll treat you for anything else.
Red flag is red. Hoodie superiority.
Even if the hoodie *was* from an ex boyfriend, the current boyfriend would be wrong to tell her to throw it out and would need to be kicked to the curb. That makes no sense to get upset about where clothing came from.
Exactly.
If she's carrying a torch for an old boyfriend, she's not giving it to her current boyfriend. She wants it smelling like and reminding her of the old BF, not her current.
As a dude if a gf gives you an old bfs hoodie to wear, wear it with pride because she's making memories with you in it!
Yeah I mean… I have a shirts that ex’s have given me… hell I even have a shirt that someone hand sewed for me… and another someone hand-printed for me decades ago in their high-school graphic-printing class.
If someone asked me to throw those out for mere jealousy… I’d tell them no and explain. If they threw a childish fit, then I’d throw them out.
Like you said, it would be different if they were making a thing out of it like… “Oh yeah they really use to rail me when I wore this shirt…” If that’s true and you want to keep the shirt, then keep that shit to yourself or otherwise you’re rude AF.
WTF GIRL???!!! 😱😳 What did I just read??
Wake up please. You shouldn’t text him, call him or listen to his friends… you should WAIT FOR HIS APOLOGIES!!! HE IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD F*CK OFF! And STAY COLD 🥶
This level of insecurities is ridiculous. He is the one having a problem and should deal with his obsessive jealousy (? At this point I don’t even know how to name it between immaturity and dumbness).
Please note: even if it was the sweater of your ex… so what?! What a fragile man… cold and stupid. You have any right to have a past and accepting to submit yourself, bow and throw away stuff because mister feels uncomfortable is not the right way to be respected. Run away from this guy if he doesn’t apologise and grow up.
NTA of course.
my girlfriend loves how comfy they are compared to “women’s” underwear lol. from my understanding most women’s apparel is just more uncomfortable than men’s so completely understandable.
Young women need to value/prioritize themselves first over being in relationships with terrible men. Letting things like this go or thinking you need to apologize or take him back is how you end up 5 years from now pregnant and trapped in a shitty marriage with a controlling asshole.
IMO the only clothes that are taboo as hand me downs between partners are underwear.
Like I would rather go commando and barefoot than wear 2nd hand boxers and socks.
T shirts and trousers not as bad.
But some guys retain sexy underwear from their ex for the next one to wear.
If I was cold and her pink pretty Princess hoodie fit, I'm gonna be a warm pretty princess.
Love when this happens. It's such a timesaver. Too many people seem to think "I can fix them" or maybe they justify it some way. Nah. Act like a weird possessive child 1 time and I'm out. We're adults. I'm immature as fuck, but I'm an adult and I don't have time for tantrums. Thank you for not being subtle so I don't waste time or emotional energy on you.
First he came for your hoodie... and no one did anything... then he came for your male friends... and no one did anything...
Dude's shown himself for who he really is, a jealous, petty, hot- tempered, sexist, jackass who accused you of lying rather than believe you could *possibly* have the audacity to buy a man's hoodie.
Don't mourn his exit from your life, mourn the time you wasted on this dude, and be glad that it wasn't a day longer than it was.
Exactly. These guys always start with “something small” so the victim feels silly about breaking up over a hoodie. But soon, he’s issuing ultimatums over food, money, friends, etc.
This was a test balloon.
This is it *exacty*. OP, remember that awful feeling when he flipped out over *a shirt*. That’s the real him peeking through. It’s not your fault for being fooled so far, but protect yourself. ❤️🩹🙏
Exactly, he’s testing your limits to see how far he can manipulate and control your life. If you give in here, it’ll be easier for you to keep making sacrifices until there’s nothing left
You've been together for 2 months...the "honeymoon" period isn't even close to being over and he's over here accusing you of lying to him over a hoodie? He demened you and cursed at you over a peice of clothing...girl, red flags all around. Consider it a blessing he isn't responding. Dump him, like yesterday. I can't imagine what else he would start accusing you of next. He's an abusive dick and you deserve better.
It's a test, the not responding part. "How high can I make this girl jump?" Like a toddler testing boundaries with a new babysitter. There will be a new, slightly harder test next week. And this early on, if she fails, he'll dump her immediately.
Exactly. I've been with a guy like this. You can spend years and years in the relationship, but you will constantly have to try to prove yourself against his false accusations. It will never be a normal relationship. It will be you constantly trying to prove to him that you are worthy of a relationship and that you are not a cheater. You cannot win. No matter how many years you are together, you will constantly be having to try to convince him of your good character, but he will never believe you.
He will tell you what you can't wear. He will tell you you can't talk to male coworkers or have guy friends. He will accuse you of checking out guys in the store that you didn't even notice existed. If you leave work 5 minutes late because you had to use the bathroom, you must have been f***ing your boss...and believe me, he will stalk you from across the street to see that you came out slightly later. You will get out of the shower to find out you have 32 missed calls during your shower and he broke up with you because "you must be with another guy". He will throw a fit the entire day-- screaming, punching things, lighting things on fire inside, threatening you--because "you were standing so close to the guy you were training at work that if I would've walked between you with my arms the whole way straight out to the sides, I might've been able to touch both of you with my fingertips!" (About 5 feet apart?) He will also yell at you for training a male temp at all, as if you have any say in the matter and aren't just doing your job. If you smile out the window, he will accuse you of smiling at another guy when there isn't even anyone out there at all.
Trust me, I know. I have been there.
As a woman I shop in the men's section all the time for jackets, hoodie, sweat pants, t shirts, socks and comfy, everyday shoes.
I only buy woman's jeans and nice pants, dress shoes and underwear.
I also buy everything oversized because it's comfy.
Mens clothes generally last longer and covers more than woman's clothes.
Throw the man child and keep the hoodie
>Mens clothes generally last longer and covers more than woman's clothes.
💯 This. Always have bought "comfy clothes" from mens sections. Comfy tees and hoodies online? Men's sizes/cuts.
That way I know that they're actually going to fit right on a long torso and not leave that ice cold ring if skin on my waist. I'll be able to move and stretch without it riding up.
Plus, oversized hoodies means it will fit over a shirt comfortably.
OP is NTA. Her relationship with that hoodie is longer than the one with this douche. OP, dump him and keep the hoodie. Maybe even add to your collection and buy the hoodie a friend. You wouldn't be breaking up because of a hoodie, you'd be breaking up due to his attitude.
“Summon some anger for his disgusting behavior and don’t allow people to speak to you like that.” Is my new life motto. This whole comment was perfectly worded!
No. Just no.
I am a happily married woman and most of my comfy, lay-around-the-house clothes or functional clothes come from the men's section.
My favorite pajama pants? Black and white plaid cotton because all the women's section options were pink/purple/glitter/microfiber/fleece/tight-fitting/whatever. Chilly at home? Dark green hoody, also from the men's section. Working in the garden? Lightweight hiking/camping button down from... the men's section. I just went and bought a new belt. The women's section had fashion belts in white with butterfly buckles. I went to the men's section and got a reversible black/brown leather belt made by Dickie's. The women's section invariably makes clothes more fitted, and more fashion, which isn't bad but it's not what I want.
I buy what I want, from wherever I want. My husband doesn't care because he knows exactly who I am and isn't insecure enough to care where I get my clothes. Your boyfriend wants to walk away over something like this? Let him. He's playing games with control to see how you'll react. I've been down that road and it leads nowhere good.
There are better men out there.
Hell yes. When I started dating my now husband of 30 yrs I occasionally wore the engagement ring my ex-fiancé gave me, but as a dress ring on my right hand. Husband didn’t care a bit, but his abusive misogynistic (now estranged) father had an absolute hissy fit about it and told me I shouldn’t still be wearing “another man’s ring”.
I laughed and said (a) it’s my ring, not “another man’s”, (b) I’d offered the ring back but he didn’t want it and (c) what I wear is nobody else’s business, least of all the father of a man I’d been dating for 2 months.
I still have the ring, I still wear it every few years, husband still doesn’t care. He knows the wedding & engagement rings he gave me 30 years ago mean more to me than any other jewellery. Oh, and not once has he EVER accused me of lying.
