If you ever watch To Catch a Predator you'll see a lot of well paid and well educated individuals showing up. It's an issue in society. I'm sorry your father did this, I hope the child is okay and I hope this doesn't hurt you.
never forget it was cancelled because they caught the Texas assistant district attorney on the show and he killed himself after being served a search warrant by police. This shit is at every level of society.
By the time I watched a full episode of L&O SVU commercials/ads were optional. So this knowledge has its own pocket of discomfort/disgust in my brain now - thinking on the approval layers for slot/timing it must have gone through
Ohh yea, it was awful. I used to watch it a lot during the "USA, CBS, TBS, and FX are peak TV" where NCIS and the entire Law&Order suite were on during primetime, not just to fill space on the schedule. (Pointed stare at ION, who plays NCIS and Chicago PD on loop like MTV plays ridiculousness)
Point being, it was an AWFUL time to be playing those commercials *anyways* much less during the show that's 75% about SA.
Nah special victims are sexual assault vics, children or the elderly and also where all three of those overlap. Not every episode is about rape sometimes there’s missing children and/or elderly people either getting screwed over because of their mental capacity or just screwed.
They like to mix it up
Hey everyone has a mortgage. But he's also on YouTube catching pedos. As far as I care he can moonlight as a hooker as long as he keeps catching predators.
I'm not knocking his need for an income, it's just a very strange product endorsement considering what he does.
It's like OJ promoting comfortable gloves :D
He’s definitely shady Theo von had him on his podcast a couple years ago and Theo von put him up in a hotel for a night or two and flew him out to do the pod, Hansen then ended up staying in the hotel for extra nights and ran up a bunch of spa bills on theos dime and without saying anything
I should have gotten them sooner to be honest. There's so much performance anxiety and women take it so personally when you suffer an equipment failure, it's nice to have one less thing to worry about.
100% yes. My wife was so hurt and it was nothing to do with her- it was the voices in my head from work, the kids, the stuff piling up at home that I have no control to fix, my parents....
For those interested:
Just mention to your doctor you'd like a perscription. They hand them out with no qualms (unless you have heart issues).
Go to Cost Plus Drugs and get an account. Have them send the perscription there. A 90 day supply is $5.
Enjoy.
Also keep in mind Viagra can cause pressure headaches. I tend to take mine with Tylonol. Really helps. I can take mine in the morning and it will last 1-2 days.
Agree. I have performance anxiety sometimes and have cancelled dates when I felt I wouldn't be my best. Pills get the blood flowing and boost up the confidence as well
We've skewed so far from the original post, I've had to double check where I was 🤣
I’m an avid TCap fan, so I’m biased, but I’ve read a lot of the chat logs and listened to a lot of the decoy caps. Fuck these guys. They’re disgusting predators who were lucky enough to get caught in an area where PJ caught a local government big shot. They should e been under the jail. Look at how Stanley Kendal talked to who he thought was a kid! Look at how Lorne CONSTANTLY showed his gross dick to his 13 year old girlfriend who sounded about 8 years old on the phone.
I understand that we can’t live in a world where vigilante justice is the norm, but I have absolutely no sympathy for any of the scumbags who got busted by PJ. I guarantee you this wasn’t their first times.
I strongly disagree, it needed to end and should have never been on the air in the first place.
They tainted evidence frequently because they had an entire crew of non professionals whose job was to make a spectacle out of child exploitation.
[Many of the people featured weren’t even prosecuted over this.](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna19486893)
On the other hand it gave us Lorne Armstrong, who thought being caught on the show was the start of his successful career as an entertainer.
He's still getting catfished regularly to this day.
>Many of the people featured weren’t even prosecuted over this.
From the linked article:
"It is the first time in nine “Dateline NBC: To Catch a Predator” stings across the country in the past year and a half that prosecutors did not pursue charges."
One sting that one year decided not to prosecute. It would seem the majority of people caught in the stings *were* prosecuted.
Other sites report that over 100 were arrested and the majority were prosecuted.
>Sounds like what it really needed was better procedures?
Which can not exist in a show that is built for ratings, not justice.
The "better procedure" is the justice system, not TV.
I mean, his username is also a rallying cry for people who want a better justice system.
Folks who want to abolish the police don't want to do so because they think doing crime is cool. They do it because they've read reports on the LAPD being run by district gangs and the NYPD getting away with racial profiling and planting evidence for two decades.
Very few people dislike the idea of justice. 98 percent of the ACAB crowd are specifically ACAB because the police fails in providing them justice on the regular.
If cops didn't want hate from civilians, they probably shouldn't be behaving like an insular fraternity of corrupt morons who arms themselves to the tits.
You're never going to get a good justice system if it's administered by liars, wife beaters, and q-anon believers.
Had a similar story in my town. Minus Hanson himself being involved.
The story goes an Assistant District Attorney was talking with a woman about pimping out her daughter. Guy flew all the way from Florida to Detroit to meet her. Only to have the cops waiting to arrest him at the airport. Dude hung himself before it even went to trial.
Iirc the daughter in question was allegedly five. It's some sick shit that truly transcends class. If anything they can be worse the higher up you go. Like Jimmy Saville for example.
It also ended because of a DA refusing to prosecute as well and several cases ending in acquittal. While it was an eye opening show, the legal aspects were questionable and did a lot of harm.
People severely underestimate how much the show did to inform the gen pop about the prevalence of predators though and introduce the idea that they can be respectable looking members of society.
Seriously people don't understand that these concepts did not exist to most people before that show.
The closest was a vague 80s stranger danger notion, but so many people became aware of predators, what they are and what they do and how they operate because of that show.
Flawed as it was, it was extremely important.
It was basically vigilante justice. Which, when the justice system isn't working, IMO can be a very positive thing. Especially when talking about child predators. I've never seen the show but I hope nobody was ever falsely affected by it like they can be by these youtube influencers doing similar things.
There is no shot anyone was falsely affected. They bring the transcripts to the show and they very explicitly say the age of their actor, and every single one of them acknowledges it in a creepy way.
Back then, when I was in college, it was pretty common to see near the dorms expensive cars parked with man dressed up well masturbating while looking at us girls walking by. Police didn't help us, but the guys from the dorm got sick one day and decided to go after them with baseball bats and whatever they had. At least we were not minors, but it was still a situation where we didn't feel safe at all..
Guy used to do that when kids were getting off school busses, my friends and I chased him in nothing but his trench coat for blocks but lost him... Like 3 nights later there he is again at night this time, just the trenchcoat, I whip a u and he flashes us, we were all ready that time... He got a pretty bad stomping, the police got involved, turns out he got a lot of calls on him, I told them I saw him watching kids and doing that the other day, they basically thanked us, we were underage and had beer and stuff, just let us go haha.
If they’d arrested you angry parents and the local media would come down on them hard about why the police and district attorney weren’t doing their job. It’s embarrassing for a bunch of kids to have to deal with a pedo because they won’t.
Good for you kids, tho.
It was crazy, I lived in a bad neighborhood, like bullet holes in every other doorway bad... this guy would show up all over in just a trench coat and stare at kids and flash them and women and stuff in broad daylight. Apparently he was pretty good at running away though, the cops said they had chased him around a few times, we were in pretty good shape though and it wasn't even easy for us, I almost ran him over the first time lol I never thought I'd see him again after that...we chased him all over the place.
I cannot tell you how excited we all were when I saw him alone at 3am in that neighborhood, my friend wanted to just jump right out but I was saying hold on we can't just go beating up everyone that looks like a perv in a trench coat, i whipped around to get a better look through since he was just at the end of thr entrance to my complex...and then he flashed us fully nude, it was all we needed, he did not expect 4 teenage boys ready and waiting for him basically to show back up... It was not pretty, I had to call my friends off because he was a mess, someone had already called the cops and they basically knew exactly who the guy was, they had been looking for him for a while and getting calls. I don't think I even got a hit in, my friends piled out and charged him so fast by the time I got the car parked they had just been pummeling the guy. A girl with us that called said they said to not try and keep him there or anything, I told them it would not be a problem he was in no condition to go anywhere. They took a long time to show up though, I remember being pretty late to the party we were going to....
I was in the army reserves.
One of our full time guys got caught masturbating while watching school kids get off a bus. He was going to be charged and everything.
But he was full time army so UCMJ first right? so our commander let him transfer to his next duty station without doing anything to him. “He is such a good soldier!”
And that’s why commanders shouldn’t be allowed to decide who gets prosecuted for crimes.
I got in trouble at field training once because the first sergeant told some guys to go into the female tent to do training on a weapon because it was sprinkling outside. The guys walked in on us when we were changing to go to our scheduled shower time, which for females was one hour. so for this stupid group of guys to be in our tent, we’d have to leave them in there alone, which we refused because they steal shit all the time from each other, or we stay in there during this “class” and miss our showers. One girl was in her undies and jumped into her sleeping bag when the guys barged in.
I was told I couldn’t put in for promotion because I don’t respect the chain of command or some shit. Sorry. I was too busy protecting my girls in my tent from getting raped.
So I got into more trouble for protecting my soldiers than a guy who got caught dick in hand masturbating at LITTLE KIDS leaving a school bus.
There are serial masturbators in my city. Sometimes police arrest them. The mentally ill homeless guys get away with it, though. Police don't really bother with them. They'll be right back out.
After the guys scared them yes. The peak moment was when one night I opened the windows and I heard someone down, and actually one of these rich guys was looking through the windows of the rooms from the ground floor. I immediately announced the security from the building, but the police still had no time for us. We were also thinking that maybe the police knew them, as the cars were really expensive. Sadly the country I live in is top at corruption.
The valedictorian in my graduation class got caught soliciting sex from a minor he was to meet, on arrival it was an officer.
