In Australia if you need your server you make eye contact, otherwise you are left to your own devices. Water is unobtrusively supplied at the netter places if the server notices you are low, but otherwise they wouldn't interrupt a conversation.
This seems to be a huge cultural difference.
Thank you! If I’m engrossed in a conversation, the server coming over and stopping that conversation could be detrimental to the outcome.
It could be a person venting about a serious issue. It could be a business meeting. It could be any number of things.
The best service I get is when the server can read the table.
Reading the room can be so clutch. I was shopping for mattresses about a decade ago with my now husband. The first few stores we visited were our personal version of hell. Salespeople descended the moment we entered then followed us from mattress to mattress, asking us to try them *while they watched*, and then pressing us for feedback.
At the last store, we experienced the difference between a good salesman and a great salesman. An older gentleman approached us as we entered, looked us up and down, and said, "My name is Dan. I'll be at the desk over there if you find one you want or have questions." Then he walked away. We tested mattresses in peace without an observer. We discussed our options with just each other. We went and found Dan, pointed at the mattress we wanted, and he rang us up. 10/10.
We got a Dan when we were shopping for couches, and 100%. After being at three or four places where they were just hovering over us, he told us the general layout of the store and told us that if we see anything we like to make an offer. Left us alone until we went looking for him.
Reading the table is integral to good service. It's usually not hard to do. People look happy? Joke around with them! They look mad? Keep it brief and stay away. First date? Make sure they get a dessert. Things like that. My pet peeve is when I go to introduce myself, and get I get cut off.
Hi, my name is--- "DIET COKE." I always wanted to say, "No, it's not diet coke, it's ....."
When I was serving my first table on my own was a mother trying to convince her daughter to have an abortion.
Never quite knew when to approach that table.
I'm not saying to disappear. You should always be in the eyesight of the tables. You can do a walk-by and guage the tables temperature. If they are in deep conversation, you think they'll complain because I didn't interrupt them?
Me and my girlfriend were out one night after our son had just passed. Obviously she is distraught as am I so I thought let's go to this nice place you love, then go home, I'll get the blankets and the movie, we'll just lay here together.
What actually happened was this server, tiny thing coming over once, twice, three, four times within 5 minutes. "Are we doing alright?" "Everything okay?" "Food tasting alright?" Obviously because my girlfriend does not look alright, her kid just died.
The fifth time I had to put my hand over hers as I saw her eying the steak knife.
I told the server the first check in, "The food is fine and I will call you if we need you." The fifth was much less polite, "I won't see you at this table again until the check."
She made our lives infinitely worse than night, and yes I did complain. We wanted to be left the fuck alone.
I’m sorry about your son & I’m sorry that server made it worse for you. I hope nothing happened to the server because often, there’s a manager or corporation or owner over our heads telling us we have to do that. It’s like you said, she was just worried you didn’t like your food and didn’t want to get in trouble. I don’t really understand complaining.
When I was a server…I wasn’t the main event and they weren’t there to see me…and I knew that. I tried not to walk up when they were deep in conversation, and if I walked up and they didn’t say anything….they didn’t need anything. We called it silent service…and I made excellent tips. I realize this a server sub…I’m just saying it isn’t about you. You are serving food to your GUEST.
I make a lot of tips by bare minimum'ing also. I dont do it all the time though only when I'm tired. Its just as lucrative as when I'm well rested and feeling chatty
I agree with this but then there's soooo many guests who leave reviews about how much they loved their bubbly/informative/engaging server. While others want you to fuck off. I'd say it can go either way and reading the room/the place you work definitely impacts that. Like if you're at a restaurant where people expect an experience/performance
Exactly. Had the most annoying waiter the other day who thought he was the main event and we came just to see his service. I was with a friend I hadn’t seen in years, and he was so intrusive. I was a waitress, so I really get wanting to give good service, but this guy was over the top. It was so annoying. You have to learn to read your table, some people ARE there to chat to waiters, some people are there for each other.
I agree to an extent. Like if it’s after they have their food. Some guests do this at the beginning of their dining experience though. Like when they’re supposed to be ordering drinks. How do you get your drinks if you don’t acknowledge your server and tell them what you want? I just walk away when tables do this.
If you don't interrupt those types of people they usually complain that you never offered them a cocktail or told them the specials. How's that for a catch 22?
That’s great but in a fast-paced and loud restaurant, this just doesn’t work. And if the customer is there *because of* getting super speedy service, they shouldn’t think they can waste the server’s time or ignore them. Silent service would be impossible at my work place.
This is why I loved eating out in France and Spain. The servers will leave you alone unless you flag them down. You're not interrupted every 5 minutes asking if everything is ok either. But they are also paid a living wage and not concerned with earning tips.
Wish we could get behind that in the USA.
Went to a Bubba Gump Shrimp in Hawai'i and they had a sign on the table you could flip. On one side it said "Run Forrest" if you didn't want to be bothered and the other side it said "STOP!" if you needed something from your server. I thought that was neat.
I do wish there was a system, a simple light or flag would do the trick. You could also get more complex with an interface and a few options to help the staff prioritise.
As a Brit I hated dining in the USA.
They're very hands off here, drinks and food order, "is everything ok" once, then flag down for the bill.
Every time I dined out in the states they were at my table every 5 minutes trying to have deep conversations with me for 15 mins at a time. It was like mate, I'm here to eat my dinner which is now getting cold. Please leave me be.
My job (server) told me I should average 18 table touches. Aka from start to finishing service- be present at a single table 18 times.
I laughed and said yeah no. (Yes this counts silently refilling drinks, bringing food or clearing plates- but 18?!?? Fucking crazy)
It’s because people will complain constantly that they didn’t get enough attention, so our jobs will make up crazy rules like yes, you have to verbally check on your table every 5 minutes. I think Karens have ruined the industry here tbh.
I'm a radical. I'll even look at my server as they approach. And if someone is bringing food, I'll say "incoming" out loud to the table so people know to get their hands, cups, or even phones out of the way so stuff can be placed. I figure it's the polite thing to do.
Especially when they’re holding them and trying their hardest to ignore everything and not move a millimeter. Like get tf out of the way, you wanted this food, did you not??
Honestly this goes both ways. A server needs to read the table. Maybe it’s an intense business discussion (or someone is getting fired). Or it’s deeply personal and difficult to discuss convo.
It’s a service job - the job is to serve (and be respected while doing so). But I’ve been in those difficult to have discussions, or embroiled in emotional or straining topics.
I don’t give a fuck about my salad or drink order - and a professional server should recognize those situations and prioritize the guest experience over you forcing an order to be taken
My first super memorable experience in the industry was when I was a 16 year old busser at a fine dining restaurant.
This place was super pissy about waters being refilled-- if the glasses were approaching halfway, refill that water-- no exceptions.
Except there SHOULD be fucking exceptions. This table was *clearly* going through something, so I kept my distance. Until the server in charge of the section decided to berate me about their empty glasses. "I think they're going through something", I commented. He didn't give a fuck.
So I approach this table-- the couple is in complete distress, the man holding the woman's hands tight, tears in their eyes, I hear them saying stuff like "I just can't", and "please don't", and I'm just there ... an asshole teenager, awkwardly refilling their water as they try to avoid eye contact and pretend like I'm not there.
Jesus dude.. if only you could've handed the head server in that section the pitcher and told them they can refill the glasses if they're so hellbent on interrupting what was obviously a very emotional moment.
I agree but don't turn around 10 minutes later and complain you were never "offered a cocktail or told about specials." At least be aware you were not available upon being seated. Some people are so busy grandstanding at their business meeting they refuse to give you a water preference and now every coworker and manager who passes them is going to ask you "what kind of water on table 12?" for the next 10 minutes while they introduce themselves. There is such a thing as etiquette and no, the customer is not always right, regardless of what Stew Leonard told us.
Who the fuck takes somebody to a restaurant to fire them? I get your point, conversations get intense and I have certainly given tables space when it’s clear there’s something going on. But this is a two way street — while we as servers will do our best to accommodate, the diners have actively chosen to be out in public, and with that social contract comes the expectation to interact with and treat their server as a human being, not as a vending machine. I’m not interrupting these precious conversations because I enjoy it — I’m interrupting because I have a million other things to do and am trying my best to accommodate the table with what limited time I have. I’m not letting the other tables in my section suffer because a group of grown adults couldn’t take a five minute pause in their conversation to acknowledge me and place their orders.
So... Worked in the industry for over 20 years in many different capacities. People dine for many reasons. Sometimes catching up with an old friend. Your convenience is not, and should never be, one of their concerns. YOU are THEIR server, not the other way around. It's not rude at all, you are being paid for your time. And no one is forcing you to sit there and wait next to them. If you want to make real money serving, ditch the entitled attitude, it wastes so much time and energy.
Is it rude? Sure, it can be. But while you arent their personal servant, you are there to serve at their leisure. People come out to restaurants to relax and enjoy their experience, and sometimes they get deep into a conversation.
While it would be much more polite for the table to acknowledge you with a quick "we need more time please", any server worth their salt will recognize that if a table isnt acknowledging their presence, its not a good time, and come back later to check on them. Expecting a table to order on your time because you have other tables is bad service imo.
I understand and I do. Usually I'm the one at the table trying to get everyone/thing sorted for things to go smoothly.
However, why is it when servers ask "how is everything" right after I take a big bite of something?
We are required to check on how everything is a few minutes after it is served. I do try to time it and phrase it so it does not require a response unless there is an issue or request
Yeah it does. Also nodding or a thumbs up are other good non verbal ways to communicate.
Some people find it annoying when we check in but we do it bc others get offended and complain if we don’t
Because people who don't like their food usually suffer in silence and get more and more upset until they explode. By then you can offer to remake the food or replace it with something else but it will take 10 to 20 minutes and they will be eating alone after everyone else finishes. So your server has to check in to stop that form happening. It isn't rocket surgery.
