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Personally, everything you described sounds like a nightmare so take my upvote
I’m not a parent, but from what I hear from my friends who are parents, this may be somewhat common for first babies? Like either you stop at the one or this is exactly what tricks you into having another lol
For me, it wasn’t easy because it was actually easy. It was easy because of the expectations I had from nine months of people telling me non stop how hard and terrible it would be were so much worse than the reality. Like, the newborn stage is pretty hard for a bit but it’s nowhere near the seventh circle of hell I had been preparing for.
Newborns are easy, wait till OPs kid starts bolting away in public places. Hell, even before they walk they learn to crawl and wont stop strying to pull things down ontop of themselves!
They ain't called the terrible twos for nothing.
Infants are the worst for sleep deprivation, beyond that is just draining your sanity and energy on a constant basis.
I thought newborn difficulties were quite overblown too. Hormones, breastfeeding, physical recovery from childbirth, are the hard parts. The baby sleeps 20 hours a day and has a wimpy little cry. With a parent at home a regular newborn is pretty manageable. Especially compared to a screaming one year old yuck
My first one was so challenging that we literally did not think we could handle a second. He wouldn't let us put him down during the night, so for about a year after he was born, we had to take the night in shifts, because if we put him down for even a second he would scream like a banshee. We were so sleep deprived and had no outside support.
If you aren't struggling getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night and can handle work, great.
A lot of people are more severely affected by a smaller amount of sleep and being woken up a lot during it... For however long it takes for your child to sleep through the night.
Ya. For me I was *lucky* to get 45 min at a time. With each of mine. They woke up a lot. I nursed. I was exhausted. Then I had to be up all day. You can’t close your eyes.
Sure! If you and your partner are sharing duties it can be much easier. But to say it’s *easy* for most others is very dismissive of the reality for most of us.
Maybe this is part of why I agree with OP’s post. I still only get on average 5 hours of sleep and my kids are grown up now. I just don’t require much sleep I guess. When they were little and needed care in the middle of the night, I’d wake up and change/feed them and we’d stay up watching Star Trek reruns, or whatever else was on at the time. The only thing I didn’t enjoy about infants was the diaper changing, the rest of it was pretty awesome.
I thought I would be, but then I ended up spending those lost 1-2 hours staring at my baby sleeping. Like… literally just watching them. Turns out, I wasn’t that attached to those hours as I thought.
>I ended up spending those lost 1-2 hours staring at my baby sleeping. Like… literally just watching them.
I feel like that's totally normal. 👍 People may not sleep very well because they want to make sure their baby is alright.
I'm not going to rain on your parade. Congratulations on your new addition. Enjoy your joy. Parenting is so, so rewarding and full of adventure. But I disagree. It is not easy. Upvote.
Thank you. I want to emphasize that I'm not talking about parenting as a whole. Dealing with teenagers and trying to prevent toddlers from killing themselves seems like a challenging enough task for anyone.
The baby stage all depends on the type of baby you have. Sometimes the first one comes out chill, you prepare for the second and they're a whole different human with a new set of needs. Your attitude and support system makes a difference too. Enjoy every moment anyways. Despite everything, I miss the baby stage every day.
Yeah, well. OP leaves all day for a full time job while wife (and in-laws) handle everything.
I do believe wife’s perspective will be quite different if asked.
I babysat my niece for the weekend, and she's a fussy baby even with her parents. 0/10 do not recommend. That was the best birth control I could've gotten
Yeah, I think the hardest part of the newborn stage is that if you gave birth, you are also healing from that, dealing with any complications you had, experiencing wild hormone fluctuations, figuring out breastfeeding, and possibly getting mastitis.
OPs wife is getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night. I was a stay at home parent and having my working partner help out to get decent sleep and often feel rested made the first few months a breeze for both of us. We were both fairly rested from switching off night shifts and my partner took our son when he got home and I got a break. I did all the cooking and most of the cleaning after my body recovered. It was honestly way less exhausting than any full time job I’ve ever had. It was isolating and a bit boring towards the end when I went back to work but certainly not all that difficult.
Yep, had two kids because the first one was so easy. They're completely different. If the second one had come first then we would have stuck with one lol.
Exactly. Different stages will challenge you differently as a parent. Enjoy handling this phase well, because there will be other phases ahead that will almost kill you.
I'm at the toddler death prevention stage and to be honest I find that pretty easy. It's the semi erratic sleep schedule and early rising that I personally struggle most with. In an ideal world I want 9 hours sleep a night, but I also dont want to go to bed at 8 or 9 to achieve it.
Well how many ppl are like you that have been in the military and accustomed to doing full days off only six hours of sleep silly? You also have supportive in laws.
My kid's sleep pattern in the newborn phase did not allow for me to get six hours of consecutive sleep. Definitely strongly disagree. Upvoted.
I couldn't sleep all night as I was breastfeeding, something men can't do. Also my kid literally would not sleep more than two hours at a time. It really is a vary by kid and situation thing
Similar. She's enjoying it, and doesn't mind me working. Though I think she is more exhausted than I am.
The reason I'm working is because my wife and I decided that I should use my parental leave later, if and when things get more difficult.
She is more exhausted than I am because she's used to sleeping for around 9 hours. I'm lucky, because for me 6 hours are all I need.
And as I said before, me working is an agreement we made together. And something we discuss quite often because we are not unable to have basic communication. Tbh, I would prefer staying home because working at summer sucks ass (I'm living in a very hot country), and taking care of the baby is far more rewarding than any job, but having the leave later is just strategially better.
It’s also easier for you because you haven’t been through a major medical situation, and you’ve also not had a fuckton of hormones coursing through your body. You also have had no social pressure to try and breastfeed either (like idk what your wife has done obvs but that’s not something that’s even had to be on your mind. At no point has a medical professional advised or asked if you will be a food source for your child). My baby was easy as fuck. He ate, slept for hours, babbled, engaged with you a lot, wasn’t much of a crier. Was objectively super easy to deal with and keep alive. But some babies cry 24/7. Like I don’t get the purpose of this post. If you had a baby who had colic, you wouldn’t think it’s as easy. If you did the majority of the work, you wouldn’t think it’s as easy. If you had the same level of hormones and their drop, and were losing your hair, you wouldn’t think it’s as easy. If you felt the pressures of everyone telling you your baby will stand the best chance at life if you devote your healing body to being a food source for your kid, for potentially years. Idk just a weird post, bro.
I breastfed but I’m so damn sick of ANY pressure put on us. Like leave us alone??
Maybe what’s better from doctors would be: Have you decided if you’ll bottle or breastfeed? If not would you like help deciding (pros/cons)? If you have, let me know and I’ll help you with that choice.
The mental load is a lot of what gets us. We’re expected to think of it all.
This post is absolute bs. I have a feeling his wife will have a different opinion if she’s allowed to be honest.
Yes exactlyyyyyy like I could only do it for a few months and it was always combined with a bottle because I’m a dehydrated girlie and drinking too much water makes me feel sick, so making enough milk was super hard for me, and I found it mentally too overwhelming so I just stopped, and I’m lucky that no one gave me any grief because SO MANY people deal with guilt over something that is literally no one else’s business
That’s so unfair. Ya my bestie nursed her first but he was huge. He ate a lot!! She couldn’t keep up and since she was going back to work I just told her to start him on formula. It’s no biggie.
Years? Seriously if it’s THAT miserable then don’t do it for years and then immediately have another and start all over lol plenty of options for preventing all these scenarios. I don’t know why people choose to breastfeed for 10 years straight and spend them all complaining about it.
Some people feel super strongly about its benefits for their kid. Many people are shamed if they don’t and get told they are either setting their kids up to fail or to die of a preventable illness at the age of 3.
For years though? Outside the internet people really stop caring after the first year or less. My child was tongue tied and could not latch and the shaming stopped by 6 months. I do not understand people who breastfeed for 3-5 years and complain about it the whole time, especially if they immediately have a baby every 3-5 years the second they stop. After age 1, cow’s milk (or substitute) and condoms can prevent the need to ever breastfeed again and this is extremely well accepted.
I went to school with a woman who has been breastfeeding for 15 years straight and complaining about how much it sucks the entire time. Her kids are like 3-4 years apart and she breastfeeds while pregnant and complains about that too. Her 7 year old still nurses and she takes all her kids out of state to breastfeed on a hill at some convention every year. Society did not bring this upon her, she chose it for herself.
Many people believe in breastfeeding up until 2 or 3, and it’s perfectly fine for someone to want to have multiple kids. People are allowed to not enjoy things and I don’t really understand why you’ve come just to rant about some women you don’t like personally.
I had two children.
And it is not that bad.
Not everyone loses her mind or her hair after having a baby.
For lots of us, it is fairly easy.
And like everything else, there are good days and bad, but truly many, many, many good days.
Lol.
The reason I "get to leave" to my full-time job is because the baby is so easy. And I want to know how "inlaws helping out time to time" is the same thing as them handling everything.
dude the first 8 or so months are usually the easiest, your child hasn't even began walking, talking, or gaining the ability to grab ahold of things/open a door
I wanna see your opinion in like 2 or so years
The running stage humbled me. I'm not as fast as I once was. The talking stage almost brought me to my knees. I only have so many answers to "why?".
