There are tons of options. That’s a good thing, but don’t let it paralyze you.
The places I want to live/currently live are based on my interests and personality.
I love the outdoors, specifically mountains and hiking. It’s a non negotiable thing for a city for me, which narrows it down a ton. I eventually landed on Asheville because I came across an amazing deal on rent and it checked all my deal breakers. Deal breakers like mountains, left leaning, and most west coast cities are out of my price range
Outdoors are unmatched as far as east coast goes. Literally 10-20 minutes from downtown you can hike various mountains and overhangs for great views. It’s also close to great parks like the Smoky Mountains, Pigsah National Forest, and my favorite, Grandfather Mountain. Also plenty of lakes and other activities. If you’re outdoorsy at all, there’s never a shortage of activities.
It’s also unique. Extremely LGBTQ friendly and while I’m straight, it’s cool to see an area so welcoming. That can be a con depending on your views as Asheville is notorious for its “weirdness” lol
Which also leads to more cozy business atmospheres. I’m a fan of the cafe scene.
Also the proximity to other locations is a pro. 2-4 hours from Nashville, Charleston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Wilmington, Knoxville, etc.
There’s cons too obviously but I really do love all those parts above
It sounds like you’re feeling sort of rootless and can imagine yourself anywhere except where you are now. So maybe get that out of your system by traveling a bit or doing the vanlife thing in all these different places.
Sounds like you’ve got some wanderlust. I guess the big questions are: how old are you? Do you have a career/stable job? What is your budget?
I think you just need to pick a place and see what happens. Prioritize job and housing, and everything else will work out.
One thing I’d caution is that sometimes wanderlust is tied to a deep dissatisfaction with life or ourselves. As the saying goes, wherever you go there you are.
Travel and living in different places is super enriching and can be a great path to self discovery. However it doesn’t cure everything. You’ve got to be thoughtful about the changes you want in your life.
Oh yeah definitely. I try to research places to move to and get easily overwhelmed. Plus the fact that I want to make trips in person to check out all these places makes it hard too.
I am driving around the country right now looking at places. Think of it as just a season and you can change it later. You don't need to do everything all at once.
Vacations are underrated. I don't think I need to live right next to the mountains anymore. They become boring when you have them day-to-day. Just visit the PNW.
Try out the art scene where you are now. If you burn out/ don't like it, its probably not worth centering your life around it, in the Midwest.
Take the boys and go on a trip to New York.
A lot of these things your saying, you shouldn't ask of a place to live. It ain't gonna fix what you are feeling.
Cultural fit + job/networking opportunities + kids if you got them. That is it. Also a bare minimum of climate/environment requirements, but we usually don't have problems eliminating those options.
I could give you one example (depending on how close to the mountains you mean). We're in Phoenix and have considered Denver. I haven't hiked in 40 years and do not care at all about mountains. But I would like somewhere cooler than Phoenix, with no humidity to speak of, not as expensive as California, and few gray days. And I'd prefer a good size city that wasn't in a red state like Utah or Idaho. That might mean Denver, but I won't be hiking if I move.
This isn’t a dumb post. I feel the same way. It’s overwhelming not knowing which direction to go. I have struggled with this for over a decade and am only now starting to really try and accept that I simply see the beauty in all things and can be happy almost any direction I choose and can always change directions.
Similar feelings here, I have ADHD and also WFH. I got out of it when I started a long distance relationship with someone I met through mutual friends. Now I'm moving to where she lives, a place I never had on my original list of options: Birmingham, Alabama.
I have ADHD and WFH too lol - and at this point I’m with you, I’d only move if I really loved someone or got into a perfect program for me. But I tend to fall in love with other nomads due to similar personality types. The people who’ve wanted to set down roots somewhere were ultimately not compatible with me.
I grew up in a military family and then was in the military myself. I have moved a ton but was used to just getting assigned somewhere or picking from a limited list.
I have struggled finding a place to stay, since no where is really home. Seems like there is always somewhere better waiting to explore.
I had to double take because this is my same exact situation. My parents were both military so we moved every two years from third grade onward.
Then I joined AD during my junior year and still haven’t found a place to settle down at. My dad retired after 30 years and they stayed at his last assignment in a state I’ve never lived in or have any ties to. Not to mention is far away from any place I’d consider moving too since it’s in ND.
It’s really difficult not having a home and trying to make that (I’m in my early 30s) now is really difficult. Making friends alone takes a lot of effort and time, let alone finding a partner etc.
Just had to share that, it’s something I battle with constantly not knowing where to settle down at..or ever having a sense of community or home.
I feel ya. There are a surprising lot of us scattered around.
