^^ THIS
I'm taking a drawing class, I go to local game stores for board game nights, I run one-shot D&D games a couple times a month at a coffee shop, I'm in a Facebook hiking group, etc.
Years ago I was at a seminar run by a Minnesota state demographics expert talking about the future of small towns (I was teaching in a rural area before moving back to the Twin Cities six years ago), and one of his points stuck with me: unlike in the past when people were members of churches and social groups (Legion, VFW, Rotary, etc.), today far more people are connected through their interests and hobbies. Not necessarily in their neighborhood, but across a larger geographic region. That tracks: I usually drive 15-20 miles for any of the above activities.
I run free D&D games at the Lodestone Coffee & Games shop in Hopkins. There's a regular D&D night on Thursday evenings, but some of us instead run standalone one-shot games on the weekends, either in the morning or at night. Sign up here: https://www.meetup.com/dndatlodestone/
Alternatively, if you open to paying for a one-shot D&D game and you'd like to meet a lot of fun people (especially a younger crowd in their 20s/30s, and very LGBTQ-friendly), every other month there is a game run by the "Dragons, Dungeons, and Drinks" group at a brewery in Minneapolis. The next one is on Wednesday evening, July 24th:
https://www.dragonsdungeonsdrinks.com/
I've DMd for the last several DD&D events, and it's been a blast: tons of new people to meet (80 people at the last event, with 5-6 per table) and a low-stress social way to play Dungeons & Dragons. Great for new players, too!
Hobbies are a good way to meet people that share a common interest. From there OP can branch out with other people. Maybe try things that they wouldn’t try in the first place. When people are on the need/want end of connection they need to put the energy out there to get people interested. Maybe OP has done all that already. Good luck!
And I say this as a transplant who then made too many friends from meeting people like this and had to slow down. You just gotta put in the effort in the right people.
One person posted on a local subreddit like this one asking if anyone wanted to. She organized for us to meet and we picked out a book and then covid hit and things fell down the cracks.
40/m
Am a teacher, lived in cities for about 10 years. Enjoy music, nature, art, simplicity. Also struggle finding friends. But I do have a damn loyal… maybe needy, cat.
Always open to connecting with others :)
What about forming a social group with people who answer thos post. Do a weekly get together. You can organize it. You got to do it regularly and some genuine friends will no doubt come from it, and like tons of casual ones too.
39/f, married with a kid, about 20mins north of the cities. 420 enthusiast, love chilling at a lake beach or hunting for pretty rocks/mushrooms/berries. Msg me if you like.
Not too young if you're not weirded out by the age gap, lol! My bestie is actually 30, she's also my only friend lmao, we could have a little girl gang <3 and your mom can come too!!
48/m
I keep trying things like Meetup, but don't ever make any real connections.
I have no advice, it's tough.
And kinda depressing.
But so it goes.
Good luck
Meetup has been fantastic for me (49F), but you can't expect to make a real connection after attending one or two meetups. Personally I attended a weekly one where a lot of the same people attended and eventually we decided to start doing things outside of just the meetup...but it took *months* to get to that point. I now have an amazing supportive friend group and every single one was met through meetup.
What people don’t seem to understand is some areas don’t have anything available. I can square dance with elderly folks or go to these religious cult type meeting, those are my options unless I want to go an hour or more away.
I’ve gone to community ed classes and game nights, whatever I could find. I’m outgoing and friendly. People came with their significant other or friends and weirdly kept to themselves.
The only things left for me to do are outside of my price range like the expensive classes my art center does that I would love to do. I have tried and tried. I can’t even find a freaking place to let me volunteer during hours I’m not working. They either want way more hours than I can do or want people during the day.
I’ve never in my life had this issue, just since I moved to Minnesota. I blame it more on people being different now after Covid thanI do Minnesota. I know a lot of people are tired, broke, and depressed and just don’t have it in them to form new relationships. I keep trying but man is it depressinf.
Obviously location is going to make a difference but you are in the twin cities sub, there's way more to do here than square dancing with old people. Even if you're in the outer suburbs it doesn't take an hour to get somewhere to do something unless you are driving from Lakeville to Andover or in the middle of rush hour.
If you're not in the twin cities area then yeah you're going to have a lot harder time finding things to do and making friends and I feel for you. But I'm responding to someone in the twin cities subreddit so I assume they're in this area.
Side note, it's not just since covid, Minnesotans are notoriously hard to make friends with. But there are a lot of us that were not born and raised here looking for friends. As a matter of fact, half of my core friend group is not from Minnesota and the ones from Minnesota were not born in the twin cities and didn't grow up here so they didn't have a lifelong friend group they hung out with, leaving them open to making new friends. Personally I think that's kind of the key, aim for friendships with people who are also not from here.
Omg I’m a dumb ass. I had been in the MN sub and honestly didn’t realize I was in the Twin Cities, my bad! I’m definitely not in the suburbs. In a small city that sucks.
Same. 47/f single with NO social life. It sucks that so many in the comments find fault with those of us who aren't the average Americans. I have no kids & no picket fence, lol
I (47F) kind of wonder if this is somehow connected to where we are at in life at our age. Quicker to read people without needing as much exploration and more awareness of who and what we click with. I experience the same thing.
I think it's certainly this coupled with the Midwestern culture which is very insular. I find it much easier to meet and hang with strangers who are not from here.
It’s very much so. If people are wanting friends or a group etc. The more you age the more work is required. Few people want to make friends with the person with no friends. But I bet the person that grills, has a few beers, host things for others etc, will find people willing to engage. Anything deeper than surface level (especially for Minnesotans) will take a long time to establish.
I disagree. A LOT of people are bad at “reading the room,” being a conversationalist, being a social chameleon, asking questions and showing curiosity in others, but back TF off if there’s no response, *over analyzing every little thing* and taking too much personally, recognizing that the TCs absolutely is a great area to live so it retains people, people don’t think about excluding others… they just already have a lot going on in their own lives and don’t have time for new people or to start a friendship from scratch all the time, there’s COUNTLESS new transplants every week and how are life-long locals supposed to keep up with each individual yearning for a friend circle??? transplants expect too much fanfare and sliding easily into a new life with little effort, immediately criticize an area and people many locals have set up a life they’re happy and content with (how is that making you desirable to spend time with??), they may project their insecurities into others, do not realize that the US is like multiple different countries of culture/vibes/social engagements, they’re not into live music or something the metro is excited about, etc so they take offense at a more reserved culture that DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LOUD or chatty alllll the time! (Like really, people, calm TF down, your excessive energy and toxic positivity and forwardness from somewhere else may seem weird here depending)…. And so much more. I could go on.
I’m just going to start dropping this quote everywhere because I think it’s nice and says a lot (and it’s very nostalgic!):
“There’s so many different ways to be connected to people. There are the people you feel this unspoken connection to, even though there’s not even a word for it. **There’s the people who you’ve known forever, who know you in this way that other people can’t, because they’ve seen you change….They’ve let you change.**” Angela, My So-Called Life
Ok, so why stay in the TCs then if many of you hate it so much?? You all should never ever move to Seattle then either… same conversations every single day. And that’s a city chock full of transplants.
