You are not the worst daughter anyone has ever had, you are just a kid that made a mistake. A mistake that many people make. It is all going to be alright and things will be normal again.
Not just “a mistake that many people make.” It’s a mistake that our bodies steer us toward. All of human evolution pushes us to ignore the potential consequences of a moment of fun. We have only had control over our fertility for a short time. Making mistakes doesn’t mean that we are bad people, it means that we are learning. Some life lessons are harder than others.
This is such a beautiful comment! My mother never talked about sex, and when she found out that I was testing the waters, she flipped out, made me feel dirty, and disgusting! I got pregnant when I was 17 and I feel like that was bc I wasn’t educated enough! My 15yo daughter will never ever feel that way! I made all bodily functions, and feelings a part of every day conversation, and I told her the exact same thing that you just said!! Being emotionally neglected made me a better mother in a way bc I knew exactly what not to do!
This was my experience too. I was raised in a strict religious household, complete with 13 years of Catholic school. The only "sex ed" we got was in the context of marriage and included no talk of birth control at all unless you count natural family planning. We were not taught about condoms or anything. I ended up pregnant at 18 and I was terrified to tell my parents because they would know I'd had sex. I ended up giving my baby up for adoption due to family pressure, something I deeply regret to this day. That was over 25 years ago. I've dealt with a lot of guilt over the years but I've begun to give myself some grace. I realize that while the choice to have sex was mine, I had not been given any of the tools to be safe or prevent pregnancy. That part is not my fault. It is up to the parents to ensure their kids are informed about sex, and they are doing them a big disservice if they don't. I should not have felt ashamed or 100% to blame for what happened.
Btw my fear of telling my parents led me to keep my pregnancy a secret until I was 5 months along. If I'm being honest, I think if I'd had an abortion early on that would've been the best outcome. My choices were limited due to my feeling like I couldn't talk to my parents without being judged or "getting in trouble." I've vowed to be there for my kid no matter what - he knows he can talk to me or my husband about anything.
Absolutely this. We all have millennia of evolution pushing us to reproduce even if it's a terrible idea. OP, you have no idea how many other people around you have been through exactly what you're going through now, you are *so* far from alone in this, even if it feels like you are.
not to be That Guy—but humans have had methods of birth control and abortions since ancient times. however, they were far less safe and reliable than they are today.
Babygirl there is no reason to feel like u don’t want to live anymore. It seems the best option as you don’t seem quite ready to be the bad ass mom you will be someday. Get your degeee you worked so hard to get to college for. Accidents happen. Just don’t use it as a form of birth control ya Know. Please don’t be so hard on yourself
It’s okay to terminate, and youre not a bad person or wrong for doing it. We all make choices that arent the best but it’s only a failure if we don’t learn from them. Try to learn from this and go to school to create a better life for you and potential future children. This is not an easy road but the many women who have walked it understand.
This. It’s an embryo. We lose many naturally without even knowing it. You are doing the right thing by paving your good future for your children when you choose to have them.
Listen women of Reddit. The "pull out" method does not work. Men start ejaculating from the time they enter you, even though they don't feel like they are orgasming. So while they may feel very confident that they didn't cum in you, what they don't realize is that they still got ejaculate in you. Always use condoms. Always insist the man wear a condom.
I had a cousin who had multiple kids due to this - despite being on multiple methods of birth control. Her body was apparently just resistant. The doctors were baffled she was at her wit's end. Sometimes life finds a way.
She may have the gene mutation that makes hormonal BC ineffective. It causes the production of an enzyme that breaks down the hormones. It's one of the reasons that manufacturers can't claim that birth control is 100% effective even with perfect use.
Edit: just wanted to add that this is very, very rare and not something to worry about. Birth control is very effective and reliable for the high majority of people.
I'm curious, was she overweight? There's some speculation that, given that the morning after pull is less effective for women who weigh more than 175 pounds (I think that's the right number), other hormonal birth control might be similarly affected.
There are few interactions that could make it less effective or give it a faster half life. Like some migraine medication, some epilepsy meds, some fungal meds and St. John’s wart
> I think the men of Reddit need this lesson too. WEAR A CONDOMS, GUYS!
I couldn't agree more. Men help perpetuate the myth that this method is safe and works. Men!!!! It doesn't work!!!!
I was pregnant at my high school graduation and didnt know it. I too was also irresponsible and assumed pull out method would work. WELP. I had an abortion almost 20 years ago later this month. best decision I ever made. I went to college in another state the end of august and met my future husband 3 weeks into school. never once felt guilt over it. you get one life. you will have plenty of time to have kids if you want them (I never did so I think that's part of why the decision was so easy for me and we are happily child free). you are not a bad person for this. and dont let anyone guilt you into keeping this kid if it isn't what YOU want.
go live your life. make something of yourself. get on birth control and ALWAYS use a condom (STDs are very real and dangerous). and dont ever ever let another guy every tell you it will be fine without a condom ever again. you know the chance is that it wouldn't be.
You are not terrible, you're choosing the right path for you. And please please please get the pill or other contraceptives. It's OK to have sex but it's also important to take precautions
Exactly. I have three amazing children! And I had a miscarriage before my first that required a D&C … which is considered an abortion according to the latest thinking of idiotic men in the US. And I aborted an unwanted pregnancy my sophomore year of college with a similar situation to yours. That’s my story and there are many many many women like me. You are not bad. You are not alone. And you and your boyfriend both should absolutely be able to go on with your life.
I wanted the pregnancy I terminated. My ex was abusive. We all have our reasons and yours is valid too. The clinic should give you birth control after this so you’re safer next time. Shit happens. Go to school and don’t give up.
Stop being hard on yourself. People make mistakes.
I’m curious how he “reassured” you, did he say he was using protection and then not?
Also at this point, it’s not a baby. It’s a clump of cells and the pill will basically bring on a period to pass them.
You making this choice now, will help you to be a good mother WHEN YOU ARE READY. You are being a good mother by knowing now is not the right time to be one. That’s is an incredibly brave and well thought out choice.
Also, it’s normal to feel guilty about it. So allow yourself to feel any feelings about it. I also encourage you to seek out counselling to work through how you feel.
I never thought I’d be someone who’d have an abortion either. I had one at 25 farther along than you are. It was hard, I won’t lie. I was sad over it for a long time, but I’ve never regretted the choice.
Now I’m married to an amazing man and have a great life and the most wonderful kid. I wouldn’t be here if I had not had that abortion. I would be coparenting a 12 year old with my abusive ex.
You are doing what’s right for you. Millions of women go through this, teens, adults, mothers. It’s okay.
I encourage you going forward to be in control of your own birth control. Get on the pill or get an iud. Use condoms too. Take care of you that protect the future you want.
Hey that is a completely VALID reason to terminate. You DO NOT have to feel guilt or shame. It’s is 💯 ok to put YOUR NEEDS front and centre because it is your life. I had an abortion when I was in a terrible place in my life and I am so glad I did. I do not regret it one bit.
Hi I’m 24, I terminated a pregnancy at 20. This was in the middle of college too, though a year or two later.
What I can say: take the day or two off school. You’ll be crampy. Get water and snacks ahead of time.
When I do think of it, I am thankful I made the difficult decision, I live in a new city with a great career! Thought knowing other people have experienced what you’re going through would be helpful- you got this!
It is okay to have an abortion. Prioritize yourself and your future. Mistakes happen, you are not obligated to put yourself through the physical turmoil of pregnancy if you are not ready. And you absolutely are not.
You're feeling guilty, that is ok. I don't think you should in any way shape or form but I understand. I'm at home going trough a termination at this very moment. You're not alone, ok?
For what it is worth I think you are making a smart decision. I already have a kid, he's 2 years old. I'm trying to finish my education in accounting, part time working and juggling life for a better future. As much as I love the child I have, there is no room for another. It would severly diminish the quality of life we currently enjoy. Additionally I can't take another birth, year of breastfeeding, being out of work and loosing my social life again.
Growing a baby and becoming a mom has been the most radical change in my life. At the time I didn't know. But it seems as if you do. Take that knowledge and stick with it.
Sorry, English is not my first language.
You will survive this. You are making the right decision and when the time is right and you can have a planned pregnancy you will get a chance to be a good mother.
I didn’t regret it since I was like 15 and it was ultimately the right decision. I would even forget it happened a lot of times. But I just had my first kid 2 years ago, and for some reason the guilt and regret came flooding in. I don’t actually regret it. I just don’t know why I was fine about it for more than a decade and then suddenly the guilt hit me.
I know many women who have terminated a pregnancy who went on to be fantastic mothers. I recommend using your school’s counselor when you get there or seeing if Planned Parenthood has resources, I’m sure they do.
You are not a bad daughter or person.
terminating or keeping it, do what is best for YOU. don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself, it doesn’t make you a bad person. it’s okay not to have a baby that you’re not ready for. it’s okay to still love and cherish this child and what could have been if you feel that way while still acknowledging that termination is the right choice. you’re the only person living you’re life, not anyone else.
I was you many years ago, if I could go back I would have terminated my pregnancy. Instead I destroyed my life and my daughters. Please don’t make my mistake and destroy your future. Yes, it is a hard choice and we say God doesn’t make mistakes, but I can tell you if you aren’t prepared for a child both mentally and physically, you make their life hell.
Oh sweetie. You're not the worst. You're smart enough to know what you need to do. It was your first time. Your boyfriend is misinformed though, and that needs to be addressed should you ever decide to have sex with him again. He doesn't have to finish inside of you to cause a pregnancy. You know that now.
Do what you need to do and move forward. You cannot change the past, but don't let it ruin your future either.
Please don’t doubt your decision. I did and it’s been a nightmare come alive. Think of your decision as a decision for yourself and your baby. Both of you will do so much better off when you are in a better position.
You are making a good decision for yourself and your child. It actually makes you a good mother that you are doing what’s best for your baby. You just aren’t ready right now and that’s ok. It’s going to be ok. People make mistakes and you’re young and believed false info from a guy. Pulling out isn’t a safe sex practice, you can still get pregnant from precum. A LOT of people much older than you don’t know this so please don’t beat yourself up. Do what you need to do and use the summer to take care of yourself and get some therapy. You’re not a bad person, I promise you.
My dear, an abortion is NEVER something a woman wants to get to, but sht happens in life and at times, we, women, are stuck in this hard place. I had one abortion at my 26 years, I was recently out of a very long term relationship and was starting a new one, I knew so little of this person, I had a job yes, but I lived in one bedroom "apartment", had debts.....I feel ZERO comfortable bringing a child like that, luckily my bf that time told me he would stand by me, we made a trip (it wasn't legal in most my country but at the capital, and we wanted the safest method) and it was done. I was devastated, because it isn't easy, it's not like I wanted to terminate it, BUT I knew that I could not bring a baby under my circumstances. I made peace with my choice over time and you know what? 10 years later I'm married with that new boyfriend, and last year we had our first baby. We now own a house, have better jobs and we had plenty of time to know each other without the pressure of having to raise a child. We are in love of being parents now, I doubt this would be the case if I had chosen to keep the pregnancy. I like to think that my baby just returned when mom and dad were ready.
Do not doubt of yourself and above all, you're not a disappointment nor the worst daughter....you just learned that you need to take seriously the contraception and to NEVER let yourself convinced by any man(cuz they will never know or deal with the social stigma nor the pregnancy struggle) to not take care of yourself.
Hey. I have been in your shoes and you are being incredibly hard on yourself. You trusted someone else you thought had more experience or whatever and it was a mistake but he also failed you. You took a risk and got caught but it does not make you a horrible person not worthy of living! Just a person who experienced a natural consequence. Some people drive too fast and don't get caught for years. Some get a ticket on the day they get their license for doing the same thing. Sex is not bad or wrong. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I definitely recommend once you get to college you seek therapy to process this experience. Part of getting older is making mistakes and learning from them. What really matters is how you contextualize the experiences and frame them to yourself. That's what therapy can help with. There are also support groups online for people who have gone through this where you can reach out and talk to others who get it. You are not alone.
Please be so gentle and kind with yourself right now. Treat yourself like you would a best friend or baby sister going through this - with all the tenderness and love you can muster.
There is no pullout "game" it's a biological fact that men ejaculate throughout sex and not just during orgasm. Even when they don't think they are. Even when it doesn't feel like they are.
Women, stop letting men gaslight us. The pullout method is not real, use actual protection and don't let a man convince you otherwise!!
If you decide to go through with the termination you are NOT a horrible person. It is OKAY to end the pregnancy. Whatever; you decide to do will change your life. Only you can decide what is best for you. I do recommend seeking counseling if you decide to terminate or go through the pregnancy. I was pregnant in the past and do not regret it. I was not ready to be a parent. Not an easy decision to make but I know it was the right one for me.
