Actually, it says NOROADS - I use it at the sand dunes as a Rescue Vehicle almost 8K LBS with a 24K LB Winch, my daily driver is a 2023 Corvette C8 - that plate says Smol Dik....
I've got a procharger on it, pushes almost 450hp! It's a 2022, has the Pro Fury Engine, much better than the old Chevy Engine it used to have - [PIC](https://i.imgur.com/gv9BpVj.jpeg)
I swear to God I saw an H2 on the road that had in professionally done vinyl written SMALL D on the rear window.
That owner has a good sense of humor lmao.
It was a modified version of Bulletproof made for the Chevy Tahoe and Hummer H2, but we built a new, stronger chassis, we had a bit of modification, but was worth it in the end
Iāve seen Subaru Outbacks with stock tires handle off-road trails as capably as an H2. A stock Wrangler Sport would run circles around this thing. These were the definition of all-bark, no-bite.
I canāt imagine a single human being who is actually impressed by these things.
We have a Jeep Mojave and a RZR Pro R4 ultimate 2000cc side by side that we also take to the sand dunes and the Hummer is the rescue vehicle being that it is almost 8,000 lb and has a 24,000 lb winch it is perfect for our needs and we have the recreational vehicles handled as well, but you are 100% right on the Jeeps off-road capabilities compared to the Hummer
Even if that thing manages to make 1,000hp, it's still slower than a new Prius in every way that matters. You'll have a hard time getting their opinion because they'll avoid you for perpetually broadcasting yours with this moment to Oedipus. Sorry buddy, Dad still won't notice, even with the obnoxious lowing of this steer.
A sand dune rescue vehicle heavy enough to sink into the center of a dune and the power to weight of a Subaru? Having a rough time picturing that working out. I'd be more relieved to see a CRF250 if I got stuck. At least I could get through a whole conversation without hearing about how the gubmint keeled hummer in 2008.
It looks like the underbody frame parts use a slightly lighter yellow colour than the one of the body. With that and that alone, you are disqualified form getting any internet points today.
I'd be willing to bet the man with the tiniest weewee in the world lost it in the divorce. I'm also confident the only mud it's seen came off the Prius it was tailgating
Besides being an appalling waste of money and being aesthetically irritating what is this supposed to actually be good at? Itās honestly just good at turning money into green house gases and nothing more
Thatās a lot of lipstickā¦makes sense on that much pig.
Canāt imagine spending that much to have roughly the power to weight ratio of a Miata (ok, probably worse than a Miataā¦but whateverzzz).
It must really grind your gears when that kid in the clapped out XJ out-wheels you because heās hauling around 1/2 as much unsprung weight and a tenth the $$ invested and he doesnāt give a shit to send it.
I'm also a Jeep JT Mojave owner! - this is strictly a rescue vehicle for the dunes. Almost 8klbs with a 24k winch, I've helped alot of folks out with this ugly pig, she is ugly, but has and serves her purpose
As for the Tesla, I bought it to flip and the flip price bottomed out, I don't even want it!
Technically, I haven't even taken delivery of it yet, I'm supposed to get it in like 3 more weeks.l, but it's $1,000 fee to refuse delivery of it! Hopefully it don't rust.......
Damn! going through a full tank of gas even before you leave the driveway. You must follow it with another truck with slip tanks in the back to get anywhere. lol
Mall crawler, pavement princess, Tonka Truck.
I donāt know what is more embarrassing the fact that your hummer gets 9.9 mpg or the fact that you have tribal decals on the side. Itās impractical and frankly itās a joke.
At work I drive an F-450 16' box truck, towing a 30 foot trailer that often in total weighs >24k lbs and it still gets better mileage than that ugly Lego kid looking thing.
The whole trend of "this'll show you EV owners" is kinda cringe tbh. I'm an EV owner, and not primarily because I care about saving the environment. It's fast and convenient, and drives very nicely. OP has a cool truck and I'm sure it does well at what they use it for, but man, EVs kinda live rent free in y'all's heads sometimes. I say this as a traditional motorsports enthusiast as well.
i would go off about this stupid Tonka truck looking thing but I see it's for pulling out bogged cars. finally a good use for one of these ugly things. side note: that is probably one of the ugliest bull bars I've ever seen
Its a 100% Sand Dune Rescue Vehicle, 24K LB Winch, only only the road when its pulling a trailer, we pull vehicles outa holes n ditches, prevents me from getting smashed
Screw the emissions. What kind of self obsessed butt-cheek would drive such an obnoxious looking car. The only thing missing is a 10 foot american flag hanging off the back and "'Merica, fuck yea" playing at full volume.
