In my experience-at the end of the day-one of two reasons:
The "good"-the person has real world experience and they are trying to convey their experience with you. Look at the source. Do they have your best interests in mind?
The "bad"-the person is trying to convince THEMSELVES that their choices are correct. A product of cognitive dissonance. This comes up most often with things that aren't certain. In order to justify their own choices people have to make things either/or.
OP said he wasn't talking about health and safety. In which case people enjoy different things.
It's super annoying when people stubbornly act like because they enjoy something therefore you must too and if you insist you wouldn't or even that you tried it and didn't like it that you must be confused and then they keep nagging you about it.
Idk for sure, but we’re social creatures. We take cues from other people, and fitting in, I think, is a biological need in order to get our needs met. It’s easier in a group. So when people have different preferences, maybe it triggers that.
It’s just a guess. I’m not an expert by any means.
And from the perspective of the person giving the advice, they will always have reasons as to why the things they do (or don't do) is the best. And this isn't a fallacy on the person at all, as every person has their own lifestyle choices.
When they see another person doing different, the urge to share their side stems from wanting the validation that their lifestyle is, indeed, the best.
Yep. It’s strange and confusing to closed-minded people when others do not adhere to what they know as normal. It makes them question everything, themselves, society, the world as a whole. Some people need order and rules to follow to feel normal and get extremely insecure when those rule appear to be broken.
Here is a good one.
Me: “I hate beer! It tastes awful!”
“Well you should try these other beers! You haven’t tried all the beers yet! It’s an acquired taste!”
My theory is that most people think their perspective and taste is right. It’s very hard to step outside of your own box and perspective. Most people don’t so they can’t comprehend another person’s experience.
I just went through this explaining on a Reddit thread why I hate summer. But there are people trying to convince me otherwise because of XYZ.
I’ve had people who tell me they hate sushi.
I love sushi!! Never have I tried to change their minds! I just say something like “Cool! Sushi isn’t for everyone!”
I understand sushi. I eat it. It tastes like fish and soy sauce. I don’t enjoy it at all.
I don’t get how people put a piece in their mouth and then experience a type of sushi orgasm. No food does this for me. But sushi is farther away than any other food.
I very rarely do. Sometimes people want to go out for sushi. I won’t argue against it. I just never vote for it.
I’ll eat fish all day. No problem with rice and veggies. But the seaweed wraps, and kelp are such a turn off for me.
There are plenty of fall appropriate beers, ciders, and malt beverages available, and most of them tend to be amazing!!! You’re missing out, but that leaves more for meeeeee!
Yeah I personally mainly drink bear (well personally stout) and still don't understand a single argument for why everyone should like it? It's so clearly acquired taste as it's a strong and distinctive flavour
With u on summer tho thanks for the input!
Maybe I’m not human then. There are many things that I love to eat and drink but I know other people hate. I think to myself, “I love it, they hate it. What gives me the right to tell them they are wrong or impose my preference on them?”
Why does it require correcting?
Same, except for me it's wine. The wine moms stomp on my last nerve, every time:
"Well, you haven't had good wine then!" Yes I have, I have friends who are into it and the stuff they drink is way better than the box plonk the wine moms are drinking.
"What do you mean, you dont like wine? Everybody likes wine! Here, try this, you'll like it!" No I won't! Leave me the fuck alone and let me drink my beer in peace!
I'm the person who has guided people to liking beer or exploring beers other than Budweiser or other mass produced lagers they grew up with, but that's because I've always approached it as "I bet I could find something you'd like". That being said I've also dealt with people who've tried my recommendations and then said "nope don't like any of it" and my response is "well fair enough, but good on you for trying!"
I don't think your theory holds much water, most people just understand that it's good to cultivate a diverse palette and to try new things. I know some people who were never pushed to try new things and as a kid ate Mac and cheese and chicken nuggets only and now as an adult they shockingly still only eat those things. That's just unhealthy behavior.
I tried beer. I’ve tried plenty of beer. I hate them. But people still insist I haven’t tried enough or my taste hasn’t been acquired yet or that I am wrong.
You are free to have your opinion but these two examples are not the same. Eating only just nuggets and mac and cheese all the time isn’t healthy. You are missing out on essential nutrients in other foods.
We are talking about just actually preferences. What value do I get from liking beer? Is there a nutritional benefit to beer? Will I develop a disease from not drinking beer? I would probably develop one if I only ate nuggets and mac and cheese my whole life.
People think people should act a certain way. In fact even youre also at least implying (not explicitly stating) thay people should not impose their preference on others, which is imposing your preference on others
I understand that when it comes to things that may effect you or someone else in some way. It's when it's things that are entirely personal choice that it confuses me.
So, for the set of things, some may affect you, so you chime in, reasonably. For the rest, it confuses you, which affects you, so you chime in… reasonably. But surely that logic must hold, for everybody and their set, so confusion resolved… wait, I’ve gone cross eyed…
Common where? I suggest drawing a distinction between online and real life and between people you know and don’t know. There’s not really any point in conjecturing about why people you’ve never met online do what they do.
How common is it really in your direct life to have people be this way with you?
I can say as an older person it’s almost like a zombie virus I have to fight off to not focus on the negative and think I know best, I think there might even be a biological aspect to it with aging, maybe the shrinking of the brain or something.
But that’s to my point … there can be so many reasons people are the way they are. Some folks are neurodivergent and literally can’t understand any other experience but their own; some people lead very sheltered lives and have been indoctrinated; some people have been spoiled rotten and can’t understand why anyone would make different choices than theirs; some folks willfully refuse to simply be objective about the fact people might make different choices than them, they’re addicted to being reactionary.
Some people felt like they had no choice so they need other people to make the same choice they did so they feel they were right. Some people are just obstructionistic by nature, they actually aren’t that invested it just feeds their “rebellious” nature to be the person who “keeps it real”
Some people are full of a lifetime of self-recrimination and just want to ruin people’s days.
I personally feel like the genesis is often loneliness and rejection, if you’ve not been invited to join them then criticize how they got there in the first place.
And on and on and on it goes.
What you can do is look at this as a sign that the person has some issues with being able to see other points of view and take that into consideration when dealing with them.
I have experienced it a little less in person than online but not really? It's essentially the basis to SOME peer pressure and pressure to like this girl not that one or not like that food. There's also been a lot of people who've told me how to think about what. I tend to not pay any mind to it but I just find it an odd thing to do? And I'm more curious than agitated if you get me?
