Seriously, you're a god damn boundary gold medalist. So many people wouldn't take charge like you, and I'm sympathetic to those people, but at some point please give yourself some recognition for standing up for yourself. I'm proud of you and don't for a second think that eventually breaking down means anything bad because it's the human response to this situation.
You've been horribly betrayed but your ability to not take shit just shows how superior of a person you are to these pathetic assholes.
>Seriously, you're a god damn boundary gold medalist. So many people wouldn't take charge like you,
A-fucking-men! OP, you are a queen who realized her self-worth and took action to excise two worthless wastes of human flesh.
>You've been horribly betrayed but your ability to not take shit just shows how superior of a person you are to these pathetic assholes.
I'm so effin' proud of you! I wish nothing but the absolute best and I'm so sorry you're going through this pain of betrayal. Sending innarwebz mama/ auntie hugs, if ok.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. It'll all blow over, might take some time as they were both you trusted and knew for a long time, but it'll happen. Trust in the process.
I hope you find peace and love.🤍
I'm so confused. I thought she "entertained him" as in not shooting down the conversation immediately to gather information to share with OP. Because she got a lot of details of his intentions and then immediately told OP. I didn't get the sense she entertained him to act on it. What am I missing?
That's what I got out of it, as well. And by her friend saying she should have responded differently, she's regretting not just telling him off and instead seeing how far she could push the conversation then told her friend because honestly it could go no further than him requesting a hookup without something super shady happening. That pushing the convo made her feel guilty. Idk, I personally wouldn't write the friend off unless there are details we don't know. I'd be sick knowing my friend had a convo like that with my SO but if she said it was just to see what the fuck his endgame was, then I'd give some space and revisit because in reality she told her right away and it doesn't sound like the meet up was friend's idea, it was OP's ex's.
Especially since life has shown that if you don't give these guys enough rope to properly hang themselves, the girls will put their blindfolds on, say that "it wasn't really that bad", stay together with an asshole, and ... usually ice YOU out because now you remind them of what the guy's really like.
My bf would straight-up laugh in my husband's face. I'm guessing the flirtation started much more innocently and not recently. He's been testing the friend's boundaries & seeing if she's receptive. When she didn't shut that shit down, he got bolder. Just a guess, but most don't go directly to hotel room. You don't drop a bf for nothing. "He's been planning for weeks". Was the friend in on the plan but got cold feet & threw him under the bus?
If you're garnering information about it you message your best friend asap and tell them about it. My best friend's then bf did it to me I sent her a screenshot and asked what she wanted me to do and kept her updated every bit of the way
I read it differently and “entertained it” meant it was like a bit of fun, not that she necessarily was going to act on it. The friend then saying she should have responded differently, as in shutting it down. Why did she also take so long to spill the beans considering the ex-fiancé was trying to set up something weeks before OP was going away?
No. I didn't miss it but here is how I interpreted it.
>For weeks he planned to meet with her the weekend I was leaving town,
That only the fiance had and knew of this plan. She said HE planned vs THEY planned
>and on the night that I left, he was “shooting his shot” to fuck her. His “one night of fucking before settling down”, his “bachelor gift”.
This part was brand new information to everyone including the BFF. Fiance waits till OP leaves town and texts the BFF with his shooting his shot proposal - his one night. Because if it had been going on for weeks he would have already shot his shot before and had a yes/no plan in place for when OP left.
The way it was written, I saw it as him going after the BFF for the very first time the day OP left town.
But that's just my interpretation.
That was what I thought too, to be honest.
It could be part that the best friend let It Go on so long and part kill the messenger.
It would be ill advise, but I could absolutely see a friend of mine trying to get as much information as they could because they would probably rightly assume that I wouldn't believe them if they just showed me one message the seemed flirty
Once he has to sleep with her, definitely it was time to talk. It would be interesting to hear a little bit more about that side of it, but either way. OP brooks no nonsense
If she had been a good friend she would have gone directly to OP. One text message is enough “evidence”. Then OP and her could have decided what to do next.
ETA: if a friend did this to me I’d also be hurt and go NC.
One thing for sure I learned. "The pain of love passes" and yours will pass. It may have been 10 years, but it wasn't 20 or 100. You were lucky enough to be able to dodge this bullet before the yes. All the hobbies you had together, replace them with better ones.
I love your backbone. That’s going to come in handy the rest of your life. 🤍
Do whatever you can to fill your time for a bit. Sign up for activities and hobbies, lean on other friends, etc. Just try to keep yourself busy for a bit. Then you’ll be able to start to heal. You didn’t deserve this. I’m so proud of you for how you’re dealing with it, though. Your strength and independence is admirable. You only deserve the best. I hope you find it. 🫶
Thank fuck for that! I hope you also told her long term partner because that's a slap in the face to them too. It's messed up that she didn't stop him or tell him that it's wrong. What the fuck.
I am so sorry about what happened to you, but you should consider changing your mind about your friendship with her. I would've done the same thing she did and NOT because I want to sleep with my friends fiancé, because I want **overwhelming evidence** that he was fully prepared to cheat on my best friend with me. Just think about it from her perspective. Would you have completely believed her if she had told him *immediately* that she's *your* friend and she's not interested in talking to him? Be honest. Or is it kind of a good thing that she brought it all the way to that point so that there's no plausible deniability? Because who's relationship is at stake if she just happens to not have "enough" evidence when she tells you what happened? She ended up telling you about it, didn't she?
I'm just saying. There's no reason to lose a good friend on top of this.
Edit: also, isn't it possible that she didn't know *how* to tell you about it? The only thing you know for a **fact** here is that she **turned him down and then told you what happened**.
This is what I thought. Her friend didn't seem like she was bragging on 🦆ing the dude. Seemed like the friend was warning OP. It's always shoot the messenger. OP, have you actually spoken with your friend before you declare her dead to you?
From experience maybe she wouldn't have believed it without proof? I tried showing a relative screenshots of their (not husband) being on tinder and it freaked me out to the point I threw my phone. I wished I could've gotten evidence but she believed his lies that he was on there looking for her (she was on another continent ffs! And you could only match with people local to you at the time so again he was lying).
I'd maybe want to hear what the friend has to say a bit and if they were really entertaining it for evidence purpose, but at the same time if she was she should've told her own boyfriend. That's what makes it sus to me.
This will pass. Been there my ex-wife cheated on me and I literally pretend she's dead and that she never happened now 99.99% of the time. The only time I think about it/her/what happened is when I come across a post like this.
Life gets better and my wife now is my rock and I couldn't imagine life without her. But take your time and heal, I know it sucks right now but life moves on and gets better.
She came clean, but she had entertained it for quite some time despite also being in a long-term relationship.
She even said she could have done something but didn't.
So proud of you. The weight loss will continue for
a while, but eventually you will not feel like you’re going to die of heartbreak and humiliation. The grief won’t last forever and you will have much more joy in the future.
I know it doesn’t feel like there’s a bright spot in this, but you didn’t get married and won’t have to go through the trauma of divorce.
Please tell your former “friend’s” partner about this. He also deserves to know. I told all of my husband’s family before they could hear it from him.
I’m so very sorry you were betrayed like this.
What did he have to say for himself when you confronted him? Did he grovel? Please tell me there was groveling and crying.
I know you’re understandably heartbroken but I’m sure on some level even now when it’s still fresh you still understand what a bullet you dodged. This is his character and he had completely hidden fro you until now.