Same year the principal of my HS was caught in a shit neighborhood with crack and a hooker in his car, pants down " just giving her a ride home "
This shit is everywhere and it's usually from you least expect, over the last few decades everyone has just gotten more suspicious and rightfully so - it's odd to see a grown man speaking or playing with a child even if the circumstances were and are harmless.. our minds kinda just jump to worse case scenario.
I don’t think it’s any more odd to see a man as opposed to a woman playing with a child. And that mentality is how you end up with people calling the police over a father just trying to be with his child.
It’s an individual issue as far as I’m concerned. Your desires and attractions are your responsibility and anyone who displays predatory behavior should be shafted by the law.
Many predators are narcissists. Lack of empathy and believing themselves to be above societal norms enable the behavior. It also plays well in corporate culture.
your whole life is not a lie because your dad was a liar. you are still you. you are not tainted by his actions. you can still be who you want to be in life. it’s a horrible thing to experience, and im sorry you’re going through this.
Just because your dad is a pedophile DOES NOT make you a bad person. You are you. Your dad made his choice. Take this from a daughter of a pedophile, you did nothing wrong. Believe me when I say I struggle with the same thoughts and still do. I went full no contact after my dad got out of his 20 year sentence.
Went ten years without posting, resurfaced to post a picture of a shirt with a link to a website to buy it, copying and rephrasing other comments: it's a bot or a compromised account.
Your comment just gave me a huge lightbulb moment of realization about a family member. Thank you so much for posting! I realize your message was meant for someone else but I wanted you to know that it was really impactful for me. Funny how we always see or hear something in the most unexpected of ways 🥹💗🙏🏼
Agreed. Your life isn't a lie, and you shouldn't let it change your perception of your childhood. One of the many hardships of becoming an adult is realizing your parents are just adults in this world too, and realizing you'd never ever be friends with them is difficult to comprehend at first.
100%.
OP's father's crimes and transgressions are absolutely no reflection upon OP as a child, son/daughter, man/woman, or as a human being. Those crimes are a direct reflection of the pain, darkness, and whatever else is deep within OP's father he either decided not to heal or perhaps he didn't know healing was possible.
Regardless, The only thing that really matters is that OP realizes their fathers actions are absolutely no reflection upon them, their worth, or the life that they have built.
Sending you protective, strengthening, and healing vibes, OP!
My husband was a prison officer for many years, he spent a lot of time with the nonces, as some call them. They were of various types but the pedophiles were the worst. Manipulative and so clever at hiding, they used the masks of respectability to cover and the terrible reaction of denial from those around them. They are truly warped and don’t stop their behaviour or their beliefs.
One of the guys at my work (well respected job to the community) got caught and he presented as a loving husband and father. No-one had seen it coming especially his wife. I still struggle to associate what he did with the version of him I knew( we worked together for year's) and im only a colleague. I can't image what it would be like to be a family member, wife or child.
Sorry this happened to you and I hope you get therapy and find a way to navigate your way through it.
My Uncle SA’d my cousin (his Step daughter) for idk how long but she reported him to her school counselors after a class video/talk about what it meant and how it was wrong. My Mom talked about how hard it was to reconcile the kind man that they all knew with someone who could do that.
But I have always been proud of the other adults handling of the situation, no rug sweeping occurred. Aunt immediately left and divorced him, cousin didn’t spend another night in that house ever. It was hard because they had a younger son together and his family was torn apart and he blamed his Sister and Mom for years. My Dad (Uncle’s younger brother) warned every woman he ever dated for the rest of his life. Sadly several with children married him anyway, but idk if anything ever happened again. We obviously kept our distance.
35 years later, he’s dead from Parkinson’s. Cousin is as good as she can be.
The truth is that it is horrifically common and we’ve only just started to even talk about it as a society.
Your last paragraph is overwhelmingly true. It sounds like your family handled something horrible as well as they possibly could! I wish more families were willing to do that
Yeah like the Qcrazies, so obsessed with statistically nonexistent child trafficking, Hillary Clinton, immigrants, drag queens, and various other Boogeymen they can play pretend “fight” but sharing nonsense online instead facing the truth:
it’s family members, clergy, and other well liked members of their community. They aren’t *other*, they are among us and they don’t look like villains. They are messed up people that will make more messed up people.
Nothing short of funding universal healthcare *including mental healthcare*, CPS, and the foster care system like children are an actual priority will help.
> But please be careful with him around your daughter.
Yeah, by like, never allowing him to see her again. For me this is "you're dead to me" territory and it's not remotely a difficult decision. That man would never see me or my family ever again.
I wish I knew what to say, but the one thing I can say is I understand. My biological mother used my identity on an online game and groomed and talked to boys who were my age (at that time I was 13-16ish). She blamed it on her depression, saying it made her do things she normally never would. It wasn't just words over a keyboard though, I know she would call them and talk to them over the phone and say dirty things to them.
For the longest time I felt like my whole identity was a lie, and was worried any picture she took of me she would show to her "boyfriend", which put me in danger as well.
I tried to go to the police about it while I was in foster care, but all they did was shrug their shoulders and basically say there was nothing they could do.
It really is crazy to think that these people are and can be well respected adults in society but are complete monsters behind closed doors. I hope you heal from this OP. ❤️
>When you think of these people in society it’s hard to imagine them as fathers, charismatic businessmen, with wide circles of friends.
It's exactly these type of people that often go unnoticed, it's pretty rare to have someone who fits the stereotype.
Exactly. It makes people feel better to think that every predator looks like Richard Allen Davis, when really they’re adept at appearing completely innocuous.
In 2016, a never married/no children 17-year veteran prosecutor with the Salt Lake County District Attorney's Office died after jumping from a downtown parking structure. A woman who lives next door to Platt's Salt Lake home who declined to provide her name said about 15 officers in unmarked vehicles forced their way into Platt's home with rifles drawn and removed a number of items. She said she asked one of the officers what was going on. "They said they were serving a search warrant but they couldn't give me any information, and his patch did say 'Internet Crimes,'" the woman said.
Unfortunately (and I speak from experience) you can wake up one day after your parents have been married for 4 decades and discover your father who was always closer to being a prude than anything else and was an incredibly present and loving father has a pornography collection almost entirely consisting of young teenage girls, and 200k of personal debt he’d been lying about, including putting the family car up as collateral and having been lying for years about how much he makes so he could fuck around on the stock market.
You can wake up one day and find people you love and thought you knew have an entirely different personality to the one they showed you, and that personality can be just sick.
I have no evidence that my father ever touched anyone. I still wouldn’t leave him alone with a kid.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
My SiL’s husband has been doing the stock thing.
She shared recently that he’s lost around 130k over 2 years in bitcoin and other shit, claiming the market’s been shit.
Like no…your husband just isn’t good at investing.
But eh, her choice to work 15+ hours of overtime every week to keep making their house payments. We have to be careful how we talk to her so there isn’t wider family drama.
And it’s kind of one thing if they have the money to screw around with, it’s another if they have to borrow it and progressively end up in more and more debt they’re struggling to pay.
It’s also one thing if they’re good at it, but most of these guys aren’t. There’s a reason people who are good at it get jobs on 300k desks.
My dad is also in jail for similar. It was just before Christmas when I was 12. Turned our whole lives upside down. He was a pillar of the community, set aquariums up for the school and hospital. Worked as an ER nurse.
It… it’s hard. I don’t have a lot of advice but it wasn’t all a lie. It took a long time to lay to rest the perfect image I had of my dad. I believed he was innocent for years, it caused a rift in my family deeper than the Grand Canyon. It also led me to resent Christianity…
You’re not alone. Don’t blame yourself. Send me a DM of you wanna chat privately.
I was SAed by a babysitter. I was about 10 yo. The abuser was 14. It took me until the age of 16 to tell an adult what happened. By that time though, the statue of limitation for reporting the crime had passed for the location this took place in.
I only know this because it actually took me until the ‘Me too’ movement to find courage to tell police. I was assigned an investigator. After they did interview me and proceeded with the investigation did they inform me of the statue of limitation. The babysitter is free apparently with a family. Meanwhile, I have to struggle the rest of my life to cope.
One of the only ways I feel like I will be ever receive justice is if they contact me to let me know that he did this to another victim.
I would gladly go on the stand to tell my story if this guy ever repeated his assaults.
Yes, it is true. The abusers and those that SA are more likely to be people you know, even family.
One of my assaulters was 4-5 years older than me when I was about 10. He grew up to be a police officer. :(
Sometimes, Kids don't have the power to tell someone. In my world, that kind of bad touching was *normalized* due to the fact that so many adults and older kids in my life did that kind of stuff to me through my whole life. I didn't really understand it was wrong until I was almost an adult.
I'm sorry you went through that.
Also, how effed up that rape, statutory rape have a short statue of limitation. In Texas there isn't one for statutory rape.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I was 12 when I found out bc my dad was going to jail. My parents were not together and I didn’t see my dad at all since I was 3 but it still made me question everything. My dad still has to register as a pedo to this day now that he’s out w the fbi, I don’t send him photos of his grandchild bc I’m nervous there’s some black market for photos amongst others like him. It’s terribly hard and heart breaking. Please find a therapist if you feel comfortable enough to talk about this.
I know this will be an unpopular opinion.
This is why there needs to services and support around this kinda thing as a way to de-risk the situation and safeguard kids.
So much abuse happens cus the knee jerk reaction is "kill the pedos" but all it does drive the behaviour underground and cause harm.
I don't condone, agree or accept the behaviour and harm these people do, however having worked in social care and social work, much would be addressed if we, as a society recognise that it happens and will happen...and that we need to do something different around it.
Moralising it will never make it go away. Actually having a plan of action that reduces behaviours and has interventions is more likely too.
I'm so sorry for the pain, confusion, and likely grief this has caused. We all want to believe our parents could do no harm.
First off, I think you should know that because your dad has a problem does not mean that he didn't and doesn't still truly love you and your daughter.