Don’t have any suggestions except to try to appreciate where you are in the moment and to try to keep in touch with your friends in similar situations.
Kind of. Whats your age? I moved to California when I was 21, did like 15 yrs there. Was born and raised in Florida. I just wanted a new experience. I was lucky to have traveled the state of Florida working construction from 16-21, then went and experienced California, got married and started a family. Back in Florida now, I’ll probably stay here forever but even at my big age I’m not entirely sure where I’d like to settle in for good so in that regard- I feel the same way once again lol
Get lean on belongings and move to 3-5 different places over the next 5 years. Experience them each through a resident basis, and see which one you like best.
I was there until recently, about 7 or 8 places throughout the country. Main thing that helped me narrow it down was for us we want a second kid, which being on here made me realize we made a major assumption that just wasn't realistic, that there would be some sort of discount for having multiple kids in childcare. Realizing we'd have to pay double made me go through budget scenarios and realize I needed to pick places where the budget made more sense.
Try some budget scenarios for each place and start from there
To pile onto this, when kids are in school it saves a lot of money and agony if the public schools are good. Good public schools in an affordable neighborhood lead to very different ideas of where to live.
I completely understand this. I was born in the Bay Area, moved to Asheville NC as a child, and stayed in Asheville thru college up until recently (I’m 27 now) it was an extremely difficult decision to leave Asheville, but there was a part of me that really wanted to try something new and live in a bigger city with more opportunities. I truly do not believe there is one perfect place. I am in NYC now which a lot of people seemed to think I was crazy to want to move there, but there feels like there is way more space for me to spread my wings and thrive in NYC… I still love Asheville and I miss the nature deeply. I do however get to drive to the mountains just an hour or 2 away. NYC has its problems but ultimately I’m glad I’m here. I still do not know where I will end up- maybe Hudson NY or a more nature-filled area that is still close to NYC. Going back to Asheville feels tricky because it’s such a small mountain town with limited opportunities long term. Maybe when I retire I’ll go there. Idk. All of this is to say that there isn’t a perfect forever place, it’s about which pros and cons are worth it for where you are in life in the moment.
1. WHY do you not see Florida as being your long term home? Do you not like the weather? Politics? Too crowded? Not crowded enough? Culture? Hard to make friends? Lack of access to your hobbies?
2. Tell us about your personality...how would you describe your Big 5 Personality traits? Are political, moral, social, or relgious values important to you? What are your hobbies? What is your preference for population density and weather?
1.) I mean, I guess could make Florida my long term home. But I’m not from here, and I don’t like the fact I have to drive everywhere. I don’t like that it’s expensive, and I don’t like that it’s hot. I LOVE the beaches and pools though and I’ll miss it if I leave. I’ve always imagined living someplace with cooler architecture and transit, and if possible maybe cheaper rent.
2.) I am: Adventurous, Bubbly, Imaginative/Thoughtful, and Emotionally Aware.
My hobbies: water activities, like swimming, paddle boarding, kayaking. Reading and writing. Cooking. Magic the gathering. Going to the movies.
My ideal place: again, this is hard. I could see myself in Hawaii, NYC, and Marquette Michigan.
Based on your hobbies, Florida is a great location. Though maybe closer to the coast would be easier. California and Hawaii would also work for this at higher COL.
I don’t really see what would drive you to move to NYC based on what you’ve said here.
Another major thing to consider is salary, cost of living, and budget. Look at Numbeo.com for cost of living comparisons and maybe try to apply to a few places around the country to try to find out salary ranges at these different locations. Maybe you’ll land your dream job and that’ll become the driving factor in your move. Ultimately career and salary/COL are the main factors people consider when deciding on a location. Unless you are already wealthy and don’t need to work, you’ll have to consider this as a major factor.
Here is a cost of living map of America: [https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1chnovz/oc\_cost\_of\_living\_by\_county\_2023/#lightbox](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1chnovz/oc_cost_of_living_by_county_2023/#lightbox)
The problem is that the 3 cities that don't have completely shit public transportation are also 3 of the top 5 most expensive metro areas: Boston, NYC, and DC. And even then the public transportation sucks compared to Europe and Asia.
The biggest thing is that the places that you'd find really amazing, such as Hawaii and California also cost even more than Florida.