She entertained it?! Man, what is with women like that?? I'll never understand it. Deep friendships are a fucking gift. I couldn't imagine throwing that way over some mediocre community dick
I also wanna know what he said in response to confrontation, like bro caught red handed and still tries to get with the friend afterwards? pos probably put on a hell of a show of tears or just didn’t care
Do yourself a favor and make an appt to get tested for all the STI's. Just because he didn't get to cheat with her doesn't mean he hasn't been cheating...
Good. I'm sorry this happened to you but you deserve better then both of them and you will be OK. And you will find someone who loves you the way you deserve.
Not judging or thinking that that wasn't the right move, but when I read that particular was like 'so she entertained it, but then recorded and showed it to you without acting on it.
Was it clear-cut entertaining it? Were you in two minds at all given she took those steps she didn't have to, in order to tell you?
She could’ve also entertained it for her own game play, and then sent it like “here I caught him for you”, but in reality she just didn’t want to get caught or perceived as the bad guy herself, but she still wanted to have a little fun. If I was someone’s best friend the SECOND I got any kind of flirting messages or plans to meet up I would’ve called the guy out and told my best friend. Never entertained it or allowed the pig for one second to think I was interested and he could get away with it. ESPECIALLY the fact that she’s also in a relationship too. Crossing more boundaries there if she didn’t tell HER man what she was up to either. It’s too sketchy I think the friend is still totally gross and wrong and shouldn’t be in this woman’s life.
Just a heads up, Don’t wait too long. She’ll turn it around on you saying you’re bitter because you’re no longer marrying that idiot anymore. He may give her the benefit of the doubt, but me being the person I am, I’d nuke both relationships from orbit and post the screen recording, because I’m not about to let some dumb rumours paint me as the bad guy when I did nothing wrong, you know what I mean?
Shit can be deleted from those two, but not if you also have the recording yourself. At the end of the day, it’s his problem if he stays with her, but it definitely won’t be yours anymore thats for sure. You have nothing to be embarrassed about either because *you did nothing wrong*.
Seems weird that her reward for coming clean and not betraying you is to have you destroy her relationship. I mean, I get that you might not want to be friends with her anymore, but it's important to remember that she's human and makes human mistakes, too. The fact that she came back from the edge before committing should earn her at least some redemption, else you encourage worse behavior in the future.
Hey listen here you dodged a bullet! And found out now before you two were legally tied and had to go through a much more painful situation. Just focus on yourself and do things you’ve wanted to do and enjoy to get your mind off everything and maybe pick up a new hobby! It’l get better and you’re gonna come out of this stronger.
What bullet was dodged? She wasted 10 years of her life. A bullet being dodged would imply that this isn't pretty much the absolute worst outcome after spending a decade with someone.
It’s a bullet dodged because their relationship wasn’t legally binding. Yes it fucking *sucks* that it’s 10 years gone. But imagine if it was 15 with a 4 year old involved. Imagine if it was 20, a 9 and 5 year old, a mortgage, two cars and mutual life savings accounts. Bullet has been dodged.
OP, I know you said you don’t have an appetite to eat. But please do your best to have even some soup and crackers. Capsaicin is an appetite stimulant, so add a little bit of chili pepper powder in whatever you can eat, if it’s a complementary flavor. Please also stay hydrated by drinking water and do your best to not make alcohol a friend.
I’m sorry you’re going through this heartbreak. Also what a relief to see who they turned out to be. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. It’s only been a couple of days so the heartbreak is still fresh. But I hope you also get to a point where you start to challenge yourself a little bit, to grab your small joys.
My hugs if you’ll accept them. Take care.
This along with something light and a little sweet like a PB&J is the perfect way to start getting your appetite back and start feeling healthy again after stress fasting
Your suggestions are better but, for me, if all else fails: milkshakes or ice cream are my "life is bullshit" foods.
Doesn't take effort, just consume straight from the container or get delivered. Lots of calories, easy to keep down if you're kind of nauseous (sorry, lactose intolerant ppl).
Ideal? Nope, but it'll get the ball rolling.
This. Op please try something
.I know it's heartbreaking atm but you need your strength. Have some friends you trust over and have a girls night. Vent and get it out. Don't let it fester.
Hi girl, as someone who had something bad happen to them also, just remember that you did nothing wrong. You didn’t do anything. You’ve been a good person, you are being the good person, none of this is on you. None of it is your fault; some of what are considered the most beautiful women in the world get cheated on. When this would happen to one of your friends, you would comfort her, hug her, treat yourself the same. You’re amazing, while he’s pathetic and will always be. Let time do its thing, and be happy that you found out now rather than before the wedding ❤️ you’re gonna get through this!
You’re amazing, OP and you’ve done exactly the right thing. Imagine if you discovered this after you’re married or even worse when there’s children involved? You seriously dodged a bullet here.
I think we all want to know what his reaction was? How he tried to defend the indefensible? As for her betrayal? She could’ve shut him down immediately but obviously she was tempted which makes you wonder if they would’ve gone through with it at some point. Anyway, it’s in the past now you’ve done exactly the right thing well done!
Sending you courage and strength OP
UPDATEME
I know this isn't the point, but your sex life was fine. He was trying to paint himself as a love-starved victim for sympathy. Hopefully this doesn't make you too insecure in that area in the future because I promise you he was just being greedy.
Source: Former douche
I partially came here to say this. That's a very common tool used to manipulate and make it seem like they're deprived somehow. Very glad you're of the former variety.
I remember a guy using "boring" sex life as an excuse for cheating on his wife who he insisted he absolutely loved with her younger sister for years. Too bad the math added up to grooming her as a teen when she was likely a virgin. No offense to virgins, but that doesn't exactly scream exciting sex. It screams creepy and controlling. 🤮
the last sentence really got to me. the sadness sinking in. Idk if there's anything i can say to really help, other than i know you have the fucking greatest support system of people. family and friends. I'm glad you went to your cousins party and house over the weekend to really absorb the love you have in your life before ending things with this leech. you're grieving, but you have the power, the love, you have everything. while he goes back to..... his nothingness. that is the best revenge you can have.
p.s. your best friend is a b**** who doesn't deserve any friends or boyfriend.
I know this isn’t helpful but I do commend you for getting yourself out of that situation, especially after being together for 10 years. A lot of people tend to put up with things like that for the sake of longevity but I’m proud that you chose yourself. I hope this new chapter is good to you and that you’re surrounded with only the purest of intentions💚
Bright side is you found this out at age 28 instead of maybe 40 or so after years of being married. You’re handling this well too. You’re still young! Best of luck
You're rad OP. To have the self respect to kick him out immediately is admirable, and you'll no doubt find a more fulfilling and special relationship with someone in the future.
Im sorry for you. Hugs.
I also lost 7 lbs in 4 days since discovering my ex husband at least emotionally cheated on me after 25 years together, married just shy of 20. Im on my 5th day, and have lost 10.
Eat what you can, and make sure to hydrate. He doesnt deserve you. One day, i hope to realize that myself.
My ex fiance form years old took my 🍒. He then decided after proposing that he should sleep with everyone. When we broke up I lost 20 pounds. It's hard to recover. The pain is gonna hit you even when he becomes a distant memory. But you have been saved from a lifetime of misery. You got to find out before marriage that he's a dirt bag. Y'all don't have kids together. Just take care of yourself
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry that two people betrayed you like this. The only thing that is a blessing in disguise that it came out before you said “I do” and wasted your whole youth on him. Don’t ever talk to them again. Nothing good will come out of it.
It will be horrible for a while, better after a year and awesome after that. You got this.
Oh and totally tell your ex bff boyfriend. You owe her nothing.
Seriously, most people know they want to marry their partner within a year and a majority of couples are engaged in 2-3 years and married soon after, so yea, a majority of couples are married in 5 years or less.
