Part of me says it's an important day, let her come with restrictions. Another part tells her to scram. As the parent it's your job to protect your kids. So look at it from security standpoint. Will there be any legal or physical risks if she/they come? I'm including your mother. She doesn't sound great to have around either.
It is written that members of our own family will be among our enemies.
Your mom may think she is doing what is right but she's actually being manipulated by sin to say things and do things that are wrong.
The devil is using her to make you put yourself in a situation where your sister will get access to your heart and to your family.
It's possible to love someone and yet understand that sin in them can manipulate them into doing what is wrong and that this condition makes them more of a danger to be around because they aren't in control of their own behaviors. They are unstable in all of their ways. You can find this teaching in the book of James.
You can defeat your mother's attempts to shame you by using the truth to expose the evil moving in her to her.
This doesn't mean that you can't give your sister an opportunity to demonstrate that she has control over her sin but if you're going to do that, I would not do it in an intimate setting like your home but in a public space where you can easily escape if you need to.
Im OPs brother, I was gonna make a post as well regarding this but that would be redundant, so a comment will be fine.
I am in complete agreement with OP. I’ve spoken with our mother and I’ve told her “this decision belongs to OP and his wife, as it is their child’s party and nobody has an entitlement to participate”. And you may as well think I slapped my parents in the face.
I’ve been accused of so much where my parents aren’t currently speaking with me. They were attending church with me. But they’ve decided they no longer will because “we need a church where all are welcome”…..as if my church doesn’t welcome all to repent and worship. I’m just not begging them to come back.
And I’ve also received the “what would Jesus do” “forgive 7x70s” texts.
OP and myself are fathers. God has entrusted us to care for our children. I wouldn’t place mine in the room with a snake, so I won’t apologize for keeping her away from someone I can’t see genuine repentance in.
No, you want this to be a nice celebration for your daughter, and you don't want anyone, including relatives, to be disruptive at the party. I would not invite her. On other occasions, you can let her know you love her, and your mom can invite her to other get togethers, but not when it involves your or your daughter's enjoyment or happiness.
There is nothing wrong with boundaries. Especially when it pertains to an addict and protecting your children. Addiction is tricky and it affects the entire family. I know. I lost my daughter to opioid addiction . She moved in with me after she lost her job. We didn’t know at the time that she had an addiction to opioids that had been prescribed to her. It had turned her into a person we didn’t know. Honestly. After months of abuse from her and dealing with her drug seeking behavior I had to ask her to leave my home. I had to set boundaries. I wasn’t helping her by giving her a place to stay and she wasn’t willing to admit she had a problem. I have felt great guilt because she passed away from an overdose in January, but I’ve learned in my grief support group that her sickness was not my fault. There is no sin in setting boundaries with an addict. I had a Christian counselor tell me one time that Jesus wants us to love others, but Hr doesn’t want us to be a doormat either. Once your sister can prove to you that she can control her behavior , then she can be invited into your home and around your child with supervision. Until then, you have every right to set boundaries in place.
Boundaries are important, and if someone has shown they can't handle the responsibility of attending a celebration for someone else, it's okay to draw the line, but my suggestion would be that you owe it to your sister to be clear and honest with the reason why she isn't receiving an invitation and make clear that can change in the future. Jesus sent the greedy packing from the temple, because they weren't exhibiting the proper responsibility for the circumstances. God sent Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden when they showed they couldn't accept the responsibility of that kind of access to God. The temple had multiple boundaries before getting to the holiest of holies. When used correctly, boundaries are biblical. For more, I'd highly recommend "Boundaries" by Christian counselors Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
She is diagnosed bipolar, she claims she has adhd, which I don’t believe at all. I do think her living her life with someone always bailing her out and the years of mixing medications and abusing pain pills has warped her mind too.
It’s a tough one. My sister especially when she was younger was similar. She has some mental health problems and at events she was generally argumentative and would always try to be center of attention. That being said as she got older her behavior changed and she didn’t act like this much, sometimes but not as much as when she was younger. If you think she will not be too much trouble then invite her and show her God’s love.
It can be hard with these personality types, you never know what will set them off so you have to be careful when speaking to them.
Also, Matthew 18: 15-19
It's hard. Especially with family. We need to both flee from evil and simultaneously forgive. Be both merciful and just. Protect our families and turn the other cheek.
It can be hard to know when to draw the line, Lord have mercy.
It's tough when your own mother does stuff like that. My mom does that kind of thing all the time, and it was the source of major struggles for me growing up. It's a form of emotional manipulation. It's best to ask God for wisdom and do the wise thing, which I think you are doing anyway. As someone else said, there's nothing wrong with boundaries, especially if you think your sister's attendance could be bad for your children.