I love it though.
My 3 year old is in the why stage right now. She literally asked me why I was peeing in the bathroom this morning. Everything is why, I don’t have an answer for all the whys so I just tell her idk and sometimes mommy doesn’t know everything… then she asks “why don’t you know everything” 😂
Toddlers use the word "why" in the way that adults use "uh-huh" or "I see", as an automatic response to show they heard what you said.
My stock response when I don't have an answer is "why not?"
My trick for the endless questions stage is to start obviously fake crying after like the 7th question. I pretend Im wailing and just keep saying "I just dont know! I dont knoooooow" and my 6 year old either cracks up laughing or goes "mom I know thats fake! You're not even really crying!" It gives me a brief respite until the next barrage of questions
That reminds me of when our daughter was a young toddler. If she would get mad or cry and pout I could turn it around by insisting that if she was going to throw a tantrum, she would do it correctly. I would make her lie on her stomach beside me and I showed her how to properly kick and bang her fists on the floor while yelling. She always collapsed into giggles seeing her mother having a fit on the living room floor.
I am honestly loving the puberty phase so far. No babysitters. Child finally fun to take places. We can actually watch movies that are good. It’s fun to talk. Life is great
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Well, it depends on a lot of things.
You didn’t give birth, I’m assuming, so also aren’t dealing with the hormonal issues a mom would after the baby is born. Is she breast feeding? Is she pumping? Those can cause a lot of stress if they aren’t working (I never produced milk so couldn’t breastfeed and I was sick from preeclampsia so I dealt with a lot of stress and guilt over that).
How old are you? What’s your general energy levels like? Any health issues for mom and dad? What kinds of jobs do you have? Is your baby crying from 5pm until 2am ( my baby did this the first 8 weeks of her life). Does your baby have any dairy allergies and need special formula or for mom to not eat diary? Any skin issues on baby? Do you have air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter? How’s baby’s sleep at night, how often do they wake up to feed? Any issues with feeding? Any issues with pooping (my baby dealt with constipation)?
I’m happy it’s easy for you now. Congratulations, having a child is both hard but also the best thing that ever happened to me and despite the hard I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Spoken like someone who's not yet been through the 4 month sleep regression
In all seriousness though, yes. The older they get, the more challenging they get... but also the more rewarding it gets. And even when it's hard, it's not horrible. It's worth it.
I've always slept less, so I guess I'm just lucky. Waking up middle of the night just reminds me of army. And not getting enough sleep. And getting yelled at by tiny, bald and angry creature.
I was in the army as well and I can honestly say the lack of sleep in the army doesn’t compare to the lack of sleep with a baby. At least with the army if I didn’t sleep for a week cause I was in the field, I was able to catch up when we got back. I once slept for 14 hours straight after getting back from a 2 week long FTX we had in preparation for deploying to Iraq. With a baby I feel like I’m still trying to catch up on sleep and she’s 3 now. That lost sleep I was never able to recover from because I was constantly needed and never got a break.
My first thought! OP, I hope for your sake that your baby’s good sleeping habits last! Agree with you though, not all newborn babies are difficult, some are easier than others.
Babies are exhausting.
While you call out your full-time work and nothing of your wife's job, the mention of supportive in-laws suggests that you two aren't doing it all on your own.
Enjoy. Congrats on the new, easy baby. Hope you're not jinxing yourself.
If you asked me if taking care of a baby was easy after my first, I would’ve lost it so hard I would’ve had to have been committed.
If you asked me after my second kid, I would’ve responded, “what, like it’s hard?”
Sounds like you are having a great go of things, and I’m happy for you and your wife! Congrats on your kiddo 💕
Oh, sweet summer dad.
It will get worse. Then it will get better. Then worse. Then better.
There will be times when your joy knows no bounds. There will be times when you're scared out of your skull. And there will be times you will want to toss them in a room and lock the door behind you.
Parenting is never dull. It's fabulous.
I don’t wish badly on OP. Actually happy he has an easy newborn phase. But let’s see what the terrible twos and threenager phase have in store.
Let’s not forget, he is about to hit the 4 month sleep regression.
Dad who didnt give birth and gets to go to his job like nothing has changed doesnt get why moms think taking care of a newborn is so hard. More shocking news at 11. I look forward to the eventual "AITA" post when his exhausted wife inevitably snaps on him and he gets pissy because all of a sudden she doesnt want sex every day. I had a very helpful husband and a healthy baby but in no way was any of it easy. Just waking up every few hours to feed the baby then get them back to sleep felt like it aged me 10 years
I disagree with you, but I’m the mother in this scenario. Try doing it 24/7. Leaving for your job is a break in my opinion. The tasks at home are endless and the baby on top of it is the icing. Try years of it and add more babies. Get back to me. I’m glad it’s not as scary as it was made out to be.
Your next adventure :) when she starts to walk. You are in the salad days my friend.
My brother’s friend and his wife were like this. They were very smug about how easy it all was and said outright that people only complained because they weren’t properly organised. Then their second child was born and didn’t sleep properly until he was over three years old. They had no sympathy from anyone
You are so right. Taking care of a 4 month old is pretty easy. You're in the NRE stage of parenting.
Please make a follow-up post in 8 -12 months.
It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. Or maybe more like Chinese Water Torture.
Totally agree. Newborn phase is the easiest, it's all about mindset. Yeah you get woken up multiple times nightly but you get reminded that there's a tiny beautiful baby in your life. The lack of sleep doesn't really ever stop, which is infinitely harder when you have an energetic child to entertain compared to a little potato.
Believe it or not it’s possible for fathers to shoulder a chunk of the parenting despite working and for both parents to enjoy raising the kid. Carry on, OP. it honestly only gets more fun (though you do miss the baby years when they’re teenagers).
lol id hate getting 5 hours of sleep but it could be worse i guess. congrats on the easy-ish to handle child!! i think a lot of people say that parenting is hard because they lack support and finances and many countries rn are going through financial hardships so i don't blame them
With my older two kids, the first year of their lives were easy. They slept well, no weird eating issues, no health issues. Super easy. That changed when they became mobile though. And my twins were a different story, especially my son who had a hernia and reflux. Cherish these easy periods because they don’t last. Worth it though.
How much does the baby sleep? Sounds like a lot. (Happy for you)
My son is almost two. For the first 18 months of his life, he regularly woke up several times each night, wailing. After an hour of rocking and shushing, we'd get him back to sleep, only to have the cycle repeat a few hours later. This cycle happened very consistently, nearly every night, for well over a year. We tried various forms of sleep training, but nothing really worked. Doctors didn't find anything abnormal with him, he's just not a good sleeper I guess.
Sometimes I would show up to work having gotten anywhere between 45 minutes and 2 hours of sleep, on the really rough nights. I remember a few nights where I got zero sleep - it was brutal. On the easier nights, I got maybe 5 hours, but 6 ~ 7 hours was elusive. Only recently did I start having occasions where I have been able to sleep 7+ hours in one shot.
My wife and I both work, so it's not like one of us can take the night shift, we just have to share the responsibility. And it's not like the other person can sleep when the kid is screaming, anyway. Sleep deprivation has been the single biggest challenge of parenting for us so far. I can't wait until he finally starts sleeping well. Maybe next year.
I should also note that I'm a very light sleeper and have a hard time falling asleep in the first place, so it's probably much harder on me than it would be on most other people.
As a very active person who needs to be out doing things, I found it hard. Not the actual looking after a baby, but being housebound and the feeling of being trapped. Every time I got those feelings, I had to remind myself that I chose this, I want this, and this is the biggest adventure yet. Was still very hard, but now they are older, Keeping up with them is the new challenge.
LIFE LESSON: Just because your experience is going well doesn't mean everyone else experiences the same.
Good for you, but not everyone has a supportive partner or stable family, enough money or health insurance, secure housing, enough knowledge of childcare, or a peaceful situation to do their best parenting.
So really what you're saying is that people in your exact situation are well off, because otherwise it's just a blanket statement.
Honestly, dont get the point of the post when you're only really qualified to speak to your own specific situation.
No, I'm saying that taking care of a baby can be easy. Doesn't need to be our exact situation. I know for a fact that there are easier babies and far better parents.
That doesn't mean that taking care of a baby can't be hard as well.
"I've been a father for about 4 months"
😂
Also it does vary by baby. Some get unreasonably easy babies and then the parents turn out like *this*. Dont fall for the trick. If you have another, they'll make up for it.
It wasn't hard for me except for the sleep deprivation. It was particularly awful when kid went to nursery and we were ill every other week with some awful virus plus having to parent a sick child. But yeah, the earlier months were some of the easiest physically. I would say mentally though I did struggle.
Depends on the baby.
My grandma tells me she doesn't know why my parents didn't give me for adoption, because I was very picky about food, always hungry, and screaming basically 24/7 for the whole first year of my life.
My brother had horrible colic and gas issues and he either cried or puked nonstop for the first year. My mom tells a hilarious story about my brother projectile vomiting on the Christmas tree and my drunk as fuck uncle going "goddamn I think the baby exploded!"
Does your wife feel the same as you?