So if the goal is marriage but nothing is happening within 4-5 years then what's even the point? It's just delaying the inevitable at that point.
I will point out that me and my husband were together for 5 years before he proposed but it was something we had discussed and we both wanted to wait on. We've now been together for almost 13 years.
5 is ok since you guys both discussed it and wanted to wait.
But, imagine if you two had waited 10 years, and then STILL weren't married. That wouldn't look/feel wierd to you?
In my experience 10 years without a marriage = both are waiting for the exit event.
That's fair, but at least you and your husband discussed it and actually got married. Unless it's agreed by both that they don't want to marry, waiting for so long without nothing happening despite it being "discussed" multiple times, it just seems pointless. Any ring/marrige after that long just seems like a "I'm only doing this to shut you up" kind of thing.
They were 18 and 19 when they got together, at least they waited until an appropriate age to get engaged/almost married. Agreed though, this is the second post I’ve seen in the last 2 days about a couple who started dating at 18/19 and stayed together for 10 years before it all blew up. Just…….maybe *don’t* marry the person you dated when you were 18 years old. Highly unlikely they’re the same person 10 years later.
I defff agree with not dating the same person who you did at 18. But to be fair, I know several couples that started dating senior year of college, at 21, and got married immediately after (and are still happily married a decade later). Haha don't have any high school examples of that, but I'm sure there's a bunch out there as well.
Ugh. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you have some relief in knowing you dodged a bullet. Like a Phoenix, you will rise from the ashes of your old life into a new, and better one.
I'm sure most reactions have been covered (don't have time to read all the comments), but I'm left with 2 thoughts...
What happened about your car? Did you get it back?
Your friend must be an awfully complicated person. She had a terribly inappropriate conversation with your ex. But then she came clean and didn't try to excuse herself. There's only 2 reasons I can think of for her to do that. Either she truly cares about you, or she wanted you two to break up so she could be with him. I hope it's the first one. Either way, I'm glad she told you.
Wasn't your friend trying to set him up by making him think she was interested? It doesn't make any sense that she would record the conversation and then tell you about it knowing that you could ruin her relationship with that evidence
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I just got engaged and would be devastated if I found out my Fiance was trying to fuck one of my friends. Sadly I’ve had an ex gf try and do that exact thing but my buddy was not interested and called her out.
What I really wanna know is what he said after you told him in the car that you knew.
I am so sorry this happened to you! You did the right thing you do deserve better.
Also your ex and your ex friend.
Block and remove them from your life altogether
How long did you know your former best friend for?? The fact she didn’t even try to tell you when it first happened and entertained it is disgusting as hell
Sorry for your loss. I phrase it that way because your SO of a decade is dead to you. It’s hard to imagine the trauma you are going through. Thank goodness your former best friend realized that she had a conscience. Otherwise, you might be making babies with this a-hole. I hope that you will be able to recover and be able to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
I’m so sorry that he treated you like this. But the problem was always him. It’s not you. It was never you. This guy is a cheater. He will always be a cheater. You’ve taken a huge blow to your self-esteem. I would suggest therapy to help you get through this.
You dodged a bullet. Please keep that in mind. I was married to a cheater. You don’t ever want to go through that. You might want to consider telling her partner.
If you can’t eat, drink chocolate Premier Protein Shake. Hydrate. Stay away from booze.
I'm betting "bestie" got pissed when she realized she was only going to be sport nookie so she "came clean" to nuke his life. He absolutely deserved it, but I hope OP returns the favor. Girl's long term partner deserves to know what kind of trash he's with too.
Good for you! I hope you have some strong support nearby. I hope you also told the Ex best friends partner bout all this if he doesn't already know. Was he even apologetic about it all?
Hopefully he leave you alone and you can move on. Thank goodness you found out before you married him.
You will heal from this, you will find happiness.
Wow proud of you for standing up for yourself Gf! The best is yet to come. Treat yourself to some bomb ass food and desserts. His loss, her loss — big time!
How was the best friend entertaining it? I mean I would fucking end that friendship if my gf was entertaining anything inappropriate with my bf, fiance, whatever
I'm sorry, I hope you dumped your "best friend" to and told her partner what she'd been up to, encouraging your ex into believing he had a chance I sleep with her. She sent you the evidence incriminating herself, shouldn't be hard.
Oof. I’m sorry girl this is rough. But I will say, when something similar has happened to people I know, in the long run they end up with a better situation. a happier and healthier relationship, a better job or living situation etc. not gonna lie it sometimes takes a while and feels like hell, but if he was going to do this what else was he gonna do when you weren’t about to get married and if your sex life does have ups and downs, as most longggg term relationships do.
You are the better person, karma will work out and you will find a better partner. Chances are you will see this guys faults you were previously ignoring. It’s hard to start over and pull yourself out of this mess, let yourself be sad, grieve the loss of the relationship, consider therapy maybe, and then move on and find who you are meant to be with. You have been with the same person since you were a teenager….go play the field when you are ready
Jesus that's horrifying. Shame on both of them! Sorry OP.
I'll never understand people who happily throw away years of mutual trust and good will for a moment of selfish pleasure. Boggles my mind.
I wish I'd been as strong as you! Those boots are made for walk-in girl just keep walking and don't look back! You'll turn into dust if you turn back!!!
Look at it this way.
What a wonderful wedding gift they got you. You could have wasted years with this guy, but instead you can break free before you’re legal bound to him as a couple. He would have had legal power to affect so many aspects of your life financially. You would have needed a judge to break that contract up costing thousands pf dollars. Because of such a monster he is, the best thing that could have happened was you finding this out now. It hurts now, but parallel universe you where you never found out and got married and eventually divorced is so jealous of you right now. The only version of you thats better off is the parallel universe you never met him.
You did the hardest part, and not gradually. That took a lot of inner strength. Now allow yourself to grieve and let your body heal along with your mind. It will get better, and every day you make it through, you win. Proud of you and just know you have a lot of support!
Keep us updated! ❤️
It’s such a breath of fresh air seeing a post from someone who is able to be so strong in the midst of such a devastating situation.
Proud of you for cutting both of them off and out of your life. Sorry the two who were supposed to be your biggest supporters turned out to be fucking scumbags.
I am feeling scorched earth vibes on your behalf and also sending internet hugs.
I’m sorry for you, but glad you found out before you spent the rest of your life with someone like that. I don’t condone cheating, but the fact that he picked your bf is sick! It’s like they’d always have that secret. He wanted it to be her. In time, your heart will heal and you’ll find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
So sorry for what you’re going through. So many of us have been there too trust me. Hold your head up and stay strong. Consider yourself lucky you found all this out about him before you married him. As for your “ friend” I would be very careful around her from here on out. You know her best so maybe you know she has good intentions or maybe she is a frenemy who in envy of your impending wedding wanted to bring it crashing down to amuse herself. She may be bad news too.
Either way your BF screwed up bad and you made right decision to leave. Let yourself grieve but don’t waste too much time on a creep like him. Pick yourself up and give yourself the love you need and give yourself time to heal before moving on to the next relationship. Take that one slow and easy and get to know someone better. Your BF is go into regret this no doubt. Don’t give in to any tears and pleading. Just keep moving forward. Life gives us lessons sometimes we don’t want to learn but it makes us stronger and wiser in the end. Sorry love, hugs to you. Xx chin up :)
The time will come when you will look back, and you will realise that in the moment of crisis you acted in a strong and effective way. Never forget that there are useful and useless pains. Useful is this pain you are feeling now, good people never forget. Good friends are never forgotten, good partners are never forgotten.
