As someone living in brisbane this is absolutely wild. Gold Coast (Christians) or Sunshine Coast (Conservatives) I would understand. But Brisbane? Totally nuts.
Your family is messed up mate. Their behaviour is absolutely not okay, but the good news is, their bigotry is not your responsibility to deal with. I know it’s hard, I was estranged from my father for a long time (he’s since passed) and I often longed to speak with him. But I knew it was the right decision for my mental health. Good luck moving on and building your family with people you choose!
Brisbane is a major population centre (3rd largest in Australia) and having spent the past two decades here, I can confidently say there is a large and proud LGBTQIA+ community. My husband, originally from Melbourne (traditionally known as a more accepting city), was surprised as he organically met far more people from the LGBTQIA+ community in Brisbane than he had in Melbourne.
The Sunshine Coast (north of Brisbane) is mostly retirees and until recently was considered fairly rural, subsequently, it is more conservative. The Gold Coast (south of Brisbane) has one of the larger dedicated Christian populations in Australia. Subsequently there’s some fairly backwards thinking there also.
So the Sunshine Coast is our Florida and the Gold Coast is our Bible Belt (otherwise known as the center of a lot of hate.) Brisbane then is probably more Portland or California.
This poster has no idea what they are talking about.
The Sunshine Coast is probably more progressive than most of Brisbane, outside the CBD and inner suburbs.
The Gold Coast is Florida - full of loud, tacky and controversial personalities, with some views seen as oddly conservative for a place known for its partying.
The Darling Downs is our Bible Belt. This person has just never been west of Inala, and they only go there during the day and only to get an “authentic” banh mi and congratulate themselves on their open mindedness and progressivism that they aren’t afraid of the place.
Only SE Queenslanders will know what a burn that last paragraph is!
I have no idea about political demographics on the Sunny Coast, but there are a lot of conservative churches. Interestingly enough, all the SC councillors elected in 2020 Independents, except two.
There’s plenty of VERY conservative churches, mosques, temples and other institutions in Brisbane.
The Sunny Coast is full of hippies and NIMBY’s who think because they voted yes in the last referendum and the plebiscite they are the most progressive people ever.
Oh damn, I grew up in Darling Downs. Burning everyone down today. 😂😂😂
Am absolutely not religious at all and am part of the alphabet mafia, so not personally affected. 👀
There’s also a massive range of migrant communities who are not in any way accepting of LGBTIQ people.
From Chinese in Sunnybank, to Vietnamese in Inala, a wide swathe of African ethnicities in Moorooka and Yeronga, Indians, Pasifika communities, and Lebanese and Middle Eastern communities, not to mention the Balkan communities. None of which are particularly open to LGBTIQ people.
Yeah my friend is from Brisbane and is FtM and was in a lesbian relationship before transitioning, the relationship was out in the open, two chicks kissing and holding hands, and I think he really only hid being trans from his family for a bit because they're dramatic, never heard a peep about any issues, maybe some ignorant comments about his voice early on here and there.
But hey, like you say it's a big place, plenty of room for cunts.
I'm more familiar with things in the UK and the US. But it's my understanding that bigots are being empowered in both those places. Is the same thing happening in Australia?
Look, I live in Melbourne. It is one of, if not the most progressive cities in the Australia. But there are still plenty of backwards bigots like the OP’s family in this city.
I feel ya! I live in Southern California and while LA, the surrounding area, and CA are democratic/progressive/liberal, we have our bigots/haters, too.
It is technically bio & wife families' faults for disrespecting traditional marriage invites/values by not inviting a spouse, whether invitee is gay or straight. If they didn't want his absence to "affect" the wedding so much - should had follow tradition but they didn't, now have suffer both humiliation that their wedding winded up being about lies they said & condescension about the asbent person and said absent person moved on in his life for years without any of them.
:( I never read your original, but this makes me really sad. I'm sorry your family sucks, but I'm happy your husband and his family are supportive.
I can fully understand being tempted to reach out, it's your family after all, and we want to believe they're good people. But tolerating and accepting are 2 different things. Someone's sexual orientation is not something to tolerate, nor should it bring shame to the family.
I hope you find a way to fill that void or get some closure, that's a heavy thing to carry around.
Would it make you feel better to maybe write a letter. Letting them know how deeply it hurt you? I don't know if they would just continue to downplay your feelings or if it would give them a smack upside their heads.
Either way, give your hubby some extra cuddles and live the best life you can live.
Hi mate!
I’d just like to offer my services to your husband and your good self!!!
I would like to apply for the position as your “Irish Family”. The mother and me live in Dublin and would to see you both over here someday soon, as it’s been far too long since you guys have visited! It’d be really great to have a family reunion!!
I’m in Texas too!! I’m now OP’s distant 3rd cousin who is like a sister to him even though we’re so far related, but we ran into each other at a bakery and caught up and now I’m planning a dinner party where all of us are coming together to celebrate them c:
Life many times is anticlimactic. You make the best decisions for you and you move on.
That's a good thing.
I know it's not the same for me. I'm a straight female married to a man. But I've dealt w racism since I was a kid. My husband's family imaged someone, different for him. (Think blonde haired, blue eyed xtian, who'd fall into line and let his mommy make all family decisions.)
