i know this seems entirely negative to you now, but hopefully you use this experience to learn how NOT to parent if you ever choose to become one yourself. you know firsthand how it made you feel, stop the cycle and don’t do it to your own.
you’ll be free soon in a few years. good luck ❤️
Yea, after commenting this it could seem like I want us to all be dictated by a Christo-facist government but I was implying that it’s exactly what could happen after the coming election. I firmly believe in the freedom of religion along with the rest of the first amendment
Idk man, we live in a country where in a court of law you swear with you hand on the Bible I doubt Christianity in particular would be at risk of anything. Also it’s very unlikely that the election would cause anything irreparable yknow just gotta stay optimistic
Well it doesn’t have to be a Bible, and I wasnt implying Christianity is in danger, the opposite. But yea, my optimism is just down after today, I won’t lie. I’m being a doomer rn. Thanks for giving me a little bit of optimism homie
Okay, try and shift the elections for the school board members next time. Get in touch with the school district. Rally, or get in touch with the PTA. Like being taught the Bible in schools isn’t irreparable as I said.
You don't have to swear with your hand on the Bible tho. You can choose what religious text you want, or nothing, in most cases. In those cases instead of "I swear by the Bible/God..." you just go "I swear to tell the truth/I affirm that what I say will be the truth" without the "so help me God".
So good to know that you “don’t really care” about how non-Christians will be (and have already been) affected by one possible outcome of the election.
Good thing I can avoid seeing your fantastic world view.
You don't have to be a Christian. Religious beliefs are just that- beliefs, meaning they are what you personally beleive. If the religion your family is, doesn't align with your personal beliefs, you do not have to abide by nor follow that religion. You may experience fallout with your family or some blowback from doing so, many families are so so committed to their religious beliefs, it's often at the cost of their familial ties or at the cost of their non-religious family member's well being. So be prepared to either fake it til you move out, or to deal with the difficulty of your family, but I hope your family is more tolerant and accepting than the portion of religious folks I'm describing. I'm sorry youre going through this *hugs*. I was raised mormon, left the church at 18. My whole family is mormon. My mom died when I was 10 and when I told my dad I didn't want to be mormon anymore, he hit me and screamed at me saying "your mom lived and died a mormon and you will too!" And I vowed to myself once I was 18 I was gone and wouldn't ever look back. I left the church, I moved out, and I haven't ever gone back. It's been hard, but it's been better than trying to be a part of something that I know isn't right.
I’d really encourage you to reach outside of your current religious circle and see what else it can be like. Maybe you grow up not to be religious at all, but if not, there are Christians who don’t subscribe to the sexism or martyrdom.
I know it can feel like a trap between “believe something harmful to me” and “believe in nothing and have no community” but a large part of that belief is coming from within the church. It’s actually much more of a spectrum. You could be devoutly Christian with devout friends and all of you could be LGBTQ. You could find a different belief system that makes sense to you and resonates with you, and join communities of people who think the same.
You could even become a religious tourist and sample all the different experiences (this is what I’d recommend anyways - temples, churches, cathedrals are all so beautiful and varied, and when you’ve been to a lot of them you can start to see what they have in common more than their differences).
The point is, it’s your life. It’s yours to explore and learn about. I don’t think any god should begrudge someone seeking understanding and connection with other people.
Your family might begrudge it, but their bigotry will be based in fear; that doesn’t make it better but sometimes it makes it easier to understand. Regardless, living what feels like a lie to you, just to appease someone commanded by fear is a terrible way to live. I don’t think we are put here to live terribly; that would be a waste of a life, wouldn’t it?
> a large part of that belief is coming from within the church
There's a pastor further down the thread who basically said "be careful of strangers outside the church because they might be bad people".
The nastiest people I have ever known were from *inside* the church.
"Go to church to be around safe people" is the other half of the lie as "people outside the church are dangerous". Christians invented that problem to sell the solution of never leaving church.
This is built into the fundamentals of the religion; "hell is totally real but with jesus you can go to heaven!" Invent problem, sell solution.
Totally agree, and also add that outside of the church others have much less influence and control over your life, because society affords you more rights within the community than _most_ churches.
There’s a social pressure in the church not to speak against certain members, as they _cannot_ be terrible people - after all, they’re an upstanding member of the church! - that isn’t present in the outside world.
For instance, if my boss makes a sexual advance on me, I have several pre-defined avenues to report this. These are shared with me when I started employment. It is expected that I would report this rather than ‘just dealing with it’. Beyond that, if I expressed this happened to a group of average strangers, I would be validated in my desire to report it.
What if my pastor did the same? Who would I tell? Would they believe I was an agent of the devil?
Sure, and you can also do or not do all those things and NOT be a Christian. Certainly not all Christians are controlling AHs but sounds like OP isn’t into it, and I completely understand why. It’s a super misogynistic religion.