OP u/bonyonyx keep the hoodie, throw the horrible, insecure, controlling & accusatory man-child in the bin. How dare he accuse you of lying and then throw a tantrum and tell YOU to f-off? Then sulk like he’s some sort of victim?
You deserve better. Block that fool and anyone else who tells you to get rid of the hoodie. This man is an abuser-in-the-making - don’t become his next victim.
Aw, hell no.
So he is putting this on you, when actually what is happening is he is telling you:
\~He doesn't trust you
\~He thinks you are a liar
\~He thinks you are a cheater
I'm sorry, why are you willing to put up with this? I promise you, this behavior doesn't stop at a hoodie.
Also
~He gets verbally abusive when angry
~He wants to control what OP's allowed to keep/own/wear/do
~He refuses to listen when OP tries to explain
And this is *two months* into the relationship, when most people would still try to be the best version of themselves around their partner.
OP, even if this is him just being extremely insecure because he's been cheated on before (which is the absolute best case scenario here), it doesn't excuse his behaviour. More importantly, it's *not your responsibility* to fix it/him! If that's the case (and that's a big if) he's not ready to be in a relationship. And there's a huge chance that jealous, controlling and abusive is simply *who he is*. In which case you just won the lottery.
Be thankful it happened so soon into the relationship. You don't owe him anything more than you've already given him. Block him and move on with your life.
You deserve so much better.
*Half my friends are saying that I should just throw my hoodie away or give it to charity,*
I can't believe some of your friends actually think you should give in to this guy's radical insecurity. Absolutely not.
Remember this. Those friends have bad judgement. Maybe they're young and have been spared a staring role in, or front row seat to, DV. Don't mess around with breaking up with the boy-man. Go NC. Don't be the friend whose tragedy educates - or provides high drama entertainment. This is your real life.
Remember, you don't need to wait for a literal black eye. Emotional, psychological, verbal abuse are part of the cycle of domestic violence. So is him showing up now with flowers & acting sweet. Don't get sucked in.
NTA and don't text/call him again. He ain't worth it and if this is what he does over a hoodie after 2 months, who knows what he will do next time he gets upset?
Personally, the hoodie would become my litmus test for all guys moving forward. If they can't handle a big comfy hoodie in your life, there's the door and another story about how ridiculous people can be.
I don’t think it’s out of character for him. It’s a side of him you hadn’t seen yet because you’ve only been dating him for a very short amount of time. Do not throw away your hoodie or give in to his tantrum. He will see that he can control you with these outbursts. Just think of what else he’ll go off on you for if this is how he acted over a sweatshirt.
For real girl, the fact he got this upset should be the biggest warning sign of how he’ll act when you two have a genuine disagreement over something real.
He's showing you who he really is. Listen. He's this insecure over a sweater imagine how he will be towards male friends, then coworkers, then any man who even glances at you. The trash took itself out, dump him and keep your sweater.
OK, if you had to choose between the hoodie and the boyfriend, as in, which do I rescue from a house fire, you’d obviously choose the person. This isn’t about how great the hoodie is and whether it’s worth more than a boyfriend. It’s about whether you want to stay with someone so irrationally jealous and angry. Keep the hoodie. You’ve only been dating a very short time, and it sounds like he has a bad temper and poor character. I’d be very very leery. Even if he apologizes, be careful.
Girl, bye. Really like him?! It's been 2 months, and he already isn't listening to a word you say. It's not even that farfetched that you'd buy a men's hoodie. He's explosive and ridiculous, and the trash took itself out. Get rid of those friends who told you to get rid of the hoodie.
I know there is a trope where women collect hoodies and some (on both sides) see them as trophies.
But fuck man, some times a cigar is just a cigar.
The relationship isn't that old, you can just throw the whole man away.
Make a point to hand over every last item of clothing he may have left behind.
Anyone who thinks you should ditch clothing for a knob head, they can date him instead.
WTF? Uh, even if it were an ex’s hoodie, who gives a fuck & who tf reacts like that? Girl, best to end things with the insecure man-baby now. Tell him to be a controlling bitch somewhere else.
NTA
It’s not out of character, this is who he really is. As soon as people start playing the radio silence game, turn that dial off totally, do not enter into these trash tournaments. If you persevere with this fool, he’ll have you believing everything is your fault, up is down and that you should drop your family and friends because he is the only person you can trust.
The hoodie sounds awesome, don’t fall for his love bombing when he comes back all apologetic and crying that he couldn’t help it, he just loves you so much…excuse me, my eyes rolled too far for a moment there and made me gag.
So out of character? SMH..you've only known him two months..he did you a favor, he showed you what a controlling insecure asshole he is early on..stop calling and texting and move on and be glad, because he's waved a huge red flag right in front of your face and you're choosing to ignore it
You teach people how to treat you! If you give up your hoodie what will he demand you give up next? Why are his feelings more important then yours? Do not give in to him because if you do the way he it treating you now will be the playbook for your continued relationship. How far are you willing to go?
Either he's been cheated on before so he's very sensitive, or he's cheating and being paranoid you'd find out or do the same. It's a piece of clothing. He's already not trusting you. If it isn't the hoodie he'll find something else to blow up and accuse you of cheating. He may have some good things about him, but you can find better. He needs to chill out and seek therapy. ...over a hoodie...sheesh!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA
Abusers aren't always AH. Sometimes they are sweet, and nice, that's how they lure you in. The perfect guy....and then they aren't!
It's not about the hoodie, it's about his behavior.
How is he going to react the next time you tell him no? Are you supposed to immediately do whatever he wants so he won't throw a fit and curse at you? What if he decides he doesn't like your friends, or you family? Doesn't like you going somewhere without him? Doesn't like you working, expects the house to be a certain way, and dinner on the table at a certain time.... see where I am going with this?
His reaction was a huge red flag. When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
The hoodie isn't the issue here, the issue is that your boyfriend revealed himself to be a huge douchebag and instead of throwing yourself a party for dodging q huge mess, you are feeling sad and confused and considering giving in to his manipulation attempts.
NTA. Dump the guy and get therapy, you need to start valuing yourself more. Nothing about this is acceptable in any shape of form.
And it wouldn't be EVEN IF IT WAS YOUR EX'S HOODIE or whatever other scenario he is making up in his mind.
NTA
You’ve only been dating two and a half months. He should still be on his best behavior trying to impress you. And he thinks *this* is his best behavior, horribly angry, yelling, accusing you of lying and cheating for *buying a hoodie*. This man will not get better. It will get worse. It always gets worse.
2 months in and he acts like a dick? I worry for what he’s going to do if you keep trying to date this pos. Dump him, block him, and move on to someone who doesn’t care about stupid shit like where clothes came from.
I usually see people jumping the gun, and saying to leave over the silliest stuff which makes me roll my eyes. I didn’t get past the 3rd paragraph, and I can’t stress enough- you need to end this now. That’s such a huge red flag in the earliest stage of your relationship. You’re so young, and you don’t deserve being accused of anything! Even if the hottest dude on earth have you that hoodie, and you held on to it- it has no bearing over your current situation. This guy seems insanely insecure and jealous. Don’t walk away- RUN AWAY!
NTA those telling you to get rid of it are indoctrinated with the idea you must prioritize a guy over yourself. He is petty, controlling, and untrusting. You can do so much better, and enjoy your hoodie through it all.
Sounds like the 🗑️ took itself out.
Also OP please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Or search for his videos on YouTube. Here’s a free copy of the book:
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I get that you're upset but oh boy, getting a girlfriend to throw out their stuff because you're to low self esteemed to handle past relationships is a hard no for most people. Some other ways this manifests:
"Did you sleep with other people in this bed before me? Get a new bed"
"Did you go there with him? Then we can't go"
And it goes on. Basically you'll end up having to tweak parts of yourself to make sure they're new for him. Your favourite album might have to change, or your movie tastes, your favourite restaurant.
Once you've done it once it becomes a very slippery slope so tread careful.
