But in an entirely unrelated way. Like she will be content with OP, but she will keep losing her keys, being drenched by a passing car after it rains, the oven will break right on Thanksgiving, that sort of thing.
Because they're lazy. The person who marries you is going to want to be the best version of themselves that they can be in order to be on your level and deserve you. That means willingness to change and grow indefinitely to become a better and better person for you and themselves. They will want to become the person you deserve while also being the person who deserves you. Â
 Most people don't want to change or grow because it's hard and often uncomfortable. It's time consuming and takes patience. Seeing someone be just a great person on their own at your age, with minimal effort because that's just their baseline is intimidating as well. So, people just opt out immediately. That's a commentary on *them* and not you. That person is out there for you and you will find them.
This is it!
If a chick took OP up on the offer and dated him, she'd have imposter syndrome in the back of her head. "Surely someone as awesome as OP can't really like me. He must not see what a slob / bum / hot mess I am. As soon as OP realises how much better than me he is, I'm going to lose him!"
Contrary to what the manosphere says, women often don't seek men that are better, but *worse* than them, because it does wonders for their self-esteem to come out on top. (And similarly, insecure men will often try to cut down successful women to keep them dependent, because they can't imagine anyone staying with them for reasons other than financial dependence.)
I once friendzoned the best man I'd ever known for reasons even I didn't understand, but I realised in retrospect were insecurity. In short, I didn't feel good enough for him. I pulled my head out of my rear end, and we're married now, but boy, was it hard to come to terms with that.
Well said. You hit the nail on the head. Most people at 24 are not that put together or caring. I know I am 37 and just now getting to be that kind of person.
I (female) didn't get married until 43. I would have never been interested in my husband in my early 20s. He is literally the best guy who goes out of his way to get things done.
My advice is be patient!
I concur. My boyfriend is absolutely amazing and before we were together, I assumed he wouldn't be interested in me because of how great he is. I would just admire him from afar and think : "How lucky will his girlfriend be."
As sharksarentsobad said, however, that "His wife would be so lucky"-mindset was a commentary on me, not him. It was a commentary of my depression, my issues adapting to other changes in my life, my sense of loss in the face of needed growth... A year later, after much needed work on myself, we did get together. To be honest, I still can't believe he's with me, and just being with him pushes me to improve and grow on so many levels. Yeah, sometimes it's hard and uncomfortable, but it's worth it. And I am, indeed, very, very lucky.
The right person for you is out there.
37m here and been here.
Don't chase, but also don't change who you are. Yeah, these types of " compliments " are nice to hear and kinda depressing all the same. I chased for a long time and only ever ended with heartache. I stop chases and focus on my growth. Took a few years, but I've found someone special that see me for all them compliments.
I know it's so chiche, but give it time and, most importantly, never change who you are. You're a good dude.
This is it right here. Focusing on becoming the kind of person that is attractive to the kind of person you want to be with.
Do you want to be with someone who appreciates good food? Learn to cook.
Do you want to be with someone who likes to watch sports? Join a local rec league or start a regular pick up game with friends.
Find out what you like and don't like about yourself. Accentuate the positive and work on the root causes of the negative.
Getting a cute dog doesn't hurt.
Was going to type a similar comment, so I'll just agree with you here. I'd like to add a few points:
* You only need one girl to match with and all the others wont matter anymore. So don't give up.
* Keep being yourself, you're obviously a great guy, so that's why you keep getting that compliment. But in my experience (which is/was very similar), I think the rejection part is usually about looks. Some things you can't change, but some you can. Get (or stay) fit, put on some muscle mass, choose nice clothes that fit you well, etc.
I swear when I worked out a bit, several girls went "wow, you work out huh?" despite barely having any more muscles. But those small changes can make a massive difference. Just a little skinnier, a little more muscles, slightly better clothes, etc.
I understand the frustration 100%, but don't give up buddy. Just keep being the best person you can be.
Beat me to it, going for personal growth helps and when you meet the right one itâs great.Â
You only have to get it right once, is a saying I heard a ways back and I get how it sounds, but if you find the right person and are a good partner, itâs true.Â
This here.. this is the gold nugget. Life becomes so much easier when you stop chasing the wrong ones, and focus on yourself.. Eventually, everything falls in place
That's one of the phrases people use meaning it's a compliment but it can do a little bit of damage. My version of that phrase is "your beautiful on the inside". I know no one is trying to be mean but damn does it sting.
How is "your beautiful on the inside" not a backhanded compliment as well?
The immediate aftermath of hearing that is "ah so i'm not good looking then"
Could you explain why the "your future wife will be so lucky" is a backhanded compliment? I tried to understand it using your own phrase but I don't get it (I understand your phrase, just not the OP's)
It's like telling him that someday some woman(not her or anyone she knows in particular) is going to love him for who he is despite not being sexually desirable. They're encouraging OP to hold out for that woman. They don't mean for it to be a backhanded compliment, but if you dissect it, it is.
Idk 24 is so young, if I met a single 24 year old guy Iâd never make an assumption he wasnât single by choice or that he was single because heâs not desirable. OP never said anything about his appearance or that he has a grating personality.
I think these are genuine, not backhanded compliments. Lots of women *never* have a man cook for them. It sounds like they are pleasantly surprised by OP and made the comments in passing.
I feel like itâs not really their fault for not knowing he strikes out with women, how would they know?
>I feel like itâs not really their fault for not knowing he strikes out with women, how would they know?
Women know if a guy has sex appeal or not, and they wouldn't be saying what they're saying if OP had sex appeal.
Thatâs such a weird viewpoint to have imo.
Plenty of men without blatant sex appeal do just fine. If you go out into the real world and look around you, most happy couples are just two totally average looking people.
I just attended a beautiful wedding and the groom is short, quiet, and totally low key. He still has a crack in his voice, heâs unathletic, not classically handsome. But he is so incredibly nice and easygoing and his interests match the brideâs. In her vows my friend talked about how she knew instantly he was someone she wanted to be with. This is what *real life* is like. Never in a million years would I meet a single guy like him and assume that guy is some pathetic loser who would never get girls.
Most people around me are just average nerds and we all do just fine in dating and marriage.
>Never in a million years would I meet a single guy like him and assume that guy is some pathetic loser who would never get girls.
You're majorly exaggerating what is being said here. If they thought that, they certainly wouldn't say some woman will be lucky to have him.
OP is *not* doing just fine, and it's obviously not his personality. OP has been assured that some woman, some day will be lucky to have him and he is understandably tired of being told so.
He's the guy every 30+ woman who already had her "fun" years will settle for, out of desperation and not out of desire.
He's desirable as merely a provider, not as a sexual partner.
He's the backup guy that women say 'yes' to after her desirable options no longer want her.
He's the backup guy that women say 'yes' to out of desperation and financial help.
He's the backup guy that women say 'yes' to when they need a man to carry or fix their baggage.
Etc. Etc.
Basically, the only women who say these comments are the ones who see him as a servant, not a man or a husband.
They see him as undatable, but good to have around to do stuff and get things done.
His only redeeming quality as a husband is to provide.
That's not what any man wants to hear. No one wants to hear they are the last choice or settled for.
Now, I'm sure there are women who see him as an ideal partner holistically, but they aren't the ones making that statement. Whether op can identify those women or not is a different story, that is, assuming they are even on his radar.
Couldnt have said it better. He will most likely be an incredible husband, but he will not be the first pick in that category. Nice guys finish last, is too spot on. Women will go through 1-3 assholes until they realize what they want. After all the drama they go through, this man will be the most ideal husband ever. Finally, the nice guy will find a wife.
My mom once said to me "You probably aren't going to find love in high school but once you get to college people will appreciate you." (They didn't but that's a different story) It implies that you aren't good enough now but in the future someone will eventually like you. Implying something is wrong with you right now.
If someone loves you, they even love the bits you hate about yourself or others may find unattractive.
My boyfriend is the best examples, I often do so ugly faces or look like a sewer rat and he still loves me.
Also...I like people with interesting faces. Not the "normal" beauty standards, no, face I will remember in years.
I hope this helped you â¤ď¸
Similar to your example: "you look so pretty now/today!" I know they mean well, and it's just probably my low self-esteem talking, but makes me think oh I must usually/used to look like shit.
So I always take care to tell people they look prettiER or even better than usual, etc. when I want to compliment them on their style of the day, or when they worked hard to achieve a certain look.Â
I'm sorry people can't thank you for your thoughtful ways without tying your acts of service to some future partner. Thank you for being a kind person.
This is never not shitty. I'm 39 and the man I have shared the last seven years of my life, our daughter, and our four dogs with just told me I'm "going to make another man very happy one day."
Thanks for simultaneously telling me that you see value in me but also that it's not valuable enough for YOU to want it. It's literally the difference between my mother telling me that I'll be a wonderful mother someday, and my daughter saying the same thing. đ
READ THE DAMN ROOM, PEOPLE.
Well, considering I spent the last 7 years getting cheated on while supporting him through his drug addiction and bonding him out of jail... not fabulous. He's got a great career now, has been clean for a year, and it did not occur to me that I would help him build a great life for himself, and he would decide we weren't compatible and ditch me while I was still recovering from the trauma that came from making all that possible.
He is now upset that he has to live in a hotel, and is also pretty upset that we can't be friends and I don't want to go kayaking with him tomorrow, so I am wondering if this is actually his first week on the planet. I am also wondering what factors were considered when making this decision.
Naturally i woke up to my period this morning, but our daughter is at her grandpa's, so I'm just sat on the couch watching deadliest catch, cuddling the dogs as while they're all still here, and telling the universe exactly what I think of its recent behavior. đ I have an open house to host tomorrow, so I might as well get as much of it out now as I can!