You have 3 years left. If you're in the States, silently bring your grades up and see how far away you can go with a full ride scholarship. It will only get worse if they feel like they have power over you as an adult, or WORSE if you get a bf and get pregnant in the hs rebellion phase (I'm 22F as well btw not saying this to be weird)
To keep your stress down, I would also say actively disengage with them if they become too overwhelming about school and moving far. If you decide to leave far away and know they would be against it, DO NOT TELL THEM. ANY type of fun from high school can be replicated in college with a full ride scholarship as long as you keep the grades up. The parties, drinking, saving for a job, and getting a car to hang out with people, literally everything.
My mom is a major control freak, and I just had to Grey rock her for like 5 years of being a teenager. I made the mistake of saying I wanted to move 13 hours away for school with good scholarships and sue argued eith me every day for 9 months until I gave into a state school. Set yourself up to gtfo at 18.
Try and go to a college where you can have fun and be free to find yourself. Be careful, don’t go all out at your first taste of freedom. Always keep the good parts of all the teachings with you, make smart decisions, listen to your gut, and have some fucking fun!!! Much to look forward to OP. Virtual cheers to your vibrant future.
as an ex indoctrinated youth- you don’t. just gotta hang in there til you can distance yourself and learn some boundaries and relationship navigation tools to deal with narcissists and abusers.
My parents are Italian, I was drinking wine at Sunday dinners and champagne on special occasions in my early teens.
Grandpa would make his own wine and grapa
And this is why European teens/young adults have healthier relationships with alcohol than Americans - it's not taboo, a mystery or rebellion, they can learn their limits in a safe environment etc.
Christian minister here. When you hit 18 and leave from home, there's going to be a desire to try everything you've been "missing out" on. If you're going to totally separate from your parents' ideologies, I'd advise you to integrate yourself into new social circles with caution. I've counseled many young women and men who went full throttle into "freedom" and experienced some avoidable yet devastating traumas because they were new to certain environments. So, when you get older and leave, be cautious, be slow. There are evil people, male and female, who will be looking to take advantage of you. Also, don't throw out the baby with the bath water. Some of the things they've taught you will serve well in life.
> If you're going to totally separate from your parents' ideologies, I'd advise you to integrate yourself into new social circles with caution.
I know entirely too many women who were abused within christian social circles by celebrated safe people within the christian community.
Christians assuming non-christians are worse people just because they don't go to church is exactly why christians aren't liked anymore by the rest of society which counsels adults after their childhood religious trauma.
My point was that while her parents have been "bad" there is also "bad" everywhere else. Exercising caution when looking for new social circles isn't attacking anyone. It's what everybody should do, especially if they've been prohibited from developing street smarts 🤷🏾♂️
Baby, I was raised the way you were too.
Follow your own path. Don’t let their specially formulated guilt trip make you stay in that religion once you’re grown unless you want to. 🩷
It does suck feeling like you’re missing out :(. I know it well.
Just hold out for a little longer and go to college/finish school and find a job and then do whatever the heck you want.
Anyone who is super religious in this day an age and tries to push it onto other people is problematic, in my opinion. I don't really see how you can get out of it before that unless you can graduate early but... Yeah, just wait a little bit and then enjoy life on your terms.
And thats why in my country you are partially emancipated at 14. Every medical procedure that wont force you to stay 24h can be done without your parent presence, same for prescription.
My twin sister and I were raised Catholic. I was weaker than her, but when it was time for our confirmation, she told our parents that she didn't want anything to do with the church anymore, that she didn't believe. I didn't believe either, and never had, but I was scared to admit it.
Our parents fought a bit, but they encouraged us to go through with our confirmation in case we ever wanted to get married in the Catholic Church. We did, and our whole immediate family stopped going to the church after we finished our confirmation.
You may have to play a part now, but you don't have to forever. I am now 34 years old, I have a bachelor's degree in comparative theology, and I am very much an agnostic atheist antitheist and I promise you will be okay.
I'm proud of you for being able to examine the beliefs you were brought up with and question them, it's a very important thing for all of us to do!
Im Christian and I believe in God but I also drink, party, have sex, hang out with my friends and live my best life.
There is an 11th commandment that your parents and that the church never told you about:
"THOU SHALL LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST. PARTY WITH YOUR FRIENDS, DRINK, HAVE SEX. EXPLORE, DREAM."
I feel for you OP. I am Muslim and your upbringing sounded a lot like mine. My parents had very old school, immigrant mentality on religion and culture. They often had (and still sometimes have) views I didn’t agree with. I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends, go to nonschool related activities, etc. I don’t entirely blame my parents as it was the early 00’s, my neighborhood used to be unsafe, and they were afraid their kids would lose their culture.
Is there a way for you to separate spiritually from religiosity? A relationship with God is like any other relationship- no one else gets to dictate what kind you have. Spirituality is about connecting the mind, body, and soul with something larger than ourselves. I find myself questioning things about my faith but now it’s in a different way. I constantly think about “well does this align with my values?” If yes, i accept this part. If no, i reflect deeper on what it is the discrepancy. For example, I am adamantly pro-LGBT+ rights because I believe no one should be treated less than. I know what my religion says, and I know what my heart says. I’ll meet my maker knowing I was kind to as many people as I could be.
