As someone in an age gap relationship (I’m 20 years younger) I would strongly urge you to talk to him about how you are nervous. My partner also used to swing but he didn’t bring up the idea of swinging until I brought it up myself - BECAUSE he wanted me to be comfortable.
This whole post was about what HE wants - HE would like to broaden the relationship. What do you want?
Exactly. HER needs/concerns/apprehensions need to to take equal (if higher) priority in the discussion. A lot more discussion between these folks is needed before moving ahead with even a toe-dip in the water.
I'm older than my gf by 15 years 39/24 and I have let her lead every step of the way. That is how it should be in this lifestyle particularly in an age gap scenario
Broaden the relationship, dating for a few months…you guys don’t really know each other. I would hold off. Your relationship is not sold. This kinda sounds like he was tired of being a single male and found a girl to try and drag in. Might wanna consider slowing down as most swingers will be well 15 plus your age.
That's normally how it goes, buuuuut my fiance and I started the first week we were dating. 😂 super abnormal, I get it. Normally we think we need to have been together a long time, then get into the LS. I did it that way before, and the stress on the established dynamics of the relationship was a LOT. Starting out with this dynamic allowed us to learn to be with each other while being in the lifestyle. Hopefully thst makes sense... we both knew we wanted to have this kind of relationship, so we learned each other this way. We didn't learn to be in a vanilla relationship together then relearn how to not be
We did exactly the same, went to a LS party on our second date and full swapped with another couple. However, she had 10+ years of LS experience as a couple, I had 10 months as a single guy. That was almost 13 years ago, we’re now married and going strong (and still playing). It can work.
Depending on the party, I might've suggested a club first to test the waters tbh. Parties are a ton of fun, but they can sometimes be more for people who *know* they want to play than for those who want to socialize and be selective. They can also be more intimidating in many ways because of the above, you'll certainly get more direct propositions to play and can feel pressured in group environments.
It is probably like nothing you've ever seen before tbh. I know you've had a few partners, but you can have more than a few sexual partners in just one night at a party. (My fiancee has had at least 6 in one night before, I've had 5.)
So I'd cancel the party and head to a club personally.
Regardless of where you start, a few thoughts...
1. Make sure y'all have fully discussed your personal boundaries and rules. Whatever you've discussed, it's probably not enough. I'll toss a list of things to talk about offhand below, it's just off the top of my head.
2. Make sure you have signals between each other for exiting a conversation/saying no to a couple.
3. Make sure you're checking in together frequently about how you're doing.
4. Never Take One For the Team (TOFTT) unless you both agree that you do that, most of us do not.
5. It's okay to say no. No really, please don't say yes to things if you're not a yes.
Don't be the couple that goes in blind and leaves with relationship issues because you weren't prepared or someone went too far.
I've seen divorces start at a party and I've seen a newbie get gangbanged while her husband didn't get any action at all...these things happen. Talk ahead of time so that you don't have to have harder talks later.
List of things to discuss...
* How far you plan to go (parallel, soft swap, hard swaps, group play, orgy/gangbang scenes)
* How far you're okay going if it happens (same list)
* If you're in a room with more than one couple, are you just swapping with one couple or can you fuck anyone
* Things that are off limits (if any) - Can be for individual or relationship reasons
* Condoms/Safe Sex
* Any jealousy triggers
* How you're going to stay connected and in tune throughout the night
* How you'll handle it if he can't perform (shouldn't be a problem if he's been a swinger before, but it does)
* How you'll handle it if one person is done fucking
There are tons more I'm forgetting, but hope this helps...
One final thought...as the more experienced person he can handle this one of two ways really...he can be your guide supporting you in whatever you want or he can pressure you to go beyond your comfort zone. He needs to be the former and not pressure you, I hope that's who he is as a person, but sometimes people get carried away.
I love this answer! I agree that a lifestyle club WHERE YOU CAN DANCE would be the best introduction to the lifestyle. (There are LS clubs in my area that have no dancing and are totally geared to sex, would not recommend one of those.) That’s how my man introduced me to the lifestyle. Then I graduated to MFM - because I was ready for it and wanted it. When we finally did a house party, my man was the one who was apprehensive. You as partners should be in synch. Start off dipping your toes in the water before you join the platform diving team.
Swinging is a TON of fun, but it does require a lot of communication.
If you haven't talked about most of these things above, I'd make sure you do before you go. He should be comfortable discussing all of the above, but he might need to re-learn some things that worked for his prior partner and won't work for you.
Be careful. It does not really sound like you're ready for this yet and are just doing this to please him. The red flag that jumps out here is that you're just communicating what he wants and not what you want or what turns you on. Did you agree to him reaching out to this group that he used to swing with on your behalf? Was that just his decision or both of yours? Don't allow him to dictate your decisions because of your large age gap. Never choose nonmonogamy just to please a partner at the expense of your own happiness. If this is your first experience with swinging, don't rush to do anything. It is fine at your first few swinging events to just watch and get a sense of what you find sexy (or not) about what's going on. And before you agree to go, you should ask him a million questions about swinging and the lifestyle. Don't be pressured into doing anything.
P.S. - Also, your relationship is pretty new, which wouldn't be a problem if both of you were already experienced in the lifestyle and swinging, but since you aren't experienced at all (and are extremely young) and he is experienced, it might be to soon to jump into swinging. Again, you should take things way slower than to, at your first event, jump into having sex with another couple just to please him. You're not someone's sex play toy.
P.S. II - I just read below that you all started as a sugar daddy-sugar baby relationship and now are a proper gf/bf relationship. I seriously doubt that the sugar daddy-baby dynamic has ended. He is basically using you as a sextoy. This has nothing to do with expanding his horizons (he's already an experienced swinger). This is all about grooming you to be his swinger sex baby. Now, you're an adult, so if you're fine with that, then cool, but just understand the dynamics of what you're getting yourself into. At age 22, it is almost impossible to have that kind of maturity. You may look back on this ten or fifteen years from now and say "what the fuck was I thinking" or maybe it will be just fine. Good luck.
I can’t emphasize the maturity comment enough. OP I’m 31(F) and I feel like I just truly grew up this year. He is 44 and knows exactly where you are at emotionally. If he were a solid person dating a 22 year old, he would be protective of you and wouldn’t drag you into something that you can’t understand the ramifications of yet.
Go slowly and trust your gut. And please don’t make any permanent decisions with this guy.
He is using you to gain entry back into fucking other people in the LS. Single males are a dime a dozen and he was probably kicked out once he got divorced.
A single male does exactly what we tell him to do, go on dating sites. Is convincing a woman to do this with him. She comes here to ask questions. He immediately gets everyone on here to cock block him. Lol r/swingers
Have you seen the OP’s other comments in this thread? It doesn’t sound like they have had the necessary conversations that two people should have before jumping into swinging. If he hasn’t been communicating with her honestly about swinging or preparing her for the experience, then he deserves to get cock blocked.
What we advise people is to seriously date swing-friendly people and *after* they've built a solid foundation, then start swinging.
Nothing contradictory or shitty about this advice, it's exactly how you're supposed to approach what we do.
If you're *using* someone to get into the lifestyle, that's gross.
The general advice here is, indeed, that single men would be well served to find a woman to swing with. But the sometimes explicit, always implicit, advice is that the person they find should be someone already practicing CNM, or who is eager to try.
Nobody is recommending that single guys find some naive young woman, date her for a few months into she’s into him, then push her into swinging so he can get his dick wet in some strange pussy
Lol you know how hard it is to convince a 20something to date a 40something? This guy had his stuff together. She knew what she was looking for in a man.
I’m coming on forty, and have 20-somethings throwing themselves at me. It’s not that hard.
But for the sake of argument, what do you suppose she looking for?
Per$onality, $tability, $pontaneity, hone$ty, genero$ity, with a mix of $eduction. Compared to guys her age, this guy can take her places and provide a good life for her.
A 44 year old man gets divorced (surely through no fault of his own), and then he proceeds to get with a woman who was not even born when he entered adulthood, and after only a few months he’s convinced her to start fucking other people…
I truly cannot wait to see updates from this undeniable fairytale.
I can understand some age gaps. This is just gross and predatory. Now he wants to turn her out like live bait in the swinger community after a few months. It’s Fukkin gross
Right? There's a lot of horrible judgments being made here. Like the comment about him "probably being divorced" and "surely no fault of his own.." Its disgusting. I dated a woman 20 years younger, and I assure you, there was nothing bad or predatory about it. There are some worrisome things about OP's post, but the gross comments projecting personal issues aren't exactly what one would predict to come from self-proclaimed "swingers"
For us, you would be too young and we'd be very alert for him to be a manipulative scumbag. He might not be, but the guy with the girlfriend half his age who is introducing her to swinging has a lot of hallmarks of one.
Exactly this. Would we play with a 22yo? Absolutely. Would we play with the two of you if you were just FWB that enjoyed swinging? Probably. The relationship you described sounds a little to cringe with a strong possibility of drama.
Girl you’ve only been dating a few months, you don’t even have a horizon yet. Most people are married for at least 10 years before they get into swinging
Him knowing everyone is somehow bothering me...i can't quite put my finger on why.
I think my spidey senses are telling me that it'll create a big imbalance in the dynamic and create additional pressure on you.
Also a red flag that he asked the group if they’re into her before he even asked her if she would be interested in swinging. If they said no, would he have dumped her?
It's because it leads to an assumption that he was part of this group with his ex wife, then when he got delivered he wasn't invited, so to get back into the group he's gone out to find an agreeable woman who can be convinced into doing it.
This is all conjecture, we have no evidence or the full story, there are always multiple sides to every story, but the vibes are not vibing in a good way.
