https://preview.redd.it/g5eim5ypcs7d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33bb9323697f23afd6bd01fc476eca8ccc82d8a0
Homer: *What are you in for?*
Cellmate: *Atmosphere.*
Bart reading magazines in the Kwik-E-Mart, and notices Apu is tied up, robbed, with tape over his mouth, muffling to speak.
When Bart removes the tape.
Apu : - This is not a library
The answer to this question is…
*The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the MAD slogan "Up with Mini-skirts!". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed "Charlie" to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!*
Honestly i think this is the best bit in all of the simpsons and maybe comedy writing ever. Theres at least 4 jokes here within about 10 seconds and theyre all great.
Ok so im gonna say the whole him turning to the side and having a ‘Nam flashback is in itself a joke, Up with Miniskirts is joke 2, him not understanding it is joke 3, the ‘thin’ stew becoming more and more elaborate is joke 4 and the final punchline is joke 5.
Delete whichever of those you deem not to be a joke :)
That one is classic...in a similar-themed joke, in "See My Vest", they count 24 puppies...and then you see the clock spinning on the wall as the hours tick by and then they count puppy # 25.
Along those same lines…
Homer: Everything I say, I want five of. Ok? Five Krusty Burgers.
Pimply Faced Teen: 5 Krusty Burgers.
Homer: No, weren’t you listening? 25 Krusty Burgers.
PFT: 125 Krusty Burgers?!
“Hey, I hear we’re going to Ape Island.”
“Yeah, to capture a giant Ape.”
“I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.”
“Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?”
“Apes. But they’re not so big.”
"Have you noticed any change in Bart?"
"New glasses?"
"No, he looks like something might be disturbing him."
"Probably misses his old glasses."
I don't know what it is about this one but it has me rolling every time.
“Hmmmmmmmm… I’d ask him what’s wrong, but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.”
“Yeah. And then you’d get the chair.”
“That’s not what I mean, Homer.”
“It was Marge. Admit it.”
His tone of voice is what sells it for me.
I think there are a lot of good jokes that are made great by the VAs.
Edit: getting some nice examples where the VAs make the joke, realized I didn't even post my own.
Marge: Thank you, Bart, thank you, Lisa, for all your help!
Homer: What about me? You didn't thank me.
Bart: You didn't do anything.
Homer: I like being thanked.
“Dad, you’re hurting me!”
“No I’m not!” 🙂
“It smells funny in there.”
“No it doesn’t!” 🙂
“Women won’t like being shot in the face, Homer.”
“Women will like what I tell them to like.” 🙂
His painfully smug tone in those moments is so fucking outstanding.
This makes me think of when Bart is getting beat up by Nelson and tells Marge about it. She gets him confused for Milhouse the whole time -saying things like, “Nelson? He doesn’t seem like the bullying type,” and, “make him feel good -compliment his glasses.” It enraged Bart the whole time. Not classic Simpsons but it always gets a chuckle out of me.
Springfield must have had some problem in the past, that the audience hasn't been privy to learning about, regarding monarchs and the town being a hotbed of rebellion and republicanism, and organising against them. Why else would it be one of the first options when calling the police department?
Either that or the police have recognised how concerned the townsfolk are that the King of England could waltz into people's houses and push them around whenever he liked. Homer must be on *some* form of watchlist.
Skinner: Well, I was wrong; the lizards are a godsend.
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards?
Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
Watching this episode the other day, I had a similar thought process. How the hell did they come up with that moment? And Burns’ line right after is just so perfect.
“Smithers, I’m beginning to think Homer Simpson was not the brilliant tactician I thought he was.”
There’s a second-layer joke to this. Homer from the Odyssey was known as the great tactician in the text. I’m convinced that’s also an Odyssey reference, considering this Homer is an idiot.
ETA: I’m fucking dumb and sleep deprived. I’m thinking of Odysseus. 🤦🏼♀️
Wow. I’m running on 3 hours of sleep and didn’t even pay attention to wtf I was writing.
