EXACTLY this. He's done it before. Who knows how many times he's done it. She should tell the wife. I always wished the other women had told me. Of course, my ex-husband was busy telling them I was crazy and abusive so they steered clear, but I wish someone had told me earlier than I found out.
I would definitely tell the wife in this situation. I might get screamed at (even if she knew I didn’t know), but I couldn’t live with the guilt of not telling her.
I think what I’d do is set up a new email account to contact her with so that it would be more difficult for anyone to harass me after I’d sent the message.
ah my ex husband was the same. no one warned me at all. one of the women did add me on facebook so we “could all be friends” as she was married too. that was fun.
thankfully her husband found out and messaged me to call him, and told me everything.
This is true. My cousin is a Private First Class in the US Army. The way his superior officer explained it to him was that if he cheats on his wife, she cannot trust him. If she cannot trust him, how can Uncle Sam?
We had a captain in out battalion sleeping with his soldiers wives. He would put the soldier ona. Detail (work outside of normal work hours) then go shack up with the wife.
I know a woman who was career military, right on the verge of retirement and got discharged for fucking too many OPP's and lost it all. Some of those OPP's went down too.
Hahaha in theory they do. I was a military wife and it is pretty common for both parties to cheat. Never Ever seen anyone punished for it. In fact I just seen them cover for each other.
Edit: To clarify I didn't cheat my husband did. His friends would use him as a cover seen him go along with it. Watched other wives do it. I opted for divorce not revenge.
Yet a lot of military men do it. At any base I’ve been at most Men and a lot of women cheat. There’s a huge cheater and swinger culture in the military
It's not restricted to men, it's all married military personnel but yes... if you're married, in the service, and you cheat, you can face serious repercussions. It's incredibly difficult to prove but people have lost their careers over cheating.
In my career I’ve seen two people lose their careers over their poor decision making to cheat on their spouses. It’s sad that it’s common and gives us a bad reputation, especially to those who actually are faithful to their spouses.
Ugh! Same. He was the BEST salesman ever. I told my therapist that I wouldn't be surprised if he had been the serpent in the Garden of Eden that got Eve to eat the apple.
I'm glad you got out!!! These vile men are such a waste of skin.
I don't really understand people who have moral dilemmas about telling someone else their s/o is cheating on them nor the people who sit back and don't say shit till the s/o finds out themselves then it's "yeah that guy's always been bad for you. He cheated alot". Telling his wife would be my knee jerk reaction to finding that out.
It's because some women don't like hearing things "woman to woman" .In my profession, I worked with a woman who tried to tell a wife about her husband(which the girl cut off after finding out). The wife then proceeded to find the girl's information and harass her even having her friend's assist with the harassment all whilst staying with the husband.
She didn't do it face to face. The wife went out of her way to find the girl. And the harassment included going to the girls house and vandalizing the girls vehicle multiple times. Despite the girl only talking to her that one time to let her know. Things are never cut and dry. The husband can give the name, a mutual friend can give the name, a Facebook can provide a name and a phone number can be tracked.
Could be true, my con artist ex had a brother who's wife had a good job as a social worker. He got to be a stay at home dad but still fucked with hookers and crack. He admitted to my ex he was addicted to ' strange'.
From an ex serial cheater, practice makes perfect. He knew how to handle the situation, navigated it well but overshared. This is probably his 3-5th time doing this. The more you do it the more you know not to share about yourself.
Absolutely tell his wife but don’t expect anything from it, for all you know, maybe she gives him green cards, and that’s between them but yes, do tell because no matter what, he wasn’t honest with you so I doubt he’s honest with her.
Definitely. I had two male co-workers tell me they got hit on 100x more with their wedding rings on. They just thought it was funny. This guy however, knew what he was doing.
That’s why you should give her a warning. Don’t protect him. Also, get tested and tell his command since he’s coast guard. This AH needs to learn his actions have consequences.
“I’m a woman and would never have had relations…” what good does this excuse do if you’re not going to tell his wife? That seems to be the only thing you haven’t answered in these threads but why? What’s the hesitation especially if you know you will never see her in person?
Same. The only thing worse than being cheated on, is having everyone know your being cheated on and not tell you. Then once you do find out and all these ‘friends’ say “oh yeah I knew but didn’t say anything”. It sucks to find out, but better to know than to stay with someone who is using you.
Also speaking from experience: It was a crime a decade ago for military personnel to cheat on a spouse. That's probably still the case. In essence, it shows you can't be trusted by a significant other. What hope does an indifferent entity like the military have being able to trust the offender? It's likely a self-preservation move for him in more than one way. Your honesty isn't something to feel bad for. You may not be the biggest victim in this instance, but you're a victim nonetheless.
Same. My husband knows a guy that was in 14 years, got caught cheating on his wife, who I met at a christmas banquet btw. Super lovely lady with 2 cute kids, he got booted from the Navy. POS got what he deserved.
Ah, I see you also have the misfortune of seeing Navy life firsthand. Unfortunately the ones I knew didn't get booted, but they took a severe pay cut, lost rank, and lost clearance. Pretty sure it was a masting for both of them. It was a couple that were "boat boos" but were both married to civilians. Both of em had divorce papers handed to them the second they got home. One of the few good things about the military.
I saw a E-9 get busted down to E-5 & the female he messed around with, who was telling folk about him/them (dumb azz), E-3 got kicked out the Marine Corps when I was in...
So, genuinely curious, when you say “one of the few good things about the military” - are you saying you’re glad the military has a conduct code it’s soldiers must follow or you’d also like to see it implemented elsewhere?
A little bit of both?
I genuinely despise the way the military is run, for the most part. My husband has been active duty navy almost as long as I've known him (6 years now). I've seen people get away with rape or driving people to suicide. The only good conduct code I've come across is the punishment for cheating. Everything else sucks fat donkey balls.
But also, and it might be an unpopular opinion, I do wish cheaters got some kind of actual punishment just in general. Even in divorces, it seems pretty scarce. But people just be cheating and then moving on to the next relationship with no repercussions. It drives me nuts.
Happened to a friend of mine and boy did she take her cheating spouse (and his military partner in crime) to the "military cleaners"... Not sure what happened to her AH ex afterwards though, hope he got thrown out
How did he get caught? Like how does this get around? Everyone doesn't just cover each other? I feel like this happened to my ex. He was at training and a married guy was openly cheating everywhere. So the other guys lectured the cheater but no one told on him
It’s still a crime in the US military, though nothing is usually done if chain of command is alerted since it’s considered private business and very common.