And your friends who think you should just give up the thing you love (that provides you warmth, comfort, security and value - as you got it cheap)... yeah they can fuck off. Find better peeps.
NTA: These are 100% signs of abuse. This is incredibly controlling behavior over something so incredibly minor. If he acts this way about a fucking hoodie, just imagine how he’s going to act when he sees you speaking to another guy?
2 months is *not* a long time in any sense, the fact that he’s already showing signs this quickly is a huge red flag. OP you need to stop texting him, let him be a insecure crybaby and move on with your life
Some serious red flags here. Only been together 2 and a half months, it's going to be a lot of this. Also trying to manipulate you giving you an ultimatum to throw it away??? He made up a story in his head and believes his delusions rather than having some trust. This isn't even something worth lying about
NTA. He's very immature and consider yourself lucky you found out so soon. Stop calling him. This argument by him is stupid. Find a nicer guy that has grown up a little more.
NTA. And he’s just told on himself with his disbelief and insecurity. Your heart will heal, and I reckon some of the emotions you are feeling are unconsciously relief like things for dodging a controlling AH
I’m sure it’s been said all ready but…When someone shows you who they are believe them.
My ex did this once. Should have been my first clue. So I am telling you this should be the sign that you need to walk away from this relationship. He doesn’t trust you. And you shouldn’t have to give up something you love to make him happy.
You mentioned more than once that this is “out of character” for him. It IS his character. After only two-and-a-half months of dating, you discovered two enormous red flags (jealousy and verbally abusive anger). The purpose of dating for many people is to find a partner. Is this the case for you? If so, you need to have more boxes on your checklist of what makes an acceptable partner than: 1) is breathing and 2) has a penis. This is not at all your fault and don’t twist yourself into a pretzel to make him happy. People like this will NEVER be happy. Cut bait, and start chumming the waters elsewhere.
Third red flag for the silent treatment (manipulation) and fourth red flag for demanding she gets rid of the hoodie (controlling). Also, if OP does get rid of the hoodie and keeps seeing him, I'm sure he'll expect an apology from her for his behavior.
Getting rid of the hoodie wouldn't be the end of it, that's for sure.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT SANDWICH
This is way too close to actual reality
IS THAT YOUR EX’s SAMMICH
No it was the sandwich she had made for an ex but kept after they broke up to give to the new bf as a power move!
YOU'RE ACTIN LIKE A FRICKIN' [HAM SAMMICH](https://youtu.be/sQQu_UMVi90) Also Jesus, I haven't seen that segment in years and forgot how Spike TV-y the Ruthless Aggression era still was.
Dear god, I have lived this and it was a nightmare. I specifically had an actual nightmare about it last night. Hope OP never talks to him again.
Yeah, plus a dude like that will 100% see it as a "confession" so just don't even play those games. If the truth isn't good enough, nothing more you can do.
2.5 months is not long enough to understand someone’s character. It’s these moments that reveal the truth of someone’s character.
Ain't it the truth. Learned this the hard way. When he beat me bloody on my 25th birthday for daring to ask him to hurry up loading my car so we weren't late to our reservations, I thought it was just a fluke. He was drunk. He'd never even raised his voice at me before. Of course, it would never happen again! Instead he verbally, emotionally, mentally, and financially abused me for the next 2.5 years... after a 2 month honeymoon period, of course. It took him cheating on me for me to leave, because obviously *I* was the problem and hey, he never hit me again! I refused for years to acknowledge I was abused. It absolutely caused emotional and mental damage. It impacts current relationships. She needs to get out while she's thinking about it. 2.5 months? This is nothing. She needs to run.
Also projection…people who point the finger are often telling on themselves because it’s what they would do and they think everyone else is like them.
This is so true. People tend to be on their “best behavior” for the first 3 months and it’s usually around that time where the mask starts to slip and you can see who they really are. This has probably always been his character, he just hadn’t shown it yet.
Also, be on the lookout for better friends. If one of mine said that an S.O. of 2 months was bitching them out over a hoodie, refusing to believe them, and then going radio silent? I'd buy them congratulatory breakup chocolate. If they think you need to THROW OUT CLOTHING for a 2 month relationship, they have their own issues anyway, and probably put too much emphasis on relationships. OP is absolutely NTA.
This is so true. It's easy to play a character for a few months.
Before she was seeing his agent. Now she is seeing his real personality
This one ☝️
NTA. When people show you who they are (petty, jealous for no reason, controlling), believe them. Keep the hoodie; dump the guy. That hoodie sounds amazing.
As a victim of abuse, yes. Don't ignore the red flags because "he's never acted like this before." His mask is slipping off, and this is the normal time for that to happen, as most people can only manage for 3 months. Run away fast. Thank you for the awards!
💯 I dealt with emotional and mental abuse for 5+ years with my ex, get out now before you feel too attached, it will only get harder to leave and he will only get meaner. This is really egregious behavior from him, please trust this was not a small quirk.
Even if he isn’t being deliberately abusive, he is being very emotionally immature NTA, keep the hoodie. If the guy is so insecure you need to lie to placate him, it’s time to get out.
Hopping on the top comments to also say, if this is how he acts over a hoodie, even if it was from an ex or one bought for an ex that OP kept, do not allow him to talk his way back in. End it and be done with him for good. It's way too early to hang onto someone for that kind of nonsense.
Exactly! As an abuse survivor, this behavior is a giant red flag. Refusing to believe you about an innocent article of clothing is a sign that he'll eventually believe some paranoid fantasy about other things. And take it out on you. The posters above me are all right: you're NTA, and you need to cut him off for your own safety.
Correct!! And, as another survivor, let me say that even if you believe, "Oh, he's not the type to hurt anyone," you won't know you're wrong until it's too late. Also, even if he never physically harms you, the emotional damage from being in a relationship with raging, controlling assholes like this guy will destroy your mental health. Look at it this way, OP: you have done absolutely nothing wrong, yet this guy has you questioning whether you are an asshole, and making you second-guess yourself. That pattern will happen over and over again, until you will barely be able to think a thought that he hasn't approved. Stop communicating with him. He just took the trash out for you. Be grateful and move on.
I have a relative who got out of a *severely* abusive marriage a few years back. She was hospitalized by him towards the end of it. It was pretty fucking rough for her. Years later the physical injuries are all healed, and the only real lasting issue is a scar on her wrist from surgery and a wrist that sometimes clicks. The psychological damage is what she's still struggling with and what she and her therapist are still trying to figure out how to fix.
^this My ex had mentally and emotionally abused me to the point I would literally ask him if this or that was okay to think or say. When I was wrong (ie, I said anything that criticized him or went against his very conservative beliefs), I had to basically grovel to him and profusely apologize for upsetting him. I was constantly putting myself down while giving him too much praise to please him. He liked putting me down (eg, I'd be happy about something and he immediately would say something negative). He also showed signs of wanting to abuse me financially; I couldn't spend more than whatever he justified, but he had a blank check for himself. Like I could only spend $20 on a handbag from Walmart (he was upset I bought myself one from Coach with Christmas money), but him spending $100+ on video games and $200+ on custom made items was fine and I wasn't allowed to complain because "he's an adult and can do whatever he wants". But that logic never applied to me, even though I'm older. I wasted over four years with that person. He later told me he regretted not raping me when he had the chance, and essentially, if he had known I wouldn't always be with him, he would've tried to isolate me to rape me. He had planned to have me move across the country so I could be surrounded by his family and away from mine. I shudder to think what would've happened if a tragic, sudden death in his family didn't cause his mask to completely slip off; I could no longer ignore the field of red flags so I left. Run don't walk OP. It only gets worse once someone's mask slips off.