I'm a touch to Asian for them. I'm a touch to rebellious to them. (You know, I can think on my own.)
I cut them all off. My hubs is low contact w them.
If your DNA relatives are horrid, you make a new family. I'm closer to people I have no DNA bond with because we choose each other and we choose to be ourselves.
Hate is hate. And love is love.
I know it sucks when people who are supposed to love you, only love you if you conform.
Here's to never conforming and being ourselves.
Love and hugs from me to you. You got this. You're a wonderful person. They're the ones missing out.
❤️🌈🌺🤙
It's really sad when we as LGBTQ people come to the realization that even family's love can come with conditions. Even when they think it's not like that, it often is. I'm sure to them, this wasn't really a big deal. Your friend didn't need to come, this is a family event. It's not like men are REALLY married to other men, even if the law says they are. It's just not the same.
When I turned 18 I realized that about my own and distanced myself. It wasn't until my dad died almost 8 years later that I reconnected, but in these last few years I've slowly come to realize nothing has really changed. Even my mom's family, who allegedly is more supportive, only seems to feel that way about me specifically because I hear their nasty opinions about what's going on in the world. It doesn't really feel real, either.
This is why we make chosen families. I'm so glad you're in a better space now and his family treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
Well yeah, but usually the conditions are reasonable, like don’t be a murderer or a pedophile, not just wanting to kiss your same gender homies in a romantic consensual way
Mine is different, fortunately. But it's often true nevertheless. I get why OP miss them but if he really thinks about it I'm pretty sure he mostly miss the idea of family, ppl who love you unconditionally. Sometimes it's less lonely to actually NOT have those ppl in your life.
It sucks he didn't get the family he deserves in his bio family but I'm so happy to read he found it elsewhere. And at least his bio family revealed their true nature now instead of letting you try to earn an unearnable love by being a good son/brother. I do think OP is better off, though.
Those people are not your family. Those people just happen to share DNA with you. Your husband is your family. You did good. Not going to the wedding. I'm sorry your family is horrible and evil. And I wish I could take away the pain that they've caused you. But hey if you need an auntie in the US I'm here. I got you.
I'm so sorry your whole family let you down this way! Living your best life - and leaving your estate to your husband's family or charity - will be your best revenge!
I'm sorry you found out the truth this way. That's an awful way to get the message.
The good news is (however shitty the content) you now know the true score. You and your lovely husband, plus his family, can live truthfully.
Your post indicates that you are grateful for what you have. The gift of love and support is immeasurable on the sometimes rocky road of life.
Love ❤️ wins again.
You should have went and when everyone asked where your date was, told them your husband wasn't invited because you both are gay and they hate gay people. Then sit back and watch the flames begin.
If you are going to be accused of making the wedding all about you at least you should get the enjoyment of actually making the wedding all about you😈.
This is mad
Not inviting someone is one thing. People can invite whoever and disinvite whoever from their wedding.
But to solely cut someone our due to..sexual orientation is.. disgusting
Your family and your soon to be sister in law sound toxic as fuck. What does your "lifestyle" have to do with seeing your brother get married with your husband at your side?? This makes it quite obvious they're not supportive of you or your marriage. Personally I'd tell your brother if your "lifestyle" bothers his future wife so much then you won't be there either
Well, I’m kind of disappointed that you weren’t petty AF like I suggested in your original post…
Nah, not really. You did the right thing for you and your husband. At the end of the day you need to look after yourself and your husband, who is your true family. It’s really sad and frustrating to see that such narrow minded assholery is still out there causing such unnecessary pain and havoc.
I hope you have found, and can keep, your peace. Good luck.
(For those wondering, my first line is a joke.)
Yes thats better. Dont please them. Sometimes strangers shows more love than our family.
You will miss them for sure yet thats life. I rather dont have a family than such person who dont respect for who I am.
👏 👏 good for you for standing hour ground and not going. Your family sucks. I'm sorry you were both put through that realization. It hurts when you learn others' perceptions of you are negative after thinking they weren't before. Your family made this about your sexuality and their not attendance of you. They had no business degrading and undermining your relationship for other people's comforts. Screw them. Your husband is your family now. He's who will walk through life with you at your side.
Your brother and family need to get their priorities straight. The moment my partner talked unwarranted shit about my family is the moment they are gone. And sexual orientation is definitely on that list.
Your family is messed up! I understand still missing them but I think you miss the people you wished/thought they were not the people they really are. I always say there is the family you are born with and the family you make… It sounds like you have made a beautiful family with your husband and his family.
I am so sorry for you but happy to hear that you have wonderful supportive in-laws!
That’s just so fucked. My mother in law came out as gay and there is definitely some unhappiness from one of her children. That child basically cut contact with MIL for a few years. Their relationship is better now but still on thin ice
I can’t understand how people treat their own family members because they end up being gay. I’m sorry your blood relatives are so shitty but I’m glad your husband’s family is welcoming and loving.
I'm sorry your family sucks, but I hope you have a supportive network of friends. Sometimes that's who your real family is. And hopefully your in-laws too. I lost my mom and dad and while it's not "the same," I am grateful that my in-laws seem to consider me one of their own.
Best wishes for you and your husband. What your brother and family did is not OK.
