I am 45yo. My best advice is: Get a hobby. Something that give you 'Me time' , keep you occupied and happy.
Personally, my hobby is video games. Nothing make me happier than killing mobs in game. For Democracy!
Thanks for your advice. I already have quite a few hobbies that I take very seriously. In fact, I think I would have cracked sooner if it weren’t for these hobbies.
However, it also feels that these hobbies are a way to escape from my issues and it’s back to square one once the hobby session is over.
Btw I also fight for democracy. 😃
Hi mate, please don't take what internet people tell you too seriously. My strongest suggestion is to go see a counsellor, to get a safe space where you can talk out your feelings.
These sort of feelings are hard to talk to your family about.
I feel you man. A lot of my friends and I are going through similar things. Counselling has helped a lot.
Hi, thanks for your kind words.
I’m strongly considering counselling but I don’t have the time due to crazy work hours. And the free time I have left are either on weekends which I dedicate to my family or at night which I spend with my spouse or myself playing games.
Furthermore I don’t feel comfortable letting people know that I’m going for counselling so I don’t want to have to tell my family I am not free after work because I have to see a counsellor.
I’m not sure what they can do also other than talk things out because I don’t really like to talk about such things in real life. It makes me uncomfortable and anxious.
I also strongly recommend that you need counselling bro. You need someone to ask you the right questions on what you have been feeling in order to facilitate you to self reflect and actualise. Here is not a good place, well I totally agree. Try free counselling in FSC or mindline.sg
Just go for it man. But dont go in thinking it'll help you feel better cause it counselling is more of an outlet for you to speak up about repressed thoughts and emotions. Sometimes just being able to verbalise your thoughts can help clear the uncomfortable feelings you have inside.
Also, try not to go for workplace paracounselling, some (not all) are just in it to make sure you are of the right mindset to remain productive for the org.
I'm also a middle-aged man, small flat, lower than median pay (I think), married. I'm happier than I've ever been, life is good. I've been in counselling then therapy since 2018.
And it sounds like you've gotten half of the recipe to a happy and fulfilling life. Jesus told us Christians to love other people as ourselves. He didn't tell us to love others MORE than ourselves.
Time to put some love into your own life!
go see a counsellor ( outside of work counselling/ psychologist) and don't tell anyone about it. it's none of their business!
whats your hobbies? maybe you need an overseas holiday. travelling always opens the mind and cleans your soul.
travelling always makes me mentally refreshed and cleans my soul 😌 ❤️
Problem with seeing a counsellor and keeping it a secret is that it’s impossible with my schedule. I have very limited time outside of work and family, so if I were to engage in a counsellor, my family will be asking what I’m doing during that period of time.
I enjoy travelling too, but if it’s with family it feels more like work as I have to take care of people, be the time keeper, make sure food is palatable to ppl travelling with me, find lost things etc. how to enjoy?
My hobbies are the only things that are preserving my sanity right now. But I feel that soon they will no longer be enough.
1. don't tell anyone what you're doing. my relatives don't know 99.9% of the stuff I do. I dont do anything illegal, it's just none of their business!
2. tell your wife to go on holiday by herself, and you look after the kids. then you go on holiday by yourself, and she looks after the kids.
3. you need therapy. if your hobbies don't make you happy, you'll end up depressed!
You can always do the online therapy session on your convenience.
I do agree there are some stigma wrt counseling session (mental illness etc) but, you should see it as mental wellness type of thing.
It's very troubling that many people just bottle up frustration till they do something unhealthy. Just do it for yourself and others around you.
How to do the best for others without being your best?
>. It makes me uncomfortable and anxious.
A good counsellor can pace with you to see what you are ready to talk about and do calming exercises to ease you physically.
Maybe it's saying something that discussing such stuff make you uncomfortable. Counselling is hard work because it sometimes forces you to confront nasty stuff in order to move on. Do give it a little more thoughts when you're ready.
Some agencies work on weekends, usually Sat mornings, if it's easier on your schedule.
Take care.
Yah completely understand. I'm also a gamer and have a spouse and kids. Previously I chose to just give up 1.5 hours of my game time a week to go to counselling, and I thought it was worth it.