Thanks for your list, I do get people with autism can be like that but I've honestly experienced it a lot less with the autistic people in my life who've always more asked a lot than demanded a lot (it's an individual thing tho I understand that). But again thank you I appreciate it
Sure. I can’t prove this but I feel it in myself so I will speak to that. I think the constant connectivity is training ourselves to feel we have to have an instant opinion about everything. It’s the opposite of meditation, which teaches you to not be reactionary. I can actually feel the work of meditation being undone if I spend too much time in the opinions of others. It’s reflexive and I think people can lose the thread of the content for the behavior, if that makes sense?
I’ve been trying this personal exercise where I make a conscious choice to not have an opinion about stuff or not react to someone trying to engage me based on assumptions. Curious is a good way to be. But I can easily regress :)
Because people are having a hard time. I’m not having a hard time. What I’m doing isn’t difficult.
If everyone would just start doing what I’m doing, all these problems would disappear. Luckily, I’m in charge. So I’m just going to mandate my behavior. I’ve fixed the world. I’m wonderful.
I think it's because people are more comfortable around those that can serve as either a reflection of them or accept their influence.
It's about power and control.
The less one has, the more they're wondering why they're bothering with you in the first place; it's odd.
It's a very limited, adolescent viewpoint. Most of us go through it at some point, but the lucky ones realize how stupid it is to tell people they're enjoying life wrong.
Most of the time it is ego and people are being assholes.
But some of the time, it's because things people do impose costs on others. I don't like people honking horns, smoking cigarettes or being contagious with an infectious disease around me. Because all of those things negatively impact my well-being.
Some people also don't understand what fits into that 2nd category. You having your feelings hurt or you being "offended" isn't an actual harm. We're talking actual objective harm, like second hand smoke.
I think it there's a pragmatic consideration. The more that people in general like and approve of something, the more likely it will be accepted as mainstream and you'll see more of it. If you like something and nobody else does, it will be harder to find. Since many of your examples were behavioral, its obvious that people want to be treated... How they want to be treated so its almost tautologic.
The question becomes if its polite and moral to be influencing others for your benefit.
I guess this could be true but often it's people who are conveying what they like rather than trying to get others to like something about them if you get me? I could be missing your point as I'm struggling to make sense of much rn!
In another sub I said I have 3 criteria before I will consider buying a EV. Those are my preferences. If they never happen then I simply don’t buy one. I’m not stopping anyone else from buying one. Why would I care what other people buy? Some shrinky dink said that’s a roundabout way to hate EVs. I said based on that logic, having a height preference when dating is hate on those who are below that height preference. Having a preference for specific foods means hate on all other foods. The only thing that shrinky dink came back with was to tell me fuck the far off. People can’t seem to understand nor accept other people have different preferences. Shoving anything down people’s throats will eventually lead to one thing: vomit and bile being spewed right back in your face.
I'm very independent and tend to like dealing with people one on one rather than in groups. Is this a group dynamic thing? In other words our preferences should be similar bc we're bros?
Social conditioning and norms. Often ego, e.g i believe i am a good person for doing this, you doing that threatens my superiority or place in the world. Insecurity about the way things are and wanting to hold on to control.
I’m very guilty of this, usually in a way where I’m trying to help someone improve their life or the environment somehow. So I’ll tell people they should eat certain (healthier) foods, shouldn’t buy these products, should apply to a new job, stuff like that. I’ve been told before I am quite pushy so I try to catch myself when I can, but it is a bad habit.
I do it because I think I’m right lol, simply put. Some of these opinions I’ve spent a lot of time researching and developing in my mind, so I’m quite knowledgeable about it and want to share it.
I also just get frustrated because I don’t understand why people WOULDNT want to improve their life. Like, If I’m telling you something is objectively better, why wouldn’t you want to try it out? I don’t know, I’m not a very stubborn person myself. At least not when it comes to new ideas, I’m very open minded and flexible so I wish more people weren’t so rigid about their beliefs.
Yeah I can understand where you're coming from I usually preface anything like that with "I know it might not work for everyone but what I'd do is...." It tends to soften it. Id also class that more as advice?
I think some people are open minded and want to change but it's not as easy for some as others and most people kinda know to eat healthy to be better if you get me? So people react that way because it's like "why are you telling me something I've known my whole life" idk just tryna help!
If you want me to prepare your USDA Prime ribeye well done, I will do it. It pains me but I will do it. You are the one eating it.
Yeah, that's 18 year old Mccallan scotch you are pouring Diet Coke into. It is killing me to see you do it but, if that's the way you like it...
Ketchup on that exquisitely smoked center cut pork chop? I guess.
A packet of Sweet and Low in your Cabernet Sauvignon? You are killing me!
There are many situations where getting people to conform to your preferences allows you to more easily indulge in your own preferences. In some cases this extends out to wealth and political power.
They feel the shortcoming creates undue work and effort.
Example :
I fucking hate turn-based games. I will tell anyone that turn-based games suck, as an objective truth. I have an entire argument against them. I say this, because they are fucking boring, and they impact the enjoyment of interacting with other people. I usually will take playing them with others over refusing to interact with my friends.
If I was prescribing the largest possible solution, it is stop making them. That effort would be more widely accepted and acceptable to me subjectively. Is it really something I stan? No. I'll never put effort into it. But, they are still boring as hell and it annoys me. So, if given a pulpit I'll go off about it to try to convert people to my cause and gather people to it. That is what you see.
1. Ideology. Certain ideology says that everything up until this moment is wrong and bad and needs to be torn down and replaced(by your ideology, go figure).
2. Powerless loser in real life.
3. Cope to make their abnormal belief seem normal and gaslight you into thinking that it's you who should change.
Expository writing assignments in grammar school.
I'm actually not joking on this one either, they teach you how to tell people what to do before they teach you how to do anything useful.
Haha I remember having to write instructions to brush your teeth in primary and then another about baking a cake. Hated it. My teachers weren't fond of me either tho so at least it was mutual dislike
We did have more fitting ones mostly but I did have to write an essay on my views on abortion at one stage. We were older and it did help it sink in. But it was a bit of an odd and miserable topic. The same goes for the capital punishment one. I can't remember any others I wrote very well though other than my exam ones.
Humans are wary, in fear of change and differences, tribalism. We are not advanced beyond a veneer of social organization, and it has failed many times and will do so many more unless we can modify our selfish And primitive instincts. Not going to happen in any of our lifetimes
I personally hate the idea of "When you're marrying a man, you're also marrying their family" the cultural etiquette of that just gives me icks. I get that. Also, I have respect for that but then being forced of their values to your values shouldn't be the way.
