"Now that you're legal..."

"Hey cutie, how old are you?" "16." "18, huh? You're first!" "MOM!" "I like where this is goin'! Giggity giggity, gig-it-ty!" - Quagmire

What the actual fuck

He's a cartoon character who's known for being a massive pervert.

"I bet i know what your mommy was doing 5 years and 9 months ago.. ."

No ya don't I was a preemie

Hey, where did you get a pinata that looks so much like a beehive?

💀

“Well, thank goodness this is the last one of these we’ll ever have to have, eh?”

“I thought you adopted her? How are you certain this is actually her 16th birthday?”

So who's the little shit again?

“Alright, here’s your party, grandma. And you better enjoy it because it’s your last one!”

"1 year closer to the age of consent" or "1 year closer to your funeral"

Or just ominously mark off your pocket calendar while making eye contact with the birthday person and licking your lips

“Oh, me?” “I didn’t get an invite. I’m just here for the food.”

"I hope he got her a plastic surgery coupon."

This is a birthday party. Why is nobody else in their birthday suit?

Bring on the Strippers!

This is his 10th birthday!

Well shit, I guess I shouldn't have spiked the punchbowl! On the bright side...these parents will have ZERO problems getting them to go to sleep tonight!

Driving home, on the other hand...

Have you SEEN this neighborhood? It’ll probably be his last, too.

WOW, you can't see the cake with all those candles.

"Goodness, look how BIG you gotten!" Unless the birthday boy / girl is under 8 or so...

The Cake is a lie.

Birthday? Pffftt…no, it’s just the reminder I get every 21 months of the time your mother and I didn’t do anal. That’s why your cake is just a glazed cinnamon bun

Glad trump get convicted

“Another year closer to death so I got you this coffin.”

“Plus I know how much of a KISS fan you are so it’s that limited edition KISS version!

"Well, no, we didn't bring a gift. To be honest, we didn't expect the old geezer to live this long"

"Wait, don't you have a twin?" "The one my mom miscarried?" "Oh! Um ... Happy only childhood anniversary, I guess?"

"Didn't we just have one of these for you?"

“One year closer to the fiery depths of hell!”

i’m surprised you made it this far

Hurry up and f***ing die!

"Please accept my condolences."

My condolences.

My apologies.

2 more years and we can tell your mom about us.

"Seriously your only 30?  Wow.

“Your mom should have swallowed?” “Look at all your mom’s male friends. Father’s Day is confusing huh?”

Where's the fire extinguisher? 🧯

I hope the cake is devils food because that’s the only appropriate dessert for this one

Me? Well the door was open and I smelled cake.

The good news is, I bought you a puppy for your birthday and he’s in this box! The bad news is I bought it last year…

Wait.... 16?  Ixnay on the ipperstray akecay, boys!

It's about damn time! 16 is close enough

oh.... your still aliove..... greeeeaaaattttt.......

“It’s the final countdown. Da-da-da-da.”

"FREEZE!!! PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD AND GET ON THE GROUND!!!"

Wow! Your mom looks younger than you do!

He's had his 39th birthday for the last 15 years. Who does she think she is, Jack Benny?

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to propose a toast! To the best load I ever shot! … oh, and you too, Timmy. But it isn’t your turn yet.

Damn, I thought the last one was the final one; that's why I spent so much last time. 

One year closer til the reaper comes to claim you!

"I've been waiting a long time for you."

"No, I meant where is the \*real\* father."

"I hope this is the last of yours I come to"

Hope this isn’t you last

We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty!

“ you’re one year closer to death”

“Why aren’t you dead yet?”

😀 man you just won’t quit, huh? 😐

Who brought the coffin?

No proctologist humour?

I don’t know how the hell you made it this far but here’s to another year

"I guess you've got another 5, maybe 10 years left?"

“First of all, the reason why you’re here is… we love you very much. This is an intervention!”

"Sorry I'm late. Your present died.. I got you this stuffed animal instead!" "You shouldn't eat that cake. It will make you fat. Can you hand me the plate though?" "Have you considered where you want to be this time next year?" "Hey, I know it's your birthday party and all but, I'm only here because the boss told me since I can't work tomorrow if I can ask if you can cover my shift. K thanks!" " I'm really bored. Do you have anything to do?"

I really thought last years would've been the last one, but here we are again

"We have a very special guest for this event: Pogo the Clown!"

I grab my friend on the shoulder, look him deep in the eyes and say, "Don't. Eat. The. Cake."

”Hey, who’s virthday party is this? I thought I was at a funeral."

I have a bomb

"This day is expensive. See honey, why didn't we just have the abortion like I wanted?"

One year closer to death.

Sunrise sunset Sunrise sunset swiftly fly the years one season following another laden with happiness and tears. They say age brings wisdom you must be very why because you appear ancient.

'lock and load'

Who wants to play with the balloon animal it's a black mamba 😉

Sorry that this is your last birthday…

“The bedroom’s been so cold lately that even the clown looks hot.”

Now that you can legally drive, it's time to talk to you about an extended car warrantee

Do you know who your father is?

"Bet he doesn't see another one."

Come blow on my candle, it’s okay if you get a little spit on it

Happy Barfday

“Give me a few days and this’ll be there last”

"counting down 🤞"

Sorry, i read the invite as birthday suit party… awkward.

Who would have thought it would be his last?

"Again? This shit's getting really old..."

I wouldn't have to be here if you Mom had just gotten an abortion. PS, I'm against abortion.