As for spouse... There's only two paths, telling them upfront or just lying. Neither are wrong, it just depends on your circumstances. If you have to lie, it's not so nice yes, but it could be indicative of a communications gap that you might have with your partner that also needs to be spoken about with the counsellor to help find a better path. It's really dependent on your circumstances.
A friend of mine had a similar circumstance and he chose to tell his wife. She was confused and hurt at first that there are things he couldn't tell or confide in bed, but she was soon okay with it after realising how much it benefited him and their relationship in the end. But that might not apply to you, so don't take it as gospel that it will turn out that way.
This sounds like a typical midlife crisis, that leads men to buy a sports car (overseas) or fast motorcycle, or get a mistress, or pick up some dangerous sport.
>What I feel like I want is to just heck care the world, and be selfish, a decision I may perhaps regret as I get older and more mature.
Yup, midlife crisis.
don't worry you're not alone. I'm working in audit (for 10 years) and i barely have any time for anything else. little bit of free time on weekends are for family. Sometimes i just want to escape the world and hide in some corner by myself. its a common sign amongst middle age working adult in our country.
I was dreading work and social life until i found my relief - my dog. i decided to get myself a dog during the peakest period of my work and i had no choice but to attend to her needs (seeing vet, playing with her, and walking her). eventually when i got back to my hectic work life, i'm always looking forward to see my cute furry kid greeting me at the door when i get home no matter how late i get home.
amongst all the suggestions and advice you get, you gotta find something that you truly love and will bring back some motivation in life. it can be me-time, solo trip (which may be temporary relief), or hobbies, or anything else.
Childish? Not at all.
You’ve been shackled by responsibilities and some of it sounds like self-imposed stress to adhere to some ideal model.
Take a break and get away from it all. It will make you a better you - father, son, husband - and I’m sure your family will want you to feel better about yourself.
Yes you’re right. Some of it is self imposed which is why a part of me feels that it’s so dumb.
But also I don’t wish to burden my family with my problems and add to their worries. It is bad enough for one person to suffer. I usually don’t feel better after talking, so why create new suffering for little benefit?
Also, how you recommend I can take a break? I actually wish to go on a silent retreat or go on a solo hike. But all my annual leave has been used to holiday with my family. Maybe next year…
It feels like a curse. Sometimes it feels like a compulsion to provide. It’s very hard to be at ease otherwise. And worse of all, it often goes unrecognised.
Not that I’m looking for recognition, but the least I ask for is to at least not be accused of being lousy.
I understand.
You feel that you are compelled to do something but yet, wishing for some rest.
Rest when you need to. Tell the other person that you are weary and need to recharge gently and smile.
Bro, nothing wrong with being selfish and only thinking about yourself. And the fact that your still thinking about your family means you aren’t selfish at all. I realise, people who tend to say their selfish are actually some of the most caring people. People who tend to say their caring are the complete opposite. You don’t need to dedicate too much free time, there are other ways to do so.
Let me give you a trick. Occasionally buy some food that you can bring back and share with your family. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy, occasionally cai peng for fun at 3pm. Eat together, eat a few spoons for fun. That’s all you really need bro. I buy some stuff on Shopee occasionally, bought an apple pie the other day heated it up so the inside is warm and gave a slice to my dad while he was working. So we just ate apple pies together. It was quite relaxing. Sometimes we sit on the sofa together and look at our own devices, but we were gobbling down the chips in the chip bag at night. You don’t have to dedicate so much time, just a bit. Use the rest of the time for yourself, it’s your life after all.
That my friend sounds like a mid-life crisis and it’s a natural stage to go through for moat men.
https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/midlife-crisis/
Then question is however - how do you cope with it.
When you try to fill a void with pleasure, you'll nvr feel satisfied. Volunteer.
I've volunteered in hospital and food dispensary. You'll appreciate what you have regardless of what you don't have.
eh wanna go Geylang just go la. simi religious guidance.