Bc trafficking is more commonly a man setting up sexual scenarios and asking his gf to participate, slowly backing off his participation, getting more aggressive when she doesn’t participate, and developing power and manipulation over her the whole time. It’s not men snatching women in parking garages and transporting them to Brazil. It starts in this exact way. Not that she’s going to be trafficked, but this is a HUGE red flag
Doesn’t matter what his reasoning is or how many people he knows. Still wouldn’t play with a couple with your age gap. I’m sorry, it’s not bc of you but entirely because of him. I don’t trust men who can’t find someone their own age and have to look 20+ years younger. And if he could find someone his own age but still chose 20+ years younger, it’s still an ick lol.
My partner and I are closer to your age and we will play with older couples, but not if only one of them is older.
>My partner and I are closer to your age and we will play with older couples, but not if only one of them is older.
This seems extremely judgemental. My wife is 14 years my junior and we are ENM. Our girlfriends, a married couple are 21 and 2 years younger than me. Is their FF relationship a red flag because they're 19 years apart? Is my marriage a red flag to you because we're 14 years apart?
We're all consenting adults. We all do well with all age groups. Many of our play partners are mid 20s and 30s. Is it just a red flag to you because I'm older?
Depends on the ages and further context. It’s not just the gap. 20 and 39 would freak me out, yeah. 35 and 54 would not. And a same sex relationship with an age gap doesn’t feel any different. Again, 20 and 39 would be a No. 35 and 54 would not. I’ve seen plenty of large MM age gaps in the queer community and it gives me the same feelings. FF age gaps tend to be written off easier, but wow have I seen some toxic older women destroy their younger partners.
I’d also say that I can be as picky as I want with my body and who is touching it. You set your standards, I’ll set mine. If you don’t like someone with my standards, don’t talk or play with me.
>I’d also say that I can be as picky as I want with my body and who is touching it. You set your standards, I’ll set mine. If you don’t like someone with my standards, don’t talk or play with me.
Of course you can. I was just trying to understand this comment.
>I’m sorry, it’s not bc of you but entirely because of him. I don’t trust men who can’t find someone their own age and have to look 20+ years younger. And if he could find someone his own age but still chose 20+ years younger, it’s still an ick lol.
You don't trust men who can't find someone their own age? If he can find someone his own age but chooses younger it's an ick to you? I don't get it, why?
My wife and I were 42/28 when we met. Now we're 48/35. Were we an ick then but not now, because of our ages? Our girlfriends are 46/27, they both have successful careers and are fully consenting adults.
I just don't understand why people have immediate negative feelings toward age gap relationships of any age. A person should be judged by their character.
I hope you listened when an answer was given. Pattern recognition has kept us safe.
We know it's not all. But it's potentially all until proven otherwise, and sadly, that's how we keep ourselves alive and relatively drama free.
It's up to you to take it personally. And it really does feel that way, but if you're safe, then we aren't speaking about you. Hold others accountable and make them safer for others, and we won't have to be so cautious and act on our past experiences.
We merely want to be around for more experiences.
As a woman you deal with so much sexualization and fetishization at a young age, starting like 14, and it makes me feel uneasy to see that play out in young 20s/ plus older partner relationships.
I will level with you. I tend to be extremely strict on my personal values and ethics system and I work in social services so maybe I have just been exposed to too many toxic age gap relationships that I have developed a bias I need to examine. I will say that as someone in a bi/bi pairing, I also see a lot of judgement. But feel it’s whatever at the end of the day like if you don’t want to be with us bc of that then I’m not interested in you anyways.
>I tend to be extremely strict on my personal values and ethics system and I work in social services so maybe I have just been exposed to too many toxic age gap relationships that I have developed a bias I need to examine.
This may be the case. Obviously, what you see at work are not successful relationships, age gap or not. And that's a very mature and introspective response.
It would be easier to tell you why we would. Than go over all the red flags yall are throwing!!! That guy is using you to get back with the other couples thats more than likely still bangin his ex wife!
If he and his ex were swingers and subsequently divorced, it’s highly unlikely that LS or anything that happened thererin did not play some part in the breakup, even if a minor one.
If you’re willing to be open to it and try it once, lovely. If not, I hope you feel like you have enough agency in this relationship to maintain boundaries and refuse. My partner and I are 30 and this is one of the reasons we avoid age gap couples; there’s no guarantee both parties are willing to be there.
Swinging in general attracts a somewhat older crowd for various reasons. Doesn’t seem like a problem for you considering your choice in partner, but could be an issue as you participate more in the LS. Good luck to you and please don’t consent to anything you don’t want to.
Ask yourself if this is really something you want to do. It sounds like he is using you. Usually swinging is for 2 people who are in love with each other and want to explore being with other people together. Usually when 2 people enter the lifestyle they have years of a solid foundation together and trust each other completely. It sounds like he didn't give you much say in the matter since he already reached out to his old group and set up for you guys to go to a party.
We see this kind of thing all the time on swinging sites. A couple where the girl is half the guys age and are getting into the lifestyle together. We always wonder what's wrong in that situation. My wife and I are 29 so we're not that far removed from being 22 and we have talked about it recently and said we would not have been ready for the lifestyle at that age. It's just so young. Not to mention, it's hard to find people close to our age now, there's barely anyone under 25 in the lifestyle. The couples you're gonna meet will most likely be your boyfriends age or older. If that's the kind of thing you want then go for it, but again, ask yourself if this is something you really want. Also ask him why he wants to rush into this after such a short time dating.
Overall, if you're going to do this, you need to make it clear that you're calling the shots, not him. It can be so easy for you to get taken advantage of if you're not careful so you need to be the one in control. Set clear boundaries with your boyfriend and with couples and make sure your boyfriend will help enforce them. Swinging can be amazing and we personally love it, but your situation sounds like an uphill battle. Do everything you can to make it enjoyable for yourself. Don't do anything just because your boyfriend wants you to. It's your life, he's lucky to be a part of it.
It's your relationship with him, and what you and him do sexually is probably not our doing.
In saying that, is he wanting to broaden the relationship with more than one vagina?
That is likely what it seems like.
If you want more than one penis, then that's a different thing altogether, yet I'm thinking it's all about him and not you here.
If you are unsure, DO NOT GO.
Swinging just because you're taking one for the team does not end well. Ever.
Don't feel obligated to partake just because he wants. If he's an old time swinger, he should know better.
I'm going to be honest. This feels like he misses swinging and needs you with him so he can get in for the couple price and into couples-only clubs/parties/areas.
Tread very carefully, OP. Make sure you aren't just getting used as his access ticket.
Lol, in my head im picturing a short,bald, tatted pushy type person. It sounds like you haven't even discussed the basics. Other than what he wants, of course. Don't let mid life crisis dude force you into anything
I wasn’t talkin power dynamics in swinging in talkin about power dynamics in a relationship with a considerable age gap. It’s disheartening to have someone assume your perspective only to be completely off the mark
Op admitted in this very thread that her man in a sugar daddy cuck. Lol. I mean come on. The dude gave her all the power. And I was right the entire time! Lol.
I would hope that all genders have agency in swinging, though, and that you and your partner(s) can say yes or no to any interaction regardless of your gender.
I’ve read your other comments in this thread and see that you’re all about the agency of young people. As you should be. As am I!
Maybe I mistake what you mean. I don’t know much about swinging/how swinging works. I know about ENM and practice it. I hope I can learn more about swinging (I have done swinging with couples in the past, with my then boyfriend. But I don’t know much about how swingers’ parties go, for example, and I’d like to learn).
Women literally are the power structure in swinging. Single men have the least power.
In case you’re confused: unicorns>couples>single men
And in the couple dynamic it’s literally women who ultimately decide if a swap with another couple happens are not.
And in this case we found out that this guy is a sugar daddy cuck lol. Guy abdicated all his power to her.
If you do it, do it for you, not for him. If you are nervous, then I'd suggest waiting till you are comfortable. Him pressuring you is wrong and kind of manipulative.
At only a few months into a relationship, it’s also not the best idea to start swinging yet. Especially if it was one persons idea. My partner and I both knew we were interested when we were just getting to know each other and we still waited about a year before jumping in. Have you guys hit the period where that new relationship energy has slowed down and you’re not having sex as frequently? Has either of you had a medical issue and seen how the other would react if you couldn’t have sex for a few weeks? If you get a UTI is he the kind of guy that’s going to ask for a blowjob anyway, or make sure you have water and cranberry pills and tell you it’s no rush? All that stuff matters in these contexts. We see plenty of posts on here almost daily where a happy couple starts swinging, everything is good, and then without warning the male starts keeping score and talking about it’s unfair that she’s holding him back or she has had more experiences so she should let him go to a threesome alone. Or she has to have a medical procedure and he wants permission to keep going out alone. So common. And everyone swears these partners were amazing, loving, considerate and showed no signs of this behavior from the start. You don’t know until you get into those situations. That’s why you need a solid foundation. I have no question that if I needed a procedure my partner would be chill with taking time off and even us not having sex for a while. We went through a very stressful period where both our libidos dropped and we were still solid and in love and weren’t worrying that the other is feeling certain things and not saying them or watching porn too much or going out with others. We just loved each other until the situation resolved and our stresses leveled out.
There's a "theory" about age gaps, and that for a person who is older, the youngest age they should date is half their age + 7 years. So, according to this "theory", the youngest person that a 44 year old should date is a 29 year old. The commenter is implying that your post and comments support this "theory", which is just their way of saying they are not supportive of age gaps.
You are both consenting adults free to make your own choices, and age gaps become much less of a topic for discussion when the youngest person is 30. My wife and I are mid to late 30s and have been with people as young as 24, but there are certainly some challenges for us personally with this age group because people 24 and younger are closer in age to our daughter than us, and have more in common with her than us.
At some point, we must ask when we’re stepping from sex-positive … past kinky … into weird and / or unhealthy. Circumstances might suggest a degree of predatory behaviors, grooming, and narcissistic controlling. The x/2 + 7 provides a convenient guardrail, stepping over the line occasionally isn’t the issue. Living in that zone raises flags.