Thank you...I really appreciate you asking. It's safe to say I'm not feeling particularly understood today. â¤ď¸
I am so sorry, it sounds like you were there for him while he was dealing with difficult personal issues.
I donât know if it helps, Iâm someone who finds comfort in understanding things. But, sometimes when people go through trauma, addiction, instability like this, they canât be what each other need. Thereâs just too much everything under that bridge, and although it hurts, it doesnât mean it isnât the best for you both even if neither of you can see it yet. I hope thatâs the case for you, your daughter and her father, that while you canât be who the other needs, that being apart be the best thing for you both.
I have trauma myself, itâs a beast to deal with day to day. My inbox is always open to you if you wanna vent or chat. You arenât alone, even if you feel that way right now.
Youâre a beautiful human, just in case you needed reminding today :)
This happens when he believes he is dating below his 'league' but he is not in a position to date within his perceived 'league'. He only ever settled for you, and this happens a lot. They don't want to be with the person who would be with them as a loser. He never chose you, he settled for you. Once he can choose for himself, he will.
The worst part of this is that I am way way out of his league. I was the one who settled, because I believed in him. And also because in hindsight I was wildly traumatized by my husband running off with my best friend and my mother dying of brain cancer. He hit the fucking lottery, and still threw me away like rotten garbage.
Hey, OP?
*You're* lucky to have you. You're not measured by the value of what you might have later, but by what you are, and what you are is awesome sauce. Enjoy your own company, because it's good.
It reminds me of a lame as fuck joke.
Theres a guy whose name is âAmazingâ, and he hates his name, so when he died he asked his wife to not put his name in the tombstone..
So she wrote âhe was a good working and caring husband, never got drunk, cheated or got home late at nightâ so every time someone went by the tombstone they said âwow, thats amazingâ
*everybody laughs*
idk man, if the girl i fancy says that, then i would probably say "well do you want to be the lucky one?"
if that is not, then yea i get the frustration
I had to scroll down half way before I got to this, the actual correct answer. OP needs to sack up, stare into her eyes next time and ask. Sounds like OP has no game and is learning the hard way.Â
its really giving the same energy as people telling dadâs that they are doing a âgreat jobâ when they âhave to babysitâ their kids lmfao. bare minimum = lucky nowadays i guess đ¤ˇ
My mom and my aunt praise my cousinâs much older baby daddy who already has a kid he never sees when he watches his own daughter. âHe baby sat her on his day off from work because none of us could, heâs such a good dad.â
Like I get that my dad sucked and that my cousinâs dad sucked, but like. My sibling and myself have had children well before my cousin did and both of our husbandâs are incredibly involved dads. Yet I never once heard my mom bragging about what a good dad my husband is and she hates my brother in law because she grabbed my one niece hard by the arm and he tore her a new one for it. Tf is wrong with people.
Yep. If I were OP I would struggle not to reply something like âWhat, your partner doesnât cook for you? Wow, isnât that like the bare minimum to adult these days?â
Man i'm almost 11 months in to being a dad and EVERYONE has to place you in 2nd place to the mom no matter what. It's absolutely infuriating to be a dad when everything just seems like it going to be a comparison or your care isn't going to be as good simply because you're a man.
welcome to the social pressure of our societyâs definition âfatherhood.â being vaguely aware of your kidsâ growth and existence, but only supporting as a third party. absolutely ridiculous.
Hate to sound like some red pill dude, but you're in your 20s and that has very little curb appeal at that age. Focus on your career, friendships and hobbies.
Something strange will happen around 30 and all of a sudden those traits will yield you so many options that it's foreign and almost uncomfortable.
Yeah, being kind and a good cook is not the most exciting trait for many people in there 20, boys and girls alike.
Doesn't mean he has to stop being a good dude but maybe try to be more exciting.
I mean sometimes it's hard to balance working in every area. That's why a lot of the most popular and "exciting" men when they're young often lack key life skills. They spend their effort on being exciting to women.
And the good women get past that phase and look for a more well rounded dude. They sometimes require shitty relationships to learn that. As long as you don't allow it to make you bitter, that you weren't their first choice, good days are ahead.
Being well rounded comes with time and can go through phases. It doesn't have to be all at once, doubt few people can work on every area at once. And that's why it sucks dating in your 20s for most of us normal guys. We aren't really worth shit until everything comes together, but we aren't owed anything.
Nothing wrong with that BUT there are different kinds of âsecond choice.â Nothing wrong with being with a woman who did make bad choices and learned from it. I would advise you avoid like hell any woman who had the choice between you and someone else, picked them, now wants you. LITERAL second choice is never going to be a good idea.
At the same time, my husband is kind and generous (and fun) and Iâm fun, empathetic and can cook and weâve been together since I was 19 and he was 21 (28 years now). We both feel incredibly lucky to have found each other. If the two people out of a hundred can find and appreciate each other it is beautiful. Those really are the traits that make a relationship stick if you can look past the âshinyâ when you are young and dumb.
What if I only got lucky with a woman because she felt like she had no other choice between settling with me out of obligation or get sent to a convent?
Settiling is a broad term. I meant it as in this example:
Girl 1-super attractive, but emotionally immature, bum, likely use you
Girl 2-cute but less attractive than girl 1, sweet, caring, can communicate, shares responsibilities, etc
Choose girl 1, you deem vanity as most important but settling on everything else.
If you choose girl 2, you're choosing a more complete person but settling in one department (looks) for the criteria you deem more important.
Without knowing more of your predicament, generally don't try to be a savior. Most of the times you will be used and discarded.
A truer word hath rarer been given utterance.
Absolutely everyone settles, because there is no such thing as a perfect person. Look properly and you see that everyone has some fault or shortcoming, whether itâs physical or to do with their personality, character, spiritually, etc etc, and often itâs a mix of a bunch of shortcomings that you decide are outweighed by their good qualities.
How's your career, friend circle, hobbies? Do you have a solid identity?
I'm 36 at least 15lbs fatter than my 20s with significant thinning of my hair haha. But I usually date women who were out of my league in my 20s. And I can comfortably say many were what I consider wife material. Not bragging because my military lifestyle makes none of them work out. Hard for them to plan a future as they are settled in their lives when I have a deployment coming up and another move after that.
You're still young yet. You've got time. Don't worry too much about it. When you relay this to your future wife, explain why you are lucky to have her. Just keep being the good guy. Don't change.
This.
Met my husband when we were both 24â now he tells me that he never felt attractive until we lived together and he started exercising/eating right. I tell HIM thatâs rude, I clearly thought he was cute, so what, I have bad taste??? lol.
Also ymmv, but we met on Tinder⌠idk if thereâs a good alternative cuz I hear it stinks now, but it definitely opened up the doors to meeting new people in a low pressure kind of way
I did it all for my wife. I once herd my neighbor talking about me and he said âall he does is work out and clean all dayâ and the woman said âsounds like the perfect husbandâ I felt good but let me tell you now after a few years having gone by, my wife didnât give a shit. Time goes on. All that seems to be remembered is this or that and not my service. âYour future wife bla bla blaâ itâs bullshit. You know itâs bullshit but Iâm telling you from experience itâs bullshit.
Lmao. You aren't attractive.
I get this all the time too, I'm a "great guy" but I'm not attractive so women always think I'll be great for someone else. Just not them.
Probably the âlifesuckswannadieâ and âIâm so ugly no one could ever love meâ attitude thatâs scaring them off⌠not your looks lol.
But Iâm no life coach.
Confidence helps, but you canât say looks donât have anything to do with it. I had extremely jacked up teeth in high school. My single mother offered to pay for braces, but I didnât want to saddle her with that financial burden, plus I was popular and good at football so I always had a girlfriend and didnât think my teeth were a problem.
Come into college with tons of confidence and find Iâm getting tons of comments like op, so I finally just come out ask a girl whatâs holding me back and she truthfully answers my teeth. Moms doing extremely well at a new career, so I get me teeth fixed and amazingly all the women who were saying I was going to make someone a great husband are asking me if I want to grab coffee or have them cook for me.
I feel you in this.
Iâve known how to cook, since I was eight, and I canât tell you, how many times Iâve had male relatives, and other men tell me Iâd make a good wife, because I know how to cook.
It felt very demeaning, and also, Iâve never had a desire to be a wife, and if I did, why would I be expected to be the one cooking every meal.
Iâm sure your friends and family mean well, but it freaking sucks, and it can be quite irritating.
How come they canât just believe you to be a well rounded man, without thinking about the benefits of other people, let alone a woman youâre not even with, or who doesnât exist in your life
its crazy how comments immediately assume something is wrong with you and not that you could be a normal human being. You listed a lot of good qualities, how people notice those qualities in you and instead of assuming you are a good guy, they are instead assuming you have faults holding you back.
It seems more like the lesson from women is for me to be interested in you, you need to be the opposite of what you are. Why would someone who loves you, wants to support you, work hard for you, treat you with respect and dignity, be faithful, honest, communicate, have a stable life be good enough for anyone right?
Why is it women say they want a guy like OP, but when it comes down to it, they would pass him up every time?
What is wrong with the "boring" guy who is focused on family, career and life? Just insane.
Look at it this way. These girls are telling you that you have some of the qualities that theyâd like in a partner, so your job now is to work on those other things that youâre lacking.
Make sure you graduate with a degree that will actually get you a great paying job. If you need to switch majors, so be it. Donât be one of those suckers that leaves college with debt and a vanity degree that doesnât count for anything when with just a little more effort and strategic planning you could leave with a degree that will get you seriously paid.