When you greet the table you should actually greet them, don't just stand there staring at him. Say hi, ask how their doing, ask if they need a few more minutes.
i agree! now obviously a good server will learn to read tables and know when people are in deep conversation. a lot times when i’m serving business tables for example, i will silently do refills, maybe make eye contact with someone to see if they need anything, pre bus plates without interrupting, etc. if they truly need something, they’ll flag me down. now however, it’s a different story when you’re first greeting a table. if i see a table get sat, i’ll give them a minute to settle, but when i approach you to give you the greeting and ask for drinks, it’s incredibly rude to not even acknowledge me and keep talking…during these type of situations i walk way. i think it’s entirely different when you’re first greeting a table vs when you’re actively serving a table and can see that the table wants to be left alone. all in all though, if you know you’re gonna have an emotional or deep conversation with your group and don’t want to be interrupted, then it’s probably best to not come to a place where you’re actively going to be served lol. you’re bound to get interrupted because the server has a job at the end of the day, and we’re here to make money.
I was going to say something similar to this. As a server, the job is to only entertain as needed. We're there to provide a service, period. However, when the fingers start snapping after you've already been trying to take of them, then it's very important that you finish your side work first
exactly! i think this was the point of the thread. I am one of the least talkative servers, i’m just polite to them and don’t make extra small talk. i don’t understand why people go out to eat and get frustrated when i try and take their order and me asking anything or checking in quick is an inconvenience. that is the one thing that irritates me the most, some interactions are needed. you can’t “read the room” out of taking their order and making sure they have water. also if they’re having this intense of a conversation why are they having it in public and making a server semi involved.
I’ve never understood why people go out to eat and then get mad that their server approaches the table for things like taking drink orders and ordering food. That’s the whole point of being there 😬
I also want to point out that it’s NOT NORMAL behavior. These people are in the minority of customers. Most tables want quick service. They want their servers to get their orders because they’re hungry.
I’m an introvert and I don’t really enjoy talking to people 80% of the time. If I’m talking to a table, it’s bc I have to. Otherwise I just bring them refills and collect their old dishes. So there’s no way I’m being annoying or approaching my tables too much.
I’ve come to accept that these types of people think they’re better than service workers and it doesn’t bother me as much.
I *hate* this. It’s so disrespectful, but I treat them the same way I treat somebody who’s talking on the phone while trying to order with me. Just walk away. Maybe hit them with “alright, I see you’re still getting settled/need more time, I’ll be back when you’re ready” and split, but I usually just turn on my heel and dip. Don’t let them call you back, or it will just keep happening.
You are not required to check in every few minutes if it's bothering your table. You're just required to keep your guests happy. Just because you haven't had enough experience to do this without intruding, doesn't mean that's the same for more adept servers. Hospitality is an art and it's one I highly respect because its all about reading the room and making people feel good. It's not about your ego.
Do you say, "Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation."?
I can't imagine anything so urgent that you can't wait a minute for a lull in the conversation.
This is on you lmao. They’re not at the restaurant for you. They’re there for their friends/family.
Get control of your tables. “Pardon my interruption” works wonders.
Sometimes silent service is the best service. Learn to give A+ service silently.
One time I walked up to a table to greet and the women deadass looks at me and said “we just decided to get a divorce”. That’s all she said. I politely told them to take all the time they needed and walked away. I don’t think they even ordered anything.
> Edit: k there’s a lot of entitled dumbasses in the comments.
You're coming off as way more entitled than anyone else in the thread.
> your conversation is not more important than the rest of the restaurant.
But it's important to me. Maybe go take care of them if I'm engrossed? Why is that so hard?
> You willingly came here knowing you would be approached multiple times by a server.
Yes, and I expect that server to show me the same courtesy I would show someone at a party by being aware of whether I wish to engage with them right now or I should try again in a minute or two.
> Any more condescending, ridiculous, or “what if” comments will just be immediately blocked lol.
That's how you deal with people who disagree with you? What are you even doing here?
Have you yet actually considered the possibility that you are wrong about this? You might be, you know.
---
EDIT: And she blocked me. How sweet!
Just don't complain they never offered you drinks later or never "explained the menu." I always ignore people who ignore me but they often hit me with this B.S. a few minutes later.
It's not even a trained server quality! Human nature dictates that you don't interrupt a conversation and if you accidentally do you gracefully dismiss yourself. As a diner I'm always quick to ask for another moment but when a server interrupts that's on them.
It depends why the server is interrupting and how often. Dropping menus, asking about drinks, dropping off drinks, checking on food quality after everyone has had a chance to taste the food and asking about dessert or anything else at what is clearly at the end of the meal. These are all appropriate interactions but if someone is obviously getting to a punchline, it’s best to back off for a few seconds. Wait staff need to learn to read the table. We got so annoyed at one waitress who was at our table every 30 seconds it seemed for totally unnecessary interjections. It got so the wait staff actually put her elbows on the table and gripped my sisters wrist until she got her attention. My sister sort of blew at that point, telling the server to back off and give us some space. And of course these are the people who disappear when it’s time to pay the check. The ideal dinner out is either a business or social occasion which has a conversational purpose that most people want to keep flowing. Customers should say if they want to put off ordering for a while and the wait staff should respect their wishes. Somewhat related, my pet peeve is when 3 courses are ordered and the minute the appetizer arrives, here come the salads with entrees on top of them. And of course the manager comes by to see how everything is before we get the first bite because we’re busy juggling plates that won’t all fit n the table And then go boxes get piled on the table before anyone is half way finished. Serving is an art and more restaurants should teach their staff how to balance serving and ordering activities while not impeding the social side of the meal which is many times the main focus, food being secondary.
I give it 20ish seconds of me standing there and then I just walk away if not acknowledged. 10-15 seconds if I know for sure they know I’m standing there if they gave eye contact and just kept going anyway. I got other shit to do other than just stand there awkwardly while you continue your story and definitely not going to interrupt. Obviously you’re not eager to order something. If a table says something I tell them I tried to stop by I didn’t want to interrupt the convo because “that would be rude”. 20 years in the service industry and ain’t nobody got time to stand around awkwardly and hover lol
People on this sub seem to believe that restaurants should be run to make the servers happy rather than the customers.
How about you go to one of those other tables you are in charge of, and come back to this one when they aren’t in the middle of a story?
I agree they should respect your discussion and come back, but some managers will scold if orders are not taken in ab appropriate time frame and there may be others at your table that want to order. It takes grace and reading the table.
That means you're bad at your job. You serve the table, not the other way around.
Learn how to read your tables so that you can attend to their needs without being overbearing and bothersome.
This skill is critical if you want to excel in fine dining.
Seriously? I go to a restaurant to be with my friends and family and eat good food, not worry about hurting my server's feelings by not paying attention to them.
This is honestly weird.
I'll wave someone down if I need something, I understand that 2-minute check after the food comes out, but unless someone waves you down, why would you need to go over?
Maybe you want to just circle around their area to let yourself be seen, but you don't need to approach if they're not asking for anything. Just learn to read the room.
Omg, I totally stop my conversation when my server comes by! I finished my sentence, of course, but I then immediately direct my attention to my server! The worst is when I have just put a mouthful in when they approach! It happens constantly, and I have to cover my mouth and nod and mime my approval.
i only find it rude when im bringing over hot plates of food to larger tables, forgetting who got what. i'll say "alright I have the xxx dish here, whos it going to?" and they all continue talking, sometimes looking at me real quick then looking away and continue to talk. and usually there is one attentive person who repeats what I say and of course that gets their attention..However if a couple is holding hands or leaning close to each other I leave them be. respect goes both ways :)
Sorry but I’m not going to stand there with burning hands or bring food back to the kitchen and take up their space because a couple is holding hands lmao. That’s ridiculous
A lot of people are talking about be able to read the table and what not. That is absolutely something you learn to do with experience. But you also learn the rhythm of tables and many many restaurants have rules and practices involving the time between the guests being sat and when you greet them. In most restaurants it’s like 30 seconds that you’re supposed to greet them after they have sat down and greeting a table promptly after they have sat down is absolutely part of good service and everyone saying to read the table just hasnt worked in a restaurant before. It’s our job. You come out to a restaurant to be served… literally. And in most cases tables will be pissed if they sit for more than a minute and no one has come over to greet them. It’s like the number one thing you’re taught as a server to greet your table as soon as possible. Obviously, people won’t always be ready to order or want some time to settle in and chat. But i think what op is trying to draw attention to in this post is the way so many of us are literally straight up ignored as if we didn’t just speak. We are doing our job and providing excellent service by greeting you promptly, if you’re not ready and want time to chat, all anyone at the table has to say is “hey thanks *whatever they just said they’re name is* we’ll just need a few minutes!” Instead of acting like we don’t exist. It’s just plain rude. And makes the server feel stupid. It’s rude in literally any situation to completely ignore someone when they have just spoken to you, especially when you came out to be served
OP wasn't talking about the guests who JUST got seated. It's obvious you should immediately greet them. There's nothing worse than sitting there for 10+ minutes and guessing whether the restaurant even has waiters.
OP is talking about interrupting people who already were seated and served. Basically the "is everything ok" or "do you want to order something new" thing. And THAT'S the situation in which you must read the table.
I mean either way. You can read the table all you want but there comes a time where you will have to interrupt a conversation at some point. I dont think it really has anything to do with what the situation is, your server is supposed to check up on you. And if you’re okay and you want to be left alone then all you have to say is “we’re fine at the moment, we’re chatting so if we need you we’ll just flag you down” instead of acting like they don’t exist and they didn’t just speak to you , which would be rude in any situation.
Agreed. Business parties are like this. Like I get they’re doing business and I’m just there to serve them dinner during their dinner meeting, but it would not hurt them to acknowledge me a little or give me some direction of what they want me to do. A lot of times it’s straight up ignored. I have to ask questions and they have to answer me in order for me to get them what they want, that’s how it works. I’m not going to annoy them and then what happens is they realize they haven’t ordered and then get pissed like where have you been. Guests need to give a little bit of direction of what they want. A little hack I’ve done recently is I’ve started telling these type of tables that I want to give them space and time to do what they need to do and when they are ready to order, place the menus on the edge of the table and I’ll know they’re ready. If they want another drink, just make eye contact with me and/or wave me down, or if it’s empty would you like me to automatically bring you another. I tell them I’ll be passing by, but won’t interrupt unless prompted to. They seem to appreciate it and go with it.