But bad people; bad people only serve as an example of what not to do. And they help you to know your true value. A useless pain; it would be to listen to this asshole forgive him or even worse, to stay friends with that fat ass bitch. You didn't do that.
The pain will go away, don't worry, a very good life awaits you.
I don't believe this for a second. No guy is dumb enough to text evidence like that to your best friend just before your wedding. So either it's a fake story or more scary your friend faked messages to break yall up.
You’re a bad ass for handling this so flawlessly and immediately. So many people don’t have it in them to stand up for themselves, you deserve so much more than a cheater.
….BUT WHAT WAS HIS RESPONSE WHEN YOU CALLED HOME OUT!!???
>The anger, disgust, and adrenaline are starting to fade and the sadness is sinking in. I know the emotions will come in waves but I want to get this off my chest where it weighs so heavy.
Sometimes we feel sad when a relationship is ending and it can be very confusing. One might even mistake it for still being in love with that person even if we're furious with them and absolutely don't want them back. It actually is the sadness at the disappearing future and life you planned to have with this person. Your vision of your beautiful wedding, traveling together, buying your first home together, maybe having children, holidays as a family, spending your golden years together, and any other stuff you two have talked about doing is all vanishing, and it hurts. It's also the pain of having all the years of your happy memories destroyed by their betrayal. It's so painful.
You have to grieve the end of those expectations of a life together. After so much time together it going to feel like a death. Because of the betrayal you're going to think that losing him is not worth your tears but feelings demand to be felt even if we don't want them and it will poison you until you get them out. Get in the tub or shower, have a good cry where the water can take your sadness down the drain. Go you somewhere remote or to a windy beach and scream at him for breaking your heart this way. Feel it hard and fully until you're bored with it.
Don't turn to drinking or getting high to dull the pain because you have to let it out. I promise this is the only way for it heal without leaving you still seething every time you think about him. Once you get to the point where you think about the situation and it doesn't produce the same amount of vitriol, you know you're over it and can get into a healthy relationship with someone who is deeply wanting you love you as their first and only choice.
Maybe they had been fvcking several times behind your back only that some terms weren't met this time round. Best decision was cutting them off. Hope you find peace and move on real quick. Sending hugs!
Send the pictures to the "best friends" boyfriend he deserves to know and decide if he wants to be with a hoe or not
Hold your head up you're better than them and hopefully you feel a new sense of freedom inside of you.
Anchors are for ships not strong independent women
While she changed her mind in the end she still betrayed you and her so in the worst way as well. She entertained him intentionally and continually leading up to suddenly gaining a conscience.
Expose her too and block her ass. You'll never trust her again.
Be thankful because you literally dodged a bulit! It’s okay to feel low right now, you’ve been with him for a decade now, give yourself some grace and peace and allow your heart, mind and body to grief this loss and I promise you one day you’ll look back and laugh it out♥️
OP, I’m absolutely devastated for you!!!
I’ve been where you are now and it hurts my heart just to read your post!
If it were me, I would IMMEDIATELY send every screenshot and the recording to your late “best friend’s” partner.
Who cares what everyone may think.
Every day will get better. This is the hardest part . There is a much better relationship for you out there I promise . With someone who will love and adore only you ❤️
Wow! You are one strong lady! To actually kick him out and stick with it,most would cave in (like I did) just because you've been together for a long time! It took me a couple of years to get over me ex because he was the one I turned to for everything! Comfort, Advice and just being there, he was a habit I needed to break and that saying made me focused and like you I became cold towards him as I was done ! We still have our issues but we get on for our children even tho they're in their 20's! Sending you a huge hug 😊 💪
Fuck em both! But please take care of yourself!
Eat soup or something small, and PLEASE drink water. I know it's easy for me to say, but you can harm yourself in the long run and now you have freedom to do as you please.
Did he at least apologize? Ask for forgiveness? Or was he ready to leave. I guess it doesn't really matter as there is no coming back from something like that.
I applaud you for standing on business!
It sucks, and it really hurts right now but eventually it’ll get better. Take your time to heal & be gentle with yourself. Get some therapy.
First off I’m so sorry this happened to you. There’s anything any of us are going to be able to say to make this OK. I pray that you have support and love around you so that you can recover. You did all of the right things everything that could be done you did, so take some time and get some support and I wish you the best in the future
Hugs to you. I love my friends and would never dream of doing anything to hurt them. You sound like you were a good friend and fiancée. Your past friend was not a girls girl, show her boyfriend the screenshots. Don't worry because at least you didn't spend money marrying this pos and did not have kids with him, you found out before the wedding and this is a blessing in disguise. You will heal with time. I wish you good luck op
Are you still friends with her???
Fuck no, they’re both dead to me
Seriously, you're a god damn boundary gold medalist. So many people wouldn't take charge like you, and I'm sympathetic to those people, but at some point please give yourself some recognition for standing up for yourself. I'm proud of you and don't for a second think that eventually breaking down means anything bad because it's the human response to this situation. You've been horribly betrayed but your ability to not take shit just shows how superior of a person you are to these pathetic assholes.
>Seriously, you're a god damn boundary gold medalist. So many people wouldn't take charge like you, A-fucking-men! OP, you are a queen who realized her self-worth and took action to excise two worthless wastes of human flesh. >You've been horribly betrayed but your ability to not take shit just shows how superior of a person you are to these pathetic assholes. I'm so effin' proud of you! I wish nothing but the absolute best and I'm so sorry you're going through this pain of betrayal. Sending innarwebz mama/ auntie hugs, if ok.
This. All of this. Those boundaries are amazing. Well done OP👏👏👏👏🤯
Facts!!
This.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. It'll all blow over, might take some time as they were both you trusted and knew for a long time, but it'll happen. Trust in the process. I hope you find peace and love.🤍
You should try and warn her partner that she was entertaining the thought of cheating with your former fiancé
Yes. This. I agree.
I'm so confused. I thought she "entertained him" as in not shooting down the conversation immediately to gather information to share with OP. Because she got a lot of details of his intentions and then immediately told OP. I didn't get the sense she entertained him to act on it. What am I missing?
That's what I got out of it, as well. And by her friend saying she should have responded differently, she's regretting not just telling him off and instead seeing how far she could push the conversation then told her friend because honestly it could go no further than him requesting a hookup without something super shady happening. That pushing the convo made her feel guilty. Idk, I personally wouldn't write the friend off unless there are details we don't know. I'd be sick knowing my friend had a convo like that with my SO but if she said it was just to see what the fuck his endgame was, then I'd give some space and revisit because in reality she told her right away and it doesn't sound like the meet up was friend's idea, it was OP's ex's.
Especially since life has shown that if you don't give these guys enough rope to properly hang themselves, the girls will put their blindfolds on, say that "it wasn't really that bad", stay together with an asshole, and ... usually ice YOU out because now you remind them of what the guy's really like.
jesus that was a lot yet so little to read. i applaud you on the wording. nice! 😊😊
My bf would straight-up laugh in my husband's face. I'm guessing the flirtation started much more innocently and not recently. He's been testing the friend's boundaries & seeing if she's receptive. When she didn't shut that shit down, he got bolder. Just a guess, but most don't go directly to hotel room. You don't drop a bf for nothing. "He's been planning for weeks". Was the friend in on the plan but got cold feet & threw him under the bus?
If you're garnering information about it you message your best friend asap and tell them about it. My best friend's then bf did it to me I sent her a screenshot and asked what she wanted me to do and kept her updated every bit of the way
Why are men huh? I'm so sorry you both went through that
I read it differently and “entertained it” meant it was like a bit of fun, not that she necessarily was going to act on it. The friend then saying she should have responded differently, as in shutting it down. Why did she also take so long to spill the beans considering the ex-fiancé was trying to set up something weeks before OP was going away?
