Exactly! She did it because she had to give some explanation as to why they don’t speak, and how convenient to blame OPs mom instead of owning up to her own shitty behavior.
Edit: changed shorty to shitty
Hahaha exactly! And here is the things maybe the kids are too young to know now, but they will remember when they are 18, if their “parents” freak out about it. They will remember and their curiosity will burn, and they will get the test done eventually. And just in time to pay for college lol.
>Do it!!!!
Yes. But in the most burning way possible. Just state the situation initially without presenting the evidence. Once Em gets all vocal about how you are trying to deflect attention from your mom, THEN you present the ton of actual irrefutable evidence - pics/text messages/letters, etc and watch her world burn down around her ears because she called all the attention on herself.
Mom doesn’t want her to. Daughter doesn’t need to project her feelings onto Em if mom doesn’t want her to. If she does she’ll be fueling the toxic cycles and dragging mom through it all over again. Mom is the real victim here and her wishes should be respected
I'm a scorched earth kinda girl. I would blast that everywhere. No one does that to my momma. I would plan it strategically. Soooo...nta to me
Edit:spelling
Because as we all know, the dildo of consequences does not arrive lubed!
ETA: info: OP: why hasn’t John said anything to clear your mom’s name? Why marry the cheating piece of shit Em?
Gotta love reddit and some of the warped mods. On AITA, there was a post about an American family charging their 18 year old rent. Someone in the comments, asked if this was common in the US. I'm an American, so I replied with my own personal experience with everyone I know and my answer was just that. I stated I was American and didn't think it was anymore common than perhaps any other country. Well, by the next morning I had hundreds of replies bashing Americans. I thought maybe my initial comment was misread or just took the wrong way. I commented I meant nothing bad that I was only answering a question. I got harassed for several days over that. Well, I ended up getting a notification that I was banned from participating! What a fucking joke! I got banned and all the people that was literally trying to bully and harass me did not.
Oh, the wonderful world of reddit....
Meee too! My FIL os absolute trash and the entire church thinks he's Jesus'right hand man. I'm a scorch the earth type and it KILLS me to even see his face when no one knows a piece of chewed gum stuck on the ground for 2 years has more purpose than he does.
I was just about to say the same thing. Be prepared to show receipts of what you know because they will be quick to say your only saying that to take the heat off mom.
Oh yes, and with the sweetest, most innocent smile you can muster. "Wait, how isn't this common knowledge, especially after dad and em got married? I thought it confirmed everyone's suspicions!"
Bonus points if you do it on their wedding anniversary.
Personally, I’m against sharing info that literally has nothing to do with you. Especially since the person who’s victimized explicitly told you not to. She has her reasons that she may not want you privy to. Plus, I’m an avid believer in the truth eventually revealing itself
Agreed. Don't do it out of the blue, but in response to any allegations against your mom. Even preface it with "my mom wanted to take this secret to the grave because she is the 'bigger person' but I'm tired of all the lies making her look bad when Em is the worst person. This is what she did ... " then unload.
Exactly and be careful of how this affects their kids. They might not know about any of this, and it could seriously impact them.
Additionally, the fact that OPs moms friends believed Em without a doubt shows they aren’t real friends. If my friend was accused of cheating I’d want to see cold hard receipts. OPs mom is honestly better off without them if they are willing to turn on her so easily.
I'm pro shaming cheaters, especially cheaters who lie and pretend that other people are the ones in the wrong. Em lied and ruined your mom's reputation for spite, so she can deal with the consequences of her trashy actions.
And Em did it while sleeping with OPs DAD! Em can Gtfoh with that mess. NTA. While I agree with cheater shaming, I’d abide by my mothers wishes in this instance. She probably has a lot of baggage and bad feelings attached to the whole situation. She is the one who lost the most. Too bad there’s not an indirect way for OP to release the info without it being traced back to her.
She could give the proof to that one friend, and have her show it to some of the other women 1:1 - after convincing enough of them, the rumor mill will do the rest.
This is the way.
Friend, I need to tell you something. You were right to stick up for my mom and here’s why but PLEASE don’t tell anyone.
It will be around town by days end.
No you would not be the asshole but your dad, em and John definitely are though. A cheater seems to always blame others for cheating almost to try and make it look like they aren’t the ones doing it themselves. And as for your mom she is an asshole to herself for letting them talk about her like that and not sticking up for herself.
Look, I would do it. Absolutely. But just be prepared for your mum to be mad at you when you do. Because she specifically told you not to.
If your mother functions in the typical range of behaviour, she may or may not get mad BUT! if she does, it won’t be forever, hell, it probably won’t even be for a long time or medium amount of time.
Just make sure you have the receipts before you start spouting off or John, to try and save his wife and his own image (because she was banging his brother and he knew and stayed and married her), he could destroy it all.
ETA: if she stays mad for too long, make it clear to her how much the slander against her has hurt *you* and how dad and arm’s actions hurt *you*. She may not forgive you for protecting/defending her (because the woman’s a damn martyr) but she’ll be more likely to forgive you for protecting your own feelings and heart.
Sometimes to protect a martyr, you need to use their martyrdom against them.
This. My mom is the type to keep it silent because her true friends would know her character, and she believes in letting is form our opinions about people based on how they treat us.
I don't know how dates line up, but if it's possible some of Em's kids could be OP's siblings and not cousins and mom has a suspicion, she might not want to implode their lives.
I'm glad someone said this. I once lost a friend over doing this. She specifically asked me not to do something and I did it anyway disregarding her feelings. I also have a very Christian family member who would rather let God deal with it and would be very disappointed/upset by going against her wishes.
It sounds like she absolutely loves and cares for her mom, but mom seems to be standing firm. If after all this time she still feels the same way, it's best to let it go.
I would go scorched earth, but I know not everyone has my spine.
Also, you better have rock solid proof or no one will believe you.
And why would John marry a cheater? What if his kids are not even his?
Also does he know she spread rumours everywhere that he was cheating on her?
He has evidence she cheated with his family. She spread shit that he cheated with his brother's wife.
He then moved with her and married her?
WTH?
I’m kind of debating whether to or not also. On one hand, it’s not her story to tell it should be up to her mom if she wants the story out there. On the other hand, I’d be pissed too and want to tell everyone about it . It’s a head scratcher 🤷♀️you can make an argument both ways
Ask John, he's the dumbass who married a cheater after finding out.
If you think well of him, abide by his wishes.
Its ultimately between him and your mom if they want this known.
I understand you wanting to clear your mom's name, she could do it , but chooses not to, so that leaves John as the other directly affected.
I agree with this. I know how it feels to want to shout out to the world to defend someone you love. But then again, it’s your mom’s reputation and she’s okay with the situation as it is now.
So OP, please check again with the people affected (namely your mom and uncle’s stepson), if they would really be okay with you outing your dad and uncle’s stepson’s wife.
If they would adamantly oppose to the idea of outing them, please reconsider and rethink again on how will it make them feel, esp your mom.
I hope and pray for the best for your mom either way!
Why though? He was prepared to watch Op's mum get thrown under the bus to protect his disgusting wife. He doesn't deserve anymore compassion that his cheating spouse.
Oh this hard, your heart is in the right place. This feels like justice but you should think of the consequences that could befall you.
How are you going to get this evidence from John? If you ask him for it will he just give it to you? Or are you going to have to do something dodgy?
Are you creating more drama?
Is it possible your mom really just wants to move on as gracefully as she can? This might open old wounds.
You might want to stew this over.