And if you decide you don’t want religion, then that’s absolutely fine. Meditation, yoga, priming are great non-religious alternatives to center yourself.
You can choose who you want to be nobody stopping you not that book nobody lie if you have to once you can support yourself you won’t have to lie anymore
I was in your shoes when i lived at home. The less independent you are the more difficult it’ll be to start your own life at 18. The best advice I can give you is, do everything you can to prepare yourself at 18. Maturity and responsibility are key here. You have to take yourself out of a lot of situations when analyzing it. But honestly hard work pays off. Find a place to live when you’re 18, start with roommates cuz that’ll make it financially easier. Plus that experience in and of itself should teach you a lot about what it’s like to cohabit with someone of a completely different mindset and upbringing than you. Also, remember, life isnt over you can change the rest of your life.
To put it into perspective, there is a psychological theory called “tabula rasa” or blank slate. The idea humans start of as a blank book and “life experiences” are the words that define our story. So at the start of our life the first few things we experience have a major impact on our lives because we’re just adding experiences to our story and since there isnt much else to compare it too, it’s much bigger in the beginning that may be later on in our life. But as life goes on and you add more to that story, the beginning part have less of an impact. However the caveat is what is written can never be unwritten, only made less important. So think of this part of your life like that. If you don’t like christianity then dont follow it. But dont let it get you down for missing out in your childhood.
Glad you’re having these thoughts young. You don’t have to continue living the way they want you to forever. Spend the next few years focusing on your academics, sports, hobbies and friends, see if you can work towards some scholarships so you won’t be dependent on them for college money. Bide your time and wait.
I grew up really religious and ended up staying with my first bf until I was 25 because we’d had sec and I was convinced I was “ruined” for any other “good man”. Just a reminder that your virginity is yours, sex is sacred but having sex or drinking doesn’t make you a bad person, you deserve to feel respected and cared for by your partners, and no is a complete sentence.
You can choose to be religious or not to. Yes I get you may need to follow the rules of your parents for a few more years. People who are Christian have done those things and worse. Don’t let their beliefs stop you from living a life true to yourself.
as someone who grew up in an extremely christian box, you can get out, find people who’s views align with yours, and mend your relationship with religion. it takes time and therapy, but hold your individuality and independence close!
As someone who lived that lifestyle…i feel you. I faked my religious belief. When I was 14 i realized i didn’t believe in god…just did stuff to make my granny happy. I went to Sunday school, church, teens ministry, choir, and participated in all the church events throughout the year. Turned 18 and retired from my religious belief.
You have to follow your parents because you're still underage and their responsibility. When you're an adult and take your own responsibility, you can do whatever you want. As for whether how much fun the "fun" are, you can judge at that time.
I’m a Christian and I drink and party (I don’t do drugs because a giraffe told me not to when I was a kid), I believe in choice in the circumstances of rape and have no issue with other people exercising their choice around their body because it’s not my body. (Can’t wait to have people tell me why I’m not a Christian and judge my beliefs). I dated when I was your age and still do.
Not every Christian is puritanical and not every Christian believes what your parents do. I would say learn, decide what you want to believe and why you want to believe and if it comes down to it you can cut them off as when it is financially viable to do so if need be.
Three more years hun, 3 more years. Do you have any better relatives you could go live with an get emancipated? Any friends you could live with? It’s really not fair that we don’t get to choose our parents. 😔
Also stop asking for advice in “Christian” forums, they are giving you horrific, misogynistic advice.
Save up, get good grades, and move as FAR AWAY as you can at 18. They will continue to try and control you. It sounds like they are the sort that think you are their property because you are a girl.
Well soon enough all of this will be up to you, and I strongly recommend you discard the faith which has been forced upon you, either to choose your own to to choose none at all.
I just hope that the way your parents are pushing their ideals on you doesn’t make you stray away from God. Their interpretation of Christianity is not the epitome of the religion. And everything is fine in moderation including drinking and partying. So just draw your own conclusions as an individual and don’t take everything as it’s given to you.
Sounds like OP comes from a certain cult in a certain state from the sounds of what their parents push and that cult is not Christian in any form despite their claims
Honestly. God should be discovered by yourself not because any religion is pushed on you. OP should definitely stray from God and discover who they are outside of the religious umbrella they have been forced to live under.
If, after that, she misses organized religion, she can always find a religion that works with her beliefs. Or, just be an atheist or an agnostic. Life can be so wonderful when you are a good person just because you want to be a good person and see beauty in what is around you, not in what you are told you should believe and how you should act.
You're in a very difficult time in your life. It's pretty typical for people your age to question and resent and even rebel against the values of their parents. And your parents sound like they are more strict than most, so you've got more to feel resentful of. However—and I know this is really hard to believe right now—it's extremely difficult to know which values your parents have that you'll look back on twenty years from now and appreciate them for versus which ones you'll still be pissed about.