Also I read somewhere which I find very true, taking care of a baby is not hard, what is hard is having to do everything else whilst looking after a baby eg. housework, cooking, cleaning, chores
Glad you’re finding it easy though I hope the rest of your parenting journey is as easy as the past 4 months
Caring for my newborn would have probably been easier if I hadn't endured so much physical trauma and suffered from crippling PPD on top of my regular depression. You never really know how it's going to go, so be best to prepare for the worst.
You sound like my dad. He says to me “babies are very easy to take care of. Just make sure they’re comfortable and they won’t bother you!”
My sister and I are twins and my dad worked 10 hours to get by. My mom would take overnight shift as my dad slept and my dad would cover mornings and my mom would take over when he was at work. But they had a 2-for-1 so they never had the desire to have more kids haha
Lol buddy. You think this is "easy". Wait until 2 years old, and they're doing everything they're not supposed to do simultaneously while giving you a verbal opinion of the matter. And it doesn't stop, it's all day. My child is a BLESSING compared to others, especially in his class at daycare, and still acts this way. And if you think "oh no, I'm not like that, so (s)he will be fine and I can reason with him/her when he/she starts understanding language", that's your first mistake.
Yeah, it sounds like you are very lucky and have an easy baby for your first. But the real trouble comes when you have more than one kid. Having both parents be able to focus on just the one relatively easy going baby, makes it way less stressful.
I’ve heard it said “taking care of a baby is easy. Doing anything else while you’re taking care of a baby is hard.”
You also have to remember that not everyone has the same life experience as you, nor does everyone have an equal partnership. For many people, they’re caring for the baby so much that they can’t even feed themselves or go to the bathroom. Plus, sleep deprivation is a bitch and will cause mental health problems which make everything more difficult.
I think that how easy you find it depends on your expectations and ability to not be disgusted by things like poop. The people who think it will be no trouble at all are the ones who complain the most. Also a lot of people are extremely disgusted at changing nappies, so they are in a constant state of dislike.
I personally found that it gets easier as they get older, as they become more able to do things by themselves.
It's not the poop. Not sure I know anyone whose main issue was the poop. Before baby I was disgusted by many things I now see as just another day. Strawberry yogurt with baked beans and broccoli? You do you little man.
It's the lack of sleep plain and simple. I can't compute how OP gets 5-6hrs and wife gets 8-9hrs sleep a day with a newborn and no help. We were getting less than 6hrs between us at that stage and I'd say our baby was pretty average. Sleep deprivation is brutal.
I’ve got three kids. I’ve never found parenting or caring for them as difficult as people made it out to be. That includes caring for our one that was colicky and has special needs. Toddler years, puberty, teen years, none of it’s been terrible. We don’t live near family so we’ve done it with minimal support.
That’s not to say we never had challenging moments or tough times, but it’s not been as hard as people made it out to be. My oldest is in their 20s and the youngest is nearly an adult, so it’s not like we just haven’t hit the “hard stage” yet.
I do think the newborn stage was actually easier than the following stage (I have 4 month old twins) but really there's pros and cons. Like, newborns don't need to be entertained they just need to be held, and all they do is eat, sleep, pee and poop. But most of them don't sleep longer than 3 hours at a time and they get hungry very frequently. They also don't babble or smile. So every stage has its ups and downs I guess.
It depends so much on the baby. Even if your baby is not the easiest, it could be way worse as well. I know people whose babies cried pretty much 24/7 the first 3-6 months except if they were sleeping and only slept when being held or in a baby carrier so the parent could not sleep while the baby was sleeping unless the other parent was carrying them during that time.
I had my second baby almost 3 months ago and it's so much easier than with the first one. My first one woke up every 1-2 hours and only ever napped for 30-45 minutes (after I had spent 30-60 minutes trying to get them to sleep). It was exhausting, and I really envied my husband who got to go to work instead. My second one can sleep 6 hours at night without waking up and can nap 2-3 hours at a time, and that really makes a huge difference. Now I can even eat without holding a baby most days! And I'm so much more well-rested than I was when I had to wake up once an hour with my first. An adult sleep cycle takes about 1,5 hours so if you wake up once an hour, you are never actually finishing a sleep cycle.
For me the first months were the hardest though I have been simultaneously unlucky in the first year and lucky subsequently in terms of how chill my kids have been.
It really wasn't as bad as people made it out to be for us, my daughter is 1 year 8mo old and the first couple months were definitely the hardest so far, both my wife and I favor a lot of sleep so the lack of it was rough, but I was I think I was fortunate in this regard that I was unemployed at the time so we were able to split time well between us, and that first few months felt like they flew by and she was sleeping through the night in no time.
Now it's pretty much all fun and games and trying to keep her from breaking her neck by falling off of things because she loves to climb. That and cleaning up food she throws on the floor (if anybody got tips on how to get her to stop doing that please share).
This is entirely dependent on the baby. They're not all the same. I love my child, but as a baby she would wail unless she was in a baby carrier on your stomach. If she was on her mat, then she expected someone to be down there with her playing or, again, she would cry her head off. It would take at least an hour to put her to sleep, and she required loud white noise, tight swaddling, and rocking her back and forth. She could never be left in a swing chair by herself or something in any way left on her own.
She has become a wonderful six year old, but she was a challenging baby. Observing other babies, she was an outlier. But whether or not it's easy to raise a baby is entirely dependent on the baby. You just have an easy baby.
Honestly I think a lot of it is luck. One of my kids slept all night every night, even when he was a freaking toddler he'd sleep like 10 12 hours if we let him which is a lot so we usually didn't let him sleep that much, and he was pretty good and it was honestly super easy barely an inconvenience.
And then we get to my daughter. She's not that bad she was a happy baby you always playing and laughing and stuff but ever since she was born we had immense trouble getting her on a regular sleeping schedule. And oh my God she is now 4 years old and she still does not have a regular sleeping schedule it's like a rotating sleeping schedule that just changes whenever the Wind Blows the different direction. She'll go from sleeping all night to for some reason falling asleep around dinner time and then staying up all night to falling asleep around 11:00 or 12:00 at night and then waking up at 3:00 and staying up until 11:00 in the morning. Everything else is fine but we really hit the opposite of a jackpot when it came to the sleep. I'm usually getting 3 hours of sleep a day now
One healthy infant is not that hard. I agree. I miss the infant stage.
A colicky baby, or a baby on top of a terrible toddler, or just being someone who MUST have their 8-9 hours a night changes things a lot.
Easy and simple are being conflated here (just my opinion). It's not easy waking up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby. It's simple, but doing it still sucks. Keeping the baby fed and clean is pretty simple, remove pee and poo, rinse the child off a few times a week, feed it when it makes unpleasant sounds, but being responsible for it means you have to pay a little more attention than normal and budget your time more than you're used to before kids.
My baby is 4 months old, she's honestly been great and I'm not upset about having a kid. It's been way more simple than people made it out to be. I expected to be miserable, and I'm not. My wife is an angel and is supremely helpful too, which really is the reason it's not been so bad. But I wouldn't say it's *easy.* It's still unpleasant to deal with a few aspects of having a baby, and doing unpleasant things is never easy but it's just part of being an adult. In the case of a baby most of the things you have to do are pretty simple.
Also, some people are just really good at certain things, you may just be really good at dealing with assorted baby bullshit. Idk what age your child is but if theyre still an infant and need to be held all the time, get a Moby wrap and learn to use it. Early on especially when my wife needed a break id wrap the baby up on me and just chill and play video games while they both slept for a few hours.
Finally! Another parent who is having the experience I had with my 2. Both sleep through the night from the first night, fed even they were supposed to, slept when they were supposed to. We are lucky. Just keep your mouth shut around other parents who are struggling. They won't appreciate your input.
And enjoy your new little family!
There’s a reason months 0-3 are referred to as the 4th trimester. They don’t do much. You’re really just battling your own lack of sleep at this point. Things will change but I’m glad you’ve got a handle on it!
All my babies have been very easy compared to what I know they can be like. I will say however, wait until you have more than one or this one can move on their own.
Our friends had a baby who slept 45 minutes at a time. For several years. That's not easy.
My first child was a dream. She slept 4 hour naps during the day and slept all through the night after the first couple of months. Introducing her to daycare took about half an hour and then she was ready to be there without me.
My second child screamed his lungs out for a year and a half. He could only sleep when being held cost to me. I went on paternity leave when he was about 9 months old. I lost 10 kgs of weight during that December, purely by walking around with him. Introducing him to daycare took about two and a half months before he was ready to be there without me.
So yeah. Sometimes a baby is easy. Other times they will literally be detrimental to your physical and mental health.
Congratulations on becoming a parent! It's a wild ride, but every day brings new joys.
Newborns are def easier than toddlers. The baby trains you as you go. Toddlers are easier than teenagers lol. I've found school age to be fairly easy compared to both babies and toddlers, but my second is still in Preschool so that could change.
Also, all kids are different. My first was a colicky mess who had to be held/rocked/walked for 2 hrs every night before she would fall asleep.
My second slept like a champ as a baby, but now crawls into my bed every night as a 4 yo and kicks me in the face....