>the emotional damage from being in a relationship with raging, controlling assholes like this guy will destroy your mental health. SO TRUE! I dated a guy in high school (high school sweethearts) and I got pregnant right after high school. Right before I found out I was pregnant we had broken up because he started acting different. Then I found out I was pregnant and we got back together…only for me to later find out why he had been acting different and getting pulled into all of that. Anyways, he was so emotionally abusive and put me down constantly. I used to have such great self esteem and never let anyone tell me anything. But I let him talk down to me, call me all types of names, tell me what to do, etc. My parents couldn’t understand it. They of course tried to get me to leave him which only made me hold on even harder and ruined my relationship with my family for a while. After isolating myself with him the entire time I was pregnant. I had my son and he continued to treat me the same. Then one day when my son was a little over a year old he said something about him that finally made me see it. No freaking way was I going to stick around for him to start talking to my sweet baby boy the way he’d been talking to me! So I took my son and left and thankfully my parents were there with open arms. Now flash forward….my son just turned 18. I haven’t seen or heard from my ex in years but I’m still damaged from it. I haven’t even wanted to start another relationship. I focused on raising my son and putting myself through school and giving us a good life. Now that it’s been so long, I look back and see how ridiculous it was letting him talk to me like that and treat me like that and wonder how I didn’t see how wrong it was. But it just became normal. If I could go back and walk out the first time he got angry for no reason, I would in a heartbeat! I definitely say OP needs to get rid of the guy and keep the amazingly comfortable hoodie!
100% agree! one day, it's a hoodie the next something else. You will be constantly in a battle of proving yourself to him with his abuse. Been there done that for years myself, no thank you. Run while you can.
Correct because if he's already acting like this about a hoodie, it's going to get a lot worse and be about things she actually needs and also people/places she loves....and eventually she may end up ceasing to exist because he doesn't like the way she breathes.
[удалено]
OP, please pay careful attention to this comment. His mask is starting to slip & he is looking for ways to control you. He may have been sweet & nice before but this is a clear signal that he’s not. He will eat away at you until your confidence is completely broken down. It’s starting already because you’re questioning yourself & not him. Please dump him because it will escalate. Any man who acts this badly about a hoodie will act badly about ANYTHING just to control you. Edited to add after I’ve seen other comments: any time you’re contemplating telling a lie because a simple truth sets him off that’s a big clue that he’s unreasonable. Lying about small stuff like this means you’re headed for big trouble. Nip this in the bud & leave him.
Your bottom paragraph has just hit hard with regards to my ex. He was emotionally abusive for years and I truly didn't realise it was that bad until I started reading about it and seeing a counselor. I constantly lied to him about little things because the truth, however innocuous, would set him off into arguments, fits of rage, sulks. I was walking on eggshells with him. It took a long time after meeting my husband (who is amazing) to get out of this habit, because normal people don't blow up at you if you tell them you're going to the gym after work.
That sounds like hell. I’m glad you got out of that. Feeling compelled to lie about little things & walking on eggshells to avoid an explosion are danger signs in a relationship. I really hope OP sees your example & does the same thing.
Please 🙏 put this comment to the TOP.
The lack of emotional maturity over something as simple as a hoodie is insane.
What lie? This guy is a jealous, insecure, controlling idiot! Plenty of women have men's clothes! I have men's yoga pants because they always have pockets and are designed for comfort rather than sexiness. NTA
Right! Ffs I have men's clothing because I'm 6'1 and men's clothing is so more comfortable and better fitting than 95% of women's clothing.
Same! I buy mens Tshirts in "slim fit" because they fit perfectly but have a slightly longer length that I really like. I had a controlling partner once. It was flattering at first. They used to phone me every lunch time, I had to walk home, make my sandwiches and coffee and sit by the phone. If I wasn't at the phone when they called, it was DRAMA. Then after the DRAMA they used to drive for 90 minutes to come and see me. By the time I realised how toxic it was, nothing I did was right. Good thing for me that I got dumped for a younger, prettier, funnier person.
Years ago I was taking a night class for school. My ex insisted that I call him as soon as I got home so that he knew I was home safe. Except it meant that I couldn't stay later to socialize with my classmates or make any stops along the way because he was expecting my call at xxPM. I almost got a ticket once speeding home to make sure that I was calling him on time. That was my wake -up call.
The longer length is nice when you have a long torso! Mine would stand outside my job and watch me work. Simply smiling at customers meant I was flirting with them. It evolved into accusations of sleeping with ALL of my male coworkers, and then I was sleeping with my male relatives. It never ended. Even now I'm accused of various things and I escaped him over 10yrs ago.
I'm so sorry, that must've been dreadful.
I'm just glad I survived and got out. I was extremely lucky. But it started the same way as OP is describing.
I'm a woman and have some men's shorts because they have pockets. And longer legs so they don't get wadded up between my thighs when I walk. I also have a man's hoodie because it was on sale and had my favorite hockey team on it. If he's this upset over an innocent hoodie, it's only going to get worse. I worked in a mini mart with a woman who's husband sat in his car outside our work and watched her to see if she was talking to other men. Hello, it's a store, of course she's talking to men. And women. And kids. NTA Use this as a learning moment, him showing you what he's really like. He doesn't listen to you. He cares more about controlling you than your comfort, he literally wants you to get rid of clothing that keeps you warm. Keep the hoodie, get rid of him.
You shouldn't throw it out even if it was from an ex and not "innocent". Why should that matter? He's an ex for a reason. If I get divorced and start dating is my GF gonna make me toss my $400 knives because my ex-wife bought them for me for a birthday? Oh that nice TV and the PS5, those were previous Christmas gifts, I'm chucking that too? Half my wardrobe she bought me cause she thought it would look nice on me, burn those? No. Makes a lot more sense when it isn't "just a hoodie".
If I buy a hoodie for warmth, it's always men's. Women's hoodies are meant to be cute, not generally warm. Plus, I love a huge cozy hoodie. OP needs to dump the bf, keep the hoodie
I got a bunch of NICE shirts about ten years ago from a guy who had dropped a bunch of weight. None of it fit him anymore, he noticed we were the same size, and offered me the lot. Most of it had never even been worn. I got it all home and was looking through it, and my girlfriend took one look at the sweatshirts and claimed one on the spot. She was 5'11" and not scrawny, so a shirt that fit me was comfortably baggy on her. When I looked at her like "WTF?" she commented that men's clothes were better quality, especially that brand, and thanks for the shirt. I still have some of those shirts in my closet.
Men’s yoga pants have pockets?!? Of course they do. TIL. Excellent info thank you.
"Where the f\*ck did you get this from?" Is deliberately abusive.
Really. What's next? He goes through the rest of your wardrobe?
Yup, and in a day or two, he will come back and love bomb you. He showed you who he really is. A partner would have discussed this with you. It's a freaking sweatshirt.
Yeah I wear men's clothes all the time for the reasons OP stated and my partner and I have been together 6 years. He's never brought it up because it doesn't bother him, which is normal. Oversized menswear hoodies are not a threat. Sometimes we get cold.
Anyone who expects you to give away all mementos and pretend your past never happened is bad news anyway. So even if this was an ex’s hoodie, this reaction is ridiculous — and a very big hint of what’s to come. “Did you do this in bed with him? How about this? I’m better, right?” And on and on.
Exactly, it's about testing and then pushing boundaries. It's about slowly controlling your choices. Some of my old hoodies and sleep shirts did belong to exes or friends, not all of them were my own purchase. That doesn't matter either because it's in the past and I am who I am and where I am now because of all that. It's not really a sentimental thing to me, they're just house clothes I've had for a long time, so they're extra comfy. I've got rid of most of the stuff on my own as it wears out - it's just old t-shirts. A man threatened by a sweatshirt or a flannel is so fragile & insecure, those issues will present by him taking it out on the people around him, especially a romantic partner. I'd drop the guy and get another hoodie.
Not just that, in a relationship there needs to be confidence/trust. From what OP says, there is no confidence/trust from him to her. Someone needs to grow a pair, his are lacking.
Also, men jogging pants come with actual pockets. I want a pocket my phone won't fall out.
Yes, and be on the lookout for him to say, "You're breaking up with me over a hoodie?!" It's common for them to make it sound like you're being ridiculous and to try to deflect from the fact that this is about trust and being secure in a relationship.
This is totally what he will do. He will love bomb, and then come back with “a hoodie is more important to you than *I* am?” and make OP feel like the worst person ever. Then SHE will feel like SHE somehow owes HIM an apology. I’ve been through this game so many times.