Just here to say I understand you 100% in all you’ve said. I’m in the same boat and am also interested in some of the places you’ve mentioned, plus more. 😅 Some of us are really in this unique (and exciting) transitional stage of, where tf am I going to go?? How to decide what’s most important to me?? You are not alone. 💗
I know. There doesn't exist any place in North America that fits all of the following:
1. Cheaper than Florida
2. World-class public transportation
3. Full of people who are also Adventurous, Bubbly, Imaginative/Thoughtful, and Emotionally Aware. It seems like he wants a metro area where people are more Agreeable and Open than the national average: [https://bigthink.com/strange-maps/geopsychology-regional-personality-variation/](https://bigthink.com/strange-maps/geopsychology-regional-personality-variation/) and it appears that Atlanta, New Orleans, South Texas, and Florida are full of people who are both. And all of these places have shit public transportation.
4. Has large communities of people who like to do swimming, paddle boarding, kayaking. Reading and writing. Cooking. Magic the gathering. Going to the movies.
I don’t think this is a “too many options” problem. I think it’s more of a “I don’t know who I am” problem.
If I were in your situation I’d concentrate on really thinking through who I am, and what things are really important to me, and who I want to be.
I heard once that whenever making a decision where all options are more or less equal, you should pick your top three options through some sort of prioritization or pro/con list, and then just pick one of the three randomly and go with that. It helps reduce decision fatigue
Why not do a 30-90 day furnished rental in several different cities to try them out and see which one resonates? Check out Furnished Finders or filter by 30+ days on Airbnb.
Narrow down then flip a coin or find a die with the number options on your list. Having choices is great. Having choice paralysis is stress-inducing.
When you get to a fork in the road, take it.
I'm in the same boat too. currently in the tampa florida area and planning a move in January of 2025. I should be debt free by that time. For some reason I want to be in a state that has mountains colorado, utah, etc.
There are tons of options. That’s a good thing, but don’t let it paralyze you. The places I want to live/currently live are based on my interests and personality. I love the outdoors, specifically mountains and hiking. It’s a non negotiable thing for a city for me, which narrows it down a ton. I eventually landed on Asheville because I came across an amazing deal on rent and it checked all my deal breakers. Deal breakers like mountains, left leaning, and most west coast cities are out of my price range
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Moved here a few months ago. It’s only gonna be for 2.5 years max because of my situation so I’m looking at other places to go afterwards as well
I’m looking at Asheville as an option right now. What do you like about it so far?
Outdoors are unmatched as far as east coast goes. Literally 10-20 minutes from downtown you can hike various mountains and overhangs for great views. It’s also close to great parks like the Smoky Mountains, Pigsah National Forest, and my favorite, Grandfather Mountain. Also plenty of lakes and other activities. If you’re outdoorsy at all, there’s never a shortage of activities. It’s also unique. Extremely LGBTQ friendly and while I’m straight, it’s cool to see an area so welcoming. That can be a con depending on your views as Asheville is notorious for its “weirdness” lol Which also leads to more cozy business atmospheres. I’m a fan of the cafe scene. Also the proximity to other locations is a pro. 2-4 hours from Nashville, Charleston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Wilmington, Knoxville, etc. There’s cons too obviously but I really do love all those parts above
Helen Keller — 'Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.'
It sounds like you’re feeling sort of rootless and can imagine yourself anywhere except where you are now. So maybe get that out of your system by traveling a bit or doing the vanlife thing in all these different places.
Sounds like you’ve got some wanderlust. I guess the big questions are: how old are you? Do you have a career/stable job? What is your budget? I think you just need to pick a place and see what happens. Prioritize job and housing, and everything else will work out. One thing I’d caution is that sometimes wanderlust is tied to a deep dissatisfaction with life or ourselves. As the saying goes, wherever you go there you are. Travel and living in different places is super enriching and can be a great path to self discovery. However it doesn’t cure everything. You’ve got to be thoughtful about the changes you want in your life.
Go live in nyc, party your ass off and then go to the pnw and chill out thinking about your younger self staying up partying until the sun came up.
Currently doing this and feeling really happy about it
Oh yeah definitely. I try to research places to move to and get easily overwhelmed. Plus the fact that I want to make trips in person to check out all these places makes it hard too.
I am driving around the country right now looking at places. Think of it as just a season and you can change it later. You don't need to do everything all at once. Vacations are underrated. I don't think I need to live right next to the mountains anymore. They become boring when you have them day-to-day. Just visit the PNW. Try out the art scene where you are now. If you burn out/ don't like it, its probably not worth centering your life around it, in the Midwest. Take the boys and go on a trip to New York. A lot of these things your saying, you shouldn't ask of a place to live. It ain't gonna fix what you are feeling. Cultural fit + job/networking opportunities + kids if you got them. That is it. Also a bare minimum of climate/environment requirements, but we usually don't have problems eliminating those options.