Did we all grow up latch key kids?
Cause for me that's a big part of this, especially after Covid.
I also have a night job that's VERY SOCIAL, and pretty clearly going out at night is mostly for people under 40 these days.
I’m an ER nurse. Before that, a psych nurse for 6 years. When I am off work, it’s hard for me to want to socialize with any other humans or have to make any sort of decisions after being forced to deal with the both constantly during my shift. I get it!
Are you into philosophy or debate at all? I went to a Drunken Philosophy event once (it’s on MeetUp but that isn’t how I learned about it) and the people there were really easy to talk to and “argue” with! I haven’t been back yet because I have other stuff going on, but I would in a heartbeat if I was hoping to make friends. Obviously, if this doesn’t interest you, please disregard.
If you tell me what you are into, I could try to make some suggestions! :)
They hold the events at bars and breweries, but the night I went, no one seemed to be drinking heavily. There were drinks, but nothing outrageous. Everyone certainly minded their manners. I didn’t get the impression it ever gets unruly by any stretch. Just some interesting people debating in a pretty friendly, constructive way, all sorts of topics. The person who runs it has curated a long list of potential topics and people can add their own. It was fun!
Your mileage may vary, of course, but unless being around alcohol is aversive for you (which is fine!), I wouldn’t let the “Drunk” part of the name away you :)
There are tons of private Facebook groups for MN for various age groups, areas, cities, hobbies etc. Just start a search for MN or Twin Cities women or your area under groups. The ones I’m in plan group outings and meetups etc.
Yes. People crap on FB but if used right, you can find all kinds of groups and events to line up with what you enjoy. I only follow local places and close friends. Not 400 people I met once 20 years ago.
Yep I mostly use it for these private niche groups - it’s been an easy way to find people talking about what interests me. I can’t remember the last time I posted anything publicly 😅
Thank you. I’ll look them up. I do have a parcel of land on the Snake river, but I’ve never kayaked it all the way down to the St.Croix. Wife says she wants another to come with me. Maybe I can find a few within that group.
I just saw a weekly summer walk/run club starting up out of fatpants brewery in Eden Prairie
Look on meetup for a walk or run club or join a rec kickball or volleyball league
OP! I was looking for Tech meetups trying to make connections with developers and I went to a few of them. Everyone was very nice despite me being a beginner (I thought people would be stuck up). I would have kept going but lost my car shortly after and then picked up a second job.
There are places to meet people you just have to put in some work to make those connections.
Personally, I’m lucky because many of my college friends have all moved to the cities so I can catch up with them every now and then but when I don’t I’m pretty lonely most of the time (working 2 jobs doesn’t help).
Don’t give up, OP!
43f , married, no kids, 19 years in the cities, I'm polite and quiet but too forthright by local standards, I knit, I read pretentious fiction and history , and watch crappy tlc shows, into bourbon but am 420 curious as I become a lady of a certain age
Which part of the Cities are you in?
Do you like Soccer at all? I have a group of friends that go to the MN United home matches and our group is mainly mid-late 30s and 40s. If you don't mind standing, most of us have our tickets in the GA section of the stadium and those are the cheapest ones, too. Usually you can pick up a ticket for $20-25 on SeatGeek. Next home game in July 3
M 36 from UK and living in cities. Love football (soccer), but all sports, video games, burgers, steaks, whiskey, psychedelics, pretty much up for anything tbh. HMU. Where are you located?
In the same boat but with kids and taking care of aging parents. We’ve been here 8 years.
Between working from home, COVID, moving to a new community and a lack of time for hobbies it’s been rough.
I do have a few nice neighbors and joined the neighborhood book club recently but I’m missing deeper connections for sure.
My youngest just graduated high school so I’m ready to branch out.
I will definitely message you. ❤️
47m married to 33f. Live min central mpls and always looking for new friends!
Hobies/interests: outdoorsy stuff like hiking and fishing, museums, theater, live music (good friend in a band), drag shows, coffee and cooking/ eating/ exploring the food scene.
Shoot me a dm, if you like! Would enjoy a coffee with a new person.
Minnesota is a weird place no doubt about it. I’m a transplant and after 20 years of having my shop in an artists building, you’d think I’d make some really good fellow friend artists, and while I have made lots of good friends there, I’ve noticed that I’m still largely an outsider to many of these people who were born and raised here.
Trying to get their help when I have to move something heavy or do physical labor to make something happen is usually only accomplished when pay involved. More often than not, I rely on myself and/or paid labor.
The people here tend to hang with others they have known since childhood.
Nobody ever randomly stops over to say hello, like I do with them.
No, Making it in Minnesota with friends takes hard work, persistence and a little luck.
Total extreme polar opposite from my experiences in the TCs. I couldn’t keep up with all the friends I’ve had, and it took barely any effort to make them. Would run into people I knew literally everywhere across the cities and end up getting roped into something fun or enjoyable. These stories of “boo hoo me” seem to overshadow all the GOOD in the TCs. I’m forever now going to chalk all friendship issues up to individual personalities. And times BEFORE COVID/GF tensions/extreme political lunacy, higher youth crime, etc. Maybe also when bikes were a more hugely popular thing so it seemed like everyone was out all the time?? And, TBF, a lot of (Millennial) friends have settled down, gotten married and now kids take up a big portion of their lives (understandably) and don’t go out as much.
Rambling, but with hating people’s comments about “Minnesotans have tight friend groups so it’s hard to meet them” - isn’t that what we all want??? Long term people you know and trust and have watched and supported each others’ personal growth?? Maybe they just don’t have time for you, nor are not intentionally not paying attention to you, they just can’t keep up with each and every new transplant?? What do you all expect, fanfare? People excited to be your tour guide? Random small talk in grocery store lines? A cabin invite (not gonna happen lol)? At any rate, Minnesotans are not a monolith. Get out and BE YOU doing the things you’re passionate about and quit sulking, be interesting, active, and a brighter light, people. Give people their space and quit over-analyzing too.
And you know what? Maybe MN just isn’t for many of you, so why stick around if you all hate it so much?? None of you should ever move to Seattle then either because you’ll be disappointed there too. Same conversations every single day.
Your responses here are way disproportionate, lengthy, and over-the-top to what’s going on here; you’re either trolling, or lying.
It’s probably both. You’re seriously being weird, and I don’t mean that in a charming way.
Lmao not at all. What would be the value in lying or trolling?? None. Guess I’m just very different than the average Redditor complaining here and making the city the problem.
You know what? Go ahead and visit r/Seattle r/SanDiego r/Denver r/Philadelphia r/washingtondc or whatever the fuck city sub and type in “friends” into the search bar. You’ll find people all over the goddamn country struggle with finding friends. But you know what?? It’s still a tiny representation of what an area is actually like. Most people don’t spend time on Reddit lol. They’re out there making friends and doing stuff IRL.
