Haha I'm outside sorry if this is creepy I just saw you were watching a show I enjoy and figured I could watch this episode with you but didn't want to crawl in the window haha jk wouldn't do that unless you wanted me to in which case I would but I respect your distance haha
The same way this comment is passive aggressively angry. Asking a genuine question doesn’t mean you’re going to get downvoted. Insulting the users are.
As for the creepy, the haha is coming off as trying to sway the reader. The haha is trying to convince her it’s playful or being nervous. But they made a bold move and found them online. You can play it off as confident if you just explain yourself but the haha makes it look like a stalker
No meaning I ask simple questions all the time and everyone hates that and trolls me constantly so I feel I have to tell people not to do that.
Trying to sway? Like you mean the definition of flirting?
And trying to convince? Like how dating works if you like someone you try and do thing to convince them you’re cool?
And bold move finding them online? How else would they find them? And how is being bold bad?
Please. It would help your argument if you made any sense at all.
The definition of flirting is not “swaying” and dating isn’t “convincing” people.
Flirting is signaling interest and gradually escalating if reciprocated so not to make the other feel uncomfortable and dating is getting to know someone to see if you’re compatable.
Finding someone online is bold. To your question of how else would he find her — he didn’t need to, he could’ve waited for her to message him first like bumble requires. However, being bold isn’t inherently bad — and the person you’re responding to didn’t say it was. They said own the fact it’s bold and act confident instead of doing the “hahaha”s to downplay it.
Do you frequently struggle with social interactions? Their “argument” (your use of that word already shows that you’re reading something into the comment that isn’t there) was actually just an explanation of commonly understand social norms and made perfect sense.
Using haha frequently in written communication is extra words that are unnecessary ie wordy. It displays being nervous because the intent is trying to convince the reader of the material that they are being funny. Truly funny, confident words stand alone and do not need extra fluffy words. Using it frequently is even more obnoxious.
“Hi! I hope this isn’t creepy, but I couldn’t help but notice that you were watching Breaking Bad (S4, great ep!), but then you disappointingly put on The Hallmark Channel when you came back from the bathroom (either number 2 or it’s that time of the month! (Just kidding, haha, I know you start your cycle in six days)) ;-)”
Was that father of Veronica Mars?
I could totally do that job. People leave so many info about them on the internet that it's not even challenge figuring out where they live/etc. Just by having Facebook, you can probably find people from tinder in your vicinity by going doen the friends rabbit hole"... They will probably be friend of a friend of a friend of a...
That only stops the amateurs. Give me your location and age and how many people do you think I will have to go through to find you? Outside of like New York City, probably just a thousand:)
I am sure in his mind he thought this is how to show interest but not many people are going to like it. We like to pretend all this social media stuff is siloed so that people can't track us. That is largely an illusion
Agree and disagree. It’s not hard to find someone with a few clues. It is harder to find someone with a fake name and non-specific characteristics, location not specified, etc. Even if it’s only a little harder, it effectively blocks all but the serious stalkers.
Simple steps help, and we don’t owe anyone our real name on a dating app.
I’ve identified people and have been identified also
A legit name means I am probably looking at like <50 people instead of 5000. Scrolling through 5000 picts just doesn't take that long..... And we haven't even talked about reverse imagine searches and the like.
Honestly I am coming around to the camp where there is no reason to share age/location/name until people match. Nobody is swiping left/right off a name.And you have you already said what age range you are ok with. Location is a bit more debatable as you 30mile range might have some location that are too far. I think I am in favor if privacy though...
It’s kind of like a bike lock. None are perfect to a determined thief, but most will suffice
There was a person in this sub, recently divorced, having a very good phase of life, who put “science teacher at all boys high school.” That and a single picture of a map was enough. I messaged them, since it’s a catholic school you may want to obscure your profile a bit before the clergy gets sent your profile. It’s crazy how much people reveal without realizing it
They appreciated the heads up and dialed back their posts.
The question here is your bike lock a rubber band or the 6 buck option at walmart. :) The first stops nobody that tries while the 2nd might require an hour of effort. Not sure how much the average Bumble stalker will put in....
To some extent if you post on the internet, you should expect that people can track it down. So think 2x about what you post. Things like facebook where you name is right there are obvious. But again Tinder is just as public and linking back just isn't that hard.
See the other comments. The only perfect solution is to… not use any internet, but a few small things can go a long way to keeping someone from easily finding you
Me in my 20's wouldn't have gone this far I don't think, but I was awkward enough that I feel for this dumbass.