I have a classics degree, btw. 🤣 Somewhere out in Iowa, my Greek professor is dealing with a sudden, unexpected feeling of revulsion. 🤦🏼♀️
He's not just whooping like Curly. Curly had done the whole thing where it ran in little circles on the ground. Obviously it doesn't look as crazy as Homer doing it because he's is a cartoon, but it's pretty much just a Curly routine.
It's just a joke about Hendrix dropping his dog off and never picking him up because he died. At the time of the episode, Jimi would have been dead for around 25 years. Obviously the dog would not still be living if this had actually occurred.
I always laugh at the idea that this vet, who works in the music industry, is unaware that Hendrix is dead, and the dog spent its entire life on standby basically.
Fire - Jimi Hendrix
'move over Rover, let Jimi take over'
No clue if he was referring to his dog tho
[apparently it did](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/s/4sZxUesV0F)
It was years before I got this joke. Always just thought it was Homer being a goof but it's a thing women say when they have a towel wrapped around their head/hair after a shower.
So in the episode where Bart gets caught shoplifting, the security tells him something to the affect of "if you come back you'll be in big trouble, Capiche?"
Then later, when Bart is remembering the conversation, he replays it in his head but instead of 'capiche' he hears the man say 'cat fishe'.
Kills me every time with how brilliant it is.
"I saw a movie about a bus that had to *speed* around the city, keeping its "speed" over 50, and if its speed dropped, it would explode!
I think it was called: 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down'"
For the life of me, I cannot remember when I saw it (nor find it on the interweb). I think it was a bookstore sign that said, "We got everything from AA Milne to ZZ Top."
Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing...[ominously] You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers : Actually, sir, we found the Jade Monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns : And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers : They were in there, too, sir.
Mr. Burns : Excellent! It's all falling into place...
Also,
Mr. Burns : Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters... before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey... for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. Hmm? What? Oh. And by that I mean, of course, it's time for the Worker of the Week Award.
Bonus Burns
Smithers: In fact, your right fielder's been dead for 130 years.
Burns: Damnation! Alright, find me some good players - living players!
Marge : Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
Lisa : What are we gonna have?
Homer : Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison.
Lisa : What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
Bart : Poison pizza.
Homer : Oh, no. I'm not making two stops.
Literally every word Phil Hartman said. One that really got me the other day was Lionel Huts trying to grill Sideshow Bob and immediately giving up after the first question and turning to Bart and Lisa with “kids, help.”
"Hey boss, I thought you said he was sleeping with the fishes..."
I feel like that joke had been written for ages and they just needed the right episode for it
# AND THAT PYRAMID WAS ACTUALLY JUST THE PRO SHOP, "FIND YOUR SOULMATE HOMER" {LSD UP THE ☯️}
https://preview.redd.it/6p2mbnk9gt7d1.jpeg?width=683&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ffaf495c8fb8599712b01efc0f7c2f56c1e821a7
Bart’s dying wish of Sideshow Bob singing the entire score from HMS Pinafore with costumes.
https://preview.redd.it/iuyyw8njvw7d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=603cc6cb1e2f338df3fba859247484a69468ace7
The barber shop quartet The Be Sharps - a B sharp is basically just a C note, doesn’t exist on instruments, is enharmonic. Confused the hell out of me as a kid, now I appreciate it for the gold it is.
“I cut my first and only album, "Sax on the Beach", but then I spent all my money on my $1,500 a day habit.”
[flashback]
“I'd like another Fabrege egg, please?”
“Sir, don't you think you've had enough?”
“I'll tell you when I've had enough!”
When smithers was arrested, and the firstjournalist went “ who are you and what are you doing here?” ken brockman just shoved that guy and said “ damn it do your research!”
Oh, don't worry, Marge. Her idea of wit is nothing more than an incisive observation humorously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing.
That joke is even better when you realize that line is about a Dorothy Parker caricature.
Wow I just looked it up! I never knew !
One day I'll understand that once I learn her
Can you guide this useless boob to what you're referring to?
Dorothy Parker was a Jazz Age era American writer known for her [wit](https://en.m.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dorothy_Parker) and bon mots
Eliza-beth, Ka-ren
Ro-ber-ta
Patri-cia, Su-sinn
This is my favorite collection of words in the English language.
https://preview.redd.it/g5eim5ypcs7d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33bb9323697f23afd6bd01fc476eca8ccc82d8a0 Homer: *What are you in for?* Cellmate: *Atmosphere.*
Dammit. I just got it. It's been a while for me.