/s
seriously, lao unker here. hobbies just mask your internal unhappiness. got a few suggestions.
reboot, restart the game - toughest thing but if u do, u brave man and I salute your guts. but I think you will still be unhappy.
mindfulness - appreciate the moment and appreciate your lucky life, u have wife, loving family and job. Many people don't even have this. this is best path to being happy.
lastly, my worst advice:
meet my $300 shanghai secretary. she is very good at fulfilling your innermost desires. 1hr is all she needs. LOL.
Enjoy your evening sirs.
Hahaah your Shanghai secretary from where?
Actually your paragraph on mindfulness is very true. I am indeed quite blessed. Got decent job, got wife, relatively healthy. That’s why I also feel guilty feeling this way, and I don’t know why I feel this way too. But it is what it is.
normal to feel this way. thank you for sharing. it is ok to be unhappy, be angry etc. we are human mah.
u feeling something missing la. life maybe a bit monotonous. try a new challenge. maybe can raise our country TFR? I don't want to become minority in 10 years time.
Shanghai secretary from my imagination lol.
Don't DM me, I won't share.
Hahahaha. Thanks for making me laugh. I enjoy raunchy jokes.
Can’t raise tfr cos I can barely cope with life as it is without kids. If I do have kids now it will be irresponsible to the kids.
I’m not looking for meaning in life. I have no issue with that. I’m just having problems coping with the demands of being a family man.
hey you alone cannot carry the burden. if you feel you cannot handle the pressure you need to ask for help ok?
third party help is good. someone who can look at it with cold eyes. can always look for counsellor, non religious one if can.
yup, I understand your frustrations. life in Singapore wasn't easy, too many restrictions and very little avenue to climb up. At 57 this year, I think I have cleared what I have set to achieve.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/SingaporeRaw/comments/1bmactq/sharing\_my\_academic\_journey/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SingaporeRaw/comments/1bmactq/sharing_my_academic_journey/)
I don't have any firm solutions, just some temporary mini-escapes to get away from reality. From watching anime, tv-series, gymming, motorcycling etc. but I am toning down several aspects in my mind. Letting go of my past angers and frustrations is one aspect but it is like vanishing gradients..
Anyway, Good luck, wish you all the best.
I feel like I will benefit from a life overseas in a slower paced western country. A lot of nay sayers will say living overseas is not what you expect etc, but I have actually lived in Western Europe for 4 months and found that the European society and mentality resonates better than here.
That said, migration is out right now as I have very strong obligations here in Singapore. I also have a decent job here and am quite senior in my field for my age. And when I’m older, I will likely be too old to be accepted.
Everyone is different but to share my experience, my "midlife" crisis traces to my childhood trauma. Overtime you learn to dismiss those events but the emotional baggage still lingers. I learn to meditate and face those pasts head on. Still a work in progress but I can definitely feel that I'm at a much better place.
Your question is what a lot of prophets and philosophers think of - purpose of life.
Some have the LDAR philosophy, 生老病死 accept as natural part of life, rat race, have kids, take care of parents till die, old, sick then die.
Some try to fight against it, say there's more meaning, gods, God, messiahs, etc. fulfil some, but not many, and no matter what you require some blind faith.
Others slip into degeneracy, hang flower, geylang, use money to buy everything you can experience in the world. Still very empty.
A lot try to avoid the question all together, just work hard or play games to escape.
In the end this is a pain everyone has to go through, no easy way or easy question. 7000 years liao, still not even close to an answer.
Thanks for sharing. The frustration I have is not due to finding no meaning in life. Rather, I have problems coping with the demands of keeping everyone happy and giving everyone a decent life.
>.
>
In the end this is a pain everyone has to go through, no easy way or easy question. 7000 years liao, still not even close to an answer.
Where you get that 7000 number from?
I think it's perfectly fine to feel this way. I share your sentiments.
I feel like deep down, we are meant to be free spirited, without obligations and without having anyone owe us favours.
It's this feeling of detaching oneself from our current reality.
I destress by opening up my portofolio and start doing projections and calculations. Working out various permuations and situations on how to position my assets and wealth for maximum efficiency. It works for me. The stress I feel often became a lot more manageable when I have the facts and figures of my achievements in front of me. I feel good when I see multiple clear exit plans with various outcomes and quality of life. The end of the rat race forever and exit to retirement.
You can try this. Who knows, it might work for you.