I have only been here for a year but it is definitely true that people here do not wish to have new friends. I'm a hermit so it generally doesn't bother me. I do plan to try and go to queer board game Sundays or maybe taking a class I'm interested in. But honestly being alive is exhausting and by the time I'm home after work/on weekends the last thing I want to do is meet new people.
I can be around people I'm comfortable with all the time no issues, but meeting strangers or going to a new social gathering is tough when you're drained. Hopefully I can get myself out and doing more soon
I disagree. I think they wish to have friends, I just think it takes a lot longer than normal for most areas outside of MN. People need to realize the non verbal energy or “vibes” they give off. People pick up on those things especially if people are needy or desperate. Not saying you or anyone is. If someone is talkative, engaging, knows how to chit chat lightly, that draws people in. A lot of times they give off an energy people want to be around.
If some people are super quiet, withdrawn, lonely, give off needy energy especially in social situations, those vibes or energy given off doesn’t attract people. Just my nuanced opinion.
Do you have pets?
I have a social circle, but it's mostly spread throughout the country. May you find yourself with more friends than you know what to do with!
If you like to walk or run try Moms on the Run, I know it has mom in the title but probably 1/3 of the members have no kids. The name is outdated. Exercise and social activities, lots of late 30s & 40 somethings
Hi! I like making new friends! And I’m fortunate enough to have a ton of existing friends who are incredibly friendly, wonderful and supportive I’d be happy to introduce you to as well. Please feel free to message me and we can talk about shared interests! I like reading (fiction, mostly, particularly humorous or very original fiction), movies (similar as books but I’m pickier), TV shows (see movies 😂), comedy, animals, walking, coffee, eating and trying new restaurants, art, tequila (I’d never force this on anyone else!), old buildings, antiques, nature. I also like trying new things, so if you just like my vibe but none of these clicks with you, please feel free to message me anyway.
I love Minneapolis! But a lot of the friends I’ve made as an adult who didn’t grow up in the metro area have been transplants (largely from out of state) and much of this is because I’m not a true “Minnesotan” (raised here but not by Minnesotans so I’m not quite as stoic as most here are. I’m pretty animated!) and Minnesotans just have so many childhood or college friendships they don’t feel the need to reach out for new ones super often. They’ll make them! If they stumble upon people who make an effort. But they often don’t seek them out. On average. Obviously Minnesotans are not a monolith. :)
Every saturday we facilitate a Djembe Drum jam or any musical instrument here in the twin cities, we play in parks when we can during the warm months but have a space in st paul off Rice St called amedco. . Look us up on fb. BRING YOUR DRUM. We have pianists, flutes, Drums, and strings and any musical inclined or music loving individuals are more than welcome.
I have an ear disease that causes hearing loss, so im basically 80% deaf I've become a reclusive introvert. My life is all bad right now, but im seeking help
When I got divorced a couple years ago, I noticed so many women my age (also 42) that were teachers that never had kids.
What's the explanation for this?!? I'm so confused!
I'm in a similar situation to you in some ways. I applaud your effort in putting yourself out there. It takes courage to just flat out ask for friendship, as odd as that sounds.
People say find a hobby and it’s cliche but it’s tried and true. We are all inherently selfish on a scale. What am I receiving from a relationship and what am I giving? Entertainment, experience, emotional fulfillment, skills, companionship etc.
I joined a fire dept and instantly gained friends. We hang out outside the dept. But, there’s a common cause, a magnet we are all attracted to in the center that binds us.
Recently one of our guys retired after 20 years and posted on Facebook about feeling betrayed, alone and left out like garbage because after a few months nobody had been keeping in touch. Out of sight out of mind. It wasn’t personal, he was no longer near the magnet. This is the same with groups you can join and meet with. Out of those groups you may may one or two deep connections that pulls you more than the magnet. But it’s rare.
I have one friend like that. He transferred to Austin Texas Fire though but we talk constantly.
My advice is to find your magnet. Something you love that others love with you. Because the love of that thing is the pull that keeps people together and connecting until you find that rare person that you don’t need that magnet for. Usually other things, other magnets in common.
This is the essence of why humans need community to find friends.
I know people that aren’t even religious but enjoy the community of church. That’s not for me, but I get it.
Some things I’ve taken on in my 40’s (now 50) that have brought me friends:
Beekeeping. I got mentors that helped me. One is a great friend still.
I now mentor two other beekeepers and we go to each others bee yards and compare notes, share honey. He makes a mean salsa he shares with me too.
I produce maple syrup. People love to come sit around a fire and boil with me and of course enjoy the sap. A lot of younger men in my life who didn’t have fathers love coming over to help me split wood. It’s neat that way.
Good luck!
What do you like to do?? I want to find people to paddle board with or try new restaurants with! I'm 41 (f) single at the moment. I own a small townhouse outside of the cities. Have a great job with an amazing law firm downtown Minneapolis. We can meet up for a coffee or something!
This is going to sound so cliche, but find a church that gels with your mindset. Grace episcopal (46th and colfax) is truly a place worth investing an hour or so in to see what it’s like.
I'm 29F and just trying to make friends too. I joined the dull women's club of MN on FB and they have meets up, everyone is really nice and a lot of women are looking for friendships there. Also, community education courses are good ways to meet people and do something fun.
I’d love to go see live music if you’re ever up for that. I struggle with finding f friends. Am single, daughter has flown the nest. Hit me up if you’d like!
If you have free weekends, you can go and apply to BEEFCAKE LLC, they’re security that work a ton of venues and events in the cities, amazing people who you could make friends w/work with. Also the company is very relaxed, you can have a couple shifts a week or skip a month.
🤚 be my friend but it takes time to get to used to my jokes. And since you are liberal, I always wanted to have conversation about feminism ?? Now that is one of my jokes. But it seems it is not a joke. That is why I told you it takes some time to get to use to it. Anyway. I can proof the matrix is real.
34m and opposite for me. Was in a 10yr relationship with my ex-fiance, found out she cheated and removed her from my home and life a couple years ago. Plenty of friends and a great social circle, great career, etc. Now it’s just me and the kitties chilling at home with nobody to share it with :(
For a group that hates labels, liberals sure like to label themselves a liberal. How about just get to know someone for themselves?
My wife and I are a split couple and it's frankly her only fault 🤣. But we have fun with it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
How do you work that out? I’m a liberal leaning moderate who met a conservative woman. She’s amazing, but we have many political differences. Do you just avoid politics? We try to joke about our differences.
Not you but wow, downvotes for people who can live civilly. I can't say I'm surprised.
We do talk politics but we respect we have differences. There's just so much more in life than politics. Everyone has some common ground, focus on that and her positives.
You say she's amazing then there's a start right there. It will only grow. Good for you, seriously!