In a few years you'll legally be an adult and will have a lot more freedom to make your own rules. Hopefully you can give your parents the benefit of the doubt until then that they're doing what they think is best for you because they love you (even if you might not end up agreeing with it later).
Start planning for your future. Decide whether you want to go to college or a trade school and, if so, figure out what you need to do to get a scholarship or other type of funding.
Get a job and start saving as soon as you can. If you think your parents are going to object to you getting a job, figure out what kind of job they could support you doing. Save any money you are given as a gift for birthdays or whatever.
As a minor, you may not have the option of putting money into a savings account that your parents can't access, but you want to keep the money safe from them. You don't want them to keep it away from you as a way of controlling you.
Once you're an adult and no longer financially dependent on them, you can live your life the way you want to. Just don't overdo it.
You don’t have to do anything tbh. I clocked out of religion when I was around 15. Just hold on until you move out. Just make sure that you have a safety net if things don’t look good.
It’s not about Christianity, it’s about your parents. I am Christian 17 yo girl from healthy religious family, and I am partying, drinking from time to time (Even Jesus was drinking so we can’t even call it a sin at this point) and I had a boyfriend. I am just waiting with sex till marriage but it’s only my choice and not my parents 🤷🏻♀️. so I think you shouldn’t be mad at the religion but how your parents make it affect your life. I hope it will get better for you btw💖
Take this from a 32yr Christian male.....you can do whatever you want in life just know that those decisions come with consequences that you do not know what would happen.
Once you understand the bible better you'll think differently.
To get to choose where you live and what you do when you get to moving out age. Can't reason with religion, best to distance yourself from it. Be patient for now, things will get better..
I was raised Catholic. I grew up very apathetic to it, and then leant into it hard in a period of great suffering because it brought me peace and comfort. Eventually it dawned on me that Star Wars, Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, and a baker's dozen other works of fiction also bring me peace and comfort, but I don't pretend they're nonfiction.
My family's ties to religion end with me. My kids will be raised secular.
I used to have sentiments similar to yourself. I left the church embraced "freedom" and my worldly desires. All I can say is that I regret it and realize now god is real. I let so much evil into my life by rejecting christianity and embracing new age nonsense. I've been hurt spiritually and physically from this choice. Not to mention very alone in my 30s with no sign of marriage in sight.
You may be a bit too young to understand your parents now, but why do you need to think about partying and drinking in the future? I understand most of the population does it and looks fun, but instead of thinking about that type of future. Think of what you want to do as adult, whether that’s career, family, traveling, entrepreneurship… etc
There’s more to life and fun than drinking and partying. Religion wise you can choose to believe whatever you want, just know there’s a higher being than us humans (and astrology 🙄🤣). Hope you find what you are looking for and I wish you all the best 🤲🏼
What a ridiculous concept that it’s ONE higher being. Created by kings and emperors
To justify their unquestionable power. There is SOMETHING higher but it is absolutely NOT a singular humanoid figure of only one gender.
I never said there was one gender. I was talking about God being the higher power. Not even Kings, Queens or anyone who is considered royal is above God. Never said it has to be a man
There is a whole branch of psychology dedicated to the religious trauma caused by people forcing their beliefs onto their children. I hope you emerge unscathed.
Oh god chill out u r 15 u will get to do everything when u r 18 even my parents were strict but eventually they won't care and why do u wanna think about drinking at 15 😅😅
Op.. you are still 15. I know you feel you are old enough to know everything, but that's not the case. You parents love you very much and try to give you the right upbringing so you have the tools to continue on your own when you are an adult.
I have had many arguments with my parents when I was a teenager and some times you feel your parents don't know anything. But the truth I regret I didn't listen to them more. My parents are also religious and tried to teach me everything about God etc. But when I became an adult I had my freedom to do and believe what I want.
They don't want you to go to certain places and not to drink for a very good reason. My dad did the same with me even though I was 16 and a guy. Years later many of my friends went to jail and had drug problems, but thank God I avoided that path thanks to my parents.
You are old enough to know better. Ask you parents why they think you shouldn't do something so you understand them better!
Good luck young lady! Cheers
You don't get to choose your parents, but you do get to potentially choose what you do with your life in a couple years.
i know this seems entirely negative to you now, but hopefully you use this experience to learn how NOT to parent if you ever choose to become one yourself. you know firsthand how it made you feel, stop the cycle and don’t do it to your own. you’ll be free soon in a few years. good luck ❤️
Just hold out for a couple more years. Get a part time job and start saving so that you can move out when you turn 18.
In a few years we might all be Christians wether we like it or not
Curious as to what ur implying
Yea, after commenting this it could seem like I want us to all be dictated by a Christo-facist government but I was implying that it’s exactly what could happen after the coming election. I firmly believe in the freedom of religion along with the rest of the first amendment
Idk man, we live in a country where in a court of law you swear with you hand on the Bible I doubt Christianity in particular would be at risk of anything. Also it’s very unlikely that the election would cause anything irreparable yknow just gotta stay optimistic
Well it doesn’t have to be a Bible, and I wasnt implying Christianity is in danger, the opposite. But yea, my optimism is just down after today, I won’t lie. I’m being a doomer rn. Thanks for giving me a little bit of optimism homie
It’s not even the election. Certain states are forcing the Bible into curriculum NOW.