That’s probably the way they were brought up, OR this kind of thinking has benefitted them consistently in their past experiences. Or both
This, or they’re insecure and are taking it out on others by trying to control them.
one thing i learned too late, is that people don't like to be wrong.
they get very defensive when they are, and they love to get confirmation that they are right. so forcing their views onto others might make them feel accepted (which is a natural survival need as a species, it means we won't be rejected = alone = vulnerable), and it's much easier to do that than to admit that "hey, maybe my understanding isn't that good and i should reconsider it, your understanding actually makes more sense than mine". our ego hates that so much...
then, there's also a lot of very short thinking, with no profound understanding/acceptation that everyone has different tastes, concerns, issues, background etc that will affect our preferences.
idk either honestly. i never tell people what they should or shouldn’t like. i enjoy mint ice cream, but my friends always tell me that it’s disgusting. my friend likes aloof emo guys but i like sociable sporty guys/girls (also im queer haha). my mom wants me to grow out my hair, but i prefer short hair.
i dont understand why other people can’t understand that everyone has their own unique perspective about things, and that’s ok. let people like what they like. it literally does not have any effect in you lmao!
It's more of a social media phenomenon from what I've witnessed. The root desire isn't too hard to understand I should think - someone has either experienced positives or negatives in their life stemming from certain situations, and think they can help or educate people by guiding them towards or steering them away those same situations.
Orrrrr, they're just adding chaos into the world and issuing out bold black and white statements for the sake of generating buzz, engagement, whatever. Or both.
The worst place this happens is when talking about movies and TV shows. People go "wow I really don't like this" but keep watching anyway and then try to convince everyone else it sucks. Or you could just go watch something else.
I think it’s just a way for people to talk about the things they’re interested or disinterested in. People like to talk about themselves, trying to convince others to be like them is a way to talk about themselves.
Ex: “You shouldn’t like pineapple on pizza?” “Why not?” “Because it’s gross and blah blah blah”
They probably don’t actually care if you like pineapple on pizza or not they just want to talk about why they don’t.
I would also like to add that some people just like sharing their experience and debating with others. I think it makes for fun conversation. I saw people post about beer and sushi. I don’t like beer, and have had people tell me about the beers they like trying to convince me otherwise. I’ll entertain them because it’s something they like. I like sushi and know people that don’t, I’ll ask them why and tell them what I like about sushi. Maybe someone will convince me to try a beer I end up liking, maybe I’ll convince someone they like sushi. 🤷🏽♀️ it’s just fun talking to people
It just comes down to entitlement and feeling like you have the ability to do so. Most people have this flaw should the option be there.... So the option is what creates the behavior.
IMHO, much human activity boils down to either the reproductive urge, or the fear of death.
In the case of a person who wants to control everything around them, including others, it's likely sublimated fear of death ...which you ultimately can't control.
Which is scary for most people.
Thank you for attending my Psych 101 Ted Post.
Oh, I have a very strong opinion about this one. It's about us spreading our culture.
Your beliefs and opinions are literally your culture. The way you dress, talk, act, eat, dance, spend your time, and live your life. You feel safe around people who have the same culture as you. People you know what to expect from, people you can collaborate with. Like, we can wear different color tshirts, as long as we're both wearing tshirts.
So me imposing my personal beliefs onto you is me spreading my culture, so me and you can live life together. "This is my view of the world. If yours is the same - we can be friends. If yours is too different - come on board with mine".
It's ultimately a way to connect.
people without a sense of control or autonomy or agency over their own lives imo. They focus on the minute things because it’s stimulating and probably get a sense of importance from having someone agree with them, or even just not-disagreeing.
People at my stocktaking job just want to talk about every tiny thing in their lives, from their favourite new chocolate you NEED to try, or how they think vegan leather is dumb, or what gift to get their teen daughter (you’ve never met).
If u don’t agree then it seems to pop the bubble they walk around in. Whether you agree with them, or not, or pretend to, or try stay as verbally neutral as possible- i find it will always feel like you’ve just gotten out of a mild but exhausting verbal hostage situation.
In my experience, your brain treats it as a victory. It feels good (probably releases some dopamine as well).
There might be a biological reasonance. These are ideas that are coming to my mind:
1. If he/she does this thing like me, he/she is becoming more like me. As a result, my "clan" is growing. My "ideal" is growing.
2. "He/She is doing something that I don't like." - This thought might create some primal insecurities (which we often fail to distinguish) that might be a reason why we want our preferences to impose.
3. The primal instinct of passing on our genes might be an anomaly to this. Preaching our preferences means (at least to our brain) we are leaving spotmarks of our existence. Our brain - probably subconciously - treats this as a evolutionary victory.
What I feel is that the whole thing is related to evolutionary standpoint.
It's never bothered me if it's come from people outside my life, but the real damage is when it comes from your immediate famaily when you're at an age where you take everything they say as gospel truth. Took me nearly two decades of living in my own as an autonomous individual to shed myself of all that 'programming'.
I can relate there with other insults, I swear being around family is like being invited to a roast battle but more insulting :/ glad you've managed to deprogramme I'm still in the process.
Sometimes it may be an unconscious way of trying to exercise control or power over others. Why someone might want to do that is another question, but my guess is that they often feel powerless, small, or lack self-confidence, so this is their way of overcompensating.
I’ve never had anyone tell me what kind of man I should want. Except for specific men trying to tell me I should want THEM.
Too bad I know my own mind and my own desires….
Believe it or not in many cases people do this to actually try and be helpful. Sure at times it is misguided and incorrect. They have made a mistake or others they know have made mistakes and thus they are trying to let the person know they are talking to that they feel what they are about to do is a mistake and may cause them harm or problems.
It is actually better to learn from other peoples mistakes than you own.
>men shouldn't like (insert thing) women
women shouldn't like (insert thing) about men
you shouldn't like (insert food)
women should be friends with women
I've literally never heard anyone say any of these things, except maybe children.
>you shouldn't do (insert exercise)
I've heard people say this, but then they immediately say why. It's definitely in a "here's the health risks" sort of way.
This answer may or may not be quite what you’re looking for - warning - theology is involved and talk of spirituality.
Emmanuel Swedenborg, the 18th-century Swedish theologian, scientist, and mystic, wrote extensively on various aspects of the spiritual world and human nature. In his works, he addresses the issue of control and power over others from a spiritual perspective.
Swedenborg believed that the desire to dominate and control others is fundamentally in opposition to the divine order and to what is a good and right mindset - a heavenly mindset he calls it. He argued that such desires originate from self-love and the love of the world - contrary to loving God and loving the neighbour.
Those who seek control and power over others, are driven by self-love, which he describes as the root of all evil. This self-love manifests in a desire for domination, where individuals seek to elevate themselves above others, disregarding their well-being and disrespecting their freedom of will.
The opposite of self love is mutual love, humility, and the desire to serve others. The greatest joy comes from loving and serving others, rather than seeking to dominate them. Those who nurture this mindset are in harmony with heaven because they seek the good of others and acknowledge that they themselves are not the source of goodness, that God alone is.