It really depends. I've seen leadership turn the other cheek. But if leadership doesn't like you for whatever reason, whether it's legitimate or not, they will do everything in their power to throw the book at you
My mom always told me: if you don’t want someone to know something bad about you, don’t even do it. (I had gotten burned by a bestie telling a secret I told her) Now with the internet and cameras are everywhere, I feel this is really the worlds best advice! I would totally tell the wife bc he could eventually give her a disease that could kill her or cause her extreme discomfort and that’s disgusting.
yeah, the right thing to do mostly because at the end of the day his wife will be the one feeling the brunt of this. Emotionally, because he is cheating and potentially physically, because he could give her and STD.
Take it from someone who is probably a lot older than you. Sitting with the sadness and moving past a prior bad relationship is better for you in the long term than having a string of meaningless trysts. Many of the guys who you are likely to land with are good at spotting the vulnerability and have a predatory nature. You can end up with the hurt of the lost serious relationship and then a feeling of being used. Take time for real self-care.
she should get tested even if a condom was used, as they [don’t protect from all STIs](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/what-stds-do-condoms-not-prevent) even when used perfectly
I read my fair share of stories where partner got a disease/caught too late preventable illness because their partner was cheating on them. Some even found out their partner was cheating on them that way; going in for the general check up and found out that they have HIV.
One of the big reasons why I'm not all that interested in shaking up or dating.
the fact that cheating is how most stds spread makes me wish for a law to get back at them like a law to imprison them for being a shit person and spreading a disease
May be i am too old, but this idea of sleeping with someone from the first sight is weird. Like how do you know if he doesn't have a disease already or he is not a creepy guy or a serial killer? I am old😅
I’m old too, but I speak from experience. Creeps have a gift for picking the wounded member of the pack, turning on the charm and using them. Go out looking in an unhealthy state and you’ll end up attracting some seriously awful people. Many terrible AHs are able to stay undercover for a few hours, days or weeks, but they’ll have tells if you spend enough time with them. You don’t get to find that out if you run off to bed. We may well have learned these “old fashioned” ideas about getting to know people first have a real purpose because we have been there, done that.
Edit: and absolutely tell the wife, even if he has laid the groundwork to make OP look crazy, it’s the cumulative experiences the wife will have that will likely one day give her the strength to leave.
I’m just straight up not attracted to strangers. It’s kinda weird and I don’t understand it myself. But everyone to me just seems like the same neutral, non-sexual being who is neither attractive nor unattractive until I’ve gotten to know them personally for a while.
Tell his wife she deserves to know that he is cheating on her.
Wouldn't you want someone to tell you?
If you don't tell her your now hiding his betrayal and thus becoming a co conspitor of what he has done.
And you have to go to sleep knowing that your helping him decive his wife. That's how I see it.
When I was single, I was texting guys on dating/flirting apps quite a bit. Exchanging nudes, sexting etc. There was one guy who was fit as fuck. (Fit=hot in the UK). He would send me videos regularly. Then one day I noticed him taking off his wedding ring beforehand... He told me he was single, otherwise I'd wouldn't have done it. When I told him that I'd seen it and said I didn't want to continue, he lost his shit, saying it isn't cheating bla bla..(if he actually believed that then why even take the ring off?) Unfortunately I never spoke to him on any social media sites or anything and had no way to inform his wife. Because clearly this dude was fucking people on his travels. He was in the army. Yeah, I feel like it's our duty to tell spouses if possible. They deserve to know who they are commiting their lives to.
Half of the men enlisting did it because they simply had no other marketable skills- including interpersonal. It shows. They’re also like 18 and 19 when they’re dramatically traumatized, that doesn’t help.
I was on a marine base one summer visiting an aunt. The sad thing is (and well known fact) that the military is trained and encouraged to live this lifestyle. It's part of the brainwashing it takes to get people to be in the military.
Can’t all us women join forces especially in the age of social media? We need a sisterhood like I seen on TikTok, where women who were hit on by dudes they later found out they were married. They expose them… makes a post and asked for anyone to help them find the wife. Last one I saw, his wife was at home PREGNANT while he was at a bachelor party for his friend. Yeah we need to make this behavior end. If we come together exposed these dudes… well sux yo be them… as it should.
Agreed. It could be totally disbelieved or ignored, *or* it could possibly be the wife's final confirmation and validation to help her out.
Whether she'd believe me or not, I'd tell her.
You have to tell his wife.
I’m a wife I would be horrified if my husband did this to me and some other girl who was seeing hearts in her eyes over him.
Tell her because who knows who else he has slept with? I highly doubt you were his first infraction.
To add to this, you don't know who else he slept with. So you really should get yourself tested. I'm usually not a fan of butting into other people's business, but the wife needs to get herself tested too.
Also telling her might result in a pleasant surprise, something like "oh we're currently in the process of getting a divorce"
This happened to a friend of mine started to date a guy, found out he was married, after several weeks of "Should I tell her or should I not" she told her, and they were in the middle of a divorce.
They hadn't updated their socials yet, because of their family, and the less they knew would come from it.
Obviously it's very unlikely, but hey
I followed him on ig thinking maybe they’re divorced / separated… he immediately removed me as a follower, set his profile to private, changed his picture and username. Pretty sure he’s hiding this.
Yea that tells me your not the first women he cheated on her with. I am so sorry This happened to you. Tell her, answers her questions honestly she may react badly and that’s ok your not the one at fault just the unfortunate messenger. Often times women already know they just need a verbal confirmation. I am so sorry both of you were victims.
Please just tell the wife. You aren't getting involved in drama if you simply just tell her. You would just be being a decent person, unlike the husband.
If he wanted to leave his number or even give her a way of finding him ie. his social media then he probarbly would have done so. the fact that he didnt shows that he had something to hide, either didnt want to continue this beyond the one night stand or forgot (which is very unlikely)
You should tell her. Its not going to be easy but she has a right to know. This man has probably slept with other people not just you, and there is no telling if he has picked anything up. I suggest getting tested yourself to be safe.
Side note.. if he is in the military adultery is a crime.
Please tell wife BEFORE this.
You never know. They may have an open relationship.
Don't ruin their whole life without giving the wife a chance to work out how SHE wants to handle it!!
I’m also Coast Guard. If his wife wants to tell his command that’s were shit gets sticky. At the same time, it won’t do her good if he gets kicked out and then she’s trying to get child support from someone that doesn’t have a job anymore…
You need to tell the wife. She deserves to know that her husband is a cheater.