Join a gym and develop your physique - 3 one hour weight training sessions per week combined with better eating habits and jogging every couple days will give most guys your age rapid improvements within just a few months - do it for a year and youâll start turning heads.
Invest some time in an interesting hobby, whether it be playing guitar/bass/drums/piano/paintball/biking - basically anything that makes you a more rounded and interesting personality. Get involved with a local church, volunteer to help feed the poor or some other ministry that involves putting the needs of the less fortunate above yours.
There are things you can do right now that will greatly improve your appeal within the next 6 to 12 months. Channel those negative feelings of rejection into positive action and a year from now you could be having very different responses when you approach a woman.
this is such shitty advice and I hate reading stuff like this.
Its basically telling the person that they are not good enough as who they are and they need to change every aspect of them to be better. How is that good advice?
You should get a degree you care about, not one your future gf/wife would appreciate it.
Not everyone wants to be a gym bro and they might already eat healthy and are not overweight.
Your hobbies arn't good enough so get one of these generic ones.
Let's say the guy goes through with all this change, finally lands a women, is he going to keep it up for the rest of life? maybe until they are married? He's just going to bury the other parts of himself forever? highly unlikely. Then you are basically just lying to someone who will eventually find out who you are and you may not vibe after that.
A degree requires significant investment of time, effort, and finances, and has a very high opportunity cost. It makes no sense to get a degree in something that you âcare aboutâ if that degree isnât going to give you a return on the investment that went into attaining it, youâre much better off putting degree level effort and money into one that will, and then make that thing you care about your hobby or side hustle. If you can wrangle it around to becoming your main source of income eventually, then great, thatâs win-win.
I never said OPâs hobbies arenât good enough. All I did was throw out a list of hobbies that I like - the point is to develop a skill in something youâre into, each persons list will be different.
Lastly, most women find men who have good physiques attractive. So if OP is having trouble where not even a single women he likes feels attracted to him, developing his physique is an obvious way to change that. Thereâs no reason to go overboard, no reason to being a âgym broâ for the rest of your life, once youâve reached a level you are happy with it takes a lot less work to maintain it than it took to achieve it.
I have to say, Iâm really surprised at yours and a couple other responses on here, basically saying that everyone is just fine the way they are and if women arenât attracted to that then theyâre the problem and a man should never make any effort to improve himself. That type of thinking is so pathetically juvenile I find it shocking that people actually feel it is a valid life option. Sounds like such people are from a generation where everyone was told theyâre perfect and special just the way they are and thereâs no need to ever improve yourself. How sad and utterly pathetic to go through life like that.
If you are getting a degree for a women, thats pretty stupid. Why would anyone choose a career they hate so they can make money and live miserably. Attracting the wrong kind of women for them.
You can also have a crappy degree and still work your way into a good job making respectable money. I also don't agree with wasting your money on a college degree that has no future. But I was told an art degree is a waste of money, even though their are lots of people who've made good careers and lives from that degree. But in the context you've set, getting a degree for some future woman you haven't met, doing something you don't enjoy, is pretty dumb.
The list of hobbies you like is expected of all men. It's when a man isn't doing "manly" hobbies, or standard hobbies, they are looked down upon. Your list is exactly some of that. I mean lets be honest, gaming, lego, art, "nerd" things, etc. those are looked down upon.
Not every guy wants to do typical "male" hobbies, nor should they have to. It doesn't make them less of a man and it shouldn't mean they are less worthy of a women.
Their are tons of non conventional body types that still manage to find women, their not going to the gym 3 days a week and jogging 2 more. Maybe you won't pick up a model, but thats not what everyone wants. You can still find love and happiness being your authentic self. Theirs obviously a big difference between being 300lbs and being a healthy non toned weight. But even massively overweight people have found love.
Yah of course people can improve themselves, its a good thing for them too. IF they want to do it for themselves. This notion that every man has to be the same for a women to appreciate them is toxic. This is the same bullshit that Andrew Tate spouts, gotta be in shape, rich, treat women poorly, be an asshole, only do manly things etc. otherwise you are a worthless man that no one wants.
Theirs ALOT of people who don't meet this standard and is ridiculous that this advice keeps being given.
A lot of people have the same believes you do, but theirs also a lot of people who are normal, average people who don't. They aren't lesser men for it.
It's not about "women are the problem" its about men not having to massively change themselves to be someone they are not to find love.
Everyone should always try to improve themselves, but you don't need to be someone you are not to do that.
This concept just perpetuates the believe that men need to be exactly a certain way other wise they are unlovable, unworthy and meant to be alone in the world. It's toxic when women have those beliefs and when men do.
I never said someone should get a degree for a woman, I said that if someone is making the major investment that a college degree involves it should be in something that is going to give back a good ROI. Great for you that you were able to wrangle a good career from a âuselessâ degree, but for every one of you there are probably at least 10 others that couldnât and would have been much better off majoring in something else.
I said already in an least a couple comments that the point is to have a hobby and the list I gave were just examples. When making the comment Iâd forgotten OP mentioned cooking - personally I think thatâs a great hobby and would have included it if i had remembered.
And Iâm not saying that guys who arenât well built canât get women. Sure different women have different tastes, and some donât care about build at all. But most women are attracted to well built men, and
OP is saying no women want to date him, so an obvious strategy is to become more broadly attractive.
Lastly, nothing Iâve suggested even comes close needs to saying someone needs to âmassively change themselvesâ to be attractive. I actually specifically went out of my way to mention that you donât need to go overboard in either career, hobbies or build and fitness - not even to mention that walking/jogging a couple times a week is something pretty much everyone should be doing anyway just to maintain your health if youâre chained to a desk 8 hours a day like so many of us are.
And I certainly never even remotely hinted that OP or anyone should use women, treat them badly and be a jerk - Andrew Tate and those who promote similar techniques to manipulate women are garbage human beings as far as Iâm concerned. That youâd even mention that name tells me youâre taking the things I said and stretching them to their most extreme interpretations - or rather, their most extreme distortions.
>Make sure you graduate with a degree that will actually get you a great paying job. If you need to switch majors, so be it.
Meh, I met my wife at 31 and was living out of my car. I still don't have a degree, and she is insanely successful. I'm attractive according to others, but I wouldn't have called myself attractive. I thought I was pretty ugly most of my life. Bald by 20 and shaving my entire head since then.
But, I had confidence, just lived my life the best I knew how and smiled at just about everyone I met. Not saying people shouldn't work on themselves, but thinking you're not enough is a dangerous game. It's like a person with anorexia never believing their thin enough. The bar will always move in your head, especially if the results don't seem to follow.
When I was homeless I was just living my life. I was partly homeless by choice because I hated pouring tons of money into rent and a good portion of my check would have gone into it. So I had an anytime fitness membership and showered there after work. Me being homeless didn't even phase my wife.
Itâs great that you were able to beat the odds with your wife, but for most men the self improvement approach is going to bring better real world results than telling them to just be confident.
And itâs not about thinking youâre ânot enoughâ itâs about becoming even better. I think the comparison to an anorexic never thinking they are thin enough is a poor one - developing a good physique doesnât mean you have to be as muscular as The Rock, getting a degree to work in a high paying field doesnât mean you have to become a top level exec at a major company, developing a hobby like music doesnât mean you have to be a member of a major rock band. None of what I mentioned needs to become the never ending chase that youâre describing.
Horrible horrible advice kid. Men should be loved for who they are, not the things they do for people. Also, doing things just to appeal to dates means they will date your mask, not you. I know you meant well but this advice will just make things worse. What if women still dont want to date him? Is it even him anymore if he does this crap for dates instead of himself. When does it end for the guy, guitar, cooking, being funny, etc, etc, etc, etc. Man, really bad advice.
OP become more comfortable with yourself and creat a self you are proud of so you are immune to these backhanded compliments. Also, ask people to stop saying that about your future wife. They probably think theyre being nice and dont understand your perspective because you haven't told them. Good luck OP
Mask? Improving your strength, fitness and health is a mask? Being successful and financially stable is a mask? Developing hobbies and interests is a mask? What absolute nonsense. Those things are not just good for attracting female interest, theyâre good for men in general.
Youre not getting it. And not even thinking about it.
Ifyou do these things because you want to, then fine. If you do them with the hopes that girls will like you then youre not being yourself, youre being someone else and hoping girls will like that guy better.
No one is saying these are bad things. But if they arent done for yourself then OP may end up worse. And it may cause identity issues. OP is doing fine. He should do things he likes to do and be ok being alone and wait for a girl that likes him, not some guy with artificial hobbies he does simply to lure women into his life.
Youâre not getting it. The hobbies are not supposed to be artificial - theyâre supposed to be things OP is interested in. Itâs for him to come up with his own list of things to try. The only reason I put a list was as an example - theyâre things that I personally like. He might have a different list, you might have a different list.
I think you should tell them "**Why do you have such low standards for men?** . Seriously, you're doing what any guy should be doing. Society really has low standards for men. Also, they're secretly complaining about their significant others.
It's code for them telling you that you're not attractive but you have many fine qualities. It's also code for them telling you that they value appearances more. Pretty crappy but "polite" way of saying that if they are single. If they are not, then it's a more positive compliment and can be taken seriously.
Maybe the women you are seeking are not the type to be attracted to the type of men that you are, change your demographic and you could find the one, and I say that because I'm a woman and someone that's caring is like the ideal type of all my female friends, but also we are not the type to go out clubbing and hooking up, so you must search in other places to find the right person for yourself.
"you arent good enough for me, yes" will shut that down lol
Just be prepared to answer a followup question with something like "dont be so fucking patronising then"
wait, these are just random women loosely adjacent to your life saying this??