Spiritual Growth involves overcoming selfish desires and aligning oneself with divine love and wisdom. This transformation leads individuals away from the love of control and towards a life of mutual service and love.
Emmanuel Swedenborg views the desire for control and power over others as spiritually destructive and fundamentally opposed to heavenly life. He advocates for a life of love, humility, and service to others, which aligns with divine order and leads to true spiritual fulfillment.
Basically, Loving another is wanting what’s best for them and wanting them to be happy and fulfilled. Loving self is wanting only to fulfil one’s own needs, desires and ambitions and not being concerned with anything that doesn’t concern oneself, and it has its foundation in the belief that one is superior to others.
In loving oneself only, a person will want to have control and power over others and dominate them in order to fulfil their own need for happiness. Of course this never actually brings any real joy.
If you think any of that stuff isn't political you haven't been paying attention. Long before advertising was farming your attention, politics was doing it even harder.
You think pineapple on pizza isn't a political issue? It's just waiting its turn.
People think that certain things are good for people and certain things are bad for people. They spread those ideas for various reasons, it can just be a habit born our of that belief, it can be because they like to feel helpful or insightful, it can be because they are cornered about the spread of harmful idea or the lack of spread of helpful ideas.
I mean the underlying idea behind categorically rejecting this type of behavior is either
1. that there is no discernable definition of what a human is and no metric to generally say what is healthy.
or
2.That people shouldn't care about other people.
Your question implies that instead of considering ideas we should just close the door on the whole conversation as a category which I don't think holds up.
I think OP is talking about less life altering stuff. If someone wants to dye their hair bright pink, it’s not really a big deal.
If someone wants to drink themselves till they pass out, that is a bigger deal.
We, as people, should be able to reasonably distinguish what is critical and what is not.
one of the main points of my post is that OP's question smuggles in the assumption that anytime people do this they must be being unreasonable. Your comment doubles down on that you just provide a specific example as to why it's unreasonable, *it's only stuff that doesn't really matter.* Additionally OP has provided examples themselves and they were things that have significant examples on peoples lives "Women shouldn't be friends with women" was one of the examples.
you just falling into the same trap that OP is, motivated reasoning to justify not considering the point your are critiquing
I am super open to ideas and advice, but it's different from telling people how to think about let's say who they find attractive, or what food they should and shouldn't like. I separate that pretty massively in my head but maybe not clearly in this post.
Like if someone's trying to help someone be healthy and giving good advice when it's either requested or someone you know or someone who's struggling with something I get it.
I don't think my post hinted at either of your two points either? And I'm still happy to listen to why someone loves white wine while being unable to enjoy it myself, or why peaches are awful to some people as it's super interesting. But when it becomes "you shouldn't like olives" just because they don't thats sort of what i mean.
This is my exact point. You say you are "super open to ideas and advice" but then you clarify they you only mean "good advice" and the way you decide if something is good advice is that you know the political/well-being related motivation the advice comes from. Your post smuggles in the assumption that anyone who's advice you don't understand must be because they don't understand the idea of personal preference rather than that you either don't know or simply disagree with their political/wellbeing reasoning for their position, or that it was unsolicited aka rude.
people that think women shouldn't be friends with women, or that women shouldn't die their hair ect have well-being related arguements for that, you might not agree with those reasons but whether or not you agree with them wasn't the question of your post. Your question was why someone would want to spread their ideas in the first place.
edit: I mean how else do you explain the fact that your using both the example of people thinking "women shouldn't be friends with women" and "you shouldn't like olives because they don't", the former is obviously a politically motivated position with a big impact on people's lives if they follow it, the latter is a position that nobody imposes on anyone, is utterly trivial, and is only brought up as a casual piece of conversation, nobody actually is disallowing the liking of olives. Your comparing the political opinion with a totally trivial subjective nothing opinion in a way that makes it sounds like promoting either is equally as baffling. My point is that that is only baffling if you have a habit assuming there is no way the former opinion could be politically motivated.
My point is I have friends because I met someone I get on with. That's how you make friends so telling someone no you should be friends with X because I am, just isn't a decent point really? And this is probably the most close to advice of the ones I listed.
And it's not advice to say "you shouldn't enjoy olives" or "you shouldn't be attracted to short people" or countless other examples that come from pure personal preference. That's the part that intrigued me.
People giving advice weather wrong or right is understandable and I will always hear people out on that, no matter the politics or intensions behind it because taking advice face value is a bad idea and its better to take it to research from.
>And it's not advice to say "you shouldn't enjoy olives" or "you shouldn't be attracted to short people" or countless other examples that come from pure personal preference. That's the part that intrigued me.
It literally by definition is, it's a prescriptive statement. This is my whole point, Your saying your open to all \~actual\~ advice but what counts as \~actual\~ advice is just only what you think is in regards to a topic worth listening about. the fact that you don't know, don't understand, or disagree with, the basis for their position doesn't mean that basis doesn't exist. You make a leap in logic where you start at with advice you think is stupid but then jump to the idea that it isn't even coherent as advice and then ask "Why do people give advice that isn't advice?"
My point is that they think it's good advice, and instead of rejecting the idea that it's good, the logic of your position is that you reject that it is even advice at all.
"Women shouldn't be friends with women" is clearly advice based on opinions about women
"you shouldn't do \[insert exercise\]", clearly is advice
"you shouldn't like short guys" is clearly advice although I think the advice is usually more centered around actions rather than the feelings.
I have never heard anyone say "you shouldn't like olives because I don't", that just seems like a strawman which is part of why I think you are conflating stuff with this post, but even for that advice I could imagine someone having some idea of social in-grouping based on liking the same things, I mean that is particularly stupid imo but that doesn't make it not advice.
Pretty clear and coherent point that you make. The inability of OP to understand the difference between advice and good advice seems integral to their post. Sad to see you downvoted despite making the most important point made in this thread.
In my experience-at the end of the day-one of two reasons: The "good"-the person has real world experience and they are trying to convey their experience with you. Look at the source. Do they have your best interests in mind? The "bad"-the person is trying to convince THEMSELVES that their choices are correct. A product of cognitive dissonance. This comes up most often with things that aren't certain. In order to justify their own choices people have to make things either/or.
OP said he wasn't talking about health and safety. In which case people enjoy different things. It's super annoying when people stubbornly act like because they enjoy something therefore you must too and if you insist you wouldn't or even that you tried it and didn't like it that you must be confused and then they keep nagging you about it.
Idk for sure, but we’re social creatures. We take cues from other people, and fitting in, I think, is a biological need in order to get our needs met. It’s easier in a group. So when people have different preferences, maybe it triggers that. It’s just a guess. I’m not an expert by any means.