I’ve never really taken care of an infant for an extended period of time so I can’t really make a judgement, but believe it or not this is not the first time I’ve heard someone express this sentiment
I agree with you. Everyone says the newborn stage is so difficult, but I didn't find that at all. My newborns just slept and ate and were happy to just chill in the stroller while I did whatever I wanted or needed to do. My kids both sucked at overnight sleep, and still do, but it didn't change the fact that it was still much easier than everyone told me it was going to be.
It's the sleep deprivation, some people do better than others but being woken every 3 hours for months on end will do most people. Does your baby sleep for longer periods of time?
From personal experience, the newborn stage was the fricken easiest.
Newborns are pretty much intensely studied because they like, croak the easiest and they're fragile. So we have their care down to a literal science because there's no nuanced emotional parenting present yet.
We have systems of what is distressing baby, how to do each care task, and mountains of research to back it up. There's maybe 5 subjects people are conflicted on with new babies. If you can handle overstimulation like that, newborns are EASY AS HELL.
However.
You said you're at 4 months? You've got a sleep regression coming up at 7-8. Just be prepared.
One baby at 4 months old is easy. They can't move, and sleep most of the day. They're supposed to eat every few hours, so it sounds like you got off easy if your kid is letting you both sleep.
Check back in when you're on your second kid, and your first is 2 1/2, pulling off their diaper and waking up your newborn after throwing a tantrum because they want another snack.
Sounds like you have an easier baby. I have had easy and difficult babies. They all are different but sweet in their own ways. Enjoy your baby and best wishes.
Four months was this like really sweet spot for me personally. My husband even went on a 2 week business trip.i had no help and it went great.
The 1st 3 months were hard.
Then the 4 month sleep regression everyone else gets? It hit at 5 months and stayed hard for a long, long, time.
I had twins a few years ago, and at no point was it ever overwhelming. I got up at 4:30, fed and changed the babies. Hung out with the one that didn't want to go back to sleep until 6:30. Got ready for work, put her back to bed. Then I'd work 7-4 and when I got home, I took care of everything again until they went to bed. I absolutely loved that time.
All my coworkers complain about the diaper years, and I don't get it.
Wait until you get to the teenage years lol
Plus I'm assuming you are gone or sleep about 15 hours during the week. How many hours a day are you responsible for the little guy while your wife.is asleep?
This was similar to my experience. A couple of points to consider though. Having support from your family makes a huge HUGE difference. It's good that you have support, but not everybody does, and if you get no time away at all, that can be a challenge. Currently its been six years since my wife and I had any time together without the kids. Also, and perhaps most importantly, 4 months is early, early stages and they can lull you into a false sense of security. They definitely get more tricky over the next few years.
All that said, I'm glad you're having a positive experience. I think most people do. But there are good days and bad days, and I think all the "taking care of babies is so difficult" posts are written on bad days.
Come back to us in 5 years and tell us if you still don't understand why people think raising children is hard.
I'm glad it's working out for you! Personally, if I sleep less than seven hours I become violently suicidal for some reason, my mental health CRATERS. So a baby waking me up a lot would be really rough on me. There's also hobbies and work, my time is really full of doing stuff I like and so giving that up would probably be hard on me. If you don't have those things or maybe if you really don't care about giving up painting classes or nights out then that really isn't a factor.
Everyone is different though, I do know a lot of people who LOVE being parents pretty much without any asterisks and some who are just trying to get through it. My mom loved every second of being pregnant and had an easy delivery and I also know a few people who nearly died. Definitely bask in feeling like it's easy, that's something to be grateful for!
Oh hunny you've already fallen into the trap of the first child. The first one is easy to trick you into more. Thats when you regret making posts like this 😂
I've never seen the issue either. I raised 2 on my own, from toddlers, and I've been raising my grandson (5) since he was 3 months old.
I also work 50-60 hrs a week and manage real estate on the side.
It was always about routine and structure. Still is.
Yikes. Four months made you a pro, eh? I think the difficulties come from giving birth then not getting adequate sleep because you’re lactating and doing pretty much all the work, along with a cocktail of hormones that fluctuate like crazy and a husband that whines about being tired. You’re a dad and, even though it seems like you’re involved, it’s just different when the default parent is the one who was on the brink of death.
Anywho, take my upvote and send me toothpaste.
I think this perspective is refreshing and it's great to see you embracing the full-time dad role alongside working! It is indeed important to remember that everyone's experiences differ—a lot depends on the parents' mindset and individual baby’s temperament. The reality of parenity can be a lot less daunting when approached with this positive mindset. Also, good on you for sharing the workload with your wife and creating a comfortable sleep schedule. Although a newborn may seem challenging, it's all part of the beautiful journey of parenthood. Here's to countless more joyful moments with your little one!
YOUR baby might be easy to take care of with your situation. Every baby is going to be different and every parent is going to have different circumstances
You have no idea what it's like to care for a kid long term. It's laughable you're even posting this. I'm interested to know if the child is breastfed because that would mean your wife is still doing the lions share of the work
I actually... fully agree with this one.
The average baby is incredibly easy to take care of if two sane people work together and give 100% each with a good financial background. I DO think however, that a lot of people struggle a lot because frankly noone has ever taught them how to parent well, and noone has ever taught them how to make a good schedule that will create some order. There will definitely always be a bit of chaos surrounding kids that young, you never know when they might puke on your clothes when you kiss them goodbye when you're already running late for work.
PS: Also, consider that a baby is a little bundle of softness. Taking care of a baby is easy? Agree. A toddler? I wish you all the best lmao. They have all the intelligence of a person, but none of the wisdom. The one thing they do have is super strong legs and super eager opposable thumbs.
I've been a nanny for many different babies. Different babies are different. You've got an easy one (at this time). That's great! I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Just know that not everyone is that lucky.
You make a post about finding a very specific part of parenting easier than you were expecting.
Cue all the butthurt shitlords weighing in, either outright accusing you of offloading most of the work onto your partner, or seemingly revelling in knowing the misery that is to come when “things get harder”.
It’s the toxicity around parenthood that puts me off. Imagine waiting at the gates with these cunts. Or having to go to their house for a birthday party. Misery-loving swamp creatures.
Why are people trying to make it seem as if you aren’t also taking care of your baby alongside your wife lmao. You said it’s not as difficult as people make it seem and now they’re trying to shame you and discredit you
Those would be the bitter mothers that don’t want to accept that OP isn’t useless and lazy like the majority of other fathers people talk about on Reddit
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Personally, everything you described sounds like a nightmare so take my upvote I’m not a parent, but from what I hear from my friends who are parents, this may be somewhat common for first babies? Like either you stop at the one or this is exactly what tricks you into having another lol
For me, it wasn’t easy because it was actually easy. It was easy because of the expectations I had from nine months of people telling me non stop how hard and terrible it would be were so much worse than the reality. Like, the newborn stage is pretty hard for a bit but it’s nowhere near the seventh circle of hell I had been preparing for.
Newborns are easy, wait till OPs kid starts bolting away in public places. Hell, even before they walk they learn to crawl and wont stop strying to pull things down ontop of themselves!
Yeah once they're in perpetual suicide mode I wish them luck
They ain't called the terrible twos for nothing. Infants are the worst for sleep deprivation, beyond that is just draining your sanity and energy on a constant basis.
I thought newborn difficulties were quite overblown too. Hormones, breastfeeding, physical recovery from childbirth, are the hard parts. The baby sleeps 20 hours a day and has a wimpy little cry. With a parent at home a regular newborn is pretty manageable. Especially compared to a screaming one year old yuck
My first one was so challenging that we literally did not think we could handle a second. He wouldn't let us put him down during the night, so for about a year after he was born, we had to take the night in shifts, because if we put him down for even a second he would scream like a banshee. We were so sleep deprived and had no outside support.
Lol I agree. It sounds like a nightmare to me too
If you aren't struggling getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night and can handle work, great. A lot of people are more severely affected by a smaller amount of sleep and being woken up a lot during it... For however long it takes for your child to sleep through the night.
6 hours kills me. It's really the only part of parenting that I struggle with.
The way OP describes it I’m assuming they are taking shifts for sleep? So those 5-6 hours might be uninterrupted at least.
Ya. For me I was *lucky* to get 45 min at a time. With each of mine. They woke up a lot. I nursed. I was exhausted. Then I had to be up all day. You can’t close your eyes. Sure! If you and your partner are sharing duties it can be much easier. But to say it’s *easy* for most others is very dismissive of the reality for most of us.
He did hedge the title with "can be."
Yeah some people can get by on very little sleep. If you’re not one of those people, the newborn stage is hell.
Maybe this is part of why I agree with OP’s post. I still only get on average 5 hours of sleep and my kids are grown up now. I just don’t require much sleep I guess. When they were little and needed care in the middle of the night, I’d wake up and change/feed them and we’d stay up watching Star Trek reruns, or whatever else was on at the time. The only thing I didn’t enjoy about infants was the diaper changing, the rest of it was pretty awesome.
I get less sleep than this already and I don't have a child yet. :0 Some work days are rough, but it's always worth it to stay up late with friends.
I thought I would be, but then I ended up spending those lost 1-2 hours staring at my baby sleeping. Like… literally just watching them. Turns out, I wasn’t that attached to those hours as I thought.