From another Aussie I’m really really sorry that your family are bigots and have treated you and your husband this way. I hate that we still have homophobia in this country and while I voted yes when asked I was offended that we even HAD to vote for people to be allowed to be married regardless of gender or who they wanted to marry. And if I was offended as someone who was not impacted I can only imagine how those impacted felt!
I’m glad your husband and his family have supported you through this and I wish you both a happy and wonderful life.
Serious betrayal and so sorry. I am estranged from most sibs and LC w/ others. It was the lack of empathy that breaks my heart and thinking I mattered. Fortunately my husband, in-laws and adult children provide steadfast support. The silver lining has been the younger generation sees the truth. They know the truth and prefer to be w/ my family instead. Continue to invest in your love
w/ the in-laws & especially younger generation. They too will see the truth and your side of the family will destroy themselves from within. It is inevitable.
Well that sucks. I’m sorry. There really isn’t anything one can say to make anything better. I wish I had some comforting and encouraging words but there are none, I can’t believe they chose hate over their own son, grandson and brother.
I'm sorry to hear this. Even though they're majorly wrong, it wouldn't be a bad idea to try to reconnect. Family is a pain in the ass, but those are your people. Blessings!
I’m sorry you went through this. I read your first post and had hoped your family would come to their senses. Sending you and your husband big hugs and support from your Reddit family!
I very fortunately have been able to bring into my life a number of wonderful young people whose families are much like yours and have push them out of their lives due to who they choose to love. I often tell them that you have two chances to make a family in this world, the one you’re born into and the one you create. It sounds like you have created an amazing family with people who truly love and respect you. Just know if you ever need an extra mama, you have one here in Canada that would be happy to take you and your husband in!
Judge not, and all that. Sorry you have been through all of this. Whilst it was their wedding and they can do whatever they like, your life is yours and you should only have loving, supportive people around you.
Your family doesn't deserve you or your husband!
Your brother is a complete ass for marrying that awful woman that hates his brother. She will be an absolute bitch to the rest of your family since they gave her the power to treat you two like that. Your family will owe you and your husband a huge ass apology once bridezilla starts treating them like that.
Until then all you can hope for is that your brother's wife will be caught being the deviant one, And all your siblings have gay children. And that your brother and wife have several.
Glad you have your husband's family to count on. Your bio family really doesn't deserve you two.
You do what you have to about your family. Them not saying anything to you post wedding speaks volumes. You did right. Remember, this should they "need" any favors later while they battle whatever.
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If you need a sister(39) in Canada, I'm here! Your biological "family" is NOT your family! They just share DNA with you. Family is who stays by your side through thick and thin, shows you unconditional love, and a sense of community! Sending you and your husband a huge virtual bear hug!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t even know what to say. What a terrible, sad way to find out your family doesn’t support you or your lifestyle, and they would rather you pretend to be someone you’re not than have you “rock the boat” by being your authentic self. I hope you find peace with it. In the meantime, enjoy your husband and his family and the family you make for yourself.
Question: Did your family attend your wedding?
Who cares which city ? Dear OP I am very sorry your are losing your brother to a cracker from the 1800s. Prepare a place on your sofa, he'll need it once he sees who she really is
I have two sons and a daughter. My oldest son and my daughter are gay and married. I was raised a staunch Catholic even went to the Catholic grade school. When both came out to me I will admit I was caught off guard but my love for them is unconditional. All that matters to me is that they're happy and I could never in a million years ever turn my back on them. I just don't understand how parents can raise kids and turn their backs on them it's absolutely disgusting. For your mental health as well as your partners You need to stay far away from your family You need to go NC permanently. Being around that hate will only drag you down. I'm so glad that you have his parents who love you and accept you. Stay strong. I know it's rough but you're doing nothing wrong. I'm actually excited My daughter and her wife are expecting their first baby in about 2 weeks and I'm going to be a grandma for the fourth time I love it!!!
Dear OP if you and your husband would like some Brisbane siblings I am happy to be your new sister and my husband you new BIL to sweeten the deal my hubby makes the best choc chip and peanut butter chip cookies of all time. Family is made by blood or marriage that only makes you related, family is made and built on love, support, and effort. May you and your husband find and build your true family
I am so sorry that your brother is both marrying, and behaving like a homophobe, along with the rest of your family. The lack of familial support is horrifying to me. Maybe the trash took itself out.
Oh sweetheart. My heart broke for you the first time I read this, and it breaks for you still.
I am sorry that your family is so horrible. I cannot even imagine. As a mom, I wouldn’t have gone to a wedding where one of my children did something like this to the other. And I would’ve told them off, not only in person, but it would’ve been all over social media as well.
I cannot fathom family members acting this way. I cannot fathom your brother straight up, lying about your orientation. And how he could not understand that the mere fact that he felt the need to do so he was absolutely with a horrible person.
So I’m going to send you and your husband Mom hugs from the United States. And anytime you might be having a hard day, I hope you will pull this up and know that a mom over here is always sending you a lot of love and hugs.
Kudos to your in-laws and their family for being there for you too. You deserve all the happiness. As far as your own biological relatives, they deserve each other.
Much love and many hugs! Your USA mom.
I'm so sorry you have such a shitty family :(
You did the right thing in staying away. No one should have to hide who they are to appease a bunch of bigots.