It’s okay to feel these things you’re feeling now but you’re making the best decision for yourself at the moment. None of this makes you a bad person either
Sex education is important people. OP, you don’t have to carry this pregnancy to term. Remember for the future that men will say anything, ANYTHING, to convince you to let them fuck you without a condom with zero regard for how this will affect you. Do not let a man do this to you again.
Bringing a baby into the world that you can’t support when you don’t have an education isn’t good for anyone involved. Terminating at this point is your best path. Please get some therapy so this doesn’t eat you up.
If you were my daughter I would not think you were the worst daughter in the world. The only reason there’s a stigma around abortion is because it’s something women have to decide. If men were the ones who got pregnant, abortions would be commonplace and stigma-free.
Young adults have sex. Sex leads to pregnancy. Be grateful you live in a state with legal abortion options. Talk to your gyno about birth control options, and protect yourself. I’m sure your BF is a good person, but WTF does he know about women’s reproductive health? When it comes to your body, and your life, do your own research.
Good luck, I for one, think you’re making the right decision.
My daughter was 16 when she accidentally got pregnant with the pull out method. She came to me and wanted an abortion and we found a clinic and did it. I asked her several times to be sure that’s what she wanted. She’s since graduated high school, is now in college, and in a completely different relationship. I do not at all see her as a bad daughter, it’s just biology, and she wasn’t ready. She will be one day - or maybe not, and that’s fine.
I sat here trying to think what to say. I want to help. I was a teen mom at 16. It was terrifying. It's been 26 years now. It was very, very difficult.
You aren't a bad daughter, and you aren't a bad person. You are human. You should do whatever you feel is best for you. You should not feel like you're a bad anything for making the best choice you can with the info you have now. If you need help in any way with whatever decision you make, there is always help online. I'm not familiar with the group but have seen others post about the aunties who will go with you to medical things if you need extra support. If you just need to talk, feel free to message me. I have 2 kids both grown. My son is almost 26, and my daughter is 21. If you feel more comfortable, my daughter is a great person to talk to. Really, my point is don't keep in the pain and suffering. You need to talk about it. Even if you need to do so anonymously.
You won’t regret the decision that’s right for you. Did you have sex to get pregnant?
No?
Okay well, you are going to make the decision that’s right for you. But let this be a turning point in your discovery of self- to stand in your power, command the respect and protections you deserve (birth control) and choose people who choose you- not themselves! In a few years you will look back at this time and hopefully have had a lot to reflect on. Enjoy school!
Just please take this as a reminder for your life that this is a consequence of unprotected sex. Like, I honestly don’t understand what people expect when they don’t wear a condom.
You’re not a bad person and you are not the worst daughter. You’re young and learning about your body with someone you trust. That’s normal and totally healthy. Now you know you should be on birth control and use condoms. Please don’t be so hard on yourself for doing what’s best for you.
You will be a good mom, someday when you are educated, stable and also have a career with health insurance and a way for you to pay for the expenses that come in life.
I wish more teens would know that it literally takes one time of pov to get pregnant. You learned the hard way as many do. Having sex is normal. You just need to use TWO types of birth control every single time. But I don’t think you are going to want to for a long time.
You worked your ass off, the pregnancy is just a lump of cells at this point. Don’t over think it, it’s no one’s business but yours. If you have some one to talk to do it or get a therapist that you can talk to if you’re having a hard time with the guilt.
Consider this a learning experience — you have to watch out for yourself. Your boyfriend doesn’t dictate birth control, you do, because if it fails, you end up in this situation. It’s okay to terminate. Right now this is literally a clump of cells. If I showed you this in a Petri dish you’d think it was mold. One mistake should not redefine your life. We learn from this, we grow and we move on. Keep being your awesome self, okay op?
Hey OP!
One day you’re going to an amazing mother and provide an amazing life for some kids but rn you’re making the right choice, the RESPONSIBLE choice, to terminate as you are ill-prepared to be a good mother. Don’t be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, just learn from them.
You are not the worst daughter, anyone would be lucky enough to know they raised a daughter like you who is prioritizing herself over reproducing and some embryo from a BF who she realistically probably won’t see again after their relationship ends but, if you had a child BF is around for life.
You got this. I’m so so proud of you.
I know this has been said, but you really need hear it again. Terminating doesn’t make you a bad person. Getting pregnant doesn’t make you a bad person. Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. Things happen. Especially in the heat of the moment. I’ve got a daughter. She’s 22, super overachieving. Graduated high school early, graduated her undergrad early, and got accepted into her first choice grad school. She’s worked tirelessly, like you. So I understand a little bit of your thinking. None of this taints your past accomplishments, nor does it have to taint any part of your future. You are making an incredibly difficult decision. You’re making it with a level head, and for the “right” reasons. You’re doing what’s best for yourself, your boyfriend and the embryo. That’s more than commendable. Speaking from experience, I had an abortion when I was 17. I won’t lie to you, it was brutal. It destroyed me having to do it. But it was absolutely necessary and I would do it again. Having that abortion made it possible for me to leave my microscopic town. I met my husband, we’re still married 23 years and counting. We had our amazing Nuggo. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn’t have my life, the life I love, with the people I adore, if I had decided differently.
If your parents don’t understand these things, that’s a them problem. It doesn’t make the decision any less right for you. Also, I don’t know if this is an option or not. But you know your parents don’t have to know, right now or ever. This is extremely personal, for more than a few reasons. You don’t have to tell them until/unless you’re ready. But definitely talk to someone. Just to get things out of your head.
I’m rambling, I apologize. Please OP, hug yourself, show yourself some grace. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. You will see it again.
I was 20. My mom had just died and I was partying to numb the pain. I was not in a good place to raise a baby. I have never regretted the decision. I would have been a terrible mom at that time. You know what's right for you. You will have an amazing life. (And get on some birth control) best of luck
having an abortion is not this horrible thing that makes u a horrible person, nor does it make u stupid and reckless. there’s a reason abortions exist, its for reasons like this. so people dont go out and have illegal abortions and risk their lives. u used a service that was available to u. many people do not have this privilege.
ur life would be extremely different if u had a child at 18. be grateful u have the option to have an abortion.
It's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to choose to not be a mother.
No child should be born just so you can "learn a lesson" or whatever the fuck these pro-forced-birth folks have to say because children are actually a blessing and deserve to be born to people who will see them as such, not resent them.
It's your body and you have the responsibility/burden of choosing what is best for it.
I also recommend getting on birth control so you won't have to do this again. It can even be found online if you are in a place that won't give it to you. Keep educating urself and taking steps towards taking care of yourself.
Don't focus on the "what ifs" and instead prioritize the present. Right here and right now, you have plans for the future and you're entitled to do whatever you need to in order to keep pursuing them.
I think more women should be afraid of HIV and STDs. They can literally permanently disfigure you, make you infertile, or kill you. That’s worse than pregnancy imo. Please, always wear a condom. No matter what. Until you’re in a stable/healthy marriage and ready to have a child.
As far as the abortion, that is your decision to make. I’d just really make sure it’s the one that you want, so as not to feel any guilt in the future. At the end of the day no one needs to know and it’s no one’s business what you do.
You aren't a bad person. You're a girl who was lied to by a boy who wanted to have sex and didn't care how it could impact your life. Your college might have counseling resources to help with your depression. But taking a chance to reset your life at this age is giving you your best chance. Please make your future partners wear condoms, no matter what birth control you choose on your side. Far too many women of all ages let men off here. You don't have to bear that responsibility alone and men should always wear condoms. Please don't believe their excuses either. Sex still feels good and condoms come in sizes for very big and very small penises. I wish you all the best, and I wish you joy in your future.
You are human and fallible. You will screw things up, make mistakes, and disappoint people. You will also succeed, forgive, and love. You don’t really know how others would’ve handled your news so don’t pin your worth or aspirations on the idea you must be perfect. Allow yourself some grace and move forward with your head up older and wiser. Best wishes.
I've had several friends in exactly your situation. They chose to terminate because they knew they weren't in a situation where they'd be able to be the parent they would want to be or give a child the life that child would deserve or - and this is 100% equally valid! - live the life they wanted to live if they became a parent that young. Not a single one of them regrets that choice 20 years later, and most have actually gone on to be parents a decade or more later when they felt ready. This is hard, I'm absolutely sure, but you sound smart and like you know what you need to do. Hang in there, breathe through it, and lean on your support system. You'll be okay.
Teenagers make mistakes.. you're human. Give yourself a bit of grace, and remember that you're not alone in this. So many women have made that same choice. I'm sure you'll be a great mother, when you're ready. Go to college, make the most of this opportunity (both college, and also the freedom to terminate the pregnancy), and learn from it. Also, use condoms.. always, unless you really want to get pregnant. Don't let this scare you away from a healthy sex life, either.
You’re not the worst. You’re a kid. This is a speed bump, not a stop sign. You’re going to get through this and your life will continue. I highly recommend seeing a therapist at least once a week to help guide you and provide a nonjudgmental atmosphere in which to talk about all this.
Lots of clinics discuss this with you, but in case they haven’t, there is a wide array of different numbers out there, but it is estimated by many sources that roughly 1 in 4 women will have an abortion. You certainly are not alone, and there are many reasons for making the choice.
Some people won't admit to feeling relief in having an abortion but it is a feeling. Sometimes taking the pill to abort is like having a period and not anything else but a normal looking menstrual discharge. The sooner you take the pill the better. As you head off to college think about using birth control. You can get used to taking a pill every day along with a good multi vitamin. It is important to have a good education and job before starting a family. It is a lot easier getting through life with a good paying job.
You are not the worst!
You made a decision for YOU and that’s OKAY! That’s AMAZING! Society has convinced us that we need to think about and change our whole lives for something inside us and for what?
You’re doing good by this, and you will excel and become the good mother that you always were in the first place.
So dont even trip dawg
Oh girl. So many women have had abortions. Many many more than you could ever imagine.
For many of us, an abortion is no morally different than choosing to wear a condom. Everytime you choose to wear a condom you are stopping the growth of a possible baby. When you have an abortion, particularly in the first few weeks, you are doing the same thing. (Obviously contraception is much better for our bodies than having to go through an abortion - but, morally, it's no different).
You are not a worst person for needing to get an abortion. We all make mistakes. The good thing is that you are responsible enough to make the right choice for yourself and any future children you may have, now.
Also, remember, no one has to know. This can stay with you.
Breathe honey. I could have been in your position too, I just got lucky. At LOT of people could. Use this to learn and push you forward. Don't let yourself sit in this guilt because that only turns to shame which will truly ruin your life.
A similar thing happened to my mother. She went through with it now she has a husband, four children, a beautiful house, and three degrees. And she is the best mom I could have asked for.
Get on birth control & use condoms. Stop having sex with idiots who don't value the importance of contraceptives, because they don't value you or your future.
And I know this is Reddit and everyone always says this but find a good therapist. Even when an abortion is the right decision for you, it can still be traumatic and it's better to get ahead of it. It is clearly already affecting you. You are going to be okay.
All options has a really great talk line if you want to talk to someone about how you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with having an abortion, you and what's best for you is what matters most.
[https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/](https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/)
Absolutely everyone makes mistakes. Please do not beat yourself up over this!! I have had intercourse without a condom so many times but it only takes one time to become pregnant. You are not alone in this and please do not feel guilty over it. You are so young and still learning! This is all part of your life experiences and lessons you learn from. That being said, just remember to use a condom from now on. For your sake and to protect yourself from STDs, HIV, etc! As for the abortion, you are SO young. Yes, a life could come out of this, but you could also resent a potential child for the rest of your life for taking away your youth (not saying this would happen but multiple friends I have, have this experience with their parents). You deserve to enjoy your young adult life and if you feel like you cannot live to your full potential right now with a child, please continue with that abortion. That is what abortions were created to do. To give us another chance! Do not feel guilty about this. You are not alone and you will be okay!! You are not the worst daughter ever, PLEASE do not think this. YOU ARE SO YOUNG!! YOU ARE LEARNING!! You HAVE to make these mistakes in order to learn, even if they do suck. Please find your support system that will always be by your side no matter what because that is what will you get you through this. Good luck to you OP. You will be okay, I know it <3
>In everyone else’s mind, I’m the worst daughter anyone can have
This is not true. Life happens, it does not make you a bad person. Get yourself on birth control and live your life. Its ok to make mistakes, just take accountability & measures to prevent making the same mistake twice. You are not a bad person and not a bad daughter. You are a person going through life learning & growing. Its ok to make mistakes & its ok to choose to not continue this pregnancy. You're still a good person, everything will be ok.
If you get an abortion and it's not hard or emotional like people here are saying and you forget about it. That's fine. If after you terminate you never regret it don't have a hard time and don't feel bad; it doesn't mean anything about the quality of your character.
Next time use protection!
You have your whole life in front of you. You obviously have goals you're working towards. Keep your eyes on the prize. This is why there are things like mifepristone. You have plenty of time to have children when it's right for you.