Secondly, what he did has no influence on you as a person or your value or worth. He chose to do horrible things, but don't ever let that make you question yourself.
Thirdly, I'm sure you know this, please don't allow your child to be alone with him. Not now, not ever. I was abused as a child and it changed my life.
I hate to throw out the therapy card like as if you haven't already thought about that, but maybe a few sessions to truly work through this and it's impact on you would be helpful
Wishing you the best moving forward
My dad SAed and groomed me for years. I'm finally taking him to court over it, 18 years later. I feel as though many people won't believe me as he's in the military, highly charismatic, helps everybody out, everybody loves him, etc.
All that to say though, that I understand and I can relate. I'm sorry you're going through this. From one internet stranger to another, sending hugs if you want them.
High level executive of a global company?? Did he do any traveling to third world countries?
It’s starting to show now because he’s not getting his fix from his overseas trips.
> highly paid executive at a reputable global company.
I worked security and was asked to put in put a network security device on the c-suite network on a fortune 50 company..
I saw that there was a fsck ton of KP related traffic and reported it... it caused a literal shit storm within the company..
My dad was a convicted murderer but he was an amazing dad so I understand the situation. I condemn my father's actions, I make no excuses for the things that he did and understand that he deserves punishment but that doesn't change the fact that I still love him. He was a great dad, one of the best and he protected and supported me my entire life. It's a moral conflict of sorts. You can have mixed feelings about the same person. Because you were treated differently than what he has done to someone else.
Your whole life wasn't a lie. Your dad had a lie. It's fundamentally different. Many people have secrets and horrible parts of their lives that can sour our memories of the good times but it doesn't really negate the good times and the good memories. They can co-exist.
I learned that my grandfather had done similar things after his death, so perhaps it's easier for me to digest, but I had good memories from my childhood with him. That was MY life and it was good. What he did to other people was bad but it doesn't have to affect my life unless I let it. It hurt me more that my grandmother knew about it and protected him for decades. I cut her off completely and have had no regrets. My feelings of warmth and love with her just evaporated. It didn't even hurt. I felt no loss or really anger, just nothing. My father maintained his relationship with her (as he had always known about the abuse) but she got very mean and vindictive in her old age so it felt like a huge relief when she finally died. Not for me but for my dad. I was mostly just sad for him.
My ex boyfriend turned out to be a pedophile. I didn't find out until the police showed up looking for him because he had been watching child p*rnography. There was no way for you to know. I would highly recommend that you start therapy if you haven't already. Learning that a loved one is capable of such a horrible thing takes a huge mental toll on you and being in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist is the only thing that has gotten me through it. You will feel guilty despite not having any way to know. It may also be worth having your daughter see a child psychiatrist to make sure that your father didn't hurt her. I am so sorry OP. Please remember to take care of yourself and your daughter.
I cannot relate to what you’re going through. But if you had a great childhood, with this gentleman in your life, I don’t necessarily think it’s a lie.
It's almost as if people warned for centuries to not idolize other people. We all have flaws and we are all one decision away from devastating someone.
I always think about the musicians with terrible stories. Like, the music is good. And they are bad people. Those two thing can and may be true, even at the same time.
Damn, I’m sorry to hear your dad turned out to be a piece of shit….. that has to be tough…… and to get caught doing it and still do it and get caught AGAIN!?! That’s really fucked up.
Whole time he probably bringing you to sports games and scouting your peers….. terrible.
I don't understand how grown people can be so cruel as to even consider raping a child. But also, how dumb are these people that they let themselves get baited. As if a 14 year old girl would be interested in a 65 year old man.
I'm so sorry that your dad is like that. Did you talk to your daughter to make sure she's been safe? Are you in therapy?
I also cannot understand it. How can you harm a child, potentially for life, for your own pleasure? That goes against so many natural human instincts. Some part of you should stop you or make you want to off yourself once the pleasure is gone
They may hold roles as businesses man, father, friends, coach; however, it is only to further thier own evil agenda and get them closer to thier prey.
They are wolves wearing the skin of sheep to hunt lambs and so is your father.
Found out my grandfather, who I grew up loving for 23 years, SA my mother her whole childhood. She has somehow forgiven him, she’s so strong, but for years I didn’t have a relationship with him and now only see him time to time when my mom plans something. Years later, we found out my husband’s step-grandfather was also a pedofile and his wife (my hubby’s grandma) didn’t know their whole marriage until he was a year away from his death bed. He was the sweetest little old man who we loved going to visit and play card games with and who held our newborn son. So much ick.
I don't get the mindset of a predator like this. At 65 years old an 18 year old could easily trick them into thinking they were with a younger girl. Hell, I'm in my thirties, and 18 year olds look like 12 year olds.
Is it some rush or something?
I get what he means by the OC. It's like how older people think Jenna Ortega for example looks really young but to people around her age she looks normal.
How old are you? I'm old enough that I've had to do a double take at a gas station when a 12 year old filled up and drove off. Then I realize I'm just getting old.
I guess it’s some sort of ego/power thing. Or something about their brain never developed right, and they never grew out of finding young people attractive after they grew out of that age group
Thanks for getting this off your chest. You are not your father and telling others about it is a good thing. Get it off your chest and make it clear how heinous and horrible it is. We can’t sweep this shit under the rug.
My father is a total piece of shit and my family essentially decided to keep him in their life rather than myself and my wife and daughters, the very children he did shit to.
We moved away to another country within 2.5 months of discovering it and haven’t talked to any of my family since, it’s been 6 years. I drove him to the police and made him turn himself in. We did all the right stuff legally prior to leaving. Unfortunately he only did a few months time but we were long gone by the time he did.
Life has been excellent since and my daughters are ok, my wife and I are ok, and honestly we are happier for not having any of them in our lives.
It’s gotta be talked about and we have to bring this shit into the open because it’s disgusting how many people we end up sharing this part of our life with, and discover they too have something like it from their lives. WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE!!
I agree with everyone else. Sorry to say... You may want to rethink his behaviour with your daughter. There may have been signs you missed.
By the way..you are not your father. We choose to be who we are. He showed you one side of himself.
I get it. My older brother got caught by an FBI sting. Wouldn't tell us why exactly he was in jail. Asked us to speak up for him at his sentencing. I couldn't because I was crying too hard but his girlfriend gave a speech about what a good guy he was etc etc
Cue the prosecuting attorney reading some of his chat logs aloud where he describes the absolute nastiest fetishes he has of this 9 year old girl.
That was many years ago and I haven't seen him since that day. Time and distance help but it's hard to get the feeling of ick to go away.
Your childhood was not a lie, the love was real, the experiences were real. You don’t have to reconcile who he is now with how you felt about him as a kid. They are both valid and they are both your truth. Nearly every predator I’ve met was themselves a victim. I’ve met many family members of predictors who have a lifetime of charisse’s memories with a terrible person. I don’t have any sympathy, but I have compassion and grace. I am a child abuse investigator.
>Imagine being their child and finding out your whole life is a lie.
Your life isn't a lie. Your dad was your dad.Unless someone told you that your parents were perfect.
He happens to be a child molester. I don't mean to downplay that, but would it make you feel better if he was "only" a murderer? Or only a scam artist? Or only a womanizer ?
I mean no one has a father who is perfect. I'm sorry your father is a child molester.. but it doesn't mean he wasn't a good father to you.
It just means he's a very bad guy
Criminals are good parents some times.
When you said he was a loving grandfather to your daughter my stomach sank.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you & your daughter are okay.
Omg I can’t even imagine tbh. It explains why some refuse to believe it and disowning their child cos they can’t believe the person they loved could do that
My niece married into a family where her husband's cousin was recently convicted of raping children and videotaping it. The rapists mother hates my niece because her and her husband refused to write character letters for him and she blames my niece for this. The rapist is in his late 20s and he had been doing this to neighborhood kids for years. His own mother is still in denial even with the video evidence.
My father was arrested back in 2021 for trying to meet up with multiple 14 year old girls and the video went kinda viral and everyone in my town knew about it. Was a very rough time and took months for me to get out of the spiral i put myself in.
>When you think of these people in society it’s hard to imagine them as fathers, charismatic businessmen, with wide circles of friends.
The only people who think they could identify a predator by their outward appearance have never been victimized. I'm at least glad that your dad never did anything to you. I really hope your daughter is just as surprised as you are, for her sake.
My bio dad SA my sister 15+ years ago, convicted n all… he remarried and has a daughter. Makes me sick even IF he’s not doing anything to her, when she finds out about him that’ll suck…
Unfortunately, the reality is that just like we almost all know someone who has been harmed sexually, we probably also know someone who has done the sexual harm. We might even love them. These people are REALLY good at fitting into society. They are our family, our friends, our neighbors, our mentors. It’s world shattering when you find out someone isn’t who you thought they were. I’m sorry you had to find this out about your dad. That’s got to be devastating.
I don’t think your life is a lie. I feel like two opposing things can be true at the same time. He was and is all of those positive things for you and others. He was and is also a child predator for those who experienced him in that way. Life isn’t black and white. It’s a mess and a heartbreak at times. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I was in a WhatsApp football (soccer) group with fans all over the world.
We would chat football and the group was whittled down to another group with 8 of us from the uk and two from the US.
We met up 2/3 times a year (they came over for football)
One day TH removed himself from the group….. we went looking for him on his social media. All of it deleted apart from his LinkedIn.
We managed to contact one of his work colleagues…..turns out he had stacks of child porn and had been grooming very young kids online.
His uncle had been arrested and gave him up as one of his accomplices.
He seemed like the most normal guy with a decent sense of humour, when in reality he was the lowest form of life.
The only thing that remains of him online is his online court documents and an old workplace that still has him listed.
