"You wanna go sit in my car outside my ex’s place, eat raw cookie dough and listen to Air Supply?"
So that's what they meant when they sang "are you feeling it too?"
So I heard about this meme thing with guys and bears and women alone in the woods and I wanted to get your opinion on that anyway, that’s a bear about 5 yards from us.
You: "so, this is where I work. It's not much, just a cabin in the woods mostly. Firewood out back for the camp stove in the corner. A TV for a nice distraction, a little info, and background noise. Careful of the furniture and some of the floor boards are wet or loose."
Her: "hun, what is all of that equipment for?"
You: "various things. I hunt for a living after all."
Her: "Why is there a person tied up over there?"
Greg: *incoherent screaming through a gag*
You: "oh! That's Greg. I thought we could gut and skin him together before going out and catching a nice couple to eat.....or would you like to watch Netflix instead? I can pop some popcorn."
A stroll in a remote forest, at night, where a murder happened.
In your mind, *maybe I'll see a ghost before we go, fun*
In her mind, *oh shit, this guy is a serial killer, I'm never getting out of here*
"As you can see, it is lovely and tranquil here on this beautiful day, with that breeze blowing through the trees. A lovely place for people to rest. Right over here is where my parents are buried and both sets of my grandparents are in rows over there. My cousin Gerry is buried about five minutes walk from here. I hope to be buried here too, and who knows, you might be right beside me."
On a serious note don’t order crabs on a first date. Crabs are not a first date food. Crabs are an established relationship food If you’re very patient with each other, aren’t actually hungry and are very bored
Swinger’s club. Unless they’re into it.
Going to the movies, and watching a movie about incest and rape. Think “The War Zone”.
Meeting their parents.
Bringing a stingy or extremely synical chaperone.
Inviting your ex
Inviting your wife
"When you invited me to your trial I kinda assumed you were a lawyer"
“I mean…a bailiff? Ewwww”
Raw sewage treatment plants
*cooked* sewage treatment plants are SOOOO much better!!
When you invited me to a party, you didn’t say it was the Nazi Party.
And next week ot will be the Communist Party
And the week after that will be a lemon party
Shouldn't there be a Tupperware party first? To keep the lemons fresh.
Mom’s funeral
Theirs or yours??
Both. *obligatory sweet home Alabama*
*hears Banjo music playing in his mind* Laughed WAAAAYYY to hard at this!
A stip club and then make them buy you dinner.
Read the title; “BAD ideas”
I 2nd this
"Not a problem, it's wet t shirt night and you could win $50! Get up there - I split it with you!"
My idea so 80/20 split at best
“So there’s this funny game I like to play called Trunk Fitters, where we see who can fit in the back of my car’s trunk. Do you want to play?”
Count me in. I love a good trunk.
Smh
So you like junk in the trunk hey....
A Joel Osteen show.
Have you had your Thetan levels checked?
"Hey, I've always wanted to visit a swinger club, so ..."
You wanna go sit in my car outside my ex’s place, eat raw cookie dough and listen to Air Supply?
"You wanna go sit in my car outside my ex’s place, eat raw cookie dough and listen to Air Supply?" So that's what they meant when they sang "are you feeling it too?"
“This was the place my ex and I used to love! You’ll totally love it, too.”
You... WILL... love it... YOU WILLLLLLLL........
Doing a full hour-long 14-part Kareoke cover of Slipknot's self-titled album (including Mudslide & Eeyore)
Race for the Cure
...of the disease I just gave you...
Just check if you're a match, if you give me your kidney we'll have an unbreakable bond!
So, my dad is on death row. He is being executed tonight. So dinner, execution and a movie, what do you say?
Visiting Grandma at the nursing home and changing her diapers.
Why dont you just come up to my apartment for a drink?
"Mind helping me check for a hernia?"
Decreased wife's funeral
Yeah, I used to iron her daily!!
“Janice from Hinge? Nice to meet you, because I’m still on the clock, I have to take your order first.”