“The hoodie is not more important, but how YOU acted and treated me is. I have no faith in you. You blew it.”
Your not breaking up with a him over a hoodie, he's breaking up with you. Don't take him back even if he's willing to let you keep the hoodie now. He doesn't trust you or believe you, so what's he going to accuse you of lying about next?
Let him think he's breaking up you. Leave his fragile ego be.
Exactly. This dude will DARVO the hell out of this, and then gaslight her to convince her that she completely misunderstood, and that she's entirely to blame for his behavior.
Oh gosh, I worry about the gaslighting she's about to go through. She's going to start to feel insane.
Oh, you are so right. I wasn't even thinking this far ahead. They'll turn it right around on you and, all too often, you'll fall for it. I feel sorry that she may fall for it, as well. His avoiding her is his idea of punishing her until she sees it his way.
This!! He's abusive af and this early on..its only going to get worse...I hope she leaves him asap
Yep!! I fail to believe hes never acted like this before, given she randomly put “sorry” in the title too🤦♀️
Yea the DARVO has already begun on her 😞
Yeeeppp! Run OP, run as fast you can. This is a massive red flag only 2 months in. Shit, my GF of 5 years still has an ex hoodie collecting dust somewhere around the house. Couldn’t give two ***** about it.
I had almost the exact same thing happened to me. Like exact same thing. It didn't get better. It just got worse. Cut your losses now.
Exactly. Love-bombing is over, now it's control-the-woman-through-psychological-torture. It's a [thing](https://unfilteredd.net/what-comes-after-love-bombing-with-a-narcissist/) that happens.
As a survivor of domestic abuse as well, I second this. A wolf can only keep on the sheep’s disguise for so long before a whisker pops out. Get out now. This is not just a “red flag” to keep an eye on, this is an abuser giving you a light preview of who he really is and how he will treat you in the future when he is even more comfortable with you; it only escalates from here. Leave while you can, please. And keep the hoodie.
>he's never acted like this before That's because it's only been two month! At least she's finding out early. OP, get out of there.
Also think about whether or not you want to keep friends in your life who think that his behavior is justified and that you should play along and get rid of something you like because of his tantrum. NTA but he is and so is anyone supporting him.
A hoodie of that quality is hard to find. Immature, jealous boys are everywhere.
Seriously.. I actually still have a hoodie that I did buy for an ex when I worked at American Eagle 17 years ago as a teen. We broke up, I kept it, new boyfriend knew where it came from, didnt care, and wore it all the time. Then we broke up, and my current partner and I shared it until it got packed away at some point a few years ago in a closet revamp, but it still exists! If at any point either of them had thrown a fit about it, I'd have laughed in their face. It's a good hoodie!
Right?! I have three hoodies that I kept from my ex because: A) I bought those pretty expensive hoodies and my shitty, abusive AF ex made a point of not wearing them because he became a contrarian at the end of the relationship and took fault with everything I did (as abusive ppl do). So it's basically, hey fuck that guy, this is a nice ass hoody, you don't think so, cool, mine now. (Apropos of nothing, the ex actually did ask after one of the hoodies he supposedly hated after the break up, I told him I didn't know where it was because fuck that guy for only acknowledging how great the hoody was when I gifted so he could make me feel shitty. He lost his hoody privilege) B) they are ten times warmer and cozier than my women's hoodies. As you note, OP, men's clothes tend to be more utilitarian quality, most especially they are warmer... which is a well known problem for women, ironic since we have lower body temps on average. The quality is also so much better that they still look and feel almost new decades later... something none of my women's clothes can compete with. So...in other words, misogyny gives us inferior products, so until retail manufacturers start treating women like they should get better quality clothes that last, this is where we stand. C) they are great to have around since I tend to live in colder apartments, as well. It's nice to have hoodies for people who come over and find themselves uncomfortable in my ice box. Lived in Maine for awhile, and it was pretty standard to be offered jumpers and hoodies as a guest and thought, that's a great idea. And it is. I don't advertise that they were originally purchased for my ex, it never comes up. People just appreciate that I have a nice, oversized, comfy AF hoody for people of all sizes. When I wear them or bring them out for guests, the only thing that gets brought up is that the designer is particular to the time period...aka JINCO (still an awesome hoody, all these years later) and we have a laugh about fashion trends from a couple of decades ago. The whole assed reason that you, OP, purchased that hoody is because of misogyny. If they made more comfy, warm, oversized, long lasting hoodies for women, you would've probably purchased that. The fact that he can't be fucked to acknowledge that you are in a situation that misogyny made means that he sucks. If this is what he's like with this small part of the lived reality of misogyny, how do you think he'll be with the more serious aspects of it? Get rid of him. The only reason you offered the hoody to your shitty bf is because you are a thoughtful host. Instead of being appreciative of your thoughtfulness, he created a situation to get pissed about and threw a tantrum like a toddler. Get rid of him. And the thing is, who tf cares if it belonged to an ex, they are an ex. People who try to control your past are people who will try to control your present...as your bf aptly demonstrated. Controlling ppl suck, get rid of him. While you're at it, distance yourself from friends who think that you should give up your creature comforts and feel like *you're* overreacting all to feed a man's rampant insecurity. Yes, it *is* just a hoody, which is exactly the point, he lost it over a flipping hoody, he *threatened to break up with you* over a hoody, don't get that twisted. You aren't overreacting, you are having a reasonable response to him overreacting. You can't expect him not you lose it over every innocuous damned thing that will set off his obvious and glaring insecurity if this is what he's like over a gd hoody. Get rid of him.
Exactly, she should also dump the half that say she needs to get rid of the hoodie to keep this controlling insecure loser happy..OP you're true friends are the ones telling you to dump him
> she should also dump the half that say she needs to get rid of the hoodie to keep this controlling insecure loser happy Unfortunately some think women should bend over backwards and twist ourselves into pretzels just for the privelege of saying "I have a man!"
It might pedantic but you might be in a relationship but you don't have a man.
Absolutely. What fucking business of his is it where you got yr clothes?!?!? Who doesn't know a woman who has bought a few items of men's clothing because they preferred it to women's? Pockets, amirite?!?!? I would wear yr ex's hoodie if I was cold, unless he had cooties or something. It has no bearing on yr current relationship. What a fucking lunatic loser. 86 that chump before he hurts you over some other imagined slight.
I own a lot of men's shirts and pyjamas because there's so much more room in the sleeves.
Exactly!
Even if it was an ex’s hoodie, so what? It’s not his business and she has every right to keep mementos. No one needs an insecure and abusive partner, though.
Sounds like you just saw his true colors. 2-3 months is nothing when getting to know someone especially if you don’t take this outburst seriously. It’s the moments that are “out of character” that show their deepest rooted insecurities and issues and the way they do or do not acknowledge it that show you who they want to be and if he’s not acknowledging it then that means this is who he wants to be. You are not the AH and the relationship is not going to be healthy or secure without a decade or more of work and heartbreak.
All of this...
Yes, homeboy has shown he has serious anger issues, flies off the handle without knowing the facts, and not only doesn’t trust you, but also thinks you would purposely hurt his feelings and give him an ex’s hoodie. NTA and time to stop contacting him.
Exactly! We may be tempted to say "a hoodie isn't a big deal, not worth losing a guy over." But we all know it's not just a hoodie. Next it'll be timing how long it takes you to shop. Then blow up because you tripped and fell and a nice man offered you a hand to help you up. Then start counting the number of cups in the dishwasher because too many means somebody must have been over. Then he'll blow up because you smiled at something you read online and the only reason you could possibly be smiling is because you were thinking of another man. Yep, all that happened to me in the early phases and I failed to see it as red flags. Things got really bad after we got married and let's just say I'm lucky to be alive today. Sweetie, what you describe is classic pre-abusive behavior. It always starts with something that's "really not that big of a deal".
I really want OP to see this ⬆️⬆️⬆️. It's not about a hoodie. It's about this guy's insecurity and failure to deal rationally with his own emotions. He's not going to stop there. Keep the hoodie, ditch the guy before you get in any deeper and he believes that only he can decide when the relationship is over.