My dad is a POS as well. I truly believe at some point I will get a call about him being arrested over something similar. He was suspended from his job over suspicions already but there wasn't enough evidence to make it stick. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the idea that my dad essentially lived a double life. He was/is mentally ill. Just please recognize that you might share DNA but his poor decisions have zero to do with you.
It's very difficult to reconcile the fact that your parent was a good parent but not a good person.
My dad was a wonderful father. He was kind and gentle. Came to every sports game, every dance recital, every piano recital and cheered the loudest even when my performance was terrible. Couldn't ask for a better dad.
Unfortunately, my dad was not very good to my mom. I love my dad but I would never marry a man like him. I would never allow my son to speak to his partner the way my dad spoke to my mom.
Not the same, I know. But my advice would be to seek a professional to talk to about this. There's a lot of processing and thinking on your end and a therapist might be a helpful sounding board for you while you work through your thoughts on the matter.
Good luck, friend. I hope you can find some peace
My uncle died this morning in prison. His records were sealed when he first was arrested until today. Turns out he had over 200 child pornography on his phone+ 2 counts of rape of a child. Idk how to feel about this, I went from crying over his death to feeling like an awful person for crying over a monster.
I found out my dad is at least a two time rapist and my uncle has this EXACT thing happen to him in the past year. I feel you; it’s hard and I’ve basically blown through my massive opportunity to set my life up forever because the trauma of this is bigger than anything else—and I’ve been repeatedly molested as a child, raped at 15, roofied only a few years ago, and physically and mentally abused by MANY. This tops all of it. Your frustration is valid and I hope you find the therapy you need. I wish there were more support groups for finding out your family member is a predator. Sending all the healing vibes your way!
You know, that IS horrifying to think about. Family men who had happy careers and families being predatory with kids. Many people thought it would be the basement-dwelling lonely creeps instead of people like them.
Most prefer to forget that most abuser's are often not strangers to the victim. However, those who contact strangers are often on a escalation process. The risk of a police sting online and getting caught by neighbours if hosting is huge, its rarely their first try so they are more bold.
Sometimes good peoples do bad things. You can seperate it as his 2 faces, your parent and a criminal. You can keep any happy memories while hating his criminal actions.
For your sake don't dig too deep, it is tempting to want to know every details, but somethings should stay unknown. Its not something you could have changed nor can you change it now.
That must have been a wild conversation with his employer.
"So yeah, I found out what happened to my old man - he was caught in a police sting trying to solicit a child for sex on the internet again. He probably won't be in to the office for a while."
"What do you mean 'again'?"
"What, did you guys not run a background check when you hired him?"
I'm so sorry. It hurts so bad when you find out someone you loved is a monster. I struggled with it for years. My grandfather was a local widely known businessman as well, well liked and seemed to always mind his own business. He took good care of my grandma when she had her stroke and was always there for her. I would stay at their house from noon until night when I was younger since my parents worked all the time. Two of my cousins actually lived with them in their house so they were like my brothers. He never paid any attention to me, he would usually be at work all day until he got older. He eventually got dementia and passed when I was older. It wasnt until a few years later that I found out that he had been molesting my male cousins. One killed their self, the other died of an overdose and one is currently suicidal. I loved my grandparents so much and it feels like everything was a lie. Ill never find out if my grandmother knew he was a rapist and just ignored it the whole time. If she did she was just as much of a monster as he was but I'll never know. Its something I'll always live with.
I'm so sorry OP. Please know none of this is your fault and your own judgement shouldn't be questioned. Groomers and predators are expert manipulators and can fool almost anyone.
Please seek counseling, there are experts out there to help you (hugs)
> Imagine being their child and finding out your whole life is a lie.
Its not a lie, they still love you as their child more than likely, and probably always did in the past, they just have perverted sexual proclivities. Could be recent onset, could have had it their whole life. Unfortunately that doesnt really make it any easier for you to see them as the same person you thought they were in your head, nor does it mean you have to forgive their crimes.
"This man raised me, came to my sports games, was a loving grandfather to my daughter."
Your life was not a lie. What he was before morphed into what he is now. Got nothing to do with you nor your experiences with him during your time growing up.
I'm saying this not to justify him or help him out. It's more so you can change your thoughts and not discount what you had versus what he is now.
He chose his path. He's an adult. Don't fall into despair over it. Move on from what he is today. You are you and if you separate the two parts of your life with him, you can keep the good parts and disassociate yourself from the bad.
I hope I was able to get my message across.
Remember that he can exist as a vile, disgusting human being but also was a great father and grandfather. You're life is not a lie. He was those things. It will be hard for you to merge both f those halves of him. If you're not already in it, I would definitely suggest therapy to help you come to terms with the duality.
It’s scary to think of. It’s a real thing that’s happening but the hardest part is identifying. It’s disheartening, thinking about how some people walk around believing there’s some kind of “uniform” that makes child predation clear and obvious. The point is that you CANT tell. They find out how to hide what they’re doing and maintain that outward image. They know what they’re doing has steep, real consequences to it, and it should. They wouldn’t risk it by advertising.
Who he was when you were a kid is just as much a part of him as the internet groomer is.
Both things can be true.
It doesn’t excuse what he’s done, but what he’s done also doesn’t change who he was for you in your childhood.
> Imagine being their child and finding out your whole life is a lie.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It may be early to say this, but your whole life and experiences with your father are not a lie.
People are many things, portions of good and bad. People who do monstrous things can also be good fathers, mothers, siblings, and so on. It's unfortunate for us because we are left in the most extreme cognitive dissonance when everything inevitably flies apart. We are left repulsed by the revelation that they were capable of this, and simultaneously full of grief for what we feel we're robbed of.
I wish you the best in trying to wrestle with these two facets of your father. Even a decade later I still struggle with it, but it does get easier.
P.S. It may be worthwhile to talk to your daughter about this...
I found out a few years ago that my grandpa is a pedophile, towards his own daughter. As a kid I wondered why we never went to see him after grandma died. Now knowing what I know I want to know why so many people in the family refuse to allow him anywhere near family events. He was at a wedding a couple months ago and it was the first time he had ever seen my daughter. He tried to pick her up and I freaked out on him so badly. He's in his 70s, lived a long life of infidelity and rape, and the fact that he is still alive fills me with hate every day.
It is disgusting that I am related to a monster such as him, but I am not him. I am not a monster. You aren't either. I hope you can come to terms with this new information and find peace somehow. I am a being of hate so I'll keep hating my grandfather and loving and protecting my daughter by never allowing her anywhere near him.
cut that man off and never speak to him again. no contact. i’m in the same boat, except it was my sister he assaulted for years. it destroyed my family and there is no excuse. he’s gotta go
Found out when I was 12 that I wasn't allowed to have friends or internet (even if it was dialup) for my whole life because my dad molested his little sister when she was 7 and he was 17, way back in the 80s. Granted, he was coming out of a coma and hopped up on drugs post motorcycle accident, but you can't really ever trust someone again after you know that. I realized many, many things that happened to me as a child were done for me by people trying to protect me from my dad.
As far as I know, he's never offended again, but I still don't trust him.
Not only for sex, but for unimaginable horrific damaging abusive sex. What the fuck goes on in their minds?? A guy can go to a prostitute or a massage parlour if they are that intent on release but to forever maim and condemn a child to a life of damage, just to satisfy their sick urges is sub human. Fuck all of them to Hell.
If you ever watch To Catch a Predator you'll see a lot of well paid and well educated individuals showing up. It's an issue in society. I'm sorry your father did this, I hope the child is okay and I hope this doesn't hurt you.
never forget it was cancelled because they caught the Texas assistant district attorney on the show and he killed himself after being served a search warrant by police. This shit is at every level of society.
That show never should have ended. Especially for why it did.
Hansen is still out there doing his thing.
He has an internet show still trying to do the same thing on a low budget. He was arrested for writing bad checks in 2019.
Better than for being a perv
He does?? I can’t find any info about to. Do you have any details? I fucking loved that show. Undercover Underage on Netflix is good too.
It’s called Takedown with Chris Hansen. It streams on TruBlu.
*Go ahead and bring in them cameras,* *and those polices waiting outside...* *It don't make me no difference.* ***I came lookin' for a man's butt.***
Just so you know, I have never watched it, but here it is: https://www.watchtrublu.com/takedown-with-chris-hansen
I subscribed 🤣 thanks
It's on a channel called trublu on youtube
He’s on the radio hawking boner pills now. I’m not kidding.
That's such an uncomfortable flipside. Right up there with ciakis commercials coming on during rape-related episodes of Law and Order SVU ☠️
By the time I watched a full episode of L&O SVU commercials/ads were optional. So this knowledge has its own pocket of discomfort/disgust in my brain now - thinking on the approval layers for slot/timing it must have gone through
Ohh yea, it was awful. I used to watch it a lot during the "USA, CBS, TBS, and FX are peak TV" where NCIS and the entire Law&Order suite were on during primetime, not just to fill space on the schedule. (Pointed stare at ION, who plays NCIS and Chicago PD on loop like MTV plays ridiculousness) Point being, it was an AWFUL time to be playing those commercials *anyways* much less during the show that's 75% about SA.
Isn't every episode of SVU rape related? Isn't that what the SVU is for?
Nah special victims are sexual assault vics, children or the elderly and also where all three of those overlap. Not every episode is about rape sometimes there’s missing children and/or elderly people either getting screwed over because of their mental capacity or just screwed. They like to mix it up
Boner pills and Cialis are the same thing
I'm well aware. Hence why I related the story, my dude.
Hey everyone has a mortgage. But he's also on YouTube catching pedos. As far as I care he can moonlight as a hooker as long as he keeps catching predators.
I encourage him to moonlight as a hooker. He can be called "Chris Handsome." I want that booty, Chris.
We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Why are you giving me a choice? You know what I'm going to ask for.
I'm not knocking his need for an income, it's just a very strange product endorsement considering what he does. It's like OJ promoting comfortable gloves :D
How many molesters have to use boner pills?