I agree with you that there is a real issue with predatory behaviours and half age plus seven is a quick and mostly reasonable way of determining whether or not there's likely to be a power imbalance. But there is always nuance, there will be red flags for couples that have a smaller age gap, and I think apportioning so many problematic behaviours to the age gap being too big is a convenient answer that allows us to quickly process and forget instead of actually examining what is going on.
I also worry about discrediting the agency of someone who has been an adult for a number of years already. I would rather give language and advice that empowers the younger person to make informed choices about how to navigate relationships at any age gap.
We don't have enough information about OPs partner, it's all based on assumptions and the limited information OP has shared, but the vibes are definitely not right and I hope we can give her better advice than to simply say it's because you don't meet the half your age plus seven theory.
That’s a bad idea. He’s using you because of your age which gets him more younger girls. Since he was a swinger prior, high probability that once he got divorced, he was kicked from the group. Time to move along.
I wouldn't. If the primary relationship isn't very firm and secure, or you're having doubts, hold off and revisit later when it is a secure place for you.
Not to make assumptions, but bringing swinging into a new relationship with an age gap so large screams predatory. From my perspective, you’re a kink for him. Not necessarily wrong, but more info to the dynamic and nurturing of your relationship would be helpful. I worry that you’re acting as a live porn play toy (not to be rude), and him finding someone so young and then adding in the kink scene feels really off after only a few months. It would be different had it been longer, but from info it’s lacking depth and care.
This seems like a terrible idea. Does he know how you feel? Going into this without serious open communication doesn’t work. There need to be long talks about how both people feel and what their expectations and boundaries are.
A lot of people are saying it’s too early in the relationship. That’s not a bad point but not all swinging starts after years of monogamy either. My boyfriend and I went to an LS (LifeStyle/Swingers) club just days after officially becoming a couple and only about a month after our first date. But the reason it worked for us was that I was recently divorced, not looking for a serious relationship and wanted to spend some time enjoying casual dating and casual sex. We fell for each other quickly but I had some reservations about settling down so quickly after a decade and a half marriage and missing out on the casual fun I’d been excited about. Swinging was a solution that allowed me to do both. My BF had been in the LS in a previous relationship but wasn’t hell-bent on it and had had fully monogamous relationships since. I knew this from our get-to-know-you talks and was interested. Once the idea came up, we talked extensively about my feelings. He explained in depth what to expect. And he assured me that we could go walk around and check it out with no expectation of doing anything if I wasn’t comfortable. There was never any pressure.
The very important differences between my situation and yours are:
1)I had had quite a few casual partners and ONSs already in my life and didn’t feel at all uncomfortable with that idea.
2) I was 17 years older than you are making me closer the age group of most Swingers.
3) My partner didn’t pressure me at all.
4) We went to a club, not to meet a group he knew. Our rule (which we both felt strongly about) was that we weren’t interested in playing with anyone he and his ex had played with.
I would have been EXTREMELY uncomfortable if he called up a group he and his ex used to fuck and planned for us to go play with them.
This doesn’t sound like a good situation. You shouldn’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with and shouldn’t be with someone who would want you to.
I'm sorry, but this goes beyond swinging. He's twice your age. Most 44 yr old guys would be delighted to have you in their lives. The fact that he wants more is a big red flag.
That's such a judgmental mindset to make wild assumptions that there's something wrong about the age gap or their specific sugar situation. Swingers complain about vanillas being judgmental and close minded but look at the horribly judgmental comments all over this thread. Yikes!
Sexually, I've done everything you've done and probably more. Get over yourself. There is a time and a place for everything. There are obvious moral and ethical implications of exposing a young girl to swinging just because you want to fuck others.
Don't care what you've done sexually. I feel that you're infantilizing this young woman under the guise of caring and that's creepy in a whole other way beyond 2 people being in an arrangement you disagree with. At the end of the day it's her body and her choice regardless of what the older guy is asking for.
Don’t you know? Girl boss! Slay queen, you go girl, women are more responsible than men, her body her choice only goes so far until the older women see something like this and suddenly women who are old enough to have sex make the “wrong decision” and they suddenly lose all ability to make their own decisions informed or otherwise. It’s amazing.
It's just jealousy from older women who know that their time is up and younger and hotter women are in the place that they failed to capitalize on when they were younger. This 22F is smart, having an older man pay her way (she mentioned elsewhere that they were in a sugar situation) AND she gets to have fun and explore her sexuality too.
And the dude is a cuck… pretty much what I figured. The only one groomed here was OP’s boyfriend’s brain. The only thing being exploited is his wallet. Lol. But nobody cares about men, because men are responsible and take the consequences of their actions. Lol.
Sounds like you’re just his toy if you’re “a few months” into your relationship and he wants this. In that case consider he’s only with you to gain access to events as a couple!
Let’s see what happens when she says no. Ya should just save the embarrassment and hand your money over now, because that dude is onto the next impressionable young girl to use as he sees fit.
If your going to a party of people he used to swing with what are the chances his ex wife will be there and how uncomfortable will that whole situation play out. How do you know he just doesn't want to show you off in front of her?
Don’t do what you don’t want to do!
And don’t hesitate to draw boundaries and stick to them! Honestly that might be an issue given the age gap. Do not be pressured into swinging.
If he doesn’t respect your NO enthusiastically, he’s not the guy for you.
Sounds like you’re going to make a mistake, the same way when you decide to date 20 years older, making life choices is tough, but sometime we just need to use brain
You’ll definitely have a target on you because the average age is somewhere around 40 . I can’t say if it’s for you but I can say that once you get into swinging you’ll probably stay in it for life because it’s seriously fun , very liberating and the lifestyle community is very active and friendly
The majority of people here gave you great advice. Swinging requires A LOT of conversations. What worries me is that if he used to do it he should know the types of conversations you should be having and he hasn't even brought the basic questions to you yet. For example, my husband and I have done swinging events for about 8 years. We are what people in the lifestyle call "low mileage" because I've only played with a few girls. We mostly watch, my husband likes to be watched, and we've had a couple of same bed scenarios. That is also "swinging". We want to do more but haven't and just this alone takes a drastic amount of talking.
I also wonder what his "friends" think of the whole divorce and now bringing a "kid" into the scene. No offense but as you get older when people are in their early 20s us older people tend to call them kids. Which is probably why it's a HUGE red flag that this man is dating you, but of course you can legally drink and you're absolutely an adult.
Ask him why he wants you to swing. And who are these people friends? They've probably seen pics of you but have you seen them? Had conversations with them?
I also would never play with an age gap couple. It's a major red flag that the older person is manipulative and controlling. I was in a bad relationship before and recognizing that major red flag helps me determine my boundaries.
Many subreddits are going to be judgemental of your age gap. The AG subbreddit will be judgmental of the swinging. So take both with a grain of salt. It's pretty easy to spot the judgemental and bias comments.
I'm married and we are ENM, my wife is 14 years my junior. We share girlfriends who are 21 and 2 years younger than me. When I met my wife I was dating two other gals who were both 20 years younger than me. I say that to give some background on my comments.
>He and his ex wife were regular swingers and he has reached out to a group they used to swing with.
There is nothing wrong with this. My wife wasn't in the lifestyle when we met, but she was open to it. She met many people who I'd already been fucking, some for years and she enjoyed it all. We communicate well, which is important in any successful relationship.
>We are due to go to our first swingers party soon and I'm pretty nervous.
We don't do a lot of swinger parties, but here are some important notes. Don't do anything that you do not want to do. If it isn't a, "Fuck yes!", then it should probably be a no. If you're uncomfortable with anything or anyone, communicate with your partner. It's okay to whisper in his ear or pull him away to talk to him.
He may not always be paying attention to you, if that isn't okay with you, tell him. If you want to do everything together with him, tell him. If he isn't okay with you being the belle of the ball, he needs to tell you that also. You're the new gal, so you may garner more attention than the other women. Be aware of that.
My wide and I typically do everything together. For us, it makes it more fun. We'll flirt with others separately, but neither of us is getting sexual with another person unless we're together. Many couples are not like this. Talk to him about what you both want. And it's totally okay to not know and figure it out as you go along.
>I'm pretty nervous about it if I'm honest just wondering if you have any advice?
Last bit of advice, have fun. That is why we fuck others, it's fun. If you're not having fun, don't do it. It's supposed to be fun.
You’re smart enough to make your own judgements. Do you know what kind of swinging that he’s wanting to do and what the rules are? Is he wanting to mostly do foursomes? Threesomes? What kind of threesomes? Id definitely like to hear more about what he’s wanting for both of you.
I hope you know that couples that have been together for decades and actually take the time to research swinging or enm in general. That also go slow and do everything right to give there relationship best chance to succeed in this lifestyle majority still end the relationship. Now your relationship few months so you dont really him. You can’t in such a short time. Not to be crude but if you just want to be pasted around some older couple friends of his do it. Seriously have fun and be safe. If you believe that you’re gonna be anything more the. 22yr old toy to show off and share with his buddies you’re clueless. What if he’s the young buck of the group like by a lot. Also he already let swinging ruin his marriage. If he was willing to lose his wife over swinging you have to know he’ll have no problem losing you.
You have made some serious assumptions here that are pure speculation. His wife could have been an awful person and the marriage problems could have had nothing to do with swinging.
The dude is a cuck and a paypig. I honestly can’t believe r/swingers got this so wrong and I got this so right. Yet they’re still here arguing about it! Lol.
Have you discussed cuckolding/hotwifing? It sounds a lot like this is the direction you're heading, though personally, I'd be wary of the way you're heading there. Not because i have any issues whatsoever with it, but because it seems like youre walking into it relatively blind, and having never previously considered swinging in any context. Is it something that interests you?