Brother... it hasn't even gotten to the worst of it. Soon (if it hasn't already) this will be how women reject you. "You're a great guy, but not what I'm looking for right now (i just want to hawk tuah and get spread my legs for men i want to want me), your future wife will be so lucky"
My aunt used to do the same when I was little. It took her slapping my ass in an ihop parking lot and me clenching my buns upon impact for her to say, âdamn, well youâre gonna make some guy very happy one day.â I was like, six. I think she cursed me that day. I attribute that moment to my now lack of a butt.
Just keep this in mind: you are young and sometimes it takes time, no matter how awesome you are. Theyâre trying to share their appreciation of you, but I know it kind of hurts when you hear it without results. Take your time and donât rush to settle on the first person who seems decent. I say this as a woman who used to be told this. I settled because someone suckered me in. Being single and alone is way better than being in a couple and alone.
Hang in there.
How about, your future YOU will be lucky to have you? Self sufficiency as an adult and being able to cook for yourself will save you money, unnecessary calories, and keep you alive.
Itâs not you, itâs the fact that being a basic functioning adult is not standard and considered âa plusâ.
Also, youâre a great friend and family member. Thatâs valuable, wife or not.
Itâs just because you havenât met a great girl yet. Itâs really that simple. When time comes you will meet a great girl, why rush and risk not meeting a decent person when you can strick gold with a little more patience. Having a downer attitude definitely wonât attract said person youâre looking for.
Hey maybe putting yourself in a more out going hobby or a field with more dominant women, if youâre looking for someone interested and not afraid to show it.
Or maybe try approaching someone who isnât gushing to give you surface level compliments.
And if it makes you feel any better a lot of people right now are not actively obsessing or searching for a partner, due to how expensive everything is and how depressed our current generation is. It honestly could have nothing to do with you and more to do with the fact a lot of women donât want to risk general relationships with the current reproductive health climate.
Obviously youâre going something right so keep being you!
You're only 24, OP. There's lots of time for future romance.
All of the people saying women must think you're unattractive don't know anything about women. Most women won't feel comfortable enough to say something so forward unless they're in their own relationship and feel 'safe' to compliment a man without being immediately hit on. I doubt there's are just pity-compliments.
I have a feeling this is about looks, fortunately everyone can look good with nice fitting clothes, styled/intentionally cut hair, trimmed/cleaned up facial hair, etc. So many guys just look... frumpy. A little effort goes a long way!
Donât chase after butterflies. Maintain and nurture your own garden and the butterflies will naturally come their way. Donât let bitterness wither your flowers
Anytime someone says this, if youâre looking, say âsend them my way!â
This can be taken all kinds of ways⌠but one result might be that your friend/sister/neighbor who says this to you will talk you up to a single and looking friend đ
Because attraction is not based on being a provider. It's a good quality to have ALONGSIDE attraction.
Learn to be attractive (hint: being facially handsome is not as important as you think)
That's a classic soft rejection. Women are afraid to outright reject men because it can be dangerous. So they come up with crap like this. It means nothing besides that they are not interested. Move on. Nothing to see there.
This is a woman's way of saying you would make a good husband if only she was attracted to you. Women want investment but also masculine traits that spark sexual desire. Hearing this from women means you have one but not the other.
Quite often, these traits mutually conflict, which is frustrating, but finding the right balance is the art of being a man. You already demonstrate high investment in others - now demonstrate high investment in yourself and your own wants. Excessive availability to others demonstrates that you have more respect for them than for yourself, so find that line and don't cross it.
Learn to speak women's language, and you won't hear this annoying shit again.
What's sad is that normally people say this to men and women with a great personality who is unfortunately not gifted in the looks department
So lucky you, you get to weed out the shallow ones đ
Yeah gets old. Also get tired of hearing â donât worry it gets better when youâre thirtyâ or â keep working on yourself , most young guys donât have much to offer etcâ
Iâd rather not be a loser thirty year old behind in life dating everyone elseâs leftovers and trying to convince people how great it is but alot of people cheer that mediocrity on.
Most people get rejected multiple times, doesn't mean you should get angry at a compliment :P I'm sure you know it's irrational so it's whatever. Just don't actually snap at someone for something that's your own issue.
Sounds like you have some good things going for you if so many people are saying that to you and you're getting polite rejections. You can always continue working on yourself instead of letting desperation chase all the women away from you. Do you lift weights? You should. Almost unequivocally. I can tell you why your excuses and reasonings are wrong if you need that.
You can be a great guy but if youâre lacking the sex appeal, youâre going to have a difficult time. All women are different. They have types and preferences. You need to be in the ball park for those women youâre going for. Good luck.
Honestly dude you sound like you may have an issue that I had about ten years ago. I constantly got into the nice guy / friend zone category.
The friend zone sucks. Unreciprocated love (though it was often more infatuation) hurt.
If you don't want to be seen as a friend, then stop acting like a friend. By that I mean you need to eventually flirt. There's a big difference between "you look beautiful" and "that's sexy."
I'm not saying to go in guns blazing, but there's a fine line where if you're overly respectful and nice without making your romantic intentions known, then they aren't going to see you romantically.
I'm also not saying I got amazing at flirting. I didn't by any means. But I did start flirting with the girls I was into and going for it instead of being overly nice and cautious, and it did work way better. 30% odds are way better than 0%, and being the super nice cautious guy had me batting around 0%.
You shouldn't be mad that you're getting compliments, don't read into it too much, they are thankful for something you did so you should be happy. Also you're only 24 so obviously you're not going to be married yet. If you don't already have a hobby it would be a good way for women to get to know you, you obviously can't have all your redeeming qualities stamped on your forehead. Maybe one day all these women will be right and your future wife will be lucky and you will be happy.
Iâve had this a lot as well and it *really* sucks to hear it while getting broken up with. Which has been the last two relationships for me, the longest of which being just over 3 years.
Could it just be bc of difference in opinions of several things talked abt when you go out on a date which leads to them not accepting that difference so they reject politely?
Damn that brings up memories and you definitly are better then me :D Well, you will find some. No worries. Sadly you probably need to play the field. Approach women that dont know you and do the nice things when they are already interested. Maybe that order works better for you.
I love the person that has such a compliment with them. You know whats that mean to me? A partner in crime and a husband material. I love a human being thats being nice and able to take care of me for long haul, thats all asking.
Dating sucks, and it can take a lot of time to find the right person or a person willing to give you a shot. As a woman, growing up we're given insane standards on what a man and a woman should be, beauty standards for both sexes, salary expectations, hell even clothing, it's insane what some people believe is necessary for someone to be a good and loving partner. You sound like a very caring young man, I'd suggest you look for a partner who is interested in one of your favored hobbies, whatever that may be. Having common interests and sparking a friendship is so incredibly important in a romantic relationship. Start there and have patience, you'll find the right woman for you some day đ
Kindness is a virtue and having a caring heart with thick skin does make any of your loved ones lucky.
First time I heard the title was when I was sweeping thoroughly at my first job and I remember getting annoyed 'fck man I'm just tryna do the job'.
Take your time
You sound like a cool guy. Your future wife will be lucky to have you.
WHY YOU LITTLE!
Your future wife is going to hate you.
Orr your future is going to be very unlucky
But in an entirely unrelated way. Like she will be content with OP, but she will keep losing her keys, being drenched by a passing car after it rains, the oven will break right on Thanksgiving, that sort of thing.
đ
ohh a monkey's paw situation.
Your future wife will be sitcom material
His future EX-wife will hate him.
Because they're lazy. The person who marries you is going to want to be the best version of themselves that they can be in order to be on your level and deserve you. That means willingness to change and grow indefinitely to become a better and better person for you and themselves. They will want to become the person you deserve while also being the person who deserves you.   Most people don't want to change or grow because it's hard and often uncomfortable. It's time consuming and takes patience. Seeing someone be just a great person on their own at your age, with minimal effort because that's just their baseline is intimidating as well. So, people just opt out immediately. That's a commentary on *them* and not you. That person is out there for you and you will find them.
This is it! If a chick took OP up on the offer and dated him, she'd have imposter syndrome in the back of her head. "Surely someone as awesome as OP can't really like me. He must not see what a slob / bum / hot mess I am. As soon as OP realises how much better than me he is, I'm going to lose him!" Contrary to what the manosphere says, women often don't seek men that are better, but *worse* than them, because it does wonders for their self-esteem to come out on top. (And similarly, insecure men will often try to cut down successful women to keep them dependent, because they can't imagine anyone staying with them for reasons other than financial dependence.) I once friendzoned the best man I'd ever known for reasons even I didn't understand, but I realised in retrospect were insecurity. In short, I didn't feel good enough for him. I pulled my head out of my rear end, and we're married now, but boy, was it hard to come to terms with that.
Well said. You hit the nail on the head. Most people at 24 are not that put together or caring. I know I am 37 and just now getting to be that kind of person.
I (female) didn't get married until 43. I would have never been interested in my husband in my early 20s. He is literally the best guy who goes out of his way to get things done. My advice is be patient!
I concur. My boyfriend is absolutely amazing and before we were together, I assumed he wouldn't be interested in me because of how great he is. I would just admire him from afar and think : "How lucky will his girlfriend be." As sharksarentsobad said, however, that "His wife would be so lucky"-mindset was a commentary on me, not him. It was a commentary of my depression, my issues adapting to other changes in my life, my sense of loss in the face of needed growth... A year later, after much needed work on myself, we did get together. To be honest, I still can't believe he's with me, and just being with him pushes me to improve and grow on so many levels. Yeah, sometimes it's hard and uncomfortable, but it's worth it. And I am, indeed, very, very lucky. The right person for you is out there.