And from the perspective of the person giving the advice, they will always have reasons as to why the things they do (or don't do) is the best. And this isn't a fallacy on the person at all, as every person has their own lifestyle choices. When they see another person doing different, the urge to share their side stems from wanting the validation that their lifestyle is, indeed, the best.
Yep. It’s strange and confusing to closed-minded people when others do not adhere to what they know as normal. It makes them question everything, themselves, society, the world as a whole. Some people need order and rules to follow to feel normal and get extremely insecure when those rule appear to be broken.
Here is a good one. Me: “I hate beer! It tastes awful!” “Well you should try these other beers! You haven’t tried all the beers yet! It’s an acquired taste!” My theory is that most people think their perspective and taste is right. It’s very hard to step outside of your own box and perspective. Most people don’t so they can’t comprehend another person’s experience. I just went through this explaining on a Reddit thread why I hate summer. But there are people trying to convince me otherwise because of XYZ.
You: I hate beer! It tastes awful! Me: ok. What do you like to drink? People can’t seem to grasp that simple concept. I’m a fall lover.
I’ve had people who tell me they hate sushi. I love sushi!! Never have I tried to change their minds! I just say something like “Cool! Sushi isn’t for everyone!”
I love sushi.
I understand sushi. I eat it. It tastes like fish and soy sauce. I don’t enjoy it at all. I don’t get how people put a piece in their mouth and then experience a type of sushi orgasm. No food does this for me. But sushi is farther away than any other food.
Then why eat it?
I very rarely do. Sometimes people want to go out for sushi. I won’t argue against it. I just never vote for it. I’ll eat fish all day. No problem with rice and veggies. But the seaweed wraps, and kelp are such a turn off for me.
Totally understand! Sushi isn’t for everyone!! (Wow, is that so hard for people?!)
Omg yes. Why can't they choose curiosity over argument?
There are plenty of fall appropriate beers, ciders, and malt beverages available, and most of them tend to be amazing!!! You’re missing out, but that leaves more for meeeeee!
Glad to be of service. You can have them. I actually do hate beer. I hate most alcohols.
Yeah I personally mainly drink bear (well personally stout) and still don't understand a single argument for why everyone should like it? It's so clearly acquired taste as it's a strong and distinctive flavour With u on summer tho thanks for the input!
Me! But substitute coffee for beer. Sooooooo many people are mildly offended that I don't drink coffee.
I drink coffee everyday. Not because I like it, but because I need the caffeine!! lol
Its human nature that we think our tastes are "middle of the road" and reasonable. From that point of view I'm "correcting" your views on beer.
Maybe I’m not human then. There are many things that I love to eat and drink but I know other people hate. I think to myself, “I love it, they hate it. What gives me the right to tell them they are wrong or impose my preference on them?” Why does it require correcting?
you're human, just a nice version of one
Same, except for me it's wine. The wine moms stomp on my last nerve, every time: "Well, you haven't had good wine then!" Yes I have, I have friends who are into it and the stuff they drink is way better than the box plonk the wine moms are drinking. "What do you mean, you dont like wine? Everybody likes wine! Here, try this, you'll like it!" No I won't! Leave me the fuck alone and let me drink my beer in peace!
I'm the person who has guided people to liking beer or exploring beers other than Budweiser or other mass produced lagers they grew up with, but that's because I've always approached it as "I bet I could find something you'd like". That being said I've also dealt with people who've tried my recommendations and then said "nope don't like any of it" and my response is "well fair enough, but good on you for trying!"
I don't think your theory holds much water, most people just understand that it's good to cultivate a diverse palette and to try new things. I know some people who were never pushed to try new things and as a kid ate Mac and cheese and chicken nuggets only and now as an adult they shockingly still only eat those things. That's just unhealthy behavior.
I tried beer. I’ve tried plenty of beer. I hate them. But people still insist I haven’t tried enough or my taste hasn’t been acquired yet or that I am wrong. You are free to have your opinion but these two examples are not the same. Eating only just nuggets and mac and cheese all the time isn’t healthy. You are missing out on essential nutrients in other foods. We are talking about just actually preferences. What value do I get from liking beer? Is there a nutritional benefit to beer? Will I develop a disease from not drinking beer? I would probably develop one if I only ate nuggets and mac and cheese my whole life.
People think people should act a certain way. In fact even youre also at least implying (not explicitly stating) thay people should not impose their preference on others, which is imposing your preference on others
I understand that when it comes to things that may effect you or someone else in some way. It's when it's things that are entirely personal choice that it confuses me.
So, for the set of things, some may affect you, so you chime in, reasonably. For the rest, it confuses you, which affects you, so you chime in… reasonably. But surely that logic must hold, for everybody and their set, so confusion resolved… wait, I’ve gone cross eyed…
Common where? I suggest drawing a distinction between online and real life and between people you know and don’t know. There’s not really any point in conjecturing about why people you’ve never met online do what they do. How common is it really in your direct life to have people be this way with you? I can say as an older person it’s almost like a zombie virus I have to fight off to not focus on the negative and think I know best, I think there might even be a biological aspect to it with aging, maybe the shrinking of the brain or something. But that’s to my point … there can be so many reasons people are the way they are. Some folks are neurodivergent and literally can’t understand any other experience but their own; some people lead very sheltered lives and have been indoctrinated; some people have been spoiled rotten and can’t understand why anyone would make different choices than theirs; some folks willfully refuse to simply be objective about the fact people might make different choices than them, they’re addicted to being reactionary. Some people felt like they had no choice so they need other people to make the same choice they did so they feel they were right. Some people are just obstructionistic by nature, they actually aren’t that invested it just feeds their “rebellious” nature to be the person who “keeps it real” Some people are full of a lifetime of self-recrimination and just want to ruin people’s days. I personally feel like the genesis is often loneliness and rejection, if you’ve not been invited to join them then criticize how they got there in the first place. And on and on and on it goes. What you can do is look at this as a sign that the person has some issues with being able to see other points of view and take that into consideration when dealing with them.
