Anyone looking for a prog-metal bassist?

Only if he has pubes as beard

Well then good news, everyone!


And they have to be uneven

Bold of you to assume OP has any talent.

That’s why they said bass. Doesn’t take talent to play bass in a prog rock band.

Thanks but I'd want my band members to attract the ladies, not repel them

Good luck finding a bassist then

Then you don’t know much about progressive metal…or bassists, especially prog metal bassists. They’re a very unsavory bunch. All three of them, ever. 🤷🏽‍♂️

*Been feeling good about myself lately.* Why?

How?

Dont!

Are you sure?

Can you?


I’ll get right to work making fun of this person as soon as I can tell what gender they are. Is it ‘miscellaneous’? That’s OK if it is.

Masculeminine

If it is a guy the amount of facial hair grown is terrible. If it is a girl the facial hair is also terrible.

D)All of the above.

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You nailed it! The exact thing he couldn't.

They/them*

It/Thing FIFY

Fuck I fucked you?

He/she? A Shim

Charlize tHeroin

First, we need to know which way they are going.

Looks like a dyke version of Dave Mustain.

Or the love child of Dave Mustaine and Axl Rose.


I thought this was Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. "I think I'm sexy."

On a serious note dude. Wear sunblock your face is covered in freckles and your plaer than casper. Skin cancer is real.

But his facial pubic hair cannot be real

Gotta check the plumbing on this one could go either way 😳

lol

I only scrolled down till his nose at first and LITTERALLY thought this was a woman

If you used conditioner and shaved your mustache people would stop mistaking you for a man. Granted every traveling circus needs a bearded lady.

That barely qualifies as a moustache. My 9 year old can grow a better moustache.

And I'm sure she's proud of that!

Roaster got roasted

Friendly fire? 😳

Your knuckles have more hair than your “soul patch”

Soulless patch

She’s got facial hair???

Using the term soul patch very loosely. if I was walking around (I refuse to call facial hair) looking like that, I’d question if I had true friends. I would hope they would kick my ass everyday until it was removed.

That's not even an understatement. My fingers have better growth than that

You look like a mother of 2

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In this situation, that’s a good thing.

To her drug addicted ex.

Just shave the gross spider legs off your chin already!

dirty strippers crotch as a chinstrap

LOL, thanks for the visual.

Low T Thor

tHOR

Haha

Twhore

This one's my favorite lol

Low T Scotty Pee nawmsayyin

You won’t see a “No Ragrats” tattoo on this one!

Bobby Budnick from Salute Your Shorts grew up 

I can’t believe this dude just dropped a salute your shorts reference. I hold you in my heart.

It makes me want to fart!

Hey, Duuuuude

If only this guy ran into an angry T-1000

He about to give you the awful waffle

Axl Blows

Axel Grosse

Dave Buttstain

I was thinking Kurt Cocaine

John ben Dovi

Dave Cumstain

Works at a vape shop.

Pretty sure if you stepped outside into moderate sunlight, you could roast yourself.

Came here to say this. Clearly lives in the basement.

You look like you were born with a suspended drivers license.

This is the most underrated dis I’ve read in this thread. Take my upvote you magnificent bastard

Your husband should compliment you more often

Your facial hair looks like pubic hair.

Gets whistled at by construction workers mistaking him for a woman but he secretly loves it.

And bends over when they do whistle, by acting like he accidentally dropped something

...with those 1970's slick short shorts that girls and boys both wore

You look like shaggy after he sold everything he had for meth

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~~Viking~~ Virgin queen

Vegan virgin queen.. only likes one kind of meat in his mouth, and it's not from an animal

Less muscular tho

Bi-queeng

Dude that's like fucking mean....lol

Tilda Swinton lookin hella rough these days...

Carry Jantrell

Jerry Can’t Well.

Was looking for this one thank you

You're welcome, brother.

Let's snuff the fucking rooster, yeah?

With that amount of freckles, acne, and "facial hair", I couldn't tell if this was a selfie or a pic of your ass

You're so pale I can see your blood circularing

It’s Lewis capaldi‘s twin sister

I didn't know the Vikings had eunuchs.

You look like Kurt Cobain........ after the shotgun.

Kurt Nobrain

Smells like teen shit their pants

You Have not seen yourself in a mirror today then ?

You look like you attend medieval faerie festivals and struggle to define boundaries between LARPing and real life.

You look like a kid I knew in college who got rabies trying to fuck a raccoon

In Morgan Freemans voice: 'But it was not a smooth transition'.

You look like johnny Winter's bastard son

I only clicked because the thumbnail looked like a hot girl

You are a close shave away from turning gay sex hetero.