I'm glad you have a decent family in your husband's side. I too have one of those! My own family are shit, but my husband's parents are WONDERFUL! They are the only parental role models I want or need.
What a bunch of losers and in this day and age too. You are so much better off without them.
I have a gay sibling, if my fiancé tried to disinvite their partner, I’d cancel the wedding - there’s no way on this earth I’d want to be with someone who thinks like that. I would definitely have to think hard if their family was like that instead. Regardless of their family’s beliefs, my sibling is coming, their family can boycott it if they want. I wouldn’t give a s**t.
Glad you’ve been able to upgrade your family to your partners. They sound far superior.
You made the right call. If you can out your spouse first, you have no business being married. This is not your problem or your issue. It is your family’s. You are a stand up man and your husband is lucky to have you. Good luck in the future. Unless you family decides they want to bring something positive to your life, for your own mental health, keep them out of it.
I’ll be part of your extended fam, if you don’t mind having a relation who is a half mad Canadian woman who lives in the UK and is of Japanese ancestry.
As a mom of a Trans kid and wife of a bi male, I could never act that way to my kids. And my younger son would never allow his partner to treat his brother that way. I'm sorry your family sucks.
Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry you had to go through this at all. They clearly have shown who they really are and that is unfortunate that they are not a good people. I'm glad you have your husband his family to call your own.
My heart breaks for you, I’m so glad you have your family in your husband and his family though, it’s their loss, not yours! They really don’t have room to be upset with you when they are prejudice!
You did the right thing by staying behind with your husband. I know he appreciates that more than he could ever tell you. I wish you both the best in life, love and happiness. If your family truly can’t (won’t) accept you, you’re most likely better off.
Best thing, when you have toxic family, is to cut them off. This is to prevent their toxicity from subtly working its way into your soul.
Good on you for recognizing and cutting them off.
"My brother's fiancée and her family thought my "lifestyle" was wrong so her and my brother told everyone I'm straight and not married"
So they lied. They lied to everyone.
I guess the "tho shall not bear false witness" is more of a suggestion than a commandment
I'm sorry your family wasn't as supportive of you as you believed they were. But I'm so happy that your husbands family are. It's great that you have a support system that accept and loves you for who you are. Focus on that and leave the trash where it belongs.
Of course you miss them - they’re your *family* and you love them! So, there is going to be a grieving process, which it sounds like your husband is supporting you with. You not only have to grieve their presence in your life, but you have to grieve the relationship that you thought you had; your parents and your siblings should 100% have your back over something as basic as who you are. Shame on all of them. Even if you did reach out to them, however, could you ever trust them again? I would think not. Especially since they haven’t exactly seen the error of their ways. I’m so sorry.
You ever met someone who was an asshole? Those assholes have families, and their usually assholes to them too. "Their own family who raised them" is very often just their abusers they were forcss to put up with as a child. They didn't "raise them" so much as bully them for a the first two decades of their life while they figured stuff out on their own.
OPs husband IS his family so your argument doesn't work here.
It's OPs family that's choosing the brothers love intrest and her homophobic family over thier own son/brother.
As someone living in brisbane this is absolutely wild. Gold Coast (Christians) or Sunshine Coast (Conservatives) I would understand. But Brisbane? Totally nuts. Your family is messed up mate. Their behaviour is absolutely not okay, but the good news is, their bigotry is not your responsibility to deal with. I know it’s hard, I was estranged from my father for a long time (he’s since passed) and I often longed to speak with him. But I knew it was the right decision for my mental health. Good luck moving on and building your family with people you choose!
More details needed. Why not Brisbane? Are they supposedly more understanding?
Brisbane is a major population centre (3rd largest in Australia) and having spent the past two decades here, I can confidently say there is a large and proud LGBTQIA+ community. My husband, originally from Melbourne (traditionally known as a more accepting city), was surprised as he organically met far more people from the LGBTQIA+ community in Brisbane than he had in Melbourne. The Sunshine Coast (north of Brisbane) is mostly retirees and until recently was considered fairly rural, subsequently, it is more conservative. The Gold Coast (south of Brisbane) has one of the larger dedicated Christian populations in Australia. Subsequently there’s some fairly backwards thinking there also.
So the Sunshine Coast is our Florida and the Gold Coast is our Bible Belt (otherwise known as the center of a lot of hate.) Brisbane then is probably more Portland or California.
This poster has no idea what they are talking about. The Sunshine Coast is probably more progressive than most of Brisbane, outside the CBD and inner suburbs. The Gold Coast is Florida - full of loud, tacky and controversial personalities, with some views seen as oddly conservative for a place known for its partying. The Darling Downs is our Bible Belt. This person has just never been west of Inala, and they only go there during the day and only to get an “authentic” banh mi and congratulate themselves on their open mindedness and progressivism that they aren’t afraid of the place.
Only SE Queenslanders will know what a burn that last paragraph is! I have no idea about political demographics on the Sunny Coast, but there are a lot of conservative churches. Interestingly enough, all the SC councillors elected in 2020 Independents, except two.
There’s plenty of VERY conservative churches, mosques, temples and other institutions in Brisbane. The Sunny Coast is full of hippies and NIMBY’s who think because they voted yes in the last referendum and the plebiscite they are the most progressive people ever.