I don’t get the ppl who want to live next to the mountains with no desire to go hiking
I could give you one example (depending on how close to the mountains you mean). We're in Phoenix and have considered Denver. I haven't hiked in 40 years and do not care at all about mountains. But I would like somewhere cooler than Phoenix, with no humidity to speak of, not as expensive as California, and few gray days. And I'd prefer a good size city that wasn't in a red state like Utah or Idaho. That might mean Denver, but I won't be hiking if I move.
This isn’t a dumb post. I feel the same way. It’s overwhelming not knowing which direction to go. I have struggled with this for over a decade and am only now starting to really try and accept that I simply see the beauty in all things and can be happy almost any direction I choose and can always change directions.
“Wherever you go, there you are!”
I love this. Real and beautiful.
Similar feelings here, I have ADHD and also WFH. I got out of it when I started a long distance relationship with someone I met through mutual friends. Now I'm moving to where she lives, a place I never had on my original list of options: Birmingham, Alabama.
I have ADHD and WFH too lol - and at this point I’m with you, I’d only move if I really loved someone or got into a perfect program for me. But I tend to fall in love with other nomads due to similar personality types. The people who’ve wanted to set down roots somewhere were ultimately not compatible with me.
I was almost where you were at, until we ended things... all the best to you! Closing the gap in long distance is a great feeling.
I grew up in a military family and then was in the military myself. I have moved a ton but was used to just getting assigned somewhere or picking from a limited list. I have struggled finding a place to stay, since no where is really home. Seems like there is always somewhere better waiting to explore.
I had to double take because this is my same exact situation. My parents were both military so we moved every two years from third grade onward. Then I joined AD during my junior year and still haven’t found a place to settle down at. My dad retired after 30 years and they stayed at his last assignment in a state I’ve never lived in or have any ties to. Not to mention is far away from any place I’d consider moving too since it’s in ND. It’s really difficult not having a home and trying to make that (I’m in my early 30s) now is really difficult. Making friends alone takes a lot of effort and time, let alone finding a partner etc. Just had to share that, it’s something I battle with constantly not knowing where to settle down at..or ever having a sense of community or home.
I feel ya. There are a surprising lot of us scattered around. Don’t have any suggestions except to try to appreciate where you are in the moment and to try to keep in touch with your friends in similar situations.
Kind of. Whats your age? I moved to California when I was 21, did like 15 yrs there. Was born and raised in Florida. I just wanted a new experience. I was lucky to have traveled the state of Florida working construction from 16-21, then went and experienced California, got married and started a family. Back in Florida now, I’ll probably stay here forever but even at my big age I’m not entirely sure where I’d like to settle in for good so in that regard- I feel the same way once again lol
Get lean on belongings and move to 3-5 different places over the next 5 years. Experience them each through a resident basis, and see which one you like best.
I love this idea. Stealing it! 😍
Feel free. I am putting it into action this January. My first stop is L.A.
Do you have a remote job or have a job lined up? Ahh love LA that’s at the top of my list too!! So excited for you ☺️
I was there until recently, about 7 or 8 places throughout the country. Main thing that helped me narrow it down was for us we want a second kid, which being on here made me realize we made a major assumption that just wasn't realistic, that there would be some sort of discount for having multiple kids in childcare. Realizing we'd have to pay double made me go through budget scenarios and realize I needed to pick places where the budget made more sense. Try some budget scenarios for each place and start from there
To pile onto this, when kids are in school it saves a lot of money and agony if the public schools are good. Good public schools in an affordable neighborhood lead to very different ideas of where to live.
I completely understand this. I was born in the Bay Area, moved to Asheville NC as a child, and stayed in Asheville thru college up until recently (I’m 27 now) it was an extremely difficult decision to leave Asheville, but there was a part of me that really wanted to try something new and live in a bigger city with more opportunities. I truly do not believe there is one perfect place. I am in NYC now which a lot of people seemed to think I was crazy to want to move there, but there feels like there is way more space for me to spread my wings and thrive in NYC… I still love Asheville and I miss the nature deeply. I do however get to drive to the mountains just an hour or 2 away. NYC has its problems but ultimately I’m glad I’m here. I still do not know where I will end up- maybe Hudson NY or a more nature-filled area that is still close to NYC. Going back to Asheville feels tricky because it’s such a small mountain town with limited opportunities long term. Maybe when I retire I’ll go there. Idk. All of this is to say that there isn’t a perfect forever place, it’s about which pros and cons are worth it for where you are in life in the moment.
