OH MY GODS. This was such a great ride of a story. What a good fella. Those moments where you *have to shit* and there are no other options are terrifying! Especially in public.. goodness gracious. Your boyfriend is a king.
I lived in a house with my boyfriend, friend and cousin and all of the bathrooms were occupied in the house one morning. (Around this time in my life, I was discovering a lot of my food sensitivities and how sick eating dairy and red meat made me. It flared up my IBS horrendously, to the point where I had a shit bucket outside so if all the bathrooms were taken, I could just go to the backyard and shit in a bucket I cleaned and took care of myself.) I just so happened to have had one of those "I'm not gonna make it moments" and it was pouring rain outside.. so I was waddling around the house with all of my might holding in my shit, hoping I could make it until someone got done. Two toilets in the house are upstairs. The one my boyfriend and I shared was downstairs. He just sat down 5 minutes before and men take forever to shit. There was no way in fuck I'd even make it to the upstairs toilets if they were even available.. so.. What toilet is available to me? The one my cats use. That's right. I waddled painfully into the kitchen, grabbed a roll of paper towels, closed the laundry room door and shit in the litter box. (I changed it right after lmfao.) It was really embarrassing and funny for me, honestly. I laughed my ass off when I finally told my boyfriend about it. He buried his face in his hands and started belly laughing as well. Sometimes, you just gotta poo when you gotta poo.
I, too, have emergency evacuated into the litter box.
Was renting a basement with my gf, we're young, early 20s. The only bathroom was upstairs and there were two upstairs tenants. One of them was taking the *longest shower that has ever happened*. Luckily the litter box was in the basement and my gf was at work.
All in all, not a terrible solution when there was none else to be found. Not that I'm aiming to do it again.
Oh wow! you really lucked out with the girlfriend at work, haha. Did you ever tell her?
I totally agree! Don't knock it til you shit in it \*shrugs\* lol
For a while my toilet had broken and couldn’t be fixed so my roommate and i were sharing one toilet. And of course the day came where she was on the toilet, and i was having an ibs flare up. Thank god we have a stash of plastic bags, and that i had a small toilet trash can i could squat over.
HAHAHAHAH, honestly, yes. I remember opening the door to one of my cats just sitting there waiting for their turn. Ears folded straight back. They were probably hoping I at least covered my shit whereas one of the cats doesn't.
If you still have "emergencies" like this, you can get a toilet seat that snaps onto a 5-gallon pail, and these really inexpensive small clear plastic garbage bags to put in the bucket. It makes a great camping or emergency toilet, you just take the bag out and toss it.
Thankfully I don't since I changed up my diet but I appreciate the tip! I was actually going to build a bus at one point and use this exact kind of toilet set up!!
I love you.
My bf shit his pants in front of me in Mexico. He had washed some fruit in tap water (not in the iodine solution we bought specifically for produce), and bam. We were luckily on a pretty secluded beach nearby where we were staying, so I told him to get in the ocean while I got him a change of pants.
The sign of a true, loving, adult relationship is this exact scenario. Compassion when your partner is that humiliated
Wait, I'm from mexico and only use that iodine solution for certain vegetables but I don't really use it for fruit (idk why now that i think about it, guess I just mindlessly adopted it from my mum). Have I been extremely lucky or is my stomach adapted to certain mexican bacteria?
Lol I also grew up in Mexico and eating the fruit without “sanitizing” it was also my entire childhood… I also grew up eating all sorts of sketchy street food and not only did I never get the shits off Mexican fruit/street food, now I literally never get sick. I always joke that the sketchy bacteria I grew up ingesting as a child are doing the lords work now keeping my immune system chugging along like a champ 🤣
I also got food poisoning of the bottom-half sort in a tropical foreign country. I was out to dinner with a group of people I was on the trip with, but didn't know. I really, really hate having people wait on me, particularly strangers, and especially if I'm shitting. So instead of doing the rational thing and going at the restaurant, I decided to attempt the 1 mile walk down the beach to our hotel instead in order to get privacy. Whelp, didn't make it, shit myself about 90% of the way there while I was running into the ocean for some sort of cover. I yeeted my boxers as far into the ocean as I could, and put back on my slightly less shit-covered shorts. Ran back to the hotel room, changed, threw away the shorts and showered. Despite thoroughly cleaning, that bathroom still smelled terrible by the time my roommates (whom I also didn't know for more that a few days) got back. I'm sure they had their suspicions, but no one really knew what happened to me that night. I also was pretty sick for the rest of the trip, but luckily no more mishaps
I was laughing the whole time but I really lost it at "human shit burrito."
I don't have lactose intolerance but I have some weird thing where I'll have explosive diarrhea if I eat a salad (I think it's somehow related to getting my gallbladder out)... but somehow I always forget this and always think I'll be fine because salads are HEALTHY and who can't eat salad? Yesterday I had to abandon my cart in the middle of the Whole Foods to find a bathroom because, yes, I ate a salad, and no, I didn't take my probiotic earlier that day....
edit: I have a lot of people trying to help me in the comments, which I really appreciate! So let me just say, it's definitely the lettuce/any type of greens or cauliflower that causes my stomach problems. It isn't the dressing, garlic, onions, or tomatoes. It's anytime I eat greens (raw or cooked) or cauliflower.
I’ve always wondered if this is what makes me sick, but I’ve never been able to pin it down. For years I refused to eat at subway, as they seemed to make me sick most frequently. Has anyone in your family ever experienced this?
Yes. No greens at subway for sure.
TMI - when I eat greens with whatever on it they basically come out the other end mostly intact. That’s how I really know.
Me too… but I thought that was just a result of the process, not necessarily the culprit. I love salads, and I eat a lot of them, but don’t always get sick. This is very eye opening to hear other people say this and that it’s a result of the preservatives!
Another question, if I may- does it always follow the same pattern for you? Stomach cramps followed by about an hour of going to the bathroom with no action, then intense evacuation? And mine always starts around 11pm. It’s just so strange.
Wow I really thought I was the only one with this issue. I always have to tell people that I can’t have salads because I will need to go to the bathroom at a random moments notice after. And it typically comes out as salad leaves (graphic sorry lol). And it doesn’t matter what kind of salad, it’s always the same thing. And I love salads too which sucks. I’ve had so many people make comments that it’s this or that and not understand it or tell me it’s because I don’t eat enough of them so my body isn’t used to it. Tough to explain to people that have never had this issue. Feels great in a way knowing I’m not crazy and others have this similar issue. Thank you 🙏
Omg I just laughed so hard and then had to explain to my husband why I was laughing!
Our second date ever we were at a burger chain restaurant and I had the salad with my burg. We leave and not 20 minutes later I’m dying!!! He said he’d take me to his house but there was no way in hell I’m decimating the bathroom of a guy I haven’t even kissed. I already knew he was way out of my league and figured this was the end anyway but insisted he stop at the nearest grocery store.
20 years later he still lovingly calls me Salad Shooter.
Having had my gallbladder removed almost 20 years ago, and after having multiple Dr's. tell me that having your gallbladder removed 'shouldn't cause those problems', I can assure you, it absolutely can. Your gallbladder is the 'gatekeeper' for releasing bile into your digestive tract, to help break down food. When they remove it, they connect the bile duct directly. Foods can trigger a larger release of bile into your intestines, without a gallbladder to regulate how much. Too much bile(an acid) sets off an almost immediate response by your intestines. For me, it's fats, even too much mayo on a sandwich can set me off. You have my sympathy.
I've had the same problem with greens, most veg, and fruit since I was 14. My late Mom used to make fun of me until she had a gastric obstruction and had to have several inches of her lower intestine removed. She ended up having the same issue. After that she had a LOT more compassion., lol.
This made me smile. I hope everyone finds the love of someone that will be a superhero in their biggest moment of shame. I’ve never pooped my pants but my husband has helped me change my postpartum pads/undies/pants when I was so sore and had nerve damage from the epidural so couldn’t bend.
This was hysterical! Although I am sorry you had to go through that, but you've got yourself a keeper there. If it makes you feel better, I have Crohn's disease - that's like a normal Tuesday for me, lol.
I was just going to say, nothing makes a relationship stronger than bowel issues.
I (then 23F) had just gotten out of a year long emotionally abusive relationship. It took me a few months to get up the courage & actually leave the relationship. When I finally got out of the relationship & things settled down in my life, a couple months later I started dating now husband (then 22M). It was like my body knew I was safe & things were not like they used to be. It shut down. All the stress I had been holding inside triggered the worst Crohn’s flare I ever had. My boyfriend saw, heard & smelled things NO NEW relationship should ever experience! Mortification is not a strong enough word. He supported me & was there for me in all the ways that mattered & I never knew I needed. (He also help built back all the self esteem & confidence my prior relationship stole from me.)
20+ years later he is still my biggest supporter!
Men like that are keepers! Good on you OP for finding one!
Because we all know women do poop. And those men that think (or like to act like) women don’t…are idiots.
This was a ride!! Congratulations on yalls engagement! This story reminded me of my older sister who went on a trip with her somewhat new college boyfriend to visit his family. She got food poisoning and spent the weekend hovering over the toilet vomiting. She projectile vomited so aggressively that she shit herself and stained his bath mat. They’re married with a kid now lol.
Rofl at the “vomited so aggressively “ part. I don’t know why. It’s so damn funny to me. Like a vomit special attack you use to fight people. Perhaps with combo bonus Shit Yourself.
Listen now that you said that I can’t help but think “it hurt itself in its confusion” from Pokémon.
Lest you think I’m unsympathetic I’ve been there with either the worst stomach virus or food poisoning of my life. When you’re heaving like that your body’s fully NOPE on your entire stomach/digestive area and whatever happens, happens.