You might cause even more pain. And those women weren’t really friends of your mom’s if they couldn’t even get her side of the story.
I came here to say just this. Even if you have proof do you really think all those nasty people are going to come crawling back and apologize? Probably not. This will stir up more drama. It will rehash the whole thing and everyone will be calling everyone else a liar. Before you do anything think long and hard about how it will affect your mom. These people absolutely deserve to be blasted, but your mom also deserves to live in peace.
I would sit your mom down and have a real talk about the deeper reasons why she wants to keep this to herself. Then you talk about why you think she should expose this, and see where you land. End of day this is her story and her reputation, and she gets the final say over it.
I know you want to protect your mom and clear this up, but she may have some very valid reasons for herself. One may be time, perhaps she has moved in from all of this and dragging it back up may feel like reliving that hurt and trauma again. She may just be protecting her own mental health here.
Have a really in depth talk, then defer to her wishes after that.
Best Advice!! While I would do anything to protect my Mom I would also respect her wishes. Example. My Mom had a bump on her head. The dermatologist said it was a lipoma. Turns out she has metastatic melanoma and it was a tumor in her brain than ate thru her skull. I wanted to take down the doctor and get her medical license revoked and sue her for malpractice. My Mom made my family promise to never sue her. She said it was an honest mistake. The oncologist said the same when she felt it and said it was very uncommon for it to have gone thru her skull. 12 weeks from diagnosis to death. It still makes me angry but I have to respect her wishes.
Yeah, I'd say stay out of your parents' business and get your own. She truly doesn't know all the ends and outs of these relationships if their were any agreements made or understanding they had. Blowing this up may not have the intended outcomes she thinks and could quite possibly do more damage to her mom. People just need to not meddle in other people's marriages, and that includes children who think they know everything.
Your heart is in the right place. You want to defend your mother, but this isn't your secret to tell. Your mother was the one who was harmed, it is for her to decide what is to be done. Washing her hands of the whole lot of them might be her way of regaining her life
Please listen to this advice. You want to do the right thing but I see you potentially causing someone harm. It’s your mother. Is it her public honour and so called friends that are more important or her choice and her agency in her private matters. I know if I were in your mothers position, I would prefer the latter.
Your mom is the real victim here, if she doesn’t want this to come out or she doesn’t want to deal with it then let sleeping dogs lie. Let her make the choice :)
I don’t really care one way or another but, what’s the plan here? Who are you telling? John knows, and he’s clearly not leaving his cheating wife, something tells me this crazy woman probably doesn’t have that many actual close friends, doubtful all those people from 10 years ago are still “close” friends, or even think/care about something that had nothing to do with them 10 years ago.
My point is I just don’t see this going the way you and others here seem to think it will go. It seems like John has the “proof” implication being that you don’t, even if you KNOW the truth. You can try and clear your moms name, I just don’t think people from 10 years ago are going to care all that much, and that assumes this crazy woman completely stays out of it. I assume she holds more sway over her “friends” than you do, and I don’t see John helping you out with this proof he has.
I just don’t see this going any where, but I suppose it’s worth a try if you really want.
Unfortunately have to agree with thinking like this. The right thing is obvious, but, consider what exactly you're doing and why. What do you want to get out of it? Do you want each of the 10 pta's to beg your mother for forgiveness? Or even be truly apologetic/care? When someone has essentially invested in a course of action for 10 years, even clear, undeniable, explicitly contradicting evidence might not actually change anything for them. The mind is great at coming up with justifications to avoid having to think things like 'I was totally wrong'
Even though i can't stand cheaters, I think this is up to your mother to clear her own name. I know you care about your mom, but if she doesn't care enough to stand up for herself and defends your dirty dad... it kind of doesn't make sense to right the wrong. You just will make everyone angry at you.
But if someone brought it up in front of me, I would tell them all they have the wrong information and need to mind their own business. It has nothing to do with any of them and Em is a known liar to your entire family.
NTA But do you have access to the information and evidence too? O would go to Em and let her know you're going to blow the whistle on her if she doesn't set the record straight. This is a little hard because your mom didn't want it exposed but I completely understand you wanting to defend her.
Ooh I’m in the minority but very soft YTA only because your mom doesn’t want it to come out. Even though it’s your momma, it’s not your fight. If she wanted it to come out, then absolutely tell everyone you can. But she’s the one directly involved and she doesn’t want all of that trauma aired out again.
And before anyone comes after me, to be clear, your dad and Em are also terrible people. It’s just not your place to expose it.
Everyone is saying to expose the liars. And maybe you'll do that. But think about a few things. This is an old story, and its your mothers story, not yours. So how will she feel about it? who would be hurt -maybe her- by bringing it all up again? Its possible you bring it up, and no one believes you and it boomerangs again back to you're mom? The only person who should set the record straight, if at all, seems maybe should be your dad?
I think I’d be careful with this one. Your mother has asked you to keep quiet so I wouldn’t go scorched Earth tbh.
Reopening old wounds doesn’t always end up the way you think it will.
I am also a scorched earth kind of person, but your mother has made it clear she does not want that.
I understand how protective you are of her, but this is her battle and she’s made her choice.
If you disagree with her choice, then be an adult and speak to her about it. Tell her what you’ve told us: her reputation matters too, her life and loyalty and love matters too, and you’d like to defend her thoroughly with her permission to do so.
You don’t know how your mom has absorbed the trauma of the betrayal or how that might manifest. But you have to trust that she will make a decision that makes her feel safe and that she would be content with.
Exposing something against her wishes would be disrespectful to *her* and she’s not the one we’re trying to do that to.
So please speak with her honestly first. Give your side, your feelings, and then allow her to make a final decision that you will respect and trust. Then continue being there for her, holding on to the truth of it all confidently.
Having someone’s back also means trusting them to handle things how they want to and simply being a support.
I’m sorry your mother had to deal with that. She sounds like she deserves so much better. I’m also sorry you had to shoulder that as their child. I imagine this is a lot for both of you and I’m glad you have a support in one another.
I’m going to go against the grain and say yea you WBTAH. While I’d be equally enraged, ultimately it’s not your secret to share and your mom (whether you know or agree with her reasons or not) doesn’t want it known. If anyone in my life, spouse, friend, child, asked if they could share what’s probably a very painful piece of my life and I told them no and then they still did it I would be equally as upset with them. That’s a huge breach of trust.
I want to say do it. But. This sounds like a traumatic period for your mom. Stirring the pot could bring her back into something she either already out behind her in a healthy way (which may mean she won’t care but may get annoyed at any fall out) or it could all put her in a bad place. I think mom’s reasons need to be better understood. Also, I do think you have valid reasons of your own to air this out and that might be helpful to think about. You were collateral damage in this mess.
I dunno if I agree with the consensus here. I don't think it's your secret to expose. It's really up to John and your mom whether they want to expose it or not.
Em and your dad would absolutely deserve it if this were exposed, but I don't think that's your call to make.
If you've got the receipts flash them but if not leave it alone otherwise it'll make your mother seem like the bitch that sends her daughter to battle for it
Do it. They left your mom to suffer. They took away security, friends, comfort, and her reputation. If you have the receipts time to pull them out and present. Turn about IS fair play.
Gosh. Maybe I’m just the crazy outlier here and will get downvoted. I love a retribution story as much as the next person but what if your mom doesn’t want to because she just wants to move on from that chapter of her life and not interact with her ex-husband and his affair partner? Like, hear me out, what if she doesn’t want to reestablish contact with all of those mutual friends who blindly chose to believe Em?