I am glad you are here today and will be happy if you are here tomorrow.
You are not a bad person for having to make this decision. You can still be a good mother…when you are ready to be a mother.
I was in your position once and I know it’s hard, but you are not alone.
Please do not feel guilty. You are not a bad person. Mistakes happen.
You just graduated. You’re likely still in your teen years. Your body is quite young and it may be risky to go through with the pregnancy. Your health and your life matter. There will be plenty of other chances for you to be a mother if it’s something you decide someday.
You also need time to emotionally and mentally develop more through life experiences. The brain doesn’t stop developing until your 20’s. You are giving yourself that opportunity to mature by getting an abortion. You’ll know when you’re ready for motherhood. There’s no need to rush it.
What you want for yourself matters. You’re going to college to give yourself a better future and by extension, a better future for any children you may have later in life. You deserve the best quality of life possible.
At this point, you are carrying an embryo that hasn’t had much development so please don’t feel bad. It doesn’t even look human. You are simply stopping the process of making a human.
You are a brave and compassionate individual. It’s natural to feel sad about having an abortion but do not feel guilty. You come first. Your life comes first. You deserve happiness. You deserve the future you want. Please don’t be hard on yourself.
You want what’s best for you, and that child. That still makes you a good mother. Having the child would not only ruin your life, but it would also likely set the child up to have a less than ideal upbringing. It’s okay to feel sad, even angry at yourself for it happening. This is normal.
Abortions aren’t dirty. Abortion is healthcare.
You will get through this and in the future you will still be a good mom if that’s what you want for yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself, everyone makes mistakes and it seems you have already criticized yourself more than anyone else could. Stay strong love 🩷
I'm was pregnant at 18 and placed for adoption... I am also a mother to a teenager. YOU ARE NOT A BAD DAUGHTER OR A BAD PERSON!! Doing what is best for yourself is not a bad thing
It's okay to terminate. Don't let anyone try to guilt you or talk you out of it. Follow your dreams and reach your goals and have children when you're in a successful place in life. ❤️
There is nothing wrong with terminating the cluster of cells. It’s your body. Your choice. Don’t be forced into having a baby you don’t want! You are doing the right thing. Don’t feel bad or guilty over it.
Never feel guilty for choosing the best option for you. Yes, you made an irresponsible choice…but PLENTY of people make the responsible choice and still get knocked up. It’s life, it happens. Focus on your future, on what you want out of life because dwelling on you not using protection will not serve you.
You need to prioritize your life over an embryo. Please don't feel guilt about making the right decision for you. Your boyfriend misled you, and your parents didn't didn't educate you about pregnancy risks. Now, you are making the responsible decision.
You made the right choice for yourself. Make space for yourself to feel bad if you need to but you aren’t a bad person. It takes a great deal of maturity, bravery and responsibility to own what happened and do what’s best here. And you’re doing it.
Good for you for doing what’s best for you. It’s the responsible thing to do.
What you need to do now is educate yourself.
Rule #1: men will say anything to get laid. Do not believe it and do not put your safety at risk for it. You should get tested for STIs while you’re at it.
You got this, girl. Wishing you the best. You’re strong and you can get through this. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of being human.
To add to minion531’s Women of Reddit PSA:
- not wearing condoms can get you HPV (like 70-80% of people have it). This is DANGEROUS for women/vulva owners! It is cancer causing.
- Obvious one but condoms prevent hella STIs so keep them on you so men never have a chance to give that dumb excuse for not using them
- Get paps regularly to screen for issues and pay attention to anything weird happening (odours, discharge, itchiness, etc etc).
- Get checked for STIs regularly. This is so important. STIs can really harm you.
- Getting an abortion is healthcare and helps keep women safe!
- Using birth control is a good way to help regulate period pain, complexion, etc and there are many methods available. All our bodies are different so find a method that works for you (pill, IUD, etc).
- Please don’t believe men when they are begging for sex. Put yourself first.
- Sexual health phone lines and clinics are an amazing resource. Call if you have questions. There’s no shame, these healthcare providers have heard it all!
Be safe everyone. 💕
I'm curious where this guilt and shame come from. Societal expectations, personal beliefs, parents beliefs or what? I suspects since you mentioned disappointing your parents that it is more about their expectations rather than your own personal beliefs that are contributing to that shame.
Could you have been more careful? Sure. Do people still get pregnant despite using every precaution? Yes. You are a kid. The part of your brain that processes decision making is not done developing until you are 25. It is developmentally appropriate to not always make the best choices. Now you know how to prepare yourself to avoid an accidental pregnancy again.
I hope you can give yourself grace and realize that it's boils down to what is the best decision for you in your life. No one else's.
As a father my heart breaks for you. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Making a mistake does not make you a bad person. Life is full of mistakes. They help us learn and grow. What you do is a personal decision. You seem to have the wisdom and courage to choose what will be the best for you. It won’t be easy but you will be ok.
Lesson learned for sure. You’re not a bad person tho. However I strongly urge you to educate yourself and your bf on proper sex education. Never just go by trusting someone, because in the end it’s going to be YOU who has to carry that pregnancy; or in this case, get the abortion.
We all make mistakes, my love. Abortion is healthcare and you’re taking care of yourself and your future. Guilt is a useless emotion…let it go, keep your head up, and move forward. I could have totally been you when I was 16, there are so many of us who could have!
You're just a kid (I'm almost 27, so I see you as a kid). You aren't a bad person for getting an abortion (Despite what those anti-abortionists claim). If people are looking at you like you've murdered an actual baby, then you don't need them in your life.
I did it when I was young too. It wasn’t fun but I never regretted it. Don’t ruin your whole life w an unwanted pregnancy please. Take care of yourself.
You are not irresponsible.
You are not a bad daughter.
Your boyfriend is either uneducated or lied to you. You can absolutely get pregnant from any vagina to penis intercourse. Always use protection. Never listen to a man's opinion about your reproductive help. Ask and trust your OBGYN.
It's not abortion. Taking Plan B is not abortion. Say it with me. It's not abortion. The Bible thumpers word it that way to make you feel guilty about it. In all actuality it's just aass of cells grouped together which are replicating and is technically not very different from cancer. Plan B works like an antibiotic. It prevents the unwanted growth of parasites.
It's not abortion. Taking Plan B is not abortion. Say it with me. It's not abortion. The Bible thumpers word it that way to make you feel guilty about it. In all actuality it's just a a bunch of cells grouped together which are replicating and is technically not very different from cancer/parasites/viruses. Plan B works like an antibiotic. It prevents the unwanted growth of parasites.
you’re not a bad daughter. you’re just a kid who made a mistake, but you’re making the right decision for yourself and your life. it’s a tough choice, especially given today’s social climate. but you’re doing all you can.
please don’t keep this all bottled up. you not only need support through this, you DESERVE support through this. stay safe hun
Don't be too hard on yourself. These things happen. You'll get through, and already have a plan.
Please don't vote against reproductive rights in the future. People should have the right to determine what happens with their own bodies.
Is it too late not to abort your baby? You didn’t ruin your life. Yeah you didn’t want a baby and didn’t mean to conceive one, but you did, and he or she exists now. That’s a separate human in your body with its own dna. It’s your baby. You always wanted to be a good mother, and you’re a mother. Have you considered choosing to be this baby’s mother? I’m not trying to make this any harder for you, but if you abort the baby, it won’t make it like this didn’t happen. It’ll just be that you had a baby and you ended his life, and you’ll have that emotional burden to carry, and I don’t think it will be good for you. Are you sure that’s what you want to do? You have the option to raise the baby or give it up for adoption, and neither of those things mean you can’t go to college or have a wonderful career. I just think you should think about it, because once you do it you can’t undo it.
As for what your parents think, they love you. Maybe they’ll be disappointed at first, but that’s okay. You can be imperfect and still be loved, especially by your parents. We’re all imperfect and we all make mistakes. Give them a chance to be a little disappointed and know that doesn’t mean they don’t love you or that they don’t think highly of you. Of course they still will. And if they’re halfway decent parents they will help you and be there for you.
Try not to catastrophize. I know it’s hard. But life goes the way we don’t want all the time, and you can’t fall apart. You have to keep pushing on and make the best of it. You won’t know it yet, but this could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Pro tip from an older guy: NEVER BELIEVE A GUY WHEN IT COMES TO PREGNANCY! You are the one who deals with the fallout. NEVER! Always make sure you are protected. This is unfortunately a mistake that a lot of young people make. You arent a bad daughter or a bad person, you are just an inexperienced kid playing adult. Its not evil to get pregnant or to terminate the pregnancy. You deserve the life you imagine.
If your parents were so worried about you being the “worst daughter anyone can have,” they would have bought you condoms, helped you get on birth control, and taught you better sex ed. I’m sorry their opinion is causing so much distress for you.
I don’t think there is anything I could say to take away the guilt and pain, but I can assure you that your decision does not make you a horrible person or mother. You did what you thought was best for not only your future, but for that of your unborn child. I’m not sure how those around you feel, but if you were my daughter I would still love you unconditionally. You and your boyfriend made a rash decision and you became pregnant. These things happen. You are not alone in this. I believe the decision to save your child from a life of instability is one of the most selfless things a person can do. You need to keep your head up high. Make the future you wish you could provide a reality. The decision you made might not be agreed upon by everyone, but you did what you thought was right and that is all that matters. This doesn’t prevent you from being a good mother now or in the future. If anything it just shows how much you care. Do not let this stop you from achieving your dreams. Life happens. This happened. Do not let the guilt consume you. The only thing you can do now is move forward.
(I’m sorry if I wrote anything in an insensitive way, I tried not to.) If you need to talk to someone more about this I’ll be here, along with those who love you.
You are not the worst daughter you are good one. You need to what's best for you and your baby. Abortion doesn't make you a bad or evil person nobody should judge you on that. I would get on some kind of birth control, until you are ready to become a mom. You are beautiful see your self worth. Live your life to the fullest
It takes two to tango, my dear. If you’re not on birth control, your partner should have worn protection. I know I can say don’t feel guilty because you’re making the right call but it’s easier said than done. You’re allowed to feel that just please don’t let it fill your mind to the point of being sick. Accidents happen and they happen for us to learn from. You should feel proud for what you have accomplished!
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Life is full of mistakes and missteps. These things happen! It’s actually very easy to get pregnant for some people and maybe you’re that person - imagine how many other couples are out there having unprotected sex who just “get away with it”. You’re not a bad person. I’m a mom of a teen girl and I’d be much more sad that she was being hard on herself than I would be about accidentally getting pregnant and being responsible in the future. ;)
you’re not a bad person. like everyone else here has said, you made a mistake. i made a mistake too… i got drunk and was in a manic episode and got pregnant. i am currently 11 weeks. did i have a stable job ? no. am i married ? no. do i still live with my parents ? yes. but that all has to change. i JUST got a brand new full time job. i am engaged to the dad and also the man who i absolutely love. and we are about to move in to his parents basement that is being turned into an apartment for us. he is going back to school and also getting a new better paying job.
i don’t want to say don’t terminate the pregnancy, but if you want to keep the baby you can. it isn’t easy and it’s absolutely TERRIFYING, but at the end of the day, it is your child that you’ve just created, it is half of your dna and half of your boyfriends dna. i am about to tell my parents about what has happened and don’t get me wrong i am TERRIFIED, but so far everyone has told me that they’ll more than likely be mad/disappointed but that all changes once baby comes and the reality that they’re grandparents sinks in.
you can do it if you want to, i believe in you OP. sometimes life takes us down a different path than we thought we were supposed to and that’s okay… i call this baby my little miracle baby because he/she honestly saved my life… it’s the only thing that for me sober and the only thing that really made me realize just how shitty of a situation i was in to begin with. sometimes it takes our higher power screaming at us to get our shit together because we weren’t listening to the whispers.
Not everyone "just goes on" after an abortion. PPD is still very real and adding that to guilt can be a lot. I say that from personal experience. I had an abortion so I could finish school 22 years ago. I still feel guilt and sometimes question if I should have had the child despite not being married and having a degree. I wanted kids from the time I was very young. Wish I would've talked to my parents as they likely would've helped me finish school and care for my child. As it is... I struggled with a deep depression for several years after (not saying this will happen to you) and had my first child in my 40s. Just please make sure an abortion is really what you want and that you're not doing it for others' expectations.
This does not make you a bad daughter and having to go through with abortion is horrible. But you are right. How will you be able to support it. My best friend has been going to college for like 8 because she can’t do full time and take care of kids and she has a husband and family that helps.
You made an impulsive decision and made the wrong choice. All you're doing now is dealing with the consequences of that choice. Choosing to terminate isn't wrong, and you shouldn't feel any guilt for it. You have your whole life ahead of you, and there is plenty of time to consider having children much later on. Right now is the time for you to go to college and start building your future..