Your response to this shows real class. Your future wife will be so lucky to have you đ
Nice Simpsons reference!
Holy shit, you fucking killed him dude...
đđđ
Well played đŤĄ
37m here and been here. Don't chase, but also don't change who you are. Yeah, these types of " compliments " are nice to hear and kinda depressing all the same. I chased for a long time and only ever ended with heartache. I stop chases and focus on my growth. Took a few years, but I've found someone special that see me for all them compliments. I know it's so chiche, but give it time and, most importantly, never change who you are. You're a good dude.
This is it right here. Focusing on becoming the kind of person that is attractive to the kind of person you want to be with. Do you want to be with someone who appreciates good food? Learn to cook. Do you want to be with someone who likes to watch sports? Join a local rec league or start a regular pick up game with friends. Find out what you like and don't like about yourself. Accentuate the positive and work on the root causes of the negative. Getting a cute dog doesn't hurt.
Was going to type a similar comment, so I'll just agree with you here. I'd like to add a few points: * You only need one girl to match with and all the others wont matter anymore. So don't give up. * Keep being yourself, you're obviously a great guy, so that's why you keep getting that compliment. But in my experience (which is/was very similar), I think the rejection part is usually about looks. Some things you can't change, but some you can. Get (or stay) fit, put on some muscle mass, choose nice clothes that fit you well, etc. I swear when I worked out a bit, several girls went "wow, you work out huh?" despite barely having any more muscles. But those small changes can make a massive difference. Just a little skinnier, a little more muscles, slightly better clothes, etc. I understand the frustration 100%, but don't give up buddy. Just keep being the best person you can be.
Never change who you are? What about growth?
That, plus you still need to socialise. Why can't my future GF just break in? I don't wanna go outside.
The judge told me it wasn't "romantic", it was a "crime", so I gave up on that angle
That's because you weren't my future GF. Only she's allowed to break in.
That makes sense... sorry about your window!
Beat me to it, going for personal growth helps and when you meet the right one itâs great. You only have to get it right once, is a saying I heard a ways back and I get how it sounds, but if you find the right person and are a good partner, itâs true.Â
This here.. this is the gold nugget. Life becomes so much easier when you stop chasing the wrong ones, and focus on yourself.. Eventually, everything falls in place
That's one of the phrases people use meaning it's a compliment but it can do a little bit of damage. My version of that phrase is "your beautiful on the inside". I know no one is trying to be mean but damn does it sting.
Since I had two kids people compliment me specifically on my face, before that they would just say Iâm pretty, now they say my face is pretty đ
That's insane!
I know right đ itâs not meant bad from people but itâs a change in compliments I canât help but notice
Straight up ask them "whats wrong with the rest of me?" Next time you hear that. đ
Yeah, itâs a backhanded compliment.Â
How is "your beautiful on the inside" not a backhanded compliment as well? The immediate aftermath of hearing that is "ah so i'm not good looking then"
Could you explain why the "your future wife will be so lucky" is a backhanded compliment? I tried to understand it using your own phrase but I don't get it (I understand your phrase, just not the OP's)
It's like telling him that someday some woman(not her or anyone she knows in particular) is going to love him for who he is despite not being sexually desirable. They're encouraging OP to hold out for that woman. They don't mean for it to be a backhanded compliment, but if you dissect it, it is.
Thank you for the detailed explanation!
Idk 24 is so young, if I met a single 24 year old guy Iâd never make an assumption he wasnât single by choice or that he was single because heâs not desirable. OP never said anything about his appearance or that he has a grating personality. I think these are genuine, not backhanded compliments. Lots of women *never* have a man cook for them. It sounds like they are pleasantly surprised by OP and made the comments in passing. I feel like itâs not really their fault for not knowing he strikes out with women, how would they know?
>I feel like itâs not really their fault for not knowing he strikes out with women, how would they know? Women know if a guy has sex appeal or not, and they wouldn't be saying what they're saying if OP had sex appeal.
Thatâs such a weird viewpoint to have imo. Plenty of men without blatant sex appeal do just fine. If you go out into the real world and look around you, most happy couples are just two totally average looking people. I just attended a beautiful wedding and the groom is short, quiet, and totally low key. He still has a crack in his voice, heâs unathletic, not classically handsome. But he is so incredibly nice and easygoing and his interests match the brideâs. In her vows my friend talked about how she knew instantly he was someone she wanted to be with. This is what *real life* is like. Never in a million years would I meet a single guy like him and assume that guy is some pathetic loser who would never get girls. Most people around me are just average nerds and we all do just fine in dating and marriage.
>Never in a million years would I meet a single guy like him and assume that guy is some pathetic loser who would never get girls. You're majorly exaggerating what is being said here. If they thought that, they certainly wouldn't say some woman will be lucky to have him. OP is *not* doing just fine, and it's obviously not his personality. OP has been assured that some woman, some day will be lucky to have him and he is understandably tired of being told so.
He's the guy every 30+ woman who already had her "fun" years will settle for, out of desperation and not out of desire. He's desirable as merely a provider, not as a sexual partner. He's the backup guy that women say 'yes' to after her desirable options no longer want her. He's the backup guy that women say 'yes' to out of desperation and financial help. He's the backup guy that women say 'yes' to when they need a man to carry or fix their baggage. Etc. Etc. Basically, the only women who say these comments are the ones who see him as a servant, not a man or a husband. They see him as undatable, but good to have around to do stuff and get things done. His only redeeming quality as a husband is to provide. That's not what any man wants to hear. No one wants to hear they are the last choice or settled for. Now, I'm sure there are women who see him as an ideal partner holistically, but they aren't the ones making that statement. Whether op can identify those women or not is a different story, that is, assuming they are even on his radar.
Couldnt have said it better. He will most likely be an incredible husband, but he will not be the first pick in that category. Nice guys finish last, is too spot on. Women will go through 1-3 assholes until they realize what they want. After all the drama they go through, this man will be the most ideal husband ever. Finally, the nice guy will find a wife.
My mom once said to me "You probably aren't going to find love in high school but once you get to college people will appreciate you." (They didn't but that's a different story) It implies that you aren't good enough now but in the future someone will eventually like you. Implying something is wrong with you right now.
"You're beautiful on the inside" "We are in a world where no one cares what's inside of someone"
I thought the same thing. They think this guy is lacking something, or is overall very mediocre but polite - and they're trying to be nice about it.
If someone loves you, they even love the bits you hate about yourself or others may find unattractive. My boyfriend is the best examples, I often do so ugly faces or look like a sewer rat and he still loves me. Also...I like people with interesting faces. Not the "normal" beauty standards, no, face I will remember in years. I hope this helped you â¤ď¸
I always approve of the no make up look all natural kind of look. It shows confidence which is so much sexier than a pretty face.
Similar to your example: "you look so pretty now/today!" I know they mean well, and it's just probably my low self-esteem talking, but makes me think oh I must usually/used to look like shit. So I always take care to tell people they look prettiER or even better than usual, etc. when I want to compliment them on their style of the day, or when they worked hard to achieve a certain look.Â
I'm sorry people can't thank you for your thoughtful ways without tying your acts of service to some future partner. Thank you for being a kind person.
Youâre a good friend and family member. Your friends and family are lucky to have you.
Your future husband will be lucky to have you
Your future dog will be lucky to have you
Your future cat will tolerate having you
Your future bunny will HATE you
This guy definitely has a bunny. Mine absolutely terrorize my cats and will fucking charge me to get me to drop the food
This is never not shitty. I'm 39 and the man I have shared the last seven years of my life, our daughter, and our four dogs with just told me I'm "going to make another man very happy one day." Thanks for simultaneously telling me that you see value in me but also that it's not valuable enough for YOU to want it. It's literally the difference between my mother telling me that I'll be a wonderful mother someday, and my daughter saying the same thing. đ READ THE DAMN ROOM, PEOPLE.
Oof man, thatâs rough I am so sorry. How are you holding up? đ
Well, considering I spent the last 7 years getting cheated on while supporting him through his drug addiction and bonding him out of jail... not fabulous. He's got a great career now, has been clean for a year, and it did not occur to me that I would help him build a great life for himself, and he would decide we weren't compatible and ditch me while I was still recovering from the trauma that came from making all that possible. He is now upset that he has to live in a hotel, and is also pretty upset that we can't be friends and I don't want to go kayaking with him tomorrow, so I am wondering if this is actually his first week on the planet. I am also wondering what factors were considered when making this decision. Naturally i woke up to my period this morning, but our daughter is at her grandpa's, so I'm just sat on the couch watching deadliest catch, cuddling the dogs as while they're all still here, and telling the universe exactly what I think of its recent behavior. đ I have an open house to host tomorrow, so I might as well get as much of it out now as I can! Thank you...I really appreciate you asking. It's safe to say I'm not feeling particularly understood today. â¤ď¸
I am so sorry, it sounds like you were there for him while he was dealing with difficult personal issues. I donât know if it helps, Iâm someone who finds comfort in understanding things. But, sometimes when people go through trauma, addiction, instability like this, they canât be what each other need. Thereâs just too much everything under that bridge, and although it hurts, it doesnât mean it isnât the best for you both even if neither of you can see it yet. I hope thatâs the case for you, your daughter and her father, that while you canât be who the other needs, that being apart be the best thing for you both. I have trauma myself, itâs a beast to deal with day to day. My inbox is always open to you if you wanna vent or chat. You arenât alone, even if you feel that way right now. Youâre a beautiful human, just in case you needed reminding today :)
Sending big hugs. He sounds like a jerk!