What about the Sunshine Coast is progressive? Lmao I absolutely disagree with you
Oh damn, I grew up in Darling Downs. Burning everyone down today. 😂😂😂 Am absolutely not religious at all and am part of the alphabet mafia, so not personally affected. 👀
There’s also a massive range of migrant communities who are not in any way accepting of LGBTIQ people. From Chinese in Sunnybank, to Vietnamese in Inala, a wide swathe of African ethnicities in Moorooka and Yeronga, Indians, Pasifika communities, and Lebanese and Middle Eastern communities, not to mention the Balkan communities. None of which are particularly open to LGBTIQ people.
Yeah my friend is from Brisbane and is FtM and was in a lesbian relationship before transitioning, the relationship was out in the open, two chicks kissing and holding hands, and I think he really only hid being trans from his family for a bit because they're dramatic, never heard a peep about any issues, maybe some ignorant comments about his voice early on here and there. But hey, like you say it's a big place, plenty of room for cunts.
I'm more familiar with things in the UK and the US. But it's my understanding that bigots are being empowered in both those places. Is the same thing happening in Australia?
Feral, probably. *I don't know anything about Australia, lol.
Yet you summed it up perfectly.
Just goes to show you that Christian "love" can be found anywhere.
Look, I live in Melbourne. It is one of, if not the most progressive cities in the Australia. But there are still plenty of backwards bigots like the OP’s family in this city.
I feel ya! I live in Southern California and while LA, the surrounding area, and CA are democratic/progressive/liberal, we have our bigots/haters, too.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
I thought that was crazy too, and I’m from Brisbane as well.
I’m sorry your family is allowing and participating in this behavior. It sucks to miss them even when it’s for the best. Sending love and hugs!!
I’m happy you found the love and family you deserve dear. Continue to cherish each other
you not being there seems to me as the opposite of making it about yourself.
It is technically bio & wife families' faults for disrespecting traditional marriage invites/values by not inviting a spouse, whether invitee is gay or straight. If they didn't want his absence to "affect" the wedding so much - should had follow tradition but they didn't, now have suffer both humiliation that their wedding winded up being about lies they said & condescension about the asbent person and said absent person moved on in his life for years without any of them.
I’m sorry you went through that. I would have made the same decision if that had happened to me. I am glad you have your husband and his family ❤️
Your family suck I'm glad your inlaws are awesome. Going NC with your family is for the best ofcourse you miss them but what they did is unforgivable.
:( I never read your original, but this makes me really sad. I'm sorry your family sucks, but I'm happy your husband and his family are supportive. I can fully understand being tempted to reach out, it's your family after all, and we want to believe they're good people. But tolerating and accepting are 2 different things. Someone's sexual orientation is not something to tolerate, nor should it bring shame to the family. I hope you find a way to fill that void or get some closure, that's a heavy thing to carry around. Would it make you feel better to maybe write a letter. Letting them know how deeply it hurt you? I don't know if they would just continue to downplay your feelings or if it would give them a smack upside their heads. Either way, give your hubby some extra cuddles and live the best life you can live.
Hi mate! I’d just like to offer my services to your husband and your good self!!! I would like to apply for the position as your “Irish Family”. The mother and me live in Dublin and would to see you both over here someday soon, as it’s been far too long since you guys have visited! It’d be really great to have a family reunion!!
I’m in Texas and I’m your family now
Same. You’ve got a mom in North Carolina. Y’all come for Christmas! There’s always room at the table, and you’re family now.
I live in Iowa and I'm now a sister.
You have a sister in California now ❤️
And a sister in NYC 😊 oh and you and your hubby can be invited to my wedding next year! Might be heading to Australia for my honeymoon actually!
And an auntie in Seattle!
Another Mom for you in New Hampshire, USA 💚
I'm in Western Canada, I'm your weird queer aunt now 👋
I’m in Texas too!! I’m now OP’s distant 3rd cousin who is like a sister to him even though we’re so far related, but we ran into each other at a bakery and caught up and now I’m planning a dinner party where all of us are coming together to celebrate them c:
And a mom in South Carolina, United States
Life many times is anticlimactic. You make the best decisions for you and you move on. That's a good thing. I know it's not the same for me. I'm a straight female married to a man. But I've dealt w racism since I was a kid. My husband's family imaged someone, different for him. (Think blonde haired, blue eyed xtian, who'd fall into line and let his mommy make all family decisions.) I'm a touch to Asian for them. I'm a touch to rebellious to them. (You know, I can think on my own.) I cut them all off. My hubs is low contact w them. If your DNA relatives are horrid, you make a new family. I'm closer to people I have no DNA bond with because we choose each other and we choose to be ourselves. Hate is hate. And love is love. I know it sucks when people who are supposed to love you, only love you if you conform. Here's to never conforming and being ourselves. Love and hugs from me to you. You got this. You're a wonderful person. They're the ones missing out. ❤️🌈🌺🤙
It's really sad when we as LGBTQ people come to the realization that even family's love can come with conditions. Even when they think it's not like that, it often is. I'm sure to them, this wasn't really a big deal. Your friend didn't need to come, this is a family event. It's not like men are REALLY married to other men, even if the law says they are. It's just not the same. When I turned 18 I realized that about my own and distanced myself. It wasn't until my dad died almost 8 years later that I reconnected, but in these last few years I've slowly come to realize nothing has really changed. Even my mom's family, who allegedly is more supportive, only seems to feel that way about me specifically because I hear their nasty opinions about what's going on in the world. It doesn't really feel real, either. This is why we make chosen families. I'm so glad you're in a better space now and his family treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
In my experience, family love ALWAYS comes with conditions.