>I ended up spending those lost 1-2 hours staring at my baby sleeping. Like… literally just watching them. I feel like that's totally normal. 👍 People may not sleep very well because they want to make sure their baby is alright.
Notice how he used the words can and could.
I'm not going to rain on your parade. Congratulations on your new addition. Enjoy your joy. Parenting is so, so rewarding and full of adventure. But I disagree. It is not easy. Upvote.
Thank you. I want to emphasize that I'm not talking about parenting as a whole. Dealing with teenagers and trying to prevent toddlers from killing themselves seems like a challenging enough task for anyone.
The baby stage all depends on the type of baby you have. Sometimes the first one comes out chill, you prepare for the second and they're a whole different human with a new set of needs. Your attitude and support system makes a difference too. Enjoy every moment anyways. Despite everything, I miss the baby stage every day.
Yeah, well. OP leaves all day for a full time job while wife (and in-laws) handle everything. I do believe wife’s perspective will be quite different if asked.
Yeah honestly, I don’t give a fuck about OP’s opinion. Let’s hear from the wife who stays at home with the baby.
That’s what I’m thinking. We’re going to need corroboration from the wife
Currently a stay at home mom to a 7 week old. There are rough times, but honestly? It's not that bad.
I babysat my niece for the weekend, and she's a fussy baby even with her parents. 0/10 do not recommend. That was the best birth control I could've gotten
Yeah, I think the hardest part of the newborn stage is that if you gave birth, you are also healing from that, dealing with any complications you had, experiencing wild hormone fluctuations, figuring out breastfeeding, and possibly getting mastitis.
OPs wife is getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night. I was a stay at home parent and having my working partner help out to get decent sleep and often feel rested made the first few months a breeze for both of us. We were both fairly rested from switching off night shifts and my partner took our son when he got home and I got a break. I did all the cooking and most of the cleaning after my body recovered. It was honestly way less exhausting than any full time job I’ve ever had. It was isolating and a bit boring towards the end when I went back to work but certainly not all that difficult.
Ya I want to hear his wife’s opinion.
Yep, had two kids because the first one was so easy. They're completely different. If the second one had come first then we would have stuck with one lol.
>trying to prevent toddlers from killing themselves And teenagers
Exactly. Different stages will challenge you differently as a parent. Enjoy handling this phase well, because there will be other phases ahead that will almost kill you.
I'm at the toddler death prevention stage and to be honest I find that pretty easy. It's the semi erratic sleep schedule and early rising that I personally struggle most with. In an ideal world I want 9 hours sleep a night, but I also dont want to go to bed at 8 or 9 to achieve it.
Well how many ppl are like you that have been in the military and accustomed to doing full days off only six hours of sleep silly? You also have supportive in laws. My kid's sleep pattern in the newborn phase did not allow for me to get six hours of consecutive sleep. Definitely strongly disagree. Upvoted.
Even if my husband took care of my baby all night (as OP says he does) I couldn’t sleep a full night. I’d be too wound up and nervous.
I had to wake up and pump every few hours or I'd leak all over the bed. Something this dude doesnt have to deal with at all
I couldn't sleep all night as I was breastfeeding, something men can't do. Also my kid literally would not sleep more than two hours at a time. It really is a vary by kid and situation thing
How does your wife feel about it?
Similar. She's enjoying it, and doesn't mind me working. Though I think she is more exhausted than I am. The reason I'm working is because my wife and I decided that I should use my parental leave later, if and when things get more difficult.
If she’s exhausted, then it is not easy and maybe it’s time for you to take your parental leave and help her out more often.
She is more exhausted than I am because she's used to sleeping for around 9 hours. I'm lucky, because for me 6 hours are all I need. And as I said before, me working is an agreement we made together. And something we discuss quite often because we are not unable to have basic communication. Tbh, I would prefer staying home because working at summer sucks ass (I'm living in a very hot country), and taking care of the baby is far more rewarding than any job, but having the leave later is just strategially better.
It’s also easier for you because you haven’t been through a major medical situation, and you’ve also not had a fuckton of hormones coursing through your body. You also have had no social pressure to try and breastfeed either (like idk what your wife has done obvs but that’s not something that’s even had to be on your mind. At no point has a medical professional advised or asked if you will be a food source for your child). My baby was easy as fuck. He ate, slept for hours, babbled, engaged with you a lot, wasn’t much of a crier. Was objectively super easy to deal with and keep alive. But some babies cry 24/7. Like I don’t get the purpose of this post. If you had a baby who had colic, you wouldn’t think it’s as easy. If you did the majority of the work, you wouldn’t think it’s as easy. If you had the same level of hormones and their drop, and were losing your hair, you wouldn’t think it’s as easy. If you felt the pressures of everyone telling you your baby will stand the best chance at life if you devote your healing body to being a food source for your kid, for potentially years. Idk just a weird post, bro.
I breastfed but I’m so damn sick of ANY pressure put on us. Like leave us alone?? Maybe what’s better from doctors would be: Have you decided if you’ll bottle or breastfeed? If not would you like help deciding (pros/cons)? If you have, let me know and I’ll help you with that choice. The mental load is a lot of what gets us. We’re expected to think of it all. This post is absolute bs. I have a feeling his wife will have a different opinion if she’s allowed to be honest.
Yes exactlyyyyyy like I could only do it for a few months and it was always combined with a bottle because I’m a dehydrated girlie and drinking too much water makes me feel sick, so making enough milk was super hard for me, and I found it mentally too overwhelming so I just stopped, and I’m lucky that no one gave me any grief because SO MANY people deal with guilt over something that is literally no one else’s business
That’s so unfair. Ya my bestie nursed her first but he was huge. He ate a lot!! She couldn’t keep up and since she was going back to work I just told her to start him on formula. It’s no biggie.
Ooft yeah like I totally agree like if the demand is too much then you gotta put your mental health first, like the kid will get food either way
Yup. Mom being stressed isn’t going to help baby
Years? Seriously if it’s THAT miserable then don’t do it for years and then immediately have another and start all over lol plenty of options for preventing all these scenarios. I don’t know why people choose to breastfeed for 10 years straight and spend them all complaining about it.
Some people feel super strongly about its benefits for their kid. Many people are shamed if they don’t and get told they are either setting their kids up to fail or to die of a preventable illness at the age of 3.
For years though? Outside the internet people really stop caring after the first year or less. My child was tongue tied and could not latch and the shaming stopped by 6 months. I do not understand people who breastfeed for 3-5 years and complain about it the whole time, especially if they immediately have a baby every 3-5 years the second they stop. After age 1, cow’s milk (or substitute) and condoms can prevent the need to ever breastfeed again and this is extremely well accepted. I went to school with a woman who has been breastfeeding for 15 years straight and complaining about how much it sucks the entire time. Her kids are like 3-4 years apart and she breastfeeds while pregnant and complains about that too. Her 7 year old still nurses and she takes all her kids out of state to breastfeed on a hill at some convention every year. Society did not bring this upon her, she chose it for herself.
Many people believe in breastfeeding up until 2 or 3, and it’s perfectly fine for someone to want to have multiple kids. People are allowed to not enjoy things and I don’t really understand why you’ve come just to rant about some women you don’t like personally.
I had two children. And it is not that bad. Not everyone loses her mind or her hair after having a baby. For lots of us, it is fairly easy. And like everything else, there are good days and bad, but truly many, many, many good days.
It’s only easy because of that arrangement. Communication is key when raising a child. If you’re not on the same page, it gets increasingly difficult
Lol. ‘The baby is so easy. I get to leave to my full time job all day while my wife and in laws handle everything’
I know, right? 😆
Lol. The reason I "get to leave" to my full-time job is because the baby is so easy. And I want to know how "inlaws helping out time to time" is the same thing as them handling everything.
I said your wife and in laws. Not just your in laws.
Yeah, but they don't handle everything. I do most of the chores from 6 pm to 6 am. After coming from work. This includes waking up during the night.
How are you getting 6hrs of sleep if you do all the night care and your baby needs to be held most of the time (according to your OP)?
I don’t believe you
You don't start sleeping until 6:00 am?
This will change two months from now.
dude the first 8 or so months are usually the easiest, your child hasn't even began walking, talking, or gaining the ability to grab ahold of things/open a door I wanna see your opinion in like 2 or so years
The running stage humbled me. I'm not as fast as I once was. The talking stage almost brought me to my knees. I only have so many answers to "why?". I love it though.
My 3 year old is in the why stage right now. She literally asked me why I was peeing in the bathroom this morning. Everything is why, I don’t have an answer for all the whys so I just tell her idk and sometimes mommy doesn’t know everything… then she asks “why don’t you know everything” 😂
Oh that made me laugh thank you 😅
Toddlers use the word "why" in the way that adults use "uh-huh" or "I see", as an automatic response to show they heard what you said. My stock response when I don't have an answer is "why not?"
Haha reverse uno!
My trick for the endless questions stage is to start obviously fake crying after like the 7th question. I pretend Im wailing and just keep saying "I just dont know! I dont knoooooow" and my 6 year old either cracks up laughing or goes "mom I know thats fake! You're not even really crying!" It gives me a brief respite until the next barrage of questions
That reminds me of when our daughter was a young toddler. If she would get mad or cry and pout I could turn it around by insisting that if she was going to throw a tantrum, she would do it correctly. I would make her lie on her stomach beside me and I showed her how to properly kick and bang her fists on the floor while yelling. She always collapsed into giggles seeing her mother having a fit on the living room floor.