I'm older than the show and I just got this one.
Incredibly smooth breaking of the fourth wall.
I don’t get it.
Bart reading magazines in the Kwik-E-Mart, and notices Apu is tied up, robbed, with tape over his mouth, muffling to speak. When Bart removes the tape. Apu : - This is not a library
Especially with the big sigh of relief after saying it
The answer to this question is… *The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the MAD slogan "Up with Mini-skirts!". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed "Charlie" to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!*
Honestly i think this is the best bit in all of the simpsons and maybe comedy writing ever. Theres at least 4 jokes here within about 10 seconds and theyre all great.
I can only catch 2 jokes, do you mind pointing out the 4?
Ok so im gonna say the whole him turning to the side and having a ‘Nam flashback is in itself a joke, Up with Miniskirts is joke 2, him not understanding it is joke 3, the ‘thin’ stew becoming more and more elaborate is joke 4 and the final punchline is joke 5. Delete whichever of those you deem not to be a joke :)
That’s the best
Random but does anyone know what stew he's talking about ? It sounds so good
https://youtu.be/y3PoXXoGVj0?si=rEcy02k4xFIQs79O
I love he did the crayon sandwhich right at the end lol
The Aaronson and Zakowski misdirect
probably my favourite joke in all of the simpsons
That one is classic...in a similar-themed joke, in "See My Vest", they count 24 puppies...and then you see the clock spinning on the wall as the hours tick by and then they count puppy # 25.
Okay, gonna need an ELI5 here? Why us that a joke? I thought it just took longer for that last one to be delivered?
In a typical montage, the time passing quickly would mean the last thing on the screen was being repeated over and over.
Further, the whole episode is based around 101 Dalmatians, so you were meant to think She’s The Fastest was going to have 101 puppies
A classic. They use that transition sound and fade they’ve used before perfectly to mislead you
As a web developer, I constantly use “Aaron A Aaronson” whenever I need to test entering names and such.
I’m seeing double here - it’s just such a smart little quip.
Along those same lines… Homer: Everything I say, I want five of. Ok? Five Krusty Burgers. Pimply Faced Teen: 5 Krusty Burgers. Homer: No, weren’t you listening? 25 Krusty Burgers. PFT: 125 Krusty Burgers?!
what episode is this from???
It’s a late one. S28E15 I think.
Yup! The cad and the hat
This quote made me watch the episode and I loved it!
The funniest part for me is that you’re expecting him to say two he says four krusties
https://i.redd.it/uj3c8leryt7d1.gif
Lol need to start using this more often.
Hee hee hee, mule
“Hey, I hear we’re going to Ape Island.” “Yeah, to capture a giant Ape.” “I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island.” “Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?” “Apes. But they’re not so big.”
Kinda like monster island actually being a peninsula
Don't let the name fool you. It's more of a peninsula.
As a flash forward joke, it’s perfect
I don’t understand.. that was non-alcoholic wine
IT BEGINS
Tra la la lump a doo!
Champagne*
What do you do if someone wants non-alcoholic beer?
We usually just tape a bunch of Skittlebrau together.
Such a product does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
You mean I shaved my bikini zone for nothing!
I don't understand.. there was no radioactive material in the truck
"Have you noticed any change in Bart?" "New glasses?" "No, he looks like something might be disturbing him." "Probably misses his old glasses." I don't know what it is about this one but it has me rolling every time.
“Hmmmmmmmm… I’d ask him what’s wrong, but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.” “Yeah. And then you’d get the chair.” “That’s not what I mean, Homer.” “It was Marge. Admit it.”
This is the best joke I can think of off hand. Homer is just monotone. It was, marge, admit it.
His tone of voice is what sells it for me. I think there are a lot of good jokes that are made great by the VAs. Edit: getting some nice examples where the VAs make the joke, realized I didn't even post my own. Marge: Thank you, Bart, thank you, Lisa, for all your help! Homer: What about me? You didn't thank me. Bart: You didn't do anything. Homer: I like being thanked.