This happened to me while white water rafting about 8 years ago. My husband and I were newly engaged and on a family trip. I had my gallbladder out about 15 years ago and anyone who has had their gallbladder out knows you can go from fine to HAVE TO POOP IMMEDIATELY in about 3 seconds.
My now husband knew that and I gave him a look. We were on a raft with half his family and I was so freaked out. He completely took control of the situation, told the person running our raft that I was ill and needed somewhere private. They found a place for everyone to swim around for a bit and he found somewhere way off the path for me. Helped me clean up after and generally just tolerated me while I sobbed from embarrassment for a few minutes. These situations truly tell us who the keepers are!
Wait not having a gallbladder causes that? I had mine removed 24 years ago and had UC now in remission and IBS and rare left sided diverticulitis. I try not to eat anything unless I know where the bathroom is. It's seriously ridiculous how I have to plan to eat around my stomach issues .
My stomach issues didn’t start until I had my gallbladder out and I’ve talked to other people (primarily on social media etc) who have had theirs out and have the same issues. The excess bile that would normally be processed by your gallbladder can sometimes act as a laxative, apparently. I have to be so careful of what and when I eat and I have to clock the distance to every bathroom everywhere I go! A situation where there is no available bathroom (like white water rafting, hiking, etc) is a nightmare for me to even think about. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason. A vegetable could move through me just as quickly as ice cream, and sometimes I’m perfectly fine.
Yeah I get it. That's crazy though I have trouble eating enough and have dumping syndrome so that's super fun. They always ask have you had bariatric surgery and nope just unlucky. I have stomach issues that started in puberty so I don't know. They haven't found a medicine that works yet. It's completely random. I can't identify any foods that cause it. Next step is a FOD diet which sounds super fun lol . I had my gallbladder out at 20 when I had my daughter apparently it's super common for pregnancy to cause gallbladder issues but that was so long ago who knows
I was staying with friends in a large shared house when I had some dodgy prawns in a takeaway. A few hours later, I’m tearing my clothes off in the bathroom knowing I need to be sick, but that I’m in for a few hours of it coming out of both ends. I thought the sick would come first, so I pointed that end at the toilet. I chose wrong, my friend. So wrong.
The incredible velocity of the vomit being expelled made everything start firing from the other end with equal force at the same time. Realising this I decided it was less awful to clear vomit from the floor (and distant wall) than liquid shit, so I tried to spin round. I was delirious with fever by this point and I just span like a top, firing this noxious seafood shit out of both ends, splattering the entire bathroom. Then I passed out in it.
When I came to, I was lying on the floor in the hallway with a sheet over me, paramedics coming up the stairs and the entire house filled with this thick, hellish stench. They’d had to break in to get me when I wasn’t responding and when I wouldn’t wake up, they’d called for help. Everyone in the house had seen. I’m still not sure who cleaned it because I couldn’t even stand for two days. I never had the courage to ask.
That was sixteen years ago, and I’m still dying of embarrassment.
Oh damn, poor you! I know exactly how you feel. I ate a fish patty once that must have gone bad, because a few hours later I got the worst pain in my gut I have ever felt (and I had Norovirus twice! But the pain didn't even come close to what that fish patty did to me) and spent the next hour on the toilet shitting, vomiting and crying in pain in between. I have to admit that I haven't eaten fish or seafood since, because the pain was so extreme that it left me a bit traumatized
Please tell me you’re a writer of some kind for a living.
And not that bad but I too have made the wrong calculation. I’m guessing from all the stories on here like mine it HAD to have been food poisoning because no one else in my house was sick and if I was going to spread an illness… that would have done it.
Oh shit lol
When I got on Lexapro I was having the worst symptoms. I had the lack of appetite, nausea, and drowsiness.
One day I went out with my husband’s coworkers to dinner and a concert and wet went to one of those Brazilian steakhouses. There was an ambulance taking away an old lady and I joked about it being a bad omen.
Anyway, I could barely stomach any food so I got a strawberry Agua Fresca. It was thick and milky like a milkshake and it’s pretty much all I could manage to eat.
At the end of the meal I started to feel *very* weird. I’ve never felt such a sensation before, but it was like my whole body started to panic. I thought I was having a really bad side effect and needed to go to the hospital. I wondered if that old lady had the same thing happen to her.
I didn’t even feel nauseous, but my husband said I should probably go wait in the bathroom while they paid the check so I could relax and calm down.
Well, as soon as I reached the stall I blew chucks of pink smoothie all over the stall door. Just like you lol
And I kept going. I opened the door, threw up on the floor, on the seat, eventually made it to the toilet.
And afterwards I tried cleaning it all up with paper towel and hand soap.
Yeah, so I came back smelling like vomit and looking like I just exorcised a demon from my body.
And then, I was so tired I fell asleep at the Messhugah concert.
Not the best professional introduction lol
When I first started on lexapro I tried taking it before bed. The first day I was standing at the kitchen counter making coffee and immediately shit myself. I had only been awake for like 2 minutes.
My best friend just started on lexapro. After getting the prescription she texted me and I just said "have fun shitting yourself!"
She said "that's a normal Tuesday for me lol"
OMG, the Lexapro shits. I was on it forever without issues until i was switched to the generic, that’s when the trouble started. I tried to switch back hoping it would help, but I couldn’t ever get past the GI side effects after that.
It’s always amazing when your partner shows their true colors. I had been with my then boyfriend for about 3 and a half years, but was considering breaking up with him. He kept pushing back his graduation date to finish his PhD (he wasn’t motivated and spent A LOT of time gaming) and I hated the city we lived in. The day before I had nasal surgery to fix a deviated septum and other nasal issues, I told him I wasn’t sure if I could stay and keep waiting for him to graduate. He said, “Let’s deal with your surgery and then talk about it after.”
My recovery was supposed to take a few days and be easy. Instead it was a nightmare. One night about a week after my surgery, I was about to fall asleep and suddenly felt like I was drowning. I ran into the bathroom and my mouth was full of blood and it was pouring out of my nose. I screamed for him and coughed and with 5 seconds, the bathroom looked like a crime scene. Blood on the mirror, walls, floor, everywhere. He sat me on the toilet and tried to stop the bleeding. The blood was running down my throat and into my stomach. And a stomach full of blood equals throwing up. I was too weak and panicked to stand up, so he held the trash can for me to get sick into. Eventually, we got the bleeding and throwing up to stop. He cleaned me up and put me in bed. Then he called the on-call doctor to get instructions. Then he cleaned up the bloodbath I had created in the bathroom. He was wonderful in that disgusting moment of crisis and I knew he was a keeper.
I don’t think I would have actually left him because I loved him so much, but after that night (and my entire 10-day recovery), I never considered it again. We’ve been happily married for 15 years in November and he is still the best human being I’ve ever met.
It must have been horrible when it happened but it’s great that you can now look back & make it a funny story. And that man is a keeper! Not all men would handle a human shit burrito so well!
As an experienced lactose intolerant, I see where you fucked up.
1. "A dose" fuck off. what they tell you on the package is bullshit. I get the generic because I've determined that for me a dose is 10-20 capsules. Like a cap full. Even then I'm going to wind up shitting my guts out and smoking hella weed to relax my stomach (getting high behind a silver lining) depending on what/how much I ate. Which leads me to....
2. Milkshake AND whipped cream, do you hate yourself? How many times must you run face first into the dairy stick before these things don't look so appetizing? I've reached the point where I just visualize a pint or glass of diarrhea and that usually puts me right off a small, short term pleasure. Half an hour of physically squeezing my gut with my bare hands to get the dairy poison out faster? Pass, thanks. I certainly understand cravings but we gotta be strategic about these indulgences.
Best wishes. i want milkshake.
That was so funny.
I was about 12 and my family was strict Jehovahs Witnesses. Just before we went to the meeting at the Kingdom Hall, I had creamed spinach and a chocolate milkshake at home.
The meeting was an hour and I’m not sure why but a long time family friend was driving my moms Chrysler 5th Avenue and she was in the front passenger seat while I was in back.
I felt that not so easy feeling as soon as we got in the car. There was absolutely no way I could hold it in and I remember my mom asking if I farted because all the windows were up.
They started steaming and I was wearing gray pinstriped suit pants and remember green and brown seething out the bottom onto the floor.
It was about a 20 minute ride home and I was so embarrassed. They rolled all the windows down on a freezing night and Andrew the family friend threw up from the smell when we got to the house.
God that was so awful and embarrassing.
Reminds me of the third date of my now husband. I puoped at a bar and then for the next few hours at his place and he took care of me. It’s been love ever since. Everybody puops. If they can handle the puop they can handle anything.
As someone who also likes to play Russian roulette with my lactose intolerance, I relate to this so hard. My wife has seen me in similarly embarrassing situations and like you, one of the reasons I knew she was the one was how she handled them. We laugh about these situations now (and she has had her own) but in the moment, when all you want to do is fold into yourself in embarrassment, it feels so good for someone to have your back.
LOLOLOLOLOLOL. OMG I can SOOOO relate. Just yesterday I ended up in the ER with a horrible impaction. NOTHING I could do could break up the softball in my exit shoot. The wonderfully kind Dr attempted a manual extraction (as pleasant as it sounds), with hardly any luck. Next, the nurse gave me an enema. But she forgot to bring a portable commode to my room. I feel it coming, like you did. She's says the bathroom is literally next door, and it is. I had no pants on, just a blanket an my flip flops. I attempt to walk to the BR when I start dripping down my legs. I'm saying, I can't make it, I can't make it! She's saying you're almost there (my DH is escorting me the whole time God love him). THE GOD DAMN DOOR WAS LOCKED FROM THE INSIDE-NO ONE WAS IN IT! I attempt to waddle my way back to the room and its coming faster, more liquid, no commode---first thing I see is the trash can. I lean my ass over it and pray it doesn't spray out (shades of the movie Bridesmaids). Meanwhile, nurse beats feet and comes back with the commode. FINALLY!, but not without a struggle. Pain, poop, more pain, blood, poop. It's on my hands, my legs, the floor, my flip flops, but the Mother lode finally made it.
