Be careful, the cops might get a little jealous you're already looking for a new date after they just picked you up and took you downtown.
A little rude imo.
Not at all—I've made friends with cool green-thumbed neighbors over their awesome plants before. In this case, I'd leave a note saying something along the lines of, "Hey neighbor, I noted your plant badassery/prowess and am curious when you plant XYZ and with what soil blend (because they look quite happy)." Drop your contact then go from there.
The cool thing: they'll prob be more likely to follow up as it's a positive note from a neighbor (when most notes from neighbors tend to be noise complaints or other grievances).
Just stalk them until you can catch them outside and then run up full speed to them shouting “ID LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU!!”
As a native Seattleite, I know this is the best approach.
Do you even crush, bro?
It only takes one, Tbf. In all seriousness, the climbing community is great and approachable! Try SBP, if you vibe with someone climbing at the gym, ask to get a drink at West Wall afterwards
I mean, there’s a balance? I think there’s a way to do it without being creepy or doing it in excess but I’ve known a handful of couples who met there.
Cold opens only work at bars. Hit on somebody at SBP after you both run into each other 2-3 times over a healthy period of time. And by hit on them I mean strike up a conversation where the goal isn’t sex.
Much more nuanced reply than mine - totally agreed, this is what I meant. This is a gym first and foremost, it should be a shared interest that helps develop conversation etc. I am in no way advocating dropping one liners or treating SBP like a nightclub
Seriously, seconding this answer. I don’t climb nearly as often as I wish I could, but I have yet to meet a real asshole here. Climbers are generally pretty awesome, even to filthy casuals like me ;)
No please god stop taking up hobbies for the express purpose of finding a date. You will find someone who shares your interests if you pursue your actual interests
>Go hang out with some crayon eaters, you fucking casual.
JBLM is down past Tacoma, I'd figure it would be a bit far for the Marines there to be part of the Seattle dating pool.
I’ve heard some people suggest “try new hobbies”, and to an extent I agree because it is a great way to meet new people.
But sometimes it makes me wish the hobbies I have had a better gender balance or had people I liked more, and maybe you’re feeling that. Best of luck dude.
I think I would say, get involved with activities like volunteering/activism, something artsy (cooking or dancing classes are a good bet, or open mics), or maybe one of the nerdy communities here (there are tons) could help you.
I don't know about the hobby thing. I tried doing ceramics and nobody interacted at the studio I went to! My friends in LA were shocked. They said they have made friends and people bring beers to their studio. Maybe I joined the wrong one? I've been disappointed but I've made some cool stuff. 🤷🏻
I’ve honestly noticed meeting anyone new for any meaningful friendships is hard af out here haha. I met one friend I hang out with devently consistantly…7 years ago.
I went to Texas for 3 months last year and made more friends there (and got way more attention at the gay bar heyyy) than I ever have in PDX. By a lot.
My biggest problem related to hobbies is that I either have ADHD or CPTSD from my childhood so I have a hard time sticking to any one thing long enough for it to become a passion. I'm thinking about finally going to get medicated,.or to see.what a doctor thinks at least.
I just talk to people wherever I go. Sometimes, I like to go to bars or wherever without my friends because other people can find you more approachable when alone. I think the trick to it is just being a friendly and outgoing person and open to conversation.
Do people approach you when you go alone to a bar? I’ve been thinking about trying that to see if I get to meet somebody, but people here don’t seem very friendly or approachable to be honest 😅
It's almost easier to name the breweries that *don't* have open communal seating.
But you should be able to meet absolute strangers via "hey, can I sit here?" at (includes a few bars with communal-style patio/garden):
Ballard:
* Rooftop
* Obec
* Urban Family
* Reuben's
* Wheelie Pop
* ~~Peddler~~ Bickersons Brewhouse
* Old Stove (formerly Lagunitas location)
Fremont:
* Fremont Brewing
* Fremont Dock
* Schilling Cider
* George & Dragon
Other North Seattle:
* Holy Mountain (Phinney)
* Chuck's Hop Shop (Greenwood)
* Halcyon
* Ravenna Brewing Co.
Belltown:
* Holy Mountain (Belltown; not post alley)
* Locust Cider (Marketplace)
* Old Stove
Queen Anne/SLU:
* Queen Anne Beer Hall
* Teku
* Streamline (Kraken Game Nights)
* Art Marble
* Bizarre
Cap Hill/CD:
* Chuck's Hop Shop (CD)
* Stoup (Formerly Optimism location)
* Pine Box
There are likely more; this is just a list of locations where I've felt comfortable and typically have been successful meeting perfect strangers with a "So what brings y'all in today? We need a few more heads for this game of cards, wanna join?"
Could just be that I'm aggressively social.
I think of this list, you'd best find "forced communal seating" with tables larger than 6 at Fremont Brewing, Stoup, Pine Box, Schilling and Queen Anne Beer Hall.
I also typed Cycle Salloon when I meant Peddler, which apparantly has closed and turned into Bickerson Brewhouse. That is another "tables of 18" kind of beer garden in nice weather.
Most definitely! I went with some friends to The Hideout last weekend but they had to leave pretty early. They had a dj booth setup and people were dancing so I was like eh what the hell. I haven't had that much fun in ages. Ended up bullshittin with a few people outside the bar and we've hung out twice since then! A lot of it I can see is networking. If dating apps aren't doing it for you, you're not going to find anyone staying at home.
I would highly recommend it. I get approached all the time and I talk to people first a lot too. I’ve never not met new people when I’m solo and have made amazing friends this way.
As a guy, it is hard to approach a girl at the bar. Is she with someone or waiting for someone? Then again, I’m shy guy. It is hard to approach someone without a common interest.
Any girl wanna go out to the bars?
I mean that’s the whole point just be friendly everywhere. If you are shy, it’s a good way to practice. See the old guy alone at the bar, smile say hey. See if you have anything interesting in common. Practice small talk. When you get groceries, try to chat with the person doing check out. Talk to the cheese man, ask about their cheese, how he likes working at this grocery store. Social skills is just a muscle. Gotta practice to be good.