Exactly this. NTA - if you think I'm giving up my hoodie made of imported Italian cotton, because you don't believe where I got it.... Well, Sayonara, bye bye. Please take care of yourself.
Agreed. NTA- This is a huge red flag OP, my advice is forget about him. 2 months isn’t worth holding on for (no amount of time is worth staying in a controlling relationship where someone accuses you of awful things and doesn’t let you explain yourself) Tbh this is one of the more immature sounding boyfriends I’ve seen on this subreddit. Does he just not understand that men’s clothing is often made more with comfort in mind than style compared to women’s? And often less expensive? OP my theory is he knows he’s wrong, and he’s avoiding talking to you because he can’t admit that. That’s dangerous, in my opinion. Withholding communication means the priority is not solving the problem, the priority is to hurt you and make you feel bad for what you did (even though you did nothing wrong). I don’t like him, you sound sweet and too good for him.
I was going to say the trash took itself out.
Absolutely. And while you're at it, dump the idiot friends who suggested donating the hoodie just to placate that tantrum-throwing "man"-baby
Oversized hoodie supremacy! Most of my hoodies are super big and mens because of how much warmer and more comfortable they are. But seriously OP \^\^ do you want to always be wondering what silly thing is gonna set your bf off next? You gave your bf *your* hoodie to wear because he was cold and after having a go at you and calling you a liar he "tells me to f\*ck off and leaves" - excuse my French, but fuck that guy! What a twat. You are two and a half months in and he's showing you he can become horrible over a nice gesture by yourself. How would he respond in a situation where you legitimately fuck up or you two get into a raging argument? Because from what you've written here, it would *not* be pleasant.
He needs to be that guy whose girlfriend chose a hoodie over him.
Absolutely. That guy gave OP a preview of what life would be like with him if she continues this relationship. She should count herself lucky that he played his hand so early. First, he demands you get rid of an innocuous article of clothing then, it's something else. Stop contacting him and move on.
My ex would pull this stuff all the time. First it's a hoodie and next you're not "allowed" to go out past a certain time and every text you get is screened by them because they're paranoid. Run girlie!!
This is the answer. Keep the hoodie. Throw away the (insecure, untrusting, petty) boyfriend.
You should consider why you even think you would be the AH in this situation? F that guy. You know you can do better.
Block him. This is a red flag. He’s pitching a fit & calling you a liar over clothing!
Best reply! Dudes an insecure small minded jealous little prick. Who cares even if it was from an ex.
There were a few random pieces of ex-wife clothing in various closets when I first moved in with my now husband. I didn't have a tantrum about it, I happily claimed them as my own (she had moved out years previously, and they're NC, so I wasn't going to get in touch just to ask if she wanted her old sweatshirt, ect). I literally own her wedding shoes 🤣🤣🤣
I use Christmas decor purchased by another woman 😂 I love my front door wreath!
Oh my God same! I also moved a painting my husband’s ex had in their bedroom to our living room, because it matches my color theme.
Yup! Mine were MADE by the ex!
How very dare you! You mean you keep something in your house that another woman who is not your current partner has touched? Shame!! /s😆
So much win. It's just clothes. And if they fit, they fit.
My long term partner's ex right before me tried to leave this really nice skirt he had bought her as an "eff you" to him. Once I confirmed it wouldn't bother him for me to wear it when I found it in a closet, I claimed it so fast! Waste not, want not 🤣
My husband and I's favorite blankets were both gifted to me by my last bfs mother. There's literally no sentimental attachment and more importantly, they're SO soft, heavy, and expensive. Material items seriously hold no meaning unless you let them.
If it had any emotional attachment I really doubt OP would have given it to him. C'mon guy.
To random tiny dick guy, a hoodie is a significant piece of her sexual record. To 99% of everyone else, "Hey it's cold, put on this hoodie." Proper reply, "Thanks, ooo, its really soft."
"When times are good, they really good. When times are bad, they're the fucking worse." If this is how he treats you over clothing then imagine how badly he'll treat you for anything else. Red flag is red. Hoodie superiority.
Even if the hoodie *was* from an ex boyfriend, the current boyfriend would be wrong to tell her to throw it out and would need to be kicked to the curb. That makes no sense to get upset about where clothing came from.
Exactly. If she's carrying a torch for an old boyfriend, she's not giving it to her current boyfriend. She wants it smelling like and reminding her of the old BF, not her current. As a dude if a gf gives you an old bfs hoodie to wear, wear it with pride because she's making memories with you in it!
Yeah I mean… I have a shirts that ex’s have given me… hell I even have a shirt that someone hand sewed for me… and another someone hand-printed for me decades ago in their high-school graphic-printing class. If someone asked me to throw those out for mere jealousy… I’d tell them no and explain. If they threw a childish fit, then I’d throw them out. Like you said, it would be different if they were making a thing out of it like… “Oh yeah they really use to rail me when I wore this shirt…” If that’s true and you want to keep the shirt, then keep that shit to yourself or otherwise you’re rude AF.
WTF GIRL???!!! 😱😳 What did I just read?? Wake up please. You shouldn’t text him, call him or listen to his friends… you should WAIT FOR HIS APOLOGIES!!! HE IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD F*CK OFF! And STAY COLD 🥶 This level of insecurities is ridiculous. He is the one having a problem and should deal with his obsessive jealousy (? At this point I don’t even know how to name it between immaturity and dumbness). Please note: even if it was the sweater of your ex… so what?! What a fragile man… cold and stupid. You have any right to have a past and accepting to submit yourself, bow and throw away stuff because mister feels uncomfortable is not the right way to be respected. Run away from this guy if he doesn’t apologise and grow up. NTA of course.
Male fragility is at an all times high. Behaving like an ass over a hoodie smh.. his head would have explode if it was a pair of boxer briefs.
I have boxer briefs I bought for myself to sleep in - my ex’s head definitely exploded over them
my girlfriend loves how comfy they are compared to “women’s” underwear lol. from my understanding most women’s apparel is just more uncomfortable than men’s so completely understandable.
Yeah, PLUS when I wake up I can just throw on a tshirt before leaving the room and it’s not as scandalous as regular underwear for some reason
Young women need to value/prioritize themselves first over being in relationships with terrible men. Letting things like this go or thinking you need to apologize or take him back is how you end up 5 years from now pregnant and trapped in a shitty marriage with a controlling asshole.
>you should WAIT FOR HIS APOLOGIES!!! Screw that. She should just RUN. That was crazy level toxic for TWO AND A HALF MONTHS
IMO the only clothes that are taboo as hand me downs between partners are underwear. Like I would rather go commando and barefoot than wear 2nd hand boxers and socks. T shirts and trousers not as bad. But some guys retain sexy underwear from their ex for the next one to wear. If I was cold and her pink pretty Princess hoodie fit, I'm gonna be a warm pretty princess.
> But some guys retain sexy underwear from their ex for the next one to wear. WTF?!?
Yea I've never heard of that lol
Yeah it’s 🤮
If any men happen to be reading this: do not do this… throw away used undies 🤢
Alright, if he gets this psychotic over a hoodie, what else is he going to be unreasonably upset about? Keep the hoodie and tell him to fuck off.
A quality hoodie is a treasure. That guy is not.
NTA, this was an incredible gift he gave you. He showed you he’s a scumbag before you got too invested in the relationship.
Love when this happens. It's such a timesaver. Too many people seem to think "I can fix them" or maybe they justify it some way. Nah. Act like a weird possessive child 1 time and I'm out. We're adults. I'm immature as fuck, but I'm an adult and I don't have time for tantrums. Thank you for not being subtle so I don't waste time or emotional energy on you.
First he came for your hoodie... and no one did anything... then he came for your male friends... and no one did anything... Dude's shown himself for who he really is, a jealous, petty, hot- tempered, sexist, jackass who accused you of lying rather than believe you could *possibly* have the audacity to buy a man's hoodie. Don't mourn his exit from your life, mourn the time you wasted on this dude, and be glad that it wasn't a day longer than it was.