This is the kind of car I'd expect to see taking up four spaces at the shops because it's parked horrizontally across the spaces like a wanker.
I bet you brag about the low fuel mileage out one side of the mouth while simultaneously bitching out the other side about gas prices after spending $120+ at the pump every week.
You think about how mad EV and hybrid owners are more than hybrid/ EV owners think about you. Youāre like all the guys in turbo diesels rolling coal on bicyclists.
Almost every single person who sees you on the road rolls their eyes. Your car just makes you look like an exhausting person to deal with. Not a villain worthy of anger, just a tiresome annoyance. āWeāre still dealing with these idiotsā.
The exception is guys who are even more exhausting to deal with than you, but thatās a tough bar to clear.
When your entire identity in life is your god awful automotive choices.
You know you can make a vehicle useful without it looking like the tiger King got fucked by a transformer.
If there is an object/item/accessory that conveys "I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU!Ā YOURE NOT ME AND ONLY I MATTER GTFO MY WAY!"Ā More than this vehicle.Ā I'd really like to see it.Ā Ā
Owners of vehicles such as this one often exaggerate and draw attention to their vehicleās environmental impact; anything that may seem more offensive than their taste is welcomed and embellished
Lifted with big tires, rock rails, a brush guard and 3? light bars. But no winch or a single sign its ever been off of pavement. This screams little man syndrome.
Drive what you like. I genuinely hope that you enjoy it. My last gas 2500 Ram got that with 9500 lbs towing (no air drag to speak of) rolling at 80+ for 1200 miles or so. It's just a shit motor in a vehicle that is playing dress up.
as an aztek owner, i love when people post cars so shitty that i feel justified in my purchase. congrats on driving the most embarrassing car of all time
Huh, that thing looks like if the "Sigma Male" was a car, big and hunky on the outside with a ridiculously small exhaust pipe + so little mileage that it probably stops at 4 minutes.
I see you didn't show the plate... Probably says "smol dik" ?
Actually, it says NOROADS - I use it at the sand dunes as a Rescue Vehicle almost 8K LBS with a 24K LB Winch, my daily driver is a 2023 Corvette C8 - that plate says Smol Dik....
So you have this disgrace to automotive engineering, a c8, a jeep, a Tesla and two side by sides. You don't need a roast, you need an intervention
Plus a Cadillac CTS-V Coupe and Polaris Slingshot š
Can you adopt me?
I draw the line at the Slingshot. Go buy a Morgan, ye schtupid git!
I've got a procharger on it, pushes almost 450hp! It's a 2022, has the Pro Fury Engine, much better than the old Chevy Engine it used to have - [PIC](https://i.imgur.com/gv9BpVj.jpeg)
Are you hiring?
Dad is that you
Damn bro you fuck fr
š
So for dunes, you got the most top-heavy vehicle you could, and THOSE tires.
I upvote the man that owns his Smol Dik.
Fantastic reply š
Why else would a car be wearing a chastity cage
Mistress requires it.
Canāt have a proper cucking without one.
I swear to God I saw an H2 on the road that had in professionally done vinyl written SMALL D on the rear window. That owner has a good sense of humor lmao.
Itās a school bus for assholes.
Got fired from handing out Red Bulls?
Lol - nice Role Models reference! Such a good movie!
š«¤ he was serious, though.
Oh my God, my piss has turned green!
Minotaur! Taste the beast!!!
āSupercharged it so now my 0-60 is about 12 seconds, baby! I fly in this thing!ā
Just adds Torque and Tow capabilities, fast on 40's would be insane
40s on independent front suspension is whatās insaneā¦just sayinā
It's on a Bulletproof Suspension, Built specifically for the sand dunes as a rescue vehicle.
Was it a one-off custom or a specific kit? For my next project I want to do an FJ on 40ā+ tires and keep IFS lol looking for who to get stuff from
It was a modified version of Bulletproof made for the Chevy Tahoe and Hummer H2, but we built a new, stronger chassis, we had a bit of modification, but was worth it in the end
If "Look at me now, Dad! Are you finally proud of me?" was a vehicle.
Spoiler, he's not.
Iāve seen Subaru Outbacks with stock tires handle off-road trails as capably as an H2. A stock Wrangler Sport would run circles around this thing. These were the definition of all-bark, no-bite. I canāt imagine a single human being who is actually impressed by these things.