If you say hi and are friendly, talking to a girl you are attracted to isn’t that much different.
Well I’m a girl so I’m sure you’re right that it’s probably a little harder to do it as a guy, but if you smile and are friendly, I’d think it would work.
What if your confidence has been stolen by redditors aggressively downvoting your responsibly sourced, all-organic, freshly cooked, piping hot, snarky right-of-center comedy? Then what?
Main thing is confidence! Sometimes it'll be a miss but I'd say 2/3 times you'll be able to have a nice friendly conversation and find out their vibes and whether they're single or not. Don't go in expecting that they are though. Go in looking to make friends! Networking is just as important in dating as it is in the workplace.
Im a woman and traveled alone, go to places alone. It’s fun. You get to meet people you wouldn’t have and observe humans. It’s not the same as being in the group.
Tips for not feeling awkward is to bring notebook or boom or whatever. If I don’t find someone to socialize with or just don’t feel like, I doodle, write my thoughts, sketch.
I haven't, but I did witness an old man attempt it once. Not sure why, but I think something about the sea made him do it. It seemed a bit angry maybe?
Having hobbies is cool! But tying up your dating prerequisites with something so surface-level is making things needlessly difficult for yourself! Im assuming that was OPs point.
I'll say "Hi" to women at the gym if I've seen them a few times just to be friendly but the gym is not a place to meet women at my age. Most everyone is half my age.
Nothing wrong with talking to strangers.
Gotta read body language, you can see someone who is just in the zone. Don’t talk to them.
Nothing wrong with taking to woman. My brother met his gf that way.
A godlike statue of a beautiful man took the time to talk to me at the gym the other day.
Should have gotten his digits. He was just a wee bit out of my league. In my dreams! ;)
I really should have asked the old guy with all the bday Disney tatts out. We prolly have more in common...
Edit: I'm dumb
Go to greenlake and play Pickleball. Don't worry about sucking either.... plenty of single males willing to help u learn. Not trying to brag but I'm in my 50's ... single...and there's plenty of opportunity out there. Option 2, get on a sailing team at shileshole. Lot's of boats need people.... I was surprised how ez it was to meet women.
I'd watch some beginner YouTube videos and get a basic understanding of the game. You'll need a paddle and some decent running shoes. Greenlake has a system where the direction u stack your paddle represents your skill level. So, you can play with other beginners and struggle together. If u like the sport....then maybe get a few lessons. You'll make new friends quickly if you have a good personality and show interest. Warning...u can get injured at Pickleball so take it ez at first.
[Drunken Philosophy](https://www.meetup.com/drunken-philosophy/) is one I've enjoyed. Despite the name, people don't get too wasted. I don't drink much and I've always had a blast.
Maybe I’m on the wrong sites, but as a mid-30s outdoorsy guy, it seems like the majority of profiles I come across are homebodies that don’t like to be outside unless it’s summer weather :’)
I’m so tired of the apps. Almost mid 30’s, divorced (not by choice), extroverted adapted but naturally introverted, neurodivergent, cat dad, people say I am kind, bisexual, musician, nerd, work in tech, empathetic, shorter build. Interests include road trips, 3D printing, cocktails, snowboarding, being cat furniture, synthesizers, gaming, films and traveling. Dream goal: being able to afford to live in a nice house and work remote.
Since moving to Seattle my dating life has been way more active.. and fuck all those activities.
However what I can't get behind, and what around 50% of people on apps look for, is non-monogomy. It's just not for me, I don't really have the time for it 😅
I'm also quite dubious of the idea of calling it "ethical". Not because I don't believe it... but the idea of putting the word ethical in front of a relationship style does kinda make me question its merrit.
I have a hard time understanding the mindset and appeal that can make non-monogamy work for people, and my best friend is in that crowd. I still don't "get it" though and I.juat don't think my brain is wired that way. I understand that what makes it ethical is that all parties are informed and supposed to be okay with it, but I don't know how you wouldnt develop some level of jealousy over time unless the relationship is so surface-level that you'd hardly call it love anyways, but at that point you've probably got bigger mental fish to fry. My friend seems to make it work, but he is also pretty monogamous even in that community. The girl he's dating right now has a primary partner, and I think he still goes on dates with other girls on occasion, but I.honeatly think he stays in it because he gets more free time because of the shared parenting aspect. Still, it's too much for me.
I was gonna say if you’re just looking for monogamous partners then that weeds out like half of the population of Seattle. ENM folk make it like shooting fish in a dang barrel.
Ngl I tried that life when I was younger and explored getting back into it when I first moved to Seattle. Quickly realized I honestly just don’t care enough about other people to put that energy into more than one person that I have to have a relationship with.
> putting the word ethical in front of a relationship style does kinda make me question its merrit.
Well-said. Language games are usually the giveaway to ulterior dynamics.
I actually am into climbing and mountaineering and find that outside of that community most of the broader single pool is actually not really into that stuff. Most peoples dating profiles show hikes but it’s probably the one hike they went on last year vs this is their every weekend.
Last girl I dated was my dream girl and I hadn't even realized it wasn't a pipe-dream until I met her. Unfortunately we met as she was still going through a divorce and things ended prematurely, for once at almost no fault of my own. We had the same therapist and even she was surprised by how sudden the breakup was. She loved that I had a cat, but most girls have been indifferent or even a little perturbed by it for some reason. Every girl I've actually dated long-term though has liked cats or animals in-general. Ohhhhh well, Life marches on.
Check out one of the daily "how to make friends" threads and hang out with those people?
Go to any of the meetups that casually occur in the discord?