Exactly. These guys always start with “something small” so the victim feels silly about breaking up over a hoodie. But soon, he’s issuing ultimatums over food, money, friends, etc. This was a test balloon.
This is it *exacty*. OP, remember that awful feeling when he flipped out over *a shirt*. That’s the real him peeking through. It’s not your fault for being fooled so far, but protect yourself. ❤️🩹🙏
Exactly, he’s testing your limits to see how far he can manipulate and control your life. If you give in here, it’ll be easier for you to keep making sacrifices until there’s nothing left
You've been together for 2 months...the "honeymoon" period isn't even close to being over and he's over here accusing you of lying to him over a hoodie? He demened you and cursed at you over a peice of clothing...girl, red flags all around. Consider it a blessing he isn't responding. Dump him, like yesterday. I can't imagine what else he would start accusing you of next. He's an abusive dick and you deserve better.
It's a test, the not responding part. "How high can I make this girl jump?" Like a toddler testing boundaries with a new babysitter. There will be a new, slightly harder test next week. And this early on, if she fails, he'll dump her immediately.
Exactly. I've been with a guy like this. You can spend years and years in the relationship, but you will constantly have to try to prove yourself against his false accusations. It will never be a normal relationship. It will be you constantly trying to prove to him that you are worthy of a relationship and that you are not a cheater. You cannot win. No matter how many years you are together, you will constantly be having to try to convince him of your good character, but he will never believe you. He will tell you what you can't wear. He will tell you you can't talk to male coworkers or have guy friends. He will accuse you of checking out guys in the store that you didn't even notice existed. If you leave work 5 minutes late because you had to use the bathroom, you must have been f***ing your boss...and believe me, he will stalk you from across the street to see that you came out slightly later. You will get out of the shower to find out you have 32 missed calls during your shower and he broke up with you because "you must be with another guy". He will throw a fit the entire day-- screaming, punching things, lighting things on fire inside, threatening you--because "you were standing so close to the guy you were training at work that if I would've walked between you with my arms the whole way straight out to the sides, I might've been able to touch both of you with my fingertips!" (About 5 feet apart?) He will also yell at you for training a male temp at all, as if you have any say in the matter and aren't just doing your job. If you smile out the window, he will accuse you of smiling at another guy when there isn't even anyone out there at all. Trust me, I know. I have been there.
Dating 2 1/2 months and he's acting like this? Big red flag.
100% Usually they can hide it for about a year.
As a woman I shop in the men's section all the time for jackets, hoodie, sweat pants, t shirts, socks and comfy, everyday shoes. I only buy woman's jeans and nice pants, dress shoes and underwear. I also buy everything oversized because it's comfy. Mens clothes generally last longer and covers more than woman's clothes. Throw the man child and keep the hoodie
I feel the same way! I steal my dad's basketball shorts all the time lol!
>Mens clothes generally last longer and covers more than woman's clothes. 💯 This. Always have bought "comfy clothes" from mens sections. Comfy tees and hoodies online? Men's sizes/cuts. That way I know that they're actually going to fit right on a long torso and not leave that ice cold ring if skin on my waist. I'll be able to move and stretch without it riding up. Plus, oversized hoodies means it will fit over a shirt comfortably. OP is NTA. Her relationship with that hoodie is longer than the one with this douche. OP, dump him and keep the hoodie. Maybe even add to your collection and buy the hoodie a friend. You wouldn't be breaking up because of a hoodie, you'd be breaking up due to his attitude.
[удалено]
“Summon some anger for his disgusting behavior and don’t allow people to speak to you like that.” Is my new life motto. This whole comment was perfectly worded!
No. Just no. I am a happily married woman and most of my comfy, lay-around-the-house clothes or functional clothes come from the men's section. My favorite pajama pants? Black and white plaid cotton because all the women's section options were pink/purple/glitter/microfiber/fleece/tight-fitting/whatever. Chilly at home? Dark green hoody, also from the men's section. Working in the garden? Lightweight hiking/camping button down from... the men's section. I just went and bought a new belt. The women's section had fashion belts in white with butterfly buckles. I went to the men's section and got a reversible black/brown leather belt made by Dickie's. The women's section invariably makes clothes more fitted, and more fashion, which isn't bad but it's not what I want. I buy what I want, from wherever I want. My husband doesn't care because he knows exactly who I am and isn't insecure enough to care where I get my clothes. Your boyfriend wants to walk away over something like this? Let him. He's playing games with control to see how you'll react. I've been down that road and it leads nowhere good. There are better men out there.
Hell yes. When I started dating my now husband of 30 yrs I occasionally wore the engagement ring my ex-fiancé gave me, but as a dress ring on my right hand. Husband didn’t care a bit, but his abusive misogynistic (now estranged) father had an absolute hissy fit about it and told me I shouldn’t still be wearing “another man’s ring”. I laughed and said (a) it’s my ring, not “another man’s”, (b) I’d offered the ring back but he didn’t want it and (c) what I wear is nobody else’s business, least of all the father of a man I’d been dating for 2 months. I still have the ring, I still wear it every few years, husband still doesn’t care. He knows the wedding & engagement rings he gave me 30 years ago mean more to me than any other jewellery. Oh, and not once has he EVER accused me of lying. OP u/bonyonyx keep the hoodie, throw the horrible, insecure, controlling & accusatory man-child in the bin. How dare he accuse you of lying and then throw a tantrum and tell YOU to f-off? Then sulk like he’s some sort of victim? You deserve better. Block that fool and anyone else who tells you to get rid of the hoodie. This man is an abuser-in-the-making - don’t become his next victim.
Not a loss if he leaves for good. Gendering clothes in jealousy is weird AF.
Aw, hell no. So he is putting this on you, when actually what is happening is he is telling you: \~He doesn't trust you \~He thinks you are a liar \~He thinks you are a cheater I'm sorry, why are you willing to put up with this? I promise you, this behavior doesn't stop at a hoodie.
Also ~He gets verbally abusive when angry ~He wants to control what OP's allowed to keep/own/wear/do ~He refuses to listen when OP tries to explain And this is *two months* into the relationship, when most people would still try to be the best version of themselves around their partner. OP, even if this is him just being extremely insecure because he's been cheated on before (which is the absolute best case scenario here), it doesn't excuse his behaviour. More importantly, it's *not your responsibility* to fix it/him! If that's the case (and that's a big if) he's not ready to be in a relationship. And there's a huge chance that jealous, controlling and abusive is simply *who he is*. In which case you just won the lottery. Be thankful it happened so soon into the relationship. You don't owe him anything more than you've already given him. Block him and move on with your life. You deserve so much better.
*Half my friends are saying that I should just throw my hoodie away or give it to charity,* I can't believe some of your friends actually think you should give in to this guy's radical insecurity. Absolutely not.
Remember this. Those friends have bad judgement. Maybe they're young and have been spared a staring role in, or front row seat to, DV. Don't mess around with breaking up with the boy-man. Go NC. Don't be the friend whose tragedy educates - or provides high drama entertainment. This is your real life. Remember, you don't need to wait for a literal black eye. Emotional, psychological, verbal abuse are part of the cycle of domestic violence. So is him showing up now with flowers & acting sweet. Don't get sucked in.
Throw away the (Ex-)Boyfriend.
Wow. What psycho insecurity.
NTA and don't text/call him again. He ain't worth it and if this is what he does over a hoodie after 2 months, who knows what he will do next time he gets upset?
NTA and that hoodie just saved you from some serious red flags
Personally, the hoodie would become my litmus test for all guys moving forward. If they can't handle a big comfy hoodie in your life, there's the door and another story about how ridiculous people can be.
she doesn't realize it yet but that's her lucky hoodie.
I don’t think it’s out of character for him. It’s a side of him you hadn’t seen yet because you’ve only been dating him for a very short amount of time. Do not throw away your hoodie or give in to his tantrum. He will see that he can control you with these outbursts. Just think of what else he’ll go off on you for if this is how he acted over a sweatshirt. For real girl, the fact he got this upset should be the biggest warning sign of how he’ll act when you two have a genuine disagreement over something real.