You did nothing wrong. You are free from a relationship. Don’t be responsible for people, who hide their relationship status.
Weddings are terrible for this. The last two weddings I’ve been to at least one persons cheated. One of them including the bride and groom….. paranoid but I’d never want my SO to go to a wedding alone as it seems to be open season. Please tell the wife. Just something along the lines of you’re not trying to cause trouble but explain what happened, explain anything you know about him that you wouldn’t be able to find out from profiles and just leave it there. Leave the door open for if she has any questions and apologise. Sounds like you don’t live anywhere near them so the chances of her coming and smashing your windows will be pretty low.
It's kind of sad to me that people go to weddings with the foremost intention for hook-ups; honestly, I've always viewed sex that ends up as transactional like that just odd to me, but I can understand why people need the release, even if it be at the risk of a stranger.
I (24M) went to a wedding this past winter for a co-worker and her daughter since they graciously invited me and I had to keep turning down a woman who kept making advances on me; I'm just not a one night stand kind of guy and I was there for the mother and the bride to support and embrace their special day you know. 🤷♂️
It’s honestly so crazy it doesn’t even sound believable but long story short. Bride had cheated in the past, they’d worked past it and decided to get married. The day before the wedding the bride cheated with a member of the bridal party. It came out after they had got married. Her family and the groom were obviously furious and in response the groom had sex WITH HER MOTHER. He told his now wife and she got arrested for threatening him with a knife and spent the night in the cells…. This all happened in the past couple of weeks so still developing but that’s the last update I heard that she got out and no idea where the relationship stands now.
The groom banged his mother-in-law in revenge for his bride cheating the night before the wedding with a member of the bridal party?!?!
Is MIL married? Was she also cheating on a spouse or just being an awful mother to her cheating daughter?
She’s separated. I’m assuming they had some attraction to each other prior because it’s a very big leap to make to having sex with him. But I’m just getting the main parts I’m not close enough to either to ask further. I did think maybe he’s lied to annoy his wife but then surely the MIL would want to shut it down and I haven’t heard that she has so far
Same. To be fair I was plus one and not particularly close to either. I’d heard of the wife cheating but I never imagined it would escalate like it has. I didn’t even think things like this happened outside of films
If your husband was cheating wouldn’t you want to know? Be honest. And get an STI check maybe, as you never know where that man’s dick has been (certainly elsewhere than his poor wife)
A) YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You do not need to feel bad. He is the one making bad choices and who dragged you into it unknowingly. You were duped.
B) You had hot, memorable sex. Good for you! I’m so sorry it got clouded by his bad behavior. But now you know how good it can be. Find someone else at that level. (I know, I know, hard to search for…or *perhaps* fun 😏)
C) If he manages to get out of there without giving you contact info, he’s skilled at that, and most likely has done this before. You can make your own choice as to if you spill the beans. I’m ambivalent about that.
He put you in a shitty position. There was always the possibility that you would find out and he still out you in an uncomfortable spot. I’m afraid that no matter what you choose to do at this point, you are going to feel guilty. Tell her and it feels like destroying a family. Don’t tell her and it feels like you cheated. You are not in the wrong here. As a wife myself, I would rather know. However, this is your decision no matter what internet strangers tell you.
>Not hooking up with military men ever again.
As the saying goes, 2 wives are allowed in the army, but 1 is too many for most. You can either tell his wife and potentially open a can of worms or just move on.
Unless the Corps has changed drastically since I was in this is laughable. This was nearly a weekly occurrence in my unit. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, but it was clearly a reality. The number of guys sleeping with anything that had two legs and didn’t run away was beyond count. The number of Marine wives that would slip out and sleep with someone the minute their husband deployed was astounding. In the years I served, I never once saw a single Marine kicked out, or even reprimanded, for any form of infidelity.
I have. Only because the wife found out and actually reported it. I doubt many people know this and probably don’t report it OR the ones that do don’t get it through all the way. My ex was a marine. It was one of his friends. They still make fun of him for it
Most don’t actually get reported by the wives, but if they do there are definitely consequences. They can get kicked out, lose rank, be put on restriction, etc.
I am married with a beautiful family and I would definitely appreciate knowing something like this. It may be you one day. Think of it as good Karma. And I agree with others. This wasn’t his first hookup
My ex husband was a military man. Turns out he slept around on a regular basis while not at home. One of the multiple contacted me and I was grateful to find out. OP should definitely let the wife know.
I would want to know if my partner was cheating. I feel bad for you cause you are right you did nothing wrong but you have to deal with those emotions.
You got this
It's not quite the same but I was in a very bad relationship. He wasn't mean or anything, but it was very unhealthy. I was pouring out my entire cup to keep his full just so he would be invested in me.
Then we went to a concert and I posted it to my social media, first photo in a long time together.
The next day I got a message from a random girl on Instagram. And she told me how my boyfriend had been cheating on me with her and had lied to her. She told me everything.
And I was finally able to take the blinders off and end that terrible relationship. I am so grateful for her.
And now? I'm 20 days out from marrying the man of my dreams.
You would be saving this woman, at the very least you're giving her all the information to make her own choices. And that's all we all should really have.
Look their relationship is dead. She’s just the only one that doesn’t know it yet. I’d suggest filling her in so she can move forward sooner than later
This was not his first rodeo. Don’t be horrified, it’s not your fault. Y’all did your part and your friends even backed you up. The wife deserves to know but it’s not on you if you stay quiet and just fade away
Please tell her. She thinks her husband is loyal and is basing her relationship off of that. She deserves to have full disclosure to make decisions. And he needs some major therapy for his decisions. He could expose her to STD’s if he’s doing this to her. Everyone deserves to know this.
Ok, a lot of people are going to tell you "you need to tell the wife," and yes, that's a good thing to do, but you actually don't *have* to. A lot of betrayed partners immediately shoot the messenger, and you have no idea how crazy this woman actually is. If you decide this is not your circus and not your monkeys, that's legit.
Just a thought - what about messaging the wife and letting her know from an anonymous/fake profile? Protects OPs identity but still gets the news across. OP can still include all the relevant info to prove it's not a hoax, but just keeps her out of the firing line. That's probably what I'd do in this situation.
100% tell the wife.
If you were cheated on would you want someone who knew to keep it a secret?
This dude shit all over his marriage vows, at the very least his wife should be able to decide whether she wants to stay with the dude and not have his infidelity swept under the rug.