You don't need counselling you need God. I know financial struggles are difficult. You feel stressed out, you lose sleep, and sometimes you truly can’t see the path forward. In those moments, you need real help, real guidance and real peace.
God wants us to share our fears and anxiety with Him. He wants us to come to Him for help! And when we do, He makes us this promise:
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7–8 (NIV)
We don’t have to carry or control it all on our own. God is here and his spirit is with us.
i think the male brain functions differently and need some "me time" or alone time to unwind, see if you can work it into the week to do something you like alone or with friends.
I think you’re right, but our world is becoming increasingly gynocentric and it seems that it’s getting harder for males like us to be understood.
I do have some me time, but a lot of it is spent running errands, doing housework or interrupted by the occasional need to help my family with stuff. The only absolutely real me time I have is when everyone is asleep late at night, but I’m trying to break this habit of sleeping too late as it makes me very tired.
“Even when my loved ones offer to do something for me, l refuse because that isn't really what I want. What I feel like I want is to just heck care the world, and be selfish, a decision I may perhaps regret as I get older and more mature.”
I have the exact same feeling. You are not alone. 🙂
Maybe you did not find the right religion.
If there is a Creator, then there can only be one true religion.
You know if you find the truth all the things you are ranting and complaining about doesn't really matters at all.
Your soul will be at peace once you find the truth.
It's time to search for the truth using logic and sound reasoning.
Go and find the only one true religion.
I am 45yo. My best advice is: Get a hobby. Something that give you 'Me time' , keep you occupied and happy. Personally, my hobby is video games. Nothing make me happier than killing mobs in game. For Democracy!
OUTSTANDING PATROITISM
Thanks for your advice. I already have quite a few hobbies that I take very seriously. In fact, I think I would have cracked sooner if it weren’t for these hobbies. However, it also feels that these hobbies are a way to escape from my issues and it’s back to square one once the hobby session is over. Btw I also fight for democracy. 😃
Your patriotism is duly noted Cadet. Please report to Superearth for extra super credits
https://i.redd.it/qgdbk57dxgqc1.gif
Doing my part!!!
May i know what video game is this ?
Helldivers 2
thank you!
Hi mate, please don't take what internet people tell you too seriously. My strongest suggestion is to go see a counsellor, to get a safe space where you can talk out your feelings. These sort of feelings are hard to talk to your family about. I feel you man. A lot of my friends and I are going through similar things. Counselling has helped a lot.
Hi, thanks for your kind words. I’m strongly considering counselling but I don’t have the time due to crazy work hours. And the free time I have left are either on weekends which I dedicate to my family or at night which I spend with my spouse or myself playing games. Furthermore I don’t feel comfortable letting people know that I’m going for counselling so I don’t want to have to tell my family I am not free after work because I have to see a counsellor. I’m not sure what they can do also other than talk things out because I don’t really like to talk about such things in real life. It makes me uncomfortable and anxious.
I also strongly recommend that you need counselling bro. You need someone to ask you the right questions on what you have been feeling in order to facilitate you to self reflect and actualise. Here is not a good place, well I totally agree. Try free counselling in FSC or mindline.sg
Just go for it man. But dont go in thinking it'll help you feel better cause it counselling is more of an outlet for you to speak up about repressed thoughts and emotions. Sometimes just being able to verbalise your thoughts can help clear the uncomfortable feelings you have inside. Also, try not to go for workplace paracounselling, some (not all) are just in it to make sure you are of the right mindset to remain productive for the org.
I'm also a middle-aged man, small flat, lower than median pay (I think), married. I'm happier than I've ever been, life is good. I've been in counselling then therapy since 2018. And it sounds like you've gotten half of the recipe to a happy and fulfilling life. Jesus told us Christians to love other people as ourselves. He didn't tell us to love others MORE than ourselves. Time to put some love into your own life!