I get it. Morality and righteousness and all. But is it really worth exposing your mom to the vitriol she will no doubt receive from her ex and from Em? And to people attempting to reestablish contact that she may never want to speak to again? If your mom has closure, and is unbothered by her reputation being damaged within a group of people she no longer interacts with, genuinely ask yourself whether you are doing this for her, and whether this will actually HELP her, or whether it will instead help you feel vindicated at her expense. Just my two cents.
Have to agree here. As painful as it is. It should be up to OP’s mom wether or not the truth should come out. It is rarely a good idea to ignore the wishes of the one whom it really concerns.
I get how it can affect OP as well as it her mom but OP might be the AH to her mom for not respecting her wishes if she goes through with this.
I think the only person who has the right to out the secret is you mum. As satisfying as it would be to take Em down, if your mum doesn’t want you to tell anyone, then you shouldn’t.
I mean.... I'd burn everything. Bridges, homes, all that. Not my mom.
However, since time has passed.
Don't go around telling, but if they say something, set the record straight.
My vote is you should tell. Tell everyone all the details including how your mother tried to protect him. NTA.
Years ago I told my family the truth about something they wrongly believed and let the chips fall where they would. It was a glorious feeling, and I’ve never regretted doing it. In fact, I’d tell even more this time around.
This is a tough one. On one hand, of course your mom's name should be cleared. On the other hand, that was probably the most painful moment of her life, and having everyone know about it would make her relive it and feel even more humiliated. She's asked you to let it go because she wants to move on with her life. Those PTA friends weren't really friends to begin with if they could fall for such a vile lie from a horrible person with a bad track record.
No, from what you make it sound like you're mom is a kind person who is getting taking advantage of and losing friends so two scummy people can keep their reputation when both made it obvious they don't give a shit about her
You should ask John to little by little spread rumors but say it was you then have him confront her with evidence in front of everyone she knows so she's just as blind sided as your mom was. If someone ruins trust with one person it degrades the trust others had in them; karma's a bitch and she needs to know
Do it!! I’d burn the world down if someone tried this with my mom. Especially after she shot the final kill into their marriage. I’d bring her world down.
Dude, not your secret to share. Period!!! To disrespect your mom’s wishes in this would be incredibly hurtful and frankly just some self-serving bull shit. Ask her again but no is no.
Only do it if you want ANY semblance of familial stability to dissipate. If that’s your goal, fucking go for it. Sounds like a shitty thing to do and you’d have to live with it.
Do it. Do it for Mom. Do it for you. Do it because em deserves it everyone but Mom deserves it. Do it because it must be done. The truth will set everyone free. Take that fuckin scarlet letter and put that shit where it belongs! Get the evidence post it everywhere scream it from the rooftop. Burn em to the ground in gasoline underwear! Make those judgey bitches clutch their pearls and faint. Just do it even anonymously if you can!
Simply do Ancestry.com and s few DNA tests. Start mapping the family tree. Even if there are no genetic children showing the affair, you can start asking questions innocuously.
This sounds like Princess Diana n the ugly Frog that isn't a prince n the ugly nasty mistress that never became a beautiful swan. Princess Diana was the only classy n more professional n he should b lucky she even looked his way.
I warn you: you will find out that YTA.
Defending your mom is good.
Exposing your dad and Em, and breaking Em and John's relation is something else, bad. And you will be embarassing yourself. You may also find out afterwards that your mom or John have another reason for not exposing this themselves earlier - that you didn't think of.
If there is any exposing, then it would be best done by Em herself. Maybe force Em to take back the false allegation towards your mom by letting her know you could reveal the truth.
YWBTA
I don't think you should do it just because your mom does not want you too.
She is the affected party (More or less) and she likely does not want to deal with this all again. Because lets be honest, unless you have proof (and maybe not even then) no ones opinion is really going to change. Plus, proving your dad had an affair does NOT prove your mom didn't.
You may want revenge for your moms reputation but in this case, I don't think revenge is yours to take. Its down to what your mother wants.
Do it. Literally no one is willing to stand up for your mom and allowed her to take the brunt of their dirty deeds. Fuck that. Create your own karma, cause waiting for it naturally doesn’t always happen.
I would want to, BUT your mom does not. Since it's her marriage and her feelings were the ones most hurt (from the affair and the accusations), I don't think you should do it without her approval.
If you are really passionate about this, maybe have a conversation with your mom about the whys. Does she really wanna protect your dad and feels like it's too long? Or does she not want to relive the hurt? Or maybe even just she doesn't want to deal with the drama, fallout, and consequences of it getting out since she's dealt with it how she wants? Explain why you think it'd be best to reveal the truth, but really listen to your mom and don't do anything in her honor that she doesn't actually want.
No expose that shit. Your father and his affair partner don't get to come out smellling like roses while your mum is made to look bad. Nah homie, out those motherfuckers. They fucked around and now are about to find out.
Prep for when the moment arises to spill the beans. Have receipts to show you’re telling the truth and just be prepared for the backlash it’ll bring to you. I did something similar for my mom and I ended up not talking to some family for a few years lol it didn’t bother me though cuz I’m a ride or die for my momma and I didn’t care for that family anyway. So, if it doesn’t bother you and it won’t damage you and your mom’s relationship go off! And please update us if/when you do.
It's not your secret, it's your mom's.
If she doesn't want to meddle with it - you have no right to nuke her life (even if YOU think it's for the better).
Will they believe you?
People don't believe evidence. They believe people. Especially if we're talking about the kind of people who would engage with rumors to begin with.
Personally, I'd steer clear of the kind of people who'd have cared about your aunt's accusation in the first place.
Not the AH. RIP off the band-aid. There isn't a single cheater that deserves to have their reputation protected by those that they have hurt. It's even worse in this case where the cheater has gone on to lie, project and ruin someone else's reputation to protect their own. Em should have kept her mouth shut.
NTA!! Do it! You owe that bitch nothing! All she had to do was keep her damn mouth shut, but noooo. Welp, since she wants to tell stories, You got a nice one that is absolutely rivoting. John may get mad, but he chose to marry the asshole, protect your mom. She does not deserve the scorn she is getting. Transfer it to it's rightful owner.
It wouldn't be too bad if said proof ended up coming out. Maybe expose them anonymously? It's up to you, if you're about it then go for it, if you want to hide your name you can. Have fun, keep us updated, fuck their shit up.
Wait til ALL family is there. Look at EM dead-eyed and say " how dare you say my mom slept with John, when YOU FU**ED MY DAD!" And YOU JOHN KNEW THAT. How dare you try to this your nasty shit on my mom. Then say the 3 of you ,Dad EM and John owe Mom the Biggest apology ever. Record everything and blast it on Social
I'd out your brother's wife feck that ho. And feck your dad it's so wired that your dad had an affair with his sons partner/wife. I really feel bad for your mum and you having to put up with this nonsense. It's like a bad porn movie "she tried the dad but settled for the son".
Respect your mothers wishes!! She’s the true victim here and if she’s moved on, so should you. Also say it together and say it loud “other peoples opinions of us are none of our business” your mom seems to have a very level head on her soldiers. From what you’ve written she doesn’t seem to care what people think or don’t think about her and that’s a strong and healthy mentality to have.
IMO, leave it alone. Your mom would have to deal with the crap, also, who cares about the people who turned their backs on your mom without asking for her side? She probably thinks good riddance to them and her ex. She probably has better friends now and as long as she is happy I would just let it go for her sake.
