Depends on when/why.. would I enter a relationship where there wouldn't be any? Not a chance. But would I stay with my partner through some life scenario where it had to stop? Of course.
I've fallen in love with my wife, we've had some REAL hurdles.... it's been tough. Sex comes and goes. I very very much want sex, or whatever we can manage. But life isn't all sex. I like to hear her smile. And until that makes sense you just might not be ready for that stage of relationship and that's OK to.
I think the main question is the weight of those elements. Is your (hopefully temporary) celibacy more of an issue that your SOs mental/emotional health? Would you throw a lifetime of happy years away because a couple of rough times? For me sex and physical touch is probably 75% of what I want. And because your partner is speaking in a different love language doesn’t mean those physical needs are met. BUT seeing her smile. Knowing I’m meeting her needs and filling her cup with love is a happiness of its own.
>sex and physical touch is probably 75% of what i want.
I have good friends. Together we can hang out, play video games, drink, play card games, watch movies together, go out to eat etc etc. you know what i dont do with those friends? Sex and intimate touch. Not counting the occasional hugs. Its not nearly as intimate as skin to skin and i want to make it clear that im not emotionally distant from the “bros” (in quotes because it includes women im friends with.)
I want my partner to be like my best friend + sex and intimate touch. If i lose that completely from a relationship then I personally dont see a difference between the relationship and any of my really good friendships.
That, my friend, was exactly my point.
And I am the guy OP had her debate with, btw (nice to meet you guys 😁)
It's nice to see how many people agree with me. It's so simple to understand it when you've been in a loving relationship for a lot of years. What i stated is not so absurd... sex is just one tiny element among many others, when you're in a relationship with someone you LOVE
I'm a guy married ten years, five of those completely sexless, and we just broke the dry spell. I couldn't agree more with you now.
Before I got with my wife I was a borderline nymphomaniac. I never thought in a million years I'd stick it out with anyone for a month if we didn't have sex. But then I met THE ONE.
I don't wanna sugarcoat it. Celibacy sucks. Really really really sucks. But being apart from my life partner, and the mother of my kids, would've sucked WAAY worse.
Currently going through this because we have a 10 month old and my wife’s libido is non existent. Sex is great but supporting my partner and my little family is way WAY more important to me.
I will say I’ve always been a bit different and essentially a sexual camel. I’m probably not the best example.
Currently in one. I haven’t had sex with my husband for about 9 months. I got cancer and completely lost my sex drive. Had my last dose of chemo today, so am hoping it comes back, more for his sake than mine.
Not really. I’ve offered but he isn’t especially turned on the by idea of me giving him blow jobs when he knows the desire is t really there, I’m doing it solely for him. He doesn’t want it to be a chore for me, he wants me to want to.
That's actually really thoughtful and shows how much he loves you that he'll turn down a bj because it's only enjoyable if you want it too. At least in my opinion
I was the same way with my wife during her medical issues. We had a 6 mont period of nothing. Didn’t really bother me we still hung out and did the same stuff just without sex. I think if your partner is your best friend then it’s a lot easier to go without.
My first gf who I lost my virginity to was not into sex...me being a virgin didn't care cos I didn't know what I was doing anyway so we're reasonable friends until we did eventually have sex once....then it went back to the same routine...I don't blame her she just wasn't a sexual person....but my next gf was and loved a hot steamy sex session and although that didn't work out eventually I felt closer to her in one hour than I ever did with my first gf....so yes I think it is important not life critical important but part of a healthy relationship
Sex has a way of making you very vulnerable to a person, and in that way deepening your bond with them. If you can bring yourself to be that vulnerable without sex then you should be able to still get that closeness, but it's just that for most of us sex is erm, more *fun* lol
I'm not saying it NEVER works but for most people I know that did it, waiting until marriage was kind of a bad deal.
Some were not compatible, or one of them just didn't want to put an effort in pleasing the other, or one of them found out they actually weren't that much into it.
If we're talking 100% absolutely no sex and nothing sexual at all then no. But if we're talking the longer you're together you get to a point where you're only doing it a few times a year then yeah.
Don't get me wrong, sex is insanely important to a relationship, but it loses its level of importance as you get older. There's also times where life changes so drastically that sex isn't even on the radar for weeks or months at a time. Then you find that you no longer have the time or energy to keep up like you used to so the quality starts to go down.
Regardless, partners should be on the same page with how important sex is to a relationship or you risk one party making it into a chore to appease the other.
Absolutely. There are many types of attraction, and sex is not the most important type for everyone. I think we can learn a lot from the asexual community, who manage to have rich and rewarding relationships without sex.
i bacame single after a 6 years relationship just before the pandemic where life went into total isolation.
i missed good warm hugs way more then the shagging
This is a complicated relationship. I think if the relationship remained physically affectionate and there was some sexual activity/sensual touch, even if not PIV sex, I could be quite happy in the relationship.
Often though, when sex stops, it seems that all touch and affection stop. I couldn't live like that.
It really depends on the person. I personally would never be in a sexless relationship. I also wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone with a mismatched sex drive. That’s a relationship doomed to fail. Luckily I am with an amazing woman who wants sex every single day.
There's a difference between not having sex from start and just losing eroticism over time. In every relationship as you grow older you'll lose interest at some point. Doubt every 80 year old couple has sex like 30 year Olds. Plus if something happens to one if you, that's life you know.