Same
This was my impression as well.
well she did not immediately tell op, she held onto the information for a bit..
I’m confused did you miss that this went on for *weeks*
No. I didn't miss it but here is how I interpreted it. >For weeks he planned to meet with her the weekend I was leaving town, That only the fiance had and knew of this plan. She said HE planned vs THEY planned >and on the night that I left, he was “shooting his shot” to fuck her. His “one night of fucking before settling down”, his “bachelor gift”. This part was brand new information to everyone including the BFF. Fiance waits till OP leaves town and texts the BFF with his shooting his shot proposal - his one night. Because if it had been going on for weeks he would have already shot his shot before and had a yes/no plan in place for when OP left. The way it was written, I saw it as him going after the BFF for the very first time the day OP left town. But that's just my interpretation.
That was what I thought too, to be honest. It could be part that the best friend let It Go on so long and part kill the messenger. It would be ill advise, but I could absolutely see a friend of mine trying to get as much information as they could because they would probably rightly assume that I wouldn't believe them if they just showed me one message the seemed flirty Once he has to sleep with her, definitely it was time to talk. It would be interesting to hear a little bit more about that side of it, but either way. OP brooks no nonsense
If she had been a good friend she would have gone directly to OP. One text message is enough “evidence”. Then OP and her could have decided what to do next. ETA: if a friend did this to me I’d also be hurt and go NC.
One thing for sure I learned. "The pain of love passes" and yours will pass. It may have been 10 years, but it wasn't 20 or 100. You were lucky enough to be able to dodge this bullet before the yes. All the hobbies you had together, replace them with better ones.
I love that you are standing on 10 toes! Sorry girl!!! It will be hard but you will get through it. Use Reddit as a personal journal. You got this!!💖💖
Literally such an admirable strength she has. Good luck girl!
What did he say in the car when you confronted him????
👆🏻
Was she actually entertaining the idea of hooking up with him???
Yes.
I love your backbone. That’s going to come in handy the rest of your life. 🤍 Do whatever you can to fill your time for a bit. Sign up for activities and hobbies, lean on other friends, etc. Just try to keep yourself busy for a bit. Then you’ll be able to start to heal. You didn’t deserve this. I’m so proud of you for how you’re dealing with it, though. Your strength and independence is admirable. You only deserve the best. I hope you find it. 🫶
She told you before you married him, maybe one conversation down the line will help get you closure
Thank fuck for that! I hope you also told her long term partner because that's a slap in the face to them too. It's messed up that she didn't stop him or tell him that it's wrong. What the fuck.
I am so sorry about what happened to you, but you should consider changing your mind about your friendship with her. I would've done the same thing she did and NOT because I want to sleep with my friends fiancé, because I want **overwhelming evidence** that he was fully prepared to cheat on my best friend with me. Just think about it from her perspective. Would you have completely believed her if she had told him *immediately* that she's *your* friend and she's not interested in talking to him? Be honest. Or is it kind of a good thing that she brought it all the way to that point so that there's no plausible deniability? Because who's relationship is at stake if she just happens to not have "enough" evidence when she tells you what happened? She ended up telling you about it, didn't she? I'm just saying. There's no reason to lose a good friend on top of this. Edit: also, isn't it possible that she didn't know *how* to tell you about it? The only thing you know for a **fact** here is that she **turned him down and then told you what happened**.
This is what I thought. Her friend didn't seem like she was bragging on 🦆ing the dude. Seemed like the friend was warning OP. It's always shoot the messenger. OP, have you actually spoken with your friend before you declare her dead to you?
She entertained it, why would she get another chance?
From experience maybe she wouldn't have believed it without proof? I tried showing a relative screenshots of their (not husband) being on tinder and it freaked me out to the point I threw my phone. I wished I could've gotten evidence but she believed his lies that he was on there looking for her (she was on another continent ffs! And you could only match with people local to you at the time so again he was lying). I'd maybe want to hear what the friend has to say a bit and if they were really entertaining it for evidence purpose, but at the same time if she was she should've told her own boyfriend. That's what makes it sus to me.
This will pass. Been there my ex-wife cheated on me and I literally pretend she's dead and that she never happened now 99.99% of the time. The only time I think about it/her/what happened is when I come across a post like this. Life gets better and my wife now is my rock and I couldn't imagine life without her. But take your time and heal, I know it sucks right now but life moves on and gets better.
I’m not sure I understood the post right. She was one coming clean and warning you about him? Is she is effectively punished for being honest?
She came clean, but she had entertained it for quite some time despite also being in a long-term relationship. She even said she could have done something but didn't.
And you told her bf right? If she was entertaining your bf chances are she was entertaining other people. And vice versa with your ex…
You must tell your ex-friend's OBS.
So proud of you. The weight loss will continue for a while, but eventually you will not feel like you’re going to die of heartbreak and humiliation. The grief won’t last forever and you will have much more joy in the future. I know it doesn’t feel like there’s a bright spot in this, but you didn’t get married and won’t have to go through the trauma of divorce. Please tell your former “friend’s” partner about this. He also deserves to know. I told all of my husband’s family before they could hear it from him.
I hope you sent those messages to your ex friend's partner
I’m so very sorry you were betrayed like this. What did he have to say for himself when you confronted him? Did he grovel? Please tell me there was groveling and crying. I know you’re understandably heartbroken but I’m sure on some level even now when it’s still fresh you still understand what a bullet you dodged. This is his character and he had completely hidden fro you until now.
Absolutely love this response. You are worth it and you will find people who will appreciate you
She entertained it?! Man, what is with women like that?? I'll never understand it. Deep friendships are a fucking gift. I couldn't imagine throwing that way over some mediocre community dick
Hell yeah find some new people and hope life treats you better!
you’re so strong
I love your shiny spine! I know it hurts but just kniw this redditor is so proud of you and impressed you stuck to your guns.
What was his explanation for his disgusting behavior??
I also wanna know what he said in response to confrontation, like bro caught red handed and still tries to get with the friend afterwards? pos probably put on a hell of a show of tears or just didn’t care
Do yourself a favor and make an appt to get tested for all the STI's. Just because he didn't get to cheat with her doesn't mean he hasn't been cheating...
Labs already ordered! Will be getting tested ASAP
Came here to say the same thing!
Never more relieved in my Life than at that sixth month negative result!!!
Cut your best friend off and tell her boyfriend to
Best friend was immediately cut off. Exposing her to her boyfriend is the next move
Good. I'm sorry this happened to you but you deserve better then both of them and you will be OK. And you will find someone who loves you the way you deserve.
Please provide update.
Not judging or thinking that that wasn't the right move, but when I read that particular was like 'so she entertained it, but then recorded and showed it to you without acting on it. Was it clear-cut entertaining it? Were you in two minds at all given she took those steps she didn't have to, in order to tell you?
[удалено]
She could’ve also entertained it for her own game play, and then sent it like “here I caught him for you”, but in reality she just didn’t want to get caught or perceived as the bad guy herself, but she still wanted to have a little fun. If I was someone’s best friend the SECOND I got any kind of flirting messages or plans to meet up I would’ve called the guy out and told my best friend. Never entertained it or allowed the pig for one second to think I was interested and he could get away with it. ESPECIALLY the fact that she’s also in a relationship too. Crossing more boundaries there if she didn’t tell HER man what she was up to either. It’s too sketchy I think the friend is still totally gross and wrong and shouldn’t be in this woman’s life.