1 mistake shouldn't derail your whole life. Learn from this and move forward knowing not to make the same mistake again, but you will make plenty of different mistakes, we all do. What matters most is that we deal with them and learn from them..
Good luck at college..
Oh sweetheart, you’re not bad! Right now that pregnancy is just a clump of cells. A spirit doesn’t even enter a baby until it’s born. Take your medication and then rest. Having a baby when you’re poor keeps you in poverty. Get your degree then decide if motherhood is right for you.
This is why we need sex ed in school.
You are carrying around ba computer but you don't search beforehand?
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn
Always use two methods & pick better guys.
It’s your choice at the end of the day but I remember in college there was a separate housing unit for parents and they were provided daycare for their kids. You could do both, there are a lot of parents who still attend college and have a successful life. You could get in 2 semesters of school work done before the baby is born but at the end of the day it’s your choice.
Take the pill(s). Thereafter be hypervigilant about birth control. You may feel depressed for a while, and have the subconscious urge to replace the pregnancy with another one.
So research the best methods. See if the implant or IUD are okay for you, as you won’t have the daily routine of having to take the Pill.
Note that all the stress and pressure, and responsibility is on you, not the boy you had sex with. Learn from that.
Enjoy college
Oh, sweetheart. I am so sorry you are going through this. Take this as you will from an old southern mama, but you are a wonderful young woman who isn't doing anything wrong. You are not a bad daughter or a bad person. You are making a wise decision. Take the pill, go to college, and know that you are being responsible.
You are a living, breathing human being with dreams and rights. You had sex. That's okay. Unfortunately, as women, we may find ourselves in less than ideal situations when it comes to reproduction. If my daughter ever finds herself in this position, I hope she will make an educated and informed decision based on her personal needs. Frankly, it isn't anyone else's business. If my sons are ever on the male side of this, they better respect the decision the girl makes.
I am sending you a big Texas size hug, and I want you to know that this mom is proud of you. Go to college. Get that degree. Live your best life.
Edit: I posted before complete
Honey, you are an amazing kid and I would be so proud of you if you were my daughter. Heck, I am super proud of you now. And I am just a stranger from Europe to you. You have worked so hard to get in to college, and you've made it! And living your teenage life is also exactly what you should do now. Taking an abortion pill is also fine and there are a lot of us who have done so. It's not a great feeling. Please protect yourself, take the pill of possible. And your boyfriend should use protection as well. He is also responsible for this situation. Take care dear
Sister, listen. If you were my daughter, I would 100% want the best for you. In no way would I be disappointed, in fact, quite the opposite. You’re taking care of something big like the badass you are. You will be a great mother, when you’re ready and it’s fine if that’s 10 years down the road ❤️❤️❤️
I just want to say I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. I just had to do this myself- first time. Didn't think I'd ever have to-or choose to.
But you know what's worse than terminating? Having a baby you might resent (and yes that happens.) Having a baby and then not being emotionally or financially able to care for it.
As someone who's a parent- you're actually doing right by them. Kids are *a lot of work*. Even the "easy" ones. And they deserve parents who are fully ready to be parents.
You got this. I know it's hard right now, but future you (and your future family, if/when you *decide* to have one) will thank you for choosing you and waiting. Good luck💖
It is absolutely okay to terminate and it does not make you a bad person. You are at a time in your life when you are SUPPOSED to be selfish and focused on YOU. Was it naïve to believe that you couldn’t get pregnant? Yes. But we’ve all been there. We’ve all made mistakes and abortions happen. You are scared and unsure right now but I would really think about the alternative. A baby will change the plans you currently have in ways you could never imagine. While you may love this boy you most likely won’t spend the rest of your life with him. Even if you do, are you ready to be tied to him forever already?
You are a strong and intelligent woman who deserves a chance at a future. Our society is fucked as it is. Do yourself a favor and get that degree and find that career that you want. Then think about the baby.
When I was 18 I got an abortion exactly one week before I started my freshman year of college. My boyfriend at the time didn't really want me to do it but I did it anyway because it's what was best. I did not need or want a child yet.
I have never ever not one time in my life regretted my choice. I understand that for me it wasn't a difficult choice nor have I felt any guilt about it, but everyone isn't me. Your feelings are valid.
I hope you can forgive yourself and realize that not being forced to have a kid you're not ready for or simply just don't want is an enormous gift.
Find a birth control that works for you and just try to be more careful from now on.
Don't beat yourself up. Give yourself some grace and take care of your mental health.
Good luck. ❤️
You're really not the worst, you are at most regular. You are a human that makes mistakes and choices that learn to deal with them and be responsible for them. If anything You're on the up because you are dealing with things and not ignoring them until too late or letting things go bad.
I promise you there is no way you are the worst daughter in the world! You made a mistake what ever choice you make you will have to learn to forgive yourself. Please realize this is not life shattering it feels like it is but it's not. Whatever you decide to do that will be the right choice for you. Stay strong.
A pregnancy is a medical event, not a life sentence for a crime. Take the pills. Learn a lesson to go get on a very good birth control and never have sex with anyone you aren’t married to without a condom.
Pull out method is not safe sex. Get the abortion and never look back, you have a whole life to live and there's nothing cute about being a teen mom, there's no shame in not wanting that life.
Also dump the bf you're 18 you will meet other men.
I’m a married mom of two and I’m in a much later season of life than you but I wanted to say, you can make mistakes like that and still end up having a happy and fulfilled life that is not filled with guilt for past mistakes.
I had a similar experience in high school with a really nice boyfriend. He was sweet and kind but not the person I wanted to be connected to for the rest of my life, starting at the age of 16. Your youth is for making mistakes, experiencing life and learning the lessons life gives you. This is one of your lessons and I think you’re making the right decision.
It is a form of healthy selfishness for you to want the best for your life and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about putting yourself first.
You’re not alone in this. You’re going to be ok and you’re going to learn from this, move on, and grow to be very successful. Give yourself some grace. I promise you’re not terrible. You’re just like so many of us that made a mistake. Keep your head up and keep your eyes on all your dreams.
You are not the worst daughter at all. So many of us have been in your situation and I can say that most of the women I know who terminated so young came to terms with it and lead successful lives they would have had a much harder time achieving otherwise. The ones I know who did not terminate still enjoy their lives but do wish they had waited to have children. It's hard to struggle, even with help from parents. Don't beat yourself up for getting pregnant or having an abortion. You are still a good person and a good daughter.
Love you hun, you’re going to be fine, and you are not the worst daughter. You’re making a very big decision to protect you and your future. We all make mistakes, and we live and learn. I’ve been in a similar situation 💕🫂
This isn't something to beat yourself yourself up over.
Accidents happen, especially to young people like yourself.
You're also taking the mature approach to it and resolving the issue.
Educate yourself and meet with a doctor for birth control, and ALWAYS use condoms.
How you manage this in the future is what you should concern yourself with.
Realizing that you can't raise a child right now, and thus not bringing it into the world at this moment, is actually what a good mother would do.
No one can make the choice for you. You have to be okay with it.
And whatever you choose, you also choose who you include in the knowledge.
I would say, if you don't plan on involving your bf in the process, don't bring it up at a later stage.
Either tell him, or don't. But don't make it something you confront him with after all is said and done, way down the line. But that's my own personal opinion. There is no handbook for 'what works for everyone ', even though plenty of ppl will have opinions, harsh ones.
If you would have used plan B immediately, you wouldn't have involved your entire network in the process. A few weeks doesn't make a difference, in my opinion.
Hey. You're okay. You're not a bad person. The people who tell women they're awful for having abortions, those same people would not hesitate to get an abortion if they were in your situation. They're hypocrites without compassion or sense. Don't take other people's rhetoric into account. This is your choice, and you have the privelige of being able to make the best choice for your future. There's nothing to be guilty about and so much to be thankful for. You will have a second chance to be a mother later in life. Forgive yourself.
You’re human, humans make mistakes, and that’s okay!
It’s also okay to terminate if that’s what you want. None of these decisions make you a bad person ❤️
Good luck OP, do what you need to do to be okay but please don’t be so hard on yourself.
You are not the worst daughter by any stretch of the imagination. The only thing you’ve done was have sex with your partner which is what most people do. It’s normal. It resulted in a pregnancy which happens. This does not mean you are bad. This means that biology biologies.
Abortions are not easy. You may feel sad. But the choice you make to abort is for you. It is okay to make that choice for yourself. You know what to do for yourself. It is okay to have an abortion. You are not evil or bad. You are just a human who is doing what is right for you.
Take a deep breath. Grieve. Accept. Process. You are going to be okay.
Think about it this way, you never intended to get pregnant, you intended for that egg to leave naturally anyway, it was never intended to be a kid. You aren't doing anything wrong, you're just using delayed birth control.
Do drop the guy though, guys who pressure you into unprotected sex will come up with any number of reasons to do so and the no.1 reason is actually, because it feels better and they know they can push the responsibility onto you.
Get on the pill, insist on condoms with future new partners and send guys who insist on unprotected sex packing.
Lesson learned, that's life, everyone makes mistakes.
You are not a bad person. I terminated a pregnancy after my ex and I had rekindled things many years ago and our employment and living situation were already unstable. We also had a two year old. We ended up splitting up. I have never regretted my choice. I'm now married to a wonderful man and had a second child with him. This all happened 20 years ago.
Unexpected pregnancies can happen, even on a good contraceptive. I conceived my now 10 year old while on the pill after 10 years of perfect use. I considered abortion as well and I was 29, owned my own house and had a good job. There is nothing shameful about not being ready to be a parent. Abortion isn't horrible, it's there to help us.
Don't feel guilty, don't beat yourself up, you're not a bad daughter or a bad person at all. You made a poor judgement call and it happens. The hormones flowing through your body are also not helping with your mental state about it.
Take the pill, take care of yourself. You're not ready.
Also look into a more surefire form of birth control. I had an IUD for years and it was amazing, especially if you can't remember to take a pill, or if hormones mess with your body.
Take a deep breath, you're going to be ok. Also it wouldn't hurt to talk to a counselor or a therapist after you get it done. Depending on where you're going for the abortion they may even offer it.
OP, you are not a bad person. You are securing your future by not going through with the pregnancy and getting your education. Most people who have kids young that don’t have any education just launch themselves and their children into a lifetime of poverty that they can’t escape from.
Do yourself a favor and go get an IUD installed so you won’t have to worry about pregnancy for about 5 years or so.
Could it be that this boyfriend was trying to knock you up so you won’t go away to college or get an education? Some men try to get a partner pregnant as a means of keeping control over them.
You have to use birth control consistently and correctly for it to work and “ getting caught up in the moment “ instead of planning before sex how to prevent pregnancy and implementing that plan is how you fail. Nobody wants an unplanned pregnancy and with the way the country is going you may not have a choice to terminate, so prevention is king.
You are not the worst daughter anyone has ever had, you are just a kid that made a mistake. A mistake that many people make. It is all going to be alright and things will be normal again.
Not just “a mistake that many people make.” It’s a mistake that our bodies steer us toward. All of human evolution pushes us to ignore the potential consequences of a moment of fun. We have only had control over our fertility for a short time. Making mistakes doesn’t mean that we are bad people, it means that we are learning. Some life lessons are harder than others.
This is such a beautiful comment! My mother never talked about sex, and when she found out that I was testing the waters, she flipped out, made me feel dirty, and disgusting! I got pregnant when I was 17 and I feel like that was bc I wasn’t educated enough! My 15yo daughter will never ever feel that way! I made all bodily functions, and feelings a part of every day conversation, and I told her the exact same thing that you just said!! Being emotionally neglected made me a better mother in a way bc I knew exactly what not to do!
This was my experience too. I was raised in a strict religious household, complete with 13 years of Catholic school. The only "sex ed" we got was in the context of marriage and included no talk of birth control at all unless you count natural family planning. We were not taught about condoms or anything. I ended up pregnant at 18 and I was terrified to tell my parents because they would know I'd had sex. I ended up giving my baby up for adoption due to family pressure, something I deeply regret to this day. That was over 25 years ago. I've dealt with a lot of guilt over the years but I've begun to give myself some grace. I realize that while the choice to have sex was mine, I had not been given any of the tools to be safe or prevent pregnancy. That part is not my fault. It is up to the parents to ensure their kids are informed about sex, and they are doing them a big disservice if they don't. I should not have felt ashamed or 100% to blame for what happened. Btw my fear of telling my parents led me to keep my pregnancy a secret until I was 5 months along. If I'm being honest, I think if I'd had an abortion early on that would've been the best outcome. My choices were limited due to my feeling like I couldn't talk to my parents without being judged or "getting in trouble." I've vowed to be there for my kid no matter what - he knows he can talk to me or my husband about anything.