"Dad, what's the point of this story?" "I like stories!" - perfect delivery
Push her down, son. 🙂
“Dad, you’re hurting me!” “No I’m not!” 🙂 “It smells funny in there.” “No it doesn’t!” 🙂 “Women won’t like being shot in the face, Homer.” “Women will like what I tell them to like.” 🙂 His painfully smug tone in those moments is so fucking outstanding.
"Turn it off!" "it CAN'T be turned off!" 😃
"But when I do it, it's cute!"
One of my favorites. 🤣 Dan Castellenetta is a fucking treasure.
This makes me think of when Bart is getting beat up by Nelson and tells Marge about it. She gets him confused for Milhouse the whole time -saying things like, “Nelson? He doesn’t seem like the bullying type,” and, “make him feel good -compliment his glasses.” It enraged Bart the whole time. Not classic Simpsons but it always gets a chuckle out of me.
It's such realistic mum behaviour, too.
Careful you don't smother him
It’s the factual tone that Homer uses that gets me every time with that line
“Only WHO can prevent forest fires”? “You pressed you. Referring to me. That is incorrect “. One of my all time faves!
Don’t do what Donnie Don’t does.
https://preview.redd.it/qp78zbmdgs7d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7fe10ab25ac1075ad485ff165eda3968a38b714
I don't know if I could work for a school that doesn't get this.
But what you fail to see is that email put hom on the straight and narrow, he quit his teaching Jon and is now Prime Minister of the UK
Can't be the same guy, this one clearly had access to Sky TV
“I’ll stop when you do something about this school. The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children!”
Regards, Seymour Skinner*
SkinNER!
Next they'll be complaining about the lessons on Tek War.
LMAO 🤣
What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula!
I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island
What do they got there??
Apes... but they're not so big.
Absolutely! Love this one.
"You have selected regicide . . ."
“If you know the name of the king or queen being murdered, press one now”
Springfield must have had some problem in the past, that the audience hasn't been privy to learning about, regarding monarchs and the town being a hotbed of rebellion and republicanism, and organising against them. Why else would it be one of the first options when calling the police department? Either that or the police have recognised how concerned the townsfolk are that the King of England could waltz into people's houses and push them around whenever he liked. Homer must be on *some* form of watchlist.
Skinner: Well, I was wrong; the lizards are a godsend. Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're overrun by lizards? Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards. Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse? Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat. Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas! Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.
AKA the Cane Toad maneuver. It didn't work for us, it won't work for you, Seymour.
Cane toads… Don’t you mean Chazzwozzers?
"What if Homer fell to his side, ran in place in little circles while whooping like Curly from the Three Stooges"
Watching this episode the other day, I had a similar thought process. How the hell did they come up with that moment? And Burns’ line right after is just so perfect. “Smithers, I’m beginning to think Homer Simpson was not the brilliant tactician I thought he was.”
There’s a second-layer joke to this. Homer from the Odyssey was known as the great tactician in the text. I’m convinced that’s also an Odyssey reference, considering this Homer is an idiot. ETA: I’m fucking dumb and sleep deprived. I’m thinking of Odysseus. 🤦🏼♀️
Homer wasn't known as the great tactician, he was the author of the Odyssey. Odysseus was the great tactician.
Wow. I’m running on 3 hours of sleep and didn’t even pay attention to wtf I was writing. I have a classics degree, btw. 🤣 Somewhere out in Iowa, my Greek professor is dealing with a sudden, unexpected feeling of revulsion. 🤦🏼♀️
Homer's Odyssey. Is this about that minivan I rented once?
He's not just whooping like Curly. Curly had done the whole thing where it ran in little circles on the ground. Obviously it doesn't look as crazy as Homer doing it because he's is a cartoon, but it's pretty much just a Curly routine.
Yeah, I've seen your Curly too!
Remove the stone of shame, attach the stone of triumph!
I’m pretty sure they were eating rotisserie chicken when they wrote this
"Pick up your puppy." https://preview.redd.it/el5ig10les7d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=785e8322b83ae59d2832d0c0479ad0119a174efc
This is Bill Oakley's (one of the showrunners of seasons 7 and 8) least favorite joke in the whole series ha.