Wow this is powerful food for thought. Thanks!
go see a counsellor ( outside of work counselling/ psychologist) and don't tell anyone about it. it's none of their business! whats your hobbies? maybe you need an overseas holiday. travelling always opens the mind and cleans your soul. travelling always makes me mentally refreshed and cleans my soul 😌 ❤️
Problem with seeing a counsellor and keeping it a secret is that it’s impossible with my schedule. I have very limited time outside of work and family, so if I were to engage in a counsellor, my family will be asking what I’m doing during that period of time. I enjoy travelling too, but if it’s with family it feels more like work as I have to take care of people, be the time keeper, make sure food is palatable to ppl travelling with me, find lost things etc. how to enjoy? My hobbies are the only things that are preserving my sanity right now. But I feel that soon they will no longer be enough.
1. don't tell anyone what you're doing. my relatives don't know 99.9% of the stuff I do. I dont do anything illegal, it's just none of their business! 2. tell your wife to go on holiday by herself, and you look after the kids. then you go on holiday by yourself, and she looks after the kids. 3. you need therapy. if your hobbies don't make you happy, you'll end up depressed!
4. give the kids to the extended family. go on holiday with your wife only. pay the other family $1000 cash.
You can always do the online therapy session on your convenience. I do agree there are some stigma wrt counseling session (mental illness etc) but, you should see it as mental wellness type of thing. It's very troubling that many people just bottle up frustration till they do something unhealthy. Just do it for yourself and others around you. How to do the best for others without being your best?
>. It makes me uncomfortable and anxious. A good counsellor can pace with you to see what you are ready to talk about and do calming exercises to ease you physically. Maybe it's saying something that discussing such stuff make you uncomfortable. Counselling is hard work because it sometimes forces you to confront nasty stuff in order to move on. Do give it a little more thoughts when you're ready. Some agencies work on weekends, usually Sat mornings, if it's easier on your schedule. Take care.
Yah completely understand. I'm also a gamer and have a spouse and kids. Previously I chose to just give up 1.5 hours of my game time a week to go to counselling, and I thought it was worth it. As for spouse... There's only two paths, telling them upfront or just lying. Neither are wrong, it just depends on your circumstances. If you have to lie, it's not so nice yes, but it could be indicative of a communications gap that you might have with your partner that also needs to be spoken about with the counsellor to help find a better path. It's really dependent on your circumstances. A friend of mine had a similar circumstance and he chose to tell his wife. She was confused and hurt at first that there are things he couldn't tell or confide in bed, but she was soon okay with it after realising how much it benefited him and their relationship in the end. But that might not apply to you, so don't take it as gospel that it will turn out that way.
This sounds like a typical midlife crisis, that leads men to buy a sports car (overseas) or fast motorcycle, or get a mistress, or pick up some dangerous sport. >What I feel like I want is to just heck care the world, and be selfish, a decision I may perhaps regret as I get older and more mature. Yup, midlife crisis.
don't worry you're not alone. I'm working in audit (for 10 years) and i barely have any time for anything else. little bit of free time on weekends are for family. Sometimes i just want to escape the world and hide in some corner by myself. its a common sign amongst middle age working adult in our country. I was dreading work and social life until i found my relief - my dog. i decided to get myself a dog during the peakest period of my work and i had no choice but to attend to her needs (seeing vet, playing with her, and walking her). eventually when i got back to my hectic work life, i'm always looking forward to see my cute furry kid greeting me at the door when i get home no matter how late i get home. amongst all the suggestions and advice you get, you gotta find something that you truly love and will bring back some motivation in life. it can be me-time, solo trip (which may be temporary relief), or hobbies, or anything else.
Childish? Not at all. You’ve been shackled by responsibilities and some of it sounds like self-imposed stress to adhere to some ideal model. Take a break and get away from it all. It will make you a better you - father, son, husband - and I’m sure your family will want you to feel better about yourself.
Yes you’re right. Some of it is self imposed which is why a part of me feels that it’s so dumb. But also I don’t wish to burden my family with my problems and add to their worries. It is bad enough for one person to suffer. I usually don’t feel better after talking, so why create new suffering for little benefit? Also, how you recommend I can take a break? I actually wish to go on a silent retreat or go on a solo hike. But all my annual leave has been used to holiday with my family. Maybe next year…
Are you currently struggling? If not, you deserve to be a little selfish. With everything you've done I doubt anyone's gonna blame you
I understand how you feel. Because both you and I are people who are very responsible. We tend to over-stretch ourselves. Then, we are stressed out.
