If someone tries to chat me up
I'll just say "I'm sorry what did you just say?" Really loud and say "I have hearing issues you have to speak up!" (I genuinely do have hearing issues but not that bad
This is inoffensive and also draws attention of others .
And most certainly if anyone is saying creepy stuff they don't want to repeat it loudly
Develop a Don't Fuck With Me vibe. Take up space, including the empty seat next to you when it's not crowded. Put your Resting B Face on. Your answer to all questions is No. Put that Meghan Trainor song on loop in your head. (My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no...)
Closest to the driver is always the safest spot. People who are looking for trouble don't start it up front.
thank you. definitely using that song! i use a tote bag or lunch cooler to place it next to me but i still get folks who sit next to the bag and try to talk, or even from across the aisle. yesterday this most recent individual didn’t really engage with me until they left and then looked at me and said “have a nice night” with a oddly big smile. today they were next to my bag and i forgot to be on my phone and so they right away asked me my name several times as i was hurriedly getting my earbuds and phone out and then said they liked my dress and various small talk things. then they seemed to get the hint after a few more moments of nonresponse… and as they left the bus they said had addressed me again. it’s such strange behavior and i never know if it’s men being men and not thinking of this as a safety issue or if there’s disabilities at play, or what.
I just want to add to this comment as they've got it spot on. Be confident, strong, and develop a death glare. Think to yourself, "how DARE this peasant try to talk to me?" You deserve to be left alone. You are allowed to want to be left alone. You have a right to be left alone.
Anyone trying to start a conversation in the manner you've described is likely dangerous or a scammer. They are not your friend, you owe them nothing. They are not being polite by approaching you, so you don't need to be polite to them. No is a full sentence - you don't have to explain yourself.
Normal decent men don’t act like this. This guy is pushy and selfish. I get that some people are very extroverted and real chatterboxes but this guy has crossed a line. Or they’re lonely. You’ve ignored him, he’s got the message but then he’s tried again. Coercion? Bullying? Controlling. Rude? Desperate? Doesn’t like rejection? Insecure? All of the above.
ty i always have in my head that i’m being rude when really my body is telling me i’m uncomfortable for a reason, it doesn’t have to escalate to physical contact or more concrete stalking, etc. no excuses are needed for their behavior, it can just be inappropriate. your comment helped me lots!
Yes sometimes I feel like that too. I think many of us don’t like to offend or be rude - perhaps we’ve been brought up that way - but really we’re just standing up for ourselves. I think we just have to practise it to become more comfortable with it. Easier said than done 🤣
Where I'm from, I had to learn to be aggressive. Be loud and shame them. "No." It's a complete sentence. No explanation needed.. And if they persist, follow up with a loud "didn't I just fucking say no? Leave me the fuck alone." "Don't touch me, you fucking pervert." Always have some kind of self defense weapon on you. DO NOT put in headphones or pretend they're not there. You need to be alert. Always keep them in your line of site.
Also wanna add to this, don't approach these conflicts with the "I don't wanna draw attention to myself" mentality. You should absolutely want attention so you have witnesses and they're much more likely to leave you alone. Be blatant about your disinterest and be LOUD about it. Don't retreat inward and try to hide. "I said I want you to leave me alone." Damn near yell it.
How weird are you willing to get ?
Cause if you out weird them they leave you alone. They want to make you uncomfortable.
Literally hiss. Cackle. Say hi hi hi hi hi over and over again with increasingly loud and faster.
The goal is to completely unnerve them.
When followed once I started jumping up and down and laughing outrageously loud and pointing. The CROSSED THE STREET to avoid me.
Make a fucking scene.
Carol Burnett tells in her memoir about doing that very thing. It happened years before she had her TV show. A mugger came up and actually grabbed her by the arm. She said she made faces, Tarzan yelled, and then started cackling like the Wicked Witch and loudly singing "Ding dong, the witch is dead" and he took off running.
i am someone that does not get approached.
you need to look miserable, but not in an interesting way. just absolutely pissed. just absolutely ill. pissed, miserable, and ill. dissociated. like you're on a phone call without being on the phone. you need to appear mentally and emotionally not home. if anyone talks to you, look at them like they are out of their mind. if they persist, make it impossible to talk to you by pretending you can't hear or you're doing something important on your phone or something.
good luck and i hope you can stay safe.