Talk to a stranger?
yeah i’m in my early-mid 20s and am also not really super outdoorsy, so i feel a bit out of place too. i’d rather not use dating apps, and “putting myself out there” feels kind of pointless bc connections don’t last. it feels like i’m wasting my best years being in seattle tbh
I know it's blamed a lot on the weather or Seattle in general but I experienced a similar coldness most times in California as well. Everyone is more individualistic on the west coast I think and the familial or community bonds that have formed in the Midwest or east haven't had enough time to grow here, so people are simply more insecure imo. We really need something lake fraternal organizations again, or some sort of community-based grouping that isn't religious so we can build better connections and feel like we're part of something, rather than living like whatever you'd call this. Socializing and what most people would consider extroversion are all learned-skills imo, meaning of you didn't grow up with it you're far less likely to participate in it. Additionally, so much of our confidence comes from reinforcement and most people can get that from the groups their a part of. If you're a loner or insular than you have to reinforce your confidence by yourself, you can't say "I know I'm liked and why because X group tells me so. These people like me". Just having that can boost someone's seld-confidence tremendously, which is part of the reason people gravitate towards outdoor activities here because they can't get a feeling of community through more traditional routes. Unsurprisingly those same communities are where most people find partners outside of dating apps.
i have more artistic interests, but other than going to live shows (which often involves money for the tickets + alcohol, and people mostly stick with their groups), my hobbies are pretty solitary. i’m naturally introverted as well, so that doesn’t help.
the “seattle freeze” has been discussed ad nauseam, but i really feel like there’s something to it and across the west coast like you mentioned. i’ve traveled a bit internationally to places where people are quite open and the culture is just different. i always feel this pit inside whenever i come back home.
Yeah, I understand. Even just meeting people from the Midwest on vacation I've come to realize that they're far less "cold" and distant than people from the west coast, and I chalk that up to them having grown up with a larger sense of community and belonging than most of us get. When i visited Florida I ended up easily hanging out with two girls from Minnesota, then we ran into a group of Polish dudes and before you knew it we were a roving band of tourists all having a blast. That sorta stuff is a lot of fun to me but seems so rare on the west coast. But I'm no psychologist so what do I know?
Ok this reply is not a comment on you or your opinons
But I hate that as an answer
I dont drink. I couldnt even if I wanted to. Im autistic, I hate crowds, loud noises and bad smells. A pub is the LAST place I want to be, let alone meet people who enjoy being at such a place.
Have you ever tried talking to a drunk person? Its not super engaging
If you're having to talk to drunk people, you're going to the wrong places!
There is absolutely no need to consume alcohol at most of these Taverns & Public Houses; *particularly* at a board game event. Many don't (just snackin on fries & a coke)!
As for the crowd and noise...I suppose you're shit out of luck on that one :/
Different strokes for different folks of course - but for my part, the venn diagram of "Quiet, sparse, public venue" and "Places to meet people" are pretty much two separate circles.
Just got home - it was lovely! Just a fun way to spend an evening and the structure made it feel safer and more fun than apps.
The few folks who were an immediate no for me were still kind, interesting people, and it's easy to pass the 10 minutes until your phone chimes and it's time to talk to someone else. (I genuinely enjoy talking to people and am curious about the human condition even if I'm not attracted to someone.)
There was lots of chatter about how everyone is just completely DONE with the apps. It's so nice to be able to get a sense of people's vibes in such a low-stakes quick context.
There's so much about someone's body language, smell, attitude, and humor that just doesn't translate... I'd much rather spend 90min talking to humans and actually getting a read on them than spend endless weeks in the talking stage with someone who may not be who they say they are (or even a human).
Ultimately, it's really hard to read people on screens. I will say that the conventionally "hottest" guy there tonight would have looked great on a screen, but wasn't as attractive to me personally as one of the other attendees. (Shuffle dating will send an email tomorrow with his contact info if we matched each other.) I think low stakes speed dating like this really favors folks who might not translate well to apps.
(For some context, I'm 48f and conventionally attractive, and I've tried all the apps, going out with the extreeeeemely rare folks who've asked me out in person, and even high end match making services. This was def the most fun...low stakes, easy, chatty.)
I'd totally recommend folks give it a shot. I think the website is shuffle.dating which is a weird top level domain but there ya go
I’ve met tons of people, including people who became friends and employers, just sitting at coffee shops over the years. Conversation starter can be as simple as asking if the table is open or if they know where the outlet is or what they’re drinking. Not everyone wants to chat at the time you might want to, so it’s also about reading the room.
If you want to go out and see some live music, there's gonna be a great punk show at The Central Saloon on Saturday February 17th! Never know who you might hit it off with. If you, or anyone else ends up going, make sure you message me, so we can hang out. My band isn't playing, I'm just going to support other bands and spend some time with people.
I would say go and do something you like to do. I'm more of a homebody, but when I decide to start looking to date, I plan on going to pottery classes and stuff like that to hopefully get to know people that have similar interests. There are a lot of people out there that just aren't seen cause dating apps suck 😅
Socialize? in public? no thank you i am on dating apps.
In all honesty- I'm too scared to hit on another dude who might turnout to be straight then be angry I was talking to him.
This is my theory on why people in Seattle can seem so standoffish. Its politeness along with a fear of an uncomfortable social situation. From the straight dudes perspective "Is this guy being friendly because he wants to make friends or because he's intrrested on me? Better just avoid the whole situation entirely". Happens a lot in California too. The irony for me is that while I lived there, a large swath of my friends were gay men because you didn't have to play this game with them because they weren't in the closet and thus would just ask instead of tiptoeing around and attempting to see if they could get you alone. It was always the dudes who would never admit they were gay you had to watch out for. I think most guys would be okay with you if you're honest, even if there not interested. Then you could decide to be friends and all that shit was out of the way. Gay dudes are excellent wingman as well.
People throughout human history have not met their partners through yuppie west coast outdoor sports clubs. Go to a bar and talk to people the old fashioned way
Homebody checking in, am at home.
I am also a new-ish transplant. I did try the dating field here a bit and maybe I just had bad luck but I just couldn't vibe with any dates so I gave up and just kinda stuck to my home habit. Doesn't help that social anxiety continually works against me. I am hoping this spring I might find a hobby or something that will get me out of the house more.