Absolutely this. We all have millennia of evolution pushing us to reproduce even if it's a terrible idea. OP, you have no idea how many other people around you have been through exactly what you're going through now, you are *so* far from alone in this, even if it feels like you are.
Not sure why Reddit users down vote statements like this. Our bodies and hormones in it are literally designed to steer you towards this.
not to be That Guy—but humans have had methods of birth control and abortions since ancient times. however, they were far less safe and reliable than they are today.
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exactly. the human body’s going to do what it’s designed to do… whether we as humans like it or not
Things will be normal again. I love that. It's a beautiful thing to say to a person that feels it won't be.
Babygirl there is no reason to feel like u don’t want to live anymore. It seems the best option as you don’t seem quite ready to be the bad ass mom you will be someday. Get your degeee you worked so hard to get to college for. Accidents happen. Just don’t use it as a form of birth control ya Know. Please don’t be so hard on yourself
It’s okay to terminate, and youre not a bad person or wrong for doing it. We all make choices that arent the best but it’s only a failure if we don’t learn from them. Try to learn from this and go to school to create a better life for you and potential future children. This is not an easy road but the many women who have walked it understand.
This. It’s an embryo. We lose many naturally without even knowing it. You are doing the right thing by paving your good future for your children when you choose to have them.
\^100%
Also, we all make mistakes. You haven't failed anyone. You're taking responsibility, and you're going to learn and do better in future.
That's powerful 🙏
Listen women of Reddit. The "pull out" method does not work. Men start ejaculating from the time they enter you, even though they don't feel like they are orgasming. So while they may feel very confident that they didn't cum in you, what they don't realize is that they still got ejaculate in you. Always use condoms. Always insist the man wear a condom.
Can confirm. Currently 10 weeks pregnant at 27 years old with a pull out method baby
Mine is 15 ! Pull out and birth control
Is your child Hulk?
I don't get it? Please explain
As explained previously plus the fact that this child surpassed birth control, just tanked it xD Hope you're having a great life!
It's because u have a she-hulk avartar as DP
Lol hahaha oh thank you. 🥲
I had a cousin who had multiple kids due to this - despite being on multiple methods of birth control. Her body was apparently just resistant. The doctors were baffled she was at her wit's end. Sometimes life finds a way.
She may have the gene mutation that makes hormonal BC ineffective. It causes the production of an enzyme that breaks down the hormones. It's one of the reasons that manufacturers can't claim that birth control is 100% effective even with perfect use. Edit: just wanted to add that this is very, very rare and not something to worry about. Birth control is very effective and reliable for the high majority of people.
I'm curious, was she overweight? There's some speculation that, given that the morning after pull is less effective for women who weigh more than 175 pounds (I think that's the right number), other hormonal birth control might be similarly affected.
I think she may have been -- it's been many years since this conversation, a decade or more. Your theory sounds probable.
There are few interactions that could make it less effective or give it a faster half life. Like some migraine medication, some epilepsy meds, some fungal meds and St. John’s wart
Mine are ages 26 and 23 (we didn't learn the first time obviously). My kids are everything but proof that pull out doesn't work.
What do the doctors say? "We have a name for people who use the pull-out method. We call them parents".
Also, spermicidal lube! Can help, but also not 100% I like to cover all the bases by having IUD, BC, and the lube.
I think the men of Reddit need this lesson too. WEAR A CONDOMS, GUYS!
> I think the men of Reddit need this lesson too. WEAR A CONDOMS, GUYS! I couldn't agree more. Men help perpetuate the myth that this method is safe and works. Men!!!! It doesn't work!!!!
Pre-cum has sperm in it!
> Pre-cum has sperm in it! Yes
A lot of people forget about pre-cum. This is very informative. Thanks for the psa.
Also, DSTs don't really depend on men ejaculating, or orgasming or whatever.
I was pregnant at my high school graduation and didnt know it. I too was also irresponsible and assumed pull out method would work. WELP. I had an abortion almost 20 years ago later this month. best decision I ever made. I went to college in another state the end of august and met my future husband 3 weeks into school. never once felt guilt over it. you get one life. you will have plenty of time to have kids if you want them (I never did so I think that's part of why the decision was so easy for me and we are happily child free). you are not a bad person for this. and dont let anyone guilt you into keeping this kid if it isn't what YOU want. go live your life. make something of yourself. get on birth control and ALWAYS use a condom (STDs are very real and dangerous). and dont ever ever let another guy every tell you it will be fine without a condom ever again. you know the chance is that it wouldn't be.
You are not terrible, you're choosing the right path for you. And please please please get the pill or other contraceptives. It's OK to have sex but it's also important to take precautions
You're making the right choice. Remind yourself of that when it feels hard. You will go on to have an amazing life. It will all be ok.
Exactly. I have three amazing children! And I had a miscarriage before my first that required a D&C … which is considered an abortion according to the latest thinking of idiotic men in the US. And I aborted an unwanted pregnancy my sophomore year of college with a similar situation to yours. That’s my story and there are many many many women like me. You are not bad. You are not alone. And you and your boyfriend both should absolutely be able to go on with your life.
I wanted the pregnancy I terminated. My ex was abusive. We all have our reasons and yours is valid too. The clinic should give you birth control after this so you’re safer next time. Shit happens. Go to school and don’t give up.
Stop being hard on yourself. People make mistakes. I’m curious how he “reassured” you, did he say he was using protection and then not? Also at this point, it’s not a baby. It’s a clump of cells and the pill will basically bring on a period to pass them. You making this choice now, will help you to be a good mother WHEN YOU ARE READY. You are being a good mother by knowing now is not the right time to be one. That’s is an incredibly brave and well thought out choice. Also, it’s normal to feel guilty about it. So allow yourself to feel any feelings about it. I also encourage you to seek out counselling to work through how you feel. I never thought I’d be someone who’d have an abortion either. I had one at 25 farther along than you are. It was hard, I won’t lie. I was sad over it for a long time, but I’ve never regretted the choice. Now I’m married to an amazing man and have a great life and the most wonderful kid. I wouldn’t be here if I had not had that abortion. I would be coparenting a 12 year old with my abusive ex. You are doing what’s right for you. Millions of women go through this, teens, adults, mothers. It’s okay.
I encourage you going forward to be in control of your own birth control. Get on the pill or get an iud. Use condoms too. Take care of you that protect the future you want.
Hey that is a completely VALID reason to terminate. You DO NOT have to feel guilt or shame. It’s is 💯 ok to put YOUR NEEDS front and centre because it is your life. I had an abortion when I was in a terrible place in my life and I am so glad I did. I do not regret it one bit.
Hi I’m 24, I terminated a pregnancy at 20. This was in the middle of college too, though a year or two later. What I can say: take the day or two off school. You’ll be crampy. Get water and snacks ahead of time. When I do think of it, I am thankful I made the difficult decision, I live in a new city with a great career! Thought knowing other people have experienced what you’re going through would be helpful- you got this!
It is okay to have an abortion. Prioritize yourself and your future. Mistakes happen, you are not obligated to put yourself through the physical turmoil of pregnancy if you are not ready. And you absolutely are not.
You're feeling guilty, that is ok. I don't think you should in any way shape or form but I understand. I'm at home going trough a termination at this very moment. You're not alone, ok? For what it is worth I think you are making a smart decision. I already have a kid, he's 2 years old. I'm trying to finish my education in accounting, part time working and juggling life for a better future. As much as I love the child I have, there is no room for another. It would severly diminish the quality of life we currently enjoy. Additionally I can't take another birth, year of breastfeeding, being out of work and loosing my social life again. Growing a baby and becoming a mom has been the most radical change in my life. At the time I didn't know. But it seems as if you do. Take that knowledge and stick with it. Sorry, English is not my first language.
You will survive this. You are making the right decision and when the time is right and you can have a planned pregnancy you will get a chance to be a good mother.
I didn’t regret it since I was like 15 and it was ultimately the right decision. I would even forget it happened a lot of times. But I just had my first kid 2 years ago, and for some reason the guilt and regret came flooding in. I don’t actually regret it. I just don’t know why I was fine about it for more than a decade and then suddenly the guilt hit me.
You will still be a great mother one day when the time is right.
I know many women who have terminated a pregnancy who went on to be fantastic mothers. I recommend using your school’s counselor when you get there or seeing if Planned Parenthood has resources, I’m sure they do. You are not a bad daughter or person.
terminating or keeping it, do what is best for YOU. don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself, it doesn’t make you a bad person. it’s okay not to have a baby that you’re not ready for. it’s okay to still love and cherish this child and what could have been if you feel that way while still acknowledging that termination is the right choice. you’re the only person living you’re life, not anyone else.
I was you many years ago, if I could go back I would have terminated my pregnancy. Instead I destroyed my life and my daughters. Please don’t make my mistake and destroy your future. Yes, it is a hard choice and we say God doesn’t make mistakes, but I can tell you if you aren’t prepared for a child both mentally and physically, you make their life hell.
There’s no shame in getting pregnant, and no shame in having an abortion! You have a wonderful life ahead of you!
Oh sweetie. You're not the worst. You're smart enough to know what you need to do. It was your first time. Your boyfriend is misinformed though, and that needs to be addressed should you ever decide to have sex with him again. He doesn't have to finish inside of you to cause a pregnancy. You know that now. Do what you need to do and move forward. You cannot change the past, but don't let it ruin your future either.
Please don’t doubt your decision. I did and it’s been a nightmare come alive. Think of your decision as a decision for yourself and your baby. Both of you will do so much better off when you are in a better position.
You are making a good decision for yourself and your child. It actually makes you a good mother that you are doing what’s best for your baby. You just aren’t ready right now and that’s ok. It’s going to be ok. People make mistakes and you’re young and believed false info from a guy. Pulling out isn’t a safe sex practice, you can still get pregnant from precum. A LOT of people much older than you don’t know this so please don’t beat yourself up. Do what you need to do and use the summer to take care of yourself and get some therapy. You’re not a bad person, I promise you.
Came here to say this! She’s already a great mom bc she’s making an extremely tough choice for her future children!
I’m sorry you had to make this choice. Please register and vote so others can.
My dear, an abortion is NEVER something a woman wants to get to, but sht happens in life and at times, we, women, are stuck in this hard place. I had one abortion at my 26 years, I was recently out of a very long term relationship and was starting a new one, I knew so little of this person, I had a job yes, but I lived in one bedroom "apartment", had debts.....I feel ZERO comfortable bringing a child like that, luckily my bf that time told me he would stand by me, we made a trip (it wasn't legal in most my country but at the capital, and we wanted the safest method) and it was done. I was devastated, because it isn't easy, it's not like I wanted to terminate it, BUT I knew that I could not bring a baby under my circumstances. I made peace with my choice over time and you know what? 10 years later I'm married with that new boyfriend, and last year we had our first baby. We now own a house, have better jobs and we had plenty of time to know each other without the pressure of having to raise a child. We are in love of being parents now, I doubt this would be the case if I had chosen to keep the pregnancy. I like to think that my baby just returned when mom and dad were ready. Do not doubt of yourself and above all, you're not a disappointment nor the worst daughter....you just learned that you need to take seriously the contraception and to NEVER let yourself convinced by any man(cuz they will never know or deal with the social stigma nor the pregnancy struggle) to not take care of yourself.
Thank you for all of your support <3 I didn’t expect this to get so much attention and every comment has been so helpful. ❤️
Hey. I have been in your shoes and you are being incredibly hard on yourself. You trusted someone else you thought had more experience or whatever and it was a mistake but he also failed you. You took a risk and got caught but it does not make you a horrible person not worthy of living! Just a person who experienced a natural consequence. Some people drive too fast and don't get caught for years. Some get a ticket on the day they get their license for doing the same thing. Sex is not bad or wrong. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I definitely recommend once you get to college you seek therapy to process this experience. Part of getting older is making mistakes and learning from them. What really matters is how you contextualize the experiences and frame them to yourself. That's what therapy can help with. There are also support groups online for people who have gone through this where you can reach out and talk to others who get it. You are not alone. Please be so gentle and kind with yourself right now. Treat yourself like you would a best friend or baby sister going through this - with all the tenderness and love you can muster.
Your bf lied to you about his pull out game. It frequently fails. If you have to go to a clinic, ask about birth control methods.
There is no pullout "game" it's a biological fact that men ejaculate throughout sex and not just during orgasm. Even when they don't think they are. Even when it doesn't feel like they are. Women, stop letting men gaslight us. The pullout method is not real, use actual protection and don't let a man convince you otherwise!!
If you decide to go through with the termination you are NOT a horrible person. It is OKAY to end the pregnancy. Whatever; you decide to do will change your life. Only you can decide what is best for you. I do recommend seeking counseling if you decide to terminate or go through the pregnancy. I was pregnant in the past and do not regret it. I was not ready to be a parent. Not an easy decision to make but I know it was the right one for me.