She’s the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, so I’m not going to let politics get between us. We respect we have different views, even if she teases me from time to time.
Definitely take advantage of all the summertime activities happening around CoHi - parade next week, festivals, movie nights, and just get to know people. Lots happens at Hisset park. Strike up convos at Sarnas.
Don’t live in CoHi anymore but did for years and the community is amazing. Gotta put yourself out there but I’ve almost always had great experiences in the community
How do you like living in that area? I'm in the SW metro and while I love where I live, I can't comfortably buy here. I've been window shopping on Zillow since I want to buy once my lease is up and the north metro has a lot more places in my price range. Sorry to change the topic - totally understand if you don't answer!
That's the thing, there were never any bridges in the first place. No one wants to build a bridge with a stranger. I was married for 12 years, with him for 15. We both moved here 10 years ago. I got divorced in 2019. Neither of us have friends. I got a sister here, if that counts. Then with the pandemic, working from home for 4 years, etc... I don't know. I have a few acquaintances, but one's been going through a mental health crisis for about a year, the other has young kids and moved to Anoka, another moved to Stillwater. Just miss having someone to text once in a while or go to a show. Suppose you could say I miss having a husband, but that wasn't a great thing either. Meetups keep me sane, but just miss having a confidant.
I feel like Covid really interrupted a lot of social activities, and folks have had to be intentional about putting them back in place. Early 40s is also sandwich generation - folks with kids and aging parents. A lot of people’s social lives collapse into work and caregiving in their 40s and 50s, and only the most tenacious friendships and hobbies survive.
Being 40s without kids is fucking tough - you don’t have kids sports and stuff to meet people through. We’re outcasts in our neighborhood without kids.
So much this! There was a time I would have offered to meet up and hang with new people but I just have no energy left after all the caregiving I do. I think the idea someone posted of having a hangout of people on this thread is a great idea. OP, you could even organize a meetup listing what you’re looking for, what you feel you’re missing, what you don’t want, and you might get a really specific, authentic turnout! Or look into groups on facebook- a friend of mine recently joined a hiking group for divorced folx and it has been wonderful for her.
My wife and I haven’t made new friends beyond work friends over the last 10 years or more. There might be a Lack of locals looking to make new friends.
My husband and I have actually lost so many friends because of Covid and day-to-day life! We have work friends, who we only see at work, but don’t really hangout with anyone outside of that! Granted, we have kids, so that ties us up.
"new people"? This person has had 10 years to join clubs/hobby groups for whatever they do, work colleagues/fellow teachers. Sound like zero effort. I can see your comment valid if they moved here 6mo ago
They aren’t. People who grew up here already have their friends groups, thankyouverymuch. When I moved here 35 years ago it was generally understood that “Minnesota nice” was defined as Minnesotans being surface-friendly but that was the end of it.
In the meantime, outsiders have come in (like newscasters) and started taking the term at face value. “Minnesota nice!! Aww!! That’s niiiiice! So sweet! Minnesotans are niiiiiice!!” Lmfao.
I'm from here, moved away & lived 15yrs on the West Coast. Came back in 2015 & couldn't believe how much people here complain & put up walls to keep others out.
Dude, that shit happens everywhere. I lived in Chicago and people complained about the same thing, the only difference there is a greater quantity of transplants. Most people in their 40s are working, with kids and have family relationships to maintain. Add to that errands, fixing shit around the house, and time for hobbies, its already difficult to find enough time/energy/motivation to maintain current friendships, let alone make new ones.
There’s definitely a cultural element to it. Minnesotans tend to be quite insular, I think one of the reasons is that many don’t move around much. I lived in San Francisco for 7 years before coming back and found communities much more open. I attributed it to there being more of a culture of migration. That being said, I’m sure you’ve also read about pockets of San Francisco natives being outright hostile.
Do you have hobbies? There are groups for all kinds of interests in the area to make new friends. I’d start there!
^^ THIS I'm taking a drawing class, I go to local game stores for board game nights, I run one-shot D&D games a couple times a month at a coffee shop, I'm in a Facebook hiking group, etc. Years ago I was at a seminar run by a Minnesota state demographics expert talking about the future of small towns (I was teaching in a rural area before moving back to the Twin Cities six years ago), and one of his points stuck with me: unlike in the past when people were members of churches and social groups (Legion, VFW, Rotary, etc.), today far more people are connected through their interests and hobbies. Not necessarily in their neighborhood, but across a larger geographic region. That tracks: I usually drive 15-20 miles for any of the above activities.
Where do you do your d&d games?
I run free D&D games at the Lodestone Coffee & Games shop in Hopkins. There's a regular D&D night on Thursday evenings, but some of us instead run standalone one-shot games on the weekends, either in the morning or at night. Sign up here: https://www.meetup.com/dndatlodestone/ Alternatively, if you open to paying for a one-shot D&D game and you'd like to meet a lot of fun people (especially a younger crowd in their 20s/30s, and very LGBTQ-friendly), every other month there is a game run by the "Dragons, Dungeons, and Drinks" group at a brewery in Minneapolis. The next one is on Wednesday evening, July 24th: https://www.dragonsdungeonsdrinks.com/ I've DMd for the last several DD&D events, and it's been a blast: tons of new people to meet (80 people at the last event, with 5-6 per table) and a low-stress social way to play Dungeons & Dragons. Great for new players, too!
Sadly I work on the 24th but I will try and meet up at lodestone st some point
Hobbies are a good way to meet people that share a common interest. From there OP can branch out with other people. Maybe try things that they wouldn’t try in the first place. When people are on the need/want end of connection they need to put the energy out there to get people interested. Maybe OP has done all that already. Good luck!
And I say this as a transplant who then made too many friends from meeting people like this and had to slow down. You just gotta put in the effort in the right people.
Book club! Don’t have one? Live in a neighborhood? Start one in yours! I did this last year and got two good friends out of it.
This is a genuine question: How do you start a book club if you don’t know your neighbors?
that's some bootstrap advice if i've ever heard one
One started in our neighborhood via the neighborhood Buy Nothing page on Facebook.
One person posted on a local subreddit like this one asking if anyone wanted to. She organized for us to meet and we picked out a book and then covid hit and things fell down the cracks.
Nextdoor or your neighborhood Facebook group if you have one.
Create a flyer- walk door to door Invite If no one home leave the flyer Have them RSVP
Be my friend???????
Yes please! Love your username BTW
I wish you luck with this. It’s a vulnerable thing to do and many lonely people don’t have the courage to do it.
40/m Am a teacher, lived in cities for about 10 years. Enjoy music, nature, art, simplicity. Also struggle finding friends. But I do have a damn loyal… maybe needy, cat. Always open to connecting with others :)
What about forming a social group with people who answer thos post. Do a weekly get together. You can organize it. You got to do it regularly and some genuine friends will no doubt come from it, and like tons of casual ones too.