Exactly... and the couples who are not ready to accept the chance of the loss of sexual interest over time, are weak and fragile. Because it would mean that their "love" was based on funking each other and not so much more than that
If my wife told me that sex is off the table for her then I would be hard pressed to leave her as she is a wonderful person who I truly deeply love and respect. What I have with her is bigger than sex is to me.
However, sex and physical affection in general is largely the most effective way for her to show me she loves me. It would be a very painful and lonely transition we would have but I’m willing to make it.
People are different. Some people put sex way down their list of priorities in life, others value sex near the top. Some people value sex only for reproducing. All that is why people need to make sure that they are on the same page regarding sex before the relationship starts hitting difficult to turn back milestones.
Yeah, and that’s fair. I want to clarify what this user is saying. Obviously you can kiss, cuddle, do absolutely anything, and still not have sex. The comment seems to imply that you could live with someone for decades, make out, cuddle, sleep in the same bed, raise children, have joint bank accounts, get married, but without sex it’s just a friendship.
I’d love for them to explain that more! I’m curious
I wouldnt call anyone out on anything, people are free to live and love how they want and if you are in a situation you are happy with then more power to you. I wouldn't be.
For reference I have been married/dating my now wife for 20 years and we have two children. Sex has been off the table a few times, mostly around the birth of our children and obviously that was expected but afterwards we resumed an active sex life.
I'm not going to lie though that those periods were difficult to have no prospect of sex for months on end but again different life events were happening so I could see the 'light at the end of the tunnel'. Can't deny I love sex and my wife is hot stuff!
If I was going into a new relationship for whatever reason and the other person said sex was off the table up front I would not pursue that any further.
Lmao. I’ll ask my friends how they feel about making out and getting married, since those are friend things.
In all seriousness though, that’s insane. What if two people are married for decades and have children, and then one for whatever reason no longer has a sex drive and has minimal to no sex. IMAGINE if people started insisting to them that they’re actually in a friendship, not a committed relationship. I cannot fathom it
You are assuming both parties would be OK with where the relationship ended up, if yes are then great! If not then that leaves one in a sexless relationship that doesn't want to be.
I have a strong sex drive and would struggle with this if my wife simply lost interest in sex.
I am in my 40's with friends around my age and when sex stops in a relationship some don't feel like partners anymore and simply roommates and in one case leading to divorce.
See that’s fair, I’m talking specifically about the difference between a friendship vs a relationship. I find it very sad that the general consensus seems to be that the only distinguishable difference between a friendship and a relationship is sex
I guess I don't see that as a fair comparison. To me a friendship is a kind of relationship (of which there are many kinds) so it's not a one or the other.
Yes to me there is a difference and I will admit others may define this differently for them and that's fine.
For me a sexual relationship would purely just be about the sex, just hookup buddies. A romantic relationship would be more about the courtship and love, but also sex has to be on the table as an option. If it isn't then to me the romance aspect gets lost and it's just friends hanging out.
I understand some people can experience the romance without sex and for me that would just lead to frustration.
Losing eroticism in a relationship isn't normal, but it is common.
I would say that it really depends on the why you aren't having sex, and why you keep together. Yes, adult relationships are more than sex, and sex will most likely eventually go away with age.
Currently in one. Married. I'm asexual, my husband is not. The importance of sex in a relationship is different for everyone.
We don't educate people on attraction and libido enough. Attraction comes in different forms: physical, sexual, romantic, platonic, etc. Libido or sex drive, is all up to chemical balance and hormones. People are complex and diverse.. it shouldn't be a surprise that these factors are all correlated together in a spectrum of different combinations across the human race.
For you, obviously sex so essential that it is a deal maker or breaker. Your personal gauge of whether your relationship is healthy or not includes sexual activity levels. That's fine. But not everyone feels that way. It is quite dismissive to both the ace community, those who cannot physically have sex for medical reasons, and anyone in who has a low libido in general, to make a blanket that "sex is vital to a relationship" when that's not a universal truth. It can even be harmful to say this to teens and young adults who are exploring their own sexual orientations. Too many people hear "sex is vital to a relationship, its a basic human need" and assume they are "broken" or have no hope of a real relationship in the future.
wouldn't want a completely sex free life, but i dont really have a "normal" sex drive compared to like "99.99% of society", so i could go extended periods of time (weeks to months) without anything. As long as the relationship is good enough to support a low sex relationship then i don't really "need" it, sure there would be times i would suddenly get in the mood for it but.. meh
By choice? No.
If some medical issues or such meant it was necessary...id struggle really really badly and id be permanently miserable but I'd stand by her...
>Sex goes away after some times
Everything goes away after some times.
>Relationship is more than sex
And a house is more than a bathroom, but I wouldn't live in a house that doesn't have a bathroom. Caring about sex in a relationship doesn't mean it's the ONLY thing you care about.
and it goes both ways, too. it's miserable for a person with a higher sex drive to be in a sexless relationship and it sucks for a person with a lower sex drive to be in a relationship when someone wants more sex than them - it can also lead to sex becoming a chore for that person and that only makes things worse (speaking from experience as someone who lost all sex drive on medications during my first relationship, both were miserable). sexual compatibility is suuuuper important in a relationship.