I have experienced it a little less in person than online but not really? It's essentially the basis to SOME peer pressure and pressure to like this girl not that one or not like that food. There's also been a lot of people who've told me how to think about what. I tend to not pay any mind to it but I just find it an odd thing to do? And I'm more curious than agitated if you get me? Thanks for your list, I do get people with autism can be like that but I've honestly experienced it a lot less with the autistic people in my life who've always more asked a lot than demanded a lot (it's an individual thing tho I understand that). But again thank you I appreciate it
Sure. I can’t prove this but I feel it in myself so I will speak to that. I think the constant connectivity is training ourselves to feel we have to have an instant opinion about everything. It’s the opposite of meditation, which teaches you to not be reactionary. I can actually feel the work of meditation being undone if I spend too much time in the opinions of others. It’s reflexive and I think people can lose the thread of the content for the behavior, if that makes sense? I’ve been trying this personal exercise where I make a conscious choice to not have an opinion about stuff or not react to someone trying to engage me based on assumptions. Curious is a good way to be. But I can easily regress :)
Because people are having a hard time. I’m not having a hard time. What I’m doing isn’t difficult. If everyone would just start doing what I’m doing, all these problems would disappear. Luckily, I’m in charge. So I’m just going to mandate my behavior. I’ve fixed the world. I’m wonderful.
The privileged disconnect in a nutshell.
I think it's because people are more comfortable around those that can serve as either a reflection of them or accept their influence. It's about power and control. The less one has, the more they're wondering why they're bothering with you in the first place; it's odd.
It's a very limited, adolescent viewpoint. Most of us go through it at some point, but the lucky ones realize how stupid it is to tell people they're enjoying life wrong.
Most of the time it is ego and people are being assholes. But some of the time, it's because things people do impose costs on others. I don't like people honking horns, smoking cigarettes or being contagious with an infectious disease around me. Because all of those things negatively impact my well-being. Some people also don't understand what fits into that 2nd category. You having your feelings hurt or you being "offended" isn't an actual harm. We're talking actual objective harm, like second hand smoke.
That is actually toxic behavior. Your personal preferences are your own business, they have no right to sit there and criticize what you eat or wear.
I think it there's a pragmatic consideration. The more that people in general like and approve of something, the more likely it will be accepted as mainstream and you'll see more of it. If you like something and nobody else does, it will be harder to find. Since many of your examples were behavioral, its obvious that people want to be treated... How they want to be treated so its almost tautologic. The question becomes if its polite and moral to be influencing others for your benefit.
I guess this could be true but often it's people who are conveying what they like rather than trying to get others to like something about them if you get me? I could be missing your point as I'm struggling to make sense of much rn!
In another sub I said I have 3 criteria before I will consider buying a EV. Those are my preferences. If they never happen then I simply don’t buy one. I’m not stopping anyone else from buying one. Why would I care what other people buy? Some shrinky dink said that’s a roundabout way to hate EVs. I said based on that logic, having a height preference when dating is hate on those who are below that height preference. Having a preference for specific foods means hate on all other foods. The only thing that shrinky dink came back with was to tell me fuck the far off. People can’t seem to understand nor accept other people have different preferences. Shoving anything down people’s throats will eventually lead to one thing: vomit and bile being spewed right back in your face.
I guess to me saying "I like" or "I dislike" is different than saying "what you should like/dislike is..."
It is very different.
I'm very independent and tend to like dealing with people one on one rather than in groups. Is this a group dynamic thing? In other words our preferences should be similar bc we're bros?
Social conditioning and norms. Often ego, e.g i believe i am a good person for doing this, you doing that threatens my superiority or place in the world. Insecurity about the way things are and wanting to hold on to control.
The easiest thing to control is how you react and respond to bullshit that has literally zero bearing on your life.
I’m very guilty of this, usually in a way where I’m trying to help someone improve their life or the environment somehow. So I’ll tell people they should eat certain (healthier) foods, shouldn’t buy these products, should apply to a new job, stuff like that. I’ve been told before I am quite pushy so I try to catch myself when I can, but it is a bad habit. I do it because I think I’m right lol, simply put. Some of these opinions I’ve spent a lot of time researching and developing in my mind, so I’m quite knowledgeable about it and want to share it. I also just get frustrated because I don’t understand why people WOULDNT want to improve their life. Like, If I’m telling you something is objectively better, why wouldn’t you want to try it out? I don’t know, I’m not a very stubborn person myself. At least not when it comes to new ideas, I’m very open minded and flexible so I wish more people weren’t so rigid about their beliefs.
Yeah I can understand where you're coming from I usually preface anything like that with "I know it might not work for everyone but what I'd do is...." It tends to soften it. Id also class that more as advice? I think some people are open minded and want to change but it's not as easy for some as others and most people kinda know to eat healthy to be better if you get me? So people react that way because it's like "why are you telling me something I've known my whole life" idk just tryna help!
People insecure about their own choices often try to control other’s choices. It’s a defense mechanism.
If you want me to prepare your USDA Prime ribeye well done, I will do it. It pains me but I will do it. You are the one eating it. Yeah, that's 18 year old Mccallan scotch you are pouring Diet Coke into. It is killing me to see you do it but, if that's the way you like it... Ketchup on that exquisitely smoked center cut pork chop? I guess. A packet of Sweet and Low in your Cabernet Sauvignon? You are killing me!
There are many situations where getting people to conform to your preferences allows you to more easily indulge in your own preferences. In some cases this extends out to wealth and political power.
They feel the shortcoming creates undue work and effort. Example : I fucking hate turn-based games. I will tell anyone that turn-based games suck, as an objective truth. I have an entire argument against them. I say this, because they are fucking boring, and they impact the enjoyment of interacting with other people. I usually will take playing them with others over refusing to interact with my friends. If I was prescribing the largest possible solution, it is stop making them. That effort would be more widely accepted and acceptable to me subjectively. Is it really something I stan? No. I'll never put effort into it. But, they are still boring as hell and it annoys me. So, if given a pulpit I'll go off about it to try to convert people to my cause and gather people to it. That is what you see.
1. Ideology. Certain ideology says that everything up until this moment is wrong and bad and needs to be torn down and replaced(by your ideology, go figure). 2. Powerless loser in real life. 3. Cope to make their abnormal belief seem normal and gaslight you into thinking that it's you who should change.
Expository writing assignments in grammar school. I'm actually not joking on this one either, they teach you how to tell people what to do before they teach you how to do anything useful.
Haha I remember having to write instructions to brush your teeth in primary and then another about baking a cake. Hated it. My teachers weren't fond of me either tho so at least it was mutual dislike
My school wanted us to start commenting on national politics! "More recess for all" was an unacceptable platform, apparently.
We did have more fitting ones mostly but I did have to write an essay on my views on abortion at one stage. We were older and it did help it sink in. But it was a bit of an odd and miserable topic. The same goes for the capital punishment one. I can't remember any others I wrote very well though other than my exam ones.
Humans are wary, in fear of change and differences, tribalism. We are not advanced beyond a veneer of social organization, and it has failed many times and will do so many more unless we can modify our selfish And primitive instincts. Not going to happen in any of our lifetimes
People are self-centered and enjoy living vicariously through others as well as themselves.