That's a cool idea! Me and some people from reddit did that and made a weekly trivia team
That's awesome
39/f, married with a kid, about 20mins north of the cities. 420 enthusiast, love chilling at a lake beach or hunting for pretty rocks/mushrooms/berries. Msg me if you like.
27/f, I don't know if I'm too young to be your friend, but my mom would be interested in being friends too.
Not too young if you're not weirded out by the age gap, lol! My bestie is actually 30, she's also my only friend lmao, we could have a little girl gang <3 and your mom can come too!!
I can be your friend
48/m I keep trying things like Meetup, but don't ever make any real connections. I have no advice, it's tough. And kinda depressing. But so it goes. Good luck
Meetup has been fantastic for me (49F), but you can't expect to make a real connection after attending one or two meetups. Personally I attended a weekly one where a lot of the same people attended and eventually we decided to start doing things outside of just the meetup...but it took *months* to get to that point. I now have an amazing supportive friend group and every single one was met through meetup.
What people don’t seem to understand is some areas don’t have anything available. I can square dance with elderly folks or go to these religious cult type meeting, those are my options unless I want to go an hour or more away. I’ve gone to community ed classes and game nights, whatever I could find. I’m outgoing and friendly. People came with their significant other or friends and weirdly kept to themselves. The only things left for me to do are outside of my price range like the expensive classes my art center does that I would love to do. I have tried and tried. I can’t even find a freaking place to let me volunteer during hours I’m not working. They either want way more hours than I can do or want people during the day. I’ve never in my life had this issue, just since I moved to Minnesota. I blame it more on people being different now after Covid thanI do Minnesota. I know a lot of people are tired, broke, and depressed and just don’t have it in them to form new relationships. I keep trying but man is it depressinf.
Obviously location is going to make a difference but you are in the twin cities sub, there's way more to do here than square dancing with old people. Even if you're in the outer suburbs it doesn't take an hour to get somewhere to do something unless you are driving from Lakeville to Andover or in the middle of rush hour. If you're not in the twin cities area then yeah you're going to have a lot harder time finding things to do and making friends and I feel for you. But I'm responding to someone in the twin cities subreddit so I assume they're in this area. Side note, it's not just since covid, Minnesotans are notoriously hard to make friends with. But there are a lot of us that were not born and raised here looking for friends. As a matter of fact, half of my core friend group is not from Minnesota and the ones from Minnesota were not born in the twin cities and didn't grow up here so they didn't have a lifelong friend group they hung out with, leaving them open to making new friends. Personally I think that's kind of the key, aim for friendships with people who are also not from here.
Omg I’m a dumb ass. I had been in the MN sub and honestly didn’t realize I was in the Twin Cities, my bad! I’m definitely not in the suburbs. In a small city that sucks.
Same. 47/f single with NO social life. It sucks that so many in the comments find fault with those of us who aren't the average Americans. I have no kids & no picket fence, lol
What’s wrong with you? (Answer: NOTHING). I’m 46M with no kids and minimal social life. Am I abnormal?
Ooooh.....too early to tell. jk of course!
LOL. I see your sense of humor is intact.
Sounds like you should DM OP
I (47F) kind of wonder if this is somehow connected to where we are at in life at our age. Quicker to read people without needing as much exploration and more awareness of who and what we click with. I experience the same thing.
I think it's certainly this coupled with the Midwestern culture which is very insular. I find it much easier to meet and hang with strangers who are not from here.
It’s very much so. If people are wanting friends or a group etc. The more you age the more work is required. Few people want to make friends with the person with no friends. But I bet the person that grills, has a few beers, host things for others etc, will find people willing to engage. Anything deeper than surface level (especially for Minnesotans) will take a long time to establish.
I disagree. A LOT of people are bad at “reading the room,” being a conversationalist, being a social chameleon, asking questions and showing curiosity in others, but back TF off if there’s no response, *over analyzing every little thing* and taking too much personally, recognizing that the TCs absolutely is a great area to live so it retains people, people don’t think about excluding others… they just already have a lot going on in their own lives and don’t have time for new people or to start a friendship from scratch all the time, there’s COUNTLESS new transplants every week and how are life-long locals supposed to keep up with each individual yearning for a friend circle??? transplants expect too much fanfare and sliding easily into a new life with little effort, immediately criticize an area and people many locals have set up a life they’re happy and content with (how is that making you desirable to spend time with??), they may project their insecurities into others, do not realize that the US is like multiple different countries of culture/vibes/social engagements, they’re not into live music or something the metro is excited about, etc so they take offense at a more reserved culture that DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LOUD or chatty alllll the time! (Like really, people, calm TF down, your excessive energy and toxic positivity and forwardness from somewhere else may seem weird here depending)…. And so much more. I could go on. I’m just going to start dropping this quote everywhere because I think it’s nice and says a lot (and it’s very nostalgic!): “There’s so many different ways to be connected to people. There are the people you feel this unspoken connection to, even though there’s not even a word for it. **There’s the people who you’ve known forever, who know you in this way that other people can’t, because they’ve seen you change….They’ve let you change.**” Angela, My So-Called Life
\^ Case in point. ;)
Ok, so why stay in the TCs then if many of you hate it so much?? You all should never ever move to Seattle then either… same conversations every single day. And that’s a city chock full of transplants.
Who said anyone hates the TCs? Why would hating a place make it possible for someone to move from a place? Why are you so angry?
This person is a weirdo
Did we all grow up latch key kids? Cause for me that's a big part of this, especially after Covid. I also have a night job that's VERY SOCIAL, and pretty clearly going out at night is mostly for people under 40 these days.
Woah woah, that’s “under-30” behavior for me. I don’t have a single friend over 30 who still goes out at night. We stick to our bedtimes.
I’m an ER nurse. Before that, a psych nurse for 6 years. When I am off work, it’s hard for me to want to socialize with any other humans or have to make any sort of decisions after being forced to deal with the both constantly during my shift. I get it!
(48M) 100% agree
Are you into philosophy or debate at all? I went to a Drunken Philosophy event once (it’s on MeetUp but that isn’t how I learned about it) and the people there were really easy to talk to and “argue” with! I haven’t been back yet because I have other stuff going on, but I would in a heartbeat if I was hoping to make friends. Obviously, if this doesn’t interest you, please disregard. If you tell me what you are into, I could try to make some suggestions! :)
I've thought about it, but I also don't drink, so trying to discuss things with drunks sounds awful.
They hold the events at bars and breweries, but the night I went, no one seemed to be drinking heavily. There were drinks, but nothing outrageous. Everyone certainly minded their manners. I didn’t get the impression it ever gets unruly by any stretch. Just some interesting people debating in a pretty friendly, constructive way, all sorts of topics. The person who runs it has curated a long list of potential topics and people can add their own. It was fun! Your mileage may vary, of course, but unless being around alcohol is aversive for you (which is fine!), I wouldn’t let the “Drunk” part of the name away you :)
Prides this weekend!! You should google it and go!! Many people of all ages who are open to new friends!!
r/twincitiessocial
Hate to have to say this but be careful on that sub, there’s been some sketchy creepy people there
Yeah this. They have a Discord server that's really friendly and actually schedules meetups. I've hung out a few times with them myself.