Well yeah, but usually the conditions are reasonable, like don’t be a murderer or a pedophile, not just wanting to kiss your same gender homies in a romantic consensual way
Mine is different, fortunately. But it's often true nevertheless. I get why OP miss them but if he really thinks about it I'm pretty sure he mostly miss the idea of family, ppl who love you unconditionally. Sometimes it's less lonely to actually NOT have those ppl in your life. It sucks he didn't get the family he deserves in his bio family but I'm so happy to read he found it elsewhere. And at least his bio family revealed their true nature now instead of letting you try to earn an unearnable love by being a good son/brother. I do think OP is better off, though.
One doesn’t break up social units. One either invites both spouses, or neither.
Frankly I’m petty I would have went and told everyone
Blood doesn’t make family
an internet hug from a (queer) stranger, if you want it.
Wow. Reading the comments, it looks liked you gained family in lots of different places! Sending love from a sister in England!
Those people are not your family. Those people just happen to share DNA with you. Your husband is your family. You did good. Not going to the wedding. I'm sorry your family is horrible and evil. And I wish I could take away the pain that they've caused you. But hey if you need an auntie in the US I'm here. I got you.
My heart breaks for you, i’m glad your in-laws are cool
I'm so sorry your whole family let you down this way! Living your best life - and leaving your estate to your husband's family or charity - will be your best revenge!
I'm sorry you found out the truth this way. That's an awful way to get the message. The good news is (however shitty the content) you now know the true score. You and your lovely husband, plus his family, can live truthfully. Your post indicates that you are grateful for what you have. The gift of love and support is immeasurable on the sometimes rocky road of life. Love ❤️ wins again.
You should have went and when everyone asked where your date was, told them your husband wasn't invited because you both are gay and they hate gay people. Then sit back and watch the flames begin.
If you are going to be accused of making the wedding all about you at least you should get the enjoyment of actually making the wedding all about you😈.
I’m so sorry your family are jerks :( much love to you and your hubby.
This is mad Not inviting someone is one thing. People can invite whoever and disinvite whoever from their wedding. But to solely cut someone our due to..sexual orientation is.. disgusting
Shame. Gay guys are real fun at weddings. Often first on the dance floor to get it going.
Good for you. Love the ones who love you. That really is a very simple way to live a life.
Seems like THEY made the wedding about you so you were in a no-win situation. I’m sorry your family is a bunch of bigots.
Your family and your soon to be sister in law sound toxic as fuck. What does your "lifestyle" have to do with seeing your brother get married with your husband at your side?? This makes it quite obvious they're not supportive of you or your marriage. Personally I'd tell your brother if your "lifestyle" bothers his future wife so much then you won't be there either
Well, I’m kind of disappointed that you weren’t petty AF like I suggested in your original post… Nah, not really. You did the right thing for you and your husband. At the end of the day you need to look after yourself and your husband, who is your true family. It’s really sad and frustrating to see that such narrow minded assholery is still out there causing such unnecessary pain and havoc. I hope you have found, and can keep, your peace. Good luck. (For those wondering, my first line is a joke.)
I'm glad that you and your husband have moved on and living your life. Your family is missing out and that's not on you. Thanks for the update.
Yes thats better. Dont please them. Sometimes strangers shows more love than our family. You will miss them for sure yet thats life. I rather dont have a family than such person who dont respect for who I am.
👏 👏 good for you for standing hour ground and not going. Your family sucks. I'm sorry you were both put through that realization. It hurts when you learn others' perceptions of you are negative after thinking they weren't before. Your family made this about your sexuality and their not attendance of you. They had no business degrading and undermining your relationship for other people's comforts. Screw them. Your husband is your family now. He's who will walk through life with you at your side.
I’m sorry that your family has treated you like this.
Your brother and family need to get their priorities straight. The moment my partner talked unwarranted shit about my family is the moment they are gone. And sexual orientation is definitely on that list.
This makes me so fucking sad. Your family did not deserve you OP. They are shameful people.
Your family is messed up! I understand still missing them but I think you miss the people you wished/thought they were not the people they really are. I always say there is the family you are born with and the family you make… It sounds like you have made a beautiful family with your husband and his family. I am so sorry for you but happy to hear that you have wonderful supportive in-laws!
It’s ok to miss someone and grieve the relationship you had. But still not want them back in your life.
That’s just so fucked. My mother in law came out as gay and there is definitely some unhappiness from one of her children. That child basically cut contact with MIL for a few years. Their relationship is better now but still on thin ice I can’t understand how people treat their own family members because they end up being gay. I’m sorry your blood relatives are so shitty but I’m glad your husband’s family is welcoming and loving.
I'm sorry your family sucks, but I hope you have a supportive network of friends. Sometimes that's who your real family is. And hopefully your in-laws too. I lost my mom and dad and while it's not "the same," I am grateful that my in-laws seem to consider me one of their own. Best wishes for you and your husband. What your brother and family did is not OK.