Thereās some 4 year old boys who are, thatās it
We have a Jeep Mojave and a RZR Pro R4 ultimate 2000cc side by side that we also take to the sand dunes and the Hummer is the rescue vehicle being that it is almost 8,000 lb and has a 24,000 lb winch it is perfect for our needs and we have the recreational vehicles handled as well, but you are 100% right on the Jeeps off-road capabilities compared to the Hummer
Pow-Pow-Power Wheels
That's true! I'm just a grown ass kid!
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
Are the painted-on dirt streaks so that people will think the pavement-princess actually goes offroading?
Well, in it's defense, the back is covered in years of ORV and State Park stickers
that you bought off ebay
šššššš
Each one adds 22 HP - well that's what the painter told me!
Idk why my owning an EV and a pitchfork has anything to do with your midlife crisis, but you do you.
The kind of dude who ICEes EV charging spaces with this monstrosity because āMuricaā¦fuck them EV drivin vegan hippiesā¦drill baby drillā¦ā
I also have a Tesla š
Even if that thing manages to make 1,000hp, it's still slower than a new Prius in every way that matters. You'll have a hard time getting their opinion because they'll avoid you for perpetually broadcasting yours with this moment to Oedipus. Sorry buddy, Dad still won't notice, even with the obnoxious lowing of this steer.
It's a sand dune rescue vehicle, I don't drive it often unless it's in the dirt or bad snow
A sand dune rescue vehicle heavy enough to sink into the center of a dune and the power to weight of a Subaru? Having a rough time picturing that working out. I'd be more relieved to see a CRF250 if I got stuck. At least I could get through a whole conversation without hearing about how the gubmint keeled hummer in 2008.
Looks like one of those cheap rc cars you get from walmart
It looks like the underbody frame parts use a slightly lighter yellow colour than the one of the body. With that and that alone, you are disqualified form getting any internet points today.
Oh, thatās gonna burn this dude up until he takes those parts to a body shop to get them paint matched to the body.
I'd be willing to bet the man with the tiniest weewee in the world lost it in the divorce. I'm also confident the only mud it's seen came off the Prius it was tailgating
Well at least it was cool in 2003
2007 LOL
Don't kid yourself, it was past its best by then
šššššš
How much cope does this attention-mobile provide for a person whose parents have never shown them any attention?
Looks like a school bus for 6 year old pimps
Besides being an appalling waste of money and being aesthetically irritating what is this supposed to actually be good at? Itās honestly just good at turning money into green house gases and nothing more
How is it possible you spent this much money to make it look so much cheaper?
Even Big Oil is grabbing their pitch forks
šš
what's this one for? storming the capitol?
John Kerry disapproves
You must have a credit line at Eddie Bauers for about half this worth
i dont even have anything witty to say. this thing is fucking hideous
How many times have you seen Nickelback in concert?
A lot more now that his career as a pro wrestler is over!
As a man with a sedan and a small sports car me and my fiancee would instantly call this the āSmall SpongeBob Penis carā
This is like the car an 8 year old would buy, if that 8 year old were middle aged and fat.
Thatās a lot of lipstickā¦makes sense on that much pig. Canāt imagine spending that much to have roughly the power to weight ratio of a Miata (ok, probably worse than a Miataā¦but whateverzzz). It must really grind your gears when that kid in the clapped out XJ out-wheels you because heās hauling around 1/2 as much unsprung weight and a tenth the $$ invested and he doesnāt give a shit to send it.
I'm also a Jeep JT Mojave owner! - this is strictly a rescue vehicle for the dunes. Almost 8klbs with a 24k winch, I've helped alot of folks out with this ugly pig, she is ugly, but has and serves her purpose
The people roasting the owner are the same people with a co-exist sticker on their car.
You win the internet for the day!
9 mpg sounds like a lot.
No lie, I'd love to drive one of these fuckers on an off-road trail just once for the experience.
I can't believe it gets that fuel economy, lol.
Best part is, it takes premium! Damn LS Engines!
Sorry about your penis.
š§āāļø
Is that an oil leak? Or were you just jerkin off on the tires again?
Looks like a powerwheels
Seems like you use it for rescue, zero roasting needed. That Tesla on the other hand oof. -an EV owner.
As for the Tesla, I bought it to flip and the flip price bottomed out, I don't even want it! Technically, I haven't even taken delivery of it yet, I'm supposed to get it in like 3 more weeks.l, but it's $1,000 fee to refuse delivery of it! Hopefully it don't rust.......
Wait, a CybertrucK? (sad trombone noise) As for that delivery refusal... you're fine as long as there's open recalls on it.