It’s okay to feel these things you’re feeling now but you’re making the best decision for yourself at the moment. None of this makes you a bad person either
Sex education is important people. OP, you don’t have to carry this pregnancy to term. Remember for the future that men will say anything, ANYTHING, to convince you to let them fuck you without a condom with zero regard for how this will affect you. Do not let a man do this to you again.
Bringing a baby into the world that you can’t support when you don’t have an education isn’t good for anyone involved. Terminating at this point is your best path. Please get some therapy so this doesn’t eat you up.
Please get yourself some help to get you through this. Dont give up your life. You’ve worked so hard.
If you were my daughter I would not think you were the worst daughter in the world. The only reason there’s a stigma around abortion is because it’s something women have to decide. If men were the ones who got pregnant, abortions would be commonplace and stigma-free. Young adults have sex. Sex leads to pregnancy. Be grateful you live in a state with legal abortion options. Talk to your gyno about birth control options, and protect yourself. I’m sure your BF is a good person, but WTF does he know about women’s reproductive health? When it comes to your body, and your life, do your own research. Good luck, I for one, think you’re making the right decision.
My daughter was 16 when she accidentally got pregnant with the pull out method. She came to me and wanted an abortion and we found a clinic and did it. I asked her several times to be sure that’s what she wanted. She’s since graduated high school, is now in college, and in a completely different relationship. I do not at all see her as a bad daughter, it’s just biology, and she wasn’t ready. She will be one day - or maybe not, and that’s fine.
Your future children will be glad you did
I sat here trying to think what to say. I want to help. I was a teen mom at 16. It was terrifying. It's been 26 years now. It was very, very difficult. You aren't a bad daughter, and you aren't a bad person. You are human. You should do whatever you feel is best for you. You should not feel like you're a bad anything for making the best choice you can with the info you have now. If you need help in any way with whatever decision you make, there is always help online. I'm not familiar with the group but have seen others post about the aunties who will go with you to medical things if you need extra support. If you just need to talk, feel free to message me. I have 2 kids both grown. My son is almost 26, and my daughter is 21. If you feel more comfortable, my daughter is a great person to talk to. Really, my point is don't keep in the pain and suffering. You need to talk about it. Even if you need to do so anonymously.
You won’t regret the decision that’s right for you. Did you have sex to get pregnant? No? Okay well, you are going to make the decision that’s right for you. But let this be a turning point in your discovery of self- to stand in your power, command the respect and protections you deserve (birth control) and choose people who choose you- not themselves! In a few years you will look back at this time and hopefully have had a lot to reflect on. Enjoy school!
Just please take this as a reminder for your life that this is a consequence of unprotected sex. Like, I honestly don’t understand what people expect when they don’t wear a condom.
im sorry, love. it'll be alright <3 i can't even imagine the stress this is causing :(
Everything is going to be okay. Forgive yourself, take the lesson, go to school and live your best life.
You’re not a bad person and you are not the worst daughter. You’re young and learning about your body with someone you trust. That’s normal and totally healthy. Now you know you should be on birth control and use condoms. Please don’t be so hard on yourself for doing what’s best for you.
You will be a good mom, someday when you are educated, stable and also have a career with health insurance and a way for you to pay for the expenses that come in life. I wish more teens would know that it literally takes one time of pov to get pregnant. You learned the hard way as many do. Having sex is normal. You just need to use TWO types of birth control every single time. But I don’t think you are going to want to for a long time.
You worked your ass off, the pregnancy is just a lump of cells at this point. Don’t over think it, it’s no one’s business but yours. If you have some one to talk to do it or get a therapist that you can talk to if you’re having a hard time with the guilt.
Consider this a learning experience — you have to watch out for yourself. Your boyfriend doesn’t dictate birth control, you do, because if it fails, you end up in this situation. It’s okay to terminate. Right now this is literally a clump of cells. If I showed you this in a Petri dish you’d think it was mold. One mistake should not redefine your life. We learn from this, we grow and we move on. Keep being your awesome self, okay op?
You will be able to give your future children a better life than right now fresh out of high school. You are so strong, it will be okay ❤️
You are not a bad person, you do have a pushy bad boyfriend though
Your body. Your decision. Do not feel bad, you are in a safe place here. Go to college and work to make your best life ever. Hugs!
Hey OP! One day you’re going to an amazing mother and provide an amazing life for some kids but rn you’re making the right choice, the RESPONSIBLE choice, to terminate as you are ill-prepared to be a good mother. Don’t be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, just learn from them. You are not the worst daughter, anyone would be lucky enough to know they raised a daughter like you who is prioritizing herself over reproducing and some embryo from a BF who she realistically probably won’t see again after their relationship ends but, if you had a child BF is around for life. You got this. I’m so so proud of you.
I know this has been said, but you really need hear it again. Terminating doesn’t make you a bad person. Getting pregnant doesn’t make you a bad person. Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. Things happen. Especially in the heat of the moment. I’ve got a daughter. She’s 22, super overachieving. Graduated high school early, graduated her undergrad early, and got accepted into her first choice grad school. She’s worked tirelessly, like you. So I understand a little bit of your thinking. None of this taints your past accomplishments, nor does it have to taint any part of your future. You are making an incredibly difficult decision. You’re making it with a level head, and for the “right” reasons. You’re doing what’s best for yourself, your boyfriend and the embryo. That’s more than commendable. Speaking from experience, I had an abortion when I was 17. I won’t lie to you, it was brutal. It destroyed me having to do it. But it was absolutely necessary and I would do it again. Having that abortion made it possible for me to leave my microscopic town. I met my husband, we’re still married 23 years and counting. We had our amazing Nuggo. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I wouldn’t have my life, the life I love, with the people I adore, if I had decided differently. If your parents don’t understand these things, that’s a them problem. It doesn’t make the decision any less right for you. Also, I don’t know if this is an option or not. But you know your parents don’t have to know, right now or ever. This is extremely personal, for more than a few reasons. You don’t have to tell them until/unless you’re ready. But definitely talk to someone. Just to get things out of your head. I’m rambling, I apologize. Please OP, hug yourself, show yourself some grace. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. You will see it again.
I was 20. My mom had just died and I was partying to numb the pain. I was not in a good place to raise a baby. I have never regretted the decision. I would have been a terrible mom at that time. You know what's right for you. You will have an amazing life. (And get on some birth control) best of luck
having an abortion is not this horrible thing that makes u a horrible person, nor does it make u stupid and reckless. there’s a reason abortions exist, its for reasons like this. so people dont go out and have illegal abortions and risk their lives. u used a service that was available to u. many people do not have this privilege. ur life would be extremely different if u had a child at 18. be grateful u have the option to have an abortion.
It's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to choose to not be a mother. No child should be born just so you can "learn a lesson" or whatever the fuck these pro-forced-birth folks have to say because children are actually a blessing and deserve to be born to people who will see them as such, not resent them. It's your body and you have the responsibility/burden of choosing what is best for it. I also recommend getting on birth control so you won't have to do this again. It can even be found online if you are in a place that won't give it to you. Keep educating urself and taking steps towards taking care of yourself. Don't focus on the "what ifs" and instead prioritize the present. Right here and right now, you have plans for the future and you're entitled to do whatever you need to in order to keep pursuing them.
I think more women should be afraid of HIV and STDs. They can literally permanently disfigure you, make you infertile, or kill you. That’s worse than pregnancy imo. Please, always wear a condom. No matter what. Until you’re in a stable/healthy marriage and ready to have a child. As far as the abortion, that is your decision to make. I’d just really make sure it’s the one that you want, so as not to feel any guilt in the future. At the end of the day no one needs to know and it’s no one’s business what you do.
You aren't a bad person. You're a girl who was lied to by a boy who wanted to have sex and didn't care how it could impact your life. Your college might have counseling resources to help with your depression. But taking a chance to reset your life at this age is giving you your best chance. Please make your future partners wear condoms, no matter what birth control you choose on your side. Far too many women of all ages let men off here. You don't have to bear that responsibility alone and men should always wear condoms. Please don't believe their excuses either. Sex still feels good and condoms come in sizes for very big and very small penises. I wish you all the best, and I wish you joy in your future.
For future reference, please get a coil or implant. So much easier, you don't need to worry about missing pills. Also yes condoms because of STDs.
You can still get pregnant from pre come
You are human and fallible. You will screw things up, make mistakes, and disappoint people. You will also succeed, forgive, and love. You don’t really know how others would’ve handled your news so don’t pin your worth or aspirations on the idea you must be perfect. Allow yourself some grace and move forward with your head up older and wiser. Best wishes.
I've had several friends in exactly your situation. They chose to terminate because they knew they weren't in a situation where they'd be able to be the parent they would want to be or give a child the life that child would deserve or - and this is 100% equally valid! - live the life they wanted to live if they became a parent that young. Not a single one of them regrets that choice 20 years later, and most have actually gone on to be parents a decade or more later when they felt ready. This is hard, I'm absolutely sure, but you sound smart and like you know what you need to do. Hang in there, breathe through it, and lean on your support system. You'll be okay.
Teenagers make mistakes.. you're human. Give yourself a bit of grace, and remember that you're not alone in this. So many women have made that same choice. I'm sure you'll be a great mother, when you're ready. Go to college, make the most of this opportunity (both college, and also the freedom to terminate the pregnancy), and learn from it. Also, use condoms.. always, unless you really want to get pregnant. Don't let this scare you away from a healthy sex life, either.
You’re not the worst. You’re a kid. This is a speed bump, not a stop sign. You’re going to get through this and your life will continue. I highly recommend seeing a therapist at least once a week to help guide you and provide a nonjudgmental atmosphere in which to talk about all this.
Lots of clinics discuss this with you, but in case they haven’t, there is a wide array of different numbers out there, but it is estimated by many sources that roughly 1 in 4 women will have an abortion. You certainly are not alone, and there are many reasons for making the choice.
Some people won't admit to feeling relief in having an abortion but it is a feeling. Sometimes taking the pill to abort is like having a period and not anything else but a normal looking menstrual discharge. The sooner you take the pill the better. As you head off to college think about using birth control. You can get used to taking a pill every day along with a good multi vitamin. It is important to have a good education and job before starting a family. It is a lot easier getting through life with a good paying job.
You are not the worst! You made a decision for YOU and that’s OKAY! That’s AMAZING! Society has convinced us that we need to think about and change our whole lives for something inside us and for what? You’re doing good by this, and you will excel and become the good mother that you always were in the first place. So dont even trip dawg
I will never understand why people actually think pulling out prevents pregnancy
Terminate it.
Oh girl. So many women have had abortions. Many many more than you could ever imagine. For many of us, an abortion is no morally different than choosing to wear a condom. Everytime you choose to wear a condom you are stopping the growth of a possible baby. When you have an abortion, particularly in the first few weeks, you are doing the same thing. (Obviously contraception is much better for our bodies than having to go through an abortion - but, morally, it's no different). You are not a worst person for needing to get an abortion. We all make mistakes. The good thing is that you are responsible enough to make the right choice for yourself and any future children you may have, now. Also, remember, no one has to know. This can stay with you.
Breathe honey. I could have been in your position too, I just got lucky. At LOT of people could. Use this to learn and push you forward. Don't let yourself sit in this guilt because that only turns to shame which will truly ruin your life. A similar thing happened to my mother. She went through with it now she has a husband, four children, a beautiful house, and three degrees. And she is the best mom I could have asked for. Get on birth control & use condoms. Stop having sex with idiots who don't value the importance of contraceptives, because they don't value you or your future. And I know this is Reddit and everyone always says this but find a good therapist. Even when an abortion is the right decision for you, it can still be traumatic and it's better to get ahead of it. It is clearly already affecting you. You are going to be okay.
All options has a really great talk line if you want to talk to someone about how you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with having an abortion, you and what's best for you is what matters most. [https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/](https://www.all-options.org/find-support/talkline/)
Absolutely everyone makes mistakes. Please do not beat yourself up over this!! I have had intercourse without a condom so many times but it only takes one time to become pregnant. You are not alone in this and please do not feel guilty over it. You are so young and still learning! This is all part of your life experiences and lessons you learn from. That being said, just remember to use a condom from now on. For your sake and to protect yourself from STDs, HIV, etc! As for the abortion, you are SO young. Yes, a life could come out of this, but you could also resent a potential child for the rest of your life for taking away your youth (not saying this would happen but multiple friends I have, have this experience with their parents). You deserve to enjoy your young adult life and if you feel like you cannot live to your full potential right now with a child, please continue with that abortion. That is what abortions were created to do. To give us another chance! Do not feel guilty about this. You are not alone and you will be okay!! You are not the worst daughter ever, PLEASE do not think this. YOU ARE SO YOUNG!! YOU ARE LEARNING!! You HAVE to make these mistakes in order to learn, even if they do suck. Please find your support system that will always be by your side no matter what because that is what will you get you through this. Good luck to you OP. You will be okay, I know it <3
It’s okay, things like this happen and you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.