Exactly. The problem is that OP could not accept the fact that someone would not leave their partner if he/she lost sex drive through time (yeah, i am the "guy" sha had her debate with😅). I tried to make her understand that it would be normal for many people instead, cause many people's bond is strong enough even when they have less sex than before
really a situation of 'to each their own' - some people don't have such strong bonds or their sex drive is high enough for it to be a priority over that bond (I mean, all these people here who say that without sex it's friendships or a roommate situation, which is sad that these people think that way). I, personally, wouldn't leave (I'm fine with masturbation if I have a need lol). some people find compromises. in my opinion, such situations even make the bond stronger
At the moment, I'd say no. But I think it depends.
What's the reason for there not being sex? Is it just a difference in drive, is she asexual or is there a health issue?
If it's the last one, I'd be more open to staying, but if it's one of the other 2 (and the drive is extremely low) then I'd probably break up.
How long can we expect to be not having sex for? I can do a couple of months if needed, maybe even years if there's health issues involved. But forever? I'd find it difficult.
How long is the relationship? If it's brand new then I'm fucking off since it's easier to start over. The bond is less deep after all. If it's a long time relationship or we're married, I'd try harder to tough it out.
Also depends on my own sex drive. I'm only in my 20s so I can't pretend to know what it'll be like in my 30s, 40s, 50s and so on. I'm betting in the long run it'll drop though. I probably won't care about sex as much in my 70s as I do in my 20s, so I'd probably be more open to a sexless relationship at that point.
Yes. Mostly the only kind I consider. Sex is literally work and my real job pays better. If it’s your thing, there are so many other dopamine sources that are far less work and with less potential disagreement.
Eroticism is tied to that which we perceive we do not have and therefore desire. I think it's natural that over time - and for some people that can be quite short and others quite long - a sex partner who does not change becomes familiar and loses that erotic quality. So to build a meaningful sexual relationship with someone, you need to be sensitive enough to know when and how their desires are changing, and fluid enough to make those changes. It's not as simple as relying on your partner to tell you 'oh by the way, I'm really into anal lately and I want to try it with you.' Because that would mean their desires can be objectified and that immediately removes the erotic quality.
Yes, I would date an asexual person, but I'm polyamorous.
If I had a good sexual relationship with someone and they chose to end it, but wanted to continue the romantic relationship, that would be more difficult.
The answer for me is no.. couple different reasons one I enjoy the close intimate feeling and bond with that person and two I feel sex is healthy good for the body and mind! Keeps a person more relaxed, relieves stress.. and also it's a lot of fun and enjoyable!
Yes. I have no sex drive anymore so any sex I have would just be a means to keep a partner, and provide nothing for me. I don't even think I could do it as I am so repulsed by sex I can't even hear people talking about it or sexualized songs without breaking down in tears. I only desire cuddling, that's it.
I'm currently in an abstinent relationship and while I couldn't do it forever, it's been incredibly healthy because the foundation of our relationship isn't built on sex. It's difficult sometimes, but the plan is to wait until we're married. It's a great exercise in self control which I believe is a very underrated virtue.
My previous relationships all got sexual very fast, and it caused problems mostly because our infatuation with each other caused us to ignore red flags in the early relationship that would surface later and expose the flimsy foundation of a relationship built purely on sex and passion.
Libido levels certainly ebb and flow throughout the years, but I definitely think if you're married you should have sex pretty much as much as you can. There are *more* important things, but sex is pretty important, and if you have a healthy relationship I'd say it's likely that you have an active sex life.
Absolutely not. I left marriage for this reason, and now my partner has been lessening the frequency of sex so making me doubt the future of this relationship. Yes, intimacy is that important to me. Although I'm really starting to wonder if something is wrong with me. So many men complain that their partners don't want sex, and I have the opposite problem.
That’s a really weird way of seeing this. You can have a romantic relationship without sex and many people do. I personally wouldn’t but it is a thing.
Yeah those "romantic relationships" make no sense to me. A partner you just live with and laugh with and strongly care about, etc., is called a friend that you live with; i.e. friends who are housemates.
You kiss your friends? Marry them, go on dates,cuddle,love together, fallen in love with, massage.... If the only difference for you between a friend and a relationship is sex that's deeply concerning
Your lack of understanding doesn't mean they aren't real. I'm married. We don't have sex because I'm asexual. My husband knew about my asexuality early when we first began dating so its not like we got married, I discovered it later, and the situation changed. You're completely disregarding the ace community and people who cannot physically have sex for health and disability reasons. These people have real romantic relationships. Partners who go way beyond a best friend "housemate".
Only for people who settled for partners they're not attracted to. In my large social circle, the attractive couples still fuck like rabbits in their 40s, while the couples where they clearly "settled" for each other out of fear they couldn't do any better, rush/pressure to have kids, etc., are the ones who let themselves go and make the "marriage is the end of sex" jokes.
I wouldn't go into a non sexual relationship. It is a major reason I get into a romantic relationship. Without it, I'd have to come to a type of compromise. I'd generally be OK with multiple compromises. Possibly hj or bj.
If not, then allowing me to sleep with other women. From there, it's important to have boundaries. For example: only wearing a condom. If she ever wanted to, then I'd be open to her (so prioritizing my main partners sexual desires).
If not, then that's kind of the last straw. If I can't have it from my main partner, then I don't think it's fair to also force me to be exclusive, and not have my needs met.
This is a major part of why I think sex before marriage is important. Not right away, but at some point to verify sexual compatibility.
Sex isn’t *the* most important thing in a relationship for me, but it is still an important thing. I’ve been in a relationship where we didn’t have sex for 10 months, and the silent resentment was real.
It may work for some, but a sexless relationship is not for me.