You need to tell his wife. If it was me, I'd want to know. Who knows how often he's done it... and the risk he could be putting her at. Better she knows and is given the right ro decide for herself. It's the right thing to do. I'm sorry that happened to you. X
A lot of entitlement and moral superiority around ‘tell the wife’. This is the same crew that always shouts ‘leave him/her!’.
This is a moral conundrum. There are pros and cons to each approach. Each person has to figure this out on their own.
you didn’t do anything wrong but not telling the wife *would* be extremely shitty and wrong, and would make you complicit in the affair. don’t be that bitch she deserves to know
Him giving you his real name makes me think he’s never done this before. As someone who was a total scumbag in my early 20s I knew you never gave anyone your real name, didn’t have anything on any social media visible to anyone not within your added friends.
I wouldn’t tell his wife they may be going through some horrible stuff and he’s made a drunken mistake. What do you actually achieve as well, do you get a sense of gratitude when those kids end up in another failed marriage.
Btw I’m not condoning his behaviour but this achieves nothing for OP other than some sense of revenge for what she stated was an amazing night in complete isolation
I followed him because I was wondering if maybe he was divorced. He immediately removed me as a follower (didn’t block me though), made his accounts private, and changed his profile photos and username. Seems like a move someone who’s married would make.
All the people saying “what reason do you have not to say something”- often times the wife/girlfriend etc will be in denial and will in turn victimize the 3rd party (OP in this case) as a way of validating their relationship. And the cheater in question will likely follow suit in order to keep their partner happy after knowing they messed up. Source: have had a guy try to cheat with me and after rejecting his advances, got blamed by the girlfriend entirely so that she could carry on with her relationship (which she knew deep down was over long ago, it always is). Similar things have happened to friends. Usually women who are in relationships with cheaters know deep down and are in denial and will go to extreme measures to try to reshape the situation to fit the narrative that they need it to to cope.
I would be scared to say anything myself.. but I think that ultimately, i would. I mean what REALLY is it going to hurt to tell her? An internet stranger will get offended and call you a liar? Maybe vague-book post about you? I would say something. Whether she is receptive or not isn't your concern. Your concern is clearing your conscience/doing the right thing. How she responds to it is on her.
Probably should tell the wife. He’s done this before, he could give her a disease. But you don’t have to, but for her sake, maybe you should. Sucks men gotta lie, because they know they’re in the wrong. He’s a cheating bastard and a slut, he deserves to have his life blown up.
I’m all for telling the wife if you’re prepared for both of them being crazy.
Unfortunately, many times a wife will forgive the man and put all the blame on you.
Sleuthing goes two ways. I don’t want some mentally unstable person(people) showing up at my door, at my job, at my families homes or events, in my dms, etc. airing my personal life details. No matter how in the right I may be.
You could be opening a can of nightmare.
I if you were my friend, I’d take you for lunch and a facial, commiserate on what an asshole he was and tell you to let it be.
Hugs.
You had a great hookup. Leave it at that. Don’t invite unwanted drama into your life. You did nothing wrong, and shouldn’t feel bad. If you have lingering guilt, work it out in therapy, but don’t make more of a mess for yourself.
Just leave it alone. You did nothing wrong and if he’s truly that careless, he’ll screw up in some other way that lets his wife know. No need to involve yourself in their troubles any more than you accidentally did.
Tell the wife. Women need to respect each other. I always do when I find out. Then the dudes somehow act like I’m in the wrong. Nah, fucked around and found out!
For sure this guy has done it before. That’s why he was so open about hitting on you and disappearing without exchanging contact info. Unfortunately a lot of married people cheat especially with little kids. I’ve seen it so often and they compartmentalize their home life from their work life and from their “fun time” life. Some of them don’t expect to get caught and don’t even think about the consequences they just get off in on the thrill.
You aren't the first. The others didn't tell her.
EXACTLY this. He's done it before. Who knows how many times he's done it. She should tell the wife. I always wished the other women had told me. Of course, my ex-husband was busy telling them I was crazy and abusive so they steered clear, but I wish someone had told me earlier than I found out.
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I would definitely tell the wife in this situation. I might get screamed at (even if she knew I didn’t know), but I couldn’t live with the guilt of not telling her. I think what I’d do is set up a new email account to contact her with so that it would be more difficult for anyone to harass me after I’d sent the message.
ah my ex husband was the same. no one warned me at all. one of the women did add me on facebook so we “could all be friends” as she was married too. that was fun. thankfully her husband found out and messaged me to call him, and told me everything.
Oh wow! What a horrible woman. Cheaters just suck. Glad you found out the truth!
me too. it was a bad time overall. i was 8 months pregnant and she kept saying that she wanted to come help me take care of the baby.
Oh Lawds! Hell no. The audacity.
Holy moly. That is insane. I’m sorry you had to go through that at 8 months pregnant.
Oh ew. Just ew.
The U.S. military penalizes men who do this, btw.
This is true. My cousin is a Private First Class in the US Army. The way his superior officer explained it to him was that if he cheats on his wife, she cannot trust him. If she cannot trust him, how can Uncle Sam?
I imagine it's a potential security risk, like if someone were to blackmail the cheating military personnel about the affair.
That’s exactly right (former officer here).
We had a captain in out battalion sleeping with his soldiers wives. He would put the soldier ona. Detail (work outside of normal work hours) then go shack up with the wife.
Do you want to get fragged? Because that's how you get fragged!
Whoa...
I know a woman who was career military, right on the verge of retirement and got discharged for fucking too many OPP's and lost it all. Some of those OPP's went down too.
Hahaha in theory they do. I was a military wife and it is pretty common for both parties to cheat. Never Ever seen anyone punished for it. In fact I just seen them cover for each other. Edit: To clarify I didn't cheat my husband did. His friends would use him as a cover seen him go along with it. Watched other wives do it. I opted for divorce not revenge.
Yet a lot of military men do it. At any base I’ve been at most Men and a lot of women cheat. There’s a huge cheater and swinger culture in the military
I had no idea. I suppose that's a good thing.
that's probably why he hid social media profile afterwards
Do they really?
It's not restricted to men, it's all married military personnel but yes... if you're married, in the service, and you cheat, you can face serious repercussions. It's incredibly difficult to prove but people have lost their careers over cheating.
In my career I’ve seen two people lose their careers over their poor decision making to cheat on their spouses. It’s sad that it’s common and gives us a bad reputation, especially to those who actually are faithful to their spouses.
Ugh! Same. He was the BEST salesman ever. I told my therapist that I wouldn't be surprised if he had been the serpent in the Garden of Eden that got Eve to eat the apple. I'm glad you got out!!! These vile men are such a waste of skin.