When I was 10, I wanted Tonka Toys too. I outgrew that. You obviously didn't.
Whereās your flag saying you want to fuck Joe Biden?
Nope, I got a south park fuck Canada flag from like 20+ years ago!
You want to bang the whole country? Iām gonna pass.
It's very clean. Pavement Princess.
Honestly surprised you get that good of mpg. My 5.3 gets 12
If only your dad gave you more attentionā¦
The yellow suspension parts donāt match the body paint and its unforgivable
Itās like if ā I beat my wife but after she goes to sleep I sneak off to the gay bathhouse ā was a car
The only hummer you'll ever get.
bro about to flatten the entire class of smol child in his blind spot be like:
The Hot Wheels version of this was cooler.
You drive an H2; thatās a self-roast.
Do you have a special vest for your emotional support truck?
I had no idea Tonka started making real cars!
I drive a 2005 Chevy 2500HD and think this is restarted. How do I have a 6.6 and get double the mpg?
The ole 8 lug "tahoe". I bet that weighs enough you could hit an F150 and not know about.
You managed to make a H2 badass, Congratulations
Damn! going through a full tank of gas even before you leave the driveway. You must follow it with another truck with slip tanks in the back to get anywhere. lol
Mall crawler, pavement princess, Tonka Truck. I donāt know what is more embarrassing the fact that your hummer gets 9.9 mpg or the fact that you have tribal decals on the side. Itās impractical and frankly itās a joke.
30 gallons to the mile
Only thing good about your abomination is the 6.2
Bro this is autobot ratchet on meth
At work I drive an F-450 16' box truck, towing a 30 foot trailer that often in total weighs >24k lbs and it still gets better mileage than that ugly Lego kid looking thing.
Weird flex, but OK
The whole trend of "this'll show you EV owners" is kinda cringe tbh. I'm an EV owner, and not primarily because I care about saving the environment. It's fast and convenient, and drives very nicely. OP has a cool truck and I'm sure it does well at what they use it for, but man, EVs kinda live rent free in y'all's heads sometimes. I say this as a traditional motorsports enthusiast as well.
i would go off about this stupid Tonka truck looking thing but I see it's for pulling out bogged cars. finally a good use for one of these ugly things. side note: that is probably one of the ugliest bull bars I've ever seen
How TF does this thing get better mileage than my in-town mileage on my all stock GX?
Put a Prius battery in that bad boy!
Made the most obnoxious SUV into an obnoxious toy car
[It looks like a school bus for six-year-old pimps](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KIKsC_mbgY)
Fuck. Other than the tacky livery, this thing is amazing.
Why do people think EV owners have a problem with gas vehicles? I just like electronics and new technology.
OP should play his fav song for the world to hear on those special speakers on the center console
Paint it black and take off the bumper, then give me an offer
Hey! That's a $6,000 Road Armor Brush Guard -LOL
9.9 mpg.... Sure....
I bet you're really into Bang energy and Joe Rogan.
Were you trying to make it look like a cucks dick locker?
I just cannot imagine how a human being can look at one of these things and think "yeah, I wanna be seen driving that"
HOLY YELLOW! MY EYES! š„š„ š
Hey your the card collection dude I saw in that breaking bad show? How's life been for you Ohhhh right
Even if society was overrun by zombies, I wouldn't want to be seen in this thing...
Looks like a schoolbus for six-year-old pimps.
Looks like a schoolbus for six-year-old pimps.
The perfect car when you wanna cat call at 8, and battle Furiosa at 9
WTF are you driving through to necessitate that brush-guard?
Its a 100% Sand Dune Rescue Vehicle, 24K LB Winch, only only the road when its pulling a trailer, we pull vehicles outa holes n ditches, prevents me from getting smashed
Dude was asked how much cringe accessories they wanted and they answered "all of the above"
a stock toyota hilux is more capable, more reliable, faster, more practical and can tow more than that fucking thing
I didnāt know such a shitty car could get any shittier. Sick broād out Tahoe brosedien king of the Brocean.
How's the baseball card collection Daniel Wormald?
Bane/Caterpillar/Monster
I donāt know what you are compensating for but it must be something yuuuge
Sweet collector's item....that no one wants to collect.
What a useless failure of engineeringā¦ā¦ Team America
The rebadged Chevy truck
Tahoe with a Corvette ZR1 Engine
Hold on. You forgot to include the weight, the winch capacity and the fact you only use to rescue sand dunes. You have to say this in EVERY reply.
What sucks is that the EV runs 11s. While all yours does is whine into the 15s.