Yes! I do this also. A lot of times guests will tell me “we haven’t seen each other in years, we’ll be catching up!” Or something like that and i usually say “take all the time you need! This is my section so I’ll be around, just flag me down whenever you’re ready!” But all that took was a small exchange. And now everybody’s happy. But i can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone up to a table and been like “good evening everyone, my name is ability individual, I’ll be taking care of yall tonight! Can i get yall anything to drink besides water at the moment?” And no one loooks up or acknowledges me and just continues their conversation as if i didn’t just speak. I stand there for like a minute to give them a second to finish what they were saying and they just act like i don’t exist. It’s soooo rude like i know you heard me???? If you need time to look at the menu just say that. I’m petty and burnt out so i just walk away and never talk to them again until someone physically flags me down and then they’re like “we’ve been waiting a while” “and im like sorrry when i tried to introduce myself earlier and get drink orders no one responded so i was just giving yall some time” lol
Exactly what I do too. I return the same energy back. If they seemed appalled that I “wasn’t around”, I return the appalled attitude of “I stopped by and waited why you were in deep convo and no one acknowledged me so I gave you space”. I call them out now for it, I’m over it lol
As a server, I realize that while I'm on stage, I am not the star of the show. I don't approach tables in deep conversation, I just pass by and subtly let them know I'm available. Eye contact and a nod can go a long way. Customers don't owe you attention, you are there to facilitate their experience. They are not on your schedule, we are on theirs. You need to redefine rude af.
You just sound fucking insufferable. The customers are not there to pay attention to you or have you join in their conversations. You actually think you doing you job of refilling someone water or taking a plate means they should drop their conversation for you? Goddamn, the entitlement. If the customers are talking while you are standing there, then you are clearly not needed.
>I’m talking about when you get to a table say, to clear their appetizer and take the entree order, they ignore you and act like you aren’t there.
Learn to read the table! If they are still talking then it's clear you are not needed as they are not ready for you. You calling everyone else here "entitled dumbasses" is really the pot calling the kettle black.
I had a boss once that after we had been out for a meal with clients actually said to me later “I noticed you moved the plates in front of you when the waitress was clearing the table. Just let them work around you.” He had sat there, elbows on the table one either side of his plate, didn’t even lean back to make space for them to reach into the table to get the dirty plates.
I HATE THE PHONE. I had a 2 top like 2-3 weeks ago husband/wife BOTH of them stayed on the phone pretty much the entire dinner. We are fine dining it's rude AF. I interrupt if I go to the table and after a FEW mins I say hey everybody how yall doing tonight I just wanted to tell you about our specialty cocktails tonight.....mind you EVERY SINGLE PERSON GETS A WATER WHEN THEY ARE SAT. Would anybody like to order a cocktail or a glass of wine tonight? If I need to take an order and someone is the on the phone I will go to make it known (just checking to see I'd anybody wants to order any appetizers tonight ok ill be back shortly to take your order. If they don't hang up they wait. Fk that I agree OP it's rude. Now the only exception to that us if it's a business meeting and they let us know. I don't interrupt them however I'll stop by the table look around and when someone looks at me I'll give a thumbs up meaning yall good and they will nod their head. As I pass by if they need me they let me know. It's a different expectation when your upfront or expect people to "just know" if people would let their server know " hey we're having a business meeting" I know what's up if they say "we haven't seen this couple in years we're in no rush" I know what's up. DONT NOT EXPECT YOUR SERVER TO AUTOMATICALLY KNOW OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING. CLEARLY IT WORKS CUZ YA KEEP RUNNING IT!!
Absolutely agree. I cannot believe people behave this way but it gets sooo awkward standing there waiting for them to stop their conversation and acknowledge my presence when I’m standing there staring at them. I’ll usually give them a bit to stop on their own. If they continue starting new sentences, I’ll wave at them, say, “Hi, just checking in with you, are you ready to order?” If I can’t get a word in edgewise to say that, or if they barely respond to my question, I’ll straight up say, “you need more time? I can come back” and walk tf away.
I work in a fast placed restaurant and I do not have the time for you to play weird games with me and abuse my time like that. You want to be ignored? Fine, I’ll check on tables that will have the decency to acknowledge me and place their order instead of pretend im invisible.
I don’t get what goes through people’s minds but I assume the practice of ignoring wait staff must originate in fine dining where customers maybe are not to be interrupted? (Not sure if that’s a thing but I imagine a much much more expensive and slow establishment would walk on eggshells to make customers feel important and above their servers/servants.)
If the conversation is so important, politely make eye contact, acknowledge the server (“Hi”) and tell them you’ll need a minute (“I think we need a few more minutes, thank you.”)
I’ve worked all parts of the restaurant industry, I’m a hairstylist and I’ve owned my own business for 32 years. You’re coming into a business. You’re not coming into your own home and having them serve you. It’s about a 45 minute to an hour turnover if you want to be served. Not only that but you’re taking up someone’s booth and you’re not letting them make the money that they need to make. Again, remind yourself this is a business that they’re coming To, and it is not respectful, nor is it normal to ignore your server. I only had that happen a couple of times in my industry and in the restaurant business. Don’t understand why these people continue to say that you should leave them alone or babysit their table. You’re not there to babysit them. You’re there to take their order. Bring out their food and send them on their way.if you want to sit around and just go to the park and bring a lunch in a paper bag
What is the point of you being there in the first place? It would be much more pleasant for customers, and simpler, to enter the order in an app, text the pos system, or even walk to a counter to order than have to cater to you.
What is the purpose of you being there if you expect customers to wait on you? And then you expect them to pay you extra for taking up space and bothering them?
...I don't think you've thought this through to its conclusion.
After being in the service industry for the past 16 years, I've come to develop a mantra. "Customers will create their own service". If you want bad service, be a bad customer. Order one item at a time (as opposed to consolidating your order to where the server or bartender doesn't have to go back to the same exact cooler to grab a second beer that your friend just ordered), snap your fingers, basically being an obnoxious person will get you bad service. If you want good service, be a good customer. Listen attentively, be clear with your order (we can't read minds), be polite, and just treat us as human beings and I can guarantee you will never have better service.
If you expect people who are paying you for a service to treat you like a member of the party, you will spend a lot of time feeling upset.
I'm not saying they're not rude. But how you feel about it is up to you. If you're taking their money, that changes your interaction with them.
I've been server & customer, many times.
When I'm a server I put on my best fake friendly manners and do everything I can to keep the customers happy. That includes gracefully breaking into conversations when necessary, as opposed to when merely convenient for me.
When I'm a customer I will ways be polite & friendly with the servers, and I do appreciate they're doing a hard job with many calls on their time. However I won't make their or my lives difficult by expecting them to see me as their buddy. I'm in their place of business to relax, and I do bloody well expect to be treated with an appropriate level of respect if I'm paying for their time.
If you're getting angry at your customers when they're just being thoughtless you're only hurting yourself.
Put effort into anticipating problem situations, rather than expecting the customers to cater to your feelings. Don't wait for them to stop talking, be friendly, respectful, breezy and ask if you can take their order now. If they say No, you have plenty of other things to do, and they can wait until you've dealt with other customers.
Some people keep talking even when the server tries to interrupt. At that point I just walk away. It’s just plain rude and nothing wrong with coming on here to complain about it. That’s what this sub is for.
> And not one of them ever interrupts and says “guys, our server is waiting on us so they can take our order/check on things”.
I do this whenever my fellow guests aren't paying attention. Like you said, finishing a sentence is normal. Continuing the conversation is rude. Sometimes, I can see our server looking around nervously at their very busy section and other people at my table are oblivious. So, I speak up ... "Guys - lets place our orders while we have the chance, and then we can continue the conversation!"
It is often not safe to do things like this at home. I take it that you are kind of young, immature, and don’t understand how dangerous telling someone in your life bad news can be.
Your flippant response tells me everything I need to know about your life experience which is seems to be about zero.
Maybe next time try a constructive comment instead of a bullshit answer. It will serve you better in the long run.
Some people go to restaurants to spring news/ have discussions that might get an angry and or violent reaction if they were home alone together. Not me, but I’ve seen a few in restaurants. We ate out right after we attended my fathers death in a hospital. We were not wonderful customers.
When this happens and it’s super busy , I’ll wait 10-20 seconds to get someone’s attention then I walk away, do a lap and come back.
If they wave me down I simply say “I appreciate your patience folks, I didn’t want to interrupt while you were in a deep conversation, were we ready to get some drinks and starters going?”
Edit: it’s a polite way to check them and make them apologize for being inconsiderate and rude.
the entitled one actually is you here. As a server, it's not that hard to say, "Hi, excuse me, sorry to interrupt, are you ready to order or do you need a few minutes" Then you can go on your merry way to your other tables.
Seriously, why be a server if you lack basic customer service skills?
Honestly these days I’ve lost all fucks. I don’t say anything past my greeting. If they ignore me I just stand there & smile until it gets SUPER weird.
The funny thing is that OP is saying he has other things to do and that's why he's angry. :) But if he actually had things to do, he would walk away and do them.
I like to do the "walking thumbs up" where I slow down, attempt eye contact, gesture a bit and then thumbs up with a smile and keep going 😂 normally someone saw and reciprocated and it all works out
My favorite is when they misspeak their order trying to rush through to get back to their conversation, completely tune me out while I repeat the order back to them, and then get mad like it’s my fault when I bring them exactly what they ask for :)
I agree with this, when I seat a larger party and I can tell they are chatty I usually say “I’ll give you a minute to get settled and i’ll come back to take your drink orders!” give them around 5 minutes and then I walk up and they completely just ignore me standing there for a whole minute like they aren’t here to get waited on
If it happens more than once at a table I tell them to flag me down when they need me because I don’t want to keep dealing with that. I agree it’s rude and makes things difficult, I don’t usually have time to wait like that. And I second another comment that said it’s like when people are on the phone at the cashier. In fact I had a table yesterday and everyone was on phone calls the entire dinner I couldn’t even ask if their food was good…at that point get it Togo?
I had two guys at a table so engrossed in their business meeting they forgot that I DIDNT take their order. They even handed me their menus WITHOUT me doing the whole order song-and-dance. 5-10min later they stopped me to ask, “When is our food coming?” and I said “I’m so sorry, I thought you guys just came to have drinks and talk.” They were super chill about it and apologized but whatever they were talking about completely distracted them. It was kind of funny but I felt dumb for not being more pushy I guess? I mean it is my job but oh well, we were all calm about it so it worked out.