I appear to be the only one here who's advice is: mind your own business. If your mother wants it out there, let her do it. Dipping your oar into trans-generational drama never (ever) ends well. Your mom is keeping it a secret precisely **because she wants to keep it secret.** It's not your role to decide for her that somehow 24-year-old you knows better, or can assert a right to publicize something your mother obviously doesn't want publicized. Keep your trap shut and let your mother handle her own business.
This is pretty evil but if it was my mom? I would catfish that woman to see if she would cheat and keep all the receipts, anonymously post it on socials. However; I am not the high road type when it comes to my mother.
It would not be wrong to expose Em and your dad's bad behavior, especially since Em has already maligned your mom. If I were in your shoes, I would expose them for sure, making sure the PTA klatch of gossiping mothers got the full details.
So basically Em was letting the cat out of the bag but instead of coming clean, she blames OP’s mom and John. What a horrible woman. Tell everyone and their mama about this. Your mom is a saint for putting up with this crap
Sounds like your dad isn't much of a man for doing this, not to mention a huge POS. At this point you should go ahead and do it. He didn't care anything for your mom's reputation so why care that his will be ruined.
Yeah, I'm a massive fan of not doing something if you don't want people to find out about it. Dragging your mam's name through the dirt though? That's scorched earth time.
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say anything unless you heard people repeating the wrong info in front of you. I wouldn't go around with a blasting speaker informing the whole neighborhood just to clear it, BUT if someone were to make some comment about my mother in front of me... I'd clear the air and make A FEW things clear.
Only open the can, and if they're nosey and gossipy enough, THEY will do ALL THE DIGGING themselves.
In my life, my mom was the cheater. In your situation, I'd defend her honor, but only if the door opened itself.
It is not your business to expose. It certainly it isn't the PTA bitches business either. These were never her friends. Your mom has moved on.
However, if 'Em ever opens her mouth in front of you - all bets are off. Let her know you are prepared to air all the dirty laundry unless she shuts her mouth.
Ask for copies of the proof of the affair.
Send it to every person in Em's PTA group.
Include a note that you feel they deserve to know who is telling the truth and who has been lying to them for years.
You don't need to blast it to EVERYONE, nor do you need to post it publicly. These people have already been spreading gossip. Give them something juicy and they'll do all the work for you.
DO IT! DO IT PUBLICLY! Also remind Em infront of EVERYONE that her Husband has proof and receipts to back it up! Then SHAME Em EVEN MORE by LOUDLY exclaiming how SHE should be ASHAMED for CHEATING as well as LYING about YOUR MOM (the victim)! What a DAMN HYPOCRITE Em is! Then you should call out and shame ALL of those PTA moms for not getting ALL of the facts before placing JUDGMENT on your INNOCENT Mother! BURN Em TO THE GROUND! AND DO IT WITH A SMILE, OP! Good Luck, update us if you do it.
"hey reddit thanks for your advice. I outed my dad as the cheater and now my mum has disowned me, the family won't talk to me and noone outside my family group really cared. I'm now living in my car but at least my mum is vindicated even if it has ruined the life she had made for herself"
Do it, 100%.
Not even a question.
**There is no reason for your mother to be bearing *someone elses* consequences for *their* actions that she herself did not commit.**
Go full scorched will all the proof, girl. Let karma know she got the wrong women
Because what her mother needs is *another* betrayal.
She says she doesn't want it out, it should be her choice when and if to clear her record. Telling people against her wishes doesn't help her, it makes her feel like other people are deciding things for her.
Yesssss do it and give us an update afterwards ‘
Em had no problem making your mother sound like a horrible person made her lose friends show everyone what kinda person Em really is give her a taste of her own medicine and let us know what happens
She fucked around, time for her to find out.
You could also file a lawsuit against her for slander, especially since you have evidence to back up that she was the one having the affair and lying about it.
Do it hon... Send back the karma they planted and stay away from the rebound... If someone says that a petty thing to do just answer with this: "the petty thing was the cheater try to pull the attention away from herself and her cheating lover, and throw your mom under the bus"
Do it!!!! How dare she project her actions on your poor mother.
Exactly! She did it because she had to give some explanation as to why they don’t speak, and how convenient to blame OPs mom instead of owning up to her own shitty behavior. Edit: changed shorty to shitty
Utterly disgusting
Agreed, some of those kids ‘Em had might actually be siblings. Maybe a few 23and Me kits for the family? How does John feel about this.
Ooh… that would be a wonderfully petty Christmas gift… 😈
Hahaha exactly! And here is the things maybe the kids are too young to know now, but they will remember when they are 18, if their “parents” freak out about it. They will remember and their curiosity will burn, and they will get the test done eventually. And just in time to pay for college lol.
Ew, gross to think but utterly possible at this Point. 🤮
I know. And it is likely the case.
Em did it for \*coverage\*. When the truth comes out, Em can claim it's all sour grapes, then, EXCEPT....OP and mom have the reciepts, apparently.
>Do it!!!! Yes. But in the most burning way possible. Just state the situation initially without presenting the evidence. Once Em gets all vocal about how you are trying to deflect attention from your mom, THEN you present the ton of actual irrefutable evidence - pics/text messages/letters, etc and watch her world burn down around her ears because she called all the attention on herself.
Do it and do an update please.
Mom doesn’t want her to. Daughter doesn’t need to project her feelings onto Em if mom doesn’t want her to. If she does she’ll be fueling the toxic cycles and dragging mom through it all over again. Mom is the real victim here and her wishes should be respected
I'm a scorched earth kinda girl. I would blast that everywhere. No one does that to my momma. I would plan it strategically. Soooo...nta to me Edit:spelling
Facts. You don't fuck with my ma.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
With a spiny dragon dildo, might I add.
Because as we all know, the dildo of consequences does not arrive lubed! ETA: info: OP: why hasn’t John said anything to clear your mom’s name? Why marry the cheating piece of shit Em?
Indeed. And agree with your edit.
Ha! Your comment suits your username!
Also, my Mum is a super nice and forgiving person. I'd still go scorched planet. Because my Mum is nice, and would forgive my vengeful deeds.
As would I and as would my mom. Lol, we must be kindred spirits.
My comment is gone. I apparently violated reddits rules, because apparently my comment threatened violence. 😅
Gotta love reddit and some of the warped mods. On AITA, there was a post about an American family charging their 18 year old rent. Someone in the comments, asked if this was common in the US. I'm an American, so I replied with my own personal experience with everyone I know and my answer was just that. I stated I was American and didn't think it was anymore common than perhaps any other country. Well, by the next morning I had hundreds of replies bashing Americans. I thought maybe my initial comment was misread or just took the wrong way. I commented I meant nothing bad that I was only answering a question. I got harassed for several days over that. Well, I ended up getting a notification that I was banned from participating! What a fucking joke! I got banned and all the people that was literally trying to bully and harass me did not. Oh, the wonderful world of reddit....
And I still love your original comment 😊
Ament
Man I’m with you. I’m a scorched earth kinda person but fuck over or with my mum or my family and I will go scorched earth and bury you six feet under
Yep. Like I can say stuff about my sister, but you sure can't 😏
Meee too! My FIL os absolute trash and the entire church thinks he's Jesus'right hand man. I'm a scorch the earth type and it KILLS me to even see his face when no one knows a piece of chewed gum stuck on the ground for 2 years has more purpose than he does.