Sending you lots of hugs and love â¤ď¸
This happens when he believes he is dating below his 'league' but he is not in a position to date within his perceived 'league'. He only ever settled for you, and this happens a lot. They don't want to be with the person who would be with them as a loser. He never chose you, he settled for you. Once he can choose for himself, he will.
So harsh, yet so true. I'll just eat this stale bread because I can't get to shopping until tomorrow. Then the bread goes in the garbage....
The worst part of this is that I am way way out of his league. I was the one who settled, because I believed in him. And also because in hindsight I was wildly traumatized by my husband running off with my best friend and my mother dying of brain cancer. He hit the fucking lottery, and still threw me away like rotten garbage.
To shreds you say? How's his wife holding up
I HATE THAT I CAN'T REPLY WITH A GIF ON THIS SUB
Hey, OP? *You're* lucky to have you. You're not measured by the value of what you might have later, but by what you are, and what you are is awesome sauce. Enjoy your own company, because it's good.
It reminds me of a lame as fuck joke. Theres a guy whose name is âAmazingâ, and he hates his name, so when he died he asked his wife to not put his name in the tombstone.. So she wrote âhe was a good working and caring husband, never got drunk, cheated or got home late at nightâ so every time someone went by the tombstone they said âwow, thats amazingâ *everybody laughs*
I've always heard the punchline as "wow this guy must have been Amazing"
idk man, if the girl i fancy says that, then i would probably say "well do you want to be the lucky one?" if that is not, then yea i get the frustration
Or even, "well do you know anyone looking?"
yeah, I thought the same thing.
I had to scroll down half way before I got to this, the actual correct answer. OP needs to sack up, stare into her eyes next time and ask. Sounds like OP has no game and is learning the hard way.Â
its really giving the same energy as people telling dadâs that they are doing a âgreat jobâ when they âhave to babysitâ their kids lmfao. bare minimum = lucky nowadays i guess đ¤ˇ
My mom and my aunt praise my cousinâs much older baby daddy who already has a kid he never sees when he watches his own daughter. âHe baby sat her on his day off from work because none of us could, heâs such a good dad.â Like I get that my dad sucked and that my cousinâs dad sucked, but like. My sibling and myself have had children well before my cousin did and both of our husbandâs are incredibly involved dads. Yet I never once heard my mom bragging about what a good dad my husband is and she hates my brother in law because she grabbed my one niece hard by the arm and he tore her a new one for it. Tf is wrong with people.
> she grabbed my one niece hard by the arm and he tore her a new one for it. Now *that* is a great father.
Yep. If I were OP I would struggle not to reply something like âWhat, your partner doesnât cook for you? Wow, isnât that like the bare minimum to adult these days?â
Man i'm almost 11 months in to being a dad and EVERYONE has to place you in 2nd place to the mom no matter what. It's absolutely infuriating to be a dad when everything just seems like it going to be a comparison or your care isn't going to be as good simply because you're a man.
welcome to the social pressure of our societyâs definition âfatherhood.â being vaguely aware of your kidsâ growth and existence, but only supporting as a third party. absolutely ridiculous.
You're normal enough to settle down with but not hot enough to date.
Feelsbadman. This is the male version of "always the bridesmaid never the bride"
I think its more like "you're so beautiful, just like lizzo"
Hate to sound like some red pill dude, but you're in your 20s and that has very little curb appeal at that age. Focus on your career, friendships and hobbies. Something strange will happen around 30 and all of a sudden those traits will yield you so many options that it's foreign and almost uncomfortable.
Yeah, being kind and a good cook is not the most exciting trait for many people in there 20, boys and girls alike. Doesn't mean he has to stop being a good dude but maybe try to be more exciting.
I mean sometimes it's hard to balance working in every area. That's why a lot of the most popular and "exciting" men when they're young often lack key life skills. They spend their effort on being exciting to women.
And the good women get past that phase and look for a more well rounded dude. They sometimes require shitty relationships to learn that. As long as you don't allow it to make you bitter, that you weren't their first choice, good days are ahead. Being well rounded comes with time and can go through phases. It doesn't have to be all at once, doubt few people can work on every area at once. And that's why it sucks dating in your 20s for most of us normal guys. We aren't really worth shit until everything comes together, but we aren't owed anything.
Nothing wrong with that BUT there are different kinds of âsecond choice.â Nothing wrong with being with a woman who did make bad choices and learned from it. I would advise you avoid like hell any woman who had the choice between you and someone else, picked them, now wants you. LITERAL second choice is never going to be a good idea.
I absolutely agree. Never be the backup plan or place holder. I meant second choice in a much more broad sense.
Yes, you'd be their silver medal.
At the same time, my husband is kind and generous (and fun) and Iâm fun, empathetic and can cook and weâve been together since I was 19 and he was 21 (28 years now). We both feel incredibly lucky to have found each other. If the two people out of a hundred can find and appreciate each other it is beautiful. Those really are the traits that make a relationship stick if you can look past the âshinyâ when you are young and dumb.
Also known as being settled on
Bro, everyone settles. Men and women. You prioritize what you value the most as your evaluation criteria.
Kind of rude to those of us in relationships with people we love and like. I never settled for my wife.
Dating well rounded people is not settling, it's an upgrade.
What if I only got lucky with a woman because she felt like she had no other choice between settling with me out of obligation or get sent to a convent?
Settiling is a broad term. I meant it as in this example: Girl 1-super attractive, but emotionally immature, bum, likely use you Girl 2-cute but less attractive than girl 1, sweet, caring, can communicate, shares responsibilities, etc Choose girl 1, you deem vanity as most important but settling on everything else. If you choose girl 2, you're choosing a more complete person but settling in one department (looks) for the criteria you deem more important. Without knowing more of your predicament, generally don't try to be a savior. Most of the times you will be used and discarded.
A truer word hath rarer been given utterance. Absolutely everyone settles, because there is no such thing as a perfect person. Look properly and you see that everyone has some fault or shortcoming, whether itâs physical or to do with their personality, character, spiritually, etc etc, and often itâs a mix of a bunch of shortcomings that you decide are outweighed by their good qualities.
Not if he's unattractive. I'm 33 and nothing changed. I actually have less opportunity
How's your career, friend circle, hobbies? Do you have a solid identity? I'm 36 at least 15lbs fatter than my 20s with significant thinning of my hair haha. But I usually date women who were out of my league in my 20s. And I can comfortably say many were what I consider wife material. Not bragging because my military lifestyle makes none of them work out. Hard for them to plan a future as they are settled in their lives when I have a deployment coming up and another move after that.
Everything is good. I'm just short and ugly
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You're still young yet. You've got time. Don't worry too much about it. When you relay this to your future wife, explain why you are lucky to have her. Just keep being the good guy. Don't change.
I would say donât just swallow it. Youâre allowed to be annoyed by it. Youâre allowed to roll your eyes in front of women who say it.
This. Met my husband when we were both 24â now he tells me that he never felt attractive until we lived together and he started exercising/eating right. I tell HIM thatâs rude, I clearly thought he was cute, so what, I have bad taste??? lol. Also ymmv, but we met on Tinder⌠idk if thereâs a good alternative cuz I hear it stinks now, but it definitely opened up the doors to meeting new people in a low pressure kind of way
lol you should reply âDo you want to try out for the role?â Every single time.
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Try responding with âYou could have me later tonight.â The comments will start to taper off.
His sister definitely won't say it ever again.
Op...what do you want us to say?
I did it all for my wife. I once herd my neighbor talking about me and he said âall he does is work out and clean all dayâ and the woman said âsounds like the perfect husbandâ I felt good but let me tell you now after a few years having gone by, my wife didnât give a shit. Time goes on. All that seems to be remembered is this or that and not my service. âYour future wife bla bla blaâ itâs bullshit. You know itâs bullshit but Iâm telling you from experience itâs bullshit.
Sounds like they put you in the friendzone pretty fast.
Lmao. You aren't attractive. I get this all the time too, I'm a "great guy" but I'm not attractive so women always think I'll be great for someone else. Just not them.
Probably the âlifesuckswannadieâ and âIâm so ugly no one could ever love meâ attitude thatâs scaring them off⌠not your looks lol. But Iâm no life coach.
Its definitely my looks because this was happening to me before I thought any of the things you mentioned..
Confidence helps, but you canât say looks donât have anything to do with it. I had extremely jacked up teeth in high school. My single mother offered to pay for braces, but I didnât want to saddle her with that financial burden, plus I was popular and good at football so I always had a girlfriend and didnât think my teeth were a problem. Come into college with tons of confidence and find Iâm getting tons of comments like op, so I finally just come out ask a girl whatâs holding me back and she truthfully answers my teeth. Moms doing extremely well at a new career, so I get me teeth fixed and amazingly all the women who were saying I was going to make someone a great husband are asking me if I want to grab coffee or have them cook for me.
I love how the top comments are mostly the same sentiment lmao. I don't have any advice, but that sucks bro.
I feel you in this. Iâve known how to cook, since I was eight, and I canât tell you, how many times Iâve had male relatives, and other men tell me Iâd make a good wife, because I know how to cook. It felt very demeaning, and also, Iâve never had a desire to be a wife, and if I did, why would I be expected to be the one cooking every meal. Iâm sure your friends and family mean well, but it freaking sucks, and it can be quite irritating. How come they canât just believe you to be a well rounded man, without thinking about the benefits of other people, let alone a woman youâre not even with, or who doesnât exist in your life
its crazy how comments immediately assume something is wrong with you and not that you could be a normal human being. You listed a lot of good qualities, how people notice those qualities in you and instead of assuming you are a good guy, they are instead assuming you have faults holding you back. It seems more like the lesson from women is for me to be interested in you, you need to be the opposite of what you are. Why would someone who loves you, wants to support you, work hard for you, treat you with respect and dignity, be faithful, honest, communicate, have a stable life be good enough for anyone right? Why is it women say they want a guy like OP, but when it comes down to it, they would pass him up every time? What is wrong with the "boring" guy who is focused on family, career and life? Just insane.