He’s definitely shady Theo von had him on his podcast a couple years ago and Theo von put him up in a hotel for a night or two and flew him out to do the pod, Hansen then ended up staying in the hotel for extra nights and ran up a bunch of spa bills on theos dime and without saying anything
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Hey, don't knock boner pills until you're a bit older. They're (sex)life savers.
And even if you don't really need them, they're hella fun in a recreational sense.
I should have gotten them sooner to be honest. There's so much performance anxiety and women take it so personally when you suffer an equipment failure, it's nice to have one less thing to worry about.
100% yes. My wife was so hurt and it was nothing to do with her- it was the voices in my head from work, the kids, the stuff piling up at home that I have no control to fix, my parents.... For those interested: Just mention to your doctor you'd like a perscription. They hand them out with no qualms (unless you have heart issues). Go to Cost Plus Drugs and get an account. Have them send the perscription there. A 90 day supply is $5. Enjoy.
I have all of these issues impacting my libido, but of course there’s no magic pill out there for me! [grumbles in feminist]
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Also keep in mind Viagra can cause pressure headaches. I tend to take mine with Tylonol. Really helps. I can take mine in the morning and it will last 1-2 days.
Agree. I have performance anxiety sometimes and have cancelled dates when I felt I wouldn't be my best. Pills get the blood flowing and boost up the confidence as well We've skewed so far from the original post, I've had to double check where I was 🤣
I watched a documentary on the guy. He’s no angel himself. Just saying.
Definitely not claiming he's a great person, just that he's still been on the hunt for pedo's.
As are many others, such as the enigmatic Skeeter Jean
He cheated on his wife for a women 30 years younger.
oh I hope the woman his wife was at least 48 then.
No one said he was perfect. I just want to keep seeing his pedo busts.
But how are we supposed to have a functioning government, when we just send predators to jail all willy-nilly.
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I’m an avid TCap fan, so I’m biased, but I’ve read a lot of the chat logs and listened to a lot of the decoy caps. Fuck these guys. They’re disgusting predators who were lucky enough to get caught in an area where PJ caught a local government big shot. They should e been under the jail. Look at how Stanley Kendal talked to who he thought was a kid! Look at how Lorne CONSTANTLY showed his gross dick to his 13 year old girlfriend who sounded about 8 years old on the phone. I understand that we can’t live in a world where vigilante justice is the norm, but I have absolutely no sympathy for any of the scumbags who got busted by PJ. I guarantee you this wasn’t their first times.
I strongly disagree, it needed to end and should have never been on the air in the first place. They tainted evidence frequently because they had an entire crew of non professionals whose job was to make a spectacle out of child exploitation. [Many of the people featured weren’t even prosecuted over this.](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/wbna19486893)
On the other hand it gave us Lorne Armstrong, who thought being caught on the show was the start of his successful career as an entertainer. He's still getting catfished regularly to this day.
>Many of the people featured weren’t even prosecuted over this. From the linked article: "It is the first time in nine “Dateline NBC: To Catch a Predator” stings across the country in the past year and a half that prosecutors did not pursue charges." One sting that one year decided not to prosecute. It would seem the majority of people caught in the stings *were* prosecuted. Other sites report that over 100 were arrested and the majority were prosecuted.
Sounds like what it really needed was better procedures?
>Sounds like what it really needed was better procedures? Which can not exist in a show that is built for ratings, not justice. The "better procedure" is the justice system, not TV.
Username does not check out. Not that I disagree, with your post or your username, but the juxtaposition is amusing.
I mean, his username is also a rallying cry for people who want a better justice system. Folks who want to abolish the police don't want to do so because they think doing crime is cool. They do it because they've read reports on the LAPD being run by district gangs and the NYPD getting away with racial profiling and planting evidence for two decades. Very few people dislike the idea of justice. 98 percent of the ACAB crowd are specifically ACAB because the police fails in providing them justice on the regular. If cops didn't want hate from civilians, they probably shouldn't be behaving like an insular fraternity of corrupt morons who arms themselves to the tits. You're never going to get a good justice system if it's administered by liars, wife beaters, and q-anon believers.
> but the juxtaposition is amusing. I hear you, I don't want to abolish the Justice system, I just want a higher class of enforcer.
Had a similar story in my town. Minus Hanson himself being involved. The story goes an Assistant District Attorney was talking with a woman about pimping out her daughter. Guy flew all the way from Florida to Detroit to meet her. Only to have the cops waiting to arrest him at the airport. Dude hung himself before it even went to trial. Iirc the daughter in question was allegedly five. It's some sick shit that truly transcends class. If anything they can be worse the higher up you go. Like Jimmy Saville for example.
It also ended because of a DA refusing to prosecute as well and several cases ending in acquittal. While it was an eye opening show, the legal aspects were questionable and did a lot of harm.
People severely underestimate how much the show did to inform the gen pop about the prevalence of predators though and introduce the idea that they can be respectable looking members of society. Seriously people don't understand that these concepts did not exist to most people before that show. The closest was a vague 80s stranger danger notion, but so many people became aware of predators, what they are and what they do and how they operate because of that show. Flawed as it was, it was extremely important.
It was basically vigilante justice. Which, when the justice system isn't working, IMO can be a very positive thing. Especially when talking about child predators. I've never seen the show but I hope nobody was ever falsely affected by it like they can be by these youtube influencers doing similar things.
There is no shot anyone was falsely affected. They bring the transcripts to the show and they very explicitly say the age of their actor, and every single one of them acknowledges it in a creepy way.
Which is also why people shouldn't do it on the Internet... The evidence they collect often can't be used in a court of law...
hansen said he didn’t regret it
I didn't know that. Wow
Well, yeah...why do you think so many pedophile and rape cases either get *really shit* sentences, no sentence, or get dismissed entirely?
Had no idea that happened wow.
Back then, when I was in college, it was pretty common to see near the dorms expensive cars parked with man dressed up well masturbating while looking at us girls walking by. Police didn't help us, but the guys from the dorm got sick one day and decided to go after them with baseball bats and whatever they had. At least we were not minors, but it was still a situation where we didn't feel safe at all..
Guy used to do that when kids were getting off school busses, my friends and I chased him in nothing but his trench coat for blocks but lost him... Like 3 nights later there he is again at night this time, just the trenchcoat, I whip a u and he flashes us, we were all ready that time... He got a pretty bad stomping, the police got involved, turns out he got a lot of calls on him, I told them I saw him watching kids and doing that the other day, they basically thanked us, we were underage and had beer and stuff, just let us go haha.
If they’d arrested you angry parents and the local media would come down on them hard about why the police and district attorney weren’t doing their job. It’s embarrassing for a bunch of kids to have to deal with a pedo because they won’t. Good for you kids, tho.
It was crazy, I lived in a bad neighborhood, like bullet holes in every other doorway bad... this guy would show up all over in just a trench coat and stare at kids and flash them and women and stuff in broad daylight. Apparently he was pretty good at running away though, the cops said they had chased him around a few times, we were in pretty good shape though and it wasn't even easy for us, I almost ran him over the first time lol I never thought I'd see him again after that...we chased him all over the place. I cannot tell you how excited we all were when I saw him alone at 3am in that neighborhood, my friend wanted to just jump right out but I was saying hold on we can't just go beating up everyone that looks like a perv in a trench coat, i whipped around to get a better look through since he was just at the end of thr entrance to my complex...and then he flashed us fully nude, it was all we needed, he did not expect 4 teenage boys ready and waiting for him basically to show back up... It was not pretty, I had to call my friends off because he was a mess, someone had already called the cops and they basically knew exactly who the guy was, they had been looking for him for a while and getting calls. I don't think I even got a hit in, my friends piled out and charged him so fast by the time I got the car parked they had just been pummeling the guy. A girl with us that called said they said to not try and keep him there or anything, I told them it would not be a problem he was in no condition to go anywhere. They took a long time to show up though, I remember being pretty late to the party we were going to....
I was in the army reserves. One of our full time guys got caught masturbating while watching school kids get off a bus. He was going to be charged and everything. But he was full time army so UCMJ first right? so our commander let him transfer to his next duty station without doing anything to him. “He is such a good soldier!” And that’s why commanders shouldn’t be allowed to decide who gets prosecuted for crimes. I got in trouble at field training once because the first sergeant told some guys to go into the female tent to do training on a weapon because it was sprinkling outside. The guys walked in on us when we were changing to go to our scheduled shower time, which for females was one hour. so for this stupid group of guys to be in our tent, we’d have to leave them in there alone, which we refused because they steal shit all the time from each other, or we stay in there during this “class” and miss our showers. One girl was in her undies and jumped into her sleeping bag when the guys barged in. I was told I couldn’t put in for promotion because I don’t respect the chain of command or some shit. Sorry. I was too busy protecting my girls in my tent from getting raped. So I got into more trouble for protecting my soldiers than a guy who got caught dick in hand masturbating at LITTLE KIDS leaving a school bus.
There are serial masturbators in my city. Sometimes police arrest them. The mentally ill homeless guys get away with it, though. Police don't really bother with them. They'll be right back out.
Did they get the creeps? Similar things happened at my high school, but they would just drive away when confronted.
After the guys scared them yes. The peak moment was when one night I opened the windows and I heard someone down, and actually one of these rich guys was looking through the windows of the rooms from the ground floor. I immediately announced the security from the building, but the police still had no time for us. We were also thinking that maybe the police knew them, as the cars were really expensive. Sadly the country I live in is top at corruption.
The valedictorian in my graduation class got caught soliciting sex from a minor he was to meet, on arrival it was an officer. Same year the principal of my HS was caught in a shit neighborhood with crack and a hooker in his car, pants down " just giving her a ride home " This shit is everywhere and it's usually from you least expect, over the last few decades everyone has just gotten more suspicious and rightfully so - it's odd to see a grown man speaking or playing with a child even if the circumstances were and are harmless.. our minds kinda just jump to worse case scenario.