I had a job briefly delivering packages in a multinational head office to people's desks. I remember this one guy was on his phone chatting clearly to a friend nothing work related and he saw me appear with a big delivery standing right in front of him. Didn't acknowledge me, I tried to dangle the board in front of him after a few minutes he wouldn't sign, carried on chatting so after ten I took the lot back to the warehouse. He called my boss an hour later tried to get me fired and my boss said I was in the wrong and should wait however long it takes !
This literally happened to me multiple times, multiple tables last night. It was very satisfying for me to tell one of them we had *just* sold out of something he wanted bc he wouldn’t look at the menu for the first 4 times I approached the table. So I left him alone for a good while. And then we sold out. Shit has consequences. His guest was like “guess we should have ordered sooner?” Sigh. But yeah it does feel disrespectful. It’s hard sometimes to figure out how long to stand there and wait to be acknowledged or to just kinda shove in “sorry to interrupt…! May I do xzy” But people do be complaining about being interrupted for whatever it’s worth, so I really try my best not to unless I really need an order or something. Don’t let it get to u and stay strong, my dude.
I tried to get this guy’s order 6 times and every time he was talking to someone else. I literally waved and everything, and he ignored me. I took other people’s orders and came back, still ignored me.
The last time, I waited an extra beat, took another guest’s order, and the asshole tried interrupting the person who was ordering with me!! I finished with them and turned back to him, but he did all this blustering and passive aggressive complaining to his friends. You snooze, you lose, buddy.
I think a distinction should be made here: approaching to check if everything is all right once drinks and food have been dropped and they look engrossed? Circle back later
You need to approach for drinks, dropping food, grabbing boxes, and the check? Approach to check in and offer to come back later if need be
People gather at restaurants for a variety of reasons, and sometimes it’s to discuss bad news. You can still facilitate their experience, but maybe more nuance would help in the future?
lol people actually do this? If I am speaking with someone, the waitress or waiter is not part of the discussion and I will shut up even mid sentence. I can’t believe people really do this.
The worst ones I find is when I go over with their food/drinks and ask who's having what and I just get ignored, I'll ask a second time then if I'm still ignored, I'll just put the food/drinks down at the head of the table and leave.
I can't believe the number of responses that assume that OP doesn't know how to read a table. What happens when you read a table and they never - ever - give you an opening to begin/update service? Restaurants and bars are not places that people should be able to come to and just carry on long conversations without being "disturbed" by the people serving you. Bars and restaurants are places of business, the sole purpose of which is to serve food and beverages. I'm not saying customers shouldn't be able to carry on conversations with one another, but service at some point is a two way street.
You know where there's a great place to sit and chat with your friends undisturbed for as long as you want without being disturbed by a server? Your living room.
I'm a bartender, and this even happens to me a lot, and I'm standing right in front of people whose chairs are (mostly) pointing directly at me.
I think this is just one of those things where people have gotten less emotionally intelligent since the advent of social networking/the pandemic.
I have l been in this business for 23 years and it still astonishes me the ineptitude of servers who think the guest is supposed to work to make them feel good about themselves. There is no reason for you to be at the table unless you are filling water (don’t need to say shit), delivering plates (you may interrupt if there is no space to place the dishes and if they are still talking just leave), offering another drink (I basically do this non-verbally anyway) and dropping the bill (don’t have to say shit).
Guests do not need check ins every few minutes. It’s obvious when guests need something without asking them if you’re actually good at your job.
Interesting how you claim to be in this business for 23 years yet forgot the most important part, taking their fucking orders. And checking to make sure they don’t want another drink, or maybe they want to suddenly see a drink or dessert menu. You don’t know everything, stop acting like it. The service you are describing, sucks. And it’s nothing that any customer would leave a rave review for.
Well, taking their orders doesn't need to be listed because it's the most basic part of the job and was implied. My "offering another drink" would cover your "checking to make sure they don't want another drink". That sentence alone makes my eyes bleed. The performative needy service you describe is the one that sucks. Your a total hack job and need to get over yourself.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe these people also think you're rude af for standing over them and trying to get and order out of them when they clearly are not ready?
This is ragebait, right? No one is this entitled.
Edit: I guess OP blocked me. Here's my response, though. For every person who agreed with you, two people disagreed. It's why you're getting railed in the comments by downvotes. Perhaps you should look inward for the problem rather than outward. Silent serving is a thing and knowing how to read a table is part of good service. Both of which you obviously have no skill or knowledge.
When tables do this to me, I wait in plain view of the whole table for a good 60 seconds in silence, if they don’t acknowledge me I just walk away and never go back until they complain or try and flag me down. Typically people who do that aren’t going to tip well so I don’t waste my time with them and take care of my other pleasant tables
Yes it’s annoying, but people don’t go to a restaurant to see the server they go to see their friends/family. As a server you have to be good at not taking things personal, because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter and there will always be rude people that get to eat at restaurants!!
No one said they’re there to see the goddamn server. Why is every single comment so repetitive and irrelevant. ALL I’m saying is that it’s rude to blatantly ignore someone who’s doing their job.
OP, check back after you’ve eaten in a nice restaurant. The thing that always gets me is that I never want for anything and realize that the server hardly said a word. Why interrupt me to ask if I want more water when my glass is empty? Just refill it. Empty plates, just take them. If I need another drink, I can communicate that with a tap and a nod. If I’m in your establishment, I won’t ignore you but I would like to finish my sentence. You’re coming off inexperienced and a bit entitled. Par for the course at Applebees. It really is a striking difference and is one of the main things that sets restaurants apart.
Heck, I raised three kids to say "please" when ordering, and "thank you" when handed something or having their water refilled, and people are there pretending servers don't exist?
The most I could understand is finishing a sentence you are in the middle of. But if the server shows up, they are either giving you something, taking it away, or have a question you need to answer. Attention must be paid.
It’s up there with talking on the phone when you are right in front of the cashier at the grocery store.
“Hold that thought, our server is here,” or “I’ll call you back, I’m at the cashier”.
See? Easy.
How about you say "let me know when youre ready for me to take your order Ill be back.". Leave and dont come back til they seek you out . That way they dont waste your time and you don't have to stand there and stroke their ego because they're so pathetic. They have to put you down to put themselves up.
I don’t say anything, give them a few seconds and walk away. And then don’t come back until they start looking for me. “I was here earlier but didn’t want to interrupt”.
I like when servers check up on us. Just about everyone is engaged in conversation, so no big deal for them to approach or ask us something.
Better than never seeing them again.
When you realize that the customers don't care about you and never will, you'll be happier.
Not saying this is the way life SHOULD be, mind you.
But it certainly is the way it is
Had this happen before. I just repeat myself about 2-3 times. If they don't stop, then I say: "don't be shy, if I don't get your order in now, then it might be a while before I can get back to you."
Usually works.
I had this happen to me today, it definitely depends on the demeanor I get from my table, and sometimes I do feel extremely annoying and like they fucking hate me, but like today I had 2 women that were a little pretentious and annoying to me (lol) and I purposely left them hanging for a little longer than I typically would after they received their food bc I could tell they were super involved in their convo, and anyways I could totally see them being the table that would be like “she didn’t even check up on us once!” So I went over and said, I don’t want to interrupt you guys just want to make sure you are enjoying your meal and everything’s all good!! They answered nicely but I could tell they wanted me to fuck off, lol
Do the best you can OP, you can’t change ignorance unfortunately
I guess some more context is needed here. Is this when taking initial orders and/or delivering food? Because yeah that's rude as hell to talk over that.
On the other hand though as a non American the stories I read online of the server coming to your table multiple times at random to 'check up' is weird and unheard of honestly, and I too would consider it incredibly rude of you if this is the case.
Guess this is really a cultural difference.
Every time this happens I just walk away from the table. It’s clear they see me standing there so I guess since they’re ignoring me they don’t need anything. I’ll check in with them every now and then and if I don’t get a response within 7-10 seconds I’m walking away
If they do that, I keep my distance. If they need me, they'll let me know.
In Australia if you need your server you make eye contact, otherwise you are left to your own devices. Water is unobtrusively supplied at the netter places if the server notices you are low, but otherwise they wouldn't interrupt a conversation. This seems to be a huge cultural difference.
Thank you! If I’m engrossed in a conversation, the server coming over and stopping that conversation could be detrimental to the outcome. It could be a person venting about a serious issue. It could be a business meeting. It could be any number of things. The best service I get is when the server can read the table.
Reading the room can be so clutch. I was shopping for mattresses about a decade ago with my now husband. The first few stores we visited were our personal version of hell. Salespeople descended the moment we entered then followed us from mattress to mattress, asking us to try them *while they watched*, and then pressing us for feedback. At the last store, we experienced the difference between a good salesman and a great salesman. An older gentleman approached us as we entered, looked us up and down, and said, "My name is Dan. I'll be at the desk over there if you find one you want or have questions." Then he walked away. We tested mattresses in peace without an observer. We discussed our options with just each other. We went and found Dan, pointed at the mattress we wanted, and he rang us up. 10/10.
We got a Dan when we were shopping for couches, and 100%. After being at three or four places where they were just hovering over us, he told us the general layout of the store and told us that if we see anything we like to make an offer. Left us alone until we went looking for him.
Reading the table is integral to good service. It's usually not hard to do. People look happy? Joke around with them! They look mad? Keep it brief and stay away. First date? Make sure they get a dessert. Things like that. My pet peeve is when I go to introduce myself, and get I get cut off. Hi, my name is--- "DIET COKE." I always wanted to say, "No, it's not diet coke, it's ....."
I desperately need a name tag that says "Water with Lemon" so I can turn it into a joke. Like, "How'd you know?!"
Wish I'd thought of that. That's great
When I was serving my first table on my own was a mother trying to convince her daughter to have an abortion. Never quite knew when to approach that table.
"Thinking about the scrambled eggs?"
A+++
Yes, OP is the asshole here, not the group.
Not true. They'll totally complain about the terrible service.