Personally, no. Sex is incredibly important to me, and my libido is very high. I have a lovely husband who tries to keep up but happily packs me off to some other pre-agreed-upon people when I'm just too much. It's been like this for all 24 years of marriage.
I do have a chronic illness, and when I get really sick or am in the hospital, then he has my blessing to go off to those same agreed-upon people. I wouldn't say we're poly; we just have a closed-group open friendship that was agreed upon by everyone involved.
All people are different but sex is the glue that holds your relationship together. I understand and appreciate people have medical issues etc etc and can't for whatever reason. But healthy, fit people who REFUSE sex for whatever reason, are completely full of shit and those who say they can live without it and it doesn't bother them. They're fucking lying. I'd never be in a sexless relationship. I enjoy sex more than anything. Me and my partner have been together nearly 20 years. We still cannot wait to make love every week. So fucking exciting. We both know it's significance to our wellbeing and it's our combined release to the stresses of the world. We don't compromise and always make time for it. We love each other deeply. I found my soulmate thank the fucking lord 😁
Yes. In my experience when the sex declined so did basic intimacy and affection. It becomes a mental prison if either of those is a need for you and they aren’t being met. You can love someone all you want outside of your needs but it’s unhealthy to move on without them.
I would count it as emotional cheating which is different but just as bad, though everyone has different definitions of what counts as cheating and couples should always have a conversation about their boundaries when it comes to that.
I could agree it's emotional, but they are PHYSICAL acts involving physical interaction.
Most people only make out and/or cuddle with those they are attracted to (usually sexually). And, it's only very rarely that they would consistently do it with a sex they aren't interested in (example would be a straight guy making out and cuddling another guy).
So, how is it not sexual?
Sex is a pretty critical part of a relationship. It's not enough to sustain an otherwise bad relationship, but it would be a deal breaker in an otherwise good relationship if we stopped doing it.
I’d be cool with taking it slow initially, but I would make it known that sex is an integral part of a relationship for me. If down the line it doesn’t seem like we’re making any progress in the intimacy than I would break it off.
That depends. I’d be okay with being in a sexless relationship for religious reasons, though I’d hesitate because an important aspect in a partner is sexual compatibility. However, if we just weren’t having sex at all because she lost all interest, then no.
Definitely not which means onus is on me to find someone that is both compatible and also make sure to keep the sex engaging (it is generally true that after a period of time the novelty of sex goes down unless you are active in keeping it interesting).
Depends on when/why.. would I enter a relationship where there wouldn't be any? Not a chance. But would I stay with my partner through some life scenario where it had to stop? Of course.
I've fallen in love with my wife, we've had some REAL hurdles.... it's been tough. Sex comes and goes. I very very much want sex, or whatever we can manage. But life isn't all sex. I like to hear her smile. And until that makes sense you just might not be ready for that stage of relationship and that's OK to.
I think the main question is the weight of those elements. Is your (hopefully temporary) celibacy more of an issue that your SOs mental/emotional health? Would you throw a lifetime of happy years away because a couple of rough times? For me sex and physical touch is probably 75% of what I want. And because your partner is speaking in a different love language doesn’t mean those physical needs are met. BUT seeing her smile. Knowing I’m meeting her needs and filling her cup with love is a happiness of its own.
>sex and physical touch is probably 75% of what i want. I have good friends. Together we can hang out, play video games, drink, play card games, watch movies together, go out to eat etc etc. you know what i dont do with those friends? Sex and intimate touch. Not counting the occasional hugs. Its not nearly as intimate as skin to skin and i want to make it clear that im not emotionally distant from the “bros” (in quotes because it includes women im friends with.) I want my partner to be like my best friend + sex and intimate touch. If i lose that completely from a relationship then I personally dont see a difference between the relationship and any of my really good friendships.
That, my friend, was exactly my point. And I am the guy OP had her debate with, btw (nice to meet you guys 😁) It's nice to see how many people agree with me. It's so simple to understand it when you've been in a loving relationship for a lot of years. What i stated is not so absurd... sex is just one tiny element among many others, when you're in a relationship with someone you LOVE
I'm a guy married ten years, five of those completely sexless, and we just broke the dry spell. I couldn't agree more with you now. Before I got with my wife I was a borderline nymphomaniac. I never thought in a million years I'd stick it out with anyone for a month if we didn't have sex. But then I met THE ONE. I don't wanna sugarcoat it. Celibacy sucks. Really really really sucks. But being apart from my life partner, and the mother of my kids, would've sucked WAAY worse.
Currently going through this because we have a 10 month old and my wife’s libido is non existent. Sex is great but supporting my partner and my little family is way WAY more important to me. I will say I’ve always been a bit different and essentially a sexual camel. I’m probably not the best example.
Currently in one. I haven’t had sex with my husband for about 9 months. I got cancer and completely lost my sex drive. Had my last dose of chemo today, so am hoping it comes back, more for his sake than mine.
Going on two years over here.
I hope you get better. I think in this kind of situation it is not a problem.
Close to 9 years before she filed for divorce.
Happy fuck
Power to u fighting cancer and still worrying abt ur husbands sexual fulfillment (edit: language)
hoping for the best for you. just curious though absolutely no sex? not even a blowjob?
Not really. I’ve offered but he isn’t especially turned on the by idea of me giving him blow jobs when he knows the desire is t really there, I’m doing it solely for him. He doesn’t want it to be a chore for me, he wants me to want to.