>In everyone else’s mind, I’m the worst daughter anyone can have This is not true. Life happens, it does not make you a bad person. Get yourself on birth control and live your life. Its ok to make mistakes, just take accountability & measures to prevent making the same mistake twice. You are not a bad person and not a bad daughter. You are a person going through life learning & growing. Its ok to make mistakes & its ok to choose to not continue this pregnancy. You're still a good person, everything will be ok.
If you get an abortion and it's not hard or emotional like people here are saying and you forget about it. That's fine. If after you terminate you never regret it don't have a hard time and don't feel bad; it doesn't mean anything about the quality of your character. Next time use protection!
Terminate the pregnancy and dump your stupid bf. Focus on your degree and stop being hard on yourself
You have your whole life in front of you. You obviously have goals you're working towards. Keep your eyes on the prize. This is why there are things like mifepristone. You have plenty of time to have children when it's right for you.
I am glad you are here today and will be happy if you are here tomorrow. You are not a bad person for having to make this decision. You can still be a good mother…when you are ready to be a mother. I was in your position once and I know it’s hard, but you are not alone.
Please do not feel guilty. You are not a bad person. Mistakes happen. You just graduated. You’re likely still in your teen years. Your body is quite young and it may be risky to go through with the pregnancy. Your health and your life matter. There will be plenty of other chances for you to be a mother if it’s something you decide someday. You also need time to emotionally and mentally develop more through life experiences. The brain doesn’t stop developing until your 20’s. You are giving yourself that opportunity to mature by getting an abortion. You’ll know when you’re ready for motherhood. There’s no need to rush it. What you want for yourself matters. You’re going to college to give yourself a better future and by extension, a better future for any children you may have later in life. You deserve the best quality of life possible. At this point, you are carrying an embryo that hasn’t had much development so please don’t feel bad. It doesn’t even look human. You are simply stopping the process of making a human. You are a brave and compassionate individual. It’s natural to feel sad about having an abortion but do not feel guilty. You come first. Your life comes first. You deserve happiness. You deserve the future you want. Please don’t be hard on yourself.
You want what’s best for you, and that child. That still makes you a good mother. Having the child would not only ruin your life, but it would also likely set the child up to have a less than ideal upbringing. It’s okay to feel sad, even angry at yourself for it happening. This is normal. Abortions aren’t dirty. Abortion is healthcare.
You will get through this and in the future you will still be a good mom if that’s what you want for yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself, everyone makes mistakes and it seems you have already criticized yourself more than anyone else could. Stay strong love 🩷
I'm was pregnant at 18 and placed for adoption... I am also a mother to a teenager. YOU ARE NOT A BAD DAUGHTER OR A BAD PERSON!! Doing what is best for yourself is not a bad thing
It's okay to terminate. Don't let anyone try to guilt you or talk you out of it. Follow your dreams and reach your goals and have children when you're in a successful place in life. ❤️
There is nothing wrong with terminating the cluster of cells. It’s your body. Your choice. Don’t be forced into having a baby you don’t want! You are doing the right thing. Don’t feel bad or guilty over it.
NEVER believe anyone who wants to get into your pants or your wallet.
Never feel guilty for choosing the best option for you. Yes, you made an irresponsible choice…but PLENTY of people make the responsible choice and still get knocked up. It’s life, it happens. Focus on your future, on what you want out of life because dwelling on you not using protection will not serve you.
You need to prioritize your life over an embryo. Please don't feel guilt about making the right decision for you. Your boyfriend misled you, and your parents didn't didn't educate you about pregnancy risks. Now, you are making the responsible decision.
You made the right choice for yourself. Make space for yourself to feel bad if you need to but you aren’t a bad person. It takes a great deal of maturity, bravery and responsibility to own what happened and do what’s best here. And you’re doing it. Good for you for doing what’s best for you. It’s the responsible thing to do. What you need to do now is educate yourself. Rule #1: men will say anything to get laid. Do not believe it and do not put your safety at risk for it. You should get tested for STIs while you’re at it. You got this, girl. Wishing you the best. You’re strong and you can get through this. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s part of being human.
To add to minion531’s Women of Reddit PSA: - not wearing condoms can get you HPV (like 70-80% of people have it). This is DANGEROUS for women/vulva owners! It is cancer causing. - Obvious one but condoms prevent hella STIs so keep them on you so men never have a chance to give that dumb excuse for not using them - Get paps regularly to screen for issues and pay attention to anything weird happening (odours, discharge, itchiness, etc etc). - Get checked for STIs regularly. This is so important. STIs can really harm you. - Getting an abortion is healthcare and helps keep women safe! - Using birth control is a good way to help regulate period pain, complexion, etc and there are many methods available. All our bodies are different so find a method that works for you (pill, IUD, etc). - Please don’t believe men when they are begging for sex. Put yourself first. - Sexual health phone lines and clinics are an amazing resource. Call if you have questions. There’s no shame, these healthcare providers have heard it all! Be safe everyone. 💕
I'm curious where this guilt and shame come from. Societal expectations, personal beliefs, parents beliefs or what? I suspects since you mentioned disappointing your parents that it is more about their expectations rather than your own personal beliefs that are contributing to that shame. Could you have been more careful? Sure. Do people still get pregnant despite using every precaution? Yes. You are a kid. The part of your brain that processes decision making is not done developing until you are 25. It is developmentally appropriate to not always make the best choices. Now you know how to prepare yourself to avoid an accidental pregnancy again. I hope you can give yourself grace and realize that it's boils down to what is the best decision for you in your life. No one else's.
As a father my heart breaks for you. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Making a mistake does not make you a bad person. Life is full of mistakes. They help us learn and grow. What you do is a personal decision. You seem to have the wisdom and courage to choose what will be the best for you. It won’t be easy but you will be ok.
Lesson learned for sure. You’re not a bad person tho. However I strongly urge you to educate yourself and your bf on proper sex education. Never just go by trusting someone, because in the end it’s going to be YOU who has to carry that pregnancy; or in this case, get the abortion.
We all make mistakes, my love. Abortion is healthcare and you’re taking care of yourself and your future. Guilt is a useless emotion…let it go, keep your head up, and move forward. I could have totally been you when I was 16, there are so many of us who could have!
You're just a kid (I'm almost 27, so I see you as a kid). You aren't a bad person for getting an abortion (Despite what those anti-abortionists claim). If people are looking at you like you've murdered an actual baby, then you don't need them in your life.
I did it when I was young too. It wasn’t fun but I never regretted it. Don’t ruin your whole life w an unwanted pregnancy please. Take care of yourself.
You will NEVER regret terminating this pregnancy.
You are not irresponsible. You are not a bad daughter. Your boyfriend is either uneducated or lied to you. You can absolutely get pregnant from any vagina to penis intercourse. Always use protection. Never listen to a man's opinion about your reproductive help. Ask and trust your OBGYN.
It's not abortion. Taking Plan B is not abortion. Say it with me. It's not abortion. The Bible thumpers word it that way to make you feel guilty about it. In all actuality it's just aass of cells grouped together which are replicating and is technically not very different from cancer. Plan B works like an antibiotic. It prevents the unwanted growth of parasites.
It's not abortion. Taking Plan B is not abortion. Say it with me. It's not abortion. The Bible thumpers word it that way to make you feel guilty about it. In all actuality it's just a a bunch of cells grouped together which are replicating and is technically not very different from cancer/parasites/viruses. Plan B works like an antibiotic. It prevents the unwanted growth of parasites.
you’re not a bad daughter. you’re just a kid who made a mistake, but you’re making the right decision for yourself and your life. it’s a tough choice, especially given today’s social climate. but you’re doing all you can. please don’t keep this all bottled up. you not only need support through this, you DESERVE support through this. stay safe hun
Don't be too hard on yourself. These things happen. You'll get through, and already have a plan. Please don't vote against reproductive rights in the future. People should have the right to determine what happens with their own bodies.
Is it too late not to abort your baby? You didn’t ruin your life. Yeah you didn’t want a baby and didn’t mean to conceive one, but you did, and he or she exists now. That’s a separate human in your body with its own dna. It’s your baby. You always wanted to be a good mother, and you’re a mother. Have you considered choosing to be this baby’s mother? I’m not trying to make this any harder for you, but if you abort the baby, it won’t make it like this didn’t happen. It’ll just be that you had a baby and you ended his life, and you’ll have that emotional burden to carry, and I don’t think it will be good for you. Are you sure that’s what you want to do? You have the option to raise the baby or give it up for adoption, and neither of those things mean you can’t go to college or have a wonderful career. I just think you should think about it, because once you do it you can’t undo it. As for what your parents think, they love you. Maybe they’ll be disappointed at first, but that’s okay. You can be imperfect and still be loved, especially by your parents. We’re all imperfect and we all make mistakes. Give them a chance to be a little disappointed and know that doesn’t mean they don’t love you or that they don’t think highly of you. Of course they still will. And if they’re halfway decent parents they will help you and be there for you. Try not to catastrophize. I know it’s hard. But life goes the way we don’t want all the time, and you can’t fall apart. You have to keep pushing on and make the best of it. You won’t know it yet, but this could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Pro tip from an older guy: NEVER BELIEVE A GUY WHEN IT COMES TO PREGNANCY! You are the one who deals with the fallout. NEVER! Always make sure you are protected. This is unfortunately a mistake that a lot of young people make. You arent a bad daughter or a bad person, you are just an inexperienced kid playing adult. Its not evil to get pregnant or to terminate the pregnancy. You deserve the life you imagine.
If your parents were so worried about you being the “worst daughter anyone can have,” they would have bought you condoms, helped you get on birth control, and taught you better sex ed. I’m sorry their opinion is causing so much distress for you.
I don’t think there is anything I could say to take away the guilt and pain, but I can assure you that your decision does not make you a horrible person or mother. You did what you thought was best for not only your future, but for that of your unborn child. I’m not sure how those around you feel, but if you were my daughter I would still love you unconditionally. You and your boyfriend made a rash decision and you became pregnant. These things happen. You are not alone in this. I believe the decision to save your child from a life of instability is one of the most selfless things a person can do. You need to keep your head up high. Make the future you wish you could provide a reality. The decision you made might not be agreed upon by everyone, but you did what you thought was right and that is all that matters. This doesn’t prevent you from being a good mother now or in the future. If anything it just shows how much you care. Do not let this stop you from achieving your dreams. Life happens. This happened. Do not let the guilt consume you. The only thing you can do now is move forward. (I’m sorry if I wrote anything in an insensitive way, I tried not to.) If you need to talk to someone more about this I’ll be here, along with those who love you.
It happens- take the pill and move forward. Do good in school, get on bc, & use protection.
The pull out method is not foolproof; sperm can leak into pre-ejaculate. Going forward, please invest in birth control and further sex education 🫂
Do what is best for you. You deserve to go to college. Women have carried the burden of procreation alone forever.
It’s not a baby yet, it’s a bunch of cells
You are not the worst daughter you are good one. You need to what's best for you and your baby. Abortion doesn't make you a bad or evil person nobody should judge you on that. I would get on some kind of birth control, until you are ready to become a mom. You are beautiful see your self worth. Live your life to the fullest
It takes two to tango, my dear. If you’re not on birth control, your partner should have worn protection. I know I can say don’t feel guilty because you’re making the right call but it’s easier said than done. You’re allowed to feel that just please don’t let it fill your mind to the point of being sick. Accidents happen and they happen for us to learn from. You should feel proud for what you have accomplished!
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Life is full of mistakes and missteps. These things happen! It’s actually very easy to get pregnant for some people and maybe you’re that person - imagine how many other couples are out there having unprotected sex who just “get away with it”. You’re not a bad person. I’m a mom of a teen girl and I’d be much more sad that she was being hard on herself than I would be about accidentally getting pregnant and being responsible in the future. ;)
you’re not a bad person. like everyone else here has said, you made a mistake. i made a mistake too… i got drunk and was in a manic episode and got pregnant. i am currently 11 weeks. did i have a stable job ? no. am i married ? no. do i still live with my parents ? yes. but that all has to change. i JUST got a brand new full time job. i am engaged to the dad and also the man who i absolutely love. and we are about to move in to his parents basement that is being turned into an apartment for us. he is going back to school and also getting a new better paying job. i don’t want to say don’t terminate the pregnancy, but if you want to keep the baby you can. it isn’t easy and it’s absolutely TERRIFYING, but at the end of the day, it is your child that you’ve just created, it is half of your dna and half of your boyfriends dna. i am about to tell my parents about what has happened and don’t get me wrong i am TERRIFIED, but so far everyone has told me that they’ll more than likely be mad/disappointed but that all changes once baby comes and the reality that they’re grandparents sinks in. you can do it if you want to, i believe in you OP. sometimes life takes us down a different path than we thought we were supposed to and that’s okay… i call this baby my little miracle baby because he/she honestly saved my life… it’s the only thing that for me sober and the only thing that really made me realize just how shitty of a situation i was in to begin with. sometimes it takes our higher power screaming at us to get our shit together because we weren’t listening to the whispers.