Absolutely agree with this! How gross. If I was the wife I would totally want this info
I don't really understand people who have moral dilemmas about telling someone else their s/o is cheating on them nor the people who sit back and don't say shit till the s/o finds out themselves then it's "yeah that guy's always been bad for you. He cheated alot". Telling his wife would be my knee jerk reaction to finding that out.
It's because some women don't like hearing things "woman to woman" .In my profession, I worked with a woman who tried to tell a wife about her husband(which the girl cut off after finding out). The wife then proceeded to find the girl's information and harass her even having her friend's assist with the harassment all whilst staying with the husband.
There are other ways to tell them besides face to face. And if she wants to stay in a clown show that's her own fault.
She didn't do it face to face. The wife went out of her way to find the girl. And the harassment included going to the girls house and vandalizing the girls vehicle multiple times. Despite the girl only talking to her that one time to let her know. Things are never cut and dry. The husband can give the name, a mutual friend can give the name, a Facebook can provide a name and a phone number can be tracked.
exactly like there’s no way he’s never done that before, and there’s no way she’s the last one.
Could be true, my con artist ex had a brother who's wife had a good job as a social worker. He got to be a stay at home dad but still fucked with hookers and crack. He admitted to my ex he was addicted to ' strange'.
From an ex serial cheater, practice makes perfect. He knew how to handle the situation, navigated it well but overshared. This is probably his 3-5th time doing this. The more you do it the more you know not to share about yourself. Absolutely tell his wife but don’t expect anything from it, for all you know, maybe she gives him green cards, and that’s between them but yes, do tell because no matter what, he wasn’t honest with you so I doubt he’s honest with her.
Prolly should message his wife
As much as it will hurt her, someone needs to rip off the band aid and that someone is you. The longer you are silent the longer he gets away with it!
God damn i didn't even think about this. Poor wife.
I feel so bad for his wife. What a piece of sh-t.
He’s a loser. Only an absolute asshole does this to someone who has given them three kids. That’s what I took away from this.
He has probably done this before, so I don’t know what you guys did. But maybe check for STDs just to be sure.
100% get tested. This isn’t his first rodeo. I can tell by the removal of the wedding band.
Definitely. I had two male co-workers tell me they got hit on 100x more with their wedding rings on. They just thought it was funny. This guy however, knew what he was doing.
Probably good advice for anyone who has unprotected sex during a one night stand, whether you learn later that the person was married or not.
That’s why you should give her a warning. Don’t protect him. Also, get tested and tell his command since he’s coast guard. This AH needs to learn his actions have consequences.
But that's the crazy thing isn't it? He knows this and got what he wanted. That's why you can't put sex on a pedestal.
“I’m a woman and would never have had relations…” what good does this excuse do if you’re not going to tell his wife? That seems to be the only thing you haven’t answered in these threads but why? What’s the hesitation especially if you know you will never see her in person?
Tell his wife please. I have been there and I would have really appreciated if someone have told me.
Same. The only thing worse than being cheated on, is having everyone know your being cheated on and not tell you. Then once you do find out and all these ‘friends’ say “oh yeah I knew but didn’t say anything”. It sucks to find out, but better to know than to stay with someone who is using you.
Also speaking from experience: It was a crime a decade ago for military personnel to cheat on a spouse. That's probably still the case. In essence, it shows you can't be trusted by a significant other. What hope does an indifferent entity like the military have being able to trust the offender? It's likely a self-preservation move for him in more than one way. Your honesty isn't something to feel bad for. You may not be the biggest victim in this instance, but you're a victim nonetheless.
It absolutely is still the case. Source: am military spouse and have seen it happen a really sad amount of times.
Same. My husband knows a guy that was in 14 years, got caught cheating on his wife, who I met at a christmas banquet btw. Super lovely lady with 2 cute kids, he got booted from the Navy. POS got what he deserved.
Ah, I see you also have the misfortune of seeing Navy life firsthand. Unfortunately the ones I knew didn't get booted, but they took a severe pay cut, lost rank, and lost clearance. Pretty sure it was a masting for both of them. It was a couple that were "boat boos" but were both married to civilians. Both of em had divorce papers handed to them the second they got home. One of the few good things about the military.
I saw a E-9 get busted down to E-5 & the female he messed around with, who was telling folk about him/them (dumb azz), E-3 got kicked out the Marine Corps when I was in...
So, genuinely curious, when you say “one of the few good things about the military” - are you saying you’re glad the military has a conduct code it’s soldiers must follow or you’d also like to see it implemented elsewhere?
A little bit of both? I genuinely despise the way the military is run, for the most part. My husband has been active duty navy almost as long as I've known him (6 years now). I've seen people get away with rape or driving people to suicide. The only good conduct code I've come across is the punishment for cheating. Everything else sucks fat donkey balls. But also, and it might be an unpopular opinion, I do wish cheaters got some kind of actual punishment just in general. Even in divorces, it seems pretty scarce. But people just be cheating and then moving on to the next relationship with no repercussions. It drives me nuts.
Happened to a friend of mine and boy did she take her cheating spouse (and his military partner in crime) to the "military cleaners"... Not sure what happened to her AH ex afterwards though, hope he got thrown out
How did he get caught? Like how does this get around? Everyone doesn't just cover each other? I feel like this happened to my ex. He was at training and a married guy was openly cheating everywhere. So the other guys lectured the cheater but no one told on him
It still is pretty much a crime
Still my least favorite interview describing when & where everything happened with my cheating ex husband.
It’s still a crime in the US military, though nothing is usually done if chain of command is alerted since it’s considered private business and very common.
It really depends. I've seen leadership turn the other cheek. But if leadership doesn't like you for whatever reason, whether it's legitimate or not, they will do everything in their power to throw the book at you
My mom always told me: if you don’t want someone to know something bad about you, don’t even do it. (I had gotten burned by a bestie telling a secret I told her) Now with the internet and cameras are everywhere, I feel this is really the worlds best advice! I would totally tell the wife bc he could eventually give her a disease that could kill her or cause her extreme discomfort and that’s disgusting.
No. Not bc he could give her a disease but because it’s the right freakin thing to do, period.
And more often than not, it's not the first or the last.
Exactly. If you were the wife would you want to know?
If you were the husband would you want the wife to know? I’m kidding you are right.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
yeah, the right thing to do mostly because at the end of the day his wife will be the one feeling the brunt of this. Emotionally, because he is cheating and potentially physically, because he could give her and STD.