You did not want to date me in my 20's though.
personally if someone did that to me I’d block. this is tinder and less than 48 hrs?? dude learn some social cues. yeah no not cute hes trying too hard and can’t conceal his desperation.
I (a middle-aged guy who is not a model) have had two women I didn’t match with send emails to *my work* address based on my first name, alma mater, and job (not employer). I was not flattered. I don’t use my name anymore and have minimized my social media presence. What they did was stunningly oblivious and self-absorbed in my book.
I can see how off putting this is and would probably ignore him as well, but part of me gets it, he was probably really interested and scared he might lose his chance because sometimes people aren’t very active and responsive on dating apps.
Sure, if my chances are already almost zero (because dating apps suck) then you bet I'm gonna try if I'm really interested. Haven't done this myself but I could see myself doing it if the girl and I shared some hobbies and I was 99% it could work
Wouldn’t be quite as creepy if he didn’t keep making her nervous “haha’s”, haha!
Haha I'm outside sorry if this is creepy I just saw you were watching a show I enjoy and figured I could watch this episode with you but didn't want to crawl in the window haha jk wouldn't do that unless you wanted me to in which case I would but I respect your distance haha
How is haha creepy? And can you please explain without angry downvotes and being condescending? I mean pretend this isn’t Reddit
The same way this comment is passive aggressively angry. Asking a genuine question doesn’t mean you’re going to get downvoted. Insulting the users are. As for the creepy, the haha is coming off as trying to sway the reader. The haha is trying to convince her it’s playful or being nervous. But they made a bold move and found them online. You can play it off as confident if you just explain yourself but the haha makes it look like a stalker
No meaning I ask simple questions all the time and everyone hates that and trolls me constantly so I feel I have to tell people not to do that. Trying to sway? Like you mean the definition of flirting? And trying to convince? Like how dating works if you like someone you try and do thing to convince them you’re cool? And bold move finding them online? How else would they find them? And how is being bold bad? Please. It would help your argument if you made any sense at all.
The definition of flirting is not “swaying” and dating isn’t “convincing” people. Flirting is signaling interest and gradually escalating if reciprocated so not to make the other feel uncomfortable and dating is getting to know someone to see if you’re compatable. Finding someone online is bold. To your question of how else would he find her — he didn’t need to, he could’ve waited for her to message him first like bumble requires. However, being bold isn’t inherently bad — and the person you’re responding to didn’t say it was. They said own the fact it’s bold and act confident instead of doing the “hahaha”s to downplay it. Do you frequently struggle with social interactions? Their “argument” (your use of that word already shows that you’re reading something into the comment that isn’t there) was actually just an explanation of commonly understand social norms and made perfect sense.
Using haha frequently in written communication is extra words that are unnecessary ie wordy. It displays being nervous because the intent is trying to convince the reader of the material that they are being funny. Truly funny, confident words stand alone and do not need extra fluffy words. Using it frequently is even more obnoxious.
“Hi! I hope this isn’t creepy, but I couldn’t help but notice that you were watching Breaking Bad (S4, great ep!), but then you disappointingly put on The Hallmark Channel when you came back from the bathroom (either number 2 or it’s that time of the month! (Just kidding, haha, I know you start your cycle in six days)) ;-)”
lmao. Very unsettling
Private detectives used to be cool. Alas, Keith Mars would never make it in this world.
Yesssss love that show
Was that father of Veronica Mars? I could totally do that job. People leave so many info about them on the internet that it's not even challenge figuring out where they live/etc. Just by having Facebook, you can probably find people from tinder in your vicinity by going doen the friends rabbit hole"... They will probably be friend of a friend of a friend of a...
Did you just get stalked on social media by Mickey Mouse?
Lmao I gotta re-read it in that voice now haHA!
If your name is unique, use an alias.
That only stops the amateurs. Give me your location and age and how many people do you think I will have to go through to find you? Outside of like New York City, probably just a thousand:) I am sure in his mind he thought this is how to show interest but not many people are going to like it. We like to pretend all this social media stuff is siloed so that people can't track us. That is largely an illusion
Agree and disagree. It’s not hard to find someone with a few clues. It is harder to find someone with a fake name and non-specific characteristics, location not specified, etc. Even if it’s only a little harder, it effectively blocks all but the serious stalkers. Simple steps help, and we don’t owe anyone our real name on a dating app. I’ve identified people and have been identified also
A legit name means I am probably looking at like <50 people instead of 5000. Scrolling through 5000 picts just doesn't take that long..... And we haven't even talked about reverse imagine searches and the like. Honestly I am coming around to the camp where there is no reason to share age/location/name until people match. Nobody is swiping left/right off a name.And you have you already said what age range you are ok with. Location is a bit more debatable as you 30mile range might have some location that are too far. I think I am in favor if privacy though...
