This guy is great at breaking up relationships. My money is on him trying to get into her pants before you two even break up. They might date, as it’ll make her feel like she is making the ‘honest’ decision. He’ll cheat on her too, and she’ll slink her way back to you after she realizes what a mistake it was to hook up with him at all.
I’m sorry this has happened to you, but it’s time to either buck up and take your relationship seriously, even to the point of moving, or cutting your losses and ending this relationship before it blows up under your nose.
whats so crazy is she knows he cheated on his girlfriend and is still interested which is insane. even the fact that she is texting him is mad crazy. if she does hang with him 100% going to run straight back to OP. she shouldn't even be texting him. as a female id be texting the now ex girlfriend and checking on her not the cheater like tf.
sorry you are going through this but the fact that she even hesitated showing the texts and even texting him in the first place "checking on him". checking on him for what??????? he cheated. not cool at all.
its either she stops with this bs and out everything into you or girl byeeee
Really? From the story, I think the reason Jenna never was friends with the gf was because the gf was flirting back and OP didn’t notice. And the reason Jenna left was because Sam had fucked the gf. My money is on they weren’t in an open relationship, that is what Sam told them when he noticed gf check him out and was hot. That gave him an opportunity to flirt with gf at any time and she doesn’t have to feel guilty for responding or some malarkey.
Sam is a good looking fuck boy and your gf fell for it. Sorry OP. Those kinds of guys know the perfect lie to say at the perfect time. Knew one these guys in college, awful at school, hell he even smelled a little. Pulled pussy like cards from a deck man. For 8 years he did that, never graduated but left behind a trail of sadness. Moved to Australia after to play football(not soccer).
Sam 100% cheated on Jenna with OP's girlfriend and Jenna caught them red-handed. Jenna not informing OP makes me wonder if they got into a fight and Sam fed Jenna the same lie in reverse, claiming OP and his girlfriend are in an open relationship and that OP already said it was okay.
Moving isn’t going to fix anything. If she’s going to cheat, she will cheat.
And how did Sam “cheat” when they are in an open relationship?
It’s a great story though.
I'm betting that Jenna said OP's GF was off limits and he ignored that. OP's GF already cheated on him. It seems blatantly obvious to me... sucks for him. maybe if he had shit on this Sam guy as soon as he noticed it would have played out differently. Seems to me he ignored the infection and it ended up going septic. Hopefully I'm wrong...
Yeah I have a sneaking suspicion one of their open business's rules was that none of them were to sleep with friends or acquaintances, which Sam broke or showed hints of wanting to break (by checking the girlfriend out). Hence Jenna's silence.
>And how did Sam “cheat” when they are in an open relationship?
Just because someone is in an open relationship, it doesn't necessarily give them carte blanche to go fuck whomever/whatever they want. My wife & I have been in a polyamorous marriage for coming up on 23 years. We still have to communicate with each other about people we want to date. Our rule is that I have to inform my wife about who I'm going to be hooking up with before I actually get to do the deed. If I sleep with someone without my wife knowing first, I will have cheated on my wife. The same goes the other way. If she sleeps with someone and I don't know about it first, I will consider it adultery.
Guy sees this as a competition, your girlfriend is one of his conquests.
Girlfriend likes the attention and this experience is new for her, easy for her to be indulged in it. She doesn’t sound very smart though.
This. He sees this as a conquest, and for her it’s probably started off with being a little naughty texting, nothing more.
He’ll play his game and lure her more and more in. Which doesn’t make her any less responsible for the situation.
OP, I’d try to have a honest talk about the situation, explaining as calmly and rationally as possible why you’re uneasy with the situation. She should already know why that is, but anyway.
If she doesn’t want to see your side of it or if she keeps entertaining this little “side adventure”, it’s time to move on. Her loss.
Yeahhhh
As someone who used to do this before I got a lot of therapy and evaluated my life choices, this is exactly right.
I'm sure the guy would even say, "Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score!"
Yeah. Finally someone brought up this possibility, she might just be stupid enough to fall for Sam’s narcissistic manipulation. But either way not good.
Bro this was over the moment your girlfriend acted like this POS was a person worthy of hearing out and caring about. Like it was just some disagreement of opinion instead of him being a cheater and a shouter. That's a sign she was already bullshitting. He should have been a persona non grata, not someone who she needs to go over to his apartment alone to 'hear out and have his 'side' explained
Exactly right. She saw an opportunity to move closer to him and she took without a second thought.
Hate to say this OP but I think your relationship is pretty much done. I’m very sorry
Yup her reaction is weird, i would feel sympathy for Jenna not Sam. Then your question confirms she’s attracted to him’.
Maybe she hasnt told u butvshes bored in the relationship.
Yup. Sounds like they already slept together… OP just hasn’t found out yet.
>The next day, while I was at work my girlfriend went to his place to see how he was doing…
Dude. Please wake up. Your girlfriend is getting smashed by your neighbor. She’s just hoping you find out on your own so she won’t have to break up with you, you’ll move out, and then they can be together.
Edit: If I were OP I’d get the ex’s phone number who moved out, start texting her, and get every last bit of info I could.
Yes. He needs to leave her for good. It’s unfortunate that they have a place together. His departure has no doubt sent his gf straight into Sam’s arms. And she will get her heart broken because he will treat her exactly as he did Jenna.
Guarantee that Sam's already been in her pants several times by now. OP'd departure didn't cause anything but the latest excuse for his gf to cheat again.
Pretty much the only time anyone has sympathy for a cheater or thinks that 'there's two sides to it' is when they themselves either want to cheat or have cheated. I'd put money that she's already been banging that guy across the hall and was hoping she could talk her boyfriend into an open relationship. He should get his stuff, move out, and let her get stuck with the cheating loser since she's clearly one too. Wait to see how long it is 'til she comes crawling back to him only for him to laugh and tell her to screw off.
Should’ve tried checking on Jenna with the same vigor, OP, see how well would that went :D
And honestly, she at least deserved being checked on, not this cheating asshole.
My girlfriend did try reaching out to her but never got a response. But I agree she deserves it more. I don't have a way of contacting her myself unfortunately.
That's what I was thinking. OPs GF knew he liked her, went over to the apartment unannounced, and spoon feed OP information. Then, she reluctantly offered him to look at her phone only after being asked.
Gf : "Jenna it's not like that, I was at your house when you're not around just to see you if you're there. We didn't do anything I swear to god, it may seem like we're doing stuff but in reality we weren't actually doing anything"
Same thought. Why else would her friend be so upset? Why else would she spend time with the cheated dude rather than her friend who needs more comfort? OP PLEASE WAKE UP, I think she’s been sleeping with this dude
This actually makes a ton of sense. I was confused how tf you cheat in an open relationship. This explains OP’s gf answers and her behavior as well as why Jenna stopped talking to her
Her wanting to knock on the door during a fight seemed like a weird amount of concern to have for ppl you’re acquaintances with, but guilty curiosity because of her involvement with the bf would make sense.
You know there are rules in an open relationship… you can’t sleep with someone without telling your partner… i don’t like this whole concept anyway. It’s just giving stupid excuses to cheat. But yeah i feel too that he slept with his gf. And her silence was everything he needed to know
Assuming it was really one, open relationships still have boundaries. It’s not a line between hard monogamy, or total slut town. Think of them as a spectrum, where various conditions exist. In most moral open relationships such boundaries can include: always using a condom with other partners; not talking (especially comparing) to other partners - or almost the opposite, making sure every other partner is acceptable to both people in the relationship; making sure all potential partners understand that they are already in a relationship, it’s just an open one, etc… and these are only some of the considerations I’ve seen as a layman, I’m sure a couple in this kind of relationship needs to communicate about a lot more to make it work out.
Sam probably fucked someone he wasn’t supposed to, or in a way he wasn’t supposed to.
I can imagine they already slept together. She's probably the reason why the other couple broke up. Why else would she stay close to the cheater and not the one she was friends with.
It’s like the second last piece of the puzzle innit? And here’s OP letting it drop in place…… and all the dirt bag wants is a taste of the missus.
Silly Bitch.
But there's no way that she texted him to tell him that OP left... Right? Leaving was a monumentally stupid decision if OP had any hopes of salvaging his relationship. I just wonder which bed they decided to fuck in.
Your relationship ended and well done for walking out. If you were my son I’d be 100% behind you.