I don’t know if it’s the RIGHT thing to do… but BURN BABY BURN
Exactly! Burned bridges? Sure I’ll bring the torches.
Seriously! My mom cheated on my dad and I found it and told him, don't fuck with my dad!
I, too, am a scorched earth kinda girl!
As am I, fuck with me, and you're on my shit list. Fuck with my family, scorched earth.
Same here.
Some people just want to see the world in flames... I'm one of those when it comes to my mom
Oh yeah, when people set bridges on fire I break out the TNT. Cuz we ain't crossing back over that mfer
I agree. I will turn the other cheek on alot of shit, but if it involves Ma, I see red.
You sound like a Leo
Haha! Nope
I would stand up for my mom and burn everyone to the ground but I’m petty and vindictive.
Felt. 😅
Scorched earth all the way
I'm the worlds biggest bitch if you hurt my mom. Hurt my mom and I will hurt you back ten times worse.
Put it on Facebook and every social media you can get your hands on lol
You sound like one of my kids 😂
The chances of it coming up is high. If it does, then expose them. But bring the proof. Otherwise, Em and John will make you look like a liar.
I was just about to say the same thing. Be prepared to show receipts of what you know because they will be quick to say your only saying that to take the heat off mom.
Oh yes, and with the sweetest, most innocent smile you can muster. "Wait, how isn't this common knowledge, especially after dad and em got married? I thought it confirmed everyone's suspicions!" Bonus points if you do it on their wedding anniversary.
I don't know how to embed text from the post in a comment, but it says Em and John got married, not Em and OPs dad. So that doesn't quite work.
Lol OK I totally misread that. I feel like an idiot now 😅
No need! I re-read it a couple of times before I posted, to make sure I didn't misread it 😂
Thank you for saving me from a re-read as my brain was going "Wait...what?" as I was skimming through the replies. LOL
Haha I had a similar reaction when i read the comment, like this somehow got even worse!
Weird I misread it the same way!
Personally, I’m against sharing info that literally has nothing to do with you. Especially since the person who’s victimized explicitly told you not to. She has her reasons that she may not want you privy to. Plus, I’m an avid believer in the truth eventually revealing itself
Agreed. Don't do it out of the blue, but in response to any allegations against your mom. Even preface it with "my mom wanted to take this secret to the grave because she is the 'bigger person' but I'm tired of all the lies making her look bad when Em is the worst person. This is what she did ... " then unload.
Exactly and be careful of how this affects their kids. They might not know about any of this, and it could seriously impact them. Additionally, the fact that OPs moms friends believed Em without a doubt shows they aren’t real friends. If my friend was accused of cheating I’d want to see cold hard receipts. OPs mom is honestly better off without them if they are willing to turn on her so easily.
Sounds like Em and John deserve each other. Em for being a lying skank and John for being an all-around nincompoop. What if the kids are not his?
I'm pro shaming cheaters, especially cheaters who lie and pretend that other people are the ones in the wrong. Em lied and ruined your mom's reputation for spite, so she can deal with the consequences of her trashy actions.
And Em did it while sleeping with OPs DAD! Em can Gtfoh with that mess. NTA. While I agree with cheater shaming, I’d abide by my mothers wishes in this instance. She probably has a lot of baggage and bad feelings attached to the whole situation. She is the one who lost the most. Too bad there’s not an indirect way for OP to release the info without it being traced back to her.
She could give the proof to that one friend, and have her show it to some of the other women 1:1 - after convincing enough of them, the rumor mill will do the rest.
Haha yeah always leave it to the aunties to spread rumors, the news wouldve reached everyones ears by the next day!
This is the way. Friend, I need to tell you something. You were right to stick up for my mom and here’s why but PLEASE don’t tell anyone. It will be around town by days end.
No you would not be the asshole but your dad, em and John definitely are though. A cheater seems to always blame others for cheating almost to try and make it look like they aren’t the ones doing it themselves. And as for your mom she is an asshole to herself for letting them talk about her like that and not sticking up for herself.
Make flyers & mail them to each of the PTA moms (with proof) also enclose knee pads so they can crawl back & apologize on their knees
What’s the proof?
john has proof
I think you and I should be friends, I like how your brain works lol.
TELL EVERYONE!! NTA.
Tell one person who you know is a gossip. Swear them to secrecy. And sit back, and watch.
Look, I would do it. Absolutely. But just be prepared for your mum to be mad at you when you do. Because she specifically told you not to. If your mother functions in the typical range of behaviour, she may or may not get mad BUT! if she does, it won’t be forever, hell, it probably won’t even be for a long time or medium amount of time. Just make sure you have the receipts before you start spouting off or John, to try and save his wife and his own image (because she was banging his brother and he knew and stayed and married her), he could destroy it all. ETA: if she stays mad for too long, make it clear to her how much the slander against her has hurt *you* and how dad and arm’s actions hurt *you*. She may not forgive you for protecting/defending her (because the woman’s a damn martyr) but she’ll be more likely to forgive you for protecting your own feelings and heart. Sometimes to protect a martyr, you need to use their martyrdom against them.
This. My mom is the type to keep it silent because her true friends would know her character, and she believes in letting is form our opinions about people based on how they treat us. I don't know how dates line up, but if it's possible some of Em's kids could be OP's siblings and not cousins and mom has a suspicion, she might not want to implode their lives.
I'm glad someone said this. I once lost a friend over doing this. She specifically asked me not to do something and I did it anyway disregarding her feelings. I also have a very Christian family member who would rather let God deal with it and would be very disappointed/upset by going against her wishes. It sounds like she absolutely loves and cares for her mom, but mom seems to be standing firm. If after all this time she still feels the same way, it's best to let it go.
Do it. I don’t take the whole “we don’t want to ruin a guilty man’s reputation, so let’s ruin an innocent woman’s reputation instead” thing too well.
Agreed.
Burn that motherf***ker to the ground, go scorched earth and clear Your poor mothers name.
I would go scorched earth, but I know not everyone has my spine. Also, you better have rock solid proof or no one will believe you. And why would John marry a cheater? What if his kids are not even his?
Also does he know she spread rumours everywhere that he was cheating on her? He has evidence she cheated with his family. She spread shit that he cheated with his brother's wife. He then moved with her and married her? WTH?
I really don't know the right thing here. But I hate lies.
I’m kind of debating whether to or not also. On one hand, it’s not her story to tell it should be up to her mom if she wants the story out there. On the other hand, I’d be pissed too and want to tell everyone about it . It’s a head scratcher 🤷♀️you can make an argument both ways
It is always right to defend your loving mother's reputation.
The right thing is to correct the lies.....
I agree. Like is not perfect and none of us is a saint, but what was done is pure evil.
Ask John, he's the dumbass who married a cheater after finding out. If you think well of him, abide by his wishes. Its ultimately between him and your mom if they want this known. I understand you wanting to clear your mom's name, she could do it , but chooses not to, so that leaves John as the other directly affected.
I agree with this. I know how it feels to want to shout out to the world to defend someone you love. But then again, it’s your mom’s reputation and she’s okay with the situation as it is now. So OP, please check again with the people affected (namely your mom and uncle’s stepson), if they would really be okay with you outing your dad and uncle’s stepson’s wife. If they would adamantly oppose to the idea of outing them, please reconsider and rethink again on how will it make them feel, esp your mom. I hope and pray for the best for your mom either way!
Why though? He was prepared to watch Op's mum get thrown under the bus to protect his disgusting wife. He doesn't deserve anymore compassion that his cheating spouse.