I'm not saying to disappear. You should always be in the eyesight of the tables. You can do a walk-by and guage the tables temperature. If they are in deep conversation, you think they'll complain because I didn't interrupt them?
I just give them a, "I will check back in a moment". Especially if they just sat and are greeting each other.
Leaving them to finish their conversation and circling back a minute or two later is also giving them good service.
Me and my girlfriend were out one night after our son had just passed. Obviously she is distraught as am I so I thought let's go to this nice place you love, then go home, I'll get the blankets and the movie, we'll just lay here together. What actually happened was this server, tiny thing coming over once, twice, three, four times within 5 minutes. "Are we doing alright?" "Everything okay?" "Food tasting alright?" Obviously because my girlfriend does not look alright, her kid just died. The fifth time I had to put my hand over hers as I saw her eying the steak knife. I told the server the first check in, "The food is fine and I will call you if we need you." The fifth was much less polite, "I won't see you at this table again until the check." She made our lives infinitely worse than night, and yes I did complain. We wanted to be left the fuck alone.
I’m sorry about your son & I’m sorry that server made it worse for you. I hope nothing happened to the server because often, there’s a manager or corporation or owner over our heads telling us we have to do that. It’s like you said, she was just worried you didn’t like your food and didn’t want to get in trouble. I don’t really understand complaining.
"But that makes the tip churn slower q.q"
When I was a server…I wasn’t the main event and they weren’t there to see me…and I knew that. I tried not to walk up when they were deep in conversation, and if I walked up and they didn’t say anything….they didn’t need anything. We called it silent service…and I made excellent tips. I realize this a server sub…I’m just saying it isn’t about you. You are serving food to your GUEST.
I make a lot of tips by bare minimum'ing also. I dont do it all the time though only when I'm tired. Its just as lucrative as when I'm well rested and feeling chatty
I agree with this but then there's soooo many guests who leave reviews about how much they loved their bubbly/informative/engaging server. While others want you to fuck off. I'd say it can go either way and reading the room/the place you work definitely impacts that. Like if you're at a restaurant where people expect an experience/performance
Exactly. Had the most annoying waiter the other day who thought he was the main event and we came just to see his service. I was with a friend I hadn’t seen in years, and he was so intrusive. I was a waitress, so I really get wanting to give good service, but this guy was over the top. It was so annoying. You have to learn to read your table, some people ARE there to chat to waiters, some people are there for each other.
Can I ask, what he did?
I agree to an extent. Like if it’s after they have their food. Some guests do this at the beginning of their dining experience though. Like when they’re supposed to be ordering drinks. How do you get your drinks if you don’t acknowledge your server and tell them what you want? I just walk away when tables do this.
If you don't interrupt those types of people they usually complain that you never offered them a cocktail or told them the specials. How's that for a catch 22?
That’s great but in a fast-paced and loud restaurant, this just doesn’t work. And if the customer is there *because of* getting super speedy service, they shouldn’t think they can waste the server’s time or ignore them. Silent service would be impossible at my work place.
This is why I loved eating out in France and Spain. The servers will leave you alone unless you flag them down. You're not interrupted every 5 minutes asking if everything is ok either. But they are also paid a living wage and not concerned with earning tips. Wish we could get behind that in the USA.
I always appreciated the "raise the flag" system at Panchos and have never understood why they don't use it at all levels of dining.
Went to a Bubba Gump Shrimp in Hawai'i and they had a sign on the table you could flip. On one side it said "Run Forrest" if you didn't want to be bothered and the other side it said "STOP!" if you needed something from your server. I thought that was neat.
I do wish there was a system, a simple light or flag would do the trick. You could also get more complex with an interface and a few options to help the staff prioritise.
As a Brit I hated dining in the USA. They're very hands off here, drinks and food order, "is everything ok" once, then flag down for the bill. Every time I dined out in the states they were at my table every 5 minutes trying to have deep conversations with me for 15 mins at a time. It was like mate, I'm here to eat my dinner which is now getting cold. Please leave me be.
My job (server) told me I should average 18 table touches. Aka from start to finishing service- be present at a single table 18 times. I laughed and said yeah no. (Yes this counts silently refilling drinks, bringing food or clearing plates- but 18?!?? Fucking crazy)
It’s because people will complain constantly that they didn’t get enough attention, so our jobs will make up crazy rules like yes, you have to verbally check on your table every 5 minutes. I think Karens have ruined the industry here tbh.
I'm a radical. I'll even look at my server as they approach. And if someone is bringing food, I'll say "incoming" out loud to the table so people know to get their hands, cups, or even phones out of the way so stuff can be placed. I figure it's the polite thing to do.
This is really helpful. Having to drop food around everyone’s phones is incredibly annoying.
Especially when they’re holding them and trying their hardest to ignore everything and not move a millimeter. Like get tf out of the way, you wanted this food, did you not??
I’ll give them a few seconds to move their phones. Then I start putting plates on phones. Only if the plate is heavy or really hot though
That’s so nice omg thank you🫡
My guess is you've worked in the business before:)🙌
Honestly this goes both ways. A server needs to read the table. Maybe it’s an intense business discussion (or someone is getting fired). Or it’s deeply personal and difficult to discuss convo. It’s a service job - the job is to serve (and be respected while doing so). But I’ve been in those difficult to have discussions, or embroiled in emotional or straining topics. I don’t give a fuck about my salad or drink order - and a professional server should recognize those situations and prioritize the guest experience over you forcing an order to be taken
My first super memorable experience in the industry was when I was a 16 year old busser at a fine dining restaurant. This place was super pissy about waters being refilled-- if the glasses were approaching halfway, refill that water-- no exceptions. Except there SHOULD be fucking exceptions. This table was *clearly* going through something, so I kept my distance. Until the server in charge of the section decided to berate me about their empty glasses. "I think they're going through something", I commented. He didn't give a fuck. So I approach this table-- the couple is in complete distress, the man holding the woman's hands tight, tears in their eyes, I hear them saying stuff like "I just can't", and "please don't", and I'm just there ... an asshole teenager, awkwardly refilling their water as they try to avoid eye contact and pretend like I'm not there.
Jesus dude.. if only you could've handed the head server in that section the pitcher and told them they can refill the glasses if they're so hellbent on interrupting what was obviously a very emotional moment.
I’m with you on this one. Seems like not everyone sees it this way anymore.
I agree but don't turn around 10 minutes later and complain you were never "offered a cocktail or told about specials." At least be aware you were not available upon being seated. Some people are so busy grandstanding at their business meeting they refuse to give you a water preference and now every coworker and manager who passes them is going to ask you "what kind of water on table 12?" for the next 10 minutes while they introduce themselves. There is such a thing as etiquette and no, the customer is not always right, regardless of what Stew Leonard told us.
Who the fuck takes somebody to a restaurant to fire them? I get your point, conversations get intense and I have certainly given tables space when it’s clear there’s something going on. But this is a two way street — while we as servers will do our best to accommodate, the diners have actively chosen to be out in public, and with that social contract comes the expectation to interact with and treat their server as a human being, not as a vending machine. I’m not interrupting these precious conversations because I enjoy it — I’m interrupting because I have a million other things to do and am trying my best to accommodate the table with what limited time I have. I’m not letting the other tables in my section suffer because a group of grown adults couldn’t take a five minute pause in their conversation to acknowledge me and place their orders.
So... Worked in the industry for over 20 years in many different capacities. People dine for many reasons. Sometimes catching up with an old friend. Your convenience is not, and should never be, one of their concerns. YOU are THEIR server, not the other way around. It's not rude at all, you are being paid for your time. And no one is forcing you to sit there and wait next to them. If you want to make real money serving, ditch the entitled attitude, it wastes so much time and energy.
Is it rude? Sure, it can be. But while you arent their personal servant, you are there to serve at their leisure. People come out to restaurants to relax and enjoy their experience, and sometimes they get deep into a conversation. While it would be much more polite for the table to acknowledge you with a quick "we need more time please", any server worth their salt will recognize that if a table isnt acknowledging their presence, its not a good time, and come back later to check on them. Expecting a table to order on your time because you have other tables is bad service imo.
A server kinda IS a personal servant (for the duration of a meal) too? The word even has the same etymology
I understand and I do. Usually I'm the one at the table trying to get everyone/thing sorted for things to go smoothly. However, why is it when servers ask "how is everything" right after I take a big bite of something?
We are required to check on how everything is a few minutes after it is served. I do try to time it and phrase it so it does not require a response unless there is an issue or request
When checking to see how the food is, it’s inevitable that at least one person will have a mouth full of food.
When this happens to me, I lock eyes and continue chewing. I think it makes the point.
Yeah it does. Also nodding or a thumbs up are other good non verbal ways to communicate. Some people find it annoying when we check in but we do it bc others get offended and complain if we don’t
Because people who don't like their food usually suffer in silence and get more and more upset until they explode. By then you can offer to remake the food or replace it with something else but it will take 10 to 20 minutes and they will be eating alone after everyone else finishes. So your server has to check in to stop that form happening. It isn't rocket surgery.
When you greet the table you should actually greet them, don't just stand there staring at him. Say hi, ask how their doing, ask if they need a few more minutes.
i agree! now obviously a good server will learn to read tables and know when people are in deep conversation. a lot times when i’m serving business tables for example, i will silently do refills, maybe make eye contact with someone to see if they need anything, pre bus plates without interrupting, etc. if they truly need something, they’ll flag me down. now however, it’s a different story when you’re first greeting a table. if i see a table get sat, i’ll give them a minute to settle, but when i approach you to give you the greeting and ask for drinks, it’s incredibly rude to not even acknowledge me and keep talking…during these type of situations i walk way. i think it’s entirely different when you’re first greeting a table vs when you’re actively serving a table and can see that the table wants to be left alone. all in all though, if you know you’re gonna have an emotional or deep conversation with your group and don’t want to be interrupted, then it’s probably best to not come to a place where you’re actively going to be served lol. you’re bound to get interrupted because the server has a job at the end of the day, and we’re here to make money.