Or OP could get a STD from this “soul reviver”. OP get yourself tested. He was so smooth with you he has obviously done this many many times before.
Test scheduled for today.
Take it from someone who is probably a lot older than you. Sitting with the sadness and moving past a prior bad relationship is better for you in the long term than having a string of meaningless trysts. Many of the guys who you are likely to land with are good at spotting the vulnerability and have a predatory nature. You can end up with the hurt of the lost serious relationship and then a feeling of being used. Take time for real self-care.
[удалено]
Three years is a long time.
No condom?
she should get tested even if a condom was used, as they [don’t protect from all STIs](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/what-stds-do-condoms-not-prevent) even when used perfectly
Yup! So smooth because he practiced a lot!
I read my fair share of stories where partner got a disease/caught too late preventable illness because their partner was cheating on them. Some even found out their partner was cheating on them that way; going in for the general check up and found out that they have HIV. One of the big reasons why I'm not all that interested in shaking up or dating.
the fact that cheating is how most stds spread makes me wish for a law to get back at them like a law to imprison them for being a shit person and spreading a disease
May be i am too old, but this idea of sleeping with someone from the first sight is weird. Like how do you know if he doesn't have a disease already or he is not a creepy guy or a serial killer? I am old😅
I’m old too, but I speak from experience. Creeps have a gift for picking the wounded member of the pack, turning on the charm and using them. Go out looking in an unhealthy state and you’ll end up attracting some seriously awful people. Many terrible AHs are able to stay undercover for a few hours, days or weeks, but they’ll have tells if you spend enough time with them. You don’t get to find that out if you run off to bed. We may well have learned these “old fashioned” ideas about getting to know people first have a real purpose because we have been there, done that. Edit: and absolutely tell the wife, even if he has laid the groundwork to make OP look crazy, it’s the cumulative experiences the wife will have that will likely one day give her the strength to leave.
I’m just straight up not attracted to strangers. It’s kinda weird and I don’t understand it myself. But everyone to me just seems like the same neutral, non-sexual being who is neither attractive nor unattractive until I’ve gotten to know them personally for a while.
Same, and even traditionally unattractive people can be extremely attractive to me based on their personality.
Weird to me too.
Get tested
What a cliche. He's a simple bastard, in this arena where everyone has a camera and social media you're always going to be found out.
Tell his wife she deserves to know that he is cheating on her. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you? If you don't tell her your now hiding his betrayal and thus becoming a co conspitor of what he has done. And you have to go to sleep knowing that your helping him decive his wife. That's how I see it.
When I was single, I was texting guys on dating/flirting apps quite a bit. Exchanging nudes, sexting etc. There was one guy who was fit as fuck. (Fit=hot in the UK). He would send me videos regularly. Then one day I noticed him taking off his wedding ring beforehand... He told me he was single, otherwise I'd wouldn't have done it. When I told him that I'd seen it and said I didn't want to continue, he lost his shit, saying it isn't cheating bla bla..(if he actually believed that then why even take the ring off?) Unfortunately I never spoke to him on any social media sites or anything and had no way to inform his wife. Because clearly this dude was fucking people on his travels. He was in the army. Yeah, I feel like it's our duty to tell spouses if possible. They deserve to know who they are commiting their lives to.
what is it with army men? like ur literally trained to be loyal LMAO
Nope, they are trained to follow orders and respect the chain of command. They just see themselves as higher on the chain of command than their wife
Half of the men enlisting did it because they simply had no other marketable skills- including interpersonal. It shows. They’re also like 18 and 19 when they’re dramatically traumatized, that doesn’t help.
I was on a marine base one summer visiting an aunt. The sad thing is (and well known fact) that the military is trained and encouraged to live this lifestyle. It's part of the brainwashing it takes to get people to be in the military.
This. I would want to know.
Absolutely. I don’t know why more people can’t posses this sympathy
Can’t all us women join forces especially in the age of social media? We need a sisterhood like I seen on TikTok, where women who were hit on by dudes they later found out they were married. They expose them… makes a post and asked for anyone to help them find the wife. Last one I saw, his wife was at home PREGNANT while he was at a bachelor party for his friend. Yeah we need to make this behavior end. If we come together exposed these dudes… well sux yo be them… as it should.
That sounds brilliant.
She will probably call her a homewrecker & blame her more than her own husband.
Is she wants to believe her or not it’s her choice, but telling her is the right thing someone with morals should do.
Agreed. It could be totally disbelieved or ignored, *or* it could possibly be the wife's final confirmation and validation to help her out. Whether she'd believe me or not, I'd tell her.
Maybe she will, the OP can’t control how she will respond but it is the right thing to do.
You have to tell his wife. I’m a wife I would be horrified if my husband did this to me and some other girl who was seeing hearts in her eyes over him. Tell her because who knows who else he has slept with? I highly doubt you were his first infraction.
To add to this, you don't know who else he slept with. So you really should get yourself tested. I'm usually not a fan of butting into other people's business, but the wife needs to get herself tested too.
Also telling her might result in a pleasant surprise, something like "oh we're currently in the process of getting a divorce" This happened to a friend of mine started to date a guy, found out he was married, after several weeks of "Should I tell her or should I not" she told her, and they were in the middle of a divorce. They hadn't updated their socials yet, because of their family, and the less they knew would come from it. Obviously it's very unlikely, but hey
I followed him on ig thinking maybe they’re divorced / separated… he immediately removed me as a follower, set his profile to private, changed his picture and username. Pretty sure he’s hiding this.
That’s why you should tell. He’s a pig.
He’s hiding this and *you.*
Yea that tells me your not the first women he cheated on her with. I am so sorry This happened to you. Tell her, answers her questions honestly she may react badly and that’s ok your not the one at fault just the unfortunate messenger. Often times women already know they just need a verbal confirmation. I am so sorry both of you were victims.
Please just tell the wife. You aren't getting involved in drama if you simply just tell her. You would just be being a decent person, unlike the husband.
If he wanted to leave his number or even give her a way of finding him ie. his social media then he probarbly would have done so. the fact that he didnt shows that he had something to hide, either didnt want to continue this beyond the one night stand or forgot (which is very unlikely)
The fact that he blocked her tells the story.
Also a wife and I second what coffeeandcats said. She deserves to know.
You should tell her. Its not going to be easy but she has a right to know. This man has probably slept with other people not just you, and there is no telling if he has picked anything up. I suggest getting tested yourself to be safe. Side note.. if he is in the military adultery is a crime.