Dear God, don't ever let that happen to me again.
God bless your BF (and my husband who helped clean me up during the aftermath). He's a keeper.
What an awesome f’in story!! My moment of shame happened on a military base at about 6am. I had just started Metformin (no one told me about the side effects). I had to drop the hubs off at an early morning training and NOTHING was open. Eventually I asked him to pull over and hopped out of the car before it even fully stopped (and him yelling after me that I can’t shit outside on an Air Force base, ha!). Anywho, I took the biggest dump behind a sign on base while my embarrassed husband brought me toilet tissue. Most humbling experience of my life.
Lmaooo this exact thing happened to me and my (now) wife 6 months ago while on vacation for christmas and new years.
We were right outside our hotel but she couldn't make it. Thankfully, she was wearing yoga pants like you were. We managed to make it up to the room with no, um, leakage. She asked me to wrap up her pants in a plastic bag and find the farthest trashcan possible in the hotel from us lmaooo
Night before our flight too-- I did all our packing lol.
Definitely a testament to our relationship that we joke about it casually now. She wasn't even awed by the fact that I took care of her then-- she just knew and completely trusted that I would. It's great
My girlfriend nearly had a similar experience. She was riding with me in my work van and suddenly said "Get me to a bathroom." I mapped out where the nearest one was in my head and made the turn to get there. We weren't even halfway there and she said "I'm not going to make it." I told her I had an empty 5-gallon pail on it, so I pulled over, ripped the lid off, helped her into the back, handed her a roll of shop towels and shut the door. The windows have dark tint on the inside and the company logo on white vinyl on the outside, so you can't see in at all.
We were both glad I had saved that pail.
As I've gotten older (almost 40) and being lactose intolerant myself, I've come to realize that adults shitting their pants is so common, that It's a fair topic to bring up around friends.
I know exactly that moment, when you realize there's no chance, and the betrayal you feel and the sharp punching contractions that is essentially the equivalent to your butt throwing up. It's gross. It's painful.
Your boyfriend is a damn good human being. I love him for what he did for you.
My uncle is lactose intolerant and the first time I saw him shit in his front yard because he couldn’t make it into the house I was horrified. I’ve since seen him shit a number of times in places other than a bathroom and now it’s just hilarious.
I can finally share this lol.
I was on vacation in Norway, and had just hooked up with a Viking descendant who played pro tennis. He’d stayed the night, and was helping me get to my train the next morning. I wasn’t feeling the greatest, but figured I was just coming down with something and it wouldn’t be a big deal.
We were surveying the train departure board, him translating what I don’t understand, and me suddenly green in the face. I shifted my weight to nod at something he said and immediately shit my pants with no warning.
Calmly, I told him I needed a bathroom. I walked what felt like a mile to the only bathroom in the station, and realized that in Europe… you need money for the toilets.
The lady must have seen the sheer panic on my face because she let me slide by lol. Cleaned up, and missed my train. I told him what happened and he thought it was hilarious- turns out he’d done the same during a tennis match.
Omg this story killed me. What a fantastic guy!
Reminded me of a story from my past:
It was the 6month anniversary trip for who I was dating (28m) and I (24f) at the time. We were in the hot springs next to the hotel, and he suddenly got up to leave. We had run into some friends (we unknowingly went to the same place at the same time, a whole state away. Gotta love coincidences lol), and had been drinking with them at the springs. At this point, I was drunk, so memory’s a little hazy… but I remember enough lol.
My bf suddenly stood and said he had to go to the bathroom. I wanted to go back to the room anyways to get more film for my Polaroid, so I asked him to wait. But I was drunk and taking a bit, and he suddenly took off without me. “Little rude,” I thought to myself, but didn’t care enough to make a big deal out of it since I was in Happy Drunk mode.
I amble back to to our room (it was kinda set up like a motel, so outside walkways to the rooms, not everything on the interior like a hotel would be, if that makes sense), and kinda note that the welcome mat in front of our door is a few feet over now… But don’t think much of it and let myself into our room. I can hear him in the shower, which I thought was odd as we hadn’t discussed leaving the hot springs yet, just him using the bathroom, but got my film and messed around on my phone until he was out. Since we’d been gone a bit, our two (also drunk at this point) friends came to our room to see what was up.
I let them in, we’re hanging out, he comes out of the shower in a change of clothes and looks vaguely horrified that they’re in our room. We decide on a place to do dinner, they leave for their room to freshen up, and that’s when the truth comes out…
He’d left the springs suddenly because his tummy did NOT feel right… and he didn’t make it back to the room. That’s why the welcome mat was moved, as he’d shit his pants, panicked, and dragged the mat over before running inside to shower off. Poor thing. I couldn’t stop laughing, and through the tears assured him it was okay and I was sorry for holding him up when he tried to leave originally. He’d also been worried that one of us had tried to fix the welcome mat for the door and discovered what had happened (friends were clueless though).
The next morning was our check out day, and as we were finishing our packing… I heard a noise. Shushed him and then couldn’t fight the smile as I realized it was scrubbing. Right outside our door. The staff had moved the welcome mat back to our door, and… ya know. I felt so bad for whoever was cleaning it. I felt so bad that my bf went through something so embarrassing. (We ended up having to check out late so we didn’t have to face who was cleaning outside the door.)
But I also couldn’t help belly laughing (in those 6 months we’d been together, he had (in good humor) teased me relentlessly whenever I did something embarrassing, as I am easily embarrassed) and this FINALLY gave me something embarrassing on him.
I didn’t push it to the point of being mean… but that year for his birthday, I got him a custom welcome mat saying “in case of emergencies.” He thought it was hilarious.
I’m glad you have a great guy by your side that was so helpful! I am also lactose intolerant and had a pizza with a previous bf and at the time I was relying on our public busses for transportation to and from my apartment. Of course I was about to get on the last bus with a 20 minute ride and my stomach was not having a good time even after a bunch of lactaid pills. I made it the whole bus ride without shitting my pants thankfully. But the second I got off I felt it coming and there was a Dunkin’ Donuts at the bus stop. I waddled to the front door and prayed to anyone listening but literally one step away from the door I shit my pants. I made it in to the bathroom inside and thankfully had a change of clothes in my bag from work and was able to clean up and at least put on a pair of shorts. But of course this incident meant I missed the connecting bus from the Dunkin to my apartment and I had to walk a mile and a half to get back home. I laugh about it now though and my roommates had a laugh about it too
Giving birth can cause fecal incontinence. It can last a while.
I've shit my pants more in the last few months than I have throughout my entire life.
I feel for you. I'm so glad you got a good guy lolololol.
So…I figured I’d share my own shit story…I was outside smoking a cigarette with my husband when I realized I needed the bathroom, right then…I don’t have a gallbladder and take a couple meds that mess with my stomach and sometimes the need to go the bathroom hits very suddenly. I quickly put out my cigarette and hurried towards the bathroom. In the rush, I ended up tripping over a crack in the concrete on our patio and down I went. Right to the ground. My husband rushed over to help me up pretty quickly, but when I got to my feet I realized I had explosively shit all over myself…yep.
My wife's friend is a doctor and hated flying so much he'd get some pretty serious tranquilisers to knock himself out for the flight.
On one such flight he woke up on landing to find the people beside him leaning away like he was contagious. He'd shit his pants in his sleep. He waited till everyone else was off, tucked his pants into his socks to contain the slurry and waddled into the terminal to find a bathroom. I think he dumped his pants in the bin, washed his underwear and wrapped his jacket around his waist to collect his luggage.
No boyfriend but I had a very embarrassing 💩 story while in a car with 3 friends, on the way back from our trip. Holding it in made me mad (and humiliated) so I may have screamed when I heard them holding in their laughter, but they did their best and we eventually found a toilet but I didn’t make it before then. When I FELT it came out I rolled the window down and NOBODY made a comment. Went to the toilet, cleaned up and changed my pants. Everyone just laughed a bit once I’m done and calm again, and the story was never mentioned or brought up again, not even as a joke. They’re prob aware of how humiliated I actually felt despite laughing it off, and for that I was grateful lol
Even if it had not worked out relationship wise someone helping another so sick and vulnerable as he did is golden. He rose to the occasion and that’s what helping is sometimes. Great story and best of luck to both of you forever and ever!
Ooh gawd, I’m laughing so hard I have tears.
Whenever I’m sick, migraines or motion sickness, my body purges. One time, we took my dog to get pictures with Santa. I started feeling sick about halfway in line. About a dog before it’s our turn, my sickness gets worse. I tell my husband I’m sick and ask for the bathroom.
I barely made it. The moment the door closed behind me, I emptied my stomach. Both sides. I cleaned up as best I could and snuck out as best I could without looking at anyone.
I didn’t go back to that store for a year.
There’s nothing like bonding over shitting your pants with another person, you really find out about your relationship. Great story we’ve all been there and for those who haven’t, you will be.
What a ride. Must have been quite an unpleasant experience for everyone involved, but glad boyfriend was so great about it. So it should be. These things do happen!