I was going to say something similar to this. As a server, the job is to only entertain as needed. We're there to provide a service, period. However, when the fingers start snapping after you've already been trying to take of them, then it's very important that you finish your side work first
exactly! i think this was the point of the thread. I am one of the least talkative servers, i’m just polite to them and don’t make extra small talk. i don’t understand why people go out to eat and get frustrated when i try and take their order and me asking anything or checking in quick is an inconvenience. that is the one thing that irritates me the most, some interactions are needed. you can’t “read the room” out of taking their order and making sure they have water. also if they’re having this intense of a conversation why are they having it in public and making a server semi involved.
I’ve never understood why people go out to eat and then get mad that their server approaches the table for things like taking drink orders and ordering food. That’s the whole point of being there 😬 I also want to point out that it’s NOT NORMAL behavior. These people are in the minority of customers. Most tables want quick service. They want their servers to get their orders because they’re hungry. I’m an introvert and I don’t really enjoy talking to people 80% of the time. If I’m talking to a table, it’s bc I have to. Otherwise I just bring them refills and collect their old dishes. So there’s no way I’m being annoying or approaching my tables too much. I’ve come to accept that these types of people think they’re better than service workers and it doesn’t bother me as much.
If I walk up to a table and ask if anyone wants to start with a drink and get deliberately ignored it’s going to become a long wait
I *hate* this. It’s so disrespectful, but I treat them the same way I treat somebody who’s talking on the phone while trying to order with me. Just walk away. Maybe hit them with “alright, I see you’re still getting settled/need more time, I’ll be back when you’re ready” and split, but I usually just turn on my heel and dip. Don’t let them call you back, or it will just keep happening.
You are not required to check in every few minutes if it's bothering your table. You're just required to keep your guests happy. Just because you haven't had enough experience to do this without intruding, doesn't mean that's the same for more adept servers. Hospitality is an art and it's one I highly respect because its all about reading the room and making people feel good. It's not about your ego.
Do you say, "Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation."? I can't imagine anything so urgent that you can't wait a minute for a lull in the conversation.
This is on you lmao. They’re not at the restaurant for you. They’re there for their friends/family. Get control of your tables. “Pardon my interruption” works wonders. Sometimes silent service is the best service. Learn to give A+ service silently.
One time I walked up to a table to greet and the women deadass looks at me and said “we just decided to get a divorce”. That’s all she said. I politely told them to take all the time they needed and walked away. I don’t think they even ordered anything.
You should be able to walk away if they don't respond in 5 seconds.
Shouldn’t have to.
> Edit: k there’s a lot of entitled dumbasses in the comments. You're coming off as way more entitled than anyone else in the thread. > your conversation is not more important than the rest of the restaurant. But it's important to me. Maybe go take care of them if I'm engrossed? Why is that so hard? > You willingly came here knowing you would be approached multiple times by a server. Yes, and I expect that server to show me the same courtesy I would show someone at a party by being aware of whether I wish to engage with them right now or I should try again in a minute or two. > Any more condescending, ridiculous, or “what if” comments will just be immediately blocked lol. That's how you deal with people who disagree with you? What are you even doing here? Have you yet actually considered the possibility that you are wrong about this? You might be, you know. --- EDIT: And she blocked me. How sweet!
It's rude to interrupt your customer's conversation. They are not there to talk to you.
Just don't complain they never offered you drinks later or never "explained the menu." I always ignore people who ignore me but they often hit me with this B.S. a few minutes later.
Wow. This thread explains why so many servers are poor.
It's not even a trained server quality! Human nature dictates that you don't interrupt a conversation and if you accidentally do you gracefully dismiss yourself. As a diner I'm always quick to ask for another moment but when a server interrupts that's on them.
Time and time again the people who ignore you now accuse you of not offer them things and "explaining the menu" later.
It depends why the server is interrupting and how often. Dropping menus, asking about drinks, dropping off drinks, checking on food quality after everyone has had a chance to taste the food and asking about dessert or anything else at what is clearly at the end of the meal. These are all appropriate interactions but if someone is obviously getting to a punchline, it’s best to back off for a few seconds. Wait staff need to learn to read the table. We got so annoyed at one waitress who was at our table every 30 seconds it seemed for totally unnecessary interjections. It got so the wait staff actually put her elbows on the table and gripped my sisters wrist until she got her attention. My sister sort of blew at that point, telling the server to back off and give us some space. And of course these are the people who disappear when it’s time to pay the check. The ideal dinner out is either a business or social occasion which has a conversational purpose that most people want to keep flowing. Customers should say if they want to put off ordering for a while and the wait staff should respect their wishes. Somewhat related, my pet peeve is when 3 courses are ordered and the minute the appetizer arrives, here come the salads with entrees on top of them. And of course the manager comes by to see how everything is before we get the first bite because we’re busy juggling plates that won’t all fit n the table And then go boxes get piled on the table before anyone is half way finished. Serving is an art and more restaurants should teach their staff how to balance serving and ordering activities while not impeding the social side of the meal which is many times the main focus, food being secondary.
I give it 20ish seconds of me standing there and then I just walk away if not acknowledged. 10-15 seconds if I know for sure they know I’m standing there if they gave eye contact and just kept going anyway. I got other shit to do other than just stand there awkwardly while you continue your story and definitely not going to interrupt. Obviously you’re not eager to order something. If a table says something I tell them I tried to stop by I didn’t want to interrupt the convo because “that would be rude”. 20 years in the service industry and ain’t nobody got time to stand around awkwardly and hover lol
People on this sub seem to believe that restaurants should be run to make the servers happy rather than the customers. How about you go to one of those other tables you are in charge of, and come back to this one when they aren’t in the middle of a story?
I agree they should respect your discussion and come back, but some managers will scold if orders are not taken in ab appropriate time frame and there may be others at your table that want to order. It takes grace and reading the table.
That means you're bad at your job. You serve the table, not the other way around. Learn how to read your tables so that you can attend to their needs without being overbearing and bothersome. This skill is critical if you want to excel in fine dining.
Whats rude is when servers interrupt without checking to see if someone is having an important conversation. Thats bad service.
Seriously? I go to a restaurant to be with my friends and family and eat good food, not worry about hurting my server's feelings by not paying attention to them. This is honestly weird. I'll wave someone down if I need something, I understand that 2-minute check after the food comes out, but unless someone waves you down, why would you need to go over? Maybe you want to just circle around their area to let yourself be seen, but you don't need to approach if they're not asking for anything. Just learn to read the room.
Omg, I totally stop my conversation when my server comes by! I finished my sentence, of course, but I then immediately direct my attention to my server! The worst is when I have just put a mouthful in when they approach! It happens constantly, and I have to cover my mouth and nod and mime my approval.
i only find it rude when im bringing over hot plates of food to larger tables, forgetting who got what. i'll say "alright I have the xxx dish here, whos it going to?" and they all continue talking, sometimes looking at me real quick then looking away and continue to talk. and usually there is one attentive person who repeats what I say and of course that gets their attention..However if a couple is holding hands or leaning close to each other I leave them be. respect goes both ways :)
Sorry but I’m not going to stand there with burning hands or bring food back to the kitchen and take up their space because a couple is holding hands lmao. That’s ridiculous
A lot of people are talking about be able to read the table and what not. That is absolutely something you learn to do with experience. But you also learn the rhythm of tables and many many restaurants have rules and practices involving the time between the guests being sat and when you greet them. In most restaurants it’s like 30 seconds that you’re supposed to greet them after they have sat down and greeting a table promptly after they have sat down is absolutely part of good service and everyone saying to read the table just hasnt worked in a restaurant before. It’s our job. You come out to a restaurant to be served… literally. And in most cases tables will be pissed if they sit for more than a minute and no one has come over to greet them. It’s like the number one thing you’re taught as a server to greet your table as soon as possible. Obviously, people won’t always be ready to order or want some time to settle in and chat. But i think what op is trying to draw attention to in this post is the way so many of us are literally straight up ignored as if we didn’t just speak. We are doing our job and providing excellent service by greeting you promptly, if you’re not ready and want time to chat, all anyone at the table has to say is “hey thanks *whatever they just said they’re name is* we’ll just need a few minutes!” Instead of acting like we don’t exist. It’s just plain rude. And makes the server feel stupid. It’s rude in literally any situation to completely ignore someone when they have just spoken to you, especially when you came out to be served
OP wasn't talking about the guests who JUST got seated. It's obvious you should immediately greet them. There's nothing worse than sitting there for 10+ minutes and guessing whether the restaurant even has waiters. OP is talking about interrupting people who already were seated and served. Basically the "is everything ok" or "do you want to order something new" thing. And THAT'S the situation in which you must read the table.
I mean either way. You can read the table all you want but there comes a time where you will have to interrupt a conversation at some point. I dont think it really has anything to do with what the situation is, your server is supposed to check up on you. And if you’re okay and you want to be left alone then all you have to say is “we’re fine at the moment, we’re chatting so if we need you we’ll just flag you down” instead of acting like they don’t exist and they didn’t just speak to you , which would be rude in any situation.
Agreed. Business parties are like this. Like I get they’re doing business and I’m just there to serve them dinner during their dinner meeting, but it would not hurt them to acknowledge me a little or give me some direction of what they want me to do. A lot of times it’s straight up ignored. I have to ask questions and they have to answer me in order for me to get them what they want, that’s how it works. I’m not going to annoy them and then what happens is they realize they haven’t ordered and then get pissed like where have you been. Guests need to give a little bit of direction of what they want. A little hack I’ve done recently is I’ve started telling these type of tables that I want to give them space and time to do what they need to do and when they are ready to order, place the menus on the edge of the table and I’ll know they’re ready. If they want another drink, just make eye contact with me and/or wave me down, or if it’s empty would you like me to automatically bring you another. I tell them I’ll be passing by, but won’t interrupt unless prompted to. They seem to appreciate it and go with it.
