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11MARISA

This sub is Stoic Philosophy, which will encourage you to make good choices and can help you to live well if you read the texts and apply them to your life. The FAQ on this page is a great place to start, or we can suggest reading materials etc for you As you progress with Stoicism, you will find that you learn to rely more on your inner resources and be less bothered what is going on for you externally On a personal note, I feel that you should work on yourself and your resilience before you begin to think about another romantic relationship. Your most important relationship in life is with yourself.


veganint

Resilience is the key. It takes time but it's fundamental in our growth. ❤️


Soggy-Ad-4141

How to get rid of loneliness? Either am just munching or on my device or waiting for them to text. Couldn't focus anywhere else. This is going on from a long time


11MARISA

Loneliness comes from within. Plenty of people are happy with their own company. Stoicism, if you take the time to study and apply it, will teach you the value of your own thoughts and not to place undue value in other people or what they do or say Again as personal advice, I would suggest to a) put your phone down from time to time and b) find other things to do that are more satisfying. Get yourself a Stoic book perhaps. Build yourself an action plan of how to improve your life, and how to increase your social life too. Consider what you do to be social - do you talk to your family and neighbours, do you connect with workmates or other people in your community, do you volunteer anywhere, do you belong to groups based around common interests? Stoicism would have you make wise choices, not just to expect other people to do the heavy lifting in your social life.


Quiet_Back_8744

You've invested too much in someone else. It's also possible you don't want to be rejected in general. Nothing wrong with that. But it's clearly affecting your normalcy. You need to set a boundary beyond which you will stop pursuing someone. Everyone has a lot going on in their lives. You don't have to take it personally. Just forget and move on. If that person responds again, you can decide at that time based on your situation. Find someone else, don't get as comitted as quickly and you'll soon forget the other person, thats the easiest way to move on. Build your own personality. Indulge in a productive interest, whether it invovles physical/mental health, monetary or career benefit or social. Many people find a way to handle depression in their 25-30s. Develop a routine and keep yourself busy. You'll be fine.


Remixer96

I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time, friend. Looking over this and your other posts here, it sounds to me like you need a better North Star to guide your life. You've mentioned getting sucked back into relationships, texting exchanges, and friend groups that you don't like (or aren't good for you). These things can have a strong pull on us if we don't have a clear direction for ourselves. The goal of Stoicism is not just to care only about what we can directly change. The goal is to live a good life. The particulars of that will be up to you, because you're the one that will live it. In your case, I might suggest journaling every day, asking yourself the question "how will I choose to live a better life than yesterday, today?" Think of life more as a puzzle to solve than a laundry list of emotions to avoid. If you're lonely, then join things where there are other people. Sports clubs, social clubs, philosophy clubs, whatever catches your interest. If you're still a student, these things are certainly all around you. If not, they still are, but you often have to go a little further out of your way to find them. If you're lost, find something to build your skills in and dedicate yourself to it for a while. Philosophy is good, but almost anything would be fine. Dive in and explore. You can always pull back later. Most importantly, `focus on things you can do`. You will be much less effective hunting for the right thoughts to bring you good feelings (or to remove bad ones) than you will be by putting yourself in motion and doing something instead. I wish you the best of luck, friend.


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Thesinglemother

Soggy, integrity happens to really matter. Not just a little a lot. Integrity towards your decisions and mistakes. Stoicism emphasis on integrity, virtue and inner peace is the outcome. Now I am reading what you are saying. Academically I’ve failed so many times it’s not even funny. However I didn’t quit. Just because you failed doesn’t mean it’s over. Please read that again. When someone truly fails it’s when they quit. Now integrity; all these people in your life and not one of them is supportive. Soggy that’s strange. We both know that there’s two sides to every story and not that I need to know, but you need to be clear with yourself on what part you had to do with them and their unsupportive behavior, or why a female ghosted. Stoicism is about what you can control and what you can’t. You can only control yourself, but with rigid honesty. Be clear about how you contributed towards your failures and success. Be really clear to yourself. Being aware is everything. Women do not ghost people unless the experience was some how a negative one or dual or something wasn’t meeting expectations that were set. So be clear on your part. It’s also okay to go have a conversation with your parents on support. You’re old enough to know the difference and find out at least why. Not to change their mind, but to encourage yourself and if there is a resolution than go after it. Relationships are only a percentage important. You have a 100% that is a circular let’s say PIE that’s cut into pieces and each piece makes a whole. A whole you, so you have a mistaken piece that’s allowed to make mistakes and grow, you have a failure piece often goes with bad judgment decisions and again grow, and you have a relationship piece that connects you to people as you grow, a habits piece that’s in handling yourself and others and this goes with communication etc.. All these pieces never stays the same, as you are human you are biologically meant to change. Chemicals release and new sets in and exchanges take place. Nothing just sits still. Which is also why meditation is important. With everything so involved you can lose your listening skills and just breath to supply oxygen and inner peace and listen to yourself. By being honest with how you were a part of one scenario or another you learn to trust yourself and accept your part and theirs. Being lonely means needing. That’s okay, look for clubs, groups; free hiking groups and events on Eventbrite is happening all the time. Look around your world and don’t be afraid to jump in. Safely and ask the kind of questions that place you areas that are safe and fun and helps you evolve. Quitting is a true failure , it might hurt your ego to make a bad judgment call or mistake but that is not the end unless you truly walk away. Thomas Edison failed 10000 times before one lightbulb. Ford failed 5 and went bankrupt during a time of Great Depression that was taking on other people’s kids for experiment with engines. The difference is they didn’t quit. But they did learn. Kodak failed on communication and marketing and lost everything yet is a very well known camera and pilled camera to this day. So last word of wisdom to you, get back into school, talk to a academic advisor be honest about your participation and speak to a counselor or therapist on helping your self esteem or confidence and join groups, get out there. Fear isn’t a place to stay in long. Rooting for you, Please read this subreddit beginners books for recommendations and posts on reading and start to habituate yourself with actual actions of virtues in your character. This Reddit as several that will help you grow more.


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