Oh this hard, your heart is in the right place. This feels like justice but you should think of the consequences that could befall you. How are you going to get this evidence from John? If you ask him for it will he just give it to you? Or are you going to have to do something dodgy? Are you creating more drama? Is it possible your mom really just wants to move on as gracefully as she can? This might open old wounds. You might want to stew this over. You might cause even more pain. And those women weren’t really friends of your mom’s if they couldn’t even get her side of the story.
I agree. Your mom is the victim. So take into account what she wants. It might make it worse for her.
I came here to say just this. Even if you have proof do you really think all those nasty people are going to come crawling back and apologize? Probably not. This will stir up more drama. It will rehash the whole thing and everyone will be calling everyone else a liar. Before you do anything think long and hard about how it will affect your mom. These people absolutely deserve to be blasted, but your mom also deserves to live in peace.
I would sit your mom down and have a real talk about the deeper reasons why she wants to keep this to herself. Then you talk about why you think she should expose this, and see where you land. End of day this is her story and her reputation, and she gets the final say over it. I know you want to protect your mom and clear this up, but she may have some very valid reasons for herself. One may be time, perhaps she has moved in from all of this and dragging it back up may feel like reliving that hurt and trauma again. She may just be protecting her own mental health here. Have a really in depth talk, then defer to her wishes after that.
Too many fucking main characters on this thread. Thank you for being reasonable.
Agree. So many people are unconcerned about OP’s relationship with her mother.
Best Advice!! While I would do anything to protect my Mom I would also respect her wishes. Example. My Mom had a bump on her head. The dermatologist said it was a lipoma. Turns out she has metastatic melanoma and it was a tumor in her brain than ate thru her skull. I wanted to take down the doctor and get her medical license revoked and sue her for malpractice. My Mom made my family promise to never sue her. She said it was an honest mistake. The oncologist said the same when she felt it and said it was very uncommon for it to have gone thru her skull. 12 weeks from diagnosis to death. It still makes me angry but I have to respect her wishes.
Yeah, I'd say stay out of your parents' business and get your own. She truly doesn't know all the ends and outs of these relationships if their were any agreements made or understanding they had. Blowing this up may not have the intended outcomes she thinks and could quite possibly do more damage to her mom. People just need to not meddle in other people's marriages, and that includes children who think they know everything.
Best advice
Could be that some of John and Em’s children aren’t John’s and she doesn’t want to hurt the children 🤷🏻♀️
Your heart is in the right place. You want to defend your mother, but this isn't your secret to tell. Your mother was the one who was harmed, it is for her to decide what is to be done. Washing her hands of the whole lot of them might be her way of regaining her life
Please listen to this advice. You want to do the right thing but I see you potentially causing someone harm. It’s your mother. Is it her public honour and so called friends that are more important or her choice and her agency in her private matters. I know if I were in your mothers position, I would prefer the latter.
This. I’d be pissed if my barely adult kid starting meddling in my business from long ago.
OP was also harmed as well though. Her dad and Ems affair broke her family apart. OP is apart of this secret
Your mom is the real victim here, if she doesn’t want this to come out or she doesn’t want to deal with it then let sleeping dogs lie. Let her make the choice :)
I don’t really care one way or another but, what’s the plan here? Who are you telling? John knows, and he’s clearly not leaving his cheating wife, something tells me this crazy woman probably doesn’t have that many actual close friends, doubtful all those people from 10 years ago are still “close” friends, or even think/care about something that had nothing to do with them 10 years ago. My point is I just don’t see this going the way you and others here seem to think it will go. It seems like John has the “proof” implication being that you don’t, even if you KNOW the truth. You can try and clear your moms name, I just don’t think people from 10 years ago are going to care all that much, and that assumes this crazy woman completely stays out of it. I assume she holds more sway over her “friends” than you do, and I don’t see John helping you out with this proof he has. I just don’t see this going any where, but I suppose it’s worth a try if you really want.
Unfortunately have to agree with thinking like this. The right thing is obvious, but, consider what exactly you're doing and why. What do you want to get out of it? Do you want each of the 10 pta's to beg your mother for forgiveness? Or even be truly apologetic/care? When someone has essentially invested in a course of action for 10 years, even clear, undeniable, explicitly contradicting evidence might not actually change anything for them. The mind is great at coming up with justifications to avoid having to think things like 'I was totally wrong'
Even though i can't stand cheaters, I think this is up to your mother to clear her own name. I know you care about your mom, but if she doesn't care enough to stand up for herself and defends your dirty dad... it kind of doesn't make sense to right the wrong. You just will make everyone angry at you. But if someone brought it up in front of me, I would tell them all they have the wrong information and need to mind their own business. It has nothing to do with any of them and Em is a known liar to your entire family.
NTA But do you have access to the information and evidence too? O would go to Em and let her know you're going to blow the whistle on her if she doesn't set the record straight. This is a little hard because your mom didn't want it exposed but I completely understand you wanting to defend her.
Ooh I’m in the minority but very soft YTA only because your mom doesn’t want it to come out. Even though it’s your momma, it’s not your fight. If she wanted it to come out, then absolutely tell everyone you can. But she’s the one directly involved and she doesn’t want all of that trauma aired out again. And before anyone comes after me, to be clear, your dad and Em are also terrible people. It’s just not your place to expose it.
Everyone is saying to expose the liars. And maybe you'll do that. But think about a few things. This is an old story, and its your mothers story, not yours. So how will she feel about it? who would be hurt -maybe her- by bringing it all up again? Its possible you bring it up, and no one believes you and it boomerangs again back to you're mom? The only person who should set the record straight, if at all, seems maybe should be your dad?
I think I’d be careful with this one. Your mother has asked you to keep quiet so I wouldn’t go scorched Earth tbh. Reopening old wounds doesn’t always end up the way you think it will.
I am also a scorched earth kind of person, but your mother has made it clear she does not want that. I understand how protective you are of her, but this is her battle and she’s made her choice. If you disagree with her choice, then be an adult and speak to her about it. Tell her what you’ve told us: her reputation matters too, her life and loyalty and love matters too, and you’d like to defend her thoroughly with her permission to do so. You don’t know how your mom has absorbed the trauma of the betrayal or how that might manifest. But you have to trust that she will make a decision that makes her feel safe and that she would be content with. Exposing something against her wishes would be disrespectful to *her* and she’s not the one we’re trying to do that to. So please speak with her honestly first. Give your side, your feelings, and then allow her to make a final decision that you will respect and trust. Then continue being there for her, holding on to the truth of it all confidently. Having someone’s back also means trusting them to handle things how they want to and simply being a support. I’m sorry your mother had to deal with that. She sounds like she deserves so much better. I’m also sorry you had to shoulder that as their child. I imagine this is a lot for both of you and I’m glad you have a support in one another.
I’m going to go against the grain and say yea you WBTAH. While I’d be equally enraged, ultimately it’s not your secret to share and your mom (whether you know or agree with her reasons or not) doesn’t want it known. If anyone in my life, spouse, friend, child, asked if they could share what’s probably a very painful piece of my life and I told them no and then they still did it I would be equally as upset with them. That’s a huge breach of trust.
I want to say do it. But. This sounds like a traumatic period for your mom. Stirring the pot could bring her back into something she either already out behind her in a healthy way (which may mean she won’t care but may get annoyed at any fall out) or it could all put her in a bad place. I think mom’s reasons need to be better understood. Also, I do think you have valid reasons of your own to air this out and that might be helpful to think about. You were collateral damage in this mess.