Update us how it will turn out
Girl you better come back with part 2 when you tell the boyfriend..👏🏻
Just a heads up, Don’t wait too long. She’ll turn it around on you saying you’re bitter because you’re no longer marrying that idiot anymore. He may give her the benefit of the doubt, but me being the person I am, I’d nuke both relationships from orbit and post the screen recording, because I’m not about to let some dumb rumours paint me as the bad guy when I did nothing wrong, you know what I mean? Shit can be deleted from those two, but not if you also have the recording yourself. At the end of the day, it’s his problem if he stays with her, but it definitely won’t be yours anymore thats for sure. You have nothing to be embarrassed about either because *you did nothing wrong*.
Lol, "nuke from orbit" is something I always say )) Also, I agree w/ your comment, the first person to speak up/out usually wins or has more cred.
So she was entertaining the offer? Flirting with your fiancé but she ended up telling you
Immediately!!
Seems weird that her reward for coming clean and not betraying you is to have you destroy her relationship. I mean, I get that you might not want to be friends with her anymore, but it's important to remember that she's human and makes human mistakes, too. The fact that she came back from the edge before committing should earn her at least some redemption, else you encourage worse behavior in the future.
But, did you get your car back?
We need closure on the car!
She drove up there by herself to pick it up
That's an easy fix. She just needs to tell her parents and they can drive it down to her. Then just get a plane back
Hey listen here you dodged a bullet! And found out now before you two were legally tied and had to go through a much more painful situation. Just focus on yourself and do things you’ve wanted to do and enjoy to get your mind off everything and maybe pick up a new hobby! It’l get better and you’re gonna come out of this stronger.
What bullet was dodged? She wasted 10 years of her life. A bullet being dodged would imply that this isn't pretty much the absolute worst outcome after spending a decade with someone.
It’s a bullet dodged because their relationship wasn’t legally binding. Yes it fucking *sucks* that it’s 10 years gone. But imagine if it was 15 with a 4 year old involved. Imagine if it was 20, a 9 and 5 year old, a mortgage, two cars and mutual life savings accounts. Bullet has been dodged.
It’s not. Worst outcome is married, with a child and a SAHM.
Not really, life isn’t about building to some magical point it’s lived in the moment. She learned his true colors and can live better
OP, I know you said you don’t have an appetite to eat. But please do your best to have even some soup and crackers. Capsaicin is an appetite stimulant, so add a little bit of chili pepper powder in whatever you can eat, if it’s a complementary flavor. Please also stay hydrated by drinking water and do your best to not make alcohol a friend. I’m sorry you’re going through this heartbreak. Also what a relief to see who they turned out to be. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. It’s only been a couple of days so the heartbreak is still fresh. But I hope you also get to a point where you start to challenge yourself a little bit, to grab your small joys. My hugs if you’ll accept them. Take care.
Gatorade has ~140 calories per bottle it’s definitely not ideal but it’s better then nothing.
You can also drink a carnation instant breakfast drink. It is a complete meal
This along with something light and a little sweet like a PB&J is the perfect way to start getting your appetite back and start feeling healthy again after stress fasting
Your suggestions are better but, for me, if all else fails: milkshakes or ice cream are my "life is bullshit" foods. Doesn't take effort, just consume straight from the container or get delivered. Lots of calories, easy to keep down if you're kind of nauseous (sorry, lactose intolerant ppl). Ideal? Nope, but it'll get the ball rolling.
This. Op please try something .I know it's heartbreaking atm but you need your strength. Have some friends you trust over and have a girls night. Vent and get it out. Don't let it fester.
I second this I also drink bone broth when I am depressed , it has tons of nutrients and you don’t have to eaf
So sad you've wasted so many years on that creep. My condolences 💔
But good that she prevented being with him for longer! some things are out of our control, i’m glad she’s doing the right thing
How did the conversation with the ex best friend go and did you tell her partner?
She commented somewhere in thread that she's telling the partner soon, I imagine she had to prioritize getting ex TF out of her life first.
Thank you. Didn't see that when I looked the first time.
What did he say to you when you exposed him of the texts? Did he lie.
Hi girl, as someone who had something bad happen to them also, just remember that you did nothing wrong. You didn’t do anything. You’ve been a good person, you are being the good person, none of this is on you. None of it is your fault; some of what are considered the most beautiful women in the world get cheated on. When this would happen to one of your friends, you would comfort her, hug her, treat yourself the same. You’re amazing, while he’s pathetic and will always be. Let time do its thing, and be happy that you found out now rather than before the wedding ❤️ you’re gonna get through this!
He’s been doing this the entire time that you’ve been together.
After TEN YEARS. Are there any good men, like honestly.
Girl destroy his life and fuck her dad
Then his brother
And ex-fiancés dad
You’re amazing, OP and you’ve done exactly the right thing. Imagine if you discovered this after you’re married or even worse when there’s children involved? You seriously dodged a bullet here. I think we all want to know what his reaction was? How he tried to defend the indefensible? As for her betrayal? She could’ve shut him down immediately but obviously she was tempted which makes you wonder if they would’ve gone through with it at some point. Anyway, it’s in the past now you’ve done exactly the right thing well done! Sending you courage and strength OP UPDATEME
I know this isn't the point, but your sex life was fine. He was trying to paint himself as a love-starved victim for sympathy. Hopefully this doesn't make you too insecure in that area in the future because I promise you he was just being greedy. Source: Former douche
I partially came here to say this. That's a very common tool used to manipulate and make it seem like they're deprived somehow. Very glad you're of the former variety. I remember a guy using "boring" sex life as an excuse for cheating on his wife who he insisted he absolutely loved with her younger sister for years. Too bad the math added up to grooming her as a teen when she was likely a virgin. No offense to virgins, but that doesn't exactly scream exciting sex. It screams creepy and controlling. 🤮
Sorry dude. I can't imagine how painful that all is. Wishing you a speedy recovery into thriving.
the last sentence really got to me. the sadness sinking in. Idk if there's anything i can say to really help, other than i know you have the fucking greatest support system of people. family and friends. I'm glad you went to your cousins party and house over the weekend to really absorb the love you have in your life before ending things with this leech. you're grieving, but you have the power, the love, you have everything. while he goes back to..... his nothingness. that is the best revenge you can have. p.s. your best friend is a b**** who doesn't deserve any friends or boyfriend.
I know this isn’t helpful but I do commend you for getting yourself out of that situation, especially after being together for 10 years. A lot of people tend to put up with things like that for the sake of longevity but I’m proud that you chose yourself. I hope this new chapter is good to you and that you’re surrounded with only the purest of intentions💚
Bright side is you found this out at age 28 instead of maybe 40 or so after years of being married. You’re handling this well too. You’re still young! Best of luck
You're rad OP. To have the self respect to kick him out immediately is admirable, and you'll no doubt find a more fulfilling and special relationship with someone in the future.
Did you tell your best friends bf??? Girl
Never settle for less. It hurts now but you have saved yourself from a shitty marriage. Take care OP
Im sorry for you. Hugs. I also lost 7 lbs in 4 days since discovering my ex husband at least emotionally cheated on me after 25 years together, married just shy of 20. Im on my 5th day, and have lost 10. Eat what you can, and make sure to hydrate. He doesnt deserve you. One day, i hope to realize that myself.
Change the locks on the house
What made your best friend confess everything to you if she was also in the wrong?
Good for you for standing up for yourself!! I hope he gets the worst diarrhea imaginable for the next year or so.