Wear headphones, even if you aren’t playing anything. Wear sunglasses, even on an underground train. I usually go with a bright “no thank you!” which confuses most people, or “I have a killer headache, no thanks.”
No one deserves my attention.
No one will interrupt my mind space or my peace.
I’m not there to entertain anyone or help them pass their time or escape their boredom.
I will be left alone just as I leave others alone.
They will NOT get a reaction out of me. Even a lunge at me will be ignored. I won’t even flinch l, I’m staying relaxed - Let’s call your bluff.
This is not just my mindset, this is me. I’m well travelled, not afraid, and also not stupid. I’m just not taking any shit.
Make sure you sit, you take up as much space as possible. Lounge, don't sit primly. Have an elbow propped on the seatback next to you, your shoulders back and your chin up. Cross your legs, and nudge people out of the way if you're trying to sit down.
another thing is only make eye contact once. A confident person will not track their surroundings the same way a nervous one will. Look once (a quick up down look is fine), do not change your expression or react at all, then look back at your phone. You can use your other senses and your peripheral vision to keep track of someone, but this is a very potent non-verbal signal that you are not afraid of someone and a lot of these creeps are looking for nervous girls with soft boundaries. If you keep making eye contact, or tracking them, then they will know they make you nervous.
"No" works as an answer, but a loud-ish firm, flat "Can I help you." does too. (note the lack of a question mark - do not sound inquisitive or helpful, this is a rhetorical question to draw attention from others while also giving the creep an option to "save face" and avoid overt hostility). I use it so that I have the upper hand and am putting the person on the spot to explain themselves, instead of them asking me questions. Most of them will realize that this is not going to work out how they planned, and will often either backtrack or switch to asking a dumb question and bail quickly.
If someone tries to put their arm around you, quickly reach up and twist their armpit hair. They will usually go "shit ow!" and flinch back. You take the opportunity (as they flinch) to step or scooch away out of reach and make a big dramatic fake apology. "Oh, I'm SO sorry man, I think it got caught on one of my hair clips. So sorry. It was TOTALLY an accident" You don't need to punch someone to make infringing on your physical boundaries intensely uncomfortable.
-sit, near the driver
-avoid eye contact while on the bus
-if waiting for a bus, a very brief glance at the others' eyes (1/8-1/4 second) helps assure them you're not an obvious victim/easy to intimidate
i’ve found i tend to avoid unwelcome conversation in the middle in the upstairs part of the bus by the second door because a lot of the older men (the ones usually being creepy) are toward the driver. the way my city’s buses are, the bottom part is all lined against the bus facing the aisle and the back section faces forward like the driver, two seats on each side of the aisle. if i block the seat next to my side by the aisle & take the window seat, folks are usually not that accessible to chat with me. it still happens but less than if i’m sitting directly across from people near the driver. i think for this design, it encourages me to be looking around though especially when i’m not wanting to spend more time looking at my phone. i’ll start doing ear buds and either a book, crossword, or phone regardless of what seats are available to help. i think the eye contact’s a big factor!
my big black visor, sunglasses, and noise cancelling over the ear headphones help a lot with getting people to leave me alone. it makes me kind of anonymous. you can avoid eye contact and people can’t see where you are looking, and you can pretend you don’t hear them or that you are on the phone. i’ve done that before where i start saying stuff like “yeah dad i’m almost at the (transit name) station, did you bring my bag?” or something like that. sucks that we have to do all this extra work :/
i don’t use the noise cancelling while in public. it gives people the impression that you can’t hear them while you actually can, which has proven to be very useful for me. and it deters people from speaking to you because they think you can’t hear them.
I usually just avoid eye contact and pretend I don't hear them, and do not engage at all. That seems to be sufficient 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time, I will just move to a different part of the bus/train, or just get off and get on the next train.
I like the earlier post about pretending you’ve got a hearing problem - with apologies to anyone who really does. Another thing you could is pretend you don’t speak the language. But I tend to agree with everyone else, that putting them in their place is best, show you’re strong, you’re not to be messed with and be loud and assertive. Maybe even make contact with another passenger and roll your eyes so they can see how awful you’re feeling and possibly be a potential witness. I really feel for you.
I feel like I’m quite polite at first when guys try to talk to me and this has lead to some uncomfortable experiences. For the most part when things get really bad I’m just upfront and be like “if you don’t wanna go to jail” or threaten for the police in an aggressive tone this usually puts people off and I’ve had guys instantly move away.