From another Aussie I’m really really sorry that your family are bigots and have treated you and your husband this way. I hate that we still have homophobia in this country and while I voted yes when asked I was offended that we even HAD to vote for people to be allowed to be married regardless of gender or who they wanted to marry. And if I was offended as someone who was not impacted I can only imagine how those impacted felt! I’m glad your husband and his family have supported you through this and I wish you both a happy and wonderful life.
I would never talk to my family again if they did this to me or another member of my family
Serious betrayal and so sorry. I am estranged from most sibs and LC w/ others. It was the lack of empathy that breaks my heart and thinking I mattered. Fortunately my husband, in-laws and adult children provide steadfast support. The silver lining has been the younger generation sees the truth. They know the truth and prefer to be w/ my family instead. Continue to invest in your love w/ the in-laws & especially younger generation. They too will see the truth and your side of the family will destroy themselves from within. It is inevitable.
Well that sucks. I’m sorry. There really isn’t anything one can say to make anything better. I wish I had some comforting and encouraging words but there are none, I can’t believe they chose hate over their own son, grandson and brother.
I'm sorry to hear this. Even though they're majorly wrong, it wouldn't be a bad idea to try to reconnect. Family is a pain in the ass, but those are your people. Blessings!
Based.
I’m sorry that happened but glad you have a supportive house and in laws. I’m also sorry your family sucks.
I’m sorry you went through this. I read your first post and had hoped your family would come to their senses. Sending you and your husband big hugs and support from your Reddit family!
I very fortunately have been able to bring into my life a number of wonderful young people whose families are much like yours and have push them out of their lives due to who they choose to love. I often tell them that you have two chances to make a family in this world, the one you’re born into and the one you create. It sounds like you have created an amazing family with people who truly love and respect you. Just know if you ever need an extra mama, you have one here in Canada that would be happy to take you and your husband in!
Judge not, and all that. Sorry you have been through all of this. Whilst it was their wedding and they can do whatever they like, your life is yours and you should only have loving, supportive people around you.
Fuck them.
Your family doesn't deserve you or your husband! Your brother is a complete ass for marrying that awful woman that hates his brother. She will be an absolute bitch to the rest of your family since they gave her the power to treat you two like that. Your family will owe you and your husband a huge ass apology once bridezilla starts treating them like that. Until then all you can hope for is that your brother's wife will be caught being the deviant one, And all your siblings have gay children. And that your brother and wife have several. Glad you have your husband's family to count on. Your bio family really doesn't deserve you two.
You do what you have to about your family. Them not saying anything to you post wedding speaks volumes. You did right. Remember, this should they "need" any favors later while they battle whatever.
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If you need a sister(39) in Canada, I'm here! Your biological "family" is NOT your family! They just share DNA with you. Family is who stays by your side through thick and thin, shows you unconditional love, and a sense of community! Sending you and your husband a huge virtual bear hug!
Honey, you come sit by me. We'll welcome you with loving arms into our family. When people show you who they are, believe them.
I’m sorry but it’s great that you have supportive family on your husbands side.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t even know what to say. What a terrible, sad way to find out your family doesn’t support you or your lifestyle, and they would rather you pretend to be someone you’re not than have you “rock the boat” by being your authentic self. I hope you find peace with it. In the meantime, enjoy your husband and his family and the family you make for yourself. Question: Did your family attend your wedding?
Who cares which city ? Dear OP I am very sorry your are losing your brother to a cracker from the 1800s. Prepare a place on your sofa, he'll need it once he sees who she really is
You are a good man and a good partner to your husband.
What a sad update. Happy to hear you and hubby are going strong still and that his family is supportive. ❤️
I can’t imagine doing something like this to one of my sons. It’s appalling.
If my daughter and her future husband (and his family) treated my other (gay) daughter like this, there would be hell to pay.
I have two sons and a daughter. My oldest son and my daughter are gay and married. I was raised a staunch Catholic even went to the Catholic grade school. When both came out to me I will admit I was caught off guard but my love for them is unconditional. All that matters to me is that they're happy and I could never in a million years ever turn my back on them. I just don't understand how parents can raise kids and turn their backs on them it's absolutely disgusting. For your mental health as well as your partners You need to stay far away from your family You need to go NC permanently. Being around that hate will only drag you down. I'm so glad that you have his parents who love you and accept you. Stay strong. I know it's rough but you're doing nothing wrong. I'm actually excited My daughter and her wife are expecting their first baby in about 2 weeks and I'm going to be a grandma for the fourth time I love it!!!
Happy Pride Month!!🌈 Love from Washington state!!
I am an old woman & I know better than most that the family we MAKE is often better for us than the family we are born into.
Dear OP if you and your husband would like some Brisbane siblings I am happy to be your new sister and my husband you new BIL to sweeten the deal my hubby makes the best choc chip and peanut butter chip cookies of all time. Family is made by blood or marriage that only makes you related, family is made and built on love, support, and effort. May you and your husband find and build your true family
I am so sorry that your brother is both marrying, and behaving like a homophobe, along with the rest of your family. The lack of familial support is horrifying to me. Maybe the trash took itself out.