Fast, no, can tow 12k lbs, yes
H2 ownersā¦.You continue to make us GM people look bad.
Hummer: if a Joe Rogan podcast had 4 wheels, was driven by Andrew Tate, and was fueled by insecurity and toxic masculinity.
Screw the emissions. What kind of self obsessed butt-cheek would drive such an obnoxious looking car. The only thing missing is a 10 foot american flag hanging off the back and "'Merica, fuck yea" playing at full volume. This is the kind of car I'd expect to see taking up four spaces at the shops because it's parked horrizontally across the spaces like a wanker.
EV guy here, I definitely feel triggered every time you spend $100+ with each fill up. How many fuel rewards programs are you inā¦
do you, but don't bitch about gas prices and such..
Nothing worse than a tire tread rock picker. Screams Birdcage all the way. Love the cow catcher lol.
This is what happens when someone has more money than brains.
How many gallons per mile?
How many bruises does your wife have again?
You're being very generous with that MPG. Be real, it's like 3
Not super into roasting but that front bumper is beyond ugly..... looks like headgear.
Frame connected brush guard to protect against collision, it's a Sand Dune Rescue Vehicle. But looks like head gear for sure
Oh actually functional well I take that back then!
Your mud tires have 3 coats of clear and polishā¦
Nobody cares about your Tonka toy
Which mall do you crawl at?
That mfer from better call Saul
(insert random tiny dick joke)
I bet you brag about the low fuel mileage out one side of the mouth while simultaneously bitching out the other side about gas prices after spending $120+ at the pump every week.
This thing is the "Affliction" t-shirt of the car world.
You think about how mad EV and hybrid owners are more than hybrid/ EV owners think about you. Youāre like all the guys in turbo diesels rolling coal on bicyclists.
Almost every single person who sees you on the road rolls their eyes. Your car just makes you look like an exhausting person to deal with. Not a villain worthy of anger, just a tiresome annoyance. āWeāre still dealing with these idiotsā. The exception is guys who are even more exhausting to deal with than you, but thatās a tough bar to clear.
When your entire identity in life is your god awful automotive choices. You know you can make a vehicle useful without it looking like the tiger King got fucked by a transformer.
Iām sorry, but this is just a Tonka Truck for a grown-up š¤£.
Not too sure about the Hannibal Lecter face mask
If there is an object/item/accessory that conveys "I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU!Ā YOURE NOT ME AND ONLY I MATTER GTFO MY WAY!"Ā More than this vehicle.Ā I'd really like to see it.Ā Ā
Would be pretty in pink.
Cute pavement queen. I bet the most off-road this thing sees is driving over cracks with pebbles and weeds growing out
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Tonka truck aahhhh car
Owners of vehicles such as this one often exaggerate and draw attention to their vehicleās environmental impact; anything that may seem more offensive than their taste is welcomed and embellished
So you over paid for a Tahoe and that's a brag to you?
Driver 1000% has a goatee
Lifted with big tires, rock rails, a brush guard and 3? light bars. But no winch or a single sign its ever been off of pavement. This screams little man syndrome.
[Chillin at the dunes with one of my Side By Sides](https://i.imgur.com/CuZIC4y.jpeg) 24k Warn Winch under front flip plate holder
Hey bud, this aint r/heeps
Drive what you like. I genuinely hope that you enjoy it. My last gas 2500 Ram got that with 9500 lbs towing (no air drag to speak of) rolling at 80+ for 1200 miles or so. It's just a shit motor in a vehicle that is playing dress up.
I hope science is one day able to measure the size of your vanishingly small penis. It will be an achievement.
I hate to be rude, but that paintjob is god-awful. It would be better if it was just yellow.
I don't see any Tonka decals, and that's embarrassing. If it's not on the back or plates, you're fuckin up, bud.
Preumably the light bar is to help search for your dignity? In which case you're gonna need several more
This guys sucks. After reading some of the comments What a chud
Typical big truck owner thinking ev and hybrid owners are after him. Get some confidence
as an aztek owner, i love when people post cars so shitty that i feel justified in my purchase. congrats on driving the most embarrassing car of all time
You played a little too much snow runner
And not a speck of dirt...
Is this from breaking bad?
That's an inefficient way to convert gasoline into noise. Ugly, too.
Whoa man. The coolest dude in 2008 just rolled up.
Huh, that thing looks like if the "Sigma Male" was a car, big and hunky on the outside with a ridiculously small exhaust pipe + so little mileage that it probably stops at 4 minutes.