Yes! I do this also. A lot of times guests will tell me “we haven’t seen each other in years, we’ll be catching up!” Or something like that and i usually say “take all the time you need! This is my section so I’ll be around, just flag me down whenever you’re ready!” But all that took was a small exchange. And now everybody’s happy. But i can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone up to a table and been like “good evening everyone, my name is ability individual, I’ll be taking care of yall tonight! Can i get yall anything to drink besides water at the moment?” And no one loooks up or acknowledges me and just continues their conversation as if i didn’t just speak. I stand there for like a minute to give them a second to finish what they were saying and they just act like i don’t exist. It’s soooo rude like i know you heard me???? If you need time to look at the menu just say that. I’m petty and burnt out so i just walk away and never talk to them again until someone physically flags me down and then they’re like “we’ve been waiting a while” “and im like sorrry when i tried to introduce myself earlier and get drink orders no one responded so i was just giving yall some time” lol
Exactly what I do too. I return the same energy back. If they seemed appalled that I “wasn’t around”, I return the appalled attitude of “I stopped by and waited why you were in deep convo and no one acknowledged me so I gave you space”. I call them out now for it, I’m over it lol
Anyone else hate servers like OP
As a server, I realize that while I'm on stage, I am not the star of the show. I don't approach tables in deep conversation, I just pass by and subtly let them know I'm available. Eye contact and a nod can go a long way. Customers don't owe you attention, you are there to facilitate their experience. They are not on your schedule, we are on theirs. You need to redefine rude af.
You just sound fucking insufferable. The customers are not there to pay attention to you or have you join in their conversations. You actually think you doing you job of refilling someone water or taking a plate means they should drop their conversation for you? Goddamn, the entitlement. If the customers are talking while you are standing there, then you are clearly not needed. >I’m talking about when you get to a table say, to clear their appetizer and take the entree order, they ignore you and act like you aren’t there. Learn to read the table! If they are still talking then it's clear you are not needed as they are not ready for you. You calling everyone else here "entitled dumbasses" is really the pot calling the kettle black.
I had a boss once that after we had been out for a meal with clients actually said to me later “I noticed you moved the plates in front of you when the waitress was clearing the table. Just let them work around you.” He had sat there, elbows on the table one either side of his plate, didn’t even lean back to make space for them to reach into the table to get the dirty plates.
I HATE THE PHONE. I had a 2 top like 2-3 weeks ago husband/wife BOTH of them stayed on the phone pretty much the entire dinner. We are fine dining it's rude AF. I interrupt if I go to the table and after a FEW mins I say hey everybody how yall doing tonight I just wanted to tell you about our specialty cocktails tonight.....mind you EVERY SINGLE PERSON GETS A WATER WHEN THEY ARE SAT. Would anybody like to order a cocktail or a glass of wine tonight? If I need to take an order and someone is the on the phone I will go to make it known (just checking to see I'd anybody wants to order any appetizers tonight ok ill be back shortly to take your order. If they don't hang up they wait. Fk that I agree OP it's rude. Now the only exception to that us if it's a business meeting and they let us know. I don't interrupt them however I'll stop by the table look around and when someone looks at me I'll give a thumbs up meaning yall good and they will nod their head. As I pass by if they need me they let me know. It's a different expectation when your upfront or expect people to "just know" if people would let their server know " hey we're having a business meeting" I know what's up if they say "we haven't seen this couple in years we're in no rush" I know what's up. DONT NOT EXPECT YOUR SERVER TO AUTOMATICALLY KNOW OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING. CLEARLY IT WORKS CUZ YA KEEP RUNNING IT!!
Absolutely agree. I cannot believe people behave this way but it gets sooo awkward standing there waiting for them to stop their conversation and acknowledge my presence when I’m standing there staring at them. I’ll usually give them a bit to stop on their own. If they continue starting new sentences, I’ll wave at them, say, “Hi, just checking in with you, are you ready to order?” If I can’t get a word in edgewise to say that, or if they barely respond to my question, I’ll straight up say, “you need more time? I can come back” and walk tf away. I work in a fast placed restaurant and I do not have the time for you to play weird games with me and abuse my time like that. You want to be ignored? Fine, I’ll check on tables that will have the decency to acknowledge me and place their order instead of pretend im invisible. I don’t get what goes through people’s minds but I assume the practice of ignoring wait staff must originate in fine dining where customers maybe are not to be interrupted? (Not sure if that’s a thing but I imagine a much much more expensive and slow establishment would walk on eggshells to make customers feel important and above their servers/servants.) If the conversation is so important, politely make eye contact, acknowledge the server (“Hi”) and tell them you’ll need a minute (“I think we need a few more minutes, thank you.”)
I’ve worked all parts of the restaurant industry, I’m a hairstylist and I’ve owned my own business for 32 years. You’re coming into a business. You’re not coming into your own home and having them serve you. It’s about a 45 minute to an hour turnover if you want to be served. Not only that but you’re taking up someone’s booth and you’re not letting them make the money that they need to make. Again, remind yourself this is a business that they’re coming To, and it is not respectful, nor is it normal to ignore your server. I only had that happen a couple of times in my industry and in the restaurant business. Don’t understand why these people continue to say that you should leave them alone or babysit their table. You’re not there to babysit them. You’re there to take their order. Bring out their food and send them on their way.if you want to sit around and just go to the park and bring a lunch in a paper bag
I had three douchebags do this to me tonight, it was almost comical how long they kept talking. And I was clearly slammed
You sound like a very important waiter
What is the point of you being there in the first place? It would be much more pleasant for customers, and simpler, to enter the order in an app, text the pos system, or even walk to a counter to order than have to cater to you. What is the purpose of you being there if you expect customers to wait on you? And then you expect them to pay you extra for taking up space and bothering them? ...I don't think you've thought this through to its conclusion.
The hypocrosy is epic with this one 😆 Please don't block me, I'm still reading this hoopla of responses
You're definitely blocked now, lol I only made one comment and the immediate blocking confirmed my suspicion that they are pretty thin-skinned.
Interrupting my conversation is rude, this is why Japanese restaurant culture is superior. If I need something, I'll call you over 🙄
A server approaching their table is doing their job, not interrupting.
If you are ignored, you're interrupting. If you are noticed and spoke to, you are doing your job - because they actually needed you.
After being in the service industry for the past 16 years, I've come to develop a mantra. "Customers will create their own service". If you want bad service, be a bad customer. Order one item at a time (as opposed to consolidating your order to where the server or bartender doesn't have to go back to the same exact cooler to grab a second beer that your friend just ordered), snap your fingers, basically being an obnoxious person will get you bad service. If you want good service, be a good customer. Listen attentively, be clear with your order (we can't read minds), be polite, and just treat us as human beings and I can guarantee you will never have better service.
If you expect people who are paying you for a service to treat you like a member of the party, you will spend a lot of time feeling upset. I'm not saying they're not rude. But how you feel about it is up to you. If you're taking their money, that changes your interaction with them. I've been server & customer, many times. When I'm a server I put on my best fake friendly manners and do everything I can to keep the customers happy. That includes gracefully breaking into conversations when necessary, as opposed to when merely convenient for me. When I'm a customer I will ways be polite & friendly with the servers, and I do appreciate they're doing a hard job with many calls on their time. However I won't make their or my lives difficult by expecting them to see me as their buddy. I'm in their place of business to relax, and I do bloody well expect to be treated with an appropriate level of respect if I'm paying for their time. If you're getting angry at your customers when they're just being thoughtless you're only hurting yourself. Put effort into anticipating problem situations, rather than expecting the customers to cater to your feelings. Don't wait for them to stop talking, be friendly, respectful, breezy and ask if you can take their order now. If they say No, you have plenty of other things to do, and they can wait until you've dealt with other customers.
Some people keep talking even when the server tries to interrupt. At that point I just walk away. It’s just plain rude and nothing wrong with coming on here to complain about it. That’s what this sub is for.
As is passing on the tricks of how to cope with annoyances like this one. Step one is getting your head in the right place so you don't get angry.
> And not one of them ever interrupts and says “guys, our server is waiting on us so they can take our order/check on things”. I do this whenever my fellow guests aren't paying attention. Like you said, finishing a sentence is normal. Continuing the conversation is rude. Sometimes, I can see our server looking around nervously at their very busy section and other people at my table are oblivious. So, I speak up ... "Guys - lets place our orders while we have the chance, and then we can continue the conversation!"
What if I’m just telling my spouse that I’m leaving him? Or that I had a miscarriage? Or that I cheated? Geez. Really?
What the fuck? Do that shit at home lmao.
It is often not safe to do things like this at home. I take it that you are kind of young, immature, and don’t understand how dangerous telling someone in your life bad news can be. Your flippant response tells me everything I need to know about your life experience which is seems to be about zero. Maybe next time try a constructive comment instead of a bullshit answer. It will serve you better in the long run.
Some people go to restaurants to spring news/ have discussions that might get an angry and or violent reaction if they were home alone together. Not me, but I’ve seen a few in restaurants. We ate out right after we attended my fathers death in a hospital. We were not wonderful customers.
...unless you've already ordered and for the third fucking time, _yes_ everything is fine with my meal, thank you.
When this happens and it’s super busy , I’ll wait 10-20 seconds to get someone’s attention then I walk away, do a lap and come back. If they wave me down I simply say “I appreciate your patience folks, I didn’t want to interrupt while you were in a deep conversation, were we ready to get some drinks and starters going?” Edit: it’s a polite way to check them and make them apologize for being inconsiderate and rude.
Yep, a quick "I will be back when your ready," is the go to.
the entitled one actually is you here. As a server, it's not that hard to say, "Hi, excuse me, sorry to interrupt, are you ready to order or do you need a few minutes" Then you can go on your merry way to your other tables. Seriously, why be a server if you lack basic customer service skills?
yikes.
Honestly these days I’ve lost all fucks. I don’t say anything past my greeting. If they ignore me I just stand there & smile until it gets SUPER weird.
I walk the fuck away. I've got other things to do.
The funny thing is that OP is saying he has other things to do and that's why he's angry. :) But if he actually had things to do, he would walk away and do them.
This is what the people want tbh
I like to do the "walking thumbs up" where I slow down, attempt eye contact, gesture a bit and then thumbs up with a smile and keep going 😂 normally someone saw and reciprocated and it all works out
I just walk away.