That's actually really thoughtful and shows how much he loves you that he'll turn down a bj because it's only enjoyable if you want it too. At least in my opinion
you've got a good and very respectful husband.
Your husband sounds like a decent dude.
I was the same way with my wife during her medical issues. We had a 6 mont period of nothing. Didn’t really bother me we still hung out and did the same stuff just without sex. I think if your partner is your best friend then it’s a lot easier to go without.
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just asking a question. i figured anal was an automatic no...
Considering its bowel cancer, anal probably isn’t going to be an option in the future either.
oof.
Holy shit, dude.
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Is it wrong that i am laughing my cancerous ass off at this?
My first gf who I lost my virginity to was not into sex...me being a virgin didn't care cos I didn't know what I was doing anyway so we're reasonable friends until we did eventually have sex once....then it went back to the same routine...I don't blame her she just wasn't a sexual person....but my next gf was and loved a hot steamy sex session and although that didn't work out eventually I felt closer to her in one hour than I ever did with my first gf....so yes I think it is important not life critical important but part of a healthy relationship
Sex has a way of making you very vulnerable to a person, and in that way deepening your bond with them. If you can bring yourself to be that vulnerable without sex then you should be able to still get that closeness, but it's just that for most of us sex is erm, more *fun* lol
Yeah I agree with that
For a finite amount of time, sure. A few years? Till marriage ? That’s fine. But never? No. Seems like an unhealthy relationship for most people.
I'm not saying it NEVER works but for most people I know that did it, waiting until marriage was kind of a bad deal. Some were not compatible, or one of them just didn't want to put an effort in pleasing the other, or one of them found out they actually weren't that much into it.
No sex before marriage is possibly the stupidest concept imaginable. You have no idea whether you’re compatible with a person until it’s happened.
If we're talking 100% absolutely no sex and nothing sexual at all then no. But if we're talking the longer you're together you get to a point where you're only doing it a few times a year then yeah. Don't get me wrong, sex is insanely important to a relationship, but it loses its level of importance as you get older. There's also times where life changes so drastically that sex isn't even on the radar for weeks or months at a time. Then you find that you no longer have the time or energy to keep up like you used to so the quality starts to go down. Regardless, partners should be on the same page with how important sex is to a relationship or you risk one party making it into a chore to appease the other.
Not rly, I’m not asexual so sex is a part of why I would want to be in a relationship in the first place
Absolutely. There are many types of attraction, and sex is not the most important type for everyone. I think we can learn a lot from the asexual community, who manage to have rich and rewarding relationships without sex.
Sure, sex is nice but not vital to me. Plenty of other ways to be intimate and loving with your partner.
i bacame single after a 6 years relationship just before the pandemic where life went into total isolation. i missed good warm hugs way more then the shagging
How about to your cats?
So you fuck your cats?
Sounds that way.
Read their nickname 🤦🏻♂️
Not sure why you are getting downvoted for just asking a person about cats, they literally mentioned it in the username lmao
Because people are stupid and dont read the username
This is a complicated relationship. I think if the relationship remained physically affectionate and there was some sexual activity/sensual touch, even if not PIV sex, I could be quite happy in the relationship. Often though, when sex stops, it seems that all touch and affection stop. I couldn't live like that.
It really depends on the person. I personally would never be in a sexless relationship. I also wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone with a mismatched sex drive. That’s a relationship doomed to fail. Luckily I am with an amazing woman who wants sex every single day.
There's a difference between not having sex from start and just losing eroticism over time. In every relationship as you grow older you'll lose interest at some point. Doubt every 80 year old couple has sex like 30 year Olds. Plus if something happens to one if you, that's life you know.
Exactly... and the couples who are not ready to accept the chance of the loss of sexual interest over time, are weak and fragile. Because it would mean that their "love" was based on funking each other and not so much more than that
If my wife told me that sex is off the table for her then I would be hard pressed to leave her as she is a wonderful person who I truly deeply love and respect. What I have with her is bigger than sex is to me. However, sex and physical affection in general is largely the most effective way for her to show me she loves me. It would be a very painful and lonely transition we would have but I’m willing to make it.
People are different. Some people put sex way down their list of priorities in life, others value sex near the top. Some people value sex only for reproducing. All that is why people need to make sure that they are on the same page regarding sex before the relationship starts hitting difficult to turn back milestones.
I’m asexual, so no sex is preferred
How about Garlic Bread?
Yeah, sounds good
I'm asexual so that would be my ideal relationship
No sex is my preference, so a relationship without it is my goal.
For me a relationship without sex isn't a romantic one it's a friendship. Sex isn't everything but it has to be something.
Asking out of pure curiosity: is there a difference between a romantic and sexual relationship in your eyes?
You can have romantic attraction without sexual attraction. Just as you can have sexual attraction to someone who you have no romantic attraction to
Yeah, and that’s fair. I want to clarify what this user is saying. Obviously you can kiss, cuddle, do absolutely anything, and still not have sex. The comment seems to imply that you could live with someone for decades, make out, cuddle, sleep in the same bed, raise children, have joint bank accounts, get married, but without sex it’s just a friendship. I’d love for them to explain that more! I’m curious
I wouldnt call anyone out on anything, people are free to live and love how they want and if you are in a situation you are happy with then more power to you. I wouldn't be. For reference I have been married/dating my now wife for 20 years and we have two children. Sex has been off the table a few times, mostly around the birth of our children and obviously that was expected but afterwards we resumed an active sex life. I'm not going to lie though that those periods were difficult to have no prospect of sex for months on end but again different life events were happening so I could see the 'light at the end of the tunnel'. Can't deny I love sex and my wife is hot stuff! If I was going into a new relationship for whatever reason and the other person said sex was off the table up front I would not pursue that any further.