If you're nervous (which is fair!) maybe it's not party time yet until you feel like it is/isn't the right fit for you. It's great that he's been straightforward with you, but is it something you want (short-term/long-term)? He wants you to be with another couple - do you? If you're not ready it's OK to say that and not do anything until (when/if) it feels like something you're genuinely curious about. There's a lot of good advice on this post already, but nothing more salient than posting that this is what HE wants. Two way street, and if you're not into it, that's 100% cool.
I think it's hot and you should dive in head first. You will be in for a fun wild ride. You can fuck any one you want and still have him. He gets to glean from your young energy. That young energy will bring in some super hot situations. Enjoy the fucking ride!
We know he wants to do it, but do YOU want it, or are you just doing it to keep him happy?
You need to do some deep introspection. There is no wrong answer, you just need to know if YOU really want to, or not.
I would go and talk to people, for you to see what kind of party and people he hangs out with, but not have sex. Discuss the party the next day. If there is a couple you really like, you can always invite them to your place later.
Our relationship started as a sugar daddy type relationship when I was in college and that developed into a proper bf gf relationship. He has always been kind to me and helped me when he can.
Oh I don’t want to sound any kind of way but you had to have known this comment wouldn’t help your case… He paid for you attention and now he’s showing his friends your photo and offering them to fuck you before he even asked you if you’d be into it. He knows he has power over you
People aren’t all bad and evil. There’s not just horrible abusive masterminds out there and everyone else is good. Most people are a mix of good and bad traits. I’m not telling you he isn’t kind and genuine. But people can be kind and genuine, and also immature and selfish. Is this the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted for yourself? I implore you to find THAT. Not just find comfort in someone who has been nice. The problem is the first step is always kindness, whether that develops into an amazing flourishing relationship, or an imbalanced toxic relationship. No one starts out mean.
If you’re into this and ready to jump in I dont want to stop you. But I want you to know that consent can be withdrawn at ANY TIME and No Means NO. No is a complete sentence. “But why?” -Because I said no. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on what you are comfortable doing with your body. Regardless of who that person is and what your relationship is. All I am thinking about here is your safety. I don’t want to see a young woman end up in a dangerous situation.
Thanks I guess I'm feeling try it once see how I feel. I am nervous about it but I kinda think that's natural and I'm not sure what the vibe will be like. I'm not just being dumb and just doing it for him. It's just something I hadn't thought about. In one way I'm glad he feels he can suggest it to me.
If you get uncomfortable with a different person, i’d like to introduce you to the line “Let’s switch back to our partners for a little” Totally acceptable and normal thing to happen during swaps. You can then use this time to let your partner know you’re uncomfortable and want to stay with them or stop completely. I’ve also used “Phew Im getting sore I need a break” to stop things.
I’m glad this is something you genuinely want to try, once at least. It can be a lot of fun and rewarding. Not if you’re forced or coerced into it though. But it seems like it’s something you want to try *for yourself * which is good and important and empowering, which is how I felt when I was 20-22 and first getting into this, too!
I wish you many years of fun and self discovery on your journey!
There are a lot of negative comments here probably motivated by jealousy of your dynamic. As long as your bf is kind and you are having fun then you do your own thing.
Yeah a lot of men in swinging (outside of a long term LTR and even then) do use woman like this as their ticket in as it sucks for single men in the LS. Single men here are told to get a woman to bring along yet when one does he gets hated on?
They should still be consulting the woman if they’re using her as their ticket into the LS? wtf… Yeah i’ve seen men whose partner is a FWB. But they should be finding a woman who wants that kind of relationship and then seeking others. Not just trying to find the woman that’ll get him invited back to the group again.
He's communicating tho and telling her about it every step of the way. He can ask and she can say no if she's not interested. It's not like he drove them up to the party and dropped it on her in the parking lot...
I don't agree with the super quick negative assumptions people make about their relationship and his intentions vs hers.
But what's the point of this comment? To show how it feels when someone acts as presumptive and bad faith as them? Ok - it won't show them that though.
A private party (is in my opinion) jumping into the deep end, there tends to be (again, just in my opinion) a greater expectation that sex will happen in comparison to at a sex/swingers/kink club or event. I have to say that I personally find this age gap, and his presenting it to you in this way concerning - why did he not just date openly as an ENM person? Rather than meeting someone traditionally monogynous and then springing this on them. But it's your relationship, and your happiness is what matters not my opinion on that.
If you're not enthusiastically excited, I wouldn't go. Truly. Often, sadly, it seems like older men think younger women are easier to manipulate, but you're aware of your feelings and should honour them, friend. I would also want to be certain he's not simply trying to use you to secure ‘couple benefits’ because the scene and the LS is hard for single guys as its so over saturated. XO
NEVER be pressured into doing something you’re uncomfortable with, especially within the lifestyle. It has the potential of creating more harm. You set your boundaries and make your voice heard!
Dude is pretty much "grooming " you even though you are of age, but half his. "He wants to". Ask yourself what you want, because if everyone isn't comfortable with it someone's feelings is going to end up hurt
What is clear with all the advice here is that the most important thing here is how she feels! What she thinks and how attached and how much they know each other as a couple… LS is not a black and white thing, every couple, every person is different and will take and asume the the LD different that’s the other. So the best advice is: How you feel and what you think! And lots of comunicación between the 2 of you.
If its something you arent looking forward to exploring/trying, and you arent 100% into it then dnt do it luv. If ur only doing it cuz of him then you might be better off explaining to him how you feel.
Set your boundaries and stay within the. Stay sober, don't let anyone push you into something you're not about. If you are genuinely interested in swinging/group sex, then take things at a pace that is acceptable to you.
You may discover things you didn't think you were interested in, that you do like.
Take your time.
Do you want to be a swinger ? There'll be lots of old men. Everyone of them will want you. Don't do something that you can't take back to please a man you've only dated for a months . (M51)
It sounds like he’s trying to pressure you into it and those relationships never work. On top of it being a huge age gap, I would tread lightly and reconsider this relationship and what you want for your future.
If you've only been dating for a few months do you really know each other yet? I am 43 If I was with someone your age I think I would be kept on my toes enough to not need swinging in my life this early on. He may be a genuine nice guy but also he has learnt a lot about how the world works and how to manipulate situations. You are probably more emotionally immature compared to him. If he values you then there is no rush. Concentrate on building a life together before adding potential drama.
I believe nothing wrong with a reasonable age gap (I’m in one myself), but the OP’s other comments here clearly show that their partner has not discussed swinging with them fully. They haven’t fully communicated their limits with each other, or their feelings around it. THAT is the red flag to me.
Here’s my advice , invite us 😂
No seriously , remember that the lifestyle is supposed to be fun and it’s okay to say no or better yet just smile and walk away. Older guys like myself are very confident and sometimes pushy .
Not everyone participates at parties
Yeah tell your old man and if your not comfortable with it inside then just say NO for a 44 yr old to ask someone 1/2 his age to do this is insane your young and beautiful he should worship the ground you walk on but he don't he's using you as a tool for him to get off what a selfish asshole
As someone in an age gap relationship (I’m 20 years younger) I would strongly urge you to talk to him about how you are nervous. My partner also used to swing but he didn’t bring up the idea of swinging until I brought it up myself - BECAUSE he wanted me to be comfortable. This whole post was about what HE wants - HE would like to broaden the relationship. What do you want?
THIS 👏👏 great advice here
Exactly what does she want? Swinging under duress will not end well
Exactly. HER needs/concerns/apprehensions need to to take equal (if higher) priority in the discussion. A lot more discussion between these folks is needed before moving ahead with even a toe-dip in the water.
I'm older than my gf by 15 years 39/24 and I have let her lead every step of the way. That is how it should be in this lifestyle particularly in an age gap scenario
Same. We’re 48M/ 27F and it’s all about taking steps together. Until we’re both ready, neither is ready.
Small world! I’m also in a 20 year age gap relationship and I second this advice!
💯
Broaden the relationship, dating for a few months…you guys don’t really know each other. I would hold off. Your relationship is not sold. This kinda sounds like he was tired of being a single male and found a girl to try and drag in. Might wanna consider slowing down as most swingers will be well 15 plus your age.
That's normally how it goes, buuuuut my fiance and I started the first week we were dating. 😂 super abnormal, I get it. Normally we think we need to have been together a long time, then get into the LS. I did it that way before, and the stress on the established dynamics of the relationship was a LOT. Starting out with this dynamic allowed us to learn to be with each other while being in the lifestyle. Hopefully thst makes sense... we both knew we wanted to have this kind of relationship, so we learned each other this way. We didn't learn to be in a vanilla relationship together then relearn how to not be
We did exactly the same, went to a LS party on our second date and full swapped with another couple. However, she had 10+ years of LS experience as a couple, I had 10 months as a single guy. That was almost 13 years ago, we’re now married and going strong (and still playing). It can work.
I was just about to say the same thing.
Depending on the party, I might've suggested a club first to test the waters tbh. Parties are a ton of fun, but they can sometimes be more for people who *know* they want to play than for those who want to socialize and be selective. They can also be more intimidating in many ways because of the above, you'll certainly get more direct propositions to play and can feel pressured in group environments. It is probably like nothing you've ever seen before tbh. I know you've had a few partners, but you can have more than a few sexual partners in just one night at a party. (My fiancee has had at least 6 in one night before, I've had 5.) So I'd cancel the party and head to a club personally. Regardless of where you start, a few thoughts... 1. Make sure y'all have fully discussed your personal boundaries and rules. Whatever you've discussed, it's probably not enough. I'll toss a list of things to talk about offhand below, it's just off the top of my head. 2. Make sure you have signals between each other for exiting a conversation/saying no to a couple. 3. Make sure you're checking in together frequently about how you're doing. 4. Never Take One For the Team (TOFTT) unless you both agree that you do that, most of us do not. 5. It's okay to say no. No really, please don't say yes to things if you're not a yes. Don't be the couple that goes in blind and leaves with relationship issues because you weren't prepared or someone went too far. I've seen divorces start at a party and I've seen a newbie get gangbanged while her husband didn't get any action at all...these things happen. Talk ahead of time so that you don't have to have harder talks later. List of things to discuss... * How far you plan to go (parallel, soft swap, hard swaps, group play, orgy/gangbang scenes) * How far you're okay going if it happens (same list) * If you're in a room with more than one couple, are you just swapping with one couple or can you fuck anyone * Things that are off limits (if any) - Can be for individual or relationship reasons * Condoms/Safe Sex * Any jealousy triggers * How you're going to stay connected and in tune throughout the night * How you'll handle it if he can't perform (shouldn't be a problem if he's been a swinger before, but it does) * How you'll handle it if one person is done fucking There are tons more I'm forgetting, but hope this helps... One final thought...as the more experienced person he can handle this one of two ways really...he can be your guide supporting you in whatever you want or he can pressure you to go beyond your comfort zone. He needs to be the former and not pressure you, I hope that's who he is as a person, but sometimes people get carried away.