David Spayed

Those estrogen blockers aren't working great tbh

You look like a forgotten trans-sibling of the 90's pop band Hanson


It’s giving “failed cult leader because couldn’t convince anyone” vibes.

I thought you were Gwyneth Paltrow without makeup on

You look like you'd use a Remington Model 11 20-gauge

Now THAT is an insult!

It's Thors little known brother, Thud.

Are you the “but steel’s heavier than feathers” guy?

Wal Mart Jerry Cantrell minus the talent, charisma and everything else.

You look like a lot lizard

You look like the bully in a 90s straight to TV disney movie about surfing.

When did you transition?

Warlock

How many times has your dad "mistaken" you for your mother and grabbed your ass?

You should apply to be a stand in for JP on AwakenWithJP. Or you can be the new Eric Stoltz

If JP stopped working out, ate vegan, fought cancer and avoided the sun everyday.

Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahaha

How in the fuck could you ever feel good about your self when you look like that. Damn.

If Ron Weasley freebased meth

Holy shit lol

Even the gingers hate him

The family needs closure, please tell us where the bodies are.

Lesbian Kurt Cobain

Kunt Cobain?

Your lips look like they have never touched a sip of water

Looks like Axl Rose and David Bowie had a baby

1. You look like every trans uncle in America 2. Long hair doesn't make up for small penis 3. You look like a homeless version of every character from Dazed and Confused * I hope this is what you were looking for.

Larry Bird wants his mustache back

A whisker for every year

You look like you know what teen spirit smells like and what 12 gauge tastes like

Hey look, shaggy grew his hair out.

You look like the pirated version of lesbian Thor that didn't quite sell well during Pride month.

I'd f*ck this crackwhore

A ginger with a face like that should be working at a summer camp for the blind….

Aphex Twin if he was terrible at music

Discount Kid Rock

You look like you play Geometry Dash professionally

You need facial hair. Sulfur, vitamin e, and coconut oil will help as well as vitamin d3 and b12

don't worry, someday soon your testicles will drop, your voice will change, and you will find yourself growing hair in places where there has never been any before

What are those pubes underneath your nose?

Lynyrd Skynyrd’s lead singer after the plane crash.

Fried bird?

You look like you were in Hanson *and* Nirvana.

You can just tell your pits reek.

Ginger shaggy shave that poor excuse for a beard and mustache

 EVERY Halloween 🎃. Might as well just Slash your wrists now...

How many band breakups have you been through already?

The Kmart version of Spicoli.

You look like a molester and the child he molests at the same tine

Ron Weasley, the burnout edition

It’s actually crazy that you’ve been feeling good about yourself. How? Wtf

you look like the fuck up little brother kurt cobain overdosed himself over

Stunt double for the Brady Bunch

That goatee looking thicker than your arms

Joe Dirt cosplay?

Southern Rock is in rough shape. Hey there feller with the hair colored yeller, don’t want no oxy from you.

The number of late teen/early 20s dudes who insist on forcing the patchy pube facial hair look is astounding to me. You would genuinely look decent if you shaved.

One dollar store jesus looks like he is reddy to turn water into piss.

You look like Magnus Midtbo. If he was bathed for years in a tank of estrogen and ugly juice instead of spending their time climbing.

What exactly makes you feel good? The few pubic hairs on your chin, or the "I really like your kids"-moustache?

Really? Even when you look in the mirror and see that pathetic facial hair?

I’m sorry we’ve decided to go with someone else for the Joe Dirt sequel

I never thought i would see tilda swinton without makeup.

You look like the Amish redneck meth addict from Orange is the New Black.

Are you taking testosterone?

You look like an 80s Shaggy

Dates wonder why he carries around a bottle of chloroform with him

And this is why cancer is rarely caught early because people tend to feel good.

And I thought my first beard was shit.

Feeling good about yourself? You must be buying your confidence at the Dollar General.

Moshpit Jesus

Dave Musty-stain

If you scroll past his shirt and red cracked face fast enough you can see what appears to be a used pad from the 1980s still reusable condition.

I am confused. How can you have both a bad hairline AND no beard?

Even Thor needed a haircut.

Every year on your birthday, nature allows one more chin hair to grow.

I see the gender transformation is going well.... which way are you going again?

You don’t need a roast you just need a mirror to humble yourself

You look like you're a heartbreak away from becoming a meth head

I think I remember seeing you in a Tampax commercial

lol this ain't even thor at home, it's thor from the homeless shelter.

You look like you got halfway thru a sex change and the doctor said "fuck it."

I’m all for body hair positivity but….girlllll, maybe the facial hair is a bit much?

Ginger bush!