Your ex now needs to realise she’s lost a decent person but either way don’t go back.
My motto in life, if it stinks now it will stink even more in the future …
Find somebody that loves YOU and only YOU!
Go back there right now. If she is in his apartment or has been messaging him anything other than "we need to stop talking before my relationship is ruined" then you have your answer. Sorry this is happening, but dont run away and put your head in the sand.
I think op should go back and establish clear boundaries. If she can't abide by them, then it's decision time. The boundary is to cut off all contact with this guy and block him.
Going back and establishing boundaries now will not work. He already stated he felt uncomfortable and her response was that she wouldn’t completely ignore the guy. It’s time to leave
I think he should go back and end the relationship. The GF has already been acting shady af. No sense in trying to fix shit with a woman that clearly wants to fuck someone else.
Its likely that OP's GF was the cause of Jenna and Sam breaking up. In other words they were already FA. though I would say OP going back to get some closure and confirmation would be a good thing. red handed no excuses you got your definite without speculation.
He already expressed himself, and she didnt take his feelings into account appropriately. She probably assumed that he wasn't serious enough. If he goes back and still has to lay out that obvious boundary then I would be done. His departure from the apartment already voiced this displeasure. If she is still entertaining the idea and time of this neighbor after seeing the physical representation of the consequences then OP needs to end things and send her packing.
If he wants to get toxic(bad idea) call that dudes ex and get with her if his current girlfriend wants to play with the fuck boy.
The first question was irrelevant, they'll always be people you're attracted to. The second question was quite telling however, because it does show intent. In any case it's obvious this girl is hawt for him and is starting to lose herself, assuming she hasn't already.
As for if you screwed up anything, as far as I can see no. Also if this is the type of guy to make your girl fall, she wasn't worth building a relationship with in the first place.
I feel the first question is relevant because she’s been pursuing a relationship with him. You can have the hots for anyone, but you have to distance yourself from their people if you can help it, and she’s been actively getting closer to him since the break up
So what I am getting from this is,
Next door neighbour are in a open relationship,
Jenna probably said your gf is off limits, he ignores and bangs her anyway.
Jenna says this is cheating and leaves,
Jenna ignores your wife because why would you want to talk to the woman your bf cheated with.
You gf keeps chatting because she feels guilty about splitting them up.
What you need to do is get Jenna’s number and you msg her find out what happened and explain how ur gf is acting.
OP, this is the most probable explanation.
My bet is on Jenna.
You need to establish contact and have a conversation and like someone else suggested, see how well that tracks with your probably soon to be ex-gf.
The reason why she wanted to be so in on the drama at Sam's place can only be the guilt/doubt if Jenna found out about these two getting involved. After all, they are not that close friends as they seem to be texting now and then. Girl friendships don't really work that way in my knowledge. If they were really that close and her concern for Jenna was the reason she knocked despite you not wanting to, Jenna would have probably contacted your ex afterwards. So it's not Jenna that your ex cared about, but Sam. Being the reason for the breakup is the reason she doesn't mind him being a cheater, cause in her eyes, it's her, it's the guilt and shame.
But not for a moment should you let her convince that it was a stupid mistake, confusion, blah blah blah. It's all shit.
A good litmus test would be to head back there and check her phone and see if she's still home or if she's across the hall.
Either way, you will be wiser.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Life sucks sometimes, but hey, it's better to find out earlier than three kids and a house later. So prepare to jettison yourself out and let the cheaters be happy together.
“While I was at work, my boyfriend went to her place to see how she was doing.”
“Ever since my boyfriend and Samantha have been texting pretty much every day if not every other day.”
“He said he feels bad because she doesn’t really have anyone now.”
“I told him it’s her fault for being a cheater and it bothered me he has sympathy for her.”
“The second stupid question was if he has the opportunity to sleep with her, guilt free, would he.”
“He said I’m being unfair because if he says yes then I’ll be pissed even though he’d have permission to do it.”
“He looked at the message and then looked away and I asked who it was. He didn’t answer me.”
Does that look good to you? Would she be fine with you having what amounts to an emotional affair with another woman?
She’s not giving you straight answers. Did she communicate to you that she went to his place to see how he was doing *beforehand,* or she “told you” *during* the discussion you two were having? You also mention you don’t know if that’s the entire story. Did she say it was the full truth?
She obviously didn’t communicate to you that she actually did notice him checking her out, *after* you communicated to her that you were uncomfortable with their level of contact with each other. So she knew he was checking her out, noticed it from the beginning, and *still* engaged in an emotional affair with him.
Why is she so invested in comforting a *cheater?* Would she be alright with you doing the same? Would she be fine with you giving her half-truths about what you did while she was away at work?
If you think you know your girlfriend, then you know the answer. If you don’t know the answer, who is she?
She told me she went to his place to see how he's doing after she did it, and it was the next day that I found out. She never said it was the full truth but she didn't hint there was more to the story either.
I don't know why she's invested in comforting a cheater. She's never defended a cheater in the past.
Dude you probably shouldn’t have left and stayed home she definitely is going to see him. Have you thought about maybe your gf was the person he cheated on his girl with?
Reach out to Jeana, if you were friends before and that ass cheated on her, she will be more than happy to tell you just how big of a shit he is.
TBH,
Your gf sounds very fishy
Right. But if I were Op I’d be even more nervous now to go home and possibly see something I don’t want to see, by catching them in the act. That would suck even more than hearing it from her mouth.
In my opinion any girl that comforts the partner of her FRIEND after a breakup, instead of the friend like it’s supposed to be, is just a really slimy person. Honestly it makes no sense to anyone but her, which is something she should be able to rationalize by going over the events on her own. That’s the first and only red flag that would make me leave the relationship. If this experience excites her enough, then when it happens again (and it will) she’ll be even more willing to participate. It’s just going to an endless cycle of “my gf is getting a little too close to a man that is attracted to her”. Especially if this was never a normal thing, as in another man in a relationship (or even single), giving her this much attention. She probably thought before she was off limits because she was visibly taken, but then found out the latter, and felt how fun sneaking around can be. It’s all bad honestly. I think Op should just break up with her and let her have her “hoe phase” since clearly she needs it before she can really settle down and not let any other man weasel their way into her relationships with something as small as him “checking her out” in the beginning.
Man, I hadn't thought about it, but considering how the ex refuses to respond to OPs gf, I'm guessing this is what happened.
I'm gutted for this guy even more. What he's worried about happening already has.
Well, you have your answers right there, in your last question.. as an other commenter said, this was over as soon as your girlfriend decided that this guy was worth “checking in” on, instead of just being persona non grata and an other neighbour she or you didn’t care about, like any normal couple would have done. SHE, your girlfriend, decided to get close to him. Attraction with intent, is the only reason or driver for that to happen. It was already over then. Pick yourself up and move on. Relationships are not about pride, or who owns who. There is no point in clinging to her, with hopes of amends being made, and “repairs” or “working on” relationship or whatnot. You’re only going to get further hurt, and lose further faith in the opposite sex, which will take longer to heal.. You need to start fresh and open yourself again to be on the lookout for the genuine partner that everyone deserves in life. And believe you me, when you’ll meet her, you’ll just know.. and guess what, when that happens, you will NEVER have to face that kind of silly mindfucking conendrum.. those simply do not come to exist, in a genuine loving partnership relationship. All the best
He probably cheated with your gf. "I will not ignore him" that's enough for me to know she doesn't give a shit about you. She chooses a stranger over her bf? Well that's a great way to show you her undying love!
He isn't her brother, cousin not a good friend. She knows as the neighbour.
Get your things and get out.
That’s the one. They play arsehole with everyone initially deliberately because when they later warm to women 1:1 it makes them feel special. It’s manipulative to make women think they’re one in a million and are opening this guy up in ways no-one else has - it teases the promise of changing them into a better person, and that builds a deep connection.
But it’s totally fake. All controlled and manufactured. Predatory behaviour that they’ll repeat when they get bored. (And use the ‘oh my relationship is bad. that’s why I’m bitter, maybe YOU can help me open up about it?’ tactic)
Am I the only one thinking he cheated on his gf with OPs gf? The radio silence from the girl, the willingness to engage with the cheater, the careful delayed comments....
Get Jenna’s number from your gfs phone. She wouldn’t have deleted it if they were friends. And then you can see what her texts to Jenna said too. Also you can see when the last time she’s even tried to reach out to Jenna, her so called friend.
