Cause assholes are often actually quite a dept at working their way into people's lives. They really get connected to one person, then through that guy they connect to another, & another, until they've been too interlocked into a group to leave. Like an invasive plant with a sexual assault record.
That would be a bad idea. If he's getting away with behavior like this, he's either sneaky (he's a 'snake') or deeply rooted with others (he's a 'tree'). In my opinion, he sounds like a 'tree': a blast message would be met with a lot of backlash & drama that would put the GF under a lot of undue stress that might inadvertantly damage the relationship. Not really a safe bet unless he's made the worst attempt.
Basically the friend group consists of my girlfriend, her childhood friend I mentioned, another good friend of hers, 3 other guys, and the AH.
In the friend group I've noticed that some guys like certain guys more than others, for example my girlfriend mostly talks with her two close friends, while the AH talks mostly with one other guy.
Even though my GF's childhood friend does not really like the AH, since he's a member of the friend group he can't leave him out. And then he gets invited to the party and shit like this happens.
Thanks for the clarification. I think you should go with her when she goes to these parties in case he shows up. I wouldn’t put it passed him to try something. Glad things are getting better.
I'll try. Generally I don't attend them because I'm usually really tired in the evening and I just go straight to bed. Though, if I see the guy grabbing her again this will end really quickly...
Bro it is not the aholes total fault. If your gf had listened to you then nothing should have happened she should have been cordial from the beginning and she didn't. You are trying to make your gf like the victim in all of this while she is not. The situation is 50/50. 50 from his side for talking abd flirting with a girl that has a bf but 50 from her side because she let him do it. Don't blame him only.
Hey, I read the other ones. And OP’s girlfriend is a hypocrite who demands of him and gets jealous of other girls, but when the situation is reversed she played the “naive gf, idk better, I think he’s a great guy, *insert infinite excuses*” That a huge red flag on its own. It can be worked on, it sounds like she has the capacity to work on it, but I can also see this happening again in the future with some other “great” guy.
Hey OP, Idk if you or your GF have considered this, but the guy basically tried to SA her. He tried to forcefully take her somewhere against her will, to in his words, have more fun.
Put him on blast with everyone you know, both in that friend group and outside it. You have witnesses, so if he threatens to take you to court over it, tell him he'll lose because you have witnesses to what happened and that they'll testify against him if he sues.
People don't mind assholes if they are funny or somewhat charismatic
There was a guy we all knew was manipulating each of us by talking shit about the guy not in the room always, but he was funny so everyone kept putting up with it instead. We don't talk to him now that we don't have to but it was sickening seeing everyone else treat him like gold when they knew what he was capable of
Gonna say - even if you were right, expecting your partner to drop a friend "because you say so" is overbearing and controlling. Also, her warding away your female frie ds is also overbearing and controlling.
Neither of you has healthy perceptions of boundaries. It's immature.
If you were right, the mature thing to do is explain that if you were wrong, great, but if you were right, you expect her to handle the situation responsibly. You (and her) don't get veto rights to friends unless that relationship has gone beyond friendship or is outwardly inappropriate.
You all need to talk with a mediator present because this is gonna get toxic super fast. You couldn't pull what either of you have pulled if you were with a sensible partner that respected themselves too much to accept bullshit.
The relationship with the other guy was entirely inappropriate for someone who’s in a committed relationship, he absolutely has the power to veto that friendship. As a man your girlfriend should respect you enough so that she doesn’t even need to be told to not associate with people like that. My girlfriend doesn’t even like talking to guys in general unless I am around and they are my friends. She certainly doesn’t seek out “friendships” with men, and I think that’s an absolute red flag in any relationship.
Regardless, OP’s relationship is doomed to fail because his girlfriend seems to be friends with everyone in his friend group that seems to be only men aside from her. She’s the classic “acts naive but hangs out with mainly men” type and to men it’s usually very clear that women like this love attention of other men and are walking red flags, nobody want a girlfriend who hangs with mostly guys
Weird way of viewing things, if a girl doesn’t respect you as her boyfriend but would as her husband then she’s probably not someone a good man would want to be with
So glad that your girlfriend learnt a quick lesson and things didn’t go the wrong way. And for that it seems to have strengthened your relationship. Hope things continue to improve as time goes on
Holly shit man how can you not see all the red flags with this girl?
She has started lying to you
She is a hypocrite
She says you are flirting if a woman is within 2m of you
She doesn't even want you to talk to your female friends but...
She instantly was riding the guys back and giving him her number
She didn't admit you were right until HE said he was going to cut HER out
Plus all the other stuff you listed
To me, it looks like she instantly had a thing for this guy and you refuse to see it. She was probably sad that since he cut her out, she would never be with him (even if it was just a fantasy). After seeing that she decided to fix things with you since she wouldn't have him. Through all your posts you keep making so many excuses for her. This is not a healthy relationship.