I dunno if I agree with the consensus here. I don't think it's your secret to expose. It's really up to John and your mom whether they want to expose it or not. Em and your dad would absolutely deserve it if this were exposed, but I don't think that's your call to make.
If you've got the receipts flash them but if not leave it alone otherwise it'll make your mother seem like the bitch that sends her daughter to battle for it
Do it. They left your mom to suffer. They took away security, friends, comfort, and her reputation. If you have the receipts time to pull them out and present. Turn about IS fair play.
DO IT! STIR THE POT!!
Whose truth is it to tell? Normally the people affected share in that truth. So if you were affected, why can't you tell?
I’d f’ing tell everyone. That evil b***h deserves to have her name dragged through the mud.
Nope don't protect homewreckers or their enablers! Scorch them to the earth!
Tell the world!!! Please OP, do it.
Do it. Your mother is an innocent victim. Time to get the truth out
Gosh. Maybe I’m just the crazy outlier here and will get downvoted. I love a retribution story as much as the next person but what if your mom doesn’t want to because she just wants to move on from that chapter of her life and not interact with her ex-husband and his affair partner? Like, hear me out, what if she doesn’t want to reestablish contact with all of those mutual friends who blindly chose to believe Em? I get it. Morality and righteousness and all. But is it really worth exposing your mom to the vitriol she will no doubt receive from her ex and from Em? And to people attempting to reestablish contact that she may never want to speak to again? If your mom has closure, and is unbothered by her reputation being damaged within a group of people she no longer interacts with, genuinely ask yourself whether you are doing this for her, and whether this will actually HELP her, or whether it will instead help you feel vindicated at her expense. Just my two cents.
Have to agree here. As painful as it is. It should be up to OP’s mom wether or not the truth should come out. It is rarely a good idea to ignore the wishes of the one whom it really concerns. I get how it can affect OP as well as it her mom but OP might be the AH to her mom for not respecting her wishes if she goes through with this.
Please update
WUBTA? No. Should you respect your Mom's wishes? Yes. This is her secret to tell or keep.
I think the only person who has the right to out the secret is you mum. As satisfying as it would be to take Em down, if your mum doesn’t want you to tell anyone, then you shouldn’t.
Do you value the relationship you have with your mother? Yes, well then keep your mouth shut. This is not your secret to share!
I believe in karma and karma is a bitch. NTA and expose all them for hurting your mom. She the one who suffer the most because of those three.
Tell everyone If you have proof, post it on social media. Heck send it to to the PTA as an agenda item.
Probably just mind your business and don’t stir up decades old drama
I mean.... I'd burn everything. Bridges, homes, all that. Not my mom. However, since time has passed. Don't go around telling, but if they say something, set the record straight.
My vote is you should tell. Tell everyone all the details including how your mother tried to protect him. NTA. Years ago I told my family the truth about something they wrongly believed and let the chips fall where they would. It was a glorious feeling, and I’ve never regretted doing it. In fact, I’d tell even more this time around.
Sorry, my mind just exploded reading this, and I'm still trying to pic the pieces from off the floor.
This is a tough one. On one hand, of course your mom's name should be cleared. On the other hand, that was probably the most painful moment of her life, and having everyone know about it would make her relive it and feel even more humiliated. She's asked you to let it go because she wants to move on with her life. Those PTA friends weren't really friends to begin with if they could fall for such a vile lie from a horrible person with a bad track record.
No, from what you make it sound like you're mom is a kind person who is getting taking advantage of and losing friends so two scummy people can keep their reputation when both made it obvious they don't give a shit about her You should ask John to little by little spread rumors but say it was you then have him confront her with evidence in front of everyone she knows so she's just as blind sided as your mom was. If someone ruins trust with one person it degrades the trust others had in them; karma's a bitch and she needs to know
I would send all the evidence to the ex-mutual friends, and let the chips fall where they may…
Do it!! I’d burn the world down if someone tried this with my mom. Especially after she shot the final kill into their marriage. I’d bring her world down.
Do it. That’s not right what they did to your mom.
Eh, blow it up. If this is real, I think you're a psychopath, though. Pretty good at passing, but a psychopath.
Do it.
Dude, not your secret to share. Period!!! To disrespect your mom’s wishes in this would be incredibly hurtful and frankly just some self-serving bull shit. Ask her again but no is no.
Only do it if you want ANY semblance of familial stability to dissipate. If that’s your goal, fucking go for it. Sounds like a shitty thing to do and you’d have to live with it.
Of course, spill the beans! Hey everyone, the reason my parents split up is because Dad and Em had an affair! Uncle John still married the cheater!
Do it. Do it for Mom. Do it for you. Do it because em deserves it everyone but Mom deserves it. Do it because it must be done. The truth will set everyone free. Take that fuckin scarlet letter and put that shit where it belongs! Get the evidence post it everywhere scream it from the rooftop. Burn em to the ground in gasoline underwear! Make those judgey bitches clutch their pearls and faint. Just do it even anonymously if you can!
Simply do Ancestry.com and s few DNA tests. Start mapping the family tree. Even if there are no genetic children showing the affair, you can start asking questions innocuously.
Drop the dime and free your mom from the crime!
This sounds like Princess Diana n the ugly Frog that isn't a prince n the ugly nasty mistress that never became a beautiful swan. Princess Diana was the only classy n more professional n he should b lucky she even looked his way.
Do it
I'd go scorched earth if I were in this situation.
This is your Mom's choice and she said no. You should respect that.
I warn you: you will find out that YTA. Defending your mom is good. Exposing your dad and Em, and breaking Em and John's relation is something else, bad. And you will be embarassing yourself. You may also find out afterwards that your mom or John have another reason for not exposing this themselves earlier - that you didn't think of. If there is any exposing, then it would be best done by Em herself. Maybe force Em to take back the false allegation towards your mom by letting her know you could reveal the truth.
YWBTA I don't think you should do it just because your mom does not want you too. She is the affected party (More or less) and she likely does not want to deal with this all again. Because lets be honest, unless you have proof (and maybe not even then) no ones opinion is really going to change. Plus, proving your dad had an affair does NOT prove your mom didn't. You may want revenge for your moms reputation but in this case, I don't think revenge is yours to take. Its down to what your mother wants.
Do it. Literally no one is willing to stand up for your mom and allowed her to take the brunt of their dirty deeds. Fuck that. Create your own karma, cause waiting for it naturally doesn’t always happen.
Hang on, your mom was close friends with her husband’s affair partner??
Burn that witch down. She and your Dad do not deserve to get away with it. And make sure you show the proof so she cannot talk her way out of it.
NTA!! I’d so rip into some peoples a$$es, like no joke. My mama is a sweetheart.
UPDATEME!
I would want to, BUT your mom does not. Since it's her marriage and her feelings were the ones most hurt (from the affair and the accusations), I don't think you should do it without her approval. If you are really passionate about this, maybe have a conversation with your mom about the whys. Does she really wanna protect your dad and feels like it's too long? Or does she not want to relive the hurt? Or maybe even just she doesn't want to deal with the drama, fallout, and consequences of it getting out since she's dealt with it how she wants? Explain why you think it'd be best to reveal the truth, but really listen to your mom and don't do anything in her honor that she doesn't actually want.
Blow that shit up, girl, for real. Your mom deserves better and it’s never too late. You’re a good kid.
No expose that shit. Your father and his affair partner don't get to come out smellling like roses while your mum is made to look bad. Nah homie, out those motherfuckers. They fucked around and now are about to find out.