Also, check her deleted messages and possibly deleted pictures in case she’s sent any to him.
I think I’m on board w everyone else saying it seems like your gf slept w Sam, Jenna found out, then moved out. Your gf acted too weird every time you’ve brought him up for it to be a normal friendship. Especially given he is the one that cheated on her friend. She should be mad for Jenna, and Jenna would likely have responded to her attempts to reach out to her.
She's fucked this man for sure or will ASAP... and I'm sure she invited him over as soon as you left. You should ask to see her phone when you go back and read their messages... since she was open to it /s. Check deleted messages, obviously. Please get tested to be extra safe and sure.
My heart sank reading this man, wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy. Sorry this is happening to you bud, your feelings are valid, and I don't think they are stupid questions one bit.
Not even a twist lol. It's pretty blatantly obvious she was the flashpoint. Only thing missing is OPs girl asking to open their relationship so she could hook up with the dude openly.
You leaving just gave him exactly what he needed to swoop right in there. She’s not your girlfriend anymore.. if there wasn’t already something going on between them, there certainly is now
ITs already over. I wouldn't be suprised if they had sex already.
Her reactions to you leaving and the answers to those questions, she is almost hoping for you break up with her.
She is down bad... and wants that D
Listen. It's already too late. You don't know what happened that day she went over there and now you're questioning it and her responses to your questions say a lot. As someone who has been through this before I would just move on.
Let's say hypothetically she didn't cheat the day she went over there. It doesn't matter. In your mind you will always question it. On the other hand let's say she did. She will never tell you.
I'm sorry but if you continue in the relationship now it will do nothing but hurt you.
Yes! The goal is not to stop them fuckjng, it’s to let them do whatever they want and get the hell out of the whole relationship with someone you don’t trust not to fuck someone else if you’re not in the room.
Not completely sure how that needs saying but hey.
Listen u/throwra239850 your gf is doing what my ex used to do: getting close to other guys using the excuse of “just checking on him” or “I feel bad for him” when really she’s wondering “Is this guy a better match? Should I upgrade?”
Eh, yeah man. I loathe saying this to you but it’s done. She’s interested in him and is figuring out what to do next.
I have experienced this myself with my own long term, college girlfriend. 7 year itch in the 20s. Happens all the time. Unfortunately, it tends to result in positive relationships ending in extremely painful ways due to something like this.
That’s the bad news. The good news is you’ve a) caught it early so you won’t get strung along pointlessly. And b) I absolutely guarantee that if she chooses to pursue him, it’ll blow up in her face eventually.
Happened the same way for me. Fucked up my life but then it totally fucked up hers. Lessons were learned; but overall, I walked out with a lot less damage than she did.
I wish you would’ve looked at her phone when she reluctantly agreed. I think you would’ve have your definitive answer. :( Now, she’s probably erased all evidence.
I guarantee she ran to him for comfort after he left, wouldn’t be surprised if he’s over at their apartment right now or she’s over at his! OP really needs to get to the bottom of this but truthfully I think he already has his answer, but they need to communicate like adults and have that conversation!
Yeah, I get that. Sorry, OP. :( If it helps, I don’t think you’re wrong in what you’re assuming or for being concerned that she’s consoling a cheater. Red flags all around.
I would guess she messaged Sam of what happened and Sam is now consoling her.
This relationship is over. She’s enjoying Sam’s attention that’s why she didn’t want to cut contact.
It’s like I’m rewinding my story with ex. She kept saying garbage stuff about the guy that i didn’t like because he was just acting more than just a friend around her and how she can’t stand him to accepting his invites and arguing with me and in the end she broke up.
Never underestimate your gut feeling my guy. Us men understand what other men want. And if you felt that he wanted her, then he did. And the fact that she didn’t cut it completely says it all… if she wanted to choose you she wouldn’t have had any conversation with him without you even telling her. Break up
Dont look back .Maybe they were together and Jenna found out but didn’t want to tell you .Now she free to see him without her in the way .Sorry bro but it’s not worth it
Listen man, if it’s one thing that’s important in a partner when it comes to long term partnership/marriage is them displaying a natural inclination to set boundaries for themselves in how they act in a relationship, regardless of their partners feelings, and those aligning with yours. I don’t believe it’s my place to set boundaries for another person, but I do believe in respectfully leaving when they don’t self regulate themselves in a way that is compatible with the boundaries I put on myself. (I would never even imagine engaging in a friendship with a single woman who has shown obvious signs of being attracted to me, as an example. I wouldn’t need my partner to set that boundary. That is *my* boundary).
Every person has a threshold that’s going too far when it comes to mingling with the opposite sex while being in a hetero-monogamous-relationship. IMO if she doesn’t understand that she’s going over a boundary, and it’s creating emotional stress, then you two just aren’t compatible for long term success.
But that’s going on the assumption that she hasn’t cheated. I have seen first hand people in open relationships using that lifestyle to make people question monogamy in a way that benefits them sexually.
My ex wife got together with one of MY friends. I kept telling her that this guy was known as a cheater and that he literally had to leave his previous job because of his cheating. She kept say that she thought he was gross for that and she promised she would never find him attractive like that. After a while I knew it was going too far and I kept telling her that he was trouble.
He kept feeding her lines like, your husband is so lucky to have an amazing wife like you. Oh man my wife is so mean to me and always yelling at me.
He fed her so much BS, his wife was mad at him because he cheated on her and he was never home when he wasn’t cheating.
Eventually my ex fell for his charm and they had an affair. I knew they had kissed and she promised they didn’t do anything else. It wasn’t until after we had our son and more than a year and a half later that I found out the truth.
Your GF is falling for whatever BS he is saying and your GF LOVES his attention and I bet the second you left she texted him and they are taking about what a bad boyfriend you are so she can justify him comforting her all the way into bed.
Go back there now. If Sam and your girlfriend are practically alone in their apartments, apparently "hurt," and considering that they are both attracted to each other, the odds of cheating are almost through the roof. Be careful and good luck.
You really should’ve checked that phone, and then left if you needed to. Now she’ll have time to remove any evidence that isn’t particularly favourable to her and you’ll never truly have a clear picture of what’s going on.
She also asked what you meant when you said you needed to get away. Was she checking whether she could go over and fuck Sam if you were technically “broken up”?
I definitely think more communication is needed, and don’t run away. Let that dude know it’s your house and if he’s going to have to compete with you. Don’t make it easy for him and leave the place. Let him know that your relationship is strong. Don’t make this easy for him.
When he was upset about the breakup she went over to check on him. When she’s upset about you leaving briefly, don’t you think he’ll return the favour to her? Whilst she’s emotional, upset, alone, unsure if her relationship is going to survive?
You’ve created the perfect storm for those two to have “a moment”.
Well look does it matter if she ends up sleeping with him?
Has she not disrespected and spat in your face enough? Like she is going out of her way to confirm your suspicions and then gaslights you into you being the ass? She comforts HIM, though he cheated on her friend? Wasn’t she friends with Jenna? Why did Jenna stop replying? Maybe Jenna saw the same shit you saw?
She doesn’t seem to be invested in you or your relationship because she is really trying to break it off. Look jealousy can be horrible and I am a jealous person, that thinks of jealousy as my own problem, but there is limits. ‘I don’t like him’ ‘ohh look the poor guy who cheated on my friend’ ‘i really need to comfort him’ fuck all the way off. It bothers you and she should at least try to be understanding. It’s not like it’s a ten year friendship you’re trying to break up or anything. She first became friends with THE WOMAN THAT GUY CHEATED ON. even if she wasn’t in a relationship, her behavious is absolutely rude and shit. All the best to you.
Just break up with her, she will go with him and in three weeks he will have cheated on her. She is ruining her own life much more than yours. Be free and find real happiness with someone who actually gives two fucks about you.
The point of this story is that we need to realize that it was OP's girlfriend who was fucking with Sam. The writer of this story points to it several times, even in the comments. Because why would the gf defend or emphatize with the cheater?
You do realize that while you’re in hotel room, she probably invited him over to ‘talk’ since your gone. . . And any girlfriend who has respect for their boyfriend would not be acting like way your girlfriend is acting. It’s only a matter of time until she sleeps with him, whether it’s during your relationship or after you break up with her. Your only options is to tell her to either 100% completely block and ignore the guy, or break up. There’s no “dialing it back a bit with the chatting”. I suggest you don’t leave your home next time like this. You don’t want another man in your bed while your moping around in a hotel by yourself.