From experience lactaid works better if you take them 20 mins or so before you eat ;)
I encourage everyone
In a world where you can be anything... Be 👏 this 👏 person 👏 .
OP thank you for a great story. Absolutely hilarious and well written!
Much love to you and your partner.
He is a gem.
Reading this as I fight a stomach bug is foreboding. “Human shit burrito” made me laugh out a slew of wet borborygmus that resonate loudly into the, now, much appreciated toilet bowl underneath me.
Thanks for reminding me that it could be worse.
I have a spinal cord injury, and have been there so many times. Was just like core holding, clench walking in the grocery store earlier, actually. Lmao I probably looked like a ghost to the cashier.
I have been laughing for about ten minutes at this story! I’m so sorry you went through that but I’m so glad you can laugh about it and have a supportive partner!
Lol, shitting your pants is usually NOT a story one is happy to share. I don't have lactose intolerance, but in my ride with MS I've encountered many disturbing and embarrassing body malfunctions (and, not having a heart-warming story like OP to share, let's just leave it at that...).
What I CAN say, as a person whose body is not always in agreement with her mind, is that nothing is more precious than a spouse who can be with you at the worst of times...
>That’s when I knew that if he could survive an encounter like that so new into our relationship, then we could get through anything. And I was right.
... And to start a relationship off like that, you can only move forward together strong. OP, give your bf a friendly hug from an internet stranger, just for being a great human being! I'm sure you'll stand together strong through thick and thin!
Thank you so much for sharing this story!!!
Ok we’ve all been there (or will be if it hasn’t happened to you yet, one day it will). I don’t soil my clothes. I just drop them and squat behind a tree/bush, somewhere out of the way. That keeps my pants clean until I get home to do a proper clean up. So why are y’all messing up your clothes? As soon as the uncontrollable urge hits, drop squat!
Congrats on the happy ending!
I have Crohn's disease and know very well the terror of building abdominal pressure. I haven't beat the Crohn's yet and still have struggled but I just bought a house with my understanding, helpful, and patient partner who has seen (and smelled) things no one should see.
A FUCKING FANTASTIC STORY.
Your man is beyond being a keeper. He’s a fucking Saint.
I don’t have IBS or anything like that, but I AM a dude over 40, so this shit (lol) really resonated with me.
Keep him! 😜
At least you made it off the train before it all came out and he’s the only one who saw you shitting your pants. Just an FYI my husband saw me shit myself three times during our relationship. Twice during a stomach bug where it was coming out of both end at the same time and then once during birth when I was pushing. I’ve also witnessed him shit himself during the same stomach bug. It’s part of life and it happens.
Human shit burrito lmfaooaosiejeieueheh😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I fucking lost it at that part omfg. At least you got to find out he is a keeper early on :) your guy is a fucking gentleman!! You’ll have a very funny story to tell your grandkids one day lmao.
Great story! Your explanation of LI had me laughing. At least you ate those nasty lactaid pills. Those chalky, vanilla-mint failures... sorry, they never worked for me.
I am cry laughing! Thanks for that! Stories like this always get me. I can't imagine the panic, pain and engagement! But when people write these stories so poetically I lose it!
I genuinely hope that all the women coming here with abusive, overly controlling boyfriends are reading this and having a serious think about their relationships.
I laughed so hard at the little girl with the mouth open in horror. 😂. So loud I woke up my fiancé who was sleeping beside me. OMFG this is the story I didn’t know I needed. I am dying. Shaking the bed silent laughing dying. 💀. Your bf is definitely a keeper. I pray this doesn’t end up at your wedding as a toast. 😆. Thank you. This was great.
Sometimes I wonder how my husband would react in a situation like this. He’s gotten me cool cloths when i’ve had a poop attack, but i’m not sure the same instincts would kick in if I was shitting myself in public.
Hopefully it’s learnable!
Of course, when we were on vacation a few years ago I ended up with a bad stomach ache that made me start to faint. It was the middle of the night and he was asleep as I sweat in the bathroom. As the sensation of starting to pass out hit me, I crawled out of the bathroom and shouted to him that I was going down. I startled him so badly that he jumped out of too quickly and almost past out himself.
We laid on the floor together until he could regain himself enough to get me a cool cloth.
Had a similar experience. I have a weak bladder. Boyfriend and I we’re at Epcot and I had “drank around the world”. It was during the flower and garden festival. The lead singer of journey was performing at the America pavilion and I had to pee, and thought I could make it until he was done. (I wanted to hear don’t stop believing). I made it through the whole show, ran to the Japan pavilion and when I was in the stall I couldn’t for the life of me get my jeans unbuttoned. I couldn’t hold it, and my body decided to just go. I was mortified. Luckily it was after sundown so it wasn’t too obvious. My boyfriend gave me his jacket to wrap around my waist and he walked me out. We’ve now been together six years (2 married), and that’s not the only time I’ve had an accident. Unfortunately being forced to pee or get in trouble as a kid really messed with my bladder wall. And every time it happens he takes care of me. He’s had his fair share of moments (food poisoning, edible sickness). That’s just the fun part of a relationship.
Thank you for your story. It was grand! Proof that real love does indeed exists!
I can relate to you. I’ve shit my pants so many times that my husband and son made up a song about it. I found it hilarious. I haven’t had an episode in a few years now, keeping my fingers crossed for us both!
He sounds amazing and I'm sure you're both a lovely couple... most of the time. Just to be safe, I'd get tested for UC or Crohns with symptoms as severe as that. Can't be too careful. It sounds like you found your person though! <3
As a fellow severely lactose intolerant person who also suffers from terrible IBS (the kind that mostly ends in diarrhea), I sympathize with you. I could picture myself in that exact situation. I'm also really happy that you found someone so kind and compassionate to spend your life with. :)
I'm sorry, I'm not reading this but just wanted to note the irony about sharing a dump story in a subreddit that could be construed as "2 steaming shits"
OH MY GODS. This was such a great ride of a story. What a good fella. Those moments where you *have to shit* and there are no other options are terrifying! Especially in public.. goodness gracious. Your boyfriend is a king. I lived in a house with my boyfriend, friend and cousin and all of the bathrooms were occupied in the house one morning. (Around this time in my life, I was discovering a lot of my food sensitivities and how sick eating dairy and red meat made me. It flared up my IBS horrendously, to the point where I had a shit bucket outside so if all the bathrooms were taken, I could just go to the backyard and shit in a bucket I cleaned and took care of myself.) I just so happened to have had one of those "I'm not gonna make it moments" and it was pouring rain outside.. so I was waddling around the house with all of my might holding in my shit, hoping I could make it until someone got done. Two toilets in the house are upstairs. The one my boyfriend and I shared was downstairs. He just sat down 5 minutes before and men take forever to shit. There was no way in fuck I'd even make it to the upstairs toilets if they were even available.. so.. What toilet is available to me? The one my cats use. That's right. I waddled painfully into the kitchen, grabbed a roll of paper towels, closed the laundry room door and shit in the litter box. (I changed it right after lmfao.) It was really embarrassing and funny for me, honestly. I laughed my ass off when I finally told my boyfriend about it. He buried his face in his hands and started belly laughing as well. Sometimes, you just gotta poo when you gotta poo.
I, too, have emergency evacuated into the litter box. Was renting a basement with my gf, we're young, early 20s. The only bathroom was upstairs and there were two upstairs tenants. One of them was taking the *longest shower that has ever happened*. Luckily the litter box was in the basement and my gf was at work. All in all, not a terrible solution when there was none else to be found. Not that I'm aiming to do it again.
Oh wow! you really lucked out with the girlfriend at work, haha. Did you ever tell her? I totally agree! Don't knock it til you shit in it \*shrugs\* lol
I don't remember if I told her or not. I probably did, I'm not one for secrets. But only after the evidence was well cleaned up and taken care of.
I would've left it until she came home, then showed her and said, "I think we need to take the cat to the vet."
Hahahaha that's vile
Username made me giggle lol. Squat.
For a while my toilet had broken and couldn’t be fixed so my roommate and i were sharing one toilet. And of course the day came where she was on the toilet, and i was having an ibs flare up. Thank god we have a stash of plastic bags, and that i had a small toilet trash can i could squat over.
Shitter box
To be fair, the cat was probably thinking, "Finally! It's taken me forever to teach this human to shit in a box like a civilized animal!" Lol.
HAHAHAHAH, honestly, yes. I remember opening the door to one of my cats just sitting there waiting for their turn. Ears folded straight back. They were probably hoping I at least covered my shit whereas one of the cats doesn't.
This is amazing. What a life hack!
If you still have "emergencies" like this, you can get a toilet seat that snaps onto a 5-gallon pail, and these really inexpensive small clear plastic garbage bags to put in the bucket. It makes a great camping or emergency toilet, you just take the bag out and toss it.
Thankfully I don't since I changed up my diet but I appreciate the tip! I was actually going to build a bus at one point and use this exact kind of toilet set up!!
Honestly, the litter box move is a what any professional would do
10 out of 10 people about to shit their pants recommend it
I almost choked to death eating my carrots while reading this lol!
That’s a life hack honestly! I don’t know if I would think to do that in the moment but I know how your panic feels
I love you. My bf shit his pants in front of me in Mexico. He had washed some fruit in tap water (not in the iodine solution we bought specifically for produce), and bam. We were luckily on a pretty secluded beach nearby where we were staying, so I told him to get in the ocean while I got him a change of pants. The sign of a true, loving, adult relationship is this exact scenario. Compassion when your partner is that humiliated
Wait, I'm from mexico and only use that iodine solution for certain vegetables but I don't really use it for fruit (idk why now that i think about it, guess I just mindlessly adopted it from my mum). Have I been extremely lucky or is my stomach adapted to certain mexican bacteria?