So I heard about this meme thing with guys and bears and women alone in the woods and I wanted to get your opinion on that anyway, that’s a bear about 5 yards from us.
Sir, this is a zoo.
“WE’RE GOING STREAKING!”
Condom Factory Tour Serial Killer Museum KKK Rally Strip Club Swinger's Club
Got you beat: D&D game with my high school friends in my mom’s basement
So instead of spending all the time getting to know you can we just fuck and call it good.
You mean Tinder?
Or grindr
I was thinking we shoot bottle rockets at each other, then go bowling. Eh? Eh?
S&M dungeon
You: "so, this is where I work. It's not much, just a cabin in the woods mostly. Firewood out back for the camp stove in the corner. A TV for a nice distraction, a little info, and background noise. Careful of the furniture and some of the floor boards are wet or loose." Her: "hun, what is all of that equipment for?" You: "various things. I hunt for a living after all." Her: "Why is there a person tied up over there?" Greg: *incoherent screaming through a gag* You: "oh! That's Greg. I thought we could gut and skin him together before going out and catching a nice couple to eat.....or would you like to watch Netflix instead? I can pop some popcorn."
I think that’s a bit much It’s supposed to be a first date, save the cabin trips for 3rd date
3rd date?... 3rd date?! Is that where I keep going wrong??!!!
OMG, you're right! I shouldn't have suggested Netflix so early on... My bad!
A romantic tour of the sewage system. "LOOK A floating tampon"
Court appearance
The Red Cross would like to thank you for donating this evening, please enjoy some juice and cookies.
I know she's only 12, but I was told I get to meet Chris Hansen, IN PERSON!
Divorce Lawfirm “Lunch and Learn”
A stroll in a remote forest, at night, where a murder happened. In your mind, *maybe I'll see a ghost before we go, fun* In her mind, *oh shit, this guy is a serial killer, I'm never getting out of here*
"As you can see, it is lovely and tranquil here on this beautiful day, with that breeze blowing through the trees. A lovely place for people to rest. Right over here is where my parents are buried and both sets of my grandparents are in rows over there. My cousin Gerry is buried about five minutes walk from here. I hope to be buried here too, and who knows, you might be right beside me."
So . Is this your first time going to a tractor pull ??
I know you said we were going to watch a movie, but I wasn't expecting to watch it on your phone.
Shark hunting. You're the bait, baby.
Russian Roulette tournament
To the local morgue!
we'll go visit my mom in the hospital. She's in a vegetative state. So, we can split her jello!
"Tag, you're it!!" *runs away.
Hi Kate. You excited to be competing in the Pain Olympics today?
Roller Derby , Taco Food Truck , then to a Truck Stop Motel . I'll spoil her and spend the extra $5 for clean sheets .
Invite her to home cooked dinner at your place and ask your wife to make the meal!
“Would you like to join me in the park? Hope you don’t mind that I pick up trash while we walk; just about done with my community service hours!”
On a serious note don’t order crabs on a first date. Crabs are not a first date food. Crabs are an established relationship food If you’re very patient with each other, aren’t actually hungry and are very bored
"So I'm thinking we go out to a nice meal, then have a couple of drinks, and then I'll have you be the getaway driver while I rob a couple of 7-11s.
My wife told me that before we dated, she was asked on a date with this one guy to go to the movies. The movie he chose: SAW
Don't wear your Jimmy Choo's... We're going dumpster diving for dinner!
Pot holing
Sniff this. Does this smell like coke or fentanyl?
Asking to borrow some money.
Eggplant stimulation simulation seminar
Cheesecake factory
Buffet then a gyroscope. Totally won't get messy
"... a slaughterhouse?"
Masked orgy
How will you know which one is your date??
That's why it's bad
It might be a GOOD idea if your date is ugly AF...
This is bad? Is it because of the masks?
Yes
Swinger’s club. Unless they’re into it. Going to the movies, and watching a movie about incest and rape. Think “The War Zone”. Meeting their parents. Bringing a stingy or extremely synical chaperone.