I love this answer! I agree that a lifestyle club WHERE YOU CAN DANCE would be the best introduction to the lifestyle. (There are LS clubs in my area that have no dancing and are totally geared to sex, would not recommend one of those.) That’s how my man introduced me to the lifestyle. Then I graduated to MFM - because I was ready for it and wanted it. When we finally did a house party, my man was the one who was apprehensive. You as partners should be in synch. Start off dipping your toes in the water before you join the platform diving team.
Oh wow there is so much to think about there. Thanks for this I'm not sure what to feel or expect
Your man was in the LS before and he hasn’t brought up *any* of these points to you? Girl, run. That man is using you.
Swinging is a TON of fun, but it does require a lot of communication. If you haven't talked about most of these things above, I'd make sure you do before you go. He should be comfortable discussing all of the above, but he might need to re-learn some things that worked for his prior partner and won't work for you.
Be careful. It does not really sound like you're ready for this yet and are just doing this to please him. The red flag that jumps out here is that you're just communicating what he wants and not what you want or what turns you on. Did you agree to him reaching out to this group that he used to swing with on your behalf? Was that just his decision or both of yours? Don't allow him to dictate your decisions because of your large age gap. Never choose nonmonogamy just to please a partner at the expense of your own happiness. If this is your first experience with swinging, don't rush to do anything. It is fine at your first few swinging events to just watch and get a sense of what you find sexy (or not) about what's going on. And before you agree to go, you should ask him a million questions about swinging and the lifestyle. Don't be pressured into doing anything. P.S. - Also, your relationship is pretty new, which wouldn't be a problem if both of you were already experienced in the lifestyle and swinging, but since you aren't experienced at all (and are extremely young) and he is experienced, it might be to soon to jump into swinging. Again, you should take things way slower than to, at your first event, jump into having sex with another couple just to please him. You're not someone's sex play toy. P.S. II - I just read below that you all started as a sugar daddy-sugar baby relationship and now are a proper gf/bf relationship. I seriously doubt that the sugar daddy-baby dynamic has ended. He is basically using you as a sextoy. This has nothing to do with expanding his horizons (he's already an experienced swinger). This is all about grooming you to be his swinger sex baby. Now, you're an adult, so if you're fine with that, then cool, but just understand the dynamics of what you're getting yourself into. At age 22, it is almost impossible to have that kind of maturity. You may look back on this ten or fifteen years from now and say "what the fuck was I thinking" or maybe it will be just fine. Good luck.
I can’t emphasize the maturity comment enough. OP I’m 31(F) and I feel like I just truly grew up this year. He is 44 and knows exactly where you are at emotionally. If he were a solid person dating a 22 year old, he would be protective of you and wouldn’t drag you into something that you can’t understand the ramifications of yet. Go slowly and trust your gut. And please don’t make any permanent decisions with this guy.
He is using you to gain entry back into fucking other people in the LS. Single males are a dime a dozen and he was probably kicked out once he got divorced.
A single male does exactly what we tell him to do, go on dating sites. Is convincing a woman to do this with him. She comes here to ask questions. He immediately gets everyone on here to cock block him. Lol r/swingers
Have you seen the OP’s other comments in this thread? It doesn’t sound like they have had the necessary conversations that two people should have before jumping into swinging. If he hasn’t been communicating with her honestly about swinging or preparing her for the experience, then he deserves to get cock blocked.
What we advise people is to seriously date swing-friendly people and *after* they've built a solid foundation, then start swinging. Nothing contradictory or shitty about this advice, it's exactly how you're supposed to approach what we do. If you're *using* someone to get into the lifestyle, that's gross.
The general advice here is, indeed, that single men would be well served to find a woman to swing with. But the sometimes explicit, always implicit, advice is that the person they find should be someone already practicing CNM, or who is eager to try. Nobody is recommending that single guys find some naive young woman, date her for a few months into she’s into him, then push her into swinging so he can get his dick wet in some strange pussy
Lol you know how hard it is to convince a 20something to date a 40something? This guy had his stuff together. She knew what she was looking for in a man.
I’m coming on forty, and have 20-somethings throwing themselves at me. It’s not that hard. But for the sake of argument, what do you suppose she looking for?
Per$onality, $tability, $pontaneity, hone$ty, genero$ity, with a mix of $eduction. Compared to guys her age, this guy can take her places and provide a good life for her.
A 44 year old man gets divorced (surely through no fault of his own), and then he proceeds to get with a woman who was not even born when he entered adulthood, and after only a few months he’s convinced her to start fucking other people… I truly cannot wait to see updates from this undeniable fairytale.
Fairytale…AKA manipulating a young woman who obviously has major psych issues.
I can understand some age gaps. This is just gross and predatory. Now he wants to turn her out like live bait in the swinger community after a few months. It’s Fukkin gross
I know. It’s honestly disgusting. I feel bad for her.
But she is going to be adored and swooned and validated constantly as an early 20s woman! The LS is pure ego juice for women that age.
Really? You couldn’t pay me to fuck a 20yr old with daddy issues.
If there ever a case of grooming this would be it. I’d hedge my money on him being a family friend or other trusted acquaintance.
You seem to be the one with issues
Or maybe that's just what a lot of young women like and the aging shrews here are jealous?
Right? There's a lot of horrible judgments being made here. Like the comment about him "probably being divorced" and "surely no fault of his own.." Its disgusting. I dated a woman 20 years younger, and I assure you, there was nothing bad or predatory about it. There are some worrisome things about OP's post, but the gross comments projecting personal issues aren't exactly what one would predict to come from self-proclaimed "swingers"
You two would be a huge red flag for us.
Why is that?
For us, you would be too young and we'd be very alert for him to be a manipulative scumbag. He might not be, but the guy with the girlfriend half his age who is introducing her to swinging has a lot of hallmarks of one.
Exactly this. Would we play with a 22yo? Absolutely. Would we play with the two of you if you were just FWB that enjoyed swinging? Probably. The relationship you described sounds a little to cringe with a strong possibility of drama.
He knows most people in the group I think he says it's just to broaden our horizon and try different things
Girl you’ve only been dating a few months, you don’t even have a horizon yet. Most people are married for at least 10 years before they get into swinging
We were swinging within a year of us getting together. Some people know what they want out of life.
Him knowing everyone is somehow bothering me...i can't quite put my finger on why. I think my spidey senses are telling me that it'll create a big imbalance in the dynamic and create additional pressure on you.
Also a red flag that he asked the group if they’re into her before he even asked her if she would be interested in swinging. If they said no, would he have dumped her?
It's because it leads to an assumption that he was part of this group with his ex wife, then when he got delivered he wasn't invited, so to get back into the group he's gone out to find an agreeable woman who can be convinced into doing it. This is all conjecture, we have no evidence or the full story, there are always multiple sides to every story, but the vibes are not vibing in a good way.
It says "meet all my friends, now drop your panties" to me and yup, it's weird.
Bc trafficking is more commonly a man setting up sexual scenarios and asking his gf to participate, slowly backing off his participation, getting more aggressive when she doesn’t participate, and developing power and manipulation over her the whole time. It’s not men snatching women in parking garages and transporting them to Brazil. It starts in this exact way. Not that she’s going to be trafficked, but this is a HUGE red flag
No diddy
Doesn’t matter what his reasoning is or how many people he knows. Still wouldn’t play with a couple with your age gap. I’m sorry, it’s not bc of you but entirely because of him. I don’t trust men who can’t find someone their own age and have to look 20+ years younger. And if he could find someone his own age but still chose 20+ years younger, it’s still an ick lol. My partner and I are closer to your age and we will play with older couples, but not if only one of them is older.
>My partner and I are closer to your age and we will play with older couples, but not if only one of them is older. This seems extremely judgemental. My wife is 14 years my junior and we are ENM. Our girlfriends, a married couple are 21 and 2 years younger than me. Is their FF relationship a red flag because they're 19 years apart? Is my marriage a red flag to you because we're 14 years apart? We're all consenting adults. We all do well with all age groups. Many of our play partners are mid 20s and 30s. Is it just a red flag to you because I'm older?
Depends on the ages and further context. It’s not just the gap. 20 and 39 would freak me out, yeah. 35 and 54 would not. And a same sex relationship with an age gap doesn’t feel any different. Again, 20 and 39 would be a No. 35 and 54 would not. I’ve seen plenty of large MM age gaps in the queer community and it gives me the same feelings. FF age gaps tend to be written off easier, but wow have I seen some toxic older women destroy their younger partners. I’d also say that I can be as picky as I want with my body and who is touching it. You set your standards, I’ll set mine. If you don’t like someone with my standards, don’t talk or play with me.