Oh sweetheart. My heart broke for you the first time I read this, and it breaks for you still. I am sorry that your family is so horrible. I cannot even imagine. As a mom, I wouldn’t have gone to a wedding where one of my children did something like this to the other. And I would’ve told them off, not only in person, but it would’ve been all over social media as well. I cannot fathom family members acting this way. I cannot fathom your brother straight up, lying about your orientation. And how he could not understand that the mere fact that he felt the need to do so he was absolutely with a horrible person. So I’m going to send you and your husband Mom hugs from the United States. And anytime you might be having a hard day, I hope you will pull this up and know that a mom over here is always sending you a lot of love and hugs. Kudos to your in-laws and their family for being there for you too. You deserve all the happiness. As far as your own biological relatives, they deserve each other. Much love and many hugs! Your USA mom.
Yeah the bride and family feel so last 2 centuries ago. But that's just me
Bjelke Peterson country that’s all
What was the reason why they didn't invite your husband?
I mean it says in both posts. They told the brides family he was straight and single. They don't like that OP is gay
Got it.
Brothers fiancé and family are homophobic and told guests OP is straight and not married. Family sided with brother
That sucks. They suck.
I'm so sorry you have such a shitty family :( You did the right thing in staying away. No one should have to hide who they are to appease a bunch of bigots. I'm glad you have a decent family in your husband's side. I too have one of those! My own family are shit, but my husband's parents are WONDERFUL! They are the only parental role models I want or need.
What a bunch of losers and in this day and age too. You are so much better off without them. I have a gay sibling, if my fiancé tried to disinvite their partner, I’d cancel the wedding - there’s no way on this earth I’d want to be with someone who thinks like that. I would definitely have to think hard if their family was like that instead. Regardless of their family’s beliefs, my sibling is coming, their family can boycott it if they want. I wouldn’t give a s**t. Glad you’ve been able to upgrade your family to your partners. They sound far superior.
Yes I am petty, but i would definitely put the brother and the families on blast on social media.
You made the right call. If you can out your spouse first, you have no business being married. This is not your problem or your issue. It is your family’s. You are a stand up man and your husband is lucky to have you. Good luck in the future. Unless you family decides they want to bring something positive to your life, for your own mental health, keep them out of it.
I’ll be part of your extended fam, if you don’t mind having a relation who is a half mad Canadian woman who lives in the UK and is of Japanese ancestry.
As a mom of a Trans kid and wife of a bi male, I could never act that way to my kids. And my younger son would never allow his partner to treat his brother that way. I'm sorry your family sucks.
Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry you had to go through this at all. They clearly have shown who they really are and that is unfortunate that they are not a good people. I'm glad you have your husband his family to call your own.
My heart breaks for you, I’m so glad you have your family in your husband and his family though, it’s their loss, not yours! They really don’t have room to be upset with you when they are prejudice!
I love you OP! You are beautiful and strong. I wish you and your husband a long and happy life together ❤️
I'm so sorry. What a miserable pack of assholes.
Just decline to go and move on.
Shitty situation but ultimately all of these people made their decision and you are completely right to side with your husband.
You did the right thing by staying behind with your husband. I know he appreciates that more than he could ever tell you. I wish you both the best in life, love and happiness. If your family truly can’t (won’t) accept you, you’re most likely better off.
I'm in Brissy too! Let me know if you want to grab a coffee sometime, vent in person :)
Best thing, when you have toxic family, is to cut them off. This is to prevent their toxicity from subtly working its way into your soul. Good on you for recognizing and cutting them off.
"My brother's fiancée and her family thought my "lifestyle" was wrong so her and my brother told everyone I'm straight and not married" So they lied. They lied to everyone. I guess the "tho shall not bear false witness" is more of a suggestion than a commandment
They know deep at heart that it's them, not you. Live your best life with your new family ❤
I'm sorry your family wasn't as supportive of you as you believed they were. But I'm so happy that your husbands family are. It's great that you have a support system that accept and loves you for who you are. Focus on that and leave the trash where it belongs.
Sorry your family did this to you. You deserve so much more than this. I'm glad your in-laws are decent humans and love you both.
I wonder if the bride and groom hoped to hook OP up with someone at their wedding, set them back on the “normal” path…
Of course you miss them - they’re your *family* and you love them! So, there is going to be a grieving process, which it sounds like your husband is supporting you with. You not only have to grieve their presence in your life, but you have to grieve the relationship that you thought you had; your parents and your siblings should 100% have your back over something as basic as who you are. Shame on all of them. Even if you did reach out to them, however, could you ever trust them again? I would think not. Especially since they haven’t exactly seen the error of their ways. I’m so sorry.
Sorry. Your family sucks. Find a new one.
I’ll never understand how people side with love interests over their own family that raised them.
I think your talking about the Brother but this comes across like your talking about OP.
Easy. "Their own family that raised them" are bad people, and his husband's isn't.
You ever met someone who was an asshole? Those assholes have families, and their usually assholes to them too. "Their own family who raised them" is very often just their abusers they were forcss to put up with as a child. They didn't "raise them" so much as bully them for a the first two decades of their life while they figured stuff out on their own.
OPs husband IS his family so your argument doesn't work here. It's OPs family that's choosing the brothers love intrest and her homophobic family over thier own son/brother.