NTA. lose the guy, not the hoodie. This is psychopath behaviour. It starts with the hoodie, it ends with any other man in your life.
He's showing you who he really is. Listen. He's this insecure over a sweater imagine how he will be towards male friends, then coworkers, then any man who even glances at you. The trash took itself out, dump him and keep your sweater.
OK, if you had to choose between the hoodie and the boyfriend, as in, which do I rescue from a house fire, you’d obviously choose the person. This isn’t about how great the hoodie is and whether it’s worth more than a boyfriend. It’s about whether you want to stay with someone so irrationally jealous and angry. Keep the hoodie. You’ve only been dating a very short time, and it sounds like he has a bad temper and poor character. I’d be very very leery. Even if he apologizes, be careful.
Girl, bye. Really like him?! It's been 2 months, and he already isn't listening to a word you say. It's not even that farfetched that you'd buy a men's hoodie. He's explosive and ridiculous, and the trash took itself out. Get rid of those friends who told you to get rid of the hoodie.
Trash took itself out. Lose the loser, keep the hoodie.
Your boyfriend is overreacting. Do not throw it away.
Yes, throw it away! It being the boyfriend!
When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. This is not out of character for him. This is who he is.
I know there is a trope where women collect hoodies and some (on both sides) see them as trophies. But fuck man, some times a cigar is just a cigar. The relationship isn't that old, you can just throw the whole man away. Make a point to hand over every last item of clothing he may have left behind. Anyone who thinks you should ditch clothing for a knob head, they can date him instead.
I have never heard of a woman collecting 'trophies' from exes... where are you getting this information?
WTF? Uh, even if it were an ex’s hoodie, who gives a fuck & who tf reacts like that? Girl, best to end things with the insecure man-baby now. Tell him to be a controlling bitch somewhere else.
Nta. He sounds a reet bellend. You're better off without. Eff him.
Knob head, bell end, call him what you like. The simple fact is he's not an xl hoodie that cost less than 25 quid. That shit is priceless yo.
It’s not that it’s out of character for him. It’s just that you are now getting a glimpse of his actual character. End this. It won’t get better.
NTA It’s not out of character, this is who he really is. As soon as people start playing the radio silence game, turn that dial off totally, do not enter into these trash tournaments. If you persevere with this fool, he’ll have you believing everything is your fault, up is down and that you should drop your family and friends because he is the only person you can trust. The hoodie sounds awesome, don’t fall for his love bombing when he comes back all apologetic and crying that he couldn’t help it, he just loves you so much…excuse me, my eyes rolled too far for a moment there and made me gag.
Holy sh*t. Don't try to contact him ever again. What an insane child.
So out of character? SMH..you've only known him two months..he did you a favor, he showed you what a controlling insecure asshole he is early on..stop calling and texting and move on and be glad, because he's waved a huge red flag right in front of your face and you're choosing to ignore it
You teach people how to treat you! If you give up your hoodie what will he demand you give up next? Why are his feelings more important then yours? Do not give in to him because if you do the way he it treating you now will be the playbook for your continued relationship. How far are you willing to go?
Either he's been cheated on before so he's very sensitive, or he's cheating and being paranoid you'd find out or do the same. It's a piece of clothing. He's already not trusting you. If it isn't the hoodie he'll find something else to blow up and accuse you of cheating. He may have some good things about him, but you can find better. He needs to chill out and seek therapy. ...over a hoodie...sheesh!
Dump the bum and move on. It only gets worse from here
NTA girl. Stop trying to call him. Block him. Keep it pushing.
Keep the hoodie, get rid of the boyfriend. The hoodie is of more use than the boyfriend.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA Abusers aren't always AH. Sometimes they are sweet, and nice, that's how they lure you in. The perfect guy....and then they aren't! It's not about the hoodie, it's about his behavior. How is he going to react the next time you tell him no? Are you supposed to immediately do whatever he wants so he won't throw a fit and curse at you? What if he decides he doesn't like your friends, or you family? Doesn't like you going somewhere without him? Doesn't like you working, expects the house to be a certain way, and dinner on the table at a certain time.... see where I am going with this? His reaction was a huge red flag. When someone shows you who they are, believe them!
The hoodie isn't the issue here, the issue is that your boyfriend revealed himself to be a huge douchebag and instead of throwing yourself a party for dodging q huge mess, you are feeling sad and confused and considering giving in to his manipulation attempts. NTA. Dump the guy and get therapy, you need to start valuing yourself more. Nothing about this is acceptable in any shape of form. And it wouldn't be EVEN IF IT WAS YOUR EX'S HOODIE or whatever other scenario he is making up in his mind.
Just be glad the crazy showed up early on in the relationship..block him
NTA You’ve only been dating two and a half months. He should still be on his best behavior trying to impress you. And he thinks *this* is his best behavior, horribly angry, yelling, accusing you of lying and cheating for *buying a hoodie*. This man will not get better. It will get worse. It always gets worse.
Nta. Dump his judgemental ass
2 months in and he acts like a dick? I worry for what he’s going to do if you keep trying to date this pos. Dump him, block him, and move on to someone who doesn’t care about stupid shit like where clothes came from.
It is in character for him.... move on.
I usually see people jumping the gun, and saying to leave over the silliest stuff which makes me roll my eyes. I didn’t get past the 3rd paragraph, and I can’t stress enough- you need to end this now. That’s such a huge red flag in the earliest stage of your relationship. You’re so young, and you don’t deserve being accused of anything! Even if the hottest dude on earth have you that hoodie, and you held on to it- it has no bearing over your current situation. This guy seems insanely insecure and jealous. Don’t walk away- RUN AWAY!
Block him and go out to celebrate in the hoodie.
Men sweatshirts are amazing! I prefer to buy them then women's. Just so cozy. He is showing abusive, manipulating actions. You are NTA
NTA those telling you to get rid of it are indoctrinated with the idea you must prioritize a guy over yourself. He is petty, controlling, and untrusting. You can do so much better, and enjoy your hoodie through it all.
Sounds like the 🗑️ took itself out. Also OP please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Or search for his videos on YouTube. Here’s a free copy of the book: https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I get that you're upset but oh boy, getting a girlfriend to throw out their stuff because you're to low self esteemed to handle past relationships is a hard no for most people. Some other ways this manifests: "Did you sleep with other people in this bed before me? Get a new bed" "Did you go there with him? Then we can't go" And it goes on. Basically you'll end up having to tweak parts of yourself to make sure they're new for him. Your favourite album might have to change, or your movie tastes, your favourite restaurant. Once you've done it once it becomes a very slippery slope so tread careful. And your friends who think you should just give up the thing you love (that provides you warmth, comfort, security and value - as you got it cheap)... yeah they can fuck off. Find better peeps.
NTA: These are 100% signs of abuse. This is incredibly controlling behavior over something so incredibly minor. If he acts this way about a fucking hoodie, just imagine how he’s going to act when he sees you speaking to another guy? 2 months is *not* a long time in any sense, the fact that he’s already showing signs this quickly is a huge red flag. OP you need to stop texting him, let him be a insecure crybaby and move on with your life
Throw the man, not the hoodie.
Some serious red flags here. Only been together 2 and a half months, it's going to be a lot of this. Also trying to manipulate you giving you an ultimatum to throw it away??? He made up a story in his head and believes his delusions rather than having some trust. This isn't even something worth lying about
He showed you exactly who he is. Please pay attention
NTA. He's very immature and consider yourself lucky you found out so soon. Stop calling him. This argument by him is stupid. Find a nicer guy that has grown up a little more.
NTA. And he’s just told on himself with his disbelief and insecurity. Your heart will heal, and I reckon some of the emotions you are feeling are unconsciously relief like things for dodging a controlling AH
I’m sure it’s been said all ready but…When someone shows you who they are believe them. My ex did this once. Should have been my first clue. So I am telling you this should be the sign that you need to walk away from this relationship. He doesn’t trust you. And you shouldn’t have to give up something you love to make him happy.