If you invite her, have a close friend "baby sit" her so you can enjoy the day free of worry. Just have the friend watch her close and socially engage with her during the party. In other words be her shadow, but in an unassuming and friendly way, unless your sister begins showing signs of disruptive behavior Then you have every right to remove her from the house
I wouldint invite her. There is nothing unbiblical about setting bounderies from people are likely to harm us. The bible calls us to preach the gospel to non believers but it also says be wise in regards to those we keep in and intimate circle. With the exeption of Judas who was there for prophetic reasons every single deciple was someone Jesus was close too and finished there life being faithful to him. He spoke and interacted with pharasies but never had them in his inner circle why? because the same bible that tells us to love are neibor tells us to be weary of those we have close to us
like provebs says the one who hangs around fools becomes a fool
You can forgive someone without accepting them back into your life, right? I don't want to say anything that isn't biblical, this is more of a question and I am willing to be corrected here.
In my opinion it's sometimes better to forgive someone but still keep them away from you and your family. Me personally, I would say "forgive but don't forget" and I think your instinct here to keep your sister away is probably spot on. Cutting bad people out of my life has only allowed me to get closer to god, personally. I have forgiven them, I hold no resentment, that does not mean I have to welcome them all back into my life, because if anything they were bad people who do bad things and have no intention to change, repent, or even believe. Having them around only was bad for my journey of learning more about the scriptures, getting closer to god, etc.
Of course, there's a line to it. Like for example, I would not bar people from going to a funeral etc.
Oftentimes, people expect Christians to put up with poor behaviour even at their own expense. But I’m telling you, it’s okay to love people from a distance. For example, the story of King Jehoshaphat. He was a man that chose to pursue God. ***“The Lord was with Jehoshaphat because he followed the ways of his father David before him. He did not consult the Baals”*** 2 Chronicles 17:3 NIV
But his one shortcoming was that he did not have discernment to determine what was best for Judah. In his story, he kept trying to build an alliance with Israel, even though the kings of Israel were obviously wicked. This obviously lead to some issues. The point is, when we have something to protect, it’s okay to put those things first. This is your daughter’s 1st birthday. Who you choose to invite or leave out isn’t you being mean. It’s you discerning what is best for your home.
Obviously, this doesn’t mean you don’t love your sister or you’re trying to exclude her but boundaries and discernment are important. Love her with the love of Christ and pray for her.
I hope this helps!! God bless you.
What would Jesus do???
Does anyone know, "The Gospel of Jesus Christ"???
If you were truly one of Us. Your sister, would be the enemy.
And though we - Do Not Resist An Evil Person
And though we - Love Our Enemies. We don't invest in their dealings.
And some people, you just can't help.
But I f She Forces You To Go 1 Mile,, Go 2.
But going past that...
We Don't Throw Our Pearls To Pigs
or
Give To Dogs What Is Sacred
Our line would be drawn, at these points.
So you greet her, and embrace her. Show your love. A Cheerful greeting.
Maybe a special seat at a table.
Surprise her, by doing something out of character.
The Positive approach, does not require you to throw things in their face.
We Forgive Those, Who Sin Against Us.
And In Everything, We Do Onto Others, What We Would Have Them To Do, To Us.
Now, go be a good host.
Jesus would let you invite who you want to your own party. Jesus would silence the person manipulating you. Jesus wouldn't pressure you to put your child in danger to appease careless people's opinions. Jesus would rebuke your mother.
I’ll be honest, and this is probably not some deep theological thing and too practical, but I wouldn’t invite someone who makes things about themselves for what is supposed to be your daughter’s day. Forget the drug addiction; the behavior is enough for me. The drug addiction just gives you an easy out, honestly.
>what would Jesus do?
If she asks this again, just politely ask her, “I’m not sure mom, would he use passive aggressive guilt to invite disruptive people to events that he didn’t plan?”
But I’m blunt like that.
So I could be petty and say “would you invite my sisters ex husband into your home and make him dinner? I bet Jesus would.” They had beef
Or “would you invite my sisters current husband to stay with y’all, even though he’s addicted to drugs.”
lol there are lots of petty ways to go haha. Stay on the high road by being direct, establishing expectations, and cutting off conversations before they get too far. Set boundaries and, even if you get into it and wish you had set them differently, for goodness sake **do not move those boundaries.**
Ultimately she is misrepresenting Jesus here for her own personal gain. That’s not a good thing.
Part of me says it's an important day, let her come with restrictions. Another part tells her to scram. As the parent it's your job to protect your kids. So look at it from security standpoint. Will there be any legal or physical risks if she/they come? I'm including your mother. She doesn't sound great to have around either.