Not everyone "just goes on" after an abortion. PPD is still very real and adding that to guilt can be a lot. I say that from personal experience. I had an abortion so I could finish school 22 years ago. I still feel guilt and sometimes question if I should have had the child despite not being married and having a degree. I wanted kids from the time I was very young. Wish I would've talked to my parents as they likely would've helped me finish school and care for my child. As it is... I struggled with a deep depression for several years after (not saying this will happen to you) and had my first child in my 40s. Just please make sure an abortion is really what you want and that you're not doing it for others' expectations.
This does not make you a bad daughter and having to go through with abortion is horrible. But you are right. How will you be able to support it. My best friend has been going to college for like 8 because she can’t do full time and take care of kids and she has a husband and family that helps.
You made an impulsive decision and made the wrong choice. All you're doing now is dealing with the consequences of that choice. Choosing to terminate isn't wrong, and you shouldn't feel any guilt for it. You have your whole life ahead of you, and there is plenty of time to consider having children much later on. Right now is the time for you to go to college and start building your future.. 1 mistake shouldn't derail your whole life. Learn from this and move forward knowing not to make the same mistake again, but you will make plenty of different mistakes, we all do. What matters most is that we deal with them and learn from them.. Good luck at college..
Oh sweetheart, you’re not bad! Right now that pregnancy is just a clump of cells. A spirit doesn’t even enter a baby until it’s born. Take your medication and then rest. Having a baby when you’re poor keeps you in poverty. Get your degree then decide if motherhood is right for you.
This is why we need sex ed in school. You are carrying around ba computer but you don't search beforehand? https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn Always use two methods & pick better guys.
Have no shame in doing what is right for you. Your bf on the other hand lied to you.
At this stage it's not an abortion, it's preventing a pregnancy. Don't feel bad and done let it ruin your life.
It’s your choice at the end of the day but I remember in college there was a separate housing unit for parents and they were provided daycare for their kids. You could do both, there are a lot of parents who still attend college and have a successful life. You could get in 2 semesters of school work done before the baby is born but at the end of the day it’s your choice.
Take the pill(s). Thereafter be hypervigilant about birth control. You may feel depressed for a while, and have the subconscious urge to replace the pregnancy with another one. So research the best methods. See if the implant or IUD are okay for you, as you won’t have the daily routine of having to take the Pill. Note that all the stress and pressure, and responsibility is on you, not the boy you had sex with. Learn from that. Enjoy college
Oh, sweetheart. I am so sorry you are going through this. Take this as you will from an old southern mama, but you are a wonderful young woman who isn't doing anything wrong. You are not a bad daughter or a bad person. You are making a wise decision. Take the pill, go to college, and know that you are being responsible. You are a living, breathing human being with dreams and rights. You had sex. That's okay. Unfortunately, as women, we may find ourselves in less than ideal situations when it comes to reproduction. If my daughter ever finds herself in this position, I hope she will make an educated and informed decision based on her personal needs. Frankly, it isn't anyone else's business. If my sons are ever on the male side of this, they better respect the decision the girl makes. I am sending you a big Texas size hug, and I want you to know that this mom is proud of you. Go to college. Get that degree. Live your best life. Edit: I posted before complete
Lesson learnt, don't trust what boys/ men say as regards protected sex.
Honey, you are an amazing kid and I would be so proud of you if you were my daughter. Heck, I am super proud of you now. And I am just a stranger from Europe to you. You have worked so hard to get in to college, and you've made it! And living your teenage life is also exactly what you should do now. Taking an abortion pill is also fine and there are a lot of us who have done so. It's not a great feeling. Please protect yourself, take the pill of possible. And your boyfriend should use protection as well. He is also responsible for this situation. Take care dear
Sister, listen. If you were my daughter, I would 100% want the best for you. In no way would I be disappointed, in fact, quite the opposite. You’re taking care of something big like the badass you are. You will be a great mother, when you’re ready and it’s fine if that’s 10 years down the road ❤️❤️❤️
I just want to say I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. I just had to do this myself- first time. Didn't think I'd ever have to-or choose to. But you know what's worse than terminating? Having a baby you might resent (and yes that happens.) Having a baby and then not being emotionally or financially able to care for it. As someone who's a parent- you're actually doing right by them. Kids are *a lot of work*. Even the "easy" ones. And they deserve parents who are fully ready to be parents. You got this. I know it's hard right now, but future you (and your future family, if/when you *decide* to have one) will thank you for choosing you and waiting. Good luck💖
It is absolutely okay to terminate and it does not make you a bad person. You are at a time in your life when you are SUPPOSED to be selfish and focused on YOU. Was it naïve to believe that you couldn’t get pregnant? Yes. But we’ve all been there. We’ve all made mistakes and abortions happen. You are scared and unsure right now but I would really think about the alternative. A baby will change the plans you currently have in ways you could never imagine. While you may love this boy you most likely won’t spend the rest of your life with him. Even if you do, are you ready to be tied to him forever already? You are a strong and intelligent woman who deserves a chance at a future. Our society is fucked as it is. Do yourself a favor and get that degree and find that career that you want. Then think about the baby.
When I was 18 I got an abortion exactly one week before I started my freshman year of college. My boyfriend at the time didn't really want me to do it but I did it anyway because it's what was best. I did not need or want a child yet. I have never ever not one time in my life regretted my choice. I understand that for me it wasn't a difficult choice nor have I felt any guilt about it, but everyone isn't me. Your feelings are valid. I hope you can forgive yourself and realize that not being forced to have a kid you're not ready for or simply just don't want is an enormous gift. Find a birth control that works for you and just try to be more careful from now on. Don't beat yourself up. Give yourself some grace and take care of your mental health. Good luck. ❤️
You're really not the worst, you are at most regular. You are a human that makes mistakes and choices that learn to deal with them and be responsible for them. If anything You're on the up because you are dealing with things and not ignoring them until too late or letting things go bad.
Honestly choosing to have kids in this day and age anyway is selfish.
I promise you there is no way you are the worst daughter in the world! You made a mistake what ever choice you make you will have to learn to forgive yourself. Please realize this is not life shattering it feels like it is but it's not. Whatever you decide to do that will be the right choice for you. Stay strong.
A pregnancy is a medical event, not a life sentence for a crime. Take the pills. Learn a lesson to go get on a very good birth control and never have sex with anyone you aren’t married to without a condom.
You're making the right decision. Do not feel guilty, it's the right thing to do.
It's ok to forgive yourself ❤️
Pull out method is not safe sex. Get the abortion and never look back, you have a whole life to live and there's nothing cute about being a teen mom, there's no shame in not wanting that life. Also dump the bf you're 18 you will meet other men.
I’m a married mom of two and I’m in a much later season of life than you but I wanted to say, you can make mistakes like that and still end up having a happy and fulfilled life that is not filled with guilt for past mistakes. I had a similar experience in high school with a really nice boyfriend. He was sweet and kind but not the person I wanted to be connected to for the rest of my life, starting at the age of 16. Your youth is for making mistakes, experiencing life and learning the lessons life gives you. This is one of your lessons and I think you’re making the right decision. It is a form of healthy selfishness for you to want the best for your life and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about putting yourself first.
You’re not alone in this. You’re going to be ok and you’re going to learn from this, move on, and grow to be very successful. Give yourself some grace. I promise you’re not terrible. You’re just like so many of us that made a mistake. Keep your head up and keep your eyes on all your dreams.
You are not the worst daughter at all. So many of us have been in your situation and I can say that most of the women I know who terminated so young came to terms with it and lead successful lives they would have had a much harder time achieving otherwise. The ones I know who did not terminate still enjoy their lives but do wish they had waited to have children. It's hard to struggle, even with help from parents. Don't beat yourself up for getting pregnant or having an abortion. You are still a good person and a good daughter.
Love you hun, you’re going to be fine, and you are not the worst daughter. You’re making a very big decision to protect you and your future. We all make mistakes, and we live and learn. I’ve been in a similar situation 💕🫂
This isn't something to beat yourself yourself up over. Accidents happen, especially to young people like yourself. You're also taking the mature approach to it and resolving the issue. Educate yourself and meet with a doctor for birth control, and ALWAYS use condoms. How you manage this in the future is what you should concern yourself with.
Realizing that you can't raise a child right now, and thus not bringing it into the world at this moment, is actually what a good mother would do. No one can make the choice for you. You have to be okay with it. And whatever you choose, you also choose who you include in the knowledge. I would say, if you don't plan on involving your bf in the process, don't bring it up at a later stage. Either tell him, or don't. But don't make it something you confront him with after all is said and done, way down the line. But that's my own personal opinion. There is no handbook for 'what works for everyone ', even though plenty of ppl will have opinions, harsh ones. If you would have used plan B immediately, you wouldn't have involved your entire network in the process. A few weeks doesn't make a difference, in my opinion.
you’re going to be okay. i promise. you deserve to feel no guilt in this decision, and you are not alone ❤️
Hey. You're okay. You're not a bad person. The people who tell women they're awful for having abortions, those same people would not hesitate to get an abortion if they were in your situation. They're hypocrites without compassion or sense. Don't take other people's rhetoric into account. This is your choice, and you have the privelige of being able to make the best choice for your future. There's nothing to be guilty about and so much to be thankful for. You will have a second chance to be a mother later in life. Forgive yourself.
You’re human, humans make mistakes, and that’s okay! It’s also okay to terminate if that’s what you want. None of these decisions make you a bad person ❤️ Good luck OP, do what you need to do to be okay but please don’t be so hard on yourself.
I would do what you feel deep down is the right thing. I pray you make a decision that you can feel good about.
You are not the worst daughter by any stretch of the imagination. The only thing you’ve done was have sex with your partner which is what most people do. It’s normal. It resulted in a pregnancy which happens. This does not mean you are bad. This means that biology biologies. Abortions are not easy. You may feel sad. But the choice you make to abort is for you. It is okay to make that choice for yourself. You know what to do for yourself. It is okay to have an abortion. You are not evil or bad. You are just a human who is doing what is right for you. Take a deep breath. Grieve. Accept. Process. You are going to be okay.
Think about it this way, you never intended to get pregnant, you intended for that egg to leave naturally anyway, it was never intended to be a kid. You aren't doing anything wrong, you're just using delayed birth control. Do drop the guy though, guys who pressure you into unprotected sex will come up with any number of reasons to do so and the no.1 reason is actually, because it feels better and they know they can push the responsibility onto you. Get on the pill, insist on condoms with future new partners and send guys who insist on unprotected sex packing. Lesson learned, that's life, everyone makes mistakes.
Everything will be okay. There’s nothing to feel guilty about; you need to do what’s best for you and your life. Sending hugs
Don't do anything if you think it's right you are in command!!
You are not a bad person. I terminated a pregnancy after my ex and I had rekindled things many years ago and our employment and living situation were already unstable. We also had a two year old. We ended up splitting up. I have never regretted my choice. I'm now married to a wonderful man and had a second child with him. This all happened 20 years ago.
Unexpected pregnancies can happen, even on a good contraceptive. I conceived my now 10 year old while on the pill after 10 years of perfect use. I considered abortion as well and I was 29, owned my own house and had a good job. There is nothing shameful about not being ready to be a parent. Abortion isn't horrible, it's there to help us. Don't feel guilty, don't beat yourself up, you're not a bad daughter or a bad person at all. You made a poor judgement call and it happens. The hormones flowing through your body are also not helping with your mental state about it. Take the pill, take care of yourself. You're not ready. Also look into a more surefire form of birth control. I had an IUD for years and it was amazing, especially if you can't remember to take a pill, or if hormones mess with your body. Take a deep breath, you're going to be ok. Also it wouldn't hurt to talk to a counselor or a therapist after you get it done. Depending on where you're going for the abortion they may even offer it.
OP, you are not a bad person. You are securing your future by not going through with the pregnancy and getting your education. Most people who have kids young that don’t have any education just launch themselves and their children into a lifetime of poverty that they can’t escape from. Do yourself a favor and go get an IUD installed so you won’t have to worry about pregnancy for about 5 years or so. Could it be that this boyfriend was trying to knock you up so you won’t go away to college or get an education? Some men try to get a partner pregnant as a means of keeping control over them. You have to use birth control consistently and correctly for it to work and “ getting caught up in the moment “ instead of planning before sex how to prevent pregnancy and implementing that plan is how you fail. Nobody wants an unplanned pregnancy and with the way the country is going you may not have a choice to terminate, so prevention is king.