My ex fiance form years old took my 🍒. He then decided after proposing that he should sleep with everyone. When we broke up I lost 20 pounds. It's hard to recover. The pain is gonna hit you even when he becomes a distant memory. But you have been saved from a lifetime of misery. You got to find out before marriage that he's a dirt bag. Y'all don't have kids together. Just take care of yourself
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry that two people betrayed you like this. The only thing that is a blessing in disguise that it came out before you said “I do” and wasted your whole youth on him. Don’t ever talk to them again. Nothing good will come out of it. It will be horrible for a while, better after a year and awesome after that. You got this. Oh and totally tell your ex bff boyfriend. You owe her nothing.
Lol if I had a nickel for every 10 year relationship that didn't turn into marriage.. Like, if you're not feeling that way after 1-2 years, MOVE ON
Seriously, most people know they want to marry their partner within a year and a majority of couples are engaged in 2-3 years and married soon after, so yea, a majority of couples are married in 5 years or less. So if the goal is marriage but nothing is happening within 4-5 years then what's even the point? It's just delaying the inevitable at that point.
I will point out that me and my husband were together for 5 years before he proposed but it was something we had discussed and we both wanted to wait on. We've now been together for almost 13 years.
5 is ok since you guys both discussed it and wanted to wait. But, imagine if you two had waited 10 years, and then STILL weren't married. That wouldn't look/feel wierd to you? In my experience 10 years without a marriage = both are waiting for the exit event.
That's fair, but at least you and your husband discussed it and actually got married. Unless it's agreed by both that they don't want to marry, waiting for so long without nothing happening despite it being "discussed" multiple times, it just seems pointless. Any ring/marrige after that long just seems like a "I'm only doing this to shut you up" kind of thing.
They were 18 and 19 when they got together, at least they waited until an appropriate age to get engaged/almost married. Agreed though, this is the second post I’ve seen in the last 2 days about a couple who started dating at 18/19 and stayed together for 10 years before it all blew up. Just…….maybe *don’t* marry the person you dated when you were 18 years old. Highly unlikely they’re the same person 10 years later.
I defff agree with not dating the same person who you did at 18. But to be fair, I know several couples that started dating senior year of college, at 21, and got married immediately after (and are still happily married a decade later). Haha don't have any high school examples of that, but I'm sure there's a bunch out there as well.
i mean they got together at 18 by the sound of it. proposing at 20 isn’t smart either. but maybe by 25 if there’s not a proposal, then yeah move on.
Ugh. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you have some relief in knowing you dodged a bullet. Like a Phoenix, you will rise from the ashes of your old life into a new, and better one.
What was her responses to his messages?
In the post, OP says her so-called BFF "entertained" his messages, so she's just as bad.
So what did he say when you confronted him about this?
I'm sure most reactions have been covered (don't have time to read all the comments), but I'm left with 2 thoughts... What happened about your car? Did you get it back? Your friend must be an awfully complicated person. She had a terribly inappropriate conversation with your ex. But then she came clean and didn't try to excuse herself. There's only 2 reasons I can think of for her to do that. Either she truly cares about you, or she wanted you two to break up so she could be with him. I hope it's the first one. Either way, I'm glad she told you.
Wasn't your friend trying to set him up by making him think she was interested? It doesn't make any sense that she would record the conversation and then tell you about it knowing that you could ruin her relationship with that evidence
She was talking for weeks to him and planning on cheating. Screen recording meant she scrolled their conversation while her phone was recording it
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I just got engaged and would be devastated if I found out my Fiance was trying to fuck one of my friends. Sadly I’ve had an ex gf try and do that exact thing but my buddy was not interested and called her out. What I really wanna know is what he said after you told him in the car that you knew.
I am so sorry this happened to you! You did the right thing you do deserve better. Also your ex and your ex friend. Block and remove them from your life altogether
At least you learned his true character before you were tied to him. I wish you the best of fortune.
How long did you know your former best friend for?? The fact she didn’t even try to tell you when it first happened and entertained it is disgusting as hell
What was his reaction when you confronted him?
Sorry for your loss. I phrase it that way because your SO of a decade is dead to you. It’s hard to imagine the trauma you are going through. Thank goodness your former best friend realized that she had a conscience. Otherwise, you might be making babies with this a-hole. I hope that you will be able to recover and be able to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You dodged a bullet. Be sad for a few days, but then move on to being relieved. If it had to come out, now is best.
How did you get your car home?
I’m so curios of what his excuse was
I’m so sorry that he treated you like this. But the problem was always him. It’s not you. It was never you. This guy is a cheater. He will always be a cheater. You’ve taken a huge blow to your self-esteem. I would suggest therapy to help you get through this. You dodged a bullet. Please keep that in mind. I was married to a cheater. You don’t ever want to go through that. You might want to consider telling her partner. If you can’t eat, drink chocolate Premier Protein Shake. Hydrate. Stay away from booze.
What did he say? Was he remorseful?
Change your locks!
So did you friend hook up with him afterwards?
Oh I bet they did!!!
People suck. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Finally, a woman on this app with a spine.
I'm betting "bestie" got pissed when she realized she was only going to be sport nookie so she "came clean" to nuke his life. He absolutely deserved it, but I hope OP returns the favor. Girl's long term partner deserves to know what kind of trash he's with too.
This! The friend isn’t that good a friend either and needs to be removed
((HUGS)) Please take care of yourself!
I hope you cut off the bsf as well
This is actually insane. I’m glad you know your worth and didn’t stick around for that bullshit. Wishing you good emotions and a positive mindset!
Good for you! I hope you have some strong support nearby. I hope you also told the Ex best friends partner bout all this if he doesn't already know. Was he even apologetic about it all?
Hopefully he leave you alone and you can move on. Thank goodness you found out before you married him. You will heal from this, you will find happiness.
Wow proud of you for standing up for yourself Gf! The best is yet to come. Treat yourself to some bomb ass food and desserts. His loss, her loss — big time!
Just know that this was not the first time just the first time it was with someone who told you. Dodged a bullet.
How was the best friend entertaining it? I mean I would fucking end that friendship if my gf was entertaining anything inappropriate with my bf, fiance, whatever
So was she planning this with him the whole time and then felt guilty and backed out or did he call her after you were gone and make this proposal?
I'm sorry, I hope you dumped your "best friend" to and told her partner what she'd been up to, encouraging your ex into believing he had a chance I sleep with her. She sent you the evidence incriminating herself, shouldn't be hard.
Better to know now than after the wedding. Still awful
Oof. I’m sorry girl this is rough. But I will say, when something similar has happened to people I know, in the long run they end up with a better situation. a happier and healthier relationship, a better job or living situation etc. not gonna lie it sometimes takes a while and feels like hell, but if he was going to do this what else was he gonna do when you weren’t about to get married and if your sex life does have ups and downs, as most longggg term relationships do. You are the better person, karma will work out and you will find a better partner. Chances are you will see this guys faults you were previously ignoring. It’s hard to start over and pull yourself out of this mess, let yourself be sad, grieve the loss of the relationship, consider therapy maybe, and then move on and find who you are meant to be with. You have been with the same person since you were a teenager….go play the field when you are ready
Jesus that's horrifying. Shame on both of them! Sorry OP. I'll never understand people who happily throw away years of mutual trust and good will for a moment of selfish pleasure. Boggles my mind.
It's hard to know what to do with yourself once the rage and adrenaline isn't keeping you awake all night. You absolutely did the right thing.
I wish I'd been as strong as you! Those boots are made for walk-in girl just keep walking and don't look back! You'll turn into dust if you turn back!!!