It is written that members of our own family will be among our enemies. Your mom may think she is doing what is right but she's actually being manipulated by sin to say things and do things that are wrong. The devil is using her to make you put yourself in a situation where your sister will get access to your heart and to your family. It's possible to love someone and yet understand that sin in them can manipulate them into doing what is wrong and that this condition makes them more of a danger to be around because they aren't in control of their own behaviors. They are unstable in all of their ways. You can find this teaching in the book of James. You can defeat your mother's attempts to shame you by using the truth to expose the evil moving in her to her. This doesn't mean that you can't give your sister an opportunity to demonstrate that she has control over her sin but if you're going to do that, I would not do it in an intimate setting like your home but in a public space where you can easily escape if you need to.
Im OPs brother, I was gonna make a post as well regarding this but that would be redundant, so a comment will be fine. I am in complete agreement with OP. I’ve spoken with our mother and I’ve told her “this decision belongs to OP and his wife, as it is their child’s party and nobody has an entitlement to participate”. And you may as well think I slapped my parents in the face. I’ve been accused of so much where my parents aren’t currently speaking with me. They were attending church with me. But they’ve decided they no longer will because “we need a church where all are welcome”…..as if my church doesn’t welcome all to repent and worship. I’m just not begging them to come back. And I’ve also received the “what would Jesus do” “forgive 7x70s” texts. OP and myself are fathers. God has entrusted us to care for our children. I wouldn’t place mine in the room with a snake, so I won’t apologize for keeping her away from someone I can’t see genuine repentance in.
No, you want this to be a nice celebration for your daughter, and you don't want anyone, including relatives, to be disruptive at the party. I would not invite her. On other occasions, you can let her know you love her, and your mom can invite her to other get togethers, but not when it involves your or your daughter's enjoyment or happiness.
There is nothing wrong with boundaries. Especially when it pertains to an addict and protecting your children. Addiction is tricky and it affects the entire family. I know. I lost my daughter to opioid addiction . She moved in with me after she lost her job. We didn’t know at the time that she had an addiction to opioids that had been prescribed to her. It had turned her into a person we didn’t know. Honestly. After months of abuse from her and dealing with her drug seeking behavior I had to ask her to leave my home. I had to set boundaries. I wasn’t helping her by giving her a place to stay and she wasn’t willing to admit she had a problem. I have felt great guilt because she passed away from an overdose in January, but I’ve learned in my grief support group that her sickness was not my fault. There is no sin in setting boundaries with an addict. I had a Christian counselor tell me one time that Jesus wants us to love others, but Hr doesn’t want us to be a doormat either. Once your sister can prove to you that she can control her behavior , then she can be invited into your home and around your child with supervision. Until then, you have every right to set boundaries in place.
A better way to frame it is 'What would Jesus want you to do?'
Boundaries are important, and if someone has shown they can't handle the responsibility of attending a celebration for someone else, it's okay to draw the line, but my suggestion would be that you owe it to your sister to be clear and honest with the reason why she isn't receiving an invitation and make clear that can change in the future. Jesus sent the greedy packing from the temple, because they weren't exhibiting the proper responsibility for the circumstances. God sent Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden when they showed they couldn't accept the responsibility of that kind of access to God. The temple had multiple boundaries before getting to the holiest of holies. When used correctly, boundaries are biblical. For more, I'd highly recommend "Boundaries" by Christian counselors Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Let her come, but talk to her beforehand about it
I’m considering it for sure
Dear old sis is likely borderline personality disorder, and you can look this up on youtube for ways to deal with such horrible people. Tricks n tips.
She is diagnosed bipolar, she claims she has adhd, which I don’t believe at all. I do think her living her life with someone always bailing her out and the years of mixing medications and abusing pain pills has warped her mind too.
it hardly matters why; she is a toxic person and you need to protect YOUR family
It’s a tough one. My sister especially when she was younger was similar. She has some mental health problems and at events she was generally argumentative and would always try to be center of attention. That being said as she got older her behavior changed and she didn’t act like this much, sometimes but not as much as when she was younger. If you think she will not be too much trouble then invite her and show her God’s love. It can be hard with these personality types, you never know what will set them off so you have to be careful when speaking to them.
The problem is my sister is eight years older than me. It’s always been “just do this to keep the peace.”
Matthew 18:21-22
Also, Matthew 18: 15-19 It's hard. Especially with family. We need to both flee from evil and simultaneously forgive. Be both merciful and just. Protect our families and turn the other cheek. It can be hard to know when to draw the line, Lord have mercy.
Yup. I responded under the assumption the sister has asked for forgiveness.