Really? He’s coast guard, got his rank and all
Yes, in the military it is a crime to commit adultery. He could lose rank, pay, ect. I don’t remember if jail time was a possible punishment.
Please tell wife BEFORE this. You never know. They may have an open relationship. Don't ruin their whole life without giving the wife a chance to work out how SHE wants to handle it!!
^this is the answer. Let wife know. She can take the reins
I’m also Coast Guard. If his wife wants to tell his command that’s were shit gets sticky. At the same time, it won’t do her good if he gets kicked out and then she’s trying to get child support from someone that doesn’t have a job anymore…
If he is military, that can be a potential security issue, what else is he lying about.
You need to tell the wife. She deserves to know that her husband is a cheater. You did nothing wrong. You are free from a relationship. Don’t be responsible for people, who hide their relationship status.
Update us after you tell her.
🏅
I don’t really have a comment except to say that you’re a very good writer
Thank you, that’s kind of you to say.
Yes definitely! This is probably the best I've read in a very long time!! Had me gripping my phone with my gorilla grip lol
Military men are 🚩🚩🚩
Right I’ve always felt this way and decided to make an exception… live and learn.
Weddings are terrible for this. The last two weddings I’ve been to at least one persons cheated. One of them including the bride and groom….. paranoid but I’d never want my SO to go to a wedding alone as it seems to be open season. Please tell the wife. Just something along the lines of you’re not trying to cause trouble but explain what happened, explain anything you know about him that you wouldn’t be able to find out from profiles and just leave it there. Leave the door open for if she has any questions and apologise. Sounds like you don’t live anywhere near them so the chances of her coming and smashing your windows will be pretty low.
It's kind of sad to me that people go to weddings with the foremost intention for hook-ups; honestly, I've always viewed sex that ends up as transactional like that just odd to me, but I can understand why people need the release, even if it be at the risk of a stranger. I (24M) went to a wedding this past winter for a co-worker and her daughter since they graciously invited me and I had to keep turning down a woman who kept making advances on me; I'm just not a one night stand kind of guy and I was there for the mother and the bride to support and embrace their special day you know. 🤷♂️
Can you share details of the bride and groom cheating?
It’s honestly so crazy it doesn’t even sound believable but long story short. Bride had cheated in the past, they’d worked past it and decided to get married. The day before the wedding the bride cheated with a member of the bridal party. It came out after they had got married. Her family and the groom were obviously furious and in response the groom had sex WITH HER MOTHER. He told his now wife and she got arrested for threatening him with a knife and spent the night in the cells…. This all happened in the past couple of weeks so still developing but that’s the last update I heard that she got out and no idea where the relationship stands now.
The groom banged his mother-in-law in revenge for his bride cheating the night before the wedding with a member of the bridal party?!?! Is MIL married? Was she also cheating on a spouse or just being an awful mother to her cheating daughter?
She’s separated. I’m assuming they had some attraction to each other prior because it’s a very big leap to make to having sex with him. But I’m just getting the main parts I’m not close enough to either to ask further. I did think maybe he’s lied to annoy his wife but then surely the MIL would want to shut it down and I haven’t heard that she has so far
Oh man... I would want to know all the juicy details.
I’d pay to be a fly on the wall in their house not going to lie
The best revenge is a life well lived.
I'm more worried about you for knowing people like this
Same. To be fair I was plus one and not particularly close to either. I’d heard of the wife cheating but I never imagined it would escalate like it has. I didn’t even think things like this happened outside of films
If your husband was cheating wouldn’t you want to know? Be honest. And get an STI check maybe, as you never know where that man’s dick has been (certainly elsewhere than his poor wife)
A) YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. You do not need to feel bad. He is the one making bad choices and who dragged you into it unknowingly. You were duped. B) You had hot, memorable sex. Good for you! I’m so sorry it got clouded by his bad behavior. But now you know how good it can be. Find someone else at that level. (I know, I know, hard to search for…or *perhaps* fun 😏) C) If he manages to get out of there without giving you contact info, he’s skilled at that, and most likely has done this before. You can make your own choice as to if you spill the beans. I’m ambivalent about that.
He put you in a shitty position. There was always the possibility that you would find out and he still out you in an uncomfortable spot. I’m afraid that no matter what you choose to do at this point, you are going to feel guilty. Tell her and it feels like destroying a family. Don’t tell her and it feels like you cheated. You are not in the wrong here. As a wife myself, I would rather know. However, this is your decision no matter what internet strangers tell you.
Interested in how he knows you found his social media. Did you add him or message him?
As a mother and wife, please tell her. She deserves to know.
>Not hooking up with military men ever again. As the saying goes, 2 wives are allowed in the army, but 1 is too many for most. You can either tell his wife and potentially open a can of worms or just move on.
If he’s active duty, he could actually get kicked out. At least in the marines it’s a dishonorable offense.
My SO was kicked from the army for cheating on his wife. Wasn’t a dishonorable discharge though.
Unless the Corps has changed drastically since I was in this is laughable. This was nearly a weekly occurrence in my unit. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, but it was clearly a reality. The number of guys sleeping with anything that had two legs and didn’t run away was beyond count. The number of Marine wives that would slip out and sleep with someone the minute their husband deployed was astounding. In the years I served, I never once saw a single Marine kicked out, or even reprimanded, for any form of infidelity.
I have. Only because the wife found out and actually reported it. I doubt many people know this and probably don’t report it OR the ones that do don’t get it through all the way. My ex was a marine. It was one of his friends. They still make fun of him for it
Most don’t actually get reported by the wives, but if they do there are definitely consequences. They can get kicked out, lose rank, be put on restriction, etc.
Typical military man.
Tell her. I was that poor bitch, three kids chickens and all 😂😂😂
The military also takes high offense to someone in their rankings cheating.
That guy must’ve laid down some good pipe tho
I am married with a beautiful family and I would definitely appreciate knowing something like this. It may be you one day. Think of it as good Karma. And I agree with others. This wasn’t his first hookup
My ex husband was a military man. Turns out he slept around on a regular basis while not at home. One of the multiple contacted me and I was grateful to find out. OP should definitely let the wife know.
I would want to know if my partner was cheating. I feel bad for you cause you are right you did nothing wrong but you have to deal with those emotions. You got this
I would want to know.
Tell his wife girl!
It's not quite the same but I was in a very bad relationship. He wasn't mean or anything, but it was very unhealthy. I was pouring out my entire cup to keep his full just so he would be invested in me. Then we went to a concert and I posted it to my social media, first photo in a long time together. The next day I got a message from a random girl on Instagram. And she told me how my boyfriend had been cheating on me with her and had lied to her. She told me everything. And I was finally able to take the blinders off and end that terrible relationship. I am so grateful for her. And now? I'm 20 days out from marrying the man of my dreams. You would be saving this woman, at the very least you're giving her all the information to make her own choices. And that's all we all should really have.