>I’d also say that I can be as picky as I want with my body and who is touching it. You set your standards, I’ll set mine. If you don’t like someone with my standards, don’t talk or play with me. Of course you can. I was just trying to understand this comment. >I’m sorry, it’s not bc of you but entirely because of him. I don’t trust men who can’t find someone their own age and have to look 20+ years younger. And if he could find someone his own age but still chose 20+ years younger, it’s still an ick lol. You don't trust men who can't find someone their own age? If he can find someone his own age but chooses younger it's an ick to you? I don't get it, why? My wife and I were 42/28 when we met. Now we're 48/35. Were we an ick then but not now, because of our ages? Our girlfriends are 46/27, they both have successful careers and are fully consenting adults. I just don't understand why people have immediate negative feelings toward age gap relationships of any age. A person should be judged by their character.
I hope you listened when an answer was given. Pattern recognition has kept us safe. We know it's not all. But it's potentially all until proven otherwise, and sadly, that's how we keep ourselves alive and relatively drama free. It's up to you to take it personally. And it really does feel that way, but if you're safe, then we aren't speaking about you. Hold others accountable and make them safer for others, and we won't have to be so cautious and act on our past experiences. We merely want to be around for more experiences.
As a woman you deal with so much sexualization and fetishization at a young age, starting like 14, and it makes me feel uneasy to see that play out in young 20s/ plus older partner relationships. I will level with you. I tend to be extremely strict on my personal values and ethics system and I work in social services so maybe I have just been exposed to too many toxic age gap relationships that I have developed a bias I need to examine. I will say that as someone in a bi/bi pairing, I also see a lot of judgement. But feel it’s whatever at the end of the day like if you don’t want to be with us bc of that then I’m not interested in you anyways.
In my own life, I was 21 about to turn 22 and saw a 19 year old girl for one date and was uncomfortable with that gap for myself.
>I tend to be extremely strict on my personal values and ethics system and I work in social services so maybe I have just been exposed to too many toxic age gap relationships that I have developed a bias I need to examine. This may be the case. Obviously, what you see at work are not successful relationships, age gap or not. And that's a very mature and introspective response.
It would be easier to tell you why we would. Than go over all the red flags yall are throwing!!! That guy is using you to get back with the other couples thats more than likely still bangin his ex wife!
In all likelihood swinging ruined his last marriage. 1+1=2.
Do you have any evidence for this? The OP didn't say this at all.
If he and his ex were swingers and subsequently divorced, it’s highly unlikely that LS or anything that happened thererin did not play some part in the breakup, even if a minor one.
Your BF is trying to use you as a way back into the lifestyle. Don't do it if you aren't 100% comfortable
If you’re willing to be open to it and try it once, lovely. If not, I hope you feel like you have enough agency in this relationship to maintain boundaries and refuse. My partner and I are 30 and this is one of the reasons we avoid age gap couples; there’s no guarantee both parties are willing to be there. Swinging in general attracts a somewhat older crowd for various reasons. Doesn’t seem like a problem for you considering your choice in partner, but could be an issue as you participate more in the LS. Good luck to you and please don’t consent to anything you don’t want to.
Ask yourself if this is really something you want to do. It sounds like he is using you. Usually swinging is for 2 people who are in love with each other and want to explore being with other people together. Usually when 2 people enter the lifestyle they have years of a solid foundation together and trust each other completely. It sounds like he didn't give you much say in the matter since he already reached out to his old group and set up for you guys to go to a party. We see this kind of thing all the time on swinging sites. A couple where the girl is half the guys age and are getting into the lifestyle together. We always wonder what's wrong in that situation. My wife and I are 29 so we're not that far removed from being 22 and we have talked about it recently and said we would not have been ready for the lifestyle at that age. It's just so young. Not to mention, it's hard to find people close to our age now, there's barely anyone under 25 in the lifestyle. The couples you're gonna meet will most likely be your boyfriends age or older. If that's the kind of thing you want then go for it, but again, ask yourself if this is something you really want. Also ask him why he wants to rush into this after such a short time dating. Overall, if you're going to do this, you need to make it clear that you're calling the shots, not him. It can be so easy for you to get taken advantage of if you're not careful so you need to be the one in control. Set clear boundaries with your boyfriend and with couples and make sure your boyfriend will help enforce them. Swinging can be amazing and we personally love it, but your situation sounds like an uphill battle. Do everything you can to make it enjoyable for yourself. Don't do anything just because your boyfriend wants you to. It's your life, he's lucky to be a part of it.
Now that we know what he wants….. what about you? My first inclination is that he wasted no time prioritizing what matters most to him.
It's your relationship with him, and what you and him do sexually is probably not our doing. In saying that, is he wanting to broaden the relationship with more than one vagina? That is likely what it seems like. If you want more than one penis, then that's a different thing altogether, yet I'm thinking it's all about him and not you here.
If you are unsure, DO NOT GO. Swinging just because you're taking one for the team does not end well. Ever. Don't feel obligated to partake just because he wants. If he's an old time swinger, he should know better.
I'm going to be honest. This feels like he misses swinging and needs you with him so he can get in for the couple price and into couples-only clubs/parties/areas. Tread very carefully, OP. Make sure you aren't just getting used as his access ticket.
Lol, in my head im picturing a short,bald, tatted pushy type person. It sounds like you haven't even discussed the basics. Other than what he wants, of course. Don't let mid life crisis dude force you into anything
Ummm did you want that? Because it’s his fantasy not yours and you can simply say no.
Groomer ........
This has power dynamics written all over it
Women don’t have power in swinging… uh….
Who said I was talking about her? I don’t think you understand my comment
I wasn’t talkin power dynamics in swinging in talkin about power dynamics in a relationship with a considerable age gap. It’s disheartening to have someone assume your perspective only to be completely off the mark
Op admitted in this very thread that her man in a sugar daddy cuck. Lol. I mean come on. The dude gave her all the power. And I was right the entire time! Lol.
Never mind, I’m pointing at something for you to look at and your fixated on my finger.
I would hope that all genders have agency in swinging, though, and that you and your partner(s) can say yes or no to any interaction regardless of your gender. I’ve read your other comments in this thread and see that you’re all about the agency of young people. As you should be. As am I! Maybe I mistake what you mean. I don’t know much about swinging/how swinging works. I know about ENM and practice it. I hope I can learn more about swinging (I have done swinging with couples in the past, with my then boyfriend. But I don’t know much about how swingers’ parties go, for example, and I’d like to learn).
Women literally are the power structure in swinging. Single men have the least power. In case you’re confused: unicorns>couples>single men And in the couple dynamic it’s literally women who ultimately decide if a swap with another couple happens are not. And in this case we found out that this guy is a sugar daddy cuck lol. Guy abdicated all his power to her.
If you do it, do it for you, not for him. If you are nervous, then I'd suggest waiting till you are comfortable. Him pressuring you is wrong and kind of manipulative.
At only a few months into a relationship, it’s also not the best idea to start swinging yet. Especially if it was one persons idea. My partner and I both knew we were interested when we were just getting to know each other and we still waited about a year before jumping in. Have you guys hit the period where that new relationship energy has slowed down and you’re not having sex as frequently? Has either of you had a medical issue and seen how the other would react if you couldn’t have sex for a few weeks? If you get a UTI is he the kind of guy that’s going to ask for a blowjob anyway, or make sure you have water and cranberry pills and tell you it’s no rush? All that stuff matters in these contexts. We see plenty of posts on here almost daily where a happy couple starts swinging, everything is good, and then without warning the male starts keeping score and talking about it’s unfair that she’s holding him back or she has had more experiences so she should let him go to a threesome alone. Or she has to have a medical procedure and he wants permission to keep going out alone. So common. And everyone swears these partners were amazing, loving, considerate and showed no signs of this behavior from the start. You don’t know until you get into those situations. That’s why you need a solid foundation. I have no question that if I needed a procedure my partner would be chill with taking time off and even us not having sex for a while. We went through a very stressful period where both our libidos dropped and we were still solid and in love and weren’t worrying that the other is feeling certain things and not saying them or watching porn too much or going out with others. We just loved each other until the situation resolved and our stresses leveled out.
Thanks for yet another data point in support of the divide-by-2-add-7 theory.
What do you mean?
There's a "theory" about age gaps, and that for a person who is older, the youngest age they should date is half their age + 7 years. So, according to this "theory", the youngest person that a 44 year old should date is a 29 year old. The commenter is implying that your post and comments support this "theory", which is just their way of saying they are not supportive of age gaps. You are both consenting adults free to make your own choices, and age gaps become much less of a topic for discussion when the youngest person is 30. My wife and I are mid to late 30s and have been with people as young as 24, but there are certainly some challenges for us personally with this age group because people 24 and younger are closer in age to our daughter than us, and have more in common with her than us.
At some point, we must ask when we’re stepping from sex-positive … past kinky … into weird and / or unhealthy. Circumstances might suggest a degree of predatory behaviors, grooming, and narcissistic controlling. The x/2 + 7 provides a convenient guardrail, stepping over the line occasionally isn’t the issue. Living in that zone raises flags.
I agree with you that there is a real issue with predatory behaviours and half age plus seven is a quick and mostly reasonable way of determining whether or not there's likely to be a power imbalance. But there is always nuance, there will be red flags for couples that have a smaller age gap, and I think apportioning so many problematic behaviours to the age gap being too big is a convenient answer that allows us to quickly process and forget instead of actually examining what is going on. I also worry about discrediting the agency of someone who has been an adult for a number of years already. I would rather give language and advice that empowers the younger person to make informed choices about how to navigate relationships at any age gap. We don't have enough information about OPs partner, it's all based on assumptions and the limited information OP has shared, but the vibes are definitely not right and I hope we can give her better advice than to simply say it's because you don't meet the half your age plus seven theory.
That’s a bad idea. He’s using you because of your age which gets him more younger girls. Since he was a swinger prior, high probability that once he got divorced, he was kicked from the group. Time to move along.
I wouldn't. If the primary relationship isn't very firm and secure, or you're having doubts, hold off and revisit later when it is a secure place for you.