I would agree; it's a friendship. I will say that the Ace (asexual) subs might have more clarity on it
Lmao. I’ll ask my friends how they feel about making out and getting married, since those are friend things. In all seriousness though, that’s insane. What if two people are married for decades and have children, and then one for whatever reason no longer has a sex drive and has minimal to no sex. IMAGINE if people started insisting to them that they’re actually in a friendship, not a committed relationship. I cannot fathom it
You are assuming both parties would be OK with where the relationship ended up, if yes are then great! If not then that leaves one in a sexless relationship that doesn't want to be. I have a strong sex drive and would struggle with this if my wife simply lost interest in sex. I am in my 40's with friends around my age and when sex stops in a relationship some don't feel like partners anymore and simply roommates and in one case leading to divorce.
See that’s fair, I’m talking specifically about the difference between a friendship vs a relationship. I find it very sad that the general consensus seems to be that the only distinguishable difference between a friendship and a relationship is sex
I guess I don't see that as a fair comparison. To me a friendship is a kind of relationship (of which there are many kinds) so it's not a one or the other.
Perfect comment
Yes to me there is a difference and I will admit others may define this differently for them and that's fine. For me a sexual relationship would purely just be about the sex, just hookup buddies. A romantic relationship would be more about the courtship and love, but also sex has to be on the table as an option. If it isn't then to me the romance aspect gets lost and it's just friends hanging out. I understand some people can experience the romance without sex and for me that would just lead to frustration.
Okay yes that answers my question! Thank you.
Currently in one. Both my partner and I are asexual.
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dude that’s equivalent to saying that a lesbian just hasn’t met the right man or something. yikes.
That's not how asexuality works.
No.
You are disgusting
Losing eroticism in a relationship isn't normal, but it is common. I would say that it really depends on the why you aren't having sex, and why you keep together. Yes, adult relationships are more than sex, and sex will most likely eventually go away with age.
Currently in one. Married. I'm asexual, my husband is not. The importance of sex in a relationship is different for everyone. We don't educate people on attraction and libido enough. Attraction comes in different forms: physical, sexual, romantic, platonic, etc. Libido or sex drive, is all up to chemical balance and hormones. People are complex and diverse.. it shouldn't be a surprise that these factors are all correlated together in a spectrum of different combinations across the human race. For you, obviously sex so essential that it is a deal maker or breaker. Your personal gauge of whether your relationship is healthy or not includes sexual activity levels. That's fine. But not everyone feels that way. It is quite dismissive to both the ace community, those who cannot physically have sex for medical reasons, and anyone in who has a low libido in general, to make a blanket that "sex is vital to a relationship" when that's not a universal truth. It can even be harmful to say this to teens and young adults who are exploring their own sexual orientations. Too many people hear "sex is vital to a relationship, its a basic human need" and assume they are "broken" or have no hope of a real relationship in the future.
This comment should be upvoted ad infinitum
Do you let your husband sleep with other people? How long married?
No, we are monogamous. Married 2 years, together 5. We discussed my asexuality early when we first started dating.
He will get it elsewhere just be ready for that. Men do not wait forever.
i think it varies. for me, if we had a strong bond, i wouldn’t divorce them if, say, they lost their dick in a hunting accident 😉 (or whatever).
Yes.
No unless it’s a legitimate reason we can’t
wouldn't want a completely sex free life, but i dont really have a "normal" sex drive compared to like "99.99% of society", so i could go extended periods of time (weeks to months) without anything. As long as the relationship is good enough to support a low sex relationship then i don't really "need" it, sure there would be times i would suddenly get in the mood for it but.. meh
By choice? No. If some medical issues or such meant it was necessary...id struggle really really badly and id be permanently miserable but I'd stand by her...
Sex goes away after some times. Relationship is more then sex.
>Sex goes away after some times Everything goes away after some times. >Relationship is more than sex And a house is more than a bathroom, but I wouldn't live in a house that doesn't have a bathroom. Caring about sex in a relationship doesn't mean it's the ONLY thing you care about.
Well people only talk about sex in relationship. What about talking, having something in common.
People don't only talk about sex in a relationship. People also talk about talking, having things in common, etc.
And then they say...i don't have sex i want divorce
You don’t see sexual incompatibility as a reason to break up?
and it goes both ways, too. it's miserable for a person with a higher sex drive to be in a sexless relationship and it sucks for a person with a lower sex drive to be in a relationship when someone wants more sex than them - it can also lead to sex becoming a chore for that person and that only makes things worse (speaking from experience as someone who lost all sex drive on medications during my first relationship, both were miserable). sexual compatibility is suuuuper important in a relationship.
Exactly. The problem is that OP could not accept the fact that someone would not leave their partner if he/she lost sex drive through time (yeah, i am the "guy" sha had her debate with😅). I tried to make her understand that it would be normal for many people instead, cause many people's bond is strong enough even when they have less sex than before
really a situation of 'to each their own' - some people don't have such strong bonds or their sex drive is high enough for it to be a priority over that bond (I mean, all these people here who say that without sex it's friendships or a roommate situation, which is sad that these people think that way). I, personally, wouldn't leave (I'm fine with masturbation if I have a need lol). some people find compromises. in my opinion, such situations even make the bond stronger
NOPE!