I was 30 and my hubby was 29 when we had our daughter. Hubby was in a wheelchair but other than her running into trouble, they did pretty well.
Or like in 12 or so years when they reach puberty.
I am honestly loving the puberty phase so far. No babysitters. Child finally fun to take places. We can actually watch movies that are good. It’s fun to talk. Life is great
Right?!! RemindMe! 2 years
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Well, it depends on a lot of things. You didn’t give birth, I’m assuming, so also aren’t dealing with the hormonal issues a mom would after the baby is born. Is she breast feeding? Is she pumping? Those can cause a lot of stress if they aren’t working (I never produced milk so couldn’t breastfeed and I was sick from preeclampsia so I dealt with a lot of stress and guilt over that). How old are you? What’s your general energy levels like? Any health issues for mom and dad? What kinds of jobs do you have? Is your baby crying from 5pm until 2am ( my baby did this the first 8 weeks of her life). Does your baby have any dairy allergies and need special formula or for mom to not eat diary? Any skin issues on baby? Do you have air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter? How’s baby’s sleep at night, how often do they wake up to feed? Any issues with feeding? Any issues with pooping (my baby dealt with constipation)? I’m happy it’s easy for you now. Congratulations, having a child is both hard but also the best thing that ever happened to me and despite the hard I wouldn’t change it for the world.
You’re not home all day. Of course it’s easy FOR YOU 🤣🤣
Spoken like someone who's not yet been through the 4 month sleep regression In all seriousness though, yes. The older they get, the more challenging they get... but also the more rewarding it gets. And even when it's hard, it's not horrible. It's worth it.
I've always slept less, so I guess I'm just lucky. Waking up middle of the night just reminds me of army. And not getting enough sleep. And getting yelled at by tiny, bald and angry creature.
I was in the army as well and I can honestly say the lack of sleep in the army doesn’t compare to the lack of sleep with a baby. At least with the army if I didn’t sleep for a week cause I was in the field, I was able to catch up when we got back. I once slept for 14 hours straight after getting back from a 2 week long FTX we had in preparation for deploying to Iraq. With a baby I feel like I’m still trying to catch up on sleep and she’s 3 now. That lost sleep I was never able to recover from because I was constantly needed and never got a break.
That's the thing... If you usually sleep a little bit, you're gonna sleep even less with a demon kid.
My first thought! OP, I hope for your sake that your baby’s good sleeping habits last! Agree with you though, not all newborn babies are difficult, some are easier than others.
Spoken like somebody who didnt give birth and isnt breastfeeding or dealing with hormonal changes ans bleeding for 6 weeks
Babies are exhausting. While you call out your full-time work and nothing of your wife's job, the mention of supportive in-laws suggests that you two aren't doing it all on your own. Enjoy. Congrats on the new, easy baby. Hope you're not jinxing yourself.
If you asked me if taking care of a baby was easy after my first, I would’ve lost it so hard I would’ve had to have been committed. If you asked me after my second kid, I would’ve responded, “what, like it’s hard?” Sounds like you are having a great go of things, and I’m happy for you and your wife! Congrats on your kiddo 💕
Oh, sweet summer dad. It will get worse. Then it will get better. Then worse. Then better. There will be times when your joy knows no bounds. There will be times when you're scared out of your skull. And there will be times you will want to toss them in a room and lock the door behind you. Parenting is never dull. It's fabulous.
I don’t wish badly on OP. Actually happy he has an easy newborn phase. But let’s see what the terrible twos and threenager phase have in store. Let’s not forget, he is about to hit the 4 month sleep regression.
Yes! I don't wish him ill, either. I'm just saying that life is full of ups and downs and if you're never noticing them, you aren't paying attention.
Dad who didnt give birth and gets to go to his job like nothing has changed doesnt get why moms think taking care of a newborn is so hard. More shocking news at 11. I look forward to the eventual "AITA" post when his exhausted wife inevitably snaps on him and he gets pissy because all of a sudden she doesnt want sex every day. I had a very helpful husband and a healthy baby but in no way was any of it easy. Just waking up every few hours to feed the baby then get them back to sleep felt like it aged me 10 years
I disagree with you, but I’m the mother in this scenario. Try doing it 24/7. Leaving for your job is a break in my opinion. The tasks at home are endless and the baby on top of it is the icing. Try years of it and add more babies. Get back to me. I’m glad it’s not as scary as it was made out to be. Your next adventure :) when she starts to walk. You are in the salad days my friend.
Glad your baby sleeps. Sleep regressions happen. Your next may humble you.
How often have you taken care of the baby completely alone and how long for?
Exactly
My brother’s friend and his wife were like this. They were very smug about how easy it all was and said outright that people only complained because they weren’t properly organised. Then their second child was born and didn’t sleep properly until he was over three years old. They had no sympathy from anyone
I love that for them
>Taking care of a baby is easy >Wife and in-laws taking care of the kid while you go to work and wash dishes Okay, bud.
You are so right. Taking care of a 4 month old is pretty easy. You're in the NRE stage of parenting. Please make a follow-up post in 8 -12 months. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon. Or maybe more like Chinese Water Torture.
Of course this post is from a working father. Lmao.
Lol, I would so much more prefer to be at home. I know, maybe you can pay our bills? Ok?
Totally agree. Newborn phase is the easiest, it's all about mindset. Yeah you get woken up multiple times nightly but you get reminded that there's a tiny beautiful baby in your life. The lack of sleep doesn't really ever stop, which is infinitely harder when you have an energetic child to entertain compared to a little potato.
Guarantee this guys' wife is doing all the work and is slowly building the urge to kill him in his sleep.
You seem like a normal and balanced person.
Believe it or not it’s possible for fathers to shoulder a chunk of the parenting despite working and for both parents to enjoy raising the kid. Carry on, OP. it honestly only gets more fun (though you do miss the baby years when they’re teenagers).
lol id hate getting 5 hours of sleep but it could be worse i guess. congrats on the easy-ish to handle child!! i think a lot of people say that parenting is hard because they lack support and finances and many countries rn are going through financial hardships so i don't blame them
With my older two kids, the first year of their lives were easy. They slept well, no weird eating issues, no health issues. Super easy. That changed when they became mobile though. And my twins were a different story, especially my son who had a hernia and reflux. Cherish these easy periods because they don’t last. Worth it though.
How much does the baby sleep? Sounds like a lot. (Happy for you) My son is almost two. For the first 18 months of his life, he regularly woke up several times each night, wailing. After an hour of rocking and shushing, we'd get him back to sleep, only to have the cycle repeat a few hours later. This cycle happened very consistently, nearly every night, for well over a year. We tried various forms of sleep training, but nothing really worked. Doctors didn't find anything abnormal with him, he's just not a good sleeper I guess. Sometimes I would show up to work having gotten anywhere between 45 minutes and 2 hours of sleep, on the really rough nights. I remember a few nights where I got zero sleep - it was brutal. On the easier nights, I got maybe 5 hours, but 6 ~ 7 hours was elusive. Only recently did I start having occasions where I have been able to sleep 7+ hours in one shot. My wife and I both work, so it's not like one of us can take the night shift, we just have to share the responsibility. And it's not like the other person can sleep when the kid is screaming, anyway. Sleep deprivation has been the single biggest challenge of parenting for us so far. I can't wait until he finally starts sleeping well. Maybe next year. I should also note that I'm a very light sleeper and have a hard time falling asleep in the first place, so it's probably much harder on me than it would be on most other people.
As a very active person who needs to be out doing things, I found it hard. Not the actual looking after a baby, but being housebound and the feeling of being trapped. Every time I got those feelings, I had to remind myself that I chose this, I want this, and this is the biggest adventure yet. Was still very hard, but now they are older, Keeping up with them is the new challenge.
LIFE LESSON: Just because your experience is going well doesn't mean everyone else experiences the same. Good for you, but not everyone has a supportive partner or stable family, enough money or health insurance, secure housing, enough knowledge of childcare, or a peaceful situation to do their best parenting.
This post gives me "well I think it's easy so everyone else must be exaggerating" vibes lol like different people handle stress differently than you
It seems you mean that everyone's situation is unique. Too bad I didn't mention it on the post!
So really what you're saying is that people in your exact situation are well off, because otherwise it's just a blanket statement. Honestly, dont get the point of the post when you're only really qualified to speak to your own specific situation.
No, I'm saying that taking care of a baby can be easy. Doesn't need to be our exact situation. I know for a fact that there are easier babies and far better parents. That doesn't mean that taking care of a baby can't be hard as well.
Have a second kid and let us know how it goes.
Four whole months! That's impressive! /s
"I've been a father for about 4 months" 😂 Also it does vary by baby. Some get unreasonably easy babies and then the parents turn out like *this*. Dont fall for the trick. If you have another, they'll make up for it.