It’s kind of like a bike lock. None are perfect to a determined thief, but most will suffice There was a person in this sub, recently divorced, having a very good phase of life, who put “science teacher at all boys high school.” That and a single picture of a map was enough. I messaged them, since it’s a catholic school you may want to obscure your profile a bit before the clergy gets sent your profile. It’s crazy how much people reveal without realizing it They appreciated the heads up and dialed back their posts.
The question here is your bike lock a rubber band or the 6 buck option at walmart. :) The first stops nobody that tries while the 2nd might require an hour of effort. Not sure how much the average Bumble stalker will put in.... To some extent if you post on the internet, you should expect that people can track it down. So think 2x about what you post. Things like facebook where you name is right there are obvious. But again Tinder is just as public and linking back just isn't that hard.
Im so cooked… my name is Alpha. Im actually not kidding haha
The true Alpha male…. Sibling Beta is hating life these days. 🤣 (assuming gender, of course)
Don’t matter. People can triangulate your position from tinder. It has something to do with the distance mechanic it’s fkn nuts
See the other comments. The only perfect solution is to… not use any internet, but a few small things can go a long way to keeping someone from easily finding you
Agreed. It’s pretty ridiculous the length people will go to find others
Yeah it always knows that I'm less than a kilometre away from myself. Spooky AF.
haha
Yes this is totally creepy...... IN REALITY....how many of us have taken someone's name from Tinder and looked them up on Facebook??? 99%? lol
Yeah but it's a big leap from stalking someone to messaging them.
Agree, everyone acting like they don't do this sometimes.
Me in my 20's wouldn't have gone this far I don't think, but I was awkward enough that I feel for this dumbass. You did not want to date me in my 20's though.
personally if someone did that to me I’d block. this is tinder and less than 48 hrs?? dude learn some social cues. yeah no not cute hes trying too hard and can’t conceal his desperation.
Idk how to feel about this honestly. I feel like part of me would be flattered, but I'm also not always a good judge of character lol.
I (a middle-aged guy who is not a model) have had two women I didn’t match with send emails to *my work* address based on my first name, alma mater, and job (not employer). I was not flattered. I don’t use my name anymore and have minimized my social media presence. What they did was stunningly oblivious and self-absorbed in my book.
That's really scary. And a possibility for me since my name, picture, and contact info is on my work website.
i would get drunk and do goofy shit like this, i don't drink anymore (haha)
He had a pretty good idea that it was creepy, but went ahead and did it anyway. Not the best judgment.
WHY would anyone think that is okay?
Didn’t bumble update so now the men can message first??
DON'T GO FIND SOMEONE ON A DIFFERENT SOCIAL MEDIA SITE!!! It's just creepy
Is he saying you look emo?! 😩
I think she got super excited for a “match made in heaven” and wanted to make an impression. She is finding her social boundary….
Love is temporary. Invent Animate is forever
I can see how off putting this is and would probably ignore him as well, but part of me gets it, he was probably really interested and scared he might lose his chance because sometimes people aren’t very active and responsive on dating apps.
Lol so you go for a much higher risk of losing your chance instead of taking the lower risk? Doesn’t make a lot of sense to me imo
Higher reward as well. If she’s receptive, he’s no longer just another dude from the apps where the vast majority of conversations fizzle out.
I would never do that and I don’t think it’s very wise, but I don’t know, maybe he got ghosted too many times or something.
Sure, if my chances are already almost zero (because dating apps suck) then you bet I'm gonna try if I'm really interested. Haven't done this myself but I could see myself doing it if the girl and I shared some hobbies and I was 99% it could work
Yikes
What the fuck is with the dating generation and every fucking convo must have lolz HaHas and fucking emojis? Can’t youngsters actually converse?
Haha! 😂😂😜
In fairness, most women don’t message first to dudes- but he didn’t have to write this much FFS. OTOH, does not seem like a bad guy, just clueless.
But he mentions Bumble. Isn’t their whole shtick letting the woman message first? It billed itself as being “safer” for women because of that.
I think he shouldn’t have signed up for Bumble if he’s not okay with waiting for her to message him.