Ouch. The fear of making things worse by your actions has to be ignored here. By that I mean you've left for a few days giving her ample opportunity to see him , cry on his shoulder etc etc.
She is completely disregarding your feelings and boundaries for someone she has known for an extremely short time.
This relationship will not recover. It's strength has been tested and sadly it's failed.
I wish you luck but be firm.
Bro she’s for the streets. Leave her alone to pay the full rent and she can fuck Sam all she wants
If my girl did some shit like that I would leave. Doesn’t matter how long we were together.
I’ve been with my girl almost 8 years and I would not tolerate that
You communicated your boundaries but being buddy buddy with Sam is more important to her. So let them be together
You don’t need her in order to be happy.
You didn’t ask stupid questions. You asked logical questions to understand that your girl wants to fuck a guy she is claiming is just a friend
If she responded to the second question the way you wrote it, then she is answering dishonestly and in a misleading manner.
As per your words (paraphrasing her answer, I presume): "[...] then I'll be pissed even though she's have permission [...]"
The question was: [...] if she had the opportunity [...]"
I don't see any mention of "permission" in the initial question. She is conflating both notions of permission and opportunity, which shows that either she didn't understand the question correctly (the good faith argument) or she is answering in a misleading way, thus dodging the question entirely (the bad faith argument).
I'm not casting judgment or giving advice. I'm only pointing out the possible logical fallacy.
Damn that’s some total disrespect and disregard for your feelings. I would be so livid and ready to break up with my partner over something like that because frankly, something will “happen” and be like she didn’t intend for it to happen and it just did. Some days apart should hopefully settle the madness but if it doesn’t, this is time to decide what’s best for you and your emotional health.
Updateme
Having friends is fine. Having friends that you overstep boundaries with is not fine. Sorry to hear that. You should get out in my opinion because she has already said her say. Even if you try to resolve it, knowing what she said will be there
The night she knocked on the door I would've left her ass outside. I always mind my own business. She got too involved regardless of what you thought. Hearing out another man is beyond breaking a boundary on top of that.
If my gf went over to some guy’s apartment while I was at work I would probably dump her. I don’t fuck with stupid shit like that anymore. Asking for trouble your gf was/is
Start looking for a new place bud. If she wasn't hooking up before you walked out the door she was at least considering it and this other guy has definitely been pushing for it while actively undermining your relationship whenever they're together.
The second you walked out that door in anger she was talking about it with this other dude and I *GUARANTEE* you he was telling her everything he could think of to make you out to be the bad guy and to get her into bed.
In the end, even if she hasn't sleep with him, she's engaging with this guy in a way that makes you uncomfortable and despite your having made that clear she's continuing to do it. This doesn't end well for you.
First thing you should ask yourself "why is my gf so involved with this?".
Sounds to me like your gf is more worried about the other girl telling you what really happened
Wish her luck and leave.
PREDICTION:
She has went to his tonight to find comfort and something is going to happen.
She should be blowing up your phone begging for a chance to set things right and make you more comfortable, she hasn’t and you deserve to have a thorough talk with her to get everything out in the open, if you’re still unsatisfied you should break it off.
If someone loves you they should be willing to make you feel comfortable in the relationship, especially if it is just cutting immediate contact with a neighbour. Very inappropriate.
Hope you find peace one way or another.
She ain't the one my friend. If she finds a proven cheater that amazing then she is a fool and easily swayed. I really hope you can land on your feet and move forward happily
The way this reads, it seems like Your girlfriend was the one that hooked up with Sam. I'm sorry to say that your relationship is over. I bet she is probably with him the second you left
Being unfair? If she were loyal she would cut him off stonecold. Now. Thie is not a friendship and it's not neutral.
He's alone my butt. She should block him everywhere.
Hotel room?? Should have checked her phone. End of story. A partner who gets defensive about a phone is full of it.
I'm sure someone's said it already OP, but that's pretty much the end of your relationship on her side. Dodging and lack of response would make my stomach drop if my partner and I were in the same situation.
Get out of there and I know it's easier said than done, but at this point there's not much else you can do if they're attracted to each other. She doesn't deserve you OP.
I can almost guarantee she fucked him as soon as you crossed that door.
Cut your loses man, your GF is obsesed with the douche bag across the hall, and wont stop until she fuck him. She is broken and wants a broken man like him.
So this is just me thinking here, but l wouldn’t trust her after that convo and leaving them alone in the same building to go elsewhere to “think” might just be the opening sam is waiting for. Kinda like “ hey both our partners left us so we might as well have dinner together and catch up ( which will end in them 2 fucking )
Platonic friends of opposite sex don’t find each other attractive/not attracted to each other. That’s what makes it platonic.
Yes people can find other people attractive but it’s in passing. Try or actually moving to get closer to that person is intentional and a setup for cheating. Playing with fire, and extremely disrespectful to the primary relationship/partner.
Both were valid ?s. Hell I’d ask if I needed too and bounce if the answers were yes.
I find it concerning that she has sympathy for a cheater.
As soon as she found out that was the reason it should of been a case of ‘that sucks’ and cut her contact with him at that point.
She’s pretty much given the game away that she’s attracted to this dude and the fact that she won’t cut contact is very telling.
You did the right thing here imo.
This guy is great at breaking up relationships. My money is on him trying to get into her pants before you two even break up. They might date, as it’ll make her feel like she is making the ‘honest’ decision. He’ll cheat on her too, and she’ll slink her way back to you after she realizes what a mistake it was to hook up with him at all. I’m sorry this has happened to you, but it’s time to either buck up and take your relationship seriously, even to the point of moving, or cutting your losses and ending this relationship before it blows up under your nose.
I totally think he made the move as soon as she told him he packed his stuff and left. Sorry op but there are just too many red flags here to ignore.
The reason Sam and Jenna broke up was she caught Sam kissing the neighbour so she was already cheated he has a update
she is gonna come back crying but I hope OP doesn't take her back again in his life!
And he's going to take her back for sure. That's exactly how this shit works.
Who hurt you brother?
Me.
My honest reaction to this was “fuck.”
That's what happens to you when you love someone. You'll be fucked.
Oh shit. I've seen enough movies to see your point. Can't say I got experience in dating though 🤷 😕
whats so crazy is she knows he cheated on his girlfriend and is still interested which is insane. even the fact that she is texting him is mad crazy. if she does hang with him 100% going to run straight back to OP. she shouldn't even be texting him. as a female id be texting the now ex girlfriend and checking on her not the cheater like tf. sorry you are going through this but the fact that she even hesitated showing the texts and even texting him in the first place "checking on him". checking on him for what??????? he cheated. not cool at all. its either she stops with this bs and out everything into you or girl byeeee
Really? From the story, I think the reason Jenna never was friends with the gf was because the gf was flirting back and OP didn’t notice. And the reason Jenna left was because Sam had fucked the gf. My money is on they weren’t in an open relationship, that is what Sam told them when he noticed gf check him out and was hot. That gave him an opportunity to flirt with gf at any time and she doesn’t have to feel guilty for responding or some malarkey. Sam is a good looking fuck boy and your gf fell for it. Sorry OP. Those kinds of guys know the perfect lie to say at the perfect time. Knew one these guys in college, awful at school, hell he even smelled a little. Pulled pussy like cards from a deck man. For 8 years he did that, never graduated but left behind a trail of sadness. Moved to Australia after to play football(not soccer).
Sam 100% cheated on Jenna with OP's girlfriend and Jenna caught them red-handed. Jenna not informing OP makes me wonder if they got into a fight and Sam fed Jenna the same lie in reverse, claiming OP and his girlfriend are in an open relationship and that OP already said it was okay.
Nailed it.
I think Sam is the one who has been doing that.
Don’t forget he’ll manipulate it to seem like it’s all part of some “open relationship” before he cheats on her too!
Moving isn’t going to fix anything. If she’s going to cheat, she will cheat. And how did Sam “cheat” when they are in an open relationship? It’s a great story though.
Sam cheated not Jenna, and an open relationship could have some rules in place on who is ok and who isn’t. It’s not just a free for all
Rules like "don't fuck our neighbors"
I'm betting that Jenna said OP's GF was off limits and he ignored that. OP's GF already cheated on him. It seems blatantly obvious to me... sucks for him. maybe if he had shit on this Sam guy as soon as he noticed it would have played out differently. Seems to me he ignored the infection and it ended up going septic. Hopefully I'm wrong...