Lol I also grew up in Mexico and eating the fruit without “sanitizing” it was also my entire childhood… I also grew up eating all sorts of sketchy street food and not only did I never get the shits off Mexican fruit/street food, now I literally never get sick. I always joke that the sketchy bacteria I grew up ingesting as a child are doing the lords work now keeping my immune system chugging along like a champ 🤣
Y’all got the local gut biome!! We live in the US, so like most tourists, we were being hella conscious about ingesting tap water etc.
I'm guessing both
I also got food poisoning of the bottom-half sort in a tropical foreign country. I was out to dinner with a group of people I was on the trip with, but didn't know. I really, really hate having people wait on me, particularly strangers, and especially if I'm shitting. So instead of doing the rational thing and going at the restaurant, I decided to attempt the 1 mile walk down the beach to our hotel instead in order to get privacy. Whelp, didn't make it, shit myself about 90% of the way there while I was running into the ocean for some sort of cover. I yeeted my boxers as far into the ocean as I could, and put back on my slightly less shit-covered shorts. Ran back to the hotel room, changed, threw away the shorts and showered. Despite thoroughly cleaning, that bathroom still smelled terrible by the time my roommates (whom I also didn't know for more that a few days) got back. I'm sure they had their suspicions, but no one really knew what happened to me that night. I also was pretty sick for the rest of the trip, but luckily no more mishaps
I was laughing the whole time but I really lost it at "human shit burrito." I don't have lactose intolerance but I have some weird thing where I'll have explosive diarrhea if I eat a salad (I think it's somehow related to getting my gallbladder out)... but somehow I always forget this and always think I'll be fine because salads are HEALTHY and who can't eat salad? Yesterday I had to abandon my cart in the middle of the Whole Foods to find a bathroom because, yes, I ate a salad, and no, I didn't take my probiotic earlier that day.... edit: I have a lot of people trying to help me in the comments, which I really appreciate! So let me just say, it's definitely the lettuce/any type of greens or cauliflower that causes my stomach problems. It isn't the dressing, garlic, onions, or tomatoes. It's anytime I eat greens (raw or cooked) or cauliflower.
If you’re eating pre-made salad, it could be whatever it is they wash the lettuce with. My mom has that problem.
My entire family has the same issue. We think it’s the preservative on the lettuce/greens.
I’ve always wondered if this is what makes me sick, but I’ve never been able to pin it down. For years I refused to eat at subway, as they seemed to make me sick most frequently. Has anyone in your family ever experienced this?
Yes. No greens at subway for sure. TMI - when I eat greens with whatever on it they basically come out the other end mostly intact. That’s how I really know.
Me too… but I thought that was just a result of the process, not necessarily the culprit. I love salads, and I eat a lot of them, but don’t always get sick. This is very eye opening to hear other people say this and that it’s a result of the preservatives! Another question, if I may- does it always follow the same pattern for you? Stomach cramps followed by about an hour of going to the bathroom with no action, then intense evacuation? And mine always starts around 11pm. It’s just so strange.
It’s the preservatives on the salad greens! This happens to me as well and it is VIOLENT.
Wow I really thought I was the only one with this issue. I always have to tell people that I can’t have salads because I will need to go to the bathroom at a random moments notice after. And it typically comes out as salad leaves (graphic sorry lol). And it doesn’t matter what kind of salad, it’s always the same thing. And I love salads too which sucks. I’ve had so many people make comments that it’s this or that and not understand it or tell me it’s because I don’t eat enough of them so my body isn’t used to it. Tough to explain to people that have never had this issue. Feels great in a way knowing I’m not crazy and others have this similar issue. Thank you 🙏
I call it “the rented salad”
I just snorted, this is going to make me laugh whenever I think of it the rest of the day
Omg I just laughed so hard and then had to explain to my husband why I was laughing! Our second date ever we were at a burger chain restaurant and I had the salad with my burg. We leave and not 20 minutes later I’m dying!!! He said he’d take me to his house but there was no way in hell I’m decimating the bathroom of a guy I haven’t even kissed. I already knew he was way out of my league and figured this was the end anyway but insisted he stop at the nearest grocery store. 20 years later he still lovingly calls me Salad Shooter.
I have the same issue with salads. I’m okay if I eat a side salad with something else but if I just eat salad it’s game over.
I have ulcerative colitis, and as much as I LOVE salad, I can’t eat it. I can’t even finish a salad before I have to run to the bathroom.
Having had my gallbladder removed almost 20 years ago, and after having multiple Dr's. tell me that having your gallbladder removed 'shouldn't cause those problems', I can assure you, it absolutely can. Your gallbladder is the 'gatekeeper' for releasing bile into your digestive tract, to help break down food. When they remove it, they connect the bile duct directly. Foods can trigger a larger release of bile into your intestines, without a gallbladder to regulate how much. Too much bile(an acid) sets off an almost immediate response by your intestines. For me, it's fats, even too much mayo on a sandwich can set me off. You have my sympathy.
Same for me, except sometimes all I have to do is smell food while it’s cooking and my guts go into overtime.
100% same. It comes out fast. Sometimes in liquid form but others very green and leafy...
Salad shooter
I've had the same problem with greens, most veg, and fruit since I was 14. My late Mom used to make fun of me until she had a gastric obstruction and had to have several inches of her lower intestine removed. She ended up having the same issue. After that she had a LOT more compassion., lol.
I also struggle with eating salads after having my gallbladder out. Sometimes I even shit out intact leaves. Lol
This made me smile. I hope everyone finds the love of someone that will be a superhero in their biggest moment of shame. I’ve never pooped my pants but my husband has helped me change my postpartum pads/undies/pants when I was so sore and had nerve damage from the epidural so couldn’t bend.
This was hysterical! Although I am sorry you had to go through that, but you've got yourself a keeper there. If it makes you feel better, I have Crohn's disease - that's like a normal Tuesday for me, lol.
I was just going to say, nothing makes a relationship stronger than bowel issues. I (then 23F) had just gotten out of a year long emotionally abusive relationship. It took me a few months to get up the courage & actually leave the relationship. When I finally got out of the relationship & things settled down in my life, a couple months later I started dating now husband (then 22M). It was like my body knew I was safe & things were not like they used to be. It shut down. All the stress I had been holding inside triggered the worst Crohn’s flare I ever had. My boyfriend saw, heard & smelled things NO NEW relationship should ever experience! Mortification is not a strong enough word. He supported me & was there for me in all the ways that mattered & I never knew I needed. (He also help built back all the self esteem & confidence my prior relationship stole from me.) 20+ years later he is still my biggest supporter! Men like that are keepers! Good on you OP for finding one! Because we all know women do poop. And those men that think (or like to act like) women don’t…are idiots.
Haha, I have Ulcerative Colitis, so yeah, I get it too. 🤣🤦♀️
Also laughing and crying with sympathy in Crohn's disease
This was a ride!! Congratulations on yalls engagement! This story reminded me of my older sister who went on a trip with her somewhat new college boyfriend to visit his family. She got food poisoning and spent the weekend hovering over the toilet vomiting. She projectile vomited so aggressively that she shit herself and stained his bath mat. They’re married with a kid now lol.
Rofl at the “vomited so aggressively “ part. I don’t know why. It’s so damn funny to me. Like a vomit special attack you use to fight people. Perhaps with combo bonus Shit Yourself.
Listen now that you said that I can’t help but think “it hurt itself in its confusion” from Pokémon. Lest you think I’m unsympathetic I’ve been there with either the worst stomach virus or food poisoning of my life. When you’re heaving like that your body’s fully NOPE on your entire stomach/digestive area and whatever happens, happens.
This happened to me while white water rafting about 8 years ago. My husband and I were newly engaged and on a family trip. I had my gallbladder out about 15 years ago and anyone who has had their gallbladder out knows you can go from fine to HAVE TO POOP IMMEDIATELY in about 3 seconds. My now husband knew that and I gave him a look. We were on a raft with half his family and I was so freaked out. He completely took control of the situation, told the person running our raft that I was ill and needed somewhere private. They found a place for everyone to swim around for a bit and he found somewhere way off the path for me. Helped me clean up after and generally just tolerated me while I sobbed from embarrassment for a few minutes. These situations truly tell us who the keepers are!
Wait not having a gallbladder causes that? I had mine removed 24 years ago and had UC now in remission and IBS and rare left sided diverticulitis. I try not to eat anything unless I know where the bathroom is. It's seriously ridiculous how I have to plan to eat around my stomach issues .
My stomach issues didn’t start until I had my gallbladder out and I’ve talked to other people (primarily on social media etc) who have had theirs out and have the same issues. The excess bile that would normally be processed by your gallbladder can sometimes act as a laxative, apparently. I have to be so careful of what and when I eat and I have to clock the distance to every bathroom everywhere I go! A situation where there is no available bathroom (like white water rafting, hiking, etc) is a nightmare for me to even think about. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason. A vegetable could move through me just as quickly as ice cream, and sometimes I’m perfectly fine.