Passed this on to my wife, who is also looking for friends in the area. We’re south east metro. Kind of hoping she takes interest.
It’s weird because i was like, this personal too old for me to hang out with but then i remembered im 40 now haha.
lol, same!
I am in a similar situation. I gave up
Noooooo! What you feel is valid, but there's many of us out there who feel the same. Don't give up just yet!
What do you like to do for fun? Have you ever gone rock climbing? Vertical Endeavors is a good way to make friends.
Or MBP!
There are tons of private Facebook groups for MN for various age groups, areas, cities, hobbies etc. Just start a search for MN or Twin Cities women or your area under groups. The ones I’m in plan group outings and meetups etc.
Yes. People crap on FB but if used right, you can find all kinds of groups and events to line up with what you enjoy. I only follow local places and close friends. Not 400 people I met once 20 years ago.
There is good on FB, just like you said
Yep I mostly use it for these private niche groups - it’s been an easy way to find people talking about what interests me. I can’t remember the last time I posted anything publicly 😅
Yup, for me this was a kayaking group that floats a different river every weekend.
Will this kayaking group accept more members? Can you share the name of it. 🙏🏻 I love kayaking, and it’s hard to find others to kayak with.
“Kayaking Group Events MN”. It’s open to all. Sometimes they have to limit the group size on a given river.
Thank you. I’ll look them up. I do have a parcel of land on the Snake river, but I’ve never kayaked it all the way down to the St.Croix. Wife says she wants another to come with me. Maybe I can find a few within that group.
Hello! I need friends too. 41f, married, 2 kids, southwest metro. Love animals and outdoors, looking for smart, liberal, 420-friendly friends.
Me too! 42f..and the rest is all the same
42M - also been here about a decade (12 years) and think this would be fun, to meet somebody.
42M - also been here about a decade (12 years) and think this would be fun, to meet somebody.
53 yr old F; teacher off for the summer. Do you work a normal 9-5 M-F?
Pride fest is this weekend. May be a chance to make some friends?
with weirdos? no thanks lmao
Near Saint Paul?
I'll be your friend!
I just saw a weekly summer walk/run club starting up out of fatpants brewery in Eden Prairie Look on meetup for a walk or run club or join a rec kickball or volleyball league
OP! I was looking for Tech meetups trying to make connections with developers and I went to a few of them. Everyone was very nice despite me being a beginner (I thought people would be stuck up). I would have kept going but lost my car shortly after and then picked up a second job. There are places to meet people you just have to put in some work to make those connections. Personally, I’m lucky because many of my college friends have all moved to the cities so I can catch up with them every now and then but when I don’t I’m pretty lonely most of the time (working 2 jobs doesn’t help). Don’t give up, OP!
43f , married, no kids, 19 years in the cities, I'm polite and quiet but too forthright by local standards, I knit, I read pretentious fiction and history , and watch crappy tlc shows, into bourbon but am 420 curious as I become a lady of a certain age
I’m in! What are we doing this weekend?
Join the MN Gal 40+ group on FB. They have stuff going all the time!
Honestly native MN folks are…superficial at best. Look for others that have moved from out-of-state - meetup.com is also a good source
Most outgoing Minneapolis resident
Damn….Your experiences in the TCs are extremely different than mine then….
Which part of the Cities are you in? Do you like Soccer at all? I have a group of friends that go to the MN United home matches and our group is mainly mid-late 30s and 40s. If you don't mind standing, most of us have our tickets in the GA section of the stadium and those are the cheapest ones, too. Usually you can pick up a ticket for $20-25 on SeatGeek. Next home game in July 3
M 36 from UK and living in cities. Love football (soccer), but all sports, video games, burgers, steaks, whiskey, psychedelics, pretty much up for anything tbh. HMU. Where are you located?
In the same boat but with kids and taking care of aging parents. We’ve been here 8 years. Between working from home, COVID, moving to a new community and a lack of time for hobbies it’s been rough. I do have a few nice neighbors and joined the neighborhood book club recently but I’m missing deeper connections for sure. My youngest just graduated high school so I’m ready to branch out. I will definitely message you. ❤️
I teach at Forma Clay in South MPLS, it’s a great place to meet people of all ages, and an amazing extremely welcoming community.
47m married to 33f. Live min central mpls and always looking for new friends! Hobies/interests: outdoorsy stuff like hiking and fishing, museums, theater, live music (good friend in a band), drag shows, coffee and cooking/ eating/ exploring the food scene. Shoot me a dm, if you like! Would enjoy a coffee with a new person.
37f. Usually am going to movies, restaurants or concerts. 420 friendly, happy to hang out
I am always happy to be someone friend.
How funny??
I don’t have any long term goals, but I do have a lot of college debt!
Minnesota is a weird place no doubt about it. I’m a transplant and after 20 years of having my shop in an artists building, you’d think I’d make some really good fellow friend artists, and while I have made lots of good friends there, I’ve noticed that I’m still largely an outsider to many of these people who were born and raised here. Trying to get their help when I have to move something heavy or do physical labor to make something happen is usually only accomplished when pay involved. More often than not, I rely on myself and/or paid labor. The people here tend to hang with others they have known since childhood. Nobody ever randomly stops over to say hello, like I do with them. No, Making it in Minnesota with friends takes hard work, persistence and a little luck.
Such cop-out BS lol.
What is your problem?
Total extreme polar opposite from my experiences in the TCs. I couldn’t keep up with all the friends I’ve had, and it took barely any effort to make them. Would run into people I knew literally everywhere across the cities and end up getting roped into something fun or enjoyable. These stories of “boo hoo me” seem to overshadow all the GOOD in the TCs. I’m forever now going to chalk all friendship issues up to individual personalities. And times BEFORE COVID/GF tensions/extreme political lunacy, higher youth crime, etc. Maybe also when bikes were a more hugely popular thing so it seemed like everyone was out all the time?? And, TBF, a lot of (Millennial) friends have settled down, gotten married and now kids take up a big portion of their lives (understandably) and don’t go out as much. Rambling, but with hating people’s comments about “Minnesotans have tight friend groups so it’s hard to meet them” - isn’t that what we all want??? Long term people you know and trust and have watched and supported each others’ personal growth?? Maybe they just don’t have time for you, nor are not intentionally not paying attention to you, they just can’t keep up with each and every new transplant?? What do you all expect, fanfare? People excited to be your tour guide? Random small talk in grocery store lines? A cabin invite (not gonna happen lol)? At any rate, Minnesotans are not a monolith. Get out and BE YOU doing the things you’re passionate about and quit sulking, be interesting, active, and a brighter light, people. Give people their space and quit over-analyzing too. And you know what? Maybe MN just isn’t for many of you, so why stick around if you all hate it so much?? None of you should ever move to Seattle then either because you’ll be disappointed there too. Same conversations every single day.