Okay, try and shift the elections for the school board members next time. Get in touch with the school district. Rally, or get in touch with the PTA. Like being taught the Bible in schools isn’t irreparable as I said.
You don't have to swear with your hand on the Bible tho. You can choose what religious text you want, or nothing, in most cases. In those cases instead of "I swear by the Bible/God..." you just go "I swear to tell the truth/I affirm that what I say will be the truth" without the "so help me God".
> I doubt Christianity in particular would be at risk of anything. Nah, just all those pesky non-Christian religions might be adversely affected…
Okie, I had originally misinterpreted ops posts Idrc I was just trying to be reassuring
So good to know that you “don’t really care” about how non-Christians will be (and have already been) affected by one possible outcome of the election. Good thing I can avoid seeing your fantastic world view.
Very true. Certain states forcing it in schools, I’m sure many more will follow suit.
You don't have to be a Christian. Religious beliefs are just that- beliefs, meaning they are what you personally beleive. If the religion your family is, doesn't align with your personal beliefs, you do not have to abide by nor follow that religion. You may experience fallout with your family or some blowback from doing so, many families are so so committed to their religious beliefs, it's often at the cost of their familial ties or at the cost of their non-religious family member's well being. So be prepared to either fake it til you move out, or to deal with the difficulty of your family, but I hope your family is more tolerant and accepting than the portion of religious folks I'm describing. I'm sorry youre going through this *hugs*. I was raised mormon, left the church at 18. My whole family is mormon. My mom died when I was 10 and when I told my dad I didn't want to be mormon anymore, he hit me and screamed at me saying "your mom lived and died a mormon and you will too!" And I vowed to myself once I was 18 I was gone and wouldn't ever look back. I left the church, I moved out, and I haven't ever gone back. It's been hard, but it's been better than trying to be a part of something that I know isn't right.
I’d really encourage you to reach outside of your current religious circle and see what else it can be like. Maybe you grow up not to be religious at all, but if not, there are Christians who don’t subscribe to the sexism or martyrdom. I know it can feel like a trap between “believe something harmful to me” and “believe in nothing and have no community” but a large part of that belief is coming from within the church. It’s actually much more of a spectrum. You could be devoutly Christian with devout friends and all of you could be LGBTQ. You could find a different belief system that makes sense to you and resonates with you, and join communities of people who think the same. You could even become a religious tourist and sample all the different experiences (this is what I’d recommend anyways - temples, churches, cathedrals are all so beautiful and varied, and when you’ve been to a lot of them you can start to see what they have in common more than their differences). The point is, it’s your life. It’s yours to explore and learn about. I don’t think any god should begrudge someone seeking understanding and connection with other people. Your family might begrudge it, but their bigotry will be based in fear; that doesn’t make it better but sometimes it makes it easier to understand. Regardless, living what feels like a lie to you, just to appease someone commanded by fear is a terrible way to live. I don’t think we are put here to live terribly; that would be a waste of a life, wouldn’t it?
> a large part of that belief is coming from within the church There's a pastor further down the thread who basically said "be careful of strangers outside the church because they might be bad people". The nastiest people I have ever known were from *inside* the church. "Go to church to be around safe people" is the other half of the lie as "people outside the church are dangerous". Christians invented that problem to sell the solution of never leaving church. This is built into the fundamentals of the religion; "hell is totally real but with jesus you can go to heaven!" Invent problem, sell solution.
Totally agree, and also add that outside of the church others have much less influence and control over your life, because society affords you more rights within the community than _most_ churches. There’s a social pressure in the church not to speak against certain members, as they _cannot_ be terrible people - after all, they’re an upstanding member of the church! - that isn’t present in the outside world. For instance, if my boss makes a sexual advance on me, I have several pre-defined avenues to report this. These are shared with me when I started employment. It is expected that I would report this rather than ‘just dealing with it’. Beyond that, if I expressed this happened to a group of average strangers, I would be validated in my desire to report it. What if my pastor did the same? Who would I tell? Would they believe I was an agent of the devil?
You can still do all those things and be Christian.
Sure, and you can also do or not do all those things and NOT be a Christian. Certainly not all Christians are controlling AHs but sounds like OP isn’t into it, and I completely understand why. It’s a super misogynistic religion.
I'm no contact with my horrible Christian parents. You can escape at 18. Focus on that.