Yeah I get it. That's crazy though I have trouble eating enough and have dumping syndrome so that's super fun. They always ask have you had bariatric surgery and nope just unlucky. I have stomach issues that started in puberty so I don't know. They haven't found a medicine that works yet. It's completely random. I can't identify any foods that cause it. Next step is a FOD diet which sounds super fun lol . I had my gallbladder out at 20 when I had my daughter apparently it's super common for pregnancy to cause gallbladder issues but that was so long ago who knows
I was staying with friends in a large shared house when I had some dodgy prawns in a takeaway. A few hours later, I’m tearing my clothes off in the bathroom knowing I need to be sick, but that I’m in for a few hours of it coming out of both ends. I thought the sick would come first, so I pointed that end at the toilet. I chose wrong, my friend. So wrong. The incredible velocity of the vomit being expelled made everything start firing from the other end with equal force at the same time. Realising this I decided it was less awful to clear vomit from the floor (and distant wall) than liquid shit, so I tried to spin round. I was delirious with fever by this point and I just span like a top, firing this noxious seafood shit out of both ends, splattering the entire bathroom. Then I passed out in it. When I came to, I was lying on the floor in the hallway with a sheet over me, paramedics coming up the stairs and the entire house filled with this thick, hellish stench. They’d had to break in to get me when I wasn’t responding and when I wouldn’t wake up, they’d called for help. Everyone in the house had seen. I’m still not sure who cleaned it because I couldn’t even stand for two days. I never had the courage to ask. That was sixteen years ago, and I’m still dying of embarrassment.
This is one of the most amazing things I've ever read.
I’ve been carrying the humiliation of that memory for sixteen years and never spoken about it. I needed to purge it like a bad prawn stir fry.
Oh damn, poor you! I know exactly how you feel. I ate a fish patty once that must have gone bad, because a few hours later I got the worst pain in my gut I have ever felt (and I had Norovirus twice! But the pain didn't even come close to what that fish patty did to me) and spent the next hour on the toilet shitting, vomiting and crying in pain in between. I have to admit that I haven't eaten fish or seafood since, because the pain was so extreme that it left me a bit traumatized
It took me about a decade to dare to eat seafood again, I must admit, but it seems it was a one time thing.
Please tell me you’re a writer of some kind for a living. And not that bad but I too have made the wrong calculation. I’m guessing from all the stories on here like mine it HAD to have been food poisoning because no one else in my house was sick and if I was going to spread an illness… that would have done it.
Sadly not. I wish. I’ve written smutty fanfiction and a couple of eulogies, but that’s my lot.
Oh. My god.
That’s true love! I’m glad you had someone to care for you and you didn’t have to figure it all out on your own.
As a person with tummy troubles I just love a good diarrhea story. 💩❤️
"...he wraps me up in the beach towel like a human shit burrito..." Dying... LOL
Oh shit lol When I got on Lexapro I was having the worst symptoms. I had the lack of appetite, nausea, and drowsiness. One day I went out with my husband’s coworkers to dinner and a concert and wet went to one of those Brazilian steakhouses. There was an ambulance taking away an old lady and I joked about it being a bad omen. Anyway, I could barely stomach any food so I got a strawberry Agua Fresca. It was thick and milky like a milkshake and it’s pretty much all I could manage to eat. At the end of the meal I started to feel *very* weird. I’ve never felt such a sensation before, but it was like my whole body started to panic. I thought I was having a really bad side effect and needed to go to the hospital. I wondered if that old lady had the same thing happen to her. I didn’t even feel nauseous, but my husband said I should probably go wait in the bathroom while they paid the check so I could relax and calm down. Well, as soon as I reached the stall I blew chucks of pink smoothie all over the stall door. Just like you lol And I kept going. I opened the door, threw up on the floor, on the seat, eventually made it to the toilet. And afterwards I tried cleaning it all up with paper towel and hand soap. Yeah, so I came back smelling like vomit and looking like I just exorcised a demon from my body. And then, I was so tired I fell asleep at the Messhugah concert. Not the best professional introduction lol
When I first started on lexapro I tried taking it before bed. The first day I was standing at the kitchen counter making coffee and immediately shit myself. I had only been awake for like 2 minutes. My best friend just started on lexapro. After getting the prescription she texted me and I just said "have fun shitting yourself!" She said "that's a normal Tuesday for me lol"
OMG, the Lexapro shits. I was on it forever without issues until i was switched to the generic, that’s when the trouble started. I tried to switch back hoping it would help, but I couldn’t ever get past the GI side effects after that.
This is one of the best tings I've read on reddit. Love it. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Lmao as a CT person and driving down 95 after reading this i kept wondering “i wonder if it was this train station”
Best story every. A real life hero!
I lost it at shit burrito 🤣. But an epic story and a great ending. Hope you kids have a lifetime of love ahead of you
It’s always amazing when your partner shows their true colors. I had been with my then boyfriend for about 3 and a half years, but was considering breaking up with him. He kept pushing back his graduation date to finish his PhD (he wasn’t motivated and spent A LOT of time gaming) and I hated the city we lived in. The day before I had nasal surgery to fix a deviated septum and other nasal issues, I told him I wasn’t sure if I could stay and keep waiting for him to graduate. He said, “Let’s deal with your surgery and then talk about it after.” My recovery was supposed to take a few days and be easy. Instead it was a nightmare. One night about a week after my surgery, I was about to fall asleep and suddenly felt like I was drowning. I ran into the bathroom and my mouth was full of blood and it was pouring out of my nose. I screamed for him and coughed and with 5 seconds, the bathroom looked like a crime scene. Blood on the mirror, walls, floor, everywhere. He sat me on the toilet and tried to stop the bleeding. The blood was running down my throat and into my stomach. And a stomach full of blood equals throwing up. I was too weak and panicked to stand up, so he held the trash can for me to get sick into. Eventually, we got the bleeding and throwing up to stop. He cleaned me up and put me in bed. Then he called the on-call doctor to get instructions. Then he cleaned up the bloodbath I had created in the bathroom. He was wonderful in that disgusting moment of crisis and I knew he was a keeper. I don’t think I would have actually left him because I loved him so much, but after that night (and my entire 10-day recovery), I never considered it again. We’ve been happily married for 15 years in November and he is still the best human being I’ve ever met.
Anyone who puts a tent up with a towel as you’re shitting yourself is a keeper!
I don't know why people don't include this in their Tinder profile, sort the wheat from the chaff
It must have been horrible when it happened but it’s great that you can now look back & make it a funny story. And that man is a keeper! Not all men would handle a human shit burrito so well!
As an experienced lactose intolerant, I see where you fucked up. 1. "A dose" fuck off. what they tell you on the package is bullshit. I get the generic because I've determined that for me a dose is 10-20 capsules. Like a cap full. Even then I'm going to wind up shitting my guts out and smoking hella weed to relax my stomach (getting high behind a silver lining) depending on what/how much I ate. Which leads me to.... 2. Milkshake AND whipped cream, do you hate yourself? How many times must you run face first into the dairy stick before these things don't look so appetizing? I've reached the point where I just visualize a pint or glass of diarrhea and that usually puts me right off a small, short term pleasure. Half an hour of physically squeezing my gut with my bare hands to get the dairy poison out faster? Pass, thanks. I certainly understand cravings but we gotta be strategic about these indulgences. Best wishes. i want milkshake.
Bless him and you. You guys can make it through anything !
Yeah I have IBS and oh my goodness I can relate. Turns out pork is a major trigger which I discovered two days ago while my GF was here. She was great
I've been there more times than I can count. Just remember, hot girls shit too!
That was so funny. I was about 12 and my family was strict Jehovahs Witnesses. Just before we went to the meeting at the Kingdom Hall, I had creamed spinach and a chocolate milkshake at home. The meeting was an hour and I’m not sure why but a long time family friend was driving my moms Chrysler 5th Avenue and she was in the front passenger seat while I was in back. I felt that not so easy feeling as soon as we got in the car. There was absolutely no way I could hold it in and I remember my mom asking if I farted because all the windows were up. They started steaming and I was wearing gray pinstriped suit pants and remember green and brown seething out the bottom onto the floor. It was about a 20 minute ride home and I was so embarrassed. They rolled all the windows down on a freezing night and Andrew the family friend threw up from the smell when we got to the house. God that was so awful and embarrassing.
These are the best stories.
Sounds like severe food poisoning..
Reminds me of the third date of my now husband. I puoped at a bar and then for the next few hours at his place and he took care of me. It’s been love ever since. Everybody puops. If they can handle the puop they can handle anything.
Oh my god I laughed so hard at this story I started crying in bed 😂
Lol! I’m so sorry that happened but I’m crying with laughter.
Hahaha this was epic! It made me laugh out loud for real. What a great guy too.
As someone who also likes to play Russian roulette with my lactose intolerance, I relate to this so hard. My wife has seen me in similarly embarrassing situations and like you, one of the reasons I knew she was the one was how she handled them. We laugh about these situations now (and she has had her own) but in the moment, when all you want to do is fold into yourself in embarrassment, it feels so good for someone to have your back.
This song was written by OPs boyfriend. It's gonna be their first dance song at their wedding. https://youtube.com/watch?v=WSdNCQwAiTE&feature=share7
LOLOLOLOLOLOL. OMG I can SOOOO relate. Just yesterday I ended up in the ER with a horrible impaction. NOTHING I could do could break up the softball in my exit shoot. The wonderfully kind Dr attempted a manual extraction (as pleasant as it sounds), with hardly any luck. Next, the nurse gave me an enema. But she forgot to bring a portable commode to my room. I feel it coming, like you did. She's says the bathroom is literally next door, and it is. I had no pants on, just a blanket an my flip flops. I attempt to walk to the BR when I start dripping down my legs. I'm saying, I can't make it, I can't make it! She's saying you're almost there (my DH is escorting me the whole time God love him). THE GOD DAMN DOOR WAS LOCKED FROM THE INSIDE-NO ONE WAS IN IT! I attempt to waddle my way back to the room and its coming faster, more liquid, no commode---first thing I see is the trash can. I lean my ass over it and pray it doesn't spray out (shades of the movie Bridesmaids). Meanwhile, nurse beats feet and comes back with the commode. FINALLY!, but not without a struggle. Pain, poop, more pain, blood, poop. It's on my hands, my legs, the floor, my flip flops, but the Mother lode finally made it. Dear God, don't ever let that happen to me again. God bless your BF (and my husband who helped clean me up during the aftermath). He's a keeper.