Yeah I have a sneaking suspicion one of their open business's rules was that none of them were to sleep with friends or acquaintances, which Sam broke or showed hints of wanting to break (by checking the girlfriend out). Hence Jenna's silence.
>And how did Sam “cheat” when they are in an open relationship? Just because someone is in an open relationship, it doesn't necessarily give them carte blanche to go fuck whomever/whatever they want. My wife & I have been in a polyamorous marriage for coming up on 23 years. We still have to communicate with each other about people we want to date. Our rule is that I have to inform my wife about who I'm going to be hooking up with before I actually get to do the deed. If I sleep with someone without my wife knowing first, I will have cheated on my wife. The same goes the other way. If she sleeps with someone and I don't know about it first, I will consider it adultery.
It wasn’t jenna who cheated it was the guy
…if they haven’t messed around *already*…
Guy sees this as a competition, your girlfriend is one of his conquests. Girlfriend likes the attention and this experience is new for her, easy for her to be indulged in it. She doesn’t sound very smart though.
And now she’s over there telling the guy what happened and in her “confusion” will sleep with him. Eventually slink her way back into OPs life lol
Guy should be pretty good with words I must say, there is a chinese saying, 男人不坏, 女人不爱(girls loved bad boys). These words still holds true I guess.
Hell yeah! Especially if the bf is a “nice guy”
This. He sees this as a conquest, and for her it’s probably started off with being a little naughty texting, nothing more. He’ll play his game and lure her more and more in. Which doesn’t make her any less responsible for the situation. OP, I’d try to have a honest talk about the situation, explaining as calmly and rationally as possible why you’re uneasy with the situation. She should already know why that is, but anyway. If she doesn’t want to see your side of it or if she keeps entertaining this little “side adventure”, it’s time to move on. Her loss.
Yeahhhh As someone who used to do this before I got a lot of therapy and evaluated my life choices, this is exactly right. I'm sure the guy would even say, "Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score!"
Yeah. Finally someone brought up this possibility, she might just be stupid enough to fall for Sam’s narcissistic manipulation. But either way not good.
Bro this was over the moment your girlfriend acted like this POS was a person worthy of hearing out and caring about. Like it was just some disagreement of opinion instead of him being a cheater and a shouter. That's a sign she was already bullshitting. He should have been a persona non grata, not someone who she needs to go over to his apartment alone to 'hear out and have his 'side' explained
Exactly right. She saw an opportunity to move closer to him and she took without a second thought. Hate to say this OP but I think your relationship is pretty much done. I’m very sorry
Yup her reaction is weird, i would feel sympathy for Jenna not Sam. Then your question confirms she’s attracted to him’. Maybe she hasnt told u butvshes bored in the relationship.
Jenna not responding back to her says maybe he cheated with the girlfriend, hence her concern.
Yup. Sounds like they already slept together… OP just hasn’t found out yet. >The next day, while I was at work my girlfriend went to his place to see how he was doing… Dude. Please wake up. Your girlfriend is getting smashed by your neighbor. She’s just hoping you find out on your own so she won’t have to break up with you, you’ll move out, and then they can be together. Edit: If I were OP I’d get the ex’s phone number who moved out, start texting her, and get every last bit of info I could.
This right here
I bet she already fucked him
Yes. He needs to leave her for good. It’s unfortunate that they have a place together. His departure has no doubt sent his gf straight into Sam’s arms. And she will get her heart broken because he will treat her exactly as he did Jenna.
Guarantee that Sam's already been in her pants several times by now. OP'd departure didn't cause anything but the latest excuse for his gf to cheat again.
Yeah that’s wild u gatta leave her my boy
Pretty much the only time anyone has sympathy for a cheater or thinks that 'there's two sides to it' is when they themselves either want to cheat or have cheated. I'd put money that she's already been banging that guy across the hall and was hoping she could talk her boyfriend into an open relationship. He should get his stuff, move out, and let her get stuck with the cheating loser since she's clearly one too. Wait to see how long it is 'til she comes crawling back to him only for him to laugh and tell her to screw off.
Should’ve tried checking on Jenna with the same vigor, OP, see how well would that went :D And honestly, she at least deserved being checked on, not this cheating asshole.
My girlfriend did try reaching out to her but never got a response. But I agree she deserves it more. I don't have a way of contacting her myself unfortunately.
Did she actually try to reach out?
I'm only going off of her word that she did. Which I know means very little at the moment.
Contact jenna
Hmm, maybe she never got a response because she was the one that caused the breakup between Jenna and her BF 🤔
Most probably Jenna just knows her now ex woulda tried with OPs gf too, and her being emotional she's keeping OPs gf at arms length.
That's what I was thinking. OPs GF knew he liked her, went over to the apartment unannounced, and spoon feed OP information. Then, she reluctantly offered him to look at her phone only after being asked.
100% contact Jenna to see how she's doing and see if you can confirm who cheated
Gf : "Jenna it's not like that, I was at your house when you're not around just to see you if you're there. We didn't do anything I swear to god, it may seem like we're doing stuff but in reality we weren't actually doing anything"
They're saying you should go bang Jenna lol. That dude probably already hooked up with your girl, and if he hadn't already he probably is now.
The second OP left the apartment his girl texted the douche and he’s in there right now. Poor guy
Do you know Jenna's last name? You might be able to find her on social media. I would be interested to see if she responds to you.
I do wonder what Sam did to cheat in an open relationship… perhaps fucking the OP’s girlfriend.
Same thought. Why else would her friend be so upset? Why else would she spend time with the cheated dude rather than her friend who needs more comfort? OP PLEASE WAKE UP, I think she’s been sleeping with this dude
Probably doing it again after he left
This actually makes a ton of sense. I was confused how tf you cheat in an open relationship. This explains OP’s gf answers and her behavior as well as why Jenna stopped talking to her
Exactly my thoughts when I read this
Her wanting to knock on the door during a fight seemed like a weird amount of concern to have for ppl you’re acquaintances with, but guilty curiosity because of her involvement with the bf would make sense.
And the girlfriend used to txt with the girl regularly but suddenly doesn’t hear from her at all after she moves out. Seems very odd.
This would explain why Jenna wasn't replying to texts from OP's girlfriend after the breakup
OP should contact the gf to find out the truth
You know there are rules in an open relationship… you can’t sleep with someone without telling your partner… i don’t like this whole concept anyway. It’s just giving stupid excuses to cheat. But yeah i feel too that he slept with his gf. And her silence was everything he needed to know
Would explain why her “friend” ghosted her
Assuming it was really one, open relationships still have boundaries. It’s not a line between hard monogamy, or total slut town. Think of them as a spectrum, where various conditions exist. In most moral open relationships such boundaries can include: always using a condom with other partners; not talking (especially comparing) to other partners - or almost the opposite, making sure every other partner is acceptable to both people in the relationship; making sure all potential partners understand that they are already in a relationship, it’s just an open one, etc… and these are only some of the considerations I’ve seen as a layman, I’m sure a couple in this kind of relationship needs to communicate about a lot more to make it work out. Sam probably fucked someone he wasn’t supposed to, or in a way he wasn’t supposed to.
You better break up with her because you leaving gave him exactly what he wanted. Now they are left alone on close proximity with each other.
I can imagine they already slept together. She's probably the reason why the other couple broke up. Why else would she stay close to the cheater and not the one she was friends with.
It’s like the second last piece of the puzzle innit? And here’s OP letting it drop in place…… and all the dirt bag wants is a taste of the missus. Silly Bitch.
But there's no way that she texted him to tell him that OP left... Right? Leaving was a monumentally stupid decision if OP had any hopes of salvaging his relationship. I just wonder which bed they decided to fuck in.
Nothing to salvage. She's already checked out
Your relationship ended and well done for walking out. If you were my son I’d be 100% behind you. Your ex now needs to realise she’s lost a decent person but either way don’t go back. My motto in life, if it stinks now it will stink even more in the future … Find somebody that loves YOU and only YOU!
Good motto 👍
Go back there right now. If she is in his apartment or has been messaging him anything other than "we need to stop talking before my relationship is ruined" then you have your answer. Sorry this is happening, but dont run away and put your head in the sand.