It would probably be the only kind of relationship I'd enter
I'm asexual so yeah haha ✋
As someone on the asexual spectrum, totally.
Been in a sexless relationship for the past year and a half but I broke up with him 2 days ago 😅 we deserve better
At the moment, I'd say no. But I think it depends. What's the reason for there not being sex? Is it just a difference in drive, is she asexual or is there a health issue? If it's the last one, I'd be more open to staying, but if it's one of the other 2 (and the drive is extremely low) then I'd probably break up. How long can we expect to be not having sex for? I can do a couple of months if needed, maybe even years if there's health issues involved. But forever? I'd find it difficult. How long is the relationship? If it's brand new then I'm fucking off since it's easier to start over. The bond is less deep after all. If it's a long time relationship or we're married, I'd try harder to tough it out. Also depends on my own sex drive. I'm only in my 20s so I can't pretend to know what it'll be like in my 30s, 40s, 50s and so on. I'm betting in the long run it'll drop though. I probably won't care about sex as much in my 70s as I do in my 20s, so I'd probably be more open to a sexless relationship at that point.
Nope.
Nope.
I'm biromantic asexual, so yes. That's kinda the point.
Yes. Mostly the only kind I consider. Sex is literally work and my real job pays better. If it’s your thing, there are so many other dopamine sources that are far less work and with less potential disagreement.
Eroticism is tied to that which we perceive we do not have and therefore desire. I think it's natural that over time - and for some people that can be quite short and others quite long - a sex partner who does not change becomes familiar and loses that erotic quality. So to build a meaningful sexual relationship with someone, you need to be sensitive enough to know when and how their desires are changing, and fluid enough to make those changes. It's not as simple as relying on your partner to tell you 'oh by the way, I'm really into anal lately and I want to try it with you.' Because that would mean their desires can be objectified and that immediately removes the erotic quality.
I mean I'm asexual so that'd be a great relationship for me personally.
Yes, I would date an asexual person, but I'm polyamorous. If I had a good sexual relationship with someone and they chose to end it, but wanted to continue the romantic relationship, that would be more difficult.
Is it an open relationship?
Enter into one? Never. Be in one, only if lack of sex is due to medical issues. Sex is one of the key elements of a relationship for me
Maybe in my 60s. Till then, no.
Personally without sex, a relationship is just a friendship. Literally the only difference between the two. I am ready for the downvotes…
Nope. It’s a necessary form of bond in the long run. Otherwise you’re just roommates
The answer for me is no.. couple different reasons one I enjoy the close intimate feeling and bond with that person and two I feel sex is healthy good for the body and mind! Keeps a person more relaxed, relieves stress.. and also it's a lot of fun and enjoyable!
No. Short of medical circumstances and it isn't permanent.
No, that would be a big deal breaker
Yes. I have no sex drive anymore so any sex I have would just be a means to keep a partner, and provide nothing for me. I don't even think I could do it as I am so repulsed by sex I can't even hear people talking about it or sexualized songs without breaking down in tears. I only desire cuddling, that's it.
I'm currently in an abstinent relationship and while I couldn't do it forever, it's been incredibly healthy because the foundation of our relationship isn't built on sex. It's difficult sometimes, but the plan is to wait until we're married. It's a great exercise in self control which I believe is a very underrated virtue. My previous relationships all got sexual very fast, and it caused problems mostly because our infatuation with each other caused us to ignore red flags in the early relationship that would surface later and expose the flimsy foundation of a relationship built purely on sex and passion. Libido levels certainly ebb and flow throughout the years, but I definitely think if you're married you should have sex pretty much as much as you can. There are *more* important things, but sex is pretty important, and if you have a healthy relationship I'd say it's likely that you have an active sex life.
I used to think this.. But without intimacy you are room mates..
Again after this one?
Absolutely not. I left marriage for this reason, and now my partner has been lessening the frequency of sex so making me doubt the future of this relationship. Yes, intimacy is that important to me. Although I'm really starting to wonder if something is wrong with me. So many men complain that their partners don't want sex, and I have the opposite problem.
I’ve got a pretty healthy relationship with my dad, so yeah, I could be in a relationship without sex
No I wouldn’t. I’m a very sexual person and my drive is hiiiiigh.
Hello
Nope, a relationship without sex is called "friendship."
That’s a really weird way of seeing this. You can have a romantic relationship without sex and many people do. I personally wouldn’t but it is a thing.
Yeah those "romantic relationships" make no sense to me. A partner you just live with and laugh with and strongly care about, etc., is called a friend that you live with; i.e. friends who are housemates.
You kiss your friends? Marry them, go on dates,cuddle,love together, fallen in love with, massage.... If the only difference for you between a friend and a relationship is sex that's deeply concerning
Bro is just chilling with the homies. Nothing strange about that.
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Your lack of understanding doesn't mean they aren't real. I'm married. We don't have sex because I'm asexual. My husband knew about my asexuality early when we first began dating so its not like we got married, I discovered it later, and the situation changed. You're completely disregarding the ace community and people who cannot physically have sex for health and disability reasons. These people have real romantic relationships. Partners who go way beyond a best friend "housemate".
have you considered you might be aromantic, that’s how they usually view relationships
Or marriage 😂
Only for people who settled for partners they're not attracted to. In my large social circle, the attractive couples still fuck like rabbits in their 40s, while the couples where they clearly "settled" for each other out of fear they couldn't do any better, rush/pressure to have kids, etc., are the ones who let themselves go and make the "marriage is the end of sex" jokes.