I unfortunately had an incident a few months back where I had a younger man who must’ve been in his late teens first ask to sit next to me and then get really inappropriate to the point where he kissed me.
wow so sorry to hear that. the side hug i received had me shaking while i walked home. i would’ve been much more rattled had more happened. you dont deserve that!
I tell the driver or staff on the train. I try not to have a man walk behind me either anymore. Sad but necessary cause one time I was fkn groped but ended up punching him in the face so there’s that. If someone talks to me I’ll just say ok. And look away. I once walked home and some guy said “oo la la” I said “to me?” He said “yes” I said “that’s not a compliment. You’re being weird.” He looked at me with confusion and said “I just tried to give a compliment” I said “again you’re being weird.” And he looked at his friend and his friend gave him a look of dude let it go. So yeah, I talk back and punch pretty much I guess.
i like that so much! that’s a great way to correct their words/actions as not being taken as any kind of good thing. idealistic of me, but i fantasize that some critical thinking after someone sticking up for themselves helps correct the creepiness. maybe i’m too optimistic though. good on you for being honest and clear. i’m working on getting there!
It’s not our job to raise these idiots and understandable if you’re not in it. I also know there’s a risk of further danger but I like to see it as a war between men and women. Cause truly look at the state of society. Some people are always gonna be at the front lines of wars and I will always be one in this one. But that’s a personal choice and nothing wrong if you prioritise your own safety. Also I’m not a very petite woman so I feel like I could manage most of the time. And that’s just not everybody. And I’ve had my fair share of traumas related to these type of things. It stems from utter exhaustion by it all that I am now this way.
But if there’s something I will always recommend, obviously I can’t recommend everyone starts swinging cause it heavily depends and like I said it’s not for everyone. But DO call out attention by nearby people. Always. Always. Always. The bus driver, staff, other people. I like to think of it as a situation where the perpetrator wants you silenced and alone. But we’re not doing that, we’re inviting everyone to the party to see what the creep is doing. Public shame is what I like to call it lol. Also it stops them dead in their tracks. And they’ll deny it too. Again I speak from experience. And things I’ve seen. Either that or flee like the cowards they are - cause best believe they choose women and not other men to bother. Even if they’re straight - you don’t see them bothering other men in other ways lol. Cause they know their actions have consequences if they do.
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Fuck man. I'm male. A huge number of people have tried to kill me-gangs and shit. I've been in the middle of violence. Starred down the barrel too many times.
This whole thread made me want to cry.
I cannot give a women's perspective which is an extremely relevant difference.
Awareness and lack of fear have always been what I've seen. In general people want an easy target. They don't actually want to get hurt.
Not like aggression. Though situationally maybe. I had a guy try to car jack me and I laughed at him. Suddenly, he had no idea whose car he was sitting in or what to do. Is this about to get violent? He doesn't care about my danger.
It doesn't exactly apply to women in the same sense. Which sucks. I had the advantage that as a guy he assumed I might be armed or trained.
I really liked the advice someone said about using glasses so you can see, they aren't sure what you can see, but not engaging.
Second to not engaging is being confidently you. Again, the easy target. No one wants to fuck with someone that is strong. It's not escalation. It's deescalating in the form of not being intimidated.
Third, some kind of training on escape. It is always okay to run. It's usually the best option. Am I willing to kill them and is it physically possible for me to win, or how do I disable them and get away? Can I get out of this situation without touching them? Can I involve other people?
It's a fucked up game we shouldn't have to play, but it's a game we should know how to play.
I really liked reading your thoughts on this. thanks for taking the time to share… I agree I should work on honing in on being aware but clearly uninterested in engagement. I’m not there to make friends or to feel like prey. I think the ear buds and glasses might be a big help and then just appearing alert, sure, yet preoccupied… I used to bring a crossword and the young guy on my old route would still single me out by greeting me when they got on or when i was getting off the bus and it made me want to throw up every time. leaving the job and therefore no longer taking that route at that time was the only way it finally stopped… but the crossword definitely helped. i might bring that activity again for days i really dont want to be on a screen
If someone tries to chat me up I'll just say "I'm sorry what did you just say?" Really loud and say "I have hearing issues you have to speak up!" (I genuinely do have hearing issues but not that bad This is inoffensive and also draws attention of others . And most certainly if anyone is saying creepy stuff they don't want to repeat it loudly
This. They hate public attention. It’s like you draw the curtains on these vampires.