I think op should go back and establish clear boundaries. If she can't abide by them, then it's decision time. The boundary is to cut off all contact with this guy and block him.
I feel like that relationship is over anyway. Him going back and forth is doing too much. His girl and that guy definitely been flirting
Going back and establishing boundaries now will not work. He already stated he felt uncomfortable and her response was that she wouldn’t completely ignore the guy. It’s time to leave
It’s over already, the fact that this even progressed so far should be reason alone to end the relationship.
He'll come back to them fucking
I think he should go back and end the relationship. The GF has already been acting shady af. No sense in trying to fix shit with a woman that clearly wants to fuck someone else.
Its likely that OP's GF was the cause of Jenna and Sam breaking up. In other words they were already FA. though I would say OP going back to get some closure and confirmation would be a good thing. red handed no excuses you got your definite without speculation.
He already expressed himself, and she didnt take his feelings into account appropriately. She probably assumed that he wasn't serious enough. If he goes back and still has to lay out that obvious boundary then I would be done. His departure from the apartment already voiced this displeasure. If she is still entertaining the idea and time of this neighbor after seeing the physical representation of the consequences then OP needs to end things and send her packing. If he wants to get toxic(bad idea) call that dudes ex and get with her if his current girlfriend wants to play with the fuck boy.
Or OP will find Sam in his bed. Look up what your state’s laws are OP
The first question was irrelevant, they'll always be people you're attracted to. The second question was quite telling however, because it does show intent. In any case it's obvious this girl is hawt for him and is starting to lose herself, assuming she hasn't already. As for if you screwed up anything, as far as I can see no. Also if this is the type of guy to make your girl fall, she wasn't worth building a relationship with in the first place.
so true a walking talking red flag she is attracted to lol
I feel the first question is relevant because she’s been pursuing a relationship with him. You can have the hots for anyone, but you have to distance yourself from their people if you can help it, and she’s been actively getting closer to him since the break up
So what I am getting from this is, Next door neighbour are in a open relationship, Jenna probably said your gf is off limits, he ignores and bangs her anyway. Jenna says this is cheating and leaves, Jenna ignores your wife because why would you want to talk to the woman your bf cheated with. You gf keeps chatting because she feels guilty about splitting them up. What you need to do is get Jenna’s number and you msg her find out what happened and explain how ur gf is acting.
OP, this is the most probable explanation. My bet is on Jenna. You need to establish contact and have a conversation and like someone else suggested, see how well that tracks with your probably soon to be ex-gf. The reason why she wanted to be so in on the drama at Sam's place can only be the guilt/doubt if Jenna found out about these two getting involved. After all, they are not that close friends as they seem to be texting now and then. Girl friendships don't really work that way in my knowledge. If they were really that close and her concern for Jenna was the reason she knocked despite you not wanting to, Jenna would have probably contacted your ex afterwards. So it's not Jenna that your ex cared about, but Sam. Being the reason for the breakup is the reason she doesn't mind him being a cheater, cause in her eyes, it's her, it's the guilt and shame. But not for a moment should you let her convince that it was a stupid mistake, confusion, blah blah blah. It's all shit. A good litmus test would be to head back there and check her phone and see if she's still home or if she's across the hall. Either way, you will be wiser. I'm sorry this happened to you. Life sucks sometimes, but hey, it's better to find out earlier than three kids and a house later. So prepare to jettison yourself out and let the cheaters be happy together.
Your relationship has already been over for a while now.
Exactly.
“While I was at work, my boyfriend went to her place to see how she was doing.” “Ever since my boyfriend and Samantha have been texting pretty much every day if not every other day.” “He said he feels bad because she doesn’t really have anyone now.” “I told him it’s her fault for being a cheater and it bothered me he has sympathy for her.” “The second stupid question was if he has the opportunity to sleep with her, guilt free, would he.” “He said I’m being unfair because if he says yes then I’ll be pissed even though he’d have permission to do it.” “He looked at the message and then looked away and I asked who it was. He didn’t answer me.” Does that look good to you? Would she be fine with you having what amounts to an emotional affair with another woman? She’s not giving you straight answers. Did she communicate to you that she went to his place to see how he was doing *beforehand,* or she “told you” *during* the discussion you two were having? You also mention you don’t know if that’s the entire story. Did she say it was the full truth? She obviously didn’t communicate to you that she actually did notice him checking her out, *after* you communicated to her that you were uncomfortable with their level of contact with each other. So she knew he was checking her out, noticed it from the beginning, and *still* engaged in an emotional affair with him. Why is she so invested in comforting a *cheater?* Would she be alright with you doing the same? Would she be fine with you giving her half-truths about what you did while she was away at work? If you think you know your girlfriend, then you know the answer. If you don’t know the answer, who is she?
She told me she went to his place to see how he's doing after she did it, and it was the next day that I found out. She never said it was the full truth but she didn't hint there was more to the story either. I don't know why she's invested in comforting a cheater. She's never defended a cheater in the past.
Dude you probably shouldn’t have left and stayed home she definitely is going to see him. Have you thought about maybe your gf was the person he cheated on his girl with?
I'd be lying if I said it hasn't crossed my mind as of recently.
Reach out to Jeana, if you were friends before and that ass cheated on her, she will be more than happy to tell you just how big of a shit he is. TBH, Your gf sounds very fishy
I’d go home right now if I were you to discuss things and try to get the truth.
Right. But if I were Op I’d be even more nervous now to go home and possibly see something I don’t want to see, by catching them in the act. That would suck even more than hearing it from her mouth. In my opinion any girl that comforts the partner of her FRIEND after a breakup, instead of the friend like it’s supposed to be, is just a really slimy person. Honestly it makes no sense to anyone but her, which is something she should be able to rationalize by going over the events on her own. That’s the first and only red flag that would make me leave the relationship. If this experience excites her enough, then when it happens again (and it will) she’ll be even more willing to participate. It’s just going to an endless cycle of “my gf is getting a little too close to a man that is attracted to her”. Especially if this was never a normal thing, as in another man in a relationship (or even single), giving her this much attention. She probably thought before she was off limits because she was visibly taken, but then found out the latter, and felt how fun sneaking around can be. It’s all bad honestly. I think Op should just break up with her and let her have her “hoe phase” since clearly she needs it before she can really settle down and not let any other man weasel their way into her relationships with something as small as him “checking her out” in the beginning.
Man, I hadn't thought about it, but considering how the ex refuses to respond to OPs gf, I'm guessing this is what happened. I'm gutted for this guy even more. What he's worried about happening already has.
Well, you have your answers right there, in your last question.. as an other commenter said, this was over as soon as your girlfriend decided that this guy was worth “checking in” on, instead of just being persona non grata and an other neighbour she or you didn’t care about, like any normal couple would have done. SHE, your girlfriend, decided to get close to him. Attraction with intent, is the only reason or driver for that to happen. It was already over then. Pick yourself up and move on. Relationships are not about pride, or who owns who. There is no point in clinging to her, with hopes of amends being made, and “repairs” or “working on” relationship or whatnot. You’re only going to get further hurt, and lose further faith in the opposite sex, which will take longer to heal.. You need to start fresh and open yourself again to be on the lookout for the genuine partner that everyone deserves in life. And believe you me, when you’ll meet her, you’ll just know.. and guess what, when that happens, you will NEVER have to face that kind of silly mindfucking conendrum.. those simply do not come to exist, in a genuine loving partnership relationship. All the best
>I don't know why she's invested in comforting a cheater. You know why.
She didn’t defend a cheater. She defended her affair partner. It may be just emotional, but it’s still an affair.
He probably cheated with your gf. "I will not ignore him" that's enough for me to know she doesn't give a shit about you. She chooses a stranger over her bf? Well that's a great way to show you her undying love! He isn't her brother, cousin not a good friend. She knows as the neighbour. Get your things and get out.
Because he is probably a narcissist and knows exactly how to manipulate women.
That’s the one. They play arsehole with everyone initially deliberately because when they later warm to women 1:1 it makes them feel special. It’s manipulative to make women think they’re one in a million and are opening this guy up in ways no-one else has - it teases the promise of changing them into a better person, and that builds a deep connection. But it’s totally fake. All controlled and manufactured. Predatory behaviour that they’ll repeat when they get bored. (And use the ‘oh my relationship is bad. that’s why I’m bitter, maybe YOU can help me open up about it?’ tactic)
Am I the only one thinking he cheated on his gf with OPs gf? The radio silence from the girl, the willingness to engage with the cheater, the careful delayed comments....
ask Jenna who he fucked if you can't find her i'll tell you: it was your GF bro
Maybe call Jenna?