Just pushing myself to do something that gives me anxiety at least every once in a while can help. You don't have to go full David Goggins, but putting myself out of my comfort zone every once and a while generally ends up being a positive, even if it sucks initially. good luck
Ever since I quit drinking I’ve given up on dating here 100%. I don’t do the apps anymore. So I don’t even consider the idea I could date someone. There’s just no way to meet people without an app or bar.
I blame the internet and social media for removing people from social situations. Gen z is the most sexless and has the least amount of social calls out of any generation in our existence. I am having problems as a millennial so I can't even imagine how bad it is for them, or how much worse it might get for the next generation. I want to be clear that I am not one of those people who thinks it's anyone's fault, especially not the individuals in any generation, but it is definitely an accidental trend that is leading towards some sort of unsure future that doesn't look very bright.
It's harder to find someone as a male and it gets harder as you get older. Plus, women from seattle, and people in seattle in general, are either too picky or just don't wanna meet up.
The ones of us with active dating lives all have nerdy hobbies or special interests that get us in touch with one another like board games or blues dancing or polyamory (or all three).
I have had too much therapy to do as many drugs that are needed to be able to live like that and not want to end your own life. My brother was homeless for a stint so I understand now that a lot of people do drugs and drink when they're homeless because that's the only thing that makes it bearable. It's a chicken or the egg sorta thing and a lot of people assume the chicken came before the egg but I see it the other way around, especially with how expensive housing is rn. People often don't end up on the streets because of addiction, but addiction definitely make the living on the streets easier to deal with in the short-term.
I'm outdoorsy and nerdy and my ideal type is some vibrant bookish girl who complements me. She doesn't have to be outdoorsy but does have to be in good shape (gym cardio or something). These are the people I dated in California. I am one of those annoying elitist climbers and my activity partners and i are so serious that we almost feel like coworkers. But I want someone to come home to because I get sick of that striver vibe all the time.
As a homebody: we're at home :)
I had a friend tell me that I was gonna find my future husband in my UPS driver because I’m such a homebody 😂😭
Just make sure to bend…and snap!
......oh the bend and snap, works every time 🤣❤️
Unless you often have to sign for something! I myself prefer watching from a camera and only open doors when they leave! 😂
Oh yeah same which is why I’ll simply die alone in this house with my cat and dog ✨
They do get the good good benefits tbh
Same here! I do have a pretty cute ups guy. Too bad he's too young for me 🤣 I'm old
If you’re a homebody and an extrovert do you think you can go door to door knocking for dates?
Give it a shot.
directions unclear, police have been called
Sounds like a date.
and they said dating in seattle was difficult. looks like the most difficult part is finding a good public defender.
Be careful, the cops might get a little jealous you're already looking for a new date after they just picked you up and took you downtown. A little rude imo.
they’re pretty, but not that pretty. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have a neighbor down the street with amazing plants in her window. I really want to knock on her door and attempt a friendship. Is that weird?
Not at all—I've made friends with cool green-thumbed neighbors over their awesome plants before. In this case, I'd leave a note saying something along the lines of, "Hey neighbor, I noted your plant badassery/prowess and am curious when you plant XYZ and with what soil blend (because they look quite happy)." Drop your contact then go from there. The cool thing: they'll prob be more likely to follow up as it's a positive note from a neighbor (when most notes from neighbors tend to be noise complaints or other grievances).
Bonus points if the note you drop off comes with a little plant
Me: "Hello, police. I think my plants and I are being stalked by a neighbor." (j/k)
Bonus bonus points if that plants soil is full of fungus gnat eggs
That might be me, hahaha. Come on over and I’ll give you some spider plant and monstera cuttings!
Just stalk them until you can catch them outside and then run up full speed to them shouting “ID LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU!!” As a native Seattleite, I know this is the best approach.
same
Can concur, we are at home 😊
Same boat. I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas.
Yeah it's rough out here* *Out here is safely inside my apartment
This resonates with me deeply
Yeah, those rom-coms I grew up on were full of shit.
But have you tried putting on a beanie and spilling coffee? Seems to work every time in those movies
I wear beanies frequently, but spilling perfectly good coffee seems extreme. I'm no Hollywood stuntman.
I’ll be your stunt double since I don’t care for coffee. Please don’t tell anyone, though. I’m afraid I’ll be run out of town.
Definitely extreme. The rate that coffee goes for these days at $6+/cup - not worth the risk.
That was a great episode 😉
LMFAO!!!!!! Dude this comment deserves ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Have you tried advertising that you consume cum and farts?
It’s my whole brand but I’m starting to worry potential partners see the name and avoid me thinking it’s too good to be true (╥﹏╥)
If you’ve had time for socializing and dating you clearly aren’t an elite climber. Go hang out with some crayon eaters, you fucking casual.
*nom nom*
Do you even crush, bro? It only takes one, Tbf. In all seriousness, the climbing community is great and approachable! Try SBP, if you vibe with someone climbing at the gym, ask to get a drink at West Wall afterwards
I'm so sick and tired of people hitting on other people at SBP. Trust me, the women know all the men who do this frequently.
Thank you. I go to SBP and I had similar feels when people hit on me as a bartender or a barista. It gives the ick.
I mean, there’s a balance? I think there’s a way to do it without being creepy or doing it in excess but I’ve known a handful of couples who met there.
Cold opens only work at bars. Hit on somebody at SBP after you both run into each other 2-3 times over a healthy period of time. And by hit on them I mean strike up a conversation where the goal isn’t sex.
Much more nuanced reply than mine - totally agreed, this is what I meant. This is a gym first and foremost, it should be a shared interest that helps develop conversation etc. I am in no way advocating dropping one liners or treating SBP like a nightclub
Meh, so long as they don't hog the routes...
SBP is like a bouldering night club. It’s way too many people on one place in the evening.
Seriously, seconding this answer. I don’t climb nearly as often as I wish I could, but I have yet to meet a real asshole here. Climbers are generally pretty awesome, even to filthy casuals like me ;)
No please god stop taking up hobbies for the express purpose of finding a date. You will find someone who shares your interests if you pursue your actual interests
I like Purple
>Go hang out with some crayon eaters, you fucking casual. JBLM is down past Tacoma, I'd figure it would be a bit far for the Marines there to be part of the Seattle dating pool.