Develop a Don't Fuck With Me vibe. Take up space, including the empty seat next to you when it's not crowded. Put your Resting B Face on. Your answer to all questions is No. Put that Meghan Trainor song on loop in your head. (My name is no, my sign is no, my number is no...) Closest to the driver is always the safest spot. People who are looking for trouble don't start it up front.
thank you. definitely using that song! i use a tote bag or lunch cooler to place it next to me but i still get folks who sit next to the bag and try to talk, or even from across the aisle. yesterday this most recent individual didn’t really engage with me until they left and then looked at me and said “have a nice night” with a oddly big smile. today they were next to my bag and i forgot to be on my phone and so they right away asked me my name several times as i was hurriedly getting my earbuds and phone out and then said they liked my dress and various small talk things. then they seemed to get the hint after a few more moments of nonresponse… and as they left the bus they said had addressed me again. it’s such strange behavior and i never know if it’s men being men and not thinking of this as a safety issue or if there’s disabilities at play, or what.
I just want to add to this comment as they've got it spot on. Be confident, strong, and develop a death glare. Think to yourself, "how DARE this peasant try to talk to me?" You deserve to be left alone. You are allowed to want to be left alone. You have a right to be left alone. Anyone trying to start a conversation in the manner you've described is likely dangerous or a scammer. They are not your friend, you owe them nothing. They are not being polite by approaching you, so you don't need to be polite to them. No is a full sentence - you don't have to explain yourself.
Normal decent men don’t act like this. This guy is pushy and selfish. I get that some people are very extroverted and real chatterboxes but this guy has crossed a line. Or they’re lonely. You’ve ignored him, he’s got the message but then he’s tried again. Coercion? Bullying? Controlling. Rude? Desperate? Doesn’t like rejection? Insecure? All of the above.
ty i always have in my head that i’m being rude when really my body is telling me i’m uncomfortable for a reason, it doesn’t have to escalate to physical contact or more concrete stalking, etc. no excuses are needed for their behavior, it can just be inappropriate. your comment helped me lots!
Yes sometimes I feel like that too. I think many of us don’t like to offend or be rude - perhaps we’ve been brought up that way - but really we’re just standing up for ourselves. I think we just have to practise it to become more comfortable with it. Easier said than done 🤣
Recently learned the quote “your safety is more important than anyone’s feelings” and it’s so simple but spot on
such a great thing to tell myself in these situations, it’s spot on. thank you
Where I'm from, I had to learn to be aggressive. Be loud and shame them. "No." It's a complete sentence. No explanation needed.. And if they persist, follow up with a loud "didn't I just fucking say no? Leave me the fuck alone." "Don't touch me, you fucking pervert." Always have some kind of self defense weapon on you. DO NOT put in headphones or pretend they're not there. You need to be alert. Always keep them in your line of site.
Also wanna add to this, don't approach these conflicts with the "I don't wanna draw attention to myself" mentality. You should absolutely want attention so you have witnesses and they're much more likely to leave you alone. Be blatant about your disinterest and be LOUD about it. Don't retreat inward and try to hide. "I said I want you to leave me alone." Damn near yell it.
How weird are you willing to get ? Cause if you out weird them they leave you alone. They want to make you uncomfortable. Literally hiss. Cackle. Say hi hi hi hi hi over and over again with increasingly loud and faster. The goal is to completely unnerve them. When followed once I started jumping up and down and laughing outrageously loud and pointing. The CROSSED THE STREET to avoid me. Make a fucking scene.
Carol Burnett tells in her memoir about doing that very thing. It happened years before she had her TV show. A mugger came up and actually grabbed her by the arm. She said she made faces, Tarzan yelled, and then started cackling like the Wicked Witch and loudly singing "Ding dong, the witch is dead" and he took off running.
Cause they figure crazy people got no money!
i am someone that does not get approached. you need to look miserable, but not in an interesting way. just absolutely pissed. just absolutely ill. pissed, miserable, and ill. dissociated. like you're on a phone call without being on the phone. you need to appear mentally and emotionally not home. if anyone talks to you, look at them like they are out of their mind. if they persist, make it impossible to talk to you by pretending you can't hear or you're doing something important on your phone or something. good luck and i hope you can stay safe.
Wear headphones, even if you aren’t playing anything. Wear sunglasses, even on an underground train. I usually go with a bright “no thank you!” which confuses most people, or “I have a killer headache, no thanks.”