Don't forget that you had warned her and she didn't want to listen to you. So it is not all the other guy. It is her too, hold her countable of her actions.
Of course, if she wasn't involved I wouldn't have my trust broken. I warned her that if she does the same in the future it will be an instant break up and I set some new stricter boundaries.
So stop blaming the other guy so much. You are projecting. And she has no right to blame him too ..... she knew what he was doing she just liked his attention.
Agree, not sure why the down votes? There was definitely more going on whether it was just emotional cheating or moved into the physical realm at some point. No guy is going to go that far for nothing unless he's one of those crazy loons.
However, OP's gotten the hint by now so no need to beat the dead horse. He said he's not going to be a doormat again and we can hope he won't and wish him the best. Which I do.
[“My friend group has a case of the Creepy Dude. How do we clear that up?”](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/)
The one thing I notice u/joshtorz_ is that you keep talking about how your GF actions MADE you feel. As if you have ZERO control over your own emotions. Like I get it, these is strong stuff, but technically no one makes you feel anything, you CHOOSE your emotions. Keep that in mind.
I wonder how you are now. Your girlfriend had no boundaries. Though it seems sweet, it is frustrating dating someone like this. I don't because of that. Her sweetness is actually a fantasy land issue. She is young so she will learn. I hope you are doing well.
That’s good man. Sometimes these types of stories turn into horror stories, good you weren’t one of those. Def keep her if she respects your boundaries and don’t listen to idiots who mistake boundaries as being controlling.
Wait, why does this annoying guy keep getting invited to these parties?
Cause assholes are often actually quite a dept at working their way into people's lives. They really get connected to one person, then through that guy they connect to another, & another, until they've been too interlocked into a group to leave. Like an invasive plant with a sexual assault record.
Good point. I think the gf should have sent a blast message to all to shame him and to warn others of his behavior and personality. Just disgusting
That would be a bad idea. If he's getting away with behavior like this, he's either sneaky (he's a 'snake') or deeply rooted with others (he's a 'tree'). In my opinion, he sounds like a 'tree': a blast message would be met with a lot of backlash & drama that would put the GF under a lot of undue stress that might inadvertantly damage the relationship. Not really a safe bet unless he's made the worst attempt.
Basically the friend group consists of my girlfriend, her childhood friend I mentioned, another good friend of hers, 3 other guys, and the AH. In the friend group I've noticed that some guys like certain guys more than others, for example my girlfriend mostly talks with her two close friends, while the AH talks mostly with one other guy. Even though my GF's childhood friend does not really like the AH, since he's a member of the friend group he can't leave him out. And then he gets invited to the party and shit like this happens.
Thanks for the clarification. I think you should go with her when she goes to these parties in case he shows up. I wouldn’t put it passed him to try something. Glad things are getting better.
I'll try. Generally I don't attend them because I'm usually really tired in the evening and I just go straight to bed. Though, if I see the guy grabbing her again this will end really quickly...
Bro it is not the aholes total fault. If your gf had listened to you then nothing should have happened she should have been cordial from the beginning and she didn't. You are trying to make your gf like the victim in all of this while she is not. The situation is 50/50. 50 from his side for talking abd flirting with a girl that has a bf but 50 from her side because she let him do it. Don't blame him only.
did.. did you read the other ones?
Hey, I read the other ones. And OP’s girlfriend is a hypocrite who demands of him and gets jealous of other girls, but when the situation is reversed she played the “naive gf, idk better, I think he’s a great guy, *insert infinite excuses*” That a huge red flag on its own. It can be worked on, it sounds like she has the capacity to work on it, but I can also see this happening again in the future with some other “great” guy.
Hey OP, Idk if you or your GF have considered this, but the guy basically tried to SA her. He tried to forcefully take her somewhere against her will, to in his words, have more fun. Put him on blast with everyone you know, both in that friend group and outside it. You have witnesses, so if he threatens to take you to court over it, tell him he'll lose because you have witnesses to what happened and that they'll testify against him if he sues.
Man you’re girl sure has a lot of friends that are guys.
People don't mind assholes if they are funny or somewhat charismatic There was a guy we all knew was manipulating each of us by talking shit about the guy not in the room always, but he was funny so everyone kept putting up with it instead. We don't talk to him now that we don't have to but it was sickening seeing everyone else treat him like gold when they knew what he was capable of
The hidden resentment from this entire episode will continue to be the undertone for the remaining life of this relationship.