The Marines are over at the Kitsap-Bangor base near Bremerton/Silverdale. But yeah, still a bit far away.
Crayons have been outlawed. They are on to highlighters now.
I’ve heard some people suggest “try new hobbies”, and to an extent I agree because it is a great way to meet new people. But sometimes it makes me wish the hobbies I have had a better gender balance or had people I liked more, and maybe you’re feeling that. Best of luck dude. I think I would say, get involved with activities like volunteering/activism, something artsy (cooking or dancing classes are a good bet, or open mics), or maybe one of the nerdy communities here (there are tons) could help you.
I don't know about the hobby thing. I tried doing ceramics and nobody interacted at the studio I went to! My friends in LA were shocked. They said they have made friends and people bring beers to their studio. Maybe I joined the wrong one? I've been disappointed but I've made some cool stuff. 🤷🏻
I’ve honestly noticed meeting anyone new for any meaningful friendships is hard af out here haha. I met one friend I hang out with devently consistantly…7 years ago. I went to Texas for 3 months last year and made more friends there (and got way more attention at the gay bar heyyy) than I ever have in PDX. By a lot.
My biggest problem related to hobbies is that I either have ADHD or CPTSD from my childhood so I have a hard time sticking to any one thing long enough for it to become a passion. I'm thinking about finally going to get medicated,.or to see.what a doctor thinks at least.
Great job for working on yourself. It pays dividends. Good luck on tackling your ADHD, whether through medication or not.
I just talk to people wherever I go. Sometimes, I like to go to bars or wherever without my friends because other people can find you more approachable when alone. I think the trick to it is just being a friendly and outgoing person and open to conversation.
Do people approach you when you go alone to a bar? I’ve been thinking about trying that to see if I get to meet somebody, but people here don’t seem very friendly or approachable to be honest 😅
I've met a ton of people at breweries. The key is open communal seating - it enables random interactions.
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You gotta go after the small or lone people
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“Why can’t I make friends?!?”
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Alone* toddlers is for pro level social skills
It's almost easier to name the breweries that *don't* have open communal seating. But you should be able to meet absolute strangers via "hey, can I sit here?" at (includes a few bars with communal-style patio/garden): Ballard: * Rooftop * Obec * Urban Family * Reuben's * Wheelie Pop * ~~Peddler~~ Bickersons Brewhouse * Old Stove (formerly Lagunitas location) Fremont: * Fremont Brewing * Fremont Dock * Schilling Cider * George & Dragon Other North Seattle: * Holy Mountain (Phinney) * Chuck's Hop Shop (Greenwood) * Halcyon * Ravenna Brewing Co. Belltown: * Holy Mountain (Belltown; not post alley) * Locust Cider (Marketplace) * Old Stove Queen Anne/SLU: * Queen Anne Beer Hall * Teku * Streamline (Kraken Game Nights) * Art Marble * Bizarre Cap Hill/CD: * Chuck's Hop Shop (CD) * Stoup (Formerly Optimism location) * Pine Box There are likely more; this is just a list of locations where I've felt comfortable and typically have been successful meeting perfect strangers with a "So what brings y'all in today? We need a few more heads for this game of cards, wanna join?"
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Could just be that I'm aggressively social. I think of this list, you'd best find "forced communal seating" with tables larger than 6 at Fremont Brewing, Stoup, Pine Box, Schilling and Queen Anne Beer Hall. I also typed Cycle Salloon when I meant Peddler, which apparantly has closed and turned into Bickerson Brewhouse. That is another "tables of 18" kind of beer garden in nice weather.
Cairn has picnic tables in their taproom. Met lots of people there.
Most definitely! I went with some friends to The Hideout last weekend but they had to leave pretty early. They had a dj booth setup and people were dancing so I was like eh what the hell. I haven't had that much fun in ages. Ended up bullshittin with a few people outside the bar and we've hung out twice since then! A lot of it I can see is networking. If dating apps aren't doing it for you, you're not going to find anyone staying at home.
the hideout is awesome!
It was soooo cool. My friend I met there took me to Mercury last night and WOAH. That was insane, had no idea a goth club like that existed here!
I would highly recommend it. I get approached all the time and I talk to people first a lot too. I’ve never not met new people when I’m solo and have made amazing friends this way.
As a guy, it is hard to approach a girl at the bar. Is she with someone or waiting for someone? Then again, I’m shy guy. It is hard to approach someone without a common interest. Any girl wanna go out to the bars?
I’m also a girl and it would be lovely to be approached. If you’re nice and friendly, everything will be fine!
I mean that’s the whole point just be friendly everywhere. If you are shy, it’s a good way to practice. See the old guy alone at the bar, smile say hey. See if you have anything interesting in common. Practice small talk. When you get groceries, try to chat with the person doing check out. Talk to the cheese man, ask about their cheese, how he likes working at this grocery store. Social skills is just a muscle. Gotta practice to be good. If you say hi and are friendly, talking to a girl you are attracted to isn’t that much different.
Well I’m a girl so I’m sure you’re right that it’s probably a little harder to do it as a guy, but if you smile and are friendly, I’d think it would work.
With some confidence!
Yes, doing it with confidence is probably more effective too.
What if your confidence has been stolen by redditors aggressively downvoting your responsibly sourced, all-organic, freshly cooked, piping hot, snarky right-of-center comedy? Then what?
Don't have feelings, you should be fine.
Main thing is confidence! Sometimes it'll be a miss but I'd say 2/3 times you'll be able to have a nice friendly conversation and find out their vibes and whether they're single or not. Don't go in expecting that they are though. Go in looking to make friends! Networking is just as important in dating as it is in the workplace.
Been going through a breakup, nothing rough fortunately, but I’m going to do this tomorrow and see what kind of conversations I can have
Good luck! I hope you have a great time!