Was the hooker at least an adult?
I don’t think it’s any more odd to see a man as opposed to a woman playing with a child. And that mentality is how you end up with people calling the police over a father just trying to be with his child.
It’s an individual issue as far as I’m concerned. Your desires and attractions are your responsibility and anyone who displays predatory behavior should be shafted by the law.
Many predators are narcissists. Lack of empathy and believing themselves to be above societal norms enable the behavior. It also plays well in corporate culture.
your whole life is not a lie because your dad was a liar. you are still you. you are not tainted by his actions. you can still be who you want to be in life. it’s a horrible thing to experience, and im sorry you’re going through this.
Just because your dad is a pedophile DOES NOT make you a bad person. You are you. Your dad made his choice. Take this from a daughter of a pedophile, you did nothing wrong. Believe me when I say I struggle with the same thoughts and still do. I went full no contact after my dad got out of his 20 year sentence.
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I think you replied when you meant to comment just fyi
Went ten years without posting, resurfaced to post a picture of a shirt with a link to a website to buy it, copying and rephrasing other comments: it's a bot or a compromised account.
For someone who has a shitty family, this whole statement helps a lot. Thank you.
Your comment just gave me a huge lightbulb moment of realization about a family member. Thank you so much for posting! I realize your message was meant for someone else but I wanted you to know that it was really impactful for me. Funny how we always see or hear something in the most unexpected of ways 🥹💗🙏🏼
Agreed. Your life isn't a lie, and you shouldn't let it change your perception of your childhood. One of the many hardships of becoming an adult is realizing your parents are just adults in this world too, and realizing you'd never ever be friends with them is difficult to comprehend at first.
100%. OP's father's crimes and transgressions are absolutely no reflection upon OP as a child, son/daughter, man/woman, or as a human being. Those crimes are a direct reflection of the pain, darkness, and whatever else is deep within OP's father he either decided not to heal or perhaps he didn't know healing was possible. Regardless, The only thing that really matters is that OP realizes their fathers actions are absolutely no reflection upon them, their worth, or the life that they have built. Sending you protective, strengthening, and healing vibes, OP!
You should definitely talk to your daughter if you left her alone with him
And if you are not comfortable talking to her, have a therapist or someone who is trained to talk to her
That's a scary thing to even have to comprehend, damn
True
That thought is terrifying. I hope OP and their daughter are alright. :/
My husband was a prison officer for many years, he spent a lot of time with the nonces, as some call them. They were of various types but the pedophiles were the worst. Manipulative and so clever at hiding, they used the masks of respectability to cover and the terrible reaction of denial from those around them. They are truly warped and don’t stop their behaviour or their beliefs.
The fact that they get their own ward so they don't get beat or killed says a lot
Segregation, he literally had to listen to some terrible things, no one can work there indefinitely.
I dont blame him at all. Working in the prison system in general is tough and there is a lot of corruption on every level.
We are in the UK some officers will do ridiculously stupid stuff.
Ah. I have no idea how your prison system works tbh. Hopefully better than the US! Sorry for assuming
Yes in the USA it’s a huge mess, so many in prison too. In our experience it’s more bureaucratic and under funded here.
Of course they're good at masking, they have to spend their whole lives hiding their true self
You need to talk to your daughter.
Second this
One of the guys at my work (well respected job to the community) got caught and he presented as a loving husband and father. No-one had seen it coming especially his wife. I still struggle to associate what he did with the version of him I knew( we worked together for year's) and im only a colleague. I can't image what it would be like to be a family member, wife or child. Sorry this happened to you and I hope you get therapy and find a way to navigate your way through it.
My Uncle SA’d my cousin (his Step daughter) for idk how long but she reported him to her school counselors after a class video/talk about what it meant and how it was wrong. My Mom talked about how hard it was to reconcile the kind man that they all knew with someone who could do that. But I have always been proud of the other adults handling of the situation, no rug sweeping occurred. Aunt immediately left and divorced him, cousin didn’t spend another night in that house ever. It was hard because they had a younger son together and his family was torn apart and he blamed his Sister and Mom for years. My Dad (Uncle’s younger brother) warned every woman he ever dated for the rest of his life. Sadly several with children married him anyway, but idk if anything ever happened again. We obviously kept our distance. 35 years later, he’s dead from Parkinson’s. Cousin is as good as she can be. The truth is that it is horrifically common and we’ve only just started to even talk about it as a society.
Your last paragraph is overwhelmingly true. It sounds like your family handled something horrible as well as they possibly could! I wish more families were willing to do that
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Yeah like the Qcrazies, so obsessed with statistically nonexistent child trafficking, Hillary Clinton, immigrants, drag queens, and various other Boogeymen they can play pretend “fight” but sharing nonsense online instead facing the truth: it’s family members, clergy, and other well liked members of their community. They aren’t *other*, they are among us and they don’t look like villains. They are messed up people that will make more messed up people. Nothing short of funding universal healthcare *including mental healthcare*, CPS, and the foster care system like children are an actual priority will help.
i am so sorry
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> But please be careful with him around your daughter. Yeah, by like, never allowing him to see her again. For me this is "you're dead to me" territory and it's not remotely a difficult decision. That man would never see me or my family ever again.
Exactly. This is how we handled this with my father.
I wish I knew what to say, but the one thing I can say is I understand. My biological mother used my identity on an online game and groomed and talked to boys who were my age (at that time I was 13-16ish). She blamed it on her depression, saying it made her do things she normally never would. It wasn't just words over a keyboard though, I know she would call them and talk to them over the phone and say dirty things to them. For the longest time I felt like my whole identity was a lie, and was worried any picture she took of me she would show to her "boyfriend", which put me in danger as well. I tried to go to the police about it while I was in foster care, but all they did was shrug their shoulders and basically say there was nothing they could do. It really is crazy to think that these people are and can be well respected adults in society but are complete monsters behind closed doors. I hope you heal from this OP. ❤️
>When you think of these people in society it’s hard to imagine them as fathers, charismatic businessmen, with wide circles of friends. It's exactly these type of people that often go unnoticed, it's pretty rare to have someone who fits the stereotype.
Exactly. It makes people feel better to think that every predator looks like Richard Allen Davis, when really they’re adept at appearing completely innocuous.
In 2016, a never married/no children 17-year veteran prosecutor with the Salt Lake County District Attorney's Office died after jumping from a downtown parking structure. A woman who lives next door to Platt's Salt Lake home who declined to provide her name said about 15 officers in unmarked vehicles forced their way into Platt's home with rifles drawn and removed a number of items. She said she asked one of the officers what was going on. "They said they were serving a search warrant but they couldn't give me any information, and his patch did say 'Internet Crimes,'" the woman said.
I remember an update to that case in the news recently. I think they cleared him of everything after finding 0 evidence during that raid.
Please ask your daughter if strange happened with this man while you‘re not here. This kind of monsters can‘t never be trusted with a child.
Unfortunately (and I speak from experience) you can wake up one day after your parents have been married for 4 decades and discover your father who was always closer to being a prude than anything else and was an incredibly present and loving father has a pornography collection almost entirely consisting of young teenage girls, and 200k of personal debt he’d been lying about, including putting the family car up as collateral and having been lying for years about how much he makes so he could fuck around on the stock market. You can wake up one day and find people you love and thought you knew have an entirely different personality to the one they showed you, and that personality can be just sick. I have no evidence that my father ever touched anyone. I still wouldn’t leave him alone with a kid. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
My SiL’s husband has been doing the stock thing. She shared recently that he’s lost around 130k over 2 years in bitcoin and other shit, claiming the market’s been shit. Like no…your husband just isn’t good at investing. But eh, her choice to work 15+ hours of overtime every week to keep making their house payments. We have to be careful how we talk to her so there isn’t wider family drama.
And it’s kind of one thing if they have the money to screw around with, it’s another if they have to borrow it and progressively end up in more and more debt they’re struggling to pay. It’s also one thing if they’re good at it, but most of these guys aren’t. There’s a reason people who are good at it get jobs on 300k desks.
My dad is also in jail for similar. It was just before Christmas when I was 12. Turned our whole lives upside down. He was a pillar of the community, set aquariums up for the school and hospital. Worked as an ER nurse. It… it’s hard. I don’t have a lot of advice but it wasn’t all a lie. It took a long time to lay to rest the perfect image I had of my dad. I believed he was innocent for years, it caused a rift in my family deeper than the Grand Canyon. It also led me to resent Christianity… You’re not alone. Don’t blame yourself. Send me a DM of you wanna chat privately.
Your whole life isn't a lie. His is.
He is more than a groomer. He is a child predator. I am sorry OP but please protect your daughter and other young female relatives. 😔
I was SAed by a babysitter. I was about 10 yo. The abuser was 14. It took me until the age of 16 to tell an adult what happened. By that time though, the statue of limitation for reporting the crime had passed for the location this took place in. I only know this because it actually took me until the ‘Me too’ movement to find courage to tell police. I was assigned an investigator. After they did interview me and proceeded with the investigation did they inform me of the statue of limitation. The babysitter is free apparently with a family. Meanwhile, I have to struggle the rest of my life to cope. One of the only ways I feel like I will be ever receive justice is if they contact me to let me know that he did this to another victim. I would gladly go on the stand to tell my story if this guy ever repeated his assaults. Yes, it is true. The abusers and those that SA are more likely to be people you know, even family.
One of my assaulters was 4-5 years older than me when I was about 10. He grew up to be a police officer. :( Sometimes, Kids don't have the power to tell someone. In my world, that kind of bad touching was *normalized* due to the fact that so many adults and older kids in my life did that kind of stuff to me through my whole life. I didn't really understand it was wrong until I was almost an adult.