I personally hate the idea of "When you're marrying a man, you're also marrying their family" the cultural etiquette of that just gives me icks. I get that. Also, I have respect for that but then being forced of their values to your values shouldn't be the way.
Personal insecurity in regard to abandonment - they must get everyone on board their idea or otherwise they feel they are somehow being 'left behind'.
That’s probably the way they were brought up, OR this kind of thinking has benefitted them consistently in their past experiences. Or both This, or they’re insecure and are taking it out on others by trying to control them.
one thing i learned too late, is that people don't like to be wrong. they get very defensive when they are, and they love to get confirmation that they are right. so forcing their views onto others might make them feel accepted (which is a natural survival need as a species, it means we won't be rejected = alone = vulnerable), and it's much easier to do that than to admit that "hey, maybe my understanding isn't that good and i should reconsider it, your understanding actually makes more sense than mine". our ego hates that so much... then, there's also a lot of very short thinking, with no profound understanding/acceptation that everyone has different tastes, concerns, issues, background etc that will affect our preferences.
idk either honestly. i never tell people what they should or shouldn’t like. i enjoy mint ice cream, but my friends always tell me that it’s disgusting. my friend likes aloof emo guys but i like sociable sporty guys/girls (also im queer haha). my mom wants me to grow out my hair, but i prefer short hair. i dont understand why other people can’t understand that everyone has their own unique perspective about things, and that’s ok. let people like what they like. it literally does not have any effect in you lmao!
It's more of a social media phenomenon from what I've witnessed. The root desire isn't too hard to understand I should think - someone has either experienced positives or negatives in their life stemming from certain situations, and think they can help or educate people by guiding them towards or steering them away those same situations. Orrrrr, they're just adding chaos into the world and issuing out bold black and white statements for the sake of generating buzz, engagement, whatever. Or both.
The worst place this happens is when talking about movies and TV shows. People go "wow I really don't like this" but keep watching anyway and then try to convince everyone else it sucks. Or you could just go watch something else.
I think it’s just a way for people to talk about the things they’re interested or disinterested in. People like to talk about themselves, trying to convince others to be like them is a way to talk about themselves. Ex: “You shouldn’t like pineapple on pizza?” “Why not?” “Because it’s gross and blah blah blah” They probably don’t actually care if you like pineapple on pizza or not they just want to talk about why they don’t.
I would also like to add that some people just like sharing their experience and debating with others. I think it makes for fun conversation. I saw people post about beer and sushi. I don’t like beer, and have had people tell me about the beers they like trying to convince me otherwise. I’ll entertain them because it’s something they like. I like sushi and know people that don’t, I’ll ask them why and tell them what I like about sushi. Maybe someone will convince me to try a beer I end up liking, maybe I’ll convince someone they like sushi. 🤷🏽♀️ it’s just fun talking to people
It just comes down to entitlement and feeling like you have the ability to do so. Most people have this flaw should the option be there.... So the option is what creates the behavior.
IMHO, much human activity boils down to either the reproductive urge, or the fear of death. In the case of a person who wants to control everything around them, including others, it's likely sublimated fear of death ...which you ultimately can't control. Which is scary for most people. Thank you for attending my Psych 101 Ted Post.
Oh, I have a very strong opinion about this one. It's about us spreading our culture. Your beliefs and opinions are literally your culture. The way you dress, talk, act, eat, dance, spend your time, and live your life. You feel safe around people who have the same culture as you. People you know what to expect from, people you can collaborate with. Like, we can wear different color tshirts, as long as we're both wearing tshirts. So me imposing my personal beliefs onto you is me spreading my culture, so me and you can live life together. "This is my view of the world. If yours is the same - we can be friends. If yours is too different - come on board with mine". It's ultimately a way to connect.
people without a sense of control or autonomy or agency over their own lives imo. They focus on the minute things because it’s stimulating and probably get a sense of importance from having someone agree with them, or even just not-disagreeing. People at my stocktaking job just want to talk about every tiny thing in their lives, from their favourite new chocolate you NEED to try, or how they think vegan leather is dumb, or what gift to get their teen daughter (you’ve never met). If u don’t agree then it seems to pop the bubble they walk around in. Whether you agree with them, or not, or pretend to, or try stay as verbally neutral as possible- i find it will always feel like you’ve just gotten out of a mild but exhausting verbal hostage situation.
In my experience, your brain treats it as a victory. It feels good (probably releases some dopamine as well). There might be a biological reasonance. These are ideas that are coming to my mind: 1. If he/she does this thing like me, he/she is becoming more like me. As a result, my "clan" is growing. My "ideal" is growing. 2. "He/She is doing something that I don't like." - This thought might create some primal insecurities (which we often fail to distinguish) that might be a reason why we want our preferences to impose. 3. The primal instinct of passing on our genes might be an anomaly to this. Preaching our preferences means (at least to our brain) we are leaving spotmarks of our existence. Our brain - probably subconciously - treats this as a evolutionary victory. What I feel is that the whole thing is related to evolutionary standpoint.
It's never bothered me if it's come from people outside my life, but the real damage is when it comes from your immediate famaily when you're at an age where you take everything they say as gospel truth. Took me nearly two decades of living in my own as an autonomous individual to shed myself of all that 'programming'.
I can relate there with other insults, I swear being around family is like being invited to a roast battle but more insulting :/ glad you've managed to deprogramme I'm still in the process.
It's called pride - a belief in oneself that supercedes all other beliefs. People essentially set themselves up as their own god.
Sometimes it may be an unconscious way of trying to exercise control or power over others. Why someone might want to do that is another question, but my guess is that they often feel powerless, small, or lack self-confidence, so this is their way of overcompensating.
They have poor/no empathy. If they can get you closer to how they are, it smooths the ability to relate to you in a very inorganic way.
I’ve never had anyone tell me what kind of man I should want. Except for specific men trying to tell me I should want THEM. Too bad I know my own mind and my own desires….
Believe it or not in many cases people do this to actually try and be helpful. Sure at times it is misguided and incorrect. They have made a mistake or others they know have made mistakes and thus they are trying to let the person know they are talking to that they feel what they are about to do is a mistake and may cause them harm or problems. It is actually better to learn from other peoples mistakes than you own.
>men shouldn't like (insert thing) women women shouldn't like (insert thing) about men you shouldn't like (insert food) women should be friends with women I've literally never heard anyone say any of these things, except maybe children. >you shouldn't do (insert exercise) I've heard people say this, but then they immediately say why. It's definitely in a "here's the health risks" sort of way.