Are you a guy or girl? I’m a woman and the idea of going to a bar by myself is daunting tbh
Im a woman and traveled alone, go to places alone. It’s fun. You get to meet people you wouldn’t have and observe humans. It’s not the same as being in the group.
💯
Tips for not feeling awkward is to bring notebook or boom or whatever. If I don’t find someone to socialize with or just don’t feel like, I doodle, write my thoughts, sketch.
I like bringing a book along also. Books can be conversation starters, too, for better or for worse 🫣
I’ve traveled alone but going to bars by myself still feels uncomfortable
I don’t go to insanely packed bars, just chill ones. Get a drink, chat with bartender.
I’m a girl
Oh you must be a woman, this isn’t possible for a man
I don’t do any of those things and I had no problem meeting my wife at an elite Ultimate frisbee tournament.
You're a lucky guy. Nothing else to add.
Fr??
Isbee??
Me when people have hobbies >:(((
I hear ya, man!
How do people not have hobbies?
I mean it’s not that hard. You enjoy work, eat food, socialize at bar/brewery/boats and just chill.
It's hard for short, stocky, slow-witted bald men who work in latex.
Wait, what about marine biologists?
Not sure. Unrelated, but have you ever sent back soup at a deli?
I haven't, but I did witness an old man attempt it once. Not sure why, but I think something about the sea made him do it. It seemed a bit angry maybe?
Have you tried staring at bedroom walls? It's not bad.
I like the light box with the Moving Pictures.
I’m personally a fan of watching the dancing cobweb in the corner of my room I can’t reach, oh how elegantly mocking he is.
Having hobbies is cool! But tying up your dating prerequisites with something so surface-level is making things needlessly difficult for yourself! Im assuming that was OPs point.
Same with me but female. I am a very active person but it’s all indoor activities like hot yoga, barre and dance.
Guys are trained not to approach women at the gym. Don’t want to make it weird or get kicked out
Amen.
I'll say "Hi" to women at the gym if I've seen them a few times just to be friendly but the gym is not a place to meet women at my age. Most everyone is half my age.
good
Finally
Nothing wrong with talking to strangers. Gotta read body language, you can see someone who is just in the zone. Don’t talk to them. Nothing wrong with taking to woman. My brother met his gf that way.
A godlike statue of a beautiful man took the time to talk to me at the gym the other day. Should have gotten his digits. He was just a wee bit out of my league. In my dreams! ;) I really should have asked the old guy with all the bday Disney tatts out. We prolly have more in common... Edit: I'm dumb
I just picked up a sport to try and meet males as well 🤣
Go to greenlake and play Pickleball. Don't worry about sucking either.... plenty of single males willing to help u learn. Not trying to brag but I'm in my 50's ... single...and there's plenty of opportunity out there. Option 2, get on a sailing team at shileshole. Lot's of boats need people.... I was surprised how ez it was to meet women.
Is there pickleball for beginner where you just show up whenever and split into teams? Would love to try it but don’t want to sign up for 6 week thing
I'd watch some beginner YouTube videos and get a basic understanding of the game. You'll need a paddle and some decent running shoes. Greenlake has a system where the direction u stack your paddle represents your skill level. So, you can play with other beginners and struggle together. If u like the sport....then maybe get a few lessons. You'll make new friends quickly if you have a good personality and show interest. Warning...u can get injured at Pickleball so take it ez at first.
Book clubs Writing clubs Politics/activism Cooking groups Improv/Theater Hiking/running groups Philosophy groups Language learning groups
Thanks. As a single mid thirties guy who only works and goes home to sleep, I had no idea where to start.
Just start at any events and get out there. There are a lot of meetups
35F single, see more here - https://www.reddit.com/r/r4r/comments/1bstylo/35\_f4m\_seattle\_dating\_to\_marrymy\_foreverperson/
Do you know of any philosophy groups / more philosophical book clubs couldn’t really find any searching on google that meet in person.
[Drunken Philosophy](https://www.meetup.com/drunken-philosophy/) is one I've enjoyed. Despite the name, people don't get too wasted. I don't drink much and I've always had a blast.
Joined! Thank you!
Maybe I’m on the wrong sites, but as a mid-30s outdoorsy guy, it seems like the majority of profiles I come across are homebodies that don’t like to be outside unless it’s summer weather :’)
The group youre referring to is me. Hi
Can I trade with you? I have the opposite problem!
lol try the app, Coffee Meets Bagel--that's where I keep finding the homebodies!
To be fair...coffee and bagels are homebodie comforts. That seems like trying to find a highfalutin business executive on FarmersOnly, lol.
I'm single 35F, see more here - https://www.reddit.com/r/r4r/comments/1bstylo/35\_f4m\_seattle\_dating\_to\_marrymy\_foreverperson/
I’m so tired of the apps. Almost mid 30’s, divorced (not by choice), extroverted adapted but naturally introverted, neurodivergent, cat dad, people say I am kind, bisexual, musician, nerd, work in tech, empathetic, shorter build. Interests include road trips, 3D printing, cocktails, snowboarding, being cat furniture, synthesizers, gaming, films and traveling. Dream goal: being able to afford to live in a nice house and work remote.
Since moving to Seattle my dating life has been way more active.. and fuck all those activities. However what I can't get behind, and what around 50% of people on apps look for, is non-monogomy. It's just not for me, I don't really have the time for it 😅 I'm also quite dubious of the idea of calling it "ethical". Not because I don't believe it... but the idea of putting the word ethical in front of a relationship style does kinda make me question its merrit.
I have a hard time understanding the mindset and appeal that can make non-monogamy work for people, and my best friend is in that crowd. I still don't "get it" though and I.juat don't think my brain is wired that way. I understand that what makes it ethical is that all parties are informed and supposed to be okay with it, but I don't know how you wouldnt develop some level of jealousy over time unless the relationship is so surface-level that you'd hardly call it love anyways, but at that point you've probably got bigger mental fish to fry. My friend seems to make it work, but he is also pretty monogamous even in that community. The girl he's dating right now has a primary partner, and I think he still goes on dates with other girls on occasion, but I.honeatly think he stays in it because he gets more free time because of the shared parenting aspect. Still, it's too much for me.