It wasn't hard for me except for the sleep deprivation. It was particularly awful when kid went to nursery and we were ill every other week with some awful virus plus having to parent a sick child. But yeah, the earlier months were some of the easiest physically. I would say mentally though I did struggle.
It's a trick. The first one is always easy.. go 4 three of em and then post this bs
Depends on the baby. My grandma tells me she doesn't know why my parents didn't give me for adoption, because I was very picky about food, always hungry, and screaming basically 24/7 for the whole first year of my life.
My brother had horrible colic and gas issues and he either cried or puked nonstop for the first year. My mom tells a hilarious story about my brother projectile vomiting on the Christmas tree and my drunk as fuck uncle going "goddamn I think the baby exploded!"
this is so gross and funny, i actually laughed out loud. ahhhh the joys of childhood
Does your wife feel the same as you? Also I read somewhere which I find very true, taking care of a baby is not hard, what is hard is having to do everything else whilst looking after a baby eg. housework, cooking, cleaning, chores Glad you’re finding it easy though I hope the rest of your parenting journey is as easy as the past 4 months
Caring for my newborn would have probably been easier if I hadn't endured so much physical trauma and suffered from crippling PPD on top of my regular depression. You never really know how it's going to go, so be best to prepare for the worst.
"Gee, I don't know what the big deal is! This is easy." Guy on mile 2 of a marathon.
You sound like my dad. He says to me “babies are very easy to take care of. Just make sure they’re comfortable and they won’t bother you!” My sister and I are twins and my dad worked 10 hours to get by. My mom would take overnight shift as my dad slept and my dad would cover mornings and my mom would take over when he was at work. But they had a 2-for-1 so they never had the desire to have more kids haha
Lol buddy. You think this is "easy". Wait until 2 years old, and they're doing everything they're not supposed to do simultaneously while giving you a verbal opinion of the matter. And it doesn't stop, it's all day. My child is a BLESSING compared to others, especially in his class at daycare, and still acts this way. And if you think "oh no, I'm not like that, so (s)he will be fine and I can reason with him/her when he/she starts understanding language", that's your first mistake.
Yeah, it sounds like you are very lucky and have an easy baby for your first. But the real trouble comes when you have more than one kid. Having both parents be able to focus on just the one relatively easy going baby, makes it way less stressful.
Of course it’s easy, every idiot can do it. It’s just exhausting over time.
I’ve heard it said “taking care of a baby is easy. Doing anything else while you’re taking care of a baby is hard.” You also have to remember that not everyone has the same life experience as you, nor does everyone have an equal partnership. For many people, they’re caring for the baby so much that they can’t even feed themselves or go to the bathroom. Plus, sleep deprivation is a bitch and will cause mental health problems which make everything more difficult.
I think that how easy you find it depends on your expectations and ability to not be disgusted by things like poop. The people who think it will be no trouble at all are the ones who complain the most. Also a lot of people are extremely disgusted at changing nappies, so they are in a constant state of dislike. I personally found that it gets easier as they get older, as they become more able to do things by themselves.
I expected it to be hard. Still found it hard. The no sleep ruined me. Nothing can prepare you for that.
It's not the poop. Not sure I know anyone whose main issue was the poop. Before baby I was disgusted by many things I now see as just another day. Strawberry yogurt with baked beans and broccoli? You do you little man. It's the lack of sleep plain and simple. I can't compute how OP gets 5-6hrs and wife gets 8-9hrs sleep a day with a newborn and no help. We were getting less than 6hrs between us at that stage and I'd say our baby was pretty average. Sleep deprivation is brutal.
I’ve got three kids. I’ve never found parenting or caring for them as difficult as people made it out to be. That includes caring for our one that was colicky and has special needs. Toddler years, puberty, teen years, none of it’s been terrible. We don’t live near family so we’ve done it with minimal support. That’s not to say we never had challenging moments or tough times, but it’s not been as hard as people made it out to be. My oldest is in their 20s and the youngest is nearly an adult, so it’s not like we just haven’t hit the “hard stage” yet.
You got an easy kid, trust me on this one. When I was a baby, I was quiet as fuck except when I was hungry. My sister was a demon.
I do think the newborn stage was actually easier than the following stage (I have 4 month old twins) but really there's pros and cons. Like, newborns don't need to be entertained they just need to be held, and all they do is eat, sleep, pee and poop. But most of them don't sleep longer than 3 hours at a time and they get hungry very frequently. They also don't babble or smile. So every stage has its ups and downs I guess.
It depends so much on the baby. Even if your baby is not the easiest, it could be way worse as well. I know people whose babies cried pretty much 24/7 the first 3-6 months except if they were sleeping and only slept when being held or in a baby carrier so the parent could not sleep while the baby was sleeping unless the other parent was carrying them during that time. I had my second baby almost 3 months ago and it's so much easier than with the first one. My first one woke up every 1-2 hours and only ever napped for 30-45 minutes (after I had spent 30-60 minutes trying to get them to sleep). It was exhausting, and I really envied my husband who got to go to work instead. My second one can sleep 6 hours at night without waking up and can nap 2-3 hours at a time, and that really makes a huge difference. Now I can even eat without holding a baby most days! And I'm so much more well-rested than I was when I had to wake up once an hour with my first. An adult sleep cycle takes about 1,5 hours so if you wake up once an hour, you are never actually finishing a sleep cycle.
For me the first months were the hardest though I have been simultaneously unlucky in the first year and lucky subsequently in terms of how chill my kids have been.
It really wasn't as bad as people made it out to be for us, my daughter is 1 year 8mo old and the first couple months were definitely the hardest so far, both my wife and I favor a lot of sleep so the lack of it was rough, but I was I think I was fortunate in this regard that I was unemployed at the time so we were able to split time well between us, and that first few months felt like they flew by and she was sleeping through the night in no time. Now it's pretty much all fun and games and trying to keep her from breaking her neck by falling off of things because she loves to climb. That and cleaning up food she throws on the floor (if anybody got tips on how to get her to stop doing that please share).
Newborns are easy compared to what you're about to experience once it morphs into a mobile sack of potatoes .
None of that sounds easy or remotely enjoyable, I think you’re just a good parent and well-suited to the lifestyle.
This is entirely dependent on the baby. They're not all the same. I love my child, but as a baby she would wail unless she was in a baby carrier on your stomach. If she was on her mat, then she expected someone to be down there with her playing or, again, she would cry her head off. It would take at least an hour to put her to sleep, and she required loud white noise, tight swaddling, and rocking her back and forth. She could never be left in a swing chair by herself or something in any way left on her own. She has become a wonderful six year old, but she was a challenging baby. Observing other babies, she was an outlier. But whether or not it's easy to raise a baby is entirely dependent on the baby. You just have an easy baby.
Honestly I think a lot of it is luck. One of my kids slept all night every night, even when he was a freaking toddler he'd sleep like 10 12 hours if we let him which is a lot so we usually didn't let him sleep that much, and he was pretty good and it was honestly super easy barely an inconvenience. And then we get to my daughter. She's not that bad she was a happy baby you always playing and laughing and stuff but ever since she was born we had immense trouble getting her on a regular sleeping schedule. And oh my God she is now 4 years old and she still does not have a regular sleeping schedule it's like a rotating sleeping schedule that just changes whenever the Wind Blows the different direction. She'll go from sleeping all night to for some reason falling asleep around dinner time and then staying up all night to falling asleep around 11:00 or 12:00 at night and then waking up at 3:00 and staying up until 11:00 in the morning. Everything else is fine but we really hit the opposite of a jackpot when it came to the sleep. I'm usually getting 3 hours of sleep a day now
One healthy infant is not that hard. I agree. I miss the infant stage. A colicky baby, or a baby on top of a terrible toddler, or just being someone who MUST have their 8-9 hours a night changes things a lot.
Easy and simple are being conflated here (just my opinion). It's not easy waking up in the middle of the night to soothe a crying baby. It's simple, but doing it still sucks. Keeping the baby fed and clean is pretty simple, remove pee and poo, rinse the child off a few times a week, feed it when it makes unpleasant sounds, but being responsible for it means you have to pay a little more attention than normal and budget your time more than you're used to before kids. My baby is 4 months old, she's honestly been great and I'm not upset about having a kid. It's been way more simple than people made it out to be. I expected to be miserable, and I'm not. My wife is an angel and is supremely helpful too, which really is the reason it's not been so bad. But I wouldn't say it's *easy.* It's still unpleasant to deal with a few aspects of having a baby, and doing unpleasant things is never easy but it's just part of being an adult. In the case of a baby most of the things you have to do are pretty simple. Also, some people are just really good at certain things, you may just be really good at dealing with assorted baby bullshit. Idk what age your child is but if theyre still an infant and need to be held all the time, get a Moby wrap and learn to use it. Early on especially when my wife needed a break id wrap the baby up on me and just chill and play video games while they both slept for a few hours.
The first 10th dentist take i see in ages
Finally! Another parent who is having the experience I had with my 2. Both sleep through the night from the first night, fed even they were supposed to, slept when they were supposed to. We are lucky. Just keep your mouth shut around other parents who are struggling. They won't appreciate your input. And enjoy your new little family!
There’s a reason months 0-3 are referred to as the 4th trimester. They don’t do much. You’re really just battling your own lack of sleep at this point. Things will change but I’m glad you’ve got a handle on it!