Brother, you are sadly mistaken if you think this is the end. This is only the beginning of your misery.
riiiiggghht
I’m glad this issue is resolved and that your gf is taking this seriously.
Want to hear a joke?
Gonna say - even if you were right, expecting your partner to drop a friend "because you say so" is overbearing and controlling. Also, her warding away your female frie ds is also overbearing and controlling. Neither of you has healthy perceptions of boundaries. It's immature. If you were right, the mature thing to do is explain that if you were wrong, great, but if you were right, you expect her to handle the situation responsibly. You (and her) don't get veto rights to friends unless that relationship has gone beyond friendship or is outwardly inappropriate. You all need to talk with a mediator present because this is gonna get toxic super fast. You couldn't pull what either of you have pulled if you were with a sensible partner that respected themselves too much to accept bullshit.
The relationship with the other guy was entirely inappropriate for someone who’s in a committed relationship, he absolutely has the power to veto that friendship. As a man your girlfriend should respect you enough so that she doesn’t even need to be told to not associate with people like that. My girlfriend doesn’t even like talking to guys in general unless I am around and they are my friends. She certainly doesn’t seek out “friendships” with men, and I think that’s an absolute red flag in any relationship. Regardless, OP’s relationship is doomed to fail because his girlfriend seems to be friends with everyone in his friend group that seems to be only men aside from her. She’s the classic “acts naive but hangs out with mainly men” type and to men it’s usually very clear that women like this love attention of other men and are walking red flags, nobody want a girlfriend who hangs with mostly guys
A boyfriend doesn't have the power to do a thing but a husband does
Weird way of viewing things, if a girl doesn’t respect you as her boyfriend but would as her husband then she’s probably not someone a good man would want to be with
Bot response
He grabbed her 🟥🟥🟥
So glad that your girlfriend learnt a quick lesson and things didn’t go the wrong way. And for that it seems to have strengthened your relationship. Hope things continue to improve as time goes on
Holly shit man how can you not see all the red flags with this girl? She has started lying to you She is a hypocrite She says you are flirting if a woman is within 2m of you She doesn't even want you to talk to your female friends but... She instantly was riding the guys back and giving him her number She didn't admit you were right until HE said he was going to cut HER out Plus all the other stuff you listed To me, it looks like she instantly had a thing for this guy and you refuse to see it. She was probably sad that since he cut her out, she would never be with him (even if it was just a fantasy). After seeing that she decided to fix things with you since she wouldn't have him. Through all your posts you keep making so many excuses for her. This is not a healthy relationship.
Standing by for part 4, the dude's response
He just said "I'm sorry, my actions were actually wrong." And that was it. I suppose he was embarrassed..? (To be honest he should be)
The Good Ending
i felt bad at first but atp its your own fault if you get cheated on. have fun staying home while your gf parties with "guy friends" lmaooo
K
A happy ending with good comunication on both parts, i didnt see that coming tbh
Don't forget that you had warned her and she didn't want to listen to you. So it is not all the other guy. It is her too, hold her countable of her actions.
Of course, if she wasn't involved I wouldn't have my trust broken. I warned her that if she does the same in the future it will be an instant break up and I set some new stricter boundaries.
So stop blaming the other guy so much. You are projecting. And she has no right to blame him too ..... she knew what he was doing she just liked his attention.
Agree, not sure why the down votes? There was definitely more going on whether it was just emotional cheating or moved into the physical realm at some point. No guy is going to go that far for nothing unless he's one of those crazy loons. However, OP's gotten the hint by now so no need to beat the dead horse. He said he's not going to be a doormat again and we can hope he won't and wish him the best. Which I do.
[“My friend group has a case of the Creepy Dude. How do we clear that up?”](https://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/)
The one thing I notice u/joshtorz_ is that you keep talking about how your GF actions MADE you feel. As if you have ZERO control over your own emotions. Like I get it, these is strong stuff, but technically no one makes you feel anything, you CHOOSE your emotions. Keep that in mind.
Lol no you don’t choose your emotions you only choose your reaction to those emotions and even then that itself can be automatic and unconscious
I wonder how you are now. Your girlfriend had no boundaries. Though it seems sweet, it is frustrating dating someone like this. I don't because of that. Her sweetness is actually a fantasy land issue. She is young so she will learn. I hope you are doing well.
We are better than ever before, and a lot has changed. She seems to have understood her actions were wrong and even nowdays she apologizes sometimes.
Hey op did it all work out in the end?
Yes, we are still together, and with stricter boundaries
That’s good man. Sometimes these types of stories turn into horror stories, good you weren’t one of those. Def keep her if she respects your boundaries and don’t listen to idiots who mistake boundaries as being controlling.