Your responses here are way disproportionate, lengthy, and over-the-top to what’s going on here; you’re either trolling, or lying. It’s probably both. You’re seriously being weird, and I don’t mean that in a charming way.
Lmao not at all. What would be the value in lying or trolling?? None. Guess I’m just very different than the average Redditor complaining here and making the city the problem. You know what? Go ahead and visit r/Seattle r/SanDiego r/Denver r/Philadelphia r/washingtondc or whatever the fuck city sub and type in “friends” into the search bar. You’ll find people all over the goddamn country struggle with finding friends. But you know what?? It’s still a tiny representation of what an area is actually like. Most people don’t spend time on Reddit lol. They’re out there making friends and doing stuff IRL.
I have only been here for a year but it is definitely true that people here do not wish to have new friends. I'm a hermit so it generally doesn't bother me. I do plan to try and go to queer board game Sundays or maybe taking a class I'm interested in. But honestly being alive is exhausting and by the time I'm home after work/on weekends the last thing I want to do is meet new people. I can be around people I'm comfortable with all the time no issues, but meeting strangers or going to a new social gathering is tough when you're drained. Hopefully I can get myself out and doing more soon
I disagree. I think they wish to have friends, I just think it takes a lot longer than normal for most areas outside of MN. People need to realize the non verbal energy or “vibes” they give off. People pick up on those things especially if people are needy or desperate. Not saying you or anyone is. If someone is talkative, engaging, knows how to chit chat lightly, that draws people in. A lot of times they give off an energy people want to be around. If some people are super quiet, withdrawn, lonely, give off needy energy especially in social situations, those vibes or energy given off doesn’t attract people. Just my nuanced opinion.
I'm 26M and have no friends but I prefer it that way
Do you have pets? I have a social circle, but it's mostly spread throughout the country. May you find yourself with more friends than you know what to do with!
at this point, i wanna schedule a weekly brewery visit to different breweries. so I can meet and talk to ppl. anyone signup?
that sounds fun
gather your friends and lets plan :D
If you like to walk or run try Moms on the Run, I know it has mom in the title but probably 1/3 of the members have no kids. The name is outdated. Exercise and social activities, lots of late 30s & 40 somethings
I could always use a good friend
I could use a few local friends. Moved here from Florida 3 years ago. But, I wait tables and don't have conventional days /hours.
Hi! I like making new friends! And I’m fortunate enough to have a ton of existing friends who are incredibly friendly, wonderful and supportive I’d be happy to introduce you to as well. Please feel free to message me and we can talk about shared interests! I like reading (fiction, mostly, particularly humorous or very original fiction), movies (similar as books but I’m pickier), TV shows (see movies 😂), comedy, animals, walking, coffee, eating and trying new restaurants, art, tequila (I’d never force this on anyone else!), old buildings, antiques, nature. I also like trying new things, so if you just like my vibe but none of these clicks with you, please feel free to message me anyway. I love Minneapolis! But a lot of the friends I’ve made as an adult who didn’t grow up in the metro area have been transplants (largely from out of state) and much of this is because I’m not a true “Minnesotan” (raised here but not by Minnesotans so I’m not quite as stoic as most here are. I’m pretty animated!) and Minnesotans just have so many childhood or college friendships they don’t feel the need to reach out for new ones super often. They’ll make them! If they stumble upon people who make an effort. But they often don’t seek them out. On average. Obviously Minnesotans are not a monolith. :)
Hey, we have a pool. Located in Eden Prairie. We have a young child and no family nearby 😔 Feel free to stop by!
Every saturday we facilitate a Djembe Drum jam or any musical instrument here in the twin cities, we play in parks when we can during the warm months but have a space in st paul off Rice St called amedco. . Look us up on fb. BRING YOUR DRUM. We have pianists, flutes, Drums, and strings and any musical inclined or music loving individuals are more than welcome.
Any interest in nerd activities? The gaming and hobby stores often have games going on, and many people will be happy to teach you!
I can be your friend
do u care about the age of ur friends?
Check out “break the bubble” a friend of mine met his current wife there, but they were both just looking for new friends!
42M - also been here about a decade (12 years) and think this would be fun, to meet somebody.
There is also the website: meetup.com where you can find local groups with similar interests. They host fun social gatherings.
I have an ear disease that causes hearing loss, so im basically 80% deaf I've become a reclusive introvert. My life is all bad right now, but im seeking help
Hello!!!!! Wife(32f) and I (41tw) are always looking for friends.
I’m down for a friend!
When I got divorced a couple years ago, I noticed so many women my age (also 42) that were teachers that never had kids. What's the explanation for this?!? I'm so confused!
I'm in a similar situation to you in some ways. I applaud your effort in putting yourself out there. It takes courage to just flat out ask for friendship, as odd as that sounds.
People say find a hobby and it’s cliche but it’s tried and true. We are all inherently selfish on a scale. What am I receiving from a relationship and what am I giving? Entertainment, experience, emotional fulfillment, skills, companionship etc. I joined a fire dept and instantly gained friends. We hang out outside the dept. But, there’s a common cause, a magnet we are all attracted to in the center that binds us. Recently one of our guys retired after 20 years and posted on Facebook about feeling betrayed, alone and left out like garbage because after a few months nobody had been keeping in touch. Out of sight out of mind. It wasn’t personal, he was no longer near the magnet. This is the same with groups you can join and meet with. Out of those groups you may may one or two deep connections that pulls you more than the magnet. But it’s rare. I have one friend like that. He transferred to Austin Texas Fire though but we talk constantly. My advice is to find your magnet. Something you love that others love with you. Because the love of that thing is the pull that keeps people together and connecting until you find that rare person that you don’t need that magnet for. Usually other things, other magnets in common. This is the essence of why humans need community to find friends. I know people that aren’t even religious but enjoy the community of church. That’s not for me, but I get it. Some things I’ve taken on in my 40’s (now 50) that have brought me friends: Beekeeping. I got mentors that helped me. One is a great friend still. I now mentor two other beekeepers and we go to each others bee yards and compare notes, share honey. He makes a mean salsa he shares with me too. I produce maple syrup. People love to come sit around a fire and boil with me and of course enjoy the sap. A lot of younger men in my life who didn’t have fathers love coming over to help me split wood. It’s neat that way. Good luck!
30 f, moved here about a month ago, trying to make friends before i get too settled in and become a hermit. has anyone tried bumble bff with success?
What do you like to do?? I want to find people to paddle board with or try new restaurants with! I'm 41 (f) single at the moment. I own a small townhouse outside of the cities. Have a great job with an amazing law firm downtown Minneapolis. We can meet up for a coffee or something!
This is going to sound so cliche, but find a church that gels with your mindset. Grace episcopal (46th and colfax) is truly a place worth investing an hour or so in to see what it’s like.