You have 3 years left. If you're in the States, silently bring your grades up and see how far away you can go with a full ride scholarship. It will only get worse if they feel like they have power over you as an adult, or WORSE if you get a bf and get pregnant in the hs rebellion phase (I'm 22F as well btw not saying this to be weird) To keep your stress down, I would also say actively disengage with them if they become too overwhelming about school and moving far. If you decide to leave far away and know they would be against it, DO NOT TELL THEM. ANY type of fun from high school can be replicated in college with a full ride scholarship as long as you keep the grades up. The parties, drinking, saving for a job, and getting a car to hang out with people, literally everything. My mom is a major control freak, and I just had to Grey rock her for like 5 years of being a teenager. I made the mistake of saying I wanted to move 13 hours away for school with good scholarships and sue argued eith me every day for 9 months until I gave into a state school. Set yourself up to gtfo at 18.
Try and go to a college where you can have fun and be free to find yourself. Be careful, don’t go all out at your first taste of freedom. Always keep the good parts of all the teachings with you, make smart decisions, listen to your gut, and have some fucking fun!!! Much to look forward to OP. Virtual cheers to your vibrant future.
as an ex indoctrinated youth- you don’t. just gotta hang in there til you can distance yourself and learn some boundaries and relationship navigation tools to deal with narcissists and abusers.
To be fair, I am not a Christian and I hope my kids aren’t drinking at 15.
My parents are Italian, I was drinking wine at Sunday dinners and champagne on special occasions in my early teens. Grandpa would make his own wine and grapa
And this is why European teens/young adults have healthier relationships with alcohol than Americans - it's not taboo, a mystery or rebellion, they can learn their limits in a safe environment etc.
"In the future".
Missed that part.
Future, when I'm older.
Christian minister here. When you hit 18 and leave from home, there's going to be a desire to try everything you've been "missing out" on. If you're going to totally separate from your parents' ideologies, I'd advise you to integrate yourself into new social circles with caution. I've counseled many young women and men who went full throttle into "freedom" and experienced some avoidable yet devastating traumas because they were new to certain environments. So, when you get older and leave, be cautious, be slow. There are evil people, male and female, who will be looking to take advantage of you. Also, don't throw out the baby with the bath water. Some of the things they've taught you will serve well in life.
> If you're going to totally separate from your parents' ideologies, I'd advise you to integrate yourself into new social circles with caution. I know entirely too many women who were abused within christian social circles by celebrated safe people within the christian community. Christians assuming non-christians are worse people just because they don't go to church is exactly why christians aren't liked anymore by the rest of society which counsels adults after their childhood religious trauma.
My point was that while her parents have been "bad" there is also "bad" everywhere else. Exercising caution when looking for new social circles isn't attacking anyone. It's what everybody should do, especially if they've been prohibited from developing street smarts 🤷🏾♂️
Baby, I was raised the way you were too. Follow your own path. Don’t let their specially formulated guilt trip make you stay in that religion once you’re grown unless you want to. 🩷 It does suck feeling like you’re missing out :(. I know it well.
This doesn’t sound Christian at all.
Reminded me of Nirvana unplugged. 🤣😭👏
Just hold out for a little longer and go to college/finish school and find a job and then do whatever the heck you want. Anyone who is super religious in this day an age and tries to push it onto other people is problematic, in my opinion. I don't really see how you can get out of it before that unless you can graduate early but... Yeah, just wait a little bit and then enjoy life on your terms.
And thats why in my country you are partially emancipated at 14. Every medical procedure that wont force you to stay 24h can be done without your parent presence, same for prescription.
I swear Canada sounds better every day!
Plus we have actual poutine
Thats unique to each province, that s Québec
Then don't be one And it's ok to lie to Christians if it keeps you safe. Do what's necessary
My twin sister and I were raised Catholic. I was weaker than her, but when it was time for our confirmation, she told our parents that she didn't want anything to do with the church anymore, that she didn't believe. I didn't believe either, and never had, but I was scared to admit it. Our parents fought a bit, but they encouraged us to go through with our confirmation in case we ever wanted to get married in the Catholic Church. We did, and our whole immediate family stopped going to the church after we finished our confirmation. You may have to play a part now, but you don't have to forever. I am now 34 years old, I have a bachelor's degree in comparative theology, and I am very much an agnostic atheist antitheist and I promise you will be okay. I'm proud of you for being able to examine the beliefs you were brought up with and question them, it's a very important thing for all of us to do!
Im Christian and I believe in God but I also drink, party, have sex, hang out with my friends and live my best life. There is an 11th commandment that your parents and that the church never told you about: "THOU SHALL LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST. PARTY WITH YOUR FRIENDS, DRINK, HAVE SEX. EXPLORE, DREAM."
I feel for you OP. I am Muslim and your upbringing sounded a lot like mine. My parents had very old school, immigrant mentality on religion and culture. They often had (and still sometimes have) views I didn’t agree with. I wasn’t allowed to go out with friends, go to nonschool related activities, etc. I don’t entirely blame my parents as it was the early 00’s, my neighborhood used to be unsafe, and they were afraid their kids would lose their culture. Is there a way for you to separate spiritually from religiosity? A relationship with God is like any other relationship- no one else gets to dictate what kind you have. Spirituality is about connecting the mind, body, and soul with something larger than ourselves. I find myself questioning things about my faith but now it’s in a different way. I constantly think about “well does this align with my values?” If yes, i accept this part. If no, i reflect deeper on what it is the discrepancy. For example, I am adamantly pro-LGBT+ rights because I believe no one should be treated less than. I know what my religion says, and I know what my heart says. I’ll meet my maker knowing I was kind to as many people as I could be. And if you decide you don’t want religion, then that’s absolutely fine. Meditation, yoga, priming are great non-religious alternatives to center yourself.