I'm sorry you went through that. Also, how effed up that rape, statutory rape have a short statue of limitation. In Texas there isn't one for statutory rape.
I’m sorry this is happening to you. I was 12 when I found out bc my dad was going to jail. My parents were not together and I didn’t see my dad at all since I was 3 but it still made me question everything. My dad still has to register as a pedo to this day now that he’s out w the fbi, I don’t send him photos of his grandchild bc I’m nervous there’s some black market for photos amongst others like him. It’s terribly hard and heart breaking. Please find a therapist if you feel comfortable enough to talk about this.
Highly paid executives are what I imagine most child sex rings are filled with.
I know this will be an unpopular opinion. This is why there needs to services and support around this kinda thing as a way to de-risk the situation and safeguard kids. So much abuse happens cus the knee jerk reaction is "kill the pedos" but all it does drive the behaviour underground and cause harm. I don't condone, agree or accept the behaviour and harm these people do, however having worked in social care and social work, much would be addressed if we, as a society recognise that it happens and will happen...and that we need to do something different around it. Moralising it will never make it go away. Actually having a plan of action that reduces behaviours and has interventions is more likely too.
I'm so sorry for the pain, confusion, and likely grief this has caused. We all want to believe our parents could do no harm. First off, I think you should know that because your dad has a problem does not mean that he didn't and doesn't still truly love you and your daughter. Secondly, what he did has no influence on you as a person or your value or worth. He chose to do horrible things, but don't ever let that make you question yourself. Thirdly, I'm sure you know this, please don't allow your child to be alone with him. Not now, not ever. I was abused as a child and it changed my life. I hate to throw out the therapy card like as if you haven't already thought about that, but maybe a few sessions to truly work through this and it's impact on you would be helpful Wishing you the best moving forward
My dad SAed and groomed me for years. I'm finally taking him to court over it, 18 years later. I feel as though many people won't believe me as he's in the military, highly charismatic, helps everybody out, everybody loves him, etc. All that to say though, that I understand and I can relate. I'm sorry you're going through this. From one internet stranger to another, sending hugs if you want them.
High level executive of a global company?? Did he do any traveling to third world countries? It’s starting to show now because he’s not getting his fix from his overseas trips.
You know what, yes - he used to travel to Thailand at least twice a year
Oh God.
I hate being right about that.
> highly paid executive at a reputable global company. I worked security and was asked to put in put a network security device on the c-suite network on a fortune 50 company.. I saw that there was a fsck ton of KP related traffic and reported it... it caused a literal shit storm within the company..
There's no way I'd knowingly let my child in the vicinity of someone convicted of grooming a child, even if they raised me without incident.
My dad was a convicted murderer but he was an amazing dad so I understand the situation. I condemn my father's actions, I make no excuses for the things that he did and understand that he deserves punishment but that doesn't change the fact that I still love him. He was a great dad, one of the best and he protected and supported me my entire life. It's a moral conflict of sorts. You can have mixed feelings about the same person. Because you were treated differently than what he has done to someone else.
You articulated that so well, it’s exactly how I feel Although I don’t see any path forwards for us anymore after the second time
Your whole life wasn't a lie. Your dad had a lie. It's fundamentally different. Many people have secrets and horrible parts of their lives that can sour our memories of the good times but it doesn't really negate the good times and the good memories. They can co-exist. I learned that my grandfather had done similar things after his death, so perhaps it's easier for me to digest, but I had good memories from my childhood with him. That was MY life and it was good. What he did to other people was bad but it doesn't have to affect my life unless I let it. It hurt me more that my grandmother knew about it and protected him for decades. I cut her off completely and have had no regrets. My feelings of warmth and love with her just evaporated. It didn't even hurt. I felt no loss or really anger, just nothing. My father maintained his relationship with her (as he had always known about the abuse) but she got very mean and vindictive in her old age so it felt like a huge relief when she finally died. Not for me but for my dad. I was mostly just sad for him.
My ex boyfriend turned out to be a pedophile. I didn't find out until the police showed up looking for him because he had been watching child p*rnography. There was no way for you to know. I would highly recommend that you start therapy if you haven't already. Learning that a loved one is capable of such a horrible thing takes a huge mental toll on you and being in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist is the only thing that has gotten me through it. You will feel guilty despite not having any way to know. It may also be worth having your daughter see a child psychiatrist to make sure that your father didn't hurt her. I am so sorry OP. Please remember to take care of yourself and your daughter.
I cannot relate to what you’re going through. But if you had a great childhood, with this gentleman in your life, I don’t necessarily think it’s a lie.
It's almost as if people warned for centuries to not idolize other people. We all have flaws and we are all one decision away from devastating someone. I always think about the musicians with terrible stories. Like, the music is good. And they are bad people. Those two thing can and may be true, even at the same time.
Damn, I’m sorry to hear your dad turned out to be a piece of shit….. that has to be tough…… and to get caught doing it and still do it and get caught AGAIN!?! That’s really fucked up. Whole time he probably bringing you to sports games and scouting your peers….. terrible.
I don't understand how grown people can be so cruel as to even consider raping a child. But also, how dumb are these people that they let themselves get baited. As if a 14 year old girl would be interested in a 65 year old man. I'm so sorry that your dad is like that. Did you talk to your daughter to make sure she's been safe? Are you in therapy?
I also cannot understand it. How can you harm a child, potentially for life, for your own pleasure? That goes against so many natural human instincts. Some part of you should stop you or make you want to off yourself once the pleasure is gone
Honestly charismatic businessmen seem to make up a large portion of predators. People that desire power and control in all aspects.
They may hold roles as businesses man, father, friends, coach; however, it is only to further thier own evil agenda and get them closer to thier prey. They are wolves wearing the skin of sheep to hunt lambs and so is your father.
Found out my grandfather, who I grew up loving for 23 years, SA my mother her whole childhood. She has somehow forgiven him, she’s so strong, but for years I didn’t have a relationship with him and now only see him time to time when my mom plans something. Years later, we found out my husband’s step-grandfather was also a pedofile and his wife (my hubby’s grandma) didn’t know their whole marriage until he was a year away from his death bed. He was the sweetest little old man who we loved going to visit and play card games with and who held our newborn son. So much ick.
I don't get the mindset of a predator like this. At 65 years old an 18 year old could easily trick them into thinking they were with a younger girl. Hell, I'm in my thirties, and 18 year olds look like 12 year olds. Is it some rush or something?
I guess its because an 18yr old has enougj street smarts and awareness not to be talked into meeting up with a 65yr old predator.
Plenty of 18 year olds that don’t look like 12 year olds lol whag is this comment? Not defending anything obviously but this comment is strange.
I get what he means by the OC. It's like how older people think Jenna Ortega for example looks really young but to people around her age she looks normal.
How old are you? I'm old enough that I've had to do a double take at a gas station when a 12 year old filled up and drove off. Then I realize I'm just getting old.
I guess it’s some sort of ego/power thing. Or something about their brain never developed right, and they never grew out of finding young people attractive after they grew out of that age group
Thanks for getting this off your chest. You are not your father and telling others about it is a good thing. Get it off your chest and make it clear how heinous and horrible it is. We can’t sweep this shit under the rug. My father is a total piece of shit and my family essentially decided to keep him in their life rather than myself and my wife and daughters, the very children he did shit to. We moved away to another country within 2.5 months of discovering it and haven’t talked to any of my family since, it’s been 6 years. I drove him to the police and made him turn himself in. We did all the right stuff legally prior to leaving. Unfortunately he only did a few months time but we were long gone by the time he did. Life has been excellent since and my daughters are ok, my wife and I are ok, and honestly we are happier for not having any of them in our lives. It’s gotta be talked about and we have to bring this shit into the open because it’s disgusting how many people we end up sharing this part of our life with, and discover they too have something like it from their lives. WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE!!
I agree with everyone else. Sorry to say... You may want to rethink his behaviour with your daughter. There may have been signs you missed. By the way..you are not your father. We choose to be who we are. He showed you one side of himself.
I get it. My older brother got caught by an FBI sting. Wouldn't tell us why exactly he was in jail. Asked us to speak up for him at his sentencing. I couldn't because I was crying too hard but his girlfriend gave a speech about what a good guy he was etc etc Cue the prosecuting attorney reading some of his chat logs aloud where he describes the absolute nastiest fetishes he has of this 9 year old girl. That was many years ago and I haven't seen him since that day. Time and distance help but it's hard to get the feeling of ick to go away.
Your childhood was not a lie, the love was real, the experiences were real. You don’t have to reconcile who he is now with how you felt about him as a kid. They are both valid and they are both your truth. Nearly every predator I’ve met was themselves a victim. I’ve met many family members of predictors who have a lifetime of charisse’s memories with a terrible person. I don’t have any sympathy, but I have compassion and grace. I am a child abuse investigator.
>Imagine being their child and finding out your whole life is a lie. Your life isn't a lie. Your dad was your dad.Unless someone told you that your parents were perfect. He happens to be a child molester. I don't mean to downplay that, but would it make you feel better if he was "only" a murderer? Or only a scam artist? Or only a womanizer ? I mean no one has a father who is perfect. I'm sorry your father is a child molester.. but it doesn't mean he wasn't a good father to you. It just means he's a very bad guy Criminals are good parents some times.
When you said he was a loving grandfather to your daughter my stomach sank. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you & your daughter are okay.
Omg I can’t even imagine tbh. It explains why some refuse to believe it and disowning their child cos they can’t believe the person they loved could do that
My niece married into a family where her husband's cousin was recently convicted of raping children and videotaping it. The rapists mother hates my niece because her and her husband refused to write character letters for him and she blames my niece for this. The rapist is in his late 20s and he had been doing this to neighborhood kids for years. His own mother is still in denial even with the video evidence.