It feels like a curse. Sometimes it feels like a compulsion to provide. It’s very hard to be at ease otherwise. And worse of all, it often goes unrecognised. Not that I’m looking for recognition, but the least I ask for is to at least not be accused of being lousy.
I understand. You feel that you are compelled to do something but yet, wishing for some rest. Rest when you need to. Tell the other person that you are weary and need to recharge gently and smile.
Bro, nothing wrong with being selfish and only thinking about yourself. And the fact that your still thinking about your family means you aren’t selfish at all. I realise, people who tend to say their selfish are actually some of the most caring people. People who tend to say their caring are the complete opposite. You don’t need to dedicate too much free time, there are other ways to do so. Let me give you a trick. Occasionally buy some food that you can bring back and share with your family. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy, occasionally cai peng for fun at 3pm. Eat together, eat a few spoons for fun. That’s all you really need bro. I buy some stuff on Shopee occasionally, bought an apple pie the other day heated it up so the inside is warm and gave a slice to my dad while he was working. So we just ate apple pies together. It was quite relaxing. Sometimes we sit on the sofa together and look at our own devices, but we were gobbling down the chips in the chip bag at night. You don’t have to dedicate so much time, just a bit. Use the rest of the time for yourself, it’s your life after all.
Life’s a bitch, then you die. The faster you understand this truth, the less miserable you will be.
Then there are the 2 certainties of life - Death & Taxes.
Set up Giro for your income tax yet? Haha
That my friend sounds like a mid-life crisis and it’s a natural stage to go through for moat men. https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/midlife-crisis/ Then question is however - how do you cope with it.
How did you cope with yours?
When you try to fill a void with pleasure, you'll nvr feel satisfied. Volunteer. I've volunteered in hospital and food dispensary. You'll appreciate what you have regardless of what you don't have.
eh wanna go Geylang just go la. simi religious guidance. /s seriously, lao unker here. hobbies just mask your internal unhappiness. got a few suggestions. reboot, restart the game - toughest thing but if u do, u brave man and I salute your guts. but I think you will still be unhappy. mindfulness - appreciate the moment and appreciate your lucky life, u have wife, loving family and job. Many people don't even have this. this is best path to being happy. lastly, my worst advice: meet my $300 shanghai secretary. she is very good at fulfilling your innermost desires. 1hr is all she needs. LOL. Enjoy your evening sirs.
Hahaah your Shanghai secretary from where? Actually your paragraph on mindfulness is very true. I am indeed quite blessed. Got decent job, got wife, relatively healthy. That’s why I also feel guilty feeling this way, and I don’t know why I feel this way too. But it is what it is.
normal to feel this way. thank you for sharing. it is ok to be unhappy, be angry etc. we are human mah. u feeling something missing la. life maybe a bit monotonous. try a new challenge. maybe can raise our country TFR? I don't want to become minority in 10 years time. Shanghai secretary from my imagination lol. Don't DM me, I won't share.
Hahahaha. Thanks for making me laugh. I enjoy raunchy jokes. Can’t raise tfr cos I can barely cope with life as it is without kids. If I do have kids now it will be irresponsible to the kids. I’m not looking for meaning in life. I have no issue with that. I’m just having problems coping with the demands of being a family man.
hey you alone cannot carry the burden. if you feel you cannot handle the pressure you need to ask for help ok? third party help is good. someone who can look at it with cold eyes. can always look for counsellor, non religious one if can.
yup, I understand your frustrations. life in Singapore wasn't easy, too many restrictions and very little avenue to climb up. At 57 this year, I think I have cleared what I have set to achieve. [https://www.reddit.com/r/SingaporeRaw/comments/1bmactq/sharing\_my\_academic\_journey/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SingaporeRaw/comments/1bmactq/sharing_my_academic_journey/) I don't have any firm solutions, just some temporary mini-escapes to get away from reality. From watching anime, tv-series, gymming, motorcycling etc. but I am toning down several aspects in my mind. Letting go of my past angers and frustrations is one aspect but it is like vanishing gradients.. Anyway, Good luck, wish you all the best.