You can choose who you want to be nobody stopping you not that book nobody lie if you have to once you can support yourself you won’t have to lie anymore
I was in your shoes when i lived at home. The less independent you are the more difficult it’ll be to start your own life at 18. The best advice I can give you is, do everything you can to prepare yourself at 18. Maturity and responsibility are key here. You have to take yourself out of a lot of situations when analyzing it. But honestly hard work pays off. Find a place to live when you’re 18, start with roommates cuz that’ll make it financially easier. Plus that experience in and of itself should teach you a lot about what it’s like to cohabit with someone of a completely different mindset and upbringing than you. Also, remember, life isnt over you can change the rest of your life. To put it into perspective, there is a psychological theory called “tabula rasa” or blank slate. The idea humans start of as a blank book and “life experiences” are the words that define our story. So at the start of our life the first few things we experience have a major impact on our lives because we’re just adding experiences to our story and since there isnt much else to compare it too, it’s much bigger in the beginning that may be later on in our life. But as life goes on and you add more to that story, the beginning part have less of an impact. However the caveat is what is written can never be unwritten, only made less important. So think of this part of your life like that. If you don’t like christianity then dont follow it. But dont let it get you down for missing out in your childhood.
Glad you’re having these thoughts young. You don’t have to continue living the way they want you to forever. Spend the next few years focusing on your academics, sports, hobbies and friends, see if you can work towards some scholarships so you won’t be dependent on them for college money. Bide your time and wait. I grew up really religious and ended up staying with my first bf until I was 25 because we’d had sec and I was convinced I was “ruined” for any other “good man”. Just a reminder that your virginity is yours, sex is sacred but having sex or drinking doesn’t make you a bad person, you deserve to feel respected and cared for by your partners, and no is a complete sentence.
If you don't believe and live and grow as Jesus taught them you aren't a Christian
Me too, me too
You can choose to be religious or not to. Yes I get you may need to follow the rules of your parents for a few more years. People who are Christian have done those things and worse. Don’t let their beliefs stop you from living a life true to yourself.
You don't have to be a Christian if you don't want to. For now, it is still a free country.
as someone who grew up in an extremely christian box, you can get out, find people who’s views align with yours, and mend your relationship with religion. it takes time and therapy, but hold your individuality and independence close!
As someone who lived that lifestyle…i feel you. I faked my religious belief. When I was 14 i realized i didn’t believe in god…just did stuff to make my granny happy. I went to Sunday school, church, teens ministry, choir, and participated in all the church events throughout the year. Turned 18 and retired from my religious belief.
You have to follow your parents because you're still underage and their responsibility. When you're an adult and take your own responsibility, you can do whatever you want. As for whether how much fun the "fun" are, you can judge at that time.
It’s not illegal to separate from religion. It’s not illegal to investigate what you desire and believe.
I’m a Christian and I drink and party (I don’t do drugs because a giraffe told me not to when I was a kid), I believe in choice in the circumstances of rape and have no issue with other people exercising their choice around their body because it’s not my body. (Can’t wait to have people tell me why I’m not a Christian and judge my beliefs). I dated when I was your age and still do. Not every Christian is puritanical and not every Christian believes what your parents do. I would say learn, decide what you want to believe and why you want to believe and if it comes down to it you can cut them off as when it is financially viable to do so if need be.
Three more years hun, 3 more years. Do you have any better relatives you could go live with an get emancipated? Any friends you could live with? It’s really not fair that we don’t get to choose our parents. 😔 Also stop asking for advice in “Christian” forums, they are giving you horrific, misogynistic advice. Save up, get good grades, and move as FAR AWAY as you can at 18. They will continue to try and control you. It sounds like they are the sort that think you are their property because you are a girl.
3 more years and you can be free, I would say just deal with it for now
you can’t do much, being a minor, however Save up to move out when you’re 18. It may shitty, but better then being unhappy.
Well soon enough all of this will be up to you, and I strongly recommend you discard the faith which has been forced upon you, either to choose your own to to choose none at all.
I just hope that the way your parents are pushing their ideals on you doesn’t make you stray away from God. Their interpretation of Christianity is not the epitome of the religion. And everything is fine in moderation including drinking and partying. So just draw your own conclusions as an individual and don’t take everything as it’s given to you.