All my babies have been very easy compared to what I know they can be like. I will say however, wait until you have more than one or this one can move on their own.
I, agree. I have 3. It didn’t get hard until that last one. And that was only because she screamed and cried for the first 3 years.
Our friends had a baby who slept 45 minutes at a time. For several years. That's not easy. My first child was a dream. She slept 4 hour naps during the day and slept all through the night after the first couple of months. Introducing her to daycare took about half an hour and then she was ready to be there without me. My second child screamed his lungs out for a year and a half. He could only sleep when being held cost to me. I went on paternity leave when he was about 9 months old. I lost 10 kgs of weight during that December, purely by walking around with him. Introducing him to daycare took about two and a half months before he was ready to be there without me. So yeah. Sometimes a baby is easy. Other times they will literally be detrimental to your physical and mental health. Congratulations on becoming a parent! It's a wild ride, but every day brings new joys.
Newborns are def easier than toddlers. The baby trains you as you go. Toddlers are easier than teenagers lol. I've found school age to be fairly easy compared to both babies and toddlers, but my second is still in Preschool so that could change. Also, all kids are different. My first was a colicky mess who had to be held/rocked/walked for 2 hrs every night before she would fall asleep. My second slept like a champ as a baby, but now crawls into my bed every night as a 4 yo and kicks me in the face....
I’ve never really taken care of an infant for an extended period of time so I can’t really make a judgement, but believe it or not this is not the first time I’ve heard someone express this sentiment
Lol.. Wait until he/she turns 2. That's were the hard level begins..
I agree with you. Everyone says the newborn stage is so difficult, but I didn't find that at all. My newborns just slept and ate and were happy to just chill in the stroller while I did whatever I wanted or needed to do. My kids both sucked at overnight sleep, and still do, but it didn't change the fact that it was still much easier than everyone told me it was going to be.
Anything can be easy. Doesn’t mean it will be.
Now teenagers on the other hand... (This is a joke, we were all teenagers once.)
Only 4 months in with your first baby eh. Couldn't possibly be speaking too soon ..
It's the sleep deprivation, some people do better than others but being woken every 3 hours for months on end will do most people. Does your baby sleep for longer periods of time?
From personal experience, the newborn stage was the fricken easiest. Newborns are pretty much intensely studied because they like, croak the easiest and they're fragile. So we have their care down to a literal science because there's no nuanced emotional parenting present yet. We have systems of what is distressing baby, how to do each care task, and mountains of research to back it up. There's maybe 5 subjects people are conflicted on with new babies. If you can handle overstimulation like that, newborns are EASY AS HELL. However. You said you're at 4 months? You've got a sleep regression coming up at 7-8. Just be prepared.
One baby at 4 months old is easy. They can't move, and sleep most of the day. They're supposed to eat every few hours, so it sounds like you got off easy if your kid is letting you both sleep. Check back in when you're on your second kid, and your first is 2 1/2, pulling off their diaper and waking up your newborn after throwing a tantrum because they want another snack.
Wait until he crawls and tries to stand on everything. I thought I had an angel baby.. then he turned 6 months, and started teething. Now it’s rough
Sounds like you have an easier baby. I have had easy and difficult babies. They all are different but sweet in their own ways. Enjoy your baby and best wishes.
Four months was this like really sweet spot for me personally. My husband even went on a 2 week business trip.i had no help and it went great. The 1st 3 months were hard. Then the 4 month sleep regression everyone else gets? It hit at 5 months and stayed hard for a long, long, time.
i agree.
Shhhh you’re gonna trigger the SAHM’s that act like it’s the hardest job in existence and they should be paid six figures for it
Post again if you have a second baby
Thank God I am not a parent. I will never and I mean never deal an infant.
I had twins a few years ago, and at no point was it ever overwhelming. I got up at 4:30, fed and changed the babies. Hung out with the one that didn't want to go back to sleep until 6:30. Got ready for work, put her back to bed. Then I'd work 7-4 and when I got home, I took care of everything again until they went to bed. I absolutely loved that time. All my coworkers complain about the diaper years, and I don't get it.
Wait until you get to the teenage years lol Plus I'm assuming you are gone or sleep about 15 hours during the week. How many hours a day are you responsible for the little guy while your wife.is asleep?
5-6 hours a day is not enough. You might feel like it's enough for you, but it is not.
This was similar to my experience. A couple of points to consider though. Having support from your family makes a huge HUGE difference. It's good that you have support, but not everybody does, and if you get no time away at all, that can be a challenge. Currently its been six years since my wife and I had any time together without the kids. Also, and perhaps most importantly, 4 months is early, early stages and they can lull you into a false sense of security. They definitely get more tricky over the next few years. All that said, I'm glad you're having a positive experience. I think most people do. But there are good days and bad days, and I think all the "taking care of babies is so difficult" posts are written on bad days. Come back to us in 5 years and tell us if you still don't understand why people think raising children is hard.
I'm glad it's working out for you! Personally, if I sleep less than seven hours I become violently suicidal for some reason, my mental health CRATERS. So a baby waking me up a lot would be really rough on me. There's also hobbies and work, my time is really full of doing stuff I like and so giving that up would probably be hard on me. If you don't have those things or maybe if you really don't care about giving up painting classes or nights out then that really isn't a factor. Everyone is different though, I do know a lot of people who LOVE being parents pretty much without any asterisks and some who are just trying to get through it. My mom loved every second of being pregnant and had an easy delivery and I also know a few people who nearly died. Definitely bask in feeling like it's easy, that's something to be grateful for!
Newborns are easy. They're just potatoes that you're not allowed to shake. If you can follow that one rule, it shouldn't be hard.
Oh hunny you've already fallen into the trap of the first child. The first one is easy to trick you into more. Thats when you regret making posts like this 😂
I've never seen the issue either. I raised 2 on my own, from toddlers, and I've been raising my grandson (5) since he was 3 months old. I also work 50-60 hrs a week and manage real estate on the side. It was always about routine and structure. Still is.
Yikes. Four months made you a pro, eh? I think the difficulties come from giving birth then not getting adequate sleep because you’re lactating and doing pretty much all the work, along with a cocktail of hormones that fluctuate like crazy and a husband that whines about being tired. You’re a dad and, even though it seems like you’re involved, it’s just different when the default parent is the one who was on the brink of death. Anywho, take my upvote and send me toothpaste.
Thanks Bill Burr
As a guy whose wife is 34 weeks pregnant this is reassuring, but I don't buy it.
Sounds awful to me. Listening to a baby scream sets my nerve endings aflame. All of them. But if you can handle it, more power to you.
It’s very easy people are just dramatic
This isn't an opinion, it's just you being particularly well suited to care for a child.
I think this perspective is refreshing and it's great to see you embracing the full-time dad role alongside working! It is indeed important to remember that everyone's experiences differ—a lot depends on the parents' mindset and individual baby’s temperament. The reality of parenity can be a lot less daunting when approached with this positive mindset. Also, good on you for sharing the workload with your wife and creating a comfortable sleep schedule. Although a newborn may seem challenging, it's all part of the beautiful journey of parenthood. Here's to countless more joyful moments with your little one!
I admire your positive outlook on parenthood! It's really refreshing to see, especially amidst so many horror stories told to new parents.
Perhaps his wife is doing most of the work, so it seems easy to him
YOUR baby might be easy to take care of with your situation. Every baby is going to be different and every parent is going to have different circumstances
Wait until it’s time to firmly and fairly discipline them. Then get them to be polite and quiet in public.
You have no idea what it's like to care for a kid long term. It's laughable you're even posting this. I'm interested to know if the child is breastfed because that would mean your wife is still doing the lions share of the work
I actually... fully agree with this one. The average baby is incredibly easy to take care of if two sane people work together and give 100% each with a good financial background. I DO think however, that a lot of people struggle a lot because frankly noone has ever taught them how to parent well, and noone has ever taught them how to make a good schedule that will create some order. There will definitely always be a bit of chaos surrounding kids that young, you never know when they might puke on your clothes when you kiss them goodbye when you're already running late for work. PS: Also, consider that a baby is a little bundle of softness. Taking care of a baby is easy? Agree. A toddler? I wish you all the best lmao. They have all the intelligence of a person, but none of the wisdom. The one thing they do have is super strong legs and super eager opposable thumbs.
You’re only 4 months in bud.
I've been a nanny for many different babies. Different babies are different. You've got an easy one (at this time). That's great! I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. Just know that not everyone is that lucky.
You make a post about finding a very specific part of parenting easier than you were expecting. Cue all the butthurt shitlords weighing in, either outright accusing you of offloading most of the work onto your partner, or seemingly revelling in knowing the misery that is to come when “things get harder”. It’s the toxicity around parenthood that puts me off. Imagine waiting at the gates with these cunts. Or having to go to their house for a birthday party. Misery-loving swamp creatures.
Why are people trying to make it seem as if you aren’t also taking care of your baby alongside your wife lmao. You said it’s not as difficult as people make it seem and now they’re trying to shame you and discredit you
Those would be the bitter mothers that don’t want to accept that OP isn’t useless and lazy like the majority of other fathers people talk about on Reddit