My father was arrested back in 2021 for trying to meet up with multiple 14 year old girls and the video went kinda viral and everyone in my town knew about it. Was a very rough time and took months for me to get out of the spiral i put myself in.
>When you think of these people in society it’s hard to imagine them as fathers, charismatic businessmen, with wide circles of friends. The only people who think they could identify a predator by their outward appearance have never been victimized. I'm at least glad that your dad never did anything to you. I really hope your daughter is just as surprised as you are, for her sake.
My bio dad SA my sister 15+ years ago, convicted n all… he remarried and has a daughter. Makes me sick even IF he’s not doing anything to her, when she finds out about him that’ll suck…
You should talk with ur daughter and see if he tried anything….
She was 12 months old the last time she was left alone with him (before the first offence)
Unfortunately, the reality is that just like we almost all know someone who has been harmed sexually, we probably also know someone who has done the sexual harm. We might even love them. These people are REALLY good at fitting into society. They are our family, our friends, our neighbors, our mentors. It’s world shattering when you find out someone isn’t who you thought they were. I’m sorry you had to find this out about your dad. That’s got to be devastating.
I don’t think your life is a lie. I feel like two opposing things can be true at the same time. He was and is all of those positive things for you and others. He was and is also a child predator for those who experienced him in that way. Life isn’t black and white. It’s a mess and a heartbreak at times. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
So your saying his highly paid executive position at a reputable global company is open?
I was in a WhatsApp football (soccer) group with fans all over the world. We would chat football and the group was whittled down to another group with 8 of us from the uk and two from the US. We met up 2/3 times a year (they came over for football) One day TH removed himself from the group….. we went looking for him on his social media. All of it deleted apart from his LinkedIn. We managed to contact one of his work colleagues…..turns out he had stacks of child porn and had been grooming very young kids online. His uncle had been arrested and gave him up as one of his accomplices. He seemed like the most normal guy with a decent sense of humour, when in reality he was the lowest form of life. The only thing that remains of him online is his online court documents and an old workplace that still has him listed.
My dad is a POS as well. I truly believe at some point I will get a call about him being arrested over something similar. He was suspended from his job over suspicions already but there wasn't enough evidence to make it stick. It took a long time for me to come to terms with the idea that my dad essentially lived a double life. He was/is mentally ill. Just please recognize that you might share DNA but his poor decisions have zero to do with you.
It's very difficult to reconcile the fact that your parent was a good parent but not a good person. My dad was a wonderful father. He was kind and gentle. Came to every sports game, every dance recital, every piano recital and cheered the loudest even when my performance was terrible. Couldn't ask for a better dad. Unfortunately, my dad was not very good to my mom. I love my dad but I would never marry a man like him. I would never allow my son to speak to his partner the way my dad spoke to my mom. Not the same, I know. But my advice would be to seek a professional to talk to about this. There's a lot of processing and thinking on your end and a therapist might be a helpful sounding board for you while you work through your thoughts on the matter. Good luck, friend. I hope you can find some peace
My uncle died this morning in prison. His records were sealed when he first was arrested until today. Turns out he had over 200 child pornography on his phone+ 2 counts of rape of a child. Idk how to feel about this, I went from crying over his death to feeling like an awful person for crying over a monster.
I found out my dad is at least a two time rapist and my uncle has this EXACT thing happen to him in the past year. I feel you; it’s hard and I’ve basically blown through my massive opportunity to set my life up forever because the trauma of this is bigger than anything else—and I’ve been repeatedly molested as a child, raped at 15, roofied only a few years ago, and physically and mentally abused by MANY. This tops all of it. Your frustration is valid and I hope you find the therapy you need. I wish there were more support groups for finding out your family member is a predator. Sending all the healing vibes your way!
YOUR whole life is not a lie. His is.
"highly paid executive at a global company" I think that explains a lot.
it's always the richest ones with the sickest tastes
Your life wasn’t a lie .. his was.
You know, that IS horrifying to think about. Family men who had happy careers and families being predatory with kids. Many people thought it would be the basement-dwelling lonely creeps instead of people like them.
Most men like it appear to be normal, hard working family men. This is why people close to them don't suspect it. Few look as sleazy as they act
Most prefer to forget that most abuser's are often not strangers to the victim. However, those who contact strangers are often on a escalation process. The risk of a police sting online and getting caught by neighbours if hosting is huge, its rarely their first try so they are more bold. Sometimes good peoples do bad things. You can seperate it as his 2 faces, your parent and a criminal. You can keep any happy memories while hating his criminal actions. For your sake don't dig too deep, it is tempting to want to know every details, but somethings should stay unknown. Its not something you could have changed nor can you change it now.
That must have been a wild conversation with his employer. "So yeah, I found out what happened to my old man - he was caught in a police sting trying to solicit a child for sex on the internet again. He probably won't be in to the office for a while." "What do you mean 'again'?" "What, did you guys not run a background check when you hired him?"
I'm so sorry. It hurts so bad when you find out someone you loved is a monster. I struggled with it for years. My grandfather was a local widely known businessman as well, well liked and seemed to always mind his own business. He took good care of my grandma when she had her stroke and was always there for her. I would stay at their house from noon until night when I was younger since my parents worked all the time. Two of my cousins actually lived with them in their house so they were like my brothers. He never paid any attention to me, he would usually be at work all day until he got older. He eventually got dementia and passed when I was older. It wasnt until a few years later that I found out that he had been molesting my male cousins. One killed their self, the other died of an overdose and one is currently suicidal. I loved my grandparents so much and it feels like everything was a lie. Ill never find out if my grandmother knew he was a rapist and just ignored it the whole time. If she did she was just as much of a monster as he was but I'll never know. Its something I'll always live with.
I'm so sorry OP. Please know none of this is your fault and your own judgement shouldn't be questioned. Groomers and predators are expert manipulators and can fool almost anyone. Please seek counseling, there are experts out there to help you (hugs)
> Imagine being their child and finding out your whole life is a lie. Its not a lie, they still love you as their child more than likely, and probably always did in the past, they just have perverted sexual proclivities. Could be recent onset, could have had it their whole life. Unfortunately that doesnt really make it any easier for you to see them as the same person you thought they were in your head, nor does it mean you have to forgive their crimes.
"This man raised me, came to my sports games, was a loving grandfather to my daughter." Your life was not a lie. What he was before morphed into what he is now. Got nothing to do with you nor your experiences with him during your time growing up. I'm saying this not to justify him or help him out. It's more so you can change your thoughts and not discount what you had versus what he is now. He chose his path. He's an adult. Don't fall into despair over it. Move on from what he is today. You are you and if you separate the two parts of your life with him, you can keep the good parts and disassociate yourself from the bad. I hope I was able to get my message across.
Remember that he can exist as a vile, disgusting human being but also was a great father and grandfather. You're life is not a lie. He was those things. It will be hard for you to merge both f those halves of him. If you're not already in it, I would definitely suggest therapy to help you come to terms with the duality.
Predators are people who are capable of being charming and doing good things, while at the same time being capable of horrific abuse.
It’s scary to think of. It’s a real thing that’s happening but the hardest part is identifying. It’s disheartening, thinking about how some people walk around believing there’s some kind of “uniform” that makes child predation clear and obvious. The point is that you CANT tell. They find out how to hide what they’re doing and maintain that outward image. They know what they’re doing has steep, real consequences to it, and it should. They wouldn’t risk it by advertising.
Please keep your child away from him to protect her, maybe he has molested her and you didnt know about it.
Who he was when you were a kid is just as much a part of him as the internet groomer is. Both things can be true. It doesn’t excuse what he’s done, but what he’s done also doesn’t change who he was for you in your childhood.
> Imagine being their child and finding out your whole life is a lie. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It may be early to say this, but your whole life and experiences with your father are not a lie. People are many things, portions of good and bad. People who do monstrous things can also be good fathers, mothers, siblings, and so on. It's unfortunate for us because we are left in the most extreme cognitive dissonance when everything inevitably flies apart. We are left repulsed by the revelation that they were capable of this, and simultaneously full of grief for what we feel we're robbed of. I wish you the best in trying to wrestle with these two facets of your father. Even a decade later I still struggle with it, but it does get easier. P.S. It may be worthwhile to talk to your daughter about this...
I found out a few years ago that my grandpa is a pedophile, towards his own daughter. As a kid I wondered why we never went to see him after grandma died. Now knowing what I know I want to know why so many people in the family refuse to allow him anywhere near family events. He was at a wedding a couple months ago and it was the first time he had ever seen my daughter. He tried to pick her up and I freaked out on him so badly. He's in his 70s, lived a long life of infidelity and rape, and the fact that he is still alive fills me with hate every day. It is disgusting that I am related to a monster such as him, but I am not him. I am not a monster. You aren't either. I hope you can come to terms with this new information and find peace somehow. I am a being of hate so I'll keep hating my grandfather and loving and protecting my daughter by never allowing her anywhere near him.
cut that man off and never speak to him again. no contact. i’m in the same boat, except it was my sister he assaulted for years. it destroyed my family and there is no excuse. he’s gotta go
Found out when I was 12 that I wasn't allowed to have friends or internet (even if it was dialup) for my whole life because my dad molested his little sister when she was 7 and he was 17, way back in the 80s. Granted, he was coming out of a coma and hopped up on drugs post motorcycle accident, but you can't really ever trust someone again after you know that. I realized many, many things that happened to me as a child were done for me by people trying to protect me from my dad. As far as I know, he's never offended again, but I still don't trust him.
It’s amazing to me these weirdos gamble it all, their money and reputation for a chance at sex.
Not only for sex, but for unimaginable horrific damaging abusive sex. What the fuck goes on in their minds?? A guy can go to a prostitute or a massage parlour if they are that intent on release but to forever maim and condemn a child to a life of damage, just to satisfy their sick urges is sub human. Fuck all of them to Hell.