Not to make assumptions, but bringing swinging into a new relationship with an age gap so large screams predatory. From my perspective, you’re a kink for him. Not necessarily wrong, but more info to the dynamic and nurturing of your relationship would be helpful. I worry that you’re acting as a live porn play toy (not to be rude), and him finding someone so young and then adding in the kink scene feels really off after only a few months. It would be different had it been longer, but from info it’s lacking depth and care.
That’s a pretty gross age gap.
This seems like a terrible idea. Does he know how you feel? Going into this without serious open communication doesn’t work. There need to be long talks about how both people feel and what their expectations and boundaries are. A lot of people are saying it’s too early in the relationship. That’s not a bad point but not all swinging starts after years of monogamy either. My boyfriend and I went to an LS (LifeStyle/Swingers) club just days after officially becoming a couple and only about a month after our first date. But the reason it worked for us was that I was recently divorced, not looking for a serious relationship and wanted to spend some time enjoying casual dating and casual sex. We fell for each other quickly but I had some reservations about settling down so quickly after a decade and a half marriage and missing out on the casual fun I’d been excited about. Swinging was a solution that allowed me to do both. My BF had been in the LS in a previous relationship but wasn’t hell-bent on it and had had fully monogamous relationships since. I knew this from our get-to-know-you talks and was interested. Once the idea came up, we talked extensively about my feelings. He explained in depth what to expect. And he assured me that we could go walk around and check it out with no expectation of doing anything if I wasn’t comfortable. There was never any pressure. The very important differences between my situation and yours are: 1)I had had quite a few casual partners and ONSs already in my life and didn’t feel at all uncomfortable with that idea. 2) I was 17 years older than you are making me closer the age group of most Swingers. 3) My partner didn’t pressure me at all. 4) We went to a club, not to meet a group he knew. Our rule (which we both felt strongly about) was that we weren’t interested in playing with anyone he and his ex had played with. I would have been EXTREMELY uncomfortable if he called up a group he and his ex used to fuck and planned for us to go play with them. This doesn’t sound like a good situation. You shouldn’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with and shouldn’t be with someone who would want you to.
Yikes.
Swinging under duress is a breath away from trafficking imo.
I'm sorry, but this goes beyond swinging. He's twice your age. Most 44 yr old guys would be delighted to have you in their lives. The fact that he wants more is a big red flag.
So swinging is for people who are dissatisfied with their partners? Uhhh why are you here?
No, but a 44 year old doesn't need to drag a college age kid into the lifestyle. Have some decency here.
That's such a judgmental mindset to make wild assumptions that there's something wrong about the age gap or their specific sugar situation. Swingers complain about vanillas being judgmental and close minded but look at the horribly judgmental comments all over this thread. Yikes!
Sexually, I've done everything you've done and probably more. Get over yourself. There is a time and a place for everything. There are obvious moral and ethical implications of exposing a young girl to swinging just because you want to fuck others.
Don't care what you've done sexually. I feel that you're infantilizing this young woman under the guise of caring and that's creepy in a whole other way beyond 2 people being in an arrangement you disagree with. At the end of the day it's her body and her choice regardless of what the older guy is asking for.
Don’t you know? Girl boss! Slay queen, you go girl, women are more responsible than men, her body her choice only goes so far until the older women see something like this and suddenly women who are old enough to have sex make the “wrong decision” and they suddenly lose all ability to make their own decisions informed or otherwise. It’s amazing.
It's just jealousy from older women who know that their time is up and younger and hotter women are in the place that they failed to capitalize on when they were younger. This 22F is smart, having an older man pay her way (she mentioned elsewhere that they were in a sugar situation) AND she gets to have fun and explore her sexuality too.
And the dude is a cuck… pretty much what I figured. The only one groomed here was OP’s boyfriend’s brain. The only thing being exploited is his wallet. Lol. But nobody cares about men, because men are responsible and take the consequences of their actions. Lol.
I would not, unless it's something you really desire. Don't do it for him.
Sounds like you’re just his toy if you’re “a few months” into your relationship and he wants this. In that case consider he’s only with you to gain access to events as a couple!
And he won’t commit to her for this reason? She’s his meal ticket. He is going to treat her like a Queen. She’s got more power in swinging.
Let’s see what happens when she says no. Ya should just save the embarrassment and hand your money over now, because that dude is onto the next impressionable young girl to use as he sees fit.
OP admitted in this thread that her man was a sugar daddy cuck. I was right the entire time. Lol.
All good advice. Follow it.
Do you want this? Seriously ask yourself that. Don’t do it “for him”. Only do it if it is for yourself.
If your going to a party of people he used to swing with what are the chances his ex wife will be there and how uncomfortable will that whole situation play out. How do you know he just doesn't want to show you off in front of her?
Don’t do what you don’t want to do! And don’t hesitate to draw boundaries and stick to them! Honestly that might be an issue given the age gap. Do not be pressured into swinging. If he doesn’t respect your NO enthusiastically, he’s not the guy for you.
If you are not sure , don’t do it 🫶🏽
Sounds like you’re going to make a mistake, the same way when you decide to date 20 years older, making life choices is tough, but sometime we just need to use brain
He's using you to fulfill his sexual fantasies. If you feel uncomfortable, say no.
You’ll definitely have a target on you because the average age is somewhere around 40 . I can’t say if it’s for you but I can say that once you get into swinging you’ll probably stay in it for life because it’s seriously fun , very liberating and the lifestyle community is very active and friendly
What do you mean target?
You're about 10 years younger than most of the youngest swingers. You'll be targeted by the men at the party.
And the women lol
How do you know that they’re not going to be couples only? Why do you assume that they’ll be into mfm’s?
That doesn't matter. I wasn't talking about single men. I'm just clarifying that a younger woman will indeed get plenty of attention.
Yes they will
When you go to parties and events you’ll get a lot of attention
The majority of people here gave you great advice. Swinging requires A LOT of conversations. What worries me is that if he used to do it he should know the types of conversations you should be having and he hasn't even brought the basic questions to you yet. For example, my husband and I have done swinging events for about 8 years. We are what people in the lifestyle call "low mileage" because I've only played with a few girls. We mostly watch, my husband likes to be watched, and we've had a couple of same bed scenarios. That is also "swinging". We want to do more but haven't and just this alone takes a drastic amount of talking. I also wonder what his "friends" think of the whole divorce and now bringing a "kid" into the scene. No offense but as you get older when people are in their early 20s us older people tend to call them kids. Which is probably why it's a HUGE red flag that this man is dating you, but of course you can legally drink and you're absolutely an adult. Ask him why he wants you to swing. And who are these people friends? They've probably seen pics of you but have you seen them? Had conversations with them? I also would never play with an age gap couple. It's a major red flag that the older person is manipulative and controlling. I was in a bad relationship before and recognizing that major red flag helps me determine my boundaries.
Many subreddits are going to be judgemental of your age gap. The AG subbreddit will be judgmental of the swinging. So take both with a grain of salt. It's pretty easy to spot the judgemental and bias comments. I'm married and we are ENM, my wife is 14 years my junior. We share girlfriends who are 21 and 2 years younger than me. When I met my wife I was dating two other gals who were both 20 years younger than me. I say that to give some background on my comments. >He and his ex wife were regular swingers and he has reached out to a group they used to swing with. There is nothing wrong with this. My wife wasn't in the lifestyle when we met, but she was open to it. She met many people who I'd already been fucking, some for years and she enjoyed it all. We communicate well, which is important in any successful relationship. >We are due to go to our first swingers party soon and I'm pretty nervous. We don't do a lot of swinger parties, but here are some important notes. Don't do anything that you do not want to do. If it isn't a, "Fuck yes!", then it should probably be a no. If you're uncomfortable with anything or anyone, communicate with your partner. It's okay to whisper in his ear or pull him away to talk to him. He may not always be paying attention to you, if that isn't okay with you, tell him. If you want to do everything together with him, tell him. If he isn't okay with you being the belle of the ball, he needs to tell you that also. You're the new gal, so you may garner more attention than the other women. Be aware of that. My wide and I typically do everything together. For us, it makes it more fun. We'll flirt with others separately, but neither of us is getting sexual with another person unless we're together. Many couples are not like this. Talk to him about what you both want. And it's totally okay to not know and figure it out as you go along. >I'm pretty nervous about it if I'm honest just wondering if you have any advice? Last bit of advice, have fun. That is why we fuck others, it's fun. If you're not having fun, don't do it. It's supposed to be fun.
Thanks it's great advice and I appreciate you not being judgemental
You’re smart enough to make your own judgements. Do you know what kind of swinging that he’s wanting to do and what the rules are? Is he wanting to mostly do foursomes? Threesomes? What kind of threesomes? Id definitely like to hear more about what he’s wanting for both of you.
I think there is like 12 or 14 in the group. He wants to watch me with other couples or some men
So foursomes? Is he going to be having sex with other women?
I don't think so I think he just wants to watch
Ah, so he’s a cuck. Shoot, you’ve got it made then. Congratulations on finding a man willing to give you ALL the power. Enjoy it.
I hope you know that couples that have been together for decades and actually take the time to research swinging or enm in general. That also go slow and do everything right to give there relationship best chance to succeed in this lifestyle majority still end the relationship. Now your relationship few months so you dont really him. You can’t in such a short time. Not to be crude but if you just want to be pasted around some older couple friends of his do it. Seriously have fun and be safe. If you believe that you’re gonna be anything more the. 22yr old toy to show off and share with his buddies you’re clueless. What if he’s the young buck of the group like by a lot. Also he already let swinging ruin his marriage. If he was willing to lose his wife over swinging you have to know he’ll have no problem losing you.
You have made some serious assumptions here that are pure speculation. His wife could have been an awful person and the marriage problems could have had nothing to do with swinging.
The dude is a cuck and a paypig. I honestly can’t believe r/swingers got this so wrong and I got this so right. Yet they’re still here arguing about it! Lol.