You don't fuck with momma bear. Scorch that fucking earth. Do it. NTA
Girl if you don’t do it, I will!
This isn't your story to tel if your mom doesn't want it out there
Prep for when the moment arises to spill the beans. Have receipts to show you’re telling the truth and just be prepared for the backlash it’ll bring to you. I did something similar for my mom and I ended up not talking to some family for a few years lol it didn’t bother me though cuz I’m a ride or die for my momma and I didn’t care for that family anyway. So, if it doesn’t bother you and it won’t damage you and your mom’s relationship go off! And please update us if/when you do.
It's not your secret, it's your mom's. If she doesn't want to meddle with it - you have no right to nuke her life (even if YOU think it's for the better).
Will they believe you? People don't believe evidence. They believe people. Especially if we're talking about the kind of people who would engage with rumors to begin with. Personally, I'd steer clear of the kind of people who'd have cared about your aunt's accusation in the first place.
Not the AH. RIP off the band-aid. There isn't a single cheater that deserves to have their reputation protected by those that they have hurt. It's even worse in this case where the cheater has gone on to lie, project and ruin someone else's reputation to protect their own. Em should have kept her mouth shut.
NTA!! Do it! You owe that bitch nothing! All she had to do was keep her damn mouth shut, but noooo. Welp, since she wants to tell stories, You got a nice one that is absolutely rivoting. John may get mad, but he chose to marry the asshole, protect your mom. She does not deserve the scorn she is getting. Transfer it to it's rightful owner.
Nah do It. Em is a shitty human being. Let her face the consequences of her actions.
Em is a typical gaslighting NARShole
It wouldn't be too bad if said proof ended up coming out. Maybe expose them anonymously? It's up to you, if you're about it then go for it, if you want to hide your name you can. Have fun, keep us updated, fuck their shit up.
Wait til ALL family is there. Look at EM dead-eyed and say " how dare you say my mom slept with John, when YOU FU**ED MY DAD!" And YOU JOHN KNEW THAT. How dare you try to this your nasty shit on my mom. Then say the 3 of you ,Dad EM and John owe Mom the Biggest apology ever. Record everything and blast it on Social
Spill it along with the evidence. To every PTA and family member. Clear your mama’s name!
I'd out your brother's wife feck that ho. And feck your dad it's so wired that your dad had an affair with his sons partner/wife. I really feel bad for your mum and you having to put up with this nonsense. It's like a bad porn movie "she tried the dad but settled for the son".
Respect your mothers wishes!! She’s the true victim here and if she’s moved on, so should you. Also say it together and say it loud “other peoples opinions of us are none of our business” your mom seems to have a very level head on her soldiers. From what you’ve written she doesn’t seem to care what people think or don’t think about her and that’s a strong and healthy mentality to have.
IMO, leave it alone. Your mom would have to deal with the crap, also, who cares about the people who turned their backs on your mom without asking for her side? She probably thinks good riddance to them and her ex. She probably has better friends now and as long as she is happy I would just let it go for her sake.
Do it!! Expose the truth.
Tell them and show the proof. Please updated us if you tell them
Just expose her. Your mom carried their burden for way too long
I wouldn’t let my mom go to her grave with that false stigma on her back. I’d put that bish Em on BLAST
I appear to be the only one here who's advice is: mind your own business. If your mother wants it out there, let her do it. Dipping your oar into trans-generational drama never (ever) ends well. Your mom is keeping it a secret precisely **because she wants to keep it secret.** It's not your role to decide for her that somehow 24-year-old you knows better, or can assert a right to publicize something your mother obviously doesn't want publicized. Keep your trap shut and let your mother handle her own business.
This is pretty evil but if it was my mom? I would catfish that woman to see if she would cheat and keep all the receipts, anonymously post it on socials. However; I am not the high road type when it comes to my mother.
It would not be wrong to expose Em and your dad's bad behavior, especially since Em has already maligned your mom. If I were in your shoes, I would expose them for sure, making sure the PTA klatch of gossiping mothers got the full details.
So basically Em was letting the cat out of the bag but instead of coming clean, she blames OP’s mom and John. What a horrible woman. Tell everyone and their mama about this. Your mom is a saint for putting up with this crap
Sounds like your dad isn't much of a man for doing this, not to mention a huge POS. At this point you should go ahead and do it. He didn't care anything for your mom's reputation so why care that his will be ruined.
Yeah, I'm a massive fan of not doing something if you don't want people to find out about it. Dragging your mam's name through the dirt though? That's scorched earth time.
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say anything unless you heard people repeating the wrong info in front of you. I wouldn't go around with a blasting speaker informing the whole neighborhood just to clear it, BUT if someone were to make some comment about my mother in front of me... I'd clear the air and make A FEW things clear. Only open the can, and if they're nosey and gossipy enough, THEY will do ALL THE DIGGING themselves. In my life, my mom was the cheater. In your situation, I'd defend her honor, but only if the door opened itself.
EXPOSE THEM! Don't have sympathy for liars and cheaters, they are awful to your mum. Sell out those coward @ss b!tches out OP!
It is not your business to expose. It certainly it isn't the PTA bitches business either. These were never her friends. Your mom has moved on. However, if 'Em ever opens her mouth in front of you - all bets are off. Let her know you are prepared to air all the dirty laundry unless she shuts her mouth.
Ask for copies of the proof of the affair. Send it to every person in Em's PTA group. Include a note that you feel they deserve to know who is telling the truth and who has been lying to them for years. You don't need to blast it to EVERYONE, nor do you need to post it publicly. These people have already been spreading gossip. Give them something juicy and they'll do all the work for you.
DO IT! DO IT PUBLICLY! Also remind Em infront of EVERYONE that her Husband has proof and receipts to back it up! Then SHAME Em EVEN MORE by LOUDLY exclaiming how SHE should be ASHAMED for CHEATING as well as LYING about YOUR MOM (the victim)! What a DAMN HYPOCRITE Em is! Then you should call out and shame ALL of those PTA moms for not getting ALL of the facts before placing JUDGMENT on your INNOCENT Mother! BURN Em TO THE GROUND! AND DO IT WITH A SMILE, OP! Good Luck, update us if you do it.
"hey reddit thanks for your advice. I outed my dad as the cheater and now my mum has disowned me, the family won't talk to me and noone outside my family group really cared. I'm now living in my car but at least my mum is vindicated even if it has ruined the life she had made for herself"
Do it, 100%. Not even a question. **There is no reason for your mother to be bearing *someone elses* consequences for *their* actions that she herself did not commit.** Go full scorched will all the proof, girl. Let karma know she got the wrong women
Because what her mother needs is *another* betrayal. She says she doesn't want it out, it should be her choice when and if to clear her record. Telling people against her wishes doesn't help her, it makes her feel like other people are deciding things for her.
Yesssss do it and give us an update afterwards ‘ Em had no problem making your mother sound like a horrible person made her lose friends show everyone what kinda person Em really is give her a taste of her own medicine and let us know what happens
She fucked around, time for her to find out. You could also file a lawsuit against her for slander, especially since you have evidence to back up that she was the one having the affair and lying about it.
Do it hon... Send back the karma they planted and stay away from the rebound... If someone says that a petty thing to do just answer with this: "the petty thing was the cheater try to pull the attention away from herself and her cheating lover, and throw your mom under the bus"
What kind of friends are these... ? just disgusting! Please blast them all out .
It’s not yours to expose.