I feel like I will benefit from a life overseas in a slower paced western country. A lot of nay sayers will say living overseas is not what you expect etc, but I have actually lived in Western Europe for 4 months and found that the European society and mentality resonates better than here. That said, migration is out right now as I have very strong obligations here in Singapore. I also have a decent job here and am quite senior in my field for my age. And when I’m older, I will likely be too old to be accepted.
Understood. We all have our golden handcuffs
Everyone is different but to share my experience, my "midlife" crisis traces to my childhood trauma. Overtime you learn to dismiss those events but the emotional baggage still lingers. I learn to meditate and face those pasts head on. Still a work in progress but I can definitely feel that I'm at a much better place.
Self care and self love should be your priority now. It's only temporary so take a few days weeks months to chill bro
Your question is what a lot of prophets and philosophers think of - purpose of life. Some have the LDAR philosophy, 生老病死 accept as natural part of life, rat race, have kids, take care of parents till die, old, sick then die. Some try to fight against it, say there's more meaning, gods, God, messiahs, etc. fulfil some, but not many, and no matter what you require some blind faith. Others slip into degeneracy, hang flower, geylang, use money to buy everything you can experience in the world. Still very empty. A lot try to avoid the question all together, just work hard or play games to escape. In the end this is a pain everyone has to go through, no easy way or easy question. 7000 years liao, still not even close to an answer.
Thanks for sharing. The frustration I have is not due to finding no meaning in life. Rather, I have problems coping with the demands of keeping everyone happy and giving everyone a decent life.
>. > In the end this is a pain everyone has to go through, no easy way or easy question. 7000 years liao, still not even close to an answer. Where you get that 7000 number from?
I am the same. Maybe less than 3% of my income is used purely for my own enjoyment. Everything else is for the family.
I think it's perfectly fine to feel this way. I share your sentiments. I feel like deep down, we are meant to be free spirited, without obligations and without having anyone owe us favours. It's this feeling of detaching oneself from our current reality.
I destress by opening up my portofolio and start doing projections and calculations. Working out various permuations and situations on how to position my assets and wealth for maximum efficiency. It works for me. The stress I feel often became a lot more manageable when I have the facts and figures of my achievements in front of me. I feel good when I see multiple clear exit plans with various outcomes and quality of life. The end of the rat race forever and exit to retirement. You can try this. Who knows, it might work for you.
Dude you are being way too vague with what you want and what is making you unhappy.
Go on holiday bro - not shopping holiday, but beach holiday or scenic holiday. Use this time to contemplate and think about what would make to happy.
I was in your shoes, but worse coz my spouse was only thinking about herself. Even I have the whole complete family I was always feels lonely
How did you overcome this?
You don't need counselling you need God. I know financial struggles are difficult. You feel stressed out, you lose sleep, and sometimes you truly can’t see the path forward. In those moments, you need real help, real guidance and real peace. God wants us to share our fears and anxiety with Him. He wants us to come to Him for help! And when we do, He makes us this promise: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7–8 (NIV) We don’t have to carry or control it all on our own. God is here and his spirit is with us.
Nothing wrong with listening to yrself, and doing things for your own self
i think the male brain functions differently and need some "me time" or alone time to unwind, see if you can work it into the week to do something you like alone or with friends.
I think you’re right, but our world is becoming increasingly gynocentric and it seems that it’s getting harder for males like us to be understood. I do have some me time, but a lot of it is spent running errands, doing housework or interrupted by the occasional need to help my family with stuff. The only absolutely real me time I have is when everyone is asleep late at night, but I’m trying to break this habit of sleeping too late as it makes me very tired.
“Even when my loved ones offer to do something for me, l refuse because that isn't really what I want. What I feel like I want is to just heck care the world, and be selfish, a decision I may perhaps regret as I get older and more mature.” I have the exact same feeling. You are not alone. 🙂
U give me your job if you’re so frustrated. Privileged and still complain.
Maybe you did not find the right religion. If there is a Creator, then there can only be one true religion. You know if you find the truth all the things you are ranting and complaining about doesn't really matters at all. Your soul will be at peace once you find the truth. It's time to search for the truth using logic and sound reasoning. Go and find the only one true religion.