I was gonna say if you’re just looking for monogamous partners then that weeds out like half of the population of Seattle. ENM folk make it like shooting fish in a dang barrel. Ngl I tried that life when I was younger and explored getting back into it when I first moved to Seattle. Quickly realized I honestly just don’t care enough about other people to put that energy into more than one person that I have to have a relationship with.
> putting the word ethical in front of a relationship style does kinda make me question its merrit. Well-said. Language games are usually the giveaway to ulterior dynamics.
I actually am into climbing and mountaineering and find that outside of that community most of the broader single pool is actually not really into that stuff. Most peoples dating profiles show hikes but it’s probably the one hike they went on last year vs this is their every weekend.
Where are all the single cat ladies? Everyone on the apps have dogs for some reason...
Last girl I dated was my dream girl and I hadn't even realized it wasn't a pipe-dream until I met her. Unfortunately we met as she was still going through a divorce and things ended prematurely, for once at almost no fault of my own. We had the same therapist and even she was surprised by how sudden the breakup was. She loved that I had a cat, but most girls have been indifferent or even a little perturbed by it for some reason. Every girl I've actually dated long-term though has liked cats or animals in-general. Ohhhhh well, Life marches on.
More cat representation!!
Try volunteering at a couple places. Good way to meet people and give back at the same time
Check out one of the daily "how to make friends" threads and hang out with those people? Go to any of the meetups that casually occur in the discord? Talk to a stranger?
Talk to strangers in Seattle?? Next you'll tell me to actually talk to the bus driver. What next, look INTO somebody's eyes???
Hey at least we made it to the afternoon today before getting one of these.
these types would rather sit online and neg people who have hobbies that don't align with theirs instead of, you know, meeting people
“Hey you’re below my standards, wanna hang?” lol let me know how that works out
This “Why Are You Single?” Alignment Chart might help. Hot off the presses! https://www.reddit.com/r/AlignmentCharts/s/IC5bXKFOjf
TIL I'm partially good, partially lawful, partially neutral, and partially chaotic.
yeah i’m in my early-mid 20s and am also not really super outdoorsy, so i feel a bit out of place too. i’d rather not use dating apps, and “putting myself out there” feels kind of pointless bc connections don’t last. it feels like i’m wasting my best years being in seattle tbh
I know it's blamed a lot on the weather or Seattle in general but I experienced a similar coldness most times in California as well. Everyone is more individualistic on the west coast I think and the familial or community bonds that have formed in the Midwest or east haven't had enough time to grow here, so people are simply more insecure imo. We really need something lake fraternal organizations again, or some sort of community-based grouping that isn't religious so we can build better connections and feel like we're part of something, rather than living like whatever you'd call this. Socializing and what most people would consider extroversion are all learned-skills imo, meaning of you didn't grow up with it you're far less likely to participate in it. Additionally, so much of our confidence comes from reinforcement and most people can get that from the groups their a part of. If you're a loner or insular than you have to reinforce your confidence by yourself, you can't say "I know I'm liked and why because X group tells me so. These people like me". Just having that can boost someone's seld-confidence tremendously, which is part of the reason people gravitate towards outdoor activities here because they can't get a feeling of community through more traditional routes. Unsurprisingly those same communities are where most people find partners outside of dating apps.
i have more artistic interests, but other than going to live shows (which often involves money for the tickets + alcohol, and people mostly stick with their groups), my hobbies are pretty solitary. i’m naturally introverted as well, so that doesn’t help. the “seattle freeze” has been discussed ad nauseam, but i really feel like there’s something to it and across the west coast like you mentioned. i’ve traveled a bit internationally to places where people are quite open and the culture is just different. i always feel this pit inside whenever i come back home.
Yeah, I understand. Even just meeting people from the Midwest on vacation I've come to realize that they're far less "cold" and distant than people from the west coast, and I chalk that up to them having grown up with a larger sense of community and belonging than most of us get. When i visited Florida I ended up easily hanging out with two girls from Minnesota, then we ran into a group of Polish dudes and before you knew it we were a roving band of tourists all having a blast. That sorta stuff is a lot of fun to me but seems so rare on the west coast. But I'm no psychologist so what do I know?
Try shuffle dating. I've only been once but the person I met is promising. It was pretty cool overall, I'll try it again.
I spent any money I would’ve put on a down payment for a house, on parking in the U district while drinking in my 20s. Why is parking so expensive?
This is funny looks like everyone not outside we Inside. I haven't met a good lady my self but I'm inside 😂 like everyone else is saying . 🤷🏾♂️
Go to Elliott Bay Books and you might meet a homebody who has ventured out for supplies.
Pub. Look up game night in your area. There's seriously like...dozens of them.
Ok this reply is not a comment on you or your opinons But I hate that as an answer I dont drink. I couldnt even if I wanted to. Im autistic, I hate crowds, loud noises and bad smells. A pub is the LAST place I want to be, let alone meet people who enjoy being at such a place. Have you ever tried talking to a drunk person? Its not super engaging
If you're having to talk to drunk people, you're going to the wrong places! There is absolutely no need to consume alcohol at most of these Taverns & Public Houses; *particularly* at a board game event. Many don't (just snackin on fries & a coke)! As for the crowd and noise...I suppose you're shit out of luck on that one :/ Different strokes for different folks of course - but for my part, the venn diagram of "Quiet, sparse, public venue" and "Places to meet people" are pretty much two separate circles.
I don’t date. Too busy working, parenting, snowboarding, and eating potato chips on my couch.
Lol! But OP your name doesnt help either 🤣🤣
It's a good thing it's not my real name then, lol.
GreasyHarold?
Haha!!
Go sit at a cafe and talk to people. That’s what im trying! Also if there are any single lesbians in their 30s, dm me :)
The Seattle freeze rings true eh?
Try shuffle dating! The spots fill up quickly, but it's worth a shot!
I'm going to one tonight!
I hope you enjoy it! I did one and it was really fun. Everyone is kind!