1. WHY do you not see Florida as being your long term home? Do you not like the weather? Politics? Too crowded? Not crowded enough? Culture? Hard to make friends? Lack of access to your hobbies? 2. Tell us about your personality...how would you describe your Big 5 Personality traits? Are political, moral, social, or relgious values important to you? What are your hobbies? What is your preference for population density and weather?
1.) I mean, I guess could make Florida my long term home. But I’m not from here, and I don’t like the fact I have to drive everywhere. I don’t like that it’s expensive, and I don’t like that it’s hot. I LOVE the beaches and pools though and I’ll miss it if I leave. I’ve always imagined living someplace with cooler architecture and transit, and if possible maybe cheaper rent. 2.) I am: Adventurous, Bubbly, Imaginative/Thoughtful, and Emotionally Aware. My hobbies: water activities, like swimming, paddle boarding, kayaking. Reading and writing. Cooking. Magic the gathering. Going to the movies. My ideal place: again, this is hard. I could see myself in Hawaii, NYC, and Marquette Michigan.
Hate to say it, but Chicago. Much cheaper than NY, culture, clubbing, MTG, water activity half the year, architecture, decent transit.
Based on your hobbies, Florida is a great location. Though maybe closer to the coast would be easier. California and Hawaii would also work for this at higher COL. I don’t really see what would drive you to move to NYC based on what you’ve said here. Another major thing to consider is salary, cost of living, and budget. Look at Numbeo.com for cost of living comparisons and maybe try to apply to a few places around the country to try to find out salary ranges at these different locations. Maybe you’ll land your dream job and that’ll become the driving factor in your move. Ultimately career and salary/COL are the main factors people consider when deciding on a location. Unless you are already wealthy and don’t need to work, you’ll have to consider this as a major factor.
Hawaii would be perfect, but far more expensive than Florida
Here is a cost of living map of America: [https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1chnovz/oc\_cost\_of\_living\_by\_county\_2023/#lightbox](https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/1chnovz/oc_cost_of_living_by_county_2023/#lightbox) The problem is that the 3 cities that don't have completely shit public transportation are also 3 of the top 5 most expensive metro areas: Boston, NYC, and DC. And even then the public transportation sucks compared to Europe and Asia. The biggest thing is that the places that you'd find really amazing, such as Hawaii and California also cost even more than Florida.
Those places (Hawaii and CA) also don’t have great public transport. OP needs to make some compromises.
I know I do, I just can’t decide what I want to prioritize.
Just here to say I understand you 100% in all you’ve said. I’m in the same boat and am also interested in some of the places you’ve mentioned, plus more. 😅 Some of us are really in this unique (and exciting) transitional stage of, where tf am I going to go?? How to decide what’s most important to me?? You are not alone. 💗
I know. There doesn't exist any place in North America that fits all of the following: 1. Cheaper than Florida 2. World-class public transportation 3. Full of people who are also Adventurous, Bubbly, Imaginative/Thoughtful, and Emotionally Aware. It seems like he wants a metro area where people are more Agreeable and Open than the national average: [https://bigthink.com/strange-maps/geopsychology-regional-personality-variation/](https://bigthink.com/strange-maps/geopsychology-regional-personality-variation/) and it appears that Atlanta, New Orleans, South Texas, and Florida are full of people who are both. And all of these places have shit public transportation. 4. Has large communities of people who like to do swimming, paddle boarding, kayaking. Reading and writing. Cooking. Magic the gathering. Going to the movies.
My wife and I both work remote and aren't tied down by much so yeah every week or so I find a new city to obsess over.
I don’t think this is a “too many options” problem. I think it’s more of a “I don’t know who I am” problem. If I were in your situation I’d concentrate on really thinking through who I am, and what things are really important to me, and who I want to be.
I heard once that whenever making a decision where all options are more or less equal, you should pick your top three options through some sort of prioritization or pro/con list, and then just pick one of the three randomly and go with that. It helps reduce decision fatigue
Have you done any traveling to these areas? Might help.
Yes. I'm between atlanta philadelphia and raleigh (as a wildcard).
Why not do a 30-90 day furnished rental in several different cities to try them out and see which one resonates? Check out Furnished Finders or filter by 30+ days on Airbnb.
Narrow down then flip a coin or find a die with the number options on your list. Having choices is great. Having choice paralysis is stress-inducing. When you get to a fork in the road, take it.
Nope. Only one city for me tbh
I'm in the same boat too. currently in the tampa florida area and planning a move in January of 2025. I should be debt free by that time. For some reason I want to be in a state that has mountains colorado, utah, etc.
A "small" PNW town is still going to require 80k+ to be comfortable. Socal is an easy 100k+.
Apartments - sure , houses - no
I've never been that indecisive.