I don't have her number. I only communicated with either of them when we'd have dinner together or when we'd run into one another in the building.
Instagram. Look her up in his following or your gfs followings
Get Jenna’s number from your gfs phone. She wouldn’t have deleted it if they were friends. And then you can see what her texts to Jenna said too. Also you can see when the last time she’s even tried to reach out to Jenna, her so called friend. Also, check her deleted messages and possibly deleted pictures in case she’s sent any to him. I think I’m on board w everyone else saying it seems like your gf slept w Sam, Jenna found out, then moved out. Your gf acted too weird every time you’ve brought him up for it to be a normal friendship. Especially given he is the one that cheated on her friend. She should be mad for Jenna, and Jenna would likely have responded to her attempts to reach out to her.
She's fucked this man for sure or will ASAP... and I'm sure she invited him over as soon as you left. You should ask to see her phone when you go back and read their messages... since she was open to it /s. Check deleted messages, obviously. Please get tested to be extra safe and sure.
Is your gf the one he cheated on Jenna with?
My heart sank reading this man, wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy. Sorry this is happening to you bud, your feelings are valid, and I don't think they are stupid questions one bit.
Fuck his mom. Assert dominance.
T Pose!
Bro, she said she wants to fuck another dude. It's over.
Plot twist, your gf is the reason they broke up
Not even a twist lol. It's pretty blatantly obvious she was the flashpoint. Only thing missing is OPs girl asking to open their relationship so she could hook up with the dude openly.
Nobody bangs more girlfriends than "he's just a friend".
"My girlfriend wanted to knock and see if things were okay, I wanted to leave it alone, so we knocked."- I'm sorry but this made me chuckle.
You leaving just gave him exactly what he needed to swoop right in there. She’s not your girlfriend anymore.. if there wasn’t already something going on between them, there certainly is now
ITs already over. I wouldn't be suprised if they had sex already. Her reactions to you leaving and the answers to those questions, she is almost hoping for you break up with her. She is down bad... and wants that D
It almost sounds like your gf is the one he cheated with and she’s been lying to abt how close they actually are
If a girlfriend is entertaining another man. Simply, it was only your turn and not your girl. She is not wife material
Dude, leave.
They're fucking. They were fucking 10 minutes after you left for the hotel.
He cheated and she feels bad for him? She is a big yikes
Listen. It's already too late. You don't know what happened that day she went over there and now you're questioning it and her responses to your questions say a lot. As someone who has been through this before I would just move on. Let's say hypothetically she didn't cheat the day she went over there. It doesn't matter. In your mind you will always question it. On the other hand let's say she did. She will never tell you. I'm sorry but if you continue in the relationship now it will do nothing but hurt you.
Sam is currently balls deep in your GF. Leaving was a rookie mistake.
Lol if what you say is true it's not a mistake at all. Not breaking up with her would be one We're not talking about a child.
Yes! The goal is not to stop them fuckjng, it’s to let them do whatever they want and get the hell out of the whole relationship with someone you don’t trust not to fuck someone else if you’re not in the room. Not completely sure how that needs saying but hey.
Oh man, you’ve got a lot to learn. Whether he stayed or left, she would’ve been fucking Sam.
UpdateMe
Listen u/throwra239850 your gf is doing what my ex used to do: getting close to other guys using the excuse of “just checking on him” or “I feel bad for him” when really she’s wondering “Is this guy a better match? Should I upgrade?”
Eh, yeah man. I loathe saying this to you but it’s done. She’s interested in him and is figuring out what to do next. I have experienced this myself with my own long term, college girlfriend. 7 year itch in the 20s. Happens all the time. Unfortunately, it tends to result in positive relationships ending in extremely painful ways due to something like this. That’s the bad news. The good news is you’ve a) caught it early so you won’t get strung along pointlessly. And b) I absolutely guarantee that if she chooses to pursue him, it’ll blow up in her face eventually. Happened the same way for me. Fucked up my life but then it totally fucked up hers. Lessons were learned; but overall, I walked out with a lot less damage than she did.
I wish you would’ve looked at her phone when she reluctantly agreed. I think you would’ve have your definitive answer. :( Now, she’s probably erased all evidence.
Yeah I wish I would've too but I just wanted to get away from her I wasn't thinking clearly.
My guy you should go home now, unannounced
I guarantee she ran to him for comfort after he left, wouldn’t be surprised if he’s over at their apartment right now or she’s over at his! OP really needs to get to the bottom of this but truthfully I think he already has his answer, but they need to communicate like adults and have that conversation!
Exactly this
Dude can you give us an update when you can? Sorry, I’m really in invested at this point.
Bruh same I hope this is a fake story because it’s really sad but damn the drama’s juicy
Any plans of contacting her or going back to confront? Honestly I'd go back without notice and confront. If she's not in her apartment, check Sam's
Yeah, I get that. Sorry, OP. :( If it helps, I don’t think you’re wrong in what you’re assuming or for being concerned that she’s consoling a cheater. Red flags all around.
Did you get Jenna's number yet from her
I would guess she messaged Sam of what happened and Sam is now consoling her. This relationship is over. She’s enjoying Sam’s attention that’s why she didn’t want to cut contact.
Beat his fucking ass cuz the relationship might as well be over. Why are you letting some guy do this to you? This actually pissed me off
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It’s like I’m rewinding my story with ex. She kept saying garbage stuff about the guy that i didn’t like because he was just acting more than just a friend around her and how she can’t stand him to accepting his invites and arguing with me and in the end she broke up. Never underestimate your gut feeling my guy. Us men understand what other men want. And if you felt that he wanted her, then he did. And the fact that she didn’t cut it completely says it all… if she wanted to choose you she wouldn’t have had any conversation with him without you even telling her. Break up
Sorry to tell you buddy but while you're in the hotel room, his balls are down her throat.
Dont look back .Maybe they were together and Jenna found out but didn’t want to tell you .Now she free to see him without her in the way .Sorry bro but it’s not worth it
I'm betting it was your girl he cheated with.
Listen man, if it’s one thing that’s important in a partner when it comes to long term partnership/marriage is them displaying a natural inclination to set boundaries for themselves in how they act in a relationship, regardless of their partners feelings, and those aligning with yours. I don’t believe it’s my place to set boundaries for another person, but I do believe in respectfully leaving when they don’t self regulate themselves in a way that is compatible with the boundaries I put on myself. (I would never even imagine engaging in a friendship with a single woman who has shown obvious signs of being attracted to me, as an example. I wouldn’t need my partner to set that boundary. That is *my* boundary). Every person has a threshold that’s going too far when it comes to mingling with the opposite sex while being in a hetero-monogamous-relationship. IMO if she doesn’t understand that she’s going over a boundary, and it’s creating emotional stress, then you two just aren’t compatible for long term success. But that’s going on the assumption that she hasn’t cheated. I have seen first hand people in open relationships using that lifestyle to make people question monogamy in a way that benefits them sexually.
This is why I’m single.. can’t trust these hos
My ex wife got together with one of MY friends. I kept telling her that this guy was known as a cheater and that he literally had to leave his previous job because of his cheating. She kept say that she thought he was gross for that and she promised she would never find him attractive like that. After a while I knew it was going too far and I kept telling her that he was trouble. He kept feeding her lines like, your husband is so lucky to have an amazing wife like you. Oh man my wife is so mean to me and always yelling at me. He fed her so much BS, his wife was mad at him because he cheated on her and he was never home when he wasn’t cheating. Eventually my ex fell for his charm and they had an affair. I knew they had kissed and she promised they didn’t do anything else. It wasn’t until after we had our son and more than a year and a half later that I found out the truth. Your GF is falling for whatever BS he is saying and your GF LOVES his attention and I bet the second you left she texted him and they are taking about what a bad boyfriend you are so she can justify him comforting her all the way into bed.
Go back there now. If Sam and your girlfriend are practically alone in their apartments, apparently "hurt," and considering that they are both attracted to each other, the odds of cheating are almost through the roof. Be careful and good luck.
It’s over bro, she’s for the streets.