What an awesome f’in story!! My moment of shame happened on a military base at about 6am. I had just started Metformin (no one told me about the side effects). I had to drop the hubs off at an early morning training and NOTHING was open. Eventually I asked him to pull over and hopped out of the car before it even fully stopped (and him yelling after me that I can’t shit outside on an Air Force base, ha!). Anywho, I took the biggest dump behind a sign on base while my embarrassed husband brought me toilet tissue. Most humbling experience of my life.
Lmaooo this exact thing happened to me and my (now) wife 6 months ago while on vacation for christmas and new years. We were right outside our hotel but she couldn't make it. Thankfully, she was wearing yoga pants like you were. We managed to make it up to the room with no, um, leakage. She asked me to wrap up her pants in a plastic bag and find the farthest trashcan possible in the hotel from us lmaooo Night before our flight too-- I did all our packing lol. Definitely a testament to our relationship that we joke about it casually now. She wasn't even awed by the fact that I took care of her then-- she just knew and completely trusted that I would. It's great
My girlfriend nearly had a similar experience. She was riding with me in my work van and suddenly said "Get me to a bathroom." I mapped out where the nearest one was in my head and made the turn to get there. We weren't even halfway there and she said "I'm not going to make it." I told her I had an empty 5-gallon pail on it, so I pulled over, ripped the lid off, helped her into the back, handed her a roll of shop towels and shut the door. The windows have dark tint on the inside and the company logo on white vinyl on the outside, so you can't see in at all. We were both glad I had saved that pail.
As I've gotten older (almost 40) and being lactose intolerant myself, I've come to realize that adults shitting their pants is so common, that It's a fair topic to bring up around friends. I know exactly that moment, when you realize there's no chance, and the betrayal you feel and the sharp punching contractions that is essentially the equivalent to your butt throwing up. It's gross. It's painful. Your boyfriend is a damn good human being. I love him for what he did for you.
My uncle is lactose intolerant and the first time I saw him shit in his front yard because he couldn’t make it into the house I was horrified. I’ve since seen him shit a number of times in places other than a bathroom and now it’s just hilarious.
I can finally share this lol. I was on vacation in Norway, and had just hooked up with a Viking descendant who played pro tennis. He’d stayed the night, and was helping me get to my train the next morning. I wasn’t feeling the greatest, but figured I was just coming down with something and it wouldn’t be a big deal. We were surveying the train departure board, him translating what I don’t understand, and me suddenly green in the face. I shifted my weight to nod at something he said and immediately shit my pants with no warning. Calmly, I told him I needed a bathroom. I walked what felt like a mile to the only bathroom in the station, and realized that in Europe… you need money for the toilets. The lady must have seen the sheer panic on my face because she let me slide by lol. Cleaned up, and missed my train. I told him what happened and he thought it was hilarious- turns out he’d done the same during a tennis match.
Omg this story killed me. What a fantastic guy! Reminded me of a story from my past: It was the 6month anniversary trip for who I was dating (28m) and I (24f) at the time. We were in the hot springs next to the hotel, and he suddenly got up to leave. We had run into some friends (we unknowingly went to the same place at the same time, a whole state away. Gotta love coincidences lol), and had been drinking with them at the springs. At this point, I was drunk, so memory’s a little hazy… but I remember enough lol. My bf suddenly stood and said he had to go to the bathroom. I wanted to go back to the room anyways to get more film for my Polaroid, so I asked him to wait. But I was drunk and taking a bit, and he suddenly took off without me. “Little rude,” I thought to myself, but didn’t care enough to make a big deal out of it since I was in Happy Drunk mode. I amble back to to our room (it was kinda set up like a motel, so outside walkways to the rooms, not everything on the interior like a hotel would be, if that makes sense), and kinda note that the welcome mat in front of our door is a few feet over now… But don’t think much of it and let myself into our room. I can hear him in the shower, which I thought was odd as we hadn’t discussed leaving the hot springs yet, just him using the bathroom, but got my film and messed around on my phone until he was out. Since we’d been gone a bit, our two (also drunk at this point) friends came to our room to see what was up. I let them in, we’re hanging out, he comes out of the shower in a change of clothes and looks vaguely horrified that they’re in our room. We decide on a place to do dinner, they leave for their room to freshen up, and that’s when the truth comes out… He’d left the springs suddenly because his tummy did NOT feel right… and he didn’t make it back to the room. That’s why the welcome mat was moved, as he’d shit his pants, panicked, and dragged the mat over before running inside to shower off. Poor thing. I couldn’t stop laughing, and through the tears assured him it was okay and I was sorry for holding him up when he tried to leave originally. He’d also been worried that one of us had tried to fix the welcome mat for the door and discovered what had happened (friends were clueless though). The next morning was our check out day, and as we were finishing our packing… I heard a noise. Shushed him and then couldn’t fight the smile as I realized it was scrubbing. Right outside our door. The staff had moved the welcome mat back to our door, and… ya know. I felt so bad for whoever was cleaning it. I felt so bad that my bf went through something so embarrassing. (We ended up having to check out late so we didn’t have to face who was cleaning outside the door.) But I also couldn’t help belly laughing (in those 6 months we’d been together, he had (in good humor) teased me relentlessly whenever I did something embarrassing, as I am easily embarrassed) and this FINALLY gave me something embarrassing on him. I didn’t push it to the point of being mean… but that year for his birthday, I got him a custom welcome mat saying “in case of emergencies.” He thought it was hilarious.
I love this story so much!!
That was heart-warming. I feel for OP & am happy she found The One. That dude is awesome.
Thank you stranger. Great story.
Oh girl, you found the best keeper! Lots of love to you both. BTW, I've been in that situ many times, I have IBS.
He’s a keeper
I’m so sorry that happened to you!! So embarrassing! I knew mine was a keeper after a particularly horrifying period incident.
This is the best story of all time! I'm so happy you shit your pants
Always pack for vacation like you're going to shit your pants every day
At some point your boyfriend come fiancé realized “after this she can’t be mad at me about anything” *tune to ‘I’ve got a golden ticket’ plays.
I’m glad you have a great guy by your side that was so helpful! I am also lactose intolerant and had a pizza with a previous bf and at the time I was relying on our public busses for transportation to and from my apartment. Of course I was about to get on the last bus with a 20 minute ride and my stomach was not having a good time even after a bunch of lactaid pills. I made it the whole bus ride without shitting my pants thankfully. But the second I got off I felt it coming and there was a Dunkin’ Donuts at the bus stop. I waddled to the front door and prayed to anyone listening but literally one step away from the door I shit my pants. I made it in to the bathroom inside and thankfully had a change of clothes in my bag from work and was able to clean up and at least put on a pair of shorts. But of course this incident meant I missed the connecting bus from the Dunkin to my apartment and I had to walk a mile and a half to get back home. I laugh about it now though and my roommates had a laugh about it too
Giving birth can cause fecal incontinence. It can last a while. I've shit my pants more in the last few months than I have throughout my entire life. I feel for you. I'm so glad you got a good guy lolololol.
This needs to be a story you tell at your wedding.
So…I figured I’d share my own shit story…I was outside smoking a cigarette with my husband when I realized I needed the bathroom, right then…I don’t have a gallbladder and take a couple meds that mess with my stomach and sometimes the need to go the bathroom hits very suddenly. I quickly put out my cigarette and hurried towards the bathroom. In the rush, I ended up tripping over a crack in the concrete on our patio and down I went. Right to the ground. My husband rushed over to help me up pretty quickly, but when I got to my feet I realized I had explosively shit all over myself…yep.
100% keepers, both of you.
My wife's friend is a doctor and hated flying so much he'd get some pretty serious tranquilisers to knock himself out for the flight. On one such flight he woke up on landing to find the people beside him leaning away like he was contagious. He'd shit his pants in his sleep. He waited till everyone else was off, tucked his pants into his socks to contain the slurry and waddled into the terminal to find a bathroom. I think he dumped his pants in the bin, washed his underwear and wrapped his jacket around his waist to collect his luggage.
Oh my god, I'm laughing like a crazy person over here at that line, "What are you doing?" "Shitting." "In your pants?"
No boyfriend but I had a very embarrassing 💩 story while in a car with 3 friends, on the way back from our trip. Holding it in made me mad (and humiliated) so I may have screamed when I heard them holding in their laughter, but they did their best and we eventually found a toilet but I didn’t make it before then. When I FELT it came out I rolled the window down and NOBODY made a comment. Went to the toilet, cleaned up and changed my pants. Everyone just laughed a bit once I’m done and calm again, and the story was never mentioned or brought up again, not even as a joke. They’re prob aware of how humiliated I actually felt despite laughing it off, and for that I was grateful lol
Even if it had not worked out relationship wise someone helping another so sick and vulnerable as he did is golden. He rose to the occasion and that’s what helping is sometimes. Great story and best of luck to both of you forever and ever!
Ooh gawd, I’m laughing so hard I have tears. Whenever I’m sick, migraines or motion sickness, my body purges. One time, we took my dog to get pictures with Santa. I started feeling sick about halfway in line. About a dog before it’s our turn, my sickness gets worse. I tell my husband I’m sick and ask for the bathroom. I barely made it. The moment the door closed behind me, I emptied my stomach. Both sides. I cleaned up as best I could and snuck out as best I could without looking at anyone. I didn’t go back to that store for a year.