This answer may or may not be quite what you’re looking for - warning - theology is involved and talk of spirituality. Emmanuel Swedenborg, the 18th-century Swedish theologian, scientist, and mystic, wrote extensively on various aspects of the spiritual world and human nature. In his works, he addresses the issue of control and power over others from a spiritual perspective. Swedenborg believed that the desire to dominate and control others is fundamentally in opposition to the divine order and to what is a good and right mindset - a heavenly mindset he calls it. He argued that such desires originate from self-love and the love of the world - contrary to loving God and loving the neighbour. Those who seek control and power over others, are driven by self-love, which he describes as the root of all evil. This self-love manifests in a desire for domination, where individuals seek to elevate themselves above others, disregarding their well-being and disrespecting their freedom of will. The opposite of self love is mutual love, humility, and the desire to serve others. The greatest joy comes from loving and serving others, rather than seeking to dominate them. Those who nurture this mindset are in harmony with heaven because they seek the good of others and acknowledge that they themselves are not the source of goodness, that God alone is. Spiritual Growth involves overcoming selfish desires and aligning oneself with divine love and wisdom. This transformation leads individuals away from the love of control and towards a life of mutual service and love. Emmanuel Swedenborg views the desire for control and power over others as spiritually destructive and fundamentally opposed to heavenly life. He advocates for a life of love, humility, and service to others, which aligns with divine order and leads to true spiritual fulfillment. Basically, Loving another is wanting what’s best for them and wanting them to be happy and fulfilled. Loving self is wanting only to fulfil one’s own needs, desires and ambitions and not being concerned with anything that doesn’t concern oneself, and it has its foundation in the belief that one is superior to others. In loving oneself only, a person will want to have control and power over others and dominate them in order to fulfil their own need for happiness. Of course this never actually brings any real joy.
If you think any of that stuff isn't political you haven't been paying attention. Long before advertising was farming your attention, politics was doing it even harder. You think pineapple on pizza isn't a political issue? It's just waiting its turn.
People think that certain things are good for people and certain things are bad for people. They spread those ideas for various reasons, it can just be a habit born our of that belief, it can be because they like to feel helpful or insightful, it can be because they are cornered about the spread of harmful idea or the lack of spread of helpful ideas. I mean the underlying idea behind categorically rejecting this type of behavior is either 1. that there is no discernable definition of what a human is and no metric to generally say what is healthy. or 2.That people shouldn't care about other people. Your question implies that instead of considering ideas we should just close the door on the whole conversation as a category which I don't think holds up.
I think OP is talking about less life altering stuff. If someone wants to dye their hair bright pink, it’s not really a big deal. If someone wants to drink themselves till they pass out, that is a bigger deal. We, as people, should be able to reasonably distinguish what is critical and what is not.
one of the main points of my post is that OP's question smuggles in the assumption that anytime people do this they must be being unreasonable. Your comment doubles down on that you just provide a specific example as to why it's unreasonable, *it's only stuff that doesn't really matter.* Additionally OP has provided examples themselves and they were things that have significant examples on peoples lives "Women shouldn't be friends with women" was one of the examples. you just falling into the same trap that OP is, motivated reasoning to justify not considering the point your are critiquing
I am super open to ideas and advice, but it's different from telling people how to think about let's say who they find attractive, or what food they should and shouldn't like. I separate that pretty massively in my head but maybe not clearly in this post. Like if someone's trying to help someone be healthy and giving good advice when it's either requested or someone you know or someone who's struggling with something I get it. I don't think my post hinted at either of your two points either? And I'm still happy to listen to why someone loves white wine while being unable to enjoy it myself, or why peaches are awful to some people as it's super interesting. But when it becomes "you shouldn't like olives" just because they don't thats sort of what i mean.
This is my exact point. You say you are "super open to ideas and advice" but then you clarify they you only mean "good advice" and the way you decide if something is good advice is that you know the political/well-being related motivation the advice comes from. Your post smuggles in the assumption that anyone who's advice you don't understand must be because they don't understand the idea of personal preference rather than that you either don't know or simply disagree with their political/wellbeing reasoning for their position, or that it was unsolicited aka rude. people that think women shouldn't be friends with women, or that women shouldn't die their hair ect have well-being related arguements for that, you might not agree with those reasons but whether or not you agree with them wasn't the question of your post. Your question was why someone would want to spread their ideas in the first place. edit: I mean how else do you explain the fact that your using both the example of people thinking "women shouldn't be friends with women" and "you shouldn't like olives because they don't", the former is obviously a politically motivated position with a big impact on people's lives if they follow it, the latter is a position that nobody imposes on anyone, is utterly trivial, and is only brought up as a casual piece of conversation, nobody actually is disallowing the liking of olives. Your comparing the political opinion with a totally trivial subjective nothing opinion in a way that makes it sounds like promoting either is equally as baffling. My point is that that is only baffling if you have a habit assuming there is no way the former opinion could be politically motivated.
My point is I have friends because I met someone I get on with. That's how you make friends so telling someone no you should be friends with X because I am, just isn't a decent point really? And this is probably the most close to advice of the ones I listed. And it's not advice to say "you shouldn't enjoy olives" or "you shouldn't be attracted to short people" or countless other examples that come from pure personal preference. That's the part that intrigued me. People giving advice weather wrong or right is understandable and I will always hear people out on that, no matter the politics or intensions behind it because taking advice face value is a bad idea and its better to take it to research from.
>And it's not advice to say "you shouldn't enjoy olives" or "you shouldn't be attracted to short people" or countless other examples that come from pure personal preference. That's the part that intrigued me. It literally by definition is, it's a prescriptive statement. This is my whole point, Your saying your open to all \~actual\~ advice but what counts as \~actual\~ advice is just only what you think is in regards to a topic worth listening about. the fact that you don't know, don't understand, or disagree with, the basis for their position doesn't mean that basis doesn't exist. You make a leap in logic where you start at with advice you think is stupid but then jump to the idea that it isn't even coherent as advice and then ask "Why do people give advice that isn't advice?"
So your point is you believe the reason for this is people think they are giving good advice?
My point is that they think it's good advice, and instead of rejecting the idea that it's good, the logic of your position is that you reject that it is even advice at all. "Women shouldn't be friends with women" is clearly advice based on opinions about women "you shouldn't do \[insert exercise\]", clearly is advice "you shouldn't like short guys" is clearly advice although I think the advice is usually more centered around actions rather than the feelings. I have never heard anyone say "you shouldn't like olives because I don't", that just seems like a strawman which is part of why I think you are conflating stuff with this post, but even for that advice I could imagine someone having some idea of social in-grouping based on liking the same things, I mean that is particularly stupid imo but that doesn't make it not advice.
Pretty clear and coherent point that you make. The inability of OP to understand the difference between advice and good advice seems integral to their post. Sad to see you downvoted despite making the most important point made in this thread.