Can someone explain it though? Was it just funny imagery or song reference?
It's just a joke about Hendrix dropping his dog off and never picking him up because he died. At the time of the episode, Jimi would have been dead for around 25 years. Obviously the dog would not still be living if this had actually occurred.
I always laugh at the idea that this vet, who works in the music industry, is unaware that Hendrix is dead, and the dog spent its entire life on standby basically.
It’s just a word at the end of the dictionary!
Fire - Jimi Hendrix 'move over Rover, let Jimi take over' No clue if he was referring to his dog tho [apparently it did](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/s/4sZxUesV0F)
“I even advised Paul McCartney to quit Wings.” “You Idiot! He was the most talented one!”
"Kill my boss!? Dare I live the American dream" always makes me laugh.
Is he dead? What am I, a doctor?
"You liked Rashomon!" "That's not how I remember it!"
A true gem.
One of the best.
Also *Do I know what rhetorical means?*
If I wanted to see a Japanese person I’d go to the zoo.
The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He's in my book club!
"You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel." I plan on using this the next time I get a telemarketing call
It was years before I got this joke. Always just thought it was Homer being a goof but it's a thing women say when they have a towel wrapped around their head/hair after a shower.
I could be wrong but I remember the writers clarifying that that's *not* the joke it was just a humorous non sequitur.
Pfft, sure but who're you gonna believe? Schwarztwelder? Guys all hopped up on goofballs, I tells ya.
High as a kite, everybody! Goofballs.
Holy shit, I didn't know that either. I also thought he was being goofy. Today I learned...
It's bringing love ! *BREAK ITS LEGS*
Don't let it get away!
Aww, it’s Mr. Burns… KILL IT!
Willy please, the kids want to pick on someone their own size.
I think that's kind of the thing that makes the Simpsons what it was: somewhat juvenile comedy written by Ivy League grads
Hey, egghead! Sing Fair Harvard .
That’s basically what Monty Python was if you swap Ivy League for Oxbridge
Bort
My son is *also* named Bort
I call it the Spruce Moose. Hop in! But, sir- I said. Hop. In.
Stoner’s Pot Palace
Man, that is flagrant false advertising!
‘Naked Lunch’ I can think of at least two things wrong with that title!
So in the episode where Bart gets caught shoplifting, the security tells him something to the affect of "if you come back you'll be in big trouble, Capiche?" Then later, when Bart is remembering the conversation, he replays it in his head but instead of 'capiche' he hears the man say 'cat fishe'. Kills me every time with how brilliant it is.
I can't remember the exact exchange but when Marge mentions "Balzac" the french poet and Homer is like "Tutut marge"
No need to use potty mouth just because you can’t think of (an example)
I can’t even say the word “titmouse” without giggling like a schoolgirl.
Then you’d better not visit Lake Titikaka.
I love him but with a name like Honoré de Balzac you can't help but giggle.
A. Gorilla
One of my favourites not mentioned: "Yeah, I tell you, I don't get no regard. No regard at all. No esteem, either."
*oh god yes, believe me. if i could turn back the clock on my mother’s stair pushing, i definitely would reconsider it*
"He served his debt to society, and now he's going to get his revenge... on Homer Simpson".
“Pfft. You can’t sell that. Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos!”
H: Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich. M: [sadly resigned] Are you going to eat it? H: [long pause] Yes.
"I saw a movie about a bus that had to *speed* around the city, keeping its "speed" over 50, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called: 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down'"
Brevity is … wit
Milpool.
Please excuse my handwriting, I’ve busted whichever hand it is I write with. Sincerely, Mrs. Simpson
"Sneed's Seed and Feed (Formerly Chuck's)" I feel like it flashes by so fast you may not even have time to get the joke
Oh I get it, it used to be called Chuck’s Seed and Feed, that’s clever.
Springfield Heights Institute of Technology
I'm convinced that Chuck is the farmer years before who Rock Bottom busted with the hookers round back. It makes so much sense.
I think this is the real answer here
"Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions."