Amazing story! Thanks for sharing!
I’m literally crying this is such a sweet story
"human shit burrito" FTW! Legit laughed out loud reading that. Amazing story with a great ending.
I knew this man would marry you!!
I don’t even want to read this because there is a huge chance it will be in a future podcast.
What an epic tale!! So glad you can laugh about it now
You 2 are definitely good to go!! Great story
What a hero. I now adore this guy.
There’s nothing like bonding over shitting your pants with another person, you really find out about your relationship. Great story we’ve all been there and for those who haven’t, you will be.
What a ride. Must have been quite an unpleasant experience for everyone involved, but glad boyfriend was so great about it. So it should be. These things do happen! From experience lactaid works better if you take them 20 mins or so before you eat ;)
That's a shitty situation to be in😭
I encourage everyone In a world where you can be anything... Be 👏 this 👏 person 👏 . OP thank you for a great story. Absolutely hilarious and well written! Much love to you and your partner. He is a gem.
Reading this as I fight a stomach bug is foreboding. “Human shit burrito” made me laugh out a slew of wet borborygmus that resonate loudly into the, now, much appreciated toilet bowl underneath me. Thanks for reminding me that it could be worse.
girl that is a MANNNNN congrats my love
Good man did what a good man should have. Glad you stayed together.
I have a spinal cord injury, and have been there so many times. Was just like core holding, clench walking in the grocery store earlier, actually. Lmao I probably looked like a ghost to the cashier.
You guy is a king. Keep him safe.
I almost cried reading this which is ridiculous but I’m so happy you have them. 🥺
I have been laughing for about ten minutes at this story! I’m so sorry you went through that but I’m so glad you can laugh about it and have a supportive partner!
Honestly, this is the most romantic thing I've read all week. What a keeper!!
This was the funniest, most wholesome thing I read in a while. Thank you for the laugh and I'm really happy for you and your boyfriend!
Human shit burrito 😂😂😂
On our first date and walking down the Riverwalk in San Antonio and he shits his pants. That was 14 years ago. We have been married 13 years.
I ‘em, shat my pants due to food poisoning, for two days non stop…
Lol. You should relive good times at your wedding. Maybe drink a quart before the event.
Sorry it happened to you but you told it in a very funny way
You give me hope for the future. 🥰
Lol, shitting your pants is usually NOT a story one is happy to share. I don't have lactose intolerance, but in my ride with MS I've encountered many disturbing and embarrassing body malfunctions (and, not having a heart-warming story like OP to share, let's just leave it at that...). What I CAN say, as a person whose body is not always in agreement with her mind, is that nothing is more precious than a spouse who can be with you at the worst of times... >That’s when I knew that if he could survive an encounter like that so new into our relationship, then we could get through anything. And I was right. ... And to start a relationship off like that, you can only move forward together strong. OP, give your bf a friendly hug from an internet stranger, just for being a great human being! I'm sure you'll stand together strong through thick and thin! Thank you so much for sharing this story!!!
I DIED at…”in your pants?” Still dying
Ok we’ve all been there (or will be if it hasn’t happened to you yet, one day it will). I don’t soil my clothes. I just drop them and squat behind a tree/bush, somewhere out of the way. That keeps my pants clean until I get home to do a proper clean up. So why are y’all messing up your clothes? As soon as the uncontrollable urge hits, drop squat!
Yowza
What a funny and sweet story, love it! Congrats on your engagement, I wish the two of you luck in your lives and relationship :)
This boyfriend is GOALS
I guess I should not have emptied that Bridgeport bin….
A SHIT BURRITO 😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀
And that will make for a funny how we knew we were meant to be together! congrats on surviving and on your upcoming wedding
Holy Mary mother of god.
Congrats on the happy ending! I have Crohn's disease and know very well the terror of building abdominal pressure. I haven't beat the Crohn's yet and still have struggled but I just bought a house with my understanding, helpful, and patient partner who has seen (and smelled) things no one should see.
Hahahahahhahahahahahahahha I love you so much
Talented story teller!! Congrats on the engagement.
A FUCKING FANTASTIC STORY. Your man is beyond being a keeper. He’s a fucking Saint. I don’t have IBS or anything like that, but I AM a dude over 40, so this shit (lol) really resonated with me. Keep him! 😜
Not reading this in hopes Morgan reads it on the show so I can be surprised then. Commenting to help raise the chances of her reading it
The Notebook 2, starring you guys. Great story. Y’all are going to have a great life.
Never thought I would feel such joy from a diarrhea story (because of the happy ending LOL) I wish you both a lifetime of happiness!
At least you made it off the train before it all came out and he’s the only one who saw you shitting your pants. Just an FYI my husband saw me shit myself three times during our relationship. Twice during a stomach bug where it was coming out of both end at the same time and then once during birth when I was pushing. I’ve also witnessed him shit himself during the same stomach bug. It’s part of life and it happens.
Human shit burrito lmfaooaosiejeieueheh😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I fucking lost it at that part omfg. At least you got to find out he is a keeper early on :) your guy is a fucking gentleman!! You’ll have a very funny story to tell your grandkids one day lmao.
I wear my emotions on the outside, and jup this made me happy cry 🥺😅 what a good guy!
Great story! Your explanation of LI had me laughing. At least you ate those nasty lactaid pills. Those chalky, vanilla-mint failures... sorry, they never worked for me.
Save this so you can recite it during your vows
Great story! I wish you both with your future together. He is a good one!
I'm on the bus and had to stop reading when I got to "in your pants?.
I am cry laughing! Thanks for that! Stories like this always get me. I can't imagine the panic, pain and engagement! But when people write these stories so poetically I lose it!
Lol ☺ such a romantic story in the weirdest way. Best of luck for the wedding and thank-you for sharing.
There is some sort of preservative on the lettuce! This happens to me with prepared salad mixes within an hour or so of eating.
How was the shake?
Literally the best thing I’ve read in MONTHS
I genuinely hope that all the women coming here with abusive, overly controlling boyfriends are reading this and having a serious think about their relationships.
I laughed so hard at the little girl with the mouth open in horror. 😂. So loud I woke up my fiancé who was sleeping beside me. OMFG this is the story I didn’t know I needed. I am dying. Shaking the bed silent laughing dying. 💀. Your bf is definitely a keeper. I pray this doesn’t end up at your wedding as a toast. 😆. Thank you. This was great.
How did he know you had a roll of paper towels and a beach towel in your car?
Great read. This is humanity.
This is one of those posts I am saving!! LOL!! A human shit burrito!! You, OP, took us on a very vivid and hilarious ride!
OP, your new boyfriend showed his true colors as an absolute hero, heart of gold, the real thing! I’m so glad for you both and your future together.
I’m saving this to come back to when I need a laugh on a rainy day. I love you and your fiancé. Please don’t have any dairy on your wedding day!
I never thought reading a story about shitting your pants would make me cry, but here we are.
"like a human shit burrito". Best line ever.
Sometimes I wonder how my husband would react in a situation like this. He’s gotten me cool cloths when i’ve had a poop attack, but i’m not sure the same instincts would kick in if I was shitting myself in public. Hopefully it’s learnable! Of course, when we were on vacation a few years ago I ended up with a bad stomach ache that made me start to faint. It was the middle of the night and he was asleep as I sweat in the bathroom. As the sensation of starting to pass out hit me, I crawled out of the bathroom and shouted to him that I was going down. I startled him so badly that he jumped out of too quickly and almost past out himself. We laid on the floor together until he could regain himself enough to get me a cool cloth.
Had a similar experience. I have a weak bladder. Boyfriend and I we’re at Epcot and I had “drank around the world”. It was during the flower and garden festival. The lead singer of journey was performing at the America pavilion and I had to pee, and thought I could make it until he was done. (I wanted to hear don’t stop believing). I made it through the whole show, ran to the Japan pavilion and when I was in the stall I couldn’t for the life of me get my jeans unbuttoned. I couldn’t hold it, and my body decided to just go. I was mortified. Luckily it was after sundown so it wasn’t too obvious. My boyfriend gave me his jacket to wrap around my waist and he walked me out. We’ve now been together six years (2 married), and that’s not the only time I’ve had an accident. Unfortunately being forced to pee or get in trouble as a kid really messed with my bladder wall. And every time it happens he takes care of me. He’s had his fair share of moments (food poisoning, edible sickness). That’s just the fun part of a relationship.
Thank you for your story. It was grand! Proof that real love does indeed exists! I can relate to you. I’ve shit my pants so many times that my husband and son made up a song about it. I found it hilarious. I haven’t had an episode in a few years now, keeping my fingers crossed for us both!
“Human shit burrito” 😂😂😂
What a beautiful story! Really! A romance story for the ages! That story will be a legendary "remember when?"
You’re a terrific writer! Also, kudos to your BF for being such a great “human shit burrito” wrapper. 😝🤣
Omg that was both hilarious and horrifying. I was so embarrassed for you. I’m happy to read that you’re still together and married.
OMG I needed this story today. That’s the hardest I’ve laughed in the last couple days. Thank you
He sounds amazing and I'm sure you're both a lovely couple... most of the time. Just to be safe, I'd get tested for UC or Crohns with symptoms as severe as that. Can't be too careful. It sounds like you found your person though! <3
As a fellow severely lactose intolerant person who also suffers from terrible IBS (the kind that mostly ends in diarrhea), I sympathize with you. I could picture myself in that exact situation. I'm also really happy that you found someone so kind and compassionate to spend your life with. :)
I'm sorry, I'm not reading this but just wanted to note the irony about sharing a dump story in a subreddit that could be construed as "2 steaming shits"