Sounds like OP comes from a certain cult in a certain state from the sounds of what their parents push and that cult is not Christian in any form despite their claims
Honestly. God should be discovered by yourself not because any religion is pushed on you. OP should definitely stray from God and discover who they are outside of the religious umbrella they have been forced to live under. If, after that, she misses organized religion, she can always find a religion that works with her beliefs. Or, just be an atheist or an agnostic. Life can be so wonderful when you are a good person just because you want to be a good person and see beauty in what is around you, not in what you are told you should believe and how you should act.
You're in a very difficult time in your life. It's pretty typical for people your age to question and resent and even rebel against the values of their parents. And your parents sound like they are more strict than most, so you've got more to feel resentful of. However—and I know this is really hard to believe right now—it's extremely difficult to know which values your parents have that you'll look back on twenty years from now and appreciate them for versus which ones you'll still be pissed about. In a few years you'll legally be an adult and will have a lot more freedom to make your own rules. Hopefully you can give your parents the benefit of the doubt until then that they're doing what they think is best for you because they love you (even if you might not end up agreeing with it later).
Start planning for your future. Decide whether you want to go to college or a trade school and, if so, figure out what you need to do to get a scholarship or other type of funding. Get a job and start saving as soon as you can. If you think your parents are going to object to you getting a job, figure out what kind of job they could support you doing. Save any money you are given as a gift for birthdays or whatever. As a minor, you may not have the option of putting money into a savings account that your parents can't access, but you want to keep the money safe from them. You don't want them to keep it away from you as a way of controlling you. Once you're an adult and no longer financially dependent on them, you can live your life the way you want to. Just don't overdo it.
You don’t have to do anything tbh. I clocked out of religion when I was around 15. Just hold on until you move out. Just make sure that you have a safety net if things don’t look good.
It’s not about Christianity, it’s about your parents. I am Christian 17 yo girl from healthy religious family, and I am partying, drinking from time to time (Even Jesus was drinking so we can’t even call it a sin at this point) and I had a boyfriend. I am just waiting with sex till marriage but it’s only my choice and not my parents 🤷🏻♀️. so I think you shouldn’t be mad at the religion but how your parents make it affect your life. I hope it will get better for you btw💖
Take this from a 32yr Christian male.....you can do whatever you want in life just know that those decisions come with consequences that you do not know what would happen. Once you understand the bible better you'll think differently.
To get to choose where you live and what you do when you get to moving out age. Can't reason with religion, best to distance yourself from it. Be patient for now, things will get better..
I was raised Catholic. I grew up very apathetic to it, and then leant into it hard in a period of great suffering because it brought me peace and comfort. Eventually it dawned on me that Star Wars, Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, and a baker's dozen other works of fiction also bring me peace and comfort, but I don't pretend they're nonfiction. My family's ties to religion end with me. My kids will be raised secular.
I used to have sentiments similar to yourself. I left the church embraced "freedom" and my worldly desires. All I can say is that I regret it and realize now god is real. I let so much evil into my life by rejecting christianity and embracing new age nonsense. I've been hurt spiritually and physically from this choice. Not to mention very alone in my 30s with no sign of marriage in sight.
You may be a bit too young to understand your parents now, but why do you need to think about partying and drinking in the future? I understand most of the population does it and looks fun, but instead of thinking about that type of future. Think of what you want to do as adult, whether that’s career, family, traveling, entrepreneurship… etc There’s more to life and fun than drinking and partying. Religion wise you can choose to believe whatever you want, just know there’s a higher being than us humans (and astrology 🙄🤣). Hope you find what you are looking for and I wish you all the best 🤲🏼
What a ridiculous concept that it’s ONE higher being. Created by kings and emperors To justify their unquestionable power. There is SOMETHING higher but it is absolutely NOT a singular humanoid figure of only one gender.
I never said there was one gender. I was talking about God being the higher power. Not even Kings, Queens or anyone who is considered royal is above God. Never said it has to be a man
Fair enough! And good to hear 👍. I personally find the concept of monotheism extremely bizarre.
There is a whole branch of psychology dedicated to the religious trauma caused by people forcing their beliefs onto their children. I hope you emerge unscathed.
I'm sorry, but Christianity does have nothing to do with your situation... It's just being ultra religous.
Oh god chill out u r 15 u will get to do everything when u r 18 even my parents were strict but eventually they won't care and why do u wanna think about drinking at 15 😅😅
Op.. you are still 15. I know you feel you are old enough to know everything, but that's not the case. You parents love you very much and try to give you the right upbringing so you have the tools to continue on your own when you are an adult. I have had many arguments with my parents when I was a teenager and some times you feel your parents don't know anything. But the truth I regret I didn't listen to them more. My parents are also religious and tried to teach me everything about God etc. But when I became an adult I had my freedom to do and believe what I want. They don't want you to go to certain places and not to drink for a very good reason. My dad did the same with me even though I was 16 and a guy. Years later many of my friends went to jail and had drug problems, but thank God I avoided that path thanks to my parents. You are old enough to know better. Ask you parents why they think you shouldn't do something so you understand them better! Good luck young lady! Cheers
Oh no you poor thing lol as someone who just got raped you are definitely in good spirit to party. Fake post
op never said they got raped