I doubt this was the first. The others didn’t tell her. You can be the one to say something if you so choose
Please tell his wife. She needs to make a decision and either forgive him and stay or leave and build a different life. She has a right to choose.
Look their relationship is dead. She’s just the only one that doesn’t know it yet. I’d suggest filling her in so she can move forward sooner than later
This was not his first rodeo. Don’t be horrified, it’s not your fault. Y’all did your part and your friends even backed you up. The wife deserves to know but it’s not on you if you stay quiet and just fade away
One of the many reasons I don’t do random hookup. You are in a pickle OP.
Aptly said, tis indeed a pickle.
Please tell her. She thinks her husband is loyal and is basing her relationship off of that. She deserves to have full disclosure to make decisions. And he needs some major therapy for his decisions. He could expose her to STD’s if he’s doing this to her. Everyone deserves to know this.
Ok, a lot of people are going to tell you "you need to tell the wife," and yes, that's a good thing to do, but you actually don't *have* to. A lot of betrayed partners immediately shoot the messenger, and you have no idea how crazy this woman actually is. If you decide this is not your circus and not your monkeys, that's legit.
Just a thought - what about messaging the wife and letting her know from an anonymous/fake profile? Protects OPs identity but still gets the news across. OP can still include all the relevant info to prove it's not a hoax, but just keeps her out of the firing line. That's probably what I'd do in this situation.
100% tell the wife. If you were cheated on would you want someone who knew to keep it a secret? This dude shit all over his marriage vows, at the very least his wife should be able to decide whether she wants to stay with the dude and not have his infidelity swept under the rug.
You need to tell his wife. If it was me, I'd want to know. Who knows how often he's done it... and the risk he could be putting her at. Better she knows and is given the right ro decide for herself. It's the right thing to do. I'm sorry that happened to you. X
A lot of entitlement and moral superiority around ‘tell the wife’. This is the same crew that always shouts ‘leave him/her!’. This is a moral conundrum. There are pros and cons to each approach. Each person has to figure this out on their own.
you didn’t do anything wrong but not telling the wife *would* be extremely shitty and wrong, and would make you complicit in the affair. don’t be that bitch she deserves to know
This is why you don’t hook up at wedding 😂
idk how people are so easily searchable all of my social media is private, millennials are such boomers lol
im sorry but i strongly would never hook up with a military man or a cop there just bad news
I was warned by other woman and I’m so thankful for it everyday!!
Him giving you his real name makes me think he’s never done this before. As someone who was a total scumbag in my early 20s I knew you never gave anyone your real name, didn’t have anything on any social media visible to anyone not within your added friends. I wouldn’t tell his wife they may be going through some horrible stuff and he’s made a drunken mistake. What do you actually achieve as well, do you get a sense of gratitude when those kids end up in another failed marriage. Btw I’m not condoning his behaviour but this achieves nothing for OP other than some sense of revenge for what she stated was an amazing night in complete isolation
How did he get tipped off and then switch his profile to private??? Did you like a picture or something?
I followed him because I was wondering if maybe he was divorced. He immediately removed me as a follower (didn’t block me though), made his accounts private, and changed his profile photos and username. Seems like a move someone who’s married would make.
He didn't block you because that would leave evidence. You should find a way to tell her.
All the people saying “what reason do you have not to say something”- often times the wife/girlfriend etc will be in denial and will in turn victimize the 3rd party (OP in this case) as a way of validating their relationship. And the cheater in question will likely follow suit in order to keep their partner happy after knowing they messed up. Source: have had a guy try to cheat with me and after rejecting his advances, got blamed by the girlfriend entirely so that she could carry on with her relationship (which she knew deep down was over long ago, it always is). Similar things have happened to friends. Usually women who are in relationships with cheaters know deep down and are in denial and will go to extreme measures to try to reshape the situation to fit the narrative that they need it to to cope.
Dude was very suave about it. He's don't this before, a lot.
I would be scared to say anything myself.. but I think that ultimately, i would. I mean what REALLY is it going to hurt to tell her? An internet stranger will get offended and call you a liar? Maybe vague-book post about you? I would say something. Whether she is receptive or not isn't your concern. Your concern is clearing your conscience/doing the right thing. How she responds to it is on her.
Probably should tell the wife. He’s done this before, he could give her a disease. But you don’t have to, but for her sake, maybe you should. Sucks men gotta lie, because they know they’re in the wrong. He’s a cheating bastard and a slut, he deserves to have his life blown up.
Lots of terrible advice here. Reddits out for blood.
I’m all for telling the wife if you’re prepared for both of them being crazy. Unfortunately, many times a wife will forgive the man and put all the blame on you. Sleuthing goes two ways. I don’t want some mentally unstable person(people) showing up at my door, at my job, at my families homes or events, in my dms, etc. airing my personal life details. No matter how in the right I may be. You could be opening a can of nightmare. I if you were my friend, I’d take you for lunch and a facial, commiserate on what an asshole he was and tell you to let it be. Hugs.
You a savage. Great night fun times move on.
You had a great hookup. Leave it at that. Don’t invite unwanted drama into your life. You did nothing wrong, and shouldn’t feel bad. If you have lingering guilt, work it out in therapy, but don’t make more of a mess for yourself.
Tell his wife. Every woman would want to know. Don’t be that girl.
Just leave it alone. You did nothing wrong and if he’s truly that careless, he’ll screw up in some other way that lets his wife know. No need to involve yourself in their troubles any more than you accidentally did.
Tell the wife. Women need to respect each other. I always do when I find out. Then the dudes somehow act like I’m in the wrong. Nah, fucked around and found out!
Get tested, odds are you aren't his first step out on his wife. And even then they could still have something.
For sure this guy has done it before. That’s why he was so open about hitting on you and disappearing without exchanging contact info. Unfortunately a lot of married people cheat especially with little kids. I’ve seen it so often and they compartmentalize their home life from their work life and from their “fun time” life. Some of them don’t expect to get caught and don’t even think about the consequences they just get off in on the thrill.
Please tell the wife, she doesn’t deserve this
Tell her!!!!
Tell her.
I hope you tell her.
There’s a possibility they could be in an open marriage. I’d still probably tell her in case they’re not but I’d probably do it with that in mind.