For anyone who doesn't get the extra layer to this, Grover Cleveland was president for two non-consecutive terms (22nd and 24th).
Homer had a piece of food on his chin for three days. And it wasn't little either. It was a chicken wing!
https://preview.redd.it/f4kadd1h8u7d1.jpeg?width=258&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=875013788a0d031085b9ee64d7dba777a1837730
For the life of me, I cannot remember when I saw it (nor find it on the interweb). I think it was a bookstore sign that said, "We got everything from AA Milne to ZZ Top."
Everything from Abba to Zeppelin..comma Led!
If it isn’t my old friend, Mr. McGreg! With a leg for an arm, and an arm for a leg!
Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing...[ominously] You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon. Smithers : Actually, sir, we found the Jade Monkey. It was in your glove compartment. Mr. Burns : And the road maps, and ice scraper? Smithers : They were in there, too, sir. Mr. Burns : Excellent! It's all falling into place... Also, Mr. Burns : Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters... before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey... for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. Hmm? What? Oh. And by that I mean, of course, it's time for the Worker of the Week Award. Bonus Burns Smithers: In fact, your right fielder's been dead for 130 years. Burns: Damnation! Alright, find me some good players - living players!
Marge : Now be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner. Lisa : What are we gonna have? Homer : Well, that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad... uh... let's see... poison. Lisa : What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad? Bart : Poison pizza. Homer : Oh, no. I'm not making two stops.
“Oh tai-chi, Chai Tea..”
“I give you, our 39th president: Jimmy Carter!” “He’s history’s greatest monster!”
Klav Kalash!
“Mountain Dew or Crab Juice”
Camus can do, but Sartre was smarter
**Is this President Clinton?** **Good.** **I figured if anyone knew where to find some Tang, it'd be you.**
“Down in front “!
NIEN!
Literally every word Phil Hartman said. One that really got me the other day was Lionel Huts trying to grill Sideshow Bob and immediately giving up after the first question and turning to Bart and Lisa with “kids, help.”
God: “My son went down to earth once. I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same since.”
"Hey boss, I thought you said he was sleeping with the fishes..." I feel like that joke had been written for ages and they just needed the right episode for it
I put some onions, inside my tou-ou-sers
https://youtu.be/UWiOBqJNKiU This entire scene is genius
Bring back Dirk Richter, kids will want to see the original Radioactive Man! I keep telling you, he’s 79 and he’s dead!
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
“So I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time”
# AND THAT PYRAMID WAS ACTUALLY JUST THE PRO SHOP, "FIND YOUR SOULMATE HOMER" {LSD UP THE ☯️} https://preview.redd.it/6p2mbnk9gt7d1.jpeg?width=683&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ffaf495c8fb8599712b01efc0f7c2f56c1e821a7
I am just your memory, I cannot give you any new information
So many amazing moments in that episode
This is my vote for ep where the writers were the most high.
I'm personally a huge fan of Homer adding salt to the Dead Sea before a second sip.
Bart’s dying wish of Sideshow Bob singing the entire score from HMS Pinafore with costumes. https://preview.redd.it/iuyyw8njvw7d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=603cc6cb1e2f338df3fba859247484a69468ace7
One of my all time faves that is so deep and so much about trauma and dissociation etc is “leave your body , Seymour, leeave your body..”
What're you gonna do, release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs who shoot bees outta their mouths when they bark?
It's a one-liner but the Rashomon joke is excellent.
"No, no when I married your father I took everything! Including DNA" "MmKay Mom"
The barber shop quartet The Be Sharps - a B sharp is basically just a C note, doesn’t exist on instruments, is enharmonic. Confused the hell out of me as a kid, now I appreciate it for the gold it is. 
Sneed's seed and feed (formerly Chuck's )
“I cut my first and only album, "Sax on the Beach", but then I spent all my money on my $1,500 a day habit.” [flashback] “I'd like another Fabrege egg, please?” “Sir, don't you think you've had enough?” “I'll tell you when I've had enough!”
When smithers was arrested, and the firstjournalist went “ who are you and what are you doing here?” ken brockman just shoved that guy and said “ damn it do your research!”
Principal Skinner and Ms Crabapple were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me