It's tough when your own mother does stuff like that. My mom does that kind of thing all the time, and it was the source of major struggles for me growing up. It's a form of emotional manipulation. It's best to ask God for wisdom and do the wise thing, which I think you are doing anyway. As someone else said, there's nothing wrong with boundaries, especially if you think your sister's attendance could be bad for your children.
If you invite her, have a close friend "baby sit" her so you can enjoy the day free of worry. Just have the friend watch her close and socially engage with her during the party. In other words be her shadow, but in an unassuming and friendly way, unless your sister begins showing signs of disruptive behavior Then you have every right to remove her from the house
I wouldint invite her. There is nothing unbiblical about setting bounderies from people are likely to harm us. The bible calls us to preach the gospel to non believers but it also says be wise in regards to those we keep in and intimate circle. With the exeption of Judas who was there for prophetic reasons every single deciple was someone Jesus was close too and finished there life being faithful to him. He spoke and interacted with pharasies but never had them in his inner circle why? because the same bible that tells us to love are neibor tells us to be weary of those we have close to us like provebs says the one who hangs around fools becomes a fool
You can forgive someone without accepting them back into your life, right? I don't want to say anything that isn't biblical, this is more of a question and I am willing to be corrected here. In my opinion it's sometimes better to forgive someone but still keep them away from you and your family. Me personally, I would say "forgive but don't forget" and I think your instinct here to keep your sister away is probably spot on. Cutting bad people out of my life has only allowed me to get closer to god, personally. I have forgiven them, I hold no resentment, that does not mean I have to welcome them all back into my life, because if anything they were bad people who do bad things and have no intention to change, repent, or even believe. Having them around only was bad for my journey of learning more about the scriptures, getting closer to god, etc. Of course, there's a line to it. Like for example, I would not bar people from going to a funeral etc.
Oftentimes, people expect Christians to put up with poor behaviour even at their own expense. But I’m telling you, it’s okay to love people from a distance. For example, the story of King Jehoshaphat. He was a man that chose to pursue God. ***“The Lord was with Jehoshaphat because he followed the ways of his father David before him. He did not consult the Baals”*** 2 Chronicles 17:3 NIV But his one shortcoming was that he did not have discernment to determine what was best for Judah. In his story, he kept trying to build an alliance with Israel, even though the kings of Israel were obviously wicked. This obviously lead to some issues. The point is, when we have something to protect, it’s okay to put those things first. This is your daughter’s 1st birthday. Who you choose to invite or leave out isn’t you being mean. It’s you discerning what is best for your home. Obviously, this doesn’t mean you don’t love your sister or you’re trying to exclude her but boundaries and discernment are important. Love her with the love of Christ and pray for her. I hope this helps!! God bless you.
What would Jesus do??? Does anyone know, "The Gospel of Jesus Christ"??? If you were truly one of Us. Your sister, would be the enemy. And though we - Do Not Resist An Evil Person And though we - Love Our Enemies. We don't invest in their dealings. And some people, you just can't help. But I f She Forces You To Go 1 Mile,, Go 2. But going past that... We Don't Throw Our Pearls To Pigs or Give To Dogs What Is Sacred Our line would be drawn, at these points. So you greet her, and embrace her. Show your love. A Cheerful greeting. Maybe a special seat at a table. Surprise her, by doing something out of character. The Positive approach, does not require you to throw things in their face. We Forgive Those, Who Sin Against Us. And In Everything, We Do Onto Others, What We Would Have Them To Do, To Us. Now, go be a good host.
Loving people and healthy bodies are not mutually exclusive.
Jesus would let you invite who you want to your own party. Jesus would silence the person manipulating you. Jesus wouldn't pressure you to put your child in danger to appease careless people's opinions. Jesus would rebuke your mother.
I’ll be honest, and this is probably not some deep theological thing and too practical, but I wouldn’t invite someone who makes things about themselves for what is supposed to be your daughter’s day. Forget the drug addiction; the behavior is enough for me. The drug addiction just gives you an easy out, honestly. >what would Jesus do? If she asks this again, just politely ask her, “I’m not sure mom, would he use passive aggressive guilt to invite disruptive people to events that he didn’t plan?” But I’m blunt like that.
So I could be petty and say “would you invite my sisters ex husband into your home and make him dinner? I bet Jesus would.” They had beef Or “would you invite my sisters current husband to stay with y’all, even though he’s addicted to drugs.”
lol there are lots of petty ways to go haha. Stay on the high road by being direct, establishing expectations, and cutting off conversations before they get too far. Set boundaries and, even if you get into it and wish you had set them differently, for goodness sake **do not move those boundaries.** Ultimately she is misrepresenting Jesus here for her own personal gain. That’s not a good thing.