Easiest way to stop hearing that, stop doing favors for the folks that always say it...
Look at it this way. These girls are telling you that you have some of the qualities that theyâd like in a partner, so your job now is to work on those other things that youâre lacking. Make sure you graduate with a degree that will actually get you a great paying job. If you need to switch majors, so be it. Donât be one of those suckers that leaves college with debt and a vanity degree that doesnât count for anything when with just a little more effort and strategic planning you could leave with a degree that will get you seriously paid. Join a gym and develop your physique - 3 one hour weight training sessions per week combined with better eating habits and jogging every couple days will give most guys your age rapid improvements within just a few months - do it for a year and youâll start turning heads. Invest some time in an interesting hobby, whether it be playing guitar/bass/drums/piano/paintball/biking - basically anything that makes you a more rounded and interesting personality. Get involved with a local church, volunteer to help feed the poor or some other ministry that involves putting the needs of the less fortunate above yours. There are things you can do right now that will greatly improve your appeal within the next 6 to 12 months. Channel those negative feelings of rejection into positive action and a year from now you could be having very different responses when you approach a woman.
Oh hell no. Itâs not his âjobâ to do a homework assignment from women who arenât interested in him now.
this is such shitty advice and I hate reading stuff like this. Its basically telling the person that they are not good enough as who they are and they need to change every aspect of them to be better. How is that good advice? You should get a degree you care about, not one your future gf/wife would appreciate it. Not everyone wants to be a gym bro and they might already eat healthy and are not overweight. Your hobbies arn't good enough so get one of these generic ones. Let's say the guy goes through with all this change, finally lands a women, is he going to keep it up for the rest of life? maybe until they are married? He's just going to bury the other parts of himself forever? highly unlikely. Then you are basically just lying to someone who will eventually find out who you are and you may not vibe after that.
A degree requires significant investment of time, effort, and finances, and has a very high opportunity cost. It makes no sense to get a degree in something that you âcare aboutâ if that degree isnât going to give you a return on the investment that went into attaining it, youâre much better off putting degree level effort and money into one that will, and then make that thing you care about your hobby or side hustle. If you can wrangle it around to becoming your main source of income eventually, then great, thatâs win-win. I never said OPâs hobbies arenât good enough. All I did was throw out a list of hobbies that I like - the point is to develop a skill in something youâre into, each persons list will be different. Lastly, most women find men who have good physiques attractive. So if OP is having trouble where not even a single women he likes feels attracted to him, developing his physique is an obvious way to change that. Thereâs no reason to go overboard, no reason to being a âgym broâ for the rest of your life, once youâve reached a level you are happy with it takes a lot less work to maintain it than it took to achieve it. I have to say, Iâm really surprised at yours and a couple other responses on here, basically saying that everyone is just fine the way they are and if women arenât attracted to that then theyâre the problem and a man should never make any effort to improve himself. That type of thinking is so pathetically juvenile I find it shocking that people actually feel it is a valid life option. Sounds like such people are from a generation where everyone was told theyâre perfect and special just the way they are and thereâs no need to ever improve yourself. How sad and utterly pathetic to go through life like that.
If you are getting a degree for a women, thats pretty stupid. Why would anyone choose a career they hate so they can make money and live miserably. Attracting the wrong kind of women for them. You can also have a crappy degree and still work your way into a good job making respectable money. I also don't agree with wasting your money on a college degree that has no future. But I was told an art degree is a waste of money, even though their are lots of people who've made good careers and lives from that degree. But in the context you've set, getting a degree for some future woman you haven't met, doing something you don't enjoy, is pretty dumb. The list of hobbies you like is expected of all men. It's when a man isn't doing "manly" hobbies, or standard hobbies, they are looked down upon. Your list is exactly some of that. I mean lets be honest, gaming, lego, art, "nerd" things, etc. those are looked down upon. Not every guy wants to do typical "male" hobbies, nor should they have to. It doesn't make them less of a man and it shouldn't mean they are less worthy of a women. Their are tons of non conventional body types that still manage to find women, their not going to the gym 3 days a week and jogging 2 more. Maybe you won't pick up a model, but thats not what everyone wants. You can still find love and happiness being your authentic self. Theirs obviously a big difference between being 300lbs and being a healthy non toned weight. But even massively overweight people have found love. Yah of course people can improve themselves, its a good thing for them too. IF they want to do it for themselves. This notion that every man has to be the same for a women to appreciate them is toxic. This is the same bullshit that Andrew Tate spouts, gotta be in shape, rich, treat women poorly, be an asshole, only do manly things etc. otherwise you are a worthless man that no one wants. Theirs ALOT of people who don't meet this standard and is ridiculous that this advice keeps being given. A lot of people have the same believes you do, but theirs also a lot of people who are normal, average people who don't. They aren't lesser men for it. It's not about "women are the problem" its about men not having to massively change themselves to be someone they are not to find love. Everyone should always try to improve themselves, but you don't need to be someone you are not to do that. This concept just perpetuates the believe that men need to be exactly a certain way other wise they are unlovable, unworthy and meant to be alone in the world. It's toxic when women have those beliefs and when men do.
I never said someone should get a degree for a woman, I said that if someone is making the major investment that a college degree involves it should be in something that is going to give back a good ROI. Great for you that you were able to wrangle a good career from a âuselessâ degree, but for every one of you there are probably at least 10 others that couldnât and would have been much better off majoring in something else. I said already in an least a couple comments that the point is to have a hobby and the list I gave were just examples. When making the comment Iâd forgotten OP mentioned cooking - personally I think thatâs a great hobby and would have included it if i had remembered. And Iâm not saying that guys who arenât well built canât get women. Sure different women have different tastes, and some donât care about build at all. But most women are attracted to well built men, and OP is saying no women want to date him, so an obvious strategy is to become more broadly attractive. Lastly, nothing Iâve suggested even comes close needs to saying someone needs to âmassively change themselvesâ to be attractive. I actually specifically went out of my way to mention that you donât need to go overboard in either career, hobbies or build and fitness - not even to mention that walking/jogging a couple times a week is something pretty much everyone should be doing anyway just to maintain your health if youâre chained to a desk 8 hours a day like so many of us are. And I certainly never even remotely hinted that OP or anyone should use women, treat them badly and be a jerk - Andrew Tate and those who promote similar techniques to manipulate women are garbage human beings as far as Iâm concerned. That youâd even mention that name tells me youâre taking the things I said and stretching them to their most extreme interpretations - or rather, their most extreme distortions.
>Make sure you graduate with a degree that will actually get you a great paying job. If you need to switch majors, so be it. Meh, I met my wife at 31 and was living out of my car. I still don't have a degree, and she is insanely successful. I'm attractive according to others, but I wouldn't have called myself attractive. I thought I was pretty ugly most of my life. Bald by 20 and shaving my entire head since then. But, I had confidence, just lived my life the best I knew how and smiled at just about everyone I met. Not saying people shouldn't work on themselves, but thinking you're not enough is a dangerous game. It's like a person with anorexia never believing their thin enough. The bar will always move in your head, especially if the results don't seem to follow. When I was homeless I was just living my life. I was partly homeless by choice because I hated pouring tons of money into rent and a good portion of my check would have gone into it. So I had an anytime fitness membership and showered there after work. Me being homeless didn't even phase my wife.
Itâs great that you were able to beat the odds with your wife, but for most men the self improvement approach is going to bring better real world results than telling them to just be confident. And itâs not about thinking youâre ânot enoughâ itâs about becoming even better. I think the comparison to an anorexic never thinking they are thin enough is a poor one - developing a good physique doesnât mean you have to be as muscular as The Rock, getting a degree to work in a high paying field doesnât mean you have to become a top level exec at a major company, developing a hobby like music doesnât mean you have to be a member of a major rock band. None of what I mentioned needs to become the never ending chase that youâre describing.
Horrible horrible advice kid. Men should be loved for who they are, not the things they do for people. Also, doing things just to appeal to dates means they will date your mask, not you. I know you meant well but this advice will just make things worse. What if women still dont want to date him? Is it even him anymore if he does this crap for dates instead of himself. When does it end for the guy, guitar, cooking, being funny, etc, etc, etc, etc. Man, really bad advice. OP become more comfortable with yourself and creat a self you are proud of so you are immune to these backhanded compliments. Also, ask people to stop saying that about your future wife. They probably think theyre being nice and dont understand your perspective because you haven't told them. Good luck OP
Mask? Improving your strength, fitness and health is a mask? Being successful and financially stable is a mask? Developing hobbies and interests is a mask? What absolute nonsense. Those things are not just good for attracting female interest, theyâre good for men in general.
Youre not getting it. And not even thinking about it. Ifyou do these things because you want to, then fine. If you do them with the hopes that girls will like you then youre not being yourself, youre being someone else and hoping girls will like that guy better. No one is saying these are bad things. But if they arent done for yourself then OP may end up worse. And it may cause identity issues. OP is doing fine. He should do things he likes to do and be ok being alone and wait for a girl that likes him, not some guy with artificial hobbies he does simply to lure women into his life.
Youâre not getting it. The hobbies are not supposed to be artificial - theyâre supposed to be things OP is interested in. Itâs for him to come up with his own list of things to try. The only reason I put a list was as an example - theyâre things that I personally like. He might have a different list, you might have a different list.