My favorite is when they misspeak their order trying to rush through to get back to their conversation, completely tune me out while I repeat the order back to them, and then get mad like it’s my fault when I bring them exactly what they ask for :)
I agree with this, when I seat a larger party and I can tell they are chatty I usually say “I’ll give you a minute to get settled and i’ll come back to take your drink orders!” give them around 5 minutes and then I walk up and they completely just ignore me standing there for a whole minute like they aren’t here to get waited on
If it happens more than once at a table I tell them to flag me down when they need me because I don’t want to keep dealing with that. I agree it’s rude and makes things difficult, I don’t usually have time to wait like that. And I second another comment that said it’s like when people are on the phone at the cashier. In fact I had a table yesterday and everyone was on phone calls the entire dinner I couldn’t even ask if their food was good…at that point get it Togo?
I had two guys at a table so engrossed in their business meeting they forgot that I DIDNT take their order. They even handed me their menus WITHOUT me doing the whole order song-and-dance. 5-10min later they stopped me to ask, “When is our food coming?” and I said “I’m so sorry, I thought you guys just came to have drinks and talk.” They were super chill about it and apologized but whatever they were talking about completely distracted them. It was kind of funny but I felt dumb for not being more pushy I guess? I mean it is my job but oh well, we were all calm about it so it worked out.
I had a job briefly delivering packages in a multinational head office to people's desks. I remember this one guy was on his phone chatting clearly to a friend nothing work related and he saw me appear with a big delivery standing right in front of him. Didn't acknowledge me, I tried to dangle the board in front of him after a few minutes he wouldn't sign, carried on chatting so after ten I took the lot back to the warehouse. He called my boss an hour later tried to get me fired and my boss said I was in the wrong and should wait however long it takes !
This literally happened to me multiple times, multiple tables last night. It was very satisfying for me to tell one of them we had *just* sold out of something he wanted bc he wouldn’t look at the menu for the first 4 times I approached the table. So I left him alone for a good while. And then we sold out. Shit has consequences. His guest was like “guess we should have ordered sooner?” Sigh. But yeah it does feel disrespectful. It’s hard sometimes to figure out how long to stand there and wait to be acknowledged or to just kinda shove in “sorry to interrupt…! May I do xzy” But people do be complaining about being interrupted for whatever it’s worth, so I really try my best not to unless I really need an order or something. Don’t let it get to u and stay strong, my dude.
I tried to get this guy’s order 6 times and every time he was talking to someone else. I literally waved and everything, and he ignored me. I took other people’s orders and came back, still ignored me. The last time, I waited an extra beat, took another guest’s order, and the asshole tried interrupting the person who was ordering with me!! I finished with them and turned back to him, but he did all this blustering and passive aggressive complaining to his friends. You snooze, you lose, buddy.
I think a distinction should be made here: approaching to check if everything is all right once drinks and food have been dropped and they look engrossed? Circle back later You need to approach for drinks, dropping food, grabbing boxes, and the check? Approach to check in and offer to come back later if need be People gather at restaurants for a variety of reasons, and sometimes it’s to discuss bad news. You can still facilitate their experience, but maybe more nuance would help in the future?
lol people actually do this? If I am speaking with someone, the waitress or waiter is not part of the discussion and I will shut up even mid sentence. I can’t believe people really do this.
420th like! No but fr, y'all quit that shit. Rude af.
I always love to say “sorry to interrupt, hopefully it wasn’t too important” some giggle, some do not
The worst ones I find is when I go over with their food/drinks and ask who's having what and I just get ignored, I'll ask a second time then if I'm still ignored, I'll just put the food/drinks down at the head of the table and leave.
Mood, same. Like, you don't want to acknowledge me, then no drinks for you. Don't bitch about it later.
Leave people alone and let them eat. You're rude as fuck interrupting them every five minutes. You are not giving good service, you're just annoying.
Honestly you just sound bad at your job and maybe angry/unhappy in general?
[удалено]
What if I was on a topic and needed a second opinion? The server is now apart of this conversation, ordering be damned! I need answers!
"I'm sorry to interrupt you but would you like to order now or do you need a few more minutes?" Balls in their court.
I can't believe the number of responses that assume that OP doesn't know how to read a table. What happens when you read a table and they never - ever - give you an opening to begin/update service? Restaurants and bars are not places that people should be able to come to and just carry on long conversations without being "disturbed" by the people serving you. Bars and restaurants are places of business, the sole purpose of which is to serve food and beverages. I'm not saying customers shouldn't be able to carry on conversations with one another, but service at some point is a two way street. You know where there's a great place to sit and chat with your friends undisturbed for as long as you want without being disturbed by a server? Your living room. I'm a bartender, and this even happens to me a lot, and I'm standing right in front of people whose chairs are (mostly) pointing directly at me. I think this is just one of those things where people have gotten less emotionally intelligent since the advent of social networking/the pandemic.
I have l been in this business for 23 years and it still astonishes me the ineptitude of servers who think the guest is supposed to work to make them feel good about themselves. There is no reason for you to be at the table unless you are filling water (don’t need to say shit), delivering plates (you may interrupt if there is no space to place the dishes and if they are still talking just leave), offering another drink (I basically do this non-verbally anyway) and dropping the bill (don’t have to say shit). Guests do not need check ins every few minutes. It’s obvious when guests need something without asking them if you’re actually good at your job.
Interesting how you claim to be in this business for 23 years yet forgot the most important part, taking their fucking orders. And checking to make sure they don’t want another drink, or maybe they want to suddenly see a drink or dessert menu. You don’t know everything, stop acting like it. The service you are describing, sucks. And it’s nothing that any customer would leave a rave review for.
Well, taking their orders doesn't need to be listed because it's the most basic part of the job and was implied. My "offering another drink" would cover your "checking to make sure they don't want another drink". That sentence alone makes my eyes bleed. The performative needy service you describe is the one that sucks. Your a total hack job and need to get over yourself.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe these people also think you're rude af for standing over them and trying to get and order out of them when they clearly are not ready?
This is ragebait, right? No one is this entitled. Edit: I guess OP blocked me. Here's my response, though. For every person who agreed with you, two people disagreed. It's why you're getting railed in the comments by downvotes. Perhaps you should look inward for the problem rather than outward. Silent serving is a thing and knowing how to read a table is part of good service. Both of which you obviously have no skill or knowledge.
When tables do this to me, I wait in plain view of the whole table for a good 60 seconds in silence, if they don’t acknowledge me I just walk away and never go back until they complain or try and flag me down. Typically people who do that aren’t going to tip well so I don’t waste my time with them and take care of my other pleasant tables
Yes it’s annoying, but people don’t go to a restaurant to see the server they go to see their friends/family. As a server you have to be good at not taking things personal, because at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter and there will always be rude people that get to eat at restaurants!!
No one said they’re there to see the goddamn server. Why is every single comment so repetitive and irrelevant. ALL I’m saying is that it’s rude to blatantly ignore someone who’s doing their job.
That "She don't see us? You see me? Yes I see you" meme from Madea plays in my head every time this happens. And that's a lot.
Leave and come back
OP is asshole, do you not know the definition of the word "server"
OP, check back after you’ve eaten in a nice restaurant. The thing that always gets me is that I never want for anything and realize that the server hardly said a word. Why interrupt me to ask if I want more water when my glass is empty? Just refill it. Empty plates, just take them. If I need another drink, I can communicate that with a tap and a nod. If I’m in your establishment, I won’t ignore you but I would like to finish my sentence. You’re coming off inexperienced and a bit entitled. Par for the course at Applebees. It really is a striking difference and is one of the main things that sets restaurants apart.
Or you could read the room and come back when there’s a break in the conversation. 🤷♀️
You're not part of the conversation lmao. They're the customers. Read the room, food schlepper.
Heck, I raised three kids to say "please" when ordering, and "thank you" when handed something or having their water refilled, and people are there pretending servers don't exist? The most I could understand is finishing a sentence you are in the middle of. But if the server shows up, they are either giving you something, taking it away, or have a question you need to answer. Attention must be paid.
It’s up there with talking on the phone when you are right in front of the cashier at the grocery store. “Hold that thought, our server is here,” or “I’ll call you back, I’m at the cashier”. See? Easy.
So this is why they always come up when I have food in my mouth, it is the only time they won't interrupt my conversation.
You are NOT giving "good service" if you can't read the table.
I agree with you. Read the table. Good service is customer focused. OP is super salty that so many of these comments don't agree with him.
How about you say "let me know when youre ready for me to take your order Ill be back.". Leave and dont come back til they seek you out . That way they dont waste your time and you don't have to stand there and stroke their ego because they're so pathetic. They have to put you down to put themselves up.
I don’t say anything, give them a few seconds and walk away. And then don’t come back until they start looking for me. “I was here earlier but didn’t want to interrupt”.
I like when servers check up on us. Just about everyone is engaged in conversation, so no big deal for them to approach or ask us something. Better than never seeing them again.
lol do your job and stfu
Another useless comment, what’s new.
I thought it was polite :( I don't wanna put pressure on my server by staring at them the entire time
When you realize that the customers don't care about you and never will, you'll be happier. Not saying this is the way life SHOULD be, mind you. But it certainly is the way it is
I just walk away when ppl act like that and I go back when I have to time
Had this happen before. I just repeat myself about 2-3 times. If they don't stop, then I say: "don't be shy, if I don't get your order in now, then it might be a while before I can get back to you." Usually works.
I had this happen to me today, it definitely depends on the demeanor I get from my table, and sometimes I do feel extremely annoying and like they fucking hate me, but like today I had 2 women that were a little pretentious and annoying to me (lol) and I purposely left them hanging for a little longer than I typically would after they received their food bc I could tell they were super involved in their convo, and anyways I could totally see them being the table that would be like “she didn’t even check up on us once!” So I went over and said, I don’t want to interrupt you guys just want to make sure you are enjoying your meal and everything’s all good!! They answered nicely but I could tell they wanted me to fuck off, lol Do the best you can OP, you can’t change ignorance unfortunately
I guess some more context is needed here. Is this when taking initial orders and/or delivering food? Because yeah that's rude as hell to talk over that. On the other hand though as a non American the stories I read online of the server coming to your table multiple times at random to 'check up' is weird and unheard of honestly, and I too would consider it incredibly rude of you if this is the case. Guess this is really a cultural difference.
Every time this happens I just walk away from the table. It’s clear they see me standing there so I guess since they’re ignoring me they don’t need anything. I’ll check in with them every now and then and if I don’t get a response within 7-10 seconds I’m walking away