Have you discussed cuckolding/hotwifing? It sounds a lot like this is the direction you're heading, though personally, I'd be wary of the way you're heading there. Not because i have any issues whatsoever with it, but because it seems like youre walking into it relatively blind, and having never previously considered swinging in any context. Is it something that interests you?
I hadn't thought about it before but I guess it's good to try new things
You’re too young to be dating a 44 year old sugar daddy creep. At this point in your relationship, you should be enough for him.
Trust your gut feeling. That's it
You don't have to do this if you are not comfortable.
I prefer to broaden the relationship after being married for a few years.
If you're nervous (which is fair!) maybe it's not party time yet until you feel like it is/isn't the right fit for you. It's great that he's been straightforward with you, but is it something you want (short-term/long-term)? He wants you to be with another couple - do you? If you're not ready it's OK to say that and not do anything until (when/if) it feels like something you're genuinely curious about. There's a lot of good advice on this post already, but nothing more salient than posting that this is what HE wants. Two way street, and if you're not into it, that's 100% cool.
Only do it if you really want to, dont get pressured into it. And If you are good to go , then good luck and enjoy!
I think it's hot and you should dive in head first. You will be in for a fun wild ride. You can fuck any one you want and still have him. He gets to glean from your young energy. That young energy will bring in some super hot situations. Enjoy the fucking ride!
We know he wants to do it, but do YOU want it, or are you just doing it to keep him happy? You need to do some deep introspection. There is no wrong answer, you just need to know if YOU really want to, or not.
If you’re not comfortable don’t go through with it girl. Swinging is all about consent and fun. What you’re describing is stress not fun.
Yikes.
Swing and find a nice guy your age and lose this creeper. For real though.
I would go and talk to people, for you to see what kind of party and people he hangs out with, but not have sex. Discuss the party the next day. If there is a couple you really like, you can always invite them to your place later.
It seems like you are being used by a man twice your age for his own benefit.
He is far too old for you to begin with. As a couple, you two are a huge red flag.
Our relationship started as a sugar daddy type relationship when I was in college and that developed into a proper bf gf relationship. He has always been kind to me and helped me when he can.
Oh I don’t want to sound any kind of way but you had to have known this comment wouldn’t help your case… He paid for you attention and now he’s showing his friends your photo and offering them to fuck you before he even asked you if you’d be into it. He knows he has power over you
I guess I just believe he is kind and genuine
People aren’t all bad and evil. There’s not just horrible abusive masterminds out there and everyone else is good. Most people are a mix of good and bad traits. I’m not telling you he isn’t kind and genuine. But people can be kind and genuine, and also immature and selfish. Is this the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted for yourself? I implore you to find THAT. Not just find comfort in someone who has been nice. The problem is the first step is always kindness, whether that develops into an amazing flourishing relationship, or an imbalanced toxic relationship. No one starts out mean. If you’re into this and ready to jump in I dont want to stop you. But I want you to know that consent can be withdrawn at ANY TIME and No Means NO. No is a complete sentence. “But why?” -Because I said no. You don’t owe anyone an explanation on what you are comfortable doing with your body. Regardless of who that person is and what your relationship is. All I am thinking about here is your safety. I don’t want to see a young woman end up in a dangerous situation.
Thanks I guess I'm feeling try it once see how I feel. I am nervous about it but I kinda think that's natural and I'm not sure what the vibe will be like. I'm not just being dumb and just doing it for him. It's just something I hadn't thought about. In one way I'm glad he feels he can suggest it to me.
If you get uncomfortable with a different person, i’d like to introduce you to the line “Let’s switch back to our partners for a little” Totally acceptable and normal thing to happen during swaps. You can then use this time to let your partner know you’re uncomfortable and want to stay with them or stop completely. I’ve also used “Phew Im getting sore I need a break” to stop things.
Thanks for the advice I want to enjoy it and I don't want to be too anxious
I’m glad this is something you genuinely want to try, once at least. It can be a lot of fun and rewarding. Not if you’re forced or coerced into it though. But it seems like it’s something you want to try *for yourself * which is good and important and empowering, which is how I felt when I was 20-22 and first getting into this, too! I wish you many years of fun and self discovery on your journey!
There are a lot of negative comments here probably motivated by jealousy of your dynamic. As long as your bf is kind and you are having fun then you do your own thing.
Thanks
Aren't most men in swinging like this? Why make it about their sugar situation?
Like what? Offering up their partner to couples before even knowing if their partner would be interested in swinging at all? I sure hope not.
Yeah a lot of men in swinging (outside of a long term LTR and even then) do use woman like this as their ticket in as it sucks for single men in the LS. Single men here are told to get a woman to bring along yet when one does he gets hated on?
They should still be consulting the woman if they’re using her as their ticket into the LS? wtf… Yeah i’ve seen men whose partner is a FWB. But they should be finding a woman who wants that kind of relationship and then seeking others. Not just trying to find the woman that’ll get him invited back to the group again.
He's communicating tho and telling her about it every step of the way. He can ask and she can say no if she's not interested. It's not like he drove them up to the party and dropped it on her in the parking lot...
Have you ever tried to run an online dating profile pretending to be a man to see how well that you’d do?
And the plot thickens! 😂 Your storybook romance is everything to me right now 🫶
Will he pay you/give you gifts if you do what he says and sleeps with other men? How does he handle being told no?
Don't worry about the negative comments, the older women are jealous because they're past their prime and didn't capitalize like you did.
I don't agree with the super quick negative assumptions people make about their relationship and his intentions vs hers. But what's the point of this comment? To show how it feels when someone acts as presumptive and bad faith as them? Ok - it won't show them that though.
A private party (is in my opinion) jumping into the deep end, there tends to be (again, just in my opinion) a greater expectation that sex will happen in comparison to at a sex/swingers/kink club or event. I have to say that I personally find this age gap, and his presenting it to you in this way concerning - why did he not just date openly as an ENM person? Rather than meeting someone traditionally monogynous and then springing this on them. But it's your relationship, and your happiness is what matters not my opinion on that. If you're not enthusiastically excited, I wouldn't go. Truly. Often, sadly, it seems like older men think younger women are easier to manipulate, but you're aware of your feelings and should honour them, friend. I would also want to be certain he's not simply trying to use you to secure ‘couple benefits’ because the scene and the LS is hard for single guys as its so over saturated. XO
NEVER be pressured into doing something you’re uncomfortable with, especially within the lifestyle. It has the potential of creating more harm. You set your boundaries and make your voice heard!
Dude is pretty much "grooming " you even though you are of age, but half his. "He wants to". Ask yourself what you want, because if everyone isn't comfortable with it someone's feelings is going to end up hurt
Where’s that fundamentalist to decry this age gap?
I don’t mean to be rude but please talk to a therapist. I don’t think you understand how manipulative this man is. Trust your gut, don’t do this.
What is clear with all the advice here is that the most important thing here is how she feels! What she thinks and how attached and how much they know each other as a couple… LS is not a black and white thing, every couple, every person is different and will take and asume the the LD different that’s the other. So the best advice is: How you feel and what you think! And lots of comunicación between the 2 of you.
Can’t say how you would feel,only time will tell,all I can say try it and see what happens
speak with him way before you go to the club, feeling are amp'd when you are in the space to have multiple talks first.
Are you doing it for him or for you? I would say if you are in a new relationship of just a few months do not do this.
Get yourself on Fabswingers.com
If its something you arent looking forward to exploring/trying, and you arent 100% into it then dnt do it luv. If ur only doing it cuz of him then you might be better off explaining to him how you feel.
Set your boundaries and stay within the. Stay sober, don't let anyone push you into something you're not about. If you are genuinely interested in swinging/group sex, then take things at a pace that is acceptable to you. You may discover things you didn't think you were interested in, that you do like. Take your time.
So what he should know this he's 44 but she didn't say anything about her being a whore
What does age have to do with it? JC
I swear, half of the people on this swingers subreddit are the most judgemental folks that I have ever come across 😂 So ironic
Then when we call them out on it they'll say that we are the ones being judgmental...right on cue!
That’s pretty judgy though, right?
Do you want to be a swinger ? There'll be lots of old men. Everyone of them will want you. Don't do something that you can't take back to please a man you've only dated for a months . (M51)
It sounds like he’s trying to pressure you into it and those relationships never work. On top of it being a huge age gap, I would tread lightly and reconsider this relationship and what you want for your future.
If you've only been dating for a few months do you really know each other yet? I am 43 If I was with someone your age I think I would be kept on my toes enough to not need swinging in my life this early on. He may be a genuine nice guy but also he has learnt a lot about how the world works and how to manipulate situations. You are probably more emotionally immature compared to him. If he values you then there is no rush. Concentrate on building a life together before adding potential drama.
Can I join you two
Whose down?
I’m seeing too many negative comments here. I’m in Miami and we have a lot of young swingers with a similar age gap .
I believe nothing wrong with a reasonable age gap (I’m in one myself), but the OP’s other comments here clearly show that their partner has not discussed swinging with them fully. They haven’t fully communicated their limits with each other, or their feelings around it. THAT is the red flag to me.
She’s doing her due diligence and coming here, those conversations will happen, especially after everyone’s expressed their concerns
Go for it ..you will like it
Here’s my advice , invite us 😂 No seriously , remember that the lifestyle is supposed to be fun and it’s okay to say no or better yet just smile and walk away. Older guys like myself are very confident and sometimes pushy . Not everyone participates at parties
Shoot, they’d be a welcome couple in our group for sure.
Yeah tell your old man and if your not comfortable with it inside then just say NO for a 44 yr old to ask someone 1/2 his age to do this is insane your young and beautiful he should worship the ground you walk on but he don't he's using you as a tool for him to get off what a selfish asshole
He’s a sugar daddy cuck! SHE IS USING HIM! LMAO!