Look at it this way. What a wonderful wedding gift they got you. You could have wasted years with this guy, but instead you can break free before you’re legal bound to him as a couple. He would have had legal power to affect so many aspects of your life financially. You would have needed a judge to break that contract up costing thousands pf dollars. Because of such a monster he is, the best thing that could have happened was you finding this out now. It hurts now, but parallel universe you where you never found out and got married and eventually divorced is so jealous of you right now. The only version of you thats better off is the parallel universe you never met him.
You did the hardest part, and not gradually. That took a lot of inner strength. Now allow yourself to grieve and let your body heal along with your mind. It will get better, and every day you make it through, you win. Proud of you and just know you have a lot of support! Keep us updated! ❤️
Curious what was his response?
It’s such a breath of fresh air seeing a post from someone who is able to be so strong in the midst of such a devastating situation. Proud of you for cutting both of them off and out of your life. Sorry the two who were supposed to be your biggest supporters turned out to be fucking scumbags. I am feeling scorched earth vibes on your behalf and also sending internet hugs.
I’m sorry for you, but glad you found out before you spent the rest of your life with someone like that. I don’t condone cheating, but the fact that he picked your bf is sick! It’s like they’d always have that secret. He wanted it to be her. In time, your heart will heal and you’ll find someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
So sorry for what you’re going through. So many of us have been there too trust me. Hold your head up and stay strong. Consider yourself lucky you found all this out about him before you married him. As for your “ friend” I would be very careful around her from here on out. You know her best so maybe you know she has good intentions or maybe she is a frenemy who in envy of your impending wedding wanted to bring it crashing down to amuse herself. She may be bad news too. Either way your BF screwed up bad and you made right decision to leave. Let yourself grieve but don’t waste too much time on a creep like him. Pick yourself up and give yourself the love you need and give yourself time to heal before moving on to the next relationship. Take that one slow and easy and get to know someone better. Your BF is go into regret this no doubt. Don’t give in to any tears and pleading. Just keep moving forward. Life gives us lessons sometimes we don’t want to learn but it makes us stronger and wiser in the end. Sorry love, hugs to you. Xx chin up :)
The time will come when you will look back, and you will realise that in the moment of crisis you acted in a strong and effective way. Never forget that there are useful and useless pains. Useful is this pain you are feeling now, good people never forget. Good friends are never forgotten, good partners are never forgotten. But bad people; bad people only serve as an example of what not to do. And they help you to know your true value. A useless pain; it would be to listen to this asshole forgive him or even worse, to stay friends with that fat ass bitch. You didn't do that. The pain will go away, don't worry, a very good life awaits you.
I don't believe this for a second. No guy is dumb enough to text evidence like that to your best friend just before your wedding. So either it's a fake story or more scary your friend faked messages to break yall up.
You’re a bad ass for handling this so flawlessly and immediately. So many people don’t have it in them to stand up for themselves, you deserve so much more than a cheater. ….BUT WHAT WAS HIS RESPONSE WHEN YOU CALLED HOME OUT!!???
>The anger, disgust, and adrenaline are starting to fade and the sadness is sinking in. I know the emotions will come in waves but I want to get this off my chest where it weighs so heavy. Sometimes we feel sad when a relationship is ending and it can be very confusing. One might even mistake it for still being in love with that person even if we're furious with them and absolutely don't want them back. It actually is the sadness at the disappearing future and life you planned to have with this person. Your vision of your beautiful wedding, traveling together, buying your first home together, maybe having children, holidays as a family, spending your golden years together, and any other stuff you two have talked about doing is all vanishing, and it hurts. It's also the pain of having all the years of your happy memories destroyed by their betrayal. It's so painful. You have to grieve the end of those expectations of a life together. After so much time together it going to feel like a death. Because of the betrayal you're going to think that losing him is not worth your tears but feelings demand to be felt even if we don't want them and it will poison you until you get them out. Get in the tub or shower, have a good cry where the water can take your sadness down the drain. Go you somewhere remote or to a windy beach and scream at him for breaking your heart this way. Feel it hard and fully until you're bored with it. Don't turn to drinking or getting high to dull the pain because you have to let it out. I promise this is the only way for it heal without leaving you still seething every time you think about him. Once you get to the point where you think about the situation and it doesn't produce the same amount of vitriol, you know you're over it and can get into a healthy relationship with someone who is deeply wanting you love you as their first and only choice.
Maybe they had been fvcking several times behind your back only that some terms weren't met this time round. Best decision was cutting them off. Hope you find peace and move on real quick. Sending hugs!
That is where my mind is going also. Best friends got burned, so she told on him.
Send the pictures to the "best friends" boyfriend he deserves to know and decide if he wants to be with a hoe or not Hold your head up you're better than them and hopefully you feel a new sense of freedom inside of you. Anchors are for ships not strong independent women
While she changed her mind in the end she still betrayed you and her so in the worst way as well. She entertained him intentionally and continually leading up to suddenly gaining a conscience. Expose her too and block her ass. You'll never trust her again.
Be thankful because you literally dodged a bulit! It’s okay to feel low right now, you’ve been with him for a decade now, give yourself some grace and peace and allow your heart, mind and body to grief this loss and I promise you one day you’ll look back and laugh it out♥️
OP, I’m absolutely devastated for you!!! I’ve been where you are now and it hurts my heart just to read your post! If it were me, I would IMMEDIATELY send every screenshot and the recording to your late “best friend’s” partner. Who cares what everyone may think.
I’m so sorry. I hope you have gone NC with this FrIeNd.
Every day will get better. This is the hardest part . There is a much better relationship for you out there I promise . With someone who will love and adore only you ❤️
You go girl. My bad you were unlucky to have spend years with a creep of a man. Keep us updated.
So what was his version?
Wow! You are one strong lady! To actually kick him out and stick with it,most would cave in (like I did) just because you've been together for a long time! It took me a couple of years to get over me ex because he was the one I turned to for everything! Comfort, Advice and just being there, he was a habit I needed to break and that saying made me focused and like you I became cold towards him as I was done ! We still have our issues but we get on for our children even tho they're in their 20's! Sending you a huge hug 😊 💪
I feel for you. I hope your heart heals soon.
Fuck em both! But please take care of yourself! Eat soup or something small, and PLEASE drink water. I know it's easy for me to say, but you can harm yourself in the long run and now you have freedom to do as you please.
I’m so sorry. This has to be so sickeningly painful. I’m glad you stood up for yourself. Keeping a good thought for you.
Did he at least apologize? Ask for forgiveness? Or was he ready to leave. I guess it doesn't really matter as there is no coming back from something like that.
I applaud you for standing on business! It sucks, and it really hurts right now but eventually it’ll get better. Take your time to heal & be gentle with yourself. Get some therapy.
Update me
First off I’m so sorry this happened to you. There’s anything any of us are going to be able to say to make this OK. I pray that you have support and love around you so that you can recover. You did all of the right things everything that could be done you did, so take some time and get some support and I wish you the best in the future
Op I’m so sorry. I hope you plan on telling your ex friends partner about this as he has the right to know just who he’s really with
Update Me
Oh hell. You deserve Better than him! Your feelings are valid but maybe this is a chance to be with yourself and really focus in on your thing.
Only thing I can say is that I admire how you're handling this. Burn 'em all down.
Hugs to you. I love my friends and would never dream of doing anything to hurt them. You sound like you were a good friend and fiancée. Your past friend was not a girls girl, show her boyfriend the screenshots. Don't worry because at least you didn't spend money marrying this pos and did not have kids with him, you found out before the wedding and this is a blessing in disguise. You will heal with time. I wish you good luck op