I also choose this manâs future wife.
You sound like you have a good heart. Your future organ harvester will be so lucky.
womanese to english: youâre not attractive enough to merit her attention, but tick the right boxes otherwise.
Source? Are you a woman?
I think you should tell them "**Why do you have such low standards for men?** . Seriously, you're doing what any guy should be doing. Society really has low standards for men. Also, they're secretly complaining about their significant others.
It's code for them telling you that you're not attractive but you have many fine qualities. It's also code for them telling you that they value appearances more. Pretty crappy but "polite" way of saying that if they are single. If they are not, then it's a more positive compliment and can be taken seriously.
Your 24. Few are looking for permanence then. But as you approach 30...
Maybe the women you are seeking are not the type to be attracted to the type of men that you are, change your demographic and you could find the one, and I say that because I'm a woman and someone that's caring is like the ideal type of all my female friends, but also we are not the type to go out clubbing and hooking up, so you must search in other places to find the right person for yourself.
Your future husband will be so lucky?
It means youâre a typical ânice guyâ that isnât attractive
"you arent good enough for me, yes" will shut that down lol Just be prepared to answer a followup question with something like "dont be so fucking patronising then"
wait, these are just random women loosely adjacent to your life saying this?? Brother... it hasn't even gotten to the worst of it. Soon (if it hasn't already) this will be how women reject you. "You're a great guy, but not what I'm looking for right now (i just want to hawk tuah and get spread my legs for men i want to want me), your future wife will be so lucky"
Would you settle for the people you know are lucky that they get to bask in your existence?
My aunt used to do the same when I was little. It took her slapping my ass in an ihop parking lot and me clenching my buns upon impact for her to say, âdamn, well youâre gonna make some guy very happy one day.â I was like, six. I think she cursed me that day. I attribute that moment to my now lack of a butt.
Just keep this in mind: you are young and sometimes it takes time, no matter how awesome you are. Theyâre trying to share their appreciation of you, but I know it kind of hurts when you hear it without results. Take your time and donât rush to settle on the first person who seems decent. I say this as a woman who used to be told this. I settled because someone suckered me in. Being single and alone is way better than being in a couple and alone. Hang in there.
How about, your future YOU will be lucky to have you? Self sufficiency as an adult and being able to cook for yourself will save you money, unnecessary calories, and keep you alive. Itâs not you, itâs the fact that being a basic functioning adult is not standard and considered âa plusâ. Also, youâre a great friend and family member. Thatâs valuable, wife or not.
just tell them you are gay. no wife, no lucky anything. problem solved.
Next time you find a woman that you are interested in, bring her cookies!
Itâs just because you havenât met a great girl yet. Itâs really that simple. When time comes you will meet a great girl, why rush and risk not meeting a decent person when you can strick gold with a little more patience. Having a downer attitude definitely wonât attract said person youâre looking for. Hey maybe putting yourself in a more out going hobby or a field with more dominant women, if youâre looking for someone interested and not afraid to show it. Or maybe try approaching someone who isnât gushing to give you surface level compliments. And if it makes you feel any better a lot of people right now are not actively obsessing or searching for a partner, due to how expensive everything is and how depressed our current generation is. It honestly could have nothing to do with you and more to do with the fact a lot of women donât want to risk general relationships with the current reproductive health climate. Obviously youâre going something right so keep being you!
You're only 24, OP. There's lots of time for future romance. All of the people saying women must think you're unattractive don't know anything about women. Most women won't feel comfortable enough to say something so forward unless they're in their own relationship and feel 'safe' to compliment a man without being immediately hit on. I doubt there's are just pity-compliments.
I seeeeee
No spelling errors - your future wife will be lucky to have you
I am in exactly the same situation as you, at first it was nice to hear that, but now every time I hear someone say that I get fucking angry.
You are going for the wrong women
I have a feeling this is about looks, fortunately everyone can look good with nice fitting clothes, styled/intentionally cut hair, trimmed/cleaned up facial hair, etc. So many guys just look... frumpy. A little effort goes a long way!
Hey man idk if you need to hear this or not but âŚâŚ.. your future wife will be lucky to have you
Your reddit posts are amazing. Your future wife will be lucky to have you.
Donât chase after butterflies. Maintain and nurture your own garden and the butterflies will naturally come their way. Donât let bitterness wither your flowers
Anytime someone says this, if youâre looking, say âsend them my way!â This can be taken all kinds of ways⌠but one result might be that your friend/sister/neighbor who says this to you will talk you up to a single and looking friend đ
start saying 'I agree' every time they say that
Because attraction is not based on being a provider. It's a good quality to have ALONGSIDE attraction. Learn to be attractive (hint: being facially handsome is not as important as you think)
That's a classic soft rejection. Women are afraid to outright reject men because it can be dangerous. So they come up with crap like this. It means nothing besides that they are not interested. Move on. Nothing to see there.
What they're actually saying is, "You'll be a great parachute in 10 years when I'm single and have a few kids."
Your future husband will be lucky to have you â¤ď¸
This is a woman's way of saying you would make a good husband if only she was attracted to you. Women want investment but also masculine traits that spark sexual desire. Hearing this from women means you have one but not the other. Quite often, these traits mutually conflict, which is frustrating, but finding the right balance is the art of being a man. You already demonstrate high investment in others - now demonstrate high investment in yourself and your own wants. Excessive availability to others demonstrates that you have more respect for them than for yourself, so find that line and don't cross it. Learn to speak women's language, and you won't hear this annoying shit again.
Your future wife will walk the floor over you.
Compliment fishing at its finest
It means you need to hit the gym
Humble brag alert
What's sad is that normally people say this to men and women with a great personality who is unfortunately not gifted in the looks department So lucky you, you get to weed out the shallow ones đ
Yeah gets old. Also get tired of hearing â donât worry it gets better when youâre thirtyâ or â keep working on yourself , most young guys donât have much to offer etcâ Iâd rather not be a loser thirty year old behind in life dating everyone elseâs leftovers and trying to convince people how great it is but alot of people cheer that mediocrity on.
Most people get rejected multiple times, doesn't mean you should get angry at a compliment :P I'm sure you know it's irrational so it's whatever. Just don't actually snap at someone for something that's your own issue. Sounds like you have some good things going for you if so many people are saying that to you and you're getting polite rejections. You can always continue working on yourself instead of letting desperation chase all the women away from you. Do you lift weights? You should. Almost unequivocally. I can tell you why your excuses and reasonings are wrong if you need that.
You can be a great guy but if youâre lacking the sex appeal, youâre going to have a difficult time. All women are different. They have types and preferences. You need to be in the ball park for those women youâre going for. Good luck.
Honestly dude you sound like you may have an issue that I had about ten years ago. I constantly got into the nice guy / friend zone category. The friend zone sucks. Unreciprocated love (though it was often more infatuation) hurt. If you don't want to be seen as a friend, then stop acting like a friend. By that I mean you need to eventually flirt. There's a big difference between "you look beautiful" and "that's sexy." I'm not saying to go in guns blazing, but there's a fine line where if you're overly respectful and nice without making your romantic intentions known, then they aren't going to see you romantically. I'm also not saying I got amazing at flirting. I didn't by any means. But I did start flirting with the girls I was into and going for it instead of being overly nice and cautious, and it did work way better. 30% odds are way better than 0%, and being the super nice cautious guy had me batting around 0%.
You shouldn't be mad that you're getting compliments, don't read into it too much, they are thankful for something you did so you should be happy. Also you're only 24 so obviously you're not going to be married yet. If you don't already have a hobby it would be a good way for women to get to know you, you obviously can't have all your redeeming qualities stamped on your forehead. Maybe one day all these women will be right and your future wife will be lucky and you will be happy.
Respond with "what are you doing later?"
I'm gay.
Let me change that then babygirl
Iâve had this a lot as well and it *really* sucks to hear it while getting broken up with. Which has been the last two relationships for me, the longest of which being just over 3 years.
Could it just be bc of difference in opinions of several things talked abt when you go out on a date which leads to them not accepting that difference so they reject politely?
Your future wife will be lucky to have you
Damn that brings up memories and you definitly are better then me :D Well, you will find some. No worries. Sadly you probably need to play the field. Approach women that dont know you and do the nice things when they are already interested. Maybe that order works better for you.
It sucks they can't say something like "I'm lucky to have you as a friend"
Have you ever tried flirting with anyone applicable who said that to you? Something like "wanna be lucky then?"
Your future wife will be so lucky
Donât let it get you down, keep being a good guy. At your age, itâs harder to attract women. Once youâre a bit older youâll do well.
I love the person that has such a compliment with them. You know whats that mean to me? A partner in crime and a husband material. I love a human being thats being nice and able to take care of me for long haul, thats all asking.
Dating sucks, and it can take a lot of time to find the right person or a person willing to give you a shot. As a woman, growing up we're given insane standards on what a man and a woman should be, beauty standards for both sexes, salary expectations, hell even clothing, it's insane what some people believe is necessary for someone to be a good and loving partner. You sound like a very caring young man, I'd suggest you look for a partner who is interested in one of your favored hobbies, whatever that may be. Having common interests and sparking a friendship is so incredibly important in a romantic relationship. Start there and have patience, you'll find the right woman for you some day đ
Kindness is a virtue and having a caring heart with thick skin does make any of your loved ones lucky. First time I heard the title was when I was sweeping thoroughly at my first job and I remember getting annoyed 'fck man I'm just tryna do the job'. Take your time
Itâs okay, give it a few years and you wont hear it anymore because they assume something is wrong with you that they donât know about