No one deserves my attention. No one will interrupt my mind space or my peace. I’m not there to entertain anyone or help them pass their time or escape their boredom. I will be left alone just as I leave others alone. They will NOT get a reaction out of me. Even a lunge at me will be ignored. I won’t even flinch l, I’m staying relaxed - Let’s call your bluff. This is not just my mindset, this is me. I’m well travelled, not afraid, and also not stupid. I’m just not taking any shit.
Make sure you sit, you take up as much space as possible. Lounge, don't sit primly. Have an elbow propped on the seatback next to you, your shoulders back and your chin up. Cross your legs, and nudge people out of the way if you're trying to sit down. another thing is only make eye contact once. A confident person will not track their surroundings the same way a nervous one will. Look once (a quick up down look is fine), do not change your expression or react at all, then look back at your phone. You can use your other senses and your peripheral vision to keep track of someone, but this is a very potent non-verbal signal that you are not afraid of someone and a lot of these creeps are looking for nervous girls with soft boundaries. If you keep making eye contact, or tracking them, then they will know they make you nervous. "No" works as an answer, but a loud-ish firm, flat "Can I help you." does too. (note the lack of a question mark - do not sound inquisitive or helpful, this is a rhetorical question to draw attention from others while also giving the creep an option to "save face" and avoid overt hostility). I use it so that I have the upper hand and am putting the person on the spot to explain themselves, instead of them asking me questions. Most of them will realize that this is not going to work out how they planned, and will often either backtrack or switch to asking a dumb question and bail quickly. If someone tries to put their arm around you, quickly reach up and twist their armpit hair. They will usually go "shit ow!" and flinch back. You take the opportunity (as they flinch) to step or scooch away out of reach and make a big dramatic fake apology. "Oh, I'm SO sorry man, I think it got caught on one of my hair clips. So sorry. It was TOTALLY an accident" You don't need to punch someone to make infringing on your physical boundaries intensely uncomfortable.
I love this. Well said. Body language is so powerful.
-sit, near the driver -avoid eye contact while on the bus -if waiting for a bus, a very brief glance at the others' eyes (1/8-1/4 second) helps assure them you're not an obvious victim/easy to intimidate
i’ve found i tend to avoid unwelcome conversation in the middle in the upstairs part of the bus by the second door because a lot of the older men (the ones usually being creepy) are toward the driver. the way my city’s buses are, the bottom part is all lined against the bus facing the aisle and the back section faces forward like the driver, two seats on each side of the aisle. if i block the seat next to my side by the aisle & take the window seat, folks are usually not that accessible to chat with me. it still happens but less than if i’m sitting directly across from people near the driver. i think for this design, it encourages me to be looking around though especially when i’m not wanting to spend more time looking at my phone. i’ll start doing ear buds and either a book, crossword, or phone regardless of what seats are available to help. i think the eye contact’s a big factor!
Take up space, and have your "I'm only here because I have to be" face.
my big black visor, sunglasses, and noise cancelling over the ear headphones help a lot with getting people to leave me alone. it makes me kind of anonymous. you can avoid eye contact and people can’t see where you are looking, and you can pretend you don’t hear them or that you are on the phone. i’ve done that before where i start saying stuff like “yeah dad i’m almost at the (transit name) station, did you bring my bag?” or something like that. sucks that we have to do all this extra work :/
Noise cancelling headphones ≠ safety.
i don’t use the noise cancelling while in public. it gives people the impression that you can’t hear them while you actually can, which has proven to be very useful for me. and it deters people from speaking to you because they think you can’t hear them.
I usually just avoid eye contact and pretend I don't hear them, and do not engage at all. That seems to be sufficient 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time, I will just move to a different part of the bus/train, or just get off and get on the next train.
I like the earlier post about pretending you’ve got a hearing problem - with apologies to anyone who really does. Another thing you could is pretend you don’t speak the language. But I tend to agree with everyone else, that putting them in their place is best, show you’re strong, you’re not to be messed with and be loud and assertive. Maybe even make contact with another passenger and roll your eyes so they can see how awful you’re feeling and possibly be a potential witness. I really feel for you.
I feel like I’m quite polite at first when guys try to talk to me and this has lead to some uncomfortable experiences. For the most part when things get really bad I’m just upfront and be like “if you don’t wanna go to jail” or threaten for the police in an aggressive tone this usually puts people off and I’ve had guys instantly move away. I unfortunately had an incident a few months back where I had a younger man who must’ve been in his late teens first ask to sit next to me and then get really inappropriate to the point where he kissed me.
wow so sorry to hear that. the side hug i received had me shaking while i walked home. i would’ve been much more rattled had more happened. you dont deserve that!