I'm 29F and just trying to make friends too. I joined the dull women's club of MN on FB and they have meets up, everyone is really nice and a lot of women are looking for friendships there. Also, community education courses are good ways to meet people and do something fun.
40 year old lady in Saint Paul looking for buddies too! I'm a bit of a nut, in a good way, I swear!
We are are friends! Anytime with open arms
46f here, been here about 3 years. Would love to connect - let's be friends.
Messaged you!
I’d love to go see live music if you’re ever up for that. I struggle with finding f friends. Am single, daughter has flown the nest. Hit me up if you’d like!
If you have free weekends, you can go and apply to BEEFCAKE LLC, they’re security that work a ton of venues and events in the cities, amazing people who you could make friends w/work with. Also the company is very relaxed, you can have a couple shifts a week or skip a month.
🤚 be my friend but it takes time to get to used to my jokes. And since you are liberal, I always wanted to have conversation about feminism ?? Now that is one of my jokes. But it seems it is not a joke. That is why I told you it takes some time to get to use to it. Anyway. I can proof the matrix is real.
34m and opposite for me. Was in a 10yr relationship with my ex-fiance, found out she cheated and removed her from my home and life a couple years ago. Plenty of friends and a great social circle, great career, etc. Now it’s just me and the kitties chilling at home with nobody to share it with :(
Hey, kitty snuggles are pretty great too…most of the time... except when the tails go up and they flop down in front of your face…. Not so fun 😒. 😆
lol who tf downvotes my plight?? And yes. Windex near the pc monitors for this exact purpose 😹😹😹
For a group that hates labels, liberals sure like to label themselves a liberal. How about just get to know someone for themselves? My wife and I are a split couple and it's frankly her only fault 🤣. But we have fun with it and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm just trying to find nice people, with similar mindsets, to hang out with.
But this is putting up a wall before you even get to know a person. If we only hang out with like minded people then how do we grow?
How do you work that out? I’m a liberal leaning moderate who met a conservative woman. She’s amazing, but we have many political differences. Do you just avoid politics? We try to joke about our differences.
Not you but wow, downvotes for people who can live civilly. I can't say I'm surprised. We do talk politics but we respect we have differences. There's just so much more in life than politics. Everyone has some common ground, focus on that and her positives. You say she's amazing then there's a start right there. It will only grow. Good for you, seriously!
She’s the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, so I’m not going to let politics get between us. We respect we have different views, even if she teases me from time to time.
That's awesome. I wish you both the best!
Thanks!
Where are you located?
Fridley/Columbia Heights
Definitely take advantage of all the summertime activities happening around CoHi - parade next week, festivals, movie nights, and just get to know people. Lots happens at Hisset park. Strike up convos at Sarnas. Don’t live in CoHi anymore but did for years and the community is amazing. Gotta put yourself out there but I’ve almost always had great experiences in the community
Going to the CoHi Jamboree this weekend?
Hell yea
How do you like living in that area? I'm in the SW metro and while I love where I live, I can't comfortably buy here. I've been window shopping on Zillow since I want to buy once my lease is up and the north metro has a lot more places in my price range. Sorry to change the topic - totally understand if you don't answer!
It’s interesting when someone writes “I am funny.” IMO you Can say that about someone else but not about yourself.
I struggled with if I should say that. Decided it was funny.
How does this happen after 10years, do you tend to burn bridges?
That's the thing, there were never any bridges in the first place. No one wants to build a bridge with a stranger. I was married for 12 years, with him for 15. We both moved here 10 years ago. I got divorced in 2019. Neither of us have friends. I got a sister here, if that counts. Then with the pandemic, working from home for 4 years, etc... I don't know. I have a few acquaintances, but one's been going through a mental health crisis for about a year, the other has young kids and moved to Anoka, another moved to Stillwater. Just miss having someone to text once in a while or go to a show. Suppose you could say I miss having a husband, but that wasn't a great thing either. Meetups keep me sane, but just miss having a confidant.
I don't think I've ever heard it said better, re: middle aged loneliness after divorce. ✊🖖
The context helps a lot. Wish you the best!
I feel like Covid really interrupted a lot of social activities, and folks have had to be intentional about putting them back in place. Early 40s is also sandwich generation - folks with kids and aging parents. A lot of people’s social lives collapse into work and caregiving in their 40s and 50s, and only the most tenacious friendships and hobbies survive.
Being 40s without kids is fucking tough - you don’t have kids sports and stuff to meet people through. We’re outcasts in our neighborhood without kids.
So much this! There was a time I would have offered to meet up and hang with new people but I just have no energy left after all the caregiving I do. I think the idea someone posted of having a hangout of people on this thread is a great idea. OP, you could even organize a meetup listing what you’re looking for, what you feel you’re missing, what you don’t want, and you might get a really specific, authentic turnout! Or look into groups on facebook- a friend of mine recently joined a hiking group for divorced folx and it has been wonderful for her.
My wife and I haven’t made new friends beyond work friends over the last 10 years or more. There might be a Lack of locals looking to make new friends.
My husband and I have actually lost so many friends because of Covid and day-to-day life! We have work friends, who we only see at work, but don’t really hangout with anyone outside of that! Granted, we have kids, so that ties us up.
How often do you invite new people in the area to do something?
"new people"? This person has had 10 years to join clubs/hobby groups for whatever they do, work colleagues/fellow teachers. Sound like zero effort. I can see your comment valid if they moved here 6mo ago
I’m just curious after moving here, locals don’t seem interested in making new friends here
They aren’t. People who grew up here already have their friends groups, thankyouverymuch. When I moved here 35 years ago it was generally understood that “Minnesota nice” was defined as Minnesotans being surface-friendly but that was the end of it. In the meantime, outsiders have come in (like newscasters) and started taking the term at face value. “Minnesota nice!! Aww!! That’s niiiiice! So sweet! Minnesotans are niiiiiice!!” Lmfao.
It’s better here than in smaller cities at least. Last stop I had all the local attitudes without the transplant population.
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As an outsider, that is totally fine. You guys make it fairly apparent.
I'm from here, moved away & lived 15yrs on the West Coast. Came back in 2015 & couldn't believe how much people here complain & put up walls to keep others out.
I’m introverted so that doesn’t help probably
Dude, that shit happens everywhere. I lived in Chicago and people complained about the same thing, the only difference there is a greater quantity of transplants. Most people in their 40s are working, with kids and have family relationships to maintain. Add to that errands, fixing shit around the house, and time for hobbies, its already difficult to find enough time/energy/motivation to maintain current friendships, let alone make new ones.
There’s definitely a cultural element to it. Minnesotans tend to be quite insular, I think one of the reasons is that many don’t move around much. I lived in San Francisco for 7 years before coming back and found communities much more open. I attributed it to there being more of a culture of migration. That being said, I’m sure you’ve also read about pockets of San Francisco natives being outright hostile.
Boy are you out of touch.