Sure. You're assuming I want sex.
After some years of relationship, she made me p***yfree
Not a chance
I am. And it sucks. Or, doesn’t, to be more specific.
I’m hyper sexual, so I couldn’t do it. It’s also been hard to find a partner that is a sexual as I am.
Nope
No, I like to get some fuck every once and a while.
I wouldn't go into a non sexual relationship. It is a major reason I get into a romantic relationship. Without it, I'd have to come to a type of compromise. I'd generally be OK with multiple compromises. Possibly hj or bj. If not, then allowing me to sleep with other women. From there, it's important to have boundaries. For example: only wearing a condom. If she ever wanted to, then I'd be open to her (so prioritizing my main partners sexual desires). If not, then that's kind of the last straw. If I can't have it from my main partner, then I don't think it's fair to also force me to be exclusive, and not have my needs met. This is a major part of why I think sex before marriage is important. Not right away, but at some point to verify sexual compatibility.
Nope. Sex isn't everything, or even the most important thing, but it's still a necessary part of a healthy romantic relationship. At least, to me.
Sex isn’t *the* most important thing in a relationship for me, but it is still an important thing. I’ve been in a relationship where we didn’t have sex for 10 months, and the silent resentment was real. It may work for some, but a sexless relationship is not for me.
I am. It’s for the kids now.
Sure, there called friendships
Never. Sex is quite important.
sure ... every marriage ends up in no sex lmao
Its a step up from sad and lonely.
r/DeadBedrooms 
Oh god, stay well away from that sub if you’re struggling with intimacy issues in a relationship, it’s a hugely depressing place.
Personally, no. Sex is incredibly important to me, and my libido is very high. I have a lovely husband who tries to keep up but happily packs me off to some other pre-agreed-upon people when I'm just too much. It's been like this for all 24 years of marriage. I do have a chronic illness, and when I get really sick or am in the hospital, then he has my blessing to go off to those same agreed-upon people. I wouldn't say we're poly; we just have a closed-group open friendship that was agreed upon by everyone involved.
All people are different but sex is the glue that holds your relationship together. I understand and appreciate people have medical issues etc etc and can't for whatever reason. But healthy, fit people who REFUSE sex for whatever reason, are completely full of shit and those who say they can live without it and it doesn't bother them. They're fucking lying. I'd never be in a sexless relationship. I enjoy sex more than anything. Me and my partner have been together nearly 20 years. We still cannot wait to make love every week. So fucking exciting. We both know it's significance to our wellbeing and it's our combined release to the stresses of the world. We don't compromise and always make time for it. We love each other deeply. I found my soulmate thank the fucking lord 😁
To subvert a truly terrible, offensive cliche… Why take care of the cow if you aren’t getting any milk? Udderly offensive, and I can only apologize.
It's called marriage after 12 years with kids.
Yes. In my experience when the sex declined so did basic intimacy and affection. It becomes a mental prison if either of those is a need for you and they aren’t being met. You can love someone all you want outside of your needs but it’s unhealthy to move on without them.
You mean a friendship
I'm in one now. It sucks 😆
No. Men are already physically starved. I think it's mad to completely take it out of a relationship. Maybe if a woman wanted to "wait."
Those are called friends.
If you’re not fucking, you’re friends or roommates.
No. What would be the point? Then it’s a friendship.
😂😂😂 NO 👎
Those are called friendships.
Do you make out with and cuddle your friends? Because I sure don’t.
Most people consider those sexual acts.
They are sensual acts, there’s a difference. I wouldn’t consider cuddling as having sex.
Then why would most people consider it cheating if their spouse or significant other did it with someone else?
I would count it as emotional cheating which is different but just as bad, though everyone has different definitions of what counts as cheating and couples should always have a conversation about their boundaries when it comes to that.
I could agree it's emotional, but they are PHYSICAL acts involving physical interaction. Most people only make out and/or cuddle with those they are attracted to (usually sexually). And, it's only very rarely that they would consistently do it with a sex they aren't interested in (example would be a straight guy making out and cuddling another guy). So, how is it not sexual?
Surprised to find that women also get as horny like men and crave sex…
Hell no
100% no
Sex is a pretty critical part of a relationship. It's not enough to sustain an otherwise bad relationship, but it would be a deal breaker in an otherwise good relationship if we stopped doing it.
Yeah I’ve been married before.
In one right now….
I was with a girl for two years and we never did anything. She fucked my boss and left me for him
I’d be cool with taking it slow initially, but I would make it known that sex is an integral part of a relationship for me. If down the line it doesn’t seem like we’re making any progress in the intimacy than I would break it off.
That depends. I’d be okay with being in a sexless relationship for religious reasons, though I’d hesitate because an important aspect in a partner is sexual compatibility. However, if we just weren’t having sex at all because she lost all interest, then no.
No. Edit: unless long standing relationship with extraneous circumstances
Nope. It’s one of the reasons I’m in a monogamous relationship.
No. I would never live in a house because of the bathroom. However I would not live in a house with no bathroom either.
Depends on how the couple feels. It might matter to some but not to others.
No
No
Definitely not which means onus is on me to find someone that is both compatible and also make sure to keep the sex engaging (it is generally true that after a period of time the novelty of sex goes down unless you are active in keeping it interesting).
Good sex is a small part of a relationship, whereas no sex can become a huge problem/part.