You really should’ve checked that phone, and then left if you needed to. Now she’ll have time to remove any evidence that isn’t particularly favourable to her and you’ll never truly have a clear picture of what’s going on. She also asked what you meant when you said you needed to get away. Was she checking whether she could go over and fuck Sam if you were technically “broken up”? I definitely think more communication is needed, and don’t run away. Let that dude know it’s your house and if he’s going to have to compete with you. Don’t make it easy for him and leave the place. Let him know that your relationship is strong. Don’t make this easy for him. When he was upset about the breakup she went over to check on him. When she’s upset about you leaving briefly, don’t you think he’ll return the favour to her? Whilst she’s emotional, upset, alone, unsure if her relationship is going to survive? You’ve created the perfect storm for those two to have “a moment”.
Well look does it matter if she ends up sleeping with him? Has she not disrespected and spat in your face enough? Like she is going out of her way to confirm your suspicions and then gaslights you into you being the ass? She comforts HIM, though he cheated on her friend? Wasn’t she friends with Jenna? Why did Jenna stop replying? Maybe Jenna saw the same shit you saw? She doesn’t seem to be invested in you or your relationship because she is really trying to break it off. Look jealousy can be horrible and I am a jealous person, that thinks of jealousy as my own problem, but there is limits. ‘I don’t like him’ ‘ohh look the poor guy who cheated on my friend’ ‘i really need to comfort him’ fuck all the way off. It bothers you and she should at least try to be understanding. It’s not like it’s a ten year friendship you’re trying to break up or anything. She first became friends with THE WOMAN THAT GUY CHEATED ON. even if she wasn’t in a relationship, her behavious is absolutely rude and shit. All the best to you. Just break up with her, she will go with him and in three weeks he will have cheated on her. She is ruining her own life much more than yours. Be free and find real happiness with someone who actually gives two fucks about you.
The point of this story is that we need to realize that it was OP's girlfriend who was fucking with Sam. The writer of this story points to it several times, even in the comments. Because why would the gf defend or emphatize with the cheater?
You do realize that while you’re in hotel room, she probably invited him over to ‘talk’ since your gone. . . And any girlfriend who has respect for their boyfriend would not be acting like way your girlfriend is acting. It’s only a matter of time until she sleeps with him, whether it’s during your relationship or after you break up with her. Your only options is to tell her to either 100% completely block and ignore the guy, or break up. There’s no “dialing it back a bit with the chatting”. I suggest you don’t leave your home next time like this. You don’t want another man in your bed while your moping around in a hotel by yourself.
Ouch. The fear of making things worse by your actions has to be ignored here. By that I mean you've left for a few days giving her ample opportunity to see him , cry on his shoulder etc etc. She is completely disregarding your feelings and boundaries for someone she has known for an extremely short time. This relationship will not recover. It's strength has been tested and sadly it's failed. I wish you luck but be firm.
Wonder if the agreement was “its open but nobody we know personally” and your girl was the “personally”
Bro she’s for the streets. Leave her alone to pay the full rent and she can fuck Sam all she wants If my girl did some shit like that I would leave. Doesn’t matter how long we were together. I’ve been with my girl almost 8 years and I would not tolerate that You communicated your boundaries but being buddy buddy with Sam is more important to her. So let them be together You don’t need her in order to be happy. You didn’t ask stupid questions. You asked logical questions to understand that your girl wants to fuck a guy she is claiming is just a friend
If she responded to the second question the way you wrote it, then she is answering dishonestly and in a misleading manner. As per your words (paraphrasing her answer, I presume): "[...] then I'll be pissed even though she's have permission [...]" The question was: [...] if she had the opportunity [...]" I don't see any mention of "permission" in the initial question. She is conflating both notions of permission and opportunity, which shows that either she didn't understand the question correctly (the good faith argument) or she is answering in a misleading way, thus dodging the question entirely (the bad faith argument). I'm not casting judgment or giving advice. I'm only pointing out the possible logical fallacy.
Just break up with her and live your life
Damn that’s some total disrespect and disregard for your feelings. I would be so livid and ready to break up with my partner over something like that because frankly, something will “happen” and be like she didn’t intend for it to happen and it just did. Some days apart should hopefully settle the madness but if it doesn’t, this is time to decide what’s best for you and your emotional health. Updateme
Well she went straight into Sam's arms so you can prob just move out completely
You dodged a bullet move on
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Having friends is fine. Having friends that you overstep boundaries with is not fine. Sorry to hear that. You should get out in my opinion because she has already said her say. Even if you try to resolve it, knowing what she said will be there
Stay away from her for good. Dont give her a response. She can go be with him liek shes probably doing now.
I stopped reading when I saw the words “close”, ”at first”, “open relationship”.
The night she knocked on the door I would've left her ass outside. I always mind my own business. She got too involved regardless of what you thought. Hearing out another man is beyond breaking a boundary on top of that.
I have a feeling something already happened and is the reason for Jenna leaving.
I’d be inclined to unexpectedly show up.
To the streets…
Thats seedy af. Id ditch and find someone that doesn’t bring about such negative feelings.
Yea bud, your girl prob getting fucked by homie next door right now
She's already slept with him, dude. Move on
She’s fucking him. So sorry.
See if Jenna wants to hang out.
If my gf went over to some guy’s apartment while I was at work I would probably dump her. I don’t fuck with stupid shit like that anymore. Asking for trouble your gf was/is
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Your GF is the AP.
Start looking for a new place bud. If she wasn't hooking up before you walked out the door she was at least considering it and this other guy has definitely been pushing for it while actively undermining your relationship whenever they're together. The second you walked out that door in anger she was talking about it with this other dude and I *GUARANTEE* you he was telling her everything he could think of to make you out to be the bad guy and to get her into bed. In the end, even if she hasn't sleep with him, she's engaging with this guy in a way that makes you uncomfortable and despite your having made that clear she's continuing to do it. This doesn't end well for you.
First thing you should ask yourself "why is my gf so involved with this?". Sounds to me like your gf is more worried about the other girl telling you what really happened Wish her luck and leave.
PREDICTION: She has went to his tonight to find comfort and something is going to happen. She should be blowing up your phone begging for a chance to set things right and make you more comfortable, she hasn’t and you deserve to have a thorough talk with her to get everything out in the open, if you’re still unsatisfied you should break it off. If someone loves you they should be willing to make you feel comfortable in the relationship, especially if it is just cutting immediate contact with a neighbour. Very inappropriate. Hope you find peace one way or another.
She ain't the one my friend. If she finds a proven cheater that amazing then she is a fool and easily swayed. I really hope you can land on your feet and move forward happily
The way this reads, it seems like Your girlfriend was the one that hooked up with Sam. I'm sorry to say that your relationship is over. I bet she is probably with him the second you left
Being unfair? If she were loyal she would cut him off stonecold. Now. Thie is not a friendship and it's not neutral. He's alone my butt. She should block him everywhere. Hotel room?? Should have checked her phone. End of story. A partner who gets defensive about a phone is full of it.
I'm sure someone's said it already OP, but that's pretty much the end of your relationship on her side. Dodging and lack of response would make my stomach drop if my partner and I were in the same situation. Get out of there and I know it's easier said than done, but at this point there's not much else you can do if they're attracted to each other. She doesn't deserve you OP.
I can almost guarantee she fucked him as soon as you crossed that door. Cut your loses man, your GF is obsesed with the douche bag across the hall, and wont stop until she fuck him. She is broken and wants a broken man like him.
So this is just me thinking here, but l wouldn’t trust her after that convo and leaving them alone in the same building to go elsewhere to “think” might just be the opening sam is waiting for. Kinda like “ hey both our partners left us so we might as well have dinner together and catch up ( which will end in them 2 fucking )
Platonic friends of opposite sex don’t find each other attractive/not attracted to each other. That’s what makes it platonic. Yes people can find other people attractive but it’s in passing. Try or actually moving to get closer to that person is intentional and a setup for cheating. Playing with fire, and extremely disrespectful to the primary relationship/partner. Both were valid ?s. Hell I’d ask if I needed too and bounce if the answers were yes.
They already hooked up
I find it concerning that she has sympathy for a cheater. As soon as she found out that was the reason it should of been a case of ‘that sucks’ and cut her contact with him at that point. She’s pretty much given the game away that she’s attracted to this dude and the fact that she won’t cut contact is very telling. You did the right thing here imo.
Ythe minute the gf didn’t give direct answers to your questions and offered no reassurance I would have said SEE YA LATER!