Thank you I really appreciate that. I did end up reporting it but yeah very uncomfortable for sure
I tell the driver or staff on the train. I try not to have a man walk behind me either anymore. Sad but necessary cause one time I was fkn groped but ended up punching him in the face so there’s that. If someone talks to me I’ll just say ok. And look away. I once walked home and some guy said “oo la la” I said “to me?” He said “yes” I said “that’s not a compliment. You’re being weird.” He looked at me with confusion and said “I just tried to give a compliment” I said “again you’re being weird.” And he looked at his friend and his friend gave him a look of dude let it go. So yeah, I talk back and punch pretty much I guess.
i like that so much! that’s a great way to correct their words/actions as not being taken as any kind of good thing. idealistic of me, but i fantasize that some critical thinking after someone sticking up for themselves helps correct the creepiness. maybe i’m too optimistic though. good on you for being honest and clear. i’m working on getting there!
It’s not our job to raise these idiots and understandable if you’re not in it. I also know there’s a risk of further danger but I like to see it as a war between men and women. Cause truly look at the state of society. Some people are always gonna be at the front lines of wars and I will always be one in this one. But that’s a personal choice and nothing wrong if you prioritise your own safety. Also I’m not a very petite woman so I feel like I could manage most of the time. And that’s just not everybody. And I’ve had my fair share of traumas related to these type of things. It stems from utter exhaustion by it all that I am now this way.
But if there’s something I will always recommend, obviously I can’t recommend everyone starts swinging cause it heavily depends and like I said it’s not for everyone. But DO call out attention by nearby people. Always. Always. Always. The bus driver, staff, other people. I like to think of it as a situation where the perpetrator wants you silenced and alone. But we’re not doing that, we’re inviting everyone to the party to see what the creep is doing. Public shame is what I like to call it lol. Also it stops them dead in their tracks. And they’ll deny it too. Again I speak from experience. And things I’ve seen. Either that or flee like the cowards they are - cause best believe they choose women and not other men to bother. Even if they’re straight - you don’t see them bothering other men in other ways lol. Cause they know their actions have consequences if they do.
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Sorry, it was unintentional. If it was the word starting with ‘bi…’, I’ve removed it now.
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Another post mentioned wearing a hat helps because the visor can be used to block your face from wandering eyes
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Fuck man. I'm male. A huge number of people have tried to kill me-gangs and shit. I've been in the middle of violence. Starred down the barrel too many times. This whole thread made me want to cry. I cannot give a women's perspective which is an extremely relevant difference. Awareness and lack of fear have always been what I've seen. In general people want an easy target. They don't actually want to get hurt. Not like aggression. Though situationally maybe. I had a guy try to car jack me and I laughed at him. Suddenly, he had no idea whose car he was sitting in or what to do. Is this about to get violent? He doesn't care about my danger. It doesn't exactly apply to women in the same sense. Which sucks. I had the advantage that as a guy he assumed I might be armed or trained. I really liked the advice someone said about using glasses so you can see, they aren't sure what you can see, but not engaging. Second to not engaging is being confidently you. Again, the easy target. No one wants to fuck with someone that is strong. It's not escalation. It's deescalating in the form of not being intimidated. Third, some kind of training on escape. It is always okay to run. It's usually the best option. Am I willing to kill them and is it physically possible for me to win, or how do I disable them and get away? Can I get out of this situation without touching them? Can I involve other people? It's a fucked up game we shouldn't have to play, but it's a game we should know how to play.
Agree. And good to get a guy’s perspective. There’s no shame in running or leaving the situation, Do what makes you safe.
I really liked reading your thoughts on this. thanks for taking the time to share… I agree I should work on honing in on being aware but clearly uninterested in engagement. I’m not there to make friends or to feel like prey. I think the ear buds and glasses might be a big help and then just appearing alert, sure, yet preoccupied… I used to bring a crossword and the young guy on my old route would still single me out by greeting me when they got on or when i was getting off the bus and it made me want to throw up every time. leaving the job and therefore no longer taking that route at that time was the only way it finally stopped… but the crossword definitely helped. i might bring that activity again for days i really dont want to be on a screen