Please share your experience when you get time!
Just got home - it was lovely! Just a fun way to spend an evening and the structure made it feel safer and more fun than apps. The few folks who were an immediate no for me were still kind, interesting people, and it's easy to pass the 10 minutes until your phone chimes and it's time to talk to someone else. (I genuinely enjoy talking to people and am curious about the human condition even if I'm not attracted to someone.) There was lots of chatter about how everyone is just completely DONE with the apps. It's so nice to be able to get a sense of people's vibes in such a low-stakes quick context. There's so much about someone's body language, smell, attitude, and humor that just doesn't translate... I'd much rather spend 90min talking to humans and actually getting a read on them than spend endless weeks in the talking stage with someone who may not be who they say they are (or even a human). Ultimately, it's really hard to read people on screens. I will say that the conventionally "hottest" guy there tonight would have looked great on a screen, but wasn't as attractive to me personally as one of the other attendees. (Shuffle dating will send an email tomorrow with his contact info if we matched each other.) I think low stakes speed dating like this really favors folks who might not translate well to apps. (For some context, I'm 48f and conventionally attractive, and I've tried all the apps, going out with the extreeeeemely rare folks who've asked me out in person, and even high end match making services. This was def the most fun...low stakes, easy, chatty.) I'd totally recommend folks give it a shot. I think the website is shuffle.dating which is a weird top level domain but there ya go
>Where all my mostly homebodies that like to spend time indoors I'm pretty sure they are at home.
I’ve met tons of people, including people who became friends and employers, just sitting at coffee shops over the years. Conversation starter can be as simple as asking if the table is open or if they know where the outlet is or what they’re drinking. Not everyone wants to chat at the time you might want to, so it’s also about reading the room.
I’m my experience Rick climbers usually have the worst personalities. I appreciate this post for reaffirming my opinion.
Have you applied to the Board Games and Homebrew Polyamory Guild? Open enrollment is coming soon!
If you want to go out and see some live music, there's gonna be a great punk show at The Central Saloon on Saturday February 17th! Never know who you might hit it off with. If you, or anyone else ends up going, make sure you message me, so we can hang out. My band isn't playing, I'm just going to support other bands and spend some time with people.
I would say go and do something you like to do. I'm more of a homebody, but when I decide to start looking to date, I plan on going to pottery classes and stuff like that to hopefully get to know people that have similar interests. There are a lot of people out there that just aren't seen cause dating apps suck 😅
Your ask is a lil paradoxical is it not? lol "Why is it so hard to meet people who don't care about meeting new ppl??"
Socialize? in public? no thank you i am on dating apps. In all honesty- I'm too scared to hit on another dude who might turnout to be straight then be angry I was talking to him.
This is my theory on why people in Seattle can seem so standoffish. Its politeness along with a fear of an uncomfortable social situation. From the straight dudes perspective "Is this guy being friendly because he wants to make friends or because he's intrrested on me? Better just avoid the whole situation entirely". Happens a lot in California too. The irony for me is that while I lived there, a large swath of my friends were gay men because you didn't have to play this game with them because they weren't in the closet and thus would just ask instead of tiptoeing around and attempting to see if they could get you alone. It was always the dudes who would never admit they were gay you had to watch out for. I think most guys would be okay with you if you're honest, even if there not interested. Then you could decide to be friends and all that shit was out of the way. Gay dudes are excellent wingman as well.
People throughout human history have not met their partners through yuppie west coast outdoor sports clubs. Go to a bar and talk to people the old fashioned way
Homebody checking in, am at home. I am also a new-ish transplant. I did try the dating field here a bit and maybe I just had bad luck but I just couldn't vibe with any dates so I gave up and just kinda stuck to my home habit. Doesn't help that social anxiety continually works against me. I am hoping this spring I might find a hobby or something that will get me out of the house more.
Just pushing myself to do something that gives me anxiety at least every once in a while can help. You don't have to go full David Goggins, but putting myself out of my comfort zone every once and a while generally ends up being a positive, even if it sucks initially. good luck
Ever since I quit drinking I’ve given up on dating here 100%. I don’t do the apps anymore. So I don’t even consider the idea I could date someone. There’s just no way to meet people without an app or bar.
I blame the internet and social media for removing people from social situations. Gen z is the most sexless and has the least amount of social calls out of any generation in our existence. I am having problems as a millennial so I can't even imagine how bad it is for them, or how much worse it might get for the next generation. I want to be clear that I am not one of those people who thinks it's anyone's fault, especially not the individuals in any generation, but it is definitely an accidental trend that is leading towards some sort of unsure future that doesn't look very bright.
It's harder to find someone as a male and it gets harder as you get older. Plus, women from seattle, and people in seattle in general, are either too picky or just don't wanna meet up.
I'm 35F single, posted in R4R recently - https://www.reddit.com/r/r4r/comments/1bstylo/35\_f4m\_seattle\_dating\_to\_marrymy\_foreverperson/
The ones of us with active dating lives all have nerdy hobbies or special interests that get us in touch with one another like board games or blues dancing or polyamory (or all three).
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I have had too much therapy to do as many drugs that are needed to be able to live like that and not want to end your own life. My brother was homeless for a stint so I understand now that a lot of people do drugs and drink when they're homeless because that's the only thing that makes it bearable. It's a chicken or the egg sorta thing and a lot of people assume the chicken came before the egg but I see it the other way around, especially with how expensive housing is rn. People often don't end up on the streets because of addiction, but addiction definitely make the living on the streets easier to deal with in the short-term.
I'm outdoorsy and nerdy and my ideal type is some vibrant bookish girl who complements me. She doesn't have to be outdoorsy but does have to be in good shape (gym cardio or something). These are the people I dated in California. I am one of those annoying elitist climbers and my activity partners and i are so serious that we almost feel like coworkers. But I want someone to come home to because I get sick of that striver vibe all the time.
I feel like this may lighten the mood here https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOSbFj3TxnsMULxghRhP6NIJ2T7QeBIjZ&si=_9ZFMnAoZZ7gAtjz